Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Due to a family emergency, we need to go visit my wife's family in a very transphobic part of the world next week. Pema will have to be protected inside of <male_name> again for a while. We'll be staying in a rental, so at least I can wear and be what and who I want in the mornings and evenings.

I don't feel awful about it. This is an important event in our life together. It's truly a miniscule sacrifice for me to make, especially after 61 years of being "him" and only 4 months of learning to being me.

@flowers_and_trees
Dear Pema:
Many that are in the transition journey have had to make personal decisions regarding relapsing
and reverting to their previous gender appearance for various events as you described. 
Eventually that kind of thing will not be happening in your journey when achieving full-time
status and have found the acceptance that is possible from those that are important to you.

For now, you have to make those difficult decisions and appearances as you deem necessary.

I am wishing you success as you continue on.

Warmly, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on April 30, 2025, 01:03:38 PMDue to a family emergency, we need to go visit my wife's family in a very transphobic part of the world next week. Pema will have to be protected inside of <male_name> again for a while. We'll be staying in a rental, so at least I can wear and be what and who I want in the mornings and evenings.

I don't feel awful about it. This is an important event in our life together. It's truly a miniscule sacrifice for me to make, especially after 61 years of being "him" and only 4 months of learning to being me.

Thank you, Danielle. I know it's just a necessity and not that big a deal. My wife was in tears today saying she was so sorry I had to go through it and that she hates it for me. It may be harder on her than me. I know we'll get through it just fine.

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on April 30, 2025, 05:40:11 PMThank you, Danielle. I know it's just a necessity and not that big a deal. My wife was in tears today saying she was so sorry I had to go through it and that she hates it for me. It may be harder on her than me. I know we'll get through it just fine.

She gets you.
She is a keeper.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 30, 2025, 05:45:45 PMShe gets you.
She is a keeper.  :)

You are absolutely right, Lori Dee - which is exactly why there was no way I was going to let her go alone to see her mother for what may be the last time.

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on April 30, 2025, 01:03:38 PMDue to a family emergency, we need to go visit my wife's family in a very transphobic part of the world next week. Pema will have to be protected inside of <male_name> again for a while. We'll be staying in a rental, so at least I can wear and be what and who I want in the mornings and evenings.

I don't feel awful about it. This is an important event in our life together. It's truly a miniscule sacrifice for me to make, especially after 61 years of being "him" and only 4 months of learning to being me.

"The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day." - David Foster Wallace.

After a long day of flying, we are here. All has gone smoothly, and I'm well disguised as a man (though nowhere near as manly as the locals). Last night and this morning, I was able to be me in our rental place, and that was lovely.

We've made it through the large family Mother's Day gathering and are now back in our comfortable rental. I'm wearing the panties, satin slip and robe that my incredible wife bought for me before we left. Pema is in her full glory tonight.

I'm not ready to share a photo, but someday...

@flowers_and_trees
Dear Pema:
Thank you for sharing your wonderful report... 
....there are no words that can fully express my happiness for you.

Regarding you sharing a photo of yourself, that is only your decision
to make...  only do it if and when you feel comfortable to do so.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  ❤️❤️❤️
           The Forum Administrator

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 11, 2025, 07:44:46 PMWe've made it through the large family Mother's Day gathering and are now back in our comfortable rental. I'm wearing the panties, satin slip and robe that my incredible wife bought for me before we left. Pema is in her full glory tonight.

I'm not ready to share a photo, but someday...

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on April 30, 2025, 01:03:38 PMDue to a family emergency, we need to go visit my wife's family in a very transphobic part of the world next week. Pema will have to be protected inside of <male_name> again for a while. We'll be staying in a rental, so at least I can wear and be what and who I want in the mornings and evenings.

I don't feel awful about it. This is an important event in our life together. It's truly a miniscule sacrifice for me to make, especially after 61 years of being "him" and only 4 months of learning to being me.

I hope everything works out the best for you and your family.

Chrissy

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 11, 2025, 07:44:46 PMI'm not ready to share a photo, but someday...

When you're ready, sweetie.

I know others who said that, and when they did... they are the most stunningly beautiful people you could picture. You know who you are. Won't embarrass you. :P

From your posts, I think you're one of those people, Pema. Who we are outside is only ever an echo of who we are inside. And inside, I think you're genuinely beautiful. So... you know. Ripples in a pond. ;)

@Northern Star Girl: Thank you, Danielle. I don't feel any pressure or urgency to post a photo. I'm very much relaxing, taking my time, and feeling my way through this process. It'll come when it comes.

@ChrissyRyan: Thank you. Things are going really well so far. Tomorrow will be our last full day here before we fly home on Wednesday. It's all been very worthwhile.

@Sephirah: I blush from your kind words. Thank you. I do know who I am. I've always been very private and even shy, so just the idea that I might want to post a photo of myself here... It's a big deal. All in time.

You all are such wonderful, supportive, beautiful people.

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 12, 2025, 07:13:45 PM@Sephirah: I blush from your kind words. Thank you. I do know who I am. I've always been very private and even shy, so just the idea that I might want to post a photo of myself here... It's a big deal. All in time.

Don't need to see you, to see you, Pema. Eyes are the least reliable approximation of anything. You are gorgeous.

<-- Poster child for shy. :)

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 11, 2025, 07:44:46 PMWe've made it through the large family Mother's Day gathering and are now back in our comfortable rental. I'm wearing the panties, satin slip and robe that my incredible wife bought for me before we left. Pema is in her full glory tonight.

I'm not ready to share a photo, but someday...

In a situation such as that it's ok IMO to move from your true-self to your expected-self. Early on, forcing the issues can be not only uncomfortable but also just bring more stress to all. In the past at more than one family Mother's Day event I drove there as my true-self and then in the car changed for the dinner, and then changed back once back in my car. Now, things have been settled. It's a process. You're fortunate to have a person at home in your safe place that supports you. Best wishes, it's a long journey with many twists and turns! :)

We are now safely home. Our flight got in at nearly 1 am, we spent the rest of the night in a hotel near the airport, and then drove home this morning.

All in all, the whole thing went very smoothly. There's a very real possibility that we saw my wife's mother for the last time. She entered hospice care (at home) a week before we went, which is what prompted our visit. We looked at old photos, took a car tour through her old stomping grounds and along the coast, played and sang along with songs from her youth, and of course celebrated Mother's Day with her. It really couldn't have gone any better.

Throughout the entire week we were there, I was more or less the old "me" that my wife's family has known (though not particularly well) for 17 years. As we snuggled into bed in the pre-dawn hours this morning, my wife said, "Wow. Did a switch just flip and you became 100% woman?" The answer was yes. I felt it happen when I got into bed; my body and psyche just started relaxing and releasing the facade that I'd held up for the past week and most of the last 61 years. There *I* was again. And when I'm there, my wife can feel it - even when she can't see me and I'm not speaking.

It's great to be home. Thank you all for your love and support.

Pema

Glad you are home safe and can get back to being you again.

As a psychologist once told me:

"It should never be difficult to just be yourself."

I think what you experienced was a realization of which you is the real you and which one has been the facade.

I live my life on both sides of the gender line. But, one place where I'm always Bobbi is in my heart. My happy place! Fluidity is required it saves hurt and pain. If you can make the transition go for it my S.O. gives me what she can and I love her for it.