Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I know many of you have purged over the years.I have many times and now see that I wont do it again.I'm really curious to know though, the different motivations that lead up to it other than just guilt.What state of mind were you in?What made you stop before purging?Did you stop and evaluate your reasons for it first? Last, after purging how long did it take to realize you shouldn't have.

                               

I quit purging when I accepted that I was the way I was and that I wouldn't be able to change it.  I realized that it was a useless and wasteful endeavor, knowing that I couldn't stop.

Interestingly, now that I've transitioned, I don't cross dress anymore!

hugs & smiles
Emelye

I purged a lot  (I'm 71),partly from guilt, but mostly from the thought of getting caught. After my spoused died , I was less afraid of getting "made" and was comfortable at keeping my femme clothes at home and keeping my femme at home or at group meetings. My new spouse , was informed before we got married and I now have my own drawers of femme undies and nighties and keep them to ourselves.

JAimee

I've purged a lot myself over the many years (I'm 39). The last time, which was about two years ago, I had told myself that purging can get expensive. The reasons that I purge are a lot like the others here, but I've never felt guilty about what I do, and I find that it usually takes a weke before I realize my mistake and I'm right back at it.

Gina  :icon_dance:

I've told people to take all the stuff and put it in a trunk and lock it, they will be back to it.  I never had enough money to purge, all so expensive, however I do follow a zen clutter theory in which I try to get rid of two things for every new thing I bring into the house.  (clothing, papers, whatever)  I can't always do it, but I can pull off a one for one most of the time, which keeps it all (clothing, papers, whatever) down to a manageable level.

I have purged many times too.  Why?  I think out of fear more then anything else.  I have never felt guilty about wearing women's clothes; however, that brings up another point.  What are we afraid of?  I was into kickboxing for many years.  Stepping into the ring with a semi-professional kick boxer only made me a little nervous (and yes, I did get beaten up pretty good), but the thought of getting caught wearing a bra and panties frightens me to death!  I would rather take getting beaten up in the ring!  I wouldn't really care too much if someone that I didn't know found out about my cross dressing, but the thought of someone that I do know, that I have to deal with on a daily basis finding out, frightens me a lot.  So why do we purge?  For me, I think it is fear from the idea of getting caught.   

I never purged.

Barbie~~

I purged twice in a two year period.  I purged out of fear - of getting caught, of the consequences (losing home, spouse, children), but mostly I was afraid of myself.  I was afraid to admit who I was (and am). 

The times that I purged were in the middle of very depressive episodes where I was doing a great deal of self-loathing.  I didn't stop to think what I was doing - typical of depressive behavior, I just plunged in and did it.  Each time, after a few weeks, I'd recover and say to myself, what did I do?

YMMV, though.  I was brought up in a very conservative Christian home where any type of "oddball" behavior was fraught with criticism and discipline.  This has made my CD (and later, TS) journey worse.  I have yet to reconcile Christianity and being TS, and as a result, tend to rock back and forth between "I am" and "I'm not" depending upon my spiritual "walk" at the time.  At the times I purged, I was in a "I'm not" period, and this (no doubt) contributed to the "need to purge". 

Over the last year, though, I decided that I will NOT purge no matter what, until I've come to some conclusions over a period of months. 

Thanks for starting this thread.  It's nice to be able to vent some frustrations!

Carol

I am thinking of doing a partial purge now.  I would retain a few pair of shoes and boots that are "just too cute".

By purging, I would have a wonderful reason to go shopping next week ;)

I purged in the past when I got involved with a woman.  Afterwards it took as little as 2 days to seriously regret my decision and will never ever do it again the thought of living a life without my female wardrobe wil be terrible,

i have never purged till now........im only 15 never know what will happen in future .....i would always try my best to resist purging as it can be very expensive

I only purged once.

I was in high school, and all I had were some old clothes piflered (okay, I guess "stolen" might be more accurate) from my sisters, so it wasn't like it was all that much. But it meant a lot to me. At the time I identified as cd. It was either my junior or senior year, and I was really terrified of how I would handle college. In particular, I was pretty freaked out about the possibility of roommates and dorm life. I had a lot of shame and guilt and I thought I'd try going "cold turkey" and get "cured"....  ::)  Well, I regreted it pretty much right away, instantly. (um, it involved scissors and knives; seems really twisted thinking back on it.) I knew I'd regret it but I guess I thought that it would pass, like giving up coffee or something. Dark days. Well needless to say, it, uh, didn't work.

I had a really serious girlfriend in college, and I never got the nerve to come out to her until it was too late -- my shame had already poisoned our relationship, and though we tried for a while, well.... Point is: she totally missed the point when I told her about purging. She said, "That's so brave -- it must have taken so much courage" or something like that. WTF??? I mean, it's not the most earthshattering event of my life, but I really think, for me, it was one of my most cowardly acts.

Painful too. I regretted it for years, no joke. Well, I guess at least it taught me a lesson.  :-\