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I've been experiencing bouts of anxiety and sadness over the last 12 months or so, these have been bigger and more intense than I have experienced before.

Working with my therapist I've realised that I'm getting more tired and less able to mask my identity. The anxiety is, in part, a more clearly felt friction between who I am and how the rest of the world perceives me.

Having nearly introduced myself with my own name (not my male name) in a work meeting very recently caused a huge wave to hit me and caused my first crisis moment as I could not really do anything in the meeting following that as I was so overwhelmed by such a close mistake.

My therapist heard this and told me about the role of grounding oneself in moments like this. Bring back clarity, calmness and function. She talked about the idea of "Ma". In Japanese aesthetics, ma refers to the space or pause between elements—a kind of silence or emptiness that allows the viewer or reader to reflect.

We worked on some grounding mantras to create this Ma like effect. I could silently or quietly say it when I was hit by waves of anxiety and panic. Where I felt I was letting the mask slip in a way that would not help me.

We came up with this "I am Isobel. I am real. I am allowed to exist fully as myself."

Quietly saying this allows me to reflect on where I am right there and then and also acknowledge who I am. I've found it very useful and helpful, whilst this is not a new or novel idea at all I wanted to share this technique with you in case it's helpful for anyone else.

And if anyone is wondering, honestly I don't want the mask to slip. I want to take it off absolutely, but I want to do so on my own terms.

As usual I'm not sure if this is the right section or topic to post this under so please let me know!

Much love to you all
Isobel

@IsobelWoods
Dear Isabel:
I enjoyed reading what you had stated in your lovely and well composed posting.

Thank you for starting this topic. 
I am looking forward to reading the reply comments from our other members.

Thank you for posting.
.
Hugs, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: IsobelWoods on Yesterday at 10:07:24 AMMy therapist heard this and told me about the role of grounding oneself in moments like this. Bring back clarity, calmness and function. She talked about the idea of "Ma". In Japanese aesthetics, ma refers to the space or pause between elements—a kind of silence or emptiness that allows the viewer or reader to reflect.

I found this very interesting. I am a 12th Degree Rosicrucian (AMORC), and we practice various vowel sound intonations for similar and mystical purposes. We use it during meditation and when we feel we need "grounding" or "centering". What struck me was the sound "Ma" is one we use that represents the "feminine" aspect of the Divine.

"MA is pronounced like MAAH. It is intoned on A natural above middle C. The A sound should be drawn out like the A in father. This is the feminine, maturing aspect of the Divine Consciousness."

Quote from: IsobelWoods on Yesterday at 10:07:24 AMWe came up with this "I am Isobel. I am real. I am allowed to exist fully as myself."

I did something similar too. I wrote out, "I am Lori Dee," on a card and stuck it on my mirror. I didn't need to read it out loud; the subconscious mind does that when you see it. For a long time, I even had an email address, "IamLoriDee@...", and in some online games (that I no longer play), I used something similar as my password. These were all mental tricks that I used to reinforce who I am, despite physical appearances and being misgendered often.

I have found these to be very helpful in accepting myself. I hope it is equally helpful for you.

Quote from: Lori Dee on Yesterday at 10:29:05 AMWhat struck me was the sound "Ma" is one we use that represents the "feminine" aspect of the Divine

"MA is pronounced like MAAH. It is intoned on A natural above middle C. The A sound should be drawn out like the A in father. This is the feminine, maturing aspect of the Divine Consciousness."

Absolutely fascinating, I did not know that. I love it even more now.

Than you for sharing, I love the idea of just writing down my name and having it visible. I'm going to find a way to implement that.

Quote"I am Isobel. I am real. I am allowed to exist fully as myself."

☝️😀 <[TRUTH!!!]

I Love Your Mantra Sister... Intent of mind is the key that opens all doors! 💕

QuoteI've been experiencing bouts of anxiety and sadness over the last 12 months or so, these have been bigger and more intense than I have experienced before.

Allow these feelings to drop away girl... replace them with hope and the anticipation of the amazing discoveries to be found ahead because that is where your intent is leading you... 🌻

We can feel like there is such a chasm in the beginning between where we are... and where we wish to be in life but, You will find that when you are ready, and pointing in the right direction, each small step will propel you forward quickly towards the things you want to create a life well lived 🌻

Quotehonestly I don't want the mask to slip. I want to take it off absolutely, but I want to do so on my own terms.

And you shall girl!!! ... It does sound like someone is getting a little tired of hiding and yearns for freedom. When you had your slip, she might have been trying to move up the timetable a bit! 🌻

Just keep doing what you are doing girl!... All shall be well and the world will belong to Isobel 💕🤗💕

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: IsobelWoods on Yesterday at 10:07:24 AMIn Japanese aesthetics, ma refers to the space or pause between elements—a kind of silence or emptiness that allows the viewer or reader to reflect.

This is a theme in various forms of meditation. The words of the mantra itself are not the main focus of the exercise. It's the space between them that practitioners learn to focus on. Hypnotherapy uses something similar when using breath to induce trance. Focusing on ones own breathing achieves a similar thing. It's not the inhalation or exhalation which is the focus, rather the visualisations impressed in the spaces between them. Often one of light, or mist, pulsing to and from the individual. Inducing relaxation and reducing tension. It's extremely effective and based on the act of reinforced repetition. Circular distraction, in a way.

I like the mantra you chose, Isobel. 🙂 That will go further to reinforce affirmations within yourself.

Quote from: tgirlamg on Yesterday at 05:10:44 PMJust keep doing what you are doing girl!... All shall be well and the world will belong to Isobel 💕🤗💕

The world will belong to all of us Ashley! It's about time we had a go at being in charge!!

💖