Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Looking at various peoples stories on this site I get the impression that a lot of people transitioned or wish to transition whilst in what's considered straight relationships. I transitioned whilst in a gay relationship although myself I'm pansexual.

It's got my wondering if there is a 50/50 split of people transitioning from  both straight and gay relationships or if it's a different balance?

Also my bf now considers himself bisexual as a result of my transition and that he's now in a kinda straight relationship.

Would be interesting to hear other experiences of sexuality and transitioning. For me my bf being from both the furry fandom and queer scene meant he already understood trans issues and was fully in support of me. Maybe this differs for others?

Charlotte 😻

If you are going to keep this discussion PG-13, it can stay here. So keep it VERY general in nature. Anything beyond that needs to be discussed in the Sexuality Forum.

Fair Warning.

To be honest I don't mind where this is hosted if there is somewhere more appropriate. I personally was only interested in this very generally.

To me sexuality only really goes as far as attraction and who I commit to in a relationship. In reality it's a strange use of terminology as sexuality is still used to describe attraction in platonic/asexual relationships like mine.

Charlotte 😻

Bi before,bi after. Not sure if its age(68) my libido vanished a few years ago. Not had a lot of luck with relationships, im a magnet for headcases.

Quote from: big kim on December 18, 2025, 01:53:54 AMBi before,bi after. Not sure if its age(68) my libido vanished a few years ago. Not had a lot of luck with relationships, im a magnet for headcases.

I would have to assume that having no libido makes it extremely difficult to date and start a new romantic relationship. I'm not very clued up on that topic but is there any meditation that you could take?

For me, I believed I was hetero, because that was how I was taught to behave. That created a lot of internal issues that resulted in three failed marriages and numerous other hetero relationships. In therapy, my psychologist helped me find the root of the problem. I am not hetero, I am asexual. He said that it had nothing to do with being transgender, except that trying to behave in a hetero manner was causing dysphoria.

Now I understand and have come to accept myself as asexual, transfeminine.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on December 18, 2025, 06:28:42 AMI would have to assume that having no libido makes it extremely difficult to date and start a new romantic relationship. I'm not very clued up on that topic but is there any meditation that you could take?

Not bothered, I don't date nor want to. I sometimes think I missed out though. I always worked shifts so it was always difficult for relationships  hobbies further education etc

I was attracted to women before, and that hasn't changed. Interestingly, I became more attracted to women. One thing that I noticed is the attraction is gentler, and softer.

Quote from: big kim on December 18, 2025, 11:53:23 AMNot bothered, I don't date nor want to. I sometimes think I missed out though. I always worked shifts so it was always difficult for relationships  hobbies further education etc

I'm a shift worker as well. It always irked me when people asked me why I'm not in a relationship. It's hard to have a life when you work off hours.

I was always closer to asexual than to anything else, although I didn't realize that for years.  My attractions (such as they were) were exclusively to women.  That has not changed.  So I would have to say apparently heterosexual before transition and homosexual after, but mostly asexual.

Before transition (MTF):  heterosexual.

I'm bisexual always, and this is important (and monogamous) not Polyamorous!

So yeah I'm never in between! 😂


~ Lilis 🌷

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on December 18, 2025, 07:49:02 PMI was attracted to women before, and that hasn't changed. Interestingly, I became more attracted to women. One thing that I noticed is the attraction is gentler, and softer.

That's interesting Alana as I have a similar experience in that my attraction feels gentler and softer too. I also began to feel a deeper appreciation for my partners more masculine attributes like facial hair and such.

Gentler and softer is a great way to describe it though as I really get you there.

Charlotte 😻

I am a non-transitioner so all of this should be taken with a great big heap of salt, but I've always wondered how sexuality feels to other people. Sort of like the "is your blue and my blue the same" question. For me, it's always had some degree of detachment, for lack of a better word. As PG-13 as I can be, I don't find myself so much into what I'm into, as much as I'm into the other person being into it. What this usually means is picturing what it must feel like, putting myself in that space of being viscerally desired, and kind of vicariously experiencing it, if that makes any sense. It's part of why I'm fairly sure I'd go from being straight to still being straight, if I ever were to transition.

I'm visually attracted to women, but I wonder how much of that is true desire vs. envy. I realized a long time ago my desire towards women and the desire my peers had were not the same. I've never looked at a woman and thought, in the words of the Steve Miller Band, "I really love your peaches and want to shake your tree." It's more of, "wow, she's really pretty," like admiration rather than desire. It's also highly relationship-driven. Everything in the sexuality space for me is inherently linked to the emotional belonging of that relationship. I've never had a one night stand, never been to a strip club, and never really had the desire to do either of those. It definitely made me stick out like a sore thumb in college when I was the lone voice not terribly interested in paying a completely disinterested woman to "dance" on my lap.

I don't "want," I want to be wanted which then makes me actually "want," if that makes any sense at all.

Asexual before now that I am on progesterone my libido comes back from time to time. I would have to say asexual/questioning now

Quote from: katiebee on December 19, 2025, 11:39:01 AMI'm visually attracted to women, but I wonder how much of that is true desire vs. envy. I realized a long time ago my desire towards women and the desire my peers had were not the same. I've never looked at a woman and thought, in the words of the Steve Miller Band, "I really love your peaches and want to shake your tree." It's more of, "wow, she's really pretty," like admiration rather than desire.

I can relate to this. I have never been physically attracted to men or women. I appreciate beauty and handsomeness, but I appreciate a beautiful sunset too. In therapy, when diagnosed as asexual, what it boiled down to is that I have never looked at a person and thought that I would like to sleep with them. I am mostly ambivalent toward sex. Always have been.