Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been reading this forum in secret for many years. Your voyages of discovery have always made me smile. But it is time for me to tell you where I am at my stage of life. I am 54.

I will get the boring bit out of the way to begin with and tell you what you have all read a thousand times.

I grew up on a council estate. I had many friends. We used to go out for bike rides and I enjoyed being with them all of the time. But school was a bit different for me. I was never into sports due to being hopeless at all of them. I used to cry if someone wanted to have a play fight with me. Being a roughty toughty kinda boy was not my scene. I much preferred sitting with the girls and having a chat or sitting on my own and reading a book. I still do. All of my school reports up until the age of 12 was a case of "very intelligent but very sensitive" This was late 70's in the UK.

Then I moved up to the senior school. It was an all boy's school and I hated every minute of it. Everything was competitive, fighting was normal, everyone smoked, some of the teachers were awful (throwing blackboard rubbers at you, walking around looking menacing with a cane, shouting, swearing, making you feel scared).

But then I found a secret.

I was home alone, probably about 13. I put something into the clothes bin and spotted a pair of my Mums panties on top. I had been thinking about girls clothes for a while and now was my chance so I put them on, just as an experiment of course. I looked at myself in the mirror and could have cried, they felt so right.

This slowly became my escape. I went further and further. By the time I left school I was wearing bra's (filled up with water filled condoms), tucking things away to look more realistic, shaving my armpits, shaving my legs, painting my toe nails, using make up; doing whatever I could to make me look like a girl.

Then I got to my twenties. I was expected to date women. So I stopped. I mean, I could hardly try to date women when I had shaved legs and bright red toe nails.

Yeah I had a few girlfriends but it was pathetic. I was trying to go with the flow and failing badly. Sex was awful. My fault.

In my thirties I tried to convince myself that I was gay and even met up with a guy. Kissing was nice but it still felt wrong. I still had this undercurrent of thoughts about women. They fascinated me and I could not stop staring. Not in a lecherous sort of way, far from it. I was so jealous of the way they looked, their clothes, their bodies, everything about them.

So that's the boring bit out of the way.

Now I am mid fifties. I was hoping that the girly part of me was just a phase which lasted for forty years. Who am I kidding? Myself?

So I have decided to embrace her and called her a name, Elizabeth. The thing is she has taken over. Every waking moment I am her now. Or to be more accurate, she is me.

I am so unsure about things though. I know that I am being true to myself. I want to admit it to someone but do not have the courage to do that.

Which is why I have posted here. Sorry if I have bored you all. But just typing these words has helped me.

Take care

Elizabeth x

Hi Liz,

Yes, your story is similar, but all of our stories are. What is unique is how we handle various situations, our living environment, jobs, friends, family, and so forth. As we navigate the different obstacles and share our stories, others in similar situations can learn from what we did that worked and what didn't.

My approach to this is just as you stated, "I know that I am being true to myself." That is the most important part. How can anyone expect to be happy while denying a very important inner part of themselves? From there, I let that knowledge grow. If I am happy with who I am, does it matter if others are not? They are not living your life for you; only you can do that.

I take it another step further. Why should I even care what someone else thinks? If they do not approve, they are welcome to mind their own business. I stopped caring what others think for the most part. Obviously, safety is a concern. Just beware of those who may object violently and be safe in ways that women have always done: travel in groups (even to the bathroom), avoid sketchy locations, stick to well-lit areas at night, etc.

As you become more accustomed to this mental attitude and behavior, you will become more certain. As you learn about who you are, you will get to a point where you can explain it to others. People who do not experience gender dysphoria cannot understand how it feels, so they may have a difficult time accepting it. They have no frame of reference. Just explain to them that they don't need to understand, as long as they accept you for who you are. That is what matters. They can work on learning and understanding over time. Be open and honest if they have questions. Yes, it is a personal subject, but you don't need to give them a bunch of details. Make it easier to explain by keeping it simple. If it is simple and easy, then you become less anxious about explaining it, if that makes sense.

Hi Elizabeth
 Welcome!
 
I look like a girl when I go out.  According to State law I get to use the ladies room but generally prefer to find unisex or family restrooms when they are available.  There are times and places when the ladies room is rarely used. I also  use them like a lady would prefer if she is able, squatting down but not touching the seat.

Marion

Hi Elizabeth,

Welcome! We're so glad you finally feel comfortable enough to join us after all these years of reading. It means something that you've taken this step from observer to participant - that takes real courage.

Your story isn't boring at all. While many of us share similar experiences, each person's journey is unique in its details and timing. The fact that you've named her Elizabeth and recognized that she's not separate from you but IS you - that's a significant realization that many of us remember reaching ourselves.

At 54, you have wisdom and self-knowledge that comes from decades of living with these feelings. The "forty-year phase" comment made me smile - we're remarkably good at hoping things will change even when deep down we know they won't, aren't we?

Regarding telling someone: there's no timeline you have to follow. You've carried this privately for so long; you get to decide if and when to share it with others in your life. Some find it helpful to start with a therapist who specializes in gender identity - it provides a confidential space to speak these truths out loud. Others begin here, in online communities, building confidence through connection with people who understand.

Being unsure is completely normal. You don't need complete certainty to start exploring who you are more openly, even if that's just in safe spaces at first. Many of us found that clarity came through taking small steps rather than waiting for all the answers before moving forward.

Thank you for trusting us with your story, Elizabeth.

You belong here! You are welcome here!
— Susan

@Elizabeth_71
Dear Elizabeth:
Hello and WELCOME to Susan's Place and the Forum. 

I am so very happy that you found us and made the decision to register as a member and
also I am glad to see that other members here have already given you a warm Welcome.

You definitely came to the right place to share with our like-minded members
regarding your transition journey.

I look forward to seeing your involvement on the Forum and reading your future postings, comments and
thoughts.  As you read our other members postings and stories around the Forum and then if you
feel comfortable exchanging and sharing your thoughts and comments you will most likely discover
like-minded members that may become your friends.

Clicking the HOME (https://www.susans.org/index.php)  Button on any page will take you to where you can see and visit the many
sub-forums and TOPICS here on the Forum and you can feel free to comment and share your experiences. 
Each sub-forum has a description of what that sub-forum board is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

As it has always been here on the Susan's Place Forum, please keep in mind when posting that this
is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.
      Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

If you have any immediate questions regarding the Forum you can Direct Email me at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Please carefully read the information in the following LINKS.
Pay special attention to the LINKS in RED.

---

                  Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
• Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
• Photo, avatars, & signature images (https://www.susans.org//index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
• Site Policies and stuff to remember (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,492.0.html)
• Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
• Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)

---

I will now let you get back to getting involved in the various conversations around
the Forum... there should be some additional like-minded members coming along
to greet you and to help answer any questions that you may have.
                                 
Warmest Regards.... and WELCOME
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
    The Forum Administrator    E-Mail: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

                  cc: @Susan  @Devlyn  @Lori Dee  @Sarah B  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah

Hi Liz!


      Welcome! 


Chrissy

Hello Liz. New here myself, but I think you'll find the conversation much more satisfying, now that you have stepped from the shadows and have joined us at the table. Welcome.

                 Cindy

Hi Elizabeth

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

Thank you for sharing your story.  There is nothing boring about someone telling their story.  It adds to the collective knowledge about us, it helps others feel less alone and it helps you place your own steps on solid ground.

When I was very young, around four or five, I tried on some of my mother's clothes.  Those first times always stays with you, especially when the clothes did not fit me.

I never participated in sports.  I did not play soccer in primary school or any other football games, at least not that I can remember.  I preferred to talk or play with the girls or sit with a book and read, although that never really eventuated the way I hoped, well reading books became my life long passion.

Late in high school I ended up in a boys boarding school because of circumstances.  Oddly enough I thrived academically, although I could not be myself at the time.

Later in my mid twenties I was wearing female clothes at home.  Each time I put something on I would say to myself, "this feels right."  I dated, yet nothing lasting came out of it.  I knew I was not gay.  I liked women and I wanted to be like them.

It is never too late to change your life around.  It is good to hear that Elizabeth has taken over in your day to day sense of self.  For me Sarah never overtook me.  She was always there and when the time came she changed her clothes and continued on living as herself.

There are times when I want to say more about my past.  When I stop and think about it I return to these same thoughts.  I do not want to be treated any differently than other female, I do not want to be discriminated against in any way and I live in a binary world.  So I remain silent about revealing my past.  After I changed my life around I never told anyone outside my family and a couple of doctors.  That is how I like it.  The short version is simple.  You do not have to reveal yourself to anyone if you do not want to.

It is still good to tell your story in places where you feel safe.  It helps to say things out loud in writing to people who understand where you are coming from.  If you feel unsure about next steps you want to take.  It can help to speak with a therapist who specialises in gender care and uses informed consent.  That gives you a supportive setting to work through options at your own pace without pressure.

You are not boring.  You are not alone.  Your words matter, your privacy choices are yours, your timing is yours.  Take the next small steps that makes you feel happy.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@Elizabeth_71

Hello everyone and thank you so much for your warm replies. It means a lot to me so thank you.

I think that the tipping point for me is to admit to myself that I do not want to be a woman, that I am a woman. It has been a subtle yet significant change for me.

I cannot hide away from it any more. What is the point? So I need to embrace it and be myself.

I need to take small steps in becoming myself though. Maybe shave my legs today? Maybe not. I haven't got a clue what to do. But I do know that whatever I do will be for me.

I have read through all of my replies and the one that has resonated with me is the response from Sarah B. What you wrote could have been written by me. Different timelines but the same story. I know exactly how you felt and feel the same. It's difficult isn't it :(

I opted to keep my reply short, you don't need to hear me going on, and on, and on, and on, etc. Plus I feel a bit teary so will log off now.

Once again, thank you all for being so welcoming

Elizabeth x

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI think that the tipping point for me is to admit to myself that I do not want to be a woman, that I am a woman. It has been a subtle yet significant change for me.

It's amazing how significant that simple, little epiphany can be. Once I made the same connection, so many things just clicked into place.

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI cannot hide away from it any more. What is the point? So I need to embrace it and be myself.

This is one of the most difficult parts of our transition. It is also the most profound. You cannot run away and hide from yourself. If you are not yourself, then who are you? I'm glad you have accomplished this first step.  🙂

Elizabeth!

Welcome Aboard Sister! 🌻

I'm glad you have stepped off the sidelines here and are fully engaging in the game on the field of play!... The tipping point is a wonderful thing to experience... it is so amazing that it takes us so long sometimes in life to find but, once found, a new world of possibilities opens up and offers itself to us to explore... Our lives are no longer just the things that happen to us but rather... what we make them to be... Enjoy the feeling of the steering wheel to your life finally in your hands... May your travels forward be blessed! 🙏

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Hi Elizabeth

You said in your reply to us:

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMHello everyone and thank you so much for your warm replies. It means a lot to me so thank you.

No thank you again for telling your story, it helps others to understand where you are coming from.

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI think that the tipping point for me is to admit to myself that I do not want to be a woman, that I am a woman. It has been a subtle yet significant change for me.

Ah! The proverbial light bulb has gone off and as others have said, that is the distinction that resonates with them.  Me, well I was not so lucky.  It was nearly twenty years later that I finally realized that I was a female and Susan's provided that bit of information for me when I first joined as a member, even though I had been living as a female for over 21 years.  Yeah, I know, how weird was that!

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI cannot hide away from it any more. What is the point? So I need to embrace it and be myself.

You are absolutely right in not hiding away from it anymore.  As various members can attest that if one pushes away those feelings, they will come back and bite you even harder.

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI need to take small steps in becoming myself though. Maybe shave my legs today? Maybe not. I haven't got a clue what to do. But I do know that whatever I do will be for me.

No, don't shave your legs, time consuming the stubs of the hairs will feel prickly and that smoothness does not last long.  Have them waxed, the feeling lasts a lot longer trust me I know!  What ever you do, as long as it makes you happy then go for it.

There are many subtle things that one can do that will make you smile, paint your toe nails and wear shoes and socks no one will know, seek an electrologist to remove the hair on your face and body or some female article of clothing.  Each of these will more than likely will make you happy and each of them are just small steps in becoming who you really are.

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI have read through all of my replies and the one that has resonated with me is the response from Sarah B. What you wrote could have been written by me. Different timelines but the same story. I know exactly how you felt and feel the same. It's difficult isn't it :(

I'm happy that what I have said resonates with you and it reaffirms that you are not alone in what you feel about yourself.  However, my life has never been difficult and it was not painful, especially in what I did.  That will always perplex me as I continue to live my life.

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMI opted to keep my reply short, you don't need to hear me going on, and on, and on, and on, etc. Plus I feel a bit teary so will log off now.

Once I start typing, I cannot stop, so please, go on and on and on.  However, since you feel, "a bit teary eyed" I will let you go, having a cry will do you the world of good.

Quote from: Elizabeth_71 on September 09, 2025, 02:13:59 AMOnce again, thank you all for being so welcoming

Elizabeth x

You are more than welcome and that is one of the reasons why Susan's Place exists.  Take care and may all your dreams come true.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Elizabeth_71

Hi Elizabeth,
It's lovely meet you and welcome. Your story is not at all boring.....it is so exciting!
I'm so happy that you have come to appreciate that you do not want to be a woman and that you are already a woman (the tipping point as you call it). Isn't that such a beautiful feeling ❤️.
Like many ladies here, you and I both took some time to reach this point. I too was in my mid fifties when I accepted that I already was Ciara.
Make small changes and only make changes that will make you Elizabeth a happier woman. You have a beautiful life ahead of you ❤️.

Ciara.

A pleasure to meet you, Elizabeth.

Hello again.

I am so sorry but self doubt kicked in quite badly recently. I felt that I was being untrue to not just myself but to all of you. Therefore I deleted my previous account and decided to get on with my life. No more silly girly thoughts from me as it's all a waste of time.

The next day I felt a bit better. Ok a little bit sad that I was turning my back on things but not sad enough to let it bother me.

But at night the "egg crack" as other people have explained it was still there. It's always been there and not going to shift. I mean, I do not want to be like this any more than a person would choose to be gay or, I dunno a furry thing or a box of chocolates (actually that sounds ok lol). It's just me.

So I have come back (thanks Danielle for your kind words and encouragement) I won't post much to be honest but will keep reading the forum and if anyone has a story that resonates with my own I will try to help. If I decide to go a bit further in where I dream to get to I will let you know.

With love to you all

Elizabeth x

  @Elizabeth71

Dear Elizabeth:

I am so very happy that you were able to come back to the Forum.

As you get involved in conversations and comments you can find answers, acceptance, and support here.

Warmly,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
      The Forum Administrator

@Elizabeth71

Welcome back.

We all experience those periods of "what am I doing?", doubts, and negative self-talk. We understand, so no apology necessary.

The whole purpose of this place is so you can vent, talk through your issues, and receive support from real people who have been through it. Many of us had no support system in our lives, but by interacting here, we found answers, friendship, and love.

It is always ok to step back when you need to. Stay silent and safe. Just know we will be here for you, and when you are comfortable, feel free to post your comments, questions, and experiences.

We are glad you came back.

Thank you Danielle. If it wasnt't for your kind words I would not have come back.

Thank you too Lori Dee. I hate the I way I feel at present. Thinking back I have always hated the way that I am. Knowing that other people feel the same is a relief.

I badly tried to explain how I feel. So here goes..

If I get the chance to wear a dress and make up I feel happy. I smile at myself in the mirror. I know that I look stupid but I dont't care. My heart says yes, let's do this all the time. But my brain says nah, we can't do that. And I follow my brain.

But it is so much more than the clothes that I want to wear. It is my whole outlook on life, the way that my brain is wired. It is so hard to explain in words how relaxed I feel when speaking with other women. I desperately want to fit in. It just feels natural. Speaking with men feels like a burden that is forced upon me, like I have no choice. Sorry if that sounds weird but that's the way that it is.

When I fall asleep at night I want to wake up as the female version of me. Once again my heart says yes but reality says no.

I hate being me but there isn't that much that I can do about it apart from grin and bear it and continue to dream.

We all need to dream :-)

Elizabeth x

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. Many members here have told us exactly the same thing.

My suggestion would be to seek out a therapist with experience in gender identities. Not only can they help you understand what you are experiencing, but they can also provide some insight as well. I am a retired hypnotherapist, so I understand the value of therapy. I have been in therapy discussing my gender identity since 2017. It is nice to have a friendly face that you can talk to and discuss very personal issues.

Many of our members started their journey as crossdressers and later discovered they were transgender. A therapist can help you explore that. No matter what the outcome, we are here to support you. Many transgender people decide they do not want to transition and are happy to just dress up occasionally. There is nothing wrong with that. The goal is to figure out what works for you and what doesn't.

Only you can decide what your journey will look like and how far you want to go. Everyone's circumstances are different. We may face similar issues, but we all handle things differently depending on our situation and circumstances. This is a judgment-free zone. Everyone is welcome here, whether they are part of the LGBTQ community or not.

Spend some time thinking about what your goals might be, how you would like to live your life. Talk to a therapist who can help you understand what that means and how to go about getting there.

We will always be here for you.

Hi Lori Dee.

Your mention of people starting out as cross dressing then realising that they were transgender strikes a chord with me.

I started out in my very early teens. I began to wear my Mum's clothing in secret. I just guessed that I was a cross dresser and it was a fetish type thing, something that I would grow out of. But a big secret of mine. I hated myself but loved it at the same time. In hindsight I hated the fact that I loved dressing up.

But it snowballed in my late teens and I started to shave my legs, wear toe nail varnish and do anything possible to look more authentically female, tucking things away, socks in a bra, you name it I tried it. I still hadn't realised. This was pre internet days so I was very much on my own.

It wasn't until years later that I said to myself "Hey hold on. So why is it that I like to do my best to look and act like a woman? Why are all of my thoughts feminine? Why are all of my friends female? Why do I have no male friends? Why do I look at a woman and not want to be with her, but to be her? That's not normal". But still I could not admit it.

But time marches on. Time isn't something that I can stop and neither are my deeply hidden thoughts. So I need to speak to other people that feel the same way which is why I am here.

But I cannot ever see myself discussing this with a therapist, doctor, dentist or ventriloquist (lol)

But being more serious I asked my wife this afternoon if I could wear one of her dresses. She said yes and we had a good laugh about how well it fitted me. The thing is, it's not the first time that I have worn her clothes but we always laugh it off. But she does know that I like it a bit too much. I guess that at some point I am going to have to have a serious chat with her about possibly being transgender. To be honest though she already knows. She always calls me her wife.

But that's a conversation for another day.

In the meantime I will keep up with the forum and try to offer help if I can or seek help if I think that this is the right place.

Take care everyone 💗

Elizabeth x

Hi Elizabeth,
I can't tell you how happy your post made me feel. I'm 5 years older than you and so much of what you wrote resonates with me. I'm not female and I don't think I'm trans but things like wanting to hang out with the girls. I can't remember the number of time I've gone out with my wife and a group of her friends as the lone guy.

I had to laugh when you mentioned the shaved legs and red toenails as that's that's what I can see as I type this.

I think you are close to the same realization I have. If not now, when. We can keep putting off the feelings but it just eats you up.

I really look forward to hearing how your journey continues. You can't change the past but you can guide your future.

Sending you peace and love

P.   

Hi Petunia

What I have come to realise is that being trans isn't a simple tick box exercise. You can do as many "Am I trans" online quizzes, watch all of the You Tube stuff or read as many  blogs as you want. But ultimately you already know. My attitude is that if I wasn't trans I wouldn't even consider trying a meaningless quiz to find out. I mean, how many "non trans" guys would even think to Google it?

You are totally right about the feeling not going away. I have tried to keep it hidden away for years, hoping that one day it will disappear. But it never will, it's always been there just bubbling under the surface. Now the feeling has come to the boil and I have decided to stop running away from it, to stop hiding from myself. I haven't got a clue how to though.. apart from visiting a ventriloquist lol.

As you said, I can't hide the past but I can guide the future. I just need the confidence to do so.

Thank you for your reply and be nice to yourself 😊

Elizabeth x

Quote from: Elizabeth71 on October 06, 2025, 02:58:29 AMMy attitude is that if I wasn't trans I wouldn't even consider trying a meaningless quiz to find out. I mean, how many "non trans" guys would even think to Google it?

In my case, I had no clue. I explain the details in my story, but I had no clue that I was transgender. I knew I was unhappy and that I had problems with relationships. I decided to seek therapy to figure out what was going on with me. After a few different therapists, I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria. I didn't know what that meant. I continued in therapy and learned, and finally came to accept that this is who I am.

The amusing thing about this is that I was a practicing Certified Hypnotherapist, but I couldn't diagnose myself. I sought advice from a colleague who suggested I meet with a therapist face-to-face. And now that I understand and accept myself, I have never been happier in my entire life.

Therapy does not mean something is wrong with you. Therapists go to a therapist, psychologists see a psychologist, and psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. There are many reasons for this, but most importantly, it is a support system. It does not mean anything is wrong with you. Studies have shown that those who seek help have the most successful outcomes.

Hi Lori Dee

I am so sorry if my previous posts seem to be knocking therapy in any way. It truly wasn't my intention. I guess that gender dysphoria isn't something that I totally understand but speaking to a therapist is probably the best road for me to go on. If only to not understand both dysphoria but also myself.

I have read through your story and it is very similar to my own, apart from career wise. I have always worked in an office full of women, which is absolutely perfect for me.

One thing that you mentioned is "When you deceive others, you are also deceiving yourself." It's just nine little words but they mean a lot to me.

The thing is, I have spent my whole life doing exactly that. Not being true to anyone else, or myself. But at the moment I do not have the courage to change things or speak to anyone.

Hopefully things will change in the future. But for now I will just be me and keep on dreaming.

Take care 💗

Elizabeth x

Quote from: Elizabeth71 on October 07, 2025, 10:47:14 AMI am so sorry if my previous posts seem to be knocking therapy in any way.

I did not get that impression at all.

I just wanted to clarify that therapy is not about "curing mental illness" because many people believe that is the case. It is more about having someone that you can trust to talk to about anything and get their perspective on it.

You are correct that the first step is to be able to talk to someone about these things. Maybe in time, that will happen for you.

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm 54 as well, so we're walking this earth at the same pace. That mattered to me as I read your words.

You wrote, "I have spent my whole life doing exactly that. Not being true to anyone else, or myself." That line stopped me because I know what it's like to live decades performing a role instead of living a life.

I want to say this gently but clearly: in the UK, the average life expectancy is about 81 years. If we're lucky, that gives us another couple of decades. You've already spent 54 of them carrying other people's expectations—worrying what they might think, keeping yourself small and hidden. Isn't it time to live for yourself?

I want to share something personal. A friend of mine knew she was trans—the way you know your own heartbeat. She always had a safe ear in me, no judgment, only care. But fear—of family, coworkers, neighbors, strangers—kept her silent. She would edge toward reaching out, then retreat again. Near the end, she finally began to open up. She died knowing who she was but still too worried about other people's impressions to live for herself. I don't ever want that for you.

Fear can feel protective, but its cost is highest of all. You've already done the hardest thing: you told yourself the truth. You said, "I am a woman," not "I want to be a woman." That isn't small—it's everything. And when doubt tried to pull you back into the shadows, you came here instead. That took real courage. You've shown that the woman who already lives inside you is stronger than the fear.

Lori Dee is right about therapy. Seeing a good, gender-literate therapist isn't about being broken; it's about finally seeing yourself clearly after years of looking away. The right therapist doesn't just listen—they create space for your whole story and help you breathe as yourself.

On my own path, I worked with several therapists who reached the same conclusion about who I am, but the ones who truly saw me changed my life far beyond any approval letter. They helped me stop running from myself and gave me practice speaking my truth out loud.

If you're uncertain where to start, your GP can refer you to gender identity services, or you can look into private options if NHS wait times feel too long. Either way, taking that first step of making an appointment is just that—one small step, not a commitment to any particular path.

Your wife calls you "her wife." She lets you wear her dresses. She laughs with you, not at you. That matters, Elizabeth. When you're ready for a deeper conversation, you may find more understanding waiting there than you expect.

Whatever you decide and however you move forward, please don't let fear steal the time you have left. You deserve mornings that begin in peace and days that feel like home in your own skin. You deserve to look in the mirror and recognize yourself without flinching—to live not only in borrowed moments, but throughout your life. Elizabeth deserves that—and so do you.

You're not alone in this.
With care,
— Susan

Quote from: Elizabeth71 on October 05, 2025, 02:29:11 PMThank you Danielle. If it wasnt't for your kind words I would not have come back.

Thank you too Lori Dee. I hate the I way I feel at present.

Dear Elizabeth-- Danielle and Lori have talked me off the edge many times. Your words resonated with my own feelings and experience inside Susan's. So many times I've wanted things to just go back to the way they were before I asserted my gender variance, gender fluidity, queerness, transness whatever word fits the particular moment. I am learning to live with my gender confusion and not take myself so darn seriously. Occasionally, I even laugh at the image in the mirror, not derisively but with genuine amusement. It seems to help.   

Quote from: Dances With Trees on October 08, 2025, 04:03:33 PMDear Elizabeth-- Danielle and Lori have talked me off the edge many times. Your words resonated with my own feelings and experience inside Susan's. So many times I've wanted things to just go back to the way they were before I asserted my gender variance, gender fluidity, queerness, transness whatever word fits the particular moment. I am learning to live with my gender confusion and not take myself so darn seriously. Occasionally, I even laugh at the image in the mirror, not derisively but with genuine amusement. It seems to help.   

BTW, Happy Birthday!