Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Is it possible to be a MTF but never fully transition, but could, as a choice?
This assumes you have reached clarity about your gender. 


There could be many reasons why this may be the case, such as existing relationships, fear for many reasons, economic reasons, and so on.

What are your thoughts on this?

Absolutely. It's entirely possible—and more common than many realize—for a woman who knows she's MTF to never pursue a "full" transition. Being transgender doesn't come with deadlines or required milestones. Your gender is still valid whether or not you change your name, come out widely, start hormones, have surgeries, or choose to take none of those steps. I've known women who were clear about being MTF yet never transitioned before they passed; their identities were no less real.

People make different choices for many reasons: relationships and family, personal safety, finances, health conditions, career or community considerations, geography, the level or type of dysphoria they experience, or simply because certain steps don't feel necessary for their sense of authenticity. Some keep their identity private. Some transition socially but not medically. Others pursue select medical interventions and skip the rest. None of these paths is "less trans."

What matters most is agency and wellbeing—finding the mix that lets you feel at home in yourself while balancing the realities of your life. That mix can change over time; a "not now" isn't a "never," and a "never" can still be peaceful, complete, and true. The only person qualified to set your timeline—or to decide not to have one—is you.

You're not alone in considering this. The transgender community encompasses many ways of living our truth. If you're safe, supported, and living in a way that feels honest to you, that is a successful transition—whether it's visible to others or not.

The purpose of transition for MtF or FtM is to relieve the symptoms of dysphoria.

Each person experiences dysphotia differently. For some, it may not bother them much, and they have no need to do anything.

For some, they are aware of the dysphoria, but are not severely impacted by it. They might get by with underdressing or decide they want to go full transition, including surgery.

For some, the symptoms can be devastating and even start to impact both mental and physical health, and there may not be much choice. Transition is necessary.

We have members here in every category, plus all of the points in between. That does not make them more or less transgender. Being transgender is something that you are. It is part of your internal self. The rest is merely what you feel you want to do about it, or in some cases, what you need to do about it.

I should note that denial is also an option.

Yes, it is possible.  I know people in that situation.

In my case, once I knew I was trans, I set about doing a social and physical transition with no delay.  (I presume that physical transition is what you mean by "completely transition".)  But not everyone needs to do that.

The terms "MTF" and "FTM" seem to imply physical transition, going from male to female or vice versa.  But they are just shorthand for trans-female and trans-male respectively.  A person is trans whether they transition physically, socially, or not at all.

I used to "male fail" all the time before transitioning, even when I had a full beard.
Once by a TSA agent in an airport security screening shortly after 9/11.

I now have "passing privilege" as a short petite woman without the risks of HRT or surgery.

Yes, I agree, it is possible to be a MTF but never "fully" transition, but could, as a choice. 

In some cases, this may result in a compromise of how much someone genuinely wishes to transition.  Many may never work fully "in their gender."  Many will remain (South Pole area) Non-op.  Many will have no surgeries.  Perscribed hormones is also a big step many may not take.

Lots of reasons have been stated by the posters above.

Transitioning is such a personal decision.  What is right for some may not be right for others.

Plus, things change over time.  What was not right before may become comfortable later.


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 21, 2025, 06:02:10 PMIs it possible to be a MTF but never fully transition, but could, as a choice?
This assumes you have reached clarity about your gender. 


There could be many reasons why this may be the case, such as existing relationships, fear for many reasons, economic reasons, and so on.

I do believe it is possible, for the reasons you have listed and many, many others, because each one of us have our own demons and insecurities inside.
What I would say the question would be more on the...having reached clarity on your gender, how does it affect you, your life, your relations, etc... by not expressing yourself in the gender you know you are?.

If the answer is that you feel Ok with it, great!👍🏼
But, if that generates problems on you, your self esteem, your relations, your self consciousness, your confidence...then I believe I would have to make a decision.

All I can say is that I am reaching this point of my transition and starting to shift from being Ok, to starting to want more and be who I really am.
Anyway, one of many personal decisions to make.

And as Chrissy says

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 21, 2025, 08:15:54 PMPlus, things change over time.  What was not right before may become comfortable later.

Quote from: Anne_lifetrip on September 25, 2025, 02:33:49 AMIf the answer is that you feel Ok with it, great!👍🏼
But, if that generates problems on you, your self esteem, your relations, your self consciousness, your confidence...then I believe I would have to make a decision.

^^^
This.

Well said, Anne.

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 21, 2025, 06:42:19 PM.....

I should note that denial is also an option.

I have a hard time believing that.
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I'll see myself out. 🤣

Quote from: Devlyn on September 25, 2025, 09:47:12 AMI have a hard time believing that.
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I'll see myself out. 🤣

Devlyn the Denial Denier. 😁

Transition, by definition, is "the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another". Every one of us does this many times each day, over many different issues. Moving from a place you're unhappy to a place you're happy... that is a transition. Maybe not the one with a capital "T", but that doesn't really matter. The end result is the same.

We all transition, all the time. Life is change. So to answer your question... no, it's not possible. Because any change is a transition. What means, or lengths you go to, in order to affect that change is a matter of degrees, and a very personal thing. The process remains the same. Even if it's only coming here and finding people who accept you. Whoever you are. Finding, and accepting yourself, is a transition, in my opinion.

Hi Everyone

TL;DR
"Yes, I see the world as binary and each person decides what helps them feel at peace, happy and safe. I know that different paths exist and I respect those who stop where they feel it is right."

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I have said in numerous posts, "I never transitioned", in today's terminology and I will stand by that statement.  As Sephirah said, the meaning of "transition" is  "changing from one state to another" and I completely understand the context in which it is used.  However, the word "transition" used in today's context now encompasses the extent to which one changes oneself in terms of one's gender.

Therein lies the dilemma for the individual confronted with deciding how far they can change (transition) given the circumstances that surround them and the individual's own wants and needs.  This undoubtedly remains the individual's decision.  Each of us must decide how far to go given health, finances, relationships, work, safety, location, the kind of dysphoria we feel and what we need to live well.  As already mentioned and it must be emphasised again, "that decision rests with the individual".

For my part, I can understand why someone cannot or chooses not to pursue everything.  Medical risk, cost, family duties or simple lack of need can be decisive.  I also hold that it is a person's body and life.  I support their right to choose what helps them.  I support choices that differ from my own because the person living that life is the only one who can decide what feels right for them.

I live in a binary world and I accept that others do not live in a binary world.  I sometimes struggle to understand why someone might stop partway while still respecting that choice.  I know that sounds like a contradiction alongside my support for autonomy.  Both things can be true at once.  I do not need a full understanding to respect another person's boundary.

What seems to matter most is relief of dysphoria and a sustainable life.  Some people do nothing and feel fine.  Some change a few things and feel complete.  Some pursue total social, legal and medical steps in order to be themselves, or none at all.  Different paths exist and different outcomes will follow, regardless, whatever one chooses is still valid.

If you have reached clarity about being who you want to be then you are you.  Whether you keep that private, share it with a few, or change visible parts of your life is your choice.  Peace and happiness within yourself are what you deserve.

I can only speak for myself.  To the original question my answer is a resounding Yes.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

I thought that was what going under the radar is.

Quote from: Tig58072 on September 30, 2025, 06:47:43 AMI thought that was what going under the radar is.

Not in my case.  I go golfing in pretty skirts.  I routinely talk with golfers how I am different.
It takes about two hours to walk nine holes of golf.  Plenty of time to answer any questions.

I wear female clothes when gardening.  I have a rose garden in the front yard that blooms from Memorial day to the end of the growing season.

Marion

Quote from: Maid Marion on September 30, 2025, 07:43:50 AMNot in my case.  I go golfing in pretty skirts.  I routinely talk with golfers how I am different.
It takes about two hours to walk nine holes of golf.  Plenty of time to answer any questions.

I wear female clothes when gardening.  I have a rose garden in the front yard that blooms from Memorial day to the end of the growing season.

Marion

Marion,

Your posts seem to indicate that you are proactive to strangers that you golf with about your clothing.  Is that correct?  Or do they ask you about that and you are very open?   Either way, I am glad you are comfortable being on the golf course as you are.  That is nice.

Chrissy

Yes, I'll tell folks that I cross dress because I like to shop for clothes and they don't sell guy clothes in my size.  I'll also correct them if they think I'm a genetic girl. I can play good golf and talk at the same time.  It depends.  Sometimes folks just want to play golf and not talk.  Some folks decide that I'm worth talking to when they see how well I swing the golf club and behave on the golf course.  You can learn a lot about someone by how they play golf.  You can't fake a good golf game.

Cross dressing is pretty accurate considering that I'm not on HRT and don't plan to have any surgeries.
It is better to be misgendered while cross dressing than to be misgendered with a full beard by the TSA!

Quote from: Devlyn on September 25, 2025, 09:47:12 AMI have a hard time believing that.
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Devlyn,
I can really see where you are coming from but as I stand at the edge of a precipice, I really hope you are wrong.

I have spent decades thinking I was a fetishistic cd but after unsucessfully burying it for 15 years and having it popup again, questioning why now has me searching for where I fit in on the MF spectrum.
Some of the thimgs I've read are really scary and yet they make sense

To be honest everyone has their own circumstances. When I first joined Susans I was not in a position to transition. I was so deep in the closet that I wouldn't even say out loud that I was trans even in my own apartment. Now I am 9 years on hrt, post op and looking at FFS and BA and have totally come out of the closet with my new name made official.

My situation changed enough that I could openly become myself but many are not that lucky. Many trans are trapped in a situation where they can't be open about their truth but they are still their true gender even if they can't publicly express it.

As a pre op, the decision to have the GRS took me some time to figure out the pros and cons. When I came out at age 20, I knew that my life would be miserable still not transitioning living and dressing as female. Transitioning saved my life which I transitioned for 2 years which I had the FFS, trachea shave and breast augmentation. I knew there would be regrets having the GRS and still happy with my decision not to have this done to this day. 

After 3.5 years of HRT, it is very difficult to not pass as anything but female now.  All December I've been noticing that my body has really made that S-curve difficult to miss from the side, and from the back I really have that hour-glass shape.  It's really my front, because of my stomach that hinders people from gendering me correctly when they approach me from the front.  So when I wear my dress or skirts, the front makes me look pregnant.  But my breasts are really growing and maturing over the past month and a half (today I was noticing in my 56C bra that I'm starting to get that cleavage line when standing without using any pads or tape to give me that cleavage look)as well as my caboose is getting that rounded shelf look that gives my skirt back there that classic female shape.  And I'm not using any petticoats or bustles to get that look.  So at this point in time it would be really hard to wear male clothes without people noticing unless I bought like 8x shirts. And after my bariatric surgery, (since I think my pelvis has also shifted to the female tilt) I'll still have that curve, and any fat I retain and regain I know my body will put what fat it puts back on my rear—-and I'm planning on keeping my estrogen and progesterone at my current levels since I don't want to undergo menopause, and I want to keep my youthful looks as long as possible!.  Of course as others have said, your mileage may vary.

Nancy,


It sounds as if you have a plan!

I do think that estrogen helps one look a little younger.  But that may not last.  It is likely all in your genes more than anything. 


Chrissy

Quote from: Sarah B on September 27, 2025, 08:19:43 PM"I never transitioned", in today's terminology and I will stand by that statement. 

Hmmm. I didn't transition.  I just present as I am, gently easing into what makes me comfortable.  Some days more successful passing than others, not dependent on passing or being able to say loud and proud, "I've transistioned!  Look at me!"  The transition is the acceptance and acclimation internally, mentally.  I'm not militant or "in your face."  I deplore conflict and find as long as I'm not flaunting my femininity, I get along swimmingly. Living my life as I feel, wearing what I wish and just plainly not being paranoid is refreshing.  I get second looks in church, but am never called out like I don't belong there.  Family talks to me.  My volunteer activities continue and I am appreciated for my contributions.

As people who follow my posts here know, I'm almost completely closeted after 4 years of HRT. I have to hide my breasts, but I pass fine as a male. Trans friends say that I could pass as a woman but I have trouble believing them. I live with a fear of hurt and conflict that makes it hard for me to imagine a public transition.

If I'm honest, this would be different if I "male-failed" more, if people mistook me for a woman even in men's clothes. My breasts are large enough to leave zero doubt that my body isn't conventionally male, but I ofter feel sad because I don't have the fresh, soft features of a 20something trans woman.

I'm scheduled for facial feminization surgery in a little over 2 months from now (first of two rounds) and I'm desperately hoping that I'm able to see myself differently.

^ That last comment should be pretty telling because I'm admitting that how I see myself feels like the problem. I think that is a problem for many. Learning to see yourself as the person you feel yourself to be seems like the first step to a happy and successful transition.

Quote from: Courtney G on December 22, 2025, 11:34:24 AMI'm scheduled for facial feminization surgery in a little over 2 months from now (first of two rounds) and I'm desperately hoping that I'm able to see myself differently.

^ That last comment should be pretty telling because I'm admitting that how I see myself feels like the problem. I think that is a problem for many. Learning to see yourself as the person you feel yourself to be seems like the first step to a happy and successful transition.

You nailed it, Courtney.

Once we accept ourselves for who we are, life gets so much easier. The problem is in how we see ourselves. All humans do this; we want to lose weight, change our hairstyle or color, build muscles, or grow a moustache. For most people, it is seen as a way to improve their appearance based on what they see. For us, it is the same, except that we see a male looking at us in the mirror, and we find that intolerable, so the changes to our appearance take more dramatic steps. There is nothing wrong with that; it just is harder for us to accept who we are.

Even though I don't like what I see, I am content with who I am on the inside.
 

Quote from: Courtney G on December 22, 2025, 11:34:24 AMI'm scheduled for facial feminization surgery in a little over 2 months from now (first of two rounds) and I'm desperately hoping that I'm able to see myself differently.

^ That last comment should be pretty telling because I'm admitting that how I see myself feels like the problem. I think that is a problem for many. Learning to see yourself as the person you feel yourself to be seems like the first step to a happy and successful transition.

I had FFS for me, not because someone else said I needed it. Seeing my old reflection was painful. Jaw contouring was the worst, and recovery took several weeks. Eventually, I stopped seeing my ghost in the mirror -- the reflection of the person I used to be. It was worth it.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I only realised that I was trans last February. That realisation didn't arrive suddenly but once it did, it brought an understanding and sense of coherence I had never previously had. Many long-standing feelings — discomfort, incongruity, and a lifelong pull toward femininity — finally made sense.

I am now 79 years old and my life is well established. I have a wife, children and grandchildren and long-standing social connections and responsibilities that matter to me. I am very aware of the realities of my age and circumstances and it is inconceivable that I could transition publically. What matters to me is finding peace and self-acceptance within the life I already have.

I am not out at home and remaining covert is an important and necessary part of maintaining stability with my family and in my social life. Rather than outward change, I have focused on small, subtle steps that allow me to move forward quietly and covertly.

Much of that progress has been internal: allowing myself to think of myself as Christina, softening how I relate to my body, my voice, and my presence in the world, and letting go of the idea that femininity must be overt to be real. Alongside this, there have been gentle external changes — skincare, nail care, discreet makeup and more androgynous clothing choices that feel affirming to me while remaining unremarkable to others.

One unexpected aspect of this has been how I am perceived in public. Despite being entirely in boymode, I have been misgendered several times, including when out with my wife, with strangers naturally addressing me as a woman. It now clear to me that many of my features that have caused me so much grief in the past, my rather effeminate bone structure, my quite lush hair but almost complete lack of body hair and high-pitched voice coupled with androgynous clothing and accessories read 'woman' to a casual observer.

I am trying to be Christina on a daily basis in quiet, subtle way that is comforting and appropriate to my circumstances.

I don't know exactly where this path will lead and I am comfortable with that. What I do know is that acknowledging Christina has brought a sense of peace and self-understanding that I did not previously have.

Quote from: Christina152 on December 24, 2025, 05:21:58 AMI don't know exactly where this path will lead and I am comfortable with that. What I do know is that acknowledging Christina has brought a sense of peace and self-understanding that I did not previously have.

Christina, I completely understand your situation. I can feel it. I'm so happy to hear that you've taken those steps to affirm your true identity while keeping things manageable. I wish you all the best.

Quote from: Christina152 on December 24, 2025, 05:21:58 AMWhat matters to me is finding peace and self-acceptance within the life I already have.

This is the key. Accepting yourself is THE ONLY important part of this.
Everything else is just method or distance.

Quote from: Christina152 on December 24, 2025, 05:21:58 AMI am not out at home and remaining covert is an important and necessary part of maintaining stability with my family and in my social life.

This is equally important. Age is not a factor. Everyone's circumstances are different, so there is no right or wrong way to do this.

What matters is the result.

Quote from: Christina152 on December 24, 2025, 05:21:58 AMI don't know exactly where this path will lead and I am comfortable with that. What I do know is that acknowledging Christina has brought a sense of peace and self-understanding that I did not previously have.

Bingo!