Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I'm just curious if anyone else knows what I'm talking about? Have you noticed an increase in female friendships since you transitioned to one? Or you gain more respect from other females when you transitioned to one?

I have noticed this in some cases. I think I gained more female friendships than I did male. I think the reason for this is possibly because there's sort of a shared struggle/understanding that women have with other women?

This is just my experience but anyone else is welcome to share their's.

Quote from: CosmicJoke on October 16, 2025, 07:07:49 PMHi everyone. I'm just curious if anyone else knows what I'm talking about? Have you noticed an increase in female friendships since you transitioned to one? Or you gain more respect from other females when you transitioned to one?

I have noticed this in some cases. I think I gained more female friendships than I did male. I think the reason for this is possibly because there's sort of a shared struggle/understanding that women have with other women?

This is just my experience but anyone else is welcome to share their's.

There is probably a lot of reasons for this, hon.

When people accept themselves in this way, then they don't see themselves in the same way they did before. For a lot of "guys"... friendships with women were a means to an end, not an end in itself. You're just being you. And it's like ripples in a pond. Once you accept who you are, it radiates to the world around you. You don't have the same kind of "vibe" that you did. And I know that's a very hippie way to describe it, but I don't know how to describe it any other way, lol.

Some people go uber masculine to try and shove down how they feel. To overcompensate, I guess. All the way. Full Arnie, tattoos, gigachad philosophy. And people pick up on it. It doesn't make anyone happy. Once you get past that, you can start to just explore who you really are.

And because of that... there's a vibe you give off that people pick up on. Different to what you used to. Because who we are comes from within and exudes outwards. Sometimes however much we try to hide it, we're not very good at it. This applies equally to trans guys, and non-binary folks. When you are just yourself... yeah maybe opposites attract, but like can understand like. Once you shed the stuff that you are fighting to keep as a mask. I know a guy who used to come across as a tomboy, before he found himself. It changed the dynamic. It always does. If people get it.

I have always had more female friends than male. Partly due to them starting as my wife's friends, but I was always included in the group.

As Sephirah noted, I was just being myself, no agenda. There were many times when I was invited out with the girls, and this was pre-transition. They often told me that I was welcome because I was "one of the girls". Interestingly, their husbands didn't mind. I think because they knew I was not a threat and would not be hitting on their wives. One of them said he was glad I was with them "to look after them" in case there was trouble.

Now, the situation is the same. I have more female friends than male friends, and I have been single for almost ten years. I think it is partly, as Sephirah said, the sexual energy or innuendo is absent, where in many male/female relationships it is quite apparent. Without a sexual dynamic, people just relax and enjoy each other's company. And as an asexual, I think they sense that I am not putting out that "vibe".

@CosmicJoke
@Sephirah

Yeah that's kind of the thing Lori. A lot of guys don't even notice it, but it's as much a thing for girls as for guys. When there's that dynamic. If someone perceives you as a guy, as a girl, then a lot of the time there will be that undertone. Not always, but often. It's largely why girls can pick up on gay guys even if they haven't come out. Because people just have a vibe. Call it subconscious body language or whatever you want. Attitude. Things we don't immediately pick up on.

Trans folks tend to fit in with people of their own gender because people pick up on it. Even if you don't. There was some statistic thrown around somewhere that like 80% of who we are isn't expressed by what we say. I'd say that's a bit of an understatement, but people around us can pick up on it. Even if they don't know they're picking up on it. I do rather like the idea of most of what we say not being verbal.

It doesn't surprise me about you, Lori, honestly. I am pretty good at getting vibes off people. Maybe it's through being here so long. I can tell when people are hiding something, or when they aren't. You are one of the most genuine people I've ever met. You are positively effervescent in how bubbly and real you are. You are someone who has had a lifetime to find out what happiness means and how it relates to who you are. I kind of suspect you're one of the people in the world who wears how you feel on your chest and is very bad when it comes to trying to fool people about it.

It's what makes you so valuable. What you see is what you get. Love you or don't, it's for real. And I think you've had to work at that, hon. It radiates off you. This is kind of the point. You attract people who get you for you. Those who don't... doesn't matter. 🙂