Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Have you been excluded or unwanted in some way because you are transgender?

For an example, have you been asked to not show up presented in your transitioned to gender because there will be some people attending that would be upset to see a transgender person there?

What did you do?  Go in androgynous clothing?  Not go?  Go as yourself?


Chrissy

When I first started to transition my Mum and partner asked that I didn't dress female when there because of the neighbors! Since furthering my transition and my mum coming more to terms with the seriousness of it, she has apologized for how this must have made me feel.

I was moderately stressed at the time but managed as I was early transition. Just felt my wings clipped

Charlotte 😻

I have been excluded from family gatherings for years now. It is not exclusively because I am transgender, though. My brother and I had a falling out decades ago, pre-transition, and we have not spoken since. I was told that I was not invited to family reunions to prevent any confrontations between my brother and me.

Since coming out as transgender, other family members (strong MAGA cultists) have distanced themselves from me. My presence makes them uncomfortable.

What did I do?

I explained that the purpose of the family gatherings was not about me, and I preferred not be a spectacle. Instead of everyone just visiting and enjoying each other's company, the gathering would be much different. So, to spare them and me a load of discomfort, I refuse to attend.

I have waited for any of them to come forward and make some tiny effort to reconnect, make amends, apologize, or give some sign that they want me to be included. That has not happened in over ten years.

The truth is that I do not miss them.

One of my favorite quotes:

"If my absence doesn't matter, then my presence didn't matter."

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 21, 2025, 02:27:54 PMI have been excluded from family gatherings for years now. It is not exclusively because I am transgender, though. My brother and I had a falling out decades ago, pre-transition, and we have not spoken since. I was told that I was not invited to family reunions to prevent any confrontations between my brother and me.

Since coming out as transgender, other family members (strong MAGA cultists) have distanced themselves from me. My presence makes them uncomfortable.

What did I do?

I explained that the purpose of the family gatherings was not about me, and I preferred not be a spectacle. Instead of everyone just visiting and enjoying each other's company, the gathering would be much different. So, to spare them and me a load of discomfort, I refuse to attend.

I have waited for any of them to come forward and make some tiny effort to reconnect, make amends, apologize, or give some sign that they want me to be included. That has not happened in over ten years.

The truth is that I do not miss them.

One of my favorite quotes:

"If my absence doesn't matter, then my presence didn't matter."

It is sad that they do not want to associate with such a nice person as you Dee.


Chrissy

Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on December 21, 2025, 02:25:26 PMWhen I first started to transition my Mum and partner asked that I didn't dress female when there because of the neighbors! Since furthering my transition and my mum coming more to terms with the seriousness of it, she has apologized for how this must have made me feel.

I was moderately stressed at the time but managed as I was early transition. Just felt my wings clipped

Charlotte 😻

I guess they both came around, or at least your mom did!

Chrissy

I'm going to be facing a similar situation later this week but with Skype.  My sister and husband (they are 3/4 of the way across the continent) haven't told my niece and nephews yet and they don't want to expose their kids to someone who is transgender.  Apparently my brother-in-law is supposed to be letting me know what is appropriate to wear over Skype, but he hasn't said anything yet.  If he doesn't tell me anything, I'll just wear a normal top, and sit where the camera cuts off my skirt.  Although, it's going to be difficult hiding my breasts, since even through a top, they are noticeable.

I think it stinks to be unwelcome.  So many people have so many unfair ideas towards some specific type of people, and some of these characteristics these people have NO control over.

So you are too short or too tall?

What can you do about that?

You can extend the discussion beyond height.


Chrissy

Quote from: NancyDrew1930 on December 21, 2025, 03:51:57 PMI'm going to be facing a similar situation later this week but with Skype.  My sister and husband (they are 3/4 of the way across the continent) haven't told my niece and nephews yet and they don't want to expose their kids to someone who is transgender.  Apparently my brother-in-law is supposed to be letting me know what is appropriate to wear over Skype, but he hasn't said anything yet.  If he doesn't tell me anything, I'll just wear a normal top, and sit where the camera cuts off my skirt.  Although, it's going to be difficult hiding my breasts, since even through a top, they are noticeable.

I thought that Skype went away and was replaced with Microsoft Teams or something else.

Quote from: NancyDrew1930 on December 21, 2025, 03:51:57 PMI'm going to be facing a similar situation later this week but with Skype.  My sister and husband (they are 3/4 of the way across the continent) haven't told my niece and nephews yet and they don't want to expose their kids to someone who is transgender.  Apparently my brother-in-law is supposed to be letting me know what is appropriate to wear over Skype, but he hasn't said anything yet.  If he doesn't tell me anything, I'll just wear a normal top, and sit where the camera cuts off my skirt.  Although, it's going to be difficult hiding my breasts, since even through a top, they are noticeable.

That is unfortunate.  That stinks.  I am sorry you are this situation.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 21, 2025, 03:59:38 PMThat is unfortunate.  That stinks.  I am sorry you are this situation.

Chrissy

The only reason my brother-in-law is doing this is because my mom will be on with me and she doesn't use a computer, so I'm the one that has the technology and knows how to use it.

As for Skype...like Kleenex.

Quote from: NancyDrew1930 on December 21, 2025, 04:15:58 PMThe only reason my brother-in-law is doing this is because my mom will be on with me and she doesn't use a computer, so I'm the one that has the technology and knows how to use it.

As for Skype...like Kleenex.

So sad to hear about this. Should be an opportunity to introduce about trans people to the kids. Not sure where all this thinking comes from. I hope you'll be ok and not too stressed by it.

C 😻

Some people are unkind.  But, sometimes they are because they are having a bad day.  So be kind!

Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on December 21, 2025, 04:35:54 PMSo sad to hear about this. Should be an opportunity to introduce about trans people to the kids. Not sure where all this thinking comes from. I hope you'll be ok and not too stressed by it.

C 😻

I'm from a very conservative Christian family (both my family and my brother-in-law's family—-of course he has had an uncle for decades who has been gay), so my sister and brother-in-law are raising their kids to follow the strict interpretation of God made male and female...

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 21, 2025, 01:51:53 PMHave you been excluded or unwanted in some way because you are transgender?

For an example, have you been asked to not show up presented in your transitioned to gender because there will be some people attending that would be upset to see a transgender person there?

What did you do?  Go in androgynous clothing?  Not go?  Go as yourself?


Chrissy

I had a boyfriend for 13 years who suddenly decided to publicly out me and dump me on Facebook. Suddenly he now believes LGBTQ+ education is being shoved down kids throats and women with "male appendage" should not be using women's public restrooms.

To make a long story short I blocked him. There's plenty of other fish in the sea.

Quote from: CosmicJoke on December 21, 2025, 06:48:48 PMTo make a long story short I blocked him. There's plenty of other fish in the sea.

Social media can be so toxic. I deleted all of my accounts. Who needs that?
I had family members try to get me to come back, but they never interact with me; they just want to know what I'm up to. I told them to send me an email.

<cricket sounds>

So my family's Christmas went pretty well.  My brother-in-law never did send me a list of what I could or couldn't wear, so my niece and nephew saw me as me, in a discos girlfriend-cut top and my hair all curled.

However overall my family still doesn't really accept my transition, and my mom a few times made it pretty clear that she wished I would go back to presenting male. 

Quote from: NancyDrew1930 on December 26, 2025, 05:22:06 AMmy mom a few times made it pretty clear that she wished I would go back to presenting male. 

Fortunately, it isn't up to her how you present. If she is uncomfortable with it, that is her issue to deal with. We are not responsible for others being comfortable.

I think you did the right thing by being yourself.

I did not go to the party that I was invited to attend.  But, I was not invited to go as the true me. 

There will be other parties.

Chrissy

I do not quite understand why sometimes others making a request that you do not attend a specific event, party, etc. presenting in your transitioned to gender is actually ONE BIG thing to ask for, rather than simply a small and thoughtful gesture to satisfy the request.


Really?


I am a pretty understanding woman I think.  I have limits of understanding though.


Chrissy

Many CIS women do not believe transwomen (MTFs) are women.  They can be straight or gay.
Many people period do not believe transwomen are women.  This is not good.  This is not helpful.


Some days I ask, "Why is it this way?"  The best I can come with is that it is unusual for many to meet or know any transwomen.  Most of us likely are not bad people, we are just ordinary good folk.  You can say that likely of most people too who are not transgender.

I suppose it is a bit like people saying that they do not like politicians, except of course, many like their politicians as they are not like the rest!  Who knows. 

Remember, be kind, nice, and thoughtful.  Keep a positive mindset.