Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lauren's hard learned life lesson #3: Trust is hard.

You have two types. Trusting other people and trusting yourself. The erosion of the former is outside your control. It's something which happens to you, that you react to. The latter is very much within your control. It's something you develop within yourself by being resilient to the world.

When you grow up in a world not trusting how you feel... when everything you feel is expressed as a lie by people who do not know you... it's far too easy to become dependent on how other people feel about you to develop how you feel about yourself.

For a lot of my life, I have had the default mindset of "You can't do this". Even though I have proved this factually wrong, over and over. Because people have told me I can't. And I listened to this rather than listened to myself. That has held me back from trying to do things because I never thought I could. Because I assumed everyone around me knew better than I did. I gave my world power over me. I have been in a dark place for large parts of my life. But that's only because I didn't know how to find the light within myself.

It is easy to encourage other people. Because you don't have the negativity of your own mind trying to undermine your efforts. It's so much harder to encourage yourself. But one thing I have worked on over the last while... and one thing I would encourage you all to engage in is... trust yourself. Trust how you feel. And trust that you're capable of doing so much more than you ever think you can. You just have to take that first gargantuan step of wanting to. You have to want to push the giant boulder down the hill and see what happens.

No one in your life has the right to tell you how to live it. Only you have that. But you have to want to do it. And once you take those first steps, you create a feedback loop. The more you do, the more you can do. You just have to trust yourself. Trust that you know what you want and you know where you want to be.

You are the best judge of yourself. And are capable of miracles. 🙂

As the saying goes, "If you think you can, or think you can't, you're right!"

Pushing your boundaries will show you what you really can do. I refuse to think that I can't do something. Instead, I rephrase it to, "How can I do this? How can I make this happen?" This way, I am assuming that I can do it, not that I can't.

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 27, 2025, 05:28:02 PMAs the saying goes, "If you think you can, or think you can't, you're right!"

Pushing your boundaries will show you what you really can do. I refuse to think that I can't do something. Instead, I rephrase it to, "How can I do this? How can I make this happen?" This way, I am assuming that I can do it, not that I can't.

This is true, Lori. It's hard for some folks to get out of the mindset of always thinking they can't do something. It takes a degree of mental fortitude. And a lot of that is having their trust in themselves being worn down by a lifetime of people convincing them they can't. So it's often just easier to not try because you can't fail. The thing to understand is that you can't succeed, either.

I have been in that place more than I like to think about. I could tell other people how to be better but never tell myself. Because it's obvious when you're looking at something from the outside. When you have the mess of the human psyche to try and deal with... you just have to trust that you're better than you tell yourself. And that when you try to fly... if you fall, you can always rise up again.

Quote from: Sephirah link=topic=xxxx.msgxxxx date=September 27, 2025, 05:21:17 PMTrust is hard... You just have to trust yourself.

Sephirah, thank you for naming this so clearly. Many of us were taught to doubt what we know about ourselves, so rebuilding self-trust takes time and steady repetition. Lori's reframing—asking "How can I make this happen?"—is a bridge from doubt to movement. It doesn't erase fear; it gives it somewhere to sit while we take the next honest step. 🧭

We also need space for grief. Many of us carry grief for lost time, lost safety, lost relationships, or the childhoods we should have had. Grief is not a setback; it is part of healing. In community, we hold one another's sorrow without rushing it or measuring how long it "should" take. Mourning what was lost is one way we make room for what's next. 🕯

A core part of this work is forgiveness. First, forgiving ourselves—for the ways we hid, coped, or believed other people's stories—so shame loosens its grip. Then, when we're ready, forgiving others. Not to excuse harm or to require reconciliation, but to stop carrying their choices inside our bodies. Forgiveness creates room for growth and lets us meet the future without the weight of yesterday. 🌿

Right beside that is learning to love ourselves. Love is daily care: speaking to ourselves kindly, honoring our needs, and letting small joys count as evidence that we belong. This is also where pets belong. Companion animals are a gentle classroom for receiving and giving love. Their steady presence helps regulate our nervous systems, their simple routines teach consistency, and their uncomplicated affection makes trust feel safer again. As self-love steadies, it spills outward—we can love others without losing ourselves. 🐾💜

Several quiet supports help all of this take root. Rest makes courage possible tomorrow. 🌙 Joy on purpose—play, music, making or tending something—teaches our bodies that safety can return. ✨ Boundaries keep connection safe and protect the space where healing happens. 🫂 Simple rituals and routines—a morning walk, lighting a candle before journaling, a weekly check-in—steady the day. Telling our story (to ourselves, a friend, or a counselor) turns chaos into meaning. Time in nature reminds us we belong here. 🌳 And offering support through service or mentorship lets us see our own strength reflected back. 🤲 When the inner voice gets harsh, borrow the voice you'd use for a friend; until your own light steadies, let the community reflect you back to yourself. 🤝

To anyone reading who still feels stuck: you're not behind and you're not alone. Trust can be rebuilt. Forgiveness can be learned. Love—helped along by a soft purr or a wagging tail—grows. Grief, when honored, becomes a passage rather than a prison. We try, we learn, we adjust; fall, rise, repeat. Keep taking the next honest step. We'll always be there walking right beside you. 🌈

With love and support! 🫂
—Susan

@Sephirah  @Susan  @Lori Dee  @Lilis  @KathyLauren  @Sarah B

Every comment, beginning with Sehpirah starting this thread, is spot-on and is
an encouragement to all that read what is written...
...the words and message here illuminates all our inner thoughts and inspires us to trust
and forgive, and to trust others that are in our life and to accept forgiveness.

There is nothing worse than harboring un-forgiveness, spite, and past wrongdoings
by others and by ourselves.  Doing that will only continue to fester and break down our
happiness and well-being.

It is best to keep a "short list" and to not let a day go by without reaching out
and forgiving, and also accepting forgiveness. 
Do not wait or delay, which could result in having regrets when we can no longer reach out
to others and loved ones because of separation and/or by death.
In my life, I do not want regrets for those kinds of relationship issues.
 
Regarding "trust"... trust is earned with time and deeds, not
freely given out without any thought or confirmation.

THANK YOU to all that have actively read, and also commented on this Topic.

HUGS, love, peace, forgiveness, and trust,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]