Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What were the most uncomfortable situations you were in as a MTF presenting as female?

Either scary or threatening to you, or you otherwise really felt unwelcome.  Perhaps you thought that you thought that you should not be there at that moment and wished you were not there?

When I had a car issue on the road, I was very much afraid the emergency road service person would react to me in unwanted way, like laugh or something.  But I did not get any hint whatsoever of ridicule.  He was very professional and he changed the flat tire for me.  The spare was actually under inflated so even if I did the change myself, I could not drive on it.  That is why I called.

Which reminds me, please check your spare tire every year to see if it is holding air.
Or have a tire inflator machine that works in your car, they sometimes are built in to a portable battery jump starter machine (something else worthwhile to have in your vehicle, as long as its battery pack is charged up!)

I also did NOT like it when someone close to me invited me to a small party but did not want me to present as female to those there.  Really?   She wanted others to not think I was female.  It is a long story and I will not go into it.

I wound up going but androgynously in attire.  I was uncomfortable and later had a lengthier discussion about this.
 

The first time I used the women's washroom. I tried to use the gas station washroom but it was closed.

Quote from: Athena on May 19, 2025, 10:25:55 AMThe first time I used the women's washroom.

Same.

I had gone to the trans support group in the city in women's clothes for the first time.  Previously, I had gone dressed androgynously, or I had changed in the washroom at the meeting place.  This was the first time I had actually worn a skirt all the way in to the city.

Coming home, it was an hour and a half drive, and I had had coffee at the meeting.  So halfway home, I had to stop to answer the call of nature.  Dressed as I was, I had no option but to use the women's washroom.  Eep!!

As it turned out, there was no one in there, no one came in while I was there, and no one gave me a second glance either entering or leaving.  So it was a total non-event.   :D

Quote from: Athena on May 19, 2025, 10:25:55 AMThe first time I used the women's washroom.

This. I had an appointment at the VA hospital, about a 45-minute drive from home. When I got there... coffee was working. I was early enough. so decided to go before my appointment. The men's room was open, but the women's was occupied. So I sat in the waiting area until I could go in. That was a long wait. Not only was I nervous sitting near the main entrance to the hospital, but I had to pee really bad.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 19, 2025, 10:41:09 AMThis. I had an appointment at the VA hospital, about a 45-minute drive from home. When I got there... coffee was working. I was early enough. so decided to go before my appointment. The men's room was open, but the women's was occupied. So I sat in the waiting area until I could go in. That was a long wait. Not only was I nervous sitting near the main entrance to the hospital, but I had to pee really bad.  :)

That is an uncomfortable feeling, needing to go.  Talk about being pressured!

Chrissy

Two situations comes to mind,


I remember how uncomfortable I was the first time I used the ladies room, I was still pre hormones, I was a club with friends. i looked the part, I looked cute in my dress and high heel sandals, wore padding and breast forms, plastered my face in make up, no one clocked me. Then I hadto use the bathroom.. my friend said, she will go with me as she could see i was nervous. I remember we still had to queue, so standing there, I felt exposed.. nervous another woman would clock me.. my friend reassured me, you look fine.. Finally I got in.. I was so nervous, thee were women washing their hands and leaving the stalls, no one even noticed me.. I went into a stall, did my business, I must have gotten brave in the stall, as when I washed my hands, I even took the time to re apply my lipstick.. Then my friend was done and we left together. afterwards she said.. see it was not so bad.

Number 2

This happened a few years ago. I had to go see a potential supplier for work, the meeting was held in their offices.. I was on hormones for a few years, so they had done their thing

So, off I went.. I was dressed in typical female corporate wear, pencil skirt (Knee length). jacket, pantyhose and some heels. The meeting was on the 30th floor, so the elevator stops on 3rd floor and this guy gets in.. I recognize him straight away.. He was at school with me, were not friends at school.. but were in a few of the same classes.. Then I can see he recognizes me, but also does not recognize me due to me been a girl now. Then he asks me, do i maybe have a brother, as I am look so familiar to him. I just said no brother... then he said, sorry, I remind him of someone he went to school with.

Lucky, he floor came up and he got off ...

--

Okay, this one terrified me to death. Not including the time I was literally assaulted, because that one should go without saying, but this one was just terribly uncomfortable.

I found a countertop oven at work that I claimed for myself since no one else did, I took it home with the intention to sell it for 200 bucks but eventually brought the price down to like 60 on facebook marketplace just to get rid of it. I was chatting with a man and we coordinated to meet at the local target in the parking lot to do the exchange, and I got there before he did so I told him I'm the blonde girl in the grey van at the front. I opened the back door of the van just to make sure the oven was clean looking, then I sat against the car door waiting for a call or a sign to see someone. He says he'll be there for in 5, but then out of nowhere he says he'll actually be there in 15.... okay

Then out of nowhere a mexican man starts talking to me while he leans against a trailer infront of me, and he immediately catches me off guard and I immediately am terrified because he is acting extremely suspiciously. He starts telling me I look "bewildered" and asks if I'm okay in this extremely scary intimidating way, and basically he starts proselytizing me about finding my identity in christ and he seems so angry and energized that I'm terrified. I have PTSD so I don't know how to say when I'm uncomfortable. He approaches me closer and says he wants to pray for me and I said no im okay, then he gets exhausted and says please like he's extremely irritated. At this point I'm just so scared because he's so irritated with me so I take his hand just to do whatever he says but I was actually terrified, then he says some prayer about "please help show her who she is" or some ->-bleeped-<-. Then he leaves and stomps off. His wife was in the car and she is staring at me and when I notice her she hides her face like a coward.

Then I go back on facebook messenger and he says he changed his mind, basically what happened is that they saw me because I had described myself, then they lied and said they were not there, then they pretended to be a stranger and approached me as if they were a stranger to catch me off guard, then they left and messaged me again and said nevermind about the oven. It made me realize how much of a mistake I had made of being a good faith person and telling them where I was before they arrived, and how easily I could of been assaulted or kidnapped. I often anger people because my hair is short and people cannot tell if I am a boy or a girl, I look especially androgynous and neotenous like an angel and it makes people extremely uncomfortable (not my problem) and brings out their strange anger issues. It traumatized me because I was scared to death and ever since then I wear a security alarm around my neck when I go out so when I'm too scared to scream I can pull the alarm.

It is important to be safe.  Things can be scary and to be as safe as possible is something to strive for.  I can see how you were so very uncomfortable.   

Chrissy

The Doorbell.
My wife had agreed that I could be me any time I was at home, but if anyone ever saw me, she would leave me. I was very careful to ensure the curtains to all the windows visible to people outside were fully drawn, leaving the curtains facing my backyard and side yard open. I had turned my phone to silent and made sure there was no other sounds like tv or music.

That ding dong sound froze me, then a knock at the front door sent me to hide in case there was a sliver of vision through my curtains. My marriage was on the line, embarrassment was a significant second. He rang the bell again, and I could hear him talking to another man, then they appeared to leave.

I felt a trickle of sweat running down my spine as relief washed over me, then I heard my side gate open. I could feel my chest throbbing, and remembered the family room sliding door was unlocked. I rushed quietly to lock it before they tried it, wondering if they were thieves, and knowing that it was possible to see me from the glass door and another window. I locked the door and fell quietly to the floor, considering running to my bedroom to get changed, but realising the bright red nail polish would take too long to remove. I was now starting to panic, thinking my marriage, which I would give my life for, could be over.

They walked past my sliding door to my backyard, and I was hiding behind a couch, shaking. I heard the guy on the phone telling someone this was a gas hot water service, not electric, so they wouldn't be able to replace it. There was some back and fourth on the phone before they realised they were at the wrong address! I froze until I heard them close my gate, then I rushed to the front window to see their truck pull away.

I collapsed, and bawled for 5 minutes. As I wiped my face, I realised that I was sweating over my whole body. It took another 20 minutes to compose myself, and I decided to have a shower. I dressed back in my male clothes and took off my nail polish, it was the first time I had ever felt better in male clothes. I was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, and my wife said she was surprised to find her husband when she got home.

I relived that experience a couple of times, and it made me nauseous, and I considered trying to avoid being me any more. My wife commented that I was very quiet, and I hugged her, knowing I had thought I had lost her. That night I cried softly into my pillow.

Any time that doorbell sounded from then on, I felt sick. A few months later I disabled it.

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: Allie Jayne on May 22, 2025, 04:19:35 AMMy wife had agreed that I could be me any time I was at home, but if anyone ever saw me, she would leave me.

So sad!  How long ago was this?

Quote from: D'Amalie on May 22, 2025, 10:09:20 AMSo sad!  How long ago was this?

26 years ago, she stayed until after my surgery 4 years ago.

hugs,

Allie

*hugs everyone*

Look at you now.

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietszche.

Quote from: Allie Jayne on May 22, 2025, 04:19:35 AMThe Doorbell.
My wife had agreed that I could be me any time I was at home, but if anyone ever saw me, she would leave me. I was very careful to ensure the curtains to all the windows visible to people outside were fully drawn, leaving the curtains facing my backyard and side yard open. I had turned my phone to silent and made sure there was no other sounds like tv or music.

That ding dong sound froze me, then a knock at the front door sent me to hide in case there was a sliver of vision through my curtains. My marriage was on the line, embarrassment was a significant second. He rang the bell again, and I could hear him talking to another man, then they appeared to leave.

I felt a trickle of sweat running down my spine as relief washed over me, then I heard my side gate open. I could feel my chest throbbing, and remembered the family room sliding door was unlocked. I rushed quietly to lock it before they tried it, wondering if they were thieves, and knowing that it was possible to see me from the glass door and another window. I locked the door and fell quietly to the floor, considering running to my bedroom to get changed, but realising the bright red nail polish would take too long to remove. I was now starting to panic, thinking my marriage, which I would give my life for, could be over.

They walked past my sliding door to my backyard, and I was hiding behind a couch, shaking. I heard the guy on the phone telling someone this was a gas hot water service, not electric, so they wouldn't be able to replace it. There was some back and fourth on the phone before they realised they were at the wrong address! I froze until I heard them close my gate, then I rushed to the front window to see their truck pull away.

I collapsed, and bawled for 5 minutes. As I wiped my face, I realised that I was sweating over my whole body. It took another 20 minutes to compose myself, and I decided to have a shower. I dressed back in my male clothes and took off my nail polish, it was the first time I had ever felt better in male clothes. I was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, and my wife said she was surprised to find her husband when she got home.

I relived that experience a couple of times, and it made me nauseous, and I considered trying to avoid being me any more. My wife commented that I was very quiet, and I hugged her, knowing I had thought I had lost her. That night I cried softly into my pillow.

Any time that doorbell sounded from then on, I felt sick. A few months later I disabled it.

Hugs,

Allie

Very traumatic.  Thank you for sharing, as sharing out can be vulnerable to do so.

You are among those that are very accepting here, for sure.


Chrissy

I've gotten some looks from people and a guy I went to school with using my dead name.

I think the worst was being in the emergency room about two years ago and waking up vomiting. I was in there with a pulmonary embolism. The nurse that morning was an old guy with a cross around his neck. He changed my hospital gown and probably got a glimpse of my breasts. He still insisted my pronouns were "he and him." That situation really took the cake.

We each have some uncomfortable experiences.

Quote from: Allie Jayne on May 22, 2025, 04:19:35 AMThe Doorbell.
My wife had agreed that I could be me any time I was at home, but if anyone ever saw me, she would leave me. I was very careful to ensure the curtains to all the windows visible to people outside were fully drawn, leaving the curtains facing my backyard and side yard open. I had turned my phone to silent and made sure there was no other sounds like tv or music.

That ding dong sound froze me, then a knock at the front door sent me to hide in case there was a sliver of vision through my curtains. My marriage was on the line, embarrassment was a significant second. He rang the bell again, and I could hear him talking to another man, then they appeared to leave.

I felt a trickle of sweat running down my spine as relief washed over me, then I heard my side gate open. I could feel my chest throbbing, and remembered the family room sliding door was unlocked. I rushed quietly to lock it before they tried it, wondering if they were thieves, and knowing that it was possible to see me from the glass door and another window. I locked the door and fell quietly to the floor, considering running to my bedroom to get changed, but realising the bright red nail polish would take too long to remove. I was now starting to panic, thinking my marriage, which I would give my life for, could be over.

They walked past my sliding door to my backyard, and I was hiding behind a couch, shaking. I heard the guy on the phone telling someone this was a gas hot water service, not electric, so they wouldn't be able to replace it. There was some back and fourth on the phone before they realised they were at the wrong address! I froze until I heard them close my gate, then I rushed to the front window to see their truck pull away.

I collapsed, and bawled for 5 minutes. As I wiped my face, I realised that I was sweating over my whole body. It took another 20 minutes to compose myself, and I decided to have a shower. I dressed back in my male clothes and took off my nail polish, it was the first time I had ever felt better in male clothes. I was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, and my wife said she was surprised to find her husband when she got home.

I relived that experience a couple of times, and it made me nauseous, and I considered trying to avoid being me any more. My wife commented that I was very quiet, and I hugged her, knowing I had thought I had lost her. That night I cried softly into my pillow.

Any time that doorbell sounded from then on, I felt sick. A few months later I disabled it.

Hugs,

Allie

Wow. That's awful.

I want to write more but simply wanted to acknowledge the horror of that situation. Thank you so much for sharing it.

My ex took me to court to get a family court order preventing me seeing my son or having any contact with him. She said my gender transition was adversely affecting his mental health.

It nearly drove me to suicide but I remained in the game and wrote him hand-written letters each week. Eventually he reached out to see me and we built back a relationship. He's 18 now but I don't feel I can be me around him and we don't talk about it.

Grim 'eh?

Quote from: Tills on May 22, 2025, 10:40:14 PMMy ex took me to court to get a family court order preventing me seeing my son or having any contact with him. She said my gender transition was adversely affecting his mental health.

It nearly drove me to suicide but I remained in the game and wrote him hand-written letters each week. Eventually he reached out to see me and we built back a relationship. He's 18 now but I don't feel I can be me around him and we don't talk about it.

Grim 'eh?

This is a tough situation.  So hard to deal with as you said.  My heart goes out to you for having to endure this.  I am glad you have rebuilt your relationship with him.

Hugs,


Christine

It may not have helped that when I returned from Thailand as 'me', following facial surgery and going full time femme, I met up with him and his mother.

He was 10 years old. He stood there looking me up and down, turned to his mother and said:

'She's more elegant and beautiful than you.'

 :D


Later though he started getting teased at school which is where the trouble started. I'm going slightly off topic here but it became a very 'uncomfortable' time for everyone involved.

xx

Quote from: Allie Jayne on May 22, 2025, 04:19:35 AMThe Doorbell.

Same here...when I stay at home working, I fully dress as myself in comfortable clothes and I forget that I am dressed.
It was an Amazon box that arrived and I went out...the face of the guy was a poem  ??? .
Initially I didn't understand why, until I got back home and realised... :laugh:
Anyway, I lived it and loved it.