Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I need to preface this with some backstory. Not too much because you know me.

I have a lot of medical issues I have to deal with. Some more urgent than others. But over the last weeks I went back to doing admin for a charity here in the UK. Helping people with heart issues. 95% of it was online. I can work from home. And that's all hunky dory. Never have to see anyone, never have to put yourself out there. You just do your thing and the whole beast ticks along like normal.

Yesterday I was called in for a meeting.

This was apocalyptic for me. For one thing I had to go out of the house. And I am quite mobility challenged. Namely it's an unduly stressful and complicated logistical operation for me to go too far outside my house. Mostly because, as a lot of folks know, I can't walk around like normal people.

But that wasn't the big thing.

I don't want to go into details... but the latest little glass in the punch of "how much can Lauren deal with?" involved me losing my hair. The thing that's defined my identity for like 20 years. The thing I was most proud of in the world.

I debated whether to say anything about this because I am not someone who does this. But it has a happy ending, okay?

Here I am, arranging transport to see people who don't really care. Oiling my wheels to go actually do stuff, as it were. With a Hulk Hogan/Undertaker level head covering because otherwise I look like Ripley in "Alien 3", and my brain is screaming at me. "Don't you dare do this!", "Everyone will think you're a freak!". Every other combination of nasty little sonata your headvoice sings to you when you try to do something.

I think most of you probably know what was going through my head. A different voice, but the same song. "I am a freak.", "everyone will just be pointing and laughing at me!", "Is there any possible way I can get out of this?"

But no, I had to do this. Because what I'm doing matters to me, so I had to face people. I hate facing people.

And... it turns out that I wound myself up in knots for nothing. Physician heal thyself, right? Lol. I am probably more messed up than most of you put together. :P

I made an actual real life friend from the whole experience. Someone who had a little sister going through the same thing I am. We went for coffee, and talked about a lot of stuff. The day ended far different to I thought it would.

The message I want to give you is this: No one in this world can ever put you down as much as you can. No one can ever tell you that you can't do something as much as you can. For every single person you feel is judging you... there's only one person judging you... and that is you. Whatever it is. Whatever you're dealing with. You are your own worst enemy. If you can get past that, you have hope. And the capacity for change.

The hardest step you can ever take in your life is the one that says "I need to take this step."

Lauren!

I am so proud of you and happy that it all worked out. That is what we need to change our mindset. When that dark voice says, "Don't you dare," you can say, "Remember last time?".

As my dad always told me, "90% of the things we worry about never happen."

Of course, he also says that 87.635% of all statistics are just made up.  ;D

Big Hugs to you, girl. Good job! And made a friend too. Wow, that's Bonus Level.

Thank you for sharing this, Lauren - from beginning to end. It's a beautiful illustration of how we can create anxiety and drama where none would otherwise exist. To have it turn out so well makes the lesson all the more valuable.

Thank you both.

Yeah... there are very few scenarios which turn out worse than we imagine them. Because we are self-destructive by nature. It's a defence mechanism as old as evolution itself. Don't go looking over that next hill, because there are wild, fangy things that will eat you.

You just might be surprised if you ignore that part of yourself. Or at the very least tell it to shut up for a bit. 🙂

Thank you for reminding us all that sometimes our own fear is our worst enemy. And sending all the good vibes your way.  You deserve every one

Great story Lauren. You've given me this exact message so many times.

    @Sephirah
Dear Sephirah:
Really a terrific message that you are sharing with us.  What you are saying absolutely fits in
with each of our thoughts and each of our individual lives as we are each in our own life journeys.

Keep on sharing your experience and your encouragement for all of us...
        ❤️❤️❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Sephirah on August 02, 2025, 06:16:54 PMDon't go looking over that next hill, because there are wild, fangy things that will eat you.

Sounds like the "boogeyman"!  ;D

Thank you so much, Lauren, for this piece, not the "Boogeyman" but for the message of hope.


~ Lilis 🌷

Sephirah!


Well done on facing down the fears and... Well done putting the all important takeaways from the experience down in this post!!! Always proud of you brave sister!!! 🤗

Hugs, Love and Respect Always

A💕

Well done.

Hi Sephirah

I hear you, Lauren.  That kind of situation takes so much strength to get through, especially when you arere already dealing with so much.  You showed up when it would have been easier not to and that means something.

I have not lost my hair, but it is thinning.  Nothing extreme, just slowly following the same pattern as my grandmother's.  Even that small change unsettles me sometimes, so I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to lose yours.  If you don't mind me asking, what caused it?  Only if you are okay sharing.

It's true what you said.  Getting out of our comfort zone is hard, but it's where unexpected good things can happen.  That voice inside us really is our harshest critic and it creates most of the fear that holds us back.  You proved how powerful it is to face it anyway.  You showed what can happen when we push through instead of turning away.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

My gorgeous friend Lauren. I had to reply, even though I'm never here, something called me.
When a person of your Empathy and Love feels fear. It isn't fear. It's the music of the Universe reminding you to breathe, you just mistook the song.

Once, when everything in my life was too dark and my fear was too great, I found these words by James Herbett.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Love
XX
Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on August 03, 2025, 03:15:16 AMMy gorgeous friend Lauren. I had to reply, even though I'm never here, something called me.
When a person of your Empathy and Love feels fear. It isn't fear. It's the music of the Universe reminding you to breathe, you just mistook the song.

Once, when everything in my life was too dark and my fear was too great, I found these words by James Herbett.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Love
XX
Cindy

Cindy!

What A Beautiful Post!!!... 🌸

It is so good to see you here!... I hope all is well in your life and that we might see you around here more in days to come!

Blessings

Ashley 💕

Lauren, thank you so much for sharing this story!

You faced a challenge with courage, distilled wisdom from the experience, and shared that wisdom to benefit others.  That is beautiful!  And such a @Sephirah thing to do. 

Big hugs!

Quote from: KathyLauren on August 03, 2025, 10:53:25 AMAnd such a @Sephirah (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=6015) thing to do. 

Well said, Kathy. Spot on!

 🙂

Lauren,I hate that someone as beautiful as you should ever feel that way! You've been such an inspiration to me! But, your strength and courage continue to give us hope. I'm honored to know you.

Wow... where to even start?

Firstly, thank you all so much. This place never ceases to amaze me. For all the minor differences between us, when it comes to it, we are all family. This post might be a bit long because I need to reply to you all individually, since you took time out of your day to do the same. Thank you.

Quote from: NoelleW on August 02, 2025, 07:37:07 PMThank you for reminding us all that sometimes our own fear is our worst enemy. And sending all the good vibes your way.  You deserve every one

@NoelleW so do you, sweetie. Thank you so much. <3

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 02, 2025, 08:10:50 PMGreat story Lauren. You've given me this exact message so many times.

@Alana Ashleigh I do, AA. And I am learning that sometimes it is easier to say than to do. But when you do, it's worth it! Thank you, honey. <3

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on August 02, 2025, 09:26:58 PM@Sephirah
Dear Sephirah:
Really a terrific message that you are sharing with us.  What you are saying absolutely fits in
with each of our thoughts and each of our individual lives as we are each in our own life journeys.

Keep on sharing your experience and your encouragement for all of us...
        ❤️❤️❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

@Northern Star Girl thank you, Danielle. I will try. Thank you for your encouragement. It's kind of encouragement that keeps this place going, honestly. And long may it continue!

Quote from: Lilis on August 02, 2025, 10:41:45 PMSounds like the "boogeyman"!  ;D

Thank you so much, Lauren, for this piece, not the "Boogeyman" but for the message of hope.


~ Lilis 🌷

@Lilis it definitely is a boogeyman of a sort. The fears we all create in our heads to try to stop us doing things our brains think might be harmful... somehow. We create them, and then hide from them. We give them life. Thank you for sharing your journey, because whether you know it or not... you give me hope. <3

Quote from: tgirlamg on August 02, 2025, 11:10:32 PMSephirah!


Well done on facing down the fears and... Well done putting the all important takeaways from the experience down in this post!!! Always proud of you brave sister!!! 🤗

Hugs, Love and Respect Always

A💕

@tgirlamg Ash... girl... you are one of my biggest inspirations here. If I could be half the person you are, I would consider myself blessed. Thank you. <3 I am equally as proud of you!

Quote from: big kim on August 03, 2025, 01:37:07 AMWell done.

@big kim Thank you, Kim. You are someone who is like... your unflappability (if that's even a word... it is now!) is a strength to draw on. <3

Quote from: Sarah B on August 03, 2025, 02:28:38 AMHi Sephirah

I hear you, Lauren.  That kind of situation takes so much strength to get through, especially when you arere already dealing with so much.  You showed up when it would have been easier not to and that means something.

I have not lost my hair, but it is thinning.  Nothing extreme, just slowly following the same pattern as my grandmother's.  Even that small change unsettles me sometimes, so I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to lose yours.  If you don't mind me asking, what caused it?  Only if you are okay sharing.

It's true what you said.  Getting out of our comfort zone is hard, but it's where unexpected good things can happen.  That voice inside us really is our harshest critic and it creates most of the fear that holds us back.  You proved how powerful it is to face it anyway.  You showed what can happen when we push through instead of turning away.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

@Sarah B You know how I feel about you, Sarah. I think you're extremely awesome. And someone else I draw inspiration from. Well... heck I could say that about literally everyone here. But you've been my Aussie Sheila at times when I've really needed it, and I can never repay that. Thank you, sweetie. Check your messages, okay? Love you always <3

Quote from: Cindy on August 03, 2025, 03:15:16 AMMy gorgeous friend Lauren. I had to reply, even though I'm never here, something called me.
When a person of your Empathy and Love feels fear. It isn't fear. It's the music of the Universe reminding you to breathe, you just mistook the song.

Once, when everything in my life was too dark and my fear was too great, I found these words by James Herbett.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Love
XX
Cindy

@Cindy ... no way! CINDY!!! *monster tacklehugs* OMG! Girl it's been far, FAR too long. I've missed you! Thank you so, so much. Damn... honey I hope you're okay and that just maybe you'd consider coming back here more. The site needs you, Cindy. You are one of the brightest lights around. That quote from Dune is one which keeps me going a lot of times. It's almost like a mantra at times. Even though I struggled with the books and the movies because I am not a higher intellect like our Sarah B, that quote stuck with me. :)

Please consider shining your light this way more often. There are a bunch of people who could benefit from your wisdom, experience and empathy. Old and new. For all you folks who don't know who Cindy is... she is kind of my mentor. The extremely amazing, wise, kind and sweet lady I learned so much from. Someone who touched countless lives. And someone who gave so much of herself to this place, and the people here back in the day.

Thank you so much, honey. That kind of made my week. :embarrassed:

Quote from: KathyLauren on August 03, 2025, 10:53:25 AMLauren, thank you so much for sharing this story!

You faced a challenge with courage, distilled wisdom from the experience, and shared that wisdom to benefit others.  That is beautiful!  And such a @Sephirah thing to do. 

Big hugs!

@KathyLauren I am not sure about that, honey, but you made me blush. Thank you so much. *hugs* You're someone else I've know for ages, who always inspires me and I thank you eternally for it. <3

Quote from: Camille58S on August 05, 2025, 07:24:29 AMLauren,I hate that someone as beautiful as you should ever feel that way! You've been such an inspiration to me! But, your strength and courage continue to give us hope. I'm honored to know you.

@Camille58S That... means the world to me, Camille. As I say, you and everyone here are just as inspirational to me. You are every bit as beautiful and I am honoured to know you, too. Thank you so much. <3 

Quote from: Sephirah on August 07, 2025, 03:27:26 PMWow... where to even start?

You clearly touched a lot of hearts, and these are just the replies we can see.

Can you imagine how many more were moved in silence, by reading?

Thank you so much, Lauren. 💓


~ Lilis 🌷

Quote from: Lilis on August 07, 2025, 03:47:43 PMYou clearly touched a lot of hearts, and these are just the replies we can see.

Can you imagine how many more were moved in silence, by reading?

Thank you so much, Lauren. 💓


~ Lilis 🌷

I don't deserve you folks.

Thank you, to all of you, and to this place, for being there for me in more ways than I can ever even count. You are living proof that you reap what you sow. Lift people up and they will lift you up in turn. I am massively thankful to all of you. And I still maintain that you are just as much, if not more so, as inspirational to others as you say others are to you. And there have been so many people through the years who have been, and still are inspirational to me.

Life isn't measured in years, but in hearts touched.

Oh, and... well, this person I met.. we're going out for coffee again. I'm a li'l bit excited. I think mostly because I don't do well with IRL friends for the most part. It's rare I meet people I have things in common with and can connect with. Mostly because I'm just a weird, hippie/goth hybrid.. and they are kind of rare in the UK, lol. Especially at my age. Most of my friends are from other countries.

Thank you again, sincerely. <3

Thank you for sharing this story, though I don't know much of your back story (yet) it's pretty plain to see that you're  one of the good ones.  (Tender violin playing soothingly in background) 🎻

🤗

Quote from: Sephirah on August 07, 2025, 04:03:52 PMOh, and... well, this person I met.. we're going out for coffee again. I'm a li'l bit excited.

YAY!!  I hope this turns out to be everything that you want in a friendship.   🙂

Quote from: KathyLauren on August 08, 2025, 07:56:21 AMYAY!!  I hope this turns out to be everything that you want in a friendship.   🙂

Me Too!!!... That's wonderful Sephirah! 💕🤗💕

Hugs!

A💕

Lauren, this story of yours continues to provide confirmation of how sometimes stepping out of what's familiar and comfortable can lead to opportunities we'd never have expected nor thought we deserved.

Negative self-talk is quite possibly our greatest obstacle in life. We should all mindfully practice countering it with self-affirmation. There's a lovely song by Kany Garcia called "Lo Que En Ti Veo" whose chorus says (in Spanish): "If you saw everything that I see in you, you'd understand, my love, why I wait." I cry every time I hear it. It applies to you, Lauren.

Quote from: Pema on August 08, 2025, 09:46:30 AMLauren, this story of yours continues to provide confirmation of how sometimes stepping out of what's familiar and comfortable can lead to opportunities we'd never have expected nor thought we deserved.

Negative self-talk is quite possibly our greatest obstacle in life. We should all mindfully practice countering it with self-affirmation. There's a lovely song by Kany Garcia called "Lo Que En Ti Veo" whose chorus says (in Spanish): "If you saw everything that I see in you, you'd understand, my love, why I wait." I cry every time I hear it. It applies to you, Lauren.

Thank you. Sincerely. To paraphrase Owen Wilson in "Armageddon"... I'm like 95% scared, 5% excited, or maybe it's the other way around, lol.

Something you said struck a chord with me, Pema. And I say this to people all the time. If people could see themselves how you see them, they would think differently. It is literally a case of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I see the beauty in every single person here, even though a lot of the time they don't. And I understand how hard that is to let go of. To trust that kind of thing when inside you're screaming at yourself. When you don't trust yourself, you don't trust other people. And feel like they are just saying it to make you feel better, even if it's true. It is hard to see that. Even harder to accept it.

But if somehow you can, you can work miracles.

Thank you. All of you. You can see the person you are, when you stop trying to see the person you want to run away from. There is hope. Don't let the only mirror you believe be the one you look in.

Oh, Lauren, this is so inspiring on so many, many levels. Thank you for sharing it all with us. Opening up can be so difficult because we have to drop screens and barriers we've erected long ago. You should be so proud of yourself for facing your fears and doing it in the service of others. How wonderfully heart-warming that is.

And out of all the trepidation and reluctance came a friend. No one deserves that more than you.

You've put a huge smile on my face. Thank you.