Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay, so... this is the latest in the series of Lauren's Life Lessons Learned The Hard Way.

Lately I have been forcing myself to get out there and interact with people. I have suffered a lot of social anxiety for a lot of my life. But part of dealing with that is facing my fears. Feeling terrified and doing it anyway.

I am going to school soon to hopefully learn how to help people better. And part of that is actually meeting people. Like... for real. Not just behind a screen, which would be the easy option.

To that end, I attended a sort of induction period. To meet people and communicate with people. Which was hard, for me. I have felt like an outcast for most of my life, but I know that's mostly just because of how I feel about myself. People can tell you how to change... I've done that many times here... but when you're actually faced with that, words are easy. Actions are hard.

One of the things which came up was to talk about the things you like to do. And this was... well... let's just say that I felt very out of my element. Because the things I like to do are not what almost every other woman my age is supposed to like to do. I am a gamer chick. I am kind of a goth chick. And this year I will be closer to 50 than 40.

I sat there and listened to people talk about themselves and think... I should be like this. I should care about that. I need to fit in, in the same way. I was mortified about having to speak about myself because I am not like these people.

But... I can't lie. I am extremely bad at pretending to be someone I am not. Anyone within 20 miles could see through it in a heartbeat. So I just didn't even try. I wheeled myself to the front of the class, so to speak, and just laid it all out there. I love gaming. I love trance music, metal music, sometimes silly immature stuff that 17 year old people would giggle at. I love having long hair and the whole pink and black dichotomy... I kind of just bared my soul.

And no one laughed. No one made me feel bad. No one made me hate myself the way people made me feel bad when I was a kid.

Matter of fact, one guy came up to me after and told me he thought what I talked about was really cool, and he wished he knew more people like me. I make no secret about being trans, even though I can't transition. Either love me or don't, but I won't hide anymore. But this guy said he wanted to get to know me better. I wasn't ready for that. Wasn't sure how to deal with it. I kind of just smiled awkwardly. And agreed to exchange emails. I think he might be in my class when I start. He said something to that effect. We'll see.

But the point I want to make is this. Love who you are and love what you love. Don't hide behind what you think you have to be, in order to be who you are. If someone in the world appreciates that, they will appreciate it. And they are the people you want in your life.

I am learning a lot lately. A lot of changes, but a lot of changes for the better.

Love yourself. That is the first step to the rest of your life.

@Sephirah

    You stated:

        "Love yourself. That is the first step to the rest of your life."

You are very, very correct... thank you for sharing that bit of good advice.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Good on you for facing your fears and putting yourself out there in the real world!  Being real is a risk, but it is so worth it.  You are absolutely right about loving yourself.

Lauren, that is so awesome!

No matter how different we think we are, there is always someone who can relate, someone who enjoys what you enjoy, someone who likes you for who you are.

This made me smile. Thanks!  🙂

Sephirah!

I'm so proud of you sister! The amazing things in life begin when we dare and ... when we tell our fears to be quiet and go sit in the corner... Well done girl! 🤗...I believe a new chapter of your amazing life has officially begun... Enjoy it all 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Lauren,

This is such a beautiful and courageous post. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal with all of us. Your vulnerability here is incredibly powerful, and I have so much respect for how you're facing your fears head-on.

What you experienced in that room is exactly what happens when we stop trying to contort ourselves into shapes that don't fit and instead show up authentically. The relief you must have felt when you realized people weren't judging you the way your inner critic predicted - that's the magic that happens when we risk being real.

Your story reminds me that the things we think make us "different" or "weird" are often exactly what make us interesting and valuable to others. That guy who approached you afterward? He was probably sitting there thinking "finally, someone genuine in a room full of people trying to say the right thing."

The fact that you're going back to school to help people while also working through your own social anxiety shows incredible strength. You're going to bring such authenticity and empathy to that work because you understand what it feels like to feel like an outsider.

And honestly? A gamer goth chick who loves trance music and isn't afraid to be herself sounds pretty awesome to me. The world needs more people willing to be genuinely themselves instead of carbon copies of what they think they should be.

Keep being you, Lauren. The right people will absolutely love you for exactly who you are.

Sending you so much support as you navigate these changes and this new chapter.

With neverending love! 💜
— Susan

Yes! Lauren, thank you! Thank you for taking steps to liberate yourself. Thank you for showing how it looks to risk being your unique self - and that it's not so dangerous after all. The greatest gift we can give to other is to be ourselves.

You are already helping people better.

Sending you loads of love,
Pema

*blushes deeply*

Thank you, everyone. It never ceases to amaze me how much support people here have for others. I mean you'd think it would after how long I've been around, but... no... the depth of the human spirit is seemingly boundless. Thank you. Thank you Danielle @Northern Star Girl, Kathy @KathyLauren, Lori @Lori Dee, Ashley @tgirlamg, Susan and Pema @Pema

@Susan I am extremely humbled by your post. Thank you so much. And I think you're right. Things we feel are wrong are things that other people think are right. It's sometimes hard to appreciate that beauty is in the eye of the beholder... but sometimes you have to let go and understand you aren't the beholder. Thank you so much for your kind words. I think sometimes I lose sight of that, but that philosophy is a cornerstone of why this place exists. I am somewhat already seeing that. People kind of talk to me... I always thought it was because I was a Scorpio, lol. But I think it's more that I kind of get what a lot of people go through.

Anyway, as an aside.. you should repost that story you were working on before the site had issues at the end of last year. The sci-fi one? The one you shared, and we talked right before that time? You are an amazing writer. And personally I kind of want to see how it turns out. 🙂 You have a gift. You are a very smart, very empathically aware lady and I know you don't have a lot of time, but I would like to see what you've done with it. 🙂

Quote from: Sephirah on August 30, 2025, 05:37:18 PMOkay, so... this is the latest in the series of Lauren's Life Lessons Learned The Hard Way.

Lately I have been forcing myself to get out there and interact with people. I have suffered a lot of social anxiety for a lot of my life. But part of dealing with that is facing my fears. Feeling terrified and doing it anyway.

I am going to school soon to hopefully learn how to help people better. And part of that is actually meeting people. Like... for real. Not just behind a screen, which would be the easy option.

To that end, I attended a sort of induction period. To meet people and communicate with people. Which was hard, for me. I have felt like an outcast for most of my life, but I know that's mostly just because of how I feel about myself. People can tell you how to change... I've done that many times here... but when you're actually faced with that, words are easy. Actions are hard.

One of the things which came up was to talk about the things you like to do. And this was... well... let's just say that I felt very out of my element. Because the things I like to do are not what almost every other woman my age is supposed to like to do. I am a gamer chick. I am kind of a goth chick. And this year I will be closer to 50 than 40.

I sat there and listened to people talk about themselves and think... I should be like this. I should care about that. I need to fit in, in the same way. I was mortified about having to speak about myself because I am not like these people.

But... I can't lie. I am extremely bad at pretending to be someone I am not. Anyone within 20 miles could see through it in a heartbeat. So I just didn't even try. I wheeled myself to the front of the class, so to speak, and just laid it all out there. I love gaming. I love trance music, metal music, sometimes silly immature stuff that 17 year old people would giggle at. I love having long hair and the whole pink and black dichotomy... I kind of just bared my soul.

And no one laughed. No one made me feel bad. No one made me hate myself the way people made me feel bad when I was a kid.

Matter of fact, one guy came up to me after and told me he thought what I talked about was really cool, and he wished he knew more people like me. I make no secret about being trans, even though I can't transition. Either love me or don't, but I won't hide anymore. But this guy said he wanted to get to know me better. I wasn't ready for that. Wasn't sure how to deal with it. I kind of just smiled awkwardly. And agreed to exchange emails. I think he might be in my class when I start. He said something to that effect. We'll see.

But the point I want to make is this. Love who you are and love what you love. Don't hide behind what you think you have to be, in order to be who you are. If someone in the world appreciates that, they will appreciate it. And they are the people you want in your life.

I am learning a lot lately. A lot of changes, but a lot of changes for the better.

Love yourself. That is the first step to the rest of your life.

This was a wonderful post to read. I am so happy that the guy was so kind to you.

Quote from: Princess1nAndalasia on September 19, 2025, 08:09:51 PMThis was a wonderful post to read. I am so happy that the guy was so kind to you.

Thank you, sweetie.

I think that was probably because I was kind to myself. And people are just people. I am learning that more and more these days. No one can hate you as much as you hate yourself. It has a ripple effect. We project our fears onto other people, and what they'll think about us. We actively look for it to reinforce the way we feel. If you turn that on its head, you'd be surprised how much you've been missing out on because you just haven't been paying attention to it.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 20, 2025, 06:13:22 PMThank you, sweetie.

I think that was probably because I was kind to myself. And people are just people. I am learning that more and more these days. No one can hate you as much as you hate yourself. It has a ripple effect. We project our fears onto other people, and what they'll think about us. We actively look for it to reinforce the way we feel. If you turn that on its head, you'd be surprised how much you've been missing out on because you just haven't been paying attention to it.

This is a profound truth you speak, Lauren.

Soo many good things in your post...thank you!.
Really true

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 20, 2025, 06:16:01 PMIt has a ripple effect. We project our fears onto other people, and what they'll think about us.

Great point.

Quote from: Sephirah on August 30, 2025, 05:37:18 PMBut the point I want to make is this. Love who you are and love what you love. Don't hide behind what you think you have to be, in order to be who you are. If someone in the world appreciates that, they will appreciate it. And they are the people you want in your life.

You just made my day 😊, thank you.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 20, 2025, 06:13:22 PMThank you, sweetie.

I think that was probably because I was kind to myself. And people are just people. I am learning that more and more these days. No one can hate you as much as you hate yourself. It has a ripple effect. We project our fears onto other people, and what they'll think about us. We actively look for it to reinforce the way we feel. If you turn that on its head, you'd be surprised how much you've been missing out on because you just haven't been paying attention to it.

You're welcome

Such a lovely story, confidence is difficult to find but you did it and spoke openly as yourself. Thank you for sharing and helping me find inspiration

Love
Isobel