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I've been dealing with on/off dysphoria for almost two weeks that I just can't shake. One day I'm happy, the next day my dysphoria gets triggered, and I'm back to feeling uncomfortable in my own body. It's so frustrating that I can't shake this.

Can you identify something that sets it off, Alana? Something specific you can put your finger on?

Quote from: Sephirah on April 18, 2025, 05:10:09 PMCan you identify something that sets it off, Alana? Something specific you can put your finger on?

Today, it was a woman I saw at the mall. The other times, I can't think of anything specific that triggered it.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 18, 2025, 05:06:30 PMI've been dealing with on/off dysphoria for almost two weeks that I just can't shake. One day I'm happy, the next day my dysphoria gets triggered, and I'm back to feeling uncomfortable in my own body. It's so frustrating that I can't shake this.

Have you had your hormone levels checked recently?

I was on that rollercoaster for four years before we figured it out. Your hormone levels will fluctuate from day to day, even up and down throughout the day. The way it was explained to me is to imagine your levels are a rollercoaster continuously riding up and down... through a lake. The lake represents your "trigger" level, where you start to feel uncomfortable.

So when the levels are going up, everything seems fine. Coming down, still not bad. Then you hit the water, and you're struggling until the levels rise again. It turned out that I am a "fast metabolizer," meaning that some medications get processed and eliminated very quickly, so they have less time to be effective. That caused my lows to cause anxiety and depression. It is hard to deal with the day-to-day dysphoria when struggling with the rollercoaster ride.

The solution was to increase my dosages so that my levels stayed higher. They still fluctuate up and down, but now they don't go underwater. I still get dysphoria triggered by other things, but I seem to be able to handle it much better.

I am just wondering if this is something that might be affecting your sensitivity to how you are feeling.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 18, 2025, 05:26:37 PMToday, it was a woman I saw at the mall. The other times, I can't think of anything specific that triggered it.

Like we talked about privately, honey... it's okay to feel envy. I would suggest it isn't Dysphoria, it's just envy... and a lot of women feel that. What you're feeling is... it's what people feel when they see someone they wish they could be. It honestly happens to everyone.

And yes I do remember, because it takes a lot to reach out to someone you don't know. <3

Alana, I know this is a hard thing to do but you just have to be you, sweetie. Someone can look a million dollars, but their personality is like, uh... tree fiddy? Did I get the lingo right?

Point is... Don't try to be other women. Just be the best you that you can be. Being a woman doesn't mean having a figure and gruelling fitness regime to live up to lecherous blokes' standards. It just means being you. And being happy being you.

We come in all shapes and sizes. Men, women, unicorns... all of us. To me, you're Alana, gorgeous, vulnerable girl who isn't afraid to talk about what she's going through. You are beautiful. Trust me you are.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 18, 2025, 05:32:10 PMHave you had your hormone levels checked recently?

I was on that rollercoaster for four years before we figured it out. Your hormone levels will fluctuate from day to day, even up and down throughout the day. The way it was explained to me is to imagine your levels are a rollercoaster continuously riding up and down... through a lake. The lake represents your "trigger" level, where you start to feel uncomfortable.

So when the levels are going up, everything seems fine. Coming down, still not bad. Then you hit the water, and you're struggling until the levels rise again. It turned out that I am a "fast metabolizer," meaning that some medications get processed and eliminated very quickly, so they have less time to be effective. That caused my lows to cause anxiety and depression. It is hard to deal with the day-to-day dysphoria when struggling with the rollercoaster ride.

The solution was to increase my dosages so that my levels stayed higher. They still fluctuate up and down, but now they don't go underwater. I still get dysphoria triggered by other things, but I seem to be able to handle it much better.

I am just wondering if this is something that might be affecting your sensitivity to how you are feeling.

I haven't been able to start hormones yet. When I had my appointment a few weeks ago, they told me I had to do it in person, and not over telehealth. I'm hoping to start HRT over summer.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 18, 2025, 05:41:09 PMI haven't been able to start hormones yet. When I had my appointment a few weeks ago, they told me I had to do it in person, and not over telehealth. I'm hoping to start HRT over summer.

Through the VA, I started mine via TeleHealth. Of course, they did labs and a quick physical exam locally. Hopefully, once you get started, it will even things out for you. I know how bad it can feel, so hang in there until then.

Hugs!

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 18, 2025, 05:41:09 PMI haven't been able to start hormones yet. When I had my appointment a few weeks ago, they told me I had to do it in person, and not over telehealth. I'm hoping to start HRT over summer.

What state do you live in? I was able have an online appointment to obtain my hrt therapy.  Virginia is an informed consent state. Not sure if they all are but anyways. My insuranse paid for my E. I just had to pay for the Initial appointment and a follow up in 3 months, and again 12 months. It was real easy and they were very professional.  They worked with me and were patient.  Also have you tried planned parenthood?
Here is the link if I'm allowed to post
https://www.trueuclinic.com/

Quote from: Annaliese on April 18, 2025, 06:21:39 PMWhat state do you live in? I was able have an online appointment to obtain my hrt therapy.  Virginia is an informed consent state. Not sure if they all are but anyways. My insuranse paid for my E. I just had to pay for the Initial appointment and a follow up in 3 months, and again 12 months. It was real easy and they were very professional.  They worked with me and were patient.  Also have you tried planned parenthood?
Here is the link if I'm allowed to post
https://www.trueuclinic.com/

I live in Illinois. It's informed consent here. I'm going to call on Monday on my way to work to see if I can do it over tele health. I can't wait until the summer to
start hormones.


Update: I emailed the doctor about this. Hopefully I will hear back soon.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 18, 2025, 07:53:51 PMUpdate: I emailed the doctor about this. Hopefully I will hear back soon.

Alana, email seems to work best for me too, hopefully it'll be the same for you.

Fingers crossed you hear back soon!


~ Lilis 💗

Alana, Dysphoria is the stress from incongruent gender. Anything which reinforces your assigned sex may increase your incongruence and your dysphoria. Anything you can do to affirm your identified gender will reduce dysphoria. It doesn't have to be dressing or HRT, but can be small things like taking a female avatar online or simply imagining yourself in the role you identify with. Making a list of the things you need to do to transition can be very affirming. Try a number of things to see which has the most impact.

Good Luck,

Allie

Alana,
  For me, it was not so much about what triggered my GD, it was how to pacify it. Usually just dressing up helped. Reading TG stories or fantasies. None of this was very healthy. When I finally started counseling and then transitioning did I start to feel better.
  Be patient. A lifetime of happiness awaits. Even hormones work very slowly. Slow and steady wins the race. Hang in there!

The beauty industry has made a ton of money on women with curly hair wanting straight hair and vice versa.

It may help to study up on how to look better with what you have.

Dsyphoria is no fun at all.  I get it less nowadays.
It is a mental challenge when it comes about.  Thankfully it passes.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 18, 2025, 07:53:51 PMI live in Illinois. It's informed consent here. I'm going to call on Monday on my way to work to see if I can do it over tele health. I can't wait until the summer to
start hormones.


Update: I emailed the doctor about this. Hopefully I will hear back soon.

I did mine by telehealth,  I was more comfortable and relaxed.

Quote from: Gina P on April 19, 2025, 07:57:26 AMAlana,
  For me, it was not so much about what triggered my GD, it was how to pacify it. Usually just dressing up helped. Reading TG stories or fantasies. None of this was very healthy. When I finally started counseling and then transitioning did I start to feel better.
  Be patient. A lifetime of happiness awaits. Even hormones work very slowly. Slow and steady wins the race. Hang in there!

I can agree that dressing does help.  This is not as helpful when you already dress as the woman you are every day though.  Perhaps appearing as feminine as possible can help somewhat with dysphoria when it rears its ugly head, I have tried that and it helps, it certainly does not make it worse. 

For those more new to transitioning, I can see where the gender conforming dressing can be affirming and counteracting the dysphoria significantly.  It helps for me to think of how much progress in transitioning I have done and I ask myself why I am having the dysphoria, and why should I be having it.

I do not know anything about the stories.  Are these stories that describe how people coped with dysphoria in their lives? 

Chrissy

Quote from: Lilis on April 18, 2025, 10:38:13 PMAlana, email seems to work best for me too, hopefully it'll be the same for you.

Fingers crossed you hear back soon!


~ Lilis 💗

The doctor replied. I have to call on Monday.  ;D

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 19, 2025, 10:52:19 AMThe doctor replied. I have to call on Monday.  ;D

Thats great. So glad to hear the good news.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 19, 2025, 10:52:19 AMThe doctor replied. I have to call on Monday.  ;D

That is good you received a reply.

Chrissy

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 19, 2025, 10:52:19 AMThe doctor replied. I have to call on Monday.  ;D

That's a nice sign, Alana, sounds like things are moving forward! 👍


~Lilis 💗

Each step can be a step forward.

Expect some sidesteps and some backtracking.

But when it is right for you, moving ahead, even in small steps, is rewarding.

Quote from: Allie Jayne on April 19, 2025, 07:49:48 AMAlana, Dysphoria is the stress from incongruent gender. Anything which reinforces your assigned sex may increase your incongruence and your dysphoria. Anything you can do to affirm your identified gender will reduce dysphoria. It doesn't have to be dressing or HRT, but can be small things like taking a female avatar online or simply imagining yourself in the role you identify with. Making a list of the things you need to do to transition can be very affirming. Try a number of things to see which has the most impact.

Good Luck,

Allie

I have my navel pierced. I just changed the jewelry in it to one that says "Alana" on it. I feel a bit of euphoria already.

Quote from: Allie Jayne on April 19, 2025, 07:49:48 AMAlana, Dysphoria is the stress from incongruent gender. Anything which reinforces your assigned sex may increase your incongruence and your dysphoria. Anything you can do to affirm your identified gender will reduce dysphoria. It doesn't have to be dressing or HRT, but can be small things like taking a female avatar online or simply imagining yourself in the role you identify with. Making a list of the things you need to do to transition can be very affirming. Try a number of things to see which has the most impact.

Good Luck,

Allie

This is wonderful advice. Little things all add up. For someone who can't transition, they are actual lifelines.

If I can suggest something which has helped me for a long, long time. Learn meditation. Learn how to put yourself in touch with yourself. Altered states of consciousness. I posted a guided meditation a long time ago to help people. I have the link in my signature. Getting in touch with the person inside can mitigate a lot of what the outside wants to make you feel.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 19, 2025, 02:14:12 PMI have my navel pierced. I just changed the jewelry in it to one that says "Alana" on it. I feel a bit of euphoria already.

That's a very good sign Alana. Sometimes you need to push a little bit ... cross a comfort zone boundary just a little at first. Once you do you start to feel more comfortable in your own skin. I have found that crossing boundaries often takes more than one step, so take your time but keep exploring. As I have said before, when the things you do make you smile you're on the right track. :) Best wishes sweetie!

Glad to hear the good news, Alana. Good luck and on the telehealth call. 
  Unfortunately there is no current treatment for GD other than transitioning. Of course, to what extent one transitions is entirely up to the individuals needs.
  I look forward to news on your continuing journey.
Hugs Gina

Quote from: Lilis on April 19, 2025, 12:13:26 PMThat's a nice sign, Alana, sounds like things are moving forward! 👍


~Lilis 💗

I was able to get a telehealth appointment. It's in a few weeks. I just scheduled it. I'm going to call and double check to make sure I made the correct appointment. I don't want to have my heart broken like I did last time.

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 21, 2025, 10:03:17 PMI was able to get a telehealth appointment. It's in a few weeks.

That's awesome that you were able to book a telehealth appointment, Alana!

It sounds like you've got a little time to prepare, which is great no need to rush.

You might want to gather any relevant medical records, like past evaluations, blood work, or therapy notes related to gender dysphoria.

Some providers may ask for a therapist's letter or proof of counseling, depending on your state's informed consent model.

It can also help to jot down any questions or concerns you want to bring up... like what to expect from HRT, how it will be monitored, or options for fertility preservation if you're thinking about kids down the road.

If you're going through insurance, definitely reach out to them and make sure everything is set up on their end.

I've found that chatting through the member portal works best for me, but whatever method works for you is totally fine.

Keep us posted, it's totally normal to feel nervous.

You've got this!


~ Lilis 🫂💗

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 21, 2025, 10:03:17 PMI was able to get a telehealth appointment. It's in a few weeks. I just scheduled it. I'm going to call and double check to make sure I made the correct appointment. I don't want to have my heart broken like I did last time.

This is wonderful news Alana. Lillis offered some amazing advice also. I am so happy for you. I hope all goes good for you. Many 🤗. Anneliese

Quote from: Annaliese on April 22, 2025, 06:08:29 AMThis is wonderful  news Alana. Lillis offered some amazing advice also. I am so happy for you. I hope all goes good for you. Many 🤗. Anneliese

Thank you! I just got off the phone with the doctors office. Everything is correct, and I'm good to go. I'm beyond excited. 

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 22, 2025, 06:02:49 PMThank you! I just got off the phone with the doctors office. Everything is correct, and I'm good to go. I'm beyond excited. 

This is great news. I'm so happy for you. I know that feeling, it's so euphoric isn't it? You're on your way. Keep up the positive ✨️ momentum.  🤗 Annaliese.

@Alana1990    cc: @Annaliese  @Lilis

Dear Alana:
Yes indeed  "beyond exited"  is exactly the good feeling to have...
... congratulations are in order for you.

Please keep me and the rest of your avid followers and readers updated as things progress.

We are all rooting for your success and happiness as you continue on in your journey.

HUGS and my best and warmest wishes go out to you. ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 22, 2025, 06:02:49 PMThank you! I just got off the phone with the doctors office. Everything is correct, and I'm good to go. I'm beyond excited. 

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 21, 2025, 10:03:17 PMI was able to get a telehealth appointment. It's in a few weeks. I just scheduled it. I'm going to call and double check to make sure I made the correct appointment. I don't want to have my heart broken like I did last time.

That is very nice to hear Alana!

Chrissy

Alana,

I remember my first estradiol pill.  I looked at it with overwhelming happiness, and even picking them up to take was very affirming. 

Chrissy

Alana,

With luck, everything will work out and the time waiting for your appointment will go by quickly.


Chrissy

Quote from: Annaliese on April 22, 2025, 06:09:40 PMThis is great news. I'm so happy for you. I know that feeling, it's so euphoric isn't it? You're on your way. Keep up the positive ✨️ momentum.  🤗 Annaliese.

It is. I was walking around work this afternoon buzzing with happiness. It's been a long time since I felt this excited  ;D

@Alana1990
Dear Alana:
All of us on the Forum are also  "buzzing with happiness"  along with you !!
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 22, 2025, 11:24:35 PMIt is. I was walking around work this afternoon buzzing with happiness. It's been a long time since I felt this excited  ;D

Alana,

Just remember that curves will not be sprouting on day 1, or 2.  Wait at least three days!  LOL

Good things take time.  Everyone is different. 

The anticipation of this starting though could be quite exciting!


Chrissy