Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This will be my third attempt at one of these. Hopefully it will stick this time because I'm going to do something a bit differently. My life is inherently boring and I much prefer being a nosy cow and sticking my beak into those of other, infinitely more interesting people. But something in another thread got me thinking. My dreams are sometimes either interesting, disturbing or strange enough to electric shock me awake. And it might be interesting to note some of them down. So this will be an infrequent and informal sort of dream blog. And whatever anyone else wants to add.

So, a couple from last night. One recurring, one not.

The first one I've had many times and it's always the same. I'm at home and it's a bright sunny day. The wind is blowing across the cornfield at the back of my house. The birds are singing and it's like any other day. Then the sky becomes overcast very quickly and sirens start blaring from somewhere. Even though there are no sirens where I live. And I find myself outside, in the middle of the field, whilst simultaneously hearing a news reporter talking about how something catastrophic is coming.

The sky becomes an ugly, churning black and suddenly this giant black tornado spawns in the other field next to the one I'm in. It's huge and angry. And for a while it just sits there. Then slowly starts to move towards me. I run back into the house and I can feel the whole house shaking and rumbling. My mum and brothers are also there for some reason, and they're kind of sat glued to the TV showing footage of this horrible black tornado moving towards the house. All I can think is "it's going to miss, it's going to miss, it's going to miss!"

Lightning starts flashing through the windows, but no thunder, until suddenly WHAM! The house feels like it's been flung sideways and upside down at the same time. I don't feel anything, or see anything other than this TV screen hovering in mid air. Stuck on a loop above the cacophony. "Tragedy struck today... tragedy struck today... tragedy struck today..." over and over. And then I hear the dripping of water and I somehow make the conscious decision it's time to wake up. Which I do usually feeling mentally exhausted.

...

The second one is... well it's just weird.

I'm waiting for someone. I'm not sure who it is. But we've agreed to meet up for a weekend, I think. I'm going to take them on a tour of the places of interest in the local area and they're going to come and stay at my place, we're going to order takeout and watch movies and stuff.

When I see this person, their appearance keeps changing. But I know it's the same person. One minute they're a small blonde woman, the next a tall brown-haired guy, and then someone very androgynous with shoulder length black hair. And many more different iterations. But they're all the same person. And that is completely normal for me. I don't see the big issue. But everywhere we go, everyone freaks out. And this person I am with I can see the sadness in them. But it's a resigned sadness, like they're used to it. And just want to hug them and tell them not to worry, and it's okay.

So we call off the sightseeing and just go back to my place.

We play some videogames, watch a movie, order a pizza and just talk about random stuff until the wee small hours. Then, even though I have a couple of spare rooms, I offer them my bed. I tell them I'll sleep on the couch. There's nothing... really intimate going on. It's not that kind of thing. And then the next thing I know it's the next morning and we're lying on the same bed. And my brother is standing there at the foot of the bed. A nasty look on his face.

He throws a letter at me and tells me he's contacted the police because this person I'm with is not normal and there are crimes against it. So I read the letter and it's a record of a conversation between him and who I can only assume is a cop. Begging them to come and arrest me.

And, again, that's where my brain (more consciously than I would have thought) decides to wake up. I felt kind of shaken.

...

As I say, this will probably be infrequent because a lot of my dreams aren't suitable for the site. They're way too dark. But... yeah. :)

Wow, this will be a cool thread. Dragons, tornadoes, and shapeshifters, oh my!  ;D

When they arrest a shapeshifter, do they have to take separate mugshots of each of their various appearances? Do their fingerprints change, too?  :-*

Stop watching Twister!  ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on May 27, 2025, 04:16:37 PMBut something in another thread got me thinking. My dreams are sometimes either interesting, disturbing or strange enough to electric shock me awake.

Wow, Sephirah! Your dream life is anything but boring. I felt like I was watching a movie made by either Alfred Hitchcock or M. Night Shyamalan. Or even Lana and Lilly Wachowski. Thanks for the imagery, terrifying as it may be. My only recurring dream is of my first wife and (unlike our marriage) all the dreams are pleasant and often vivid. I'm probably not inclined to switch dream-lives with you but look forward to the installment of yours.

Lauren, thank you for opening this blog into your inner world, your dreams are vivid, haunting, and symbolic.

Also, I love the title "Lauren's Lair", it's mysterious and perfectly fitting.


~ Lilis 💗

I thought some of my dreams were odd but that tops them!!!

As a teen, I too had some pretty dark dreams that are not suitable to share here. In one, I woke up thoroughly disgusted with myself, wondering who would think of that?  :icon_yikes:

But one that I will share (not dark) that I recalled so vividly that I wrote it down in my journal. (dated 10 August 1975)

I was at a poetry recital. (Never been to one in my life, but ok). A man recited a poem he had written that left me puzzled. Afterwards, I met him and told him his poem made no sense. He laughed and said that was because I was looking at the forest and not the trees.  ???

He explained that I was so focused on trying to extract some meaning from the sentences that I missed the whole point. It is just a jumble of words that sound interesting despite their literal meaning. So I asked him to recite it again:

And again I saw the jennies
Flowing sweetly down boulder-strewn valleys of ever-increasing thoughtfulness.
They wept, gaily saddened by the dance of a thousand folding dooms.
And the purple jennies feasted on white-sandalled waters
While crystals flowed, while sempers slept.
And the yellow jennies slipped into the pools of forgetfulness.

He then asked me if I could tell him what the jennies are.
I had no clue. He said they are flowers.

I woke up thinking, "Oh yeah. That makes more sense."  ???
 

But I do like the way "boulder-strewn valleys of ever-increasing thoughtfulness" rolls off the tongue.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 28, 2025, 01:39:52 PMHe said they are flowers.

Beautiful, Lori. Thanks. Keep dreaming such beautiful dreams.

Lori, that poem is incredible. And the fact that you remembered the poem is even more incredible.

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 27, 2025, 04:44:40 PMWow, this will be a cool thread. Dragons, tornadoes, and shapeshifters, oh my!  ;D

When they arrest a shapeshifter, do they have to take separate mugshots of each of their various appearances? Do their fingerprints change, too?  :-*

Stop watching Twister!  ;D

I've actually... never thought about how a shapeshifter would go about dealing with the criminal justice system, lol. I love the way your brain works. ;D

And you're probably right, I should stop watching Twister. Although I am not sure which came first. Whether it was that interest which led to the dream, or the dream which led to that interest. I don't remember how far back I've been having it. Other than... well... a long time. :)

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 27, 2025, 06:02:49 PMWow, Sephirah! Your dream life is anything but boring. I felt like I was watching a movie made by either Alfred Hitchcock or M. Night Shyamalan. Or even Lana and Lilly Wachowski. Thanks for the imagery, terrifying as it may be. My only recurring dream is of my first wife and (unlike our marriage) all the dreams are pleasant and often vivid. I'm probably not inclined to switch dream-lives with you but look forward to the installment of yours.

I am glad your recurring dreams are nice, Anni. You deserve that so much. <3 Trust me, you wouldn't want to switch. It's... a lot to deal with sometimes. :)

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 11:54:35 PMLauren, thank you for opening this blog into your inner world, your dreams are vivid, haunting, and symbolic.

Also, I love the title "Lauren's Lair", it's mysterious and perfectly fitting.


~ Lilis 💗

Thank you, Lilis. You kind of had a hand in it, really. I'm not a blogging person by and large. But I kind of like how you have a space that's your own. This is how I can get around my hangups. ;D

Quote from: davina61 on May 28, 2025, 03:01:42 AMI thought some of my dreams were odd but that tops them!!!

Any you want to share, Davina, the more the merrier! <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 28, 2025, 01:39:52 PMAs a teen, I too had some pretty dark dreams that are not suitable to share here. In one, I woke up thoroughly disgusted with myself, wondering who would think of that?  :icon_yikes:

But one that I will share (not dark) that I recalled so vividly that I wrote it down in my journal. (dated 10 August 1975)

I was at a poetry recital. (Never been to one in my life, but ok). A man recited a poem he had written that left me puzzled. Afterwards, I met him and told him his poem made no sense. He laughed and said that was because I was looking at the forest and not the trees.  ???

He explained that I was so focused on trying to extract some meaning from the sentences that I missed the whole point. It is just a jumble of words that sound interesting despite their literal meaning. So I asked him to recite it again:

And again I saw the jennies
Flowing sweetly down boulder-strewn valleys of ever-increasing thoughtfulness.
They wept, gaily saddened by the dance of a thousand folding dooms.
And the purple jennies feasted on white-sandalled waters
While crystals flowed, while sempers slept.
And the yellow jennies slipped into the pools of forgetfulness.

He then asked me if I could tell him what the jennies are.
I had no clue. He said they are flowers.

I woke up thinking, "Oh yeah. That makes more sense."  ???
 

But I do like the way "boulder-strewn valleys of ever-increasing thoughtfulness" rolls off the tongue.  :)

The thing is, I know people who will tell you that every word has some incredibly symbolic meaning just because they like to sound smart. Even though that's missing the point entirely, lol.

Thank you for sharing, Lori. Any others you have... bring it on! <3

I wrote this down so it wouldn't take me 2 hours to type out, lol.

This is going to be a long read because there was kind of a lot going on in this dream. It was strange because it wasn't strange. Which will make sense at the end. I don't know whether to talk about stuff while I'm writing it out or save it for after. I think I'll just wing it and see how it goes. I'll put the dream stuff in italics and my own comments on it... not in italics, lol.

I wake up to sunlight in my eyes, with a headache. I didn't close the curtains properly last night and now I'm paying the price. It's early morning, around 6am. The birds have been up a while and I can see blue sky through the crack in the curtains. I feel sick and have to claw the thick, duck down duvet off myself with more effort than I'd have liked. There's a smell of woodsmoke and lavender in the room. My husband is burning stuff again outside. I keep telling him not to do it so close to the house but he never listens.

I remember the bed. It was heavy, iron I think. With little dull silver globes on top of each corner. Heavy flannel sheets, a monstrously thick duvet and a pale yellow blanket on top. I felt smothered. Like I was drowning and trying to come up for air. Which was a very unsettling feeling. The room had a sloped ceiling. I think the house wasn't all that large. Wooden floor, pale yellow curtains on the single window, barely reaching below the sill. Large dressing table in one corner. Dark wood. With a mirror on top. And a tall vase/jug type thing with several bunches of lavender in it. I've never been married, nor do I have any desire to be.

I walk slowly over to the dresser and sit down, staring at my own reflection in the mirror. Staring into my own eyes for what seems like an hour. I take my mother's pearl inlaid hairbrush and begin to work on my hair. It fights me at first, as always, but I have it tamed and decide to go for a braid. Practical and I like it.

This is... one of the unnerving parts of the whole thing. I'm not me. I'm not even the me I see when I do trance work and meditation. I am someone completely different. Smaller, around a foot shorter than my actual height I would guess. Dark brown eyes (my own eyes are grey/green), dark brown hair. Delicate, slim, but with a noticeable bump. I'm pregnant. Maybe a six weeks, or two months along. I can't really tell. I'm wearing a nightgown. Cotton. It reaches down to my feet. Obviously I can't get pregnant, but I've never even wanted to or entertained the notion even if it were possible. This woman in the mirror didn't look like me at all. But that didn't matter. Staring into her eyes I felt sadness, but also hope. And the fact that I wanted to sit there for a long while but knew I had things to do.

The hairbrush was beautiful. Silver handle with a row of pearls inlaid along its length. Many, many white bristles. I kind of picture it as something Victorian, but I don't think that was when the dream was set.

After washing my face in the porcelain bowl to one side of the dresser, I slip out of my nightgown and into one of my spring dresses. Soon these won't fit anymore. Already I'm feeling the tightness around my midsection. I smile and put my hand on my tummy. I hope it's a little girl. Three men in the family is more than enough already. I love my sons but they can be unruly.

So yeah, I already had two kids. Two little boys. Which is weird for the above reason. I've never thought of myself as a parent. Not ever. I am almost certain I would be horribly terrible at it. One was four and one was six. I'm not exactly sure how old I was in the dream. I think maybe mid-late 20s. Maybe. There was a lot I kind of didn't explain to myself, like a writer would explain to a reader, but things I just sort of... felt, or knew, you know? It's hard to put into words. Like living someone else's life. Seeing through someone else's eyes.

I hurriedly put on my sandals and half trotted downstairs and out of the side door. Nature calling. Sure enough my husband was standing there with a dirt-smudged smile on his face, in front of a crackling bonfire. Tangled branches and dry grass drifting grey smoke lazily into the air. I frowned at him but he just smiled more. So I gave up and ran to the toilet.

I'm not going to go into the details of it but yes, at the time it was all perfectly normal. Looking back on it now... I still have a kind of phantom body thing going on and it's a bit... weird. Let's just say I have sensations of stuff I shouldn't have sensations of, and don't know why. The toilet was out the side of the house, along a narrow path with oddly laid stones in it. Kind of like at my grandmother's house, but I still don't think this dream was set a long time in the past. Just a feeling.

I couldn't help but stare as I started back to the house. At the sheer beauty of things. The lake, still and calm. A saucer of deepest, wisest blue, carved into on one side by a gentle hill rising to meet the sky. Sometimes I wish I could just stay like this forever, looking at the simple majesty of it. Birds dart overhead, in seeming mock medieval jousting sessions. And I feel serene.

It really was beautiful. Like something you'd see in the Scottish Highlands, or the Lake District here in England. I have no idea where "Here" was. Only that it was so peaceful and untouched. There was a breeze, like almost the world was breathing. I think it maybe was a creation of somewhere I've been. Maybe Windermere or Conniston, in my past. The Lake District sure is something else. You almost feel outside of time. Like you could just stay there forever being one with the world.

I won't bore you with the rest, although I could go into absurdely minute details... it was that vivid. But I don't want to write a book. It literally lasted the whole day. I made breakfast, a porridge type deal with honey and berries of some kind. I'm not exactly sure what kind. In this giant pot on a wood burning stove. Then got an even larger pot and put in a couple of joints... one beef, one pork, and a third world country's supply of vegetables. For the evening meal. It would cook all day and fill the house with mouthwatering smells.

Then I settled down to... um... you know that sewing thing people do where they have the wood rings? I'm not entirely sure what that is called. But I was sewing a flower. With blue petals. I am useless at crafts but this woman was incredibly dextrous. I think from lots of practice. It felt very easy and relaxing. Meanwhile my sons were out helping their father, in whatever small ways he allowed them to. One of them fancied himself a Knight. It was adorable at the time, but feeling it now just feels... strange.

The moment I woke from this dream was when I was taking a bath in the evening. It was a metal tub that I had to fill with hot water from the stove. We didn't have running water in the house. Only a well at the back. So I had to use a kettle type contraption to dump water into it multiple times. And I lay down in it and started to drift off. That's when I woke up... like... for real.

And... I woke up feeling really, really dislocated and disorientated. I'd slept for 14 hours straight. Which is unusual for me. I normally sleep in broken segments of 3-4 hours before something, usually pain of some kind, wakes me up. So much about this life, this woman, was so different to how I live, or feel, or even thought I could feel... as I say I had, and still have the remains of a sort of phantom body. Initially I almost injured myself trying to stand up, heh. I still feel kind of disorientated even now. It's not the first time I've had a dream like this, but it is the first time in a long time. I don't think it's a memory or anything like that. I'm sure it's more likely a character for a story I've had buried in my brain for years, and never really experienced. But damn... it was strange. In the best way. I can still smell the lavender and woodsmoke.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 02:41:52 PMI wrote this down so it wouldn't take me 2 hours to type out, lol.

This is going to be a long read because there was kind of a lot going on in this dream. It was strange because it wasn't strange. Which will make sense at the end. I don't know whether to talk about stuff while I'm writing it out or save it for after. I think I'll just wing it and see how it goes. I'll put the dream stuff in italics and my own comments on it... not in italics, lol.

I wake up to sunlight in my eyes, with a headache. I didn't close the curtains properly last night and now I'm paying the price. It's early morning, around 6am. The birds have been up a while and I can see blue sky through the crack in the curtains. I feel sick and have to claw the thick, duck down duvet off myself with more effort than I'd have liked. There's a smell of woodsmoke and lavender in the room. My husband is burning stuff again outside. I keep telling him not to do it so close to the house but he never listens.

I remember the bed. It was heavy, iron I think. With little dull silver globes on top of each corner. Heavy flannel sheets, a monstrously thick duvet and a pale yellow blanket on top. I felt smothered. Like I was drowning and trying to come up for air. Which was a very unsettling feeling. The room had a sloped ceiling. I think the house wasn't all that large. Wooden floor, pale yellow curtains on the single window, barely reaching below the sill. Large dressing table in one corner. Dark wood. With a mirror on top. And a tall vase/jug type thing with several bunches of lavender in it. I've never been married, nor do I have any desire to be.

I walk slowly over to the dresser and sit down, staring at my own reflection in the mirror. Staring into my own eyes for what seems like an hour. I take my mother's pearl inlaid hairbrush and begin to work on my hair. It fights me at first, as always, but I have it tamed and decide to go for a braid. Practical and I like it.

This is... one of the unnerving parts of the whole thing. I'm not me. I'm not even the me I see when I do trance work and meditation. I am someone completely different. Smaller, around a foot shorter than my actual height I would guess. Dark brown eyes (my own eyes are grey/green), dark brown hair. Delicate, slim, but with a noticeable bump. I'm pregnant. Maybe a six weeks, or two months along. I can't really tell. I'm wearing a nightgown. Cotton. It reaches down to my feet. Obviously I can't get pregnant, but I've never even wanted to or entertained the notion even if it were possible. This woman in the mirror didn't look like me at all. But that didn't matter. Staring into her eyes I felt sadness, but also hope. And the fact that I wanted to sit there for a long while but knew I had things to do.

The hairbrush was beautiful. Silver handle with a row of pearls inlaid along its length. Many, many white bristles. I kind of picture it as something Victorian, but I don't think that was when the dream was set.

After washing my face in the porcelain bowl to one side of the dresser, I slip out of my nightgown and into one of my spring dresses. Soon these won't fit anymore. Already I'm feeling the tightness around my midsection. I smile and put my hand on my tummy. I hope it's a little girl. Three men in the family is more than enough already. I love my sons but they can be unruly.

So yeah, I already had two kids. Two little boys. Which is weird for the above reason. I've never thought of myself as a parent. Not ever. I am almost certain I would be horribly terrible at it. One was four and one was six. I'm not exactly sure how old I was in the dream. I think maybe mid-late 20s. Maybe. There was a lot I kind of didn't explain to myself, like a writer would explain to a reader, but things I just sort of... felt, or knew, you know? It's hard to put into words. Like living someone else's life. Seeing through someone else's eyes.

I hurriedly put on my sandals and half trotted downstairs and out of the side door. Nature calling. Sure enough my husband was standing there with a dirt-smudged smile on his face, in front of a crackling bonfire. Tangled branches and dry grass drifting grey smoke lazily into the air. I frowned at him but he just smiled more. So I gave up and ran to the toilet.

I'm not going to go into the details of it but yes, at the time it was all perfectly normal. Looking back on it now... I still have a kind of phantom body thing going on and it's a bit... weird. Let's just say I have sensations of stuff I shouldn't have sensations of, and don't know why. The toilet was out the side of the house, along a narrow path with oddly laid stones in it. Kind of like at my grandmother's house, but I still don't think this dream was set a long time in the past. Just a feeling.

I couldn't help but stare as I started back to the house. At the sheer beauty of things. The lake, still and calm. A saucer of deepest, wisest blue, carved into on one side by a gentle hill rising to meet the sky. Sometimes I wish I could just stay like this forever, looking at the simple majesty of it. Birds dart overhead, in seeming mock medieval jousting sessions. And I feel serene.

It really was beautiful. Like something you'd see in the Scottish Highlands, or the Lake District here in England. I have no idea where "Here" was. Only that it was so peaceful and untouched. There was a breeze, like almost the world was breathing. I think it maybe was a creation of somewhere I've been. Maybe Windermere or Conniston, in my past. The Lake District sure is something else. You almost feel outside of time. Like you could just stay there forever being one with the world.

I won't bore you with the rest, although I could go into absurdely minute details... it was that vivid. But I don't want to write a book. It literally lasted the whole day. I made breakfast, a porridge type deal with honey and berries of some kind. I'm not exactly sure what kind. In this giant pot on a wood burning stove. Then got an even larger pot and put in a couple of joints... one beef, one pork, and a third world country's supply of vegetables. For the evening meal. It would cook all day and fill the house with mouthwatering smells.

Then I settled down to... um... you know that sewing thing people do where they have the wood rings? I'm not entirely sure what that is called. But I was sewing a flower. With blue petals. I am useless at crafts but this woman was incredibly dextrous. I think from lots of practice. It felt very easy and relaxing. Meanwhile my sons were out helping their father, in whatever small ways he allowed them to. One of them fancied himself a Knight. It was adorable at the time, but feeling it now just feels... strange.

The moment I woke from this dream was when I was taking a bath in the evening. It was a metal tub that I had to fill with hot water from the stove. We didn't have running water in the house. Only a well at the back. So I had to use a kettle type contraption to dump water into it multiple times. And I lay down in it and started to drift off. That's when I woke up... like... for real.

And... I woke up feeling really, really dislocated and disorientated. I'd slept for 14 hours straight. Which is unusual for me. I normally sleep in broken segments of 3-4 hours before something, usually pain of some kind, wakes me up. So much about this life, this woman, was so different to how I live, or feel, or even thought I could feel... as I say I had, and still have the remains of a sort of phantom body. Initially I almost injured myself trying to stand up, heh. I still feel kind of disorientated even now. It's not the first time I've had a dream like this, but it is the first time in a long time. I don't think it's a memory or anything like that. I'm sure it's more likely a character for a story I've had buried in my brain for years, and never really experienced. But damn... it was strange. In the best way. I can still smell the lavender and woodsmoke.

amazing detail.

Cross stitch. Embroidery. Surreal, Sephirah, and sublime. Thank you.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 02:54:02 PMamazing detail.

Quite unsettling detail honestly, Anna. It was a dream I wouldn't have been upset if I never woke up from. And I don't know how to feel about that.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 29, 2025, 03:02:20 PMCross stitch. Embroidery. Surreal, Sephirah, and sublime. Thank you.

Um... yeah, one of those. Embroidery sounds about right. Thank you, Anni. I am all thumbs when it comes to stuff like that. Wouldn't know a knitting needle from a sewing needle.

Wow, wonderful! Because of the length of the dream and the vivid detail, I think it could be a past-life memory. Like you, I only sleep for three hours tops, then pain or noise will wake me. So when I have a long, vivid dream where I can recall many details, I pay attention.

I think the sewing thing with wooden rings was needlepoint.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 29, 2025, 03:09:38 PMWow, wonderful! Because of the length of the dream and the vivid detail, I think it could be a past-life memory. Like you, I only sleep for three hours tops, then pain or noise will wake me. So when I have a long, vivid dream where I can recall many details, I pay attention.

I think the sewing thing with wooden rings was needlepoint.  :)

Thank you, Lori. I don't know. I'm kind of hesitant to pin it down to that. There's always the part of me that's a skeptic to that kind of thing, I don't know. I don't really know enough details to be certain of it. Like names, or places. I only know what it felt like being someone else. As someone who invents characters for a hobby... I just don't know. I do know the feelings though. Things I don't know how to feel. And even now don't know how to process how that feels. I have not had HRT, or any kind of surgery (at least not in that regard) so it weirds me out to feel how I feel sometimes in my dreams. Not in a bad way, I should add. The trouble comes when I wake up, lol. I have had a few of these dreams. One of them I was an elderly gentleman and it felt just as weird.

I think my mind is just Alice through the Looking Glass, lol. Maybe you're right. I can't say. I kind of just pay attention to stuff like this, as you say. Because it makes a huge impression.

Um... needlepoint, sure! I honestly don't know. White fabric. Stretched inside wooden rings. With an outline of a flower I was slowly filling in with sewing in different coloured threads. That's the best I can do. ;D

I guess it could be embroidery.
https://www.amazon.com/Beginners-Children-Needlepoint-Embroidery-12x12inch/dp/B0D62H3XJ4

This is fantastic stuff, Lauren. I remember a lot from my dreams, but never this level of detail.

I also wonder about past life. My wife and I have many times had experiences where we share an awareness of being two completely different people. I'm skeptical, too, but there have been times when I've felt it and said nothing, then she says something, and it describes very well what I'm feeling. And vice versa. So I'm at least open to the possibility.

I've done my fair share of cross stitch. It uses the hoops. So do embroidery and quilting.

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 29, 2025, 03:54:04 PMI guess it could be embroidery.
https://www.amazon.com/Beginners-Children-Needlepoint-Embroidery-12x12inch/dp/B0D62H3XJ4

That looks right. I have no idea. I spent hours doing that and it was okay. I think actually I would go out of my brain with boredom trying to do it for real. :-\ Massive respect for the artistic people in the world who can do things like that. This girl could do stuff like that. But I just... can't. I would get probably bored, or annoyed with it.

Quote from: Pema on May 29, 2025, 03:56:03 PMThis is fantastic stuff, Lauren. I remember a lot from my dreams, but never this level of detail.

I also wonder about past life. My wife and I have many times had experiences where we share an awareness of being two completely different people. I'm skeptical, too, but there have been times when I've felt it and said nothing, then she says something, and it describes very well what I'm feeling. And vice versa. So I'm at least open to the possibility.

I've done my fair share of cross stitch. It uses the hoops. So do embroidery and quilting.

So we're agreed it's one of those! ;D

Pema, feel free to share anything here, honey. This is open to everyone. I feel self conscious talking about myself too much and would welcome what other people have to share. <3

Lauren, do you feel like your dreams have "meaning" or are messages in any way? I know people who believe they must, and I'm not convinced. My dreams are so often so odd - absurd, really - that it's impossible for me to imagine what useful information they could possibly be conveying to me.

I fly often in my dreams. It's become one of the surest indicators that it's a dream. Same with the classic "Back in school, didn't know there was an exam" dream. I've had those so often that I frequently tell everyone (in the dream), "This is a dream! Nobody needs to worry about anything happening here! It's not real!" Of course they all look at me as if I've lost my mind.

Quote from: Pema on May 29, 2025, 04:28:40 PMLauren, do you feel like your dreams have "meaning" or are messages in any way? I know people who believe they must, and I'm not convinced. My dreams are so often so odd - absurd, really - that it's impossible for me to imagine what useful information they could possibly be conveying to me.

I fly often in my dreams. It's become one of the surest indicators that it's a dream. Same with the classic "Back in school, didn't know there was an exam" dream. I've had those so often that I frequently tell everyone (in the dream), "This is a dream! Nobody needs to worry about anything happening here! It's not real!" Of course they all look at me as if I've lost my mind.

That's kind of hard to answer, Pema. I kind of think all dreams have meaning, in some way. They're the deepest parts of our mind trying to make sense of things. What that meaning is... I have no idea most of the time. But having worked with altered states of consciousness and meditation for a long, long time... I know that the deepest parts of ourselves, the subconscious mind, works with imagery. Subtle things that the conscious parts of us ignore. One image can speak a thousand words. Even if we don't understand the language.

You will get people who supposedly know what these meanings are. Even write books on it. "Yeah, if you dream your hair is falling out, that means you won't get the promotion at work!" I am not sold on that stuff. I think it's all very personal, and... assuming we remember our dreams, they should be things we figure out for ourselves.

Can I ask you something? When you dream you're flying... what do you fly over? Are there differing landscapes below? Or is it the same one?

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 04:37:03 PMI think it's all very personal, and... assuming we remember our dreams, they should be things we figure out for ourselves.

That's fair. I can't say I've acquired the knack for interpreting mine. So often they're just monotonous frustrating activities.

My flying dreams are always in different settings. Most recently, it was high over a very large park, and I was waving to people below. There have been times I've passed through and above clouds. Sometimes I have to dodge overhead power lines. Frequently, they're indoors, and I'm just sort of hovering (horizontally), turning to pass through doorways and the rest. There's never anyone else who can fly, and nobody else is even slightly impressed that I can. I'm always amazed that I can - until I figure out it means it's a dream.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 02:41:52 PMI wrote this down so it wouldn't take me 2 hours to type out, lol.

This is going to be a long read because there was kind of a lot going on in this dream. It was strange because it wasn't strange. Which will make sense at the end.

That Lauren was taller, with brown eyes, so different from you, with your grey-green eyes and braided hair.

It's like she was your complete opposite.

Maybe that dream was a glimpse into a parallel universe, some strange, vivid bridge between worlds.

Still, strange or not piece by piece, we're getting a clearer image of the real, beautiful you.

So far, we know you're petite, with those striking eyes and your signature braid.

Eventually, we'll have a full picture inside and out of who Lauren truly is.

I wish I could dream like that. No matter how long I sleep, nothing ever comes through like that.


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Pema on May 29, 2025, 05:31:21 PMThere's never anyone else who can fly, and nobody else is even slightly impressed that I can. I'm always amazed that I can

I was in session with my psychologist for PTSD, and we were discussing a recurring nightmare. It is never the same except in general. It is always a group of men chasing me for some reason. My psychologist told me that before I go to sleep, just keep telling myself that I have a jetpack and I can just fly away.

That reminded me of dreams I had when I was younger, and I told my psychologist about them. I was fascinated with levitation. Not the fake stuff that illusionists perform on stage, but real levitation, the way the Eastern yogis and gurus do. In my dreams, I kept practicing, and soon I could levitate just a couple of feet off the ground. In later dreams, it seemed my practice paid off because I could then levitate six feet off the ground. Once I realized I had mastered this, it was nothing to escape by levitating high enough to sit at the top of a tree or on a rooftop. And like your dreams, no one acted like it was unusual. So, before going to sleep, I would just remind myself that I know how to levitate.

At another session, I told my psychologist that I had another one of those dreams. I was looking for something important, but couldn't find it, and I was being chased around inside a large building. I kept frantically searching, then finally gave up, went outside, and levitated up and away.

My psychologist asked if I knew what I had been searching for. I said yes, my jetpack! She started laughing and said it is a good thing that I know how to levitate!

;D

Quote from: Lilis on May 29, 2025, 05:38:47 PMThat Lauren was taller, with brown eyes, so different from you, with your grey-green eyes and braided hair.

It's like she was your complete opposite.

Maybe that dream was a glimpse into a parallel universe, some strange, vivid bridge between worlds.

Still, strange or not piece by piece, we're getting a clearer image of the real, beautiful you.

So far, we know you're petite, with those striking eyes and your signature braid.

Eventually, we'll have a full picture inside and out of who Lauren truly is.

I wish I could dream like that. No matter how long I sleep, nothing ever comes through like that.


~ Lilis 💗

Trust me, Lilis, this girl was not like me.. like... at all. And that's kind of what made it strange after I woke up.

I am most assuredly not petite. And I have never been pregnant. I don't... hrmm... I have way more walls up than any of you. As much as I encourage you to shine your light, I can't take my own advice. There's a lot of stuff I don't bring here. I am very Jekyll and Hyde. You folks being happy makes me happy. For all the light I have, I have just as much darkness, which I never want to bring here. You all have enough to deal with. I just... I can't do it. Even though sometimes I feel like I'm screaming.

Sorry... that's TMI. I don't think anyone will ever have that, Lilis. Because I'm... I should stop talking. It's getting way too thorny. Sorry. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 05:49:01 PMSorry... that's TMI. I don't think anyone will ever have that, Lilis. Because I'm... I should stop talking. It's getting way too thorny. Sorry. :)

I hear you, no, no pressure, ever. 🙂💞


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 29, 2025, 05:57:58 PMI hear you, no, no pressure, ever. 🙂💞


~ Lilis 🫂

Thank you. Maybe one day. Until then, I get to help other people live their dreams. And that is enough. :)

In real life news... Metaphor: ReFantazio was just added to Gamepass. I think my squeal of delight could be heard in a 200 mile radius. I realise that won't mean much to most people. But I am a massive gamer nerd, and a HUGE fan of Atlus games. Like Shin Megami Tensei, or the Persona games. They do very Japanese, very... odd... RPGs. Right up my street. I've never been one of those people who are into shooting other people.

In case anyone is interested, here is the launch trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQPk4cVrU_w

And in case you don't know what Gamepass is... it's like the Netflix for games. :)

In other real life news I am doing okay. And getting better. I am on my ass 5/7 days of the week but it won't always be like that. Stuff is working and I am getting there. So.. I am sorry if I'm only here and only have the energy to do this in a limited fashion. It won't always be that way. Until and even then... you have a myriad of special people here.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 08:23:18 PMIn other real life news I am doing okay. And getting better. I am on my ass 5/7 days of the week but it won't always be like that. Stuff is working and I am getting there. So.. I am sorry if I'm only here and only have the energy to do this in a limited fashion. It won't always be that way. Until and even then... you have a myriad of special people here.

Yeah. We're not done with you yet.  :-*

I hope not, Lori. That plays on my mind a lot. But I think I am okay with it. Everything moves on. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 08:29:25 PMI hope not, Lori. That plays on my mind a lot. But I think I am okay with it. Everything moves on. :)

Nothing wrong with taking a break now and then. You'll be back.

Or I will hunt you down.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 29, 2025, 08:32:48 PMNothing wrong with taking a break now and then. You'll be back.

Or I will hunt you down.  ;D

Hah! have no doubt you would. :) No, sweetie I am okay. I don't plan on taking a break just yet. Although it has been known. Too many people here I care a whole heck of a lot about this time, honestly. I can't do that to them. Which makes me feel... weird. I am not used to people caring about me. Only themselves. Which... isn't a slight. It's just how I have interacted with people in the past. I don't know really how to deal with it when someone cares about me.

Which, again, is TMI, lol. Sorry. :)

I think we need to celebrate Ashley up in here right now. And I need to feel rather bouncy.

To that end, I give you...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W47NAhGME4

Tell me that doesn't make you grin! ;D

I don't get the appeal of cats. Like.. I honestly don't. I've always been a dog person. I had one cat in my life, when I was a kid. A big black thing. And she would wait on top of the gate to get into my house and just hiss at me. Then run off. I was like "whatever." Cats have always been like that with me, lol.

I don't get people who like cats. They don't like you. They are just using you for social media clicks :P

I have always been, and always will be a dog person. My puppers were my children and it broke my heart to have to say goodbye to them. They just love you. No if's, and's or but's. They just... the highlight of their day is for their mom to love them. In the smallest of ways. And they are yours forever. Whenever you feel bad, you don't even have to say anything. You have a big, dumb head in your lap... wanting a cuddle. Like they're psychic.

Man's best friend... and then some. :'(

Hi Sephirah

I don't get the appeal of dogs.  Like I honestly don't no why.  I have always been a cat person.  I only had one dog that I really liked in my life.  It was an Australian Silky Terrier named Chewy it was actually my mums dog, but I guess we shared him.

He would always come with me on trips and I would take him down to the beach and would run beside my mum while she rode her bike and when he was tired would ride in the rear basket on mums bike.

I don't get people who like dogs.  They are always demanding wanting something from you.  They are just using you, like waiting for you to throw the next stick or ball or just annoy you wanting you to take them for the next walk.  While a cat is so independent.

I have always been, and always will be a cat person.  They just love you.  No if's and or butts.  They just highlight the day for me, just wanting the next scratch on their heads.  I just love them too pieces.  They are forever yours.

Whenever you feel bad, sad or even lonely you don't even have to say anything.  You have a cat that will curl up in your lap and be contented.  Enjoying the strokes and scratches and purring to their hearts content or wanting you to pick them up for a cuddle.

Women's best friend and then some.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS  Sorry for the plagiarism Sephirah
@Sephirah

Why stick to dogs and cats? :)

As a friend to the children commend me the Yak.   
You will find it exactly the thing:
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back,   
Or lead it about with a string.

The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet   
(A desolate region of snow)
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,   
And surely the Tartar should know!

Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got,   
And if he is awfully rich
He will buy you the creature—or else he will not.
(I cannot be positive which.)

Quote from: Sarah B on May 30, 2025, 02:09:23 AMHi Sephirah

I don't get the appeal of dogs.  Like I honestly don't no why.  I have always been a cat person.  I only had one dog that I really liked in my life.  It was an Australian Silky Terrier named Chewy it was actually my mums dog, but I guess we shared him.

He would always come with me on trips and I would take him down to the beach and would run beside my mum while she rode her bike and when he was tired would ride in the rear basket on mums bike.

I don't get people who like dogs.  They are always demanding wanting something from you.  They are just using you, like waiting for you to throw the next stick or ball or just annoy you wanting you to take them for the next walk.  While a cat is so independent.

I have always been, and always will be a cat person.  They just love you.  No if's and or butts.  They just highlight the day for me, just wanting the next scratch on their heads.  I just love them too pieces.  They are forever yours.

Whenever you feel bad, sad or even lonely you don't even have to say anything.  You have a cat that will curl up in your lap and be contented.  Enjoying the strokes and scratches and purring to their hearts content or wanting you to pick them up for a cuddle.

Women's best friend and then some.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS  Sorry for the plagiarism Sephirah
@Sephirah

That is entirely fair, Sarah. And made me smile. Thank you. <3 For the perspective. We need cat people in the world... to have all the cats. ;D

Quote from: TanyaG on May 30, 2025, 02:33:46 AMWhy stick to dogs and cats? :)

As a friend to the children commend me the Yak.   
You will find it exactly the thing:
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back,   
Or lead it about with a string.

The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet   
(A desolate region of snow)
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,   
And surely the Tartar should know!

Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got,   
And if he is awfully rich
He will buy you the creature—or else he will not.
(I cannot be positive which.)

I would love a pet Yak, haha. Might be a bit large for where I live but whatever. I'd make it work!

Quote from: Pema on May 29, 2025, 05:31:21 PMThat's fair. I can't say I've acquired the knack for interpreting mine. So often they're just monotonous frustrating activities.

My flying dreams are always in different settings. Most recently, it was high over a very large park, and I was waving to people below. There have been times I've passed through and above clouds. Sometimes I have to dodge overhead power lines. Frequently, they're indoors, and I'm just sort of hovering (horizontally), turning to pass through doorways and the rest. There's never anyone else who can fly, and nobody else is even slightly impressed that I can. I'm always amazed that I can - until I figure out it means it's a dream.

It doesn't necessarily mean it's only a dream, Pema. As Shakespeare said: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Without getting too tinfoil-hattery, it might be something else. Something you aren't fully aware of. I'll leave it there. :)

Last night was... ugh... one of those nights where I didn't dream. Sometimes I just feel like I blinked and a few hours had passed. I guess I need those from time to time.

Sometimes in my dreams I am a tall thin ginger haired woman that is the village healer in the bronze age, feels like a past life or is it just my excessive imagination. 

Quote from: Sephirah on May 30, 2025, 04:38:06 AMI have always been a cat person. 

Viva la difference!
Les chats sont les meilleurs! Cats are the best!

IMHO of course.  I always have at least two not more than three.

Quote from: davina61 on May 30, 2025, 05:46:43 AMvillage healer in the bronze age

Warning!  Here there be dragons!  Beware for you are crunchy and taste good.

Drink this nettle broth and chew on these rose hips !!!

Quote from: davina61 on May 30, 2025, 05:46:43 AMSometimes in my dreams I am a tall thin ginger haired woman that is the village healer in the bronze age, feels like a past life or is it just my excessive imagination. 

Could be both. :) Is it always the same woman, Davina?

Quote from: D'Amalie on May 30, 2025, 07:57:20 AMViva la difference!
Les chats sont les meilleurs! Cats are the best!

IMHO of course.  I always have at least two not more than three.

I think the issue is they don't seem to like me. I've had plenty literally hiss at me, ears flat back, then bolt. Where literally the opposite is true for dogs. Even the most vicious "I'd keep away from him if I were you" types just wag their tails and let me pet them. I dunno. What's the female equivalent to "Damien"? lol. ;D

So... uh... I got a letter this morning from the people I have a credit card with. Have had it for coming on 25 years at this point. Back since 2001. I had to buy a lot of stuff to let me live in my house. You'd be surprised how much you have to change when you can't walk around. Stuff the NHS doesn't cover.

Anyway... they sent me a letter about 17 months ago. Talking about how I was barely making minimum payments on the balance, And that's true. It was hard. They were like "Okay, we will write you again in 18 months if things haven't changed." It sounded vaguely threatening.

But since then I've tried to live basically like a pauper, lol. To pay off a lot of this stuff. And the letter today... I didn't know whether to feel happy or like I was being patted on the head. It was like "We told you we would write to you... but GOOD NEWS!! You have made changes. You've paid off more!! So go you! Have a Scooby Snack! You are no longer on our watch list!! We don't need the SWAT team!"

And it's true... I have nixed a lot of it. By living hand to mouth for a long time. So that's good. Just the wording of it made me feel kind of... weird. Good girl! Who's a good girl! You are! lol. ;D

LOL. Fitting for a dog lover.  :laugh:

But seriously, good for you. So many people spend their lives in debt. I have been bankrupt twice and have learned to only buy what I need, not necessarily what I want. Over the past two years, I was able to raise my credit score from the low end of "Good" to "Excellent" just by paying off my Jeep, a medical loan, and paying down my credit card balance. No easy feat, but you did it!

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 30, 2025, 08:25:08 PMLOL. Fitting for a dog lover.  :laugh:

Hah, that crossed my mind. ;D If you ever saw the movie "Lady and the Tramp"... this is me:

(https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.rGllzFGZSfhzHMoby5yivgHaGc?rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain)

QuoteBut seriously, good for you. So many people spend their lives in debt. I have been bankrupt twice and have learned to only buy what I need, not necessarily what I want. Over the past two years, I was able to raise my credit score from the low end of "Good" to "Excellent" just by paying off my Jeep, a medical loan, and paying down my credit card balance. No easy feat, but you did it!

Thank you, Lori. And good on you, girl. You're right... it's a very easy thing to fall into and never get out of. I am proud of you, too. It takes a lot of self discipline to not have that stuff hanging over you. I have a ways to go yet. But I'm getting there. I don't have to buy more stuff to let me live. It's all good!

 Credit card companies are big on the carrot and stick approach! Congrats on the well earned carrot sister! 🥕🐰👍

Hugs!

A💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 30, 2025, 10:03:03 PMCredit card companies are big on the carrot and stick approach! Congrats on the well earned carrot sister! 🥕🐰👍

Hugs!

A💕

Thank you, Ash. <3 You girls inspire me. I don't always say it as much as I should. But you do. Thank you.

Yes Lauren it is the same women and I know its bronze age from the rings and jewellery (but I have watched Time Team and Alice Roberts who I have a crush on!)

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 10:54:12 PMI don't get the appeal of cats. Like.. I honestly don't. I've always been a dog person. I had one cat in my life, when I was a kid. A big black thing. And she would wait on top of the gate to get into my house and just hiss at me.Then run off. I was like "whatever." Cats have always been like that with me, lol.

QuoteMan's best friend... and then some. :'(

Quote from: Sarah B on May 30, 2025, 02:09:23 AMWomen's best friend and then some.

I totally agree with Sarah!.

I've always liked both, and I mostly grew up with cats, like ten no neutered ones at a time!

So we always had kittens running around and giving them away was part of life.

I think maybe Lauren just never met a nice kitty. I should show her some of my cat pics one day...

Oh wait... might get eaten by a dragon!

Hissssssssssss.... 😾

ROFL! 🤣


~ Lilis 💞

Quote from: Lilis on May 31, 2025, 07:59:54 PMI think maybe Lauren just never met a nice kitty. I should show her some of my cat pics one day...

This. I had a pet cat when I was a kid. This giant black monstrosity that used to wait for me coming home from school and try its hardest to lacerate my uniform. *shudders* Oh and the next door neighbour had a huge grey and white cat, they called him Moscow (no idea why). He freaked my mum out one night while she was watching a horror movie late at night. He used to perch himself on the bin outside our house and she told me she just looked out the window and saw these yellow eyes staring at her. And he used to come in our house and steal food.

Yeah... not really had the best experiences with felines, lol. I'm sure they're great, though. :)

Sorry for the late reply. Life stuff and kind of feeling emotionally... uh... not fit for purpose lately. I don't want to bring that here. Definitely been a Hyde couple of weeks, heh. Oh, and I hate hospitals.

I think I need Davina's kind of Bronze Age wise woman! ;D Do you remember anything about the place where you are, Davina?

As far as dreams go... nothing of note aside from one dream. It was somewhat disjointed but I think it was set in the US, in the 60s or 70s. There were cars with those weird fins on the back? As big as a house. I was working in a care home and a lot of people got killed. And somehow I got the blame. But I got a card... like a birthday card... from an Irish girl (and don't ask how I know that, I just did, lol), saying she knew I didn't do it. And I was hiding out in a house, with this guy, and like every cop in the world showed up. It was... weird, lol.

As the old saying goes: Life stuff happens. I'm glad you're back, Sephirah. Compared to yours, my dreams are so boring. Thanks for brightening my day.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 12, 2025, 03:23:44 PMAs the old saying goes: Life stuff happens. I'm glad you're back, Sephirah. Compared to yours, my dreams are so boring. Thanks for brightening my day.

One person's boring is another person's Lord of the Rings. You might be surprised, Anni. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on June 12, 2025, 03:41:56 PMLord of the Rings

Lord of the Rings? Give me a break. Dune. Even CS Lewis and the Narnia tales. After The Hobbit, the entire premise fell apart (although my brother compared me favorably to Gollum the first time I grew my hair long after turning 60 but I sense we've covered this ground before). Begrudgingly, I'll grant anyone creative kudos for fantasy fiction who isn't named J.K.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 12, 2025, 04:45:43 PMLord of the Rings? Give me a break. Dune. Even CS Lewis and the Narnia tales. After The Hobbit, the entire premise fell apart (although my brother compared me favorably to Gollum the first time I grew my hair long after turning 60 but I sense we've covered this ground before). Begrudgingly, I'll grant anyone creative kudos for fantasy fiction who isn't named J.K.

The Hobbit movies were... weird. They took a massive amount of creative license (read: made a ton of crap up for the audience). As someone who owns hardback copies of the originals and has wore them out reading both... I think Lord of the Rings got the best Hollywood treatment. And credit to those movies. Even 20+ years on, they still hold up. And the New Zealand tourist industry is probably making a fortune, lol.

The books are way different to the movies, though. In both cases.

I agree with you on the JK stuff. I won't say any more than that. She doesn't deserve the attention.

I read the Narnia books when I was a kid. In my "Escape life by hiding in an attic trawling through my grandma's book collection." That... all the Enid Blyton stuff... I was such a bookworm haha. It was like "The Neverending Story" but for real.

I never got into Dune. I've slogged through the books, even seen both of the movies and still can't get into it. I know it's like... awesome. But it just isn't my cup of coffee. If you want a really good fantasy author, google David Gemmell. Guy has genuine talent. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on June 12, 2025, 05:18:27 PMDavid Gemmell. Guy has genuine talent

Mr. Gemmel is now at the top of my reading list (as soon as I finish with this biography of Vincent--you know, the one who said something to the effect 'love in an open hand').
  And I apologize for badmouthing LOTR (I read the Hobbit and loved it but only watched the trilogy movies although I almost fell in love with a nice Maori girl but that's a bit off topic). In my mind's eye, I can see you reading 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' in your grandma's attic. That's exactly where CS intended people to read his books. Gemmel. Next on my list.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 12, 2025, 05:47:21 PMMr. Gemmel is now at the top of my reading list (as soon as I finish with this biography of Vincent--you know, the one who said something to the effect 'love in an open hand').
  And I apologize for badmouthing LOTR (I read the Hobbit and loved it but only watched the trilogy movies although I almost fell in love with a nice Maori girl but that's a bit off topic). In my mind's eye, I can see you reading 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' in your grandma's attic. That's exactly where CS intended people to read his books. Gemmel. Next on my list.

Don't apologise, Anni. You should really read the Lord of the Rings books, though. If only to see how much they cut out of it. It's still good for what it is. But they just didn't bother with a lot of the lore and world building. Tolkien literally invented all these languages off the top of his head. They had full lexicography. The guy was massively obsessed. Much like Trekkies revere Klingon... Tolkien literally invented his version of Elvish. Peter Jackson came closest to realising that vision but it's still massively cut down for Hollywood. The book has way more poetry in it, and poetic characters... like Tom Bombadil, who got cut out of the movies entirely.

It's a whole different experience. :) But then as an author yourself, I think you can kind of understand that.

Quote from: Sephirah on June 12, 2025, 06:21:39 PMBut then as an author yourself,

That's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. And, evidently like JRR, I refuse to cut a single word from my prolific (and perhaps prosaic) prose. Which might explain why I'm an unread author (a fact that will never stop me from filling reams of paper with words I wish I had invented).
  Sephirah, I'm serious about the kindest thing part. And Tolkein turned my world upside down when I read The Hobbit. Perhaps I should have never watched the movies. I'll move JRR Tolkein in front of Gemmel but I really want to finish 'Savage Beauty' (Edna was a firecracker).
  Prosaic. What an odd word to feel compelled to toss into a post.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 12, 2025, 07:27:52 PMThat's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. And, evidently like JRR, I refuse to cut a single word from my prolific (and perhaps prosaic) prose. Which might explain why I'm an unread author (a fact that will never stop me from filling reams of paper with words I wish I had invented).
  Sephirah, I'm serious about the kindest thing part. And Tolkein turned my world upside down when I read The Hobbit. Perhaps I should have never watched the movies. I'll move JRR Tolkein in front of Gemmel but I really want to finish 'Savage Beauty' (Edna was a firecracker).
  Prosaic. What an odd word to feel compelled to toss into a post.

Anni, you have a very rare gift. You write naturally. Nothing is forced. I am actually in awe at how you manage to control all your characters. But it's more than that. The dialogue is natural. It never feels contrived. Girl, you have a very rare and special gift. I know where a lot of it comes from. You've told me... but I think it's more than that. Dreams can only take you so far. You take it so much further. You have that spark within you.

Y'all need to pester Annika to read her dreams, because I promise you, it's something else. Girl, you have a talent gifted to very few people in this world.

Back to my "dream" "past life" whatever, its in a collection of round houses. Strange we have a hill fort above where I was born and when they upgraded a junction the other side of the river from my flat they found round houses. Looks like this area was well populated back then, maybe that is why there is a Roman castle tump opposite where I went to junior school?

Quote from: davina61 on June 13, 2025, 03:33:07 AMBack to my "dream" "past life" whatever, its in a collection of round houses. Strange we have a hill fort above where I was born and when they upgraded a junction the other side of the river from my flat they found round houses. Looks like this area was well populated back then, maybe that is why there is a Roman castle tump opposite where I went to junior school?

That's really cool, Davina. I can see where your interest in Time Team and archaeology comes from. Maybe there is something to it. And you are living something else from a long time ago. You can't really go anywhere in the UK without at least a Roman villa being a few metres below your feet. That's kind of the thing. Does the egg lead to the chicken or does the chicken lead to the egg?

Is there anything else about these dreams that is consistent? Other than yourself?

So... uh... I know this likely won't appeal to many people here. There are a lot less gamer nerds than there used to be, for some reason. ;D But... this gives me huge goosebumps. It's slightly spoilery (the version with the dialogue is way more spoilery, but way more impactful... it always, ALWAYS makes me cry in a good way) If you haven't played but have any desire to play this then don't watch. But I think this is one of the best pieces of music ever made for a videogame and just in general... it always makes me feel a certain kind of way...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8itmPH2jUc

Yes treating someone with a poultice, a young person and her mother. From my gran parents when I had a sore that refused to heal a leaf from a mallow plant worked!

Quote from: davina61 on June 13, 2025, 09:37:34 AMYes treating someone with a poultice, a young person and her mother. From my gran parents when I had a sore that refused to heal a leaf from a mallow plant worked!

That's actually really cool. A lot of the natural healing has been lost, Davina you are an actual druid! Don't write it off, sweetie. I've seen enough to believe in reincarnation, you never really know. As Shakespeare said:

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

When I was a young lass of grade school age, I had a recurring dream of being shot through the head on a battlefield. The dream was not a nightmare, merely a moment of darkness before floating above myself and noticing the helmet beside my body with a bullet hole between two silver bars. As I grew older, I interpreted the dream to intimate that I was a captain during the Korean War. Since I was born in October of 1951, I always thought of that dream whenever the topic or reincarnation came up. Who knows? As an aside, my father was determined to re-enlist shortly after the Korean War began but my mother had just learned she was pregnant with me and threatened to divorce my dad if he re-enlisted. Perhaps some anonymous captain dying on a forgotten battlefield saved my dad's life. Okay, that last was a bit of a reach.

Maybe, Anni. I think it's entirely possible. I watched this video a little while ago and... one of my favourite mivues is a movie called "Dragonfly" Starring Kevin Costner. Deals with this subject, although it is quite Hollywood.

Anyway... have a look at this.
This guy is mostly a sceptic and debunker of paranormal stuff:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx-YJftYXXg

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 13, 2025, 11:32:27 AMWhen I was a young lass of grade school age, I had a recurring dream of being shot through the head on a battlefield. The dream was not a nightmare, merely a moment of darkness before floating above myself and noticing the helmet beside my body with a bullet hole between two silver bars. As I grew older, I interpreted the dream to intimate that I was a captain during the Korean War. Since I was born in October of 1951, I always thought of that dream whenever the topic or reincarnation came up. Who knows? As an aside, my father was determined to re-enlist shortly after the Korean War began but my mother had just learned she was pregnant with me and threatened to divorce my dad if he re-enlisted. Perhaps some anonymous captain dying on a forgotten battlefield saved my dad's life. Okay, that last was a bit of a reach.

Annika...

I also had a re-occurring dream from about age 6 to around 13 about being killed in war... always the same short dream on a fairly regular basis of a painful hit to my chest in a muddy place at night... I used to be aware of the dream sometime when it started but, couldn't stop the inevitable conclusion... sometimes I would cry out from the painful end to it and my parents would hear me...

Onward,

A💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 13, 2025, 09:20:45 PMsometimes I would cry out from the painful end to it and my parents would hear me...

Oh, Ashley, what a traumatic dream to endure repeatedly. Assuming our dreams are somehow connected to past lives, I am fortunate to have passed so painlessly. And if they're not connected, I have difficulty determining the source(s) of the imagery. We didn't own a TV until I was five and my mother hated war movies (she loved westerns, though, so I suppose I could have transposed images). I was probably eight or nine the last time I remember having the dream. 

I was never a huge fan of fantasy fiction (I'm a sci-fi geek). I was introduced to playing Dungeons & Dragons, and enjoyed that. We would have weekend marathons, playing non-stop from Friday night into early Sunday morning. I found and bought the complete collection of Tolkien, but I had a very hard time getting into it. Then I discovered Dragon World.

Dragonworld (August 3, 2011)
by Byron Preiss (Author), Michael Reaves (Author), Joseph Zucker (Illustrator)

I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it opened my mind to fantasy fiction. I still find Tolkien hard to read, but I enjoy the movies.

Quote from: Lori Dee on June 15, 2025, 10:47:16 AMI still find Tolkien hard to read,

As do I, Lori. But I am willing to give the trilogy another chance. The movies were entertaining and no doubt deterred me from reading past 'The Hobbit'. So, as Janis Joplin might say, 'I must make amends.'

A lot of that was based around where I live as he was a teacher at Malvern collage.

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 13, 2025, 09:20:45 PMAnnika...

I also had a re-occurring dream from about age 6 to around 13 about being killed in war... always the same short dream on a fairly regular basis of a painful hit to my chest in a muddy place at night... I used to be aware of the dream sometime when it started but, couldn't stop the inevitable conclusion... sometimes I would cry out from the painful end to it and my parents would hear me...

Onward,

A💕

That is horrible. For both of you. I have never had a dream about being fatally shot and wow I never want to. That must be so jarring. I have been shot, a long time ago in the military. Although it was only a graze and decidedly non-life threatening... and an accident. I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. :-\

Quote from: Lori Dee on June 15, 2025, 10:47:16 AMI was never a huge fan of fantasy fiction (I'm a sci-fi geek). I was introduced to playing Dungeons & Dragons, and enjoyed that. We would have weekend marathons, playing non-stop from Friday night into early Sunday morning. I found and bought the complete collection of Tolkien, but I had a very hard time getting into it. Then I discovered Dragon World.

Dragonworld (August 3, 2011)
by Byron Preiss (Author), Michael Reaves (Author), Joseph Zucker (Illustrator)

I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it opened my mind to fantasy fiction. I still find Tolkien hard to read, but I enjoy the movies.

Yeah I totally get this, Lori. Tolkien is very hard to get into if you read the Lord of the Rings books. The first, I would say forty percent of the first book, The Fellowship of the Ring, is extremely slow and meandering. And contains a lot of stuff they just cut out of the movie entirely. You start to wonder if there's even a point to it. Stuff that really is only worldbuilding and lore related. I can see why they cut it out of the movie. It does gather pace... but that doesn't do much to help someone who isn't really interested after the first two hundred or so pages, lol.

The thing I'm probably most sad about is that they also cut most of the poetry and songs out of the movies, too. Again I can see why. If they kept everything in, each movie would be double the length of the extended editions and there probably wouldn't have been enough money in the world to shoot them.

I will have to look into Dragonworld. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the DragonLance series of novels. They were set in the Forgotten Realms world, which is what a lot of DnD is set in. It was kind of like a campaign in book form.

I don't know what it is but there are very few sci-fi works I can get into. One notable exception is the "Culture" novels by Iain M. Banks. But I think that's only because in that universe, people can (and do) change their gender and sex at will. And one story is about this guy, who became a girl to have a baby, then changed back again. I read this before I came out and it utterly fascinated me.

Quote from: davina61 on June 13, 2025, 09:37:34 AMYes treating someone with a poultice, a young person and her mother. From my gran parents when I had a sore that refused to heal a leaf from a mallow plant worked!

There is so much knowledge lost to the world about natural things that worked for thousands of years. And only very few people alive who still know about them, all over the world.

...

In boring Lauren real life news... it's been obnoxiously, unbearably hot here in my little corner of the UK. And is set to hit 29 Celsius (84 Fahrenheit) this weekend. I'm dreading it. My house, like very many houses in the North of the UK, is full to bursting with insulation because traditionally it's been rather a lot colder and our government would rather have people living in house sized arctic sleeping bags than pay them to put the heating on. So my house is like an actual oven most days and it's excruciating. Did I mention I hate Summer?

Oh, and I got to travel on one of the fancy new all-electric buses that have been rolled out where I live. They're very cool! Very quiet, and very accommodating as far as disabled access goes. Although I don't have the faintest idea how you'd power a double-decker on batteries. They must have veritable armies of Duracell Bunnies on treadmills underneath them.

Travel for me, even just locally, is normally quite complicated and awkward. But this was nice.

Thunder • Imagine Dragons

I have listened to that three times now. Thank you so much, Lilis. The arrangement gives me goosebumps.

Girl you are special. You just get people. Thank you. <3

This song makes me think of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EbHermSJXY

You are absolutely beautiful. The world is a better place because you are in it, @Lilis. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on June 17, 2025, 08:39:39 PMThis song makes me think of you.

You are absolutely beautiful. The world is a better place because you are in it, Lilis (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=69247). <3

Love it! 💗

Added to my playlist, thank you, Lauren.

You're beautiful too... 💋


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on June 17, 2025, 08:47:44 PMLove it! 💗

Added to my playlist, thank you, Lauren.

You're beautiful too... 💋


~ Lilis 🫂

Love you, honey. <3 I wish for the very best for you and your potential bae. You make me better than I am, Lilis. You deserve to be happy. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on June 17, 2025, 08:51:38 PMLove you, honey.

That is an epic image. ;D I wholeheartedly approve! ;D

I am going to take a break from the site for a while.

I am sorry to a lot of people. You deserve better.

I am sorry. I need some time to sort myself out. I am going through some stuff and I have to deal with it. Not here.

I am sorry for people who feel hurt.

I will see you in a few weeks, or months. Maybe. I am sorry. I love you.

Quote from: Sephirah on June 20, 2025, 07:22:28 PMI will see you in a few weeks, or months. Maybe. I am sorry. I love you.

Love you, too, Sephirah. I took a break once and a good friend reminded me of why I knocked on Susan's door in the first place. So I came back. Everyone here needs you. But I understand you need yourself more. We'll be here.

We Love You Too Lauren!... Your family is always here for you! 🌞

Hugs and Love!

A 💕

Lauren, please do what you need to do for yourself. I don't think anyone here feels like you've harmed them.

Also please know that we are here for you as much as you've been here for us. It's a two-way street and it's OK to receive sometimes.

Sending you love,
Pema

Quote from: Sephirah on June 20, 2025, 07:22:28 PMI am going to take a break from the site for a while.

I am sorry to a lot of people. You deserve better.

I am sorry. I need some time to sort myself out. I am going through some stuff and I have to deal with it. Not here.

I am sorry for people who feel hurt.

I will see you in a few weeks, or months. Maybe. I am sorry. I love you.

Lauren, you will be missed your presence, your voice, your spark.

Take whatever time you need. If you ever want to talk or just need someone to hold space, feel free to reach out in DMs.

Wishing you clarity on this leg of your journey.


~ Lilis 🫂

I can't do it. Being away from something that makes you happy, in order to be alive, is the worst kind of choice. Not that it would probably make much of a difference. But... I might be quiet for a while, but I can't stay away.

I can't say too much. Just... I'm dealing with a lot, and sometimes it puts me in a bad place. I try not to bring it here, but sometimes I can't help it. I have hope. But giving other people hope makes me feel better. And I can't cut myself off from that.

If I act weird sometimes, I am sorry.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 12, 2025, 04:50:59 PMIf I act weird sometimes, I am sorry.

You are just one of us weirdos.  :-*
One of us!
One of us!
One of us!
 ;D

You're sweet, Lori. Thank you. <3

I think y'all are far better, though. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on July 12, 2025, 05:13:26 PMYou're sweet, Lori. Thank you. <3

I think y'all are far better, though. :)

Well, I know how it feels to be away from a place that makes you happy. I have been offline for ten days. It was awful.

Fortunately, I am back and get to see your smiling face and lovely pink hair.  :-*

@Sephirah

We all have our own unique personalities and our own ways of expressing our thoughts....
.... not better and not worse than others.

HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
 

Thank you, both of you.

Sometimes the way I express myself isn't how I want to express myself, that's kind of the issue, lol. Sometimes I let stuff get topside of me and bring it to a place where it shouldn't be. But I get your point.

Maybe I should not try to be the judge of it all. It is a bit hypocritical when I don't, as a rule, judge others. :) I am glad this place has approachable, understanding, kindhearted staff. It's kind of a rarity. :) But more than that, just decent people.

Anyway... I have been looking into going back to work. Which will be a challenge in itself but it's better than just being alone with my thoughts. I can do most of it from home so there's no major logistical nightmare. It's only admin for a charity (British Heart Foundation to be specific... my mum died from a heart attack so if I can do anything to help people be more aware of heart health and support for others going through it, you know).

It's only a voluntary position, nothing like super mega special. But every little helps. It will take my mind off stuff I'm dealing with and hopefully help other people with their stuff. I'll know more in a couple of weeks. I can push pens with the best of 'em, lol. So hopefully this will be a good thing.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 12, 2025, 05:55:26 PMI have been looking into going back to work.

I think that is a wonderful idea. Here in the U.S., there are many charities and volunteer organizations that are staffed by retirees. They enjoy helping people and want to keep busy. I think you would be good in such a role.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 12, 2025, 05:59:09 PMI think that is a wonderful idea. Here in the U.S., there are many charities and volunteer organizations that are staffed by retirees. They enjoy helping people and want to keep busy. I think you would be good in such a role.

I did it before um... my incident. After I came out the Navy I went into my local council helping people coming here from other countries to find housing and giving them what help I could. But I kind of got fired from that because the red tape really annoyed me. I went behind my boss' back and did stuff I wasn't really supposed to do because I couldn't stand the idea of people being on the street because of idiots in suits and whatever saying "Oh we can't do it!" when we very much could. So... then I went into that role because I dunno, I guess I just don't feel right unless I'm helping other people. A character trait I guess.

I just... want to help people to not be scared or alone, or like to be there when they don't think there's anywhere to turn, you know? I guess I'm just that kind of person. It's not really about the money, just to be able to sleep at night.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 12, 2025, 04:59:19 PMYou are just one of us weirdos.  :-*
One of us!
One of us!
One of us!
 ;D

Ah!... A nod to Tod Browning's 1932 masterpiece! ...Well done sister!!! 😀👍

Quote from: Sephirah on July 12, 2025, 04:50:59 PMI can't do it. Being away from something that makes you happy, in order to be alive, is the worst kind of choice. Not that it would probably make much of a difference. But... I might be quiet for a while, but I can't stay away.

I can't say too much. Just... I'm dealing with a lot, and sometimes it puts me in a bad place. I try not to bring it here, but sometimes I can't help it. I have hope. But giving other people hope makes me feel better. And I can't cut myself off from that.

If I act weird sometimes, I am sorry.

Welcome Home Prodigal Sister!!! We Love You!!! This place is a made far better with the present of your presence!

Big Hug!

A 💕🌻

Thank you, Ash. I kind of feel like you are here, too. And like that's part of why it's okay. There are so many wonderful people here that no one will feel alone. Y'all give me too much credit sometimes. Just look at who you are and what you do. Don't need to be a light when the whole of Susan's is radiant. <3

But hey, if you want that slightly neurotic edge... <3

Its a family, I may not say much but I read all the posts. Pull up that cosy chair and say your 2 pence worth my dear you know we all have your back as you have ours.XXXX

Thank you, Davina. And Lilis, too.

So yeah... I have been back at work for the last 4 days because they are crying out for volunteers and I'm only too happy. It's exhausting but it's better than wallowing in stuff. I've also decided to go ahead and study to be a therapist. I have a place in a course in September. I am sick of taking life on the back foot. I tried before but wasn't up to it medically. But I think that was just an excuse. I am tired of being reactive to things, and hoping things get better. I need to start thinking of a future, however likely or unlikely that might be. When you only look at the dirt, that's all you get.

If I drop dead tomorrow, at least I tried. So... who knows. Maybe it will all work out. Either way it's taking my mind off things, and I think that's helping.

Thank you for your support. It means more than you know. Maybe one day I can drop the "armchair" part of "armchair therapist" and actually do some good for people. And have something to put on my wall. Fingers crossed. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on July 12, 2025, 04:50:59 PMI can't do it. Being away from something that makes you happy, in order to be alive, is the worst kind of choice. Not that it would probably make much of a difference. But... I might be quiet for a while, but I can't stay away.

Yay! Welcome back, love.

You were missed, Lauren. 🫂

XOXO


~ Lilis 🌷

I've missed you, too, Lilis. Kind of everyone here, honestly. You are the closest thing to a family I have had. Brothers and sisters I would have chose for myself if you could choose your actual family, lol. I think you can. What matters is what's in someone's heart, not what blood is in their veins.

I kind of always saw you as my little sister that I have to protect, as dumb as that sounds. But now you're finding your voice and learning to fly. It makes me so happy. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2025, 08:33:49 PMI kind of always saw you as my little sister that I have to protect, as dumb as that sounds. But now you're finding your voice and learning to fly. It makes me so happy. :)

Awe... Lauren, thank you!

Sisters 4Ever! 🫶❣️💕


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2025, 08:33:49 PMYou are the closest thing to a family I have had.

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."

― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2025, 04:15:52 PMIf I drop dead tomorrow, at least I tried. So... who knows. Maybe it will all work out. Either way it's taking my mind off things, and I think that's helping.

Thank you for your support. It means more than you know. Maybe one day I can drop the "armchair" part of "armchair therapist" and actually do some good for people. And have something to put on my wall. Fingers crossed. :)

That's the way, Lauren! I think pushing toward something you want is always better than not doing it because it might not work out - but I'm almost always a journey-over-destination person. Even if you didn't end up where you hoped you would when you started, you would at least learn a lot along the way. And you just might wind up better off than you dared imagine.

If you play the game from your heart, you win no matter what happens. I'm happy to see you making that commitment to yourself.

Welcome back.

Yeah that's entirely true, Lori. Moreso for this place than most others, honestly. It's quite... I don't know. I guess there's a reason I've been here for not far off two decades. For all the ills of online spaces and the toxicity you sometimes get... Susan's has always been a beacon for people who... well... people who embody the good in the world. The understanding and kindness and gentleness that is sometimes lost. This place is a beacon for the vulnerable and the lost people in the world. There's hurt but there's also healing. There's hope and there's heart. In a world of cruelty, sometimes you need an oasis of kindness. If only to show that it isn't all dark and empty.

I thank all of you for that. You all give people a reason to go on. Even if you don't realise it.

Quote from: Pema on July 18, 2025, 09:15:05 PMThat's the way, Lauren! I think pushing toward something you want is always better than not doing it because it might not work out - but I'm almost always a journey-over-destination person. Even if you didn't end up where you hoped you would when you started, you would at least learn a lot along the way. And you just might wind up better off than you dared imagine.

If you play the game from your heart, you win no matter what happens. I'm happy to see you making that commitment to yourself.

Welcome back.

Thank you, Pema. You are right. I don't know where this will end up because there are a lot of conditionals. But sometimes you have to just say screw it and stop trying to convince yourself why you can't do something. I would be the world's biggest hypocrite to try to tell people to live to their fullest, if I didn't do the same. Physician, heal thyself!

<3

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2025, 09:24:38 PMsometimes you have to just say screw it and stop trying to convince yourself why you can't do something.

When in school for hypnotherapy certification, we learned about negative self-talk and what a profound influence it has on our lives. I decided right then that I would no longer admit that I can't do something.

I began reframing my thoughts from "I can't do that" to "How can I do that?". That tells the mind that it is possible, and all I need to do is figure out how to make it happen.

Now, that is how I approach every problem... well, that and a lot of bacon.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 18, 2025, 09:30:29 PMWhen in school for hypnotherapy certification, we learned about negative self-talk and what a profound influence it has on our lives. I decided right then that I would no longer admit that I can't do something.

I began reframing my thoughts from "I can't do that" to "How can I do that?". That tells the mind that it is possible, and all I need to do is figure out how to make it happen.

Now, that is how I approach every problem... well, that and a lot of bacon.  ;D

Bacon is the spice of life. I've recently discovered how to do bacon and egg on toast in my air fryer (one of the greatest inventions ever). I am ever so slightly addicted. Although it's likely among the most unhealthy of things you ever ate, it's also among the most addictive, lol.

I have lost a whole bunch of weight lately because of stuff I am trying to deal with. So I don't feel too bad about being a bit of a glutton. When I feel like eating.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2025, 09:43:08 PMSo I don't feel too bad about being a bit of a glutton. When I feel like eating.

All things in moderation.

I recently saw a story about a woman who was 105 years old, still gardens, and stays mentally active doing word puzzles. When asked her secret to long life, she said she has no clue! She smokes a few cigarettes a day and has a glass of bourbon each night before bed. She smiled and said, "That must be it. It must be the bourbon."  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 18, 2025, 09:53:44 PMAll things in moderation.

I recently saw a story about a woman who was 105 years old, still gardens, and stays mentally active doing word puzzles. When asked her secret to long life, she said she has no clue! She smokes a few cigarettes a day and has a glass of bourbon each night before bed. She smiled and said, "That must be it. It must be the bourbon."  ;D

Hah, that's awesome. Maybe I need to take up smoking and drinking. ;D

I am feeling quite insecure about my carnivore beliefs at the moment. I haven't eaten meat in a few weeks. Mostly just salads, if anything at all. The heat we're dealing with on and off is punishing. And other stuff. I just haven't had much appetite. I've lost 5 stone from everything, that's... uh... 70 lbs, or 32 Kg. I feel weak most days, but I don't have the appetite to eat much. I fear that is detrimental. But most days I just look at food and feel sick. I dunno.

Oh, but recently, apparently we had tornadoes in the UK. Typically nowhere near me, in spite of my dreams!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEwgrPhsL04

All there was where I live was some rain. Nothing epic.

There is a TV show here that you would love. In the Eye of the Storm on the Discovery Channel (I think). Every time I see an ad for it, I think of you!

 :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 25, 2025, 05:35:10 PMThere is a TV show here that you would love. In the Eye of the Storm on the Discovery Channel (I think). Every time I see an ad for it, I think of you!

 :)

Trust me, Lori, I eat that stuff up. This is going to sound really weird... but my go-to when I go to sleep is a youtube video that's 8 hours long, and it's a TV broadcast of the 2011 Alabama tornado outbreak. Specifically this one...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElZZNvNdhks

I am a giant sucker for wild weather. I think because I am a Brit and we never get any, lol. But that's probably top of my bucket list... to chase a tornado. They are horrifyingly beautiful. I can see why people get enraptured by chasing these things.

Oh, and in other news... my Xbox Series X died a couple of days ago. So I had to get a new one. They are not cheap. I know that gaming is kind of a niche thing here, weirdly, and that won't mean much to most. But it was kind of a lifeline for me. I blame the heat. Hot weather and technology doesn't mix. I am almost scared to use the new one. Another reason to hate summer! ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on July 25, 2025, 05:40:27 PMTrust me, Lori, I eat that stuff up. This is going to sound really weird... but my go-to when I go to sleep is a youtube video that's 8 hours long, and it's a TV broadcast of the 2011 Alabama tornado outbreak. Specifically this one...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElZZNvNdhks

I am a giant sucker for wild weather. I think because I am a Brit and we never get any, lol. But that's probably top of my bucket list... to chase a tornado. They are horrifyingly beautiful. I can see why people get enraptured by chasing these things.

Hey Girl...

Enjoy the video then go eat something!...


I lived in the Ames, Iowa for a few years and we had one hit near our end of town and mess up a few houses... I went outside to see if i could see it and the sky was all green... very surreal!... Used to see ones starting in Denver area too when i was working... they would start spinning and coming down out of the clouds then go back up... never saw the funnel touch down but, sometimes they came close to it... Nature is cool! 🌪�🌪�🌪�

Hugs!

A 💕

Ash, you are truly a special person. Thank you for that. That video was massively haunting. And it is easy to just disregard the utter carnage these things cause just because you have a schoolgirl fascination with them. I have seen that green sky you speak of. It's otherworldly. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. I feel scared but envious at the same time. It's all magical until everything you built in your life gets wiped off the earth.

It's only enchanting while you're safe. For people who lose everything, it's a tragedy. That is the Janus nature of this kind of thing.

Nature makes us all feel very small, all the time. And that is no bad thing. Thank you.

Tornadoes just have an other-worldly feel to them. I grew up in Kansas. For my entire life, we had regular tornado drills in school, similar to the fire drills, except we all filed into the basement instead of outside. And we opened the windows instead of closing them.

I've seen the green sky and I've also seen a line straight overhead where the left side was dark green and the other was clear blue. It was incredibly eerie, as still and quiet as could be, no birds, nothing - and then the sirens went off.

In 2001, my grandmother's home of 50 years was a casualty of a large tornado in central Kansas. She had died the year before. The house wasn't leveled but was damaged beyond repair. In a bedroom, one of the windows, casing and all, was lying on the bed. In the living room, most of the chimney was gone, mud was splattered on the walls, but a glass-doored curio cabinet filled with porcelain figurines was unharmed.

I've seen things myself and heard many stories about massive devastation with pockets of undisturbed fragility. It feels completely nonsensical.

Quote from: Pema on July 26, 2025, 12:42:03 PMIt was incredibly eerie, as still and quiet as could be, no birds, nothing - and then the sirens went off.

This is what I remember of the green sky. I lived in northern Illinois for over 25 years. Sometimes the sky wasn't green if it was near sunrise or sunset. It's like you can sense the danger. It is such a creepy feeling.

Growing up in California, we became accustomed to earthquakes. We would run outside to watch the driveway or sidewalks crack. We never thought about the danger. But when I went to Illinois, I never got used to those sirens and the creepy sky. You could stand outside and look up at the clouds swirling in a circle overhead.

Amazing. I love hearing first hand experiences of all this. Thank you so much. Some of the cloud formations you folks get over there are beyond belief. I learned of something called a "mothership" cloud formation, because that's kind of what it looks like. Something out of Independence Day.

(https://images.foxtv.com/static.fox10phoenix.com/www.fox10phoenix.com/content/uploads/2020/06/1280/720/2A7AA3DE1E444C7E962C7B3F79DDEC7F.jpg?ve=1&tl=1)

That genuinely blows my mind.

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother's house, Pema. You are right and sometimes it seems like Chaos Theory at work. Two homes next to each other, one is totalled, the other is untouched.

Earthquakes freak me out, Lori. As much as I would try to chase a tornado... the merest hint of an earthquake and I'd be like NOPE! Dealing with the forces inside the planet seems like on a much larger scale. It all makes you feel very insignificant.

Thank you, Lauren. Honestly, after my grandmother passed, the house wasn't especially important anyway.

Naturally, in my young adulthood, I moved from the Midwest to the West Coast and traded tornadoes for earthquakes. I experienced my first one (mild) within months of arriving. A couple of others have been more substantial. I can't say I prefer one over the other.

Soooo... I haven't posted here in a while.

My dreams are kind of non-existent at the moment because I am not sleeping well. It's not so much volume as longevity. I can't sleep for more than like an hour before waking up wanting to eject myself from myself. I get like 15 hours of sleep in 1-2 hour segments, lol. It's not fun. I am barely eating... as in an average of 2-300 calories a day. Because I feel nauseous most of the time. I was having like one meal every 2-3 days. I never feel hungry.

But that is not good for me, so I forced myself to see a nutritionist and have kind of forced myself to eat, even when I want to remove it from my person after 10 minutes. It's helping. I have more energy now. Slightly.

My dreams are whatever I fall asleep to YouTube to at the time. So they're not objective.

Eh, it is what it is. I won't let this stuff beat me. You can't control what happens to you, only how you deal with it. I don't crave anything anymore, which is probably a good thing. :P

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 05:03:22 PMI won't let this stuff beat me.

That's my girl!

Have you tried supplementing with protein shakes? Not as a meal replacement, but to ensure you are getting the necessary nutrients. It may not sound good right now, but you need a steak! Throw it in the blender and gulp it down.  ;D

I do wish you felt better, but I also understand what you are going through. I am glad that you are a tough Navy lass, because that inner strength is what you need right now. My thoughts are with you, dear.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on Yesterday at 05:29:50 PMThat's my girl!

Have you tried supplementing with protein shakes? Not as a meal replacement, but to ensure you are getting the necessary nutrients. It may not sound good right now, but you need a steak! Throw it in the blender and gulp it down.  ;D

I do wish you felt better, but I also understand what you are going through. I am glad that you are a tough Navy lass, because that inner strength is what you need right now. My thoughts are with you, dear.  :)

Yeah I have, Lori. But they always have to make them taste like something. "Strawberry flavour" tastes nothing like strawberries. It is way too sweet and icky. You can't get "Tastes like a protein shake" because normal people need it to taste like a milkshake. I got an omelette maker recently though. And a bunch of eggs. I am going to see if that helps.

I will be okay, honey. Don't worry okay? It is what it is. You just deal with what's in front of you. I am taking a multivitamin because I know I am not getting enough stuff that people need. It is a weird feeling being so tired but not able to sleep properly. Ah well. It's all good. A lot of people have it a lot worse. :)

*big hugs*

Sending hugs, Lauren. You've gotten me through a few hard days. Time for me to return the favor.

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 05:39:46 PMI got an omelette maker recently though.

That's a great idea. Multivitamins just give you the RDA (Recommended Daily Allowance). It isn't enough for people who are stressed, more active, ill, or whatever. Consider taking them twice a day, morning and evening, and wash them down with an omelette.

They really need to make a protein shake that tastes like liquified steak. I know what you mean about the sugary sweetness. Remember, as kids, they would give us medicine with sugar. Not a good idea, but if Mary Poppins said it was ok...

Hugs!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftxnr28LDXc

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on Yesterday at 05:46:31 PMSending hugs, Lauren. You've gotten me through a few hard days. Time for me to return the favor.

Honey, you don't owe me anything. That you're still here and thriving is all the thanks I ever need. But I will take the hug ;D Thank you. <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on Yesterday at 05:56:10 PMThat's a great idea. Multivitamins just give you the RDA (Recommended Daily Allowance). It isn't enough for people who are stressed, more active, ill, or whatever. Consider taking them twice a day, morning and evening, and wash them down with an omelette.

They really need to make a protein shake that tastes like liquified steak. I know what you mean about the sugary sweetness. Remember, as kids, they would give us medicine with sugar. Not a good idea, but if Mary Poppins said it was ok...

Hugs!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftxnr28LDXc

Yeah that always made me feel really queasy, lol. Although I did always love that movie! Was on at Christmas like every year in the UK, lol. Good old Dick van Dyke. ;D

I found some bread that has protein in it. Thinking of giving that a try. I dunno. I know I need to keep my strength up and food is a huge part of that. But... ugh... I struggle to keep most stuff down these days. I think my tummy is on vacation. Just need to deal then I'll be back to the rare steaks and bacon! ;D

Hey Sister!

Since you are accepting hugs, I'm in line to give ya one right behind Alana!... Listen to Dr Lori and Mary Poppins and we will have you back to eating raw cattle and piggys in short order! 🐂🤗🐖

Sending Hugs, Love and All the Best Wishes!

A💕

Try a bacon sandwich, I mean who refuses a bacon sarny (unless its religious)

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on Yesterday at 05:46:31 PMSending hugs, Lauren.

Quote from: tgirlamg on Yesterday at 07:22:18 PMHey Sister!

Since you are accepting hugs, I'm in line to give ya one right behind Alana!

Just stopping bye behind Alana and Ashley, and sending more hugs and kisses!

XOXO 🫂💋


~ Lilis 🌷

Ow, wow, I am soooo late to this party.  Sorry Sephirah and massively late hug.  I am going to circle back your first entry and read forward.  I don't want to miss anything!!!