Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I thought this was sort of an interesting question so I thought I would make a thread. The question is would you get a vaginoplasty if you weren't going to have sex?

At one point my only concern was just transitioning to female. Hormone replacement therapy and an orchiectomy was paramount to that.

I guess I still remain unsatisfied and want to take the next step by getting a vaginoplasty. I don't think I would really have a need to do it though if I wasn't going to have sex.

I guess that's exactly my question. If you weren't going to have sex would you still do this?

Quote from: CosmicJoke on July 20, 2025, 09:54:23 PMHi everyone. I thought this was sort of an interesting question so I thought I would make a thread. The question is would you get a vaginoplasty if you weren't going to have sex?

At one point my only concern was just transitioning to female. Hormone replacement therapy and an orchiectomy was paramount to that.

I guess I still remain unsatisfied and want to take the next step by getting a vaginoplasty. I don't think I would really have a need to do it though if I wasn't going to have sex.

I guess that's exactly my question. If you weren't going to have sex would you still do this?

I've no intention whatsoever of letting a male penis anywhere near my vagina. I don't like men, and I don't like penises.

For me, having the op has nothing to do with wanting to 'have sex'.

This is for me honey ;)

Of course, if another gal wants to share my femininity then I guess I might let them.

xx

Originally, that is what I wanted, and probably would have if I could have done it ten years ago. As an asexual, I don't think I need it, so I am investigating going with a vulvoplasty, or zero-depth. I just want it gone! But I would like to have it look nice, even if I am the only one to see it.

I have no plans for sex at any time in the future, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking, what if I meet someone and I change my mind. I don't want to have multiple surgeries at my age. And it might be nice to leave myself the option. Then there is the cost factor and post-op maintenance.

For now, I am opting for zero-depth. As Tills said, "This is for me, honey!"  ;D

Each person has their own needs and wants. That being said I needed to get rid of my penis and that was all there was to it. Even though I was asexual and still mostly asexual I still needed to not have a penis. I decided to go with the canal to avoid regrets and at first I regretted going with the canal but now that I am a month and a half from going to weekly dilations and having my libido starting to come back a little bit after starting progesterone, I am glad that I did.

Quote from: CosmicJoke on July 20, 2025, 09:54:23 PMI guess that's exactly my question. If you weren't going to have sex would you still do this?

Yes, I did.

I am asexual, and my wife lost interest in sex after menopause.  So I knew that sex wasn't a factor.  But I still needed to be me.  Having that unwanted appendage was too dysphoric.  And, having a premonition about the political cancer sweeping the US and threatening the rest of the world, my physical safety required that I be passable from the waist down, even if my face isn't.

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 21, 2025, 07:32:52 AMAnd, having a premonition about the political cancer sweeping the US and threatening the rest of the world, my physical safety required that I be passable from the waist down, even if my face isn't.

This was also a concern of mine. With U.S. citizens being scooped up in immigration raids, I worried about "passing" a strip search. A friend of mine said the way she "explains" such things, including scars down there, is just by saying "woman problems". That seems to settle any further inquiries without giving any information.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 21, 2025, 09:29:29 AMThis was also a concern of mine. With U.S. citizens being scooped up in immigration raids, I worried about "passing" a strip search. A friend of mine said the way she "explains" such things, including scars down there, is just by saying "woman problems". That seems to settle any further inquiries without giving any information.

And @KathyLauren

Yes this is big factor in my decision to press ahead too

Wow we've entered into a Dystopian age

xx

My provider said I'm too old to be a candidate for GRS (73). If I was younger, I would probably opt for the vulvoplasty since I have no interest in penises (mine or anyone else's).

Quote from: Dances With Trees on July 22, 2025, 12:51:41 PMMy provider said I'm too old to be a candidate for GRS (73). If I was younger, I would probably opt for the vulvoplasty since I have no interest in penises (mine or anyone else's).

I had the same concern, but my Endo said that age is not a factor. It depends on general health, which could affect the risks imposed by any surgery (anesthesia, infection, etc). Unfortunately, as we age, our health also deteriorates, and we become prone to other risks that could make surgery undesirable or even impossible.

Quote from: Dances With Trees on July 22, 2025, 12:51:41 PMMy provider said I'm too old to be a candidate for GRS (73). If I was younger, I would probably opt for the vulvoplasty since I have no interest in penises (mine or anyone else's).

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 22, 2025, 01:46:19 PMI had the same concern, but my Endo said that age is not a factor. It depends on general health, which could affect the risks imposed by any surgery (anesthesia, infection, etc). Unfortunately, as we age, our health also deteriorates, and we become prone to other risks that could make surgery undesirable or even impossible.

I wonder what they would consider a safe age if the candidate is in reasonable health? And at what age your provider imposed their cut-off @Dances With Trees 

Vulvoplasty or MDV is a little less invasive than full vaginoplasty and certainly less prone to post-operative complications.

I mean, people in their 60's regularly go through major surgeries such as hip replacements or knee replacements. Then there are coronary artery bypasses.

Quote from: Tills on July 22, 2025, 11:24:20 PMI mean, people in their 60's regularly go through major surgeries such as hip replacements or knee replacements. Then there are coronary artery bypasses.

That was the point she made, that it is not about age - only about health.

My dad, in his 80s, underwent four major back surgeries in five years. Each surgery lasted from six to eight hours as they installed metal rods to support his spine. He is now 88 and doing well.  :)

Quote from: Dances With Trees on July 22, 2025, 12:51:41 PMMy provider said I'm too old to be a candidate for GRS (73). If I was younger, I would probably opt for the vulvoplasty since I have no interest in penises (mine or anyone else's).

Pop on over to the discord and have a chat with Robyn.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Dances With Trees on July 22, 2025, 12:51:41 PMMy provider said I'm too old to be a candidate for GRS (73). If I was younger, I would probably opt for the vulvoplasty since I have no interest in penises (mine or anyone else's).

My advice: find another provider.  They don't all have the same rules.  Besides which, vulvoplasty is a far less invasive procedure, so age and health shouldn't be as much of an issue as full-scale vaginoplasty.

My original provider wouldn't do it because my BMI was above his limit, but they did say a vulvoplasty (=zero-depth) would be doable.  I ended up getting my vaginoplasty (at age 70) with a different (and probably better) provider.

I'm not planning on PIV sex, (though "never say never.")  At the moment, I have no sex drive, so I'm either ace or demsexual.  But if I were with someone I really cared about, and they wanted it, I think I'd go along with it.

I got my vaginoplasty because:

1.  I knew that the transphobes were getting more and more power, and I wanted to make it hard for them to identify me as trans, if it came to that.

2.  Something inside me said that this is what I wanted/needed.  That "something inside" (which I usually call my "inner oracle") doesn't give reasons, but they seldom do, but it hasn't led me wrong my whole life, so I just went with the flow.  And I have not regretted it.  (Though I had to wonder the first few months, when the pain was bad and dilation and such had taken over my life.)

Hi Everyone

TL:DR
Absolutely Yes.

As I have mentioned in my past I never got intimately involved with any female although I came close.  That concerned me a little yet I did not really worry about it.  In later years the occasional thought of being with a man crossed my mind.  Before surgery I did not think of myself as gay and I was not repulsed by the idea so again it did not worry me.  So even if I never used it sexually I still wanted a complete result for me.

At the time I was only aware of Vaginoplasty (Standard Depth) not any other option so that is what I had.  I did not get into the details of what was going to be done.  Nothing about that has changed for me now.  If I had to decide today I would still choose Vaginoplasty (Standard Depth).  Why?

• I knew that with that procedure I could have as many of those as I wanted if I chose to.
• Being satisfied in a relationship with men would be important if that ever happened.
• What was downstairs would matter to me very much.
• It needed to look and function realistically overall even if some smaller details like labia minora or full sensation did not develop.
• Anatomical completeness.
• Feeling finished and having the ability to undergo examinations if needed.

So at the time my concerns were at least depth and labia majora.  Labia minora and sensation (was a concern among people considering surgery then) were secondary.  If those two did not materialize during the surgery then I was ok with that.  Yes I know.  I did not ask my surgeon what my expectations should be.  I just wanted the surgery and to be done with it.

In the long run I chose completeness because it mattered more to me than usage.  Surgery let me feel finished and medically functional.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@CosmicJoke

Quote from: CosmicJoke on July 20, 2025, 09:54:23 PMI guess that's exactly my question. If you weren't going to have sex would you still do this?

I can't even feel that area of my body, so the sex thing is a literal non-starter for me, and logistically speaking it doesn't matter in the slightest. But yes, if I could... I would in a heartbeat. It's about self-image. It's a mental thing rather than a physical thing, for me. And hey, at least for me I would save them money on anaesthetic. ;D I could probably do it myself, but I'd likely make a big mess. Not that I haven't thought about it a time or twenty...

My understanding is the those of us who have strong incongruence are generally triggered by out birth genitals, and this is what drives us to consider altering them. We are all different, and our needs to rectify our incongruence are different. For many of us, we are simply uncomfortable with what is down there, so our primary purpose is to get rid of that tissue. So these people could find peace with a simple penectomy for example.

Some of us need at least the exterior appearance of our identified sex to achieve congruence, while others need to be as close to their identified sex as possible. So congruence mostly relies on the knowledge or feeling that we match our identified sex.

Sexual activity is a different thing. It may or may not be important pre op, and this may change post op. Who we are attracted to (if anyone) may change post op, and our particular need for sexual activity may affect which surgery we choose, and this is a reason many of us go for a more complete surgery than our incongruence needs.

So I guess the answer to the OP's question is that we get surgery to appease our incongruence, and our anticipated sexual activity may affect which surgery we get.

Hugs,

Allie

This is such an important decision.

I am not planning any alterations down there at this time.

Hi Everyone

I never experienced the distress some describe as incongruence or gender identity dysphoria.  I was always a female even though I did not realize it at the time when I changed my life around, so I chose vaginoplasty even though genital discomfort was not the driving factor.

I had a clear and strong wish for the ability to enjoy intimacy naturally because I wanted any future intimacy to feel natural yet anatomical completeness, privacy, medical practicality and quiet confidence mattered even more.  I wanted to shower, dress, visit a doctor or sit at the beach without reminders of what was down there that did not belong.  Surgery let me feel finished and medically functional.

My experience sits entirely outside the incongruence centred model.  Some of us do not suffer incongruence or dysphoria yet we still do whatever is necessary to live our lives as fully as women in every circumstance.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Quote from: Sarah B on Yesterday at 09:21:11 PMMy experience sits entirely outside the incongruence centred model.  Some of us do not suffer incongruence or dysphoria yet we still do whatever is necessary to live our lives as fully as women in every circumstance.

Yeah, this is quite important. You can't apply one thing to everyone. I kind of feel like I have a read on Sarah (she's kind of awesome, honestly) and she is just happy being herself. It isn't correcting a flaw as much as it is facilitating a life. Because that's just how it is. Whatever it takes to be happy. To not think about it, or justify it. To just be. And to be happy to just be.

Sometimes unhappiness isn't the catalyst. It's just... "this is who I am". Rather than "this is who I am not".

Hi Sephirah

You said,

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 09:44:41 PMYeah, this is quite important. You can't apply one thing to everyone. I kind of feel like I have a read on Sarah (she's kind of awesome, honestly) and she is just happy being herself. It isn't correcting a flaw as much as it is facilitating a life. Because that's just how it is. Whatever it takes to be happy. To not think about it, or justify it. To just be. And to be happy to just be.

Sometimes unhappiness isn't the catalyst. It's just... "this is who I am". Rather than "this is who I am not".

Yeah, what you said Sephirah, especially the last sentence.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

Quote from: Sarah B on Yesterday at 09:21:11 PMI wanted to shower, dress, visit a doctor or sit at the beach without reminders of what was down there that did not belong [...] My experience sits entirely outside the incongruence centred model. 

Hi Sarah,

Don't the things you mention relate a little to incongruence? ;)

Hugs xx

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 09:44:41 PMYeah, this is quite important. You can't apply one thing to everyone. I kind of feel like I have a read on Sarah (she's kind of awesome, honestly) and she is just happy being herself. It isn't correcting a flaw as much as it is facilitating a life. Because that's just how it is. Whatever it takes to be happy. To not think about it, or justify it. To just be. And to be happy to just be.

Sometimes unhappiness isn't the catalyst. It's just... "this is who I am". Rather than "this is who I am not".

Yes and we're probably hair-splitting with the problem revolving around that word 'incongruence'. It's a negative word and its antonym 'congruent' is a bit Ivy League.

Incongruence may be the medical / WPATH / whatever gatekeepery terminology but with my counsellor we prefer the word Alignment.

I've been non-aligned but there's also the much more positive aspect about being aligned. I also like the idea that Alignment encompasses so much more than gender issues. It's about whole being: for instance I wish to be in alignment with Nature so that my body-soul-spirit are aligned with the energies of the universe. I see Alignment as an overall state of being of which gender is one part. I also like the way in which this gives a little perspective to the gender journey. It's one part of a greater whole.

Something which everyone comments on about me is that I exude female energy. This is important to me. The body is  an outer expression of an inner truth.

xx

Hi Tills

You said,

Quote from: Tills on Today at 12:03:23 AMHi Sarah,

Don't the things you mention relate a little to incongruence? ;)

Hugs xx

No, I never experienced incongruence or distress about my body.  I never hated what I had.  Earlier I wrote, "I wanted to shower, dress, visit a doctor or sit at the beach without reminders of what was down there that did not belong."  I should clarify that I did not personally think of those thoughts at the time.  They were a metaphor borrowed from common examples people give rather than a literal report of discomfort or dysphoria in my case.  Those scenarios describe what others may feel but they have never reflected my own feelings.  In my life those thoughts never occurred so I do not regard my experience as incongruence.

When I was a child a brief incident already showed that I was a female even though I did not understand it then and only recently have I connected that memory with who I am today.  I never expressed my gender before I changed my life around and even today I do not need to because it is simply accepted that I am female.

During those years I only thought about my anatomy twice, each time for barely a minute or two, both moments coming before I changed my life around.  I lay on my bed placed what I had between my legs and thought, "this feels right" then forgot about it.  In the two years that followed before surgery the topic never crossed my mind at all.  I suppose or perhaps unconsciously I wanted it removed as I moved toward surgery.  I tucked only because a female body would not have carried that feature.

There was absolutely no distress whatsoever.  Modern terminology might insist on calling it incongruence yet the sensation was so brief and insignificant, lasting only a few minutes in total across my entire life, that I cannot honestly regard it as incongruence in any meaningful sense.  Those words we use today did not exist back then so I never labelled the feeling at the time.

The amount of time I spent thinking about all of this was virtually non-existent.  I was simply living my life as a female without realizing it until my current knowledge and language caught up with me and helped me understand what had happened across all those years.

Again, I have never suffered incongruence at any time.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS I edited the first paragraph to directly address the incongruence issues that Tills directly quoted.
@Tills

Hi Sarah, as I said in my post, we are all different! For most of us, transition, and especially undergoing surgery, is driven by significant unhappiness for our birth physiology. Your situation does seem unique!

I used the term incongruence as introduced by the WHO in 2018, and has since been picked up by other bodies. Alignment is another term, but to me, it infers congruence. Our experiences with incongruence, or misalignment can vary greatly, some of us experience extreme stress from it, while many never recognise it, or blame their frustrations on other life experiences. Generally, the prerequisites for genital surgery have been to have demonstrated and persistent unhappiness with birth physiology, so it would be rare for someone with no incongruence to qualify for surgery.

Hugs,

Allie

I don't need surgery for my social transition.  It is quite obvious that most people treat me as a woman.  The lady at the pro golf shop told me that she was going to have a mammogram after work that day!  I remarked that she was going to have her boobs squished.  She didn't have anyone else to talk about that but I think my remark helped relieve some of her anxiety.  I certainly get anxious anytime I have medical tests done.

Marion