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My wife (I call her my wife only because were still married, we will be  separating soon) is helping me on my journey. she just the other day bought me a dress, skirt, top and thigh high stockings. she does not want to be with me because I see of some of the silly things I've done to our marriage but she is willing to help me with my journey and she bought me some clothing. it has not yet gotten here but im excited to try it all on. Maybe ill soon enough go out on an errand or walk the mall in them. im excited and nervous to start my journey.

Hello.

Did you happen to see our replies to your thread about your wife?

Quote from: Their Name is Signal on Today at 05:28:12 PMMy wife (I call her my wife only because were still married, we will be  separating soon) is helping me on my journey. she just the other day bought me a dress, skirt, top and thigh high stockings. she does not want to be with me because I see of some of the silly things I've done to our marriage but she is willing to help me with my journey and she bought me some clothing. it has not yet gotten here but im excited to try it all on. Maybe ill soon enough go out on an errand or walk the mall in them. im excited and nervous to start my journey.

Signal, what stands out most in what you shared isn't the clothes themselves—it's your wife. The fact that she is willing to support your journey at all, especially after being hurt and while facing separation, says a great deal about the care she still has for you as a person. That doesn't undo the pain in the relationship, but it does mean there is something worth protecting in how the two of you relate to each other right now.

You shouldn't give up on the marriage until the papers are signed. Not by pretending everything is fine or trying to pressure her to stay, but by showing her through sustained consistency that the pattern has actually changed.

Trust gets rebuilt through sustained consistency over time, not through intensity of apology or grand gestures. The person who was hurt needs to see, repeatedly, that the pattern has actually changed—not be told it has. That means:

Showing up reliably in small things. Doing what you say you'll do, when you say you'll do it, without being asked or reminded. Not because you're performing redemption but because you're actually becoming someone whose word means something.

Not pushing for forgiveness or reassurance. The urge to ask "do you trust me yet?" or "can you see I've changed?" puts the burden back on the hurt person. They'll know when they know. Your job is to keep being trustworthy regardless of whether it's being acknowledged.

Tolerating doubt and distance without defensiveness. When someone has been hurt, they will test—sometimes consciously, sometimes not. They'll watch for cracks. Reacting to that suspicion with frustration or wounded pride confirms the original fear. Staying steady through it, without resentment, is part of what rebuilds trust.

Being transparent without being asked. Volunteering information rather than waiting to be questioned. Not because you're under surveillance but because you understand that secrecy was part of what broke things.

You can't make her open her heart to you again. What you *can* do is stop giving her reasons to keep it closed. Create conditions where opening feels safe, if she chooses to. But she gets to decide. You don't get to lobby for it—only to become someone worth trusting again.

Her buying you clothes is not a small or casual gesture. It suggests she is able to separate who you are from the hurt she experienced, and that she wants you to move forward honestly rather than suppressing yourself again. That kind of support deserves to be met with steadiness and reliability.

There is also shared grief here. Both of you are losing the future you thought you were building together. Naming that loss, rather than rushing past it, can help prevent it from turning into resentment. Staying present, kind, and truthful through this process doesn't guarantee any particular outcome—but it does ensure that whatever happens, it happens with dignity.

That matters—for both of you.

— Susan 💜

Quote from: Susan on Today at 06:39:19 PMSignal, what stands out most in what you shared isn't the clothes themselves—it's your wife. The fact that she is willing to support your journey at all, especially after being hurt and while facing separation, says a great deal about the care she still has for you as a person. That doesn't undo the pain in the relationship, but it does mean there is something worth protecting in how the two of you relate to each other right now.

You shouldn't give up on the marriage until the papers are signed. Not by pretending everything is fine or trying to pressure her to stay, but by showing her through sustained consistency that the pattern has actually changed.

Trust gets rebuilt through sustained consistency over time, not through intensity of apology or grand gestures. The person who was hurt needs to see, repeatedly, that the pattern has actually changed—not be told it has. That means:

Showing up reliably in small things. Doing what you say you'll do, when you say you'll do it, without being asked or reminded. Not because you're performing redemption but because you're actually becoming someone whose word means something.

Not pushing for forgiveness or reassurance. The urge to ask "do you trust me yet?" or "can you see I've changed?" puts the burden back on the hurt person. They'll know when they know. Your job is to keep being trustworthy regardless of whether it's being acknowledged.

Tolerating doubt and distance without defensiveness. When someone has been hurt, they will test—sometimes consciously, sometimes not. They'll watch for cracks. Reacting to that suspicion with frustration or wounded pride confirms the original fear. Staying steady through it, without resentment, is part of what rebuilds trust.

Being transparent without being asked. Volunteering information rather than waiting to be questioned. Not because you're under surveillance but because you understand that secrecy was part of what broke things.

You can't make her open her heart to you again. What you *can* do is stop giving her reasons to keep it closed. Create conditions where opening feels safe, if she chooses to. But she gets to decide. You don't get to lobby for it—only to become someone worth trusting again.

Her buying you clothes is not a small or casual gesture. It suggests she is able to separate who you are from the hurt she experienced, and that she wants you to move forward honestly rather than suppressing yourself again. That kind of support deserves to be met with steadiness and reliability.

There is also shared grief here. Both of you are losing the future you thought you were building together. Naming that loss, rather than rushing past it, can help prevent it from turning into resentment. Staying present, kind, and truthful through this process doesn't guarantee any particular outcome—but it does ensure that whatever happens, it happens with dignity.

That matters—for both of you.

— Susan 💜

Very good advice and I really hope the person who posted takes your words seriously and acts on it.