Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Welcome to the continuing blog thread of Emma1017 
                  "Emma1017 ... Which hurts less - Volume Two"

Emma1017's first Blog Thread "Which hurts less" is still
available for reading and can be found at the following Link:
      ---> https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,240370.0.html

Warmly, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:
Along with the rest of your avid followers and readers, I am eagerly looking forward
to reading your continuing postings and updates here on your latest Blog Thread.

HUGS, Danielle[Northern Star Girl]

Well book 2 who would have thunked it (thought I would throw in some local dialect!). Keep going dear and we will soon fill this one up.

Thank Davina.  Not sure I can beat the last chapter, but as long as you and everyone else stop by once in a while, I am sure we will keep it lively.

Starting this chapter with the positive, it is great that friendships can be established with words here, versus the trash we have to read and hear in the media.  On Susan's, we choose who we want to read and what we want to share. When we do share, it is from the heart.

I also want to say Thank You! to Danielle and all of the moderators who keep the garbage out and allow true relationships to grow.

 

I wrote this today to clear my head:

Why would a wife want to be a partner with a transgender woman?

Here are my ten best reasons (taken from only my experience):

We are very empathetic: We under emotional pain and aware of the toll it takes on people.

We are warm and friendly: We appreciate the warmth and friendship shown to us and reflect it back.

We listen and share feelings: It is a long and painful path to accept that we are transgender. The process makes us more in tune with our feelings.

We like clothes, makeup, and shopping: It may seem shallow, but we have repressed our gender for so long that our female presentation is a celebration every time we experiment with clothes and makeup.

We are loyal, we will always have your back: We are constantly under attack both from the world and inside our own heads. We cherish every true friend.
Love and making love are closely aligned: We are no longer slaves to testosterone. Having sex is not as important as making love, and maybe being in love is more important than sex.

We don't tolerate bigots, misogyny, or bullies: When you are a victim of their attacks, it makes you intolerant of them in every form.
Being older, we are generally more mature and financially secure: It's nice to have an adult relationship, particularly as you navigate so many other issues in that relationship.

We are emotionally stable: There may be other reasons to be crazy, but fluctuating hormones are not one of them. Our hormones are regulated by medication.

Our hearts are big and waiting for love back: We really don't need much, just a loving understanding of what makes us who we are.

This is a short list, and it is based on my experience. I have had so many dialogues with other late transitioners that I have noted some of the commonalities that I am sharing here.

Feel free to add to the list.

Busy week, did my annual mammogram on Tuesday (everything is ok), dentist yesterday and I meet with a LGBTQ doctor today.  I hope she works out.  I want someone familiar with transgender health to coordinate my care knowing I am on hormones.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 21, 2025, 06:59:36 AMI wrote this today to clear my head:

Why would a wife want to be a partner with a transgender woman?

Here are my ten best reasons (taken from only my experience):

We are very empathetic: We under emotional pain and aware of the toll it takes on people.

We are warm and friendly: We appreciate the warmth and friendship shown to us and reflect it back.

We listen and share feelings: It is a long and painful path to accept that we are transgender. The process makes us more in tune with our feelings.

We like clothes, makeup, and shopping: It may seem shallow, but we have repressed our gender for so long that our female presentation is a celebration every time we experiment with clothes and makeup.

We are loyal, we will always have your back: We are constantly under attack both from the world and inside our own heads. We cherish every true friend.
Love and making love are closely aligned: We are no longer slaves to testosterone. Having sex is not as important as making love, and maybe being in love is more important than sex.

We don't tolerate bigots, misogyny, or bullies: When you are a victim of their attacks, it makes you intolerant of them in every form.
Being older, we are generally more mature and financially secure: It's nice to have an adult relationship, particularly as you navigate so many other issues in that relationship.

We are emotionally stable: There may be other reasons to be crazy, but fluctuating hormones are not one of them. Our hormones are regulated by medication.

Our hearts are big and waiting for love back: We really don't need much, just a loving understanding of what makes us who we are.

This is a short list, and it is based on my experience. I have had so many dialogues with other late transitioners that I have noted some of the commonalities that I am sharing here.

Feel free to add to the list.

Because it's still the person you fell in love with... they just aren't scared to be themselves anymore.

That's the only thing I can come up with. And I think the only thing which matters. I will admit.. I don't... I don't think that someone can fall for a trans girl, even when they haven't come out to themselves, and think "Yeah I'm marrying a dude." I just don't think... from all my experience here, that's not how it works. You can't be completely oblivious until someone comes out because people just aren't that good of an actress. You have that about you always, and I think it is why people fall for you, because you're not like other people. So to be like "I had no inkling whatsoever!" is disingenuous because if your partner knew most of their life... there's no way you didn't get that vibe. Unless you just didn't care? People can't hide stuff as well as they think they can.

Maybe I am totally wrong but... I find it hard to believe that someone wouldn't have the slightest suspicion that someone was trans even if they never said anything. Just because there's too much to try and hide. I dunno.

"Because it's still the person you fell in love with... they just aren't scared to be themselves anymore."

Sephirah, that is a perfect summary.  I was having a mental conversation with my wife and the wives of late-in-life transitioners.  I was trying to list why we're worth sticking around with, rather than getting a divorce. I wanted to counter-balance the negative...mostly in my head.

My wife and I are fine.  It was just another bout of self-doubt and self-criticism.

I like this video by a supportive wife, and I'm totally jealous: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xprh0MA7kM

You are worth it because you are you, Emma. You were Emma when you met your wife, and you are Emma now. It just took some figuring out of some stuff. You are no less a person than when you were that awkward girl crushing on another girl, while still being within yourself. And that's kind of the hardest thing for trans people.

Everything about you that matters, doesn't come from what gender you are. It comes from your soul. Your wit, your literary gift, your kindness, your understanding, your loyalty.. hell I could go on but I don't want your head to grow too big, lol. ;) The point is, the thing that makes us... us... is there and will always be there, no matter what bits we have in what locations. And while I get why it's hard for some partners to see beyond that, in terms of procreation and physical lust, I would suggest that it's the other parts of you they fell in love with. As that video shows. You don't marry the sex organs, you fall in love with the person. And if you don't... there's something wrong somewhere.

As an aside, that girl is legit amazing. Massive kudos. I love how she is like "I don't need to put words to how I feel. I just feel." That is very much me. Damn, Amanda is someone special.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 06:50:52 AMAs that video shows. You don't marry the sex organs, you fall in love with the person. And if you don't... there's something wrong somewhere.

Beautifully said, Sephirah. As was the entire thread between you and Emma regarding love and commitment with a transgender partner. I'm too old for all the mushy stuff, but I think it would have been one heck of an adventure if I had come out sooner and discovered the woman (trans or cis) willing to share her life with me. I even believe such a relationship would have lasted far longer than any of my other relationships. Perhaps, it would have lasted forever.

MO, never give up on love.  You are never too old!

Sephirah, that couple in the YouTube video has a series about their transition.  It gets a little too sweet, but given all the negative videos about being transgender, their story is a very nice change of pace.  The series is nicely done.

I agree about our core, it's just the wrapper that gets in the way!

I thought this was very cute:  "when you were that awkward girl crushing on another girl..."

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 25, 2025, 10:21:50 AMBeautifully said, Sephirah. As was the entire thread between you and Emma regarding love and commitment with a transgender partner. I'm too old for all the mushy stuff, but I think it would have been one heck of an adventure if I had come out sooner and discovered the woman (trans or cis) willing to share her life with me. I even believe such a relationship would have lasted far longer than any of my other relationships. Perhaps, it would have lasted forever.

Annika, you're never too old for the mushy stuff. That's kind of the heatbeat of life.

Girl, you are gorgeous. And you have the same magical word spiderwebs encircling your soul that Emma does. Some people just... have it. Annika, and Emma, you girls have it. In abundance.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 25, 2025, 10:36:53 AMI thought this was very cute:  "when you were that awkward girl crushing on another girl..."

That's you, Emma. And that's the thing. You don't just wake up one morning and decide "Yeah, so, I am a girl/boy/non-binary today!" It is with you for your whole life. That's what the current world media would like to have people believe. That people flip flop more than a Los Angeles beach in summer. Because they want it to not matter. But it matters. It matters a lot.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 10:52:56 AMAnnika, you're never too old for the mushy stuff. That's kind of the heatbeat of life.

I had to think about this for a bit, Sephirah (a new habit I'm trying to form: thinking before posting). I believe Susan's Place is ideally suited for euphemisms and respecting boundaries (another habit I'm diligently attempting to inculcate). And I am, quite frankly, long past whatever the euphemism 'mushy stuff' might imply. But snuggling? Two old women holding hands and giving each other an intimate but otherwise perfunctory kiss? Smiling at each other with no need for goo-goo eyes or surreptitious touching? Yeah. I'm down for that. Perhaps, someday, I'll meet (or re-meet, I haven't quite given up on my first wife just yet) someone with whom I can share tender moments. And laugh together in silence watching another sunrise. But I assumed (another habit I'm attempting to break) Emma was talking about all the wonders of being young with someone you love. And those wonders are sublime, though transient. As you know, I cherish my memories of being young and tend to describe them in graphic detail. But I did not cherish those moments at the time they occurred. For me, that's the beauty of growing old: the ability to cherish. I just re-read this, making sure I did't dot a t or cross and i. But I'm going to post it anyway. New habits are difficult to form. I read and reread and printed and read again your story. I am in awe of your magical word spiderwebs.     

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 25, 2025, 09:16:27 PMI had to think about this for a bit, Sephirah (a new habit I'm trying to form: thinking before posting). I believe Susan's Place is ideally suited for euphemisms and respecting boundaries (another habit I'm diligently attempting to inculcate). And I am, quite frankly, long past whatever the euphemism 'mushy stuff' might imply. But snuggling? Two old women holding hands and giving each other an intimate but otherwise perfunctory kiss? Smiling at each other with no need for goo-goo eyes or surreptitious touching? Yeah. I'm down for that. Perhaps, someday, I'll meet (or re-meet, I haven't quite given up on my first wife just yet) someone with whom I can share tender moments. And laugh together in silence watching another sunrise. But I assumed (another habit I'm attempting to break) Emma was talking about all the wonders of being young with someone you love. And those wonders are sublime, though transient. As you know, I cherish my memories of being young and tend to describe them in graphic detail. But I did not cherish those moments at the time they occurred. For me, that's the beauty of growing old: the ability to cherish. I just re-read this, making sure I did't dot a t or cross and i. But I'm going to post it anyway. New habits are difficult to form. I read and reread and printed and read again your story. I am in awe of your magical word spiderwebs.     

Nah, girl. you are worth more than that. You and Emma both. The only time you get old is when you want to feel old. I do not get that vibe from either of you, Annika. Or Emma. You both have an energy of women in your 30s. Because life only wears on you when you let it. I kind of feel 100 most days, but I am trying to deal with stuff. Girl, you don't have to let a number define you, any more than you have to let a label define you. Be you, love being you... and blaze your own trail. It is never too late, Annika. And Emma. You are both rather extremely gifted girls. :)

I have clients in their 90s and a few over 100 years old.  They are living their lives and have great senses of humor...maybe that's the key.

An elderly client told me years ago that the art of getting older is to realize the things you can't do, and then find the 5,000 things that you can.

I like that.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:09:12 AMI have clients in their 90s and a few over 100 years old.  They are living their lives and have great senses of humor...maybe that's the key.

An elderly client told me years ago that the art of getting older is to realize the things you can't do, and then find the 5,000 things that you can.

I like that.

Makes sense to me Emma.

Enjoy your Saturday immensely!


Chrissy

Thanks Chrissy.  Do something fun today!

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:17:49 AMThanks Chrissy.  Do something fun today!

Emma,


Okay, I will try.  Thank you.

I may go to get some cosmetics, exercise, and relax.


Chrissy

Excellent Chrissy!

I may do the same today.  I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils.  It's been fun.  I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil.  It came out pretty decently.

Today, I have some mason jars to play with.

It's nice to have something fun to do.  I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.

I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:09:12 AMI have clients in their 90s and a few over 100 years old.  They are living their lives and have great senses of humor...maybe that's the key.

An elderly client told me years ago that the art of getting older is to realize the things you can't do, and then find the 5,000 things that you can.

I like that.
Thanks, Emma--so do I. I wish I had wasted my youth more wisely but have few regrets about getting old. I was not mourning the loss of my capacity or inclination towards 'romantic' love but celebrating my awareness of something much more profound and fulfilling. I agree with those you counsel who look for the 5,000 things to replace whatever the one thing was that time stole from them. And loved your discussion with Sephirah regarding transgender couples. I have scant desire to be part of a 'couple' but enjoyed hearing all the reasons I can offer to this 'lucky' woman should I someday find her.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:45:07 AMExcellent Chrissy!

I may do the same today.  I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils.  It's been fun.  I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil.  It came out pretty decently.

Today, I have some mason jars to play with.

It's nice to have something fun to do.  I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.

I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D

Emma,


I was thinking of going to a comedy club soon.
Have you ever been to the Park Slope area's Union Hall comedy place?

I may also if in the right place in California at the right time, go to a Jay Leno show. 

Chrissy

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:45:07 AMExcellent Chrissy!

I may do the same today.  I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils.  It's been fun.  I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil.  It came out pretty decently.

Today, I have some mason jars to play with.

It's nice to have something fun to do.  I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.

I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D

I love scented candles! I sold them for many years, and each year I would go to Phoenix for a convention. They had many very interesting workshops about candlemaking, essential oils, etc. Just be careful because some of the oils you get off the shelf are not suitable for candles. The heat and evaporation can make some dangerous.

The woman who did one of the workshops was a perfumist who used to work for a major cosmetics company. I learned that many "scents" are not from the essential oils, but from a combination of scents that result in the target scent. She had a contest once where distributors were asked to burn two different scented candles and notice how the scents combine (good or bad). I found that I really liked burning a large Lily and a small Rose. The combination is wonderful!

Have fun with it!

I have seen a bacon scented candle for sale!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 26, 2025, 09:41:48 AMI have seen a bacon scented candle for sale!

There was a company that was doing stuff like that. I often suggested they have a product line of scented candles for guys: motor oil, diesel, and WD40.  ;D

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:45:07 AMExcellent Chrissy!

I may do the same today.  I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils.  It's been fun.  I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil.  It came out pretty decently.

Today, I have some mason jars to play with.

It's nice to have something fun to do.  I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.

I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D

Okay.  Just "do not burn your candle at both ends."


Sometimes there are just some chores and tasks you have to get done.


Hugs,

Chrissy

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2025, 09:43:29 AMThere was a company that was doing stuff like that. I often suggested they have a product line of scented candles for guys: motor oil, diesel, and WD40.  ;D

Hmmm.  Vanilla can smell good.  Burning motor oil?  Not for me.  LOL.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2025, 09:43:29 AMThere was a company that was doing stuff like that. I often suggested they have a product line of scented candles for guys: motor oil, diesel, and WD40.  ;D

No way on the diesel candles for me.

Unsure about the WD40 scent. 

Chrissy

I dont need a scent candle as I smell of oil and WD40 and burnt metal from grinding/welding, well before a good shower that is!!

I like the idea of candles scented as "Davina's Garage" to pair up with "Davina's Curry Kitchen".

Lori, I am making sure I don't develop a candle making addiction.  I could easily fall into that trap.  I am a gear junkie.  You sound like one too!

Hmmm Chrissy, you may have given me a a new candle idea: "do not burn your candle at both ends"

OM, I think the best couples just happen, so you never know...

Emma,

Well just be careful with candles! 

Chrissy

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 11:02:58 AMHmmm Chrissy, you may have given me a a new candle idea: "do not burn your candle at both ends"

https://www.sandstonegoods.com/products/twist-double-taper-candle?gQT=1

For $40?????? The lowest price I saw was $25. Emma, you can make a fortune selling them for $15.

Well I ended up not getting any cosmetics today as I was not convinced the salesclerk really knew any more about cosmetics than how to do welding, nuclear physics, or how to calculate an integral.  Plus I doubt she knew much about those matters either.  Give her time and she will learn, and I hope about cosmetics for her job.  She seemed nice.

A thought:  Educate the staff better.  More sales may come about. 


She had pretty blue nails though.


Chrissy

Lori, that is a pretty cool candle and well beyond my skill set.  I'll stick with filling jars...Also, I think I just OD'd on all of the fragrance oils.  My wife just retreated from the basement.

Chrissy, I did two makeovers at Sephora, and they used way too much product. I like makeup as a subtle beauty enhancement, it shouldn't be body filler!  Sorry, it wasn't more fun for you.  There is still plenty of weekend left!

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 03:51:57 PMLori, that is a pretty cool candle and well beyond my skill set.  I'll stick with filling jars...Also, I think I just OD'd on all of the fragrance oils.  My wife just retreated from the basement.

Chrissy, I did two makeovers at Sephora, and they used way too much product. I like makeup as a subtle beauty enhancement, it shouldn't be body filler!  Sorry, it wasn't more fun for you.  There is still plenty of weekend left!

Less is more.

Chrissy

I was having a "poor me" moment.  I hate them.  It started on Saturday.  It felt like I was under assault internally and externally.  I felt alone with it all, transgender hate, hating being transgender, US politics, UK politics, American shame and embarrassment, etc., etc., etc.

I know I am not alone with all of this, but it felt pretty personal. I allowed myself to bury my head further in anger and frustration. Then I did something even stupider, I went on the internet and trolled YouTube, not the best place to console oneself if the algorithm senses your black mood.

The effort obviously failed. It made it worse.

So I unplugged.  I did normal stuff like taking a walk, food shopping, and talking to neighbors.  I started to decompress.  I contacted my friend Jenn and made a date to go walking yesterday afternoon, as me, not as a guy who is me, and it worked.

I knew it wasn't the answer to my problems or the world's, but it at least got me to recover some perspective, at least my head wasn't going to explode.

Jenn took a great photo to capture the moment:

               (https://i.imgur.com/lKpg7Hb.jpeg)

Just gotta love that smile!
Do it often.  ;D

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 29, 2025, 06:29:46 PMI knew it wasn't the answer to my problems or the world's, but it at least got me to recover some perspective, at least my head wasn't going to explode.

Jenn took a great photo to capture the moment:

Great photo, Emma!

It's like Jenn captured something special.

That smile and the expression on your face say so much and it's shining through you.


~ Lilis 💗

You need to let the genie out the lamp more my dear, that smile says it all XXX

As others said, love the photo and really love the smile

Ellen

Thank you, Lori, Lilis, Davina, and Ellen.  The opinion of friends is far more valuable than my own opinion of myself.  ::) 

Of course, I notice my waist in the photo, but I have given up on my girlish figure.  No bikinis for me!  :o

All in all, it was a fun day and much needed!

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 30, 2025, 04:49:35 PMThank you, Lori, Lilis, Davina, and Ellen.  The opinion of friends is far more valuable than my own opinion of myself.  ::) 

Of course, I notice my waist in the photo, but I have given up on my girlish figure.  No bikinis for me!  :o

All in all, it was a fun day and much needed!

I think I gave up on bikinis when I turned 40.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 30, 2025, 04:53:00 PMI think I gave up on bikinis when I turned 40.  ;D

I also gave up bikinis decades ago

Ellen

I have never given bikinis even a thought.  I am a swim shorts and rash guard kinda girl.

Rash Guard - That's what I wear in the creek, aka jeans. Too many leeches hide under the rocks I move.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 29, 2025, 07:33:48 PMJust gotta love that smile!
Do it often.  ;D

Right? Emma has the smile that can stop traffic.

Girl, we all need to unplug from the world a lot of the time. I am thankful because stuff makes me so out of it that I can't be in touch with this more than a day or two a week. I mean not thankful, obviously, but you know what I mean. Now more than ever you can get massively overloaded if you allow it.

But sometimes you just need to live in the world where global communications doesn't exist. You need to switch off. And just be in your own world. Forget everyone else's.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 01, 2025, 04:52:31 PMBut sometimes you just need to live in the world where global communications doesn't exist. You need to switch off. And just be in your own world. Forget everyone else's.

That is why I try to spend as much time as possible in the forest.

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 01, 2025, 05:58:49 PMThat is why I try to spend as much time as possible in the forest.

Lori... part squirrel. She's nuts, but in the best possible way. <3

Sephirah if I tried to stop traffic in NYC with my smile, I'd be toothless...🤪

Now you all know why I scuba dive. There is no internet under water.

But hey, according to the world, we are all nuts and I couldn't think of a classier group of people to be associated with.
Now pass me some walnuts.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 01, 2025, 09:18:18 PMSephirah if I tried to stop traffic in NYC with my smile, I'd be toothless...🤪

Now you all know why I scuba dive. There is no internet under water.

But hey, according to the world, we are all nuts and I couldn't think of a classier group of people to be associated with.
Now pass me some walnuts.

See... I knew I loved you for a reason. Walnuts are my favourites. Followed closely by Brazil Nuts.

Also.. a girl who is down with the beauty of the underwater world is a girl after my own heart.

We aren't who we are because of what's outside. We are who we are because of what's inside.

I've been watching some more stuff by that couple you linked, Emma. Amanda and Shaye? Shaye is so gorgeous. And her wife is equally as gorgeous. Because they just love each other. I used to know a girl when I first came here back in 2008, called Shay. She reminded me of you... quite a lot, honestly. Must be the name. ;D She was around your age, and just as thoughtful... and sassy.

So thats why there are walnuts in the carrot cake!!

I guess we have to be nuts to be transgender... ::)

Talking about changing worlds, I tried the Meta Quest 3 virtual reality headset.  It is amazing!  There are apps for so many different experiences. You can enter mediative world, go underwater, travel the world, watch a movie on a big screen or play as Indian Jones without connection to a computer. 

It is ridiculously expensive at $399 but it was fun to play in the store.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 03, 2025, 08:26:51 AMI guess we have to be nuts to be transgender... ::)

Talking about changing worlds, I tried the Meta Quest 3 virtual reality headset.  It is amazing!  There are apps for so many different experiences. You can enter mediative world, go underwater, travel the world, watch a movie on a big screen or play as Indian Jones without connection to a computer. 

It is ridiculously expensive at $399 but it was fun to play in the store.

Omg, Emma, that's kind of cheap... relatively. I had one of the original Occulus Rift VR headsets back in 2017, and the thing cost over £700 ($928 in today's money). And you needed to plug it into a powerful gaming PC just to get the thing to run.

It's amazing how the tech has moved on... but there really is nothing like it. Your brain fills in the gaps. One of the first experiences I had was "standing" on top of a skyscraper as this giant UFO flew overhead, doing the whole Mars Attacks thing... and as someone who has really bad vertigo, I almost threw up. Your brain makes it real. It's quite freaky. And with the right experience, really quite wonderful.

People have done stuff with VR that... well...

https://beanotherlab.org/home/work/tmtba/

Hmmm, swapping bodies by virtual reality. 

I always thought that someday trans fem and trans masc individuals could have a swap meet of body parts.

I did two more days teaching, and it was a lot of fun.  The students now recognize me and like to chat.   It felt really special when the principal said I was invited to the graduation because I was "part of the family now".  That was really special.

The senior class is trying to do a prom, but most have no money, and some live in shelters, so I suggested that they start a go-fund-me page. 

There is such a large LGBTQ community in NYC, I know that they could raise the funds.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 07, 2025, 03:12:42 PMI did two more days teaching, and it was a lot of fun.  The students now recognize me and like to chat.   It felt really special when the principal said I was invited to the graduation because I was "part of the family now".  That was really special.

The senior class is trying to do a prom, but most have no money, and some live in shelters, so I suggested that they start a go-fund-me page. 

There is such a large LGBTQ community in NYC, I know that they could raise the funds.

No wonder the kids like you!

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 07, 2025, 03:12:42 PMI did two more days teaching, and it was a lot of fun.  The students now recognize me and like to chat.   It felt really special when the principal said I was invited to the graduation because I was "part of the family now".  That was really special.

The senior class is trying to do a prom, but most have no money, and some live in shelters, so I suggested that they start a go-fund-me page. 

There is such a large LGBTQ community in NYC, I know that they could raise the funds.

It is good to help out the kids.

Chrissy

Well we all knew you would fit in!!!

It's funny, some people in the school think I am gay, some know I am transgender but not sure whether I am mtf or ftm, and only a few think I am cisgender. 

You may be the target market for the 'Guess' line of clothing and fashion accessories.

Love always -- Jess

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 08, 2025, 01:19:25 PMIt's funny, some people in the school think I am gay, some know I am transgender but not sure whether I am mtf or ftm, and only a few think I am cisgender. 

As long as they all know you as Emma, it's all good. :)

I keep it simple for the kids, I use my male name but that is ok because, as you have helped me understand Sephirah, I have always been Emma.  That is what I needed to learn.  That is the smile they see.  That is the smile I feel and the one you all know. 

It's the one I share with people I care about.

Jess I feel more like a convertible lately...😁

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 08, 2025, 09:38:57 PMI keep it simple for the kids, I use my male name but that is ok because, as you have helped me understand Sephirah, I have always been Emma.  That is what I needed to learn.  That is the smile they see.  That is the smile I feel and the one you all know. 

It's the one I share with people I care about.

Jess I feel more like a convertible lately...😁

That's what makes you genuine, Emma. Doesn't matter what you do, what name you use, how you approach things. You have always been and will always be the person you are inside. That beautiful, fragile, kind, inquisitive, understanding soul. That is the light behind your eyes. The beauty behind your smile. Girl, you are you. And that's all there ever has to be.

I am so proud of you. You are doing a very hard thing with compassion and grace. You are a testament to everything good in the world. <3

Sephirah, thank you those amazingly nice words. The subbing is easy.  The kids and staff make it that way.  I am just plugging into what already exists. I get to laugh every time I teach.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 09, 2025, 11:15:09 AMSephirah, thank you those amazingly nice words. The subbing is easy.  The kids and staff make it that way.  I am just plugging into what already exists. I get to laugh every time I teach.

Good for you!

Chrissy

Emma,

Have a nice weekend!

Chrissy

Thank you Chrissy. I hope you have a great one as well!

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 09, 2025, 11:15:09 AMSephirah, thank you those amazingly nice words. The subbing is easy.  The kids and staff make it that way.  I am just plugging into what already exists. I get to laugh every time I teach.

You are in a much better school than I went to, Emma. And I am grateful for that. :)

Sephirah, I think most kids have a better chance than when we were kids.  We all know the imperfections now, but pedophiles don't have social ignorance to hide behind, and more schools have better policies for LGBTQ students.

There is a long way to go, but at least there is visible progress.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 11, 2025, 08:50:15 AMSephirah, I think most kids have a better chance than when we were kids.  We all know the imperfections now, but pedophiles don't have social ignorance to hide behind, and more schools have better policies for LGBTQ students.

There is a long way to go, but at least there is visible progress.

Nah, honey, kids have a much better chance because they have much better teachers. <3

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Good teachers are important.

Sorry all, I am having a miserable night and I need to vent or I will explode. We went out with friends all day and went to a pub around the corner from my house for a night cap. Stupidly, my friend and I got caught up in politics.  We are on opposite sides but still really good friends.

I told him we needed to shut down the subject but he made some additional remarks before we went back to the hockey game on the pub tv. He rotated his back to me to talk with other hockey fans and I was left sitting there while our wives put more money in the jukebox box.

I sat there angrily watching the tv. I decided to leave a told my wife my back was acting up and told her to stay. She was having a good time and didn't want to ruin it.

My friend said something that triggered me. Not his fault, just his politics. It just set me off internally. I excused myself and walked home

As I got changed, I refused to look at myself or my body as I passed the mirrors.

I said to myself that I hate being transgender, I hate what I am and I am just hurting. 

I need to post this to purge my feelings. I am being massively selfish doing so and I apologize but I need to get my thoughts out of me before I implode and this is the best I can do.

I am so sorry for dumping on you.

Shutting down for a little bit.

Don't ever be sorry, Emma. You know where I am if you want to vent to someone okay?

This place is here for you to get all this stuff out. To help you.

Emma, you are who you are. Ain't nothin' and nobody in the world can change that. What you can do is take refuge in people who get you, and are there for you, when times get hard.

You're my friend and I love you. You aren't going through this alone. I am only a word away. <3

Vent away dear its your space, big cyber hug coming your way XX

I heard a Mexican naval ship hit the Brooklyn Bridge's underside but the 142 year old bridge is apparently safe.  There was a human cost though, tragic these failures happen.  I heard there were deaths and injuries.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 17, 2025, 11:22:49 PMI said to myself that I hate being transgender, I hate what I am and I am just hurting.

I know that feeling very well. It is important to remember that none of us asked for this. We are just trying to be ourselves. Usually, this feeling pops up right after being triggered by an outside source. That is when it is most important to remember that you accept yourself, and many others accept you exactly as you are. We know how it feels, so vent away. There is no need to apologize.

Sending more hugs your way!

I signed on here this morning to delete my last post, but you all already responded.  Thank you.

Like everyone here, we are surrounded by an abrasive outside world while we beat ourselves up from the inside. Last night was just a series of triggers, most were just innocent, but said while I was extra sensitive.

Nobody's fault, just the way it all happened.  It was at the end of a long day. 

Thank you all again for the support and understanding.

Chrissy, it is a beautiful ship.  There are lots of reports online.  It lost power and then the current pushed it into the bridge.  I heard of two deaths, young sailors on the main mast, and a number of injuries below.  It's a very sad tragedy.

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 18, 2025, 09:02:02 AMNobody's fault, just the way it all happened.  It was at the end of a long day. 

It happens. I didn't think anything could damage your sunny disposition. I think we were all just waiting to see you bounce back. I am happy that you can just shrug it off.  :)

Lori, I have a singular goal in life, to live my life with as much joy as I can and to share it with anyone who shares back. 

Unfortunately, there are too many joy suckers than joy sharers so it takes an extra effort to maintain a sunny disposition.

I know you share the same goals subject to similar joy suckers. 

We will have joy! ❤️

That is great philosophy. And not just because I share it.  :)

Lori, we deserve all the joy we can get!!!

This week was a little crazy, but yesterday I met up with Josie, my transgender friend from the QM2 cruise.  She has a fear of flying, so she is taking the QM2 back from NY to Southampton today.  She wanted a NYC pizza before she left so there is a pizzeria right across the street from the Stonewall Inn.  It was a perfect combination!  She included another transgender woman that she was friends with here in NYC.  They met playing online video games.  They both are in their early thirties, so the video game meet-up makes sense.

It was great to be out as three transgender women.  Despite our age differences, we had so much in common. It made me feel so at home, particularly politically.  Josie has a long-term boyfriend in Sweden, and Alice is married in Brooklyn.  It was nice to know that they also have joy in their lives.  We intend to stay in touch...but probably not with video games, at least not with me... ::)

Sounds like you had a nice time Emma.


That is wonderful.



Chrissy

It was very special Chrissy.  Like my friendships here!

I saw this on YouTube and loved it.  Clearly, YouTube knows a woman when it sees one even if the Scottish Parliament doesn't.  It blurred out the nibbles on the woman in the video...but no problem seeing a guys nipples.  I googled "topless guys playing basketball". Plenty of nipples. Obviously some nipples are more dangerous...Maybe I'll go topless in front of the US Supreme Court building or the Capitol Building.  If I get arrested for being immoral... legal point made, I must be a woman.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/y5YDh0pPdJs

This reminds me of a Dave Allen bit, about Adam and Eve.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rAH-8077Wng

I won't post a link, but there is a .org that has been supporting gotopless since 2007.
I'll let you figure that out.  ;D

To be fair... your average guy only has to see uncovered breasts and it's like focusing too much on sat-nav. They WILL drive off a cliff. :P

Great bit, Sephirah but I couldn't find a nose g-strig anywhere....It's weird that when I am dressed as a man in a tight t-shirt, no one notices but if I wear the same t-shirt as me I notice the eyes refocus.

My friend Josie sent me a picture we took at the Stonewall Inn National Museum.  It's still open in spite of Trump. Rainy day and no makeup.


          (https://i.imgur.com/E6cH3G1.jpeg)

Quote from: Emma1017 on May 24, 2025, 07:47:26 AMGreat bit, Sephirah but I couldn't find a nose g-strig anywhere....It's weird that when I am dressed as a man in a tight t-shirt, no one notices but if I wear the same t-shirt as me I notice the eyes refocus.

My friend Josie sent me a picture we took at the Stonewall Inn National Museum.  It's still open in spite of Trump. Rainy day and no makeup.


          (https://i.imgur.com/E6cH3G1.jpeg)

There are wandering eyes, aye?


Chrissy

I hope you have a terrific weekend Emma!


Chrissy

Sorry all, I haven't been online because I've had a nasty head cold that really beat the hell out of me for the last week. 

I will catch up soon.

I hope life is better now for you Emma!

Chrissy

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 02, 2025, 06:56:15 AMSorry all, I haven't been online because I've had a nasty head cold that really beat the hell out of me for the last week. 

I will catch up soon.

So Glad you you are feeling a bit better. 🫂 Annaliese

Nettle tea (see Laurens blog!!)

I have also heard of Dandelion Tea being good for head colds. You crush and steep the greens, not the flowers. Don't take my word for it, as I have not tried it myself.

Thank you, Chrissy and Annaliese, for your get-well wishes, and Davina and Lori for the herbal tea ideas.

I have spent the last week floating on tea and honey.  My bladder developed a wake-up call at around 3 o'clock every morning.  Fortunately, the cough and head cold have subsided in time for me to start my two-week vacation tomorrow. 

It is much needed and I will spend the time with wine and food, and not watching the news!

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 04, 2025, 03:32:12 PMFortunately, the cough and head cold have subsided in time for me to start my two-week vacation tomorrow. 

There is nothing worse than being sick on vacation.

Have a great time!

Have a good hollybobs (bit of UK speak for you!) .

Enjoy your time off Emma!


Chrissy

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 04, 2025, 03:32:12 PMThank you, Chrissy and Annaliese, for your get-well wishes, and Davina and Lori for the herbal tea ideas.

I have spent the last week floating on tea and honey.  My bladder developed a wake-up call at around 3 o'clock every morning.  Fortunately, the cough and head cold have subsided in time for me to start my two-week vacation tomorrow. 

It is much needed and I will spend the time with wine and food, and not watching the news!

I hope you have a great vacation. Rest and relaxation is always a good way to help heal the body and mind.

Get a tasty deli sandwich!

Take a nice walk!

But get the rest you need first.

Take care,


Chrissy

The focus is food, wine and long naps...😊

Emma,

I hope that you continue to have a nice time off and enjoy the pleasantries. 


Hugs,


Chrissy

Stopping by to give you a giant hug. <3

The years haven't dimmed your smile, Emma. Never forget that. *monster hugs*

Always happy to share hugs and good wishes.❤️ Have a great weekend!

OK, back in the US.  It was great being in countries where I don't speak the language. I had two weeks of ignoring the news.  I did experience wine, food, the individual beauty of a foreign country, and the genuine friendliness of the local people.  No one hated us for being American.

After travelling for two weeks, it was still good to be home...as crazy as the news is. 

Glad you had a good time. Now you will have stories to share with your students.

My grandfather always told me to travel whenever possible. He said you will learn more by traveling than by sitting in any classroom. But when your teacher has traveled and can share her experiences, it's almost the same.  :)

Just gesture and speak loudly then they will understand!!!!   The few times I went abroad were great and as you say food, wine and people as well as memories.

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 20, 2025, 09:11:54 AMNo one hated us for being American.

That's true 99.8% of the time. It's only the 0.2% who hate anyone for being anything which get all the attention in the media. Some of my favourite people are American. ;)

Quote from: davina61 on June 20, 2025, 10:32:48 AMJust gesture and speak loudly then they will understand!!!!

Ah yes, the way a subset of Brits learn a foreign language, lol. Speak more slowly, loudly, with a few simple words from said language pronounced horrifically badly, for effect. ;D

"Oi, SINYOR, UNO beer POOR FAVOOR!. I said... I don't think 'e's listenin, Tracy! UNO BEERO In a GLASSO! And wot kind of CRISPOS do you 'ave?!"

I know someone who literally said that and I almost died of embarrassment. ;D

I'm glad you had an awesome time, honey. <3

I always believe you are a guest in some ones country, so act like it and people will be hospitable, act like a tourist and the waiter will spit in your food.  Common courtesy goes a long way.

We were traveling the Basque region on both the French and Spanish sides and you could feel the tourist season starting to pick up.  I think this summer tourist season will be brutal.  You can't blame the natives for feeling overwhelmed.  They have to start balancing housing with tourism.

Common courtesy and common sense are sadly uncommon too frequently.

Emma,


Some NYC mayors seem better than others to outsiders as well as residents.  I wonder who will win the primary today for the Democrats.  We shall see!    Taxes seem high in NY.   

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy. NYC has a budget larger than Austria. It needs a manager more than a politician. That's why Bloomberg got elected for three terms. The last two were politicians and horrible managers.

My bet is Andrew Cuomo gets elected even if he has to run independently. 

Yes, the taxes are high. I guess I am climatized to it. My home, family and job is in NYC.  We bought our house 30 years ago when it was cheap.  I guess I am staying. 🤪

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 24, 2025, 08:44:22 AMWe bought our house 30 years ago when it was cheap.  I guess I am staying. 🤪

I was always curious how my parents could afford their house in Colorado. Housing prices are ridiculously high there, and both of them are on Social Security. Then I remember that they bought the house back in the 1970s. They have paid it off, remortgaged it, and paid it off again. If they were to sell it, it would be worth three times what they paid for it.

Sometimes, staying put makes more sense than moving.  :)

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 24, 2025, 08:44:22 AMHi Chrissy. NYC has a budget larger than Austria. It needs a manager more than a politician. That's why Bloomberg got elected for three terms. The last two were politicians and horrible managers.

My bet is Andrew Cuomo gets elected even if he has to run independently. 

Yes, the taxes are high. I guess I am climatized to it. My home, family and job is in NYC.  We bought our house 30 years ago when it was cheap.  I guess I am staying. 🤪

I heard that one has to pay a tax if one gets a mortgage for a residential property in NYC.  Is that true?

Chrissy taxes are crazy here but not that crazy!

We pay income tax and property tax.

I heard that one has to pay a tax if one gets a mortgage for a residential property in NYC.  Is that true?

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 25, 2025, 11:48:11 AMChrissy taxes are crazy here but not that crazy!

We pay income tax and property tax.

Well the Internet states:

The NYC mortgage recording tax (often shortened to MRT or simply the mortgage tax) is a tax levied by New York State and NYC on all new mortgage loans. It is a significant expense for homebuyers in New York City and is imposed on the recording of mortgages on real property within the city.

The New York City Mortgage Recording Tax (MRT) rate is 1.8% for loans lower than $500,000 and 1.925% for loans of $500,000 or more.

Sorry Chrissy, I thought you meant an annual tax.  I bought my last house 25 years ago so that tax is a fading memory. 😁

On Wednesday I got to celebrate Pride Month in a very special way.

I was invited to attend the graduation ceremony for the LGBTQ high school I substitute teach at.  When I showed up, I sat in the back of the hall but the principal insisted that I sit on stage with the other teachers.  He said "You are one of us now."  I was amazingly touched!

As part of the ceremony, the principal introduced each of the teachers, who stood up and were applauded and cheered...and then he called out my name calling me the "supper-sub". The students and parents applauded and cheer me as well.  I was shocked.

It really made Pride Month special for me.  I can't march in parades, wear Pride t-shirts or wave the Rainbow flag the way I wish I could but at least I can celebrate in my heart and share this experience with you all.

Happy Pride Month!

What a wonderful experience, Emma!

I do not doubt that you earned those accolades. You are a warm and wonderful woman!

Congrats.

Quote from: Emma1017 on June 27, 2025, 08:15:42 AMOn Wednesday I got to celebrate Pride Month in a very special way.

I was invited to attend the graduation ceremony for the LGBTQ high school I substitute teach at.  When I showed up, I sat in the back of the hall but the principal insisted that I sit on stage with the other teachers.  He said "You are one of us now."  I was amazingly touched!

As part of the ceremony, the principal introduced each of the teachers, who stood up and were applauded and cheered...and then he called out my name calling me the "supper-sub". The students and parents applauded and cheer me as well.  I was shocked.

It really made Pride Month special for me.  I can't march in parades, wear Pride t-shirts or wave the Rainbow flag the way I wish I could but at least I can celebrate in my heart and share this experience with you all.

Happy Pride Month!

Very nice!

Chrissy

That is truly phenomenal, Emma. Thank you for sharing it with us. It helped to make Pride Month special for me, too.

Thank you Lori, Chrissy and Pema.  It was very special for me, particularly during Pride.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while.  Sometimes the transgender pressures get too much, particularly in this environment. 

I needed to disconnect and shift into neutral.  I needed to stop thinking or at least try doing less.  I wanted to stop thinking about being transgender but that was a waste of time...I think about it every day.

To make it more frustrating, I meet with my endocrinologist last week and the blood test showed I had zero estrogen in my system.  Either the patches were defective or I have developed absorption problems.  We're going to try the non-generic but the insurance company won't release the new prescription until the end of the month.

Maybe zero estrogen (and Trump) is the cause of my funk.

Quote from: Emma1017 on July 12, 2025, 10:21:51 AMMaybe zero estrogen (and Trump) is the cause of my funk.

That would not surprise me. The generic patches (Mylan brand) did not work for me. An online search of reviews found they had changed their formulation a few years ago, and the complaints started then. My pharmacist switched me to the Grove brand, and they were better, just not enough. Zero estrogen is very surprising! I would think you were getting at least a little from them.

I hope you get it sorted quickly. It took me four years of fighting with the VA, but now all is good.

I had to fight with the insurance company to replace the generic estrogen.  My endocrinologist was a great help.

I finally took my kayak down to the ocean this morning.  I have been lazy with the heat wave we have had.  It was great to be out on the water and destressing.  It helps to know the tides or the workout will be way more exhausting...or I'll wind up in Ireland.

 Hi Emma,
Great to hear you are able to de-stress with your kayak!  I've been playing golf to de-stress.

Last year I stopped buying so much clothes but I realized it was a very cheap form of therapy for me.  ;D

Marion

Just paddle round that lump of rock and up the Severn estuary ,I will have the kettle on!!!

MM you made me laugh.  I am always saying "is it cheaper than therapy?" to justify a shopping splurge.

Davina I may stop for a cold beer at the lump of rock on my way to your house for a cuppa.  I'll bring the Brooklyn bagels. 

During my six years of therapy, I have realized that it just boils down to one simple question:

Is this really a problem, or do I just need to eat something with bacon on it?   ;D

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm bacon and eggs.

With you Davina............hmmmmmm bacon👍.

Another NYC hot humid day today after crazy rain storms.  Thank God there is no global warming.  We're heating up because the world is flat.

Its that poison dumped in the atmosphere by airplanes to make clouds according to my friend who told me dont believe what you read on internet and then believes stuff like this she saw on internet . I told her its Quan trails of the wing tips but might as well told the garden gate!!

Davina, until this last US presidential election, I thought I knew how belligerently stupid people could be but I learned a whole new level.

Dumb is as dumb does!!!

I still love: "some people are too stupid to know they are stupid."

Some people are highly skilled but they cannot explain why they do a task in a particular way.

It is like the mom who was asked why she cut the fish exactly six inches long prior to frying.
She was clueless.  Her mom taught her how to fry fish.  It turns out that that size was just about the proper length for her mom's frying pan.

Some people know so little about something that they do not know that there is so much they do not know about that something!

Quote from: Emma1017 on July 17, 2025, 05:41:17 PMI still love: "some people are too stupid to know they are stupid."

Yes! Are you familiar with the Dunning-Kruger effect (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect)?

Quote from: Pema on July 17, 2025, 08:12:44 PMAre you familiar with the Dunning-Kruger effect (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect)?

I am now, Pema. Actually, I already knew all about it before I even bothered to look it up. Certainly explains the vast majority of my posts.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 14, 2025, 08:40:23 PMIs this really a problem, or do I just need to eat something with bacon on it?   ;D

This is literally my mantra for life.

 The Dunning-Kruger effect!!!  Exactly Pema and DWT.  I like substituting "stupid" in their theory.  Not as clinical but far more precise a description!

Sephirah, bacon makes a happier world.  Toss in OREO's and it becomes perfect!

I heard about the floods you folks have been having in NY. It seems like the whole world has gone biblical. Are you okay, Emma?

Oreos.. ewwwww! Far too sweet and icky! They make my vampire teeth hurt, lol.

Don't worry about the biblical rain Sephirah, I met an old guy building a boat and collecting two of every animal. He didn't have a transgender woman yet so I sign on....

I only eat Oreo's during the day time so you are safe.

I just got my ok to substitute teach for the next school year.  God help those children!!!

Maybe I'll bring some Oreos.

Quote from: Emma1017 on July 19, 2025, 08:02:07 AMI just got my ok to substitute teach for the next school year.  God help those children!!!

Congrats, Emma!

He just did by inviting you back next year.  ;D

Thank you Lori. That was an amazingly nice thing to say. 😊❤️

 

For the last month or so I have been trying to figure out why I feel so lethargic and apathetic beyond the usual summer doldrums, Donald Trump and the constant media attacks on transgender women and children. 

My estrogen levels have been essentially zero for at least the last two months. I started with a doctor who specializes in LGBTQ patients back in April and she noted on my blood test that my estrogen level was extremely low.  She knew I was seeing my oncologist in the first week of July.  The second blood test definitely showed zero.

The oncologist asked if I was applying my patches regularly. I just looked at her and said, "I am transgender. Putting on that patch is religious.  I never forget to do it." She then said that I may have an absorption issue or bad generic estradiol patches.  She switched me to the name brand and my insurance company fought back...what a surprise.

Eventually, we did succeed with the insurance company but they refused to start the prescription until the end of July, so I have been running on empty all this time.  Spending some time on Dr. Google, I found that low estrogen does have a significant impact and can cause, among other things, poor sleep and fatigue.  Bingo!

I hope the new patches will reverse this otherwise I will have to start the injections again...not my favorite.

I thought I'd share this in case anyone else bumps into this.





 

Quote from: Emma1017 on July 22, 2025, 08:33:26 AMEventually, we did succeed with the insurance company but they refused to start the prescription until the end of July, so I have been running on empty all this time.  Spending some time on Dr. Google, I found that low estrogen does have a significant impact and can cause, among other things, poor sleep and fatigue.  Bingo!

---

I thought I'd share this in case anyone else bumps into this.

Emma,

Your story is very interesting to me. My endocrinologist, who is very experienced with transgender patients is working to reduce the level of estrogen. Her biggest concern is the risk of a stroke. As the strength of my patches go down, she is monitoring my mood. The goal is to have the same estrogen level that a CIS woman of my age has.

Ellen

Ellen, I should post before I have had my morning coffee.  I meant my endocrinologist, not oncologist.  Big difference. 

I am glad you brought up the risk of stroke.  I will check with my endocrinologist to see her opinion on my stroke risk.

Thats why my doc keeps on about have you checked your blood pressure and the pharmacist when I collect my patches.   

I just checked my prescription and they are being mailed out next week.  My company refuses to us any local pharmacist so now I have to wait another week.  I also got my endocrinologist to order more lidocaine for the electrolysis sessions.

I am only transgender because it is soooo trendy. ugh!

To pick up my mood, I made a stylist appointment for next week.  It does my heart good when everyone there greets me with "Hi Emma!".

 

Thankfully I got my new estradiol patches yesterday and I have my hair appointment tomorrow.  I really need to feel my gender more.  I feel like I have been drowning in social testosterone.  I have been playing the "guy" role with no break for so long with zero estrogen that I felt Emma fading away into the background.  It's like seeing things in black and white again. 

I truly miss the technicolor and I will definitely get it back!

Strange how everyone says the hormone makes changes to the brain, I feel and have noticed no change apart from a bit less "angry" . I put that down to the fact I have always been me and my straight forward thinking.

My mood feels like a combination of low hormones and male socialized overload...Fortunately, it's not irreversible!

 

Quote from: davina61 on July 30, 2025, 08:08:56 AMStrange how everyone says the hormone makes changes to the brain, I feel and have noticed no change apart from a bit less "angry" . I put that down to the fact I have always been me and my straight forward thinking.

I don't think it is changing the brain; more like the brain is responding to what it knows it is missing. When I first started on hormones, I felt that way. As if my brain and body were saying, "Ah, finally. The Good Stuff."

Then maybe my brain was getting the good stuff before, I was never blokey.

I also compare it to good gas and bad gas.  A car can run on bad gas but when it gets the good stuff, you really know the difference!

What are the best restaurants to get pizza from in NYC Emma?
Been to Joe's?

Chrissy which Joe's?  There are over 500 pizzerias in Brooklyn.  Most family owned.

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 03, 2025, 06:04:06 PMChrissy which Joe's?  There are over 500 pizzerias in Brooklyn.  Most family owned.

This one, which looks like it had a very long waiting line that wrapped around the block!

https://shaylajay.com/2024/06/joes-pizza/

Chrissy I have never been to Joes. Any place with a line like that can't be that good.  That pizzeria is in Manhattan where they are over-priced and over-rated.

 

I have to wonder what percentage of "Joe's", wind up in the pizza business.  We even have several joes pizzerias down here in the south lol

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 04, 2025, 06:45:56 AMChrissy I have never been to Joes. Any place with a line like that can't be that good.  That pizzeria is in Manhattan where they are over-priced and over-rated.

 

Okay. TY.

If you come to New York, try pizzas at a couple of places. If there is a line go to the next pizzeria without a line.  Just stay away from Domino's and other national brands.

During the summer we buy local pizza dough and make it on the grill.  Rao's is my favorite Italian sauce with fresh mozzarella and basil.  You can even buy pizza dough made in NYC on line.  The argument is the NYC water that we get from the Catskills Mountains is the key ingredient.  I have to agree.

I never get the nice round pizza pies when I do it.  They kind of look like misshapen trapezoids but they still taste great!

   

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 08, 2025, 02:28:08 PMIf you come to New York, try pizzas at a couple of places. If there is a line go to the next pizzeria without a line.  Just stay away from Domino's and other national brands.

During the summer we buy local pizza dough and make it on the grill.  Rao's is my favorite Italian sauce with fresh mozzarella and basil.  You can even buy pizza dough made in NYC on line.  The argument is the NYC water that we get from the Catskills Mountains is the key ingredient.  I have to agree.

I never get the nice round pizza pies when I do it.  They kind of look like misshapen trapezoids but they still taste great!

   

Advice for life. Not to mention that the stuff you get from those fast food places... it's like an average adult's daily calorie content in a single sitting. Not sure I want to know what's in them to make them so calorie dense.

I rarely have pizza because I really don't like tomato purée. So I don't like the sauce on them. Same reason I don't eat much Italian food in general. They love the stuff. I prefer a nice garlic and herb flatbread, with some good mozzarella, peppers, chanterelle mushrooms, and oodles (one of my favourite words) of spicy chorizo sausage. That's a close approximation of a pizza but without the sauce. And is far too delicious to be legal.

Never worry about getting the perfect shape. Your tummy doesn't care what shape it is! ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on August 08, 2025, 03:12:08 PMNever worry about getting the perfect shape. Your tummy doesn't care what shape it is! ;D

I was going to say, it doesn't matter what it looks like because I am going to chew the hell out of it anyway.  ;D

The Catskills water does taste very good.
Should be bottled and sold at the national stores, I would pay a fair price for its good taste.

Do you have more Italian / pizza places in Brooklyn than other types of food, such as Asian, etc.?

Lauren should try a white pizza (obviously with no tomato sauce).  It's topped with a flavorful garlic oil and creamy ricotta, melty mozzarella, and nutty Parmesan cheese.  Don't bother counting calories on this one!

Exactly Lori. Once you bit in, the shape doesn't matter!  Add a glass of red wine and I am one happy camper!

Chrissy I am surprised that no one has sold Catskill water yet.  They certainly sell everything else. If you are ever in Brooklyn, randomly pick any three pizzerias of the over 500 in Brooklyn and try their pizza.  Even if you don't like any of those three, try another three.  They are all different. 

Just don't stand on any lines!!!  They're just pumped up by social media. 

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 09, 2025, 09:00:31 AMLauren should try a white pizza (obviously with no tomato sauce).  It's topped with a flavorful garlic oil and creamy ricotta, melty mozzarella, and nutty Parmesan cheese.

Yes! Also pesto. We make our own pizza at home, including the truly amazing gluten-free crust. It takes forever, but it is so worth it. I like tomato sauce, too, but pesto is at least as good to me.

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 09, 2025, 09:00:31 AMLauren should try a white pizza (obviously with no tomato sauce).  It's topped with a flavorful garlic oil and creamy ricotta, melty mozzarella, and nutty Parmesan cheese.  Don't bother counting calories on this one!

That sounds extravagant. Probably right up my street. For the past few months I've only been consuming about 5-600 calories a day because food makes me nauseous a lot of the time. So I think I have room for it, lol. ;D I don't know whether or not I like Parmesan. I've only had it a few times in my life. When it comes to cheeses, I love Brie. And a British variety called Cheshire. Not Cheddar. Cheddar is a bit too rubbery for me. Cheshire is more creamy and crumbly. Very good on pizzas.

I will ask the Cheshire cat where to buy the Cheshire cheese.  She should know.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 09, 2025, 04:52:38 PMI will ask the Cheshire cat where to buy the Cheshire cheese.  She should know.

Does the Cheshire Cat live in Cheshire?  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 09, 2025, 05:03:27 PMDoes the Cheshire Cat live in Cheshire?  ;D

I would not be surprised if that is the case.

Mhm. That's where the whole "grinning like a Cheshire cat" comes from... in the most plausible explanation from the UK, where it originated. The phrase was in use way before Alice and her antics. Cheshire has a lot of dairy farms, and makes exceedingly good cheese. Hence, the idea of cats being happy because of all the cream and milk on offer from said farms led to the idea of grinning cats. :P

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 10, 2025, 04:26:19 PM

Who doesn't love a Cheshire Cat?

(https://i.imgur.com/kwfcdCt.jpeg)

You have matching sweaters and a matching smile!

Lori I didn't see that until you pointed it out. So funny!

I think the Cheshire Cat has a better smile...

Can't wait for the summer to be over.  I hate the heat and mosquitos love me.  Most mosquitoes die when temperatures drop below 50°F (10°C).

YAY!

I love sweater weather!

When we had vendor tables set up at state fairs and other events, we discovered Avon Skin So Soft lotion. It repels mosquitoes, just not for long periods. They have body wash and other products that have the same scent. I would put it on my face while fishing to keep the bugs away from my face.  ;D

I remember using Skin So Soft as a kid.  I got decent results but great skin!  The mosquitoes I hate are the ones at 2 am that buzz your ear. 

I almost gave myself a concussion from slapping myself...and the mosquito got away.

 

 :laugh:

While stationed in Louisiana, the joke was that the mosquitoes were so big we had to shoot them down with machine guns. Of course, the guys from Texas would chime in that these were small. In Texas, they have been known to carry away pets and small children!

"The first liar never stands a chance."   ;D

@Lori Dee

Here in Alaska the mosquitos are the State Bird.

They hibernate on our long winter nights and when the short summer starts
with 22+ hours of sun up.... they go crazy ....swarms of mosquitos.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 23, 2025, 12:14:43 PM:laugh:

While stationed in Louisiana, the joke was that the mosquitoes were so big we had to shoot them down with machine guns. Of course, the guys from Texas would chime in that these were small. In Texas, they have been known to carry away pets and small children!

"The first liar never stands a chance."   ;D

I do not like mosquitos. 

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on August 23, 2025, 01:02:22 PMHere in Alaska the mosquitos are the State Bird.

You have beaten Texas. You have won the internet. ROFL!  :laugh:

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 12, 2025, 03:10:16 PMLori I didn't see that until you pointed it out. So funny!

I think the Cheshire Cat has a better smile...

Not even close. Emma, your smile is stunning.

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 23, 2025, 08:34:24 AMCan't wait for the summer to be over.  I hate the heat and mosquitos love me.  Most mosquitoes die when temperatures drop below 50°F (10°C).

YAY!

I love sweater weather!

We don't have mosquitoes in the UK, thankfully, but I am with you all the way. We've had a bunch of heatwaves this year. I can't wait for Winter. It can't come soon enough. Lauren hates the sun! :P

No question that Alaska wins in the largest mosquitos category, Danielle.  I have friends who spent ten years there after living in Texas and they swear Alaskan mosquitos even challenge eagles for the right of way.  I'll keep my blood supply in New York.  I'd rather deal with the homeless on the subway.

Sephirah, the British mosquitos are too polite.  They ask for permission before they bite.... ;D
Also, you have an incredible skill in making me blush with your generous compliments.  Blushing helps attract the mosquitos... ::)

 

The whatever that bit my leg never asked, even with antihistamine cream it itched for days!!

Maybe a British spider.  They are known to be rude. Just ask Little Miss Muffet!

More about mosquitoes can be found at:

https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250325.msg2313302.html#msg2313302

Quote from: davina61 on August 26, 2025, 02:35:48 AMThe whatever that bit my leg never asked, even with antihistamine cream it itched for days!!

When I got stung by a jellyfish in Florida, my mom made a paste with water and meat tenderizer. It relieved the itch pretty well. You can also use cortisone cream if you have it. I keep that on hand for just that reason.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on August 23, 2025, 01:02:22 PM@Lori Dee

Here in Alaska the mosquitos are the State Bird.

They hibernate on our long winter nights and when the short summer starts
with 22+ hours of sun up.... they go crazy ....swarms of mosquitos.

That is wild to me, @Northern Star Girl. I would not have thought mosquitos would be that far up north. We don't have them in the UK, like... at all. And we are pretty far up north compared to most of the US. I do not envy you that, at all!

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 25, 2025, 03:49:31 PMSephirah, the British mosquitos are too polite.  They ask for permission before they bite.... ;D
Also, you have an incredible skill in making me blush with your generous compliments.  Blushing helps attract the mosquitos... ::)

Yeah we literally don't have them here. At least not up north. The worst we get are midges, in high summer. Another reason to hate summer lol.

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 26, 2025, 05:08:11 AMMaybe a British spider.  They are known to be rude. Just ask Little Miss Muffet!

Yeah we have very tame spiders, too, lol. Nothing like the apocalypse of venomous death that someone like @Sarah B has to deal with. We have very tame house spiders. But they make so much webs, omg. I have a contraption with a thing.. just for that. To remove all the Halloween party before it's even Halloween. They are all very delicate. Not like the "you step near me I will kill you" that some of you folks have to deal with. Miss Muffet saw a daddy longlegs. I am convinced.

(https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th/id/OIP.1nwq08c5YbyBNCjcNRSUBAHaE7?rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain&o=7&rm=3)

Quote from: Sephirah on August 30, 2025, 04:58:30 PMYeah we have very tame spiders, too, lol. Nothing like the apocalypse of venomous death that someone like @Sarah B (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=10596) has to deal with.

And then we have @Jessica_Rose's pet, Charlotte.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246894.msg2279108.html#msg2279108

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 30, 2025, 05:13:35 PMAnd then we have @Jessica_Rose's pet, Charlotte.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246894.msg2279108.html#msg2279108

No... just... no! I don't have a phobia of spiders but just... sometimes I am glad I live in the land where rabid squirrels are the worst thing we have to contend with!

Hi Everyone

I used to have a Daddy Long Legs in my food cupboard and I used to feed it the very small German Cockroaches!!!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@ Sephirah

The expanding world of spiders...who knew.

yes I am waiting for the spider invasion in a month or so time-----------

Sounds like an exciting horror movie.

I needed to change my avatar photo.  I couldn't get Lori's comparison to the Cheshire Cat out of my head, kind of like a "worm" photo.

I got my official email notice today that I am ok to substitute teach again...clearly they are maintaining their low standards. 

I am truly looking forward to it but I am sure there are children bemoaning the end of summer everywhere.

Hi Emma,

Good luck with subtitute teaching kids!

Marion

@Emma1017
Dear Emma;
Thank you for sharing your good news regarding being approved as a substitute teacher again.... 

Now, about your Avatar Photo, I will be eagerly watching for it.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 31, 2025, 03:29:18 PMI needed to change my avatar photo.  I couldn't get Lori's comparison to the Cheshire Cat out of my head, kind of like a "worm" photo.

I got my official email notice today that I am ok to substitute teach again...clearly they are maintaining their low standards. 

I am truly looking forward to it but I am sure there are children bemoaning the end of summer everywhere.

Emma, you look phenomenal in that photo. Truly.

The children will soon be glad to see you, especially when the summer weather vanishes. I always enjoyed substitute teachers.

Love the photo, Emma. That color suits you, and the Cheshire Cat has nothing on your smile. Sorry.  ;D

So glad you will be going back to teaching again. There may be kids bemoaning the end of summer, but I think there will be many very happy to see you in front of the class. "Thank God we didn't get Mr. Higgenbottom again!"  ;D

There was a great commercial for a school supply company that had a mother wheeling a shopping cart, dragging her kids behind her to the Christmas tune "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

Really made me laugh.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 02, 2025, 08:42:28 AMThere was a great commercial for a school supply company that had a mother wheeling a shopping cart, dragging her kids behind her to the Christmas tune "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

Really made me laugh.

I love it.  :laugh:

I got an email from the stylist who helped me find a dress for my cruise last March.  She had a great quote:

 
I love it!

Emma,


Have a wonderful week!


Chrissy

Oh Chrissy, have a great week too! And throw in the month to boot!

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 09, 2025, 06:09:48 PMOh Chrissy, have a great week too! And throw in the month to boot!

Sound good, and thoughtful.

Chrissy

I am glad the summer is over.  For the last 30 years, my family has had a summer beach bungalow in Rockaway, NY, home to one of the highest concentrations of Irish Catholics in the US.  There is nothing wrong with that except it is very conservative, with outbursts of Trump supporters waving flags on their lawns.

When I thought I was cisgender, I thought I fit in...kind of...ok, not really, but I never knew why.

Now I know.

My wife and I found a comfortable compromise so we can stay together.  Anyone who has kept up with my boring monologue on this website knows that I decided that presenting as cisgender hurts less than fully transitioning and destroying the most important person in my life.  It is my firm decision, and it works, except in the summer when I feel like I am drowning in a pool of social testosterone.

During the summer, I am the guy's guy.  Everyone here knows what I mean. We have all done the role.
I actually have fun during the summer.  My wife and I laugh every day together.  She is as angry with the Trumpites as I am, but most are great neighbors.  They would do anything for you, but we know that if I came out, it would all be at an end. 

We both don't want it.

But there are those moments when I just want to scream, you all know why, but fortunately, the summer is over.  We are back in Brooklyn, with big neighborhoods and a great blend of people, who don't need to know your business. 

I got a pedicure where the women all know me as Emma and missed me.  I start teaching again at the LGBTQ school. I am going to meet up with my girlfriend, Jenn, who will tell me about her new boyfriend, and go shopping with me. 

I other words, I get back to normal and Emma gets out of hiding.

I have had a "blokey" week cleaning my workshop up to my neck (and beyond as the hair wash water was black!) in dirt, dust and car parts. Over the weekend I will be one of the hot rod girls, how does that song go? lipstick, powder and paint! Its a proper retro weekend ,pre 70 dragsters, gassers and rockabilly bands. Now which  way is the diner--------

Quote from: davina61 on September 10, 2025, 09:22:12 AMNow which  way is the diner--------

You misspelled "pub".  ;D

Stopping by to give you a giant hug, Emma. I know today is always hard for you.

And massive hugs for all my friends across the pond. Some people might try and ruin relationships, but for the common people... it's as strong as it ever was. Don't listen to all the nonsense.

<3

Thanks, Lauren.  For me, 9/11 is massively personal.  Not only did I lose many friends that day, but I continue to lose them to the cancers that have followed them even now.

I parked my car in the North Tower parking lot and hustled uptown to grab my notes for my 10 am meeting in the South Tower. I was lucky.  So many weren't.

Had a meeting with the principal at the LGBTQ school where I substitute teach, and I was warmly greeted by teachers and students while I waited outside his office.

It made me feel like part of the school and that I am in the right place. I am looking forward to the year ahead.

Sadly, their budget was cut again this year.  For example, they were given paint to paint the school halls, but no budget to hire painters, plus they cut two teaching positions.

I am trying to convince them to start a GoFundMe campaign.

I wonder if the parents would be willing to donate a Saturday to get it done.

Lori, that is a great idea!  I think I could get enough volunteers to do the job.

I will follow up with the principal tomorrow. 

Hi Emma

Have you thought of taking a vacation from your summer vacation, perhaps taking the ferry to Block Island?
Many tourists rent a bike or moped to get around the island.  I brought a Schwinn 3-speed tricycle.

Marion

MM I love Block Island but have a beach house we live in for the summer and I commute to work from there.

We moved back to Brooklyn last week. I reconnected to Emma immediately.

Part of my gender release program, going to the San Genaro Italian Festival in Little Italy with my friend Jenn.  It was good to get out again.

 

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 16, 2025, 05:23:32 PMPart of my gender release program, going to the San Genaro Italian Festival in Little Italy with my friend Jenn.  It was good to get out again.

 

(https://i.imgur.com/sukx96a.jpeg)

You are so adorable!

Thank you Lori!!!❤️

Fat and no make up...? God knows I need an ego boost.

I am just so happy to share with you all that I escaped, even if briefly....😁

I love wearing my skort for the first time.  I love having pockets!

You have a great smile and an aura of happiness about you. You put off great vibes! 😃

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😊

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 16, 2025, 08:57:47 PMYou have a great smile and an aura of happiness about you. You put off great vibes! 😃

I agree! 


Chrissy

I love it, Emma. As always, you look fantastic.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 16, 2025, 05:23:32 PMPart of my gender release program, going to the San Genaro Italian Festival in Little Italy with my friend Jenn.  It was good to get out again.

 

(https://i.imgur.com/sukx96a.jpeg)

Looking Beautiful and Happy Sister! 💕🤗💕

Onward!

Ashley 💕

What they all say^^^^^^ looking smashing my dear.

Wow, thank you all for your very generous compliments. Not sure that I see what you all saw but I was definitely happy to be me.😊❤️

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 17, 2025, 09:52:46 AMWow, thank you all for your very generous compliments. Not sure that see what you all saw but I was definitely happy to be me.😊❤️

We Saw... You!!! 💕🤗💕

Thank you so much, Ashley💖

"There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness." - Shannon L. Alder

You will always be beautiful.

<3

 

Emma is pretty, that is for sure.

Chrissy

Chrissy, I meant the beauty of everyone here!!!!

Still not seeing mine, but that's ok. If my friends see it, I'm happy.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 20, 2025, 05:11:04 PMChrissy, I meant the beauty of everyone here!!!!

Still not seeing mine, but that's ok. If my friends see it, I'm happy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We are all prisoners within the cage of our own insecurities. Institutionalised too deeply to appreciate the depth of who we are. Very few people wake up and say "I am gorgeous! The world is blessed because I walk upon it!" If they do... they probably have other issues. ;)

Don't worry about not seeing it, Emma. That's part of the human condition. That's why you have people around you who do. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 20, 2025, 06:09:10 PMVery few people wake up and say "I am gorgeous! The world is blessed because I walk upon it!" If they do... they probably have other issues. ;)

I do that every day!

Yes, I have other issues too. 🤪

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 20, 2025, 06:14:44 PMI do that every day!

Yes, I have other issues too. 🤪

I will make an exception in your case, Lori. Because you are gorgeous. ;D

I love you all.  You make me feel secure with my insecurities.  That defines friendship!

Sending a big cyber hug me dear.

Thank you, Davina.  Who doesn't love a good hug!!!

U recently wrote this, and I thought I would share it here:

Sometimes you just need to embrace joy when you can.

I started this story about walking through a societal minefield as a transgender woman.

Watch the news, read a newspaper, and, God forbid, go on the internet, and you find transgender women being accused of assassinations, child grooming, molestations in the ladies' room, and the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it.

What utter nonsense!

What amazing fabrications and lies!

Hateful statements are shouted with absolutely no facts to back them up. They are screamed endlessly from the mouths of bigots with the blind confidence that only monumental ignorance can support.

I want to stop hearing their voices. They say painful and hateful things that give me an emotional headache.

Like you, I feel like this assault has broken through my traditional walls of resistance. Every day, it feels like the world has added more mines to the field of hate, and I have to navigate through each of them without blowing up.

Since the U.S. Congress and the courts seem incapable of protecting me from this endless stream of hate, I have decided to replace the daily additions to their minefield with one of my own, a mimefield that makes me laugh!

It sounds silly, but I remember my theater professor suggesting that I see the audience without their clothes on to get over my fears of public performing. Seeing these bigots as mimes makes sense.

A mime is a performer who doesn't speak and uses gesture, bodily movement, and facial expressions to express themselves. So, if the media influencers and political clowns want to continue their hateful words, all I will see is their ridiculous gestures and contortions. I will laugh at their comedic ignorance and not allow myself to be baited or depressed by their words.

Their mouths will no longer make any sound, and I will laugh at their ridiculous mimes.

That doesn't mean I won't fight back, but I will do it from a position of intellectual maturity.

I will vote, I will share my beliefs with those who will listen, and I will defend myself.

But, I will also remember to periodically kick off my shoes and dance blissfully barefoot through the mimefield of hate.

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Which is why you never dance with people holding their hands over their ears!😊

Lori's photos of the Colorado countryside inspired me to share some shots near my house, which is on a peninsula between Jamaica Bay and the ocean :

  This is bay side:  (https://i.imgur.com/zbzENKH.jpeg)

  This is the ocean side:  (https://i.imgur.com/i73jUHa.jpeg)

I climbed up on the roof for this photo.  A transgender friend that I met on the QM2 was going back to England on it: (https://i.imgur.com/Z0Keo57.jpeg)

Sorry, I couldn't get the images smaller for this posting.

Our community is inside a national park and bird preserve.  I love sharing photos and telling people this is inside New York City. They only see the Empire State Building, Times Square, and the crowded streets.


 

Great pics, Emma! I love the colors of the sunset. Fantastic photo. Thanks for sharing!

Urgh, apparently imgur is now blocked in the UK. I just get big purple rectangles saying "Content not viewable in your region".

Good job, UK. We got out a racist only to be replaced with someone with a rod so far up his rear end it's a wonder he hasn't impaled himself.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gzxv5gy3qo

Quote from: Sephirah on October 03, 2025, 03:29:17 PMUrgh, apparently imgur is now blocked in the UK. I just get big purple rectangles saying "Content not viewable in your region".

I have just switched over to a Flickr Pro account to avoid that problem. So future pics will be available to all.

We just like to ban things. It's our raison d'être.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 03, 2025, 04:44:59 PMWe just like to ban things. It's our raison d'être.

Reminds me of the old commercials that advertised:

"Feels so good, it was almost banned in Boston."

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 03, 2025, 04:49:36 PMReminds me of the old commercials that advertised:

"Feels so good, it was almost banned in Boston."

Lol. Yeah, that part of the US is closer to the UK. New England is a thing for a reason. ;D That being said... how Alabama thought naming a place Birmingham was a good idea still baffles me. Have you seen the place it's named after? People would chance alligators just to get away from the actual Birmingham. :P

I kind of have a thing for the southern US accents. One time I talked to a girl from Texas and literally just said nothing for like 50 minutes because I was so enraptured by her accent. Could only understand about 80% of what she said but I didn't care, lol. Must be like US folks listening to Scottish people. My phone bill was astronomical but whatever, lol. Some of you folks have the sexiest accents.

For everyone in England, I used the free service in imgbb to create a free album of the photos.  Please let me know if it works for you:

https://ibb.co/album/gF4dfg

Hmmm, Sephirah, Americans are suckers for a British accent.  On news TV programs here, they use British newscasters to give their reporting credibility.

I love mountain hiking and did a lot when I was younger.  I switched to scuba diving when I was a teenager because it was convenient, the ocean is right there, and I love wreck diving. 

Kind of like your gold hunting, Lori.



 

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 04, 2025, 08:09:34 AMI switched to scuba diving when I was a teenager because it was convenient, the ocean is right there, and I love wreck diving. 

Kind of like your gold hunting, Lori.

You weren't in Florida recently, were you?

https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/florida-treasure-1715-spanish-shipwreck-gold-silver-coins/

Actually, Lori, I have.  I have been a very junior partner and treasure salvor with the Mel Fisher group out of Key West for over a decade: (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuestra_Se%C3%B1ora_de_Atocha).

I pixelated my male face for obvious reasons.

My buddy and I found what is called "boot bars", because sailors hid the bars of gold in their boots to avoid the Spanish tax collectors.  Two bars, two boots, one sailor...

(https://i.imgur.com/fopK6qm.jpeg)

This is a gold chalice that we found, before restoration:

(https://i.imgur.com/f9sXZYa.jpeg)

After restoration:

(https://i.imgur.com/u3o99LI.jpeg)

As a minor partner, I didn't get to keep the gold, but I did get some cool stuff like a silver bar, a cannonball, and silver doubloons.  It was relatively dangerous, so I had to retire from that kind of diving ten years ago.


These are the Imgbb photo links:
 
https://ibb.co/Hf8nBLgK
https://ibb.co/Kx7s30QH
https://ibb.co/hx9J7ZCq

My other passion is archaeology, and I have spent a few years excavating in Vindolanda on Hadrian's Wall in northern England.  This is a Roman altar that I excavated:

(https://i.imgur.com/1bQufQT.jpeg)

This is the imgbb photo link (is this working in England?)

https://ibb.co/R5Bt36f

I hope that no one thinks I am bragging.  I never talk about this much, but I felt comfortable sharing this here with friends here.  There is more to our lives than being transgender.

Oh, Emma! That is so awesome. I do love treasure hunting.

You are so right that there is more to us than just being transgender. That is why I don't mind sharing gold prospecting or treasure hunting stories. I think by sharing these stories, like Davina's hot rods, Pema's and Marion's gardens, and many more, we get a peek at the HUMAN that is behind our transition stories. We know that gender doesn't matter. That is only an expression of one side of our nature.

Thanks so much for the trust and the sharing.

Lori, thank you for saying that.  I hate bragging, but I appreciate the friendships that we all have on this site, and sharing is such a big part of it.

Emma,


You are so cool.



Chrissy

Blue squares here my dear so no pics. We all need a hobby, a passion besides transforming ourselves. When folks say to me why are you doing this at your age I reply with "what else am I going to do, sit and watch daytime TV!!" 

For my British friends, I signed up for FLICKR free and created these links.  Please let me know if it works.

On the beach:

https://flic.kr/ps/46VdQp


Treasure photos:

https://flic.kr/ps/46VdQp

Thank you, Chrissy, but only as cool as you and everyone here!😁

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 05, 2025, 09:31:31 AMFor my British friends, I signed up for FLICKR free and created these links.  Please let me know if it works.

On the beach:

https://flic.kr/ps/46VdQp


Treasure photos:

https://flic.kr/ps/46VdQp

Both links are the same and link to the album. Just FYI.

Lori did you see all six photos?  Did you even see any photos?

So frustrating. I'm going out to power wash. Easier to understand!!!

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 05, 2025, 11:14:15 AMLori did you see all six photos?  Did you even see any photos?

So frustrating. I'm going out to power wash. Easier to understand!!!

Yes, all of them show because the link goes to the album. Look at the URLs in your post; they are the same.

That isn't a big deal, but if you want to post a single picture instead of the whole album, you'll need the link to the image.

I just signed up for Flickr Pro myself, so I am still figuring it out, too.

Thanks Lori. Taking a break from power washing.  Need to give my arms a break.  Found out I'm no 40 any more.

Power washing can be hazardous.  Please be careful.


Chrissy

Thanks, Chrissy.  At least the power washer has an on/off switch that works, versus computer programs that don't...

All done for the day, too.

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 05, 2025, 02:36:18 PMThanks, Chrissy.  At least the power washer has an on/off switch that works, versus computer programs that don't...

All done for the day, too.

I often notify my computer that I am in charge. I am the Amighty Keeper of the Power Cord, and if it wants to act up, I can make it stop instantly.

It still ignores me, but I feel better after yanking the plug from the wall to prove my point.

😄

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 05, 2025, 02:43:31 PMI often notify my computer that I am in charge. I am the Amighty Keeper of the Power Cord, and if it wants to act up, I can make it stop instantly.

It still ignores me, but I feel better after yanking the plug from the wall to prove my point.

😄

That can work if the device has no battery power!

Chrissy, I can always pull the battery!!!

I have today off, so I am back to power washing.  We're supposed to get to 80 degrees Fahrenheit today (26 Celsius for the more advanced cultures...😁).

It must have been exciting diving for treasures.

Chrissy

I hope the weekend's Nor'Easter is easy on your community.

Take care.


Chrissy

Treasure hunting was always exciting, Chrissy. Gearing up itself was exciting.

After Hurricane Sandy, my community built a series of barrier dunes on the bay and ocean sides. In my basement, I have a sump pump system with a backup. Everything outside is secured and bungied down. Hopefully, that should be enough.

Thanks for asking!

I hope wind damage is minimal too for you.

Bad weather is driving up insurance rates in many parts of the country.

We can fix things, but people sometimes get hurt really bad or die.  That is sad.

At least you may not get a lot of snow from this storm.


Chrissy

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 05, 2025, 12:46:28 PMFound out I'm no 40 any more.

Could have fooled me. :P You look younger than I do, Emma.

I saw some stuff on Sandy. That was wild.

Fortunately, the Nor'easter was just a windy rainstorm.  Other than a few fallen branches, we did ok.  Besides, we needed the rain!

Hi Emma,

We have received a surprisingly little wind so far.  I left some plastic pots outside and they are pretty much where I left them yesterday after putting plants into the ground for winter.

Marion

Marion, fortunately, the storm was more drama for the weather people. We only had a few branches littering the yard. The rain was actually welcome. We had a long dry spell.

I had my first sub teaching day yesterday.  It was great to see everyone again and it felt good that people were happy to see me.  Even some of the students remembered my name.

Really weird turning 70 tomorrow. I found an old photo of my dad on his 70th birthday and he looked old.  I'm just not feeling "70" and I think it is a good thing. Having a birthday sure beats not have another.

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 15, 2025, 07:14:04 AMthe storm was more drama for the weather people.

Clickbait sponsored by Mother Nature. 😁

Happy birthday, Emma!
You don't look 70. I'm 68 and I thought I was older than you!

Glad you had a great first day at school.

Keep having birthdays. We aren't done with you yet.

Welcome to the 70s club!! Same age as me now and yes I dont feel (or look) 70 apart from my knees. So its a Happy Birthday, cake and red wine time I think!!

Congratulations on reaching the 70's. It is a good age to be. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Ellen

I certainly can't complain about my age with this group of friends!!!❤️

Davina, I'm with you on the creaky knees.  They both scream at me!

Ellen, every birthday is worth it.  I have a sign in my office that reads:

                      "Carpe Diem.  You're dead a long time."

I have taken that to heart.  I love that everyone here is out living life in their own interesting ways.

Lori, the media is nothing buy clickbait lately sandwiched between drug commercials.

Tomorrow I was invited to my second bourbon tasting party.  They have upped the ante, only bourbons 90 proof or more.  I have already ordered a replacement liver from Amazon...

Starting my birthday, Friday, with a bang...or a hangover!

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:

You were hiding from me regarding your upcoming birthday on Friday October 17th.
 
Please read the following: 

      Birthday Recognition for our Members  
click Link --->   https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247093.0.html

One of the many things that we like to do here for our members on
the Forum is to officially recognize and help celebrate our members birthdays.
                                  Birthdays
          https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,317.0.html

I have noticed that many our members, especially returning members after
the New Year's Day site crash and site re-boot in January 2024 have not submitted the date
of their Birthday on their Forum Profile.

For our members personal privacy and protection of personal information
there are options other than divulging the exact date:
      1. You do not have to enter your birthday
      2. You can enter another date such as your HRT date or other significant date.
      3. You can enter your birthday date without the YEAR.
                              Format below:      
            Birthday: Year (YYYY) - Month (MM) - Day (DD)

NOTE:  If you don't wish for the YEAR to be shown and you also do not wish to have your
Forum profile to show your age....  in the format above, list the year as 1004  then all that will be shown is the Month and the Day on the Birthday Greeting postings.

Emma, if you have any questions or if you have problems with entering a desired Birthday
date on your profile, please feel free to contact me.  I will only be very glad to assist you.

Warmest Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator  Direct Email:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

                                    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)      (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)      (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)
                                        (https://www.susans.org/Themes/default/images/cake.png)          (https://www.susans.org/Themes/default/images/cake.png)        (https://www.susans.org/Themes/default/images/cake.png)
                                (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-j1nFHokRHDU%2FUGAGwMtVPKI%2FAAAAAAAABcc%2F9qGbj2cwd4g%2Fs1600%2Fbirthday-smiley-face.jpg&hash=1580dd2d8356bbf20bec0c5dbb88c59caadcf698)

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 15, 2025, 07:14:04 AMReally weird turning 70 tomorrow. I found an old photo of my dad on his 70th birthday and he looked old.  I'm just not feeling "70" and I think it is a good thing. Having a birthday sure beats not have another.

Yeah... girl, I still maintain you look younger than I do. And I am 46 in like 3 weeks. Go figure. :P Must be your killer smile. :)

In case I don't get the chance... and how time difference works... happy birthday! <3 You are very much a Libra. ;D

Thanks everyone. I am ending my 69 birthday year with a bang. I am going to a bourbon tasting party. Minimum proof, 90!🤪

In the UK a bourbon is a biscuit.

(https://tse1.explicit.bing.net/th/id/OIP.BU1XSkIb8iQUXzDR2VKxKQAAAA?cb=12ucfimg=1&rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain&o=7&rm=3)

You would probably like it. It's chocolate with a chocolate cream, lol.

Enjoy your tasting! <3

Quote from: Sephirah on October 16, 2025, 07:32:48 PMIn the UK a bourbon is a biscuit.

(https://tse1.explicit.bing.net/th/id/OIP.BU1XSkIb8iQUXzDR2VKxKQAAAA?cb=12ucfimg=1&rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain&o=7&rm=3)

You would probably like it. It's chocolate with a chocolate cream, lol.

Enjoy your tasting! <3

Wowza! A 90-proof chocolate cookie? SIGN. ME. UP!

😆

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 16, 2025, 07:40:16 PMWowza! A 90-proof chocolate cookie? SIGN. ME. UP!

😆

Haha, not really. That would probably have most of the UK women off their trolley. It's like a... uh... custard creme, but... the chocolate version. Can't stand them, personally, but I know plenty of people addicted to the things lol.

This is a custard creme...

(https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th/id/OIP.6x7ZzXS7s8vrUhSYCHh0UQHaHa?cb=12ucfimg=1&rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain&o=7&rm=3)

I don't like either of them. This filling is not dissimilar to what's in an Oreo. It's like catnip to lots of women, apparently. The Bourbon is like the same thing, but more chocolately flavoured. These companies know how to get a lot of people's juices flowing... and those weight loss drugs, too, lol.

I have to admit that I have a slight Oreo addiction...with a huge glass of milk.  I do it in moderation, or I would be the size of a house!

Today, Oct. 18, is my second birthday.  It's the day I started HRT. I was scared and excited at the same time.  I took the pills while walking from the doctor's office to the subway in midtown Manhattan.  I didn't care what anyone thought.  I had a smile that couldn't be chiseled off as I got on the train to go home.

Happy Second Birthday, Emma!

Enjoy your day with a serving of Double-Stuff. And remember that if the package is not resealable, it is ONE serving regardless of the writing on the package.

😁

Thanks, Lori!  Today's birthday is so personal that I can only share it here.

I am an Oreo purest.  I only like the original Oreos, and I like your philosophy about what constitutes a serving.

Its the same for a tub of ice cream, it says do not refreeze so you have to eat it all!!

💕🎊🎉🎉🎉🎈Happy HRT Birthday Sister! 🎈🎉🎉🎉🎊💕  Enjoy the well deserved Oreos! 🤗

Hugs!

Ashley 🌻

Happy Rebirthday, Emma. <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 18, 2025, 07:45:32 AMEnjoy your day with a serving of Double-Stuff. And remember that if the package is not resealable, it is ONE serving regardless of the writing on the package.

That made me giggle. I am honestly not surprised that you girls have a weakness for this. Probably most women are the same. I guess it's why the chocolate selection box known as Cadbury Milk Tray, back in the late 80s, literally had a slogan on its ads which went "All because the lady loves Milk Tray!". Granted the ads also featured this mysterious stranger who, these days, would probably be on a list somewhere, but still...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DWt39zk00I

Davina, I love product packaging the supports our ultimate desires!!!👍

Ashley, I love birthday hugs...and Oreos!😊

Sephirah, one of the best impacts of hormones is my sudden craving for red wine and chocolates.  Breasts are still number one. 😁

Hah, I think wine is second behind my dislike of chocolate. Can't stand the stuff. It tastes like someone mixed grapes with vinegar. But then I don't like alcoholic stuff in general. My woman card doesn't have too many stamps at this point, lol. ;D Don't like ice cream either.

If I ever get a harsh break up... I'm kind of screwed. :P

Chocolate can taste very different by the way each country makes it.

Some of us would prefer Hershey's USA chocolates but would not like Lindt chocolate, etc.

Some may like a chocolate milkshake but would not eat the chocolate candy, etc.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 19, 2025, 05:50:21 PMIt tastes like someone mixed grapes with vinegar.

I don't like dry wines for that reason. They must be sweet and fruity, like me!

And it's Hershey's or Nestle's chocolate. No Lindt (that comes from my dryer), no Cadbury, or Roche. Some of that stuff doesn't even taste like chocolate. Chrissy is right.

My Favorite chocolate in the world come from a candy store in Ogunquit, Maine.  They make their own chocolates, caramel and marshmallow on site.

This is my favorite!!!

https://www.harborcandy.com/store/pc/viewPrd.asp?idproduct=12&idcategory=9

 

When I travel I often seek out candy stores in seach of chocolate.

I am a cheap date when it comes to chocolate. 
Milk Chocolate Hershey Bars, Hershey Kisses, and
Snickers candy bars.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on October 20, 2025, 09:29:14 PMI am a cheap date when it comes to chocolate. 
Milk Chocolate Hershey Bars, Hershey Kisses, and
Snickers candy bars.

^^^^^^^
 THIS!

😋

Ooohhh, snickers!!!!  Throw in M&Ms.

I loved this video. I watched it six times. It's absolute joy in motion.

   https://youtu.be/ivlCBObXrhw?si=6G4F18w9JtlNgAdQ

March 30 next year, I will go "of counsel" with my practice. That means I only need to work 20 hours a week for the next two years. I get to pass my entire financial practice on to my son. 

I figure 40 years is enough.  I love the job, but the increasing responsibility of the practice, particularly in this environment, has taken the fun out of it.

It's time for more fun! I plan to increase substitute teaching, take longer trips, and sleep late.

March 30 is beginning to feel real, finally, to me.

Not that far away, Emma. :)

The American work ethic is something that really confuses the rest of the world, lol. You should have at least 20 cats by now, Emma!

Oh, and going back to an earlier conversation, you US girls... go try a Snickers from the UK vs the one you have over there. Same with a Kit Kat. Apparently it's completely different. To a lot of folks, US chocolate tastes like vomit. Not even kidding. I mean it all tastes like that to me but apparently there's a difference. :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2TY3pN1DE4

While living in Germany, my mother-in-law knew I was a choco-holic and bought me some Marzipan. That stuff was foul.

I do like Toblerone, which is a Swiss chocolate. For Christmas each year, I would get several tins of Pirouline. I am not a fan of hazelnut, but they aren't bad. I always keep the tins because they make great containers.

I still prefer Hershey's or Nestle's. 😁

@Sephirah

I love marzipan !!!

The Asian market Sells Japanese Kit Kats. 

My favorite is Belgian milk chocolate, but at the end of the day, I am a chocolate "whore" and will eat what is at hand in a pinch.

I taught twice in the last ten days, and it continues to make me very happy that I made the choice to teach.  Not only do some of the kids remember me and say "Hi," but some of the non-talkers from last year have started to talk to me.  That is extra special.

Quote from: Emma1017 on October 23, 2025, 04:34:05 PM{snipped text}

It's time for more fun! I plan to increase substitute teaching, take longer trips, and sleep late.

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:
I agree with "taking longer trips and sleeping late" !!!!
      AND
I wish to spend more quality time with my sweetheart, ToothFairy.❤️❤️❤️

I am 45 years old and I am very passionate about my CPA business, but frequently I am
having my hired help do more and more in my office and I am getting my work to be
reduced to being at my office 2 to 4 days a week instead of 5 weekdays and many weekends.

In my "off" time of not going into my office I am bringing important paperwork
home and working on it while in my sweats and slippers while sitting in front of
my fireplace as the weather here is quickly turning to winter.

Thank you for sharing your plans.... I fully agree.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Danielle I am so jealous.  You got smart early and made your professional life fit your personal life style...and you're 45😁.

I need to buy new comfy sweats and buy some bunny slippers!

Emma, I just noticed your new avatar. I was disappointed when you said you wanted to change it because I thought your last one was great. But this one is every bit as good. You're just photogenic, so feel free to keep sharing your photos.

Pema, I just get tired of seeing the same face all the time.  Thankfully, when I go shopping with my friend, Jenn, she insists on taking photos.  I complain, but vainly, I love seeing them. They help fight back against all the time I spend in my male persona.

She just emailed me yesterday that it's time to go shopping!

Also, thank you for the very nice compliment!!!

Today is a different kind of day. 

We set the clocks back, and... thousands of people are going to run through my neighborhood just two blocks away from my house.  Today is the NYC Marathon.  This is the first year that I don't know anyone who is running, but we will still walk up to cheer. 

The weather is perfect for running, and the crowd is always enthusiastic.

That's probably a bucket list thing for a lot of people. Kind of like the London Marathon. Insanely cool and massive respect for anyone not only capable, but willing to do something like that.

Sephira, I agree, the marathon really takes a lot of dedication. I did once when I was a teenager on a track team, when running was easier for me.  I am really impressed by older people making that commitment.  They really respond as we cheer them on.

Now, I do day hiking.  My knees say that's enough.

My wife made Oreo cheesecake cupcakes and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in the last two weeks.  She is a great cook. Now, I'm doing much more hiking.  Not nearly enough. 

I'm glad we gave away all of the candy to the Halloween trick-or-treaters.  That saved my a pound of weigh easily.  The little kids are so much fun and amazingly polite.  Everyone said, "Please" and 'Thank You".

I went out shopping with my friend Jenn today.  Once she starts taking photos, she won't stop.  I think this is now the standard pose for our shopping dates:

(https://i.ibb.co/yBVzw18C/110525.jpg) (https://ibb.co/WpsrbwcX)

Sorry, I have no idea how to shrink this photo, and I hope that my friends in England can see this file.

Looking good there, Emma. Love that smile!

Looking good Emma!


Chrissy

Thank you Lori and Chrissy for your compliments.

I wanted to explain why I post photos of me here. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a narcissist. 

I post them because I can only be me part time. Unlike many of you who have transitioned, I don't see me in the mirror every morning.

I get to be me on rare occasions.  Totally my choice to stay with my cisgender wife who is the love of my life but it doesn't mean that the "male" times are easy.  The love of our relationship are worth it.

I share the photos here because I know that you all understand how important it is when you are seen, truly seen, as you. 

So, thank you for allowing to share those moments of joy with people who understand. ❤️

 

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 05, 2025, 08:46:54 PMSo, thank you for allowing to share those moments of joy with people who understand. ❤️

Emma, it is you who honors us with your photos. It isn't easy to be so open and honest about who you are. We understand that and appreciate it when you can share. Such is life, huh?

Emma, you're beautiful, and sharing your photos inspires others. Thank you.

Thank you, Lori and Pema.  I'm glad you're ok if I post the photos.  I don't want to come across as narcissistic here, where opinions matter to me.

@Emma1017

Dear Emma:
Over the years that I have been active on the Forum, I always like to see a picture
to go with a member's name.
        HOWEVER
I do fully understand, for the very good reasons of personal privacy and other circumstances,
that there are members here that wish to be very careful regarding sharing private information.

Regarding your posted photo, other photos, and your postings that you have shared since you
had registered as a member in March of 2018, I have enjoyed watching and reading about your
journey and your wonderful progress.
          ******It is definitely and absolutely OK for you to post and share
                  your photos on the Susan's Place Forum..

Thank you for your frequent postings, and along with your other avid followers and readers,
I always eagerly look for you next submitted posting.

Please keep your updates coming,
                ❤️
HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you so much, Danielle.  I am my own worst critic, so I am always second-guessing everything I do.

We started the annual yard raking.  We had rain and windstorms this week, so there are plenty of leaves, and I think my neighbors' leaves migrated to our yard.   There is still plenty more left on the trees.   Who needs to join a gym? 

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 08, 2025, 08:08:21 AMWe started the annual yard raking shoveling. 

I fixed it for you.
😆

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 08, 2025, 08:31:10 AMI fixed it for you.
😆

  @Lori Dee  cc: @Emma1017
Lori:  
I have already been 'shoveling' {snow} in my yard in this early Autumn season.

Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on November 08, 2025, 10:25:31 AM  @Lori Dee  cc: @Emma1017
Lori:  
I have already been 'shoveling' {snow} in my yard in this early Autumn season.

Danielle

Yes, but your "yard" is what we Southerners call the Arctic Circle.  😆

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 05, 2025, 08:46:54 PMThank you Lori and Chrissy for your compliments.

I wanted to explain why I post photos of me here. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a narcissist. 

I post them because I can only be me part time. Unlike many of you who have transitioned, I don't see me in the mirror every morning.

I get to be me on rare occasions.  Totally my choice to stay with my cisgender wife who is the love of my life but it doesn't mean that the "male" times are easy.  The love of our relationship are worth it.

I share the photos here because I know that you all understand how important it is when you are seen, truly seen, as you. 

So, thank you for allowing to share those moments of joy with people who understand. ❤️

 

Emma you do not need to explain. Every time I see a picture of you here... girl, your smile is magnificent. It's like you have a glow about you that radiates out from inside you.

I have said, and stand by the fact that everyone needs to be selfish and narcissistic at times. It isn't always a bad thing. Even Buddha said the same thing, just look at my signature! ;) If you can't take time to be yourself, how do you ever expect to understand anyone else?

You need to feel grounded in you, Emma. This is the place to do to it. That's literally what this place is for. You know I know how hard it is when you can't just throw three sheets to the wind and go transition. You need to take the moments when you can. You need anchors in a sea of chaos... to remind you of yourself.

It is not a bad thing to love yourself, honey, in those times where you are able. It is a very good thing. Your smile always shows just how good it is. You need outlets to let off the pressure of a life where you're having to spin 30 plates at once.

Post as many pictures as you want because, honestly, I never get tired of seeing that gorgeous, captivating smile when you get to be free. A picture speaks a thousand words.

That's why I'm very quiet, lol. ;)

If a person's heart could be in their smile... girl, you'd have the biggest heart in the world. :)

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on November 08, 2025, 10:25:31 AM  @Lori Dee  cc: @Emma1017
Lori:  
I have already been 'shoveling' {snow} in my yard in this early Autumn season.

Danielle

Envy levels approaching 9000... :P

We haven't seen snow in the UK in like 10 years. It's unfair considering how far north we are.

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 08, 2025, 10:56:36 AMYes, but your "yard" is what we Southerners call the Arctic Circle.  😆

Tied for the most beautiful place on Earth, with the Antarctic Circle. Danielle has more actual land in Alaska, though. Most of the Arctic Circle is just ice over water.

Thank you, Lauren, yet again, for protecting me from me.

With a very warm hug,

Emma

I am so glad they we came together and supported our home.

Thank you, Susan!

I taught for two days this week. For the first, I was a gym teacher, and for the second, an English teacher.  Gym was easy, it was a series of study periods. In English, I had to give tests all day long.  I wasn't the most popular teacher that day!

Yikes, talk about a contrast, lol.

I used to hate my PE teacher in school (what we call gym class in Britain. Stands for Physical Education). Mostly because I was very overweight and out of shape as a kid because I literally didn't care. I made every excuse to get out of it. He would always make everyone play Rugby. I think he was a bit of a sadist. He married my Geography teacher, who I kind of had a bit of a crush on. But that's too much information.

Anyway. I always loved English, and English Literature. For probably obvious reasons. With internet lingo these days, I would imagine English tests would be the bane of many students' lives, lol. ;D

Lauren, that's what I love about this.  I don't know which subjects I need to cover until I show up.  Fortunately for the students, the teachers leave me a lesson plan, like the fashion sewing class.  Thank God, I only know how to stab myself with a needle!

One side benefit of the school is its location. 

St. Marks Place in Manhattan is surrounded by NYU.  That means that there are a lot of great stores in the area.  I love the numerous fashion exchanges where you can sell old stuff and get a credit.  The stores carry used and new clothes.  It allows me to try out different styles without pillaging my retirement account!

My mom's family is also from the neighborhood.  My parents got married three blocks away, my mom went to college one block over, and I went to high school five blocks south of this high school.  It always feels like going back home.

The kids I "teach" are great.  Sure, there are some that just put their heads down on the desk and refuse to participate.  The principal instructed me to ignore them.  They have emotional issues that the school is working with, so I just work around them.  The other students just let them be.  Given that this is an LGBTQ school, there is no bullying, and the kids are very supportive of each other.  They make me want to come back every time.

If you ever have to cover home economics... don't make the students bake a cake! That's all I'm saying. Teach them how to prepare a nice salad with plenty of protein. ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on November 16, 2025, 04:57:55 PMIf you ever have to cover home economics... don't make the students bake a cake! That's all I'm saying. Teach them how to prepare a nice salad with plenty of protein. ;D

BACON is always the answer.

Or explain what a checkbook is and how to use a register. Kids nowadays rely on calculators so much that they can't figure out how to make change.

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 16, 2025, 05:16:14 PMBACON is always the answer.

Or explain what a checkbook is and how to use a register. Kids nowadays rely on calculators so much that they can't figure out how to make change.

@Lori Dee
Dear Lori:
In some stores, the cash register checker just throws the change in my hand with
some paper money on top... 
....when that happens I always count it back in front of them like I would if I were
a checker....  with the hope that they learn something.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on November 16, 2025, 05:29:36 PM@Lori Dee
Dear Lori:
In some stores, the cash register checker just throws the change in my hand with
some paper money on top... 
....when that happens I always count it back in front of them like I would if I were
a checker....  with the hope that they learn something.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

See? BACON is easier!

😆

Danielle, I hate when the cashier is talking to her friend, not looking at me, and holding out my receipt three feet from me.  I just stand there until she realizes I am not coming to her. Like you, I hate rudeness!

Lori, I agree that making bacon is a lot easier than baking a cake, and, Lauren, we can add it to the salad...maybe with some chicken...

I have recommended to the principal that I could teach a basic finance course.  I have done it in another school.   I teach them that credit cards are financial crack.  He liked the idea, but he has a lot on his plate.  I think it is critical. The credit card companies start chasing the students in their senior year.


 

That is a good idea. They need to know how it affects their credit score and what the dangers are.

Lori, I agree with you, but I worry most about running up credit card debt.  That's the "financial crack" addiction. For a $10,000 debt with a 21.47% APR, paying the minimum of $200 per month would take over 10 years.  I've known people who have run up over $75,000 in credit card debt.

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 18, 2025, 08:02:56 PMLori, I agree with you, but I worry most about running up credit card debt.  That's the "financial crack" addiction. For a $10,000 debt with a 21.47% APR, paying the minimum of $200 per month would take over 10 years.  I've known people who have run up over $75,000 in credit card debt.

I agree with you. I have been bankrupt twice. I know how hard it is to dig yourself out of that hole. I'll never do that again. Hopefully, you can reach them before they start digging!

Exactly Lori!  It is so seductive.  I hope I get through to even one kid.

@Emma1017  @Lori Dee  @Sephirah
I have many financial clients that use "reward" credit cards in their business
as well as for their personal use.

The safe and prudent way to use credit cards is to always pay it off in Full
when the credit card bill arrives, that way they can avoid the extremely high interest
rates but also they never let credit card debt accumulate beyond one month...  they only
charge on their credit card as a convenience, pay it off fully every month,  and enjoy
any "rewards" that are earned.

The result of those kinds of long term responsible financial habits is that their
resultant FICA credit scores are well above 800.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

I totally agree, Danielle! 

Teenagers don't understand fiscal restraint.  I try and convince them to wait until they get a job. Sadly, the credit cards are so seductive and most of these kids come from poor families.

Many go into debt in college for books...and beers, clothes, etc., expecting to pay off with the job after graduation. By then, they are being choked by the debt compounding with monthly charges.

It is a nasty cycle.

Credit cards for me are a funny thing. I use them for large purchases as I just get the 0% interest ones. There is usually a 2.5% fee to money transfer but the 0% term is normally about 2 years. So it's equivalent to 1.25% apr. Much cheaper than any loan I can get.

If bigger amounts, then can just balance transfer to another 0% card at end of 2 years again for a low % over 2 years. I pay the minimum each month but then save a larger payback amount into funds. These return 5-10% and I pay a lump sum off the card by selling these funds before the 0% period ends. So really I can end up with a small gain or at least neutral.

Charlotte 😻

Charlotte, I love when people play the credit card system against itself!  They abuse enough people. 

I am starting to get into the holiday spirit.  They are decorating the tree at Rockefeller Plaza, and the city is getting dressed for Christmas.


Yesterday, I had the Manhattan version of Stonehenge on the way to work. The sunrise was blinding.


In Brooklyn, there is this insane frenzy to be the most decorated house in the city. It is so intense that there are tour buses that come from Manhattan just to see the lights(https://www.dykerheightschristmaslights.com/).

It doesn't say "Merry Christmas," it screams it...way too over the top.



I changed my avatar to fit the holidays, too.

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 22, 2025, 12:47:21 PMI changed my avatar to fit the holidays, too.

Love the avatar pic! So festive. 😀

I'm not much into holiday decorations, but as a kid, we would drive through the "nicer" neighborhoods to see the lights. I suspect that our AI overlords will start restricting such extravagance, as that electrical power is needed to run their crypto-mining data centers.

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:
It is always nice for me to see holiday decorations and festive Christmas postings.

                THANK YOU

HUGS, Danielle

There are a few OTT decorations locally, a lot of them ask for donations to charities. Not bothering to put any up for myself again this year, well its only me apart from mum coming over again for lunch on Christmas day. On our coach trip we will be going to York where they have a Christmas fair so might get some presents for the kids then.   

I love York. 

I did an excavation there a few years back. I had been doing excavations on Hadrian's Wall, but the head archaeologist, Toby, at York, pointed out that there were more pubs in York.

There is only one pub in Twice Brewed on Hadrian's Wall, named after the Inn there. It's a great pub and I have stayed there many times.  It got its name because they "twice brewed" the ale, which meant the inn offered stronger ale.  They reopened the brewery a couple of years ago.

York, on the other hand, has 365 to 450 pubs.  Toby won.

I never had a chance to count the pubs...my liver thanked me.

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 23, 2025, 10:09:36 AMYork, on the other hand, has 365 to 450 pubs.  Toby won.

Wow, Emma is really studying that dig closely, no?

No. She passed out in the dirt from last night's Pub Crawl.

🤣

The worst is getting the dirt out of my nose, Lori. 

Always gauge an excavation by the location of the nearest pub!  The stuff in the ground can always wait another day.  It's not going anywhere, and there is always a thirst by 5 o'clock.

I had a very strange dream last night.  I dreamt that I was sitting, and my mother put a large, gift-wrapped box on my lap.  She was excited for me to open it.

Under the white tissue, inside the box, I recognized my mother's favorite dress, the one she wore at my wedding.  She told me to stand up and hold up the dress.  As I did so, she told me to hold it against me.  She said that she had the dress altered to fit me. Even stranger, even my mother-in-law was there too, and they both wanted me to try it on.  They were both very happy and excited to try it on.

As I held it up against me, sadly, my alarm clock woke me.

Both my mom and mother-in-law are dead.

What stuck out about the dream was that I was presenting male as her son when she gave me the dress.  Also, my mom was 5'4".  I'm 6 feet.  In the dream, I realized that it took a lot of work to get it to fit me.

The dream was totally out of the blue. Absolutely not like anything I have ever dreamed of before.

Hmmmmm...........

Acceptance from the Great Beyond.

I think it means to have no fears or regrets because your soul shines through, and it is beautiful.

Hugs!

Lori, what a lovely thing to say. Thank you!❤️

To everyone who celebrates:


To those that don't, have a wonderful Thursday!

Quote from: Emma1017 on November 26, 2025, 07:50:35 AMTo everyone who celebrates:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

To those that don't, have a wonderful Thursday!

You, too, Emma!

Our Thanksgiving went well, good food, good company and the annual showing of The March of the Wooden Soldiers with Laurel and Hardy... a must for me.

The leftovers the next day are the best!

We're expecting a Nor'easter tomorrow with snow.  More drama than storm. It will be a good soup day.

I love soup days. I hope you enjoy yours.

Hi Emma!


Keep warm!




Chrissy

Hi Pema and Chrissy.  It was a nasty storm, a lot of wind-driven icy rain.  It was a perfect day for homemade chicken soup and crusty bread.

Parts of the US got nailed by deep snowstorms, so we were lucky. 

I work in Rockefeller Plaza, and today is the Christmas Tree Lighting.  It is fun to watch on TV, but not to work anywhere near it.  I am working from home today.  The crowds are insane, with lots of street lockdowns for security.  It takes three hours of TV performances before they even light it. 

I'm ok seeing it tomorrow.

I figure I'd change my avatar for the Christmas season.  What the hell...

Wot no Santa hat (he he!!) , looking great my dear.

Looking good, Emma!

Merry Christmas!

Emma, your photos are always amazing.

Gorgeous Pic Sister!!! 💕🤗💕

Thank you all for your compliments.  They mean a lot. 

I have come a long way.  The first time someone told me I was pretty, it made me very angry.  I guess I was fighting for my male ego and I didn't want to believe that I was transgender and a woman.  "Pretty" is what you say to a woman and I wasn't ready to accept who I am.

It has been a struggle.  Fortunately, my friend Jenn always insists on taking my photo when we go out.  Over time I started to looked forward to it.  I am finally ok with compliments.  I am finally ok with being me.

A warm hug to you all!

Ok, I changed my avatar again.  It felt too flashy...or maybe too feminine.  I am more comfortable in denims...my therapist will have fun with that decision.

You're just photogenic, Emma!

As long as you have that smile its fine my dear.

OK, the polar vortex that has been progressing across America hit us this morning, 21F (-6.11C).  I know that is like a spring day for Danielle.😁

I don't bake Christmas cookies, but I wrote this story for Christmas.  This is the Friends Link for it.  It should be free to read, but let me know if you have any problems.  I thought you all might enjoy it.

https://medium.com/@emmah1017/better-than-a-dogs-life-f7fbb7d3f97b?sk=f37a82d5271d76266e56564d5d260eda

Emma, that is truly wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Such wonderful writing. Beatiful work. Thanks 😊

Pema and Charlotte, I am glad you both enjoyed the story.  I am thinking of using Henry again in a story.  We need a white knight now...

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 03, 2025, 04:26:25 PMThank you all for your compliments.  They mean a lot. 

I have come a long way.  The first time someone told me I was pretty, it made me very angry.  I guess I was fighting for my male ego and I didn't want to believe that I was transgender and a woman.  "Pretty" is what you say to a woman and I wasn't ready to accept who I am.

It has been a struggle.  Fortunately, my friend Jenn always insists on taking my photo when we go out.  Over time I started to looked forward to it.  I am finally ok with compliments.  I am finally ok with being me.

A warm hug to you all!

See I kind of get that. I am not really comfortable with the word "pretty", either. To me it sounds superficial. Although to be fair it would take a seeing-eye dog having a mild stroke for anyone to ever use that word in relation to me, lol. So maybe there's some inherent rebelliousness because I know I make the cave troll in Lord of the Rings look like Cinderella at the ball. ;D

I would much rather tell people they are beautiful. And Emma, you know I think you're utterly beautiful. When you let your light shine, it illuminates you entirely. In a very striking and profound way. <3 When you see that smile, your heart just skips a beat.

"I know I make the cave troll in Lord of the Rings look like Cinderella at the ball."  Lauren, that is a very unkind thing to say about yourself!!!

You can't flatter me after insulting yourself!  Everyone here will agree that the beauty of who you are far outweighs whatever self-insults you think.

I think you are stunningly beautiful!

Hehe, I can try. ;)

Love you, hon. <3

Stay warm Emma!  Flannel inner lined jeans work for me, or inner lined slacks.  Plus tights.

Chrissy

Not that cold here at the moment but its padded work trousers, 3 layers ,work waist coat with a work jacket for me .I hate cold!!!

 Davina, time to relocate?😁

I wear flannel lined pants during the winter.

@Emma1017  @davina61  @Maid Marion  @ChrissyRyan
I took the day off today.... just resting, doing some light house chores, and I stayed home
and went nowhere.... staying in my warm home and sometimes in my chair in front of my
fireplace.   
Super bitter cold temp this early morning  minus -51 deg (F)  [ -46C ].,, later this afternoon
it warmed up to minus -39 deg(F)

The solution is to bundle up, be safe outside because frostbite can happen quickly.... 
Warm house,  warm car,  warm office and warm shopping in stores.

Mechanical things like machinery and vehicles do not do well in this climate unless special
preparation is taken in advance.....  this is why you don't see electric cars up here....  batteries
do not work and do not do well in freezing and below freezing weather.

Danielle

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 05, 2025, 06:51:15 AMOK, the polar vortex that has been progressing across America hit us this morning, 21F (-6.11C).  I know that is like a spring day for Danielle.😁

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on December 16, 2025, 09:40:20 PMSuper bitter cold temp this early morning  minus -51 deg (F)  [ -46C ].,, later this afternoon
it warmed up to minus -39 deg(F)

That is way below my shiver point.

We got up to +69F degrees today, dropping down to +44F degrees tonight. (That's still 12 degrees above freezing.)

We have it so tough here in Colorado in mid-December.

🥶😁

Danielle you win, hands down. That kind of cold is not for amateurs.  Clearly you are a pro.

The coldest I have ever experienced is minus 24 at an ice festival in Quebec. They had an ice hotel you could stay in.  I opted for a drink at their ice bar. 😁

Taught school yesterday, gym class.  The toughest class to cover.  It is a free class with over-energetic teenagers. I had the kids, that wanted to play, do a basketball shooting contest.  The rest just grabbed mats and hung out.  They are amazingly good with each other and no dramas.

Manhattan is mobbed with tourists, which is great for the economy but miserable if you are trying to get to work or any place else.  It's the Christmas season, so you just adapt and enjoy the vibe.  At least once a day, I help some tourists navigate the city, usually in the subway.  It can be confusing.

I wrote this story and wanted to share it here:


It's free, and I hope you enjoy it.

After I wrote it, I found this youtube and thought it stunning:  https://www.youtube.com/shorts/z3YfpRIuD1A

I know many of you live in places that can see this.  I am jealous!

That's a beautiful story you've written. Makes the point in a lovely way.

I believe highly in education as the tool to not only teach the innocent, but also to at least try and get through to the ignorant.

Education from the establishments, but also from everyday people like us. Showing up, being ourselves, telling our stories in an open hearted way. It all helps and may shape a human being or two to be more understanding and less ignorant of difference.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 20, 2025, 08:49:26 AMI wrote this story and wanted to share it here:

https://medium.com/prismnpen/innocence-and-the-flat-earth-society-b3ba54c83664?sk=d256770364ca392d3483d8ae234d2a45

It's free, and I hope you enjoy it.

After I wrote it, I found this youtube and thought it stunning:  https://www.youtube.com/shorts/z3YfpRIuD1A

I know many of you live in places that can see this.  I am jealous!

One of the reasons I love living in the desert. In summer, the skies are seldom cloudy. I am in the city, so there is too much light pollution. But when I get out into the "wilds," the night sky is beautiful. I enjoy camping and sleeping under the stars. Watching meteors shoot across the sky until I fall asleep.

Very cool video! Thanks for sharing.

And a very merry Christmas to you. XXX

Merry Christmas!

Chrissy

Merry Christmas, Emma!

Wishing you a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year.

Hugs!

Happy new year Emma!



Chrissy

And a Happy new year to you and yours XXX

Hope is not dead.

We had a wedding over the weekend that gave me hope after a very tough year for our transgender community.  The elder son of one of our closest friends got married over the weekend.  They live in a very Irish Catholic community.  Many of the guys are firemen and cops, while many women are teachers and nurses. Its a very conservative place.

It was a small wedding party, but leading the bride in was the best man for the groom and the "best man" for the bride. The bride's biological sister was in a tux.  No one said a negative word the entire night.

Additionally, there were 300 guests at the reception, and there was a full table of non-gender-specific guests.  Everyone just had a great time.

In spite of the recent setbacks, change is still happening.  Not everyone has gone back to the belief that the world is flat.

That's great, Emma.

That has been my observation as well. What is going on in governments at various levels does not reflect the will of the People.

Thank you so much for sharing this, Emma.

Quote from: Emma1017 on January 04, 2026, 09:32:10 AMchange is still happening.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 04, 2026, 09:43:48 AMWhat is going on in governments at various levels does not reflect the will of the People.

This is what I see, too. Anti-trans sentiment is not a majority view, not even close. It's just a weapon to try to keep a culture war going to distract from the abuses of power.

I desperately needed an "Emma" day.  I told everyone I was teaching today, but I played hooky.  I contacted my friend Jenn, and we decided to move our shopping "uptown" in NYC.  To be clear, we didn't buy anything new, but we wandered Nordstrom's, Bloomingdale's, and Macy's Herald Square, blowing off aggressive salespeople, checking out ridiculously expensive clothes, and only seriously looking at stuff in TJ Max.  No surprise!

It was so much fun and, of course, Jenn took photos.  Given that I am only on hormones for 8 years, I get to act like a little juvenile once in a while, and this was the day.  Enough mature adult stuff, at least for one day...


(https://i.imgur.com/AOv3QWD.jpeg)

It looks cold there!
But you look great! Love that smile.

Hugs!

I cant see your pic in the UK but I can feel your smile XXX

Sorry, Davina, I forgot about the photo changes for England.  One of these should work:

Very beautiful picture. Sounds like you had a nice day too! It's always lovely to act a bit juvenile so totally get that 😊

Charlotte, as I am sure you will agree, it's like going through puberty but with credit cards.

I was correct, I just got walloped by your smile!!!!

Sure, Davina, go ahead and make me blush...but of course, I am very flattered.

I almost pulled a "Marilyn Monroe" moment when I walked over a subway grating...


Not a great move in the winter.  My friend Jenn saved my modesty just in time.

It's snowing here in NYC, and we expect some tomorrow.  It won't be that much, just a couple of inches.  Not like upstate NY that got 5 feet in 24 hours!  I love when it snows.  It looks so pretty, and it makes the hot chocolate taste so much better.  Don't forget the marshmallows!

Quote from: Emma1017 on January 17, 2026, 04:14:53 PMIt's snowing here in NYC, and we expect some tomorrow.  It won't be that much, just a couple of inches.  Not like upstate NY that got 5 feet in 24 hours!  I love when it snows.  It looks so pretty, and it makes the hot chocolate taste so much better.  Don't forget the marshmallows!

I hear that around Buffalo there is often lots of snowfall.

See. Everyone agrees, Emma. When you smile, you just leave the world in awe.

"Not that much" would shut the UK down for a week, haha.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2026, 04:18:09 PMI hear that around Buffalo there is often lots of snowfall.

Ah, yes. The dreaded "Lake-Effect Snow". I was born in Erie; my family is from there originally. My dad has pictures of snowdrifts to the roof of two-story houses.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 17, 2026, 04:26:05 PMAh, yes. The dreaded "Lake-Effect Snow". I was born in Erie; my family is from there originally. My dad has pictures of snowdrifts to the roof of two-story houses.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eerie,_Indiana

As a lonely Brit, growing up, this was part of my childhood. ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on January 17, 2026, 07:48:49 PMhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eerie,_Indiana

As a lonely Brit, growing up, this was part of my childhood. ;D

Someday, I plan to visit Hell, Michigan, on Halloween.

https://www.gotohellmi.com/

We have some forecast later next week, more like "thick rain" I expect. 1/2 an inch and nobody can drive in it in the UK unless you are old enough for when we used to get snow in the 70s.

Chrissy, Buffalo has three things: snow, football, buffalo wings, and more snow...

Lori, I spent one year in Oswego, NY, on Lake Ontario.  The average snowfall is 118, but it can go to 178.  I never went back, so I can imagine what your dad saw.  Not surprisingly, Oswego once held the record for most bars per capita in the US. 

Sephirah, you might like Oswego in winter, but bring a shovel and some really high boots.  I never saw the TV show Eerie, Indiana. I may look for it today, while it is snowing.  Sounds like my kind of show.  I grew up reading H.P. Lovecraft, so we are kindred souls.

Davina, if you are feeling nostalgic for the 70's, give me your address and I'll mail you some of our snow...you might like this way of snow removal.  I could cook hot dogs while removing the snow:

Quote from: Emma1017 on January 18, 2026, 08:30:19 AMChrissy, Buffalo has three things: snow, football, buffalo wings, and more snow...

And "chickie parm". LOL
I love the movie Buffaloed with Zoey Deutch. That girl is intense.

ooooooohhhh, Chicken parm and Buffaloed with Zoey Deutch, a great combination for a snowy Sunday.  Thanks, Lori!

Unlike many here that have fully transitioned, I have chosen a gender middle ground.

My wife and I have been together for 50 years. We met in college and I believe we are truly soulmates. We have been through a lot and we are still together.

She admitted that she couldn't handle my full transition and I admitted that that I would be happier with her than without her if I fully transitioned.

Simply, we laugh together every day.

She has supported my orchiectomy, HRT, electrolysis and my days to be me as Emma.

I am sharing this for others who are struggling for their own answers.  This just happens to be mine in a world that has made our existence massively difficult.

I do get moments of personal pride, even if the world sees me as a guy. Clearly, I am not and that makes me smile all the time. I get the joke.

Today I had to show up for jury duty and part of the process was completing an anonymous demographic questionnaire. I loved checking off "transgender" when asked, every time.  It's my small way of letting the world know we exist... and we are everywhere.

With tremendous pride,

Emma

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:
I really enjoyed your previous posting describing your relationship with your wife of 50 years.

Your description of your Jury Duty questionnaire... and checking off "transgender" when you
were asked was a joy for me to read.

PLEASE keep your updates coming for all of your readers and followers, me included !!!!

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Emma, thank you for that vignette of your life.

As you know, just as with everyone else, you are under no obligation to explain or justify your choices. Your life is yours to live as you choose, and the peace and happiness that you and your dear wife have achieved and sustained is all that anyone should need to see to recognize its rightness for you.

And yet, you do choose to share your inner world with us, and it's just so lovely to witness. I genuinely adore that even though we all have so much in common, we also live lives that differ significantly, and we find our own unique ways to navigate and negotiate our world to manifest our best selves.

What a treat! Thank you!

Pema, that is what makes this community at Susan's special.  There is a trusting friendship that allows us to share what being transgender means individually to each of us, while supporting each other at the same time.

No the flamethrower method of ridding snow seems suboptimal and risky.  Might burn the grass and other things around. 

Is that the General Sherman statue in Central Park?

Stay warm.


Chrissy

Chrissy, I thought the flamethrower was amusing but definitely not practical!!!

Yes, that was General Sherman on his horse behind me.

We used to use a couple of jet engines bolted to the front of a fuel bowser to clear the snow off the runway. The exhaust was pointed downward and forward. It was pretty scary, I was shown how to use it but thankfully never had to. I can't find any evidence of it on google apart from Russian airports. I don't think it would pass todays safety standards (this was in the 1970's)

They had a small jet engine (helicopter?) on a trailer to dry the drag track.

OK, a small jet engine is off the list for this snowstorm, but I have plenty of rock salt, gas for the snowblower, wood for the fireplace, and enough red wine.  I may do a chocolate run and get marshmallows for the hot chocolate.

Hot chocolate sounds good Emma.

I stopped myself from clogging up Laurens blog with my child-like joy of NYC in a snow storm.  It's my favorite time. The snow softens everything visually and city becomes very quiet and peaceful.

It actually is beautiful to just watch the snow fall with a mug of hot chocolate in hand.

I've always loved how quiet it gets when it snows, and how the pace of things seem to slow to what's actually natural.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Emma.

Pema, we got clobbered, 12-14 inches.  The temperature is projected to stay between 12 and 28 degrees for the next seven days, so it is going to last quite a while.

Glad the subways I take are underground.

...but it is pretty out!

Yes, that does sound like a solid clobbering. And cold.

Stay warm and dry. If you can get a decent photo, I'd love to see it. If not, that's fine, too. Just stay safe.

Just don't send it my way!

Quote from: Emma1017 on January 26, 2026, 06:40:00 AMwe got clobbered, 12-14 inches.  The temperature is projected to stay between 12 and 28 degrees for the next seven days,

Quote from: Pema on January 26, 2026, 09:27:32 AMthat does sound like a solid clobbering. And cold.

I think our @Northern Star Girl (Danielle) would just think that is just an average day. 😁

Ellen

Ellen, that's why I visited Alaska in early spring, before the mosquitos hatch!

Davina, we're holding the weather here for a while, the weather prediction is for at least 10 more days in the teens and twenties, so I think you are safe...for now.

Quote from: Emma1017 on January 25, 2026, 09:03:49 AMI stopped myself from clogging up Laurens blog with my child-like joy of NYC in a snow storm.  It's my favorite time. The snow softens everything visually and city becomes very quiet and peaceful.

It actually is beautiful to just watch the snow fall with a mug of hot chocolate in hand.

Spam away, Emma. Trust me... to me it's magical. Anything over an inch and the whole of the UK shuts down with everyone doing a Helen Lovejoy from The Simpsons. "Won't someone think of the children!?"

We don't get even close to what you folks get over there. It's like a winter wonderland. Feel free to post anything, anywhere!

Sadly, the beautiful NYC snow has morphed into ugly piles of frozen muck. We have a sub-zero temperature for a week and expect another week of the same. The local parks have retained their snow charm.  For the sledders, the snow has an ice crust that generates speeds that would get them a speeding ticket on the street.

To cap it off, we have a Nor'easter heading this way for the weekend.  Fortunately, we didn't get the ice storms that toppled trees onto homes, cars, and power lines like they had in the south.

Stocking up on more hot chocolate.

And marshmallows!!!

Absolutely, Davina, Marshmallows are required!!!

So now, all that beautiful snow has crystallized into grey tundra blobs blocking everything.  It will be around for the next week because we will continue to be below freezing.  I actually love the extreme cold and all the fashion choices the cold offers.

Here are two quick samples of the storm that I liked:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/E3DUwQcX3aY

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/KysvWCMW2FI

The first video was at the height of the storm.  The wind actually knocked me around.

Sephirah, I thought of you in the second video, a perfect winter scene in Central Park.

I promise Pema that I will take a nice photo next time.

Try to stay safe and warm Emma!


Chrissy

The Central Park scene looks enchanting. :) Although I always find it... quite weird to be in a place like that, with the sounds of a big city all around. I suppose it's something you get used to. There's something... alluring about snow. It feels like starting over. A white blanket that seems to erase everything underneath it and leaves just a blank sheet. Pristine. Like a canvas waiting for an artist.

Well, for a few days, anyway. Until everything's shut down and no one can do anything. Then you get a bit sick of it. But for the first while... it's like being in Wonderland. :)

Thanks, Chrissy.  I have no fear of wolves and bears (the non-human kind), just ice.

Exactly Sephirah! The snow cleans the slate and softens everything.  The great thing, there is no sound. The snow muffles everything. It is truly a moment of beauty and serenity.  That's why I love being out in the middle of the snow storm!

Only in New York:  in addition to the continuing deep freeze and piles of ugly black covered snow, for the last week there has been a ten foot high inflatable rat in front of my building.

A local construction union is picketing the building to protest nonunion workers in the building. The rat comes with friends, a dozen paid union worker are using whistles and air horns as part of the protest. I get to hear them every day. Thankfully, they are union, so they break for lunch and quit at 2 pm. 🤬

Quote from: Emma1017 on February 05, 2026, 10:42:56 AMOnly in New York:  in addition to the continuing deep freeze and piles of ugly black covered snow, for the last week there has been a ten foot high inflatable rat in front of my building.

A local construction union is picketing the building to protest nonunion workers in the building. The rat comes with friends, a dozen paid union worker are using whistles and air horns as part of the protest. I get to hear them every day. Thankfully, they are union, so they break for lunch and quit at 2 pm. 🤬

So sorry, Emma.

As a member of the electrician's union, I spent some time picketing with the giant rat. That made me laugh.

But we never used whistles or bullhorns at residential buildings. The goal was to irritate the building owners and/or management, never the residents.

Some unions feel that if the residents are annoyed, their complaints will annoy management and get the message across. We disagreed with that tactic. Send the message only to those who need to hear it and not to those who can't help.

Totally ok Lori. I have been a teamster and UFT member, so I get it. The rat just made me laugh. Some days we have three.

Somethoughts from talking with with my wife today:

I really expect too much from my late-in-life transgender relationship with her. I am a romantic, but I am not in a romantic relationship.  She made that point again today regarding our anniversary, Valentine's Day, and our first date.  She said that our romantic relationship died when I discovered and shared that I am a transgender female.  Whenever I allude to romantic love in our relationship, it hurts her.

We love each other, but she has made it clear that her love for me is not romantic.  Romantic love involves an intimacy and passion that, to be fair to our relationship, died many years ago, well before I was diagnosed as transgender but maybe because I was transgenger without knowing.

It hurt me when she said that, but, in fairness to her, she is right.  I guess I just don't want to let go of the romantic images in my head.

I believe that what we have is really love, but in the form of true love.  I like this description:

"True love is a sincere, deep, and unconditional feeling of love. It involves total acceptance and understanding of one's partner, as well as a willingness to share joys and sorrows together. True love also means having a commitment to mutually support and build a harmonious and lasting relationship."

Romantic love was a gender façade that hid our true love.  It lacked the substance that neither of us wanted to admit. I am sorry that she has no romantic love for me.  It hurts me as well, but I have to be happy that true love is what we do have.  It seems deeper in different ways.  I miss the romance, but at least I know I didn't kill it by being transgender. 

But ok, I get it. She loves me but she is not a lesbian.

I can live and love with that. ❤️

Thank you for sharing this, Emma. I'm sorry your relationship can't be everything you want and I'm sorry that it can't be everything your wife wants. But I'm glad the two of you can compromise and share the love that you have.

I guess I'm a little bit surprised that your anniversary is a sore point for her. Since you do truly love each other, I'd think that the anniversary of your union would still be worthy of celebration.

I wish you both peace and contentment in your life together.

I must say that this brought a tear to my eye at first because love in all it's forms is the most special emotion. To hear of love that is strained brings strain deep from my own heart. I'm sorry to hear that she no longer has the romantic feelings which you wish were so.

But I am glad to hear that you have such true love that is reciprocated. As you say this is that deep care for each other's personal and emotional wellbeing, but also the fact that your souls are so deeply intertwined because you are a great fit for each other. This is extremely special too.

Like Pema said this kind of deep love often missing in others relationship is surely worth celebrating.

Charlotte 😻 x

After enduring so much loss and longing, Emma, I took comfort in knowing that love abides. I haven't been in a romantic relationship since I was 61 (and that was a long, long, time ago). Like you, I miss the exhilaration and satisfaction of romantic love. But I yearn for intimacy far more than I do the physical aspects of being in love. Like Pema said and Charlotte affirmed, peace and contentment are priceless gifts. Though sometimes bittersweet.

Quote from: Emma1017 on February 08, 2026, 09:58:35 PM"True love is a sincere, deep, and unconditional feeling of love. It involves total acceptance and understanding of one's partner, as well as a willingness to share joys and sorrows together. True love also means having a commitment to mutually support and build a harmonious and lasting relationship."

Emma,

Beautifully written description of true love. I happy that you have that with your wife, it is what I had with my late wife and I would not trade it for anything.


Ellen

Quote from: Emma1017 on February 08, 2026, 09:58:35 PMBut ok, I get it. She loves me but she is not a lesbian.

I can live and love with that. ❤️

True love is the best of all. I can understand why she doesn't want to be romanced by a woman. But she loves YOU, and that is what counts.

Hugs!

Thank you all for your responses.  I knew you would all understand.  I shared this because so many people come to this site looking for answers.  There are no perfect answers, but I wanted to share my version of how relationships can work 

Pema, I agree about our anniversary, but I think it's a gender package for her, along the lines of the traditional "I now pronounce you Man and Wife."  We still celebrate, but she feels it differently. 

In the end, I'll take true love, and she does too.  We laugh every day.

Emma,


You are profoundly sincere.


Chrissy

I figured that was her feeling about it, Emma, and I get it. I'm just glad you're both still happy being together.

Thanks, Pema!

And yourself Emma XXX

You too, Emma!

Love the avatar pic.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Enjoy the day!!!

Quote from: Emma1017 on February 08, 2026, 09:58:35 PMSome thoughts from talking with with my wife today:

I really expect too much from my late-in-life transgender relationship with her. I am a romantic, but I am not in a romantic relationship.  She made that point again today regarding our anniversary, Valentine's Day, and our first date.  She said that our romantic relationship died when I discovered and shared that I am a transgender female.  Whenever I allude to romantic love in our relationship, it hurts her.

We love each other, but she has made it clear that her love for me is not romantic.  Romantic love involves an intimacy and passion that, to be fair to our relationship, died many years ago, well before I was diagnosed as transgender but maybe because I was transgender without knowing.

It hurt me when she said that, but, in fairness to her, she is right.  I guess I just don't want to let go of the romantic images in my head.

I believe that what we have is really love, but in the form of true love.  I like this description:

"True love is a sincere, deep, and unconditional feeling of love. It involves total acceptance and understanding of one's partner, as well as a willingness to share joys and sorrows together. True love also means having a commitment to mutually support and build a harmonious and lasting relationship."

Romantic love was a gender façade that hid our true love.  It lacked the substance that neither of us wanted to admit. I am sorry that she has no romantic love for me.  It hurts me as well, but I have to be happy that true love is what we do have.  It seems deeper in different ways.  I miss the romance, but at least I know I didn't kill it by being transgender. 

But ok, I get it. She loves me but she is not a lesbian.

I can live and love with that. ❤️

I don't want to go too deep into this, Emma. Not today. Other than to say that no, you don't expect too much. If someone loves you, you should never feel hurt by it. If you do... it's not love. It's something else. I feel like you're justifying a lot of things you really shouldn't be, and it's hurting you in the process.

I want you to be okay, but not at the expense of yourself. Relationships are two way things. If one person gets to decide all the terms... that isn't healthy, for either of you.

Lauren, as always, you have my back, and I love you for it. 

We all use this site to share, vent, and learn from each other.  We all do the best we can with the limitations of words.  Writing is far more expressive than texting, which I despise, but writing has limitations. The flow of a personal conversation would eliminate so many misunderstandings.

I will try to explain better.

My relationship with my wife is complicated.  Describing love is as complicated as describing gender.  It starts in our heads and then spreads out to our tangible realities.  On this site, I have tried to confront both my love for my wife and my recognition that I was a transgender female.
 
I came to this site eight years ago because gender dysphoria and my love were tearing me apart. I am massively grateful to you and everyone here for stopping my head from exploding.  The name of my blog says it all:  "Which is worse, not transitioning or losing my wife?"  I have written about my gender journey here to vent some of the pain, share some of my thoughts, and to simply be among friends.

I have made decisions, and I have made compromises to essentially have both in my life, my wife and my gender.  As I have shared here, there have been rough patches, but the majority of the time, it has been wonderful.  I am not striving for perfection.

There are moments that I wish I could fully transition, and there are moments that I hate being transgender, but at the end of all this internal turmoil. I really like who I am.

I wish I was physically Emma all the time, but Emma is me all of the time, and that is an amazing feeling.  My wife sees "me", even if my physical gender expression isn't clear.

What you read here is my biased, and sometimes very emotional feelings.  I can promise you that this is not true: "one person gets to decide all the terms".  She has been with me through everything, and that is what matters.  If I continue in my male persona to keep us together, keep my job, and get through life together, it is well worth the occasional moments of wishing I had everything. 

Romantic love versus true love is just another definition.  We are in love.

You and everyone here get 100% Emma, emotionally and physically. My wife gets 100% of my soul and my love; the world gets whatever I want to share with it.

Lauren, you are an incredible person who shares your heart through caring words with everyone here.  I wanted to make sure that you understand that the bangs and bruises I share here are just the cost of living. 

My heart and soul are ok, but sometimes my emotional shins get banged up... 

Love and a very warm hug,

Emma

Quote from: Emma1017 on Today at 08:23:05 AMbut Emma is me all of the time, and that is an amazing feeling. 

Emma is a beautiful person, and I am glad that you share yourself with us.

Your entire post explains it clearly, but that line hit me right in the feels.

Hugs!

Emma, one of the many things I love about you is how calm and clear and centered you are. I'm sure you'll say, "Oh, you haven't seen me when I'm not," and that's fair. But what I have seen in my ~year here is exactly that. Yes, you've shared your banged-up emotional shins and described your longing for things that aren't in the cards for today, but it's always been with a circumspect pragmatism and a gratitude for all that you do have. I find it absolutely unsurprising that you're appreciated as an exceptional teacher.

Quote from: Lori Dee on Today at 10:44:05 AMEmma is a beautiful person, and I am glad that you share yourself with us.

It's hard to improve upon what Lori said. In addition to her quote, I thought this one was lovely, too:

Quote from: Emma1017 on Today at 08:23:05 AMYou and everyone here get 100% Emma, emotionally and physically. My wife gets 100% of my soul and my love; the world gets whatever I want to share with it.

Your life is yours to live as you choose, and it seems clear to me that you are living your life more consciously, more fully than most people I know. Beyond asking "Are you content doing what you're doing?" - which you've answered definitively - there's no value to my suggesting changes to your (or anyone's) life. It seems to me that you're living it quite effectively.

But there was a hidden gem in there. The world gets what you choose to share, and you've chosen to share 100% Emma with us. That trust, that generosity - that gift - bring tears to my eyes. The world needs Emma, and this is the place where she is free to be her at all times - and we are the beneficiaries.

You brighten our world, Emma. No words can express my appreciation. Keep showing us how it's done.

Loria and Pema, thank you both for the amazingly generous compliments. I honestly don't think that I match up with them, but thank you anyway.

You both understand what I love about Susan's.  I feel unrestrained to be me here, with all my warts.  I share the photos of myself because only a few ever get to see the real me, just happy to be me, and I feel safe among friends to share them.  Don't get me wrong, in my male guise, I can be very happy, but as Emma, I feel a much deeper happiness.  My therapist calls it the "Emma smile". I didn't understand it until I saw the photos of me and accepted that it truly was me.

If I am centered, Pema, it is because people here and in my life helped me get there. I am never alone, and I think that many come here to finally feel part of a community.

I am glad I found it here.

Thank you all.