Blogs => Member Blogs => Topic started by: Charlotte Kitty on January 02, 2026, 12:57:20 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 02, 2026, 12:57:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 02, 2026, 12:57:20 PM
Having had an emotionally rocky festive break with a lot of soul searching, I feel tentatively ready to share my experiences, life and feelings a bit more. Unfortunately these periods of intense emotional instability are not uncommon, and I've been experiencing them since I was 15 or so years old. Sometimes I can go months without any major emotional breakdowns yet some years are almost entirely on the edge. Because of this I struggle to maintain consistency or any kind of interpersonal relationships; I end up disconnecting for long periods should my mind go that way out. Not to mention social stuff can seriously overwhelm my mind and take days of recovery to process, lamenting over every detail of every exchange.
On a positive note I'm getting private therapy to try and work through my long term troubles. Unfortunately any psychiatric help from the NHS is non existent and their talking therapies are far too general. I gain little from the mere 6 sessions I'm entitled to! Where I'm going there are options for therapists with particular specialisms and interests that I can match up with. This is a major benefit.
For years I've suspected that I have Borderline personality disorder. It keeps coming up. Everytime I explore, the experiences and feelings associated with it fit me like a glove. I could go for a private diagnosis, but I have decided instead that I will work with a therapist that has experience with this. Hopefully they will help me to understand myself better and develop some coping strategies. In 2026 I really need to make steps to fix 30 years of rollercoaster emotions!
As for my transition, this year should continue my journey towards the woman I desire to be. On March 9th I will have facial feminization surgery including Type 3 brow bone reduction (scary!!), eyebrow temporal lift, upper blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty. I think these will have a nice impact on my femininity. It will be my first ever surgery and experience of general anaesthesia! My partner will accompany me so I'm in safe hands there at least. I'm tentatively exploring bottom surgery in Thailand too, although this would be in the next couple of years. However early planning is advantageous- I can start hair removal maybe.
Also looking forward in the next 2 weeks to getting my eyebrows microbladed and my hair done a cute red colour. My story will take time, but I feel each little step adds something very special and makes the whole so much more than the sum of it's parts.
Today was my first day back at work after the break. Very few people were in so I managed to get a good few bits sorted. I've finally tested an emergency lighting driver circuit I've been developing. It can now go out into projects this year so that's a good start to 2026.
Anyway if you've read this far I really appreciate your time and interest in what I'm upto 😊
Love Charlotte 😻
On a positive note I'm getting private therapy to try and work through my long term troubles. Unfortunately any psychiatric help from the NHS is non existent and their talking therapies are far too general. I gain little from the mere 6 sessions I'm entitled to! Where I'm going there are options for therapists with particular specialisms and interests that I can match up with. This is a major benefit.
For years I've suspected that I have Borderline personality disorder. It keeps coming up. Everytime I explore, the experiences and feelings associated with it fit me like a glove. I could go for a private diagnosis, but I have decided instead that I will work with a therapist that has experience with this. Hopefully they will help me to understand myself better and develop some coping strategies. In 2026 I really need to make steps to fix 30 years of rollercoaster emotions!
As for my transition, this year should continue my journey towards the woman I desire to be. On March 9th I will have facial feminization surgery including Type 3 brow bone reduction (scary!!), eyebrow temporal lift, upper blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty. I think these will have a nice impact on my femininity. It will be my first ever surgery and experience of general anaesthesia! My partner will accompany me so I'm in safe hands there at least. I'm tentatively exploring bottom surgery in Thailand too, although this would be in the next couple of years. However early planning is advantageous- I can start hair removal maybe.
Also looking forward in the next 2 weeks to getting my eyebrows microbladed and my hair done a cute red colour. My story will take time, but I feel each little step adds something very special and makes the whole so much more than the sum of it's parts.
Today was my first day back at work after the break. Very few people were in so I managed to get a good few bits sorted. I've finally tested an emergency lighting driver circuit I've been developing. It can now go out into projects this year so that's a good start to 2026.
Anyway if you've read this far I really appreciate your time and interest in what I'm upto 😊
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 02, 2026, 02:27:22 PM
Post by: Pema on January 02, 2026, 02:27:22 PM
Charlotte, thank you for sharing these reflections.
It seems to me that you're doing a fantastic job of identifying your challenges, finding ways to address them, focusing on your strengths and what you *can* do, and taking concrete steps toward self-improvement. I know that doesn't guarantee feeling the way you want all the time (nothing does!), but I think it's the surest way to get closer to where you want to be. And it's hard work. It's "easier" to stay in the familiar discomfort and complain, but that's not the choice you've made.
All of your efforts to better yourself - and thereby the world around you - inspire me and others. That you share them here with the world, including and maybe especially your uncertainties and your struggles, is a gift to humanity. I mean that sincerely.
As Ashley says, "Onward, brave sister!"
It seems to me that you're doing a fantastic job of identifying your challenges, finding ways to address them, focusing on your strengths and what you *can* do, and taking concrete steps toward self-improvement. I know that doesn't guarantee feeling the way you want all the time (nothing does!), but I think it's the surest way to get closer to where you want to be. And it's hard work. It's "easier" to stay in the familiar discomfort and complain, but that's not the choice you've made.
All of your efforts to better yourself - and thereby the world around you - inspire me and others. That you share them here with the world, including and maybe especially your uncertainties and your struggles, is a gift to humanity. I mean that sincerely.
As Ashley says, "Onward, brave sister!"
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 02, 2026, 02:37:03 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 02, 2026, 02:37:03 PM
Thank you for your kind words Pema. These words of encouragement and the stories of others I'm seeing around here have all contributed way more than a small part in helping me push forwards.
C 😻
C 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 02, 2026, 06:21:48 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 02, 2026, 06:21:48 PM
Charlotte, welcome to the Members' Blogs!
Thanks for starting a journal of your journey and sharing it with all of us. This is your home at Susan's Place, where we can catch up with how things are going for you and provide you with a place to document the ups and downs. Years from now, you can come back here and read what you wrote and realize how far you have come.
It s sounds like you have solid plans for moving forward, and I applaud your courage and motivation to keep moving. That will pay off for you down the road.
Congrats!
Thanks for starting a journal of your journey and sharing it with all of us. This is your home at Susan's Place, where we can catch up with how things are going for you and provide you with a place to document the ups and downs. Years from now, you can come back here and read what you wrote and realize how far you have come.
It s sounds like you have solid plans for moving forward, and I applaud your courage and motivation to keep moving. That will pay off for you down the road.
Congrats!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 02, 2026, 07:39:09 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 02, 2026, 07:39:09 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
I am so glad to see that just TODAY you had started your very own Blog Thread
here on the Forum.
Your Blog will become your Journal here on the Forum where you can share your
thoughts and comments regarding your life journey with your readers and followers,
and with other like-minded members.
In addition to my own Forum Blog Thread, I keep a more private "old school" pen and paper
journal/diary at my home that includes snap shots, hand drawn doodling, and notes and
cards from my dear friends.
On cold, snowy nights, of which there are many here in Alaska where I live, I can be
found in my favorite chair in front of my fireplace reading over past entries, sometimes
with tears in my eyes, and sometimes with laughter.
When you share good news and successes, your followers and readers (me included) will rejoice
with you... and when you report "not-so-good" news we will give your our ears to listen and
our shoulders for you to lean on.
Your BLOG Thread here becomes your HOME here on the FORUM where members here
can easily find you and exchange comments and thoughts with you.
I will continue to follow your updates, postings and reply comments not only here on your
new Blog Thread but also all around the various Topics and Threads available on the Forum.
My best wishes to you for your success and happiness as you continue on in your journey.
Warmly,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email address: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Dear Charlotte:
I am so glad to see that just TODAY you had started your very own Blog Thread
here on the Forum.
Your Blog will become your Journal here on the Forum where you can share your
thoughts and comments regarding your life journey with your readers and followers,
and with other like-minded members.
In addition to my own Forum Blog Thread, I keep a more private "old school" pen and paper
journal/diary at my home that includes snap shots, hand drawn doodling, and notes and
cards from my dear friends.
On cold, snowy nights, of which there are many here in Alaska where I live, I can be
found in my favorite chair in front of my fireplace reading over past entries, sometimes
with tears in my eyes, and sometimes with laughter.
When you share good news and successes, your followers and readers (me included) will rejoice
with you... and when you report "not-so-good" news we will give your our ears to listen and
our shoulders for you to lean on.
Your BLOG Thread here becomes your HOME here on the FORUM where members here
can easily find you and exchange comments and thoughts with you.
I will continue to follow your updates, postings and reply comments not only here on your
new Blog Thread but also all around the various Topics and Threads available on the Forum.
My best wishes to you for your success and happiness as you continue on in your journey.
Warmly,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email address: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: tgirlamg on January 02, 2026, 09:37:22 PM
Post by: tgirlamg on January 02, 2026, 09:37:22 PM
Charlotte!
Welcome to your blog dear sister and congrats on your upcoming procedure!... I had the type 3 re-contouring amongst my procedures... Worry not girl! All shall be well 🙏💕👩👍... I am looking forward to seeing your life, and your blog, blossom before our eyes!
Onward We Go Brave Sister!
Ashley 💕
Welcome to your blog dear sister and congrats on your upcoming procedure!... I had the type 3 re-contouring amongst my procedures... Worry not girl! All shall be well 🙏💕👩👍... I am looking forward to seeing your life, and your blog, blossom before our eyes!
Onward We Go Brave Sister!
Ashley 💕
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on January 03, 2026, 04:19:03 AM
Post by: davina61 on January 03, 2026, 04:19:03 AM
Welcome to the basement (my joke as we are at the bottom of the page) , its good to have a place to empty your brain .I just stick whatever is mulling through my brain cell ,I think its like telling your best friend stuff.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 04, 2026, 04:21:10 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 04, 2026, 04:21:10 PM
I've been doing some thinking today and questioning whether my desire to fully pass as female is more down to safety / acceptance than my own reasons. I was clear from the start I wanted to persue femininity as this makes me feel alive but also the best version of myself. My current progress and track still fully supports this. However at the earliest stages the backdrop was of an agender / fluid perspective.
Being originally a gay male I have a long and close connection with the overall concept of queerness. Coming from this to being trans and pansexual I still feel this to be a a part of my identity. Now if you asked if I wanted to be a cis women, I'd answer no...very different to many transfemme people I would guess? I feel that ultimately being queer so to speak is me and is a desired part of my identity. I strongly desire femininity but only in a transgender form.
So back to the start. I think I'd be happy to present mostly passing as female but still having something that shows of my male past...that I am trans...that I am queer. Does that sound odd when many want to hide this? I think my desire to fully pass is that I will struggle much more being 75% presenting female than nearer 100%. I find a distinct beauty in people that present a non binary look or sit on the very edges of gender. Part of me wants to retain that in myself. But can I safely do this? Or maybe I choose how and when I do this.
I think I want to retain my womanhood with she/her pronouns. But with the opportunity to flex around my appearance and sometimes show the full unapologetic roots of my queer identity.
Charlotte 😻
Being originally a gay male I have a long and close connection with the overall concept of queerness. Coming from this to being trans and pansexual I still feel this to be a a part of my identity. Now if you asked if I wanted to be a cis women, I'd answer no...very different to many transfemme people I would guess? I feel that ultimately being queer so to speak is me and is a desired part of my identity. I strongly desire femininity but only in a transgender form.
So back to the start. I think I'd be happy to present mostly passing as female but still having something that shows of my male past...that I am trans...that I am queer. Does that sound odd when many want to hide this? I think my desire to fully pass is that I will struggle much more being 75% presenting female than nearer 100%. I find a distinct beauty in people that present a non binary look or sit on the very edges of gender. Part of me wants to retain that in myself. But can I safely do this? Or maybe I choose how and when I do this.
I think I want to retain my womanhood with she/her pronouns. But with the opportunity to flex around my appearance and sometimes show the full unapologetic roots of my queer identity.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 04, 2026, 05:54:51 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 04, 2026, 05:54:51 PM
Makes perfect sense to me, Charlotte!
I've only been in one intimate relationship with a male and often joked that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. As much as I yearn for a feminine appearance and psyche, I still identify as genderfluid.
I've only been in one intimate relationship with a male and often joked that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. As much as I yearn for a feminine appearance and psyche, I still identify as genderfluid.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 04, 2026, 06:28:11 PM
Post by: Pema on January 04, 2026, 06:28:11 PM
Charlotte, I don't think it's odd at all. Unusual? Sure, statistically speaking.
What I personally love about what you're saying is that you want to be the person you feel yourself to be and not conform to other people's standards. And you'd still like to blend enough to be safe. I don't think those are unreasonable desires and, in fact, I think they reflect a self-assurance that I wish everyone had.
I like to hope that as more of us calmly step out into the world and be ourselves - like everyone else in most ways, but like nobody else in a few - it will become commonplace, and bigotry and xenophobia will become increasingly considered pathological and shunned.
I can't say that I consider being queer an essential part of my identity, but it's also not one that I'm ashamed to claim. I am who I am, and I feel no compulsion to hide it or apologize for it. You shouldn't either. You are beautiful as you are, and the world is improved by your full self-expression.
What I personally love about what you're saying is that you want to be the person you feel yourself to be and not conform to other people's standards. And you'd still like to blend enough to be safe. I don't think those are unreasonable desires and, in fact, I think they reflect a self-assurance that I wish everyone had.
I like to hope that as more of us calmly step out into the world and be ourselves - like everyone else in most ways, but like nobody else in a few - it will become commonplace, and bigotry and xenophobia will become increasingly considered pathological and shunned.
I can't say that I consider being queer an essential part of my identity, but it's also not one that I'm ashamed to claim. I am who I am, and I feel no compulsion to hide it or apologize for it. You shouldn't either. You are beautiful as you are, and the world is improved by your full self-expression.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 04, 2026, 06:37:38 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 04, 2026, 06:37:38 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 04, 2026, 04:21:10 PMI think I'd be happy to present mostly passing as female but still having something that shows of my male past...that I am trans...that I am queer. Does that sound odd when many want to hide this?
I think what you are describing is not dysphoria, but alignment. Many of us want to hide parts of ourselves because they represent something that we see as wrong. But what you are describing tells me that you understand yourself quite well. You have looked inside, and you clearly see who you are. You are only trying to figure out how best to express it.
You are correct that remaining in the "uncanny alley" can be dangerous. But that would motivate me to live somewhere more accepting. As for expression, remember that gender is a spectrum, with an infinite number of possibilities. So, expression also has an infinite number of possibilities.
Look at it from all angles. Not just masculine --> feminine. You could also look more like feminine --> masculine. There are many women who wear hairstyles and colors to signal their gender. Some men wear makeup and women's clothes while sporting a beard or moustache. It isn't a matter of right or wrong; it is about how you feel about your look, getting close to that, then tweaking your style so it is exactly right.
You are going about this the right way. You are looking carefully at what you want to express. Just keep experimenting until you find the right fit.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on January 05, 2026, 04:15:56 AM
Post by: davina61 on January 05, 2026, 04:15:56 AM
I thought I would never pass but to my surprize I do unless I am in my working on the hot rod gear, just my voice lets me down sometimes. I am happy on my own but if it happens who/what ever they are it happens ,not that I am looking at 70 years old!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 05, 2026, 05:16:13 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 05, 2026, 05:16:13 PM
Well my region is covered in snow which made my journey to work more interesting! After sliding out on a corner of my road last year and hitting a parked vehicle, I'm now fearful of any speed on my snow covered street. That episode increased my insurance by over £200 this year. It would have been more if hadn't have fixed my own car myself.This morning was -5C but didn't feel so cold. It's not stopped my kitty going out to play and leave her paw prints in the snow!
Most people were back at work and we have solid plans to improve operations and reliability. Hopefully this means I won't have so many panic attacks this year, unlike last years constant negativity and pressure.
In other news I'm getting close to agreeing SRS surgery in early 2027. Assuming the final quotation is suitable, I plan to book this ASAP. I only need minimal depth so can go with the simpler inversion procedure. That's a major benefit in terms or cost and recovery.
Well I think it's time to feed my 3 kitties then goto bed as it's 23.12 here and I'm at work tomorrow!
Charlotte 😻
Most people were back at work and we have solid plans to improve operations and reliability. Hopefully this means I won't have so many panic attacks this year, unlike last years constant negativity and pressure.
In other news I'm getting close to agreeing SRS surgery in early 2027. Assuming the final quotation is suitable, I plan to book this ASAP. I only need minimal depth so can go with the simpler inversion procedure. That's a major benefit in terms or cost and recovery.
Well I think it's time to feed my 3 kitties then goto bed as it's 23.12 here and I'm at work tomorrow!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 05, 2026, 06:19:26 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 05, 2026, 06:19:26 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
I am so very happy to read the exciting news of your SRS plans early next year.
That will obviously be one of the major steps in your transition life plans.
When you finally get the procedure booked that will give you and your readers
and avid followers (me included) a good reason to rejoice as the final date
approaches month by month and day by day.
Thank you for sharing and posting. Please keep us all updated as you feel
comfortable doing.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
I am so very happy to read the exciting news of your SRS plans early next year.
That will obviously be one of the major steps in your transition life plans.
When you finally get the procedure booked that will give you and your readers
and avid followers (me included) a good reason to rejoice as the final date
approaches month by month and day by day.
Thank you for sharing and posting. Please keep us all updated as you feel
comfortable doing.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 06, 2026, 02:57:44 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 06, 2026, 02:57:44 PM
Apart from this mornings snowy weather and a slow journey to work, I've had quite a good day. I took my long boots with the big heels to work to wear. As the office has long carpeted areas, it was a good place to get used to them! Initially I was landing too much on the heels, so was trying to land more on the toes which felt much better.
I wore them with my beautiful brown plaid pinafore dress and the Hello kitty necklace my colleague gave me. Our director said she thought I looked really smart and everyone loved the boots! It's one of my favorite outfits.
I've decided firmly to go ahead with SRS in late January 2027! I'm going to do things while I'm at my peak stage of earning money and before everything gets so expensive that I'm poor again! There may come a time later that I can't. Everything is so unstable.
Well I've just had a nice shower and got clean. I'm currently losing a battle with recurring deep sores on my buttocks. Seems like they improve then loads more occur. They last months and leave big purple scars. Honestly it looks like a war zone there with probably 20 big scars and more than 10 sores. I think I'll need to see the doctor as have tried multiple things myself. It's very disappointing to see all my skin around there in such a sorry state.
Well usual mix of good and bad stuff. I'll keep pushing forwards!
Charlotte 😻
I wore them with my beautiful brown plaid pinafore dress and the Hello kitty necklace my colleague gave me. Our director said she thought I looked really smart and everyone loved the boots! It's one of my favorite outfits.
I've decided firmly to go ahead with SRS in late January 2027! I'm going to do things while I'm at my peak stage of earning money and before everything gets so expensive that I'm poor again! There may come a time later that I can't. Everything is so unstable.
Well I've just had a nice shower and got clean. I'm currently losing a battle with recurring deep sores on my buttocks. Seems like they improve then loads more occur. They last months and leave big purple scars. Honestly it looks like a war zone there with probably 20 big scars and more than 10 sores. I think I'll need to see the doctor as have tried multiple things myself. It's very disappointing to see all my skin around there in such a sorry state.
Well usual mix of good and bad stuff. I'll keep pushing forwards!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 06, 2026, 03:10:39 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 06, 2026, 03:10:39 PM
The sores sound miserable, Charlotte! I hope you find permanent relief soon. But the whole SRS thing sounds amazing!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 06, 2026, 03:37:06 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 06, 2026, 03:37:06 PM
Quote from: Dances With Trees on January 06, 2026, 03:10:39 PMThe sores sound miserable, Charlotte! I hope you find permanent relief soon. But the whole SRS thing sounds amazing!
Thank you and me too! I'd like to wear my cute swimsuits out one day, but some of them would deffo be visible. Sure it'll get sorted sometime.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 08, 2026, 12:20:26 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 08, 2026, 12:20:26 PM
I've been getting used to wearing my boots with the heels at work. Now feels much more natural and gives me a more feminine walking style. Once again our female director complimented my outfit, this time saying it really makes her want to dress more feminine and smart herself! So happy I've got this look working. It's simple but I still love it.
Had a skin test today for my hair colouring in Saturday. I'm looking forward to being a red head that's for sure. I only just made my appointment though due to the heavy rain here and as such a lot of slow traffic.
I've also just signed my first song as Charlotte Ringwood to a house label. It's going on a compilation out at the end of January so happy about that! I need to make so more but I can't quite decide what I want to do.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zXdcXS4g/20260108-155425-2.jpg)
Had a skin test today for my hair colouring in Saturday. I'm looking forward to being a red head that's for sure. I only just made my appointment though due to the heavy rain here and as such a lot of slow traffic.
I've also just signed my first song as Charlotte Ringwood to a house label. It's going on a compilation out at the end of January so happy about that! I need to make so more but I can't quite decide what I want to do.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zXdcXS4g/20260108-155425-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 08, 2026, 05:41:09 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 08, 2026, 05:41:09 PM
Congratulations on the song and your boots are amazing! Personally, I think red is your color.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 08, 2026, 07:08:48 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 08, 2026, 07:08:48 PM
That outfit is SO cute! The boots definitely go well with it.
Congrats on the label as CHARLOTTE!
That is awesome news.
Congrats on the label as CHARLOTTE!
That is awesome news.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 09, 2026, 03:10:40 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 09, 2026, 03:10:40 PM
Was a bit scary getting out of my street this morning in the car. The snow around me was pretty deep, over 20cm for sure. Luckily although not winter tyres, I did get new decent ones put on the front over the Christmas break. This paid off as I had decent enough traction to get onto the clear main road. Lots of snow to clear off the car wearing my big wooly jumper and leggings 🙂
Deposit now paid for SRS so just got to gather the funds before late Jan 2027. My FFS will be well healed by then so will be more than ready.
Glad to have made it through my first week back at work. I actually enjoy the job when it's not stressful e.g. spend my week designing, coding and testing electronic kit.
Charlotte 😻
Deposit now paid for SRS so just got to gather the funds before late Jan 2027. My FFS will be well healed by then so will be more than ready.
Glad to have made it through my first week back at work. I actually enjoy the job when it's not stressful e.g. spend my week designing, coding and testing electronic kit.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 09, 2026, 03:46:32 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 09, 2026, 03:46:32 PM
Sounds like everything is moving according to plan. That is wonderful news!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 09, 2026, 10:07:34 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 09, 2026, 10:07:34 PM
Drive safely, Charlotte! In Montana, we use studded tires from October through April, and sometimes wish we had them on in May.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 10, 2026, 07:16:15 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 10, 2026, 07:16:15 AM
I now have beautifully red hair 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/8kYcBNBh/image.jpg)
So happy
(https://i.postimg.cc/8kYcBNBh/image.jpg)
So happy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 10, 2026, 09:48:48 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 10, 2026, 09:48:48 AM
Nice! That color works for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 10, 2026, 10:51:13 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 10, 2026, 10:51:13 AM
Absolutely gorgeous, Charlotte! I love it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on January 10, 2026, 11:48:19 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on January 10, 2026, 11:48:19 AM
I am so jealous, Charlotte!! The color looks great.
I am so tired of wigs. I wish I had time to do a transplant, maybe when I retire.
Also, I am so glad that your are progress so well on your plans.
Excellent!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 10, 2026, 12:29:07 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 10, 2026, 12:29:07 PM
Thanks for the kind words. Each little thing I feel takes me closer to the woman I am inside.
Emma, I hope if you decide to, you can get a transplant and have some similar experiments and joy with your hair!
I only just got on HRT soon enough before losing too much on my crown. Also luckily started finasteride a year before. As it stands minoxidil is bringing back some thickness, but was touch and go really!
Emma, I hope if you decide to, you can get a transplant and have some similar experiments and joy with your hair!
I only just got on HRT soon enough before losing too much on my crown. Also luckily started finasteride a year before. As it stands minoxidil is bringing back some thickness, but was touch and go really!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 11, 2026, 09:51:25 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 11, 2026, 09:51:25 AM
Another day written off with severe headache due to sinus issues. Seemingly a weekly occurrence this winter. I think mostly due to all the illnesses everyone at work have been bringing in since last year. Six aspirin have taken the edge off, but still just hurts everytime I move.
The sooner this winter and all the infections from work are over, the better.
The sooner this winter and all the infections from work are over, the better.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 11, 2026, 09:55:12 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 11, 2026, 09:55:12 AM
I so hope winter ends soon! Sinus headaches are miserable. Hot tea with lemon and honey...Wait, your British, you probably know much more about tea than I do. Take care.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 11, 2026, 11:32:56 AM
Post by: Pema on January 11, 2026, 11:32:56 AM
Charlotte, I think you mentioned it a while back, but have you tried using a neti pot to do a sinus rinse? I used to have exactly what you're describing every winter - sometimes resulting in sinus infections requiring antibiotics. I bought a lovely ceramic neti pot and began by using the prepared packets of saline powder (really just table salt and baking soda) but eventually started making my own.
The process takes some getting used to, but it really does work for me. It's one of the first things I do every morning (year-round). This time of year, I'll still feel a slight pressure in my sinuses, but I haven't had the headaches or an infection for decades now. I can't recommend it strongly enough.
The process takes some getting used to, but it really does work for me. It's one of the first things I do every morning (year-round). This time of year, I'll still feel a slight pressure in my sinuses, but I haven't had the headaches or an infection for decades now. I can't recommend it strongly enough.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 11, 2026, 01:16:48 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 11, 2026, 01:16:48 PM
Quote from: Pema on January 11, 2026, 11:32:56 AMCharlotte, I think you mentioned it a while back, but have you tried using a neti pot to do a sinus rinse?
Hey Pema, I've started on the back of the previous advice using a prepackaged saline rinse which is helping keep things a bit clearer, but need to see I it improves after a week or two more. If no joy I will try the neti pot method. I'm not sure if one or other has an advantage.
I think the cold air is not helpful as seems to make it worse. Today I'm struggling to get the house warm and my nose feels pretty cold as a result.
Thanks for your help and advice 😊
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 11, 2026, 01:38:11 PM
Post by: Pema on January 11, 2026, 01:38:11 PM
Oh, good. I hope you'll see improvement from what you're doing. My experience has been that the key is really getting the stuff way up in there to clean things out well. I literally do it with my head tipped down into the basin. After the inflow, I'll plug one nostril and gently blow through the other, switch sides. I repeat that whole cycle at least 4 times if not 8. Oh, and I switch sides when I'm pouring the solution in, too.
It takes some practice to get it as far up/in there as possible, but that really is what is required. Without getting too graphic here, I get visible results as I'm doing it, and their volume correlates with how clear things feel afterward vs. before.
Cold air is probably the biggest factor for me, too. We sleep outside, and nighttime temperatures are now just above freezing.
I've been doing the neti pot since 2004, and the only times I've had even moderately bad sinus symptoms since then has been when I got complacent and stopped using it. As soon as I resumed, they'd clear up again.
It takes some practice to get it as far up/in there as possible, but that really is what is required. Without getting too graphic here, I get visible results as I'm doing it, and their volume correlates with how clear things feel afterward vs. before.
Cold air is probably the biggest factor for me, too. We sleep outside, and nighttime temperatures are now just above freezing.
I've been doing the neti pot since 2004, and the only times I've had even moderately bad sinus symptoms since then has been when I got complacent and stopped using it. As soon as I resumed, they'd clear up again.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 11, 2026, 03:22:43 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 11, 2026, 03:22:43 PM
Thank you Pema. That sounds like a very comprehensive routine and so glad to hear it improved things for you. I'll have a look for a pot and give it a try incase it works a bit better. I'd love to get it sorted as it's also stopping me being able to control my voice. The congestion causes my voice to be very crackly. On the phone people have asked if I've got a cold even when I didn't and felt well!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 11, 2026, 06:11:21 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 11, 2026, 06:11:21 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 11, 2026, 03:22:43 PMThank you Pema. That sounds like a very comprehensive routine and so glad to hear it improved things for you. I'll have a look for a pot and give it a try incase it works a bit better. I'd love to get it sorted as it's also stopping me being able to control my voice. The congestion causes my voice to be very crackly. On the phone people have asked if I've got a cold even when I didn't and felt well!
I have seen an electric version that doesn't require twisting your neck. It has two ports (one for each nostril) and a pump circulates the solution in one side and out the other. I have not tried one, so I can't say how it works, but it is an interesting option. Especially because I have fused vertebrae in my neck.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 12, 2026, 06:40:56 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 12, 2026, 06:40:56 AM
Eyebrows microbladed now. I love the look and the process was completely comfortable. I went natural as I'm getting FFS including temporal brow lift in March. This will exaggerate them and also my surgeon will know my natural form whilst working it all out.
(https://i.postimg.cc/G9nRw1bt/20260112-120656.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/G9nRw1bt/20260112-120656.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 12, 2026, 06:57:19 AM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 12, 2026, 06:57:19 AM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Thank you for sharing your success with your eyebrows.
Very nicely done and a feminine appearance.
HUGS, Danielle
Thank you for sharing your success with your eyebrows.
Very nicely done and a feminine appearance.
HUGS, Danielle
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 12, 2026, 06:40:56 AMEyebrows microbladed now. I love the look and the process was completely comfortable. I went natural as I'm getting FFS including temporal brow lift in March. This will exaggerate them and also my surgeon will know my natural form whilst working it all out.
(https://i.postimg.cc/G9nRw1bt/20260112-120656.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 12, 2026, 01:24:56 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 12, 2026, 01:24:56 PM
I've just joined my local running club this evening although had to take it essy on account of fresh bladed eyebrows! Everyone was very welcoming and friendly.
I joined as I don't really have friends so it's a bit of social interaction and it might help with my depression. Maybe 10 years back I could run 5km in 27 minutes. Would be nice to get back there again too.
Finally helpful to be fitter for all this surgery!
Charlotte 😻
I joined as I don't really have friends so it's a bit of social interaction and it might help with my depression. Maybe 10 years back I could run 5km in 27 minutes. Would be nice to get back there again too.
Finally helpful to be fitter for all this surgery!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 13, 2026, 11:15:08 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 13, 2026, 11:15:08 AM
Had a very tough morning this morning. Woke up getting ready for work and felt like I don't want to be here anymore. I think the problem is that in reality, I feel that way deep down all of the time. Just some days I do a better job of masking my feelings and pretending I'm ok! Honestly if I didn't have a boyfriend who relies on me I really doubt I'd still be here as things stand. I keep wishing for major complications through surgery and that i don't make it.
My appointment for therapy can't come soon enough tomorrow, although it's only an intro session. I'll need to sort a therapist I want after this. Hopefully they can make sense of this as I can't. There is nothing major wrong in my life at all. Nothing right now is bothering me. Stress is really low. Yet all I feel is emptiness and disinterest in life. Just really tired like my whole body is wrapped in heavy bags pulling my body and heart into the ground. It's my mind that's betraying me, my whole reward and attachment system seems very broken.
I'm a little better now in that I'm not feeling completely broken, but still struggling to understand the point of everything. Logically none of it makes any sense to me.
Some nice food will help a little I'm sure. My boyfriend is making Mexican wraps of some kind! He's good at those.
Charlotte 😻
My appointment for therapy can't come soon enough tomorrow, although it's only an intro session. I'll need to sort a therapist I want after this. Hopefully they can make sense of this as I can't. There is nothing major wrong in my life at all. Nothing right now is bothering me. Stress is really low. Yet all I feel is emptiness and disinterest in life. Just really tired like my whole body is wrapped in heavy bags pulling my body and heart into the ground. It's my mind that's betraying me, my whole reward and attachment system seems very broken.
I'm a little better now in that I'm not feeling completely broken, but still struggling to understand the point of everything. Logically none of it makes any sense to me.
Some nice food will help a little I'm sure. My boyfriend is making Mexican wraps of some kind! He's good at those.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 13, 2026, 11:53:32 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 13, 2026, 11:53:32 AM
There's nothing like spicy food to cure the blues! Your boyfriend sounds like the cat's meow. Charlotte, I've had down days but it sounds like you're scraping bottom. I won't give advice, but I will send hugs! Love you, girl.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 13, 2026, 12:28:12 PM
Post by: Pema on January 13, 2026, 12:28:12 PM
Hang in there, Charlotte. It's a good sign that you're aware that there's no "good reason" for your feeling the way you do. It says that there's something else amiss, and I'm hopeful that a therapist will help you discover what it is and how to resolve it.
You know we'll be here to listen and care in the meanwhile.
You know we'll be here to listen and care in the meanwhile.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 13, 2026, 02:50:25 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 13, 2026, 02:50:25 PM
Have you noticed if these episodes coincide with when you take your hormone dose? I would get that too, and the reason turned out to be that my hormones were fluctuating too quickly. I switched from oral to patches to smooth things out, but I had the same issues. But instead of every day or so, it would happen twice a week. Now that I am on injectables, that is all but gone now.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 13, 2026, 02:51:11 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 13, 2026, 02:51:11 PM
Thanks so much for the kindness. These kind words do make me smile a little and imagine that everybody here is close by me even if so far in distance. That little warmth I feel from everyone is some comfort in the cold. I hope one day I can offer as much warm back and be less of a car crash!
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 13, 2026, 02:56:27 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 13, 2026, 02:56:27 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on January 13, 2026, 02:50:25 PMHave you noticed if these episodes coincide with when you take your hormone dose? I would get that too, and the reason turned out to be that my hormones were fluctuating too quickly. I switched from oral to patches to smooth things out, but I had the same issues. But instead of every day or so, it would happen twice a week. Now that I am on injectables, that is all but gone now.
To be honest they come out of the blue from nowhere. This was first in a morning first thing for a while. It's not new since HRT either...really long term over decades. It's possible HRT has increased my sensitivity to it? I'm not to sure. I take 4mg in the morning then 2mg evening oral. Injecting is totally not workable for a needlephobe like me though! I'm going to look at spray and moving to monotherapy sometime soon. I can't be on CPA long term although after GRS that's all sorted!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 13, 2026, 03:09:40 PM
Post by: Pema on January 13, 2026, 03:09:40 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 13, 2026, 02:51:11 PMI hope one day I can offer as much warm back and be less of a car crash!
I think you've been giving at least as much as you're receiving all along. You needn't feel like you're at a deficit in the sharing of love here.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 13, 2026, 03:27:28 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 13, 2026, 03:27:28 PM
Just read some of my old posts if you're looking for the definition of 'high maintenance'. Sheesh, I'm surprised people like Lori and Danielle still put up with me. You're doing great, Charlotte. I love reading your blog, the sensitivity, the honesty, the joy. And sometimes the pain, too. Trust me, girl, you are not alone.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 14, 2026, 02:20:18 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 14, 2026, 02:20:18 PM
Well the good news is that I've had my therapy intro session and am ready to move onto to regular sessions. I have found a great match with a therapist who has particular interests in the types of issue I experience. I'm hoping this will allow meaningful progress in improving my thought processes.
The only concern is I have to commit to weekly sessions so this will put some financial pressure on me having an extra £144 a month coming out. Not to mention similar each month for hair removal etc. Will see how it goes for a bit then decide if it's workable and offers value.
Charlotte 😻
The only concern is I have to commit to weekly sessions so this will put some financial pressure on me having an extra £144 a month coming out. Not to mention similar each month for hair removal etc. Will see how it goes for a bit then decide if it's workable and offers value.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 14, 2026, 02:29:22 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 14, 2026, 02:29:22 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 14, 2026, 02:20:18 PMThe only concern is I have to commit to weekly sessions so this will put some financial pressure on me having an extra £144 a month coming out.
I see my therapist every 2 - 3 weeks. Maybe when you get past the "getting to know you" stage, they can be spaced out further to fit your wallet.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 14, 2026, 02:47:28 PM
Post by: Pema on January 14, 2026, 02:47:28 PM
That's encouraging news, Charlotte. I hope you'll find it helpful and I hope that you can successfully push for less frequent sessions if/when it feels necessary and appropriate.
Please keep us updated with how things go. (I know you will.)
Please keep us updated with how things go. (I know you will.)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 14, 2026, 03:32:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 14, 2026, 03:32:17 PM
Weekly sessions are part of the terms so non negotiable. Unfortunately with the NHS letting me down I've little option. I'm having to privately pay my hormones, facial surgery, mental health, opticians and dentistry fees. I wonder what I pay £1500 a month tax and NI for sometimes!
Hopefully I can keep hold of my job or I'm done for!
Hopefully I can keep hold of my job or I'm done for!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 14, 2026, 03:34:38 PM
Post by: Pema on January 14, 2026, 03:34:38 PM
I hope it all holds together for you. I'd like to think that if you told them you could only afford 2 per month they'd accommodate you instead of making it zero, but sometimes that is how they roll.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on January 15, 2026, 07:49:31 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on January 15, 2026, 07:49:31 AM
Charlotte, I am so sorry that the system has made it so difficult for you to get the medical help that you should be entitled to, but you are smart and determined, so you will find a way to get things done.
You know that you have the support of everyone here, which has helped me so much through the years.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 15, 2026, 12:19:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 15, 2026, 12:19:45 PM
Today I had a scan at the hospital that I will be sharing with my FFS surgeon to allow pre-planning and prepare if there are any issues. I really want to do everything I can to make this a success. My brow ridge is so deep it completely ruins any illusions of me being female so I'm adamant it's removed as much as possible. Will be interesting for me to see the scans too just for curiosity of what's going on inside.
I'm very much hoping the surgery makes a appreciable amount of difference. As it stands I struggle daily to accept my feminity with my face as it is, so this is such an important step in my transition. Definitely counting down the weeks until March 7th when it finally gets sorted.
Other than that a normal work day so nothing interesting happened other than that!
I'm very much hoping the surgery makes a appreciable amount of difference. As it stands I struggle daily to accept my feminity with my face as it is, so this is such an important step in my transition. Definitely counting down the weeks until March 7th when it finally gets sorted.
Other than that a normal work day so nothing interesting happened other than that!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 10:01:54 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 10:01:54 AM
Just coming home now from monthly furry meet in Birmingham UK. Was a bust meet today although not so many people I knew there today. I was pleased to see one of my furry friends Nibs the mouse briefly. She is so beautiful and friendly.
I'm still feeling a little vulnerable about my identity so was a bit quiet myself. I'm not sure if I want to be a bit androgynous or fully a woman. I can't tell if I'm seeking androgony because I don't have confidence I'll ever fully see myself as a woman or if that's what I really want. Part of me wants to retain some transness so to speak. But another part wants to pass as a women. I feel like a man in a dress and a fraud at my worst. I don't know why as I was ok sometime back. I think misgendring and such is getting under my skin whilst I'm currently too weak in my mind to resist it. I know it's wrong but it's a feeling...it's hard to ignore as it's deep.
Anyways I still love my new dress...the androgynous goth look I can't say I don't love it and always have. I guess I'd like options to swing where I wish each day. Pass or show my colours..my choice.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/RZR1BVTD/20260117-150204.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/kMbx5ycQ/IMG-20260117-154106-537-4.jpg)
I'm still feeling a little vulnerable about my identity so was a bit quiet myself. I'm not sure if I want to be a bit androgynous or fully a woman. I can't tell if I'm seeking androgony because I don't have confidence I'll ever fully see myself as a woman or if that's what I really want. Part of me wants to retain some transness so to speak. But another part wants to pass as a women. I feel like a man in a dress and a fraud at my worst. I don't know why as I was ok sometime back. I think misgendring and such is getting under my skin whilst I'm currently too weak in my mind to resist it. I know it's wrong but it's a feeling...it's hard to ignore as it's deep.
Anyways I still love my new dress...the androgynous goth look I can't say I don't love it and always have. I guess I'd like options to swing where I wish each day. Pass or show my colours..my choice.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/RZR1BVTD/20260117-150204.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/kMbx5ycQ/IMG-20260117-154106-537-4.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 17, 2026, 10:17:30 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 17, 2026, 10:17:30 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 17, 2026, 10:01:54 AMI'm not sure if I want to be a bit androgynous or fully a woman. I can't tell if I'm seeking androgony because I don't have confidence I'll ever fully see myself as a woman or if that's what I really want. Part of me wants to retain some transness so to speak. But another part wants to pass as a women. I feel like a man in a dress and a fraud at my worst. I don't know why as I was ok sometime back.
Charlotte.
Read carefully what you wrote.
You are focused on appearances. You are still trying to sort out how you want to present. You have an idea of how you should look, but you are not paying attention to the most important part. How you feel is more important than how you look.
Once you get a firm grasp on who you are, then what others see or think doesn't matter. Haters are gonna hate. There is no avoiding that. But with a firm understanding of who you are and how you want to express that, you are in a position of power to deflect those comments. Find the Inner Peace of accepting yourself, no matter what. Worry about appearances after you have found it.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2026, 10:41:53 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2026, 10:41:53 AM
Yes, Lori Dee is right. We each need to learn to accept ourselves. The more we do, the more "inner peace" we have. This worked over time for me. You achieving clarity about yourself is important but that is on your terms, conditions, and timeline.
That does NOT mean for me that I do not care how I look or how others may interpret my look.
I try to present like a typical woman my age with about average looks.
Chrissy
That does NOT mean for me that I do not care how I look or how others may interpret my look.
I try to present like a typical woman my age with about average looks.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 11:10:38 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 11:10:38 AM
Thanks Lori and Chrissy for the direction. Taking on board exploring how I actually feel I'm going to start making notes now...as I feel today. Then hopefully I'll see a pattern.
I think I feel queer and androgynous...that's inside. But I get euphoria from two things.
Being an average women most of the time. I never as a man was happy with average. Yet as a woman day to day I feel such warmth and comfort from assuming my position as a normal woman. Linked to this 90% of my presentation is average but stylish. It never was average as a man, yet I feel great now as a woman.
But inside there is also someone queer, someone a bit flamboyant, someone slightly kinky too. On occasion I want to be queer, out there and a bit..you know. I'm lucky I can be this at furry meets, alternative gigs and such. These are safe places where there is no judgment of your age, gender, sexuality, disability or anything.
Well I've nailed the second one. I think I'm still in training for the first. I'm doing ok according to my female colleagues. Maybe I just need a little more confidence and time. But also learning how I balance my personalities. I don't feel like one person. I feel torn sometimes. I probably need to also be aware of which Charlotte I am at any given time. I'll do some thoughts another day too.
Charlotte xXx
I think I feel queer and androgynous...that's inside. But I get euphoria from two things.
Being an average women most of the time. I never as a man was happy with average. Yet as a woman day to day I feel such warmth and comfort from assuming my position as a normal woman. Linked to this 90% of my presentation is average but stylish. It never was average as a man, yet I feel great now as a woman.
But inside there is also someone queer, someone a bit flamboyant, someone slightly kinky too. On occasion I want to be queer, out there and a bit..you know. I'm lucky I can be this at furry meets, alternative gigs and such. These are safe places where there is no judgment of your age, gender, sexuality, disability or anything.
Well I've nailed the second one. I think I'm still in training for the first. I'm doing ok according to my female colleagues. Maybe I just need a little more confidence and time. But also learning how I balance my personalities. I don't feel like one person. I feel torn sometimes. I probably need to also be aware of which Charlotte I am at any given time. I'll do some thoughts another day too.
Charlotte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 17, 2026, 11:36:08 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 17, 2026, 11:36:08 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 17, 2026, 11:10:38 AMBut inside there is also someone queer, someone a bit flamboyant, someone slightly kinky too. On occasion I want to be queer, out there and a bit..you know. I'm lucky I can be this at furry meets, alternative gigs and such. These are safe places where there is no judgment of your age, gender, sexuality, disability or anything.The world you describe sounds utopian! Thanks, Charlotte. Now, I can at least imagine a place without judgment.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 17, 2026, 11:46:05 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 17, 2026, 11:46:05 AM
Think of it like the facets of a cut gemstone. They are all part of the same stone, yet each one reflects the light differently. For some, the light bounces off, and for others, it reflects through the gem. They are all part of the same whole, and together are what make it beautiful.
We are so much more than our gender. That is only one of the facets. We can also be a furry fan, a musician, a woman, queer, kinky, shy, friendly, and helpful. All still the same person. You are still beautiful. Let your light shine!
We are so much more than our gender. That is only one of the facets. We can also be a furry fan, a musician, a woman, queer, kinky, shy, friendly, and helpful. All still the same person. You are still beautiful. Let your light shine!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 02:45:24 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 02:45:24 PM
Thanks again everyone. Maybe I just gotta write it down to believe it. When you point it out to me it's obvious, but in my head it's just a jungle. You all seem so wise, but guessing it's lived experience. A lot of this is so new to me! I'm wise myself in practical ways and also helping others emotionally...just harder to apply in my own back yard!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 03:29:10 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 17, 2026, 03:29:10 PM
Well I'm prerelease on my new track. I'm so glad I've at least got Charlotte out there.
I'm not sure where I'm going next. I'm having a creative crisis which probably relates to my real crisis. I'll probably move to a different sound. I love what young trans artists are doing with breakcore and hyperpop. Artists like Fem&m and Femtanyl. I'll probably try my own take and fusion of those genres. I just gotta keep things fresh as that's how I roll.
I'm not sure where I'm going next. I'm having a creative crisis which probably relates to my real crisis. I'll probably move to a different sound. I love what young trans artists are doing with breakcore and hyperpop. Artists like Fem&m and Femtanyl. I'll probably try my own take and fusion of those genres. I just gotta keep things fresh as that's how I roll.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on January 17, 2026, 03:36:20 PM
Post by: Emma1017 on January 17, 2026, 03:36:20 PM
WOW, Charlotte, very impressive. I googled some of your other tracks!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 17, 2026, 03:52:38 PM
Post by: Pema on January 17, 2026, 03:52:38 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on January 17, 2026, 10:17:30 AMHow you feel is more important than how you look.
Once you get a firm grasp on who you are, then what others see or think doesn't matter.
I just can't support this strongly enough. I feel so deeply that this is absolutely everything, and putting anything else ahead of it is avoiding what most needs to be addressed.
I think it's all about self-love. We have to love ourselves as we are and where we are, unconditionally - the same way we would if we had a child who faced any kind of challenge. When we can reach that complete surrender and acceptance that we are who we are, we can identify what the next step is that that lovely being wants and needs to express itself more fully. We don't have to see the final outcome today. With luck, there will be many future opportunities for further self-discovery. Who wants to become static?
There's no right or wrong, and you're discovering first-hand that trying to fit a pre-existing template isn't working out. That's great! So now you get to explore deeply within and find who Charlotte truly is.
This is exciting! I don't see it as something to be done and solved but something to explore and experience. Charlotte, you're doing it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on January 18, 2026, 03:29:03 AM
Post by: davina61 on January 18, 2026, 03:29:03 AM
I agree, its how you feel. I am just me, working on the hot rod covered in grime wearing old work clothes ,no wig and a beany I do not pass. Out and about shopping or what ever with a splash of make up and my wig on then its no problem, thing is I still feel its me.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 18, 2026, 12:55:44 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 18, 2026, 12:55:44 PM
I've been giving things some thought just now. I think that the gender struggles I'm having are more as result of a general existential crisis I'm in.
Thinking deeply and responding to some videos today, I'm pretty clear that I love my queer identity. I absolutely adore androgynous looks and also trans people both MTF and FTM that don't fully pass but make an element of queerness integral to their personality.
I think I'm clear I'd like to pass to the point I look intentionally female. Enough that my pronouns would be assumed she/her. But I'm happy at the same time it's clear I'm trans.
I can be the woman I want to be and live that life. But I can also hold my queer identity and be totally proud I'm a trans woman. This is just how it feels to me. I know others rightfully push to be just a women and that is what they are. But I'm choosing to identity with my past as part of my current identity. I don't think that's wrong?
Basically my mental health is just weakening me so much and has eliminated any joy I previously got from hobbies or doing anything. This is so all encompassing that I have no self esteem or energy to defend my identity. There is a chunk of me missing. Until I can work on that with my therapist, I think I'll keep having dips when anything threatens the woman I want to be.
Tomorrow is my first session at 8pm. I also have running club. It will hopefully be the start of finding my self esteem again.
Charlotte 😻
Thinking deeply and responding to some videos today, I'm pretty clear that I love my queer identity. I absolutely adore androgynous looks and also trans people both MTF and FTM that don't fully pass but make an element of queerness integral to their personality.
I think I'm clear I'd like to pass to the point I look intentionally female. Enough that my pronouns would be assumed she/her. But I'm happy at the same time it's clear I'm trans.
I can be the woman I want to be and live that life. But I can also hold my queer identity and be totally proud I'm a trans woman. This is just how it feels to me. I know others rightfully push to be just a women and that is what they are. But I'm choosing to identity with my past as part of my current identity. I don't think that's wrong?
Basically my mental health is just weakening me so much and has eliminated any joy I previously got from hobbies or doing anything. This is so all encompassing that I have no self esteem or energy to defend my identity. There is a chunk of me missing. Until I can work on that with my therapist, I think I'll keep having dips when anything threatens the woman I want to be.
Tomorrow is my first session at 8pm. I also have running club. It will hopefully be the start of finding my self esteem again.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 18, 2026, 01:34:30 PM
Post by: Pema on January 18, 2026, 01:34:30 PM
Charlotte, you're doing all the right things, namely identifying the underlying causes for your lack of ease. Better still, you're taking active steps to address them.
I hope your sessions with the therapist tomorrow goes very well. I look forward to hearing how you feel about it.
I'd missed that you're a runner. I'd love to hear more about that part of your life if/when you want to share it. I started running at age 30 and have absolutely loved it. Now, at 61, it's less a part of my life but still a treasured one.
Love,
Pema
I hope your sessions with the therapist tomorrow goes very well. I look forward to hearing how you feel about it.
I'd missed that you're a runner. I'd love to hear more about that part of your life if/when you want to share it. I started running at age 30 and have absolutely loved it. Now, at 61, it's less a part of my life but still a treasured one.
Love,
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 18, 2026, 02:53:46 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 18, 2026, 02:53:46 PM
Quote from: Pema on January 18, 2026, 01:34:30 PMI'd missed that you're a runner. I'd love to hear more about that part of your life if/when you want to share it. I started running at age 30 and have absolutely loved it. Now, at 61, it's less a part of my life but still a treasured one.
Love,
Pema
Well I've started running again recently as I want to do something to improve my mental health and physical health before I go for surgeries this year and next year. Add to that I don't really have friends so it's an opportunity for me to get some more social interaction.
But I did run a lot more some years back. I ended up stopping when my work was pushing me to silly 14 to 18 hours days with most of my time working away from home. I could generally run 5k in a reasonable 27 minutes back then, which I enjoyed doing on an evening after work.
Also my mum is a runner so we have done a thing in the UK called park run together a few times. I'll be doing some more park runs alone on a Saturday again. I need to work out a couple of local routes too. It's a bit harder Where I live now as it's out of town a little.
I'm telling work that Monday evening for my run club is protected. If they don't want me having more breakdowns at work, they need to understand I need this free time.
How about you?
Charlotte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 18, 2026, 03:45:32 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 18, 2026, 03:45:32 PM
Love your sound, Charlotte! Thanks.
I've given up trying to pin down or define my gender (which explains my he/she pronouns).
I feel like I'm a rubber band that keeps stretching towards the feminine only to pull away from it.
Like you, part of me is reluctant to let go of genderfluidity. Queerness.
For the most part, I'm okay with that.
I've given up trying to pin down or define my gender (which explains my he/she pronouns).
I feel like I'm a rubber band that keeps stretching towards the feminine only to pull away from it.
Like you, part of me is reluctant to let go of genderfluidity. Queerness.
For the most part, I'm okay with that.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 18, 2026, 05:32:41 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 18, 2026, 05:32:41 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 18, 2026, 12:55:44 PMI can be the woman I want to be and live that life. But I can also hold my queer identity and be totally proud I'm a trans woman. This is just how it feels to me. I know others rightfully push to be just a women and that is what they are. But I'm choosing to identity with my past as part of my current identity. I don't think that's wrong?
There are plenty of examples of people who dress femininely and sport a beard. Women who dress with a "macho" vibe. What you are doing is looking to see what feels right for you, and that is the right way to do it. You are getting in touch with that inner self to see what they want. And you are getting some answers.
How you present yourself in the world is up to you. There is no right or wrong way. And there is nothing wrong with being proud of being trans. I don't hide it. If you don't want to, you shouldn't either.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 19, 2026, 04:58:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 19, 2026, 04:58:14 PM
Well I had my first therapy session today. I certainly didn't hesitate getting everything off my chest including past abuse and my messed up reward / attachment issues.
I was really glad as she is the first person to truely acknowledge these deep feelings and past experiences. Said she could hear the pain and suffering in my voice and also see it deeply in my expression.
I've kept this stuff secret for years as I've been ashamed of my envious thoughts, self hatred, unhealthy attachments, limerence...well I think you get the idea. That's just the taster. These emotions are considered so anti social that I've just been embarrassed and ashamed. Well i don't mind now...I'm happy to share and acknowledge that this is an illness like any other. I'm trying not to be ashamed of something I'm suffering from. I want to be a better person.
My therapist has some ideas to explore my past experiences and trauma which will allow us to understand the messed up coping strategies I developed when younger. Then we can tackle them hopefully.
Sorry if this is deep, but I'm ready in myself to be true as it helps me a lot to figure things out.
Charlotte xXx
I was really glad as she is the first person to truely acknowledge these deep feelings and past experiences. Said she could hear the pain and suffering in my voice and also see it deeply in my expression.
I've kept this stuff secret for years as I've been ashamed of my envious thoughts, self hatred, unhealthy attachments, limerence...well I think you get the idea. That's just the taster. These emotions are considered so anti social that I've just been embarrassed and ashamed. Well i don't mind now...I'm happy to share and acknowledge that this is an illness like any other. I'm trying not to be ashamed of something I'm suffering from. I want to be a better person.
My therapist has some ideas to explore my past experiences and trauma which will allow us to understand the messed up coping strategies I developed when younger. Then we can tackle them hopefully.
Sorry if this is deep, but I'm ready in myself to be true as it helps me a lot to figure things out.
Charlotte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 19, 2026, 05:55:02 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 19, 2026, 05:55:02 PM
Charlotte,
That sounds like a great start. I think you are approaching this with the right attitude and mindset. We can't really heal until we are open and honest with ourselves about what we have endured. I am glad that you are charting a path forward. I hope it goes very well for you.
That sounds like a great start. I think you are approaching this with the right attitude and mindset. We can't really heal until we are open and honest with ourselves about what we have endured. I am glad that you are charting a path forward. I hope it goes very well for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 19, 2026, 06:32:31 PM
Post by: Pema on January 19, 2026, 06:32:31 PM
Charlotte, congratulations! That sounds like a fantastic beginning. And how wonderful that you felt comfortable enough to share these important parts of yourself AND received acknowledgment. I think this can be a beginning to a huge change in the chapters of your life.
Yes, it is deep, but it's also vital to your being whole and healthy. Thank you so much for doing this for yourself.
Love,
Pema
Yes, it is deep, but it's also vital to your being whole and healthy. Thank you so much for doing this for yourself.
Love,
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 19, 2026, 07:21:42 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 19, 2026, 07:21:42 PM
Since sharing my gender variance with VA, I have not seen my primary provider. She keeps shuffling me off to one of her nurses. I am so glad your first therapy session went well!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 20, 2026, 02:47:35 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 20, 2026, 02:47:35 AM
Quote from: Dances With Trees on January 19, 2026, 07:21:42 PMSince sharing my gender variance with VA, I have not seen my primary provider. She keeps shuffling me off to one of her nurses. I am so glad your first therapy session went well!
That doesn't sound so good. I guessing you'll not get the same standard or care from the nurses? Might be worth asking directly to see her if that's the case. Hope you get what you need as that's the most important thing.
Charlotte x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 20, 2026, 09:30:16 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 20, 2026, 09:30:16 AM
Quote from: Dances With Trees on January 19, 2026, 07:21:42 PMSince sharing my gender variance with VA, I have not seen my primary provider. She keeps shuffling me off to one of her nurses. I am so glad your first therapy session went well!
The same thing with me since moving to Colorado. I don't get handed off to a nurse, but all direct messages to or from my Primary seem to be routed through the Regional Office in Denver. So I don't know if there is gatekeeping going on, or she just doesn't have the means to contact me directly. I have an appointment this morning with the Regional Endo clinic, so maybe I can get some answers.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 20, 2026, 10:03:34 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 20, 2026, 10:03:34 AM
Quote from: Lori Dee on January 20, 2026, 09:30:16 AMI don't know if there is gatekeeping going on,That's how I feel. Oddly enough, paranoia is the one mental illness derived from environment and experience. My VA therapist shared my gender variance with my primary (which, I hope, Charlotte, explains the non sequitur). I had my concerns gave my therapist permission. Oh, well, the nurses are nice, and paranoia is still a viable explanation.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 20, 2026, 04:05:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 20, 2026, 04:05:14 PM
I got my MRI scans back today. I was surprised to see a brain inside and that actually fills most of the space! Not sure how that's true but it is 😀
It will help my surgeon for sure as my brow bone is huge. That's a big chunk to come out, flatten and go back. This type 3 reduction is scary in thought!
Other than that just a normal work day. Sat writing firmware for a microcontroller most of my day.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/mrbzvF8k/Screenshot-20260120-215806-Chrome.jpg)
It will help my surgeon for sure as my brow bone is huge. That's a big chunk to come out, flatten and go back. This type 3 reduction is scary in thought!
Other than that just a normal work day. Sat writing firmware for a microcontroller most of my day.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/mrbzvF8k/Screenshot-20260120-215806-Chrome.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 20, 2026, 04:31:03 PM
Post by: Pema on January 20, 2026, 04:31:03 PM
Congratulations on Proof of Brain, Charlotte! I printed mine and laminated it so I could show it to people who doubt me.
So, do they un-cap it, shave the top and bottom down, then re-cap it?
I had a craniectomy (in back), so they took out a chunk of skull for access and then basically closed it up with cellophane. I wish I'd asked to have that piece of skull.
So, do they un-cap it, shave the top and bottom down, then re-cap it?
I had a craniectomy (in back), so they took out a chunk of skull for access and then basically closed it up with cellophane. I wish I'd asked to have that piece of skull.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 20, 2026, 05:17:36 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 20, 2026, 05:17:36 PM
Quote from: Pema on January 20, 2026, 04:31:03 PMSo, do they un-cap it, shave the top and bottom down, then re-cap it?
That's pretty much it. Flatten as much as possible and set it back. Screws and titanium plates are involved! I've heard some surgeons wire it back in, but this is thought to be inferior these days.
I'm sure it would have been interesting for you to have had that piece of skull. Definitely would've been something to come out when guests are visiting!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 20, 2026, 05:47:22 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 20, 2026, 05:47:22 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 20, 2026, 05:17:36 PMFlatten as much as possible and set it back.
With a hammer? 🤣
Depending on the size of the skull fragment, it could be made into a necklace. Or a bracelet. Or chest armor? 🤣
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on January 21, 2026, 03:38:05 AM
Post by: davina61 on January 21, 2026, 03:38:05 AM
I have an angle grinder!!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 21, 2026, 04:05:40 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 21, 2026, 04:05:40 PM
This evening have been wrapping Christmas presents for my mum and a couple of family members from where I used to live. We didn't get over that way this year. We planned to but it was cancelled and my mum and partner went to her sisters. I can't help think it's something to do with not being ready to see me as a woman.
They are coming here on Friday for a kinda belated Christmas. I should be happy and excited, but honestly I just feel tired and somewhat neutral about the visit. I'm not sure, but I honestly don't really feel close to my mum or family in general. I think I'm becoming devoid of these types of emotion all together. Or maybe I never had them.
Well I'll see when the day comes. Maybe I'll feel different. Who knows but I feel more like a lone wolf with every year that passes. I guess it's vitally important I learn to appreciate myself considering this.
Charlotte 😻
They are coming here on Friday for a kinda belated Christmas. I should be happy and excited, but honestly I just feel tired and somewhat neutral about the visit. I'm not sure, but I honestly don't really feel close to my mum or family in general. I think I'm becoming devoid of these types of emotion all together. Or maybe I never had them.
Well I'll see when the day comes. Maybe I'll feel different. Who knows but I feel more like a lone wolf with every year that passes. I guess it's vitally important I learn to appreciate myself considering this.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 23, 2026, 03:21:59 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 23, 2026, 03:21:59 PM
Work today was ok. We had clients in from the HS2 rail project in the UK. First time formally meeting new clients since I transitioned so a big thing for me. Had my nice brown dress on. Went really well, they were impressed with the company and get the impression they were comfortable around me and very much respected my professional integrity. Nice to be seen as the woman I am in the professional environment with no negative judgement.
This evening my mum came for belated Christmas and some food. It was the first time she's seen me since going female full time. First time seeing me as a woman in real. It went fine, but I still think she's coming to terms with this change as things felt a little reserved. I'm guessing it's just a lot for mothers to process even if not against it per se.
She is terrified about my upcoming surgery. My boyfriend is also terrified about it. It's getting me a little on edge too. But I gotta go through with this...I hate my facial appearance too much as it is. So this is an important step for me despite the risks.
Charlotte 😻
This evening my mum came for belated Christmas and some food. It was the first time she's seen me since going female full time. First time seeing me as a woman in real. It went fine, but I still think she's coming to terms with this change as things felt a little reserved. I'm guessing it's just a lot for mothers to process even if not against it per se.
She is terrified about my upcoming surgery. My boyfriend is also terrified about it. It's getting me a little on edge too. But I gotta go through with this...I hate my facial appearance too much as it is. So this is an important step for me despite the risks.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 23, 2026, 05:03:47 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 23, 2026, 05:03:47 PM
Massive hugs, Charlotte!
I am so glad the belated Christmas went well. Or, at least, better than it might have.
And hugs to your boyfriend! From everything you've said about him, he's there for you.
I am so glad the belated Christmas went well. Or, at least, better than it might have.
And hugs to your boyfriend! From everything you've said about him, he's there for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 23, 2026, 11:17:01 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 23, 2026, 11:17:01 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
I really enjoyed reading your good news in you last reply comment regarding your work today.
Meeting clients for the first time as Charlotte and getting a good reception is a very affirming
experience for you and will give you confidence to continue on with more similar moments.
To add to that good experience you also had a successful first time appearance as Charlotte
to your mom. You are correct in thinking that it is a big process for your mom.
Wishing you well with your upcoming surgery.
Please keep your updates coming.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
I really enjoyed reading your good news in you last reply comment regarding your work today.
Meeting clients for the first time as Charlotte and getting a good reception is a very affirming
experience for you and will give you confidence to continue on with more similar moments.
To add to that good experience you also had a successful first time appearance as Charlotte
to your mom. You are correct in thinking that it is a big process for your mom.
Wishing you well with your upcoming surgery.
Please keep your updates coming.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 24, 2026, 08:16:14 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 24, 2026, 08:16:14 AM
Well now I'm broken again. My mum was over with her husband (not my dad as she remarried). We got onto the subject of my mental health and i opened up about my feelings, how I think I may have BPD and what this feels like for me. This is a big deal as I've suffered this for 30+ years and only now feeling confident about opening up.
I was totally belittled. He basically said that what I'm feeling is no different to anyone else that's not mentally ill. Said that the symptoms I described of BPD are just laziness and like most other people out there.
This hurt bad. I've worked hard to get this courage and been shot down by him basically nullifying pain I've suffered through my life. Subsequently I broke down and smashed my head on the door many times. I've asked them to leave and that I'm not interested in maintaining a relationship. My mum made no effort to stand up for me.
So...now I have zero family. Just my partner. And after all my work I'm back broken again. Honestly I can't trust anyone. I should never let anyone into my life. It's not worth it. They just belittle and break you. I honestly don't want to be here. I can't end it because I really love my partner. But that doesn't change the fact I just want my life over. More than ever. So I just feel stuck. Trapped. Now I'm just totally lost in yet a worse place than before. How much worse does this get? I can't explain how hurt and empty I feel.
Charlotte xXx
I was totally belittled. He basically said that what I'm feeling is no different to anyone else that's not mentally ill. Said that the symptoms I described of BPD are just laziness and like most other people out there.
This hurt bad. I've worked hard to get this courage and been shot down by him basically nullifying pain I've suffered through my life. Subsequently I broke down and smashed my head on the door many times. I've asked them to leave and that I'm not interested in maintaining a relationship. My mum made no effort to stand up for me.
So...now I have zero family. Just my partner. And after all my work I'm back broken again. Honestly I can't trust anyone. I should never let anyone into my life. It's not worth it. They just belittle and break you. I honestly don't want to be here. I can't end it because I really love my partner. But that doesn't change the fact I just want my life over. More than ever. So I just feel stuck. Trapped. Now I'm just totally lost in yet a worse place than before. How much worse does this get? I can't explain how hurt and empty I feel.
Charlotte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2026, 09:41:37 AM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2026, 09:41:37 AM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
My dear Charlotte:
I am very saddened by this unhappy turn of events that you shared.
I can virtually FEEL YOUR PAIN that you expressed.
You have your supportive partner and you have support and acceptance here on Susan's Place. Please take some time spend with your loving partner and just know that you are also loved and accepted for who you are here on the Forum.
I will write some more after I wake up and get my morning coffee (it is 6:30am here)
HUGS and LOVE
❤️
Danielle
My dear Charlotte:
I am very saddened by this unhappy turn of events that you shared.
I can virtually FEEL YOUR PAIN that you expressed.
You have your supportive partner and you have support and acceptance here on Susan's Place. Please take some time spend with your loving partner and just know that you are also loved and accepted for who you are here on the Forum.
I will write some more after I wake up and get my morning coffee (it is 6:30am here)
HUGS and LOVE
❤️
Danielle
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 24, 2026, 10:33:07 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 24, 2026, 10:33:07 AM
Hey Danielle, thank you so much for your kind words of support and even more so at such an early hour. Does help to know at least here i have support of people who believe that mental health struggles are real. I have just slept a couple of hours as I just can't process it all. My bf is looking after me for sure and snuggled my tabby cat LuLu which helps. They don't judge me at all.
I know the benefits of a nice morning coffee for sure. I hope you enjoyed yours like I did mine. For the weekend it's a nice espresso here.
Love
Charlotte X 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/m2z2QWNF/20171125-132007.jpg)
I know the benefits of a nice morning coffee for sure. I hope you enjoyed yours like I did mine. For the weekend it's a nice espresso here.
Love
Charlotte X 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/m2z2QWNF/20171125-132007.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 24, 2026, 10:52:54 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 24, 2026, 10:52:54 AM
My daughter has bipolar disorder, her mother was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. None of the BPD's are fun. But they are manageable. Please, Charlotte, do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. Your music is beautiful. You are beautiful. I'm here whenever you want to talk. To share. We all are. Massive hugs, Girl.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 24, 2026, 10:56:59 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 24, 2026, 10:56:59 AM
Hi Charlotte,
Sorry to hear about what happened. I can relate. The old, "been there, done that" routine.
Just watch out for NATS. (Negative Automatic Thoughts). They are a negative form of self-talk that has no purpose except to make us feel bad. The way to swat a NAT is to examine it and determine if it is really true.
You know this isn't true. There are people you can trust: your partner, people here at Susan's, and others if you think about it. This feeds the next thought about not letting anyone get close, which feeds the feeling of loneliness. Which leads to the conclusion that it's not worth it, because they belittle and break you.
It is easy to spot a NAT because they always show up in absolutes (I never..., they always..., etc.) And because they are absolutes, they fall apart under questioning.
As you take them apart, you start to realize how untrue they are and that the opposite is true.
That doesn't mean it doesn't sting when people treat us that way. Of course it does. But you can always fall back on the knowledge that not everyone is like that. Some people are just ignorant and callous. You did a good thing by standing up for yourself and telling them to leave. For some people, that is exactly what they wanted. They can't handle what they are faced with, so they provoke. Then they have an excuse to leave and not be confronted with their own ignorance. Sometimes, they may rethink things afterward and realize they were wrong. Very often, they don't.
That is not a reflection on you. They showed who they are, not who you are. If they can't handle it, that is on them.
Take it from someone who has been the Black Sheep of the family for decades: many family relationships are overrated. Like you, I stood up for myself when I was 16. When I showed them that I do not need them in my life, they tried to make amends because they need me more than I need them.
Go easy on yourself. This is not on you. How other people react shows who they are, not who you are. You are a sweet and wonderful person. If they can't see that, it is their loss.
We are still here for you. We will always be here for you.
Sorry to hear about what happened. I can relate. The old, "been there, done that" routine.
Just watch out for NATS. (Negative Automatic Thoughts). They are a negative form of self-talk that has no purpose except to make us feel bad. The way to swat a NAT is to examine it and determine if it is really true.
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 24, 2026, 08:16:14 AMHonestly I can't trust anyone. I should never let anyone into my life. It's not worth it. They just belittle and break you.
You know this isn't true. There are people you can trust: your partner, people here at Susan's, and others if you think about it. This feeds the next thought about not letting anyone get close, which feeds the feeling of loneliness. Which leads to the conclusion that it's not worth it, because they belittle and break you.
It is easy to spot a NAT because they always show up in absolutes (I never..., they always..., etc.) And because they are absolutes, they fall apart under questioning.
As you take them apart, you start to realize how untrue they are and that the opposite is true.
That doesn't mean it doesn't sting when people treat us that way. Of course it does. But you can always fall back on the knowledge that not everyone is like that. Some people are just ignorant and callous. You did a good thing by standing up for yourself and telling them to leave. For some people, that is exactly what they wanted. They can't handle what they are faced with, so they provoke. Then they have an excuse to leave and not be confronted with their own ignorance. Sometimes, they may rethink things afterward and realize they were wrong. Very often, they don't.
That is not a reflection on you. They showed who they are, not who you are. If they can't handle it, that is on them.
Take it from someone who has been the Black Sheep of the family for decades: many family relationships are overrated. Like you, I stood up for myself when I was 16. When I showed them that I do not need them in my life, they tried to make amends because they need me more than I need them.
Go easy on yourself. This is not on you. How other people react shows who they are, not who you are. You are a sweet and wonderful person. If they can't see that, it is their loss.
We are still here for you. We will always be here for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 24, 2026, 11:24:28 AM
Post by: Pema on January 24, 2026, 11:24:28 AM
Charlotte, dear friend, you are not who they say you are. They have no right, no knowledge, no authority to say what your experience is. That they would even think they might speaks only to their ignorance and arrogance.
I went through very similar experiences with all of my mother's partners - my father, men she dated after my parents' divorce, and finally her second husband. She apparently preferred "that type." They'd all dismiss most of what I said and felt - and my mother would just allow it. It was interesting to me that I didn't really care what any of the men said (other than my father), but I found it brutally painful that my mother would choose their bullying over my truth.
You don't have to take that on. You may not feel like you have everything exactly where you want it; we all have aspects of ourselves that we know we can improve. But that doesn't mean it's all for nothing. From where I sit, you are an intelligent, loving, giving, talented person who is actively working to grow and better herself - and is making progress. That's a lot more than the folks who do little more than criticize others.
So don't let them take you down with them. That's not you. You are so much more. Let yourself feel and truly integrate that awareness so that when they show you who they are, you can remember that that's them and not you.
We see, love, and appreciate you, Charlotte. It gets weird with family. We have different expectations of people with whom we share DNA, and there's really no reason we should. But we still do.
Hang in there, girl. You'll get through this. Use it to your advantage; let it make you stronger.
I went through very similar experiences with all of my mother's partners - my father, men she dated after my parents' divorce, and finally her second husband. She apparently preferred "that type." They'd all dismiss most of what I said and felt - and my mother would just allow it. It was interesting to me that I didn't really care what any of the men said (other than my father), but I found it brutally painful that my mother would choose their bullying over my truth.
You don't have to take that on. You may not feel like you have everything exactly where you want it; we all have aspects of ourselves that we know we can improve. But that doesn't mean it's all for nothing. From where I sit, you are an intelligent, loving, giving, talented person who is actively working to grow and better herself - and is making progress. That's a lot more than the folks who do little more than criticize others.
So don't let them take you down with them. That's not you. You are so much more. Let yourself feel and truly integrate that awareness so that when they show you who they are, you can remember that that's them and not you.
We see, love, and appreciate you, Charlotte. It gets weird with family. We have different expectations of people with whom we share DNA, and there's really no reason we should. But we still do.
Hang in there, girl. You'll get through this. Use it to your advantage; let it make you stronger.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2026, 12:32:31 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2026, 12:32:31 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
I am up, dressed, and had breakfast and copious amount of coffee this morning and I am very uplifted and thankful
to see that some of our members, Dances With Trees, Lori Dee, and Pema have stepped up and replied to you
and offered their advice, love and support.
I can fullly understand how hurtful that was for you to hear what your mom and her "man friend" said to you.
Recently I had my own battles with family/parental acceptance during my recent visit earlier this month and
those words "sting" and stay in your mind. A good solution for me was to end the visit and travel back home
and get on the Susan's Place Forum to be close to accepting, supportive, and loving friends.
PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE WITH WHAT YO ARE FEELING WITH YOUR MOM...
Along with other members that have replied to you, they have had similar unpleasant and
non-accepting experiences and negative reactions from family members.
As a side note, my Dad has refused to talk to me for many years, and unfortunately his health has been
declining for several years, and more than likely he will be "no longer with us" when I visit "back home"
again next year.
I made a point and an attempt to talk with him to win some kind of acceptance, but to no avail.
It is important to me, especially with a parent and other close family members for me to not say things that
I will regret later once my Dad succumbs to his health problems.
I want to have no regrets so I do my best to stay in touch with letters, cards, emails, and my phone calls
that he has refused to answer.
Deep down I hope that before he departs the land of the living that he realized that I love him.
Again, I don't want any regrets.
Please do you best to stay as positive as possible by hanging around your partner and others that have
shown you their acceptance ... and certainly receive the support your Susan's Place Forum readers and followers.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Dear Charlotte:
I am up, dressed, and had breakfast and copious amount of coffee this morning and I am very uplifted and thankful
to see that some of our members, Dances With Trees, Lori Dee, and Pema have stepped up and replied to you
and offered their advice, love and support.
I can fullly understand how hurtful that was for you to hear what your mom and her "man friend" said to you.
Recently I had my own battles with family/parental acceptance during my recent visit earlier this month and
those words "sting" and stay in your mind. A good solution for me was to end the visit and travel back home
and get on the Susan's Place Forum to be close to accepting, supportive, and loving friends.
PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE WITH WHAT YO ARE FEELING WITH YOUR MOM...
Along with other members that have replied to you, they have had similar unpleasant and
non-accepting experiences and negative reactions from family members.
As a side note, my Dad has refused to talk to me for many years, and unfortunately his health has been
declining for several years, and more than likely he will be "no longer with us" when I visit "back home"
again next year.
I made a point and an attempt to talk with him to win some kind of acceptance, but to no avail.
It is important to me, especially with a parent and other close family members for me to not say things that
I will regret later once my Dad succumbs to his health problems.
I want to have no regrets so I do my best to stay in touch with letters, cards, emails, and my phone calls
that he has refused to answer.
Deep down I hope that before he departs the land of the living that he realized that I love him.
Again, I don't want any regrets.
Please do you best to stay as positive as possible by hanging around your partner and others that have
shown you their acceptance ... and certainly receive the support your Susan's Place Forum readers and followers.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on January 24, 2026, 01:59:02 PM
Post by: davina61 on January 24, 2026, 01:59:02 PM
They say you can choose friends not family so find some excepting friends. I would have replied so you have a doctorate in mental health then !!! Stay safe dear you know you have friends here XX and a hug.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 24, 2026, 02:38:19 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 24, 2026, 02:38:19 PM
I really appreciate the effort and kindness of everyone here at a moment when I feel most vulnerable. It's very heartwarming to experience. I love the supportive atmosphere that can be found throughout Susan's. It really is such a special thing.
I knew that friends on here would understand the belittlement and rejection of my mental health struggles, and how this makes one feel. Being transgender itself is rejected by others regularly, so having such empathy towards others is born of our very own experiences.
Everyone's responses have given me a lot of reassurance and things to think about. I do suffer with affirming negatives and on top of this extreme emotional intensity. In the heat of the moment emotional regulation fails and this energy has to be shut down...at the moment by hurting myself. The negative affirmations are not far behind as Lori rightly mentioned. Sometimes the intense reaction is so much faster than the rational mind. I need to learn a better way.
The irony is being denied that I have any problems only then followed by me having a complete meltdown! Honestly I'm not sure what I said and what I meant. Did I really want my family to go for good? I know I didn't need to be belittled when I chose to open my heart...its taken a long time to get here. Amidst such an episode I'm not thinking straight. I take note of Danielle's experiences...I don't want to reject my family and burn bridges, I'd rather have a relationship. But my trust is now broken. How does reconciliation look? How does it start? Indeed my mums husband has a medical issue that could be serious. We only have so much time, life is precious right? I hope we all find some peace with our respective families as with mutual understanding things don't need to be this way.
At the same time if I explained a physical health problem I had, would I have received such a dismissive reaction? With mental health it's pseudo acceptable to dismiss it and set oneself up as an expert, denying existence due to one not experiencing it themselves. We see similar with transgender experiences. Everyone out there is an expert and apparently their opinion is more relevant than peer reviewed studies. Just like Davina said...where are their qualifications?I appreciate the reference by Dances With Tress on lived experience of BPD. People exist with such difficulties. I'm sure I do which is why I have obtained suitable therapy to explore it. Both my mum and partner know this. Empathy is important.
Thanks for sharing your experience too Pema. I totally understand where you are coming from regarding mothers partners. I honestly didn't think he was like this as generally came across ok. But I think my ex could see it as quickly had no time for him. I partly think my mum is conditioned to just keep the peace. Maybe this is a common theme? Buy some support would have helped.
I'm surprised my mum didn't try to bring me down. Yes I asked them to leave, but also think it was obvious I was having a breakdown. I was smashing my head on the door. The door has cracks through it. My work colleagues seeing me previously like this worked to calm me down and make me safe. I've heard nothing back from my mum or partner. I accept it was intense...but that's why I think I have such mental issues. Its a fairly classic manifestation of emotional disregulation and attacking someone who has low self esteem. This reaction is my real life...not a fairytale. I need help not rejection or demonisation. I doubt I could wall away the shoe on the other foot.
Luckily Monday I have running club and then a session with my therapist. Both of these are much needed and my hopeful avenue to a better life.
Thank you again to everyone for your experiences and help with this. A few words or lots, each response is special and I hold them all dearly. Moreover I appreciate the love and closeness shown by everyone. I feel loved and in turn I'm feeling love and warmth in return to everyone here. I'm very resistant to feeling appreciation and friendship, but here I'm feeling in break through. Again it feels so special here.
Love and hugs,
Charlotte 😻 😻
I knew that friends on here would understand the belittlement and rejection of my mental health struggles, and how this makes one feel. Being transgender itself is rejected by others regularly, so having such empathy towards others is born of our very own experiences.
Everyone's responses have given me a lot of reassurance and things to think about. I do suffer with affirming negatives and on top of this extreme emotional intensity. In the heat of the moment emotional regulation fails and this energy has to be shut down...at the moment by hurting myself. The negative affirmations are not far behind as Lori rightly mentioned. Sometimes the intense reaction is so much faster than the rational mind. I need to learn a better way.
The irony is being denied that I have any problems only then followed by me having a complete meltdown! Honestly I'm not sure what I said and what I meant. Did I really want my family to go for good? I know I didn't need to be belittled when I chose to open my heart...its taken a long time to get here. Amidst such an episode I'm not thinking straight. I take note of Danielle's experiences...I don't want to reject my family and burn bridges, I'd rather have a relationship. But my trust is now broken. How does reconciliation look? How does it start? Indeed my mums husband has a medical issue that could be serious. We only have so much time, life is precious right? I hope we all find some peace with our respective families as with mutual understanding things don't need to be this way.
At the same time if I explained a physical health problem I had, would I have received such a dismissive reaction? With mental health it's pseudo acceptable to dismiss it and set oneself up as an expert, denying existence due to one not experiencing it themselves. We see similar with transgender experiences. Everyone out there is an expert and apparently their opinion is more relevant than peer reviewed studies. Just like Davina said...where are their qualifications?I appreciate the reference by Dances With Tress on lived experience of BPD. People exist with such difficulties. I'm sure I do which is why I have obtained suitable therapy to explore it. Both my mum and partner know this. Empathy is important.
Thanks for sharing your experience too Pema. I totally understand where you are coming from regarding mothers partners. I honestly didn't think he was like this as generally came across ok. But I think my ex could see it as quickly had no time for him. I partly think my mum is conditioned to just keep the peace. Maybe this is a common theme? Buy some support would have helped.
I'm surprised my mum didn't try to bring me down. Yes I asked them to leave, but also think it was obvious I was having a breakdown. I was smashing my head on the door. The door has cracks through it. My work colleagues seeing me previously like this worked to calm me down and make me safe. I've heard nothing back from my mum or partner. I accept it was intense...but that's why I think I have such mental issues. Its a fairly classic manifestation of emotional disregulation and attacking someone who has low self esteem. This reaction is my real life...not a fairytale. I need help not rejection or demonisation. I doubt I could wall away the shoe on the other foot.
Luckily Monday I have running club and then a session with my therapist. Both of these are much needed and my hopeful avenue to a better life.
Thank you again to everyone for your experiences and help with this. A few words or lots, each response is special and I hold them all dearly. Moreover I appreciate the love and closeness shown by everyone. I feel loved and in turn I'm feeling love and warmth in return to everyone here. I'm very resistant to feeling appreciation and friendship, but here I'm feeling in break through. Again it feels so special here.
Love and hugs,
Charlotte 😻 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2026, 03:14:05 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2026, 03:14:05 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood @Dances With Trees @Lori Dee @Pema @davina61
Dear Charlotte:
In your previous posting you stated:
"I don't want to reject my family and burn bridges, I'd rather have a relationship.
But my trust is now broken. How does reconciliation look? How does it start?"
"
My answer to YOU is very clear: Reconciliation starts with YOU asking for forgiveness, and
immediately accepting forgiveness. Even if the other party
does not offer forgiveness to you, you can feel good knowing
that you took the proper steps to make things right
and to not have regrets.
I am so very glad that you are scheduled to be with your running club; exercise with others will be a
big help in clearing your mind. Then seeing your therapist to talk over what went on with your mom
and what you are doing or what you did to rectify these issues.
Along with you other readers and followers I likewise am always eagerly looking for your updates.
HUGS, and more HUGS,
❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
In your previous posting you stated:
"I don't want to reject my family and burn bridges, I'd rather have a relationship.
But my trust is now broken. How does reconciliation look? How does it start?"
"
My answer to YOU is very clear: Reconciliation starts with YOU asking for forgiveness, and
immediately accepting forgiveness. Even if the other party
does not offer forgiveness to you, you can feel good knowing
that you took the proper steps to make things right
and to not have regrets.
I am so very glad that you are scheduled to be with your running club; exercise with others will be a
big help in clearing your mind. Then seeing your therapist to talk over what went on with your mom
and what you are doing or what you did to rectify these issues.
Along with you other readers and followers I likewise am always eagerly looking for your updates.
HUGS, and more HUGS,
❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 25, 2026, 03:23:07 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 25, 2026, 03:23:07 PM
According to Danielle's advice I have made contact and peace with my Mum. It was only very brief as think we both need space for a while. But it does clear the air for now.
I'm counting the days for my FFS which is only 6 weeks away. I'll soon need to release the money as it's tied up in investment funds that take a week to clear. Then I've got to get the best part of £10k out in cash...in Turkey it's very normal to pay cash for this stuff, else you're hit with big surcharges to pay other ways. A bit scary mind.
With regards my HRT I'm getting concerned that my breasts haven't grown in 3-4 months. They grew most in the first 6 months. I've reached a B cup, but with my body size they are kinda lost without wearing very exaggerating clothes. I'm hoping sometime they grow more or else I'll have to find yet more money for breast augmentation! To be workable on my frame I'm sure I'll need to achieve D cup. C might be workable even if not optimal. There are mixed reviews out there as to expected growth post 6 months. Some say next to none whilst others say several cups. I'm not sure what's true, if there is exaggeration etc!
Charlotte 😻
I'm counting the days for my FFS which is only 6 weeks away. I'll soon need to release the money as it's tied up in investment funds that take a week to clear. Then I've got to get the best part of £10k out in cash...in Turkey it's very normal to pay cash for this stuff, else you're hit with big surcharges to pay other ways. A bit scary mind.
With regards my HRT I'm getting concerned that my breasts haven't grown in 3-4 months. They grew most in the first 6 months. I've reached a B cup, but with my body size they are kinda lost without wearing very exaggerating clothes. I'm hoping sometime they grow more or else I'll have to find yet more money for breast augmentation! To be workable on my frame I'm sure I'll need to achieve D cup. C might be workable even if not optimal. There are mixed reviews out there as to expected growth post 6 months. Some say next to none whilst others say several cups. I'm not sure what's true, if there is exaggeration etc!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 25, 2026, 04:09:36 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 25, 2026, 04:09:36 PM
I have been on hormones for a long time and I doubt I will get beyond my B cups.
Perhaps if I lost two inches on my underbust I might have a sister band size down and a C cup, but that would be the most likely way without enhancements. But that is simply a bra sizing thing, not a volume increase. In fact, if my underbust went down two inches, my boobs likely will lose some fat too.
Breasts are a very personal part of our bodies so I can appreciate that we each have our own desires as to size. I am usually very happy with what I have. Occasionally I have what I call breast size envy and want them to be or appear to be bigger. But most of the time, I am delighted.
Chrissy
Perhaps if I lost two inches on my underbust I might have a sister band size down and a C cup, but that would be the most likely way without enhancements. But that is simply a bra sizing thing, not a volume increase. In fact, if my underbust went down two inches, my boobs likely will lose some fat too.
Breasts are a very personal part of our bodies so I can appreciate that we each have our own desires as to size. I am usually very happy with what I have. Occasionally I have what I call breast size envy and want them to be or appear to be bigger. But most of the time, I am delighted.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on January 26, 2026, 03:39:19 AM
Post by: davina61 on January 26, 2026, 03:39:19 AM
40C padded M&S bra for me ,its a tad to big but does the job. I think Progesterone would help but cant get that on prescription.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 26, 2026, 04:16:24 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 26, 2026, 04:16:24 PM
Quote from: davina61 on January 26, 2026, 03:39:19 AM40C padded M&S bra for me ,its a tad to big but does the job. I think Progesterone would help but cant get that on prescription.
Oh I found the M&S wired padded bras to be lovely. They fit so nice. Mine are 38B.
I'm on progesterone now so will see if it makes a difference.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 26, 2026, 04:48:32 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 26, 2026, 04:48:32 PM
My second session with my therapist this evening. This feels so much better than what I got through the NHS. I'm being listened to and asked poignant questions. She offers sympathy but in a grown up way. This alone is allowing me to connect the dots of feelings. Make behavioral relationships between what I didn't see as related. It's slow but I'm seeing myself. Seeing what hurts, what breaks me, why it breaks me and importantly validating my feelings.
I really needed to get 30 years of pain and angst off my chest. Share my deepest and sometimes embarrassing feelins...those of envy, of feeling insignificant, of emptiness, never being able to truely find any form of self appreciation. But I think these come from younger and finding ways to cope. I also think I inherited a lot from my Dad. He was very troubled and very controlling. Luckily I don't have the latter, though I direct similar narratives inwards. I can never achieve the perfection that I demand of myself. So then I beat myself to death with it. I know I'm messed up, unbalanced. I just want to fix it.
I had running club tonight. That's really helping too. Being with others each Monday evening makes me feel at least a little alive. Charlotte is trying to grow stronger and be a little bit better.
Charl🧡tte xXx
I really needed to get 30 years of pain and angst off my chest. Share my deepest and sometimes embarrassing feelins...those of envy, of feeling insignificant, of emptiness, never being able to truely find any form of self appreciation. But I think these come from younger and finding ways to cope. I also think I inherited a lot from my Dad. He was very troubled and very controlling. Luckily I don't have the latter, though I direct similar narratives inwards. I can never achieve the perfection that I demand of myself. So then I beat myself to death with it. I know I'm messed up, unbalanced. I just want to fix it.
I had running club tonight. That's really helping too. Being with others each Monday evening makes me feel at least a little alive. Charlotte is trying to grow stronger and be a little bit better.
Charl🧡tte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 26, 2026, 05:26:08 PM
Post by: Pema on January 26, 2026, 05:26:08 PM
Oh, Charlotte... This is great stuff. I'm so proud of you for doing all of this.
I could tell you all the things like that perfectionism is cruel and whatever else, but I know that you already know and that my saying it won't change anything and - most importantly - you're doing the work that will build your strength and experience to get you there. That's really the only way, and you're on it.
Exercise and especially with others. It's all phenomenal.
Way to go, sister!
Love,
Pema
I could tell you all the things like that perfectionism is cruel and whatever else, but I know that you already know and that my saying it won't change anything and - most importantly - you're doing the work that will build your strength and experience to get you there. That's really the only way, and you're on it.
Exercise and especially with others. It's all phenomenal.
Way to go, sister!
Love,
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 27, 2026, 03:17:48 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 27, 2026, 03:17:48 PM
Not too much to say today. Woke up too early from the noise of the wind and rain. So feeling very tired from work then grocery shopping. Tummy not feeling so good (IBS), so going to relax!
Will just leave you wondering how two of us manage to sleep in this bed. Hint...the plushies stay on the bed!!
(https://i.postimg.cc/Mpkz9bqK/IMG-20250926-093725-058-2.jpg)
Will just leave you wondering how two of us manage to sleep in this bed. Hint...the plushies stay on the bed!!
(https://i.postimg.cc/Mpkz9bqK/IMG-20250926-093725-058-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 27, 2026, 03:27:28 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 27, 2026, 03:27:28 PM
Your treasure trove includes one of the most lifelike plushies I've ever seen!
I consider my imagination to be quite limber, but you stretched it further than I can reach.
Hope you're feeling better.
I consider my imagination to be quite limber, but you stretched it further than I can reach.
Hope you're feeling better.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 28, 2026, 02:49:16 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 28, 2026, 02:49:16 PM
It was my partners mums birthday so we went over this evening to take a card and catch up. Quite quiet but nice nonetheless.
Feeling a little wiped out like I'm coming down with something. Not surprised because everyone at work has been sneezing 😥
I've been thinking recently that sometimes I wish my relationship with my bf was a bit more than semi platonic. We snuggle and kiss passionately loads and he's happy with me feeling most of his body. But on the back of this at times I crave more. I am a sexual person with attraction to him. Being on CPA as my blocker helps as it reduces my sex drive massively, but not completely. Next year I'm getting GRS so not sure if that'll zero my T or what. Obviously will again affect my sex drive.
Still lots of thoughts to process!
Charlotte 😻
Feeling a little wiped out like I'm coming down with something. Not surprised because everyone at work has been sneezing 😥
I've been thinking recently that sometimes I wish my relationship with my bf was a bit more than semi platonic. We snuggle and kiss passionately loads and he's happy with me feeling most of his body. But on the back of this at times I crave more. I am a sexual person with attraction to him. Being on CPA as my blocker helps as it reduces my sex drive massively, but not completely. Next year I'm getting GRS so not sure if that'll zero my T or what. Obviously will again affect my sex drive.
Still lots of thoughts to process!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 30, 2026, 05:36:38 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 30, 2026, 05:36:38 PM
I had such an amazing evening today. I'm in a local trans group on Facebook, but had yet to meet the group in person. One of the members recommended a gig to see guitarist Sophie Lloyd and her band locally. My partner is a big metal / rock fan and I like pretty much any live music so I got us tickets!
Attended tonight and got to join the trans group in person. Everyone was so friendly. Despite my bf being a big fan of metal / rock, he'd never been to a gig! Well he loved it. Was singing along, smiling and moving. So nice to see. I also loved every minute of it, dancing and singing too.
I got to wear my new outfit..giving goth vibes. I felt really good dressing up for a special night and getting to really push my femininity. I dropped my coat and two young people gave it back to me, but also both showered me in compliments caling my outfit and me beautiful. It felt so good. So friendly, they didn't need to say anything yet did.
So really tonight made me feel alive again. My bf was happy, I met nice people and felt the woman I am inside.
Charlotte 😻
Attended tonight and got to join the trans group in person. Everyone was so friendly. Despite my bf being a big fan of metal / rock, he'd never been to a gig! Well he loved it. Was singing along, smiling and moving. So nice to see. I also loved every minute of it, dancing and singing too.
I got to wear my new outfit..giving goth vibes. I felt really good dressing up for a special night and getting to really push my femininity. I dropped my coat and two young people gave it back to me, but also both showered me in compliments caling my outfit and me beautiful. It felt so good. So friendly, they didn't need to say anything yet did.
So really tonight made me feel alive again. My bf was happy, I met nice people and felt the woman I am inside.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on January 30, 2026, 08:29:46 PM
Post by: Pema on January 30, 2026, 08:29:46 PM
Charlotte! That's great! I'm so glad you both had such a good time.
Be sure to make the memory of this evening easily accessible on those days when things go poorly. It'll be handy to pull this one up to remind you that life is full of ebbs and flows, and that lousy day will give way to a better one. We're here for all of it.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You've brightened my day, too.
Be sure to make the memory of this evening easily accessible on those days when things go poorly. It'll be handy to pull this one up to remind you that life is full of ebbs and flows, and that lousy day will give way to a better one. We're here for all of it.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You've brightened my day, too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 31, 2026, 12:59:55 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on January 31, 2026, 12:59:55 PM
Yesterday was a nice day but not feeling so good today. I look at my pictures today and just see ugly. I'm fooling myself thinking that I'm ever gonna look ok as a woman. I try telling myself which works sometimes but really I'm just telling myself a lie and deep down i know it. I've gone from being an ok looking guy to bad looking woman. Honestly I'm not sure this is all right for me, that I'll ever get where I aspire to be. I don't want to detransition but don't like my current trajectory either. Feel Stuck just hating this body I have. I honestly hope my ffs goes wrong and messes me up completely. Then I will never get hope again and get used to it.
I'm guessing this is why I like being a furry as can just be something that's not me for a while.
I'm guessing this is why I like being a furry as can just be something that's not me for a while.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on January 31, 2026, 03:13:40 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 31, 2026, 03:13:40 PM
We are our own worst critics. Looking in a mirror will never reflect what we want it to. Pictures are worse because they show our bone structure more than what the eye sees. It sees all, but our brain interprets things differently.
The key is to have realistic goals. If you want to look like a 20 yeaar old girl, forget it. Not going to happen. I always told myself to stay realistic. I am 68 years old. I will never even look like a 30-year-old. I have accepted that. But I would rather look like an ugly old woman than a young handsome man.
Go easy on yourself. You are giving up before anything has had a chance to work for you. That kind of negative thinking goes nowhere and only makes you feel bad. Look ahead to the future with hope. Realize that it will never be perfect. But that does not make it bad.
Give yourself time. This is a lifelong journey. It won't happen quickly. Not for trans women, not for cis women. It takes a decade or longer for the changes to happen. Buckle in and enjoy the ride.
The key is to have realistic goals. If you want to look like a 20 yeaar old girl, forget it. Not going to happen. I always told myself to stay realistic. I am 68 years old. I will never even look like a 30-year-old. I have accepted that. But I would rather look like an ugly old woman than a young handsome man.
Go easy on yourself. You are giving up before anything has had a chance to work for you. That kind of negative thinking goes nowhere and only makes you feel bad. Look ahead to the future with hope. Realize that it will never be perfect. But that does not make it bad.
Give yourself time. This is a lifelong journey. It won't happen quickly. Not for trans women, not for cis women. It takes a decade or longer for the changes to happen. Buckle in and enjoy the ride.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 01, 2026, 05:56:41 AM
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 01, 2026, 05:56:41 AM
Charlotte, do not despair. At the beginning of my journey I looked the the mirror and thought 'I'm going to make one ugly woman'. Even with that in my mind, I knew I had to try. We are often the last people to notice what others see. Even now, I see a photo of myself and my mind plays tricks. The first thought is 'she's pretty', once my brain recognizes the lady in the photo it becomes 'oh, that's just me'. Please remember that mirrors are evil, they only show you what you want to see. It took several years before I stopped seeing my ghost in the mirror.
In one of my older posts, I have a series of photos covering four years of changes. Never lose hope.
https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=233104.msg2259475#msg2259475
Love always -- Jessica Rose
In one of my older posts, I have a series of photos covering four years of changes. Never lose hope.
https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=233104.msg2259475#msg2259475
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 06:00:44 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 06:00:44 AM
Thanks Lori your reply is appreciated. I don't even want to look younger. I'm 44 and would be happy to add 20 years to that age but look nice. Never really found youth that appealing. I'll never be perfect like you say but I don't think I'm even close to average. I'm guessing most people in my life laugh about me behind my back that I'm even thinking someone as awful as me is even considering this.
I do get these things take time. I'm just worried, as after FFS I don't really know what else I can do. Maybe my hair will actually grow and look good one day. But apart from maybe HRT having slight effects that's kinda end of the road for things I can work on with my facial appearance.
On the plus side I finally completed my audition house mix for the furry rave at confuzzled. It came out nicely. If I get accepted I got some practicing to do.
I do get these things take time. I'm just worried, as after FFS I don't really know what else I can do. Maybe my hair will actually grow and look good one day. But apart from maybe HRT having slight effects that's kinda end of the road for things I can work on with my facial appearance.
On the plus side I finally completed my audition house mix for the furry rave at confuzzled. It came out nicely. If I get accepted I got some practicing to do.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 06:10:12 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 06:10:12 AM
Thanks too Jessica. I will try my best but it's hard for sure. My bf says I look ok but that's his job to say that and he was happy with me as a guy! And people just lie if you ask them how you look.
I've looked at my progress photos and really only seen that my facial hair has gone. Nothing much else has changed in 10 months except things like hair and brows.
I'm going to insist that my surgeon takes all of that brow bone and orbital rims away. They so don't help as my eyes are so deep, hooded and shadowed. I think that really makes me look terrible. I've never met anyone with so bad hooded eyes!
Thanks for sharing your journey. I'll take a look although some of the photos didn't show when I just checked
I've looked at my progress photos and really only seen that my facial hair has gone. Nothing much else has changed in 10 months except things like hair and brows.
I'm going to insist that my surgeon takes all of that brow bone and orbital rims away. They so don't help as my eyes are so deep, hooded and shadowed. I think that really makes me look terrible. I've never met anyone with so bad hooded eyes!
Thanks for sharing your journey. I'll take a look although some of the photos didn't show when I just checked
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 01, 2026, 09:30:03 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 01, 2026, 09:30:03 AM
Ten months, yet you understand that this takes ten years. You are being overly critical.
I have hooded eyes too. I had surgery to fix them, and it left me with scars on my eyelids that I think are painted neon so everyone can see them. People I have asked say they hadn't noticed. I cover them with makeup because they bother me.
Here is a picture of me in 2021 with my hooded eyelids. How bad do they make me look?
In my opinion, you are distressed because you haven't yet found a look you're comfortable with. You like the clothes and how they look. You like the boots and how they look. Why not try different hairstyles or colors?
I spent a lot of time experimenting with wigs of various colors, lengths, and styles. My hair when I was younger was dark brown, so I was surprised to see how blonde or red look. You'll know it when you see it. I looked in the mirror one day and said, "Hey, I know you!" That's when I knew. I don't like my eyebrows, so bangs work to camouflage them. See if they work for your brows.
Go easy on yourself. Keep trying different things.
I have hooded eyes too. I had surgery to fix them, and it left me with scars on my eyelids that I think are painted neon so everyone can see them. People I have asked say they hadn't noticed. I cover them with makeup because they bother me.
Here is a picture of me in 2021 with my hooded eyelids. How bad do they make me look?
In my opinion, you are distressed because you haven't yet found a look you're comfortable with. You like the clothes and how they look. You like the boots and how they look. Why not try different hairstyles or colors?
I spent a lot of time experimenting with wigs of various colors, lengths, and styles. My hair when I was younger was dark brown, so I was surprised to see how blonde or red look. You'll know it when you see it. I looked in the mirror one day and said, "Hey, I know you!" That's when I knew. I don't like my eyebrows, so bangs work to camouflage them. See if they work for your brows.
Go easy on yourself. Keep trying different things.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 10:14:26 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 10:14:26 AM
Thanks Lori. I'm hoping they can fix my hooded eyes in surgery too. To be honest your eyes look amazing in that picture. I'd be so happy if mine looked that good. I've had a permanent squint look in my eyes since very young.
I have been experimenting with my hair style a few times but everytime I try to style it the volume drops out in an hour or so.
I tried putting waves in a few times and they dropped out in 20 minutes and left my hair frizzy all over. Even in boy mode I spent years trying to volumise my hair as i always liked to style it. Ive had just about all styles and colours in boy mode! It's very fine hair. The salon can get it ok looking with about 6 different volumising products, blow drying, curling, etc.
I'll definitely try other colors in time as i always have in my life. I'm avoiding blond as the bleach last time made my hair break and loads fell out. I'm even losing loads now from styling it when i do. I'm only just keeping hold of it because of hrt and minoxidil, so it's quite weak. It's enough though at least to cover my head ok. Just need more length and can maybe try to do more.
I will ask for bangs next time as might help.
I have been experimenting with my hair style a few times but everytime I try to style it the volume drops out in an hour or so.
I tried putting waves in a few times and they dropped out in 20 minutes and left my hair frizzy all over. Even in boy mode I spent years trying to volumise my hair as i always liked to style it. Ive had just about all styles and colours in boy mode! It's very fine hair. The salon can get it ok looking with about 6 different volumising products, blow drying, curling, etc.
I'll definitely try other colors in time as i always have in my life. I'm avoiding blond as the bleach last time made my hair break and loads fell out. I'm even losing loads now from styling it when i do. I'm only just keeping hold of it because of hrt and minoxidil, so it's quite weak. It's enough though at least to cover my head ok. Just need more length and can maybe try to do more.
I will ask for bangs next time as might help.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 01, 2026, 10:26:59 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 01, 2026, 10:26:59 AM
Don't risk damaging your hair.
Go to a wig shop and try on different colors and styles. Get them to share their impressions. They don't need to know why you want a wig (they don't care). You could be going to a party, acting in a theater, or whatever. Don't be bashful. I was my first time, but the stylist turned out to be a wonderful person.
That will give you some ideas of what to look for. Then you can buy from the shop or go online and find similar styles at better prices.
You will be surprised at the difference hair style and color make.
I have some pics posted on Imgur, but you won't be able to see them. Forgive me for dumping them here so you can see what I mean. Makeup and clothing are all similar. The difference is in hairstyle and color. Yes, I have a lot of wigs.
Go to a wig shop and try on different colors and styles. Get them to share their impressions. They don't need to know why you want a wig (they don't care). You could be going to a party, acting in a theater, or whatever. Don't be bashful. I was my first time, but the stylist turned out to be a wonderful person.
That will give you some ideas of what to look for. Then you can buy from the shop or go online and find similar styles at better prices.
You will be surprised at the difference hair style and color make.
I have some pics posted on Imgur, but you won't be able to see them. Forgive me for dumping them here so you can see what I mean. Makeup and clothing are all similar. The difference is in hairstyle and color. Yes, I have a lot of wigs.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 10:41:50 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 10:41:50 AM
Hey Lori, those pictures all look beautiful and very different like you say. I,ll go and try some wigs to get ideas of what works if I can find somewhere good around here.
I don't really want to go that way long term though...I have no issues with them, but know that anything that's not a real part of me doesn't really help me feel better. I wont even use anything to enhance my breasts for the same reason. But i can possibly then try to get help styling my hair in the same way. Show a stylist the pictures and get advice.
Most days I'm up early and just going to work so easy maintenance is important. None of my cis colleagues do their hair or makeup either for work as we're all just burnt out! I'm the most dressed and polished women at my work even as I am!
I don't really want to go that way long term though...I have no issues with them, but know that anything that's not a real part of me doesn't really help me feel better. I wont even use anything to enhance my breasts for the same reason. But i can possibly then try to get help styling my hair in the same way. Show a stylist the pictures and get advice.
Most days I'm up early and just going to work so easy maintenance is important. None of my cis colleagues do their hair or makeup either for work as we're all just burnt out! I'm the most dressed and polished women at my work even as I am!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 01, 2026, 01:44:18 PM
Post by: Pema on February 01, 2026, 01:44:18 PM
Charlotte, somewhere out there is your AFAB doppelganger, a cis woman who looks exactly like you. If you met her, you wouldn't tell her she was unattractive. So why do it to yourself? If you met a child who was upset about about having hooded eyes, would you tell them they were right to be harshly critical of their own appearance?
Please promote the love from within. Let yourself love yourself exactly as you are and, with that love, nurture the woman inside of you and guide her gently and with compassion as she takes the steps that she chooses to express her femininity. We all want the people in our lives to be supportive of us, but we really should learn to be our own biggest supporter. You deserve that.
Please promote the love from within. Let yourself love yourself exactly as you are and, with that love, nurture the woman inside of you and guide her gently and with compassion as she takes the steps that she chooses to express her femininity. We all want the people in our lives to be supportive of us, but we really should learn to be our own biggest supporter. You deserve that.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 02:15:42 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 02:15:42 PM
Hi Pema, you really do have a way with words and never fail to make me feel warmth. Thank you. I see where you are coming from and would never say those things to anyone. I think all people are beautiful, well apart from myself it seems.
I guess I'm just struggling to feel that I look much different to what I used to. I need to leave him behind but still see him in me.
I guess I'm just struggling to feel that I look much different to what I used to. I need to leave him behind but still see him in me.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 02:21:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 02:21:45 PM
From some brief messaging just now I think any remaining relationship with my mum is now superficial. I expect it's mostly because I'm trans, although this isn't explicitly confirmed. My gut says it's led by her husband but that's just my intuition.
From this point then I'm living my life with zero family and zero friends. It's a good job that despite my issues I'm fiercely independent and managed to build my life with little help from anyone. I just gotta keep my bf and 3 kitties safe now.
Charlotte 😻
From this point then I'm living my life with zero family and zero friends. It's a good job that despite my issues I'm fiercely independent and managed to build my life with little help from anyone. I just gotta keep my bf and 3 kitties safe now.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 01, 2026, 04:07:43 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 01, 2026, 04:07:43 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
Please be advised: You absolutely have many
like-minded friends here on Susan's Place and the Forum.
Your past postings and contributions of your thoughts and comments
do not go unnoticed by me, other staff members, and by our members,
YES, YOU HAVE FRIENDS HERE
HUGS and more HUGS, ❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
cc: @Susan @Devlyn @Lori Dee @Sarah B @Jessica_Rose @Mariah
Dear Charlotte:
Please be advised: You absolutely have many
like-minded friends here on Susan's Place and the Forum.
Your past postings and contributions of your thoughts and comments
do not go unnoticed by me, other staff members, and by our members,
YES, YOU HAVE FRIENDS HERE
HUGS and more HUGS, ❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
cc: @Susan @Devlyn @Lori Dee @Sarah B @Jessica_Rose @Mariah
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 01, 2026, 02:21:45 PMFrom some brief messaging just now I think any remaining relationship with my mum is now superficial. I expect it's mostly because I'm trans, although this isn't explicitly confirmed. My gut says it's led by her husband but that's just my intuition.
From this point then I'm living my life with zero family and zero friends. It's a good job that despite my issues I'm fiercely independent and managed to build my life with little help from anyone. I just gotta keep my bf and 3 kitties safe now.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 01, 2026, 04:09:32 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 01, 2026, 04:09:32 PM
I find that in-person relationships are the ones I struggle with the most, especially family. I have family that I talk to occasionally, but we are not a part of each other's lives. Frankly, I don't miss them.
The family I consider mine are the friends who have been supportive and accepting of me all along. We have a family here. We care about each other, look after one another, and do what we can to lift each other up. To me, that is the very definition of "family". It has nothing to do with coincidental DNA.
Be yourself. We are not going anywhere. If someone mistreats you, that is on them.
The family I consider mine are the friends who have been supportive and accepting of me all along. We have a family here. We care about each other, look after one another, and do what we can to lift each other up. To me, that is the very definition of "family". It has nothing to do with coincidental DNA.
Be yourself. We are not going anywhere. If someone mistreats you, that is on them.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 04:26:41 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 01, 2026, 04:26:41 PM
Thanks Danielle and Lori. I do find it hard to let people in as friends and to believe it. Not to mention its a feeling I really get overwhelmed with and struggle to process. But you're always there. Thank you so for being such good friends to me. It helps.
And also to all the others on here that keep giving me kind words. I really appreciate you too.
Love and lots of hugs, Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/D0DyQ46w/image-6483441-(2).jpg)
And also to all the others on here that keep giving me kind words. I really appreciate you too.
Love and lots of hugs, Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/D0DyQ46w/image-6483441-(2).jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 01, 2026, 06:48:55 PM
Post by: Pema on February 01, 2026, 06:48:55 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 01, 2026, 02:15:42 PMHi Pema, you really do have a way with words and never fail to make me feel warmth. Thank you. I see where you are coming from and would never say those things to anyone. I think all people are beautiful, well apart from myself it seems.
I guess I'm just struggling to feel that I look much different to what I used to. I need to leave him behind but still see him in me.
Charlotte, that warmth you feel is coming from inside of you. If I have anything to do with your feeling it, it's only because I'm pointing it out to you. That's all you, my friend.
And I understand your not wanting to see him in the mirror, but remember that he carried you this far and launched you on this path. Try not to see him as an adversary. His heart is your heart.
I completely relate to what you're saying about your mother. I went through something very similar with my mother many (many) years ago. She made the (presumably unconscious) choice to support her arrogant, narcissistic husband over just being reasonable with me. I felt I had no choice but to interact with her quite superficially, and that really was all she was capable of doing.
About 10 years later, the two of them divorced, and my mother became genuinely interested in me and my life. Decades later, we are extremely close and have been for a long time.
So, things can change and people, too. It just takes time and persistence.
Sending you love,
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 02, 2026, 01:05:29 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 02, 2026, 01:05:29 AM
Hi Pema,
Thank you...sometimes its difficult to feel warmth and light without a little help though. Internally I'm pretty much all consumed with darkness. I hope one day to leave that behind with some therapy.
Charlotte 😻
Thank you...sometimes its difficult to feel warmth and light without a little help though. Internally I'm pretty much all consumed with darkness. I hope one day to leave that behind with some therapy.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 02, 2026, 09:13:19 AM
Post by: Pema on February 02, 2026, 09:13:19 AM
And I am *ecstatic* that you're in therapy and that it shows such promise. ❤️
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 02, 2026, 04:02:39 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 02, 2026, 04:02:39 PM
Running club stepped things up bit so I really felt I got a good work out today. I felt more sociable too and relaxed, so that made it even better. I came away feeling a bit exhausted but in a good way.
I've joined a local club of woman and gender expansive DJs who support each other to grow skills and confidence, but also offer opportunities to perform. I'm hoping this will help me gain confidence and support me to do more and become better. It'll feel at least a safer space to be the real me.
Councelling went well. Determined how a lot of what I do is a front or act born from a perceived need to constantly protect myself. The true me is marred by the front I think the world wants to see. But do I really know what I want? So going to try and connect with myself, try to feel a place of safety. Somewhere I can honestly explore myself.
Thanks again for the love and care given to me by all. Love you all too 😻
Charlotte
I've joined a local club of woman and gender expansive DJs who support each other to grow skills and confidence, but also offer opportunities to perform. I'm hoping this will help me gain confidence and support me to do more and become better. It'll feel at least a safer space to be the real me.
Councelling went well. Determined how a lot of what I do is a front or act born from a perceived need to constantly protect myself. The true me is marred by the front I think the world wants to see. But do I really know what I want? So going to try and connect with myself, try to feel a place of safety. Somewhere I can honestly explore myself.
Thanks again for the love and care given to me by all. Love you all too 😻
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 02, 2026, 05:42:23 PM
Post by: Pema on February 02, 2026, 05:42:23 PM
Charlotte, I noticed that you'd changed your avatar back to a photo of your face, and I came here to tell you how good it was to see you again, that no matter how you may feel at times about your appearance, you are you and you are special.
When I got here, I saw what you had posted today, and that made it all the better.
Sister, there will be ups and downs. You will learn to ride them and be at ease even when things don't go as you'd hoped. I've seen you come so far in just a few months, and I'm eager to see where you go.
Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.
Love,
Pema
When I got here, I saw what you had posted today, and that made it all the better.
Sister, there will be ups and downs. You will learn to ride them and be at ease even when things don't go as you'd hoped. I've seen you come so far in just a few months, and I'm eager to see where you go.
Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.
Love,
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on February 03, 2026, 03:17:55 AM
Post by: davina61 on February 03, 2026, 03:17:55 AM
I thought I would never pass, balding, over weight (still !!) 60 year old but I do .Still need to work more on my voice.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 03:59:43 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 03:59:43 AM
Thank you Pema and Davina. You're both so lovely and beautiful too. We are each different for sure. I gotta learn to love my quirkiness as really that is and always has been my identity.
Today will be interesting. Traveling to Worcester to start electrolysis on my you know where! My local place charges 3 x the price for pre grs electrolysis so have to go further.
Charlotte 😻
Today will be interesting. Traveling to Worcester to start electrolysis on my you know where! My local place charges 3 x the price for pre grs electrolysis so have to go further.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on February 03, 2026, 02:05:34 PM
Post by: davina61 on February 03, 2026, 02:05:34 PM
Not that far from me then.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 02:26:59 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 02:26:59 PM
Quote from: davina61 on February 03, 2026, 02:05:34 PMNot that far from me then.
Oh yeah I remember you mentioning Malvern I think once. It's a lovely area. It's not too bad from here really. The same time if I drive or get the train so can really just decide how I feel.
Pearl doing my electrolysis was lovely and put me at ease. A good thing as I'm not so used to anyone else touching me around there! The hairs responded well and didn't hurt too much. She was surprised at my pain threshold and said a lot of people struggle at that power.
So I'll be going fortnightly for 2 hour sessions at first, ready to be clear for next year! And less than half the cost of my local place, so saving over £150 per session.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 03, 2026, 03:31:58 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 03, 2026, 03:31:58 PM
Davina has a torch that will get them gone in one session!
Ouchies! Just, ouch.
Ouchies! Just, ouch.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 03:39:02 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 03:39:02 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on February 03, 2026, 03:31:58 PMDavina has a torch that will get them gone in one session!
Ouchies! Just, ouch.
Now that's one thing I haven't tried...yet 🫢
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 03, 2026, 04:03:07 PM
Post by: Pema on February 03, 2026, 04:03:07 PM
I don't feel like you've given electrolysis a fair go yet. Stay with it for a bit before changing methods, I beg you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 04:25:12 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 03, 2026, 04:25:12 PM
Quote from: Pema on February 03, 2026, 04:03:07 PMI don't feel like you've given electrolysis a fair go yet. Stay with it for a bit before changing methods, I beg you.
Oh i'll definitely be staying with it! Going to get my rogue eyebrow hairs taken out too. Perfect permenant brows coming soon 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on February 04, 2026, 03:26:54 AM
Post by: davina61 on February 04, 2026, 03:26:54 AM
I was lucky as didn't need any hair removed, laser was enough for me on my face (ouch)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 05, 2026, 02:10:11 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 05, 2026, 02:10:11 PM
I'm ill again with another cold caught at work. Seems to be non stop at the moment. Been a fairly uneventful week apart from the news on here of course, now being on the staff!
Pretty unexpected for sure, but it's definitely made me happy. Knowing that me just being me on here has been so well received. Honestly I just want people to feel good about themselves, know that someone is out there, someone is listening. Or just be there when someone has just the greatest news, and are eager to share that joy.
Many a time I've spent in tears just wishing for someone to reach out to. But more importantly someone who won't judge, maybe firm but not belittling my experience. I know pain, I know being on the edge of existence, I know hanging on by a thread. I won't see anyone feel those feelings without offering my support. To listen, share a story, share advice or just be there.
Well this seems the place I can get the support I so need, but also offer my understanding and care to others like everyone on here does.
Love Charlotte 😻
Pretty unexpected for sure, but it's definitely made me happy. Knowing that me just being me on here has been so well received. Honestly I just want people to feel good about themselves, know that someone is out there, someone is listening. Or just be there when someone has just the greatest news, and are eager to share that joy.
Many a time I've spent in tears just wishing for someone to reach out to. But more importantly someone who won't judge, maybe firm but not belittling my experience. I know pain, I know being on the edge of existence, I know hanging on by a thread. I won't see anyone feel those feelings without offering my support. To listen, share a story, share advice or just be there.
Well this seems the place I can get the support I so need, but also offer my understanding and care to others like everyone on here does.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 05, 2026, 08:44:56 PM
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 05, 2026, 08:44:56 PM
Charlotte, I hope you feel better soon.
Transitioning is not easy. I think most of us were pushed to the edge of existence before accepting our truth. It will get easier, then harder, then easier. Eventually, you will reach a point where you are happy with yourself, and strong enough to ignore those who don't matter. We'll be here for you, and for anyone else who needs us.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Transitioning is not easy. I think most of us were pushed to the edge of existence before accepting our truth. It will get easier, then harder, then easier. Eventually, you will reach a point where you are happy with yourself, and strong enough to ignore those who don't matter. We'll be here for you, and for anyone else who needs us.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 05, 2026, 09:24:09 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 05, 2026, 09:24:09 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
Thank you for posting and sharing.
I hope, trust and pray that you get healed up from your re-occuring cold.
Try to stay warm and dry, stay away from people that are coughing or
sneezing at your work.
I was touched by your description of what emotions you are feeling being
here on the Susan's Place Forum. Yes, you are well received here and you have
a great testimony to share with new and old members that your greet and welcome
in your Staff Role as an Official Greeter.
I am so very glad that you are sharing yourself with all of us on the Forum.
We all need each other, and the Forum exudes and emanates acceptance,
understanding and provides SAFE PLACE and a SAFE REFUGE with understanding,
listening, and sharing among our like-minded members.
As @Jessica_Rose very correctly stated in her reply post:
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
Thank you for posting and sharing.
I hope, trust and pray that you get healed up from your re-occuring cold.
Try to stay warm and dry, stay away from people that are coughing or
sneezing at your work.
I was touched by your description of what emotions you are feeling being
here on the Susan's Place Forum. Yes, you are well received here and you have
a great testimony to share with new and old members that your greet and welcome
in your Staff Role as an Official Greeter.
I am so very glad that you are sharing yourself with all of us on the Forum.
We all need each other, and the Forum exudes and emanates acceptance,
understanding and provides SAFE PLACE and a SAFE REFUGE with understanding,
listening, and sharing among our like-minded members.
As @Jessica_Rose very correctly stated in her reply post:
QuoteWe'll be here for you, and for anyone else who needs us.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 05, 2026, 02:10:11 PMI'm ill again with another cold caught at work. Seems to be non stop at the moment. Been a fairly uneventful week apart from the news on here of course, now being on the staff!
Pretty unexpected for sure, but it's definitely made me happy. Knowing that me just being me on here has been so well received. Honestly I just want people to feel good about themselves, know that someone is out there, someone is listening. Or just be there when someone has just the greatest news, and are eager to share that joy.
Many a time I've spent in tears just wishing for someone to reach out to. But more importantly someone who won't judge, maybe firm but not belittling my experience. I know pain, I know being on the edge of existence, I know hanging on by a thread. I won't see anyone feel those feelings without offering my support. To listen, share a story, share advice or just be there.
Well this seems the place I can get the support I so need, but also offer my understanding and care to others like everyone on here does.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 05, 2026, 09:52:11 PM
Post by: Pema on February 05, 2026, 09:52:11 PM
I hope you're able to rest and recover quickly, Charlotte.
You're getting stronger all the time, and it's beautiful to see.
You're getting stronger all the time, and it's beautiful to see.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 05, 2026, 10:07:25 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 05, 2026, 10:07:25 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 05, 2026, 02:10:11 PMKnowing that me just being me on here has been so well received. Honestly I just want people to feel good about themselves, know that someone is out there, someone is listening. Or just be there when someone has just the greatest news, and are eager to share that joy.
Many a time I've spent in tears just wishing for someone to reach out to. But more importantly someone who won't judge, maybe firm but not belittling my experience. I know pain, I know being on the edge of existence, I know hanging on by a thread. I won't see anyone feel those feelings without offering my support. To listen, share a story, share advice or just be there.
You are beautiful. I think the only one who doesn't see it yet is you.
Your experience is different in a unique way, but you understand what it is like to wish there was someone to talk to. Not only do you understand that feeling, but you stepped up and said, "I am here for you."
That is pure gold.
Never stop being you.
When I feel a cold coming on, I soak in a hot bath for 30 minutes. Keep the water as hot as I can stand it without getting burned. After 30 minutes, put on warm PJs and climb under a blanket. Sip hot tea and keep the clear fluids going to flush it out.
My "clear fluid" of choice is tequila, but alcohol is not the right medicine.
Feel better soon. We aren't done with you yet.
😀
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on February 06, 2026, 08:05:55 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on February 06, 2026, 08:05:55 AM
Charlotte, I love your new avatar photo. You look beautiful!
Transition definitely requires us to trust the process and not the mirror. We can be our own worst critics. I am my worst. Others you trust should be the ones who give you the best opinions. You will feel prettier every day!
I hope you feel better!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 06, 2026, 11:04:26 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 06, 2026, 11:04:26 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 05, 2026, 02:10:11 PMI know pain, I know being on the edge of existence, I know hanging on by a thread. I won't see anyone feel those feelings without offering my support. To listen, share a story, share advice or just be there.Charlotte, you are so beautiful and your words were met with tears.
Thanks.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 06, 2026, 03:18:13 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 06, 2026, 03:18:13 PM
Lovely to wake up today to some beautiful words from my friends on here. Thank you so much.
Honestly I've been good the last few days despite being ill with this cold. I feel better about myself, I looked in the mirror today and am happy with things as they are. I'm finding my love of fashion again and leaving the house everyday looking as good as I can!
Seem to get asked everyday about my outfits at work and my colleagues saying they wish they could pull off the look too. Well I just explain that they can definitely pull off the same looks...there is no reason why not. I like my body shape in a nice sweater and short skirt, so was even ok seeing my face with a little grow back of darker facial hair. I'm a bit androgynous and that's OK. Seems to be working in a way.
I need a couple more laser sessions I think then electrolysis for the stragglers to sort my facial hair.
All I can say is being here is really helping me. Not just receiving help but also some focus on chatting with others, thinking things through and helping where I can. Guess I feel part of something which feels really good. I'm sure I'll have more dips, but hopefully will get less and less over time.
Well it's soon the weekend. I think I'll do parkrun tomorrow to keep my fitness up and just get out there.
Love Charlotte 😻
Honestly I've been good the last few days despite being ill with this cold. I feel better about myself, I looked in the mirror today and am happy with things as they are. I'm finding my love of fashion again and leaving the house everyday looking as good as I can!
Seem to get asked everyday about my outfits at work and my colleagues saying they wish they could pull off the look too. Well I just explain that they can definitely pull off the same looks...there is no reason why not. I like my body shape in a nice sweater and short skirt, so was even ok seeing my face with a little grow back of darker facial hair. I'm a bit androgynous and that's OK. Seems to be working in a way.
I need a couple more laser sessions I think then electrolysis for the stragglers to sort my facial hair.
All I can say is being here is really helping me. Not just receiving help but also some focus on chatting with others, thinking things through and helping where I can. Guess I feel part of something which feels really good. I'm sure I'll have more dips, but hopefully will get less and less over time.
Well it's soon the weekend. I think I'll do parkrun tomorrow to keep my fitness up and just get out there.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 06, 2026, 03:21:08 PM
Post by: Pema on February 06, 2026, 03:21:08 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 06, 2026, 03:18:13 PMAll I can say is being here is really helping me. Not just receiving help but also some focus on chatting with others, thinking things through and helping where I can. Guess I feel part of something which feels really good. I'm sure I'll have more dips, but hopefully will get less and less over time.
I love this and I hope it's true for many people. If nothing else, I think it's incredibly helpful to see in real-time that other people face similar challenges, and we get through them.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 07, 2026, 11:08:35 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 07, 2026, 11:08:35 AM
Was nice to be added to a WhatsApp group by my medical coordinator for my FFS in about 4 weeks time. It's feeling very real now being sent consent forms with all the potential complications. It should be ok though.
They say I need some pyjama's so I've ordered some cute Hello kitty ones..obviously! Also had to get a special pillow to clamp my head. I'm a side sleeper and can't risk ruining my rhinoplasty if I turn into my pillow.
I've upped my dosage of my blockers to daily rather than each other day too at start of this week. So I'll need to be tested again soon to check testosterone. Hopefully get it lower. I've only a year anyway until GRS when I won't need blockers anymore. Want to make sure T isn't around to cause unnecessary hair growth or stunt brest growth in any way this year.
Charlotte 😻
They say I need some pyjama's so I've ordered some cute Hello kitty ones..obviously! Also had to get a special pillow to clamp my head. I'm a side sleeper and can't risk ruining my rhinoplasty if I turn into my pillow.
I've upped my dosage of my blockers to daily rather than each other day too at start of this week. So I'll need to be tested again soon to check testosterone. Hopefully get it lower. I've only a year anyway until GRS when I won't need blockers anymore. Want to make sure T isn't around to cause unnecessary hair growth or stunt brest growth in any way this year.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 08, 2026, 09:38:44 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 08, 2026, 09:38:44 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Look at that! You have your Silver Surfer Badge now. Looks good on you!
Thanks for supporting the site with a subscription and for your awesome contributions that help our members.
Hugs!
Look at that! You have your Silver Surfer Badge now. Looks good on you!
Thanks for supporting the site with a subscription and for your awesome contributions that help our members.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 08, 2026, 09:59:36 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 08, 2026, 09:59:36 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte_Ringwood:
I am very sorry for the delay in posting your Silver Subscriber Badge.
I have just verified your Subscription and NOW I have posted your BADGE that is visible
on any past or present postings that have or had submitted.
Your new BADGE is displayed just below your Official Greeter Badge below your profile photo.
Your generosity and your support are very much appreciated. It is the financial contributions
such as yours that helps to keep Susan's Place and Forums up and running for the support and
information for the LGBTQ+ community.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Dear Charlotte_Ringwood:
I am very sorry for the delay in posting your Silver Subscriber Badge.
I have just verified your Subscription and NOW I have posted your BADGE that is visible
on any past or present postings that have or had submitted.
Your new BADGE is displayed just below your Official Greeter Badge below your profile photo.
Your generosity and your support are very much appreciated. It is the financial contributions
such as yours that helps to keep Susan's Place and Forums up and running for the support and
information for the LGBTQ+ community.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 04:00:54 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 04:00:54 AM
Well I had my session with my therapist but that is now in contention. She says that we can't continue unless I can get specialist diagnosis and support for my potential BPD. My risk profile is too high with the repeated self harm that they deem it a high risk to support me without further specialist intervention. She doesn't have the specialist experience here that psychiatrists do.
The problem is last time I was refused psychiatric referral due to lack of resources and my venlafaxine dose was increased instead. Looks like I will have to try again and hope for the best or be on my own again.
Charlotte 😻
The problem is last time I was refused psychiatric referral due to lack of resources and my venlafaxine dose was increased instead. Looks like I will have to try again and hope for the best or be on my own again.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 10, 2026, 09:35:04 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 10, 2026, 09:35:04 AM
I'm so sorry, Charlotte! This sounds like something straight out of Catch-22. I really hope the issues are resolved soon and work to your benefit. My daughter has the other BPD (bipolar disorder). Without talk therapy, all the drugs she takes (and she takes many) would not be nearly as effective.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 10, 2026, 10:08:42 AM
Post by: Pema on February 10, 2026, 10:08:42 AM
Ugh. Charlotte, I'm sorry. I was really hoping things were cruising now with your therapist. If "the system" worked, she'd be able to connect you with a suitable psychiatrist. There needs to be continuity in care, but our complex machinery doesn't seem to value people in the way I think we deserve.
So I hope you're able to figure that out or that there's someone who can facilitate it for/with you. Know that we are rooting for you. You're worth it.
So I hope you're able to figure that out or that there's someone who can facilitate it for/with you. Know that we are rooting for you. You're worth it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 10:20:23 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 10:20:23 AM
I could easily be referred privately to a psychiatrist but they charge £350+ per hour. I'm not sure how much I'd need in total. I guess if no other options I'll get the credit cards out again!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 10, 2026, 10:36:29 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 10, 2026, 10:36:29 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 10, 2026, 10:20:23 AMI could easily be referred privately to a psychiatrist but they charge £350+ per hour. I'm not sure how much I'd need in total. I guess if no other options I'll get the credit cards out again!
I don't know if they can help, but check with Samaritans.org. They might be able to point you toward someone who works with the LGBTQ community. It doesn't hurt to ask.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 11:41:17 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 11:41:17 AM
Hi Lori,
I tried Samaritans last time you mentioned and I'm on a 6 month wait list for councelling via birmingham lgbt. My hope is that they don't reject me for the same reasons! I've been refused councelling from my work medical insurance too because they said my case was too specialist and they discharged me!
They mostly don't like to deal with the self harm risk, preferring to send me back to the NHS and square one.
I might just have to lie to them yet try and steer the therapy in a direction that may work. However if I do have BPD this needs very specific work.
Just for reference this is pretty much the definition of BPD and what I experience constantly. Does make understanding my real feeling very hard!:-
Emotional Instability: Rapid, intense mood swings (happy to hopeless) that can last hours or days, strong feelings of emptiness, shame, or worthlessness, and difficulty controlling anger.
Identity Issues: A confused or unstable self-image and a feeling of having no purpose.
Impulsive Behaviors: Acting without thinking, potentially leading to reckless driving, binge eating, risky sexual behavior, or substance misuse.
Self-Harm & Suicidality: Recurrent self-harm or suicidal threats, gestures, or behaviors are common.
BPD results from a mix of genetic and environmental factors, with childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect being common experiences, though causes aren't fully understood.
I tried Samaritans last time you mentioned and I'm on a 6 month wait list for councelling via birmingham lgbt. My hope is that they don't reject me for the same reasons! I've been refused councelling from my work medical insurance too because they said my case was too specialist and they discharged me!
They mostly don't like to deal with the self harm risk, preferring to send me back to the NHS and square one.
I might just have to lie to them yet try and steer the therapy in a direction that may work. However if I do have BPD this needs very specific work.
Just for reference this is pretty much the definition of BPD and what I experience constantly. Does make understanding my real feeling very hard!:-
Emotional Instability: Rapid, intense mood swings (happy to hopeless) that can last hours or days, strong feelings of emptiness, shame, or worthlessness, and difficulty controlling anger.
Identity Issues: A confused or unstable self-image and a feeling of having no purpose.
Impulsive Behaviors: Acting without thinking, potentially leading to reckless driving, binge eating, risky sexual behavior, or substance misuse.
Self-Harm & Suicidality: Recurrent self-harm or suicidal threats, gestures, or behaviors are common.
BPD results from a mix of genetic and environmental factors, with childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect being common experiences, though causes aren't fully understood.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 10, 2026, 01:05:20 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 10, 2026, 01:05:20 PM
Thanks for sharing.
I am glad you reached out to them. It is a shame that it takes so long to get help. I would think that would be a priority, but... this is the world we live in.
Never give up. We are here if you need us.
I am glad you reached out to them. It is a shame that it takes so long to get help. I would think that would be a priority, but... this is the world we live in.
Never give up. We are here if you need us.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 01:48:24 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 10, 2026, 01:48:24 PM
TRIGGER WARNING: Warning: discussion of suicidal themes.
Thanks all for the support. Honestly in the UK particularly my area mental health support is virtually non existant on the NHS. My friend only got referred after attempting suicide twice and then was discharged in a few weeks.
I just got to be thankful that my boyfriend needs me, as really he's the only reason I'm still around. He told me he'd be lost without me and that I've changed his life so much for the better. He was worried sick when I was late home. Also told me if I was gone he'd still make two cups of tea every evening. That made me burst into tears, and now I'm crying even typing this. I can't in all consciousness hurt him in any way as I love him so dearly.
But that leaves me so torn up sticking around when a big part of me really doesn't want to be. Then I feel so guilty and horrible for even thinking this way. I love him so I should want to be around right? But I'm getting tired...I've lived nearly 30 years hoping each year would be better ...that I'd feel happiness. But it's never come. I'm pretty exhausted with just existing, that's only way I can describe it. I'm almost apathetic to my entire being these days. Yeah I have some great days that's for sure, but they are few and far between really.
Sorry this is heavy, but it's from the heart and this is the majority of days for me for the last decades. Even 2nd line antidepressants are not even touching it.
I'll keep searching as I have no choice!
Charlotte 😻
Thanks all for the support. Honestly in the UK particularly my area mental health support is virtually non existant on the NHS. My friend only got referred after attempting suicide twice and then was discharged in a few weeks.
I just got to be thankful that my boyfriend needs me, as really he's the only reason I'm still around. He told me he'd be lost without me and that I've changed his life so much for the better. He was worried sick when I was late home. Also told me if I was gone he'd still make two cups of tea every evening. That made me burst into tears, and now I'm crying even typing this. I can't in all consciousness hurt him in any way as I love him so dearly.
But that leaves me so torn up sticking around when a big part of me really doesn't want to be. Then I feel so guilty and horrible for even thinking this way. I love him so I should want to be around right? But I'm getting tired...I've lived nearly 30 years hoping each year would be better ...that I'd feel happiness. But it's never come. I'm pretty exhausted with just existing, that's only way I can describe it. I'm almost apathetic to my entire being these days. Yeah I have some great days that's for sure, but they are few and far between really.
Sorry this is heavy, but it's from the heart and this is the majority of days for me for the last decades. Even 2nd line antidepressants are not even touching it.
I'll keep searching as I have no choice!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 10, 2026, 05:38:06 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 10, 2026, 05:38:06 PM
TRIGGER WARNING: Warning: discussion of suicidal behavior.
Before my daughter stabilized, she begged me to enter into a murder-suicide pact with her. Instead, with the help of her talk therapist, we had her admitted to an in-patient treatment program followed by intensive out-patient treatment. Medication changes, 24-hour monitoring, and what seemed like an eternity of being called an a-hole later, my daughter is now stable. She's been in a stable, committed relationship for more than five years. She's working as a bookkeeper. Part time, but it wasn't all that long ago I didn't believe she would ever hold down another job. I dreaded going to her room and knocking on the door. I dreaded she might call me an a-hole again. And dreaded even more that my knock would be met with silence.
Charlotte, I haven't been where you may be at from your side of the door. But I've been there from your boyfriend's side. Please do whatever needs to be done to keep yourself safe. To allow yourself the time to heal. DM me. Or Lori or the many people inside Susan's who can listen to you, who will hear you, while you look for a therapist. Massive hugs.
Before my daughter stabilized, she begged me to enter into a murder-suicide pact with her. Instead, with the help of her talk therapist, we had her admitted to an in-patient treatment program followed by intensive out-patient treatment. Medication changes, 24-hour monitoring, and what seemed like an eternity of being called an a-hole later, my daughter is now stable. She's been in a stable, committed relationship for more than five years. She's working as a bookkeeper. Part time, but it wasn't all that long ago I didn't believe she would ever hold down another job. I dreaded going to her room and knocking on the door. I dreaded she might call me an a-hole again. And dreaded even more that my knock would be met with silence.
Charlotte, I haven't been where you may be at from your side of the door. But I've been there from your boyfriend's side. Please do whatever needs to be done to keep yourself safe. To allow yourself the time to heal. DM me. Or Lori or the many people inside Susan's who can listen to you, who will hear you, while you look for a therapist. Massive hugs.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 10, 2026, 06:02:31 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 10, 2026, 06:02:31 PM
Okay, Girl, you touched a nerve. So, I'll keep talking.
Please go to one of Sephirah's old posts. Any of them. Near the bottom, there's a line that begins, "If your dealing with self esteem issues, click here..."
If I knew how to cut and paste such things, I would. But please go to one of her posts and click 'here'. Sephirah is a very wise woman.
Charlotte, you're amazing. Your posts have helped me through many dark days. Love you.
Please go to one of Sephirah's old posts. Any of them. Near the bottom, there's a line that begins, "If your dealing with self esteem issues, click here..."
If I knew how to cut and paste such things, I would. But please go to one of her posts and click 'here'. Sephirah is a very wise woman.
Charlotte, you're amazing. Your posts have helped me through many dark days. Love you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 10, 2026, 07:51:50 PM
Post by: Pema on February 10, 2026, 07:51:50 PM
You are all amazing. All of you. Thank you so much for being here for each other and for the people who never create accounts but read these posts filled with humanity, empathy, and love.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 10, 2026, 08:35:48 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 10, 2026, 08:35:48 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood @Dances With Trees @Pema
For your information:
Suicide Prevention and Support Resources
Seeking help is a courageous step toward well-being. At Susan's Place, we understand the importance of mental health support, especially for the transgender and non-binary community. If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis, here are some dedicated organizations ready to help:
The Trevor Project (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/)
Specialized support for LGBTQ youth.
Helpline (24/7): 1-866-488-7386.
Text and Chat: The Trevor Project chat (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/) or text START to 678-678.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (https://988lifeline.org/)
Nationwide, free, and confidential support for those in crisis, available 24/7.
Helpline (24/7): Call #988, text #988.
Text and Chat: Chat online (https://988lifeline.org/chat). Haz clic aquí para el chat en español (https://988lifeline.org/es/chat/).
Trans Lifeline (https://translifeline.org/)
A grassroots hotline and microgrants non-profit organization for the trans community.
Helpline (24/7): 1-877-565-8860.
Website: Trans Lifeline (https://translifeline.org/)
Remember, you are not alone, and there are people ready to help you.
Warmly, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yhaoo.com cc: @Susan
cc: @Lori Dee @Devlyn @Sarah B @Jessica_Rose @Mariah
For your information:
Quotehttps://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=2.msg27408#msg27408
Suicide Prevention and Support Resources
Seeking help is a courageous step toward well-being. At Susan's Place, we understand the importance of mental health support, especially for the transgender and non-binary community. If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis, here are some dedicated organizations ready to help:
The Trevor Project (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/)
Specialized support for LGBTQ youth.
Helpline (24/7): 1-866-488-7386.
Text and Chat: The Trevor Project chat (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/) or text START to 678-678.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (https://988lifeline.org/)
Nationwide, free, and confidential support for those in crisis, available 24/7.
Helpline (24/7): Call #988, text #988.
Text and Chat: Chat online (https://988lifeline.org/chat). Haz clic aquí para el chat en español (https://988lifeline.org/es/chat/).
Trans Lifeline (https://translifeline.org/)
A grassroots hotline and microgrants non-profit organization for the trans community.
Helpline (24/7): 1-877-565-8860.
Website: Trans Lifeline (https://translifeline.org/)
Remember, you are not alone, and there are people ready to help you.
Warmly, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yhaoo.com cc: @Susan
cc: @Lori Dee @Devlyn @Sarah B @Jessica_Rose @Mariah
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 10, 2026, 08:57:17 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 10, 2026, 08:57:17 PM
TRIGGERS and TRIGGER WARNINGS
https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=247199.msg2262620#msg2262620
cc: @Lori Dee @Devlyn @Sarah B @Jessica_Rose @Mariah
https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=247199.msg2262620#msg2262620
cc: @Lori Dee @Devlyn @Sarah B @Jessica_Rose @Mariah
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 11, 2026, 01:28:36 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 11, 2026, 01:28:36 AM
Thanks and love you all.
Hugs, Charlotte x
Hugs, Charlotte x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 11, 2026, 03:32:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 11, 2026, 03:32:45 PM
Just been looking through my stuff and found one of my few songs which isn't in the house genre. Not sure where it fits as just sat down and made it one day. Enjoy x
Rainbow Bridge (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pwSHa_nNczDZTVYDXPXKfmB3dcTsa5zC/)
Rainbow Bridge (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pwSHa_nNczDZTVYDXPXKfmB3dcTsa5zC/)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 11, 2026, 03:59:28 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 11, 2026, 03:59:28 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
It is a catchy and enjoyable tune.... nicely done.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
Dear Charlotte:
It is a catchy and enjoyable tune.... nicely done.
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 11, 2026, 03:32:45 PM
Just been looking through my stuff and found one of my few songs which isn't in the house genre. Not sure where it fits as just sat down and made it one day. Enjoy x
Rainbow Bridge (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pwSHa_nNczDZTVYDXPXKfmB3dcTsa5zC/)
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 11, 2026, 04:41:37 PM
Post by: Pema on February 11, 2026, 04:41:37 PM
I think it trends toward trip-hop. Add a female dreamy vocal and that's what I'd call it. I like it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 11, 2026, 06:16:31 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 11, 2026, 06:16:31 PM
Gentle and soothing. Thanks, Charlotte.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 14, 2026, 10:09:01 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 14, 2026, 10:09:01 AM
Happy Valentine's Day!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 14, 2026, 10:50:49 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 14, 2026, 10:50:49 AM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 14, 2026, 10:09:01 AMHappy Valentine's Day!
Thank you so much Chrissy. Happy valentines to you too.
I hope you have a wonderful day with your partner x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 14, 2026, 10:53:14 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 14, 2026, 10:53:14 AM
❤️Happy valentines to all on Susan's❤️
I hope everyone has a lovely day and hopefully some tasty food!!
😻😻
I hope everyone has a lovely day and hopefully some tasty food!!
😻😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 14, 2026, 10:59:52 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 14, 2026, 10:59:52 AM
thanks, Charlotte!
May you and your boyfriend enjoy a lovely day!
May you and your boyfriend enjoy a lovely day!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 14, 2026, 11:06:37 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 14, 2026, 11:06:37 AM
Thank you Charlotte!
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 14, 2026, 02:56:34 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 14, 2026, 02:56:34 PM
Today has been quite a nice day. I had my eyebrow microblading topped up. Still my favorite part is how I get to chat girly or just life stuff with the beautician! It feels like my natural place and the conversation just flows. Never felt this comfort in more masculine settings / conversations. Yet here I felt totally at ease as myself, the woman I am. It's these small interactions I find most affirming and magical.
Later I made my boyfriend and me steak with garlic mushroom sauce and chunky fries. Nicely medium rare too. He loves this so that made me so happy. Then a Cadburys cream egg trifle for desert...oh so yummy and divine!
So I think I've won his heart for another year 😊
Now he's wearing the cute Care Bears pyjama's I got him for valentines. I'm in my Hello kitty pyjama's. The important thing...we are now dressed comfortably ☺️ Snuggles to come soon!
Charlotte 😻
Later I made my boyfriend and me steak with garlic mushroom sauce and chunky fries. Nicely medium rare too. He loves this so that made me so happy. Then a Cadburys cream egg trifle for desert...oh so yummy and divine!
So I think I've won his heart for another year 😊
Now he's wearing the cute Care Bears pyjama's I got him for valentines. I'm in my Hello kitty pyjama's. The important thing...we are now dressed comfortably ☺️ Snuggles to come soon!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 15, 2026, 06:14:45 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 15, 2026, 06:14:45 AM
Woke up even more dizzy and disoriented than usual this morning. Had loads of nightmares so not surprising.
Not feeling so good a result. Feel both tired and extremely depressed. Oh well just another normal day I suppose
Not feeling so good a result. Feel both tired and extremely depressed. Oh well just another normal day I suppose
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on February 15, 2026, 07:39:06 AM
Post by: davina61 on February 15, 2026, 07:39:06 AM
Big Hug dear, yes I had a dreaming night as well.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 15, 2026, 10:14:25 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 15, 2026, 10:14:25 AM
Hope you're feeling better, Charlotte!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 15, 2026, 10:35:34 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 15, 2026, 10:35:34 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 15, 2026, 06:14:45 AMWoke up even more dizzy and disoriented than usual this morning. Had loads of nightmares so not surprising.
Not feeling so good a result. Feel both tired and extremely depressed. Oh well just another normal day I suppose
Are you staying hydrated? Make sure you are drinking enough water throughout the day. Don't wait until you are thirsty, just keep sipping. Hopefully, that's all it is.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 15, 2026, 03:44:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 15, 2026, 03:44:20 PM
I think I'm hydrated enough though don't drink water to hydrate as I can't stand the taste of it! I don't think I breathe well as I wake up with my nose buried in the pillow.
Feeling very slightly better, though spent 90% of the day napping. No motivation to do anything really. I find at least if I'm asleep I'm not completely bored and suffering. I wish I was more like a real kitty and could just sleep most of my life! Definitely the correct fursona creature for me, I am very cat like.
Charlotte
Feeling very slightly better, though spent 90% of the day napping. No motivation to do anything really. I find at least if I'm asleep I'm not completely bored and suffering. I wish I was more like a real kitty and could just sleep most of my life! Definitely the correct fursona creature for me, I am very cat like.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 15, 2026, 08:34:16 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 15, 2026, 08:34:16 PM
Well, you could bat a ball of yarn around on the floor. Chase a fly or a moth (just don't eat it when you catch it).
😁
😁
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 15, 2026, 09:57:49 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 15, 2026, 09:57:49 PM
That all sounds like fun to me and definitely something I'd do at the Cat meet at a furry convention!
Roll on May when I get to do the next one. Can't come soon enough.
Roll on May when I get to do the next one. Can't come soon enough.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 16, 2026, 09:35:02 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 16, 2026, 09:35:02 AM
Today was the funeral of my boyfriends grandad so it was important for me to get us there safely and be by his side throughout. The service was beautiful and got to say our goodbyes respectfully.
Unfortunately I only met him a handful of times with us having been together for only a year and a half. But enough to know how he supported his family and made a big impact in my boyfriends life.
It was lovely to be fully accepted by all his family and learn a new lesson in dressing correctly for such occasions. I was complimented a few times on how beautiful I looked, so some light in the day. His grandad was very traditional in wanting people to wear black, so I was sure to do this respectfully with a long, low key dress, black tights and black boots.
There are many new experiences in so many different ways as my new self. Each an opportunity to be the best woman I can. I supported my boyfriend throughout which felt very special.
Charlotte 😻
Unfortunately I only met him a handful of times with us having been together for only a year and a half. But enough to know how he supported his family and made a big impact in my boyfriends life.
It was lovely to be fully accepted by all his family and learn a new lesson in dressing correctly for such occasions. I was complimented a few times on how beautiful I looked, so some light in the day. His grandad was very traditional in wanting people to wear black, so I was sure to do this respectfully with a long, low key dress, black tights and black boots.
There are many new experiences in so many different ways as my new self. Each an opportunity to be the best woman I can. I supported my boyfriend throughout which felt very special.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 16, 2026, 03:45:33 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on February 16, 2026, 03:45:33 PM
Such a beautiful and somber moment, Charlotte. Your bf and family are so cool. As are you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 16, 2026, 05:58:15 PM
Post by: Pema on February 16, 2026, 05:58:15 PM
Charlotte, I'm so glad you were able to be there in your finest form, representing yourself and your "home family" fully as you. I think that's the kind of authenticity that really allows us to show up and be there for others even in difficult times.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 08:10:35 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 08:10:35 AM
Having had my therapy I've got 2 weeks until I'm discharged due to my case being too complex. At this point I either have to appoint a more qualified therapist at £100 per session. I can't afford that weekly or wait it out and hope my second attempt at getting referred to a psychiatrist through NHS is successful.
Unfortunately I'm still completely disengaged from all my hobbies and activities I used to enjoy. And I still hate my own body and ugly reflection at least 75% of the time. Not sure if my surgeon can perform the miracles needed to fix the fact I'm just ugly. I just got to hope.
Charlotte 😻
Unfortunately I'm still completely disengaged from all my hobbies and activities I used to enjoy. And I still hate my own body and ugly reflection at least 75% of the time. Not sure if my surgeon can perform the miracles needed to fix the fact I'm just ugly. I just got to hope.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 08:40:54 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 08:40:54 AM
That seems crazy to just boot you out due to complexity but I'm not surprised, I was booted out of NHS talking therapies (wouldn't even give me a face to face session) after eight 1 hour long online meetings. Not knocking the girl who did them though, she was great and really helped me. Is something like the online Talking Therapies an option? It's far from ideal and not sure if they can deal with trans issues or not though?
For what it's worth, my hobbies and interests have always changed over the years, I've gone from learning to fly to model making, to cooking, bread making and baking. Then I was onto building road/racer bikes and on to woodworking, but the only one that stuck was photography (even then, I'm not out as much as i want to be). I do vary the genres a bit though and that can keep me focussed (Pun not intended!) I still dabble in woodworking but only in the summer and I'm glad I got into cooking as that's been bloody useful. I suppose hiking has been a constant too if that's a hobby.
My point is that if you aren't engaging in what you used to do, try a new hobby/activity. Keeping interested in something is key to mental health in my (less than expert) opinion. It is when I get stuck in a rut that my mind starts to go to darker thoughts. Maybe try an adult learing course of some sort? Anything to occupy the mind really.
We all look in the mirror and see ugly from time to time. We are often our worst critics. I'm hoping the FFS knife jockeys can perform miracles with me too!
For what it's worth, my hobbies and interests have always changed over the years, I've gone from learning to fly to model making, to cooking, bread making and baking. Then I was onto building road/racer bikes and on to woodworking, but the only one that stuck was photography (even then, I'm not out as much as i want to be). I do vary the genres a bit though and that can keep me focussed (Pun not intended!) I still dabble in woodworking but only in the summer and I'm glad I got into cooking as that's been bloody useful. I suppose hiking has been a constant too if that's a hobby.
My point is that if you aren't engaging in what you used to do, try a new hobby/activity. Keeping interested in something is key to mental health in my (less than expert) opinion. It is when I get stuck in a rut that my mind starts to go to darker thoughts. Maybe try an adult learing course of some sort? Anything to occupy the mind really.
We all look in the mirror and see ugly from time to time. We are often our worst critics. I'm hoping the FFS knife jockeys can perform miracles with me too!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 10:16:26 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 10:16:26 AM
Honestly I've had so many hobbies it's untrue. All follow the same pattern. I go hyper focused on the subject, wanting to spend every moment doing something revolving around it. Even can't concentrate at work because of the intense interest. I stay up late doing it. It's like I can't absorb enough of it.
The thing is that I get very good at these. I make good achievements and progress. I don't usually fail then give up. I'm normally doing good.
Then it stabilises...still interested but at a more normal level outside work on occasions I engage in the hobby. Then suddenly the interest drops...I can't even get the energy or motivation for anything to do with the subject. It feels cold and uninspiring. This is usually about 4 to 8 months.
Then I go down a huge depressive hole for many months after with no engagement in any activities I'm not obliged to do.
The cycle is all I've known since being very young. It's very exhausting. I just need to figure this stuff out.
Charlotte 😻
The thing is that I get very good at these. I make good achievements and progress. I don't usually fail then give up. I'm normally doing good.
Then it stabilises...still interested but at a more normal level outside work on occasions I engage in the hobby. Then suddenly the interest drops...I can't even get the energy or motivation for anything to do with the subject. It feels cold and uninspiring. This is usually about 4 to 8 months.
Then I go down a huge depressive hole for many months after with no engagement in any activities I'm not obliged to do.
The cycle is all I've known since being very young. It's very exhausting. I just need to figure this stuff out.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 12:35:50 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 12:35:50 PM
Well, I don't know if it's normal but that is exactly the same as me Charlotte. I get so involved in a subject that it's all I can do, I buy book after book and study everything I can online, obsessively so....and then I get good at it and the interest wanes. I'm not sure if the challenge diminishing is what drives it or whether I get distracted by the next shiny thing. My therapist thought I might actually be somewhere on the autistic spectrum as this trait is common with that condition (I also have problems with crowded spaces and certain types of noise). I've never taken it further though as I get by
On the plus side mastering new skills is very very useful.
As I said this has been a pattern for me from way back and it's only photography that has been relatively constant. Why not try re-visiting some of the hobbies that you gave up on from a long time ago. That's what I did with both woodworking and photography. There are so many hobbies though you're bound to find something.
On the plus side mastering new skills is very very useful.
As I said this has been a pattern for me from way back and it's only photography that has been relatively constant. Why not try re-visiting some of the hobbies that you gave up on from a long time ago. That's what I did with both woodworking and photography. There are so many hobbies though you're bound to find something.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 12:56:40 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 12:56:40 PM
Thanks Stottie Girl for sharing. It does sound very similar for sure. You're correct about being common in autism but also very connected with ADHD. For me this is one of the major issues which on its own is pretty tough. It's coupled with major depressive disorder, which I still think is born from Borderline personality disorder. I don't share everything because it's kinda embarrassing and I feel it paints me as a really awful person, but involves extreme envy coupled with low self image as at least part of it. Part of me knows it's irrational but it's very deeply set in the subconscious.
Anyways I'll have to look through my old hobbies and see if anything jumps out.
Charlotte xXx
Anyways I'll have to look through my old hobbies and see if anything jumps out.
Charlotte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 01:08:08 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 01:08:08 PM
Yeah, My therapist mentioned ADHD as well but I don't think I fit that description. What is totally clear though is that the UK is woeful on mental health help despite all the media hype and publicity, I actually think it is getting worse and there isn't a lot of sympathy out there with the general public I find. So share away if it helps, nobody on here would judge you I'm sure. Only share what you're comfortable with though and don't forget this is public viewing!
I have been envious of women all my life and have always had a feeling that nobody (of either sex) would find me attractive or that people don't like me when they meet me. It's probably baseless but it's how I sometimes feel and distraction is my way of dealing with it. Not sure if a therapist would think thats a good idea though! probably say it's running away.
I have been envious of women all my life and have always had a feeling that nobody (of either sex) would find me attractive or that people don't like me when they meet me. It's probably baseless but it's how I sometimes feel and distraction is my way of dealing with it. Not sure if a therapist would think thats a good idea though! probably say it's running away.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 17, 2026, 01:38:17 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 17, 2026, 01:38:17 PM
To me, it sounds like it is not the subject itself, but the learning process you enjoy. When you get good at it, the challenge is gone, so you move to something else. Maybe, instead of just searching for new hobbies, the key is to find new interests or expand your knowledge on things you already enjoy.
Maybe take a class in music theory, production, or something. You already have an interest in it, and you are good at it. But there is always more to learn. Just something to keep you learning, and that learning becomes useful in your career.
Maybe take a class in music theory, production, or something. You already have an interest in it, and you are good at it. But there is always more to learn. Just something to keep you learning, and that learning becomes useful in your career.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 02:10:54 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 17, 2026, 02:10:54 PM
@Stottie Girl I feel a little more at ease knowing I'm not alone in these kind of thoughts and patterns. I wish that you didn't have to suffer them too though. No thoughts are baseless as they mean something to you, but from the outside perspective you are very attractive (inside and out)...anyone would be very lucky to have your attentions!
@Lori Dee I'm trying to find in person groups to attend as I think I need that social boost. Oddly I've been keeping an eye for poetry or lyrics writing as I still need to cook up some vocals of my own. I just dont feel confident, but know a group setting would really help. I've always thrived with peer support. But everything seems to be online. It's so not the same. I've studied evening classes and you end up having a laugh whilst learning. Then you support and cheer each other on.
Charlotte 😻
@Lori Dee I'm trying to find in person groups to attend as I think I need that social boost. Oddly I've been keeping an eye for poetry or lyrics writing as I still need to cook up some vocals of my own. I just dont feel confident, but know a group setting would really help. I've always thrived with peer support. But everything seems to be online. It's so not the same. I've studied evening classes and you end up having a laugh whilst learning. Then you support and cheer each other on.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 02:20:32 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 17, 2026, 02:20:32 PM
Aw Charlotte thanks, You're a beautiful human being, don't ever forget that!
Groups and classes are a great move, I'm not much of a "joiner" myself and am a bit awkward socially so I've always found them daunting but when I have gone, I do thoroughly enjoy them. I tend to crawl back into my shell afterwards though! I'm actually giving serious thought to going to a class near me to learn how to make proper Stotties seeing as it's my namesake!
Groups and classes are a great move, I'm not much of a "joiner" myself and am a bit awkward socially so I've always found them daunting but when I have gone, I do thoroughly enjoy them. I tend to crawl back into my shell afterwards though! I'm actually giving serious thought to going to a class near me to learn how to make proper Stotties seeing as it's my namesake!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 18, 2026, 01:05:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 18, 2026, 01:05:17 PM
Well seemingly it's getting very close to when I fly for surgery. Been getting ready a few things to take to ensure my recovery is as comfortable as possible. It's literally a tiny bit over 2 weeks away.
Oddly I'm not nervous about the surgery at all. More on edge about getting used to a country I've never been to and hoping I can get everything I need sorted over there. I think the food and such will be nice, but it's one if those places you can be ripped off if you're not careful.
Anyways I'm trying to arrange a speech therapist appointment for when I'm back. I still have issues even sustaining my natural voice clearly let alone a feminised version. I need to see if they can advise any techniques or if I need to see ENT at the hospital. I frequently get asked over the phone if I'm ill with a cold when I'm perfectly fine. So I'm trying to figure something out. Some women have deeper more broken voices so might just need to aim there. I just need advice really.
Charlotte 😻
Oddly I'm not nervous about the surgery at all. More on edge about getting used to a country I've never been to and hoping I can get everything I need sorted over there. I think the food and such will be nice, but it's one if those places you can be ripped off if you're not careful.
Anyways I'm trying to arrange a speech therapist appointment for when I'm back. I still have issues even sustaining my natural voice clearly let alone a feminised version. I need to see if they can advise any techniques or if I need to see ENT at the hospital. I frequently get asked over the phone if I'm ill with a cold when I'm perfectly fine. So I'm trying to figure something out. Some women have deeper more broken voices so might just need to aim there. I just need advice really.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 20, 2026, 05:39:41 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 20, 2026, 05:39:41 AM
Not been feeling so good last couple of days, so not felt like interacting much as wouldn't have anything constructive to say.
I had my doctors appointment and again been referred to psychiatric care. Now it's down to if they accept me this time! I hope I can push for it harder this time.
Now on my way for 2 hours of electrolysis down there! That's gonna be...fun!
Tomorrow i've got a furry meet to cheer me up! Deciding if I'm taking Serana, Skittles or Raveronomy to wear! Probably Skittles if raining as full fursuit is not great in the rain.
Charlotte 😻
I had my doctors appointment and again been referred to psychiatric care. Now it's down to if they accept me this time! I hope I can push for it harder this time.
Now on my way for 2 hours of electrolysis down there! That's gonna be...fun!
Tomorrow i've got a furry meet to cheer me up! Deciding if I'm taking Serana, Skittles or Raveronomy to wear! Probably Skittles if raining as full fursuit is not great in the rain.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 20, 2026, 10:47:50 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 20, 2026, 10:47:50 AM
Well electrolysis down there went very well today. I barely felt it whether that's down to the numbing cream or the fact that Pearl is such a wonderful person, and we just enjoyed 2 hours of wonderful conversation! I suspect the latter was a huge influence on the success.
Although Worcester is quite a journey there and back, my local place charges £300 for 2 hours! Pearl charges less than half this amount! And I get to go shoe shopping before my session. Bought a pair of Mary janes. The question...socks or not!!
Charlotte 😻
Although Worcester is quite a journey there and back, my local place charges £300 for 2 hours! Pearl charges less than half this amount! And I get to go shoe shopping before my session. Bought a pair of Mary janes. The question...socks or not!!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 20, 2026, 11:52:27 AM
Post by: Pema on February 20, 2026, 11:52:27 AM
I'm glad it went well, Charlotte. I hope you're starting to feel better and that the furry meet gets you all the way there.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 20, 2026, 12:20:00 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 20, 2026, 12:20:00 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 20, 2026, 10:47:50 AMWell electrolysis down there went very well today. I barely felt it whether that's down to the numbing cream or the fact that Pearl is such a wonderful person, and we just enjoyed 2 hours of wonderful conversation! I suspect the latter was a huge influence on the success.No socks for me but I would wear those hosiery footsies otherwise it can get a bit sweaty (at least mine do).
Although Worcester is quite a journey there and back, my local place charges £300 for 2 hours! Pearl charges less than half this amount! And I get to go shoe shopping before my session. Bought a pair of Mary janes. The question...socks or not!!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 22, 2026, 11:46:37 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 22, 2026, 11:46:37 AM
Quiet really...not felt like posting much or interacting at all the last couple of days. Would love to say things are getting better but to be honest are worse. My house is like one of those TV shows of people that don't clean. Now I know how that happens when you have virtually no motivation to do things you enjoyed let alone cleaning. Oh well at least my immune system will get strong living like this.
My doctor had no hesitation referring me to psychiatry on Friday and totally sympathized. Unfortunately I got to this point before and the gatekeepers refused me treatment. I hope this time it's different as it feels like do or die for me now. I don't have a plan B.
Charlotte 😻
My doctor had no hesitation referring me to psychiatry on Friday and totally sympathized. Unfortunately I got to this point before and the gatekeepers refused me treatment. I hope this time it's different as it feels like do or die for me now. I don't have a plan B.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 22, 2026, 12:42:09 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 22, 2026, 12:42:09 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 22, 2026, 11:46:37 AMQuiet really...not felt like posting much or interacting at all the last couple of days. Would love to say things are getting better but to be honest are worse. My house is like one of those TV shows of people that don't clean. Now I know how that happens when you have virtually no motivation to do things you enjoyed let alone cleaning. Oh well at least my immune system will get strong living like this.Oh I'm jealous, I wish I could just slob out at my house. Mine's on the market right now so I have to keep it like a bloody show home at the moment! I just want to be able to toss my knickers in a pile on the floordrobe and be done with it!
My doctor had no hesitation referring me to psychiatry on Friday and totally sympathized. Unfortunately I got to this point before and the gatekeepers refused me treatment. I hope this time it's different as it feels like do or die for me now. I don't have a plan B.
Charlotte 😻
Great news about the doc, onto round two! Fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you Charllote. I hope you get the help you deserve. Don't despair. It ain't over till the fat lady sings. But even if they say no, there will be other paths to follow even if you can't see them right now.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 22, 2026, 01:12:29 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 22, 2026, 01:12:29 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on February 22, 2026, 12:42:09 PMOh I'm jealous, I wish I could just slob out at my house. Mine's on the market right now so I have to keep it like a bloody show home at the moment! I just want to be able to toss my knickers in a pile on the floordrobe and be done with it!
Great news about the doc, onto round two! Fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you Charllote. I hope you get the help you deserve. Don't despair. It ain't over till the fat lady sings. But even if they say no, there will be other paths to follow even if you can't see them right now.
Awwww lol...you'd love it here then Stottie! Your description of knickers on the floor is definitely accurate at times. The cats have no shortage of bedding in my bedroom, nesting in any clothes left on the floor!
Thanks for the good wishes. I'm going to push hard to get this referral. I'll complain if I don't get through.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 22, 2026, 01:21:15 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 22, 2026, 01:21:15 PM
Great news, so far on the mental health referral. Anytime someone denies services or coverage, always ask why and if they can refer you to someone else who can help.
It never hurts to ask.
It never hurts to ask.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 24, 2026, 12:21:34 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 24, 2026, 12:21:34 PM
I got my hormone test results back today. Thankfully increasing my dose has put me up to 330pmol/l E which is better. I'll still push it up later in the year to match expected levels at tanner 4. Also managed to push T down to 0.3nmol/l which is working to keep my sex drive non existant as planned. Will hopefully not get any side effects as it is just within the cis minimum of 0.291nmol/l. Will keep monitoring.
My FFS is getting scarily close now with the final bits sorted ready to take. Literally a week and 2 days then we are flying. I so don't know what any of this is going to feel like, having never had surgery before. I've never stayed in a hospital bed before either! It's all totally new.
Also all my flights and accommodation confirmed ready for next January when I go for bottom surgery. Feels like a lot is sorted. Just got to hold onto my job now to pay for it all.
Charlotte 😻
My FFS is getting scarily close now with the final bits sorted ready to take. Literally a week and 2 days then we are flying. I so don't know what any of this is going to feel like, having never had surgery before. I've never stayed in a hospital bed before either! It's all totally new.
Also all my flights and accommodation confirmed ready for next January when I go for bottom surgery. Feels like a lot is sorted. Just got to hold onto my job now to pay for it all.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 24, 2026, 03:05:37 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 24, 2026, 03:05:37 PM
Exciting times Charlotte!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 24, 2026, 04:02:33 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 24, 2026, 04:02:33 PM
Sounds like you are ready to go!
Don't worry about surgery, you'll sleep right through it. Just take a nap and wake up with bandages. Pay close attention to the details of your after-care plan. You will want to heal quickly with minimal scarring.
Good luck!
Don't worry about surgery, you'll sleep right through it. Just take a nap and wake up with bandages. Pay close attention to the details of your after-care plan. You will want to heal quickly with minimal scarring.
Good luck!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on February 24, 2026, 04:39:58 PM
Post by: Pema on February 24, 2026, 04:39:58 PM
What Lori said. You sleep and then you wake up, and it's done. Just don't try to be a superhero afterward. No matter how good you feel, your body has healing to do, and it requires rest (and hydration!). Give that love to the body you're trying to coax into alignment.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 02:29:15 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 02:29:15 PM
Honestly not sure how much longer i can do these 14 hour work days with driving. I feel exhausted now, keep coming up in sores, bad skin and all sorts. Eating at 8pm is no good either.
Honestly I'm really not enjoying work or life at all. I wish I was much older and didn't have this time left. I can't bare another 10 years of this existence let alone 20-30 years. I've no choice though cos i have a partner. Wish I'd stayed single would have made this all much easier.
Honestly I'm really not enjoying work or life at all. I wish I was much older and didn't have this time left. I can't bare another 10 years of this existence let alone 20-30 years. I've no choice though cos i have a partner. Wish I'd stayed single would have made this all much easier.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 26, 2026, 04:19:44 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 26, 2026, 04:19:44 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 26, 2026, 02:29:15 PMHonestly not sure how much longer i can do these 14 hour work days with driving. I feel exhausted now, keep coming up in sores, bad skin and all sorts. Eating at 8pm is no good either.14 Hour work days aren't fun, I feel your pain. When I worked for British Gas there were often 12-13 hour shifts (with driving) but then you had to be on call until 8:00 the next day and sods law those were the nights you would get called out! It actually triggered a mental breakdown and I ended up leaving and changing careers (again!). It's not an easy thing to do but it definitely helped me. Now I've found somewhere I love working again.
Honestly I'm really not enjoying work or life at all. I wish I was much older and didn't have this time left. I can't bare another 10 years of this existence let alone 20-30 years. I've no choice though cos i have a partner. Wish I'd stayed single would have made this all much easier.
I've got 16 years left of work before retirement age but it honestly doesn't seem as bad now.
Maybe there's a better fit out there for you somewhere? I wouldn't jump until you have somewhere to go but maybe have a look at possible career changes, maybe you could work for your self even? I did for 15 years and it was nice to be in control of your own destiny. You're definitely not too old to retrain I'm living proof of that.
Chin up Charlotte and think about the FFS and the new you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 04:46:04 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 04:46:04 PM
The main issue is I can't really afford a £20-30k pay cut to go into something else. I'm basically overpaid where I am. I've changed career a few times, can't say I've really enjoyed any of them. Tolerable maybe, but enjoyed never!
I enjoy a lot of things when there is no pressure or requirement to interact with people. I'd totally enjoy my job if the stress and people contact was removed!
I think the stress of self employment would finish me off for sure. I worry 24/7 about everything! And still would need to interact with people too much.
I'll see how the FFS turns out. It's a bit of an unknown variable.
I enjoy a lot of things when there is no pressure or requirement to interact with people. I'd totally enjoy my job if the stress and people contact was removed!
I think the stress of self employment would finish me off for sure. I worry 24/7 about everything! And still would need to interact with people too much.
I'll see how the FFS turns out. It's a bit of an unknown variable.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 26, 2026, 04:58:13 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 26, 2026, 04:58:13 PM
@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
WOW-zers. Your profile picture is lovely,
showing a beautiful woman.
Many HUGS,
Danielle
Dear Charlotte:
WOW-zers. Your profile picture is lovely,
showing a beautiful woman.
Many HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 26, 2026, 05:06:30 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 26, 2026, 05:06:30 PM
I've gone from a highly paid job at BG to a very low wage job and frankly I've never been happier. As long as you can pay the bills there's more to life than money. Of course you're able to get FFS and I can't afford it so there's that! Maybe somewhere in the middle is your happy place?
I found self employment to be less stressful actually until COVID happened and I nearly went bankrupt but who could have seen that coming!
I found self employment to be less stressful actually until COVID happened and I nearly went bankrupt but who could have seen that coming!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 05:17:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 05:17:45 PM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 26, 2026, 04:58:13 PM@Charlotte_Ringwood
Dear Charlotte:
WOW-zers. Your profile picture is lovely,
showing a beautiful woman.
Many HUGS,
Danielle
That's very kind of you Danielle. Thank you, means a lot. I only wear glasses to read and work so don't have them on in most pix. X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 05:24:37 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 26, 2026, 05:24:37 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on February 26, 2026, 05:06:30 PMI've gone from a highly paid job at BG to a very low wage job and frankly I've never been happier. As long as you can pay the bills there's more to life than money. Of course you're able to get FFS and I can't afford it so there's that! Maybe somewhere in the middle is your happy place?
I found self employment to be less stressful actually until COVID happened and I nearly went bankrupt but who could have seen that coming!
Thanks and I definitely keep looking for sure. I'm still paying off my student debts so unfortunately wages don't go so far and paying my mortgage until I'm 65 as only got it in my 40s. I can probably take a cut in about 3 years after paying my student loans off and my debt for FFS and GRS.
My partner can't work so I'm also essentially paying for two people. Add to that my mortgage will go from 2% to probably over 3.5% next year.
I just don't know what I'd do that's not in my current industry.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 27, 2026, 01:36:27 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 27, 2026, 01:36:27 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 26, 2026, 05:24:37 PMThanks and I definitely keep looking for sure. I'm still paying off my student debts so unfortunately wages don't go so far and paying my mortgage until I'm 65 as only got it in my 40s. I can probably take a cut in about 3 years after paying my student loans off and my debt for FFS and GRS.We all have that dilema Charlotte. I've changed careers 3 times and it's always been the same. Who will have me, what can I actually do. Truth is you will have a very useful skill set if you break it all down. I just sat down and thought, what do I enjoy doing and then looked for a job that matched that. Once I decided that I looked into re-training. You don't always have to go to university to re-train either. It might mean starting at the bottom again though so you need to work out how low you can go. I am fortunate in that I own my house with no mortgage and come from an age when you got student grants not loans so it's easier for me I suppose.
My partner can't work so I'm also essentially paying for two people. Add to that my mortgage will go from 2% to probably over 3.5% next year.
I just don't know what I'd do that's not in my current industry.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 27, 2026, 01:51:07 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 27, 2026, 01:51:07 AM
Unfortunately I still got 12k of student debt, 110k on the house owning and 25k other debts. Student loan is costing me nearly 500 per month alone. Honestly I could go down to 50k a year at lowest if I stayed in and did nothing. But most entry stuff us below that and I have zero savings. Pay in this country is ridiculously low and stagnated!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 27, 2026, 11:15:48 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 27, 2026, 11:15:48 AM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 27, 2026, 01:51:07 AMUnfortunately I still got 12k of student debt, 110k on the house owning and 25k other debts. Student loan is costing me nearly 500 per month alone. Honestly I could go down to 50k a year at lowest if I stayed in and did nothing. But most entry stuff us below that and I have zero savings. Pay in this country is ridiculously low and stagnated!!50k? Come and live in the North East, You could live like a queen on that up here!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 27, 2026, 12:21:39 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 27, 2026, 12:21:39 PM
Unfortunately my ex left me with 18k of debt, so along with my surgeries I'm pushing 850 a month just to debt!
Then electrolysis and laser is about 150 a month at mo. Other is mortgage, bills, food for both of us, various insurances and such. Fuel to work, car costs and all sorts.
I'll be very well off once those debts are clear and I'm not paying 500 a month student loan. I just got to choose holding my stressful job with zero money worries or a lesser job with more money worries.
In 3 years I will have more options I think, as my student loan will be close to paid and my debts too. I'm getting as much transition stuff done now as I can, because business is really unstable, so I could be out of a job any time. Also have 10 years of service so would get big payout if I was let go! I'd lose that if I moved.
It's probably more I need to hold out until my position is stronger!
I've considered a certain site where fans subscribe to see pictures, but I don't have the best looks! Although may still try when I'm more transitioned. Then I could take less hours!!
Charlotte 😻
Then electrolysis and laser is about 150 a month at mo. Other is mortgage, bills, food for both of us, various insurances and such. Fuel to work, car costs and all sorts.
I'll be very well off once those debts are clear and I'm not paying 500 a month student loan. I just got to choose holding my stressful job with zero money worries or a lesser job with more money worries.
In 3 years I will have more options I think, as my student loan will be close to paid and my debts too. I'm getting as much transition stuff done now as I can, because business is really unstable, so I could be out of a job any time. Also have 10 years of service so would get big payout if I was let go! I'd lose that if I moved.
It's probably more I need to hold out until my position is stronger!
I've considered a certain site where fans subscribe to see pictures, but I don't have the best looks! Although may still try when I'm more transitioned. Then I could take less hours!!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 27, 2026, 02:15:24 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 27, 2026, 02:15:24 PM
Debt's a bitch I must admit. I've been in a debt spiral when I was young and daft, it's no fun. At least it sounds like you're making headway with it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 27, 2026, 04:46:32 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 27, 2026, 04:46:32 PM
I'm now stopping taking my oral HRT as it's a week before surgery now and to reduce clot risks. They asked me to do it two weeks ago, but no way I was stopping HRT that long. Thankfully have a little bit of spray estradiol left so going to switch to that for a couple of weeks.
Gonna pack clothes soon and it seems weather in Istanbul is similar to here so at least I don't have to think too much about what I take. Just my normal outfits are good.
Desperately trying to avoid all the ill people at work as scared they won't do my surgery if I've got a cold. Using gel and washing my hands constantly!
Got to sort the house as someone is coming to feed the cats while we're away. I'm not sure they'd even enter the house as it is. Been at least a month since hoovering or cleaning of any kind!
Charlotte 😻
Gonna pack clothes soon and it seems weather in Istanbul is similar to here so at least I don't have to think too much about what I take. Just my normal outfits are good.
Desperately trying to avoid all the ill people at work as scared they won't do my surgery if I've got a cold. Using gel and washing my hands constantly!
Got to sort the house as someone is coming to feed the cats while we're away. I'm not sure they'd even enter the house as it is. Been at least a month since hoovering or cleaning of any kind!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 28, 2026, 02:45:55 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 28, 2026, 02:45:55 AM
It's getting real Charlotte! Won't be long until a new you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on February 28, 2026, 03:19:59 AM
Post by: davina61 on February 28, 2026, 03:19:59 AM
While you have the vac out can you nip round my flat and give it a once over as its been 10 days since I did it!!!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 02:24:04 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 02:24:04 PM
It's very strange as some of my desires and fears have changed since my transition. I never really wanted any tattoos in boymode and was terrified of the process.
But since transition I now have the desire to get some of my arms and upper body tattood. I really see a lot of beauty in women with them, which again in boy mode I wasn't really bothered either way.
I wonder if this is common for your stylistic outlook and also bravery to change with HRT!
I'm going to get my two kitties I've lost done with some flowers I think. I very much miss them. One was very much my best friend. It might sound silly, but a bit of my soul was lost when each of them went.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zf9nCw9C/20240518-064948-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/tTNYshb8/IMG-20170409-112454.jpg)
But since transition I now have the desire to get some of my arms and upper body tattood. I really see a lot of beauty in women with them, which again in boy mode I wasn't really bothered either way.
I wonder if this is common for your stylistic outlook and also bravery to change with HRT!
I'm going to get my two kitties I've lost done with some flowers I think. I very much miss them. One was very much my best friend. It might sound silly, but a bit of my soul was lost when each of them went.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zf9nCw9C/20240518-064948-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/tTNYshb8/IMG-20170409-112454.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 28, 2026, 02:39:23 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 28, 2026, 02:39:23 PM
I was the opposite. Right before I entered the service, at 18, I let my brother tattoo my initials on my shoulder. It looked bad, but it was from him. Ten years later, my tank call sign was "Moon Dragon," so I got a dragon tattoo to cover up the initials.
Now, I don't care for it, but I am considering having it colored purple with a blue tint. I haven't looked for an artist yet. It is not very high on my priorities list.
Wait until after surgeries before getting a tattoo. Some surgeons freak out over fresh tattoos.
Now, I don't care for it, but I am considering having it colored purple with a blue tint. I haven't looked for an artist yet. It is not very high on my priorities list.
Wait until after surgeries before getting a tattoo. Some surgeons freak out over fresh tattoos.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 04:35:57 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 04:35:57 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on February 28, 2026, 02:39:23 PMWait until after surgeries before getting a tattoo. Some surgeons freak out over fresh tattoos.
Oh it won't be for ages. I need to get all the hair removed on my arms, back and chest yet. It's thinned but not gone. Unfortunately I have hair on literally every part of my body including fingers and toes. I think I reached puberty early and had high testosterone ☹️
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 28, 2026, 05:00:57 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on February 28, 2026, 05:00:57 PM
Might still need time for the HRT to complete it's magic Charlotte. I now have pretty fine body hair and it's pretty much female pattern (might help I'm blond I suppose). The hairs from my ankles to my toes have disappeared, same with my upper arm and back hairs along with my "ahem" happy trail but these results took well over three years to achieve. Thin, fine arm and leg hair is also perfectly normal for women, that's why there's a whole hair removal industry out there! I actually find shaving my legs very afirming.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 05:11:22 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 05:11:22 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on February 28, 2026, 05:00:57 PMMight still need time for the HRT to complete it's magic Charlotte. I now have pretty fine body hair and it's pretty much female pattern (might help I'm blond I suppose). The hairs from my ankles to my toes have disappeared, same with my upper arm and back hairs along with my "ahem" happy trail but these results took well over three years to achieve. Thin, fine arm and leg hair is also perfectly normal for women, that's why there's a whole hair removal industry out there! I actually find shaving my legs very afirming.
I'm honestly not sure how long HRT takes to completely stop hair growth in those areas. Maybe it does need longer. I'm not quite a year yet.
The leg hair I'm already getting removed as shaving it causes deep sores that dont heal, last months and then turn into purple dark patches on the skin that haven't gone in nearly a year. I got about 50 of them, mostly higher up.
I'm hoping with getting the hair removed maybe the marks will go and won't look like a battleground!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on February 28, 2026, 05:17:48 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on February 28, 2026, 05:17:48 PM
Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 28, 2026, 04:35:57 PMI need to get all the hair removed on my arms, back and chest yet. It's thinned but not gone.
In case you aren't aware, that isn't a requirement for a tattoo. They just shave the spot they will be working on. If you let the hair on the kitty tattoos grow, it will make them 3D.
🤣
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 05:52:39 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 05:52:39 PM
Of course! I just want the hair gone first otherwise I can't laser once tattood!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 01, 2026, 02:55:42 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 01, 2026, 02:55:42 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on February 28, 2026, 05:11:22 PMI'm honestly not sure how long HRT takes to completely stop hair growth in those areas. Maybe it does need longer. I'm not quite a year yet.Well you do you Charlotte, Transition seems to be a marathon not a sprint though, some things do just take time. It's easier for me to be fair as I'm not presenting full time.
The leg hair I'm already getting removed as shaving it causes deep sores that dont heal, last months and then turn into purple dark patches on the skin that haven't gone in nearly a year. I got about 50 of them, mostly higher up.
I'm hoping with getting the hair removed maybe the marks will go and won't look like a battleground!
I assume you have tried shave gels etc? Have you tried waxing instead?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 01, 2026, 03:18:19 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 01, 2026, 03:18:19 AM
Hair on my chest has almost vanished, not that I had a lot to start with. Still shave my arms and fingers but it grows slow so once a week. I just use a bar of cheap soap and my old face razor blade and that works for me. It just takes the HRT time to work.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 01, 2026, 05:15:39 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 01, 2026, 05:15:39 AM
trigger warning
Mentally this week has been tough and getting worse. I'm not sure I really want to be part of any my trabsition, here, work, or life anymore. I don't know who I really am.
I've been mostly covering up my real feelings which I'm doing great at considering every minute I'm broken in pieces. I don't know how much longer I can put on this front, showing up, prerending to be positive whilst, inside, I feel zero positivity and am enquiring for the chemical I need to make it stop. I don't know if I want to do it or not. Maybe having the means will give me comfort. Nothing else is making this better.
I fear I've either got to leave my bf with no one which will destroy him or continue a life of complete misery. I don't remember what it's like to be happy.
I don't even know what would make me happy anymore. There is nothing I truely want, no place I feel truely comfortable, no place where I fit in. Everyday is intense boredom and tiredness if this world. I try to be excited about stuff but nothing is exciting. Honestly you could offer me a holiday to anywhere...I wouldn't care. It feels dull and uninspiring.
Sorry to go off on one but I need to be honest that no one sees the real me. Just a picture that I paint to curate the nice, happy, positive thing that people want to see and like. But I'm only truely positive and happy maybe 2% of the time. When I want to I'm great at constructing the person people want to see. I just make the ideal front, behave as people expect and say what they want to hear. But it's exhausting.
I dont know why I'm saying all this. No one really wants to hear it, but I've been bottling it uo and I'm at my wits end right now.
Maybe I haven't killed my male self enough yet. It's his fault, he afflicted me with this brain and this hell. Well the part that I didn't inherit from my emotionally unstable father, but he is long dead thankfully. But them my male self is a part copy of the mess my dad was...completely emotionally unstable and also suicidal. So unless I ca kill him that resides in me I can never be free. I feel like I'm possessed by his cruelty and pain
Or maybe I really am possessed, like by a demonic entity that's determined to break me from the inside. Ensure every living second is just miserable. I've considered in desperation many times seeing a medium. Seeing if I've got some kind of attachment as it would explain so much. If I could remove it I could finally after 40 odd years live my life and be normal. Not this disgusting freak creature that's got no living hope. That's just lying to itself that it'll ever be happy. Everyone just lies to it and pretends it'll be happy. It will never be. Especially as there is literally no point t at all to existing.
Please please please just make it all go away. Just stop tormenting me everyday from morning til night. I just want my mind dead and gone. Silence, peace. All this grinding noise, chaos and thouts to go. It's like a drill constantly rattling,never stops. What is peace. .I don't know. Even haunts my dreams. Hell doesn't come after death. It's here already.
Mentally this week has been tough and getting worse. I'm not sure I really want to be part of any my trabsition, here, work, or life anymore. I don't know who I really am.
I've been mostly covering up my real feelings which I'm doing great at considering every minute I'm broken in pieces. I don't know how much longer I can put on this front, showing up, prerending to be positive whilst, inside, I feel zero positivity and am enquiring for the chemical I need to make it stop. I don't know if I want to do it or not. Maybe having the means will give me comfort. Nothing else is making this better.
I fear I've either got to leave my bf with no one which will destroy him or continue a life of complete misery. I don't remember what it's like to be happy.
I don't even know what would make me happy anymore. There is nothing I truely want, no place I feel truely comfortable, no place where I fit in. Everyday is intense boredom and tiredness if this world. I try to be excited about stuff but nothing is exciting. Honestly you could offer me a holiday to anywhere...I wouldn't care. It feels dull and uninspiring.
Sorry to go off on one but I need to be honest that no one sees the real me. Just a picture that I paint to curate the nice, happy, positive thing that people want to see and like. But I'm only truely positive and happy maybe 2% of the time. When I want to I'm great at constructing the person people want to see. I just make the ideal front, behave as people expect and say what they want to hear. But it's exhausting.
I dont know why I'm saying all this. No one really wants to hear it, but I've been bottling it uo and I'm at my wits end right now.
Maybe I haven't killed my male self enough yet. It's his fault, he afflicted me with this brain and this hell. Well the part that I didn't inherit from my emotionally unstable father, but he is long dead thankfully. But them my male self is a part copy of the mess my dad was...completely emotionally unstable and also suicidal. So unless I ca kill him that resides in me I can never be free. I feel like I'm possessed by his cruelty and pain
Or maybe I really am possessed, like by a demonic entity that's determined to break me from the inside. Ensure every living second is just miserable. I've considered in desperation many times seeing a medium. Seeing if I've got some kind of attachment as it would explain so much. If I could remove it I could finally after 40 odd years live my life and be normal. Not this disgusting freak creature that's got no living hope. That's just lying to itself that it'll ever be happy. Everyone just lies to it and pretends it'll be happy. It will never be. Especially as there is literally no point t at all to existing.
Please please please just make it all go away. Just stop tormenting me everyday from morning til night. I just want my mind dead and gone. Silence, peace. All this grinding noise, chaos and thouts to go. It's like a drill constantly rattling,never stops. What is peace. .I don't know. Even haunts my dreams. Hell doesn't come after death. It's here already.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 01, 2026, 07:39:29 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 01, 2026, 07:39:29 AM
Charlotte, I can't fully understand what you are currently going through, you are clearly in a dark place at the moment but I have been through my own depression, I can empathise. I would imagine many others on here will be the same. I hope you are able to get professional help with this and if you aren't getting it you need to demand it. I tried to fix myself and just ended up having another breakdown, the professionals are there for you but so are we in this group, if you need to vent your thoughts then do it on here. putting your fears, worries and thoughts in writing can help massively. There are also other services and groups out there if you need them, things like the Samaritans etc. They could be your advocate in getting you access to better care if you need it.
But know this, you are not a freak, there is nothing disgusting about you. You have been a warm, welcoming friendly voice for me in this place. I was terrified when I started making my first posts on here but you have been a constant. It was not an act, I do not believe you were pretending at all. I think that is the real beautiful you shining through.
Let us know you are ok.
.
But know this, you are not a freak, there is nothing disgusting about you. You have been a warm, welcoming friendly voice for me in this place. I was terrified when I started making my first posts on here but you have been a constant. It was not an act, I do not believe you were pretending at all. I think that is the real beautiful you shining through.
Let us know you are ok.
.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on March 01, 2026, 08:04:09 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on March 01, 2026, 08:04:09 AM
Charlotte, keep writing. We hear you.
I hope the darkness that you feel begins to erode with every step of your journey. Do things for yourself. Get your nails done. Go for a massage. Buy something special. Exercise. Go for a walk. Meet new people. Do anything and everything to destroy the darkness in your life.
You are tough, and you will get through this!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 01, 2026, 09:06:43 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 01, 2026, 09:06:43 AM
Thank you both. I really needed to get that out of me. It's really been boiling up in me for days. You're right it's good to get it in writing however dark...I need to figure this out as I'm up one minute then s mile down the next. But writing this had really revealed a few things to me. I'm having a screening call with psychiatry on Thursday, I will be taking noted from this to share with them. It's hard because I forget how I feel when I hit the bottom. I need something to reference so they take me seriously.
I try to be a good person. I'd rather hurt myself than anyone ever. I had to go and get cat food today, so that got me out with my boyfriend. Decided to get a coffee together and that's joined to the art gallery so we went in there too. That's helped calm me a lot thankfully.
There was some beatiful art of what looks to be a strong woman, like a dominatrix holding a whip tight. They looked very strong and beautiful. The shadow colours and hot pinks used in the painting were beatiful. I want to feel the strength that they portray. But underneath they could have their own fears...they could be gentle and sweet. But this display is strong and dominant. It makes me think about how we present vs. our inside. Maybe part of life is that juxtaposition of inner self and outer presentation that we adapt every day of our lives.
How as one do we moderate our true selves and feelings with our aspirations, but also the expectations that we might need to meet.
I suspect this is further complicated by finding a new feminine identity that yet I still don't fully know.
Another thought...can HRT be like real puberty? For example make me stressed like a teenager but aged 44? If this is the case it could be antagonizing my existing issues making them worse.
Anyways thanks for the kindness. I hope one day you and my bf can see a less messed up person than right now.
Charlotte 😻
I try to be a good person. I'd rather hurt myself than anyone ever. I had to go and get cat food today, so that got me out with my boyfriend. Decided to get a coffee together and that's joined to the art gallery so we went in there too. That's helped calm me a lot thankfully.
There was some beatiful art of what looks to be a strong woman, like a dominatrix holding a whip tight. They looked very strong and beautiful. The shadow colours and hot pinks used in the painting were beatiful. I want to feel the strength that they portray. But underneath they could have their own fears...they could be gentle and sweet. But this display is strong and dominant. It makes me think about how we present vs. our inside. Maybe part of life is that juxtaposition of inner self and outer presentation that we adapt every day of our lives.
How as one do we moderate our true selves and feelings with our aspirations, but also the expectations that we might need to meet.
I suspect this is further complicated by finding a new feminine identity that yet I still don't fully know.
Another thought...can HRT be like real puberty? For example make me stressed like a teenager but aged 44? If this is the case it could be antagonizing my existing issues making them worse.
Anyways thanks for the kindness. I hope one day you and my bf can see a less messed up person than right now.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 01, 2026, 09:22:02 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 01, 2026, 09:22:02 AM
Thanks for letting us know you're alright.
It's absolutely a second puberty, that's exactly what it is, emotions are all over the place for a bit.
You sound like you have an eye for art and you definitely have an eye for colour, Have you tried your hand at creating art as a release?
My therapist told me to write all my dark thoughts down in a little black book (I still have it) then close it and do not look at it again until a day or two later. I then had to review it objectively and see if I felt the same way and/or whether I needed to do anything about it. It sounds simple but it really helped me. After a while I started forgetting to review it and the entries were getting less frequent. I knew then I was getting better.
It's absolutely a second puberty, that's exactly what it is, emotions are all over the place for a bit.
You sound like you have an eye for art and you definitely have an eye for colour, Have you tried your hand at creating art as a release?
My therapist told me to write all my dark thoughts down in a little black book (I still have it) then close it and do not look at it again until a day or two later. I then had to review it objectively and see if I felt the same way and/or whether I needed to do anything about it. It sounds simple but it really helped me. After a while I started forgetting to review it and the entries were getting less frequent. I knew then I was getting better.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 01, 2026, 10:21:25 AM
Post by: Pema on March 01, 2026, 10:21:25 AM
Charlotte, thank you for sharing yourself with us, all of you. We all know that we contain multitudes, so nobody (reasonably) expects you to be eternally upbeat. That's just not how life is or how humans work.
I love Sarah's suggestion of journaling your thoughts (exactly what you've done here) and then re-reading them a day or two later to reinforce your awareness that these things do occur in waves - and that there are positive experiences between them.
A couple of months after I'd begun HRT, my wife and I had a pretty serious conversation during which I became a bit... emotional. After I had calmed some, she very delicately asked me to consider that the hormones might be affecting my mood, which was, of course, obvious. So try to be conscious, too, of the high likelihood that your emotional state is being amplified by chemicals. It doesn't make your thoughts and feelings any less valid, but it's something to try to keep in mind.
Ultimately, we are so much more than our thoughts, and we spend far too much time in our heads. Know that we love you and are here for you - no matter what you're feeling. You don't have to be anything specific to be appreciated by us.
I love Sarah's suggestion of journaling your thoughts (exactly what you've done here) and then re-reading them a day or two later to reinforce your awareness that these things do occur in waves - and that there are positive experiences between them.
A couple of months after I'd begun HRT, my wife and I had a pretty serious conversation during which I became a bit... emotional. After I had calmed some, she very delicately asked me to consider that the hormones might be affecting my mood, which was, of course, obvious. So try to be conscious, too, of the high likelihood that your emotional state is being amplified by chemicals. It doesn't make your thoughts and feelings any less valid, but it's something to try to keep in mind.
Ultimately, we are so much more than our thoughts, and we spend far too much time in our heads. Know that we love you and are here for you - no matter what you're feeling. You don't have to be anything specific to be appreciated by us.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 01, 2026, 10:35:11 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 01, 2026, 10:35:11 AM
Charlotte, I echo what Sarah and Pema are saying.
I went through a bout of deep depression a while ago. The issue turned out to be that my hormones were too low. The reason puberty is a rollercoaster is that hormones are constantly rising and falling. They are not causing the feelings, just making us more sensitive to them. We feel them more and interpret that as feeling them more intensely.
In my case, it was not the hormones but that I was experiencing symptoms of PTSD more acutely. My PTSD had not been diagnosed before that, so this really put the spotlight on it. We got the hormone and vitamin levels sorted, and my therapy sessions switched from gender dysphoria to addressing the PTSD.
In that process, journaling was part of the therapy. By writing down my thoughts and feelings, I could refer to them later in session. My psychologist then pointed out how they were all connected to what I was experiencing.
You don't need to put on a show for us or keep a happy face all the time. You are human, and you have thoughts and feelings too. You are a beautiful person inside, and that is who we love.
Hang in there. You are tougher than you know.
I went through a bout of deep depression a while ago. The issue turned out to be that my hormones were too low. The reason puberty is a rollercoaster is that hormones are constantly rising and falling. They are not causing the feelings, just making us more sensitive to them. We feel them more and interpret that as feeling them more intensely.
In my case, it was not the hormones but that I was experiencing symptoms of PTSD more acutely. My PTSD had not been diagnosed before that, so this really put the spotlight on it. We got the hormone and vitamin levels sorted, and my therapy sessions switched from gender dysphoria to addressing the PTSD.
In that process, journaling was part of the therapy. By writing down my thoughts and feelings, I could refer to them later in session. My psychologist then pointed out how they were all connected to what I was experiencing.
You don't need to put on a show for us or keep a happy face all the time. You are human, and you have thoughts and feelings too. You are a beautiful person inside, and that is who we love.
Hang in there. You are tougher than you know.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 01, 2026, 11:55:27 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 01, 2026, 11:55:27 AM
Reading all your thoughts about HRT I'm starting to think that a combination of HRT, but also that period where I broke down due to work stress has essentially made what I've been masking no longer bearable. It would make sense as to the resurfacing of some past trauma.
It feels very similar to Lori's account. In her case PTSD was brought to the forefront and needed to be addressed. In mine most probably BPD or something in the same kind of area. These stem from past trauma albeit very different types of experience. For me was worst ages 4 to 7, which is particularly a problem as main survival and personality schemas develop at this time. So mine is warped to fit a danger I no longer face, manifesting as personality disorders.
I basically lived in a lot of fear after being lifted up by my throat, strangled against a wall at home by my dad, being smothered in a blanket at play school regularly so I couldn't breathe, humiliated getting smacked with my underwear down in front of the school assembly....the list goes on. This was all aged 4 to 7. I didn't even think anything of it at the time. I just thought I deserved it for being naughty.
Charlotte 😻
It feels very similar to Lori's account. In her case PTSD was brought to the forefront and needed to be addressed. In mine most probably BPD or something in the same kind of area. These stem from past trauma albeit very different types of experience. For me was worst ages 4 to 7, which is particularly a problem as main survival and personality schemas develop at this time. So mine is warped to fit a danger I no longer face, manifesting as personality disorders.
I basically lived in a lot of fear after being lifted up by my throat, strangled against a wall at home by my dad, being smothered in a blanket at play school regularly so I couldn't breathe, humiliated getting smacked with my underwear down in front of the school assembly....the list goes on. This was all aged 4 to 7. I didn't even think anything of it at the time. I just thought I deserved it for being naughty.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 02, 2026, 03:17:13 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 02, 2026, 03:17:13 PM
I had my final session with my therapist today. As explained before they can't support me long term due to the complexity and specialism of what is going on in my head. I have a triage call on Thursday with the psychiatric service where I need to really get my need for assistance across.
Luckily my therapist has helped me figure a few things out. Mainly that what I'm feeling is real and certainly not anywhere near the spectrum of normal thinking. But also to recognise how I'm feeling deep down and where this probably stems from. I'm dangerously unable to self validate and self regulate, so my whole existence is at the mercy of external influences and events. I don't want to be this way and can see how insanely irrational it is. But this has been the cornerstone of my personality for 35 years or more. I'm now trying to break away and construct a new existence with me living for what I really want. Not what I think is expected of me and not what will get me a reaction that I need to feel that I have any value above nothing.
Well I'm going to try and just find time to get to know Charlotte. I'm not setting any goals or expectations. I plan to spend time walking, finding opportunities to meet people and just live as the new me. I feel I need to try and learn what Charlotte wants from life as it isn't maybe what Chris wanted from life...maybe I mistakenly thought they would be the same! She needs space to be and find herself.
So that's the plan. Some months of relaxing and getting to know my new self. Pushing to get professional help to sort my messed up psychological schema out into something less self destructive. I've volunteered to help at my local pride in the summer too. Get out there and just be me...just be Charlotte.
You have all helped me so much through this, and for that I'm truely thankful. I know I'm a real handful and high maintenance at times...I'm trying to fix it. The lack of judgement and support here is really helping me to feel a little more belonging. Something I've always struggled to accept without questioning why or if I really deserve it.
Love Charlotte 😻
Luckily my therapist has helped me figure a few things out. Mainly that what I'm feeling is real and certainly not anywhere near the spectrum of normal thinking. But also to recognise how I'm feeling deep down and where this probably stems from. I'm dangerously unable to self validate and self regulate, so my whole existence is at the mercy of external influences and events. I don't want to be this way and can see how insanely irrational it is. But this has been the cornerstone of my personality for 35 years or more. I'm now trying to break away and construct a new existence with me living for what I really want. Not what I think is expected of me and not what will get me a reaction that I need to feel that I have any value above nothing.
Well I'm going to try and just find time to get to know Charlotte. I'm not setting any goals or expectations. I plan to spend time walking, finding opportunities to meet people and just live as the new me. I feel I need to try and learn what Charlotte wants from life as it isn't maybe what Chris wanted from life...maybe I mistakenly thought they would be the same! She needs space to be and find herself.
So that's the plan. Some months of relaxing and getting to know my new self. Pushing to get professional help to sort my messed up psychological schema out into something less self destructive. I've volunteered to help at my local pride in the summer too. Get out there and just be me...just be Charlotte.
You have all helped me so much through this, and for that I'm truely thankful. I know I'm a real handful and high maintenance at times...I'm trying to fix it. The lack of judgement and support here is really helping me to feel a little more belonging. Something I've always struggled to accept without questioning why or if I really deserve it.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 02, 2026, 04:27:59 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 02, 2026, 04:27:59 PM
That's a really upbeat post Charlotte, nice to read. Sounds like a good session was had today. Everything you are proposing to do sounds great to me.
You need to do a bit of soul searching and discover what Charlotte's needs and wants are instead of the old you. They might match, they might not, but she has been repressed for too long. This is something I am battling with so I won't pretend I have all the answers!
Sarah
You need to do a bit of soul searching and discover what Charlotte's needs and wants are instead of the old you. They might match, they might not, but she has been repressed for too long. This is something I am battling with so I won't pretend I have all the answers!
Sarah
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 02, 2026, 04:59:27 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 02, 2026, 04:59:27 PM
Thanks Sarah for your kind words of support. I think somewhere under all the noise I forgot I'm becoming a new me. A me I need to get to know.
You mention similar experiences. Getting to know who Sarah is and her needs. I hope that is going ok for you too and that you enjoy the journey. I think there's got to be some excitement to be found in this process for sure!
Charlotte 😻
You mention similar experiences. Getting to know who Sarah is and her needs. I hope that is going ok for you too and that you enjoy the journey. I think there's got to be some excitement to be found in this process for sure!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 02, 2026, 08:21:33 PM
Post by: Pema on March 02, 2026, 08:21:33 PM
Charlotte, you deserve it all.
Obviously I didn't know you until you came here in October, but what I've seen in those 4 months has very consistently been a person who is genuinely trying to confront the obstacles that have prevented her from knowing true peace and satisfaction with her life. And in that very short time, it seems to me like you have made some pretty significant discoveries and changes and are clearly moving in the direction of self-love and liberation. That's hard work for anyone, and you're doing it.
I don't think of you as "a handful" or "high maintenance." You're a real person - and a solidly good-hearted one - who's sharing her inner life with us as it happens. I sincerely feel honored to be a witness to your journey.
You are so loved.
Pema
Obviously I didn't know you until you came here in October, but what I've seen in those 4 months has very consistently been a person who is genuinely trying to confront the obstacles that have prevented her from knowing true peace and satisfaction with her life. And in that very short time, it seems to me like you have made some pretty significant discoveries and changes and are clearly moving in the direction of self-love and liberation. That's hard work for anyone, and you're doing it.
I don't think of you as "a handful" or "high maintenance." You're a real person - and a solidly good-hearted one - who's sharing her inner life with us as it happens. I sincerely feel honored to be a witness to your journey.
You are so loved.
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 03, 2026, 01:50:39 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 03, 2026, 01:50:39 AM
Thank you very much Pema. You along with all my other friends are angels for sure. Eternally sweet and compassionate.
Lots of love, hugs and smiles to all.
😻😻Charlotte😻😻
Lots of love, hugs and smiles to all.
😻😻Charlotte😻😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 03, 2026, 03:51:43 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 03, 2026, 03:51:43 PM
I so can't wait until Friday when we fly for my surgery. Literally this time next week I'll be out of hospital and in the hotel. Not sure how I'll feel one day after surgery...I imagine uncomfortable but ok.
My bf is stressing about if I don't make it through. I think his autism exacerbates these kinds of things. I've explained to him it's highly unlikely I'll die. Still I think he worries deep down as I'm his first relationship, he's really happy and he doesn't want to be alone again which I get.
I'm sure I'll be fine. Their medical system is probably more modern and better than in the UK to be honest.
Charlotte 😻
My bf is stressing about if I don't make it through. I think his autism exacerbates these kinds of things. I've explained to him it's highly unlikely I'll die. Still I think he worries deep down as I'm his first relationship, he's really happy and he doesn't want to be alone again which I get.
I'm sure I'll be fine. Their medical system is probably more modern and better than in the UK to be honest.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 03, 2026, 03:59:19 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 03, 2026, 03:59:19 PM
There are always risks to any surgery, but the surgical team knows how to manage them. Just tell your bf that you will be in expert hands and there is nothing to worry about. He still will, but that reassurance might be what he needs.
Remember that 90% of the things we worry about never happen.
Remember that 90% of the things we worry about never happen.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 04, 2026, 03:46:01 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 04, 2026, 03:46:01 PM
Well that's it...all packed, all funds ready and passports in my carry on! Literally ready to go.
One more day at work tomorrow then will soon be flying to Istanbul! Looking forward to getting there and having a couple of days to explore and try the local food before I go for surgery.
The nurse has been in contact and I will be looked after by a team including my surgeon and his wife. She helps ensure I'll be looked after and am comfortable. Everyone has been so friendly, which echoes the reviews about them being extremely friendly and caring. That's very important to me. I can't wait to meet in person.
Hopefully I can soon share some pictures and experiences.
Charlotte 😻
One more day at work tomorrow then will soon be flying to Istanbul! Looking forward to getting there and having a couple of days to explore and try the local food before I go for surgery.
The nurse has been in contact and I will be looked after by a team including my surgeon and his wife. She helps ensure I'll be looked after and am comfortable. Everyone has been so friendly, which echoes the reviews about them being extremely friendly and caring. That's very important to me. I can't wait to meet in person.
Hopefully I can soon share some pictures and experiences.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Devlyn on March 04, 2026, 04:14:51 PM
Post by: Devlyn on March 04, 2026, 04:14:51 PM
Good luck! Do you need an ETA to travel there?
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 04, 2026, 04:26:30 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 04, 2026, 04:26:30 PM
Quote from: Devlyn on March 04, 2026, 04:14:51 PMGood luck! Do you need an ETA to travel there?
Hugs, Devlyn
Thank you. Fortunately visa exempt including medical for 90 days.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 04, 2026, 04:51:32 PM
Post by: Pema on March 04, 2026, 04:51:32 PM
I'll be thinking of you the entire time, Charlotte. It sounds like you're in excellent hands, so put your trust in the collective consciousness. Know that we are with you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 04, 2026, 05:20:54 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 04, 2026, 05:20:54 PM
Good luck, Charlotte!
Have a safe trip and enjoy the pain meds.
😆
Have a safe trip and enjoy the pain meds.
😆
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 04, 2026, 05:33:43 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 04, 2026, 05:33:43 PM
Thank you both 🙂 Not been this excited in a while.
C😻
C😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 04, 2026, 08:08:24 PM
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 04, 2026, 08:08:24 PM
Good luck, Charlotte.
Alana
Alana
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 05, 2026, 03:23:22 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 05, 2026, 03:23:22 AM
Wishing you all the best and a swift recovery my dear. Yawl be bostin !!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 04:31:13 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 04:31:13 AM
Thanks both for the kind wishes 🙂
I also have some positive news regarding my mental health. I had my screening call today for psychiatric support. They have referred me for a more in depth screening.
I'm not there yet but it's one step closer than last time. Also I can have this face to face. I find that much better as I open up more and they can see the pain in my expressions.
So when I return I will be pushing my heart and soul out to them. There is no doubt I need more specialist help. I will do everything to get it.
Charlotte 😻
I also have some positive news regarding my mental health. I had my screening call today for psychiatric support. They have referred me for a more in depth screening.
I'm not there yet but it's one step closer than last time. Also I can have this face to face. I find that much better as I open up more and they can see the pain in my expressions.
So when I return I will be pushing my heart and soul out to them. There is no doubt I need more specialist help. I will do everything to get it.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Rochelle on March 05, 2026, 06:08:19 AM
Post by: Rochelle on March 05, 2026, 06:08:19 AM
Good luck and best wishes for your trip and surgery.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 05, 2026, 10:24:47 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 05, 2026, 10:24:47 AM
Sending big hugs and warm wishes! All shall be well, Charlotte.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 05, 2026, 11:12:02 AM
Post by: Pema on March 05, 2026, 11:12:02 AM
I genuinely wish I could be there to cheer you on, but I know you'll handle it fine.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 05, 2026, 12:40:05 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 05, 2026, 12:40:05 PM
I'll be waiting here for you on the other side, sis. It's going to be great. We're so lucky to be able to get these life-changing procedures!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 05, 2026, 01:03:40 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 05, 2026, 01:03:40 PM
Best of British and safe journey Charlotte, sorry I'm late to wishing you well on your adventure.
When I was growing up FFS wasn't a thing, it is amazing what they can do for us now, so exciting.
I can't wait to see the new you!
When I was growing up FFS wasn't a thing, it is amazing what they can do for us now, so exciting.
I can't wait to see the new you!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 01:31:34 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 01:31:34 PM
Thank you very much to all my beautiful friends for the kind words. I'm now chilling out ready to gt out very early tomorrow to fly. Thankfully the missile going through Turkey has not stopped flights going there, so everything is still on.
Honestly I can't believe in 2026 we're still doing this...fighting...firing missiles at each other. It's exhausting. Such a waste. I just feel sad for humanity sometimes. We could achieve so much, yet achieve so little.
Wishing love to all and praying for some peace and healing in this world.
Charlotte 😻
Honestly I can't believe in 2026 we're still doing this...fighting...firing missiles at each other. It's exhausting. Such a waste. I just feel sad for humanity sometimes. We could achieve so much, yet achieve so little.
Wishing love to all and praying for some peace and healing in this world.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 05, 2026, 06:28:58 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 05, 2026, 06:28:58 PM
I think I have been remiss not visiting your blog before now, Charlotte.
I got a message from someone earlier saying Turkish airspace was closed due to the US-Iran thing, but I hope that is not the case, and things will be okay. I have some catching up to do. You seem like a genuinely good person.
I put it down to me not being a cat person, lol. There are exceptions. :P
I got a message from someone earlier saying Turkish airspace was closed due to the US-Iran thing, but I hope that is not the case, and things will be okay. I have some catching up to do. You seem like a genuinely good person.
I put it down to me not being a cat person, lol. There are exceptions. :P
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 06:49:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 06:49:20 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on March 05, 2026, 06:28:58 PMI think I have been remiss not visiting your blog before now, Charlotte.
I got a message from someone earlier saying Turkish airspace was closed due to the US-Iran thing, but I hope that is not the case, and things will be okay. I have some catching up to do. You seem like a genuinely good person.
I put it down to me not being a cat person, lol. There are exceptions. :P
Thank you for venturing to the dark side where the kitty lives! Hope it's not too scary for a non cat person 😺
I try to be good and kind. Often completely broken, but never would want to hurt anyone.
All official channels still say Turkey is ok. Just keeping fingers crossed
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 05, 2026, 07:00:12 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 05, 2026, 07:00:12 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 06:49:20 PMThank you for venturing to the dark side where the kitty lives! Hope it's not too scary for a non cat person 😺
I try to be good and kind. Often completely broken, but never would want to hurt anyone.
All official channels still say Turkey is ok. Just keeping fingers crossed
Charlotte X
We are all broken, Charlotte. It's all good. <3
I think it's more that cats don't like me. Dogs... I can pet the most vicious dog where their owners were like "WTF how did you do that?"... I dunno. Maybe because that's my affinity. Cats... they always hiss and try to claw at me. When I didn't even do anything!
I had a cat as a pet when I was a little kid. She was an adorable little black bundle of "I love you". Maybe because I got her as a kitten. But... these days, I am more like something out of The Omen, lol.
ANYWAY! That's not the point. The point is... I wish you the best, sweetie. It will all be worth it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 06, 2026, 03:00:23 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 06, 2026, 03:00:23 AM
Well I used the ladies in the airport. My first time using a busy toilet facility. Was nervy coming out of the cubicle face to face with two other women. But I did ok.
Walking out one lady coming in uttered the words Jesus of mercy. Can't help think this was directed at my presence!
Still I'm ok. I just need to grow my confidence
Loved the fact that one of the fragrance sellers correctly sprayed me with the women's perfume and my bf with the men's 🙂. That felt good!
Charlotte 😻
Walking out one lady coming in uttered the words Jesus of mercy. Can't help think this was directed at my presence!
Still I'm ok. I just need to grow my confidence
Loved the fact that one of the fragrance sellers correctly sprayed me with the women's perfume and my bf with the men's 🙂. That felt good!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Devlyn on March 06, 2026, 03:33:13 AM
Post by: Devlyn on March 06, 2026, 03:33:13 AM
So... funny story. My wife and I were walking into our apartment building in Barcelona, and this older woman was coming out. She looked at us and made the sign of the cross on herself! 🤣
A few days later we were sitting in the bank lobby waiting for an appointment and another old lady was in line. We made eye contact and I smiled, because that's what I do, and she just shook her head sorrowfully. 😂
That's been about the only grief we've had in Spain, and it's telling that it only came from the elderly. And I'm saying that as a 64 year old.
Side note, my wife had hair transplants done in Turkey, she said the flight back was full of people with shaved heads and baseball caps. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
A few days later we were sitting in the bank lobby waiting for an appointment and another old lady was in line. We made eye contact and I smiled, because that's what I do, and she just shook her head sorrowfully. 😂
That's been about the only grief we've had in Spain, and it's telling that it only came from the elderly. And I'm saying that as a 64 year old.
Side note, my wife had hair transplants done in Turkey, she said the flight back was full of people with shaved heads and baseball caps. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 06, 2026, 11:17:55 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 06, 2026, 11:17:55 AM
Almost there, Charlotte!
So glad your BF will be by your side. And it is so cool the perfume vendor recognized you right off!
So glad your BF will be by your side. And it is so cool the perfume vendor recognized you right off!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 06, 2026, 11:38:01 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 06, 2026, 11:38:01 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on March 05, 2026, 07:00:12 PMWe are all broken, Charlotte. It's all good. <3A lot of cats just need time to accept you in their circle. Mine is a bit schitzy with newcommers but after a few visits she's pestering them for treats. She never hisses at strangers but she does growl at one of neighbours, I suspect he did something to deserve it but I can't be sure!
I think it's more that cats don't like me. Dogs... I can pet the most vicious dog where their owners were like "WTF how did you do that?"... I dunno. Maybe because that's my affinity. Cats... they always hiss and try to claw at me. When I didn't even do anything!
I had a cat as a pet when I was a little kid. She was an adorable little black bundle of "I love you". Maybe because I got her as a kitten. But... these days, I am more like something out of The Omen, lol.
ANYWAY! That's not the point. The point is... I wish you the best, sweetie. It will all be worth it.
Dogs are funny, Sometimes I can love them and think they're cute and other times I think they want to kill me! I was attacked and bitten on the face when I was 2 or 3 so maybe they're picking up that i'm a bit wary. Got bitten on my arm twice last year, I was just walking down the street and a dog walking the other way just jumped up and bit me. Maybe I smell of cat?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 06, 2026, 11:44:34 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 06, 2026, 11:44:34 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 06, 2026, 03:00:23 AMWell I used the ladies in the airport. My first time using a busy toilet facility. Was nervy coming out of the cubicle face to face with two other women. But I did ok.Very brave Charlotte and good for you! There will always be people who react negatively particularly after our media has whipped them up into a frenzy, it is their problem not yours. I wonder if the reaction will be different in Turkey?
Walking out one lady coming in uttered the words Jesus of mercy. Can't help think this was directed at my presence!
Still I'm ok. I just need to grow my confidence
Loved the fact that one of the fragrance sellers correctly sprayed me with the women's perfume and my bf with the men's 🙂. That felt good!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 06, 2026, 12:10:44 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 06, 2026, 12:10:44 PM
Ahhh cats and dogs hey...I get on brilliant with both. I guess I just love critters hence why I dress up as them!
@Sephirah with cats the slow blink is the answer. That's cat for "I love you and respect you". Many times a shy cat can be summoned with that one. Also cats are more like human friends in that you earn their appreciation and trust. The reward; sometimes the most amazing friendship and trust ever. My turkish angora Chica was my best friend. We could feel pure love with a glimpse of the eyes, I miss her dearly.
Dogs, well just need to treat them very well. They are eternally loyal. Tickles in the right places, food and play - they're yours. Even better, run around with them and have fun. I can send dogs into a wild play frenzy like that 😀
@Devlyn I'm like you...If I catch someone's gaze I smile, it's just instinct and mostly lands very well. A smile, hi or nod back. But I know the kinda response you mention. If they could cut you with that look they would. Just laughing it off really, it's a bit sad but more their problem.
Thanks all for the kind wishes from all. Istanbul is, well very different! I feel wide open walking around as a trans girl. Got a few looks and heckling from some drunk blokes. But I dont feel unsafe. I get the impression I'll occasionally get some minor hassle. Well I can take that. I'm not sure how I'd feel alone around all the bars here at night.
Charlotte 😻
@Sephirah with cats the slow blink is the answer. That's cat for "I love you and respect you". Many times a shy cat can be summoned with that one. Also cats are more like human friends in that you earn their appreciation and trust. The reward; sometimes the most amazing friendship and trust ever. My turkish angora Chica was my best friend. We could feel pure love with a glimpse of the eyes, I miss her dearly.
Dogs, well just need to treat them very well. They are eternally loyal. Tickles in the right places, food and play - they're yours. Even better, run around with them and have fun. I can send dogs into a wild play frenzy like that 😀
@Devlyn I'm like you...If I catch someone's gaze I smile, it's just instinct and mostly lands very well. A smile, hi or nod back. But I know the kinda response you mention. If they could cut you with that look they would. Just laughing it off really, it's a bit sad but more their problem.
Thanks all for the kind wishes from all. Istanbul is, well very different! I feel wide open walking around as a trans girl. Got a few looks and heckling from some drunk blokes. But I dont feel unsafe. I get the impression I'll occasionally get some minor hassle. Well I can take that. I'm not sure how I'd feel alone around all the bars here at night.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Devlyn on March 06, 2026, 12:20:18 PM
Post by: Devlyn on March 06, 2026, 12:20:18 PM
I'd say something about eyes in the back of your head...but heading into FFS let's not even go there! 🤣
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 06, 2026, 12:23:04 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 06, 2026, 12:23:04 PM
Well whatever you do stay safe Charlotte, we want you back here in one piece!
The slow blink, that's elite level cat knowledge there and so true. Cats know cat people.
Dogs seem to me to be like excitable toddlers (you can tell I haven't had any kids!) whereas cats will only be your friend and be with you on their terms and if you are worthy.
The slow blink, that's elite level cat knowledge there and so true. Cats know cat people.
Dogs seem to me to be like excitable toddlers (you can tell I haven't had any kids!) whereas cats will only be your friend and be with you on their terms and if you are worthy.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 06, 2026, 12:55:03 PM
Post by: Pema on March 06, 2026, 12:55:03 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 06, 2026, 03:00:23 AMWalking out one lady coming in uttered the words Jesus of mercy. Can't help think this was directed at my presence!
I choose to believe that she was blessing you, praying for the success of your procedure. How kind!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 06, 2026, 01:25:47 PM
Post by: Pema on March 06, 2026, 01:25:47 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 05, 2026, 06:49:20 PMI try to be good and kind. Often completely broken, but never would want to hurt anyone.
I want to address this comment from a different perspective. I don't believe anyone is broken, especially completely broken. I think we all face challenges to being whole and at peace. Some people's challenges are more numerous and more challenging than others'. That doesn't make anyone broken.
The fact that you're aware of your challenges, you're identifying them and their causes, and you're doing what is in your power to confront and overcome them tells me that you're a survivor, someone who's committed to self-growth and becoming everything you can be in this lifetime. To me, that's the furthest thing from being broken that I can imagine.
Showing other people that moving forward is often extremely difficult is being genuine, not being weak. What you are sharing here is a gift for many others, most of whom we will probably never meet. They are not broken, either.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 07, 2026, 12:34:37 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 07, 2026, 12:34:37 PM
Thanks for the kind messages sisters! I'm definitely taking care and needed a little time to settle...was a bit too tired to put much on here yesterday.
@Stottie Girl I'll mostly come back in one piece. Just minus some brow bone which is going for good!
@Pema I appreciate the kind words. I definitely have a few challenges and tough as they have been there most of my life and probably at least partly hereditary. But you're right I'm trying and always will. Sometimes I can't help give up for a bit, but always jump back up.
I share for a few reasons really. First I really value the help that the community can give me to heal. It does make a difference, so thank you. Writing my feelings down helps to contextualize them. Takes the weight off my mind and allows me to see them for what they really are. That's invaluable too. Lastly I really believe that mental health or any health should not be seen as taboo or embarrassing. I want to present a culture of openness where anyone can feel free to share their feelings. Of course it's up to the individual, but if my content helps one person share their struggles, then I've done something worthwhile.
Today I had pre-op tests. Everyone is really friendly and I met my surgeon face to face. I feel very comfortable with this team looking after me, as I felt at ease for every step. I also successfully transported the huge amount of cash safely from the UK to pay.
We enjoyed a traditional Turkish breakfast this morning at 7am. Was so nice we're going again tomorrow. This evening we visited a small local restaurant serving traditional Turkish food, well off the tourist trail. One of the proprietors is trans, so knew we'd be comfortable there and get to enjoy authentic cuisine. The staff were so beautiful and welcoming so very happy. The food was amazing.
Tomorrow more exploring! Seeing so many Istanbul kitties treated like royalty and invited into all sorts of places. Then a good sleep as I'm collected 6.30am Monday to be taken for surgery!
Charlotte 😻
@Stottie Girl I'll mostly come back in one piece. Just minus some brow bone which is going for good!
@Pema I appreciate the kind words. I definitely have a few challenges and tough as they have been there most of my life and probably at least partly hereditary. But you're right I'm trying and always will. Sometimes I can't help give up for a bit, but always jump back up.
I share for a few reasons really. First I really value the help that the community can give me to heal. It does make a difference, so thank you. Writing my feelings down helps to contextualize them. Takes the weight off my mind and allows me to see them for what they really are. That's invaluable too. Lastly I really believe that mental health or any health should not be seen as taboo or embarrassing. I want to present a culture of openness where anyone can feel free to share their feelings. Of course it's up to the individual, but if my content helps one person share their struggles, then I've done something worthwhile.
Today I had pre-op tests. Everyone is really friendly and I met my surgeon face to face. I feel very comfortable with this team looking after me, as I felt at ease for every step. I also successfully transported the huge amount of cash safely from the UK to pay.
We enjoyed a traditional Turkish breakfast this morning at 7am. Was so nice we're going again tomorrow. This evening we visited a small local restaurant serving traditional Turkish food, well off the tourist trail. One of the proprietors is trans, so knew we'd be comfortable there and get to enjoy authentic cuisine. The staff were so beautiful and welcoming so very happy. The food was amazing.
Tomorrow more exploring! Seeing so many Istanbul kitties treated like royalty and invited into all sorts of places. Then a good sleep as I'm collected 6.30am Monday to be taken for surgery!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 07, 2026, 01:00:59 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 07, 2026, 01:00:59 PM
That's a stroke of luck finding a trans friendly restaurant! Did you just wander in or did you know before hand?
Transporting the cash for FFS sounds a little risky, do they not do bank transfers!
Enjoy tomorrow and I'll cross my fingers, toes and eyes for you so it all goes smoothly on Monday for you.
Keep us posted
Sarah xx
Transporting the cash for FFS sounds a little risky, do they not do bank transfers!
Enjoy tomorrow and I'll cross my fingers, toes and eyes for you so it all goes smoothly on Monday for you.
Keep us posted
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 07, 2026, 01:32:09 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 07, 2026, 01:32:09 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 07, 2026, 01:00:59 PMThat's a stroke of luck finding a trans friendly restaurant! Did you just wander in or did you know before hand?
Transporting the cash for FFS sounds a little risky, do they not do bank transfers!
Enjoy tomorrow and I'll cross my fingers, toes and eyes for you so it all goes smoothly on Monday for you.
Keep us posted
Sarah xx
I looked for LGBTQ friendly places and this restaurant came up. Just happens it's run by a trans Woman. Even better that it's a proper local place, so got that authentic taste. I love the food here.
I could have paid bank transfer but the 10% surcharge itself would have been near £1000. Not an amount I can just ignore!
Thanks for the wishes. Surgeon has asked me to do lots of walking tomorrow. Guess it helps avoid DVT.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 07, 2026, 02:39:20 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 07, 2026, 02:39:20 PM
Good luck, Charlotte!
Hope all goes well and you heal up quickly. A new you awaits just on the other side of a nap.
Hope all goes well and you heal up quickly. A new you awaits just on the other side of a nap.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 07, 2026, 02:44:42 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 07, 2026, 02:44:42 PM
If you visit local LGBT+ organizations' Web sites you can often find recommendations for restaurants and service providers. There are notations of transfriendly too at times.
There are also other lists of transfriendly providers.
I am unsure how this may work out outside of the USA, but to give an example, put in your Web broweser this search string
transfriendly denver
You will see examples for that area.
There are also other lists of transfriendly providers.
I am unsure how this may work out outside of the USA, but to give an example, put in your Web broweser this search string
transfriendly denver
You will see examples for that area.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 07, 2026, 07:20:21 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 07, 2026, 07:20:21 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 07, 2026, 12:34:37 PMTomorrow more exploring! Seeing so many Istanbul kitties treated like royalty and invited into all sorts of places. Then a good sleep as I'm collected 6.30am Monday to be taken for surgery!
Charlotte 😻
That's really cool. People only get ants in their pants, as it were, when they're riled up to think that way. People are just people. The more folks understand that, the better off we all are.
I will be sending you what healing energy I can next week, Charlotte. It will be okay.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 07, 2026, 07:38:39 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 07, 2026, 07:38:39 PM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte ...
Along with my church gals lunch group on Sunday afternoon tomorrow I have already
started praying for your successful surgery and that your healing will be quick.
When you are able, please keep me and the rest of your avid followers updated.
Many Hugs,
Danielle[Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte ...
Along with my church gals lunch group on Sunday afternoon tomorrow I have already
started praying for your successful surgery and that your healing will be quick.
When you are able, please keep me and the rest of your avid followers updated.
Many Hugs,
Danielle[Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 07, 2026, 07:48:03 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 07, 2026, 07:48:03 PM
I hope all goes well for you.
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 08, 2026, 04:32:34 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 08, 2026, 04:32:34 AM
Keeping everything crossed for you my dear XX
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 08, 2026, 05:35:37 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 08, 2026, 05:35:37 AM
Getting some nerves now as this time tomorrow I'm gonna be mid op, which is feeling scary. But the good wishes are so appreciated.
I'm presenting fully female in my dress. Had breakfast this morning which was lovely again. Even better, afterwards the waiter said we could have a free turkish tea each. So more than accepted I feel actually appreciated. I'm guessing it's because I smile, show that I love the food and attempt at least some of my communications in Turkish. Of course I tip too.
I really find if you're kind, smile and try your best people show you kindness regardless. Being trans didn't come into it. I'd certainly say I've had no problems here fully presenting.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/9M3Nj3Zr/20260308-101500.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/prLfwkGd/IMG-20260308-133814-447-3.jpg)
I'm presenting fully female in my dress. Had breakfast this morning which was lovely again. Even better, afterwards the waiter said we could have a free turkish tea each. So more than accepted I feel actually appreciated. I'm guessing it's because I smile, show that I love the food and attempt at least some of my communications in Turkish. Of course I tip too.
I really find if you're kind, smile and try your best people show you kindness regardless. Being trans didn't come into it. I'd certainly say I've had no problems here fully presenting.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/9M3Nj3Zr/20260308-101500.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/prLfwkGd/IMG-20260308-133814-447-3.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 08, 2026, 05:45:29 AM
Post by: Sephirah on March 08, 2026, 05:45:29 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 08, 2026, 05:35:37 AMI really find if you're kind, smile and try your best people show you kindness regardless. Being trans didn't come into it. I'd certainly say I've had no problems here fully presenting.
Yeah that's kind of the thing. It doesn't matter so much who you are, more how you are with most people. Most people don't care if you're trans or not. Only if you treat them decently. It's only the vocal minority that makes it an issue. As they say... the smallest dogs bark the loudest.
It will all be okay, Charlotte. You will be fine, sweetie. <3 You will get through it with no issues and then document your recovery.
Sending you lots of love and hugs. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 08, 2026, 12:21:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 08, 2026, 12:21:17 PM
Signing off now...it's 20.15 here. I'm going to finish my cup of tea, take my Zopiclone so I sleep, then up at 6.15am tomorrow.
Meet my surgeon at 7.30 then 8.00 for surgery!
Thanks again for all your kind words, encouragement and support. Love you all so much.
Catch up again when I'm feeling up to it xXx
Charlotte 😻
Meet my surgeon at 7.30 then 8.00 for surgery!
Thanks again for all your kind words, encouragement and support. Love you all so much.
Catch up again when I'm feeling up to it xXx
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 08, 2026, 12:32:36 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 08, 2026, 12:32:36 PM
I'll be thinking of you Charlotte!
Sarah xx
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Rochelle on March 08, 2026, 01:37:49 PM
Post by: Rochelle on March 08, 2026, 01:37:49 PM
Same, thinking of you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 08, 2026, 01:45:48 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 08, 2026, 01:45:48 PM
Good luck! We will be here for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 09, 2026, 10:47:58 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 09, 2026, 10:47:58 AM
Massive hugs, Charlotte!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 11, 2026, 06:39:50 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 11, 2026, 06:39:50 AM
I'm all ok. Was 7 hours under and I can't see well because of the swelling around my eyes! Successful op though.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 11, 2026, 08:01:38 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 11, 2026, 08:01:38 AM
Sounds positive!
Hugs,
Chrissy
Hugs,
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Devlyn on March 11, 2026, 08:10:08 AM
Post by: Devlyn on March 11, 2026, 08:10:08 AM
Yay! Speedy healing!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Rochelle on March 11, 2026, 09:02:19 AM
Post by: Rochelle on March 11, 2026, 09:02:19 AM
Take it easy and heal. 💚
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 11, 2026, 09:08:33 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 11, 2026, 09:08:33 AM
So good to see you again, Charlotte! Rest well and heal quickly. Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 11, 2026, 09:43:44 AM
Post by: Pema on March 11, 2026, 09:43:44 AM
Excellent news. Thank you, Charlotte. Please rest and heal.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 11, 2026, 10:20:00 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 11, 2026, 10:20:00 AM
Glad to hear. Thanks for the update.
Take it easy and rest up. We aren't done with you yet.
😀
Take it easy and rest up. We aren't done with you yet.
😀
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 11, 2026, 10:41:42 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 11, 2026, 10:41:42 AM
Time to catch up on some sleep now!! Wishing you a quick recovery XX
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 11, 2026, 10:48:50 AM
Post by: Courtney G on March 11, 2026, 10:48:50 AM
I can't wait for an update, Charlotte. The next 3 days will be the worst, but you'll get through it and everything will improve on a daily basis. I'm there now and you will be, too!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 12, 2026, 09:23:34 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 12, 2026, 09:23:34 AM
Thanks to all my beautiful sisters for the love and encouragement over these days and months. I'd have struggled without you all.
Today I'm feeling a few hundred percent better! I feel normal apart from the annoyance of swelling! I'd say the blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty are the most uncomfortable. I guess as having a blocked nose and swollen eyes is pretty debilitating functionally!
My surgeon said my brow bone was huge, so had to make a template using a 3d computer model to execute this surgery. It's hard to see as everything is covered and swollen but I hope it's been successful. My blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty weren't really feminization per se, but hopefully will improve my appearance. Eyes were so severely hooded I could do little with them.
When my partner walked me through the hotel reception the receptionist called over to ask if 'the lady' has been checked into the room. That's the first time since my transition I've experienced anything this good! I hope I can experience something like this again as I've been waiting forever, hoping one day it would happen.
Can't wait to get the dressings off!
(https://i.postimg.cc/Px7qBL2Q/20260312-144916.jpg)
Charlotte 😻
Today I'm feeling a few hundred percent better! I feel normal apart from the annoyance of swelling! I'd say the blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty are the most uncomfortable. I guess as having a blocked nose and swollen eyes is pretty debilitating functionally!
My surgeon said my brow bone was huge, so had to make a template using a 3d computer model to execute this surgery. It's hard to see as everything is covered and swollen but I hope it's been successful. My blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty weren't really feminization per se, but hopefully will improve my appearance. Eyes were so severely hooded I could do little with them.
When my partner walked me through the hotel reception the receptionist called over to ask if 'the lady' has been checked into the room. That's the first time since my transition I've experienced anything this good! I hope I can experience something like this again as I've been waiting forever, hoping one day it would happen.
Can't wait to get the dressings off!
(https://i.postimg.cc/Px7qBL2Q/20260312-144916.jpg)
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 12, 2026, 09:37:56 AM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 12, 2026, 09:37:56 AM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
You are a brave girl for going through all of this, but when the swelling goes down and your healing nears completion I am certain that you will know that it was worth doing in order for you to feel that your are the woman that you were desiring to be.
Thank you for sharing and posting. All of your readers and avid followers are eager to see and read your updates as you feel comfortable sharing.
Wishing you quick healing and recovery.
❤️
MANY HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
You are a brave girl for going through all of this, but when the swelling goes down and your healing nears completion I am certain that you will know that it was worth doing in order for you to feel that your are the woman that you were desiring to be.
Thank you for sharing and posting. All of your readers and avid followers are eager to see and read your updates as you feel comfortable sharing.
Wishing you quick healing and recovery.
❤️
MANY HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 12, 2026, 10:09:36 AM
Post by: Pema on March 12, 2026, 10:09:36 AM
Charlotte, it's so good to see you. I'm thrilled that you're on this side of it all and that you can now heal and reveal your new look.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Rochelle on March 12, 2026, 11:05:39 AM
Post by: Rochelle on March 12, 2026, 11:05:39 AM
It's so good that part is over. Now it's just the healing and recovery. It's good to see you. 💚
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 12, 2026, 12:03:33 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 12, 2026, 12:03:33 PM
Aw Charlotte that looks sore but the important thing is it's done! It's just a waiting game now.
I can't wait to see the new you emerge. Thanks for sharing
Sarah xx
I can't wait to see the new you emerge. Thanks for sharing
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Gina P on March 12, 2026, 08:24:32 PM
Post by: Gina P on March 12, 2026, 08:24:32 PM
Congratulations on the surgery Charlotte. I cant imagine having all those surgeries done together. At least it gets it over with quickly. I had a Rhinoplasty and the first week was annoying as heck, not being able to breathe through my nose. Had eyelid surgery a few years back and it was equally annoying. No bone work done yet.
Your a brave girl. Before long the beautiful 'new' Charlotte will show through. God speed on your recovery.
Hugs Gina
Your a brave girl. Before long the beautiful 'new' Charlotte will show through. God speed on your recovery.
Hugs Gina
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 12:52:15 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 12:52:15 AM
Feeling very tired today still. Even somewhat regretful of all my decisions so far in transitioning, as worried not going to ever feel like the woman i want to be. Have i done the right thing? Chasing something i can never reach? I just feel very male at moment. Dunno maybe I'm just gender fluid or still suffering too much mentally. Let's see what I feel like later. I guess I know I hate being any resemblance of male, falling out very heavily with masculinity of any kind, my bf being the only exception. But it's exhausting chasing the impossible.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 01:18:59 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 01:18:59 AM
I am thankful however fot all your kind words of recovery and care. If nothing else, I feel loved here, which is a big thing in the world as it is. I generally feel mostly unwanted these days aside from here and my boyfriend.
I Love you all too. So very much. I just want a better life for all of us in this life. It just feels such a distant dream.
Charlotte 😻 🩷🤍🩵
I Love you all too. So very much. I just want a better life for all of us in this life. It just feels such a distant dream.
Charlotte 😻 🩷🤍🩵
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 13, 2026, 02:06:10 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 13, 2026, 02:06:10 AM
Isn't post surgery regret and depression a common experience?
Based on how you say you feel about the male'ness, I cannot see how the end results of this can be anything other than positive for your mental health and well being. You will be amazed when the swelling and bruising goes, I'm certain of it. Don't get too down. Have a read of Courtney's post on FFS, She is ahead of you and seems to be starting to get really upbeat and excited now the pain and swelling is starting to subside.
I'm sure there are many girls on here who can share their experience or who already have on older posts.
You aren't alone in this Charlotte.
Based on how you say you feel about the male'ness, I cannot see how the end results of this can be anything other than positive for your mental health and well being. You will be amazed when the swelling and bruising goes, I'm certain of it. Don't get too down. Have a read of Courtney's post on FFS, She is ahead of you and seems to be starting to get really upbeat and excited now the pain and swelling is starting to subside.
I'm sure there are many girls on here who can share their experience or who already have on older posts.
You aren't alone in this Charlotte.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Jessica_Rose on March 13, 2026, 06:25:28 AM
Post by: Jessica_Rose on March 13, 2026, 06:25:28 AM
Give it some time, Charlotte. Intense, prolonged pain often results in us questioning our choices. The pain and discomfort of surgery will eventually fade, while the pain of hiding only becomes more intense as time passes. In a few months, you will be glad you did it.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on March 13, 2026, 08:15:58 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on March 13, 2026, 08:15:58 AM
Charlotte, congratulations on your surgery! The post-surgery second-guess is part of the healing process. In fact, the entire transgender experience is about second-guessing. Just remember, actions speak louder than words, and...
You got this, girl!
Stay tough and take good care of yourself. You deserve it!
Warm hug,
Emma
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: tgirlamg on March 13, 2026, 09:03:24 AM
Post by: tgirlamg on March 13, 2026, 09:03:24 AM
Charlotte!
Well Done Brave Sister! You will be amazed at all the things your courage shall bring you in days to come! Let "Patience" be your mantra through the healing process and may every bit of your journey ahead be blessed!
Onward!
Ashley 💕
Well Done Brave Sister! You will be amazed at all the things your courage shall bring you in days to come! Let "Patience" be your mantra through the healing process and may every bit of your journey ahead be blessed!
Onward!
Ashley 💕
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 09:12:59 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 09:12:59 AM
Thanks for all the kind words. My surgeon met me today and personally removed my nose tampons and drains. I feel alive again now. Everything has gone to plan and I'm recovering.
But the best bit I love about being abroad...I'm in a coffee shop having a chai latte and the music...it's deep techno playing!! I feel alive again. I wish it was like that in the UK!
Charlotte 😻
But the best bit I love about being abroad...I'm in a coffee shop having a chai latte and the music...it's deep techno playing!! I feel alive again. I wish it was like that in the UK!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 13, 2026, 09:40:15 AM
Post by: Pema on March 13, 2026, 09:40:15 AM
Each step gets you closer, sister. I don't think there will be one that suddenly puts you in an "AHA!" place. I suspect that over time and with a series of adjustments, you'll just stop thinking about it and one day realize, "Oh, wow. It happened while I was going about my life, didn't it?"
You're on your way. It is happening.
You're on your way. It is happening.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 13, 2026, 11:11:39 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 13, 2026, 11:11:39 AM
So glad your day is off to a great start, Charlotte! Enjoy.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 13, 2026, 12:17:36 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 13, 2026, 12:17:36 PM
Charlotte, we're all so proud of you. You're doing great! And yeah, fear and doubt are pretty normal, unfortunately. From the little bit of experience I've had, I can tell you it's been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I was looking at my huge, swollen jaw yesterday and was feeling pretty down. Just a couple of days earlier I was read as female in the grocery store! And today, I'm feeling very happy, excited and hopeful about my future.
I think it's important to approach this knowing that there will be "down" days and that we must prepare for them. But there will also be "up" days. You have done something for yourself that I believe will shift that balance. When a down day is happening, just know that those hungry little worms in your brain will soon get full and will move on for a bit. Don't worry about the unflattering picture you took today (especially if the lighting is bad!). You'll find that it was just not your day. This is an experience cis women have!
And heck, it's WAY too soon for us to try to assess the changes and what they mean. It is going to take a couple of months for things to settle down. Give yourself a pass until then.
Anyway, please continue to take care of yourself and continue to heal and please tell those worms "not today!"
I think it's important to approach this knowing that there will be "down" days and that we must prepare for them. But there will also be "up" days. You have done something for yourself that I believe will shift that balance. When a down day is happening, just know that those hungry little worms in your brain will soon get full and will move on for a bit. Don't worry about the unflattering picture you took today (especially if the lighting is bad!). You'll find that it was just not your day. This is an experience cis women have!
And heck, it's WAY too soon for us to try to assess the changes and what they mean. It is going to take a couple of months for things to settle down. Give yourself a pass until then.
Anyway, please continue to take care of yourself and continue to heal and please tell those worms "not today!"
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 13, 2026, 12:21:49 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 13, 2026, 12:21:49 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 09:12:59 AMThanks for all the kind words. My surgeon met me today and personally removed my nose tampons and drains. I feel alive again now. Everything has gone to plan and I'm recovering.There's got to be some cafe's in the UK that are playing Techno surely!
But the best bit I love about being abroad...I'm in a coffee shop having a chai latte and the music...it's deep techno playing!! I feel alive again. I wish it was like that in the UK!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 12:44:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 12:44:35 PM
Thanks to you all you sweeties. I just had some lovely Turkish food tonight and even catching myself like this in the lift mirror, I saw a woman. My side profile is definitely improved.
I think you're right @Courtney G there are definitely these niggling doubts in our own minds like worms. And going by your experience this is totally normal. You're a few days ahead so your experiences are so valid for me too. BTW I had my drain tubes pulled out like you did. OMG it felt awful! But so liberating to not be like a Frankenstein monster with tubes and balls attached!!
My surgeon is so sweet always meeting me in person with his wife. Then gave me a big hug and said I look beautiful. Just what I wanted from a surgeon.
@Pema I'm sure there will be a day when everything just fits and feels right. That'll be so sweet when it comes. But I do want to keep some queer magic, that little identifier of my history. Just dont know what that'll look like yet.
@Stottie Girl this cafe is just like a typical Costa in the UK. I think abroad electronic music is much more consumed than the UK in general places. Pop is all encompassing in the UK. But less so in some places.
Hugs to all xxx
Charlotte 😻
I think you're right @Courtney G there are definitely these niggling doubts in our own minds like worms. And going by your experience this is totally normal. You're a few days ahead so your experiences are so valid for me too. BTW I had my drain tubes pulled out like you did. OMG it felt awful! But so liberating to not be like a Frankenstein monster with tubes and balls attached!!
My surgeon is so sweet always meeting me in person with his wife. Then gave me a big hug and said I look beautiful. Just what I wanted from a surgeon.
@Pema I'm sure there will be a day when everything just fits and feels right. That'll be so sweet when it comes. But I do want to keep some queer magic, that little identifier of my history. Just dont know what that'll look like yet.
@Stottie Girl this cafe is just like a typical Costa in the UK. I think abroad electronic music is much more consumed than the UK in general places. Pop is all encompassing in the UK. But less so in some places.
Hugs to all xxx
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 13, 2026, 12:58:13 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 13, 2026, 12:58:13 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 12:44:35 PMThanks to you all you sweeties. I just had some lovely Turkish food tonight and even catching myself like this in the lift mirror, I saw a woman. My side profile is definitely improved.It's a far cry from the nineties and noughties where it was everywhere in the UK.
I think you're right @Courtney G there are definitely these niggling doubts in our own minds like worms. And going by your experience this is totally normal. You're a few days ahead so your experiences are so valid for me too. BTW I had my drain tubes pulled out like you did. OMG it felt awful! But so liberating to not be like a Frankenstein monster with tubes and balls attached!!
My surgeon is so sweet always meeting me in person with his wife. Then gave me a big hug and said I look beautiful. Just what I wanted from a surgeon.
@Pema I'm sure there will be a day when everything just fits and feels right. That'll be so sweet when it comes. But I do want to keep some queer magic, that little identifier of my history. Just dont know what that'll look like yet.
@Stottie Girl this cafe is just like a typical Costa in the UK. I think abroad electronic music is much more consumed than the UK in general places. Pop is all encompassing in the UK. But less so in some places.
Hugs to all xxx
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 13, 2026, 01:01:07 PM
Post by: Pema on March 13, 2026, 01:01:07 PM
I want to hear more about the food! I love Turkish food!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 13, 2026, 01:09:53 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 13, 2026, 01:09:53 PM
I worked for two months in Istanbul as a jazz musician in a fancy nightclub. Not as glamorous as it sounds; the music business doesn't pay very well. I met some nice people, learned a few Turkish words and played a lot of music. I didn't have the time or funds to buy fancy dinners but I did enjoy some take-out from the small vendors who got to know me a bit over time.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 01:18:33 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 01:18:33 PM
Quote from: Pema on March 13, 2026, 01:01:07 PMI want to hear more about the food! I love Turkish food!
I had Şefin Tabaği which was this really tender stewed meat in a sauce served with rice and beans. Kinda like baked beans but much nicer. I've been on soup until today, but this was so tender and tasty for me to try now.
Obviously I've been snacking daily on Turkish delight too. I really want another Turkish breakfast before we leave. The food has been a real highlight!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 13, 2026, 01:47:54 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 13, 2026, 01:47:54 PM
I do not think I have ever had Turkish food.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 13, 2026, 03:20:59 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 13, 2026, 03:20:59 PM
Charlotte,
Your hair looks nice.
Chrissy
Your hair looks nice.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 03:37:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 13, 2026, 03:37:17 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 13, 2026, 03:20:59 PMCharlotte,
Your hair looks nice.
Chrissy
Thank you so much Chrissy. Really appreciate the compliment. You're so kind and beautiful always and from you I learn a little more gratitude every day.
Charlotte xXx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 13, 2026, 08:18:57 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 13, 2026, 08:18:57 PM
Beautiful x beautiful = rather special. :)
I swear Turkish Delight is kind of only appreciated in the UK, because of the ads, lol. With the camels and giant sand dunes. By people in suits who had no idea what they were doing, haha. :D Proper Turkish Delight isn't covered in chocolate. And doesn't quite taste like soap!
I swear Turkish Delight is kind of only appreciated in the UK, because of the ads, lol. With the camels and giant sand dunes. By people in suits who had no idea what they were doing, haha. :D Proper Turkish Delight isn't covered in chocolate. And doesn't quite taste like soap!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 09:28:16 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 09:28:16 AM
Everything is healing according to my visit today. Removed dressings from my eyelids today. Now I can actually see my upper eyelids for the first time despite being swollen still. Finally my eyelashes don't touch my upper hoods constantly!
The scalp area is healing fine although still slight fluid lingering underneath which I've been advised is not unusual. Hopefully it will reduce over the days and not get worse at least.
I got the before and after picture done in the operating room before dressing and swelling. The brow bone and nose is outstanding. I'm so eager to see them when the covers all come off!
(https://i.postimg.cc/MpyD8BB1/IMG-20260314-WA0000.jpg)
The scalp area is healing fine although still slight fluid lingering underneath which I've been advised is not unusual. Hopefully it will reduce over the days and not get worse at least.
I got the before and after picture done in the operating room before dressing and swelling. The brow bone and nose is outstanding. I'm so eager to see them when the covers all come off!
(https://i.postimg.cc/MpyD8BB1/IMG-20260314-WA0000.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on March 14, 2026, 09:37:11 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on March 14, 2026, 09:37:11 AM
Excellent news, Charlotte!!! You look great. Your nose is so cute!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 14, 2026, 09:59:33 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 14, 2026, 09:59:33 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on March 13, 2026, 08:18:57 PMBeautiful x beautiful = rather special. :)Shamelessly I do quite like Fry's Turkish Delight even though I don't cut mine in half with a scimitar! Real Turkish Delight is better though I conceed.
I swear Turkish Delight is kind of only appreciated in the UK, because of the ads, lol. With the camels and giant sand dunes. By people in suits who had no idea what they were doing, haha. :D Proper Turkish Delight isn't covered in chocolate. And doesn't quite taste like soap!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 14, 2026, 10:03:57 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 14, 2026, 10:03:57 AM
Wowzers! Charlotte what a transformation! 😍😍 You've got to be pleased with that! That has to be worth the effort and money. The brow change is dramatically good! You have a ski slope scandi nose like mine now!
I'm so chuffed for you!
I'm so chuffed for you!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 14, 2026, 10:16:54 AM
Post by: Courtney G on March 14, 2026, 10:16:54 AM
Wow, Charlotte, looking amazing! I want your nose!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 10:31:42 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 10:31:42 AM
Thanks all for the kind affirmations.
Yes I'm so happy with the result. Looking at this Pic and myself walking around in mirrors, it's very apparent how dramatically my forehead and nose were stopping me look feminine. I didn't expect he'd be able to do such a good job so I'm really shocked. I think I'd have struggled to get anything near where I want to feel without this surgery.
I don't think I'll need jaw work at all. Feels done to me.
Charlotte 😻
Yes I'm so happy with the result. Looking at this Pic and myself walking around in mirrors, it's very apparent how dramatically my forehead and nose were stopping me look feminine. I didn't expect he'd be able to do such a good job so I'm really shocked. I think I'd have struggled to get anything near where I want to feel without this surgery.
I don't think I'll need jaw work at all. Feels done to me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 14, 2026, 10:50:09 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 14, 2026, 10:50:09 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 10:31:42 AMThanks all for the kind affirmations.I don't think you need any jaw work Charlotte, you don't seem to have a strong masculine jawline at all.
Yes I'm so happy with the result. Looking at this Pic and myself walking around in mirrors, it's very apparent how dramatically my forehead and nose were stopping me look feminine. I didn't expect he'd be able to do such a good job so I'm really shocked. I think I'd have struggled to get anything near where I want to feel without this surgery.
I don't think I'll need jaw work at all. Feels done to me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 14, 2026, 10:55:28 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 14, 2026, 10:55:28 AM
Beautiful! I'm so happy for you, Charlotte.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 14, 2026, 11:11:36 AM
Post by: Pema on March 14, 2026, 11:11:36 AM
I am thrilled that you're pleased with it, Charlotte. In the end, that is what matters most by far. I'm so happy for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 14, 2026, 11:54:46 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 14, 2026, 11:54:46 AM
Looking good, Charlotte!
Thanks for sharing your update.
Thanks for sharing your update.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 14, 2026, 01:05:24 PM
Post by: davina61 on March 14, 2026, 01:05:24 PM
Good result my dear XX
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 14, 2026, 01:10:56 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 14, 2026, 01:10:56 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 10:31:42 AMThanks all for the kind affirmations.
Yes I'm so happy with the result. Looking at this Pic and myself walking around in mirrors, it's very apparent how dramatically my forehead and nose were stopping me look feminine. I didn't expect he'd be able to do such a good job so I'm really shocked. I think I'd have struggled to get anything near where I want to feel without this surgery.
I don't think I'll need jaw work at all. Feels done to me.
Charlotte 😻
Sounds very good Charlotte!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 14, 2026, 07:11:17 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 14, 2026, 07:11:17 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 10:31:42 AMI think I'd have struggled to get anything near where I want to feel without this surgery.
Oh, Charlotte. This is SO relatable. We're both feeling the same way. This is a new beginning for both of us! (hugs)
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 14, 2026, 10:31:42 AMI don't think I'll need jaw work at all. Feels done to me.
And I just need a new nose! Haha. I agree with you and with the science. I'd been reading about how important the forehead and brow are, and you and I are living proof.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 15, 2026, 01:35:11 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 15, 2026, 01:35:11 AM
@Courtney G Thanks and it really is so cool that we got to pretty much go through this together and both get the much desired results to help us be the beautiful women who we truely are. Well not that we weren't before but now the icing on the cake.
I'd really love you to get the nose that you want too, as you really deserve it. You've gone through so much towards this, now it needs to happen for you. Hopefully soon right? Guessing part of the next phase? Besides you're still beautiful right now 😊
On a side note I'm really glad I was financially limited here. I could have had other procedures at the same time; I couldn't have handled it. These were enough. The recovery would have been tough with more. I'd say try to think through which senses and capabilities are disabled by each procedure. Losing multiple faculties is the hard bit, more so than the pain. If you can see and breathe easily then life is so much better!! Sleep is the other thing. Getting comfortable is so hindered by surgery. A lot for perspective surgery seekers to consider.
I'll write up some detail in the surgery section soon with my two pennies worth. Just about the experience and what each procedure offers.
Charlotte 😻
I'd really love you to get the nose that you want too, as you really deserve it. You've gone through so much towards this, now it needs to happen for you. Hopefully soon right? Guessing part of the next phase? Besides you're still beautiful right now 😊
On a side note I'm really glad I was financially limited here. I could have had other procedures at the same time; I couldn't have handled it. These were enough. The recovery would have been tough with more. I'd say try to think through which senses and capabilities are disabled by each procedure. Losing multiple faculties is the hard bit, more so than the pain. If you can see and breathe easily then life is so much better!! Sleep is the other thing. Getting comfortable is so hindered by surgery. A lot for perspective surgery seekers to consider.
I'll write up some detail in the surgery section soon with my two pennies worth. Just about the experience and what each procedure offers.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 07:22:14 AM
Post by: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 07:22:14 AM
Yes, I have a second procedure coming in a few months that will seek to address my remaining concerns. I have a consult for it in a little under a month.
I've been thinking of doing a write up along the lines of "FFS: expectations and preparations" in the hope of better preparing others. Maybe we could start a new thread and toss some ideas around and the mods might use it as the basis for a FAQ?
I've been thinking of doing a write up along the lines of "FFS: expectations and preparations" in the hope of better preparing others. Maybe we could start a new thread and toss some ideas around and the mods might use it as the basis for a FAQ?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 15, 2026, 07:33:32 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 15, 2026, 07:33:32 AM
Quote from: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 07:22:14 AMYes, I have a second procedure coming in a few months that will seek to address my remaining concerns. I have a consult for it in a little under a month.
I've been thinking of doing a write up along the lines of "FFS: expectations and preparations" in the hope of better preparing others. Maybe we could start a new thread and toss some ideas around and the mods might use it as the basis for a FAQ?
Glad to hear you'll be all done then by end of 2026 by the sounds of it.
Sounds like a good plan. I'll start getting some thoughts down as can probably help people both make good choices but also know what they might be in for! There's a lot out there but I think we can add some detail especially comparing what we had done in two completely different countries!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 15, 2026, 08:21:59 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 15, 2026, 08:21:59 AM
Quote from: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 07:22:14 AMYes, I have a second procedure coming in a few months that will seek to address my remaining concerns. I have a consult for it in a little under a month.Please do Courtney. I know it would help me, I'm sure others will feel the same.
I've been thinking of doing a write up along the lines of "FFS: expectations and preparations" in the hope of better preparing others. Maybe we could start a new thread and toss some ideas around and the mods might use it as the basis for a FAQ?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 15, 2026, 09:26:47 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 15, 2026, 09:26:47 AM
Swelling and throbbing have increased a bit on my upper forehead this afternoon. Bit warmer too. I'm praying this is just part of the process and not infection. I'm in tomorrow for dressings off so got a couple of days to sort it if indeed is anything abnormal. Still doesn't stop me worrying!
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 10:23:41 AM
Post by: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 10:23:41 AM
I felt a warmth that is only now starting to recede. It was even hard to stay cool at night while sleeping.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 12:58:04 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 15, 2026, 12:58:04 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 15, 2026, 08:21:59 AMPlease do Courtney. I know it would help me, I'm sure others will feel the same.
I've started a thread here: https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=253476.0
With the help of others, I hope to create a useful document for those who are either looking at procedures or who are in the planning stages and could use some info.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 15, 2026, 01:28:44 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 15, 2026, 01:28:44 PM
Perhaps if one has a giant nose it may be problematic, but women have noses of various sizes, as do men.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 16, 2026, 12:37:24 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 16, 2026, 12:37:24 PM
I had all dressings removed today so it's nice to have most of my face and head exposed. They put a cover back on my nose though. I think noses are fragile for long time so they're being cautious. That will come off Wednesday my last day here.
Unfortunately I have to use this greasy antibiotic gel on my wounds. I get my hair nicely clean and it just gets greasy with this in a few hours. Can't wait until I can wash and condition it and it stays that way!
My forehead and temples are still very tender to touch and some warm swelling still. Hurts to touch but generally pain free if left alone.
I think it'll be a few weeks yet before I can be my full feminine self with my hair as I want it. Lost a few clumps too.
On Thursday morning we fly home.
Charlotte 😻
Unfortunately I have to use this greasy antibiotic gel on my wounds. I get my hair nicely clean and it just gets greasy with this in a few hours. Can't wait until I can wash and condition it and it stays that way!
My forehead and temples are still very tender to touch and some warm swelling still. Hurts to touch but generally pain free if left alone.
I think it'll be a few weeks yet before I can be my full feminine self with my hair as I want it. Lost a few clumps too.
On Thursday morning we fly home.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 16, 2026, 12:47:59 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 16, 2026, 12:47:59 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 16, 2026, 12:37:24 PMI had all dressings removed today so it's nice to have most of my face and head exposed. They put a cover back on my nose though. I think noses are fragile for long time so they're being cautious. That will come off Wednesday my last day here.Another milestone passed Charlotte. They do seem to be taking good care of you.
Unfortunately I have to use this greasy antibiotic gel on my wounds. I get my hair nicely clean and it just gets greasy with this in a few hours. Can't wait until I can wash and condition it and it stays that way!
My forehead and temples are still very tender to touch and some warm swelling still. Hurts to touch but generally pain free if left alone.
I think it'll be a few weeks yet before I can be my full feminine self with my hair as I want it. Lost a few clumps too.
On Thursday morning we fly home.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 16, 2026, 02:12:02 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 16, 2026, 02:12:02 PM
Have a safe trip home. Then you will be able to relax and heal up.
The worst is almost over!
The worst is almost over!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 16, 2026, 02:13:35 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 16, 2026, 02:13:35 PM
Seems like recovery is going well Charlotte!
Great news!
Chrissy
Great news!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 16, 2026, 02:44:22 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 16, 2026, 02:44:22 PM
I'm so happy for you, sis!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 16, 2026, 03:30:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 16, 2026, 03:30:20 PM
I seem to be losing breast size as I can't fill my B cup bra anymore. I don't know how much of the size is related to fat. I'm already eating 5 packs of biscuits a week along with donuts and deserts with my main meals yet I can't get above 83kg anymore. I used to be 95kg in boymode and it all went with HRT.
I need to work out how to gain fat! If indeed that would help.
Charlotte 😻
I need to work out how to gain fat! If indeed that would help.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 17, 2026, 01:02:35 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 17, 2026, 01:02:35 AM
Well overnight my head seems it's switched it's healing phase. The tenderness has reduced by a huge amount and far less liquid. Some swelling keeps coming back overnight around my eyes, but progress at day 8 seems to be as expected.
I'm hopeful tomorrow will be a successful completion and just long term recovery for a few months to go.
It won't be long until I'm making preps for GRS in February next year. After this my ops are complete, unless my breasts fail to materialise in which case I'll come back here for implants.
Charlotte 😻
I'm hopeful tomorrow will be a successful completion and just long term recovery for a few months to go.
It won't be long until I'm making preps for GRS in February next year. After this my ops are complete, unless my breasts fail to materialise in which case I'll come back here for implants.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 17, 2026, 08:15:12 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 17, 2026, 08:15:12 AM
Charlotte,
Be patient with the breast development. I went from not needing a bra (except for my wanting to need one) to a firm chestnut nodule right behind each of my nipples to a little bit of fat surrounding that. Over time, in spurts, nice rounded breasts. Even their size did not match occasionally!
Now they remain roundish, firm, B sized, and so nice to have. If you want bigger, and sometimes I wish mine were, then continue to be patient but there may be a point in time when you think they just will not grow more. Give it time.
What amazes me is when I hear that some moms give as a present to their daughters a boob job while their girls are still in high school. I hope the stories are fake.
I want two inches off my bellybutton area and/or two inches added to my hip area for sure more than full C cups. We shall see if my body ever responds, but I know my bone structure will not change, and I doubt these lower dimensions will. Unless I get overweight all over my body.
I am continuing to wonder if I will ever have the lower surgery and may discuss that in my blog.
I hope your recovery is as comfortable as possible. Also that you can pay off the credit before piling on more for other procedures. Debt is usually not a good thing but at times it can make sense to use.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Be patient with the breast development. I went from not needing a bra (except for my wanting to need one) to a firm chestnut nodule right behind each of my nipples to a little bit of fat surrounding that. Over time, in spurts, nice rounded breasts. Even their size did not match occasionally!
Now they remain roundish, firm, B sized, and so nice to have. If you want bigger, and sometimes I wish mine were, then continue to be patient but there may be a point in time when you think they just will not grow more. Give it time.
What amazes me is when I hear that some moms give as a present to their daughters a boob job while their girls are still in high school. I hope the stories are fake.
I want two inches off my bellybutton area and/or two inches added to my hip area for sure more than full C cups. We shall see if my body ever responds, but I know my bone structure will not change, and I doubt these lower dimensions will. Unless I get overweight all over my body.
I am continuing to wonder if I will ever have the lower surgery and may discuss that in my blog.
I hope your recovery is as comfortable as possible. Also that you can pay off the credit before piling on more for other procedures. Debt is usually not a good thing but at times it can make sense to use.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 17, 2026, 08:31:28 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 17, 2026, 08:31:28 AM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 17, 2026, 08:15:12 AMCharlotte,
Be patient with the breast development. I went from not needing a bra (except for my wanting to need one) to a firm chestnut nodule right behind each of my nipples to a little bit of fat surrounding that. Over time, in spurts, nice rounded breasts. Even their size did not match occasionally!
Now they remain roundish, firm, B sized, and so nice to have. If you want bigger, and sometimes I wish mine were, then continue to be patient but there may be a point in time when you think they just will not grow more. Give it time.
What amazes me is when I hear that some moms give as a present to their daughters a boob job while their girls are still in high school. I hope the stories are fake.
I want two inches off my bellybutton area and/or two inches added to my hip area for sure more than full C cups. We shall see if my body ever responds, but I know my bone structure will not change, and I doubt these lower dimensions will. Unless I get overweight all over my body.
I am continuing to wonder if I will ever have the lower surgery and may discuss that in my blog.
I hope your recovery is as comfortable as possible. Also that you can pay off the credit before piling on more for other procedures. Debt is usually not a good thing but at times it can make sense to use.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Thanks Chrissy. Wearing a bra is one of the first things that made me feel so good as a women, so I did even when I had only AA cups. Something about putting it on each day is so special. I already had a lot of lingerie, swim suits and such I tried in boy mode. Being able to fill the cups somewhat felt so great when the time came!
I think the depth remains but roundness fluctuates just like you describe. Sometimes really round and others quite pointy. For now I fill the gap with those triangle foam fillers. They work ok.
With regards lower fat, I've heard that fat cells can take 5 to 8 years to to relocate. Considering that getting that lower hip shape can be the very last part of your feminine body to form. I'm not sure how long you've been on HRT, but hopefully may still expect a chance at getting what you desire? It would be lovely if you did to avoid surgery too.
Recovery is good thank you for asking. I feel really tired though. I think behind the scenes my body is using a lot of energy now!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 17, 2026, 08:35:50 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 17, 2026, 08:35:50 AM
Safe travels, Charlotte!
You're almost home.
You're almost home.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 04:28:03 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 04:28:03 AM
Feeling exhausted all day at moment. Within an hour of getting up I'm feeling my eyes close and want to lay down. Had a nice walk but now Feeling exhausted again. I'm guessing this is just some kind of healing going on. Anyways my flight is checked in for tomorrow then home. Got the weekend and back at work Monday.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 18, 2026, 04:36:32 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 18, 2026, 04:36:32 AM
Take it easy dear, at least you have a few more days to recover.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 18, 2026, 08:21:20 AM
Post by: Courtney G on March 18, 2026, 08:21:20 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 04:28:03 AMFeeling exhausted all day at moment. Within an hour of getting up I'm feeling my eyes close and want to lay down. Had a nice walk but now Feeling exhausted again. I'm guessing this is just some kind of healing going on. Anyways my flight is checked in for tomorrow then home. Got the weekend and back at work Monday.
Charlotte 😻
Seems normal. I've experienced a lack of energy overall, with a few "up" days and some down ones. I'm feeling energetic enough now but I can only go for a limited time before my battery runs out.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 18, 2026, 08:43:01 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 18, 2026, 08:43:01 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 04:28:03 AMFeeling exhausted all day at moment. Within an hour of getting up I'm feeling my eyes close and want to lay down. Had a nice walk but now Feeling exhausted again. I'm guessing this is just some kind of healing going on. Anyways my flight is checked in for tomorrow then home. Got the weekend and back at work Monday.Take it easy Charlotte, I hope you aren't rushing back to work too soon. Can you not work from home for a bit at least?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 08:50:51 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 08:50:51 AM
@Stottie Girl Unfortunately I need to get back Monday. I'll be ok I'm sure. I survive everything in this life it seems!
Charlotte
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 18, 2026, 08:52:38 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 18, 2026, 08:52:38 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 08:50:51 AM@Stottie Girl Unfortunately I need to get back Monday. I'll be ok I'm sure. I survive everything in this life it seems!I bet your workmates are going to get such a shock! it will be like "who's the new girl"? ha ha!
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 18, 2026, 12:10:57 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 18, 2026, 12:10:57 PM
Recovering from anesthesia can take a long time, even weeks, to get it out of your system. It shows up as Courtney described, where your batteries just don't last as long. Any exertion can wear you out quickly. Take your time and rest when you can. Healing and sedatives are a lot for your bodies to handle. Just give it time.
Hugs!
Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 01:41:01 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 18, 2026, 01:41:01 PM
Well that was emotional. Had my last check up at surgeons clinic and did some social media stuff for them. Got to play with the little Pomeranian that belongs to them and say goodbye to the team. Lot's of hugs including from my surgeon. Really treated well, like I matter and part of the family.
I've loved being here and the care and hospitality of the Turkish people has been just outstanding. Such a beautiful experience, I'll never forget this.
Charlotte 😻
I've loved being here and the care and hospitality of the Turkish people has been just outstanding. Such a beautiful experience, I'll never forget this.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 07:58:15 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 07:58:15 AM
Back home safe but with it the deep depression 😿
Charlotte X
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 19, 2026, 09:01:18 AM
Post by: Pema on March 19, 2026, 09:01:18 AM
Hang in there, sister. You'll get through this.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 09:06:49 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 09:06:49 AM
I'm not sure. Getting home has just validated that I hate my house, my life and my job. Being away from all 3 I had no depression symptoms.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 19, 2026, 11:08:34 AM
Post by: Pema on March 19, 2026, 11:08:34 AM
How much of that is the contrast to the euphoria of being in a new and wonderful place, having the life-changing medical procedure, and being cared for by beautiful and loving people? It's hard to compete with that.
Are there even tiny forks in the road of your life that you could take that might seem to lead only to inconsequential improvements but might potentially reveal entirely new vistas with unknown paths? (The answer is yes, but we have to be open to seeing them - and taking them.)
Alison Gopnik has a great TED talk about how babies' brains are open to absolutely everything and how, starting at about age 6, we're all conditioned to stop doing that and focus on what we're told we should. But we have the capacity to return to it. I think we'd all benefit from becoming a bit more like babies.
Are there even tiny forks in the road of your life that you could take that might seem to lead only to inconsequential improvements but might potentially reveal entirely new vistas with unknown paths? (The answer is yes, but we have to be open to seeing them - and taking them.)
Alison Gopnik has a great TED talk about how babies' brains are open to absolutely everything and how, starting at about age 6, we're all conditioned to stop doing that and focus on what we're told we should. But we have the capacity to return to it. I think we'd all benefit from becoming a bit more like babies.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 11:27:30 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 11:27:30 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 09:06:49 AMI'm not sure. Getting home has just validated that I hate my house, my life and my job. Being away from all 3 I had no depression symptoms.Your life is changing big time Charlotte the best is yet to come, don't get down petal! It will soon be warming up and Spring is starting up all over now. The days are getting lighter. The birds are starting to pair off. What's not to love when you look at the bigger picture!!
Your house and job, well they are also things you could change if you wanted to. You don't have to live with the status quo.
Chin up pet, you're further down the road than I am at least!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 11:38:04 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 11:38:04 AM
Thanks @Pema I will take a look and see what I can get from it.
I think I've enjoyed literally spending each day chilling on my bed, a couple of walks out, get food and that's it.
Now I'm faced again with a house I've not cleaned for several months due to lack of motivation. The cat has peed in 6 different places around the house forcing me to clean more. I look at my house and have no care or love for it. No desire to make it a home. I haven't for a few years. I don't know why.
Work I'm absolutely terrified to return to as I only associate it with pain. My stomach feels like dropping on a roller-coaster every time a call or email comes in, as I'm terrified of the next big problem coming in. I'm not joking it's literally that feeling of your stomach coming up. Even my coleague gets the same now. I think 5 panic attacks at work have messed me up.
On top of this I think it's driven by BPD / ADHD too which certainly causes loss of interst in doing things you once loved.
Anyways I'll look at that video now and continue to push for the help I need now I'm back.
Charlotte
I think I've enjoyed literally spending each day chilling on my bed, a couple of walks out, get food and that's it.
Now I'm faced again with a house I've not cleaned for several months due to lack of motivation. The cat has peed in 6 different places around the house forcing me to clean more. I look at my house and have no care or love for it. No desire to make it a home. I haven't for a few years. I don't know why.
Work I'm absolutely terrified to return to as I only associate it with pain. My stomach feels like dropping on a roller-coaster every time a call or email comes in, as I'm terrified of the next big problem coming in. I'm not joking it's literally that feeling of your stomach coming up. Even my coleague gets the same now. I think 5 panic attacks at work have messed me up.
On top of this I think it's driven by BPD / ADHD too which certainly causes loss of interst in doing things you once loved.
Anyways I'll look at that video now and continue to push for the help I need now I'm back.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 11:45:11 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 11:45:11 AM
Thanks too @Stottie Girl. I am certainly looking forward to my walks out again for the spring.
I think really I honestly don't want to adult anymore. I can't say I like anything of it. Especially when motivation is at zero and has been so long. I fall out of love with every job and house I get. I think I lose interst in everything very quickly and they just become a burden to me.
Like above I feel hsppy now doing...nothing. I'm not sure why I've become that way but it seems so. I need to get into my appointment Monday and push to the next stage.
I think several things are at play here now.
Charlotte 😻
I think really I honestly don't want to adult anymore. I can't say I like anything of it. Especially when motivation is at zero and has been so long. I fall out of love with every job and house I get. I think I lose interst in everything very quickly and they just become a burden to me.
Like above I feel hsppy now doing...nothing. I'm not sure why I've become that way but it seems so. I need to get into my appointment Monday and push to the next stage.
I think several things are at play here now.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Rochelle on March 19, 2026, 12:21:13 PM
Post by: Rochelle on March 19, 2026, 12:21:13 PM
It's good to see you home safe. Sorry you are dealing with all the rest. Hopefully you're healing well and will soon see the difference it makes for you. You are in our thoughts. 💚
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 12:23:49 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 12:23:49 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 11:45:11 AMThanks too @Stottie Girl. I am certainly looking forward to my walks out again for the spring.Nowt wrong with doing nothing on a lazy day from time to time Charlotte! You'll be super tired from the flight too don't forget. Have yourself a little power nap if you like but I bet you'll feel rosier in the morning.
I think really I honestly don't want to adult anymore. I can't say I like anything of it. Especially when motivation is at zero and has been so long. I fall out of love with every job and house I get. I think I lose interst in everything very quickly and they just become a burden to me.
Like above I feel hsppy now doing...nothing. I'm not sure why I've become that way but it seems so. I need to get into my appointment Monday and push to the next stage.
I think several things are at play here now.
Charlotte 😻
I know you were getting your surgery but it was also a bit of a holiday too and everyone gets the post holiday blues. How's the recovery going anyway? Is there more of the new you emerging?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 12:35:26 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 12:35:26 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 12:23:49 PMNowt wrong with doing nothing on a lazy day from time to time Charlotte! You'll be super tired from the flight too don't forget. Have yourself a little power nap if you like but I bet you'll feel rosier in the morning.
I know you were getting your surgery but it was also a bit of a holiday too and everyone gets the post holiday blues. How's the recovery going anyway? Is there more of the new you emerging?
Some slight reduction in swelling but the bruises still very bad. Plus I look a bit run down. I put some concealer and BB cream on as we're going to see Hoppers as last night at cinema. It softens rather than hides the bruises. Plus hard to do my hair with stitches in and tenderness. I look ok. Got some way to go but so much better.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/0546jf9w/20260319-165606.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 01:27:37 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 19, 2026, 01:27:37 PM
Hey, look at you Charlotte! That is quite the transformation. Love the top too.
Actually you look like you have your war paint on!
Actually you look like you have your war paint on!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 04:38:42 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 04:38:42 PM
You do look... sad, Charlotte. It's in your eyes. I am so very sorry, sweetie. I can only offer a big, massive hug and to say... look at everything you've done to get to where you want to be, sweetie. If you can change one thing, you can change everything.
It's all inside you, okay?
You've got this. I believe in you.
It's all inside you, okay?
You've got this. I believe in you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 05:02:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 05:02:17 PM
TRIGGER WARNING
Thanks @Sephirah and all. Hoppers was fun to watch with my boyfriend which at least helps. Honestly deep inside I am very sad though as you identify. Partly I'm still tired from surgery. I put on a smile and happy exterior a lot of my life, but the intense darkness is always just one slight downer or stress away from all consuming me again. I'm getting angry on top of it and smashing things up too. Now got a broken mirror and door to sort. I'm on the edge 24/7.
I feel at the end of the line. Either somehow I sort my mental health or one of these breakdowns will be my last. I've visited that banned website so many times now that I even know exactly what I need. It kinda brings me comfort playing through the process. Knowing i have that ultimate control.
I need to rest soon and hope I have enough energy to feel better tomorrow.
Love and hugs
Charlotte
Thanks @Sephirah and all. Hoppers was fun to watch with my boyfriend which at least helps. Honestly deep inside I am very sad though as you identify. Partly I'm still tired from surgery. I put on a smile and happy exterior a lot of my life, but the intense darkness is always just one slight downer or stress away from all consuming me again. I'm getting angry on top of it and smashing things up too. Now got a broken mirror and door to sort. I'm on the edge 24/7.
I feel at the end of the line. Either somehow I sort my mental health or one of these breakdowns will be my last. I've visited that banned website so many times now that I even know exactly what I need. It kinda brings me comfort playing through the process. Knowing i have that ultimate control.
I need to rest soon and hope I have enough energy to feel better tomorrow.
Love and hugs
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 05:10:25 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 05:10:25 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 19, 2026, 05:02:17 PMTRIGGER WARNING
Thanks @Sephirah and all. Hoppers was fun to watch with my boyfriend which at least helps. Honestly deep inside I am very sad though as you identify. Partly I'm still tired from surgery. I put on a smile and happy exterior a lot of my life, but the intense darkness is always just one slight downer or stress away from all consuming me again. I'm getting angry on top of it and smashing things up too. Now got a broken mirror and door to sort. I'm on the edge 24/7.
I feel at the end of the line. Either somehow I sort my mental health or one of these breakdowns will be my last. I've visited that banned website so many times now that I even know exactly what I need. It kinda brings me comfort playing through the process. Knowing i have that ultimate control.
I need to rest soon and hope I have enough energy to feel better tomorrow.
Love and hugs
Charlotte
Charlotte, trust me, sweetie, I know extremely well how you feel. How I feel inside isn't how I want to be with others a lot of the time. Especially places like here. So I don't. I can see it in others, though. I have an intensely dark side, too.
I always say, you can't have the light without the dark, though. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow it casts. That's kind of just how it is.
Sorting mental health is a hard thing, Charlotte. Break it down into small steps. That helps. Do you have anyone you can talk to? I don't mean necessarily about trans issues. But just how you feel? That helps, sweetie. And if it helps you, you can always shoot me a PM. Even just to vent if that's what you want to do. To get it out of your system. I don't judge and I can listen. :)
If not... take it one step at a time, sweetie. Nothing is so broken it can't be fixed, okay?
*extra hugs*
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 20, 2026, 05:14:52 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 20, 2026, 05:14:52 AM
Felling quite swollen and tight this morning around eyes and nose. However I think this is expected sometimes for a few weeks at least. Need to do shopping later, but resting for now.
Added a couple of pix from my surgery travels. One in the park the day before my surgery. Then playing with the cute dog in my surgeons office. Others are a few showing me from the morning after surgery to a few days later to see how it is!
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/W1WmCw6k/IMG-20260320-095725-501-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/vZkg5qtr/IMG-20260320-095725-677.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y2dS1DpF/20260310-091133.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/jjhTRC2j/20260312-123803.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/vTJkrdTq/image.jpg)
Added a couple of pix from my surgery travels. One in the park the day before my surgery. Then playing with the cute dog in my surgeons office. Others are a few showing me from the morning after surgery to a few days later to see how it is!
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/W1WmCw6k/IMG-20260320-095725-501-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/vZkg5qtr/IMG-20260320-095725-677.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y2dS1DpF/20260310-091133.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/jjhTRC2j/20260312-123803.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/vTJkrdTq/image.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 20, 2026, 05:17:43 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 20, 2026, 05:17:43 AM
Hugs to you from me dear, there must be somethings that are positive so focus on those. You need a distraction to keep your mind busy like a new hobby .
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 20, 2026, 10:21:40 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 20, 2026, 10:21:40 AM
Looks like you are healing up quickly. The bruising seems to take the longest to go away. It scared me a bit when they turned from green to yellow, but I just used some arnica cream to get them to finally go away.
I love the pink top too.
I love the pink top too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 20, 2026, 11:26:08 AM
Post by: Pema on March 20, 2026, 11:26:08 AM
You're well on your way back - to a new you. I hope you continue to feel better with every day.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 20, 2026, 11:46:25 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 20, 2026, 11:46:25 AM
My wishes are the same.
You will be better!
Chrissy
You will be better!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 20, 2026, 04:19:24 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 20, 2026, 04:19:24 PM
You are another person here who has an amazing smile, Charlotte. It seems to be a common thing among Susan's members. Those times where you allow yourself to smile, it lights up your whole face.
Hold onto that, okay? Whatever else is going on. *hugs* I like to think that is the essence of who you are. Not the things you're dealing with.
Also that pupper in the second picture is quite possibly the most adorable dog I have ever seen!
Hold onto that, okay? Whatever else is going on. *hugs* I like to think that is the essence of who you are. Not the things you're dealing with.
Also that pupper in the second picture is quite possibly the most adorable dog I have ever seen!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 04:32:23 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 04:32:23 AM
Thanks so much for all the love, my friends ❤️
Today I've woken up a bit down again, but seeing everyone's words has softened me up a little.
@Sephirah You are right that inside my soul there is this happy, optimistic woman. It's weird because I lash out, fall, down deep holes and such. But this little bit inside is optimistic and makes me keep getting up. It doesn't die, it just gets buried in frustration. I just want to understand and find a way out of this pridon in my head.
I do love to smile but i can't force it. Ususlly something small and silly makes it come out. If you ask anyone that's worked with me they'll say I'm that funny, happy, goofy and together person. I think that's who I am inside, but am troubled by my own mind. I just want to be silly, childish and funny all the time really.
Well tonight I'm planning to goto my local trans meet up. Hopefully I'll feel in the mood for it. Still bruised and swollen. I'll look a bit of a mess though.
Charlotte 😻
Today I've woken up a bit down again, but seeing everyone's words has softened me up a little.
@Sephirah You are right that inside my soul there is this happy, optimistic woman. It's weird because I lash out, fall, down deep holes and such. But this little bit inside is optimistic and makes me keep getting up. It doesn't die, it just gets buried in frustration. I just want to understand and find a way out of this pridon in my head.
I do love to smile but i can't force it. Ususlly something small and silly makes it come out. If you ask anyone that's worked with me they'll say I'm that funny, happy, goofy and together person. I think that's who I am inside, but am troubled by my own mind. I just want to be silly, childish and funny all the time really.
Well tonight I'm planning to goto my local trans meet up. Hopefully I'll feel in the mood for it. Still bruised and swollen. I'll look a bit of a mess though.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 09:35:15 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 09:35:15 AM
A smile goes a long way.
Make one so!
Chrissy
Make one so!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 10:32:37 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 10:32:37 AM
Charlotte,
I hope your sores do not bother you today much. I suppose discomfort comes and goes.
I also hope your evening event goes well. Maybe you will take your cat's ears?
Wishing a speedy recovery for you of course still.
Hugs,
Chrissy
I hope your sores do not bother you today much. I suppose discomfort comes and goes.
I also hope your evening event goes well. Maybe you will take your cat's ears?
Wishing a speedy recovery for you of course still.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 11:09:25 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 11:09:25 AM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 10:32:37 AMCharlotte,
I hope your sores do not bother you today much. I suppose discomfort comes and goes.
I also hope your evening event goes well. Maybe you will take your cat's ears?
Wishing a speedy recovery for you of course still.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Thank youuu so much Chrissy. I'm feeling mostly ok at moment. I decided not to wear my rec dress as my face is still a mess. I need to feel 100% to pull off the red satin number with cat ears. There will be a time soon....that's for sure!
I've gone with a tartan goth style dress as that plays better with bruised eyes!!
I'm hoping to still have a nice evening and I think I look ok considering.
Hugs Charlotte xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 21, 2026, 01:04:00 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 21, 2026, 01:04:00 PM
Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I get it. So much of this, transition, life, is so hard sometimes. And the excitement and euphoria over taking that big step with surgery has to wane a bit. I'm experiencing that now, that "what now?" feeling. Plus, I'm looking at my face, thinking "this is it?' despite everyone telling me to be patient and wait for the swelling to recede.
But all things must pass. There's a way forward, always. One day at a time.
But all things must pass. There's a way forward, always. One day at a time.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 01:54:18 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 01:54:18 PM
Quote from: Courtney G on March 21, 2026, 01:04:00 PMOh, honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I get it. So much of this, transition, life, is so hard sometimes. And the excitement and euphoria over taking that big step with surgery has to wane a bit. I'm experiencing that now, that "what now?" feeling. Plus, I'm looking at my face, thinking "this is it?' despite everyone telling me to be patient and wait for the swelling to recede.
But all things must pass. There's a way forward, always. One day at a time.
Thanks Courtney 😊 But so sad to hear you're struggling too. In bursts I'm seeing the improvement...just very subtle. I'm absolutely sure that as the swelling goes we will both see the next level we desire. Hopefully we will get some positive affirmations in the next few months, being seen as our true genders.
You're right...it's such a high. But with that comes the low. Sending you much love and hugs.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 05:28:37 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 05:28:37 PM
Went to the trans meet as planned. It was ok...I managed to speak to a couple of people which was nice. But then later I struggle to socialize as I'm terrified to just talk to anyone. Got really overwhelmed then just sat quietly. I do wonder if I'm autistic because everything I explain to my boyfriend who is autistic, he says he feels too. He keeps telling me he thinks I am considering his lived experience.
The plot thickens, I'm feeling there are a lot of issues with me that should have been resolved decades ago. Seems socializing is still off the cards for me.
Charlotte 😻
The plot thickens, I'm feeling there are a lot of issues with me that should have been resolved decades ago. Seems socializing is still off the cards for me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 21, 2026, 06:27:30 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 21, 2026, 06:27:30 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 05:28:37 PMWent to the trans meet as planned. It was ok...I managed to speak to a couple of people which was nice. But then later I struggle to socialize as I'm terrified to just talk to anyone. Got really overwhelmed then just sat quietly. I do wonder if I'm autistic because everything I explain to my boyfriend who is autistic, he says he feels too. He keeps telling me he thinks I am considering his lived experience.Well if it's any consolation Charlotte I would be the same. I'm not to bad at doing a little smalltalk initially (was used to that in my working life) but beyond that I tend to just sit there quietly and hope that someone will come and talk to me. They usually don't and I skulk off never to return!
The plot thickens, I'm feeling there are a lot of issues with me that should have been resolved decades ago. Seems socializing is still off the cards for me.
Charlotte 😻
I heard that scientists are starting to come back round to the idea that the MMR jab we all got in the 70's and 80's might actually have caused some instances of Autism after all. There has been a very large spike in 40 somethings being late diagnosed autistic. I believe I am one.
There's nothing we can do with the diagnosis anyway really I suppose so does it actually matter? You will have made adjustments in your life by now to compensate.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 06:39:38 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 06:39:38 PM
I broke out of some lingering shyness when involved with a book reading group.
Or try any group where you need to prepare to be an active participant.
If you happen to be actively involved with something the group is interested in, that can help immensely. Being a speaker is good.
What did this group talk about when you attended? If it was just a mixer, that is usually social only. That can be a toughie if you basically know no one there.
Chrissy
Or try any group where you need to prepare to be an active participant.
If you happen to be actively involved with something the group is interested in, that can help immensely. Being a speaker is good.
What did this group talk about when you attended? If it was just a mixer, that is usually social only. That can be a toughie if you basically know no one there.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 06:48:54 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 06:48:54 PM
@Stottie Girl Does sound like we have these similarities Sarah. I think once the group gets to big and the noise too much it becomes impossible.
I did have the MMR vaccine as you mention. Oddly though in about 2003 I still contracted mumps. That was a highly painful experience causing my cheeks then down there to swell.
@ChrissyRyan The group is just a social meet in a bar. I managed to speak to a couple of people I had chatted to at a gig previously. But several people I didn't know. That I find tough. Weird thing is once I get to know someone I'm on fire and they normally love me. But it's that first few meets.
I'm trying to find a lyric writing / poetry group at moment so I can write and share my experiences. Then make some music around it.
Charlotte 😻
I did have the MMR vaccine as you mention. Oddly though in about 2003 I still contracted mumps. That was a highly painful experience causing my cheeks then down there to swell.
@ChrissyRyan The group is just a social meet in a bar. I managed to speak to a couple of people I had chatted to at a gig previously. But several people I didn't know. That I find tough. Weird thing is once I get to know someone I'm on fire and they normally love me. But it's that first few meets.
I'm trying to find a lyric writing / poetry group at moment so I can write and share my experiences. Then make some music around it.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 07:09:33 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 21, 2026, 07:09:33 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 06:48:54 PM@Stottie Girl Does sound like we have these similarities Sarah. I think once the group gets to big and the noise too much it becomes impossible.
I did have the MMR vaccine as you mention. Oddly though in about 2003 I still contracted mumps. That was a highly painful experience causing my cheeks then down there to swell.
@ChrissyRyan The group is just a social meet in a bar. I managed to speak to a couple of people I had chatted to at a gig previously. But several people I didn't know. That I find tough. Weird thing is once I get to know someone I'm on fire and they normally love me. But it's that first few meets.
I'm trying to find a lyric writing / poetry group at moment so I can write and share my experiences. Then make some music around it.
Charlotte 😻
I see. I hope you find such a group.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 21, 2026, 07:50:19 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 21, 2026, 07:50:19 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 21, 2026, 06:48:54 PM@Stottie Girl Does sound like we have these similarities Sarah. I think once the group gets to big and the noise too much it becomes impossible.
I did have the MMR vaccine as you mention. Oddly though in about 2003 I still contracted mumps. That was a highly painful experience causing my cheeks then down there to swell.
@ChrissyRyan The group is just a social meet in a bar. I managed to speak to a couple of people I had chatted to at a gig previously. But several people I didn't know. That I find tough. Weird thing is once I get to know someone I'm on fire and they normally love me. But it's that first few meets.
I'm trying to find a lyric writing / poetry group at moment so I can write and share my experiences. Then make some music around it.
Charlotte 😻
We have a place for that here, Charlotte, if you feel comfortable using it. :)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 22, 2026, 03:58:28 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 22, 2026, 03:58:28 AM
being dyslexic my brain struggles to think of stuff to say at times, after cars and cooking I am a bit lost!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on March 22, 2026, 09:30:07 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on March 22, 2026, 09:30:07 AM
Charlotte, I am so happy for you and your surgery, but I am sorry for your ongoing stress.
I remember early in my transition, someone shared this with me:
"Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional."
You are entitled to joy in your life, and you have a right to demand it. Don't let the occasional transgender blues get you down.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 10:32:52 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 10:32:52 AM
Is it first day back at work tomorrow Charlotte? If so, I hope it all goes well. Don't be shy to take a sicky if you start feeling unwell. I still worry a bit that it's too early. I'm sure they will understand given what you've been through. Best of British anyway.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 11:36:29 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 11:36:29 AM
Thanks @Emma1017 for your words. I am working to try and sort the happiness situation, albeit a slow process with the limited UK mental health support. Hopefully in a few months I'll be on a path to a better place. I think the transition related downers are giggles and minimal, but I'm very certain I have undiagnosed 'serious' issues to get sorted.
@Stottie Girl yes tomorrow I'm back which will be interesting. I feel well enough but they are aware I might check out if I need to. Thank you so much for the best wishes and support Sarah.
Charlotte 😻 xx
@Stottie Girl yes tomorrow I'm back which will be interesting. I feel well enough but they are aware I might check out if I need to. Thank you so much for the best wishes and support Sarah.
Charlotte 😻 xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 12:09:48 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 12:09:48 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 11:36:29 AMThanks @Emma1017 for your words. I am working to try and sort the happiness situation, albeit a slow process with the limited UK mental health support. Hopefully in a few months I'll be on a path to a better place. I think the transition related downers are giggles and minimal, but I'm very certain I have undiagnosed 'serious' issues to get sorted.You'll be fine Charlotte, I bet you get nothing but positive comments from everyone.
@Stottie Girl yes tomorrow I'm back which will be interesting. I feel well enough but they are aware I might check out if I need to. Thank you so much for the best wishes and support Sarah.
Charlotte 😻 xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 01:37:02 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 01:37:02 PM
I'm hoping that the fact that my breasts no longer having any tenderness/ pain doesn't mean they have stopped growing! Really they are basically man boobs with little feeling now. Could really do without having to find another 4k to get them done too.
Swelling is bad today around my eyes and have a dull headache. My whole head is still weird and painful to touch in places. Hoping it'll improve soon as 14 days since surgery tomorrow.
Not really feeling great today to be honest, even though we got out for a nice walk. Still just chronically empty and don't have a clue who I am or what I want from this life. Sleeping 20 hours a day still feels like my ideal life. My ultimate hope is not to reach an older age and go early, but I worry for my partner. I can't face so many more years. I need to check out my work life insurance policy to see if he'd be covered well, as that'd make me feel a lot better. Else I'll look to take one out soon.
Charlotte 😻
Swelling is bad today around my eyes and have a dull headache. My whole head is still weird and painful to touch in places. Hoping it'll improve soon as 14 days since surgery tomorrow.
Not really feeling great today to be honest, even though we got out for a nice walk. Still just chronically empty and don't have a clue who I am or what I want from this life. Sleeping 20 hours a day still feels like my ideal life. My ultimate hope is not to reach an older age and go early, but I worry for my partner. I can't face so many more years. I need to check out my work life insurance policy to see if he'd be covered well, as that'd make me feel a lot better. Else I'll look to take one out soon.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 02:49:11 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 02:49:11 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 01:37:02 PMI'm hoping that the fact that my breasts no longer having any tenderness/ pain doesn't mean they have stopped growing! Really they are basically man boobs with little feeling now. Could really do without having to find another 4k to get them done too.Charlotte where is this coming from pet? I don't like it when you get maudlin like this. If it's the boob thing don't worry, they go through growth spurts for years. But it seems to me that it's much more than that. You are looking great, you're making progress towards a new life. There is loads to look forward to.
Swelling is bad today around my eyes and have a dull headache. My whole head is still weird and painful to touch in places. Hoping it'll improve soon as 14 days since surgery tomorrow.
Not really feeling great today to be honest, even though we got out for a nice walk. Still just chronically empty and don't have a clue who I am or what I want from this life. Sleeping 20 hours a day still feels like my ideal life. My ultimate hope is not to reach an older age and go early, but I worry for my partner. I can't face so many more years. I need to check out my work life insurance policy to see if he'd be covered well, as that'd make me feel a lot better. Else I'll look to take one out soon.
Charlotte 😻
Don't think like that, you have so much to give to the world.
Have you been assigned a therapist yet? I'm pretty sure you can self refer to NHS talking therapies if you think that will help. They are pretty good actually.
You can PM me anytime you know, if you want to talk.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 03:24:18 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 03:24:18 PM
@Stottie Girl It's just part of me unfortunately and has been since I was about 15 years old. Unfortunately they have moved my assessment appointment to next week as the assessor is ill.
I just feel empty. There used to be a time when I had dreams and ambitions. But now I just don't have any apart from my transition stuff. I don't have any goals or even a bucket list. In essence I've done everything I want to do apart from my transition, then that's it. I'm done. Just feels odd as I'm basically treading water until it's my time to go!
I did use NHS talking therapies. Was awful and they didn't even listen to me. Just try and get me to do these tasks I have no interest in doing the way I feel!
Anyways thank youu. Really appreciate your kindness. I'm just chilling now in my Hello Kitty PJs with a cup of tea...that feels nice.
Charlotte 😻
I just feel empty. There used to be a time when I had dreams and ambitions. But now I just don't have any apart from my transition stuff. I don't have any goals or even a bucket list. In essence I've done everything I want to do apart from my transition, then that's it. I'm done. Just feels odd as I'm basically treading water until it's my time to go!
I did use NHS talking therapies. Was awful and they didn't even listen to me. Just try and get me to do these tasks I have no interest in doing the way I feel!
Anyways thank youu. Really appreciate your kindness. I'm just chilling now in my Hello Kitty PJs with a cup of tea...that feels nice.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 03:36:00 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 22, 2026, 03:36:00 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 03:24:18 PM@Stottie Girl It's just part of me unfortunately and has been since I was about 15 years old. Unfortunately they have moved my assessment appointment to next week as the assessor is ill.You really are feeling flat aren't you honey.
I just feel empty. There used to be a time when I had dreams and ambitions. But now I just don't have any apart from my transition stuff. I don't have any goals or even a bucket list. In essence I've done everything I want to do apart from my transition, then that's it. I'm done. Just feels odd as I'm basically treading water until it's my time to go!
I did use NHS talking therapies. Was awful and they didn't even listen to me. Just try and get me to do these tasks I have no interest in doing the way I feel!
Anyways thank youu. Really appreciate your kindness. I'm just chilling now in my Hello Kitty PJs with a cup of tea...that feels nice.
Charlotte 😻
If you can't think of any dreams or ambitions right now, how about planning an epic trip abroad? You clearly loved your time in Turkey aside from the operation. Why not grab an atlas and draw up a list of destinations and adventures you could go on. Don't tell me there aren't loads of places you would like to see, I don't believe you have seen it all yet!
I bet when you start writing them down you can end up thinking of some wild adventures. You could go on a safari, go whale watching, climb Mount Killimanjaro, or simply go on a beach holiday to clear your mind. Tills gives glowing reports on Thailand as an excellent place to be if you are trans.
New experiences abroad might give you the spark to follow new interests you can't even think of right now.
Or, you have an eye for photography I have seen that. If the type of photography has got you bored why not try a different genre?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 22, 2026, 03:37:17 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 22, 2026, 03:37:17 PM
I hope you get some comfort and some new interests.
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 23, 2026, 02:43:39 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 23, 2026, 02:43:39 PM
Charlotte,
Please remember that for about all of us, and that includes you, that affirming environments are very helpful to improve our well being. So continue to find that supportive care, it benefits likely about everyone.
I wish you the best always!
Chrissy
Please remember that for about all of us, and that includes you, that affirming environments are very helpful to improve our well being. So continue to find that supportive care, it benefits likely about everyone.
I wish you the best always!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 02:48:22 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 02:48:22 PM
How was first day back Charlotte?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 02:58:09 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 02:58:09 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 02:48:22 PMHow was first day back Charlotte?
First day back was fine apart from having to fix my PC as there was a power cut that killed the SSD!
Sorting e-mails, meetings and some procurement really. Seems I've been pulled into designing more electronic circuits though as my colleagues ones didn't work, so will be busy!
Thanks 😊
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 03:02:39 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 03:02:39 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 23, 2026, 02:43:39 PMCharlotte,
Please remember that for about all of us, and that includes you, that affirming environments are very helpful to improve our well being. So continue to find that supportive care, it benefits likely about everyone.
I wish you the best always!
Chrissy
Thank you very much, Chrissy. Luckily my work colleagues all treat me well and running club were also very kind too. I'm lucky to have supportive people around me.
Charlotte xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 03:52:36 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 03:52:36 PM
I still can't decide if my FFS was worth it or not. Occasionally I see a women, but often still I see a man pretending to be a woman. Something is still off about my face. Maybe I do need jaw surgery too as not sure what else I can get done that I haven't already. I think when I get breast augmentation in a couple of years I can get my jaw done too by the same surgeon. It'll definitely be at least a year after my GRS as I can't handle surgery so often!
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 23, 2026, 04:07:46 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 23, 2026, 04:07:46 PM
Part of our identity is our self-image and self-concept. It is how we see ourselves in the world and in our heads. You have just undergone a major change compared to what you have been accustomed to throughout your life. That change was only weeks ago, and it is competing with what has been "normal" for decades.
Give yourself a break. It takes time for your body to heal and your brain to recognize and accept the change as the new normal. There is no need to hurry. No need to judge now. Relax, and wait to see how you feel in six months or so.
It seems like a long time because we want it all done now. But the reality is that physical and mental changes take time.
You look great. Soon enough, you will see it too.
Give yourself a break. It takes time for your body to heal and your brain to recognize and accept the change as the new normal. There is no need to hurry. No need to judge now. Relax, and wait to see how you feel in six months or so.
It seems like a long time because we want it all done now. But the reality is that physical and mental changes take time.
You look great. Soon enough, you will see it too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 04:36:53 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 04:36:53 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 03:52:36 PMI still can't decide if my FFS was worth it or not. Occasionally I see a women, but often still I see a man pretending to be a woman. Something is still off about my face. Maybe I do need jaw surgery too as not sure what else I can get done that I haven't already. I think when I get breast augmentation in a couple of years I can get my jaw done too by the same surgeon. It'll definitely be at least a year after my GRS as I can't handle surgery so often!I'm no expert but don't they say your true face doesn't appear for a month or two as there is still residual swelling? As Lori says it's way to early to make an assesment on the result. Just take each day as it comes.
Charlotte 😻
For what it's worth I never thought you had a masculine jaw on any of your previous pics. It could need something you haven't thought of like hairline or something less invasive. Play around with makeup too when you are more able, you may need to adjust your style to fit the new you
I thought your pics did show a dramatic change personally. Give it time petal.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 23, 2026, 05:34:10 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 23, 2026, 05:34:10 PM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
Regarding your breasts that are no longer having any tenderness... when mine were growing
in my early HRT, the pain and tenderness came and went and eventually after a year they
just continued to grow and not hurt anymore.
Keep taking your HRT and let time do it's thing. IMHO, it is way too early for considering
breast augmentation surgery, the doctors will most likely tell you the same thing.
It has only been a couple of weeks (a Fortnight in UK terms) so you are still
healing and will be healing in the near future.
You have made one of the bigger commitments in your transition journey... in due time your
healing and your personal mental adjustment will be further along... you don't have to
think that you have to rush all of this.
Here on the Susan's Place Forum you are in a SAFE and SECURE place with like-minded followers
that are ready and willing to support you, listen to you, and give you our shoulders for you
to lean on.
Thank you for keeping all of your readers and avid followers, including myself, updated...
... we are with you !!!!
❤️
Many HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
Regarding your breasts that are no longer having any tenderness... when mine were growing
in my early HRT, the pain and tenderness came and went and eventually after a year they
just continued to grow and not hurt anymore.
Keep taking your HRT and let time do it's thing. IMHO, it is way too early for considering
breast augmentation surgery, the doctors will most likely tell you the same thing.
It has only been a couple of weeks (a Fortnight in UK terms) so you are still
healing and will be healing in the near future.
You have made one of the bigger commitments in your transition journey... in due time your
healing and your personal mental adjustment will be further along... you don't have to
think that you have to rush all of this.
Here on the Susan's Place Forum you are in a SAFE and SECURE place with like-minded followers
that are ready and willing to support you, listen to you, and give you our shoulders for you
to lean on.
Thank you for keeping all of your readers and avid followers, including myself, updated...
... we are with you !!!!
❤️
Many HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 01:37:02 PMI'm hoping that the fact that my breasts no longer having any tenderness/ pain doesn't mean they have stopped growing! Really they are basically man boobs with little feeling now. Could really do without having to find another 4k to get them done too.
Swelling is bad today around my eyes and have a dull headache. My whole head is still weird and painful to touch in places. Hoping it'll improve soon as 14 days since surgery tomorrow.
Not really feeling great today to be honest, even though we got out for a nice walk. Still just chronically empty and don't have a clue who I am or what I want from this life. Sleeping 20 hours a day still feels like my ideal life. My ultimate hope is not to reach an older age and go early, but I worry for my partner. I can't face so many more years. I need to check out my work life insurance policy to see if he'd be covered well, as that'd make me feel a lot better. Else I'll look to take one out soon.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 06:00:50 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 23, 2026, 06:00:50 PM
My experience of growing breasts mirrors Danielle's exactly. It happened just like she says for me. It's way too early to judge outcome. Save your money for now and give yourself some time to adjust. It's not a race.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 06:20:40 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 23, 2026, 06:20:40 PM
Well I'm already planned for GRS in February so give or take it'll be 2 years or so before I have further procedures. That should be adequate time to see the effects of HRT being 3 years then.
I'm 12 months in April. I can't remember the exact date tbh as was just experimenting so didn't think that much of it!
Charlotte 😻
I'm 12 months in April. I can't remember the exact date tbh as was just experimenting so didn't think that much of it!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 24, 2026, 04:43:34 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 24, 2026, 04:43:34 AM
8yers on HRT and its still having an effect, it takes time for your body to change. After 61 years it is taking me a while to correct things.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 09:14:46 AM
Post by: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 09:14:46 AM
It was well after the first year that I really started to notice the regrowth of a lot of scalp hair and at over 4 years, my breasts are still growing. It takes quite a lot of time to turn this ship around. Heck, HRT is going to continue to soften/change your face for the next couple of years.
But I get it - we waited our entire lives to do this and it's very hard to wait those changes out.
But I get it - we waited our entire lives to do this and it's very hard to wait those changes out.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 01:45:10 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 01:45:10 PM
I'm wondering how much difference brow bone reduction really makes apart from in cases like mine where it at least got rid of that horrible, over masculine look around my eyes!
Over the past few days I've been noticing that most cis mens brow bones, including my partners are no bigger than mine after surgery. I was just unlucky to have such a stupidly large one. Considering this I don't see how it can be such a signifier of gender aside from making some people look extremely masculine in some cases. My boyfriend looks masculine despite a brow bone as small as mine is now.
There are obviously so many other facial features at play here which maybe can't be modified.
I'm glad to be rid of it that's for sure but skeptical how much real difference it will make. Considering on a day to day basis I don't want makeup as part of my routine. My cis female colleagues don't wear it say at work. I don't want to really either. Long term I just want to look naturally feminine without having to go to great lengths with hair and beauty. Maybe it's possible?
Charlotte 😻
Over the past few days I've been noticing that most cis mens brow bones, including my partners are no bigger than mine after surgery. I was just unlucky to have such a stupidly large one. Considering this I don't see how it can be such a signifier of gender aside from making some people look extremely masculine in some cases. My boyfriend looks masculine despite a brow bone as small as mine is now.
There are obviously so many other facial features at play here which maybe can't be modified.
I'm glad to be rid of it that's for sure but skeptical how much real difference it will make. Considering on a day to day basis I don't want makeup as part of my routine. My cis female colleagues don't wear it say at work. I don't want to really either. Long term I just want to look naturally feminine without having to go to great lengths with hair and beauty. Maybe it's possible?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 02:24:47 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 02:24:47 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 01:45:10 PMI'm wondering how much difference brow bone reduction really makes apart from in cases like mine where it at least got rid of that horrible, over masculine look around my eyes!Well I think it is the work to the orbital brow area that is the most significant benefit. I think that is my biggest tell tale when I compare myself to cis gender women. That and hairline. From the pics you have shared, your orbital and brow does now look to be very feminine to me.
Over the past few days I've been noticing that most cis mens brow bones, including my partners are no bigger than mine after surgery. I was just unlucky to have such a stupidly large one. Considering this I don't see how it can be such a signifier of gender aside from making some people look extremely masculine in some cases. My boyfriend looks masculine despite a brow bone as small as mine is now.
There are obviously so many other facial features at play here which maybe can't be modified.
I'm glad to be rid of it that's for sure but skeptical how much real difference it will make. Considering on a day to day basis I don't want makeup as part of my routine. My cis female colleagues don't wear it say at work. I don't want to really either. Long term I just want to look naturally feminine without having to go to great lengths with hair and beauty. Maybe it's possible?
Charlotte 😻
With regards to colleagues wearing no makeup, I doubt that is true for many. There is such a thing as a "no make up" look and it is what it says a makeup routine that creates a natural look. It is usually a quick to apply routine (like 10 mins or so) very useful for work or if you are in a hurry. There are loads of how to's online if you have a look. I think most cis women will at least put liner, mascara and lippy on, the lippy may be a more neutral shade though so it may not be that obvious.
Hair wise maybe think of tying it back if you don't want to spend the effort?
Unfortunately the morning routines are part of being a woman I feel. If you don't enjoy the process, well it is a small price to pay for all the other benefits in my opinion.
Of course you can choose not to follow societal norms and forgoe it all but if your goal is to blend in, it may make it harder for the trans woman sadly.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 02:44:28 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 02:44:28 PM
Once it's long enough I'll probably tie it back to be honest. I really like the tied back look on my colleagues. I know a couple of my colleagues use no makeup as they told me. It's a tech office...not corporate at all.
I don't mind makeup if it's a day off or going out, but work days honestly I don't want to even exist in the morning let alone do makeup! Most I really do is BB cream and some eyeshadow if I'm feeling particularly awake.
Lipstick is worst as makes eating and drinking very difficult without losing it all. Maybe I'll get them tattood although it sounds very painful.
I love women's fashion but makeup I don't really enjoy at all. Partly because all I can see is a blur from one eye. Makes detail stuff very hard even with a magnifying mirror! Even doing just BB cream and a little eye shadow is over 15 mins some days.
Charlotte 😻
I don't mind makeup if it's a day off or going out, but work days honestly I don't want to even exist in the morning let alone do makeup! Most I really do is BB cream and some eyeshadow if I'm feeling particularly awake.
Lipstick is worst as makes eating and drinking very difficult without losing it all. Maybe I'll get them tattood although it sounds very painful.
I love women's fashion but makeup I don't really enjoy at all. Partly because all I can see is a blur from one eye. Makes detail stuff very hard even with a magnifying mirror! Even doing just BB cream and a little eye shadow is over 15 mins some days.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 24, 2026, 03:10:10 PM
Post by: davina61 on March 24, 2026, 03:10:10 PM
BB cream for me, dab on each cheek and on my chin and upper lip and brush it out. Touch of blush and then some face powder, thats my going out face. I dont do any going to the workshop of course. Oh yes and a splash of lippy.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 03:19:50 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 03:19:50 PM
Quote from: davina61 on March 24, 2026, 03:10:10 PMBB cream for me, dab on each cheek and on my chin and upper lip and brush it out. Touch of blush and then some face powder, thats my going out face. I dont do any going to the workshop of course. Oh yes and a splash of lippy.
That's pretty much what I'd do on a morning except for the lippy! The powder just finishes the skin nicely.
I'm going to experiment and try to find the most minimal but effective look I can whilst still looking femme enough.
A quick Google search and I'm not the only MTF women who doesn't want makeup to be any or a large part of their look. Even just under 20% of cis women don't wear makeup often. So in theory why wouldn't a similar % of trans women feel the same!
Might be difficult but it's a challenge I will at least try!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 03:36:14 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 03:36:14 PM
If I'm honest, makeup just increases my dysphoria. I don't like what it does for my look. Less is definitely more for me. I might settle on just eyeliner or maybe mascara, some primer and a bit of lipstick (aka "lippy"). I seem to look better with my hair tied back because it makes my face/head look smaller.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 03:52:31 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 03:52:31 PM
OK, maybe I'm wrong. It just really jumps out at me when I see a woman without makeup. Personally I would like to avoid standing out, I just want to blend in so I would wear some form of makeup. I know from a previous post, that is not your goal Charlotte, you like to experiment with fashion and have fun. Each to their own I guess.
With lippy I put it on, blot, then apply again, blot then apply a third time and blot. Seems to last a good while despite eating or drinking. Would possibly need touching up at some point through the day but not usually too bad. I also use a lip plumping balm when not wearing lippy.
I use fairly minimal makeup, concealer for blemishes, bronser on top of cheeks and nose, Blusher underneath the cheek and up to just below the temple. Lippy, eyeliner, mascara and a thin bead of an eyeshadow. Fix with either powder or fixing spray or both. Doesn't take me long. Can't be bothered with the mess of foundation or anything.
With lippy I put it on, blot, then apply again, blot then apply a third time and blot. Seems to last a good while despite eating or drinking. Would possibly need touching up at some point through the day but not usually too bad. I also use a lip plumping balm when not wearing lippy.
I use fairly minimal makeup, concealer for blemishes, bronser on top of cheeks and nose, Blusher underneath the cheek and up to just below the temple. Lippy, eyeliner, mascara and a thin bead of an eyeshadow. Fix with either powder or fixing spray or both. Doesn't take me long. Can't be bothered with the mess of foundation or anything.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 04:03:25 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 04:03:25 PM
@Stottie Girl Thanks, I'll try that with the lipstick next time I go out! Also need to try the peel off stuff that a few women have recommended as good.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 04:06:26 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 04:06:26 PM
Peel off stuff?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 04:13:06 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 24, 2026, 04:13:06 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 04:06:26 PMPeel off stuff?
Yeah lip stains that you apply then peel off to leave stained lips. Apparently they work!
https://www.today.com/series/today-tests/i-tried-trendy-peel-lip-stain-here-s-what-happened-t95906 (https://www.today.com/series/today-tests/i-tried-trendy-peel-lip-stain-here-s-what-happened-t95906)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 04:52:09 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 24, 2026, 04:52:09 PM
Well I've never seen those before. Might be right for you Charlotte. I was thinking of lip shaped stickers not a brush on gel lol! Makes a lot more sense.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 24, 2026, 04:55:03 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 24, 2026, 04:55:03 PM
I agree. Less is more.
A little eyeliner, some cover-up for sun damage, and a light pink lipstick applied sparingly.
Occasionally, I'll add a touch of eye shadow, but that is rare.
A little eyeliner, some cover-up for sun damage, and a light pink lipstick applied sparingly.
Occasionally, I'll add a touch of eye shadow, but that is rare.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 05:01:55 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 05:01:55 PM
On one of the tutorials I've gotten a lot out of, the creator mentioned that foundation can actually enhance imperfections and irregularities in your skin. I've noticed that with my chin.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 24, 2026, 05:04:16 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 24, 2026, 05:04:16 PM
Quote from: Courtney G on March 24, 2026, 05:01:55 PMOn one of the tutorials I've gotten a lot out of, the creator mentioned that foundation can actually enhance imperfections and irregularities in your skin. I've noticed that with my chin.
I have that issue with powders. They make your pores more visible. Using liquid foundation very lightly seems to work much better. I think I posted a video about that somewhere.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 24, 2026, 05:37:22 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 24, 2026, 05:37:22 PM
Cherry lip balm can give your lips some color.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 01:25:18 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 01:25:18 PM
Swelling and tension still in my temples and my head is still painful to touch. Hoping this will all settle sometime soon.
Already tired and fedup with work after 3 days back. Just looking forward to the weekend and then thankfully the Easter break.
Already tired and fedup with work after 3 days back. Just looking forward to the weekend and then thankfully the Easter break.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 25, 2026, 02:02:41 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 25, 2026, 02:02:41 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 01:25:18 PMSwelling and tension still in my temples and my head is still painful to touch. Hoping this will all settle sometime soon.Doesn't take long to fall back into the monotony does it! Roll on Easter!
Already tired and fedup with work after 3 days back. Just looking forward to the weekend and then thankfully the Easter break.
Have you had many positive comments at work Charlotte?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 02:10:13 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 02:10:13 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 25, 2026, 02:02:41 PMDoesn't take long to fall back into the monotony does it! Roll on Easter!
Have you had many positive comments at work Charlotte?
Yeah everything goes back to normal too quickly! Just the same after holidays and such!
Not really had many comments to be honest. A couple of colleagues said it looks good, but not very convincingly!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 25, 2026, 02:34:29 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 25, 2026, 02:34:29 PM
Really? I'm surprised at that, I think the change is night and day different. Well I think it looks good if that means anything! Sod them! ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 25, 2026, 03:45:15 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 25, 2026, 03:45:15 PM
Something I learned this week:
People who see me a lot (such as my spouse) or who I've spent a long time/many hours around don't seem to think I've changed much.
People I don't see very often or haven't seen too many times notice the difference.
It seems that the brains of people we've spent a lot of time with get "imprinted" with an overall understanding of what we look like, and this imprint is pretty unshakable. I'm sure there's some science behind this. This means that you could swap out a nose or forehead or something and it won't really register with their brains because they aren't really able to see past what they already know you to look like. They just ignore the changes. Crazy.
People who see me a lot (such as my spouse) or who I've spent a long time/many hours around don't seem to think I've changed much.
People I don't see very often or haven't seen too many times notice the difference.
It seems that the brains of people we've spent a lot of time with get "imprinted" with an overall understanding of what we look like, and this imprint is pretty unshakable. I'm sure there's some science behind this. This means that you could swap out a nose or forehead or something and it won't really register with their brains because they aren't really able to see past what they already know you to look like. They just ignore the changes. Crazy.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 25, 2026, 03:48:24 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 25, 2026, 03:48:24 PM
Here's an AI summary response to a web inquiry about this:
"People long familiar with you often don't notice plastic surgery changes because their brains rely on an established, long-term mental image of your face rather than minute, current details. They perceive you as a whole person, not a sum of parts, and subtle, natural-looking results—often designed to make you look refreshed rather than different—do not trigger a recognition alert."
This helps explain why I'm out there being read as female a lot of the time and my wife thinks I don't look very different!!
"People long familiar with you often don't notice plastic surgery changes because their brains rely on an established, long-term mental image of your face rather than minute, current details. They perceive you as a whole person, not a sum of parts, and subtle, natural-looking results—often designed to make you look refreshed rather than different—do not trigger a recognition alert."
This helps explain why I'm out there being read as female a lot of the time and my wife thinks I don't look very different!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 03:56:18 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 03:56:18 PM
I think it's also the fact that I just look really rough and messed up at the moment. The bruises and swelling are still very visible and I generally look and feel run down. Plus the hair I lost means that looks shabby too. So although there are great improvements to some areas, they are put down by just a general bad look!
Needs a few months yet I think.
Needs a few months yet I think.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 25, 2026, 04:20:26 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 25, 2026, 04:20:26 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 03:56:18 PMI think it's also the fact that I just look really rough and messed up at the moment. The bruises and swelling are still very visible and I generally look and feel run down. Plus the hair I lost means that looks shabby too. So although there are great improvements to some areas, they are put down by just a general bad look!
Needs a few months yet I think.
From what you have posted, I don't think you look rough at all. Yes, some bruises, but I had those too. Just wait for the swelling to go down, and maybe you will see what we see.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 04:26:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 04:26:45 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2026, 04:20:26 PMFrom what you have posted, I don't think you look rough at all. Yes, some bruises, but I had those too. Just wait for the swelling to go down, and maybe you will see what we see.
Hugs!
At least one of those pictures I'm caked in makeup to hide it all! I think I'm just getting tired as the week goes on from work and sorting stuff at home, so I just look very tired and some swelling has got worse. But I'm sure it'll pass. It'll take as long as it takes really. I know it will get better sometime, but don't want to get my hopes up thinking it'll be sooner when it can take some months. I don't always heal quick - I have sores on my body thst I've had for months without improving!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 25, 2026, 04:34:37 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 25, 2026, 04:34:37 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 25, 2026, 04:26:45 PMAt least one of those pictures I'm caked in makeup to hide it all! I think I'm just getting tired as the week goes on from work and sorting stuff at home, so I just look very tired and some swelling has got worse. But I'm sure it'll pass. It'll take as long as it takes really. I know it will get better sometime, but don't want to get my hopes up thinking it'll be sooner when it can take some months. I don't always heal quick - I have sores on my body thst I've had for months without improving!
Charlotte 😻
You are probably also still purging the anesthesia, which will make you feel worn out and even a bit down. You'll be fine. You have the right attitude about the outcome.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 25, 2026, 06:12:25 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 25, 2026, 06:12:25 PM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
From my own personal experience, healing and feeling fit after a major surgery
does indeed take time.
I know that it is not a great comfort hearing that, but your body needs time to heal,
give it your best effort to be patient while that happens.
Keep your updates coming.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
From my own personal experience, healing and feeling fit after a major surgery
does indeed take time.
I know that it is not a great comfort hearing that, but your body needs time to heal,
give it your best effort to be patient while that happens.
Keep your updates coming.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 26, 2026, 04:43:15 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 26, 2026, 04:43:15 AM
Its like when I had GRS, I was up and about driving after 2 weeks but it was almost 6 months before it all settled down. It takes time my dear but you will get there.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 26, 2026, 10:28:49 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 26, 2026, 10:28:49 AM
I think I have, probably one of the messiest desks ever!
Still a bit tired but a little happier now I'm designing more electronic circuitry. Far nicer than the hassle / sorting problems parts of the work.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HnzQ6nHx/20260326-151132.jpg)
Still a bit tired but a little happier now I'm designing more electronic circuitry. Far nicer than the hassle / sorting problems parts of the work.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HnzQ6nHx/20260326-151132.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 11:50:10 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 11:50:10 AM
Yeah, that's pretty bad Charlotte, you should be ashamed of yourself!
At least you have a desk though, where I work it is all hot desking, it's a total free for all.
Do you do something like electrical or electronic engineering? What are all those calculations about (yes I am a nosey cow, don't care!)
At least you have a desk though, where I work it is all hot desking, it's a total free for all.
Do you do something like electrical or electronic engineering? What are all those calculations about (yes I am a nosey cow, don't care!)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 26, 2026, 12:19:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 26, 2026, 12:19:14 PM
@Stottie Girl I think I thrive on some level of chaos! Hot desking does indeed sound very bleak, not being able to have some cute personal things on the desk!
I'm a design engineer working in lighting. Mix of electronic and product design amongst many other things! The calculations are to do with trip currents of a power supply protection circuit. There's plenty of them to make everything work without releasing white smoke!
Charlotte 😻
I'm a design engineer working in lighting. Mix of electronic and product design amongst many other things! The calculations are to do with trip currents of a power supply protection circuit. There's plenty of them to make everything work without releasing white smoke!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 12:27:24 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 12:27:24 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 26, 2026, 12:19:14 PM@Stottie Girl I think I thrive on some level of chaos! Hot desking does indeed sound very bleak, not being able to have some cute personal things on the desk!That's pretty cool! I like a job where you have to use your noggin,
I'm a design engineer working in lighting. Mix of electronic and product design amongst many other things! The calculations are to do with trip currents of a power supply protection circuit. There's plenty of them to make everything work without releasing white smoke!
Charlotte 😻
I did half of an electrical and electronic engineering degree at Newcastle University before I stupidly dropped out deciding I didn't want to do it anymore. Still it got me onto building design so it worked out, sort of anyway! Cost me my route to being a pilot in the RAF which I really wanted to do, one of my big regrets. The things you do when you're young and daft!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: PhilippaRees on March 26, 2026, 12:33:22 PM
Post by: PhilippaRees on March 26, 2026, 12:33:22 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 26, 2026, 10:28:49 AMI think I have, probably one of the messiest desks ever!
That looks exactly like my desk.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 12:37:35 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 12:37:35 PM
Quote from: PhilippaRees on March 26, 2026, 12:33:22 PMThat looks exactly like my desk.Well you should have a word with yourself too! Disgrace! ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: PhilippaRees on March 26, 2026, 12:43:57 PM
Post by: PhilippaRees on March 26, 2026, 12:43:57 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 26, 2026, 12:37:35 PMWell you should have a word with yourself too! Disgrace! ha ha!
More than a word needed my office looks like that too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 26, 2026, 01:06:25 PM
Post by: davina61 on March 26, 2026, 01:06:25 PM
You should see my work bench----------
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 10:41:29 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 10:41:29 AM
Been busy getting a few consultations lined up with regards my GRS next year. I don't have the budget for the big names in Thailand, as seemingly due to popularity in the last few years they have raised prices! Very much like the FFS providers I think its a service providers market for the big names.
I've one known but not top tier surgeon and a couple of wildcards.
I think the latter two may serve local markets more than international hence less reviews. I'm not looking for the absolute perfect outcome. As long as reasonable I'm happy - I don't need depth so any is a bonus. Just need rid of what's down there and it to look average at least. Its not my face so far less bothered.
Kamol still seems the best bet despite being approx. £7k if only for the amount of information available. But I'm going to get consultations first then make my decision. My FFS was a wildcard, but I only make these decisions if other available data supports the risk.
Charlotte 😻
I've one known but not top tier surgeon and a couple of wildcards.
- Kamol Hospital: A mix of successes with some bad reviews. But they do a lot of procedures, so bound to be a few and those with bad experiences shout the loudest.
- Maxi Clinic : A few examples I've seen online look reasonable and the cost is low at the £6K mark
- AP Gender care : Struggle to find any reviews but the conversations with them seem professional and the examples (if real) look good. Again about £6k mark with psych evaluations included.
I think the latter two may serve local markets more than international hence less reviews. I'm not looking for the absolute perfect outcome. As long as reasonable I'm happy - I don't need depth so any is a bonus. Just need rid of what's down there and it to look average at least. Its not my face so far less bothered.
Kamol still seems the best bet despite being approx. £7k if only for the amount of information available. But I'm going to get consultations first then make my decision. My FFS was a wildcard, but I only make these decisions if other available data supports the risk.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 02:04:36 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 02:04:36 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 22, 2026, 03:24:18 PM@Stottie Girl It's just part of me unfortunately and has been since I was about 15 years old. Unfortunately they have moved my assessment appointment to next week as the assessor is ill.
I just feel empty. There used to be a time when I had dreams and ambitions. But now I just don't have any apart from my transition stuff. I don't have any goals or even a bucket list. In essence I've done everything I want to do apart from my transition, then that's it. I'm done. Just feels odd as I'm basically treading water until it's my time to go!
I did use NHS talking therapies. Was awful and they didn't even listen to me. Just try and get me to do these tasks I have no interest in doing the way I feel!
Anyways thank youu. Really appreciate your kindness. I'm just chilling now in my Hello Kitty PJs with a cup of tea...that feels nice.
Charlotte 😻
Sorry for the late reply to this, Charlotte. Takes me a while to claw my way out of my coffin from time to time, haha.
The thing with NHS... well... anything, is that it's a numbers game. How can someone do just enough for the most amount of people in the least amount of time. And often the more... in depth stuff is overlooked in order to deal out the most band-aids, as it were. These tasks are primarily designed to help, but not really when just dished out like school homework, and very little actual consideration for the person you want to undertake them. It's like trying to throw out a cure for a sore throat when you don't take the time work out someone has laryngitis. So yeah, I kind of understand how you feel.
Can I ask you a question, if you don't mind? Transition is a means to an end. So what is the "end" that you see for yourself, Charlotte? I don't mean that kind of end. More... where do you see your life when you've done everything you feel you can do to affect your transition?
The reason I ask is... well... sometimes, you can feel a disconnect from yourself. This empty feeling you speak of. I sometimes feel that way, and for me it comes from feeling like my life doesn't feel like mine. Like... it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, because it's like looking out through someone else's eyes, you know? And anything that happens... it happens to this other person. I am wondering if you're looking for a way to get your life back, and feel in sort of a holding pattern until then.
In any case, here's a massive *monster hug* from me. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 02:51:58 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 02:51:58 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 02:04:36 PMSorry for the late reply to this, Charlotte. Takes me a while to claw my way out of my coffin from time to time, haha.
The thing with NHS... well... anything, is that it's a numbers game. How can someone do just enough for the most amount of people in the least amount of time. And often the more... in depth stuff is overlooked in order to deal out the most band-aids, as it were. These tasks are primarily designed to help, but not really when just dished out like school homework, and very little actual consideration for the person you want to undertake them. It's like trying to throw out a cure for a sore throat when you don't take the time work out someone has laryngitis. So yeah, I kind of understand how you feel.
Can I ask you a question, if you don't mind? Transition is a means to an end. So what is the "end" that you see for yourself, Charlotte? I don't mean that kind of end. More... where do you see your life when you've done everything you feel you can do to affect your transition?
The reason I ask is... well... sometimes, you can feel a disconnect from yourself. This empty feeling you speak of. I sometimes feel that way, and for me it comes from feeling like my life doesn't feel like mine. Like... it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, because it's like looking out through someone else's eyes, you know? And anything that happens... it happens to this other person. I am wondering if you're looking for a way to get your life back, and feel in sort of a holding pattern until then.
In any case, here's a massive *monster hug* from me. <3
Thanks Lauren for your reply and no worries as we all have different lives and amounts of time we spend on here. I'm hugely grateful for anyone that replies to me after any amount of time.
Well on Monday I'm having my assessment and hopefully a step closer to getting psychiatric help.
Transition wise I guess I see myself just feeling that maximum amount of warmth about who I am. That's the end game, although I think I will constantly evolve as a woman long after my transition goals are complete. I did so as a man, and becoming a woman is just this stage of my evolving body and personality. It's not necessarily a paradigm shift to me; it's the unfolding of a long story. To some transitioning is quite a big decision. To me it's just another change like many I've made. I go with my instinct and just do. I didn't even think much about it. It just happened and oh...ok...I'm transitioning.
I think my issue is that life in general to me is very understimulating and when things do stimulate my mind they only do so for a very short amount of time. Then I'm bored of that thing forever. Add to that now I just feel devoid of energy after working. I dunno I just look around and nothing really excites me enough to break through the fatigue I feel.
Honestly I enjoyed being away recovering because I did nothing most of the day, went out for a little walk, had a drink in the coffee shop, some food and that's it. No stresses or expectations to poison my mind. Back here to normality, I feel like I'm wearing a solid lead jacket that's pulling me under water. Everything feels heavy and difficult. Too much effort. On edge feeling.
I don't think a period of work stress giving me multiple breakdowns helped. A switch flipped and now I find it hard to enjoy much.
So yeah between all that i don't know who I am. Plus I think most of my life has just been one big show to give everyone what they expect of me or to make myself appear better so I get more recognition. So much so I don't actually know what I really enjoy or want from life. I think this comes from abuse and humiliation when I was aged 4-7 years and inherited from my dad who was messed up badly too. I feel his mind inside of me. It's haunting.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 03:00:02 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 03:00:02 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 02:51:58 PMI think this comes from abuse and humiliation when I was aged 4-7 years and inherited from my dad who was messed up badly too. I feel his mind inside of me. It's haunting.
Charlotte 😻
This is deeply personal Charlotte, so I won't probe on it further. Nosy cow that I can be. It's a good bet that there's a lot of truth to it, though. Like I said before, if you ever want to vent to someone or want someone to talk to... I can listen. <3
You strike me as someone highly intelligent. Like... extremely highly intelligent. And in that case... it is hard to feel engaged with mundane things.
Can I ask... is there something you can think of that you are passionate about? A hobby perhaps? Something you're deeply into that you never felt you had the chance to fully engage with?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 03:43:10 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 03:43:10 PM
@Sephirah Please don't worry about asking questions and things being personal. I am an open book and don't believe hiding things is constructive to my own health. Plus if me being open helps someone else share their issues without embarrassment then I've done some good.
Now the question of passions...that's the other big problem! I find something I love, I'm passionate about it. So passionate that for a while a struggle to focus on anything else. I want to absorb that subject 24/7 even when I'm meant to be working or in bed. I get good at it...people notice and I get at least semi successful at it. Then the plateu...I'm engaged still but not as intensely but still productive. Inevitably though the drop comes. I lose all stimulation that I previously gained from doing that thing. And it's impossible to feel that passion again. I fall into a major depressive hole. Thsts kinda where I am now. I haven't found a new thing to stimulate me. But the trajectory is always the same abd has been since I was very young. Quite a mess right!
Charlotte 😻
Now the question of passions...that's the other big problem! I find something I love, I'm passionate about it. So passionate that for a while a struggle to focus on anything else. I want to absorb that subject 24/7 even when I'm meant to be working or in bed. I get good at it...people notice and I get at least semi successful at it. Then the plateu...I'm engaged still but not as intensely but still productive. Inevitably though the drop comes. I lose all stimulation that I previously gained from doing that thing. And it's impossible to feel that passion again. I fall into a major depressive hole. Thsts kinda where I am now. I haven't found a new thing to stimulate me. But the trajectory is always the same abd has been since I was very young. Quite a mess right!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 27, 2026, 03:58:55 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 27, 2026, 03:58:55 PM
Charlotte,
Have you had any luck finding a creative Writing/Poetry/Lyrics writing Group?
Perhaps that would get you going again. It meshes with what you want to do with your music. And it's one of those things where you cannot easily master it without becoming hugely famous and wealthy. Which means, it might keep you going for a long time.
Have you had any luck finding a creative Writing/Poetry/Lyrics writing Group?
Perhaps that would get you going again. It meshes with what you want to do with your music. And it's one of those things where you cannot easily master it without becoming hugely famous and wealthy. Which means, it might keep you going for a long time.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 04:12:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 04:12:35 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on March 27, 2026, 03:58:55 PMCharlotte,
Have you had any luck finding a creative Writing/Poetry/Lyrics writing Group?
Perhaps that would get you going again. It meshes with what you want to do with your music. And it's one of those things where you cannot easily master it without becoming hugely famous and wealthy. Which means, it might keep you going for a long time.
I keep looking. There is nothing I can find that's regular, but I think occasionally short courses and meete come up so will keep a look out. I want something where I can meet people as I do better with that kind of interaction and encouragement
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 04:15:01 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 04:15:01 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 03:43:10 PMNow the question of passions...that's the other big problem! I find something I love, I'm passionate about it. So passionate that for a while a struggle to focus on anything else. I want to absorb that subject 24/7 even when I'm meant to be working or in bed. I get good at it...people notice and I get at least semi successful at it. Then the plateu...I'm engaged still but not as intensely but still productive. Inevitably though the drop comes. I lose all stimulation that I previously gained from doing that thing. And it's impossible to feel that passion again. I fall into a major depressive hole. Thsts kinda where I am now. I haven't found a new thing to stimulate me. But the trajectory is always the same abd has been since I was very young. Quite a mess right!
Charlotte 😻
This begs the question of why, Charlotte?
Do you think it might be because you get recognition for it? When what you want, ultimately, is to be the underdog, and fight for someone to see what you can do? And when they do... you get bored and move on?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 04:47:30 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 04:47:30 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 04:15:01 PMThis begs the question of why, Charlotte?
Do you think it might be because you get recognition for it? When what you want, ultimately, is to be the underdog, and fight for someone to see what you can do? And when they do... you get bored and move on?
Lauren, I really hope that you don't mind helping me and reading through the complexities of my mind! Really there is so much and I don't want you to feel like you're just working as a therapist for me or that I'm taking too much.
You're probably right in a way. I grew up with two older half brothers that got all the attention. Add to that think I was a bit slow as a kid, not helped by being a July baby so starting school aged 4 in with far advanced classmates.
Basically everyone thought I was lame and my half brothers said I was rubbish regularly. I was taught to succeed using fear of violence, humiliation or the threat of being kicked out the house. So ultimately I learnt over time to succeed. At high school I laid in bed every night worrying that I'd never get a job, never succeed in life and that I'd be a failure. I'd written myself off.
So now i think my whole system is setup to prove myself and seek persistent external validation.
But I probably have ADHD / personality disorder / autism or similar. In my first years of primary school I was useless and weird. I ate wax crayons, ate newspaper and pooped myself hiding behind the blackboard. Yet 5 minutes later I had wired lights in series with a battery and switch! Even the teachers didn't understand how to do it.
But I just got punished by having my underwear pulled down in front of assembly and smacked on my bare butt in front of whole school.
Honestly there's so many things that I can't get my head around it. But these things almost certainly have shaped my reward / coping systems.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 27, 2026, 04:55:13 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 27, 2026, 04:55:13 PM
Sorry to butt in!
The obsessing about hobbies thing is definitely an autistic trait and one I share with you.
You are younger than me Charlotte and corporal punishment was outlawed when I was at school so surely what they did to you in front of the school is legit abuse and against the law?
The obsessing about hobbies thing is definitely an autistic trait and one I share with you.
You are younger than me Charlotte and corporal punishment was outlawed when I was at school so surely what they did to you in front of the school is legit abuse and against the law?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 05:09:55 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 05:09:55 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 27, 2026, 04:55:13 PMSorry to butt in!TRIGGER WARNING
The obsessing about hobbies thing is definitely an autistic trait and one I share with you.
You are younger than me Charlotte and corporal punishment was outlawed when I was at school so surely what they did to you in front of the school is legit abuse and against the law?
Aww no worries, anyone welcome to post here, assuming they are happy to hear this kinda stuff!
It was a tiny village school...don't think that law had reached them! It happened a couple of times then I manged to stop the weird stuff. At playschool the woman there used to smother me in a blanket over my head and body when I misbehaved. I panicked and couldn't breathe properly...it was awful.
Then the punishments and fear at home. Being lifted up against the wall by your neck, basically strangled is no fun either. Honestly surprised I'm together as I am.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 05:16:57 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 05:16:57 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 27, 2026, 04:47:30 PMLauren, I really hope that you don't mind helping me and reading through the complexities of my mind! Really there is so much and I don't want you to feel like you're just working as a therapist for me or that I'm taking too much.
You're probably right in a way. I grew up with two older half brothers that got all the attention. Add to that think I was a bit slow as a kid, not helped by being a July baby so starting school aged 4 in with far advanced classmates.
Basically everyone thought I was lame and my half brothers said I was rubbish regularly. I was taught to succeed using fear of violence, humiliation or the threat of being kicked out the house. So ultimately I learnt over time to succeed. At high school I laid in bed every night worrying that I'd never get a job, never succeed in life and that I'd be a failure. I'd written myself off.
So now i think my whole system is setup to prove myself and seek persistent external validation.
But I probably have ADHD / personality disorder / autism or similar. In my first years of primary school I was useless and weird. I ate wax crayons, ate newspaper and pooped myself hiding behind the blackboard. Yet 5 minutes later I had wired lights in series with a battery and switch! Even the teachers didn't understand how to do it.
But I just got punished by having my underwear pulled down in front of assembly and smacked on my bare butt in front of whole school.
Honestly there's so many things that I can't get my head around it. But these things almost certainly have shaped my reward / coping systems.
Charlotte 😻
Listen, honey... you are beautiful and you deserve to be okay with yourself. I just want you to feel okay, okay? And whatever I can do to facilitate that, is worth it. We all have a literal minefield of crap in our heads. It comes from being human. Being able to navigate it is kind of the key to a successful life. :)
Can I ask... where did this violence and humiliation come from, primarily? From your siblings or your parents or somewhere else?
Listen, honey. It's okay. You're not weird and you're not defective and you're not useless. You're just trying to deal with a lifetime of programming that's left you feeling this way. Me saying it won't undo how you feel, but I just want you to know that you're not alone, okay? And there are people in your life who respect you for you. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 27, 2026, 05:23:09 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 27, 2026, 05:23:09 PM
That is abuse plain and simple Charlotte, at school and at home. Did you take any action or do you prefer not to? Sorry if you don't want to talk about it, I should keep my beak out really.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 02:56:57 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 02:56:57 AM
@Sephirah Thank youu Lauren. You are such a sweetheart! I can see you help so many people on here which is extremely beatiful to see.
I was humiliated both at school and home along with violence/ threats of violence etc. Only a couple of times did the violence actually manifest, but that was serious enough to make me basically live in fear of it. Plus witnessing domestic violence and threats. Problem is I was vert young still.
My dad was also very controlling of my mum and the family. He tried to commit suicide too around these times. I know he was troubled in some of the same ways I am, so don't doubt there is a hereditary component here. I don't try to control people, but I'm capable of it and still react badly when things don't go my way. I think luckily in me it's more inwardly directed e.g. I beat myself up and dont live up to my own standards, whereas he expressed emotions at other people.
@Stottie Girl Thanks too Sarah...you too are a sweetheart and help so much with your kindness. I only really realized it was abuse when I told others a couple of years ago and they said it wasn't normal. I thought it was so didn't think anything of it. That's why I'm so open because if I wasn't I'd still think it was normal!
I don't have the energy to do much, let alone pursue this legally. It would probably damage me more going through the process. I know it doesn't make it right, but this also only adds to a handful of occasions. I think the big issue was my age e.g. 4-6 so when your brain wires for the rest of your life. I'm not sure what I'd gain either pursuing it.
Add to that my Dad passed of cancer in 2003 aged 48 so he's gone. It weird because I partly grieved yet was partly glad he was gone. I could live my life now. Of course he was outwardly homophonic and at the time I was gay. Another thing that gave me sleepless nights at school. How could I ever be gay and out?
Charlotte 😻
I was humiliated both at school and home along with violence/ threats of violence etc. Only a couple of times did the violence actually manifest, but that was serious enough to make me basically live in fear of it. Plus witnessing domestic violence and threats. Problem is I was vert young still.
My dad was also very controlling of my mum and the family. He tried to commit suicide too around these times. I know he was troubled in some of the same ways I am, so don't doubt there is a hereditary component here. I don't try to control people, but I'm capable of it and still react badly when things don't go my way. I think luckily in me it's more inwardly directed e.g. I beat myself up and dont live up to my own standards, whereas he expressed emotions at other people.
@Stottie Girl Thanks too Sarah...you too are a sweetheart and help so much with your kindness. I only really realized it was abuse when I told others a couple of years ago and they said it wasn't normal. I thought it was so didn't think anything of it. That's why I'm so open because if I wasn't I'd still think it was normal!
I don't have the energy to do much, let alone pursue this legally. It would probably damage me more going through the process. I know it doesn't make it right, but this also only adds to a handful of occasions. I think the big issue was my age e.g. 4-6 so when your brain wires for the rest of your life. I'm not sure what I'd gain either pursuing it.
Add to that my Dad passed of cancer in 2003 aged 48 so he's gone. It weird because I partly grieved yet was partly glad he was gone. I could live my life now. Of course he was outwardly homophonic and at the time I was gay. Another thing that gave me sleepless nights at school. How could I ever be gay and out?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 04:15:47 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 04:15:47 AM
Well you have to do what is right for you and there is no shame in not wanting to drag up your past in a court of law, that would be tough for anyone. It just galls me that these perpetrators might have gotten away with it.
I can relate to you thinking how can you come out because of your dad. Whilst I love my dad and he has always been the nicest, kindest best dad to me. He is also a daily mail reader and it has changed his mind about certain things. He is outwardly bigotted now and I don't think he would be able to cope with my reality. He's in his 80's so I just don't want to put him through it. Different reasons I suppose but kind of the same thing.
I can relate to you thinking how can you come out because of your dad. Whilst I love my dad and he has always been the nicest, kindest best dad to me. He is also a daily mail reader and it has changed his mind about certain things. He is outwardly bigotted now and I don't think he would be able to cope with my reality. He's in his 80's so I just don't want to put him through it. Different reasons I suppose but kind of the same thing.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 28, 2026, 04:48:30 AM
Post by: davina61 on March 28, 2026, 04:48:30 AM
My dad was a bit of a bully till I got in my late teens when I nearly laid him out after he started on me, that stopped him and he was fine after that!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 06:44:34 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 06:44:34 AM
I graduated running club couch to 5k today. It was really lovely seeing everyone and getting coffee and cakes after. I found it hard as the surgery and missing two weeks has left me a lot weaker. I used to be one of the fastest, but today even a slow pace made me feel sick. Still at least Charlotte is now on the Park Run list of runners. I'll make it faster when I'm recovered.
I feel very appreciated and liked at this club, so I'm going to stay for sure.
This afternoon I have electrolysis down there in Worcester again.
Charlotte 😻
I feel very appreciated and liked at this club, so I'm going to stay for sure.
This afternoon I have electrolysis down there in Worcester again.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: PhilippaRees on March 28, 2026, 07:47:04 AM
Post by: PhilippaRees on March 28, 2026, 07:47:04 AM
Charlotte thank you so much for this post especially this bit
What you described is very close to my own childhood and experiences since then. I didn't know I had been abused until my mother left my dad when she realized she had been abused. I was 30 by then. And it took another 30 years to undo the damage. Just a few weeks ago I found Philippa buried underneath it all.
When my father died I too partly grieved just for the tiny bit of him that was good. But felt enormous relief that I didn't have to see him ever again.
I thought it was just me that felt this way about a parent but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one. Thank you.
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 02:56:57 AMAdd to that my Dad passed of cancer in 2003 aged 48 so he's gone. It weird because I partly grieved yet was partly glad he was gone.
What you described is very close to my own childhood and experiences since then. I didn't know I had been abused until my mother left my dad when she realized she had been abused. I was 30 by then. And it took another 30 years to undo the damage. Just a few weeks ago I found Philippa buried underneath it all.
When my father died I too partly grieved just for the tiny bit of him that was good. But felt enormous relief that I didn't have to see him ever again.
I thought it was just me that felt this way about a parent but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one. Thank you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 07:58:34 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 07:58:34 AM
Quote from: PhilippaRees on March 28, 2026, 07:47:04 AMCharlotte thank you so much for this post especially this bit
What you described is very close to my own childhood and experiences since then. I didn't know I had been abused until my mother left my dad when she realized she had been abused. I was 30 by then. And it took another 30 years to undo the damage. Just a few weeks ago I found Philippa buried underneath it all.
When my father died I too partly grieved just for the tiny bit of him that was good. But felt enormous relief that I didn't have to see him ever again.
I thought it was just me that felt this way about a parent but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one. Thank you.
Sorry to hear that you have had similar experiences and struggles and the pain they inevitably caused. As you say certain feelings and doubt linger. And you think you should feel a certain way about the death of someone. But life isn't that simple.
I'm glad you have gained a little peace and comfort from my share. I'm very candid because it helps me, but also because if I'm feeling it then others most likely have too. If that helps others like yourself, then that makes it worthwhile.
I'm a huge advocate of taking about feelings, even if just in private. So I lead by example. I do appreciate for others its harder or they may not wish to share, but I do my thing and that works for me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 08:02:23 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 08:02:23 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 06:44:34 AMI graduated running club couch to 5k today. It was really lovely seeing everyone and getting coffee and cakes after. I found it hard as the surgery and missing two weeks has left me a lot weaker. I used to be one of the fastest, but today even a slow pace made me feel sick. Still at least Charlotte is now on the Park Run list of runners. I'll make it faster when I'm recovered.That's great news about the running club Charlotte. I think that will be really good for you. Sitting in the house and having no hobbies or interests isn't healthy for your mental state.
I feel very appreciated and liked at this club, so I'm going to stay for sure.
This afternoon I have electrolysis down there in Worcester again.
Charlotte 😻
I was rubbish at distance running. Apart from finding it mind numbingly boring I couldn't get past the stitch phase! I was a very fast sprinter, good at short distance events like long jump and good at throwey things like javelin and discus. But distance running na, not for me. I used to regularly cycle around the 100 mile mark though.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 08:05:51 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 08:05:51 AM
Quote from: PhilippaRees on March 28, 2026, 07:47:04 AMCharlotte thank you so much for this post especially this bitSorry to hear of your experience growing up Phillipa (and you @davina61 ). I would echo what Charlotte says about talking being a wonderful healer. It seems there is always someone here who understands whatever you are going though and can offer help, advice or a kindly word.
What you described is very close to my own childhood and experiences since then. I didn't know I had been abused until my mother left my dad when she realized she had been abused. I was 30 by then. And it took another 30 years to undo the damage. Just a few weeks ago I found Philippa buried underneath it all.
When my father died I too partly grieved just for the tiny bit of him that was good. But felt enormous relief that I didn't have to see him ever again.
I thought it was just me that felt this way about a parent but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one. Thank you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on March 28, 2026, 05:14:42 PM
Post by: Sephirah on March 28, 2026, 05:14:42 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 28, 2026, 06:44:34 AMI graduated running club couch to 5k today. It was really lovely seeing everyone and getting coffee and cakes after. I found it hard as the surgery and missing two weeks has left me a lot weaker. I used to be one of the fastest, but today even a slow pace made me feel sick. Still at least Charlotte is now on the Park Run list of runners. I'll make it faster when I'm recovered.
I feel very appreciated and liked at this club, so I'm going to stay for sure.
This afternoon I have electrolysis down there in Worcester again.
Charlotte 😻
That is quite exceptional, Charlotte. I have seen something of this. It's basically getting off your ass and making a change in your life. By people who never thought they could. The hardest thing in this world is actually deciding to make the change in your life that you want to make. And I will always have the utmost respect for people who make that leap of faith.
The end is easy, once you're going. The start is the hardest thing, because by nature we don't want to feel uncomfortable. I am so proud of you, honey.
What you said about your dad, and what other people have said... I can relate to probably more than you know. I won't go into it because it's about you. It seems a common thread. So... Charlotte, know that you're not alone with how you feel okay?
I thank you for being so open. That's one area we differ. You kind of have to pry stuff out of me with forceps and a massive guilt trip. I somewhat envy people who are open like you and Sarah are. I find that utterly beautiful. That you're okay with vulnerability. I wish I could be more like you. :)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 29, 2026, 12:46:00 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 29, 2026, 12:46:00 PM
@Sephirah Thanks Lauren. I do keep trying despite having big down periods. Can be slow but always trying to move forwards.
We are all very different and I'm happy being open about... well... whatever people are prepared to see or hear! I guess I've been sharing my life since I was 16 in the early days of the internet. Of course sharing personal things has risk, but that I'm prepared to take.
Tomorrow I have my meeting at 10.30 for my mental health assessment.
Charlotte 😻
We are all very different and I'm happy being open about... well... whatever people are prepared to see or hear! I guess I've been sharing my life since I was 16 in the early days of the internet. Of course sharing personal things has risk, but that I'm prepared to take.
Tomorrow I have my meeting at 10.30 for my mental health assessment.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 29, 2026, 12:55:21 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 29, 2026, 12:55:21 PM
I had a video call today with a GRS clinic in Thailand. This particular one has literally no reviews I could find. I set ChatGPT on the case to look for Thai reviews which were also very minimal.
They seemed very clued up on the call and said all the right things. But I find it tough to take a risk with no real life feedback. Their Facebook shows testimonials but all from Thai celebrity Trans girls. So either that's their primary market or they are paid for reviews.
I've dug deeper into another small clinic that has decent reviews, and writeups with pictures online. I'm definitely interested in them and have a call next Saturday. Their website is very comprehensive with loads of pre op and aftercare information. Very practically orientated rather than marketing orientated. They are my number one right now. I can basically get that surgery for £6K.
Charlotte 😻
They seemed very clued up on the call and said all the right things. But I find it tough to take a risk with no real life feedback. Their Facebook shows testimonials but all from Thai celebrity Trans girls. So either that's their primary market or they are paid for reviews.
I've dug deeper into another small clinic that has decent reviews, and writeups with pictures online. I'm definitely interested in them and have a call next Saturday. Their website is very comprehensive with loads of pre op and aftercare information. Very practically orientated rather than marketing orientated. They are my number one right now. I can basically get that surgery for £6K.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 04:18:15 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 04:18:15 AM
Well another GRS option has come through which I didn't think I could afford, but I have a great offer including hotel costs. Not hugely known but enough information out there and all speak highly of him. I think I'll be going to Dr Saran, Wansiri hospital. I shall decide for sure very soon!
Now off to my mental health assessment.
Charlotte 😻
Now off to my mental health assessment.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 30, 2026, 05:23:14 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 30, 2026, 05:23:14 AM
Hope all goes well for you today Charlotte.
Just be sure to do your research on surgeons properly Charlotte. This is life altering surgery and there are some horror stories out there. It is so important for future happiness that going for the cheapest deal might not be the best idea, you aren't shopping for insurance after all!
If the right surgeon costs more than you have then personally, I would wait and save more money. There is no rush to get things done quickly. You can be the woman you want to be right now.
I'm not saying this cheaper surgeon is bad by the way, just make sure you have enough information to make an informed choice otherwise it could be a leap in the dark.
Just be sure to do your research on surgeons properly Charlotte. This is life altering surgery and there are some horror stories out there. It is so important for future happiness that going for the cheapest deal might not be the best idea, you aren't shopping for insurance after all!
If the right surgeon costs more than you have then personally, I would wait and save more money. There is no rush to get things done quickly. You can be the woman you want to be right now.
I'm not saying this cheaper surgeon is bad by the way, just make sure you have enough information to make an informed choice otherwise it could be a leap in the dark.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 09:50:15 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 09:50:15 AM
@Stottie Girl Thank you and today went great thank you. I spent over an hour just talking about my issues and feelings in detail with only a handful of questions from the therapist. She is recommending me for Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology support. This isn't a guarantee as still will be gate kept by the panel. However last time was cookie cutter questions and I wasn't prepared. This time I got my real self across in detail. In a couple of weeks I should hear something.
With regards GRS I am just trying to avoid the top two providers. They are now hugely popular and with that have inflated their prices. Only a year or two back they were similar to what I'm paying now. But with demand they can inflate prices and people will pay. I'll be doing some more checks, but this one that's come through have very decent reviews and word of mouth recommendations. Of course the top two offer perfect aesthetic results and depth, but I'm confident I can get very similar results. I'm not looking for perfection; cis women don't all have perfection I'm sure. If I'm honest I find imperfection to be the most alluring and I've always been passive to these well polished outcomes in any type of beauty. Depth is unimportant as long as there is some, but again reading what I have there is nothing to worry about. Experiences note a great outcome and friendly and welcoming process.
I have very strong intuition - its one of my core strengths. When things feel right then I go for them and its worked well for me. There is a lot of back and forth, but that's my way of processing everything until something feels right. It was the same with my FFS - that was similar as the surgeon had no record of FFS available but I found alternative ways to make the judgement and avoided paying £10k more than I needed to!
Charlotte X
With regards GRS I am just trying to avoid the top two providers. They are now hugely popular and with that have inflated their prices. Only a year or two back they were similar to what I'm paying now. But with demand they can inflate prices and people will pay. I'll be doing some more checks, but this one that's come through have very decent reviews and word of mouth recommendations. Of course the top two offer perfect aesthetic results and depth, but I'm confident I can get very similar results. I'm not looking for perfection; cis women don't all have perfection I'm sure. If I'm honest I find imperfection to be the most alluring and I've always been passive to these well polished outcomes in any type of beauty. Depth is unimportant as long as there is some, but again reading what I have there is nothing to worry about. Experiences note a great outcome and friendly and welcoming process.
I have very strong intuition - its one of my core strengths. When things feel right then I go for them and its worked well for me. There is a lot of back and forth, but that's my way of processing everything until something feels right. It was the same with my FFS - that was similar as the surgeon had no record of FFS available but I found alternative ways to make the judgement and avoided paying £10k more than I needed to!
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 30, 2026, 11:42:34 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 30, 2026, 11:42:34 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 09:50:15 AM@Stottie Girl Thank you and today went great thank you. I spent over an hour just talking about my issues and feelings in detail with only a handful of questions from the therapist. She is recommending me for Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology support. This isn't a guarantee as still will be gate kept by the panel. However last time was cookie cutter questions and I wasn't prepared. This time I got my real self across in detail. In a couple of weeks I should hear something.OK Charlotte, I'm not judging, just looking out for you petal😄
With regards GRS I am just trying to avoid the top two providers. They are now hugely popular and with that have inflated their prices. Only a year or two back they were similar to what I'm paying now. But with demand they can inflate prices and people will pay. I'll be doing some more checks, but this one that's come through have very decent reviews and word of mouth recommendations. Of course the top two offer perfect aesthetic results and depth, but I'm confident I can get very similar results. I'm not looking for perfection; cis women don't all have perfection I'm sure. If I'm honest I find imperfection to be the most alluring and I've always been passive to these well polished outcomes in any type of beauty. Depth is unimportant as long as there is some, but again reading what I have there is nothing to worry about. Experiences note a great outcome and friendly and welcoming process.
I have very strong intuition - its one of my core strengths. When things feel right then I go for them and its worked well for me. There is a lot of back and forth, but that's my way of processing everything until something feels right. It was the same with my FFS - that was similar as the surgeon had no record of FFS available but I found alternative ways to make the judgement and avoided paying £10k more than I needed to!
Charlotte X
I'm glad your therapist visit went well. Lets hope the referral brings you the help you feel you need.
You seem like you are not risk adverse in life at all! I think I can be too much the other way!
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 01:16:23 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 01:16:23 PM
No worries Sarah, get you and others are concerned. It's easy to accept risk when you're not bothered if you are alive the next day or not! There's little that can hurt me more than my own mind tbh. I guess if things go wrong, to me I would accept it gladly as punishment and abuse to my own body. Saves me doing it. Might sound odd but that's how my mind is working.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 30, 2026, 01:44:30 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on March 30, 2026, 01:44:30 PM
Aw don't talk like that Charlotte, I get upset hearing you be so dark. There's loads the world can offer you and you it. The world is a beautiful place full of beautiful people on the whole. Please don't be so dismissive of your place in it. You are valued. You may not be able to see it right now but you will have a bright future, I'm sure of it. Stay shiny.
Sarah xx
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 30, 2026, 01:55:38 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 30, 2026, 01:55:38 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 01:16:23 PMNo worries Sarah, get you and others are concerned. It's easy to accept risk when you're not bothered if you are alive the next day or not! There's little that can hurt me more than my own mind tbh. I guess if things go wrong, to me I would accept it gladly as punishment and abuse to my own body. Saves me doing it. Might sound odd but that's how my mind is working.
Charlotte 😻
Please think and talk more positively Charlotte. Go for the best thoughts, the best future.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 03:22:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 30, 2026, 03:22:20 PM
I've ordered the peel off lip tint product I've been recommended. Hopefully will give me a lift but without the difficulties of lipstick. I'm after impact with minimal effort and downsides. I'll update when I try it!
My head is still numb like pins and needles. This can last a few months so not unexpected. I still tape my nose every night as this reduces risk of getting build up of skin causing a lump at the front. It can be beneficial to do this a few months. I'm much happier with what I see in the mirror now so that's one issue resolved for me at least.
I can't wait until my hair gets longer as that will really help me I think. Also i can try to style it more. Struggle a bit with it being shorter.
Charlotte 😻
My head is still numb like pins and needles. This can last a few months so not unexpected. I still tape my nose every night as this reduces risk of getting build up of skin causing a lump at the front. It can be beneficial to do this a few months. I'm much happier with what I see in the mirror now so that's one issue resolved for me at least.
I can't wait until my hair gets longer as that will really help me I think. Also i can try to style it more. Struggle a bit with it being shorter.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 31, 2026, 09:26:17 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on March 31, 2026, 09:26:17 AM
I am so glad your recovery is going so well!
You are beautiful.
You are beautiful.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 10:56:10 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 10:56:10 AM
Quote from: Dances With Trees on March 31, 2026, 09:26:17 AMI am so glad your recovery is going so well!
You are beautiful.
Thank youuu and same back to you...also beautiful.
Sending lots of love and hugs x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 10:58:52 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 10:58:52 AM
I have firmed up my GRS surgeon now and they are now sorting out my plan for February. Totally excited about getting the right bits next year now.
I'm sure it'll be very uncomfortable for the first days, but at least I know I can handle this kinda stuff now.
Charlotte 😻
I'm sure it'll be very uncomfortable for the first days, but at least I know I can handle this kinda stuff now.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on March 31, 2026, 01:02:20 PM
Post by: davina61 on March 31, 2026, 01:02:20 PM
I hope it goes as well as my op did, didn't need any pain meds . Okay you wont be doing the can can for a bit but I managed the stairs okay when I got home.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on March 31, 2026, 01:49:03 PM
Post by: Courtney G on March 31, 2026, 01:49:03 PM
I have a similar numbness - the front top of my head is numb for a few inches behind the forehead incision. It feels weird and disconcerting. But it does get a little better every day.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 02:13:25 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 02:13:25 PM
Quote from: davina61 on March 31, 2026, 01:02:20 PMI hope it goes as well as my op did, didn't need any pain meds . Okay you wont be doing the can can for a bit but I managed the stairs okay when I got home.
I'll be very happy it I don't have pain and can move freely like you did after yours. The stay in hospital is 6 nights for me, then 2 weeks in a hotel. I think I'm most worried about being catheterized. After my FFS I wanted it straight out. But for GRS will be in a few days and feels weird. And using the loo after stings so bad! I've paid for exit seats on plane home so lots of legroom.
But worth the discomfort for the outcome.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on March 31, 2026, 03:40:59 PM
Post by: Pema on March 31, 2026, 03:40:59 PM
Charlotte, I'm sorry I haven't been around more to acknowledge your posts. Spring is fully springing here, and the garden is trying to outrun me. But I'm gaining on it!
I just want to tell you that I see you both wrestling with your demons while also loving yourself as best you can and continuing to steer your life in the direction you want to go. And I know that's not easy. *But you're doing it*, and I admire that deeply.
Your fan,
Pema
I just want to tell you that I see you both wrestling with your demons while also loving yourself as best you can and continuing to steer your life in the direction you want to go. And I know that's not easy. *But you're doing it*, and I admire that deeply.
Your fan,
Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 03:54:23 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on March 31, 2026, 03:54:23 PM
Quote from: Pema on March 31, 2026, 03:40:59 PMCharlotte, I'm sorry I haven't been around more to acknowledge your posts. Spring is fully springing here, and the garden is trying to outrun me. But I'm gaining on it!
I just want to tell you that I see you both wrestling with your demons while also loving yourself as best you can and continuing to steer your life in the direction you want to go. And I know that's not easy. *But you're doing it*, and I admire that deeply.
Your fan,
Pema
Thank you so much Pema and totally get it. Spring is such a beautiful season with everything springing to life, luscious and green. It's my favorite time of year, as it invokes hope and growth. Seeing everything spring up after rain, followed by the sun is the finest experience.
Getting there day by day. Monday was a big step with the therapist clearly agreeing my case is far too complex for the normal councelling service. And then recommending psychiatric support. Of course I'll keep updating here with everything both good and bad!
And wow...I have a fan 😊
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on March 31, 2026, 03:56:00 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on March 31, 2026, 03:56:00 PM
I agree with Pema.
What you have been through, and yet you continue to push forward, is the very definition of courage!
Keep being you. You are a very inspiring woman.
Hugs!
What you have been through, and yet you continue to push forward, is the very definition of courage!
Keep being you. You are a very inspiring woman.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 04:55:44 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 04:55:44 PM
I'm proud of you so much to go through and you persist. You are a true warrior woman. Keep it up we are behind you
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:36:03 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:36:03 AM
Swelling on the side of my head has got bigger with a pocket with some fluid in it. Tender to the touch but doesn't hurt generally. The feel of it makes me cringe though and feel nauseous!
Really tired as they closed the main carriageway to my work for 11 days due to HS2 works. Getting up at 5.30 to set off early and miss the traffic. Way home though is now taking an hour so twice as long as my normal commute. Don't think that's helping as the swelling is worse after my day at work. Oh well at least it's Easter soon and I can stay in bed until lunch time a few days.
Charlotte 😻
Really tired as they closed the main carriageway to my work for 11 days due to HS2 works. Getting up at 5.30 to set off early and miss the traffic. Way home though is now taking an hour so twice as long as my normal commute. Don't think that's helping as the swelling is worse after my day at work. Oh well at least it's Easter soon and I can stay in bed until lunch time a few days.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 01, 2026, 10:40:28 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 01, 2026, 10:40:28 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:36:03 AMSwelling on the side of my head has got bigger with a pocket with some fluid in it. Tender to the touch but doesn't hurt generally. The feel of it makes me cringe though and feel nauseous!
Have you checked in with the surgeon about it?
I wouldn't just wait and see. It doesn't hurt to ask. If they think it is serious, get to an ER. You don't want to take chances with your brain-bucket. Seriously. Call them.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:45:11 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:45:11 AM
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 01, 2026, 10:40:28 AMHave you checked in with the surgeon about it?
I wouldn't just wait and see. It doesn't hurt to ask. If they think it is serious, get to an ER. You don't want to take chances with your brain-bucket. Seriously. Call them.
Nah as it's not hot so don't think it's infected. I'll see if it goes down in a few days or so. Not worried it's just annoying! Apparently this can happen for months after.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 01, 2026, 10:51:54 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 01, 2026, 10:51:54 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:45:11 AMNah as it's not hot so don't think it's infected. I'll see if it goes down in a few days or so. Not worried it's just annoying! Apparently this can happen for months after.Maybe show your GP then Charlotte? or call NHS direct and see what they say?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 01, 2026, 10:56:49 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 01, 2026, 10:56:49 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 10:45:11 AMNah as it's not hot so don't think it's infected. I'll see if it goes down in a few days or so. Not worried it's just annoying! Apparently this can happen for months after.
Charlotte 😻
OK. I wasn't concerned with infection so much as fluid buildup that might need to be drained.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 11:00:29 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 11:00:29 AM
If it needs to be drained I'll have to arrange that privately as the NHS won't touch private work unless it's life threatening e.g. infection. I know some places to do it if need be.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on April 01, 2026, 12:53:16 PM
Post by: Pema on April 01, 2026, 12:53:16 PM
I'd be having someone take a look at that as soon as I could. Please don't wait for it to become urgent.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 02:46:37 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 02:46:37 PM
I've got so much cuteness in my wardrobe and these I've not even worn out yet. Next furry meet maybe if warm enough. I just need a way to get better pictures. I love fashion and need to find a way to show it off better.
My home lighting is for mood not photos. And my rooms are tiny and cluttered. Maybe need to do outdoors.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SKP46YGL/20260401-201821-4.jpg)
My home lighting is for mood not photos. And my rooms are tiny and cluttered. Maybe need to do outdoors.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SKP46YGL/20260401-201821-4.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 01, 2026, 02:49:59 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 01, 2026, 02:49:59 PM
😀
Charlotte:
Definitely a cute outfit for your next outing or furry meeting.
Danielle
Charlotte:
Definitely a cute outfit for your next outing or furry meeting.
Danielle
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 01, 2026, 03:13:44 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 01, 2026, 03:13:44 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 02:46:37 PMI've got so much cuteness in my wardrobe and these I've not even worn out yet. Next furry meet maybe if warm enough. I just need a way to get better pictures. I love fashion and need to find a way to show it off better.is that a Rah Rah skirt like in the 80's?
My home lighting is for mood not photos. And my rooms are tiny and cluttered. Maybe need to do outdoors.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SKP46YGL/20260401-201821-4.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 03:19:53 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 01, 2026, 03:19:53 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 01, 2026, 03:13:44 PMis that a Rah Rah skirt like in the 80's?
Yeah all frilly mesh and very thick. From one of the Kawaii cutesy fashion shops. I need to get out with this one asap!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 02, 2026, 12:46:47 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 02, 2026, 12:46:47 AM
Only just noticed it's April now so. my 12 month Anniversary of starting HRT.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 02, 2026, 02:01:10 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 02, 2026, 02:01:10 AM
Congratulations Charlotte! I wish I had made a note when I started, I can't even remember the year! ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 02, 2026, 04:26:21 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 02, 2026, 04:26:21 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 02, 2026, 02:01:10 AMCongratulations Charlotte! I wish I had made a note when I started, I can't even remember the year! ha ha!
I only know as I have the email invoice still from when I ordered it online!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 02, 2026, 07:03:11 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 02, 2026, 07:03:11 AM
Today's cute work outfit!
(https://i.postimg.cc/tTnRFq03/20260402-124652-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/tTnRFq03/20260402-124652-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on April 02, 2026, 07:54:47 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on April 02, 2026, 07:54:47 AM
Looking good, Charlotte!!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 03:07:22 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 03:07:22 AM
Still when I think about it I don't know exactly why I started transitioning. It was an experiment one year ago, I decided I wanted to be more feminine/androgynous. Since then it's just stuck and progressed.
But I don't feel like a woman. Bur neither do I feel like a man. All I know is that I really hate masculinity and everything about it. So that's possibly the driver. I do get euphoria from femininity at least.
The weird thing is I don't see Charlotte as me but never also saw Christopher as me either. These all feel third person. Just manifestations of myself that aren't really mys3lf.
The real me I don't want to exist in the world and I really don't like. So I try to keep them locked away. Forgotten about. There is no persona or gender I can attach to the real me. They are just a notional ball of confusion, childishness and darkness. An entity that has never grown up and never found it's place in the world. A soul that never became is completely detached from the body it inhabits. Because I can't let that soul be visible and it's completely dysfunctional, I have to construct versions of me that I can face the world with.
Still really confused!
Charlotte 😻
But I don't feel like a woman. Bur neither do I feel like a man. All I know is that I really hate masculinity and everything about it. So that's possibly the driver. I do get euphoria from femininity at least.
The weird thing is I don't see Charlotte as me but never also saw Christopher as me either. These all feel third person. Just manifestations of myself that aren't really mys3lf.
The real me I don't want to exist in the world and I really don't like. So I try to keep them locked away. Forgotten about. There is no persona or gender I can attach to the real me. They are just a notional ball of confusion, childishness and darkness. An entity that has never grown up and never found it's place in the world. A soul that never became is completely detached from the body it inhabits. Because I can't let that soul be visible and it's completely dysfunctional, I have to construct versions of me that I can face the world with.
Still really confused!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 03:24:56 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 03:24:56 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 03:07:22 AMStill when I think about it I don't know exactly why I started transitioning. It was an experiment one year ago, I decided I wanted to be more feminine/androgynous. Since then it's just stuck and progressed.
But I don't feel like a woman. Bur neither do I feel like a man. All I know is that I really hate masculinity and everything about it. So that's possibly the driver. I do get euphoria from femininity at least.
The weird thing is I don't see Charlotte as me but never also saw Christopher as me either. These all feel third person. Just manifestations of myself that aren't really mys3lf.
The real me I don't want to exist in the world and I really don't like. So I try to keep them locked away. Forgotten about. There is no persona or gender I can attach to the real me. They are just a notional ball of confusion, childishness and darkness. An entity that has never grown up and never found it's place in the world. A soul that never became is completely detached from the body it inhabits. Because I can't let that soul be visible and it's completely dysfunctional, I have to construct versions of me that I can face the world with.
Still really confused!
Charlotte 😻
I think I understand this. Maybe more than I am comfortable admitting.
If you could give voice to the real you, what would that be? Outside of gender. If you could put form to the formless... how would that manifest?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 04:10:01 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 04:10:01 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 03:24:56 AMI think I understand this. Maybe more than I am comfortable admitting.
If you could give voice to the real you, what would that be? Outside of gender. If you could put form to the formless... how would that manifest?
That's a very complex one Lauren and thanks for asking. I don't think they would have a voice. They would just scream at having to exist in this dimension. I think all they want is to be a child with no adult expectations or pressures. To just live out the rest of the time with no requirements or demands. The weight of this existence lifted away. Complete freedom to express as they wish, depending how they feel. Totally flexible so they are never the same, just evolving.
I wonder if my inside is partly demonic. Before I transitioned I was troubled by thoughts of people suffering or being humiliated which went through my head regularly. I dont get them much at all now. I also see 666 all the time in my life. Pops up so often. My dad seemed very demonic at times.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 04:25:07 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 04:25:07 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 04:10:01 AMThat's a very complex one Lauren and thanks for asking. I don't think they would have a voice. They would just scream at having to exist in this dimension. I think all they want is to be a child with no adult expectations or pressures. To just live out the rest of the time with no requirements or demands. The weight of this existence lifted away. Complete freedom to express as they wish, depending how they feel. Totally flexible so they are never the same, just evolving.
I wonder if my inside is partly demonic. Before I transitioned I was troubled by thoughts of people suffering or being humiliated which went through my head regularly. I dont get them much at all now. I also see 666 all the time in my life. Pops up so often. My dad seemed very demonic at times.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte, from reading how you express yourself and how you are... I don't think there's anything demonic about you. Or, if there is, you probably should be worried about renouncing your ID. Because I think most of you is quite the opposite. I think you're incredibly hard on yourself, honey. A lot to do with your dad. And you've internalised a lot of things. Blame yourself for a lot of things that really aren't your fault. It's caused you to see yourself a certain way. I'm not going to go full shrink, haha. Because this isn't the place. Other than to say... I think you are very fragile, and very beautiful, and you're dealing with a lot, Charlotte. A lot that I'm not sure even you fully understand. You have a lot of scars that... I feel like you're not sure where the itches come from sometimes. And I hope... that you can find, and treat them, sweetie. Because I think that... hmm... you've created a shell around yourself that you're reluctant to leave. For obvious reasons. But I see how you are when you do... and, that girl is someone worth encouraging.
Sorry. I can be more intrusive than I intend a lot of the time. It's just... I think you are worth believing in, Charlotte. I think you've been through a lot, and need time to work out how to process it all. I think you will get there. If you are demonic, then there's no hope for humanity. :) That's all I'm saying.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 04:43:39 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 04:43:39 AM
@Sephirah Thank you for your care. Some of what you say there is what my therapist put to me before I was discharged. Never got to explore it in depth. I'm hopeful soon that'll change when / if the NHS cogs finally start moving! They don't work fast...it's been over a year since I went in with pains in the rear and found I got polyps which need removing! Still awaiting my operation to remove them.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 04:50:17 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 03, 2026, 04:50:17 AM
Pretty sure glaciers move faster than the NHS. But like I said, it's a numbers game.
I hope you can effect climate change though, Charlotte. Because I think you deserve to work through everything and get to a place you feel okay with yourself. Whatever that takes. Not a prescription, or a bunch of homework, but someone to listen. It's quite amazing how often that's what someone needs, but never gets.
I hope you can effect climate change though, Charlotte. Because I think you deserve to work through everything and get to a place you feel okay with yourself. Whatever that takes. Not a prescription, or a bunch of homework, but someone to listen. It's quite amazing how often that's what someone needs, but never gets.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:44:44 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:44:44 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 04:43:39 AM@Sephirah Thank you for your care. Some of what you say there is what my therapist put to me before I was discharged. Never got to explore it in depth. I'm hopeful soon that'll change when / if the NHS cogs finally start moving! They don't work fast...it's been over a year since I went in with pains in the rear and found I got polyps which need removing! Still awaiting my operation to remove them.It's nice to see you have hope within you Charlotte. You seem to have a war raging in your mind switching from the dark to the light all the time. I hope the upcoming treatment can help you learn to live at peace with who you are.
Charlotte 😻
You have shown everyone on here real kindness. You were the first to welcome me in this place. I struggle to believe you have such darkness in you. If you do it's a very small part.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:46:02 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:46:02 AM
Well I've let off some steam shooting some targets with my air gun. I'm having to learn go shoot left handed because I'm right handed but left eye dominant. Add to this everything in my right eye is heavily blurred and can't be corrected as has been since I was young.
Hopefully holding left handed will start to feel more natural over time. As a note if I lost my left eye I'd no longer be able to drive or read.
Charlotte 😻
Hopefully holding left handed will start to feel more natural over time. As a note if I lost my left eye I'd no longer be able to drive or read.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:51:40 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:51:40 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:44:44 AMIt's nice to see you have hope within you Charlotte. You seem to have a war raging in your mind switching from the dark to the light all the time. I hope the upcoming treatment can help you learn to live at peace with who you are.
You have shown everyone on here real kindness. You were the first to welcome me in this place. I struggle to believe you have such darkness in you. If you do it's a very small part.
Thanks Sarah. You are such a kind sweetheart. I have to keep some hope or my life is basically over. Oddly I'm very optimistic at the point of occurrence, always thinking each event in my life will go ok. Keeping positivity on that surface level. It's deeper in my mind that the darkness lives. I'm both hopeful and hopeless at the same time. Very indicative of my mind being in the 3rd person. I have a lot of internal dialogue and conversations all day, every day. I don't know if that's normal or not!
Hope you're getting towards feeling better today. You don't deserve such pain.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:54:06 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:54:06 AM
I'm left eye dominant too. It's a bit of a pain in photography as it means my nose is squished up against the camera and with the advent of touchscreens I'm forever changing settings inadvertently. Word of advice, if I ever lend you my camera give it a clean first ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:57:44 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:57:44 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:51:40 AMThanks Sarah. You are such a kind sweetheart. I have to keep some hope or my life is basically over. Oddly I'm very optimistic at the point of occurrence, always thinking each event in my life will go ok. Keeping positivity on that surface level. It's deeper in my mind that the darkness lives. I'm both hopeful and hopeless at the same time. Very indicative of my mind being in the 3rd person. I have a lot of internal dialogue and conversations all day, every day. I don't know if that's normal or not!Thanks Charlotte.
Hope you're getting towards feeling better today. You don't deserve such pain.
Charlotte 😻
I've lived alone all my life so I'm not only having conversations with myself in my head I'm often catching myself vocalising out loud sometimes! Seems totally normal to me "twitches".
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 06:05:42 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 06:05:42 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:54:06 AMI'm left eye dominant too. It's a bit of a pain in photography as it means my nose is squished up against the camera and with the advent of touchscreens I'm forever changing settings inadvertently. Word of advice, if I ever lend you my camera give it a clean first ha ha!
Oh yeah I've done the same, it's very awkward. I can do the same with my rifle but then it's not anchored into my shoulder enough. Today it kicked and hurt my new nose trying that method! So I changed to left hand and wasn't too bad. It's only an air rifle but because it's legal limit it still recoils if not pushed tight into the shoulder.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 02:13:21 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 02:13:21 PM
Each season my local vets has these cute murals painted in their windows. Every time they make me smile on my way home. I then take my boyfriend out to see them too so we can smile and laugh together.
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZKWDdh8H/20260403-193116.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Qd54fknM/20260403-193056.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/dVdH5mSV/20260403-193101.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/fRX28jgV/20260403-193107.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZKWDdh8H/20260403-193116.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Qd54fknM/20260403-193056.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/dVdH5mSV/20260403-193101.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/fRX28jgV/20260403-193107.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 03, 2026, 04:36:03 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 03, 2026, 04:36:03 PM
Those are great!
Made me smile, too.
Made me smile, too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 07:11:10 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 07:11:10 AM
The more I think about my journey the more I realize that I don't actually know why I decided to transition one year ago. The only thing I can remember is one afternoon coming to the decision to seek a more non binary presentation and experiment with HRT to see how this might work.
I'm becoming more sure every day that internally I'm completely agender. I had no dysphoria as a man. But at the same time I didn't carry myself as a man. I've always despised masculinity and never felt truly comfortable around or trusting of men. I wore female clothes and obsessed over cute things. That was probably enough to keep me happy. But at the same time if I was truly male inside I would get dysphoria from transitioning, which I'm not. I feel euphoric transitioning to a woman. Now I have tasted my life as a woman, I feel dysphoria about my male traits and would never want to go back.
Part of me however is still comfortable being half and half. Inhibiting this queer space of gender which is neither male or female. I could be very happy as an obvious transgender person. Presenting heavily female but with other aspects completely against expected gender norms. But that would make my life in society extremely uncomfortable. So I feel compelled to pass because of these expected gender norms.
Add to this my own deep insecurities mean I compare myself to others. I feel inferior as I'm not as womanly as many other trans people, then this makes me depressed. But deep down I don't even know if that's what I desire. I think maybe I want to be able to pass as a beautiful woman some days. But others I just want to be my agender self.
It gets harder though because I feel ugly. I just look weird and unattractive. I really hate my face and body. I try to convince myself to like them, but know I'm just lying to myself. Everyone out there just sees an ugly freak. An ugly man. People say otherwise but I know that's just because they're trying to be nice and unoffensive. People generally lie to spare feelings unless they are deliberately trying to hurt. Unfortunately I'm not stupid enough to not realize this! I wish I was. I wish people would be truthful so I didn't get my hopes up just to keep falling. Each fall destroys more of my mind.
As a side I think a couple of things happened before I decided to trabsition. I had my main fursona drawn as a female. The way this made me feel was pure elation. I'd never experienced such a strong attachment between my mind and my fursona. I wanted to be her. Badly. Also big changes in my life seem to follow periods of extreme stress and breakdowns. I had a few before I transitioned.
Well maybe I've made some sense of this or I'm still confused. I don't really know! There is still a big gap at the point I decided to transition and I'm sure that decision was made in about 30 seconds at most. I really don't understand why big life decisions are just tiny insignificant whims to me.
Charlotte 😻
I'm becoming more sure every day that internally I'm completely agender. I had no dysphoria as a man. But at the same time I didn't carry myself as a man. I've always despised masculinity and never felt truly comfortable around or trusting of men. I wore female clothes and obsessed over cute things. That was probably enough to keep me happy. But at the same time if I was truly male inside I would get dysphoria from transitioning, which I'm not. I feel euphoric transitioning to a woman. Now I have tasted my life as a woman, I feel dysphoria about my male traits and would never want to go back.
Part of me however is still comfortable being half and half. Inhibiting this queer space of gender which is neither male or female. I could be very happy as an obvious transgender person. Presenting heavily female but with other aspects completely against expected gender norms. But that would make my life in society extremely uncomfortable. So I feel compelled to pass because of these expected gender norms.
Add to this my own deep insecurities mean I compare myself to others. I feel inferior as I'm not as womanly as many other trans people, then this makes me depressed. But deep down I don't even know if that's what I desire. I think maybe I want to be able to pass as a beautiful woman some days. But others I just want to be my agender self.
It gets harder though because I feel ugly. I just look weird and unattractive. I really hate my face and body. I try to convince myself to like them, but know I'm just lying to myself. Everyone out there just sees an ugly freak. An ugly man. People say otherwise but I know that's just because they're trying to be nice and unoffensive. People generally lie to spare feelings unless they are deliberately trying to hurt. Unfortunately I'm not stupid enough to not realize this! I wish I was. I wish people would be truthful so I didn't get my hopes up just to keep falling. Each fall destroys more of my mind.
As a side I think a couple of things happened before I decided to trabsition. I had my main fursona drawn as a female. The way this made me feel was pure elation. I'd never experienced such a strong attachment between my mind and my fursona. I wanted to be her. Badly. Also big changes in my life seem to follow periods of extreme stress and breakdowns. I had a few before I transitioned.
Well maybe I've made some sense of this or I'm still confused. I don't really know! There is still a big gap at the point I decided to transition and I'm sure that decision was made in about 30 seconds at most. I really don't understand why big life decisions are just tiny insignificant whims to me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 08:37:58 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 08:37:58 AM
You're amazing and beautiful. Stay positive, you're loved
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 10:00:38 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 10:00:38 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 08:37:58 AMYou're amazing and beautiful. Stay positive, you're lovedThanks. I wish I believed it in myself. Honestly I just don't want to be here anymore. Every day is just a prison sentence. I wish I could donate my life to someone that could make use of it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 10:28:40 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 10:28:40 AM
Charlotte please don't talk like that it's very upsetting to people that love you. You have friends and support. Take a breath and find your joy. I know as well as anyone it's hard sometimes. Always know there are people here for you.
Love is everywhere, sometimes you just need to open your eyes to it
Love is everywhere, sometimes you just need to open your eyes to it
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 11:00:01 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 11:00:01 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 07:11:10 AMThe more I think about my journey the more I realize that I don't actually know why I decided to transition one year ago. The only thing I can remember is one afternoon coming to the decision to seek a more non binary presentation and experiment with HRT to see how this might work.Phew, that's a very deep download of your thoughts there Charlotte. A lot to unpick!
I'm becoming more sure every day that internally I'm completely agender. I had no dysphoria as a man. But at the same time I didn't carry myself as a man. I've always despised masculinity and never felt truly comfortable around or trusting of men. I wore female clothes and obsessed over cute things. That was probably enough to keep me happy. But at the same time if I was truly male inside I would get dysphoria from transitioning, which I'm not. I feel euphoric transitioning to a woman. Now I have tasted my life as a woman, I feel dysphoria about my male traits and would never want to go back.
Part of me however is still comfortable being half and half. Inhibiting this queer space of gender which is neither male or female. I could be very happy as an obvious transgender person. Presenting heavily female but with other aspects completely against expected gender norms. But that would make my life in society extremely uncomfortable. So I feel compelled to pass because of these expected gender norms.
Add to this my own deep insecurities mean I compare myself to others. I feel inferior as I'm not as womanly as many other trans people, then this makes me depressed. But deep down I don't even know if that's what I desire. I think maybe I want to be able to pass as a beautiful woman some days. But others I just want to be my agender self.
It gets harder though because I feel ugly. I just look weird and unattractive. I really hate my face and body. I try to convince myself to like them, but know I'm just lying to myself. Everyone out there just sees an ugly freak. An ugly man. People say otherwise but I know that's just because they're trying to be nice and unoffensive. People generally lie to spare feelings unless they are deliberately trying to hurt. Unfortunately I'm not stupid enough to not realize this! I wish I was. I wish people would be truthful so I didn't get my hopes up just to keep falling. Each fall destroys more of my mind.
As a side I think a couple of things happened before I decided to transition. I had my main fursona drawn as a female. The way this made me feel was pure elation. I'd never experienced such a strong attachment between my mind and my fursona. I wanted to be her. Badly. Also big changes in my life seem to follow periods of extreme stress and breakdowns. I had a few before I transitioned.
Well maybe I've made some sense of this or I'm still confused. I don't really know! There is still a big gap at the point I decided to transition and I'm sure that decision was made in about 30 seconds at most. I really don't understand why big life decisions are just tiny insignificant whims to me.
Charlotte 😻
Ok, I'm going to be as honest as I dare and please remember that this is only my opinion so take it with a pinch of salt.
I'm sure we all look in the mirror and see things we hate about ourselves (I know I do), proof that we don't conform to the image we want to portray. But the unfortunate truth is we won't ever look like Scarlett Johanssen. Most of us will have to deal with body image issues sadly. It is highly likely we won't be very attractive women when we transition. But we will be women, and that is enough for me really. The question is do you feel the same? Otherwise you could be setting yourself unattainable goals.
It isn't fair but that's the lottery of life. Some people are born beautiful, others born ugly, most of us fall somewhere inbetween. Sometimes the perceptions of what is beautiful change over time. Beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. There are many ugly or average looking women (and men) who lead beautiful, loving and happy lives and find the partner of their dreams (you are ahead of me on that front!). As I've said before, you play the cards you are dealt, there is no point being upset over the hand you have been given as it's a game of chance.
I have to say and please don't take this the wrong way, but reading your post I would pose a question. Do you really need GCS? What are you hoping to achieve with it? No one on the outside will know as it won't affect your outward appearance. if you are comfortable presenting half way who ever said you have to complete the transition. Lots of girls don't and they are very happy. You sound full of turmoil in your head and so confused over what you want. I hope your upcoming psychiatric appointments can help you make sense of it all.
You seem to be racing ahead with life changing surgery but you aren't sure what you want as your end goal. It is screaming out to me that maybe you should think about pressing the pause button for a little bit until you are certain that GCS will give you the resuts you crave. There is no going back once you commit.
Are you even sure that you are transgender? You sound like there is a possiblity that you could be genderfluid. There is nothing wrong with inhabiting that space, even if maybe it's only temporary until you learn what is right for you.
If you only suddenly decided to transition 1 year ago that isn't a lot of time to process everything mentally. You do not have to race through these changes. A period of reflection might be advisable.
This is only my two cents. I am nowhere near an expert, just someone looking out for you. You wanted people to stop lying, well there is my truthful opinion. It won't affect the way I think about you what ever path you choose.
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 04, 2026, 11:28:26 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 04, 2026, 11:28:26 AM
I agree with Sarah.
When I started transitioning, I was convinced that I wanted GCS NOW! Due to various life circumstances, I realized that it may not be practical after six years. My goal has never been to become a beautiful woman. I have always felt that I am a woman, so I asked myself if I could be happy being seen as a woman, even if it is as an ugly old woman. Once I accepted that the ideal outcome was beyond my grasp, I focused on accepting the cards I was dealt.
I do not concern myself much with outward appearances. I have many interests that allow me to focus on things that do not upset me. I focus on things that interest me and make me happy.
I have the benefit of training and experience in hypnotherapy, so I use what I have learned to help me through tough times and break the negative thoughts spiral. You know that you go through these periods occasionally and that they will pass.
Something I have taught others is to use known methods to change their thinking as they work through this.
1. Change what you are thinking about. Focus on something else.
2. Change your activity. Do something that requires your attention. That changes your thinking, too. Watch a movie, play a video game, or read a book.
3. Change your environment. Go for a walk, take a drive, visit someone. This changes your activity and your attention focus.
I agree with Sarah and Kellie that what we see is a beautiful woman. Part of your gender fluidity, which you are so open about, is one of the many things that make you beautiful. I see how you interact with people here. You are warm and caring, and there is nothing ugly about that. You can do that whether you are wearing pants or a dress (or both).
Sometimes we need to experiment to understand what we are comfortable with and to find what makes us happy. Changing our looks, our dress, or even something as simple as carrying a small token to remind us of who we are. A bracelet, a Hello Kitty keychain, a colored ribbon, or anything that makes you smile. There is a reason ancient people carried talismans, and it wasn't all about worship or good luck.
Go easy on yourself. Let your body heal. Rest your mind. Then, when you are calm, think about what you want to do next, whether it is surgery or just going shopping.
When I started transitioning, I was convinced that I wanted GCS NOW! Due to various life circumstances, I realized that it may not be practical after six years. My goal has never been to become a beautiful woman. I have always felt that I am a woman, so I asked myself if I could be happy being seen as a woman, even if it is as an ugly old woman. Once I accepted that the ideal outcome was beyond my grasp, I focused on accepting the cards I was dealt.
I do not concern myself much with outward appearances. I have many interests that allow me to focus on things that do not upset me. I focus on things that interest me and make me happy.
I have the benefit of training and experience in hypnotherapy, so I use what I have learned to help me through tough times and break the negative thoughts spiral. You know that you go through these periods occasionally and that they will pass.
Something I have taught others is to use known methods to change their thinking as they work through this.
1. Change what you are thinking about. Focus on something else.
2. Change your activity. Do something that requires your attention. That changes your thinking, too. Watch a movie, play a video game, or read a book.
3. Change your environment. Go for a walk, take a drive, visit someone. This changes your activity and your attention focus.
I agree with Sarah and Kellie that what we see is a beautiful woman. Part of your gender fluidity, which you are so open about, is one of the many things that make you beautiful. I see how you interact with people here. You are warm and caring, and there is nothing ugly about that. You can do that whether you are wearing pants or a dress (or both).
Sometimes we need to experiment to understand what we are comfortable with and to find what makes us happy. Changing our looks, our dress, or even something as simple as carrying a small token to remind us of who we are. A bracelet, a Hello Kitty keychain, a colored ribbon, or anything that makes you smile. There is a reason ancient people carried talismans, and it wasn't all about worship or good luck.
Go easy on yourself. Let your body heal. Rest your mind. Then, when you are calm, think about what you want to do next, whether it is surgery or just going shopping.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 12:21:06 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 12:21:06 PM
I definitely know I don't want to be a man anymore. I'd rip those bits down there off myself if I could. I've already tried to break them a few times. I'm our right now but just numb to everything. Nothing strikes my interst. Everything is just boring the hell out of me
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 12:41:35 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 12:41:35 PM
I understand being numb and everything being boring.
I work not to get ahead but to maintain. My wife and I made some bad decisions and owe the government a lot of money.
There are always things that get us down. Sometimes the only joy is something silly and small, but it gets me through the day. Other times I fight just to make it through the day. Everyone has their demons but there are angles out there. You have goals sometimes the wise choice is to look at your goals and evaluate them. The nice thing about goals is they can be adjusted.
My therapist said something to me that made me stop. She told me I need to give myself grace. I try to give it to everyone else and hold myself to a standard I hold no one else to.
Give yourself grace. Take a walk past you veterinarian look at the window mural. Hold your sweethearts hand and walk in the rain. Let your brain focus on something else. Cook a meal and share it with friends.
Remember what you have and think of the now for a bit. The future can be overwhelming, but you don't have to try to control it. Every day is a step towards it but it's always the future and us just out of reach
I work not to get ahead but to maintain. My wife and I made some bad decisions and owe the government a lot of money.
There are always things that get us down. Sometimes the only joy is something silly and small, but it gets me through the day. Other times I fight just to make it through the day. Everyone has their demons but there are angles out there. You have goals sometimes the wise choice is to look at your goals and evaluate them. The nice thing about goals is they can be adjusted.
My therapist said something to me that made me stop. She told me I need to give myself grace. I try to give it to everyone else and hold myself to a standard I hold no one else to.
Give yourself grace. Take a walk past you veterinarian look at the window mural. Hold your sweethearts hand and walk in the rain. Let your brain focus on something else. Cook a meal and share it with friends.
Remember what you have and think of the now for a bit. The future can be overwhelming, but you don't have to try to control it. Every day is a step towards it but it's always the future and us just out of reach
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 12:41:53 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 12:41:53 PM
Sorry if that comes out as a ramble
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 12:44:16 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 12:44:16 PM
Also I'm really fed up with the narrative that to be a trans woman I need to wear makeup and do my hair all the time. We've agreed now I'm ugly looking. Why would I want to waste my time on this every day! I just want to be me my way without the constant pressure I should present a certain way. Most my life I can't be bothered to exist. So doing anything more than the minimum is top much. Yet everyone thinks I'm less of a woman because of this.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 12:47:33 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 12:47:33 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 12:21:06 PMI definitely know I don't want to be a man anymore. I'd rip those bits down there off myself if I could. I've already tried to break them a few times. I'm our right now but just numb to everything. Nothing strikes my interst. Everything is just boring the hell out of meI hope you don't start harming yourself Charlotte, please don't do that to yourself. That will achieve nothing and I suspect deep down you know this. The fact you have considered it or maybe even done it before is clear evidence of the turmoil I'm referring to.
Being agender/genderfluid means you aren't a man, or a woman. You inhabit a space uniquely between the genders. That has benefits as well as negatives. Maybe you can be truly happy there?
I worry that you feel that not being a man means you must be a woman and that when you are one, all your troubles will be solved. This may not be the case. You may not achieve the happiness and peace you are craving as a woman. I will reiterate that I truly believe you need to press pause and think long and hard about your next steps preferably with the assistance of professional help.
I know some of Lori's suggestions may seem simple but I would strongly advise a change of scene if you are struggling to engage with other interests. It does not do to dwell on such dark thoughts. Simply going somewhere peaceful or somewhere you have never been before can calm or distract the mind and provide some clarity of thought.
I'm not saying any of these things to be harsh or cruel, I care about you and am simply trying to protect you from yourself until you can take a breath and think clearly. It may turn out that fully transitioning is absolutely the right way to go but it may not and if you have put yourself in a corner through surgery you may be even more unhappy. I don't want that for you. You deserve so much more.
You are loved
Sarah xxx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 04, 2026, 12:58:37 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 04, 2026, 12:58:37 PM
I haven't worn any of my wigs since last year.
I wore makeup last week for a video appointment with the VA, but usually I don't.
I am comfortable in jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. I don't even shave every day because it irritates my skin. Electrolysis is working well, so now I have less to worry about. It is about my comfort level, not anyone else's.
People look at my profile pic and comment on how beautiful I am. That is not how I look day to day. That pic is from 2023. I was experimenting with makeup to go with my new topper wig. I spent four hours playing with different things and then stopped. I loved the look and snapped some pictures. Now I use it everywhere online and on my book covers because I like the image, even if it is not a daily reality.
Find what comforts you. Try different things, but don't get frustrated trying to find the perfect image. If something doesn't work, chalk it up to "that's not it" and move on to something else. Not finding what you seek does not mean it doesn't exist. It only means you haven't found it yet.
If I gave up whenever I didn't find gold, I would have none. If you have seen my Gold Gallery photo album, you know what persistence can bring you. The same thing applies to searching for the right look or ways to remain happy.
You've got this. And you know it too. You know you have been through this before, and you made it through just fine. The only way to fail is to give up. Never surrender.
I wore makeup last week for a video appointment with the VA, but usually I don't.
I am comfortable in jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. I don't even shave every day because it irritates my skin. Electrolysis is working well, so now I have less to worry about. It is about my comfort level, not anyone else's.
People look at my profile pic and comment on how beautiful I am. That is not how I look day to day. That pic is from 2023. I was experimenting with makeup to go with my new topper wig. I spent four hours playing with different things and then stopped. I loved the look and snapped some pictures. Now I use it everywhere online and on my book covers because I like the image, even if it is not a daily reality.
Find what comforts you. Try different things, but don't get frustrated trying to find the perfect image. If something doesn't work, chalk it up to "that's not it" and move on to something else. Not finding what you seek does not mean it doesn't exist. It only means you haven't found it yet.
If I gave up whenever I didn't find gold, I would have none. If you have seen my Gold Gallery photo album, you know what persistence can bring you. The same thing applies to searching for the right look or ways to remain happy.
You've got this. And you know it too. You know you have been through this before, and you made it through just fine. The only way to fail is to give up. Never surrender.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 12:58:42 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 12:58:42 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 12:44:16 PMAlso I'm really fed up with the narrative that to be a trans woman I need to wear makeup and do my hair all the time. We've agreed now I'm ugly looking. Why would I want to waste my time on this every day! I just want to be me my way without the constant pressure I should present a certain way. Most my life I can't be bothered to exist. So doing anything more than the minimum is top much. Yet everyone thinks I'm less of a woman because of this.Nobody said you were ugly honey, besides, it makes no difference what other people think at the end of the day, it is you who sees you every day. You are the only one who needs to be happy with the way you look or at least accept that you are the best version of you that you can be. It's all just image, there is so much more to humans than the outer layer.
Nobody thinks less of you if you don't do make up or hair petal. It is not written that you have to do any of that bull crap if you don't want to. A lot of us do it because we enjoy it but if it doesn't bring you happiness then sod it, don't bother. Lots of women choose to be makeup free and don't bother with their hair. It's way more common than you think.
Take a breath Charlotte. Slow your thoughts and come back to us, Where's our bubbly Furry gone to?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 01:30:33 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 01:30:33 PM
Charlotte, sweetie I think you're dealing with some things that go beyond gender, or being trans entirely. Things that might have gotten mixed up in there and you're not sure how to separate them. Or perhaps associate one with the other. Or maybe have never been given the opportunity to work out.
Can I ask you a question? Okay... take the world away for a moment. Take away anything you think people expect of you. Or how other people see you. Take away everything you think you have to be, to fit in with the world around you. Focus for a moment on just... a room, okay? With a big mirror on one wall. Nothing else. No one else. Just you, in this room. You look into this mirror. Who do you see looking back at you? Can you describe this person for me? In as much detail as you feel comfortable with.
There are a couple of things I just want to really mention, from what you've said, honey.
Firstly this:
Define "womanly", Charlotte. What is it that you see that you think other people have that you think you don't? Is it a certain way of acting? Or speaking? Or how someone looks? Or something else? I could tell you that, from getting to know you through your words, I find you to be very warm, very nurturing, very encouraging, very kind, sensitive and approachable. Emotionally aware and with a huge capacity to make others feel wanted. Would they factor into your view of what "womanly" means? Or is it something else?
And also this:
The part I've emboldened is important because it influences everything that comes after it. When someone feels a certain way about themselves, they go out of their way to try and prove it. It's like looking at the world through a fixed lens. You see something and that's all you see. Any evidence to the contrary is invisible because the mind makes it so. We are always looking for things to reinforce how we feel about ourselves. And if that is negative, then everything you think, see and feel goes towards cementing this view of yourself. Regardless of whether how you feel is objectively accurate or not. That's irrelevant. It doesn't matter. Because we see the world based on how we feel. Reality is perception. We create our own subjective view of the world.
Like you say, if someone doesn't agree with how you feel about yourself, they must be lying. Or doing something to make you feel better. They must be wrong. Because you must be right. It's the messed up way our brains work, sweetie. Ask yourself whether it's you not being stupid enough to be ignorant of something... or whether it's you wanting to believe something because it reinforces the way you already feel and proves you were right all along.
*big massive hugs*
Listen, Charlotte, I really think that some, or maybe a lot of what you're dealing with... has nothing to do with gender. And that it is just an expression of it rather than a cause of it. Is it possible for you to talk to someone about your feelings of not wanting to exist? Or feeling like the world has nothing for you? Because... I suspect that might come from somewhere else entirely. And you might understand how you feel about your gender better if you can tackle these other parts of how you feel, separate from it.
In any case, it's good that you're talking about it, sweetie. It helps to get things out. That's a bigger step than you maybe realise. And you don't have to deal with anything alone, okay?
*extra hugs* <3
Can I ask you a question? Okay... take the world away for a moment. Take away anything you think people expect of you. Or how other people see you. Take away everything you think you have to be, to fit in with the world around you. Focus for a moment on just... a room, okay? With a big mirror on one wall. Nothing else. No one else. Just you, in this room. You look into this mirror. Who do you see looking back at you? Can you describe this person for me? In as much detail as you feel comfortable with.
There are a couple of things I just want to really mention, from what you've said, honey.
Firstly this:
QuoteAdd to this my own deep insecurities mean I compare myself to others. I feel inferior as I'm not as womanly as many other trans people, then this makes me depressed. But deep down I don't even know if that's what I desire. I think maybe I want to be able to pass as a beautiful woman some days. But others I just want to be my agender self.
Define "womanly", Charlotte. What is it that you see that you think other people have that you think you don't? Is it a certain way of acting? Or speaking? Or how someone looks? Or something else? I could tell you that, from getting to know you through your words, I find you to be very warm, very nurturing, very encouraging, very kind, sensitive and approachable. Emotionally aware and with a huge capacity to make others feel wanted. Would they factor into your view of what "womanly" means? Or is it something else?
And also this:
QuoteIt gets harder though because I feel ugly. I just look weird and unattractive. I really hate my face and body. I try to convince myself to like them, but know I'm just lying to myself. Everyone out there just sees an ugly freak. An ugly man. People say otherwise but I know that's just because they're trying to be nice and unoffensive. People generally lie to spare feelings unless they are deliberately trying to hurt. Unfortunately I'm not stupid enough to not realize this! I wish I was. I wish people would be truthful so I didn't get my hopes up just to keep falling. Each fall destroys more of my mind.
The part I've emboldened is important because it influences everything that comes after it. When someone feels a certain way about themselves, they go out of their way to try and prove it. It's like looking at the world through a fixed lens. You see something and that's all you see. Any evidence to the contrary is invisible because the mind makes it so. We are always looking for things to reinforce how we feel about ourselves. And if that is negative, then everything you think, see and feel goes towards cementing this view of yourself. Regardless of whether how you feel is objectively accurate or not. That's irrelevant. It doesn't matter. Because we see the world based on how we feel. Reality is perception. We create our own subjective view of the world.
Like you say, if someone doesn't agree with how you feel about yourself, they must be lying. Or doing something to make you feel better. They must be wrong. Because you must be right. It's the messed up way our brains work, sweetie. Ask yourself whether it's you not being stupid enough to be ignorant of something... or whether it's you wanting to believe something because it reinforces the way you already feel and proves you were right all along.
*big massive hugs*
Listen, Charlotte, I really think that some, or maybe a lot of what you're dealing with... has nothing to do with gender. And that it is just an expression of it rather than a cause of it. Is it possible for you to talk to someone about your feelings of not wanting to exist? Or feeling like the world has nothing for you? Because... I suspect that might come from somewhere else entirely. And you might understand how you feel about your gender better if you can tackle these other parts of how you feel, separate from it.
In any case, it's good that you're talking about it, sweetie. It helps to get things out. That's a bigger step than you maybe realise. And you don't have to deal with anything alone, okay?
*extra hugs* <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 01:30:53 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 01:30:53 PM
I don't recall anyone agree you were ugly. No one says you have to do anything. I won't be wearing makeup everyday. Hell I still have a goatee and mustache.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 01:40:52 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 01:40:52 PM
Honestly I know for certain I still want to transition. Transitioning was never expected to fix these issues as I know they are born from elsewhere. I was exactly the same in boymode. I have very bad self image and self esteem issues. It's not surprising.
I just want to be me in my way without feeling totally inferior. Like I'm not a real woman. Not a real trans woman. I'm betting now there's loads of cis women who feel exactly like I do. Pressured to be a certain way when they don't want to.
I really don't like going through processes. They stress me out. I hate uncertainty. I hate unpredictability. I just want predictability and certainty. I've never felt any different. I really avoid new experiences wherever possible. But on the flip side I'm bored of the status quo. It's a catch 22.
I just want to be me in my way without feeling totally inferior. Like I'm not a real woman. Not a real trans woman. I'm betting now there's loads of cis women who feel exactly like I do. Pressured to be a certain way when they don't want to.
I really don't like going through processes. They stress me out. I hate uncertainty. I hate unpredictability. I just want predictability and certainty. I've never felt any different. I really avoid new experiences wherever possible. But on the flip side I'm bored of the status quo. It's a catch 22.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on April 04, 2026, 01:48:59 PM
Post by: Courtney G on April 04, 2026, 01:48:59 PM
Charlotte, I think you and I have a lot in common. I believe I have body/face dysmorphia. This means I can't see myself the way others see me. I can't see myself in a positive way. If someone told me I was handsome as a boy, I didn't believe them. I was so ashamed of my body, I couldn't go swimming after the age or 14 or 15. High school was difficult. Relationships were difficult.
I'm only just starting to find some positivity as a woman. I like myself a lot more but it's a long process. But the overarching thing, the thing I have to remember is that all of this comes from inside of my brain. I'm speaking to the physical aspects of my existence in this case, but basically I know that I have to decide to like, nay, to love myself, as hard as it is. It's a choice I have to make. It's really that simple - in theory, at least.
I'm only just starting to find some positivity as a woman. I like myself a lot more but it's a long process. But the overarching thing, the thing I have to remember is that all of this comes from inside of my brain. I'm speaking to the physical aspects of my existence in this case, but basically I know that I have to decide to like, nay, to love myself, as hard as it is. It's a choice I have to make. It's really that simple - in theory, at least.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 01:51:31 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 01:51:31 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 01:40:52 PMI just want to be me in my way without feeling totally inferior. Like I'm not a real woman. Not a real trans woman. I'm betting now there's loads of cis women who feel exactly like I do. Pressured to be a certain way when they don't want to.
Charlotte, you could probably apply that to every person on the planet, regardless of gender identity. We grow up in a world where peer pressure seemingly makes the rules. It's herd mentality. Where you feel you have to live up to this standard because other people feel they have to live up to the same standard. We basically all put each other on pedestals and then wonder why we all start to wobble from time to time.
The self-image and self esteem issues are things you can work on, sweetie. You don't have to deal with them forever, okay? They are, essentially, a blueprint you've laid down for yourself detailing how you feel about yourself based on little more than your own opinion. And... opinions can change. It's not something you have to struggle with forever, Charlotte. It can be hard work, but change often is. It's also often worth it. :)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 02:45:27 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 02:45:27 PM
Thanks everyone and sorry I'm a total emotional car crash.
I feel absolutely exhausted now and a bit sickly. It's weird though as getting off the train a little while ago I caught my reflection in the window. In that instant the first thing I saw was a woman. And there was what looked likely to be a cis woman sitting over the way. She looked very similar to me.
Charlotte 😻
I feel absolutely exhausted now and a bit sickly. It's weird though as getting off the train a little while ago I caught my reflection in the window. In that instant the first thing I saw was a woman. And there was what looked likely to be a cis woman sitting over the way. She looked very similar to me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 02:52:01 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 02:52:01 PM
Hope you feel better soon. Everyone is self conscious in some way. Some hide it better than other. Get some food, rest and a big hug from your sweetie
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 02:52:56 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 02:52:56 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 02:45:27 PMThanks everyone and sorry I'm a total emotional car crash.There she is! Nice to have you back with us Charlotte. You scared me a bit there!
I feel absolutely exhausted now and a bit sickly. It's weird though as getting off the train a little while ago I caught my reflection in the window. In that instant the first thing I saw was a woman. And there was what looked likely to be a cis woman sitting over the way. She looked very similar to me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 04, 2026, 02:58:13 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 04, 2026, 02:58:13 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 02:45:27 PMI caught my reflection in the window. In that instant the first thing I saw was a woman. And there was what looked likely to be a cis woman sitting over the way. She looked very similar to me.
That is one of the most affirming moments. I still remember the first time I looked in a mirror and saw HER. Remember this. Remember what you saw and how it made you feel. You caught a glimpse of what we see.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 03:00:21 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 03:00:21 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 02:52:56 PMThere she is! Nice to have you back with us Charlotte. You scared me a bit there!
I don't but barely know Charlotte and it scared me.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:00:29 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:00:29 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 02:45:27 PMThanks everyone and sorry I'm a total emotional car crash.
I feel absolutely exhausted now and a bit sickly. It's weird though as getting off the train a little while ago I caught my reflection in the window. In that instant the first thing I saw was a woman. And there was what looked likely to be a cis woman sitting over the way. She looked very similar to me.
Charlotte 😻
We all are, in our own way, Charlotte. There is never any need to apologise for showing people who care about you what's in your heart, okay? You can't have the light without the dark. You can't have the day without the night. You can't have the cat without the... cat litter?
It's okay, sweetie. You will get through this. Emotions are messy, complicated, sometimes horrible, sometimes wonderful, sometimes completely baffling, but always interesting.
You have people who care about you, and who want the best for you. And are willing to share their view of who you are when sometimes you get lost in your own. The important thing is... you don't keep it inside. And I am the queen of keeping stuff inside. I need people like the people here to bring the jaws of life sometimes. That you're okay talking about all of this is a big positive. And it shows that you haven't given up on you just yet.
Keep talking about it, Charlotte. Whatever it is, however you feel, whatever you see. You are not alone, sweetie.
*massive hugs*
And anyway... people get rescued from car crashes all the time. :P
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:10:52 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:10:52 PM
Sorry I scared you all. I dont mean to and I'm usually ok. Its been about 20 years since I last attempted suicide so i have a little more control these days at least. It's like an out of body experience though. I leave the room, turn into someone else, offload. Then I rebuild myself and feel back in the room. Exhausted but tonnes of weight lifted. I don't quite understand it.
My boyfriend unfortunately has had to witness the full extent of this including hurting myself. I really must avoid that as my head is still healing right now and will probably break before the door now.
Charlotte 😻
My boyfriend unfortunately has had to witness the full extent of this including hurting myself. I really must avoid that as my head is still healing right now and will probably break before the door now.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:16:34 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:16:34 PM
Stop apologising, sweetie. It's okay. That's what we're here for. When people don't want to see you at your worst, they don't deserve to see you at your best.
You need to get it out, whatever is eating at you. Whenever you feel overwhelmed.
It's okay to not be okay, Charlotte. It's okay to feel bruised, or battered, or broken. What matters most is that you don't keep it all building inside like a volcano, until it explodes in the form of something that might be too much to undo.
You are as human as the rest of us. We get through it all together, okay? So... when you don't feel okay... talk about it. And let people be there for you. It will be okay.
Never apologise, honey. You have nothing to be sorry for. You are as broken and beautiful as the rest of us. We all just figure it out together. <3
You need to get it out, whatever is eating at you. Whenever you feel overwhelmed.
It's okay to not be okay, Charlotte. It's okay to feel bruised, or battered, or broken. What matters most is that you don't keep it all building inside like a volcano, until it explodes in the form of something that might be too much to undo.
You are as human as the rest of us. We get through it all together, okay? So... when you don't feel okay... talk about it. And let people be there for you. It will be okay.
Never apologise, honey. You have nothing to be sorry for. You are as broken and beautiful as the rest of us. We all just figure it out together. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 03:16:59 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 03:16:59 PM
Charlotte if venting your thoughts on here prevents you harming yourself then don't ever apologise, vent away.
Did you say you had an appointment next week with the mental health professionals? You must must tell them everything that's going on in your mind. Don't hold back. Tell them about your journey and the direction you want to go in too as they might be able to steer you in the right direction. They will be able to help you, honest.
Sarah xx
Did you say you had an appointment next week with the mental health professionals? You must must tell them everything that's going on in your mind. Don't hold back. Tell them about your journey and the direction you want to go in too as they might be able to steer you in the right direction. They will be able to help you, honest.
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:23:30 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:23:30 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 03:16:59 PMCharlotte if venting your thoughts on here prevents you harming yourself then don't ever apologise, vent away.
Did you say you had an appointment next week with the mental health professionals? You must must tell them everything that's going on in your mind. Don't hold back. Tell them about your journey and the direction you want to go in too as they might be able to steer you in the right direction. They will be able to help you, honest.
Sarah xx
I had that appointment on Monday and was in for well over an hour telling the therapist everything. She agreed my case was way beyond the councelling service and has recommended psychiatric assessment leading to in depth psychotherapy. However this is no guarantee that I will be accepted for assessment and treatment. I now have to wait as it will go in front of the board to assess and make a decision.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 03:25:46 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 03:25:46 PM
Oh sorry Charlotte, I have totally misunderstood. I thought you were booked in with the psychiatric people. Any idea how long it might take? Doesn't sound like a fast process.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:31:42 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:31:42 PM
It kind of annoys me how you have to stand trial just to work through what you're dealing with.
When it seems to me that you just need someone to listen to you.
When it seems to me that you just need someone to listen to you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:40:47 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:40:47 PM
She said 2-3 weeks for a decision then another wait before I get seen. Probably at least a few months knowing these things. I'm on a waiting list with Birmingham LGBT for some trans related councelling too. I'm hoping to work through my gender related thoughts with them at least. Just in limbo right now really whilst awaiting appropriately qualified assistance.
My hope is to get referred for DBT which is most likely what I need. However if I still think there's a chance I have ADHD then there is another different route I need to follow for that. Honestly don't see why I can't go to one professional who works out what's wrong. I have to self diagnose so I can refer myself to who I need. It's all over the place!
My hope is to get referred for DBT which is most likely what I need. However if I still think there's a chance I have ADHD then there is another different route I need to follow for that. Honestly don't see why I can't go to one professional who works out what's wrong. I have to self diagnose so I can refer myself to who I need. It's all over the place!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:57:47 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 04, 2026, 03:57:47 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 04, 2026, 03:40:47 PMShe said 2-3 weeks for a decision then another wait before I get seen. Probably at least a few months knowing these things. I'm on a waiting list with Birmingham LGBT for some trans related councelling too. I'm hoping to work through my gender related thoughts with them at least. Just in limbo right now really whilst awaiting appropriately qualified assistance.
My hope is to get referred for DBT which is most likely what I need. However if I still think there's a chance I have ADHD then there is another different route I need to follow for that. Honestly don't see why I can't go to one professional who works out what's wrong. I have to self diagnose so I can refer myself to who I need. It's all over the place!
For those who don't know, DBT is an acronym for Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It's based off CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and follows a lot of similar practices. They are both largely based off examining the views you have about yourself and working on ways to challenge them, in an effort to change them.
I think it could be good for you, Charlotte.
I agree with you and you should just be able to be put in contact with someone who forms a relationship with you, to work out what you're dealing with, and how to work with you to understand how to work on the issues you're facing. It should be far more personal than it is. It's kind of why I want to go into counselling. Which is probably nowhere as in depth as what you ideally want... but I firmly believe that someone just needs someone to listen to them. And ask the right questions.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 04:04:20 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 04, 2026, 04:04:20 PM
I did a little bit of CBT when I was dealing with depression and anxiety attacks. It was very helpful indeed.
I thought when you had a history of self harm and suicide they were supposed to treat you as an emergency. Bloody system is kaput! It makes me so cross. They talk a good game but don't follow it up with actions. Hang on in there Charlotte and if you need to vent on here with us in the meantime please do so.
I thought when you had a history of self harm and suicide they were supposed to treat you as an emergency. Bloody system is kaput! It makes me so cross. They talk a good game but don't follow it up with actions. Hang on in there Charlotte and if you need to vent on here with us in the meantime please do so.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 04:22:43 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 04, 2026, 04:22:43 PM
I'll listen and give you a virtual hug.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 05, 2026, 03:43:40 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 05, 2026, 03:43:40 AM
Have you thought about getting a punch bag? great for taking frustrations out on!! If I get very cross with something not working out on my car I have been known to take a large hammer and a bit of scrap and beat 7 bells out of it, works every time!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 05, 2026, 04:00:12 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 05, 2026, 04:00:12 AM
There are a lot of very fragile, very scared V8 engines in Davina's workshop, I am guessing, haha.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 05:50:13 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 05:50:13 AM
Quote from: davina61 on April 05, 2026, 03:43:40 AMHave you thought about getting a punch bag? great for taking frustrations out on!! If I get very cross with something not working out on my car I have been known to take a large hammer and a bit of scrap and beat 7 bells out of it, works every time!
I would quite like one that's coloured orange, like fake tan colour. That's a punch bag I'd really use. It might be interesting to try although I need to clear space in my house first!
I've hurt my foot several times kicking car parts myself lol. Especially when bolts don't come undone! Now I limit to changing break parts, servicing and such. Haven't needed to change a cylinder head again thankfully!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 05:51:29 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 05:51:29 AM
How are you today Charlotte?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 06:07:30 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 06:07:30 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 05:51:29 AMHow are you today Charlotte?
I don't feel particularly down today thank you. Still feel very tired although that's just every day to be honest. I would like to walk out somewhere but the wind is awful with things flying around. Hope that you're doing ok?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 06:18:43 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 06:18:43 AM
I'm ok, sciatica is still bothering me a bit so no walking about for me today unfortunately. Getting a bit stir crazy really. Glad to hear you're in better fettle petal! I'm a poet and I didn't know it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 06:27:53 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 06:27:53 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 06:18:43 AMI'm ok, sciatica is still bothering me a bit so no walking about for me today unfortunately. Getting a bit stir crazy really. Glad to hear you're in better fettle petal! I'm a poet and I didn't know it!
I'm so sad to hear you can't get out walking today Sarah. It's just so cruel sometimes. Sending you cuddles. I wish I could heal everything, but alas I'm not a cleric with healing powers.
Sounds like you can get some poetry underway then whilst you're on a roll!
On a side note I've ordered a workbook for Borderline Personality Disorder that I'm going to work through. The structure of my thoughts and emotions, honestly it's like they are lifted from the textbook definition of BPD.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 06:59:33 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 06:59:33 AM
Well that sounds like an interesting project Charlotte. I like that you're being proactive. I'm still so angry they are making you wait this long for help.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 10:58:31 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 10:58:31 AM
Just had a walk around the Arboretum in Walsall where I live. For a town this park is pretty world class being huge and well maintained. It's also where I run every Monday.
(https://i.postimg.cc/vZcxK8v1/20260405-151838.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/fTH05SmH/20260405-151845.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZKYdrxBF/20260405-151900.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/HsWyQ9cN/20260405-152805.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/RVCHcL6b/20260405-152810.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/ncVDvGj3/20260405-155433.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/vZcxK8v1/20260405-151838.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/fTH05SmH/20260405-151845.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZKYdrxBF/20260405-151900.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/HsWyQ9cN/20260405-152805.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/RVCHcL6b/20260405-152810.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/ncVDvGj3/20260405-155433.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 11:01:21 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 11:01:21 AM
Very lovely. Glad things are better today
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 05, 2026, 11:08:46 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 05, 2026, 11:08:46 AM
All those pics are very beautiful, Charlotte. Especially the third one.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 11:21:18 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 11:21:18 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 05, 2026, 11:08:46 AMAll those pics are very beautiful, Charlotte. Especially the third one.
I agree fully
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 11:49:34 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 11:49:34 AM
That looks genuinely lovely Charlotte. That's a great picture of you two together! Love it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on April 05, 2026, 12:02:37 PM
Post by: Pema on April 05, 2026, 12:02:37 PM
Charlotte, you really do look great in that photo. I'm so glad you're out and about and sharing these views of your life.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 05, 2026, 01:47:25 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 05, 2026, 01:47:25 PM
What a beautiful day!
And the pic of you two together is wonderful. You look great!
And the pic of you two together is wonderful. You look great!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 01:56:48 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 05, 2026, 01:56:48 PM
Thanks for the lovely comments. He is my soul mate and the kindest, most gentle person you could ever meet. I don't think he actually knows how to be nasty!
I'm so glad he is my fiancé and one day I will be a bride 🙂
Charlotte 😻
I'm so glad he is my fiancé and one day I will be a bride 🙂
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 05, 2026, 01:58:11 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 05, 2026, 01:58:11 PM
You would make a beautiful bride!
Can't wait for the pics someday.
Can't wait for the pics someday.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on April 05, 2026, 06:00:55 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on April 05, 2026, 06:00:55 PM
Beautiful, Charlotte!
Your fiancé is a very lucky man!
Your fiancé is a very lucky man!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 05, 2026, 06:33:05 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 05, 2026, 06:33:05 PM
I like the pictures!
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 07:58:56 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 07:58:56 AM
Went to see the cute Easter bunny in Shrewsbury this morning. Also had a look around the museum and had lunch together. Has been a nice day.
(https://i.postimg.cc/kX84dGpT/20260406-121748.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/76dxFrM0/20260406-101928.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/QtwX2Zk9/20260406-101944.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/kX84dGpT/20260406-121748.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/76dxFrM0/20260406-101928.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/QtwX2Zk9/20260406-101944.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 08:45:30 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 08:45:30 AM
I like the last picture the best. Cute outfit.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 06, 2026, 08:54:21 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 06, 2026, 08:54:21 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 07:58:56 AMWent to see the cute Easter bunny in Shrewsbury this morning. Also had a look around the museum and had lunch together. Has been a nice day.That's a big ass bunny lol!
(https://i.postimg.cc/kX84dGpT/20260406-121748.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/76dxFrM0/20260406-101928.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/QtwX2Zk9/20260406-101944.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on April 06, 2026, 09:01:28 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on April 06, 2026, 09:01:28 AM
Charlotte, I absolutely love the photos, your outfit, and the "big ass bunny"!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 09:06:18 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 09:06:18 AM
It would be nice for me to have a slightly bigger bottom but I doubt that will happen.
I do not want that though if it means I gain weight or fat all over too.
I do not want that though if it means I gain weight or fat all over too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 06, 2026, 10:24:57 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 06, 2026, 10:24:57 AM
You look adorable, Charlotte!
Love the pics.
Love the pics.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 10:38:52 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 10:38:52 AM
Just had a walk along the canal. This is 5 minutes from my house. With the evenings being light until later, I'll walk here most evenings with my partner to clear my head. I do miss that in the winter months as lose that therapeutic activity.
Evenings are the best as the light is very beautiful. But also you hear the birds calling and replying to each other and occasionally foxes and deer in the woods.
Often see Herons as pictured waiting in the water for fish to catch.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Rhk9pr5X/20260406-155720.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkvRpxfv/20260406-155829.jpg)
Evenings are the best as the light is very beautiful. But also you hear the birds calling and replying to each other and occasionally foxes and deer in the woods.
Often see Herons as pictured waiting in the water for fish to catch.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Rhk9pr5X/20260406-155720.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkvRpxfv/20260406-155829.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 06, 2026, 10:46:51 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 06, 2026, 10:46:51 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 10:38:52 AMJust had a walk along the canal. This is 5 minutes from my house. With the evenings being light until later, I'll walk here most evenings with my partner to clear my head. I do miss that in the winter months as lose that therapeutic activity.Now that's more my sort of thing! Better than freakishly large bunnies!
Evenings are the best as the light is very beautiful. But also you hear the birds calling and replying to each other and occasionally foxes and deer in the woods.
Often see Herons as pictured waiting in the water for fish to catch.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Rhk9pr5X/20260406-155720.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkvRpxfv/20260406-155829.jpg)
We don't have any canals up here. We invented the railway instead lol! But I wish we had of waited until they built canals near us first! They are lovely to walk along. I spent some time walking along the Crinin Canal at the top of the Mull of Kintyre. I could imagine it would be a nice boating or cycling holiday following these watery arteries all over England.
You look really happy today Charlotte! Lovely weather too!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on April 06, 2026, 10:52:32 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on April 06, 2026, 10:52:32 AM
Thanks, Charlotte!
You are pretty in pink!
You are pretty in pink!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 10:56:01 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 10:56:01 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 06, 2026, 10:46:51 AMNow that's more my sort of thing! Better than freakishly large bunnies!
We don't have any canals up here. We invented the railway instead lol! But I wish we had of waited until they built canals near us first! They are lovely to walk along. I spent some time walking along the Crinin Canal at the top of the Mull of Kintyre. I could imagine it would be a nice boating or cycling holiday following these watery arteries all over England.
You look really happy today Charlotte! Lovely weather too!
I do recall not seeing any canals around your area, but it's not something I've actively thought about. Of course the midlands has many of them and they harbour huge amounts of wildlife and change so much throughout the months. Around here in the black country they are known as 'the cut'. It's important to me to have a countryside escape near where I live. I like urban life but also to escape into the country. I'm a woman of two half's for sure.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:11:01 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:11:01 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 10:38:52 AMJust had a walk along the canal. This is 5 minutes from my house. With the evenings being light until later, I'll walk here most evenings with my partner to clear my head. I do miss that in the winter months as lose that therapeutic activity.
Evenings are the best as the light is very beautiful. But also you hear the birds calling and replying to each other and occasionally foxes and deer in the woods.
Often see Herons as pictured waiting in the water for fish to catch.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Rhk9pr5X/20260406-155720.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkvRpxfv/20260406-155829.jpg)
Water like that around me would.have atleast one gator in it. You wouldn't walk to close
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 11:30:09 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 11:30:09 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:11:01 AMWater like that around me would.have atleast one gator in it. You wouldn't walk to close
When I was working in Florida I went purposely looking for alligators. I never saw one! I'm guessing mornings and evenings would be best. Probably got closer to the water than I should but honestly I have an oddly foolish lack of fear.
I was still boymode then and probably too close to that water!
(https://i.postimg.cc/FFb0303X/original-8e2562bd-0977-424a-b288-57fbeb6e4b1c-20231031-111636.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:32:48 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:32:48 AM
Where abouts where you. Im near the middle of the state. About 2 hours south of Disney.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 11:34:59 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 11:34:59 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:32:48 AMWhere abouts where you. Im near the middle of the state. About 2 hours south of Disney.
I was working at Epcot in Orlando but stayed in Kissimmee. I drove to a couple of reserves not to far away when I had some free afternoons.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:37:34 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:37:34 AM
I can go 10 minutes and be at a preserve and there be gators
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:40:42 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:40:42 AM
Gators and crocs scare me. Even those odd looking crocs shoes!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:43:49 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:43:49 AM
Crock shoes are hideous. Supposedly supper comfy, just cant get past the look
The animals are worthy of respect and caution. Oh very tasty too
The animals are worthy of respect and caution. Oh very tasty too
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:46:57 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:46:57 AM
Do they taste like chicken? The gators or crocs, not the shoes.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:48:38 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:48:38 AM
I saw a gator resting under a car that was in a parking lot.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:55:11 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 11:55:11 AM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2026, 11:46:57 AMDo they taste like chicken? The gators or crocs, not the shoes.
No, they taste like gator. More of a sturdy white fish and chicken flavor. The tail is the best part. And it is a dense muscle. So if your not careful I can be real tough
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 02:42:51 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 02:42:51 PM
I've managed to find a therapist experienced in Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD. Thankfully not too pricey though still costing me £50 a session. But I can't go on like this so need to do everything I can.
My whole relationship with the outside world and myself is really unhealthy and toxic. I needed to step away from here for a day or two as everything is messing with my head right now.
I had a lovely walk with my partner. We listened to the birds singing and kept joking about how the Heron must be getting annoyed. It had to keep moving down the canal as we walked, didn't think to fly behind us. Then a dog (mini wolf) was coming the other way. Now it must be really fed up!
Honestly we have these really simple, childish giggles together. That's how I wish my whole life was all the time!
Charlotte 😻
My whole relationship with the outside world and myself is really unhealthy and toxic. I needed to step away from here for a day or two as everything is messing with my head right now.
I had a lovely walk with my partner. We listened to the birds singing and kept joking about how the Heron must be getting annoyed. It had to keep moving down the canal as we walked, didn't think to fly behind us. Then a dog (mini wolf) was coming the other way. Now it must be really fed up!
Honestly we have these really simple, childish giggles together. That's how I wish my whole life was all the time!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 02:58:48 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 02:58:48 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 02:42:51 PMI've managed to find a therapist experienced in Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD. Thankfully not too pricey though still costing me £50 a session. But I can't go on like this so need to do everything I can.
My whole relationship with the outside world and myself is really unhealthy and toxic. I needed to step away from here for a day or two as everything is messing with my head right now.
I had a lovely walk with my partner. We listened to the birds singing and kept joking about how the Heron must be getting annoyed. It had to keep moving down the canal as we walked, didn't think to fly behind us. Then a dog (mini wolf) was coming the other way. Now it must be really fed up!
Honestly we have these really simple, childish giggles together. That's how I wish my whole life was all the time!
Charlotte 😻
I hope your therapist can give you understanding.
I will make time if you need a shoulder. You can also blame me for everything and I will listen. I won't get mad and listen until you're done. You are loved and accepted.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 03:15:56 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 03:15:56 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 02:58:48 PMI hope your therapist can give you understanding.
I will make time if you need a shoulder. You can also blame me for everything and I will listen. I won't get mad and listen until you're done. You are loved and accepted.
Thank you Kellie, that's very kind of you to offer and will keep in mind. I'm hopeful I can make some headway during my first session next Wednesday. Just need to go back to the beginning and work out why my mind is distorting everything so much.
I'm pushing hard now as transitioning has given me the desire to live and enjoy my life. I'd given up totally a couple of years ago, just existing and pretending. Now I have a taste of what life could be as a woman, and i really don't want to waste that euphoria.
Charlotte x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 03:19:56 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 03:19:56 PM
Always remember you are loved.
That is something this site has reinforced to me
That is something this site has reinforced to me
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 03:23:13 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 03:23:13 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 03:19:56 PMAlways remember you are loved.
That is something this site has reinforced to me
Love you and all too ❤️😻😍🥰
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 04:16:46 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 04:16:46 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 02:42:51 PMI've managed to find a therapist experienced in Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD. Thankfully not too pricey though still costing me £50 a session. But I can't go on like this so need to do everything I can.Wondered if you were OK Charlotte, nice to see you back.
My whole relationship with the outside world and myself is really unhealthy and toxic. I needed to step away from here for a day or two as everything is messing with my head right now.
I had a lovely walk with my partner. We listened to the birds singing and kept joking about how the Heron must be getting annoyed. It had to keep moving down the canal as we walked, didn't think to fly behind us. Then a dog (mini wolf) was coming the other way. Now it must be really fed up!
Honestly we have these really simple, childish giggles together. That's how I wish my whole life was all the time!
Charlotte 😻
I will confess I've never heard of BDO but a quick google search does seem like you could be onto something based on what you've been sharing. Is this instead of the other NHS referral?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 04:23:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 09, 2026, 04:23:45 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 04:16:46 PMWondered if you were OK Charlotte, nice to see you back.
I will confess I've never heard of BDO but a quick google search does seem like you could be onto something based on what you've been sharing. Is this instead of the other NHS referral?
Thanks Sarah and nice to be back. I'm still pursuing the NHS route to get diagnosed and long-term care. This is just to fill the gap so probably 6 months or until I get support from NHS. BPD really does need long term therapy to be effective.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 04:29:47 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 04:29:47 PM
6 MONTHS FOR THE NHS REFERRAL???!!!!!
That is scandalous! An outright disgrace! That really has made me angry that has!
That is scandalous! An outright disgrace! That really has made me angry that has!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:43:42 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:43:42 AM
Off to Worcester for more pre GRS electrolysis. Oddly now I'm totally used to just getting my bits worked on by someone else lol.
Nothing else exciting in my life really 😿
Nothing else exciting in my life really 😿
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on April 10, 2026, 07:34:20 AM
Post by: Emma1017 on April 10, 2026, 07:34:20 AM
Charlotte, it's great to have professionals who know who you are in your life. They are great sanity anchors.
Who would have thought that I would love my electrolysis, Regi, as she zaps the 20,000+ hair follicles on my face, but she is a buddy now. She has talked me through some tough times.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 08:19:25 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 08:19:25 AM
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 10, 2026, 07:34:20 AMCharlotte, it's great to have professionals who know who you are in your life. They are great sanity anchors.
Who would have thought that I would love my electrolysis, Regi, as she zaps the 20,000+ hair follicles on my face, but she is a buddy now. She has talked me through some tough times.
I do enjoy sessions like these as gives me a chance to chat abd socialize. Having zero friends it's kinda the only opportunity outside of work.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 10, 2026, 11:33:05 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 10, 2026, 11:33:05 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 08:19:25 AMI do enjoy sessions like these as gives me a chance to chat abd socialize. Having zero friends it's kinda the only opportunity outside of work.
Charlotte 😻
I understand. I have my wife and kids, no other folks outside of work. My associates at work aren't ready for Kellie 🤭
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on April 10, 2026, 12:03:17 PM
Post by: Courtney G on April 10, 2026, 12:03:17 PM
I've bonded with my electrologist. I know all about her failed marriage, her new beau and the fact that she's taking it super slow, even her body - what she likes and doesn't like about it. She pretty much knows the same about me. Feeling like there's no gender barrier with her has helped ease some of my dysphoria.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 04:06:25 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 04:06:25 PM
Well tomorrow I've got a furry meet in Stafford. Honestly though I can't say I'm that excited about it anymore. Guess I'm really just going because my partner enjoys it and want to keep him happy. I'd sooner just spend my life at home hidden away from view, but he would hate that.
Can't say i feel very comfortable being out and about, feel like everyone is looking at the sorry state of me. Just feel my eyes squinting and want to look at the ground. Almost feel like my eyes are watering.
I looked at my pictures from the last 12 months and there has been only two bits of progress. A slight improvement about 4 months ago and after my FFS. I'm not sure what the next stage is though. I'm still not fully happy with myself to be honest. Maybe HRT will actually do something to my face in the next year or so. If it doesn't I will probably see if I can get more surgery in 2028, but would have to ask what else can actually be done, if anything.
I definitely want a hair transplant as the front is too thin to work with now. I could do with filling the gaps to have a fringe. That would help immensely to frame my face better.
Honestly I'm doing stuff quickly as the state of business in my employment, I'm not sure I'll still have a job in a couple of years time. I'm already paid way more than all the similar jobs out there, so would land a £20k pay cut if I had to find a new job.
Charlotte 😻
Can't say i feel very comfortable being out and about, feel like everyone is looking at the sorry state of me. Just feel my eyes squinting and want to look at the ground. Almost feel like my eyes are watering.
I looked at my pictures from the last 12 months and there has been only two bits of progress. A slight improvement about 4 months ago and after my FFS. I'm not sure what the next stage is though. I'm still not fully happy with myself to be honest. Maybe HRT will actually do something to my face in the next year or so. If it doesn't I will probably see if I can get more surgery in 2028, but would have to ask what else can actually be done, if anything.
I definitely want a hair transplant as the front is too thin to work with now. I could do with filling the gaps to have a fringe. That would help immensely to frame my face better.
Honestly I'm doing stuff quickly as the state of business in my employment, I'm not sure I'll still have a job in a couple of years time. I'm already paid way more than all the similar jobs out there, so would land a £20k pay cut if I had to find a new job.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 04:23:14 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 04:23:14 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 04:06:25 PMWell tomorrow I've got a furry meet in Stafford. Honestly though I can't say I'm that excited about it anymore. Guess I'm really just going because my partner enjoys it and want to keep him happy. I'd sooner just spend my life at home hidden away from view, but he would hate that.Don't fret petal. You'll enjoy it when you get there I'm sure.
Can't say i feel very comfortable being out and about, feel like everyone is looking at the sorry state of me. Just feel my eyes squinting and want to look at the ground. Almost feel like my eyes are watering.
I looked at my pictures from the last 12 months and there has been only two bits of progress. A slight improvement about 4 months ago and after my FFS. I'm not sure what the next stage is though. I'm still not fully happy with myself to be honest. Maybe HRT will actually do something to my face in the next year or so. If it doesn't I will probably see if I can get more surgery in 2028, but would have to ask what else can actually be done, if anything.
I definitely want a hair transplant as the front is too thin to work with now. I could do with filling the gaps to have a fringe. That would help immensely to frame my face better.
Honestly I'm doing stuff quickly as the state of business in my employment, I'm not sure I'll still have a job in a couple of years time. I'm already paid way more than all the similar jobs out there, so would land a £20k pay cut if I had to find a new job.
Charlotte 😻
I realise you will think I'm just saying it but I really do think there has been more than just a slight improvement. Compare your avatar pic with one of your old ones like from February and I think you will barely recognise yourself.
I understand what you are saying about the money side but you have to be sure what you are doing before embarking on this stuff. Rushing for financial reasons might end up making things worse.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 04:42:03 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 04:42:03 PM
I can definitely see the difference the forehead reduction has made. That's definitely an improvement. I just really hate my eyes and hair line. Eyes just look really narrow and shut all the time. And the wrinkles under them are just bad. Eyeshadow makes them worse. They are my absolute worst feature!
I can get my hairline fixed that's for sure so at least one day I can grow a nice head of hair hopefully.
Honestly I'm not worried about regretting any surgery. It's not like I can make it worse. I'm 100% certain don't want to exist anymore years with male features! In reality I've not regretted any decision I've ever made. My problems are always with the present or future. I don't really think about the past and through what ifs. The past forms my personality, but i don't long to change it. I guess if there is any regret it's only one thing...that I was born. I truely and sincerely wish i never was. I don't belong here, I don't fit in here and don't really like being here. But I didn't choose that!
Charlotte 😻
I can get my hairline fixed that's for sure so at least one day I can grow a nice head of hair hopefully.
Honestly I'm not worried about regretting any surgery. It's not like I can make it worse. I'm 100% certain don't want to exist anymore years with male features! In reality I've not regretted any decision I've ever made. My problems are always with the present or future. I don't really think about the past and through what ifs. The past forms my personality, but i don't long to change it. I guess if there is any regret it's only one thing...that I was born. I truely and sincerely wish i never was. I don't belong here, I don't fit in here and don't really like being here. But I didn't choose that!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 04:51:08 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 04:51:08 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 04:42:03 PMI can definitely see the difference the forehead reduction has made. That's definitely an improvement. I just really hate my eyes and hair line. Eyes just look really narrow and shut all the time. And the wrinkles under them are just bad. Eyeshadow makes them worse. They are my absolute worst feature!Stay with us Charlotte. You're sounding like you're on the brink of another wobbly moment. You've got the rest of your life to enact change, who know's where you'll end up. The best is probably yet to come.
I can get my hairline fixed that's for sure so at least one day I can grow a nice head of hair hopefully.
Honestly I'm not worried about regretting any surgery. It's not like I can make it worse. I'm 100% certain don't want to exist anymore years with male features! In reality I've not regretted any decision I've ever made. My problems are always with the present or future. I don't really think about the past and through what ifs. The past forms my personality, but i don't long to change it. I guess if there is any regret it's only one thing...that I was born. I truely and sincerely wish i never was. I don't belong here, I don't fit in here and don't really like being here. But I didn't choose that!
Charlotte 😻
I have hooded eyes too you know. A lot of women do, it's not the end of the world. And wrinkles, well that's the crappy part of getting older I'm afraid. We'll all have that.
Hairline is a good idea if it's making you self concious, relatively inexpensive and less invasive.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 05:03:16 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 05:03:16 PM
Charlotte, could you explain the whole furry thing to me? I mean if that's okay? I admit I don't know a whole lot about it and would like a little firsthand clarification.
Also *big hugs*
Also *big hugs*
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:07:18 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:07:18 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 05:03:16 PMCharlotte, could you explain the whole furry thing to me? I mean if that's okay? I admit I don't know a whole lot about it and would like a little firsthand clarification.Thank god you asked! I thought I was the only one who wasn't down with the kids!
Also *big hugs*
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:15:40 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:15:40 PM
@Sephirah @Stottie Girl
Probably easier I refer you to my earlier post on my furry stuff as my heads kinda not in that space at the moment! Feeling a bit vacant.
https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252951.0 (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252951.0)
Probably easier I refer you to my earlier post on my furry stuff as my heads kinda not in that space at the moment! Feeling a bit vacant.
https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252951.0 (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252951.0)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:20:40 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:20:40 PM
I'll take a look, thanks.
When is your first appointment with the new therapist?
When is your first appointment with the new therapist?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:23:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:23:20 PM
This is me as Raveronomy with my partner Blueberry
(https://i.postimg.cc/XvnwWXVy/IMG-20251024-063950-087.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/XvnwWXVy/IMG-20251024-063950-087.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:23:48 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:23:48 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:20:40 PMI'll take a look, thanks.
When is your first appointment with the new therapist?
First appointment is next Wednesday evening.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:31:41 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:31:41 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:23:48 PMFirst appointment is next Wednesday evening.Not long then charlotte. Let's see what they can offer for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:34:28 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:34:28 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:23:20 PMThis is me as Raveronomy with my partner BlueberryNow that's something you don't see everyday lol! Looks like you're having fun. Are you going to share your outfits for tomorrows event?
(https://i.postimg.cc/XvnwWXVy/IMG-20251024-063950-087.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:41:33 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 05:41:33 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 10, 2026, 05:34:28 PMNow that's something you don't see everyday lol! Looks like you're having fun. Are you going to share your outfits for tomorrows event?
I will do. I'll be as Serana. Her head is lighter so won't hurt my nose so soon after surhery!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 05:59:37 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 05:59:37 PM
This might seem a little dumb, but since both of you have varying degrees of blue in that picture... which is which? It isn't immediately apparent, haha.
I agree with Sarah, though. You both look carefree.
I agree with Sarah, though. You both look carefree.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 06:20:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 06:20:14 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 05:59:37 PMThis might seem a little dumb, but since both of you have varying degrees of blue in that picture... which is which? It isn't immediately apparent, haha.
I agree with Sarah, though. You both look carefree.
I'm the super colorful kitty with pink ears
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 06:32:07 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 10, 2026, 06:32:07 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 10, 2026, 06:20:14 PMI'm the super colorful kitty with pink ears
See that was my first guess, but I didn't want to presume anything. The kitty ears kind of gave it away, haha.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 04:24:57 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 04:24:57 AM
I think I've decided now that apart from my GRS next year my transition is complete. I'm never going to look like a woman and I just look ugly anyway. I can just be one of these women that don't take care of themselves. That's something I can achieve and don't need to waste effort on hair, makeup, clothes etc. I've realized that no matter what I do I'm born with this face and body. Any effort to make something more of it is futile. I'm never ever going to look nice, so why get my hopes up and waste energy. I don't want to be a man, but am never going to be a woman either. Just one of those weird queer thing creatures that everyone loathes.
So just awaiting February next year and my journey is completed.
Charlotte 😻
So just awaiting February next year and my journey is completed.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on April 11, 2026, 11:02:45 AM
Post by: Pema on April 11, 2026, 11:02:45 AM
Charlotte, I love the new Tricyrtis ("Toad Lily") avatar. I have that exact flower in my garden and it's *just* emerging from the ground. It won't bloom until September, but it's worth the wait.
BUT
There's also *nothing* wrong with your face. You need not compare yourself to others; you can just be yourself and still be a woman. Beauty is so completely subjective, and I absolutely see beauty in you exactly as you are.
You are more beautiful than a toad lily, and there's no waiting. You're already here.
BUT
There's also *nothing* wrong with your face. You need not compare yourself to others; you can just be yourself and still be a woman. Beauty is so completely subjective, and I absolutely see beauty in you exactly as you are.
You are more beautiful than a toad lily, and there's no waiting. You're already here.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 11, 2026, 11:32:40 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 11, 2026, 11:32:40 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 04:24:57 AMI think I've decided now that apart from my GRS next year my transition is complete. I'm never going to look like a woman and I just look ugly anyway. I can just be one of these women that don't take care of themselves. That's something I can achieve and don't need to waste effort on hair, makeup, clothes etc. I've realized that no matter what I do I'm born with this face and body. Any effort to make something more of it is futile. I'm never ever going to look nice, so why get my hopes up and waste energy. I don't want to be a man, but am never going to be a woman either. Just one of those weird queer thing creatures that everyone loathes.You will be a woman Charlotte, not a CIS woman but a real woman, I mean you are now really. OK, so you won't be strutting your stuff down the Paris catwalks as the next supermodel but who will? Passing is absolutely in everyones wheelhouse if you ask me.
So just awaiting February next year and my journey is completed.
Charlotte 😻
I'm guessing you don't like people staring at you because you think they've clocked you, have you ever considered that they are staring at your outlandish fashion sense and not the fact you are trans at all? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that at all, far from it, our world could always benefit from a bit of colour and fun. But I know for a fact when a girl (or guy) walks past me who's a real boundary breaking fasionista then I do stare as it puts a smile on my face. If I'm with someone I might say hey look at what she's got on, maybe even point. I never really thought about what she might be thinking as it's such a natural reaction.
I think there is a danger that if you change your face too much will there be anything left of you to recognise? I don't know if I would like that personally.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 12:02:56 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 12:02:56 PM
Quote from: Pema on April 11, 2026, 11:02:45 AMCharlotte, I love the new Tricyrtis ("Toad Lily") avatar. I have that exact flower in my garden and it's *just* emerging from the ground. It won't bloom until September, but it's worth the wait.
BUT
There's also *nothing* wrong with your face. You need not compare yourself to others; you can just be yourself and still be a woman. Beauty is so completely subjective, and I absolutely see beauty in you exactly as you are.
You are more beautiful than a toad lily, and there's no waiting. You're already here.
It's a very pretty flower from when I had my allotment a few years back. I love flowers a lot, but lack the motivation to care much for my garden. I'm growing a few veg this year, taking care not to overwhelm myself else I'll give up and get stressed. I guess my favourite flower is the passion flower. I need to get more floral clothes really as they are just innocently beautiful.
Thanks for the kind words. I just don't feel worthy being around here and other woman and considering myself part of it. I feel like a fraud. Like a 3rd class effort in comparison to everyone else. Equally though I'm not happy myself with how I look. That's never been any different in my whole life really.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 12:13:52 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 12:13:52 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 11, 2026, 11:32:40 AMYou will be a woman Charlotte, not a CIS woman but a real woman, I mean you are now really. OK, so you won't be strutting your stuff down the Paris catwalks as the next supermodel but who will? Passing is absolutely in everyones wheelhouse if you ask me.
I'm guessing you don't like people staring at you because you think they've clocked you, have you ever considered that they are staring at your outlandish fashion sense and not the fact you are trans at all? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that at all, far from it, our world could always benefit from a bit of colour and fun. But I know for a fact when a girl (or guy) walks past me who's a real boundary breaking fasionista then I do stare as it puts a smile on my face. If I'm with someone I might say hey look at what she's got on, maybe even point. I never really thought about what she might be thinking as it's such a natural reaction.
I think there is a danger that if you change your face too much will there be anything left of you to recognise? I don't know if I would like that personally.
I guess on occasion you may be right. But really 75% of the time I'm not dressed that loud or different. A large chunk of my wardrobe has me blending in, even if slightly more coordinated and polished than some. A lot of the time I just want to be comfortable.
In a way I'm not really that attached to my face. If it was possible to completely change so that I looked like a different person, I definitely would do it. I think I'd also completely change my mind too. But alas none of that is possible unfortunately.
I'm limited by finances and practicality how much I can change. I'm pretty much totally committed financially now with my borrowing maxed out for at last 4 years. But I'm still not sure much else can be done unless I can find a surgeon that does really extreme facial changes.
I'll have my GRS then see how I feel a couple of years later and if I still have a job / house at that point!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on April 11, 2026, 12:29:16 PM
Post by: Pema on April 11, 2026, 12:29:16 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 12:02:56 PMThanks for the kind words. I just don't feel worthy being around here and other woman and considering myself part of it. I feel like a fraud. Like a 3rd class effort in comparison to everyone else. Equally though I'm not happy myself with how I look. That's never been any different in my whole life really.
From my perspective, you are undeniably worthy of being here and *are* part of this community. How *you feel* about it and about yourself is something different. I wish you felt the way we do about you, but I understand that you're not there yet.
And for me, none of it has anything to do with appearance. You've never seen my face, but it seems you think I'm more "worthy" than you are. I'm not. You and I are equally worthy.
Hang in there, sister. You, the loving being inside, are worth the effort.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 11, 2026, 12:56:16 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 11, 2026, 12:56:16 PM
Quote from: Pema on April 11, 2026, 12:29:16 PMFrom my perspective, you are undeniably worthy of being here and *are* part of this community. How *you feel* about it and about yourself is something different. I wish you felt the way we do about you, but I understand that you're not there yet.I would echo what Pema says, how are any of us more worthy than you? You are a part of it as much as any of us.
And for me, none of it has anything to do with appearance. You've never seen my face, but it seems you think I'm more "worthy" than you are. I'm not. You and I are equally worthy.
Hang in there, sister. You, the loving being inside, are worth the effort.
3rd class effort? What do you mean exactly? If you ask me, going for FFS and GCS is a huge effort! It's way more than I can do right now. What are you comparing yourself to? If it's looks, well most people on here use pictorial avatars and don't show their faces so how can you judge how you compare?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 01:19:46 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 01:19:46 PM
Charlotte
I consider you far more beautiful than me. Im just starting my journey and I see how you present yourself. I'm jealous you are one of my heroines.
I hope I can be half as beautiful as you. If I do surgery you will be one of the first people I reach out to for advice and reassurance.
I look to your bravery and resilience and say I can do this.
You are looked up to and admires. We all have times of doubt and misgivings. What we are doing is a leap of faith in ourselves.
I love you and admire you. Please hold the line not for me and everyone that loves you, but for yourself. If you have doubts it is human, you are some one to be admired
I consider you far more beautiful than me. Im just starting my journey and I see how you present yourself. I'm jealous you are one of my heroines.
I hope I can be half as beautiful as you. If I do surgery you will be one of the first people I reach out to for advice and reassurance.
I look to your bravery and resilience and say I can do this.
You are looked up to and admires. We all have times of doubt and misgivings. What we are doing is a leap of faith in ourselves.
I love you and admire you. Please hold the line not for me and everyone that loves you, but for yourself. If you have doubts it is human, you are some one to be admired
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 11, 2026, 01:21:33 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 11, 2026, 01:21:33 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 12:02:56 PMThanks for the kind words. I just don't feel worthy being around here and other woman and considering myself part of it. I feel like a fraud. Like a 3rd class effort in comparison to everyone else. Equally though I'm not happy myself with how I look. That's never been any different in my whole life really.
Charlotte 😻
Just to say, Charlotte... I have seen you repeatedly, consistently, warmly and sincerely be there for others in need. To be that shoulder to cry on, that smile to laugh with, and that heart to pour into. You do this selflessly, and with love.
Worth means different things to different people, and I would ask only that you think about all those you've helped take those first brave steps, or held their hand through other faltering steps. Or simply shared a moment of joy in those giant leaps. And ask them if you're worthy of being here, and being you.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sweetie. And the worst thing you can do is try to compare yourself to other people. They are, in turn, comparing themselves to yet other people... and everyone finds ways to consider themselves lacking.
To tell you the truth, as someone who can't transition... I feel like a fraud every time I come here, and have done for years. I struggle probably daily with the mental thorns of not being good enough, not being authentic enough, not being... just... enough in general. It's a battle with myself I have won and lost many, many times. But what keeps me going is not who I am. It's what I can do to help others be who they are. That... gives me a reason. You need to find your reason, sweetie.
And... well... don't focus on anything other than being "a Charlotte Kitty". <3 Because she is someone worth knowing, and worth believing in.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 11, 2026, 02:00:12 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 11, 2026, 02:00:12 PM
I agree with the others that what you have shown us is a beautiful woman. Your personality and warmth shine through. Never compare yourself to others. They are likely more lost than you. Do everything for your own benefit. If it makes you feel better in your own skin, then do it. If you are doing it for someone else, or to measure up to some imagined standard, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
Hang in there. And remember, we are here for you the same way you have been here for us. Never forget that.
Hang in there. And remember, we are here for you the same way you have been here for us. Never forget that.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 02:27:26 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 02:27:26 PM
Honestly don't know what to say apart from thanks and love you all. I just do my thing and never want anyone to feel unheard. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say, but feel it's important to say something even if that's just offering hugs. Didn't expect that you all get so much from it as I'm kinda just a newb myself.
I guess I just don't hide very much. If I'm feeling it I tell it for both myself and to be real. Not pretend that this world is easy and kind. But really my fight is with myself. In a way I'm lucky that I've managed to trabsition with very minimal external issues, which I see others on here struggling with on a daily basis. For this I'm entirely grateful. On the flipside I can't escape my demon as that demon is me and there 24 hours a day. I guess I'm saying we all have our own difficulties as none of this is assured to be an easy journey. But I think we all give to each other and hopefully make the process a little easier with it. Also we all think so differently that there are always multiple opinions and options on the table for anyone seeking assistance. That's the beautiful part I think. It wouldn't do well for us all to be the same.
Next week my therapist is going to really earn her money as I offload a truck full of weight. None of this I'm feeling is specific to my trans journey. I remember having these exact same breakdowns and messages back in the late 90s online. Honestly the narrative was exactly the same. I remember having a similar thing in 2002 messaging like this then drinking a litre bottle of tequila in one go. Something is for sure wrong. Guess now I'm finally admitting the issue and trying to solve it.
Charlotte 😻
@Lori Dee @Sephirah @Dawn Kellie @Stottie Girl @Pema
I guess I just don't hide very much. If I'm feeling it I tell it for both myself and to be real. Not pretend that this world is easy and kind. But really my fight is with myself. In a way I'm lucky that I've managed to trabsition with very minimal external issues, which I see others on here struggling with on a daily basis. For this I'm entirely grateful. On the flipside I can't escape my demon as that demon is me and there 24 hours a day. I guess I'm saying we all have our own difficulties as none of this is assured to be an easy journey. But I think we all give to each other and hopefully make the process a little easier with it. Also we all think so differently that there are always multiple opinions and options on the table for anyone seeking assistance. That's the beautiful part I think. It wouldn't do well for us all to be the same.
Next week my therapist is going to really earn her money as I offload a truck full of weight. None of this I'm feeling is specific to my trans journey. I remember having these exact same breakdowns and messages back in the late 90s online. Honestly the narrative was exactly the same. I remember having a similar thing in 2002 messaging like this then drinking a litre bottle of tequila in one go. Something is for sure wrong. Guess now I'm finally admitting the issue and trying to solve it.
Charlotte 😻
@Lori Dee @Sephirah @Dawn Kellie @Stottie Girl @Pema
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 02:36:02 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 02:36:02 PM
I love you sister
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 02:49:18 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 02:49:18 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 02:36:02 PMI love you sister
Love u too 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 02:54:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 11, 2026, 02:54:14 PM
This is the very small furry meet we have in the beautiful town of Stafford. The Birmingham meet is much bigger but this one more personal. I'm in the middle as my character Serana.
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZRxzCyc4/IMG-20260411-152237-759.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZRxzCyc4/IMG-20260411-152237-759.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 12, 2026, 05:25:57 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 12, 2026, 05:25:57 AM
I am a massive sucker for Serana's colour scheme, Charlotte. Blue and purple makes my soul happy. Yes I am weird. That and... as someone who was massively into Skyrim... the name itself. She was, hands down. my favourite vampire, haha. ;)
That's kind of the thing. You don't see the ripples you make when you are hyper-focused on the pebble. I am very much the same, Charlotte. We are all newbs, just trying to figure it all out. It takes a certain kind of someone to want to be there for someone else, though. When most can't get past being largely insular. You have a gift for it. And maybe it's something you should explore more?
QuoteDidn't expect that you all get so much from it as I'm kinda just a newb myself.
That's kind of the thing. You don't see the ripples you make when you are hyper-focused on the pebble. I am very much the same, Charlotte. We are all newbs, just trying to figure it all out. It takes a certain kind of someone to want to be there for someone else, though. When most can't get past being largely insular. You have a gift for it. And maybe it's something you should explore more?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 08:00:15 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 08:00:15 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 12, 2026, 05:25:57 AMI am a massive sucker for Serana's colour scheme, Charlotte. Blue and purple makes my soul happy. Yes I am weird. That and... as someone who was massively into Skyrim... the name itself. She was, hands down. my favourite vampire, haha. ;)
That's kind of the thing. You don't see the ripples you make when you are hyper-focused on the pebble. I am very much the same, Charlotte. We are all newbs, just trying to figure it all out. It takes a certain kind of someone to want to be there for someone else, though. When most can't get past being largely insular. You have a gift for it. And maybe it's something you should explore more?
She is very beautiful colours. I honestly just love colour in all its forms. I adopted Serana from a furry artist so I'm guessing she was named after Skyrim - a lot of furries are huge into gaming. On a side note Serana was in my top 3 to become my female name! It was between Charlotte, Chloe and Serana!
Thanks for the kind words. Hopefully I can explore more like you say, probably as part of my therapy. It's a weird situation for me though as at most times I have high levels of empathy and care and the urge to support others. But then occasionally I switch and have literally zero empathy or care. I can go completely passive to extreme levels of suffering. It's a Rollercoaster.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 11:35:04 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 11:35:04 AM
Well today has just been on and off rain and storms, so slept in until lunch time and done nothing apart from some lunch and washing the rest of the day. I still have some build up and swelling on the side of my head so guess it's good to keep rested sometimes before a week of work hell!
Also sorted out all my meds for the week as makes it easier. Back up to 6mg E oral each day now. But I have cyproterone acetate and my venlafaxine each day too, so a few pills.
I'm back to running club tomorrow so hopefully I'll feel up to that. I did parkrun a couple of weeks back and felt very sick. I don't think internally I was recovered. Plus I'm really weak on mornings for the first few hours. I don't think I'm made for mornings as I always feel more tired waking up than when I went to bed.
Charlotte 😻
Also sorted out all my meds for the week as makes it easier. Back up to 6mg E oral each day now. But I have cyproterone acetate and my venlafaxine each day too, so a few pills.
I'm back to running club tomorrow so hopefully I'll feel up to that. I did parkrun a couple of weeks back and felt very sick. I don't think internally I was recovered. Plus I'm really weak on mornings for the first few hours. I don't think I'm made for mornings as I always feel more tired waking up than when I went to bed.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 12, 2026, 11:42:55 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 12, 2026, 11:42:55 AM
Mornings are horrible. If they old pit them at the end of the day it would be better 😀
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 11:55:12 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 11:55:12 AM
Just checked my breast measurements too and can confirm no growth for 6 months now. Still at 38 under bust and 40 bust. Exactly as my last two measurements. Not sure if growth will just resume or not. If it doesn't I'll probably go up to 8mg E and see if anything changes. Push nearer 600pmol/l E levels.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Gina P on April 12, 2026, 01:35:29 PM
Post by: Gina P on April 12, 2026, 01:35:29 PM
I find dropping the E one week then upping it the next and tappering for a 30 day cycle helps. Progesterone helps too, but only after the first year
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 12, 2026, 02:38:34 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 12, 2026, 02:38:34 PM
Be careful with oral doses over 4mg. It is processed by the liver and affects coagulation. That's why they warn about the dangers of stroke and heart attack.
The key to remember is that a higher dose does not equal more growth. Once the receptors are saturated, there is no benefit to adding more - it is just wasted and carries the risk of side effects.
Gina's cycling protocol is interesting because the real magic happens while hormones are fluctuating. Biologically, the ovaries increase E for about ten days, then return to baseline. As E drops, P levels rise, then return to baseline. It is this rise and fall that stimulates all the effects that we want.
The biggest problem is that oral meds require higher doses to get past the liver and actually raise blood levels. But that also is where the risks come in. Sublingual, patch, and injection routes bypass the liver and require lower doses to be effective.
The key to remember is that a higher dose does not equal more growth. Once the receptors are saturated, there is no benefit to adding more - it is just wasted and carries the risk of side effects.
Gina's cycling protocol is interesting because the real magic happens while hormones are fluctuating. Biologically, the ovaries increase E for about ten days, then return to baseline. As E drops, P levels rise, then return to baseline. It is this rise and fall that stimulates all the effects that we want.
The biggest problem is that oral meds require higher doses to get past the liver and actually raise blood levels. But that also is where the risks come in. Sublingual, patch, and injection routes bypass the liver and require lower doses to be effective.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 02:52:02 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 12, 2026, 02:52:02 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 12, 2026, 02:38:34 PMBe careful with oral doses over 4mg. It is processed by the liver and affects coagulation. That's why they warn about the dangers of stroke and heart attack.
The key to remember is that a higher dose does not equal more growth. Once the receptors are saturated, there is no benefit to adding more - it is just wasted and carries the risk of side effects.
Gina's cycling protocol is interesting because the real magic happens while hormones are fluctuating. Biologically, the ovaries increase E for about ten days, then return to baseline. As E drops, P levels rise, then return to baseline. It is this rise and fall that stimulates all the effects that we want.
The biggest problem is that oral meds require higher doses to get past the liver and actually raise blood levels. But that also is where the risks come in. Sublingual, patch, and injection routes bypass the liver and require lower doses to be effective.
I do take my pills sublingual so probably helps somewhat. I do have some spray but the supply is up and down as its not official. I'd prefer to do that permanently as patches to get my levels are expensive. WPATH does say up to 700 pmol/l is in range and I'm under half that. I may try to cycle it as I could baseline with pills then use spray to peak it.
Not sure why I need to do this though as others have success on normal prescribed doses which are normally just constant. I knew when I started I'd end up small because that just how my luck has fallen my whole life!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 12, 2026, 03:00:54 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 12, 2026, 03:00:54 PM
Yes, it depends a lot on genetics. Some will have great success on a constant low dose, others not so much.
I've been doing the constant dose for six years, and I'm not happy yet. I have recently started cycling between E and P to see if anything changes. If not, I'll give up and go surgical.
I had such high hopes because people told me I could expect to be a cup size smaller than my closest female relatives. I thought, "Jackpot!" Both of my grandmothers, all of my aunts, and all of my cousins were huge but also overweight. Sadly, I inherited my great-grandfather's tall-and-skinny genes, and I passed that on to my daughter. < sigh >
I've been doing the constant dose for six years, and I'm not happy yet. I have recently started cycling between E and P to see if anything changes. If not, I'll give up and go surgical.
I had such high hopes because people told me I could expect to be a cup size smaller than my closest female relatives. I thought, "Jackpot!" Both of my grandmothers, all of my aunts, and all of my cousins were huge but also overweight. Sadly, I inherited my great-grandfather's tall-and-skinny genes, and I passed that on to my daughter. < sigh >
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 01:56:49 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 01:56:49 PM
Back to work for the week and exhausting as ever. I'll be glad when it's Saturday again that's for sure.
Back to running club tonight and pleased to find my energy is finally recovering after surgery and I can run again without feeling really sick. Hopefully I can build my strength back up and get on track again.
Not really anything else to report. All my week exists of really is work and recovering from work unfortunately.
Charlotte 😻
Back to running club tonight and pleased to find my energy is finally recovering after surgery and I can run again without feeling really sick. Hopefully I can build my strength back up and get on track again.
Not really anything else to report. All my week exists of really is work and recovering from work unfortunately.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 13, 2026, 02:06:22 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 13, 2026, 02:06:22 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 12, 2026, 03:00:54 PMYes, it depends a lot on genetics. Some will have great success on a constant low dose, others not so much.They do say that about being a cup smaller than your close relatives but I've ended up bigger than my mum and both grandmothers. I have no sisters. Even when I was thinner I was larger (if that makes sense!).
I've been doing the constant dose for six years, and I'm not happy yet. I have recently started cycling between E and P to see if anything changes. If not, I'll give up and go surgical.
I had such high hopes because people told me I could expect to be a cup size smaller than my closest female relatives. I thought, "Jackpot!" Both of my grandmothers, all of my aunts, and all of my cousins were huge but also overweight. Sadly, I inherited my great-grandfather's tall-and-skinny genes, and I passed that on to my daughter. < sigh >
Personally I think it is a bit of a crapshoot. Everyone has their theories on what works best but at the end of the day I think your bodies are predetermined to produce what they produce.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 02:14:07 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 02:14:07 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 13, 2026, 02:06:22 PMThey do say that about being a cup smaller than your close relatives but I've ended up bigger than my mum and both grandmothers. I have no sisters. Even when I was thinner I was larger (if that makes sense!).
Personally I think it is a bit of a crapshoot. Everyone has their theories on what works best but at the end of the day I think your bodies are predetermined to produce what they produce.
I'm pretty sure I'll be leaning on my credit cards in a couple of years to sort it out! At least I can then choose how big I go and have another visit to Turkey.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 02:24:13 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 02:24:13 PM
I've said it before. Im just looking for a nice B. Nothing big but noticeable
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 02:31:34 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 02:31:34 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 02:24:13 PMI've said it before. Im just looking for a nice B. Nothing big but noticeable
The thing is B isn't noticeable on me at all. I have to wear padded bras and very carefully selected outfits to show them. Without the bra and just sweatshirts I'm basically a man again. I don't think the fact my stomach sticks out more than my boobs helps.
I reject so many nice clothes as they just hide them
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on April 13, 2026, 09:50:45 PM
Post by: Courtney G on April 13, 2026, 09:50:45 PM
I had the body type of one of my sisters: very thin - so I figured I'd get her flat chest rather than the fuller bosom of my curvy sister. But I ended up at 34 under and 41 over, a D cup so far. I hesitate to bring this up because I feel like I'm boasting. But I guess the point is that it's a bit of a lottery.
I've also heard of trans women who went up a cup size or more after being on HRT for many years, so there's that.
I've also heard of trans women who went up a cup size or more after being on HRT for many years, so there's that.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 01:34:20 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 01:34:20 AM
Quote from: Courtney G on April 13, 2026, 09:50:45 PMI had the body type of one of my sisters: very thin - so I figured I'd get her flat chest rather than the fuller bosom of my curvy sister. But I ended up at 34 under and 41 over, a D cup so far. I hesitate to bring this up because I feel like I'm boasting. But I guess the point is that it's a bit of a lottery.
I've also heard of trans women who went up a cup size or more after being on HRT for many years, so there's that.
Honestly when lottery and luck is involved I give up. When it comes to chance I lose every time. Even my parter and the one before says that can't believe how unlucky I am in anything that comes to chance. Only benefit from things I've worked really hard for.
Better get another credit card sorted.
Id do it with my GRS but not sure if I can handle both at once. I might ask how much.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 14, 2026, 03:59:43 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 14, 2026, 03:59:43 AM
Mum is a C cup, I have a almost C size. Well I have a C size bra, with my body size I could do with a D but you get what you get.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 14, 2026, 06:35:04 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 14, 2026, 06:35:04 AM
I tell you what Charlotte, I'm liking your latest Avatar pic. Your new face is healing brilliantly. I only see a woman there for sure.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 07:19:06 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 07:19:06 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 14, 2026, 06:35:04 AMI tell you what Charlotte, I'm liking your latest Avatar pic. Your new face is healing brilliantly. I only see a woman there for sure.
Thank you Sarah for your kind comments. Very much appreciated. The healing is coming on nicely and the rhinoplasty swelling reduces each day. In a few months the final result will be fully visible.
I like to get pictures in that location. It's a little woodland area in my work grounds. I go there to relax at lunch time and the light is lovely on a sunny day. That's quite a tame outfit for me, but I do like it.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 14, 2026, 08:50:42 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 14, 2026, 08:50:42 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 07:19:06 AMThank you Sarah for your kind comments. Very much appreciated. The healing is coming on nicely and the rhinoplasty swelling reduces each day. In a few months the final result will be fully visible.Well, you suit it Charlotte. Nice.
I like to get pictures in that location. It's a little woodland area in my work grounds. I go there to relax at lunch time and the light is lovely on a sunny day. That's quite a tame outfit for me, but I do like it.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 12:14:27 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 12:14:27 PM
I've finally managed to put up some resistance to going down deep depressive holes. Today a couple of times I almost did, but successfully challenged my thoughts and steered out of it. I'm trying to be more confident on my transition too. It's tough but I'm learning to accept myself more each day.
So today I've felt quite good and even put some music on at work, especially loud when I was on my own for half an hour.
Interestingly working through my book on Borderline Personality Disorder I determined my attachment type. Then it turns out that attachment style is most typical in people with BPD. Well that's not a surprise!
I'm preoccupied type of attachment:
"Intense fears of abandonment, a desperate need for closeness, and extreme emotional reactivity. Individuals often feel unworthy while idealizing others, leading to frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined rejection."
Well this is all a start towards improving my mental health. Everyone here has really helped me to get on a better track. For that I'm entirely thankful.
Charlotte 😻
So today I've felt quite good and even put some music on at work, especially loud when I was on my own for half an hour.
Interestingly working through my book on Borderline Personality Disorder I determined my attachment type. Then it turns out that attachment style is most typical in people with BPD. Well that's not a surprise!
I'm preoccupied type of attachment:
"Intense fears of abandonment, a desperate need for closeness, and extreme emotional reactivity. Individuals often feel unworthy while idealizing others, leading to frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined rejection."
Well this is all a start towards improving my mental health. Everyone here has really helped me to get on a better track. For that I'm entirely thankful.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 14, 2026, 01:51:20 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 14, 2026, 01:51:20 PM
Great to hear you were able to steer away from the downs. It's never easy getting out of your own head.
By the way the profile pic looks great.
By the way the profile pic looks great.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 04:47:36 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 04:47:36 PM
I love this article here on passing:
Passing article (https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/how-love-being-non-passing/)
I'm really going to try and live by sections 4 and 6. They so resonate with me and how I want to express myself. I just need to ditch my fears of using bathrooms and such. If I can overcome that then I can deffo push some attitude and go out there unapologetically me and wild. I don't want to be caged.
Charlotte 😻
Passing article (https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/how-love-being-non-passing/)
I'm really going to try and live by sections 4 and 6. They so resonate with me and how I want to express myself. I just need to ditch my fears of using bathrooms and such. If I can overcome that then I can deffo push some attitude and go out there unapologetically me and wild. I don't want to be caged.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 14, 2026, 05:42:13 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 14, 2026, 05:42:13 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 12:14:27 PMI've finally managed to put up some resistance to going down deep depressive holes. Today a couple of times I almost did, but successfully challenged my thoughts and steered out of it. I'm trying to be more confident on my transition too. It's tough but I'm learning to accept myself more each day.
Charlotte! This is huge!
What you have done is find a tool you can use, practice with it, and find that it works. That is awesome! Also, notice how your attitude changes when you are successful at dodging the downs. I am very happy for you and see great things ahead for you. I am so happy to hear this and that you are going to stretch your comfort zone and start presenting as yourself. That's authentic.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Pema on April 14, 2026, 07:44:39 PM
Post by: Pema on April 14, 2026, 07:44:39 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 14, 2026, 12:14:27 PMI've finally managed to put up some resistance to going down deep depressive holes. Today a couple of times I almost did, but successfully challenged my thoughts and steered out of it. I'm trying to be more confident on my transition too. It's tough but I'm learning to accept myself more each day.
Charlotte, this is phenomenal! This is how it's done, and you're doing it! Having these experiences where you discover and exercise your power to observe and your internal reactions and then alter them willingly... It's the beginning of the shift to overcoming old, conditioned patterns. Now you have a new point of reference. It doesn't mean you'll never go there again, but at least now you can say, "I've done this before, so I know I can do it."
I'm so happy for you and proud of you for doing this for yourself.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 04:03:37 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 04:03:37 AM
I have my first therapy session tonight with a therapist that understands BPD and ADHD. So hoping that this is the start of me getting a happy life. Transitioning has really made me eager to sort my mental health and be happier. I want life as Charlotte to be full of successes and happy memories. I really feel like a new me, just need to put my demons to bed.
Tonight I've got a consultation at a hair salon which I used about 5 years ago. It's going to be interesting to see if they recognise me and their reaction to how much I've changed. Kinda excited really.
To fit this all in was up at 6am. For me that's painful, but I'm feeling more awake now.
Also I've asked the hospital doing my GRS how much to add breast implants. Considering the benefit of less occasions under anaesthesia and reduction in cost. But I need to think the extra recovery needed and if it's worth it in savings.
Charlotte 😻
Tonight I've got a consultation at a hair salon which I used about 5 years ago. It's going to be interesting to see if they recognise me and their reaction to how much I've changed. Kinda excited really.
To fit this all in was up at 6am. For me that's painful, but I'm feeling more awake now.
Also I've asked the hospital doing my GRS how much to add breast implants. Considering the benefit of less occasions under anaesthesia and reduction in cost. But I need to think the extra recovery needed and if it's worth it in savings.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 05:13:17 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 05:13:17 AM
Great news Charlotte. fingers crossed all goes well with the therapist.
This may sound daft but I've never been to a female hair salon before would you be willing to leave an account of what goes on here?
There is a hair salon not too far from me which is ran by a lesbian couple and they specialise in CIS and trans women. So I think I know where I'm going when I come out. Would love to be rid of wig wearing! Slightly envious! It's things like that, that I really do look forward too. Maybe not the expense of it though!
This may sound daft but I've never been to a female hair salon before would you be willing to leave an account of what goes on here?
There is a hair salon not too far from me which is ran by a lesbian couple and they specialise in CIS and trans women. So I think I know where I'm going when I come out. Would love to be rid of wig wearing! Slightly envious! It's things like that, that I really do look forward too. Maybe not the expense of it though!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 05:39:58 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 05:39:58 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 05:13:17 AMGreat news Charlotte. fingers crossed all goes well with the therapist.
This may sound daft but I've never been to a female hair salon before would you be willing to leave an account of what goes on here?
There is a hair salon not too far from me which is ran by a lesbian couple and they specialise in CIS and trans women. So I think I know where I'm going when I come out. Would love to be rid of wig wearing! Slightly envious! It's things like that, that I really do look forward too. Maybe not the expense of it though!
Oh sure... I think you'll love the female salon experience. Especially if you have colour work. I've been using them even in boymode, so over 20 years. Its pretty simple but there are some things that make it great. I love it when its busy the best as the atmosphere is good. Lots of girly chatting, hair driers etc.
You'll get asked to your seat and given your apron and often a rubber mat thing around your neck on the shoulders to protect from chemicals! They'll ask what you want and play with your hair to get ideas of what might work and show you colour swatches and such. I tell them they're the expert so lets try something new they think will work! If you're having colour they'll go and mix these up into little pots and you'll likely be offered a drink.
Once back they'll section bits of your hair using hair clips and brush in the colours. Depending what you have they may wrap these in foil. Takes about 30-40 mins for full head. Now you'll be left for these to set and possibly a heater put over your head to speed it up. Enjoy your phone or a girly magazine as this can take a while. They'll check every now and again.
Once ready you'll be taken to the sink and the colours washed out. This is thorough and they'll use lots of conditioner too. Its extremely likely they'll massage the conditioner into your roots in a way that might put you into total ecstasy - it feels lovely. This is deliberate to make you feel good and is part of the experience. I tend to enjoy it without making the noises I'd love to make, but would deffo make me seem creepy.
Once dried with towel you'll be back to your seat. In my experience they cut wet then tidy once dry. Often various cutting implements are used. Various sprays like volumiser and heat protector will be applied. Expensive ones! You'll be blow dried with a hair drier whilst your hair is wrapped around a brush and pulled to get volume. After this they'll tidy the cut and style as you wish!
Then you go and open your wallet up for £60 - £100, maybe more depending on the salon. You'll leave with an amazing hair style that you'll never be able to recreate so enjoy it!
But the experience is lovely, very affirming and celebrity like in some cases.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 07:08:11 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 07:08:11 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 05:39:58 AMOh sure... I think you'll love the female saloon experience. Especially if you have colour work. I've been using them even in boymode, so over 20 years. Its pretty simple but there are some things that make it great. I love it when its busy the best as the atmosphere is good. Lots of girly chatting, hair driers etc.Wow, thanks Charlotte I didn't expect such a detailed account! That sounds so nice compared to the rapid conveyor belt of the barbers. I do at least have a female barber called Jasmine who is very cool but all this sounds lovely. Can't wait until it's a reality for me.
You'll get asked to your seat and given your apron and often a rubber mat thing around your neck on the shoulders to protect from chemicals! They'll ask what you want and play with your hair to get ideas of what might work and show you colour swatches and such. I tell them they're the expert so lets try something new they think will work! If you're having colour they'll go and mix these up into little pots and you'll likely be offered a drink.
Once back they'll section bits of your hair using hair clips and brush in the colours. Depending what you have they may wrap these in foil. Takes about 30-40 mins for full head. Now you'll be left for these to set and possibly a heater put over your head to speed it up. Enjoy your phone or a girly magazine as this can take a while. They'll check every now and again.
Once ready you'll be taken to the sink and the colours washed out. This is thorough and they'll use lots of conditioner too. Its extremely likely they'll massage the conditioner into your roots in a way that might put you into total ecstasy - it feels lovely. This is deliberate to make you feel good and is part of the experience. I tend to enjoy it without making the noises I'd love to make, but would deffo make me seem creepy.
Once dried with towel you'll be back to your seat. In my experience they cut wet then tidy once dry. Often various cutting implements are used. Various sprays like volumiser and heat protector will be applied. Expensive ones! You'll be blow dried with a hair drier whilst your hair is wrapped around a brush and pulled to get volume. After this they'll tidy the cut and style as you wish!
Then you go and open your wallet up for £60 - £100, maybe more depending on the salon. You'll leave with an amazing hair style that you'll never be able to recreate so enjoy it!
But the experience is lovely, very affirming and celebrity like in some cases.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 15, 2026, 07:53:50 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 15, 2026, 07:53:50 AM
My daughter is a hairdresser, with the kids she does 3 or 4 days a week on a rent a chair basis. She is always busy.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 03:16:15 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 03:16:15 PM
The first session with my therapist went really well today. We are getting to know each other well and she's perfectly on board with the fact I probably have BPD and ADHD. She learnt a lot about me today and it was great that she could relate my feelings and behaviors to why I think I may have those two diagnosis. So we will work through my past and feelings each session begore trying to understand the reasons then onto therapy to help me. Hopefully I'll get some headway before formal diagnosis. I just want to feel heard and that I'm not just imagining I've got these issues. It all feels real, but you doubt yourself on the good days.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 15, 2026, 03:22:52 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 15, 2026, 03:22:52 PM
So happy you made this happen, and the two of you got along.
Having someone in your corner who knows you and you can talk to is priceless. I have been in therapy since 2015.
Most of the time, we don't even talk about gender or my PTSD. We catch up on what we are doing, what is stressing us out, and what our plans are. But when I am feeling off, I know that I can talk to her about anything and she will help me through it.
I'm glad you have someone like that, too.
Having someone in your corner who knows you and you can talk to is priceless. I have been in therapy since 2015.
Most of the time, we don't even talk about gender or my PTSD. We catch up on what we are doing, what is stressing us out, and what our plans are. But when I am feeling off, I know that I can talk to her about anything and she will help me through it.
I'm glad you have someone like that, too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 15, 2026, 03:36:08 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 15, 2026, 03:36:08 PM
Glad to hear it went well. I hope it helps you beyond your wildest dream
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 03:41:53 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 03:41:53 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 15, 2026, 03:16:15 PMThe first session with my therapist went really well today. We are getting to know each other well and she's perfectly on board with the fact I probably have BPD and ADHD. She learnt a lot about me today and it was great that she could relate my feelings and behaviors to why I think I may have those two diagnosis. So we will work through my past and feelings each session begore trying to understand the reasons then onto therapy to help me. Hopefully I'll get some headway before formal diagnosis. I just want to feel heard and that I'm not just imagining I've got these issues. It all feels real, but you doubt yourself on the good days.Thats great news (that you've found help not that you have BPD!). Baby steps at the moment but she hasn't dismissed it. I think you could be on the right path here.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Emma1017 on April 15, 2026, 03:48:09 PM
Post by: Emma1017 on April 15, 2026, 03:48:09 PM
"Having someone in your corner who knows you and you can talk to is priceless." I absolutely agree, Lori.
Charlotte, keep adding as many people to your support corner. They are definitely out there! My therapist saves me from my darkest depressions.
SG, I also have a lesbian hair cutter in a woman's salon who treats me as a girlfriend. I love being treated as me.
Charlotte, keep adding as many people to your support corner. They are definitely out there! My therapist saves me from my darkest depressions.
SG, I also have a lesbian hair cutter in a woman's salon who treats me as a girlfriend. I love being treated as me.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 16, 2026, 03:29:19 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 16, 2026, 03:29:19 AM
Sleep was a bit broken last night so a bit tired. Here's the thing though. I have these pretty abstract dreams of which the general content has been very similar for over 20 years. Usually I'm travelling around places or inside big buildings and such. There's never a destination but these common things or similar happen in them all and did last night.
I'm trying to catch a train or bus but can't work out which I need and miss them all the time. Last night in my dream me and others used a red light to stop a train and jump on!
Other times I'm driving, but oddly I'm always driving sat in the back seat so I can't see clearly where I'm going or control the car. It's scary and weird. Also a recurring theme is brakes that don't work. Particularly I'm trying to stop in a car park and the car keeps moving on it's own and I nearly hit other cars. Also last night my route was blocked so had to turn around.
Often I'm leaving somewhere like a holiday but didn't realize it was the last day so disappointed it's that day.
And the other very common theme; I've left wherever I was without any shoes on. I'm outside walking and have no shoes. And I can't find then.
Honestly these themes I can just keep revisiting time and time again. Very weird.
Charlotte 😻
I'm trying to catch a train or bus but can't work out which I need and miss them all the time. Last night in my dream me and others used a red light to stop a train and jump on!
Other times I'm driving, but oddly I'm always driving sat in the back seat so I can't see clearly where I'm going or control the car. It's scary and weird. Also a recurring theme is brakes that don't work. Particularly I'm trying to stop in a car park and the car keeps moving on it's own and I nearly hit other cars. Also last night my route was blocked so had to turn around.
Often I'm leaving somewhere like a holiday but didn't realize it was the last day so disappointed it's that day.
And the other very common theme; I've left wherever I was without any shoes on. I'm outside walking and have no shoes. And I can't find then.
Honestly these themes I can just keep revisiting time and time again. Very weird.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 16, 2026, 08:22:22 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 16, 2026, 08:22:22 AM
I feel in a way I want to share something because for one I have come to peace with the fact I don't need to be ashamed about these feelings. Its taken me years to accept this is just part of a health problem, even though society brands these feelings as antisocial and shameful. But also I hope it will help you, my friends, understand the craziness that's going around my head and why I behave how I do.
I get extreme envy at times which can also get very mixed up with feelings of attachment. These can be extreme enough when my self esteem is low that I hurt myself or go into a deep depression for many hours. In the worst circumstances I see someone online that I admire. Like they might be trans, look super cool and make music I love. I start by just admiring what they do like someone normal would. But then I start to get envious and wish I was them. Then I get a bit obsessive of them, looking up everything about them, what they do their life etc. Oddly then I get bouts of physical and sexual attraction to this person that I don't even know. This starts to take over my mind, a kind of lust mixed with deep envy. Eventually I then start to dislike them and reject them as these feelings have taken over and hurt me. I can barely even look at them and get stressed at any sight or information on them. I have to detach desperately. After this all the feelings eventually subside and I don't care anymore.
So there it is. I feel a weight off me from sharing this. I've been holding this in since my early teens because of shame. Envy is seen and such a shameful thing then combine with obsession it not seen as a good look. But this is the real suffering I feel every single week in some way. And have done for 25+ years.
So this is one thing I'll be working on with my therapist to understand and tackle. Sorry if that's a lot to digest.
Charlotte X
I get extreme envy at times which can also get very mixed up with feelings of attachment. These can be extreme enough when my self esteem is low that I hurt myself or go into a deep depression for many hours. In the worst circumstances I see someone online that I admire. Like they might be trans, look super cool and make music I love. I start by just admiring what they do like someone normal would. But then I start to get envious and wish I was them. Then I get a bit obsessive of them, looking up everything about them, what they do their life etc. Oddly then I get bouts of physical and sexual attraction to this person that I don't even know. This starts to take over my mind, a kind of lust mixed with deep envy. Eventually I then start to dislike them and reject them as these feelings have taken over and hurt me. I can barely even look at them and get stressed at any sight or information on them. I have to detach desperately. After this all the feelings eventually subside and I don't care anymore.
So there it is. I feel a weight off me from sharing this. I've been holding this in since my early teens because of shame. Envy is seen and such a shameful thing then combine with obsession it not seen as a good look. But this is the real suffering I feel every single week in some way. And have done for 25+ years.
So this is one thing I'll be working on with my therapist to understand and tackle. Sorry if that's a lot to digest.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 16, 2026, 08:49:50 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 16, 2026, 08:49:50 AM
Thank you for sharing.
Always remember you're loved. No judgment of any kind.
Always remember you're loved. No judgment of any kind.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 16, 2026, 09:25:40 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 16, 2026, 09:25:40 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 16, 2026, 08:22:22 AMI feel in a way I want to share something because for one I have come to peace with the fact I don't need to be ashamed about these feelings. Its taken me years to accept this is just part of a health problem, even though society brands these feelings as antisocial and shameful. But also I hope it will help you, my friends, understand the craziness that's going around my head and why I behave how I do.It's good to share, or at least put it in writing. It helps your mind work though issues.
I get extreme envy at times which can also get very mixed up with feelings of attachment. These can be extreme enough when my self esteem is low that I hurt myself or go into a deep depression for many hours. In the worst circumstances I see someone online that I admire. Like they might be trans, look super cool and make music I love. I start by just admiring what they do like someone normal would. But then I start to get envious and wish I was them. Then I get a bit obsessive of them, looking up everything about them, what they do their life etc. Oddly then I get bouts of physical and sexual attraction to this person that I don't even know. This starts to take over my mind, a kind of lust mixed with deep envy. Eventually I then start to dislike them and reject them as these feelings have taken over and hurt me. I can barely even look at them and get stressed at any sight or information on them. I have to detach desperately. After this all the feelings eventually subside and I don't care anymore.
So there it is. I feel a weight off me from sharing this. I've been holding this in since my early teens because of shame. Envy is seen and such a shameful thing then combine with obsession it not seen as a good look. But this is the real suffering I feel every single week in some way. And have done for 25+ years.
So this is one thing I'll be working on with my therapist to understand and tackle. Sorry if that's a lot to digest.
Charlotte X
I think most of us have probably looked at online images of people and wanted to look like them maybe even wondered what it would be like to be them. We can all be a bit envious at times too but the obsession thing is not something I have experience of personally. I believe it is a fairly common thing to a degree though, I mean you often get obsessive fans for example. But hurting yourself is where this goes beyond the norm for me and something you may need help with.
One thing I would say is that you are about to make your new therapist's life more interesting lol!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 16, 2026, 09:28:23 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 16, 2026, 09:28:23 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 16, 2026, 03:29:19 AMSleep was a bit broken last night so a bit tired. Here's the thing though. I have these pretty abstract dreams of which the general content has been very similar for over 20 years. Usually I'm travelling around places or inside big buildings and such. There's never a destination but these common things or similar happen in them all and did last night.You should run that one by Lauren, she's the dream expert on here. She's pretty good at working out meaning from the lunacy of peoples dreams.
I'm trying to catch a train or bus but can't work out which I need and miss them all the time. Last night in my dream me and others used a red light to stop a train and jump on!
Other times I'm driving, but oddly I'm always driving sat in the back seat so I can't see clearly where I'm going or control the car. It's scary and weird. Also a recurring theme is brakes that don't work. Particularly I'm trying to stop in a car park and the car keeps moving on it's own and I nearly hit other cars. Also last night my route was blocked so had to turn around.
Often I'm leaving somewhere like a holiday but didn't realize it was the last day so disappointed it's that day.
And the other very common theme; I've left wherever I was without any shoes on. I'm outside walking and have no shoes. And I can't find then.
Honestly these themes I can just keep revisiting time and time again. Very weird.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 16, 2026, 10:24:30 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 16, 2026, 10:24:30 AM
There is a difference between what dreams actually are and interpreting what they mean.
Without getting too in-depth here, what dreams are is your subconscious mind processing recent events. The subconscious stores everything it experiences during the day, through all your senses, plus the emotions you felt about those experiences. It stores them in short-term memory for later processing. When we sleep, we go through several phases of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) where the subconscious begins sorting out what is important and what is not. Think of it like going through your mail. File away things that need attention later and discard junk mail. Dreams are the way junk is discarded. We experience them as a form of "training" to teach us not to worry about them.
As for interpretation, what I see is a common theme: loss of control over where you are going, uncertainty, and a lack of preparation (no shoes) for what's to come. If we combine this information, it appears that you are worried that you may not have total control over where you are headed (we all have that worry), that you may be uncertain if that is the right direction, and that if it is inevitable, you may have forgotten something that might be important that you need to be fully prepared for what's to come. This is a very reasonable concern.
The good news is that your mind recognizes that they do not apply to you. You have been thorough in recognizing where you want to go, you are certain of your general direction, and you are prepared for what's to come. The fact that you dream about it means the mind is discarding these thoughts as "junk" and not something to worry about. Since the thoughts persist, you dream about them to train your mind to relax and worry less about them. When you reach that point, those dreams will be replaced by something else.
In my own recurring dreams, it is similar: I am always being pursued by a group of men who wish me harm, and I am searching for something I need, so I can't just escape. Usually, what I am searching for isn't important (shoes, clothing, etc.), so it isn't defensive, but rather a reason I can't just run away and escape being pursued.
I hope this provides some perspective, and I'll put away the head-shrinker's couch now.
😁
Without getting too in-depth here, what dreams are is your subconscious mind processing recent events. The subconscious stores everything it experiences during the day, through all your senses, plus the emotions you felt about those experiences. It stores them in short-term memory for later processing. When we sleep, we go through several phases of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) where the subconscious begins sorting out what is important and what is not. Think of it like going through your mail. File away things that need attention later and discard junk mail. Dreams are the way junk is discarded. We experience them as a form of "training" to teach us not to worry about them.
As for interpretation, what I see is a common theme: loss of control over where you are going, uncertainty, and a lack of preparation (no shoes) for what's to come. If we combine this information, it appears that you are worried that you may not have total control over where you are headed (we all have that worry), that you may be uncertain if that is the right direction, and that if it is inevitable, you may have forgotten something that might be important that you need to be fully prepared for what's to come. This is a very reasonable concern.
The good news is that your mind recognizes that they do not apply to you. You have been thorough in recognizing where you want to go, you are certain of your general direction, and you are prepared for what's to come. The fact that you dream about it means the mind is discarding these thoughts as "junk" and not something to worry about. Since the thoughts persist, you dream about them to train your mind to relax and worry less about them. When you reach that point, those dreams will be replaced by something else.
In my own recurring dreams, it is similar: I am always being pursued by a group of men who wish me harm, and I am searching for something I need, so I can't just escape. Usually, what I am searching for isn't important (shoes, clothing, etc.), so it isn't defensive, but rather a reason I can't just run away and escape being pursued.
I hope this provides some perspective, and I'll put away the head-shrinker's couch now.
😁
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 07:20:31 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 07:20:31 AM
More weird dreams! This time i was served food at a table but there were all these insect eggs attached to the meat. They were hatching out into these wasps and infesting everything. Delightful. Then I woke up very tired!
Definitely ready for home as this weeks been exhausting at work. Furry meet tomorrow but its going to rain which will write off the fursuit walk again! Laser on my face in morning.
Charlotte 😻
Definitely ready for home as this weeks been exhausting at work. Furry meet tomorrow but its going to rain which will write off the fursuit walk again! Laser on my face in morning.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 17, 2026, 07:53:23 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 17, 2026, 07:53:23 AM
Charlotte,
You sure have some cute outfits!
Chrissy
You sure have some cute outfits!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 08:03:58 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 08:03:58 AM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 17, 2026, 07:53:23 AMCharlotte,
You sure have some cute outfits!
Chrissy
Thank you Chrissy. I just really love fashion. The problem is that as a women there is so much more choice! I feel like a kid in a candy shop. Every day I see more styles that I want to try, but already have probably 100 items of clothing.
But I cant decide my styles yet as still very much experimenting. As a women I'm happy to have some more normal looking outfits which I never did in boy mode. But I still want to pursue more alternative / cute fashion at the same time. Also experimenting how much skin I can show too - I have a tendency to not want to be modest, but also aware I'm not that young anymore. So much to think about.
Oh its just so confusing but so exciting too!
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 08:08:18 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 08:08:18 AM
I understand. I go on different websites and look at things I may like. I have to stop and think I'm not in my 20s or even 30s. I have grand babies.
I think I will luck out with mu daughters helping me decide
I think I will luck out with mu daughters helping me decide
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 09:57:26 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 09:57:26 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 08:08:18 AMI understand. I go on different websites and look at things I may like. I have to stop and think I'm not in my 20s or even 30s. I have grand babies.
I think I will luck out with mu daughters helping me decide
I will push the envelope a bit with it as I don't mind being a little bit over the top. In real life I do have some attitude, can lift my shoulders and pull off things to a limit. A lot is possible if you can own it, but have to be in a strong mood! At furry events I can go completely wild as furries love the idea of people just being exactly what they want. Me at 44 in something a 20 year old would wear would be highly celebrated there!
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 11:08:44 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 11:08:44 AM
Right now I would look lite the bearded lady. Still working on shaving the fur.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 11:22:06 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 11:22:06 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 07:20:31 AMMore weird dreams! This time i was served food at a table but there were all these insect eggs attached to the meat. They were hatching out into these wasps and infesting everything. Delightful. Then I woke up very tired!Yeah, glad I had already eaten before reading that one! I'm terrified of wasps! I stood in a wasps nest when I was little and got 6 wasps trapped in my sock stinging me. I was only about 5 or 6. Never forgot it. Stripey B'stards!
Definitely ready for home as this weeks been exhausting at work. Furry meet tomorrow but its going to rain which will write off the fursuit walk again! Laser on my face in morning.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 12:28:28 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 12:28:28 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 11:22:06 AMYeah, glad I had already eaten befoere reading that one! I'm terrified of wasps! I stood in a wasps nest when I was little and got 6 wasps trapped in my sock stinging me. I was only about 5 or 6. Never forgot it. Stripey B'stards!
That sounds painful for sure. To be honest they dont bother me much. Just dunno why i have these weird dreans. I think my mind is just totally messed up. Honestly i belong in an asylum!
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 12:41:28 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 12:41:28 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 12:28:28 PMThat sounds painful for sure. To be honest they dont bother me much. Just dunno why i have these weird dreans. I think my mind is just totally messed up. Honestly i belong in an asylum!We all have dreams that are bat sh*t crazy Charlotte (at least I hope everyone else does!). You don't have a monopoly on that one!
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 02:06:43 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 02:06:43 PM
Still got quite a large area of fluid on the side of my head from my surgery a month ago. All the stitches have dissolved and all the incisions are healed so really is just waiting for that bit to eventually drain. The skin still feels tight around my forehead but that I expect will take a while.
See what happens over the coming weeks.
Charlotte 😻
See what happens over the coming weeks.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 02:11:53 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 02:11:53 PM
My wife was mad at me for a day. She woke up gave me a dirty look and says why were you kissing that guy. I had just woken up, and asked what guy? She said the guy in my dream. All I could say was sorry, it wasn't me. She barely talked to me all day.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 02:17:12 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 02:17:12 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 02:11:53 PMMy wife was mad at me for a day. She woke up gave me a dirty look and says why were you kissing that guy. I had just woken up, and asked what guy? She said the guy in my dream. All I could say was sorry, it wasn't me. She barely talked to me all day.Awkward!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 02:27:55 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 02:27:55 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 02:11:53 PMMy wife was mad at me for a day. She woke up gave me a dirty look and says why were you kissing that guy. I had just woken up, and asked what guy? She said the guy in my dream. All I could say was sorry, it wasn't me. She barely talked to me all day.Not sure how she expedts yoy have control over her dreams!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 17, 2026, 02:50:55 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 17, 2026, 02:50:55 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 02:27:55 PMNot sure how she expedts yoy have control over her dreams!
Exactly. It's in her head, not yours. LOL
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 03:18:04 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 03:18:04 PM
I have to say, I thought Kellie meant she was kissing guys in her sleep and her wife overheard her sleep talking!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 03:26:54 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 03:26:54 PM
I dont think my bf would care of i was kissing othrs in my sleep! I'm considering even asking him if we can make the relationship open for a bit once ive had my GRS so i can at least experience some fun.
Charlotte
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 03:36:56 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 03:36:56 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 03:26:54 PMI dont think my bf would care of i was kissing othrs in my sleep! I'm considering even asking him if we can make the relationship open for a bit once ive had my GRS so i can at least experience some fun.I take it the toys idea didn't work then?
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 03:54:38 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 03:54:38 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 03:36:56 PMI take it the toys idea didn't work then?
No doesn't get me excited so nothing happens. 90% of what gets me going is in the mind. I just crave the intimate contact I cant have.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 04:09:10 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 04:09:10 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 03:54:38 PMNo doesn't get me excited so nothing happens. 90% of what gets me going is in the mind. I just crave the intimate contact I cant have.It could be worse Charlotte, it's 22 years since I last did it with anyone! What about having solo fun?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 04:15:42 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 17, 2026, 04:15:42 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 04:09:10 PMIt could be worse Charlotte, it's 22 years since I last did it with anyone! What about having solo fun?
Honestly since going on HRT none of the stuff that used to excites me at all. I just long for contact in that way with someone! Its strange as before I never longed for the human contact and preferred looking after myself wearing certain things. Its a 360 turn on my desires. Damn HRT is confusing!!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 05:10:41 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 17, 2026, 05:10:41 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 17, 2026, 02:17:12 PMAwkward!
I know right. It may be her subconscious telling her I'm transgender. I only like girls though.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 03:04:49 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 03:04:49 AM
More pictures of my girl Serana. Taking her put today to Birmingham furs as shes nice and easy to suit on my healing head.
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCL5Dd7q/Serana-Ref.jpg)
Furries have reference sheets for their characters. This is hers.
(https://i.postimg.cc/1t0nG0XK/20250526-134754.jpg)
At the furry convention still in boy mode!
(https://i.postimg.cc/wv5yX5M5/20250816-144759.jpg)
Birmingham furs.
(https://i.postimg.cc/NM8968Fm/image.jpg)
I gave her new bigger teeth!
[(https://i.postimg.cc/ydN4jsY2/IMG-20250816-213718-095-2.jpg)
Carrying Birmingham furs flag.
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCL5Dd7q/Serana-Ref.jpg)
Furries have reference sheets for their characters. This is hers.
(https://i.postimg.cc/1t0nG0XK/20250526-134754.jpg)
At the furry convention still in boy mode!
(https://i.postimg.cc/wv5yX5M5/20250816-144759.jpg)
Birmingham furs.
(https://i.postimg.cc/NM8968Fm/image.jpg)
I gave her new bigger teeth!
[(https://i.postimg.cc/ydN4jsY2/IMG-20250816-213718-095-2.jpg)
Carrying Birmingham furs flag.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 18, 2026, 03:06:48 AM
Post by: Sephirah on April 18, 2026, 03:06:48 AM
Utterly beautiful. Thank you. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 08:29:43 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 08:29:43 AM
Looking good Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 10:54:35 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 10:54:35 AM
Unfortunately now back to my disgusting home and miserable life.
Furmeet was nice for first time in ages. Didn't feel very feminine today thougb. I'm really finding transition hard. Many days i regret even trying to do something that is next to impossible given that I'm just a man pretending to be a woman. Every aspect of my body is set against me achieving this. Fed up with fighting my.body im not sure i want to do it anymore.
Honestly i try to convince myself im happy with how i look but im just lieing. HRT just feels a waste of time .
Charlotte
Furmeet was nice for first time in ages. Didn't feel very feminine today thougb. I'm really finding transition hard. Many days i regret even trying to do something that is next to impossible given that I'm just a man pretending to be a woman. Every aspect of my body is set against me achieving this. Fed up with fighting my.body im not sure i want to do it anymore.
Honestly i try to convince myself im happy with how i look but im just lieing. HRT just feels a waste of time .
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:15:59 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:15:59 PM
Well at least i have a letter confirming I've got past the panel and will be offered a new patient appointment at the psychiatric department. Still a long way to go but one step further than last time.
Hopefully before i decide i just dont want any of this anymore. Im tempted to just get as much surgery as possible and delete as much of my body and face as possible. I just hate my figure, hate my face and hate my life. Im just gutted i wasnt a miscarriage. It should have happened to me.
Charlotte
Hopefully before i decide i just dont want any of this anymore. Im tempted to just get as much surgery as possible and delete as much of my body and face as possible. I just hate my figure, hate my face and hate my life. Im just gutted i wasnt a miscarriage. It should have happened to me.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:24:37 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:24:37 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 10:54:35 AMUnfortunately now back to my disgusting home and miserable life.You're not the first person to look in the mirror and hate what they see Charlotte. We are always our worst critics. I hate my double chin and my body when I look in the mirror most days but hey, it's me. You make do or or you make changes. You are making significant changes and in my book, if your goal is to look more feminine then you are headed in the right direction, no question.
Furmeet was nice for first time in ages. Didn't feel very feminine today thougb. I'm really finding transition hard. Many days i regret even trying to do something that is next to impossible given that I'm just a man pretending to be a woman. Every aspect of my body is set against me achieving this. Fed up with fighting my.body im not sure i want to do it anymore.
Honestly i try to convince myself im happy with how i look but im just lieing. HRT just feels a waste of time .
Charlotte
I feel like a stuck record about HRT but it really will bring changes, however, it will take time, years in fact. You are expecting to much too soon. HRT isn't a magical instant fix.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:29:13 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:29:13 PM
I think im going to increae my dose to 8mg E for a few months and see if that helps. Id like to get my E at least or over 700pmol/l really as 400pmol/l is not great.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:32:49 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:32:49 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:15:59 PMWell at least i have a letter confirming I've got past the panel and will be offered a new patient appointment at the psychiatric department. Still a long way to go but one step further than last time.Charlotte, you're sliding into darkness again from the sound of your posts. Don't dwell on these negative thoughts if you can. Think about the fun you've had today at the furry meet. Think about how far you have come on your journey so far. You are moving in the right direction.
Hopefully before i decide i just dont want any of this anymore. Im tempted to just get as much surgery as possible and delete as much of my body and face as possible. I just hate my figure, hate my face and hate my life. Im just gutted i wasnt a miscarriage. It should have happened to me.
Charlotte
Do you mind me asking if you have been prescribed anti-depressants? You could maybe talk to your GP about getting some if you think they might help.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:39:57 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 12:39:57 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:32:49 PMCharlotte, you're sliding into darkness again from the sound of your posts. Don't dwell on these negative thoughts if you can. Think about the fun you've had today at the furry meet. Think about how far you have come on your journey so far. You are moving in the right direction.
Do you mind me asking if you have been prescribed anti-depressants? You could maybe talk to your GP about getting some if you think they might help.
Im already on 220mg venlafaxine which is a second line anti depressant. If im not on that i feel suicidal everyday when I wake up!
Its known to be ineffective with what i think i have.
The furry meet was nice but only a tiny % of my life. Then its back to nothing again for weeks. Just wishing every day to go faster and faster is basically what i do.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:51:02 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:51:02 PM
The good times are always just a % of anyones life interspaced with the drudgery of everyday living.
Are there not other options then? I know therapists can't perscribe but can she suggest alternatives that your GP could maybe consider?
I mean, it would be better not to be on medication if you can avoid it but I don't like to see you having these dark thoughts and if there is a pill that can reduce the episodes it's probably worth trying.
Are there not other options then? I know therapists can't perscribe but can she suggest alternatives that your GP could maybe consider?
I mean, it would be better not to be on medication if you can avoid it but I don't like to see you having these dark thoughts and if there is a pill that can reduce the episodes it's probably worth trying.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 01:04:21 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 01:04:21 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 12:51:02 PMThe good times are always just a % of anyones life interspaced with the drudgery of everyday living.
Are there not other options then? I know therapists can't perscribe but can she suggest alternatives that your GP could maybe consider?
I mean, it would be better not to be on medication if you can avoid it but I don't like to see you having these dark thoughts and if there is a pill that can reduce the episodes it's probably worth trying.
Thats the thing though...i cant fool myself into thinking there is any point to living to enjoy just maybe 1-2% of your existence. It doesn't make logical sense as the other 33.3% is asleep and the remaining 64.6% nothingness or pain. Thats a lof of hours to wish away as quickly as possible. I just cant get my head to see the point in that.
Honestly I really struggle to understand why i exist. Existence honestly is basically pointless. Each day is just like a prison sentence im expected to endure.
I asked to go on sedative tranqiliser type meds but the doctor wont because of my job requirements. Ive slready been through all the first line options at maximum dose. Ive been on antidepressants since 2010.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 02:16:35 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 02:16:35 PM
Charlotte
I hate when you get like this.
It is always easy to see the bad and negative. It is so much harder to find the good, but there really is more good. Bad and hate destroy. Good and love build. Some time you have to stop and see what is good.
Even though it is virtual you have a community that love you. Each and every person here would stop and give you a hug if it was possible. Just because we are separated by miles and boarders we all love you.
I hate when you get like this.
It is always easy to see the bad and negative. It is so much harder to find the good, but there really is more good. Bad and hate destroy. Good and love build. Some time you have to stop and see what is good.
Even though it is virtual you have a community that love you. Each and every person here would stop and give you a hug if it was possible. Just because we are separated by miles and boarders we all love you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 02:30:53 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 02:30:53 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 01:04:21 PMThats the thing though...i cant fool myself into thinking there is any point to living to enjoy just maybe 1-2% of your existence. It doesn't make logical sense as the other 33.3% is asleep and the remaining 64.6% nothingness or pain. Thats a lof of hours to wish away as quickly as possible. I just cant get my head to see the point in that.Based on how you are on here, it will be more than 1-2% Charlotte even though it may not feel like it right now. Most of the time you're full of love, chatty and wanting to help people on here. I think if you kept an actual journal of your day to day feelings then looked back at it over a couple of months you would see that. It would be a good thing to do anyway. You do have these blips though, and they do seem to be blips, they are the minority not the rule.
Honestly I really struggle to understand why i exist. Existence honestly is basically pointless. Each day is just like a prison sentence im expected to endure.
I asked to go on sedative tranqiliser type meds but the doctor wont because of my job requirements. Ive slready been through all the first line options at maximum dose. Ive been on antidepressants since 2010.
Charlotte 😻
You need to find ways to boost that good vibes percentage and to improve the low times at the same time. Easy to say I know.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:11:34 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:11:34 PM
Thanks and love you all too.
I'm still trying. Just struggle to understand the point of everything. I do honestly wish most my life away. All day at work i just want to be home. Then at home exhausted and bored, then the weekend tired, bored and depressed. I honestly dont know what I want from life. Its scary. I really dont even know who i am, what i like or anything.
Everything ive ever done is entirely for the outcome. I never have and dont know how to enjoy the process. My dopamine receptors are burnt to death and now i need extremes to just tickle them.
Somewhere this all fits into my narrative..is it real or is it fueling some internal need and agenda?
I feel like my life is a big play act. Its not real. Thats why big decisions are nothing to me. My life is a game and my body just a character to mess with as i please. Its kinda fun to take chances, take risks, see how much i can get away with before i really hurt my body. Like im tempted to put my E in the thousands of pmol just to see what happens. Like take a chance at hurting my body...thats really exciting to me and makes me feel alive.
Damn i just dunno where my head is at!
I'll figure it out. I need to.
Love Charlotte 😻
I'm still trying. Just struggle to understand the point of everything. I do honestly wish most my life away. All day at work i just want to be home. Then at home exhausted and bored, then the weekend tired, bored and depressed. I honestly dont know what I want from life. Its scary. I really dont even know who i am, what i like or anything.
Everything ive ever done is entirely for the outcome. I never have and dont know how to enjoy the process. My dopamine receptors are burnt to death and now i need extremes to just tickle them.
Somewhere this all fits into my narrative..is it real or is it fueling some internal need and agenda?
I feel like my life is a big play act. Its not real. Thats why big decisions are nothing to me. My life is a game and my body just a character to mess with as i please. Its kinda fun to take chances, take risks, see how much i can get away with before i really hurt my body. Like im tempted to put my E in the thousands of pmol just to see what happens. Like take a chance at hurting my body...thats really exciting to me and makes me feel alive.
Damn i just dunno where my head is at!
I'll figure it out. I need to.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:15:48 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:15:48 PM
Are those animal team mascots at sports games simply animal costumes (probably are at the games) or are some of those same costumes in the furry culture (perhaps when used / worn outside of the sport games)?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:23:09 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:23:09 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:15:48 PMAre those animal team mascots at sports games simply animal costumes (probably are at the games) or are some of those same costumes in the furry culture (perhaps when used / worn outside of the sport games)?
All of the furries suits are custom made of their own characters (fursonas). Depending on the club's of course some mascot costumes are high quality and custom too. Fursuiters though spend a lot of money getting very well made fursuits. Most full suits range from £2000 to £15000 to get commissioned. That upper cost is a top maker in the USA called Lemonbrat. Would love one of theirs!
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:27:11 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:27:11 PM
My daughter wanted to do some of the mermaid diving. For a good tail can be $10,000.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:42:30 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:42:30 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:27:11 PMMy daughter wanted to do some of the mermaid diving. For a good tail can be $10,000.Yikes! maybe talk her out of that one Kellie ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:44:10 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:44:10 PM
I didn't have to, I told her that one is on her. Papa no tienes diez mil dólares
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:50:30 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:50:30 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:11:34 PMThanks and love you all too.Well, sounds like you need to break the routine. Travel would seem to tick the boxes as far as I can see. It's always varied, you never really know what you will find round the next corner, it's an escape from the daily grind. I don't mean big holidays abroad I'm talking weekends or long weekends away somewhere. Always somewhere you've never been before. Go with your partner, go alone, mix it up a bit. Go by car, go by train, fly somewhere. You get the idea anyway. Keeping it localish can keep costs down. You could stay in hotels, go self catering, go camping (great if you need to do it on the cheap), stay on a boat. The possibilities are endless. You can spend time during the week planning your next adventure which could alieviate some of the boredom on the evenings.
I'm still trying. Just struggle to understand the point of everything. I do honestly wish most my life away. All day at work i just want to be home. Then at home exhausted and bored, then the weekend tired, bored and depressed. I honestly dont know what I want from life. Its scary. I really dont even know who i am, what i like or anything.
Everything ive ever done is entirely for the outcome. I never have and dont know how to enjoy the process. My dopamine receptors are burnt to death and now i need extremes to just tickle them.
Somewhere this all fits into my narrative..is it real or is it fueling some internal need and agenda?
I feel like my life is a big play act. Its not real. Thats why big decisions are nothing to me. My life is a game and my body just a character to mess with as i please. Its kinda fun to take chances, take risks, see how much i can get away with before i really hurt my body. Like im tempted to put my E in the thousands of pmol just to see what happens. Like take a chance at hurting my body...thats really exciting to me and makes me feel alive.
Damn i just dunno where my head is at!
I'll figure it out. I need to.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:52:36 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:52:36 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:23:09 PMAll of the furries suits are custom made of their own characters (fursonas). Depending on the club's of course some mascot costumes are high quality and custom too. Fursuiters though spend a lot of money getting very well made fursuits. Most full suits range from £2000 to £15000 to get commissioned. That upper cost is a top maker in the USA called Lemonbrat. Would love one of theirs!
Charlotte
Wow that is a lot of money.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:52:58 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:52:58 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:44:10 PMI didn't have to, I told her that one is on her. Papa no tienes diez mil dólaresOK Translator required lol!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:57:13 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:57:13 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:50:30 PMWell, sounds like you need to break the routine. Travel would seem to tick the boxes as far as I can see. It's always varied, you never really know what you will find round the next corner, it's an escape from the daily grind. I don't mean big holidays abroad I'm talking weekends or long weekends away somewhere. Always somewhere you've never been before. Go with your partner, go alone, mix it up a bit. Go by car, go by train, fly somewhere. You get the idea anyway. Keeping it localish can keep costs down. You could stay in hotels, go self catering, go camping (great if you need to do it on the cheap), stay on a boat. The possibilities are endless. You can spend time during the week planning your next adventure which could alieviate some of the boredom on the evenings.
Over hear if you watch the airlines you can do last minute trips to various cities. You have to be ready to go and not picky where you end up. There has been some good round trip flights to some major cities for.$200 - $300.
I don't know how it would work there, but grab your partner, figure your budget and go.
I did that one time and we ended up finding a place that did live shows with supper. We took the kids and had a blast
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:58:33 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 04:58:33 PM
I hear that last minute flights can also be very costly.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:01:42 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:01:42 PM
If you watch the website. They have some last minute deals. It may not be to Chicago or New York, but Houston or St Louis have come up. I haven't checked lately.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:03:44 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:03:44 PM
I'll see if i can think of something, just not sure where I really want to go lol. I do also need to book the person that feeds my cats before going away
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:11:58 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:11:58 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:57:13 PMOver hear if you watch the airlines you can do last minute trips to various cities. You have to be ready to go and not picky where you end up. There has been some good round trip flights to some major cities for.$200 - $300.There are loads of options Kellie. I can be in Amsterdam or Copenhagen in just over an hour . Where Charlotte is France is very enticing too. But it doesn't have to be abroad. She could go to Wales, Ireland, Scotland, The Channel Islands etc etc.
I don't know how it would work there, but grab your partner, figure your budget and go.
I did that one time and we ended up finding a place that did live shows with supper. We took the kids and had a blast
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:16:04 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:16:04 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:11:58 PMThere are loads of options Kellie. I can be in Amsterdam or Copenhagen in just over an hour . Where Charlotte is France is very enticing too. But it doesn't have to be abroad. She could go to Wales, Ireland, Scotland, The Channel Islands etc etc.
I can be at Disney in about 2. To even get out of Florida is 8 hours, but the Bahamas is a hop on a plane
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:17:02 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:17:02 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:03:44 PMI'll see if i can think of something, just not sure where I really want to go lol. I do also need to book the person that feeds my cats before going awayGet a map of the uk, hang it on your door, close your eyes and chuck a dart at it. Go there or nearby!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:18:28 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:18:28 PM
That is a great idea.
Explore, find the little things that the tourists miss.
Explore, find the little things that the tourists miss.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:20:01 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:20:01 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:16:04 PMI can be at Disney in about 2. To even get out of Florida is 8 hours, but the Bahamas is a hop on a planeMy aunt and cousin live in Tampa and they are always getting last minute deals on the carribean cruises. They're on them nearly every other month. They are able to work from home so just work from the cruise liner! Nice if you can wangle it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:23:14 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:23:14 PM
Neither my wife and I can swing the work from home. Tampa is about 2 hours from us as well
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:29:10 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:29:10 PM
Once ive cleared my overdraft I'll have a look. It'll be totally random though, as there isn't anything that particularly interests me out there these days. It'd be go and hope for the best that i find something that wakes me up!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:31:40 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:31:40 PM
There is that ordeal.with my daughter. That may wake you up 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ok, I'm kidding 😉
Ok, I'm kidding 😉
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:32:32 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:32:32 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:52:58 PMOK Translator required lol!
Dad doesn't have $10000 dollars.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:36:19 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:36:19 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:31:40 PMThere is that ordeal.with my daughter. That may wake you up 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ok, I'm kidding 😉
The paper's would love me when I get arrested though lol. Trans, mentally unstable, furry!! The comments would light up like a Christmas tree.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:39:37 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:39:37 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:29:10 PMOnce ive cleared my overdraft I'll have a look. It'll be totally random though, as there isn't anything that particularly interests me out there these days. It'd be go and hope for the best that i find something that wakes me up!Delegate your decision to your partner maybe?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:45:19 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 05:45:19 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:39:37 PMDelegate your decision to your partner maybe?
Yeah probably best as he's more likely to be interested than me. Although it'll be me doing all the driving!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:49:55 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:49:55 PM
Splash out on the train? Fly to scotland, France or Jersey?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 06:01:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 06:01:14 PM
I'll leave it down to Blueberry to decide. Can be his decision lol. Hopefully he'll help pay then too
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 18, 2026, 09:02:39 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 18, 2026, 09:02:39 PM
Throwing darts at a map is a great idea. My roommate and I did that in Germany every Saturday morning. Throw three darts at the map. Before we could come home, we had to visit those three towns, drink a beer in each one, and if there was a castle or museum nearby, visit that too.
You can pick any attraction that interests you (a dance club, an art gallery, a zoo, or whatever). The important part is to go looking for something to find there and take pictures of it. We got sidetracked so many times. We would go to one town, ask a local if there were castles nearby, and they would point us to another town that was not very close. But we went anyway and had a great time.
Another fun thing we would do during the summer is go to an American Express Travel Office and see what tours were being offered. You might find something close by that sounds like fun, or maybe another adventure. I took a cheap Salzburg By Night Tour in Austria. I had so much fun, I came back to the city many times. Maybe that's all you need is to find a new area that you really like.
You can pick any attraction that interests you (a dance club, an art gallery, a zoo, or whatever). The important part is to go looking for something to find there and take pictures of it. We got sidetracked so many times. We would go to one town, ask a local if there were castles nearby, and they would point us to another town that was not very close. But we went anyway and had a great time.
Another fun thing we would do during the summer is go to an American Express Travel Office and see what tours were being offered. You might find something close by that sounds like fun, or maybe another adventure. I took a cheap Salzburg By Night Tour in Austria. I had so much fun, I came back to the city many times. Maybe that's all you need is to find a new area that you really like.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 09:14:49 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 09:14:49 PM
My wife likes to go to different towns and do ghost tours. It's not for the ghosts but for the hidden history. You can find some of the more taudry history. My daughter did get a questionable photos in Philadelphia
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 21, 2026, 03:04:22 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 21, 2026, 03:04:22 PM
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 03:15:43 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 03:15:43 PM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 21, 2026, 03:04:22 PM @Charlotte Kitty
(https://i.ibb.co/fzcjrZ65/BIG-HUG.jpg) (https://imgbb.com/)
Thank you very much. Means a lot.
Love and hugs to you too (furry style)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Z5FJcZYp/IMG-20260421-211338-064.png)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 03:42:34 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 03:42:34 PM
Sorry for the late reply to this, Charlotte. (You'll get used to hearing that, haha)
Something occurred to me. Serana, and this aspect of your life is something important to you and something you're passionate about. It lets you feel free. Free to express yourself. Free to meet people who also feel the same. Free to just... be. But you mention that it's only one or two percent of your life.
Why not make it more of a percentage of your life? Instead of going to meetings and having fun for a short while... why not organise some of these meetings yourself? Be the person who makes it happen for other people, as well as you? Somewhere closer to home maybe? It might take your mind off things and give you something you care about to focus on. I think you would be quite exceptional with it, honestly. You could make spaces for people to have the kind of fun you like to have. To have times outside of their own lives because... you never know. I would guess others feel the same as you do.
Instead of being a passenger, why not hop into the driving seat?
It would give you something to constantly work on, plan for, and look forward to. Collaborate with others and make it something special for everyone.
Make your passion a larger part of your life.
Something to think about, sweetie.
*massive hugs*
<3
Something occurred to me. Serana, and this aspect of your life is something important to you and something you're passionate about. It lets you feel free. Free to express yourself. Free to meet people who also feel the same. Free to just... be. But you mention that it's only one or two percent of your life.
Why not make it more of a percentage of your life? Instead of going to meetings and having fun for a short while... why not organise some of these meetings yourself? Be the person who makes it happen for other people, as well as you? Somewhere closer to home maybe? It might take your mind off things and give you something you care about to focus on. I think you would be quite exceptional with it, honestly. You could make spaces for people to have the kind of fun you like to have. To have times outside of their own lives because... you never know. I would guess others feel the same as you do.
Instead of being a passenger, why not hop into the driving seat?
It would give you something to constantly work on, plan for, and look forward to. Collaborate with others and make it something special for everyone.
Make your passion a larger part of your life.
Something to think about, sweetie.
*massive hugs*
<3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 21, 2026, 03:58:05 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 21, 2026, 03:58:05 PM
Feauring DJ Raveronomy!
Make it a party with plenty of your music. Furry dancing til the sun comes up!
Make it a party with plenty of your music. Furry dancing til the sun comes up!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 04:12:56 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 04:12:56 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 03:42:34 PMSorry for the late reply to this, Charlotte. (You'll get used to hearing that, haha)
Something occurred to me. Serana, and this aspect of your life is something important to you and something you're passionate about. It lets you feel free. Free to express yourself. Free to meet people who also feel the same. Free to just... be. But you mention that it's only one or two percent of your life.
Why not make it more of a percentage of your life? Instead of going to meetings and having fun for a short while... why not organise some of these meetings yourself? Be the person who makes it happen for other people, as well as you? Somewhere closer to home maybe? It might take your mind off things and give you something you care about to focus on. I think you would be quite exceptional with it, honestly. You could make spaces for people to have the kind of fun you like to have. To have times outside of their own lives because... you never know. I would guess others feel the same as you do.
Instead of being a passenger, why not hop into the driving seat?
It would give you something to constantly work on, plan for, and look forward to. Collaborate with others and make it something special for everyone.
Make your passion a larger part of your life.
Something to think about, sweetie.
*massive hugs*
<3
Hey Lauren,
No worries and thanks for your reply. I've been a bit quiet recently too to be honest. Tough times.
I have thought about what you mention as well as numerous other similar ventures. But the only big problem is I'm really antisocial and absolutely terrified of the idea of collaboration, getting people together and such. I'm basically invisible to most people and often ignored!
I wish it was different but I just dont have that confidence. I dont think I could get anyone to show up!
I really need to sort myself out first in the coming months before attempting anything that pushes me. If I told you that just being active on here is causing me to flip between totally overwhelmed, broken and elated emotions, you might get an idea of how disregulated I am. I've nearly stepped away a few times now to limit emotional damage!
Ive been accepted for psychiatric referral so that's a start. I can't convey how broken my mind is right now. I desperately need to focus on resolving this before I breakdown.
I hope that you're doing ok at the moment? I know you suffer many demons too, so sending you my love and care xxx
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 04:59:46 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 04:59:46 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 04:12:56 PMI'm basically invisible to most people and often ignored!
From what I've learned about you, Charlotte, what you've spoken about... sweetie... I think, maybe subconsciously that's how you want to be to people. And... maybe outside of your control you make it happen. If I can be blunt, Charlotte, it feels to me like a lot of the time you want to be invisible and ignored to yourself. For entirely understandable reasons and please don't take this in any other way than... girl... you give yourself such a hard time. You punish yourself far more than anyone else punishes you.
The way we are within ourselves influences heavily the way the world sees us. If you are someone who feels they're not worth anything, and is not worth noticing, then subconsciously the mind makes the body give off those signals to the world around us. We shrink away from it all. Hide who we are. And then when we don't get noticed, it reinforces how we felt in the beginning. It's a vicious cycle.
I can only go on how you are here, Charlotte, but I don't see that at all. I don't see you being ignored, or invisible, or anything like that. Maybe because here you feel you can let your walls down and feel free to express yourself... as scary and dangerous and wonderful as that is. And... people respond. You let people see you here, and people respond to that. In a way you maybe don't do outside of here. What is different between the two?
If you want to hide, then we are extremely adept at making sure no one sees us.
QuoteI wish it was different but I just dont have that confidence. I dont think I could get anyone to show up!
I absolutely get that, sweetie. Think of it like this. What would make you want to show up? What have you enjoyed at the meets you've been to? Think about that then work towards replicating it. You know what makes something fun for you. And obviously fun for other people since you all have a great time. So just... do that!
QuoteI really need to sort myself out first in the coming months before attempting anything that pushes me. If I told you that just being active on here is causing me to flip between totally overwhelmed, broken and elated emotions, you might get an idea of how disregulated I am. I've nearly stepped away a few times now to limit emotional damage!
Charlotte, I get that more than you probably realise. I would venture it's a result of being in a place where you're actually listened to. And not knowing how to deal with that.
QuoteIve been accepted for psychiatric referral so that's a start. I can't convey how broken my mind is right now. I desperately need to focus on resolving this before I breakdown.
You will get there. I have every confidence in you, honey. Seriously. I think you're quite awesome. <3
QuoteI hope that you're doing ok at the moment? I know you suffer many demons too, so sending you my love and care xxx
Charlotte 😻
Thank you, Charlotte. I'm hanging in there same as you and everyone. <3 As the great sage Rocky Balboa said: "Life isn't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
Hang in there, girl. One day, the Furrytopia shall inherit the Earth. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 05:44:31 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 21, 2026, 05:44:31 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 04:59:46 PMFrom what I've learned about you, Charlotte, what you've spoken about... sweetie... I think, maybe subconsciously that's how you want to be to people. And... maybe outside of your control you make it happen. If I can be blunt, Charlotte, it feels to me like a lot of the time you want to be invisible and ignored to yourself. For entirely understandable reasons and please don't take this in any other way than... girl... you give yourself such a hard time. You punish yourself far more than anyone else punishes you.
The way we are within ourselves influences heavily the way the world sees us. If you are someone who feels they're not worth anything, and is not worth noticing, then subconsciously the mind makes the body give off those signals to the world around us. We shrink away from it all. Hide who we are. And then when we don't get noticed, it reinforces how we felt in the beginning. It's a vicious cycle.
I can only go on how you are here, Charlotte, but I don't see that at all. I don't see you being ignored, or invisible, or anything like that. Maybe because here you feel you can let your walls down and feel free to express yourself... as scary and dangerous and wonderful as that is. And... people respond. You let people see you here, and people respond to that. In a way you maybe don't do outside of here. What is different between the two?
If you want to hide, then we are extremely adept at making sure no one sees us.
I absolutely get that, sweetie. Think of it like this. What would make you want to show up? What have you enjoyed at the meets you've been to? Think about that then work towards replicating it. You know what makes something fun for you. And obviously fun for other people since you all have a great time. So just... do that!
Charlotte, I get that more than you probably realise. I would venture it's a result of being in a place where you're actually listened to. And not knowing how to deal with that.
You will get there. I have every confidence in you, honey. Seriously. I think you're quite awesome. <3
Thank you, Charlotte. I'm hanging in there same as you and everyone. <3 As the great sage Rocky Balboa said: "Life isn't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
Hang in there, girl. One day, the Furrytopia shall inherit the Earth. <3
Thank you Lauren. Sending lots of love.
Catch up again sometime x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 07:03:43 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 07:03:43 PM
Any time, sweetie. <3
Thank you for consistently sharing the deepest parts of yourself. I know I can come across as preachy sometimes. I really don't mean to. I just see a very beautiful, very fragile soul, and want to help her be okay.
I think you're quite a lot more than you think you are, Charlotte. <3
Thank you for consistently sharing the deepest parts of yourself. I know I can come across as preachy sometimes. I really don't mean to. I just see a very beautiful, very fragile soul, and want to help her be okay.
I think you're quite a lot more than you think you are, Charlotte. <3
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 01:55:12 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 01:55:12 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on April 21, 2026, 07:03:43 PMAny time, sweetie. <3
Thank you for consistently sharing the deepest parts of yourself. I know I can come across as preachy sometimes. I really don't mean to. I just see a very beautiful, very fragile soul, and want to help her be okay.
I think you're quite a lot more than you think you are, Charlotte. <3
No worries Lauren. I share because I struggle to contain this without exploding and self harming. If I dont get it out, next thing I'll be ordering a certain chemical I know that'll finish me with just 10g. One of these days I'll end up getting it I'm sure. If posting my thoughts helps anyone though thats a bonus.
I'm not sure who I am and thats the problem. The normal grind which is tolerable to most just makes me feel suicidal every single day. I feel like I'm being tortured every day I'm awake.
Sending you lots of love and wishes
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 07:16:35 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 07:16:35 AM
Finally I'm going in for surgery next week to have polyps removed from down there. I won't miss the pretty much permanent, painful fissure I've had for nearly 12 months. Hopefully this will resolve it. General anaesthetic, but a very short op so shouldn't be too bad.
Charlotte X
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 22, 2026, 07:46:40 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 22, 2026, 07:46:40 AM
Charlotte,
I hope your polyps removal surgery goes well.
Chrissy
I hope your polyps removal surgery goes well.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 08:18:13 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 08:18:13 AM
Good luck hope it goes well. Let your partner take care of you for awhile
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 08:56:27 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 08:56:27 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 08:18:13 AMGood luck hope it goes well. Let your partner take care of you for awhileI'll be at work the next day. There will be no time for looking after.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 09:40:48 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 09:40:48 AM
Then have a dish of something sweet and bad for you. Take care of yourself
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 09:55:27 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 09:55:27 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 09:40:48 AMThen have a dish of something sweet and bad for you. Take care of yourselfOh I do that literally everyday nearly! Always have chocolate deserts, a pack of chocolate biscuits most days and donuts. Might get some ice cream in to upgrade and eat the tub to myself!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 22, 2026, 10:48:08 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 22, 2026, 10:48:08 AM
Both you and Lauren under the knife at the same time! Good luck Charlotte. I'm sure it's pretty routine but It's always a bit worrying if you have to go into hospital.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on April 22, 2026, 11:15:55 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on April 22, 2026, 11:15:55 AM
Wishing you a speedy recovery, Charlotte!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 22, 2026, 03:02:59 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 22, 2026, 03:02:59 PM
Our thoughts are with you, Charlotte!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 03:33:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 03:33:35 PM
Thanks for all the kind wishes. Honestly though its a tiny 1 hour opp. If I die during that then they've really messed up bad!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:14:36 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:14:36 PM
Just remember not to flirt with the doctor. They get flustered and make mistakes. No one wants that.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 05:28:12 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 05:28:12 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:14:36 PMJust remember not to flirt with the doctor. They get flustered and make mistakes. No one wants that.
Lol I'll flirt with anyone that gives me a bit of attention 😄 Just gotta watch where it goes!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:31:04 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:31:04 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 22, 2026, 05:28:12 PMLol I'll flirt with anyone that gives me a bit of attention 😄 Just gotta watch where it goes!
You go girl.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 10:52:51 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 10:52:51 AM
Had my pre op appointment today at the hospital. The nurse doing the pre op checks kept referring to me as 'your lady' which was nice. Obviously he knew from my name and notes, but its nice to be respected in that way. Once again ended up resolving a potential 1/2 million pound technical issue at work that others couldn't. Seems to be my speciality! The customer is happy now thank goodness.
Will need a walk down the canal tonight to clear my head.
On anothet note these breast inserts get quite damp. Just have to deal with it I guess!
Charlotte 😻
Will need a walk down the canal tonight to clear my head.
On anothet note these breast inserts get quite damp. Just have to deal with it I guess!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 23, 2026, 11:45:15 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 23, 2026, 11:45:15 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 10:52:51 AMOn anothet note these breast inserts get quite damp. Just have to deal with it I guess!
Try sprinkling with baby powder or corn starch. It helps, but it's not a great solution.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 12:06:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 12:06:35 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2026, 11:45:15 AMTry sprinkling with baby powder or corn starch. It helps, but it's not a great solution.
I think I'll pass with that one as will probably turn into a mush and be even worse. As long as i dont get sore I'm used to being too warm and wet most of the year.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 12:55:32 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 12:55:32 PM
My honey bunny didn't want to walk the canal with me as he's ill with a cold. So I decided to run instead and did a 5k route. Not an outstanding time but did it in 33 minutes which is the best I've managed since starting to run again. I'm pleased i pushed myself and did it though.
I should have worn a bra under my lycra top as my nipples chafed a bit!!
Charlotte 😻
I should have worn a bra under my lycra top as my nipples chafed a bit!!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 23, 2026, 02:36:55 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 23, 2026, 02:36:55 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 12:55:32 PMMy honey bunny didn't want to walk the canal with me as he's ill with a cold. So I decided to run instead and did a 5k route. Not an outstanding time but did it in 33 minutes which is the best I've managed since starting to run again. I'm pleased i pushed myself and did it though.
I should have worn a bra under my lycra top as my nipples chafed a bit!!
Charlotte 😻
Nice pace.
I hope he feels better.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 02:42:34 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 02:42:34 PM
keep up the healthy living
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 03:36:52 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 03:36:52 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 02:42:34 PMkeep up the healthy living
Ill try. Mostly doing it so I'm ok for my surgery next year and are able to recover better.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 03:39:36 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 03:39:36 PM
I'm waiting to get my knee done and maybe I'll do some running. My knee has been hurting so long I don't know if I will know how to walk with out it hurting
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 03:44:50 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 03:44:50 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 03:39:36 PMI'm waiting to get my knee done and maybe I'll do some running. My knee has been hurting so long I don't know if I will know how to walk with out it hurtingRunning is definitely not easy on your knees so definitely you need that sorting. I hope youre able to get it done soon. Especially as its hurting to walk
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 23, 2026, 04:00:57 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 23, 2026, 04:00:57 PM
I've never been much of a runner. Fast sprinter but that's not much good. Put me on a road bike though and I'll go for miles. I do like the crosstrainer too. Both are far less impact on my knees. They're not totally shot but I've spent a lot of my working life on my knees withour kneepads so I'm bound to have done some damage.
Loving that avatar pic Charlotte, I like the purple ribbed top, you really suit that colour.
Loving that avatar pic Charlotte, I like the purple ribbed top, you really suit that colour.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 04:21:07 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 23, 2026, 04:21:07 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 23, 2026, 04:00:57 PMI've never been much of a runner. Fast sprinter but that's not much good. Put me on a road bike though and I'll go for miles. I do like the crosstrainer too. Both are far less impact on my knees. They're not totally shot but I've spent a lot of my working life on my knees withour kneepads so I'm bound to have done some damage.
Loving that avatar pic Charlotte, I like the purple ribbed top, you really suit that colour.
Sounds like you have good ways of keeping yourself fit and healthy at least. I just chose to run as doesn't need any skills, coordination or equipment! Its sad to hear that work has damaged your knees somewhat as thats a big sacrifice really. Its a shame having to exchange health for income, but sadly too often os reality.
Thanks very much 😺. I really love purple and that dress is lovely combining it with pink. Its very form fitting, has a pleated bottom part and belly belt, so does the 1/3 look at the top to show the breasts really nice. I'll be gutted when its worn out!! Its one of my first dresses since transition and wear for work a lot.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 01:10:51 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 01:10:51 AM
Well that's another week nearly over thank goodness. A few more to go. I'm counting them away until the furry convention at the end of May. A few days where I can forget my life exists to some degree and spend more than a couple of days with my partner.
Back to hospital this morning as they forgot to take a blood test yesterday so great! I don't like them on a morning because I'm way more likely to feint. Then I've got to go to work straight after. Tomorrow is more electrolysis down there prepping for my GRS.
Charlotte 😻
Back to hospital this morning as they forgot to take a blood test yesterday so great! I don't like them on a morning because I'm way more likely to feint. Then I've got to go to work straight after. Tomorrow is more electrolysis down there prepping for my GRS.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 24, 2026, 01:34:45 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 24, 2026, 01:34:45 AM
One more shift and then the weekend Charlotte. Kick back and relax, I hope the weather will be sunny for you!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 08:07:04 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 08:07:04 AM
Enjoy your weekend. Keep your eyes on your conversation. It will help with the lows
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 08:11:47 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 08:11:47 AM
Well its meant to be warm and sunny tomorrow. Do I dare try out a low cut top with either my tiny denim shorts or pink ruffle ones? Tomorrow could be interesting to see if I breeze it with no issues are get burnt with stares! I mean in a way I don't care as long as I'm warm enough!
Charlotte X
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 08:30:27 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 08:30:27 AM
Pink frilly short. If you're worried about stares give them something cute to look at
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 24, 2026, 08:49:46 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 24, 2026, 08:49:46 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 08:11:47 AMWell its meant to be warm and sunny tomorrow. Do I dare try out a low cut top with either my tiny denim shorts or pink ruffle ones? Tomorrow could be interesting to see if I breeze it with no issues are get burnt with stares! I mean in a way I don't care as long as I'm warm enough!
Charlotte X
Go pinkish.
Today I have pink lipstick and pink nails.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 24, 2026, 10:20:54 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 24, 2026, 10:20:54 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 01:10:51 AMA few more to go. I'm counting them away until the furry convention at the end of May.
I'm anxiously awaiting the end of May, too. The Forest Service opens the back roads after Memorial Day. That is when the wildlife have moved on from their wintering spots. That means I'll be loading up the Jeep and heading into the backcountry to dig gold!
We have had such a warm, dry winter here that I'm getting cabin fever.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 24, 2026, 10:57:43 AM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 24, 2026, 10:57:43 AM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
I will be eagerly awaiting your updates regarding your choice of outfit...
...and how you felt being YOU.
HUGS, Danielle
Dear Charlotte:
I will be eagerly awaiting your updates regarding your choice of outfit...
...and how you felt being YOU.
HUGS, Danielle
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 08:11:47 AMWell its meant to be warm and sunny tomorrow. Do I dare try out a low cut top with either my tiny denim shorts or pink ruffle ones? Tomorrow could be interesting to see if I breeze it with no issues are get burnt with stares! I mean in a way I don't care as long as I'm warm enough!
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 02:59:06 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 02:59:06 PM
Well one of my tops is off the list already as i dont yet have a strapless C cup bra to wear with my inserts. I can go natural B cup with a strapless bra, but the breast parts of the top look floppy and loose. The problem with size 16 clothes that expect boobs and having no boobs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 24, 2026, 03:02:21 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 24, 2026, 03:02:21 PM
Smart & Sexy has some push-ups with removable straps. So you can wear them strapless, regular, or cross the straps across the back. I tried strapless, but I prefer to have some support from the straps.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 04:02:46 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 04:02:46 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 02:59:06 PMWell one of my tops is off the list already as i dont yet have a strapless C cup bra to wear with my inserts. I can go natural B cup with a strapless bra, but the breast parts of the top look floppy and loose. The problem with size 16 clothes that expect boobs and having no boobs!
I agree, I find some cute summer dresses but nothing to fill the top. 😐�
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 04:31:18 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 04:31:18 AM
Does this look ok? I'm a bit nervous as never gone out like this.
Putting makeup on later, i can't now as I'm sweating from drying my hair and that takes an hour to stop. That's one reason i dont like doing my hair. Get clean then sweating again just after.
(https://i.postimg.cc/3xCPvtJ9/20260425-102555-2.jpg)
Putting makeup on later, i can't now as I'm sweating from drying my hair and that takes an hour to stop. That's one reason i dont like doing my hair. Get clean then sweating again just after.
(https://i.postimg.cc/3xCPvtJ9/20260425-102555-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 04:49:57 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 04:49:57 AM
looks great Charlotte! Too bloody cold up here for that this morning but if it's warm enough, go for it, looks totally CIS normal. If you are going braless watch out for nipples showing ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 04:54:23 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 04:54:23 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 04:49:57 AMlooks great Charlotte! Too bloody cold up here for that this morning but if it's warm enough, go for it, looks totally CIS normal. If you are going braless watch out for nipples showing ha ha!
Thank youuu. Not braless as they wouldn't show. Ive had to wear a padded bra or the fabric on boob area would hang loose. At the moment braless is impossible in most cases.
Problem is its opposite here. Im too warm and sweating under makep. This is going to be a problem for me every day its over 18C.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 05:10:30 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 05:10:30 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 04:54:23 AMThank youuu. Not braless as they wouldn't show. Ive had to wear a padded bra or the fabric on boob area would hang loose. At the moment braless is impossible in most cases.It's grey and overcast with a chilly wind off the sea here, we would be lucky to reach 15C today but the wind chill will probably make it feel like 12C. It might burn off yet for some sunshine but that Spring wind usually hangs around for a month or two yet.
Problem is its opposite here. Im too warm and sweating under makep. This is going to be a problem for me every day its over 18C.
Charlotte 😻
Suit's me really as I can be a bit of a sweaty betty if I do anything strenuous! Nowhere near as bad as pre HRT though weirdly and it doesn't seem to smell bad like it did before either which is odd. Avoid foundation and use waterproof make up is all I can suggest but I'm not out and about so don't know how effective that can be.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 06:23:53 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 06:23:53 AM
The heat can get to me too. I like to feel dry and comfortable.
Antiperspirants help but there is only so much that can be done when it gets hot.
Antiperspirants help but there is only so much that can be done when it gets hot.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 06:33:06 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 06:33:06 AM
Well I'm out looking just like a pink fairy! I definitely stand out and a few looks but notning too troubling. It feels nice. I'm going by this rationale by Kai Cheng Thom regarding passing!
Fierceness is the ability to walk in the world like every ->-bleeped-<-ty alleyway and downtown street is your runway. It is capacity to ride on every crowded bus full of gawkers and catcallers as though seated on a throne.
Still I'm very pink, very ruffly, and pretty tall! Its taking all my attitude to pull this off
Charlotte 😻
Fierceness is the ability to walk in the world like every ->-bleeped-<-ty alleyway and downtown street is your runway. It is capacity to ride on every crowded bus full of gawkers and catcallers as though seated on a throne.
Still I'm very pink, very ruffly, and pretty tall! Its taking all my attitude to pull this off
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 06:40:50 AM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 06:40:50 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 06:33:06 AMWell I'm out looking just like a pink fairy! I definitely stand out and a few looks but notning too troubling. It feels nice. I'm going by this rationale by Kai Cheng Thom regarding passing!
Fierceness is the ability to walk in the world like every ->-bleeped-<-ty alleyway and downtown street is your runway. It is capacity to ride on every crowded bus full of gawkers and catcallers as though seated on a throne.
Still I'm very pink, very ruffly, and pretty tall! Its taking all my attitude to pull this off
Charlotte 😻
Enjoy your time out today! I am much more conservative with my clothes but I think you can be comfortable in time out in public with your outfit. About as far as I ever gone with less conservative looks is to show a very little bit of uncovered tummy area above my jeans.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 25, 2026, 07:25:11 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 25, 2026, 07:25:11 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 06:33:06 AMWell I'm out looking just like a pink fairy! I definitely stand out and a few looks but notning too troubling. It feels nice. I'm going by this rationale by Kai Cheng Thom regarding passing!
Fierceness is the ability to walk in the world like every ->-bleeped-<-ty alleyway and downtown street is your runway. It is capacity to ride on every crowded bus full of gawkers and catcallers as though seated on a throne.
Still I'm very pink, very ruffly, and pretty tall! Its taking all my attitude to pull this off
Charlotte 😻
Sounds great. Confidence is as sexy as anything
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 11:16:15 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 11:16:15 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 06:33:06 AMWell I'm out looking just like a pink fairy! I definitely stand out and a few looks but notning too troubling. It feels nice. I'm going by this rationale by Kai Cheng Thom regarding passing!How's your day been then Charlotte, did you get more comfortable with your outfit as the day went on? I didn't think it was too outlandish at all.
Fierceness is the ability to walk in the world like every ->-bleeped-<-ty alleyway and downtown street is your runway. It is capacity to ride on every crowded bus full of gawkers and catcallers as though seated on a throne.
Still I'm very pink, very ruffly, and pretty tall! Its taking all my attitude to pull this off
Charlotte 😻
How tall are you by the way?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 11:37:51 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 11:37:51 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 11:16:15 AMHow's your day been then Charlotte, did you get more comfortable with your outfit as the day went on? I didn't think it was too outlandish at all.
How tall are you by the way?
My day was great thanks. Ive been around Birmingham Station and Worcester centre and no one batted an eyelid. Even the roudy teens...nothing. Feels great in the sun and I feel like the real me. I put my mary janes on with it soo super cute look. No one else anything like me but didn't matter.
I'm 5"10 tall. Hope you had a nice day too??
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCWkz7jx/20260425-170310.jpg)
Happy in the sun!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 12:11:16 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 12:11:16 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 11:37:51 AMMy day was great thanks. Ive been around Birmingham Station and Worcester centre and no one batted an eyelid. Even the roudy teens...nothing. Feels great in the sun and I feel like the real me. I put my mary janes on with it soo super cute look. No one else anything like me but didn't matter.That sounds like a really nice day then. Nice!
I'm 5"10 tall. Hope you had a nice day too??
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCWkz7jx/20260425-170310.jpg)
Happy in the sun!
Charlotte 😻
I've not done anything today other than getting the groceries in. Super boring really. Just not felt like doing anything. The sun did burn away the clouds though so it turned out nice.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 25, 2026, 01:49:44 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 25, 2026, 01:49:44 PM
Super cute, Charlotte!
I love pink, so I might be a little biased.
😁
I love pink, so I might be a little biased.
😁
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 02:02:33 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 02:02:33 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 25, 2026, 01:49:44 PMSuper cute, Charlotte!
I love pink, so I might be a little biased.
😁
Thank youu. I really love pink too. Add some lace then im hooked!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 02:21:07 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 02:21:07 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 02:02:33 PMThank youu. I really love pink too. Add some lace then im hooked!
I like pink, especially the darker shades. Although I can wear let us say, a darker blazer and a lighter top, or vice versa. That can be a very nice look on me.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 02:44:18 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 02:44:18 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 11:37:51 AMMy day was great thanks. Ive been around Birmingham Station and Worcester centre and no one batted an eyelid. Even the roudy teens...nothing. Feels great in the sun and I feel like the real me. I put my mary janes on with it soo super cute look. No one else anything like me but didn't matter.
I'm 5"10 tall. Hope you had a nice day too??
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCWkz7jx/20260425-170310.jpg)
Happy in the sun!
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte,
I cannot see how you would have any issues just walking amongst the people in your outfit, unless they really did not like it and were obnoxious. It is certainly gender conforming and you look nice in it.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 03:13:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 03:13:35 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 02:21:07 PMI like pink, especially the darker shades. Although I can wear let us say, a darker blazer and a lighter top, or vice versa. That can be a very nice look on me.
Chrissy
Oh for sure contrast of brighter and darker can be lovely too. Of course black and white is a striking combo. Sure you always go out looking st your best and beautiful with it.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 25, 2026, 04:39:30 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 25, 2026, 04:39:30 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 11:37:51 AMMy day was great thanks. Ive been around Birmingham Station and Worcester centre and no one batted an eyelid. Even the roudy teens...nothing. Feels great in the sun and I feel like the real me. I put my mary janes on with it soo super cute look. No one else anything like me but didn't matter.
I'm 5"10 tall. Hope you had a nice day too??
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCWkz7jx/20260425-170310.jpg)
Happy in the sun!
Charlotte 😻
You look amazing. I'm glad you had a good day
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 03:47:52 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 03:47:52 AM
Is it my slopey shoulders or do dungaree/pinafore straps keep sliding off if you do anything but stand completely straight! I like having slopey shoulders, but awkward as even bra straps i need to adjust back on throughout the day.
In to town as need various toiletries which are too expensive at the supermarket. Then a walk with my boyfriend.
Today I've got my hello kitty dungarees and hello kitty t-shirt on under them. Something I wore in boymode but now i got inserts to make brests bigger, I'm finally happy to wear as my true self.
Charlotte 😻
In to town as need various toiletries which are too expensive at the supermarket. Then a walk with my boyfriend.
Today I've got my hello kitty dungarees and hello kitty t-shirt on under them. Something I wore in boymode but now i got inserts to make brests bigger, I'm finally happy to wear as my true self.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 04:54:34 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 04:54:34 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 03:47:52 AMIs it my slopey shoulders or do dungaree/pinafore straps keep sliding off if you do anything but stand completely straight! I like having slopey shoulders, but awkward as even bra straps i need to adjust back on throughout the day.I don't know Charlotte but if you find the answer I'd love to know, my straps fall off my shoulders all the time. I quite like the look but not the irritation!
In to town as need various toiletries which are too expensive at the supermarket. Then a walk with my boyfriend.
Today I've got my hello kitty dungarees and hello kitty t-shirt on under them. Something I wore in boymode but now i got inserts to make brests bigger, I'm finally happy to wear as my true self.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 05:18:11 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 05:18:11 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 04:54:34 AMI don't know Charlotte but if you find the answer I'd love to know, my straps fall off my shoulders all the time. I quite like the look but not the irritation!
Oh well at least its not my incompetence that's the cause. I've considered safety pins or putting velcro under. Maybe need to experiment.
Its got too warm so i put my strawberry dress on. It looks cute but the built in cups could do witn D/E I'm sure. Got it looking okish.
Started my seeds on paper towels today as i prefer this as otherwise its roulette as to if they rot. I'm slowly getting stuff done. My mind is healing a little even if a long way off having the motivation i have at some points in my life.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 05:41:03 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 05:41:03 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 05:18:11 AMOh well at least its not my incompetence that's the cause. I've considered safety pins or putting velcro under. Maybe need to experiment.Superglue maybe?
Its got too warm so i put my strawberry dress on. It looks cute but the built in cups could do witn D/E I'm sure. Got it looking okish.
Started my seeds on paper towels today as i prefer this as otherwise its roulette as to if they rot. I'm slowly getting stuff done. My mind is healing a little even if a long way off having the motivation i have at some points in my life.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 05:54:13 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 05:54:13 AM
Today's cuteness cos it's very hot again today.
(https://i.postimg.cc/yNKzjLfn/20260426-115120.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/yNKzjLfn/20260426-115120.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 06:12:50 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 06:12:50 AM
Very cute
A definite thumbs up
A definite thumbs up
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 08:09:23 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 08:09:23 AM
Had a walk down another part of the canal. Was lovely as everything is very green, lots of birds singing and little bugs about. Very warm and making me feel a lot better.
(https://i.postimg.cc/DwWbf2st/20260426-125553.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/L6Q1MqqW/20260426-125823.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/sDgh8P25/20260426-125835.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/y6PRvp7z/20260426-130358-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/bNwtM0vV/20260426-131204.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/gcDhNtGG/image.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/DwWbf2st/20260426-125553.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/L6Q1MqqW/20260426-125823.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/sDgh8P25/20260426-125835.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/y6PRvp7z/20260426-130358-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/bNwtM0vV/20260426-131204.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/gcDhNtGG/image.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 08:39:52 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 08:39:52 AM
Lovely photos
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 12:38:37 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 12:38:37 PM
This week and today particularly has been a turning point. For the first time in about 8 months I managed to get things done like sorting my seeds, clearing the garden, tidying stuff from my room and putting bits away in the loft. We also went out and I made us a roast dinner. I also got up at 9am rather than 1100-1200 the last few months on a Sunday.
Might not sound much but this is huge for me. It means that my fight back against my depression is working. I've got some of my life back and that feels so good. I feel at last I might be able to grow towards getting more done and regaining my hobbies again.
This is in no small part due to my activities here and also the support of all my friends here. Its been up and down and i've almost walked away from here a few times. Parts of my fight has been growing self esteem by learning to control and shutdown really crippling envy. In addition being part of something and writing positive thoughts to others, even at times i really felt down has been healing my mind. Being positive to others kills these feelings of self hatred and envy like nothing else!
Thanks for sticking with me despite my repetative negativity and destructive outbursts. It's not over yet but i see some light I've not seen for many months. That's thanks in no small part to you.
Love Charlotte 😻
Might not sound much but this is huge for me. It means that my fight back against my depression is working. I've got some of my life back and that feels so good. I feel at last I might be able to grow towards getting more done and regaining my hobbies again.
This is in no small part due to my activities here and also the support of all my friends here. Its been up and down and i've almost walked away from here a few times. Parts of my fight has been growing self esteem by learning to control and shutdown really crippling envy. In addition being part of something and writing positive thoughts to others, even at times i really felt down has been healing my mind. Being positive to others kills these feelings of self hatred and envy like nothing else!
Thanks for sticking with me despite my repetative negativity and destructive outbursts. It's not over yet but i see some light I've not seen for many months. That's thanks in no small part to you.
Love Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 12:43:41 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 12:43:41 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 12:38:37 PMThis week and today particularly has been a turning point. For the first time in about 8 months I managed to get things done like sorting my seeds, clearing the garden, tidying stuff from my room and putting bits away in the loft. We also went out and I made us a roast dinner. I also got up at 9am rather than 1100-1200 the last few months on a Sunday.I'm glad you are getting back to the better you. It is a pleasure to see what you put on SP.
Might not sound much but this is huge for me. It means that my fight back against my depression is working. I've got some of my life back and that feels so good. I feel at last I might be able to grow towards getting more done and regaining my hobbies again.
This is in no small part due to my activities here and also the support of all my friends here. Its been up and down and i've almost walked away from here a few times. Parts of my fight has been growing self esteem by learning to control and shutdown really crippling envy. In addition being part of something and writing positive thoughts to others, even at times i really felt down has been healing my mind. Being positive to others kills these feelings of self hatred and envy like nothing else!
Thanks for sticking with me despite my repetative negativity and destructive outbursts. It's not over yet but i see some light I've not seen for many months. That's thanks in no small part to you.
Love Charlotte 😻
You are one of the people I look to on what to expect. Please remember you're loved. I will listen if you need to blow off steam.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 26, 2026, 01:30:51 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 26, 2026, 01:30:51 PM
Charlotte, this post brought me tears of joy!
What a breakthrough. As you said, this is no small thing. Not only have you learned the skills to fight back, but you also acknowledge that they are working, and you can see the benefits of that.
It doesn't mean you won't fall. But when you do, you will know that you can get back up and be happy, because you have done it before. And it feels better when you are up. Life is just so much more enjoyable.
I am so happy for you! Congrats!
Big Hugs!
What a breakthrough. As you said, this is no small thing. Not only have you learned the skills to fight back, but you also acknowledge that they are working, and you can see the benefits of that.
It doesn't mean you won't fall. But when you do, you will know that you can get back up and be happy, because you have done it before. And it feels better when you are up. Life is just so much more enjoyable.
I am so happy for you! Congrats!
Big Hugs!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 01:50:12 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 26, 2026, 01:50:12 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 26, 2026, 12:38:37 PMThis week and today particularly has been a turning point. For the first time in about 8 months I managed to get things done like sorting my seeds, clearing the garden, tidying stuff from my room and putting bits away in the loft. We also went out and I made us a roast dinner. I also got up at 9am rather than 1100-1200 the last few months on a Sunday.What a lovely upbeat and positive post from you Charlotte. You sound on top of your game at the moment. It's really beautiful to see given how low you have been at times on here.
Might not sound much but this is huge for me. It means that my fight back against my depression is working. I've got some of my life back and that feels so good. I feel at last I might be able to grow towards getting more done and regaining my hobbies again.
This is in no small part due to my activities here and also the support of all my friends here. Its been up and down and i've almost walked away from here a few times. Parts of my fight has been growing self esteem by learning to control and shutdown really crippling envy. In addition being part of something and writing positive thoughts to others, even at times i really felt down has been healing my mind. Being positive to others kills these feelings of self hatred and envy like nothing else!
Thanks for sticking with me despite my repetative negativity and destructive outbursts. It's not over yet but i see some light I've not seen for many months. That's thanks in no small part to you.
Love Charlotte 😻
It's karma, if you give out positivity you tend to get a boost back in return.
You even look happier in your pictures recently. Long may it continue!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 07:04:59 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 07:04:59 AM
I've been listening a lot to Fem&m recently as I love her style of music. Really nods back to the old rave music I grew up onbut with a modern twist. Admittedly she is someone I was very envious of, but I'm working on that...just identifying that emotion is allowing me to challenge it.
However i still want to do my own music that has something personal to me and my own vocals. But something is holding me back. I think I fear failure or that I wont meet my own expectations. Also I dont have my female voice. But should i just do it anyway? Like champion that some trans girls dont have a femme voice and that's ok. But also my music making skills i believe are professional, but my social media skills awful. I wish i could network online, get followers and strike interest in my work. But thats not naturally me and a big weakness. Today music is also image and finding your unique thing that followers would love and relate to.
I want to find a way!!
In the meantime its so warm so my summer dress is out at work. Hope you like it.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/5NJdF2Mv/20260427-124934.jpg)
However i still want to do my own music that has something personal to me and my own vocals. But something is holding me back. I think I fear failure or that I wont meet my own expectations. Also I dont have my female voice. But should i just do it anyway? Like champion that some trans girls dont have a femme voice and that's ok. But also my music making skills i believe are professional, but my social media skills awful. I wish i could network online, get followers and strike interest in my work. But thats not naturally me and a big weakness. Today music is also image and finding your unique thing that followers would love and relate to.
I want to find a way!!
In the meantime its so warm so my summer dress is out at work. Hope you like it.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/5NJdF2Mv/20260427-124934.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 27, 2026, 07:17:44 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 27, 2026, 07:17:44 AM
If you feel you should, then you should. Failure is the times we learn the most. Fearing failure is the fear of learning.
The voice is irrelevant, it's you.
The voice is irrelevant, it's you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 08:16:59 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 08:16:59 AM
You could always play with the auto tune on your voice if you think it doesn't fit Charlotte. Men sometimes release tracks with sampled female vocals so could you not do that? Or maybe use a guest vocalist?
RE: Social media, Susans is social media is it not? You maintain an active presence here so why not on other formats? You could always find someone who could manage your profile for you. A lot of "influencers" (hate that word) do this.
Regarding image, Daft Punk wore robot helmets for their entire career! I have no idea what they look like without the facade. The Gorillaz used animation. It doesn't have to be your face fronting it to be successful if you don't feel comfortable. Jon Pleased Wimmin was trans and released house tracks. Boy George portayed a semi drag look. If the music is good the punters won't care what your image is.
Just concentrate on making music that makes you happy, the rest should flow from there.
RE: Social media, Susans is social media is it not? You maintain an active presence here so why not on other formats? You could always find someone who could manage your profile for you. A lot of "influencers" (hate that word) do this.
Regarding image, Daft Punk wore robot helmets for their entire career! I have no idea what they look like without the facade. The Gorillaz used animation. It doesn't have to be your face fronting it to be successful if you don't feel comfortable. Jon Pleased Wimmin was trans and released house tracks. Boy George portayed a semi drag look. If the music is good the punters won't care what your image is.
Just concentrate on making music that makes you happy, the rest should flow from there.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 09:04:48 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 09:04:48 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 08:16:59 AMYou could always play with the auto tune on your voice if you think it doesn't fit Charlotte. Men sometimes release tracks with sampled female vocals so could you not do that? Or maybe use a guest vocalist?
RE: Social media, Susans is social media is it not? You maintain an active presence here so why not on other formats? You could always find someone who could manage your profile for you. A lot of "influencers" (hate that word) do this.
Regarding image, Daft Punk wore robot helmets for their entire career! I have no idea what they look like without the facade. The Gorillaz used animation. It doesn't have to be your face fronting it to be successful if you don't feel comfortable. Jon Pleased Wimmin was trans and released house tracks. Boy George portayed a semi drag look. If the music is good the punters won't care what your image is.
Just concentrate on making music that makes you happy, the rest should flow from there.
I definitely want my voice to be in these rather than others. I might just pitch up and see how it sounds. Just gotta work out what I want to say and make it a bit rhythmic.
I'm looking to do something more energetic and just go with what i feel. I'm not aiming a genre here. It'll be dancey but thats it!
I really need to find me and what that is so I can show this. I don't mind showing myself, just hard to know what to do and say but in a natural way for me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 27, 2026, 10:00:11 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 27, 2026, 10:00:11 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 09:04:48 AMI definitely want my voice to be in these rather than others. I might just pitch up and see how it sounds. Just gotta work out what I want to say and make it a bit rhythmic.
Maybe just start with humming and find your pitch. When you think you have it, follow that pitch and vocalize without making actual words, like oohs, ahs, and breathy whispers. As you play around with it, you'll find what works and what doesn't. And remember that it isn't about a high pitch, but forward resonance.
But above all, have fun with it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 27, 2026, 10:08:18 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 27, 2026, 10:08:18 AM
If you listen to my latest You Tube I was doing my best voice, still sound bloky and defiantly country sounding!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 27, 2026, 11:42:26 AM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 27, 2026, 11:42:26 AM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
YES indeed, I really like the polka dot summer dress and even more importantly, I think
that you look terrific in that photo.
Hair and eyebrows done, light makeup, pearl necklace with a "heart" pendant, bralcets, and
a confident smile. 100% pass
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
YES indeed, I really like the polka dot summer dress and even more importantly, I think
that you look terrific in that photo.
Hair and eyebrows done, light makeup, pearl necklace with a "heart" pendant, bralcets, and
a confident smile. 100% pass
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 07:04:59 AM{snipped text}
In the meantime its so warm so my summer dress is out at work. Hope you like it.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/5NJdF2Mv/20260427-124934.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 11:44:46 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 11:44:46 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 09:04:48 AMI definitely want my voice to be in these rather than others. I might just pitch up and see how it sounds. Just gotta work out what I want to say and make it a bit rhythmic.Becky Hill sings with quite a deep voice on Disconnect by Chase and Status. It doesn't have to be high pitch to sound feminine.
I'm looking to do something more energetic and just go with what i feel. I'm not aiming a genre here. It'll be dancey but thats it!
I really need to find me and what that is so I can show this. I don't mind showing myself, just hard to know what to do and say but in a natural way for me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 01:31:01 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 01:31:01 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 11:44:46 AMBecky Hill sings with quite a deep voice on Disconnect by Chase and Status. It doesn't have to be high pitch to sound feminine.
Oh I'm not looking for high pitch to sound feminine but know I really need to sort my ENT issues before i can get forward resonance working for me. But the kinda style i wanna experiment with e.g. femcore has pitched up vocals like old hardcore rave tracks. Im thinking of going back to my jungle/speed garage roots and throwing in some reese basslines and speed garage style hi hats. Kinda femcore but a bit more uk urban taste to it. Like late 90s style. I know what i mean lol.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 01:35:03 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 01:35:03 PM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 27, 2026, 11:42:26 AM @Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
YES indeed, I really like the polka dot summer dress and even more importantly, I think
that you look terrific in that photo.
Hair and eyebrows done, light makeup, pearl necklace with a "heart" pendant, bralcets, and
a confident smile. 100% pass
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Thank you so much Danielle...means a lot to hear this. I first wore that dress boymode last year and have been waiting to get it out again. I really love polka dot and gingham dresses. Kinda old fashioned feel like going to a picnic. Definitely better now than boymode.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 03:10:37 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 03:10:37 PM
I'll be getting an earlier night tonight as I have got to be at hospital by 7am tomorrow morning and I can't drive because I'm going under anaesthetic. So very early out. Don't even know what time my op is. Basically got to go and wait.
Running club this evening and I'm getting stronger again and faster. Best thing though... its warm and being a woman i can wear tiny tight shorts 😸
Charlotte 😻
Running club this evening and I'm getting stronger again and faster. Best thing though... its warm and being a woman i can wear tiny tight shorts 😸
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 03:16:17 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 03:16:17 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 03:10:37 PMI'll be getting an earlier night tonight as I have got to be at hospital by 7am tomorrow morning and I can't drive because I'm going under anaesthetic. So very early out. Don't even know what time my op is. Basically got to go and wait.I bet that feels freeing! Womens clothing rocks!
Running club this evening and I'm getting stronger again and faster. Best thing though... its warm and being a woman i can wear tiny tight shorts 😸
Charlotte 😻
Best of British for tomorrow Charlotte. Let us know your OK when you get back.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 03:24:09 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 03:24:09 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 03:16:17 PMI bet that feels freeing! Womens clothing rocks!
Best of British for tomorrow Charlotte. Let us know your OK when you get back.
Oh will do for sure. Thank youuu 😊
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 27, 2026, 04:27:11 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 27, 2026, 04:27:11 PM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
I am hoping, trusting and praying for you and your surgery.
For your readers and avid followers and myself, we are always
eager to read your updates.
If possible, get a good rest tonight so you will be as ready
as you can be mentally and physically.
Lots of LOVE being sent your way.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
I am hoping, trusting and praying for you and your surgery.
For your readers and avid followers and myself, we are always
eager to read your updates.
If possible, get a good rest tonight so you will be as ready
as you can be mentally and physically.
Lots of LOVE being sent your way.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 27, 2026, 05:20:14 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 27, 2026, 05:20:14 PM
Sending love, hugs, and healing vibes for tomorrow.
Hope all goes well.
Hope all goes well.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 27, 2026, 07:01:01 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 27, 2026, 07:01:01 PM
I just know all will go well. A treasure like you should never be lost
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 27, 2026, 07:25:36 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 27, 2026, 07:25:36 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 27, 2026, 03:10:37 PMI'll be getting an earlier night tonight as I have got to be at hospital by 7am tomorrow morning and I can't drive because I'm going under anaesthetic. So very early out. Don't even know what time my op is. Basically got to go and wait.
Running club this evening and I'm getting stronger again and faster. Best thing though... its warm and being a woman i can wear tiny tight shorts 😸
Charlotte 😻
Well wishes to you Charlotte!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 09:03:05 PM
Post by: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 09:03:05 PM
Hi Charlotte! I just wanted to pop in and say hello! I'm Kellie's youngest daughter I finally got it to work! Thank you for all the love and support you've shown her and me💙
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on April 27, 2026, 09:42:52 PM
Post by: Petunia on April 27, 2026, 09:42:52 PM
Hi Charlotte, fantastic photo.
You look very happy and you have nailed the look.
Ps, your brows are on point.
You look very happy and you have nailed the look.
Ps, your brows are on point.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 01:06:27 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 01:06:27 AM
@Stottie Girl @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee @Dawn Kellie @ChrissyRyan
Thank you for the kind wishes. I'm sat waiting for my surgery and feel soo hungry. No coffee or breakfast!
@Snowangel500
So lovely to see you on here and I love hear how much you support Kellie so much. I hope that you're feeling good now too. Kellie is a beatiful soul and deserving of all the love and support possible. Been here through my dark times too.
@Petunia
Thank you soo much. I think I'm getting there day by day. I really appreciate this feedback so i know when I'm doing something right. Else its self doubt.
On another note I'm starting work on the rap lyrics for my next track. I'm writing about getting a cute but a "out there" outfit and the experience of going out the first time. The thoughts, the looks, the fears, the confidence. Its an empowering thing to me and part of my transition. Lots of room for emotions, humour and the trans experience.
Anticipation high, my outfits drawn. Styles my weapon, its handbags at dawn.
Charlotte 😻
Thank you for the kind wishes. I'm sat waiting for my surgery and feel soo hungry. No coffee or breakfast!
@Snowangel500
So lovely to see you on here and I love hear how much you support Kellie so much. I hope that you're feeling good now too. Kellie is a beatiful soul and deserving of all the love and support possible. Been here through my dark times too.
@Petunia
Thank you soo much. I think I'm getting there day by day. I really appreciate this feedback so i know when I'm doing something right. Else its self doubt.
On another note I'm starting work on the rap lyrics for my next track. I'm writing about getting a cute but a "out there" outfit and the experience of going out the first time. The thoughts, the looks, the fears, the confidence. Its an empowering thing to me and part of my transition. Lots of room for emotions, humour and the trans experience.
Anticipation high, my outfits drawn. Styles my weapon, its handbags at dawn.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 02:25:10 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 02:25:10 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 01:06:27 AM@Stottie Girl @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee @Dawn Kellie @ChrissyRyanHope the wait won't be too long. It's the anticipation that is often worse than the event! Hope all goes well!
Thank you for the kind wishes. I'm sat waiting for my surgery and feel soo hungry. No coffee or breakfast!
@Snowangel500
So lovely to see you on here and I love hear how much you support Kellie so much. I hope that you're feeling good now too. Kellie is a beatiful soul and deserving of all the love and support possible. Been here through my dark times too.
@Petunia
Thank you soo much. I think I'm getting there day by day. I really appreciate this feedback so i know when I'm doing something right. Else its self doubt.
On another note I'm starting work on the rap lyrics for my next track. I'm writing about getting a cute but a "out there" outfit and the experience of going out the first time. The thoughts, the looks, the fears, the confidence. Its an empowering thing to me and part of my transition. Lots of room for emotions, humour and the trans experience.
Anticipation high, my outfits drawn. Styles my weapon, its handbags at dawn.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 28, 2026, 03:34:38 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 28, 2026, 03:34:38 AM
Best wishes for today, hope it goes well XXX
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 05:23:33 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 05:23:33 AM
Im all out now. Just wearing off the anaesthetic and can go home.
And I survived being canulated in my hand. I been dreading that!!
Charlotte 😻
And I survived being canulated in my hand. I been dreading that!!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on April 28, 2026, 06:08:15 AM
Post by: Petunia on April 28, 2026, 06:08:15 AM
Hey Charlotte, I don't know if you realise how much of a beautiful person you are.
You were in the deep dark hole and still helping the rest of us struggling with our own issues.
You truely are a very special girl.
Good luck with your recovery.
Oh, if you can find something with a jade green colour to it, take a photo with it near your breasts and face.
I think it would work with your beautiful skin, but I cannot visualise things in my mind, I need to see them.
Big hugs beautiful sister
You were in the deep dark hole and still helping the rest of us struggling with our own issues.
You truely are a very special girl.
Good luck with your recovery.
Oh, if you can find something with a jade green colour to it, take a photo with it near your breasts and face.
I think it would work with your beautiful skin, but I cannot visualise things in my mind, I need to see them.
Big hugs beautiful sister
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 06:47:08 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 06:47:08 AM
Glad everything went well. Keep us updated
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 07:24:24 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 07:24:24 AM
My that was quick! Not worth worrying about really ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 03:29:51 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 03:29:51 PM
The more I think about my feelings I'm sure that I'm agender leaning to genderqueer. Like I wear my queer and trans identity on my sleeve. And for me I'm happy with that; getting close to the feminine me I'm looking for.
Now for me I want to be read as a woman by others and in my own eye. I dont mind if i dont totally pass, whats important is that my intent to be female is obvious.
This leaves one thing that i still struggle with and will really need to work on. I'm still fearful of confrontation in female only spaces. This drives me to seek passing to a level that I personally don't fully aspire to. Just for safety. Now I've been using womens spaces and since my FFS i seem to get less looks. But it's still very scary each time i go through a bathroom door.
Getting closer to finding me but work to do.
Charlotte 😻
Now for me I want to be read as a woman by others and in my own eye. I dont mind if i dont totally pass, whats important is that my intent to be female is obvious.
This leaves one thing that i still struggle with and will really need to work on. I'm still fearful of confrontation in female only spaces. This drives me to seek passing to a level that I personally don't fully aspire to. Just for safety. Now I've been using womens spaces and since my FFS i seem to get less looks. But it's still very scary each time i go through a bathroom door.
Getting closer to finding me but work to do.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 03:41:01 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 03:41:01 PM
We all have work to do. I'm jealous you are so far ahead of me. Not a begrudging jealousy, an admiring jealousy.
You are a hero
You are a hero
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 03:49:19 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 03:49:19 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 03:41:01 PMWe all have work to do. I'm jealous you are so far ahead of me. Not a begrudging jealousy, an admiring jealousy.
You are a hero
Awww thanks. You'll not be far behind though. With your determination you'll grow into the stunning woman that you are before you know it.
I'm thinking about uploading photos of my journey from boymode to now- its been 12 months. Just gotta decide what pics show the progress best. Some is quite subtle.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 03:53:50 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 03:53:50 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 03:29:51 PMThe more I think about my feelings I'm sure that I'm agender leaning to genderqueer. Like I wear my queer and trans identity on my sleeve. And for me I'm happy with that; getting close to the feminine me I'm looking for.You're charging ahead though Charlotte. You have changed a lot since even January when I first met you. I thought you were fearless so it's nice to know you are only human with your fear of bathrooms!
Now for me I want to be read as a woman by others and in my own eye. I dont mind if i dont totally pass, whats important is that my intent to be female is obvious.
This leaves one thing that i still struggle with and will really need to work on. I'm still fearful of confrontation in female only spaces. This drives me to seek passing to a level that I personally don't fully aspire to. Just for safety. Now I've been using womens spaces and since my FFS i seem to get less looks. But it's still very scary each time i go through a bathroom door.
Getting closer to finding me but work to do.
Charlotte 😻
To be honest looking at your avatar picture I would think most people wouldn't think anything other than female when they look at you now. You will probably be the last person to see what everyone else sees though. We are always our harshest critic.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 04:05:10 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 04:05:10 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 03:53:50 PMYou're charging ahead though Charlotte. You have changed a lot since even January when I first met you. I thought you were fearless so it's nice to know you are only human with your fear of bathrooms!
To be honest looking at your avatar picture I would think most people wouldn't think anything other than female when they look at you now. You will probably be the last person to see what everyone else sees though. We are always our harshest critic.
Thank you Sarah and I definitely appreciate the kind feedback. It's very hard to see objectively with your own mind.
I think I have fear here because its the only situation I envisage an engagement I can't easily walk away from. A confined space and something people are getting riled up about by the media. This makes some people irrational. I fear they'll hurt me or I'll hurt them. That's a real bad situation. If I have to defend myself I can easily see red and just lose it. There are some crazy people about and ive had confrontations in the past. I don't like them!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 04:20:03 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 04:20:03 PM
Where I'm at transgender aren't allowed to use women's restrooms.
I will have to be completely passing, or risk at the least a fine or imprisonment. So you being allowed in and risking evil looks would be a minor problem here
I will have to be completely passing, or risk at the least a fine or imprisonment. So you being allowed in and risking evil looks would be a minor problem here
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 04:30:05 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 04:30:05 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 28, 2026, 04:05:10 PMThank you Sarah and I definitely appreciate the kind feedback. It's very hard to see objectively with your own mind.I don't think women are likely to confront you and be violent Charlotte. That's not my experience of them anyway. Well except maybe in the Bigg Market after chucking out time! lol! I think they are more likely to leave the bathroom or gasp or something, which is horrible, don't get me wrong but I don't think you are likely to be attacked in there.
I think I have fear here because its the only situation I envisage an engagement I can't easily walk away from. A confined space and something people are getting riled up about by the media. This makes some people irrational. I fear they'll hurt me or I'll hurt them. That's a real bad situation. If I have to defend myself I can easily see red and just lose it. There are some crazy people about and ive had confrontations in the past. I don't like them!
Charlotte 😻
The more you can relax the more people won't notice you I would think. If you go in looking all nervous and anxious it will likely draw attention to yourself.
Of course the only time I've ever been in the ladies was when I've gone in the wrong door by mistake or if I was surveying an empty building so what do I know!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 28, 2026, 08:44:40 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 28, 2026, 08:44:40 PM
Glad to hear all went well today!
I agree with Sarah, you are not likely to be confronted by women in there. Looks and gasps do not hurt. Just act as if you belong there, and you do. If someone makes a face at you, just look at them like they are insane. I would say that 99% of the time, any woman in the bathroom is either peeing or fixing their makeup. They probably won't even notice you. If I saw you on the street, I would have no doubts that you are female. You rock it!
I agree with Sarah, you are not likely to be confronted by women in there. Looks and gasps do not hurt. Just act as if you belong there, and you do. If someone makes a face at you, just look at them like they are insane. I would say that 99% of the time, any woman in the bathroom is either peeing or fixing their makeup. They probably won't even notice you. If I saw you on the street, I would have no doubts that you are female. You rock it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 28, 2026, 08:55:43 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 28, 2026, 08:55:43 PM
I am glad the surgery went well.
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 28, 2026, 09:14:55 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 28, 2026, 09:14:55 PM
I like your green outfit.
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 29, 2026, 02:57:14 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 29, 2026, 02:57:14 AM
You are far more passable than me and I have so far never had any problems in the ladies.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 10:04:44 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 10:04:44 AM
I've decided to try upping my E levels to follow what would be expected for the next tanner stage in cis women. Now at 3mg Oral and 4mg transdermal with blockers. I'll see how my levels are in a couple of weeks. I may need to drop the blockers. Will see if this makes anything change.
I have my second appointment tonight with my therapist to discuss my various psychiatric issues. I can give some progress and hopefully work on getting some motivation and self esteem in place as the are still far from being normal.
Charlotte X
I have my second appointment tonight with my therapist to discuss my various psychiatric issues. I can give some progress and hopefully work on getting some motivation and self esteem in place as the are still far from being normal.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 29, 2026, 11:08:48 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 29, 2026, 11:08:48 AM
Good luck with the E.
Normal is such a floating point. I wouldn't get to hung up on it. We love you just the way you are
Normal is such a floating point. I wouldn't get to hung up on it. We love you just the way you are
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 03:05:26 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 03:05:26 PM
Today I wore my cute heart design top. I really love hearts as they just soo cutesy and feminine. Hope you dont get bored of my fashion postings, but i just love clothes and wanna show them off!! Also trying to capture the light and make the selfies a little more interesting with the background.
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/C1HZJN7y/20260429-132313-3.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/pTY9kZCt/20260429-132400-2.jpg)
Charlotte 😻
(https://i.postimg.cc/C1HZJN7y/20260429-132313-3.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/pTY9kZCt/20260429-132400-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 29, 2026, 03:26:45 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 29, 2026, 03:26:45 PM
That is a cute top, Charlotte.
I love the green with polka dots, too.
I have no fashion sense, so I live vicariously through your outfits.
I love the green with polka dots, too.
I have no fashion sense, so I live vicariously through your outfits.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 29, 2026, 03:45:17 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 29, 2026, 03:45:17 PM
Never will get tired of the fashion.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 03:56:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 03:56:17 PM
Me: Did you put the towels away out of the tumble dryer?
Gorgeous boyfriend: Yes I did 🙂
The towels
(https://i.postimg.cc/c492zGkX/20260429-212652.jpg)
Gorgeous boyfriend: Yes I did 🙂
The towels
(https://i.postimg.cc/c492zGkX/20260429-212652.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 29, 2026, 04:01:51 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 29, 2026, 04:01:51 PM
To be fair, you didn't ask if you put them away in the proper location.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 29, 2026, 06:00:41 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 29, 2026, 06:00:41 PM
Give him credit. Mine have been in the dryer for three days!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 29, 2026, 08:09:38 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on April 29, 2026, 08:09:38 PM
Wow on the towels. At least they are out of the dryer.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 30, 2026, 03:29:50 AM
Post by: davina61 on April 30, 2026, 03:29:50 AM
That reminds me, must wash some towels!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 04:28:29 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 04:28:29 AM
I'm feeling a bit weird. I've kinda got some control over my low self esteem and self image issues. I'm managing to identify my envy to some degree and again control my response to it. I don't feel really depressed as such right now, but I've got this overwhelming feeling of emptiness. I just feel totally irrelevant in this life...nothing to show for myself that I really care about. I literally go to work which I mostly find under stimulating and just cant wait for each day to end. Then just feel tired. I get out and walk sometimes and go running but its just rinse and repeat. I still can't fool myself into thinking there is any point to this life. Literally life is just counting hours and days until the next mildly stimulating experience which is then forgotten about in 30 seconds after happening.
Honestly even the idea of going somewhere to do something just makes me feel exhausted and totally bored. Even the thought of travelling somewhere just bores the hell out of me. Another place with stuff that's just not even stimulating anymore. Of course I can rest and juts enjoy the down time. But it will end in no time then just another marathon of counting days and weeks until the next.
I know this is just normal life, but still doesn't mean I can process the concept and be on board with it. How do I find myself? How to I get excited about things again? Why am I even here? If I disappear tomorrow it honestly means nothing. I'm pointless in reality so why waste energy? Would I be better constantly sedated or high with no concept of time to suffer anymore?
Charlotte X
Honestly even the idea of going somewhere to do something just makes me feel exhausted and totally bored. Even the thought of travelling somewhere just bores the hell out of me. Another place with stuff that's just not even stimulating anymore. Of course I can rest and juts enjoy the down time. But it will end in no time then just another marathon of counting days and weeks until the next.
I know this is just normal life, but still doesn't mean I can process the concept and be on board with it. How do I find myself? How to I get excited about things again? Why am I even here? If I disappear tomorrow it honestly means nothing. I'm pointless in reality so why waste energy? Would I be better constantly sedated or high with no concept of time to suffer anymore?
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 08:07:22 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 08:07:22 AM
I'm sorry you feel like this. You make an impact on people daily. You're showing some of us that our decisions matter. That just because we are born one way dosen't mean we are stuck this way.
Please know you are important to us. You mean something to others.
BIG HUGS. YOU MATTER.
Please know you are important to us. You mean something to others.
BIG HUGS. YOU MATTER.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on April 30, 2026, 10:48:58 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 30, 2026, 10:48:58 AM
I agree with Kellie that you matter.
When you share the joys you experience, whether it is a walk with your boyfriend out in nature, or even simpler things like supporting others who are struggling, those are important and not something everyone can do. And yet, you are a natural at it.
The questions you pose, in my opinion, are quite normal and indicate someone seeking a connection. A connection to life, purpose, and perhaps even spirituality. I have felt like that at various times throughout my life because the standard answers I got from "religion" did not make sense to me; they did not answer the fundamental questions I had.
It took decades of research and actively seeking those answers. Then I met someone who took the time to show me the answer to one of my questions. That pointed me toward more answers. And then one day, I was reading an old book, and suddenly it all clicked into place. Everything made sense in a way that nothing before it had.
I hope you will find your way and realize, as we do, that your existence matters. That you do make a difference. Your life journey is important to you and to others you connect with. I don't have an answer for where to look, and it would be difficult to pin down until you find a path you truly enjoy. Such seeking is a personal journey and not one that can be shouted from a pulpit.
When you feel like this, how does your music fit in? Do you feel that you have lost interest in that? You were working on composition, vocals, and lyrics for new projects. Have those been set aside? I ask because if it still holds your attention when you feel like this, that could be a sign pointing you in the direction you need to go to get out of that feeling.
You and I know this feeling is temporary. You have felt this before, and you made it through. You know the way out. I think that now you are just looking for a cause that you can remedy. You will find it. I have no doubts.
When you share the joys you experience, whether it is a walk with your boyfriend out in nature, or even simpler things like supporting others who are struggling, those are important and not something everyone can do. And yet, you are a natural at it.
The questions you pose, in my opinion, are quite normal and indicate someone seeking a connection. A connection to life, purpose, and perhaps even spirituality. I have felt like that at various times throughout my life because the standard answers I got from "religion" did not make sense to me; they did not answer the fundamental questions I had.
It took decades of research and actively seeking those answers. Then I met someone who took the time to show me the answer to one of my questions. That pointed me toward more answers. And then one day, I was reading an old book, and suddenly it all clicked into place. Everything made sense in a way that nothing before it had.
I hope you will find your way and realize, as we do, that your existence matters. That you do make a difference. Your life journey is important to you and to others you connect with. I don't have an answer for where to look, and it would be difficult to pin down until you find a path you truly enjoy. Such seeking is a personal journey and not one that can be shouted from a pulpit.
When you feel like this, how does your music fit in? Do you feel that you have lost interest in that? You were working on composition, vocals, and lyrics for new projects. Have those been set aside? I ask because if it still holds your attention when you feel like this, that could be a sign pointing you in the direction you need to go to get out of that feeling.
You and I know this feeling is temporary. You have felt this before, and you made it through. You know the way out. I think that now you are just looking for a cause that you can remedy. You will find it. I have no doubts.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 11:33:16 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 11:33:16 AM
We cannot be entertained all the time, mores the pity. Unfortunately day to day life does involve a lot of repetition and drudgery. It is necessary to earn the money we need to enjoy our brief moments away from it.
I would agree 100% with what Lori said here, I think she is bang on. I believe you are lacking a sense of purpose. You want to know there is more to life than your current existence is providing.
Maybe spirituality could offer an answer? I have been fairly dismissive of it most of my life but I think I am finding the ideas and principles around Buddhism to be interesting and I want to know more. I like that, whilst it is considered a religion, it really is a set of guiding principles and you don't have to buy into the supernatural side of it if that is too big a leap (as it is for me). I don't know if it will give me the answers I'm looking for but I'm becoming more open to it. I'm not saying you should become a buddhist or anything but it's something you might not have considered. Meditation can help your mind relax and calm the storm of dark thought that sometimes affects you. It is one idea at any rate.
I wish I had the answers for you but I think this is something you will have to discover for yourself. We can offer advice and encouragement or a shoulder to cry on but you need to find your own path.
I will say that you have been a ray of light on here for the last few weeks so whatever you are doing seems to be working!
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 30, 2026, 10:48:58 AMThe questions you pose, in my opinion, are quite normal and indicate someone seeking a connection. A connection to life, purpose, and perhaps even spirituality. I have felt like that at various times throughout my life because the standard answers I got from "religion" did not make sense to me; they did not answer the fundamental questions I had.
I would agree 100% with what Lori said here, I think she is bang on. I believe you are lacking a sense of purpose. You want to know there is more to life than your current existence is providing.
Maybe spirituality could offer an answer? I have been fairly dismissive of it most of my life but I think I am finding the ideas and principles around Buddhism to be interesting and I want to know more. I like that, whilst it is considered a religion, it really is a set of guiding principles and you don't have to buy into the supernatural side of it if that is too big a leap (as it is for me). I don't know if it will give me the answers I'm looking for but I'm becoming more open to it. I'm not saying you should become a buddhist or anything but it's something you might not have considered. Meditation can help your mind relax and calm the storm of dark thought that sometimes affects you. It is one idea at any rate.
I wish I had the answers for you but I think this is something you will have to discover for yourself. We can offer advice and encouragement or a shoulder to cry on but you need to find your own path.
I will say that you have been a ray of light on here for the last few weeks so whatever you are doing seems to be working!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 11:39:44 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 11:39:44 AM
I find meditation very relaxing. It helps me clear my head and find something that resembles peace.
Ti Chu I heard is good in helping you find a center.
Anything that puts you mind at ease. Woodworking, painting, creating anything can often help. It let's you see a purpose.
Ti Chu I heard is good in helping you find a center.
Anything that puts you mind at ease. Woodworking, painting, creating anything can often help. It let's you see a purpose.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on April 30, 2026, 01:54:16 PM
Post by: davina61 on April 30, 2026, 01:54:16 PM
Without my workshop I would be struggling to keep myself occupied, that is why I took on another hot rod project. Okay it pees me off sometimes but looking forward to when I can drive it. Maybe a crafting something that you could turn into a business, something thats not repetitive.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 02:13:48 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 02:13:48 PM
I must say I'm not struggling with relaxing at the moment. I just enjoyed a walk with Blueberry down the canal and we had laughter and humour all the way.
This feels deeper now. I still have this urge to be out there. To have my creativity out there. Tell something of my story. I dunno, this is just me.
So I still want to persue my musical project. I have worked in some vocals but still feel a bit lost. I need someone to bounce of, explore ideas, get the energy going. See thats how i work best...not in isolation. When I made my house tracks I had a mentor each week where I discussed my ideas, played my experiments and generally figured out what was working. Its hard to know what's good wheb youre in your own head, whereas often others tell you your great idea is bad and what you worried was bad is gold!
Now I'm looking for someone who can mentor me writing and performing some vocals. Hopefully I'll find someone.
I wish i could find friends with this common interest. But i always struggle finding friends with stuff in common with me, but easily find friends with nothing much in common. Get that one??
Ill keep putting feelers out. My desire to be something, to be out there, its not going anywhere; despite the fact my personality doesnt suit the limelight.
Charlotte 😻
This feels deeper now. I still have this urge to be out there. To have my creativity out there. Tell something of my story. I dunno, this is just me.
So I still want to persue my musical project. I have worked in some vocals but still feel a bit lost. I need someone to bounce of, explore ideas, get the energy going. See thats how i work best...not in isolation. When I made my house tracks I had a mentor each week where I discussed my ideas, played my experiments and generally figured out what was working. Its hard to know what's good wheb youre in your own head, whereas often others tell you your great idea is bad and what you worried was bad is gold!
Now I'm looking for someone who can mentor me writing and performing some vocals. Hopefully I'll find someone.
I wish i could find friends with this common interest. But i always struggle finding friends with stuff in common with me, but easily find friends with nothing much in common. Get that one??
Ill keep putting feelers out. My desire to be something, to be out there, its not going anywhere; despite the fact my personality doesnt suit the limelight.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 30, 2026, 03:32:22 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 30, 2026, 03:32:22 PM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
I was so very glad that I read your very last posting. I was ready to call out
the "secret" Susan's Place encouragement squad when I read several of your previous posts.
My suggestion that I have given to other members here on the Forum is something I have
always done for myself, especially when I relocated to a new area or town.
Seek out clubs and organizations that you can get involved in...
Book, Cooking, Sewing/Quilting/Needle point, Gym groups, etc.
For me, what works fits in with my wide ranging interests...
Bible Study weekly at my church with a small group of men and women (mostly women)
Book Club, monthly meetings with 5 or 6 others, reading a common book, and then discuss
the selected chapter(s) when we get together for our monthly meeting.
.
Cooking Club, a small group of mostly gals that meet together at one of our homes.
to make, bake, or cook together. Lately we have been doing Cake Decorating.
Gym Gals group, usually a Thursday around noon time This a group that I started
soon after I relocated to my new small town to start my business.
Stamp collecting and Coin Collecting... meeting every month or two at various homes.
Many times during our meetings food and snacks would be involved. Particularly after Sunday morning
church services we will go to lunch together, usually a group of 3 to 5 accepting church gals I met
when I first arrived in my new town.
ANOTHER thing that works for me is that I never decline an invitation to go shopping, out to a meal,
road trip, etc. I have even been invited to and gone to to Baby Showers and Wedding showers.
To get to know more people I would invite a small group to my home for a Progressive Dinner,
Game Night, or Movie Night.... usually that results in reciprocal imitations from others.
I am an extrovert and friendly person by nature, so I find that I am greeting new-comers that I
come across is ingrained in my daily life and around where I have my office in town.
I make a point to get to know my neighbors which takes extra effort because in the area I live
our homes are on 15 to 50 acres of fields, trees, horses, livestock,etc.
I own and ride my own horse which fits in with a couple of neighbors.
I am almost always the first one to say hello, start a small conversation, have someone
over for coffee etc.
The adage of "If you want friends, you have to be friendly" works for me.
I know that we are all are different in how we react around others, and we all have different living
and relationship situations ... so all of us will have to explore and find what works for each of us.
I am aware that you are already involved in running/jogging/walking with others... get to know
your friends there, be open to any invitations for related events.
Wishing you well as you continue on with your transition journey.... and with your involvement
with your supportive man-partner and your "Furry" friends.
Please keep posting you life journey progress. Here on the Forum we are all eagerly supporting
you and wishing you success and happiness.
Many HUGS, and more HUGS,
❤️
Danielle
Dear Charlotte:
I was so very glad that I read your very last posting. I was ready to call out
the "secret" Susan's Place encouragement squad when I read several of your previous posts.
My suggestion that I have given to other members here on the Forum is something I have
always done for myself, especially when I relocated to a new area or town.
Seek out clubs and organizations that you can get involved in...
Book, Cooking, Sewing/Quilting/Needle point, Gym groups, etc.
For me, what works fits in with my wide ranging interests...
Bible Study weekly at my church with a small group of men and women (mostly women)
Book Club, monthly meetings with 5 or 6 others, reading a common book, and then discuss
the selected chapter(s) when we get together for our monthly meeting.
.
Cooking Club, a small group of mostly gals that meet together at one of our homes.
to make, bake, or cook together. Lately we have been doing Cake Decorating.
Gym Gals group, usually a Thursday around noon time This a group that I started
soon after I relocated to my new small town to start my business.
Stamp collecting and Coin Collecting... meeting every month or two at various homes.
Many times during our meetings food and snacks would be involved. Particularly after Sunday morning
church services we will go to lunch together, usually a group of 3 to 5 accepting church gals I met
when I first arrived in my new town.
ANOTHER thing that works for me is that I never decline an invitation to go shopping, out to a meal,
road trip, etc. I have even been invited to and gone to to Baby Showers and Wedding showers.
To get to know more people I would invite a small group to my home for a Progressive Dinner,
Game Night, or Movie Night.... usually that results in reciprocal imitations from others.
I am an extrovert and friendly person by nature, so I find that I am greeting new-comers that I
come across is ingrained in my daily life and around where I have my office in town.
I make a point to get to know my neighbors which takes extra effort because in the area I live
our homes are on 15 to 50 acres of fields, trees, horses, livestock,etc.
I own and ride my own horse which fits in with a couple of neighbors.
I am almost always the first one to say hello, start a small conversation, have someone
over for coffee etc.
The adage of "If you want friends, you have to be friendly" works for me.
I know that we are all are different in how we react around others, and we all have different living
and relationship situations ... so all of us will have to explore and find what works for each of us.
I am aware that you are already involved in running/jogging/walking with others... get to know
your friends there, be open to any invitations for related events.
Wishing you well as you continue on with your transition journey.... and with your involvement
with your supportive man-partner and your "Furry" friends.
Please keep posting you life journey progress. Here on the Forum we are all eagerly supporting
you and wishing you success and happiness.
Many HUGS, and more HUGS,
❤️
Danielle
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 03:36:25 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 03:36:25 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 02:13:48 PMI must say I'm not struggling with relaxing at the moment. I just enjoyed a walk with Blueberry down the canal and we had laughter and humour all the way.There used to be an online community site called Soundcloud where people could share their music and comments, sort of like an instagram for music. My mate used to use it for putting out mixes but there was artists on there too. Not sure if thats still going but something like that might help you with ideas for tunes or collaborations or just constructive criticism.
This feels deeper now. I still have this urge to be out there. To have my creativity out there. Tell something of my story. I dunno, this is just me.
So I still want to persue my musical project. I have worked in some vocals but still feel a bit lost. I need someone to bounce of, explore ideas, get the energy going. See thats how i work best...not in isolation. When I made my house tracks I had a mentor each week where I discussed my ideas, played my experiments and generally figured out what was working. Its hard to know what's good wheb youre in your own head, whereas often others tell you your great idea is bad and what you worried was bad is gold!
Now I'm looking for someone who can mentor me writing and performing some vocals. Hopefully I'll find someone.
I wish i could find friends with this common interest. But i always struggle finding friends with stuff in common with me, but easily find friends with nothing much in common. Get that one??
Ill keep putting feelers out. My desire to be something, to be out there, its not going anywhere; despite the fact my personality doesnt suit the limelight.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 04:08:23 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 04:08:23 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 03:36:25 PMThere used to be an online community site called Soundcloud where people could share their music and comments, sort of like an instagram for music. My mate used to use it for putting out mixes but there was artists on there too. Not sure if thats still going but something like that might help you with ideas for tunes or collaborations or just constructive criticism.
Yeah i was on there for years. Left loads of feedback, comments and likes for others, never got anything but a couple on mine! I'll probably try again on there later, but looking more for something during the process not on completion. Ive found a tutor locally who can help me write vocals and perform them 🙂
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 04:56:56 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 04:56:56 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 30, 2026, 04:08:23 PMYeah i was on there for years. Left loads of feedback, comments and likes for others, never got anything but a couple on mine! I'll probably try again on there later, but looking more for something during the process not on completion. Ive found a tutor locally who can help me write vocals and perform them 🙂I wish I could help you Charlotte but short of hanging around studios or booking some studio time I've got nothing. It's not my area of expertise. My musical talent ended with the recorder in primary school!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 05:10:01 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 05:10:01 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 04:56:56 PMI wish I could help you Charlotte but short of hanging around studios or booking some studio time I've got nothing. It's not my area of expertise. My musical talent ended with the recorder in primary school!
You had those horrible things too? I hated them.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 05:13:05 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 05:13:05 PM
HA! The noise was like cats screeching! You never see any adults playing those do you!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 05:18:13 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 05:18:13 PM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 30, 2026, 03:32:22 PMI own and ride my own horse which fits in with a couple of neighbors.
Jeez, accomplished horse rider too? I've been reading all your old blogs, is there no end to your action girl talents ha ha! I bet you could wrestle bears in your spare time Danielle!🤣🤣🤣
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 05:21:09 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on April 30, 2026, 05:21:09 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 30, 2026, 05:18:13 PMJeez, accomplished horse rider too? I've been reading all your old blogs, is there no end to your action girl talents ha ha! I bet you could wrestle bears in your spare time Danielle!🤣🤣🤣
A regular Danielle Boone. She could stare it down.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 01, 2026, 03:20:19 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 01, 2026, 03:20:19 AM
There is a very good music scene in Malvern Worcester area, many talented writers . A bit out of your area though?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 05:47:28 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 05:47:28 AM
Well I have booked my intro session with a tutor at a music shop to get help with writing lyrics and performing them. Hopefully that'll build my confidence and I can start making some tracks and see how they turn out.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 09:40:24 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 09:40:24 AM
Sunny and very warm. So continuing the summer style outfits today at work 🙂
(https://i.postimg.cc/qBcSGHXg/20260501-134436-3.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/qBcSGHXg/20260501-134436-3.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 01, 2026, 10:06:21 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 01, 2026, 10:06:21 AM
Lovely top, Charlotte! On such a lovely day! thanks.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 01, 2026, 10:14:16 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 01, 2026, 10:14:16 AM
So cute!
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:07:35 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:07:35 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 05:47:28 AMWell I have booked my intro session with a tutor at a music shop to get help with writing lyrics and performing them. Hopefully that'll build my confidence and I can start making some tracks and see how they turn out.Nice one Charlotte, should be fun for you. I like to hear you're engaging in your interests again, it's a very good sign.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:08:44 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:08:44 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 09:40:24 AMSunny and very warm. So continuing the summer style outfits today at work 🙂Nice top Charlotte! I hope you are paying your fashion photographer well, he seems to have a full time job!
(https://i.postimg.cc/qBcSGHXg/20260501-134436-3.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 11:12:12 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 11:12:12 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 09:40:24 AMSunny and very warm. So continuing the summer style outfits today at work 🙂
(https://i.postimg.cc/qBcSGHXg/20260501-134436-3.jpg)
Cute blouse. Keep smiling
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 11:16:06 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 11:16:06 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:08:44 AMNice top Charlotte! I hope you are paying your fashion photographer well, he seems to have a full time job!
That would be the tree with two branches I can stuff my phone in
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:44:09 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:44:09 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 11:16:06 AMThat would be the tree with two branches I can stuff my phone inWhaaat? Is he shirking his duties? Get him telt!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 02:45:23 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 02:45:23 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 11:44:09 AMWhaaat? Is he shirking his duties? Get him telt!
Translator please...telt??
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 02:58:18 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 02:58:18 PM
Well that's a geordieism so not so common. Probably more accurately pronounced "gerim telt!"
Literally means "get him told" or tell him off, scold him, you get the picture!
Literally means "get him told" or tell him off, scold him, you get the picture!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 03:14:07 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 03:14:07 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 02:58:18 PMWell that's a geordieism so not so common. Probably more accurately pronounced "gerim telt!"
Literally means "get him told" or tell him off, scold him, you get the picture!
Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I'm a youngling again. Asking what words mean.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 05:41:30 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 05:41:30 AM
Goimg to see a modern version of Midsummer nights dream in Birmingham
When a love-struck teenager is forced to marry a man, rather than the woman she loves, she has a few options: certain death, live a lie, move to a nunnery... or flee to a messy, neon party in an enchanted forest!
Hoping it'll be fun.
Charlotte 😻
When a love-struck teenager is forced to marry a man, rather than the woman she loves, she has a few options: certain death, live a lie, move to a nunnery... or flee to a messy, neon party in an enchanted forest!
Hoping it'll be fun.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 05:44:44 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 05:44:44 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 05:41:30 AMGoimg to see a modern version of Midsummer nights dream in Birmingham
When a love-struck teenager is forced to marry a man, rather than the woman she loves, she has a few options: certain death, live a lie, move to a nunnery... or flee to a messy, neon party in an enchanted forest!
Hoping it'll be fun.
Charlotte 😻
Have a great time. Enjoy the outing
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 07:23:42 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 07:23:42 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 05:41:30 AMGoimg to see a modern version of Midsummer nights dream in BirminghamI like the synopsis😃
When a love-struck teenager is forced to marry a man, rather than the woman she loves, she has a few options: certain death, live a lie, move to a nunnery... or flee to a messy, neon party in an enchanted forest!
Hoping it'll be fun.
Charlotte 😻
Hope you have a great time.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 01:32:22 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 01:32:22 PM
The show was really enjoyable and fun. Lots of queer energy and such a journey. My boyfriend has never done anything like this and was smiling all the way through. Great friendly crowd too.
For the first time ever I queued in the ladies with loads of people. No one even bothered me. Wore my heels barefoot and now I'm a proper woman as i have a large blister on the back of my foot!
I'm a bit frustrated though as one of my boobs has definitely lost some size and turned pointy. It looks awful. I cant express how disappointed i am with this aspect of my transition. I hate them. No pun intended but so far looking like i won the booby prize here. Doesn't surprise me, I'm used to disappointment!
Charlotte 😻
For the first time ever I queued in the ladies with loads of people. No one even bothered me. Wore my heels barefoot and now I'm a proper woman as i have a large blister on the back of my foot!
I'm a bit frustrated though as one of my boobs has definitely lost some size and turned pointy. It looks awful. I cant express how disappointed i am with this aspect of my transition. I hate them. No pun intended but so far looking like i won the booby prize here. Doesn't surprise me, I'm used to disappointment!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 01:53:44 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 01:53:44 PM
I wouldn't worry Charlotte the pointy boobs is likely just a natural part of the growth process. I found after the first year my boobs were growing but I no longer had the obvious pain of boob growth that I had earlier on.
As far as I know they can go pointy for a while before starting to round out some more. I think it's highly likely you are in the midst of a new growth spurt! Happy days! They change shape all the time until they fill out and get fuller around the 3-4 year mark. This is a good thing Charlotte. Look at the tanner stages if you want to know more.
As far as I know they can go pointy for a while before starting to round out some more. I think it's highly likely you are in the midst of a new growth spurt! Happy days! They change shape all the time until they fill out and get fuller around the 3-4 year mark. This is a good thing Charlotte. Look at the tanner stages if you want to know more.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 01:59:45 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 01:59:45 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 01:53:44 PMI wouldn't worry Charlotte the pointy boobs is likely just a natural part of the growth process. I found after the first year my boobs were growing but I no longer had the obvious pain of boob growth that I had earlier on.
As far as I know they can go pointy for a while before starting to round out some more. I think it's highly likely you are in the midst of a new growth spurt! Happy days! They change shape all the time until they fill out and get fuller around the 3-4 year mark. This is a good thing Charlotte. Look at the tanner stages if you want to know more.
Thanks and I'm keeping my fingers crossed you're right as would be great if that's the case 😊
Hope you've had a good day today?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 02, 2026, 02:02:08 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 02, 2026, 02:02:08 PM
The show sounds delightful, Charlotte!
What a fun outing for you and your boyfriend!
And I don't doubt Sarah is right about the boob stuff. I suspended HRT about six months ago but seem to have kept the amount of mass that developed during the five or so months of E.
What a fun outing for you and your boyfriend!
And I don't doubt Sarah is right about the boob stuff. I suspended HRT about six months ago but seem to have kept the amount of mass that developed during the five or so months of E.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 02:11:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 02:11:20 PM
Quote from: Dances With Trees on May 02, 2026, 02:02:08 PMThe show sounds delightful, Charlotte!
What a fun outing for you and your boyfriend!
And I don't doubt Sarah is right about the boob stuff. I suspended HRT about six months ago but seem to have kept the amount of mass that developed during the five or so months of E.
Well the best thing is that now i know he vibes with comedic playwork and particularly physical comedy. This gives some great options to see more shows. There were some great singing parts too which he loved, so I'm definitely going to plan some musicals. I think he'll like the musical Cats too, just need to find when it comes round again.
Honestly i was a bit worried, as being autistic what he likes and doesn't like can be pretty black and white. But smiles, laughing and him singing along to "sweet dreams are made of these" with audience participation tells me everything I need to know. This show was money very well spent.
Heres to more shows. I'm excited!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:13:23 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:13:23 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 01:59:45 PMThanks and I'm keeping my fingers crossed you're right as would be great if that's the case 😊I moved some heavy woodworking machines I have stored at my dads house this morning, then went to the farm shop for some sausages and lamb steaks. I then sat on my fat lazy behind all day like the lazy cow I am! lol!
Hope you've had a good day today?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 02:17:28 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 02:17:28 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:13:23 PMI moved some heavy woodworking machines I have stored at my dads house this morning, then went to the farm shop for some sausages and lamb steaks. I then sat on my fat lazy behind all day like the lazy cow I am! lol!
Translator please clarify.
In the states a farm shop would be a place to get animal feed, horse tack, maybe tractor equipment and general equipment for working your land. It sounds very different to what you're describing.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:27:51 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:27:51 PM
Ha no, though we do have those, they're usually known (at least up here) as country stores.
Farm shops are where a farm has diversified their business and sells local fresh produce. They usually have a speciality butcher who will sell their own meat off the farm or from other local farms. Fresh fruit and veg, loads of sweet things like home baked cakes, scones, biscuits. They are sort of like an upmarket deli really. Most of them have a cafe attached. Some let you go into the fields and pick your own fruit and veg at certain times of the year. They are catastrophically expensive but they are usually excellent quality.
I bought some pork and black pudding sausages, some minted lamb steaks and I went half and half with my mum on a fantastic lemon drizzle cake. Best cake I've bought in ages!
Farm shops are where a farm has diversified their business and sells local fresh produce. They usually have a speciality butcher who will sell their own meat off the farm or from other local farms. Fresh fruit and veg, loads of sweet things like home baked cakes, scones, biscuits. They are sort of like an upmarket deli really. Most of them have a cafe attached. Some let you go into the fields and pick your own fruit and veg at certain times of the year. They are catastrophically expensive but they are usually excellent quality.
I bought some pork and black pudding sausages, some minted lamb steaks and I went half and half with my mum on a fantastic lemon drizzle cake. Best cake I've bought in ages!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 02:32:30 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 02:32:30 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:13:23 PMI moved some heavy woodworking machines I have stored at my dads house this morning, then went to the farm shop for some sausages and lamb steaks. I then sat on my fat lazy behind all day like the lazy cow I am! lol!
Oh yeahhh farm shop sausages are always tasty and meaty. I need to go again sometime as although pricey they are nice and you get a lot from the food you buy. Nothing wrong with chilling later in day, especiallyif you've moved heavy stuff!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 02, 2026, 10:38:21 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 02, 2026, 10:38:21 PM
@Charlotte Kitty cc: @Stottie Girl
Dear Charlotte;
What Stotti Girl stated regarding boob shape is usually correct, you are still early in your
transition journey, give some more time.
During my transition time I had good Boob size during the first year of HRT, however, it
took 3 years for my boob size and shape to settle in the way they are now, nice shape, more
rounded, more size, and good cleavage.
Again, give it some more time.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte;
What Stotti Girl stated regarding boob shape is usually correct, you are still early in your
transition journey, give some more time.
During my transition time I had good Boob size during the first year of HRT, however, it
took 3 years for my boob size and shape to settle in the way they are now, nice shape, more
rounded, more size, and good cleavage.
Again, give it some more time.
❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 09:18:57 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 09:18:57 AM
Well I've managed to fight my mind back again today. For the first two hours I was literally ok, depressed, ok, depressed etc on repeat. No fun. I almost curled up and did nothing. But about 11am i broke out of it and managed to dig a big area to plant my veg once its ready to go out. The robins even joined me, they were getting any bugs as I turned the soil.
I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.
I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.
Charlotte 😻
I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.
I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 09:37:17 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 09:37:17 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 09:18:57 AMWell I've managed to fight my mind back again today. For the first two hours I was literally ok, depressed, ok, depressed etc on repeat. No fun. I almost curled up and did nothing. But about 11am i broke out of it and managed to dig a big area to plant my veg once its ready to go out. The robins even joined me, they were getting any bugs as I turned the soil.You're getting a lot more positive Charlotte. You seem so much happier and able to chase the "black dog of depression" away. I'm not sure what's changed in you but it's great to see!
I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.
I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.
Charlotte 😻
The loss of strength is something I've really started to notice of late. I can barely carry a 3/4 full shopping basket now! I find it quite an amusing confirmation of my feminimity actually!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 09:44:33 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 09:44:33 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 09:18:57 AMWell I've managed to fight my mind back again today. For the first two hours I was literally ok, depressed, ok, depressed etc on repeat. No fun. I almost curled up and did nothing. But about 11am i broke out of it and managed to dig a big area to plant my veg once its ready to go out. The robins even joined me, they were getting any bugs as I turned the soil.Glad to hear you are finding your positivity. Keep it up. There are many of us that will listen if you need it.
I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.
I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.
Charlotte 😻
Big hugs
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 03, 2026, 12:04:06 PM
Post by: davina61 on May 03, 2026, 12:04:06 PM
I used to be able to lift a VW air cooled engine by myself, cant get one off the ground now!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 01:51:52 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 01:51:52 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 09:37:17 AMYou're getting a lot more positive Charlotte. You seem so much happier and able to chase the "black dog of depression" away. I'm not sure what's changed in you but it's great to see!
I think the support here, my therapy and just working through my thoughts is what has changed. Putting down my feelings allows me to see them and then challenge them. Plus i get exposure here to a lot of emotions good and bad. Its helping me grow. I'm sure HRT had changed my resilience to emotional pain. Having to relearn my relationship with life as a woman. Transitioning is great overall, but its also painful in ways. Its an added source of anxiety and self esteem issues. Can't pretend these aren't part of the process for some. Its high stakes so can be tough.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:33:20 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:33:20 PM
I agree. Just being here has helped me to understand what I've been pushing away all my life. I had to pretend to be a standard male. I was never fully aligned with what was different. Since finding SP I realized what was wrong
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 02:33:32 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 02:33:32 PM
You will have a terrific week ahead!
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 02:36:07 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 02:36:07 PM
I'm prone to anxiety attacks and whilst my self esteem is improving, it is coming from rock bottom. I do worry a bit that coming out could destroy all the work I've done to try and overcome these issues. I guess time will tell but you are right, it is a very tough process. You need a thick skin at times I imagine. That is something I do not have, but I'm working on it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 02:39:23 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 02:39:23 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 02:33:32 PMYou will have a terrific week ahead!Feel the positivity from Chrissy here! That's the attitude! Say it loud, I WILL have a terrific week!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:41:19 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:41:19 PM
I WILL HAVE A TERIFFIC WEEK. I have people who understand me and I am loved.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:43:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:43:35 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:33:20 PMI agree. Just being here has helped me to understand what I've been pushing away all my life. I had to pretend to be a standard male. I was never fully aligned with what was different. Since finding SP I realized what was wrong
I'm glad you found here for sure. You've definitely come on leaps and bounds since the start. We're all rooting for you as you progresss towards comimg out more. But great to see you finding yourself already in good preparation for your future as Kellie.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:44:35 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:44:35 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 02:33:32 PMYou will have a terrific week ahead!Thank you sweetie. I'm hoping so and hope you do too. 😻
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:45:33 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:45:33 PM
If I ever make a trip to England I will make sure I let you know.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:52:30 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:52:30 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 02:36:07 PMI'm prone to anxiety attacks and whilst my self esteem is improving, it is coming from rock bottom. I do worry a bit that coming out could destroy all the work I've done to try and overcome these issues. I guess time will tell but you are right, it is a very tough process. You need a thick skin at times I imagine. That is something I do not have, but I'm working on it.
Totally understand and self esteem can definitely take a hit as you question yourself during transition. But you have already laid the groundwork so guessing your main hope is that you dont get friction from others when you come out. I'm sure you skin is thicker than you imagine. You seem like someone that doesn't take c**p from people so i thibk you'll be good.
I think i struggle because my psychological condition is highly envious and my schema has an almost total reliance on external validation and occurrences. Unfortunately coming to terms with your transitioned self is almost all about finding self worth and self esteem. The two biggest weknesses i have. So thats why I'm a big mess about my trabsition progress and looks. Its a perfect storm.
But we're all here when you decide its time to become Sarah full time!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 03:17:23 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 03:17:23 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:52:30 PMTotally understand and self esteem can definitely take a hit as you question yourself during transition. But you have already laid the groundwork so guessing your main hope is that you dont get friction from others when you come out. I'm sure you skin is thicker than you imagine. You seem like someone that doesn't take c**p from people so i thibk you'll be good.
I think i struggle because my psychological condition is highly envious and my schema has an almost total reliance on external validation and occurrences. Unfortunately coming to terms with your trabsitioned self is almost all about finding self worth and self esteem. The two biggest weknesses i have. So thats why I'm a big mess about my trabsition progress and looks. Its a perfect storm.
But we're all here when you decide its time to become Sarah full time!
Charlotte 😻
I definitely have depression and anxiety issues. Since Kellie has been released both have improved.
I thank everyone here for helping me find my true self
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 03:38:29 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 03:38:29 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 02:52:30 PMTotally understand and self esteem can definitely take a hit as you question yourself during transition. But you have already laid the groundwork so guessing your main hope is that you dont get friction from others when you come out. I'm sure you skin is thicker than you imagine. You seem like someone that doesn't take c**p from people so i thibk you'll be good.Aw thanks Charlotte. Actually I'm not confrontational at all Charlotte. I will defend other people but I don't have thick skin. If 9 people compliment me and one says something negative, I will believe the negative comment is true.
I think i struggle because my psychological condition is highly envious and my schema has an almost total reliance on external validation and occurrences. Unfortunately coming to terms with your transitioned self is almost all about finding self worth and self esteem. The two biggest weknesses i have. So thats why I'm a big mess about my trabsition progress and looks. Its a perfect storm.
But we're all here when you decide its time to become Sarah full time!
Charlotte 😻
I can see your condition could make things harder for you Charlotte but each battle you win makes you stronger. You will beat it.
Who do you get envious of if you don't mind me asking? And what is it that makes you envious of them? Musicians? Film stars? models? These are not people you should be aspiring to be. They exist in a bubble detached from reality.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 03:44:24 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 03:44:24 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 03:17:23 PMI definitely have depression and anxiety issues. Since Kellie has been released both have improved.I'm sorry to hear that Kellie but unfortunately it is an all too common condition with trans people it seems. I guess it must stem from having to deny who you are for so long maybe? I do know that my depression and anxiety has been reduced to just occasional incidents, usually relating to neurodiversity triggers. This is a huge step forward from where I was two years ago. I was very broken back then. Have you been discussing these feelings with your therapist Kellie?
I thank everyone here for helping me find my true self
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 04:06:41 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 04:06:41 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 03:38:29 PMAw thanks Charlotte. Actually I'm not confrontational at all Charlotte. I will defend other people but I don't have thick skin. If 9 people compliment me and one says something negative, I will believe the negative comment is true.
I can see your condition could make things harder for you Charlotte but each battle you win makes you stronger. You will beat it.
Who do you get envious of if you don't mind me asking? And what is it that makes you envious of them? Musicians? Film stars? models? These are not people you should be aspiring to be. They exist in a bubble detached from reality.
I think judging by your first paragraph we are not that different to be honest. But then those kinda feelings are probably not uncommon in us cut from somewhat alternative cloth!
You asked the question...I get envious of anyone and none of them celebrities, well one very minor one and that's Fem&m. Anyone that my mind perceives as better than me in one or more ways. Very normal people always and including people here at times. It's nothing I'm proud of, and want to be rid of it as its very damaging to me. I know its irrational but it comes from deep inside. I remember these exact feelings aged about 6 and its never left me. This is what im trying to tackle amongst other things with my therapist. Where these feelings come from.
Honestly I had feelings from a young age I really shouldn't have. At age 7 I was highly envious, i was obsessed with my best friend in a sexual way, i hurt bad when he wasnt around, I had and engaged in kinks and a very weird excitable desire for humiliation.
I'm guessing being punished physically and humiliated a couple of years earlier messed me up. Witnessing and experiencing violence at home didnt help either. I was treated as a laughing stock by two much older half brothers that liked to put me down and get all the attention too.
A mess!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 04:32:20 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 04:32:20 PM
Charolotte,
You look very nice! May your transition go so ever smoothly.
Chrissy
You look very nice! May your transition go so ever smoothly.
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 05:01:02 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 05:01:02 PM
Most of us on here are carrying bagage of some sort Charlotte, there is no reason to be envious of anyone here. We are all on the same path and we all have our insecurities too, some of us are further down that road than others. I realise and I think you realise that the envy is not rational but I hope you can get on top of it.
I will admit to feeling a bit of jealousy at times when I see people further on in their transition or those who have completed their journey and are living their best life. But I have belief that one day I will get there too.
7 years old is mighty young for sexual thoughts, crikey, thats a lot to process at that age.
I can't begin to understand what your childhood abuse was like or how it will have affected you. I am so sorry you have had to endure that treatment.
I will admit to feeling a bit of jealousy at times when I see people further on in their transition or those who have completed their journey and are living their best life. But I have belief that one day I will get there too.
7 years old is mighty young for sexual thoughts, crikey, thats a lot to process at that age.
I can't begin to understand what your childhood abuse was like or how it will have affected you. I am so sorry you have had to endure that treatment.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 05:20:51 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 05:20:51 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 03:44:24 PMI'm sorry to hear that Kellie but unfortunately it is an all too common condition with trans people it seems. I guess it must stem from having to deny who you are for so long maybe? I do know that my depression and anxiety has been reduced to just occasional incidents, usually relating to neurodiversity triggers. This is a huge step forward from where I was two years ago. I was very broken back then. Have you been discussing these feelings with your therapist Kellie?
Yes i have. Therapy has been a great change
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 05:26:03 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 05:26:03 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 05:01:02 PMMost of us on here are carrying bagage of some sort Charlotte, there is no reason to be envious of anyone here. We are all on the same path and we all have our insecurities too, some of us are further down that road than others. I realise and I think you realise that the envy is not rational but I hope you can get on top of it.
I will admit to feeling a bit of jealousy at times when I see people further on in their transition or those who have completed their journey and are living their best life. But I have belief that one day I will get there too.
7 years old is mighty young for sexual thoughts, crikey, thats a lot to process at that age.
I can't begin to understand what your childhood abuse was like or how it will have affected you. I am so sorry you have had to endure that treatment.
Thanks and our feelings and journeys are more similar than we imagine like you say. We all have our struggles and wish we could be our truest and best selves. Some are further forwards which is both a blessing and sometimes hard to see. I think personally i worry and catastrophise. Rather than like you thinking "I'll get there" I lament over the reasons i might not get there. Probably all the same feelings as most, i just let them overrun and control me. Honestly these kinds of envy have written me off all day or made my hurt myself. But i know totally its irrational, but like any illness needs time and treatment.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 05:34:15 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 03, 2026, 05:34:15 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 05:20:51 PMYes i have. Therapy has been a great change
It's definitely good just talking stuff through with a therapist. Explaining it sometimes untangles the issue and helps set it right in your head. Nice to hear its working out.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 03, 2026, 08:31:25 PM
Post by: Petunia on May 03, 2026, 08:31:25 PM
Hi Charlotte. Hope you're feeling good today.
I just want to thank you for all your greetings to the newbies and for the kind eay you treat people, esp me.
I love seeing all you're new photos and seeing the way you've changed.
You know you can't pass as a guy right?
Everything about you screams feminine lady.
I love the cut of your blouses and dresses. Like I said before perhaps some bolder colours but I really can't be sure.
What makeup do you use? Your skin looks so soft and perfect. Such a beatiful pale complection that is unachievable where I live.
Oh, I know what you mean about the crowd when you went to the play. I recently went to a valentines day show where the crowd was predominately from the LBGTQI+ community and I really felt at home even though I was presenting cis male, or as cis as I can
I just want to thank you for all your greetings to the newbies and for the kind eay you treat people, esp me.
I love seeing all you're new photos and seeing the way you've changed.
You know you can't pass as a guy right?
Everything about you screams feminine lady.
I love the cut of your blouses and dresses. Like I said before perhaps some bolder colours but I really can't be sure.
What makeup do you use? Your skin looks so soft and perfect. Such a beatiful pale complection that is unachievable where I live.
Oh, I know what you mean about the crowd when you went to the play. I recently went to a valentines day show where the crowd was predominately from the LBGTQI+ community and I really felt at home even though I was presenting cis male, or as cis as I can
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 06:12:20 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 06:12:20 AM
Quote from: Petunia on May 03, 2026, 08:31:25 PMHi Charlotte. Hope you're feeling good today.
I just want to thank you for all your greetings to the newbies and for the kind eay you treat people, esp me.
I love seeing all you're new photos and seeing the way you've changed.
Hi Petunia,
Thank you for your kind acknowledgement, and being such an avid follower of mine and others content on Susan's. Its always lovely to wake up to your likes of my posts on a morning. I enjoy greeting others too and treating people as I would be treated myself.
QuoteYou know you can't pass as a guy right?
Everything about you screams feminine lady.
I love the cut of your blouses and dresses. Like I said before perhaps some bolder colours but I really can't be sure.
Thats so kind of you to let me know Petunia. That means a lot. I do keep trying to make little improvements over time, so nice to know they make a difference. On my scruffy days I still look pretty masc but i don't share those yet. Maybe I will post some just for comparison.
I do love fashion as you've noticed and glad you appreciate my choices. Anything cute and feminine I'm onto it! I will keep an eye out for some bolder colours to try. I like most so anythings an option.
QuoteWhat makeup do you use? Your skin looks so soft and perfect. Such a beatiful pale complection that is unachievable where I live.
Oh, I know what you mean about the crowd when you went to the play. I recently went to a valentines day show where the crowd was predominately from the LBGTQI+ community and I really felt at home even though I was presenting cis male, or as cis as I can
I use none to very little most of the time with occasional efforts for going out. I would say 75% of my recent pictures are no makeup. Those with I use Garnier BB cream as it smoothes the skin look but also light and has SPF. I finish with a soft powder to set it. Occasionally add some eye shadow but will be moving to cream based ones. My skin is prone to irritation like rahes and spots so I don't like heavy or dry makeup.
Of course everyday I use toner and moisturiser. Some days I use Tamanu cream to nourish and soothe the skin. I find skincare has made some of the biggest difference in making me look more feminine.
So glad to hear you enjoyed the valentines show and felt so at home. Was there a particular reason you presented as cis? I hope you can enjoy more shows again soon and hopefully feel just as comfortable. Its been a long time since I've seen a show and such a good crowd reminded me why I love it.
Thank you again Petunia. You're a beautiful soul and a I look forward to reading more from you again sometime soon.
Love and hugs,
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 07:43:40 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 07:43:40 AM
I'm really starting to work on some rap lyrics for my next musical adventure. Its not easy!!
As for a new artist name...im thinking DeeSM-5. Im the personification of that manual and it has trans relevance too. And a femme name...perfect for an alias!
As for a new artist name...im thinking DeeSM-5. Im the personification of that manual and it has trans relevance too. And a femme name...perfect for an alias!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 04, 2026, 09:09:24 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 04, 2026, 09:09:24 AM
Sounds great as an alias.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 09:47:23 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 09:47:23 AM
That's a clever idea!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 10:17:34 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 10:17:34 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 06:12:20 AMSome days I use Tamanu cream to nourish and soothe the skin.
I had never heard of Tamanu cream before. It sounds like it might be what I need to help with dry skin and sun damage. I just ordered a bottle of the oil to try out. Thanks for the tip!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 10:57:48 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 10:57:48 AM
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 10:17:34 AMI had never heard of Tamanu cream before. It sounds like it might be what I need to help with dry skin and sun damage. I just ordered a bottle of the oil to try out. Thanks for the tip!
No worries. I hope that it helps you out. Its a natural antiseptic too so great if you get spots or foliculitis. It cleared up some acne/folliculitis that wss leaving brown hyperpigmentation on my legs and butt.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 10:58:41 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 10:58:41 AM
Just planted 12 strawberry plants in my garden. Hopefully theyll estsblish and give me a nice crop.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 04, 2026, 11:03:16 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 04, 2026, 11:03:16 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 10:58:41 AMJust planted 12 strawberry plants in my garden. Hopefully theyll estsblish and give me a nice crop.They should do well Charlotte. You might need to net them though when they start bearing fruit. Strawbs are great because they keep multiplying each year.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 04, 2026, 11:58:10 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 04, 2026, 11:58:10 AM
Love the stage name, Charlotte!
Sending you good vibrations for your music. I'm not a fan of rap (it may be a generational thing) but look forward to hearing your voice merge with the great music you compose.
Sending you good vibrations for your music. I'm not a fan of rap (it may be a generational thing) but look forward to hearing your voice merge with the great music you compose.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 12:36:16 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 12:36:16 PM
Quote from: Dances With Trees on May 04, 2026, 11:58:10 AMLove the stage name, Charlotte!
Sending you good vibrations for your music. I'm not a fan of rap (it may be a generational thing) but look forward to hearing your voice merge with the great music you compose.
Thank youu. Glad you like it.
The kinda rap I'm wanting to do is not much like what is known as rap music. More rap type vocals to high energy dance music. I want to try and make my own take on the style known as femcore. This artist is my influence and she is soo cool and cute!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 02:08:05 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 02:08:05 PM
I was wondering if you could try something (or maybe you already do) as Mike Oldfield does: lay down numerous tracks at various speeds to create different sounds. I love Tubular Bells, but then I recently found a BBC video of him recording the Blue Peter theme. I found it quite fascinating to watch him work.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 02:33:56 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 04, 2026, 02:33:56 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 02:08:05 PMI was wondering if you could try something (or maybe you already do) as Mike Oldfield does: lay down numerous tracks at various speeds to create different sounds. I love Tubular Bells, but then I recently found a BBC video of him recording the Blue Peter theme. I found it quite fascinating to watch him work.
Oh ive definitely recorded me playing in sounds slower as i can put together and play melodies, but not fast! Often i mess around on the keyboard to get a rhythm, record it in and then tidy up. Sometimes not perfectly tidy as a little imperfection is nice.
I definitely cant play competently like Mike in that video, but for the music I make I dont need to. The rhythm rules in dance music, can shift notes around later to add colour.
My Rainy days track, I played in that bassline repeatedly and picked the best bit, then sped up. Also played in that background piano sound that comes in from the start and at the end. It makes it sound a bit less sequenced compared to some other stuff.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 02:40:49 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 04, 2026, 02:40:49 PM
Nice!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 04, 2026, 03:40:19 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 04, 2026, 03:40:19 PM
That was so much fun! Thanks, Charlotte, for sharing such awesome tunes!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 04, 2026, 06:43:34 PM
Post by: Petunia on May 04, 2026, 06:43:34 PM
Hi again Charlotte,
While I mention times I've gone out quite a bit femme, my wife has told me if I go out crossdressed it's all over. I'm not out to anyone of our friends except one.
While I say I go out cis, my go to jeans and womens jeggings and I generally get positive comments from women.
Although we were out last week shopping in Zara (we only went there because I bought some nice zara maroon jeggings last week and my wife wants some) and two young ladies seemed to be looking at me and laughing when we got in the lift.
I was wearing a hint of lipstick, tinted sunscreen amd women's long sleeve tee, which my wife says does nothing for me, plus my normal earrings, necklace and bracelet.
I really didn't care if they were laughing as I was confortable in my skin.
My wife tells me that women will recognise the jeggings for what they are, and I just shrugged.
When I was told not to go out crossdressed I pointed out that I have kind of being doing it for a while but I think my wife doesn't want me in skirts or dresses.
While I mention times I've gone out quite a bit femme, my wife has told me if I go out crossdressed it's all over. I'm not out to anyone of our friends except one.
While I say I go out cis, my go to jeans and womens jeggings and I generally get positive comments from women.
Although we were out last week shopping in Zara (we only went there because I bought some nice zara maroon jeggings last week and my wife wants some) and two young ladies seemed to be looking at me and laughing when we got in the lift.
I was wearing a hint of lipstick, tinted sunscreen amd women's long sleeve tee, which my wife says does nothing for me, plus my normal earrings, necklace and bracelet.
I really didn't care if they were laughing as I was confortable in my skin.
My wife tells me that women will recognise the jeggings for what they are, and I just shrugged.
When I was told not to go out crossdressed I pointed out that I have kind of being doing it for a while but I think my wife doesn't want me in skirts or dresses.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 05, 2026, 04:52:30 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 05, 2026, 04:52:30 AM
Quote from: Petunia on May 04, 2026, 06:43:34 PMHi again Charlotte,
While I mention times I've gone out quite a bit femme, my wife has told me if I go out crossdressed it's all over. I'm not out to anyone of our friends except one.
While I say I go out cis, my go to jeans and womens jeggings and I generally get positive comments from women.
Although we were out last week shopping in Zara (we only went there because I bought some nice zara maroon jeggings last week and my wife wants some) and two young ladies seemed to be looking at me and laughing when we got in the lift.
I was wearing a hint of lipstick, tinted sunscreen amd women's long sleeve tee, which my wife says does nothing for me, plus my normal earrings, necklace and bracelet.
I really didn't care if they were laughing as I was confortable in my skin.
My wife tells me that women will recognise the jeggings for what they are, and I just shrugged.
When I was told not to go out crossdressed I pointed out that I have kind of being doing it for a while but I think my wife doesn't want me in skirts or dresses.
It so saddens me Petunia, to read that you can't go out fully feminine and present the way that makes you feel the real you. However I'm happy to hear that you've found some cute jeggings and get to wear some other feminine clothes and accessories. I hope that makes you more comfortable at least.
There are always the odd few idiots about that laugh or comment, but like you say, you're comfortable in your own skin which is the important thing. Some people struggle to accept others that are free in their ways and not confined to very fixed social standards. I feel sorry for them!
I'm sure you put together some lovely outfits and look great in them. I definitely look forward to hearing about anything else nice that you buy to wear.
Lots of hugz,
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 05, 2026, 03:00:20 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 05, 2026, 03:00:20 PM
Still keep thinking a lot about my gender identity and what trabsition will look like for me long term. Pushing ahead to pass as a woman as much as possible, but still keep thinking that part of me doesn't want to be fully like a cis woman. I feel I need to be mindful that I have my trans queer identity that I don't want to lose.
Its strange because in a way I'm working towards being a woman. But actually I don't know what it is to be a woman. Really I'm just being me but growing a feminine body, ways and mannerisms. Its more alignment than becoming if that makes sense.
I'm dead sure I want a female body and to come across feminine. That just feels so perfect to me. But gender wise one could be male / non binary / female yet still have that same desire. I could choose to be male and transition in reality. Myself i still feel agender, but i energise from being she her. Still I'm just me. That's the only was i can describe my gender.
Charlotte 😻
Its strange because in a way I'm working towards being a woman. But actually I don't know what it is to be a woman. Really I'm just being me but growing a feminine body, ways and mannerisms. Its more alignment than becoming if that makes sense.
I'm dead sure I want a female body and to come across feminine. That just feels so perfect to me. But gender wise one could be male / non binary / female yet still have that same desire. I could choose to be male and transition in reality. Myself i still feel agender, but i energise from being she her. Still I'm just me. That's the only was i can describe my gender.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 05, 2026, 04:26:55 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 05, 2026, 04:26:55 PM
My Enby fursona Skittles in their cute maids dress!
A funny story, my boyfriend has the same dress. He tried it on in his bedroom whilst still living at his parents house a couple of years ago. I was at work he sent me a picture. Next thing a panic call at 1530 as he was stuck in the dress and couldn't get out! At this point his parents had never met me so a rescue mission would have been awkward. Luckily he got it off as would have been stuck up there 😂
(https://i.postimg.cc/bN0Z1JxB/20241019-151606-3.jpg)
A funny story, my boyfriend has the same dress. He tried it on in his bedroom whilst still living at his parents house a couple of years ago. I was at work he sent me a picture. Next thing a panic call at 1530 as he was stuck in the dress and couldn't get out! At this point his parents had never met me so a rescue mission would have been awkward. Luckily he got it off as would have been stuck up there 😂
(https://i.postimg.cc/bN0Z1JxB/20241019-151606-3.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 05, 2026, 04:34:09 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 05, 2026, 04:34:09 PM
Too cute! Love the look, Charlotte.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 05, 2026, 05:25:21 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 05, 2026, 05:25:21 PM
That is adorable!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 05, 2026, 05:31:29 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 05, 2026, 05:31:29 PM
Very cute
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 06, 2026, 03:32:45 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 06, 2026, 03:32:45 AM
Charlotte I think we are "the same",am I a women? I know I need a female body and present as a women but do I feel fully as a women? I am just myself happy in my own skin and ways.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 11:13:03 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 11:13:03 AM
For research on my face shape and things I might be able to do with my look I asked chatGPT to find celebrities that looked most like me. Of course I don't look massively like them but can definitely see parity between our features which gave me some interesting insights.
Both matches have the lines I have from my lip ends to my nose and a very similar face shape. The best matches it gave are:
Alicia Silverstone: Not a perfect match but she shares those lines from mouth to nose. The biggest insight - her eyes are very similar to mine with lines under them and look a bit deeper, less open than many women. Very minimal eye makeup in pretty much all images from what I can determine. I've struggled to get eye makeup to work well with me. Maybe she finds similar?
Drew Barrymore: Not dissimilar face shape at all. Same lines as above. Her lips are much bigger than mine. If I fixed that I'd be pretty close. The other big factor - hair. She has a lot more hair to create volume and the forehead line is lower. With hair transplant again I would be getting close.
So my conclusion is yes I look very different from them both in a way, but some small changes could push me closer to a more feminine look. In any case there is a lot of similarity - I don't look overtly masculine by comparison.
I'd be interested if you can figure what else is similar / different between men and them.
Charlotte X
Both matches have the lines I have from my lip ends to my nose and a very similar face shape. The best matches it gave are:
Alicia Silverstone: Not a perfect match but she shares those lines from mouth to nose. The biggest insight - her eyes are very similar to mine with lines under them and look a bit deeper, less open than many women. Very minimal eye makeup in pretty much all images from what I can determine. I've struggled to get eye makeup to work well with me. Maybe she finds similar?
Drew Barrymore: Not dissimilar face shape at all. Same lines as above. Her lips are much bigger than mine. If I fixed that I'd be pretty close. The other big factor - hair. She has a lot more hair to create volume and the forehead line is lower. With hair transplant again I would be getting close.
So my conclusion is yes I look very different from them both in a way, but some small changes could push me closer to a more feminine look. In any case there is a lot of similarity - I don't look overtly masculine by comparison.
I'd be interested if you can figure what else is similar / different between men and them.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 11:16:52 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 11:16:52 AM
Drew Barrymore I always thought was cute as a button.
I can see some similarities between both of you.
I appreciate looking for similarities, but I think you are cute just as you are.
I can see some similarities between both of you.
I appreciate looking for similarities, but I think you are cute just as you are.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 06, 2026, 11:25:13 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 06, 2026, 11:25:13 AM
I don't see anything but femme in you. I think the changes you want to make will help you see what we see. The important part is to be content with yourself. And you are very close!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 06, 2026, 11:57:12 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 06, 2026, 11:57:12 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 11:13:03 AMFor research on my face shape and things I might be able to do with my look I asked chatGPT to find celebrities that looked most like me. Of course I don't look massively like them but can definitely see parity between our features which gave me some interesting insights.I just tried it and it came up with Claire Danes and Abigail Breslin, yes the little girl from Signs and Little Miss Sunshine so maybe it's not the most accurate ha ha!!
Both matches have the lines I have from my lip ends to my nose and a very similar face shape. The best matches it gave are:
Alicia Silverstone: Not a perfect match but she shares those lines from mouth to nose. The biggest insight - her eyes are very similar to mine with lines under them and look a bit deeper, less open than many women. Very minimal eye makeup in pretty much all images from what I can determine. I've struggled to get eye makeup to work well with me. Maybe she finds similar?
Drew Barrymore: Not dissimilar face shape at all. Same lines as above. Her lips are much bigger than mine. If I fixed that I'd be pretty close. The other big factor - hair. She has a lot more hair to create volume and the forehead line is lower. With hair transplant again I would be getting close.
So my conclusion is yes I look very different from them both in a way, but some small changes could push me closer to a more feminine look. In any case there is a lot of similarity - I don't look overtly masculine by comparison.
I'd be interested if you can figure what else is similar / different between men and them.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 12:11:09 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 12:11:09 PM
Im sure id get the bearded lady.😜
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 12:57:39 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 12:57:39 PM
I'm not looking desperately to make more facial changes, but its nice to validate whats working and similar to other women and what isn't. Really its affirmed me more in my own mind. But in future those options are open. A hair transplant is a definite as then i can actually get volume in my hair that lasts.
Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.
Charlotte 😻
Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 01:20:03 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 01:20:03 PM
When you all famous and doing a world tour, please remember us little people.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 06, 2026, 01:46:08 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 06, 2026, 01:46:08 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 12:57:39 PMI'm not looking desperately to make more facial changes, but its nice to validate whats working and similar to other women and what isn't. Really its affirmed me more in my own mind. But in future those options are open. A hair transplant is a definite as then i can actually get volume in my hair that lasts.
Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.
Charlotte 😻
I think that is a very healthy attitude.
Music-wise or when DJing, you can still be a queer woman. Have some fun with it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 06, 2026, 01:56:02 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 06, 2026, 01:56:02 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 12:57:39 PMI'm not looking desperately to make more facial changes, but its nice to validate whats working and similar to other women and what isn't. Really its affirmed me more in my own mind. But in future those options are open. A hair transplant is a definite as then i can actually get volume in my hair that lasts.You don't need AI to validate your feminimity Charlotte. It's there for all to see. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone. You look feminine, there is no doubt.
Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on May 06, 2026, 02:40:46 PM
Post by: Courtney G on May 06, 2026, 02:40:46 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 12:57:39 PMIm really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. It's a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.
Charlotte, a lot of your searching and struggling to define yourself resonates with me. It's something I've been meaning to explore in a blog post but it's easier to talk about day-to-day stuff. Maybe I'll write a bit about it.
I must say that in my case, I would give anything to be 100% read as a woman, but I don't know that I want to or need to satisfy society's expectations around gender. I told my electrologist yesterday that as a woman, I'm pretty butch and she disagreed, suggesting that I have a gentle, feminine quality, not butch at all. So maybe I'm a gentle, feminine person who wants to possess a traditionally feminine form but still wants to be "me" in terms of mannerisms, hobbies, etc. I mean, we know these gender roles society expects of us are all just a performance to make others feel comfortable, less threatened, or more in control (see "men" for more info). But I kind of eschew that. I don't want to have to stay in my lane as a woman in order to BE a woman. That's just dumb.
But then there's this:
Maybe I cling to the "I don't really need to be a woman; I'm not sure I fully identify as a woman" thought because I'm afraid I can't do it to my satisfaction or the satisfaction of others. This is one that sometimes keeps me up at night.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 02:57:30 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 02:57:30 PM
Quote from: Courtney G on May 06, 2026, 02:40:46 PMCharlotte, a lot of your searching and struggling to define yourself resonates with me. It's something I've been meaning to explore in a blog post but it's easier to talk about day-to-day stuff. Maybe I'll write a bit about it.
I must say that in my case, I would give anything to be 100% read as a woman, but I don't know that I want to or need to satisfy society's expectations around gender. I told my electrologist yesterday that as a woman, I'm pretty butch and she disagreed, suggesting that I have a gentle, feminine quality, not butch at all. So maybe I'm a gentle, feminine person who wants to possess a traditionally feminine form but still wants to be "me" in terms of mannerisms, hobbies, etc. I mean, we know these gender roles society expects of us are all just a performance to make others feel comfortable, less threatened, or more in control (see "men" for more info). But I kind of eschew that. I don't want to have to stay in my lane as a woman in order to BE a woman. That's just dumb.
But then there's this:
Maybe I cling to the "I don't really need to be a woman; I'm not sure I fully identify as a woman" thought because I'm afraid I can't do it to my satisfaction or the satisfaction of others. This is one that sometimes keeps me up at night.
There has definitely been a part of me that feels a lot like your last paragraph too. Its scary to adopt the I want to pass as a woman stance because you're setting a high bar. Like you say you're now afraid of not meeting your expectations here. So in a way by declaring this not important you release that pressure. But is this real or are we trying to fo ourselves?
This is the real bit - what do we really want? And then this changes day to day. Maybe because societal issues got to you one day? Or because you compared to someone that passes really well and want some of that. I'm guessing the goal is really somewhere in-between. Thats the gold we seek.
I find it tough as apart from on here i have no way to determine how feminine i look or if i pass. I've had zero encounters where people gendered my either way in months. Usage of gendered greetings here is non existent. At the hospital yes, but they had my file and name as reference. So its all confusing really.
I hope you get somewhere with your decisions as to what youre seeking to achieve. It sounds like you want to be completely free to determine how you present without confirming stereotypes, but also fear this may be just lowering your own internal standards to ease anxiety. Damn its tough!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on May 06, 2026, 03:31:38 PM
Post by: Courtney G on May 06, 2026, 03:31:38 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 06, 2026, 02:57:30 PMI find it tough as apart from on here i have no way to determine how feminine i look or if i pass. I've had zero encounters where people gendered my either way in months. Usage of gendered greetings here is non existent. At the hospital yes, but they had my file and name as reference. So it's all confusing really.
I think that a very common struggle among trans people is "does this person really see/recognize/respect me as [my chosen gender] or are they just being kind? Or maybe they're just tolerating me because they don't want to make waves."
But the stronger and wiser among us might say "Who cares? If they gender you correctly, don't worry about what they really think about you. Focus on what *you* think about you." Easier said than done, sometimes.
I was on a call with a health insurance advocate today and she asked me about my name, pointing out that she had deadnamed me because both my chosen name and deadname were in the system and she felt bad about it. When I told her I didn't care if she used that name, she exclaimed "girl! Of course I'm going to call you by the correct name!"
There was a sincerity to it that made me cry. I told her so and I thanked her for her kindness. I do believe it was real. And I guess that's the point: while there are haters and fakes out there, there are people who will go out of our way to lift us up. And maybe more importantly, if we feel "right" about how we choose to be seen, nothing else should matter, even in these troubled times in which hate has found a more full-throated voice from the top down.
I think I'm going to go and have a bowl of ice cream to celebrate this discussion.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 07, 2026, 07:52:51 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 07, 2026, 07:52:51 AM
Just for reference this was my FFS journey. Looks pretty undramatic apart from bruising!
(https://i.postimg.cc/9XP8PbSd/20260309-070109-2.jpg) On morning before surgery
(https://i.postimg.cc/QxX6f5GJ/20260310-091133.jpg) Morning after surgery
(https://i.postimg.cc/nc03gznF/20260313-112305.jpg) Day 2
(https://i.postimg.cc/ryGnGjbp/image.jpg) Day 5
(https://i.postimg.cc/gcySys54/image.jpg) Day 7
(https://i.postimg.cc/vH30kBGM/20260319-164950.jpg) Day 9 (some BB cream)
(https://i.postimg.cc/9XP8PbSd/20260309-070109-2.jpg) On morning before surgery
(https://i.postimg.cc/QxX6f5GJ/20260310-091133.jpg) Morning after surgery
(https://i.postimg.cc/nc03gznF/20260313-112305.jpg) Day 2
(https://i.postimg.cc/ryGnGjbp/image.jpg) Day 5
(https://i.postimg.cc/gcySys54/image.jpg) Day 7
(https://i.postimg.cc/vH30kBGM/20260319-164950.jpg) Day 9 (some BB cream)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 07, 2026, 09:39:33 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 07, 2026, 09:39:33 AM
I see a big change. I still think you are very cute
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 07, 2026, 10:24:35 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 07, 2026, 10:24:35 AM
I can see the difference, too.
They did a good job. I agree that you look cute.
They did a good job. I agree that you look cute.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 07, 2026, 04:35:11 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 07, 2026, 04:35:11 PM
Charlotte if you can't see the big change maybe your next operation should be on your peepers cos they're clearly not working lol!
There is night and day difference and the changes got much better since the last pic too.
Maybe try to take a current pic in the exact same pose and see the difference that way?
There is night and day difference and the changes got much better since the last pic too.
Maybe try to take a current pic in the exact same pose and see the difference that way?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 07, 2026, 04:42:16 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 07, 2026, 04:42:16 PM
Wow! And you went through all that just so you could use the ladies' loo?
Charlotte, you look amazing!
Like a chrysalis bursting apart for all the world to see!
Charlotte, you look amazing!
Like a chrysalis bursting apart for all the world to see!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 07, 2026, 04:51:31 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 07, 2026, 04:51:31 PM
I can definitely see the improvement for sure. Just my surgery pics look pretty tame compared to most. Like minimal babdages, equipment and such. Kinda in then out to recover.
I am growing to finally love my face more now thanks to suppport on here. Just like a hair transplant one day. Not so happy with my body but hopefully it'll get where i want it in the next couple of years.
Charlotte 😻
I am growing to finally love my face more now thanks to suppport on here. Just like a hair transplant one day. Not so happy with my body but hopefully it'll get where i want it in the next couple of years.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 07, 2026, 05:06:19 PM
Post by: Petunia on May 07, 2026, 05:06:19 PM
Charlotte and Courtney, I can only judge from the photos/avatars you have but there are no guys in any of them. I'm not trying to be kind, it's just what I see.
Of course being correctly gendered goes a lot further thsn that, mannerisms, voice, movement etc
The biggest critic you are ever going to have is yourselves.
I hope you both cut yourselves a bit of slack and enjoy how far you've come, pat yourselves on the back and just sit and smile for a little while.
Congratulations girls, I wish I looked as good as either of you
Of course being correctly gendered goes a lot further thsn that, mannerisms, voice, movement etc
The biggest critic you are ever going to have is yourselves.
I hope you both cut yourselves a bit of slack and enjoy how far you've come, pat yourselves on the back and just sit and smile for a little while.
Congratulations girls, I wish I looked as good as either of you
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:50:33 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:50:33 AM
I know a few on here like electronics and tech so I'm going to geek out a bit here with something I'm working on in case you're interested!
This a capture of the activity on a DALI lighting control bus. Essentially the bus is held high at a nominal 16v DC. But the available current is limited so master (control devices) and slave (lights/sensors etc) can pull this bus low to encode data.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SNjwD1P0/DALI-addr.png)
The cool bit is that the data is what's called Machester encoded. In most data lines a logic 1 is defined by the signal voltage being high, and logic 0 by the signal voltage being low. The problem here is if you have successive repeats of the same logic level you end up with a continuous high or low period. This means for a receiver to interpret this you either need to send a clock signal separately, this way on each clock pulse it reads the logic level so can interpret how many of logic 1 or 0 are in this period. Alternatively the clock on both the receiver and master must be so accurate that the signal can be faithfully read by a local fixed clock signal.
Manchester encoding gets around this by ensuing there is a level change in the middle of each data bit regardless of if its a 0 or 1 and even with successive repeats! The creates an embedded clock pulse within the data itself. Now we can have +/- 10% accuracy of the data clock yet its fully readable by any device on the bus without a second separate clock wire. This is now a reliable 2 wire control bus. So a logic 1 is represented by a transition from low to high and a logic zero by a transition high to low on the control bus. A full bit should last 833.33us which I've marked on the scope - it shows 850us - this is just the resolution of the marker, but still with +10% requirement for clock accuracy. As you can see the first bit (start bit) is a logic 1 as it transitions low to high mid pulse. Followed by the first data bit which is logic 0 being high to low transition mid pulse.
Hope you found that interesting. If not sorry - I'm a geek at heart!!
Charlotte X
This a capture of the activity on a DALI lighting control bus. Essentially the bus is held high at a nominal 16v DC. But the available current is limited so master (control devices) and slave (lights/sensors etc) can pull this bus low to encode data.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SNjwD1P0/DALI-addr.png)
The cool bit is that the data is what's called Machester encoded. In most data lines a logic 1 is defined by the signal voltage being high, and logic 0 by the signal voltage being low. The problem here is if you have successive repeats of the same logic level you end up with a continuous high or low period. This means for a receiver to interpret this you either need to send a clock signal separately, this way on each clock pulse it reads the logic level so can interpret how many of logic 1 or 0 are in this period. Alternatively the clock on both the receiver and master must be so accurate that the signal can be faithfully read by a local fixed clock signal.
Manchester encoding gets around this by ensuing there is a level change in the middle of each data bit regardless of if its a 0 or 1 and even with successive repeats! The creates an embedded clock pulse within the data itself. Now we can have +/- 10% accuracy of the data clock yet its fully readable by any device on the bus without a second separate clock wire. This is now a reliable 2 wire control bus. So a logic 1 is represented by a transition from low to high and a logic zero by a transition high to low on the control bus. A full bit should last 833.33us which I've marked on the scope - it shows 850us - this is just the resolution of the marker, but still with +10% requirement for clock accuracy. As you can see the first bit (start bit) is a logic 1 as it transitions low to high mid pulse. Followed by the first data bit which is logic 0 being high to low transition mid pulse.
Hope you found that interesting. If not sorry - I'm a geek at heart!!
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 08, 2026, 06:26:38 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 08, 2026, 06:26:38 AM
I won't pretend to understand all that Charlotte! I must say when I first looked at the post I thought you had posted a screenshot from a Spectrum Game from the 80's!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 07:31:52 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 07:31:52 AM
I followed a lot of it. I will have to show it to my son. He's currently working on his masters for electrical engineering. He may geek out a lot
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 08, 2026, 09:27:21 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 08, 2026, 09:27:21 AM
Very cool, Charlotte.
I have worked on Nurse Call systems in hospitals and nursing homes that use a Bus High voltage to signal "power on", then pull low to signal an alarm. Of course, they are not pulsed; just steady state.
I spent an hour on a trouble call trying to figure it out, and it made no sense. I called a senior tech for advice, and he laughed at me. He said, "Stop thinking of a 'negative ground'." It uses a "positive ground". Suddenly, it all made sense.
Thanks for sharing.
I have worked on Nurse Call systems in hospitals and nursing homes that use a Bus High voltage to signal "power on", then pull low to signal an alarm. Of course, they are not pulsed; just steady state.
I spent an hour on a trouble call trying to figure it out, and it made no sense. I called a senior tech for advice, and he laughed at me. He said, "Stop thinking of a 'negative ground'." It uses a "positive ground". Suddenly, it all made sense.
Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 09:40:23 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 09:40:23 AM
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 08, 2026, 09:27:21 AMVery cool, Charlotte.
I have worked on Nurse Call systems in hospitals and nursing homes that use a Bus High voltage to signal "power on", then pull low to signal an alarm. Of course, they are not pulsed; just steady state.
I spent an hour on a trouble call trying to figure it out, and it made no sense. I called a senior tech for advice, and he laughed at me. He said, "Stop thinking of a 'negative ground'." It uses a "positive ground". Suddenly, it all made sense.
Thanks for sharing.
Your 1940s and 1950's American cars used to use a 6v positive ground system. Can really send you in circles if you weren't prepared.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 08, 2026, 10:42:49 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 08, 2026, 10:42:49 AM
I sort of understood that, very well explained my dear. 6v pos earth, no problem!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 12:12:00 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 12:12:00 PM
Can't say at this moment I'm particularly happy its the weekend. I feel wiped out and just generally not that happy to be here. Tomorrow I've got this lesson writing music. Hope I feel better by then or my heart just wont be in it one bit.
Im starting to hate weekends more than the week sometimes. Energy is gone and have no desire to do anything left.
Im starting to hate weekends more than the week sometimes. Energy is gone and have no desire to do anything left.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 08, 2026, 01:38:17 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 08, 2026, 01:38:17 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 12:12:00 PMCan't say at this moment I'm particularly happy its the weekend. I feel wiped out and just generally not that happy to be here. Tomorrow I've got this lesson writing music. Hope I feel better by then or my heart just wont be in it one bit.My batteries are flat as a pancake tonight too, I don't see myself doing anything over the weekend. BUT you never know how you will feel in the morning. It sounds like your music lesson could be just the thing to perk you up a bit. Let us know how you got on.
Im starting to hate weekends more than the week sometimes. Energy is gone and have no desire to do anything left.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 01:48:03 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 01:48:03 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 08, 2026, 01:38:17 PMMy batteries are flat as a pancake tonight too, I don't see myself doing anything over the weekend. BUT you never know how you will feel in the morning. It sounds like your music lesson could be just the thing to perk you up a bit. Let us know how you got on.
Well its only 30 mins the first one so either way its not a huge deal. Meant to be a furry meet too, but its going to rain so wont bother with this one as there will be no fursuit walk. Plus i don't really wanna be out the house.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 08, 2026, 02:02:39 PM
Post by: davina61 on May 08, 2026, 02:02:39 PM
Can I send you some positive vibes, either that or a kick up the butt!! You never know what the universe will send your way, I have days when I dont want to do stuff and when I start on it I find it goes okay.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 08, 2026, 03:48:05 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 08, 2026, 03:48:05 PM
Hi there.
It's your friendly, neighbourhood Spiderwolf. <3
Charlotte... you mean more to the world and to people than you think, sweetie.
I saw what you posted in my blog. You care about others, you put yourself out there for others. Even when you don't feel like it in yourself.
You can hide yourself from yourself, sweetie. But not from people who see you and care about you.
You put your energy into being there for others. But you don't see it. I get that. You do it without thinking, and never think anything of it. It's not something you should care about. Except it is.
Don't give up on you, okay? Because you don't give up on other people. You are no different.
I believe in you.
It's your friendly, neighbourhood Spiderwolf. <3
Charlotte... you mean more to the world and to people than you think, sweetie.
I saw what you posted in my blog. You care about others, you put yourself out there for others. Even when you don't feel like it in yourself.
You can hide yourself from yourself, sweetie. But not from people who see you and care about you.
You put your energy into being there for others. But you don't see it. I get that. You do it without thinking, and never think anything of it. It's not something you should care about. Except it is.
Don't give up on you, okay? Because you don't give up on other people. You are no different.
I believe in you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:04:56 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:04:56 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on May 08, 2026, 03:48:05 PMHi there.
It's your friendly, neighbourhood Spiderwolf. <3
Charlotte... you mean more to the world and to people than you think, sweetie.
I saw what you posted in my blog. You care about others, you put yourself out there for others. Even when you don't feel like it in yourself.
You can hide yourself from yourself, sweetie. But not from people who see you and care about you.
You put your energy into being there for others. But you don't see it. I get that. You do it without thinking, and never think anything of it. It's not something you should care about. Except it is.
Don't give up on you, okay? Because you don't give up on other people. You are no different.
I believe in you.
Awwww thanks for the care, and Spiderwolf...that just sounds tooo cute! I love both of them and maybe a certain spider influenced my name choice You sooo make me smile, in like your first sentence.
I'm glad to see you back and hope you're getting better. Its such a better place around here with you around too.
Sorry I've not got loads to say back. My mind feels a bit weak this evening.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:16:09 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:16:09 PM
Raveronomy's girlie Kemono style head is completed by my maker. Now I can wear her to Confuzzled the furry con in a couple of weeks.
Raveronomy is my main and can present either pre or post transition with them.
I'm also in a new Telegram group so know some people going to the "trans / enby furs social" thats one of the events at CFZ.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y01Cfcp6/IMG-20260506-131010-863-2.jpg)
Raveronomy is my main and can present either pre or post transition with them.
I'm also in a new Telegram group so know some people going to the "trans / enby furs social" thats one of the events at CFZ.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y01Cfcp6/IMG-20260506-131010-863-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 04:17:13 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 04:17:13 PM
That's awesome
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 08, 2026, 04:32:44 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 08, 2026, 04:32:44 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 08, 2026, 04:04:56 PMAwwww thanks for the care, and Spiderwolf...that just sounds tooo cute! I love both of them and maybe a certain spider influenced my name choice You sooo make me smile, in like your first sentence.
I'm glad to see you back and hope you're getting better. Its such a better place around here with you around too.
Sorry I've not got loads to say back. My mind feels a bit weak this evening.
Charlotte 😻
Just being here is enough, Charlotte. It is easy to hide away from the world. I do that often enough,
Never apologise.
That picture is an outpouring of colour and vibrancy. I mean... I kind of got that from you with your connection to electronica, Charlotte. You see a world in a higher frequency. There is nothing to be ashamed of with that, okay? It's how you work.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 08, 2026, 09:10:18 PM
Post by: Petunia on May 08, 2026, 09:10:18 PM
I wonder how many electronic or electrical background people there are here.
Maybe there is a bit of a link?
Hey Charlotte, just do something nice for yourself. A bubble bath, do your nails or just get your makeup out and go crazy.
Just something to affirm yourself. I hope your weekend gets better, but I do understand. I've burried myself in bed many weekend and I'm trying to force myself not to do that anymore. I just try a little something without pressuring myself.
Maybe there is a bit of a link?
Hey Charlotte, just do something nice for yourself. A bubble bath, do your nails or just get your makeup out and go crazy.
Just something to affirm yourself. I hope your weekend gets better, but I do understand. I've burried myself in bed many weekend and I'm trying to force myself not to do that anymore. I just try a little something without pressuring myself.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 02:45:32 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 02:45:32 AM
Well I'm off out soon to my vocal lesson. A little better than yesterday but still can't stand to see my horrible male body in the mirror. It disgusts me to be honest. Hopefully these next yesrs will fly by and it'll maybe turn into something other than a shapless mess is is now.
Charlotte
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 09, 2026, 03:18:10 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 09, 2026, 03:18:10 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 02:45:32 AMWell I'm off out soon to my vocal lesson. A little better than yesterday but still can't stand to see my horrible male body in the mirror. It disgusts me to be honest. Hopefully these next yesrs will fly by and it'll maybe turn into something other than a shapless mess is is now.Enjoy Charlotte! I hope it sparks some new creative ideas and spurs you on to great beautiful things.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 05:31:21 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 05:31:21 AM
Writing / singing lesson was really good. My tutor Erin is exactly the kind of soul I want to explore this with. Very creative, gentle and upbeat about what I'm trying to achieve. I'm going to make a backing track and we're going to get started trying my rap vocals next week. She loves my care bears dress too.
Still struggling a bit today. I'm feeling that weight again in my mind that I'm just a failed 3rd rate trans person that's just got to accept they're bottom of the pile in in terms of body, looks and feminity. This is stopping me feel like a woman and very dysphoric now. I'm really sorry, I can't help feeling this way. It's just hurting a lot right now. I dont feel optimistic about my transition and am regretting it due to this emotional pain I'm feeling. I just feel inadequate to be a woman. I don't know...doesn't help that all I see is beautiful trans woman every day. Do I lock myself away from this so I dont see or try to learn to deal with it? I think many people feel like this when they compare to others, even if most dont openly admit it. How do i learn to accept myself in this environment? If i never transitioned i would have avoided this pain. But would have failed my truth and my life would be flat. Yet now its up and down. Its exciting but god damn its hurting me...a lot. I want to be mostly a woman. I definitely dont want to be a man. But its really hard.
Charlotte 😻
Still struggling a bit today. I'm feeling that weight again in my mind that I'm just a failed 3rd rate trans person that's just got to accept they're bottom of the pile in in terms of body, looks and feminity. This is stopping me feel like a woman and very dysphoric now. I'm really sorry, I can't help feeling this way. It's just hurting a lot right now. I dont feel optimistic about my transition and am regretting it due to this emotional pain I'm feeling. I just feel inadequate to be a woman. I don't know...doesn't help that all I see is beautiful trans woman every day. Do I lock myself away from this so I dont see or try to learn to deal with it? I think many people feel like this when they compare to others, even if most dont openly admit it. How do i learn to accept myself in this environment? If i never transitioned i would have avoided this pain. But would have failed my truth and my life would be flat. Yet now its up and down. Its exciting but god damn its hurting me...a lot. I want to be mostly a woman. I definitely dont want to be a man. But its really hard.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on May 09, 2026, 05:46:13 AM
Post by: Courtney G on May 09, 2026, 05:46:13 AM
Hugs and more hugs
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 09, 2026, 07:28:13 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 09, 2026, 07:28:13 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 05:31:21 AMWriting / singing lesson was really good. My tutor Erin is exactly the kind of soul I want to explore this with. Very creative, gentle and upbeat about what I'm trying to achieve. I'm going to make a backing track and we're going to get started trying my rap vocals next week. She loves my care bears dress too.I'm glad the writing/singing lesson went well Charlotte, it gives you something to focus on. I'm interested to see what results you will achieve together.
Still struggling a bit today. I'm feeling that weight again in my mind that I'm just a failed 3rd rate trans person that's just got to accept they're bottom of the pile in in terms of body, looks and feminity. This is stopping me feel like a woman and very dysphoric now. I'm really sorry, I can't help feeling this way. It's just hurting a lot right now. I dont feel optimistic about my transition and am regretting it due to this emotional pain I'm feeling. I just feel inadequate to be a woman. I don't know...doesn't help that all I see is beautiful trans woman every day. Do I lock myself away from this so I dont see or try to learn to deal with it? I think many people feel like this when they compare to others, even if most dont openly admit it. How do i learn to accept myself in this environment? If i never transitioned i would have avoided this pain. But would have failed my truth and my life would be flat. Yet now its up and down. Its exciting but god damn its hurting me...a lot. I want to be mostly a woman. I definitely dont want to be a man. But its really hard.
Charlotte 😻
Don't be sliding into darkness again Charlotte, you've been doing so well lately, you know how to overcome this.
I don't know which beautiful trans women you are comparing yourself with but if it's in the media or on Youtube and the like, the reality is that a lot of these girls transitioned when they were very young, and before testosterone wrecked havoc upon them. It is unrealistic to compare yourself to them. They can offer advice in other aspects of transition but don't be comparing yourself to them physically. I bet there are some CIS girls who would feel less than when compared to them. If you have to compare (and I don't think you should) then look to places like Susans where you find real trans women (Not slighting anyone on here mind, you are all beautiful in my eyes!). For every trans beauty there will be 50 people like us.
God knows transition is tough and you are racing though it so it's got to be hard for you to adjust but ask yourself this: Were you feeling worse before you started transition or is it worse now? If it is better now then you have made an incremental improvement and the further you go on your journey the better things should get.
I know you want the quick fix but these things take time. You can't just wave a magic wand or throw enough money at it. Your body needs to adjust to Estrogen and your changes. You will grow into it and I'll wager you won't recognise yourself in a years time.
Don't loose heart petal.
Sarah xx
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 09:10:55 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 09:10:55 AM
Thanks @Courtney G and @Stottie Girl. I'm still up and down and know i shouldn't compare, but when i put my heart into something it can kinda take over. I guess I'm trying to find who i am and my identity as a trans person. Thanks for the love, its really appreciated. You and all are beautiful people for sure.
I definitely made the right choice I know, but you dont anticipate how you'll handle the process. Especially if you set yourself perfection in most things you embark on. Add that I get easily overwhelmed. I was telling my partner how I've actually ended up in tears after experiences that I enjoyed so much it blew my mind. I think emotional regulation is the issue.
On another note I was in the mens clothing section with my boyfriend as he needed jeans. Honestly I've never felt so uninspired. Back down in the womens area my eyes are illuminated again. I so know I'm in the right place. I guess anything worth having takes effort and ups and downs to achieve. I just dont always vibe well with the process.
Charlotte
I definitely made the right choice I know, but you dont anticipate how you'll handle the process. Especially if you set yourself perfection in most things you embark on. Add that I get easily overwhelmed. I was telling my partner how I've actually ended up in tears after experiences that I enjoyed so much it blew my mind. I think emotional regulation is the issue.
On another note I was in the mens clothing section with my boyfriend as he needed jeans. Honestly I've never felt so uninspired. Back down in the womens area my eyes are illuminated again. I so know I'm in the right place. I guess anything worth having takes effort and ups and downs to achieve. I just dont always vibe well with the process.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Maid Marion on May 09, 2026, 09:22:34 AM
Post by: Maid Marion on May 09, 2026, 09:22:34 AM
It is easy to have unrealistic expectations as pictures have always been altered for people to look better than they actually are. Actors and actresses were forced to have cosmetic dental work to look better. At least those in the USA!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 09, 2026, 09:27:49 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 09, 2026, 09:27:49 AM
Massive hugs, Charlotte!
I love wandering through the women's clothing section! Perhaps it even qualifies as therapy.
I love wandering through the women's clothing section! Perhaps it even qualifies as therapy.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 09:38:50 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 09:38:50 AM
We had a walk down the canal in Walsall to a little park. Unfortunately the park is used a bit by drug addicts and such, but normally a bit later in the day. Apart from empty beer cans near the bench it was tidy and pleasant. From my past relationship I'm no stranger to drug addiction and where dealers and their customers frequent. But thats life really, I'm not blind to the grim parts of town/city life. I'm very street wise with it.
And here's a pic to prove I do smile and laugh. My bf made me happy. I love my Care Bears dress!
(https://i.postimg.cc/WzXprX1m/20260509-133235.jpg)
And here's a pic to prove I do smile and laugh. My bf made me happy. I love my Care Bears dress!
(https://i.postimg.cc/WzXprX1m/20260509-133235.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 09, 2026, 09:44:09 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 09, 2026, 09:44:09 AM
It's nice to see you smile Charlotte, we don't get to see enough of that!
Looking at your face now there is no mistaking you as male anymore particularly when you smile! You have a much better smile than me. It's very warm. I like the red highlights in your hair too.
Enjoy the sunshine, It's grey and rainy where I am.
Looking at your face now there is no mistaking you as male anymore particularly when you smile! You have a much better smile than me. It's very warm. I like the red highlights in your hair too.
Enjoy the sunshine, It's grey and rainy where I am.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 09, 2026, 10:25:35 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 09, 2026, 10:25:35 AM
Now that picture looks genuine. Not posed, just the Real Charlotte™ shining through.
You don't need to compare to others, because you are a woman right now. You may not realize it, but others are comparing themselves to you. Trying to look like someone else just makes you look like someone else, not you.
You have your own look. Your own style. Own it, because you rock it, girl.
You don't need to compare to others, because you are a woman right now. You may not realize it, but others are comparing themselves to you. Trying to look like someone else just makes you look like someone else, not you.
You have your own look. Your own style. Own it, because you rock it, girl.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 09, 2026, 11:08:56 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 09, 2026, 11:08:56 AM
You look very pretty and relaxed. I like this look on you. It looks like a beautiful day there. Enjoy it and keep the smile, ir suits you
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 09, 2026, 04:40:46 PM
Post by: Petunia on May 09, 2026, 04:40:46 PM
Hey Charlotte, great photo.
If you want to look more feminine keep.smiling like that. You look f'ing gorgeous there.
I keep seeing photo's of young trans girls and get very jealous, but as others have said, they started young, some probably didn't complete male puberty, they have been girl practising for a long time, many were pretty boys first and then who knows what filters and manipulation has been done to their image.
You say you regret transitioning.
Come on girl, you make it sound like you had a choice. The drive was their inside you. It's like saying I wish I didn't choose to be nonbinary or trans.
You don't get a choice. Either you are Cis or you're not.
For the life of me I look at that photo and wonder how you think you are failing.
You are falling into the depression trap and spiralling.
Please take a close look at that photo and explain to me how that isn't an attractive young woman lost in a moment of joy radiating love.
If you want to look more feminine keep.smiling like that. You look f'ing gorgeous there.
I keep seeing photo's of young trans girls and get very jealous, but as others have said, they started young, some probably didn't complete male puberty, they have been girl practising for a long time, many were pretty boys first and then who knows what filters and manipulation has been done to their image.
You say you regret transitioning.
Come on girl, you make it sound like you had a choice. The drive was their inside you. It's like saying I wish I didn't choose to be nonbinary or trans.
You don't get a choice. Either you are Cis or you're not.
For the life of me I look at that photo and wonder how you think you are failing.
You are falling into the depression trap and spiralling.
Please take a close look at that photo and explain to me how that isn't an attractive young woman lost in a moment of joy radiating love.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 09, 2026, 05:15:37 PM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 09, 2026, 05:15:37 PM
Quote from: Petunia on May 09, 2026, 04:40:46 PMPlease take a close look at that photo and explain to me how that isn't an attractive young woman lost in a moment of joy radiating love.What Petunia said!
Love the smile, Charlotte.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 09, 2026, 07:50:52 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 09, 2026, 07:50:52 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 09:38:50 AMWe had a walk down the canal in Walsall to a little park. Unfortunately the park is used a bit by drug addicts and such, but normally a bit later in the day. Apart from empty beer cans near the bench it was tidy and pleasant. From my past relationship I'm no stranger to drug addiction and where dealers and their customers frequent. But thats life really, I'm not blind to the grim parts of town/city life. I'm very street wise with it.
And here's a pic to prove I do smile and laugh. My bf made me happy. I love my Care Bears dress!
(https://i.postimg.cc/WzXprX1m/20260509-133235.jpg)
So cute!
So nice!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 03:31:17 AM
Post by: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 03:31:17 AM
Quote from: Petunia on May 08, 2026, 09:10:18 PMI wonder how many electronic or electrical background people there are here.
I have an electronics background too. Interestingly in the trans social group I go to over half of them have an engineering background, but then it is in Cambridge.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 03:32:35 AM
Post by: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 03:32:35 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 09, 2026, 09:38:50 AMAnd here's a pic to prove I do smile and laugh. My bf made me happy. I love my Care Bears dress!
(https://i.postimg.cc/WzXprX1m/20260509-133235.jpg)
Cute smile, cute dress. Don't stop being you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 04:07:20 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 04:07:20 AM
Quote from: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 03:31:17 AMI have an electronics background too. Interestingly in the trans social group I go to over half of them have an engineering background, but then it is in Cambridge.I studied the first year of an Electrical and Electronic Engineering degree but it wasn't for me so I switched to Architecture instead.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 05:18:11 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 05:18:11 AM
Quote from: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 03:31:17 AMI have an electronics background too. Interestingly in the trans social group I go to over half of them have an engineering background, but then it is in Cambridge.
Oh thats super cool to hear. I built my first basic circuit with lanps in series when ! was 4. The teacher didn't understand lol. Its always stuck with me. I think thats definitely a Cambridge thing. I really struggled at my local trans social as had nothing in common and already very shy.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 05:32:55 AM
Post by: PhilippaRees on May 10, 2026, 05:32:55 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 05:18:11 AMOh thats super cool to hear. I built my first basic circuit with lanps in series when ! was 4. The teacher didn't understand lol. Its always stuck with me. I think thats definitely a Cambridge thing. I really struggled at my local trans social as had nothing in common and already very shy.
Charlotte 😻
Engineering must be like being trans. It was always there. I started at 6.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 10, 2026, 10:35:29 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 10, 2026, 10:35:29 AM
Im no engineer I end being the guy that makes work what the engineer asks for. I've been playing with electricity since I was 8. Now I play with as low as 12vdc to 3phase 480vac.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 10, 2026, 10:53:05 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 10, 2026, 10:53:05 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 04:07:20 AMI studied the first year of an Electrical and Electronic Engineering degree but it wasn't for me so I switched to Architecture instead.
I wanted to be an architect, but my dad (an electronics engineer) convinced me to get into electronics. I'm glad I did. He wasn't wrong.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 11:00:23 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 11:00:23 AM
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 10, 2026, 10:53:05 AMI wanted to be an architect, but my dad (an electronics engineer) convinced me to get into electronics. I'm glad I did. He wasn't wrong.How did you go from electronic engineering to tank driving then Lori?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 11:02:53 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 11:02:53 AM
Well I'm back where I belong. It's been a while but this felt good. I've managed to get an idea down, at least enough to expand and make a basic backing track for next saturday to practice rap vocals against. I'll probably need to do a slow version and speed vocals later for the real thing!
(https://i.postimg.cc/3N9Pkgh4/20260510-145050-2.jpg)
My track idea (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1roG8RfEk9O9iqtt5W03X5kXAoXL6n-vH/view?usp=drivesdk)
(https://i.postimg.cc/3N9Pkgh4/20260510-145050-2.jpg)
My track idea (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1roG8RfEk9O9iqtt5W03X5kXAoXL6n-vH/view?usp=drivesdk)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 11:17:21 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 11:17:21 AM
Glad to see that Charlotte! That's some kit you've got there!
Would be better with your winning smile though!
Would be better with your winning smile though!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 12:19:22 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 12:19:22 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 11:17:21 AMGlad to see that Charlotte! That's some kit you've got there!
Would be better with your winning smile though!
Unfortunately I cant force my genuine smile. That only comes if I'm being silly with my bf and we bounce off each other. My energy in real life is so different to on here. When i had my music lesson Erin said she could see so much passion in my eyes and face as I explained it. If I could get that passion across online then I think people would finally see me.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 10, 2026, 12:25:06 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 10, 2026, 12:25:06 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 04:07:20 AMI studied the first year of an Electrical and Electronic Engineering degree but it wasn't for me so I switched to Architecture instead.
May the force be with you.
Relax, take a load off your feet.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 12:48:22 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 10, 2026, 12:48:22 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 12:19:22 PMUnfortunately I cant force my genuine smile. That only comes if I'm being silly with my bf and we bounce off each other. My energy in real life is so different to on here. When i had my music lesson Erin said she could see so much passion in my eyes and face as I explained it. If I could get that passion across online then I think people would finally see me.We see you Charlotte. You're hard to miss!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 10, 2026, 03:23:57 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 10, 2026, 03:23:57 PM
I see you and appreciate you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2026, 03:34:38 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2026, 03:34:38 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 10, 2026, 12:19:22 PMUnfortunately I cant force my genuine smile. That only comes if I'm being silly with my bf and we bounce off each other. My energy in real life is so different to on here. When i had my music lesson Erin said she could see so much passion in my eyes and face as I explained it. If I could get that passion across online then I think people would finally see me.
Charlotte 😻
You don't need to, Charlotte. It's obvious. You are the same when you show pics of Serana, and the furry art you do. That aspect of your life. There are things that just... they are islands in an ocean for you. I get it. More than you probably know. The light is blindingly bright because the dark is crushingly dark. When you are in that zone, you are brighter than the sun. That's kind of how it is sometimes.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 05:08:36 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 05:08:36 AM
I'm getting such a strong urge to get married these days and hyper excitement at the idea of my wedding dress. The idea of getting married never excited me in boy mode yet now its immense. I think after I've paid my surgery I'm going to marry my fiancé and find the cutest wedding dress. I can't yet imagine how good I will feel for that day. I think I want a floral dress.
Charlotte
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 06:04:08 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 06:04:08 AM
Wow! That's big news Charlotte! Does your partner know about this? ha ha!
Why not consider getting engaged now? I would like to see an engagement ring on your finger!
I know what you mean about the wedding thing. I hate wedding receptions but I do like the ceremony. I would love to be a bride one day. It's probably all about the dress though!
I have a very long way to go before I could get there but I would love it to happen for you.
Why not consider getting engaged now? I would like to see an engagement ring on your finger!
I know what you mean about the wedding thing. I hate wedding receptions but I do like the ceremony. I would love to be a bride one day. It's probably all about the dress though!
I have a very long way to go before I could get there but I would love it to happen for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 07:11:00 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 07:11:00 AM
I think @Stottie Girl is right. You. Ees that ring on your finger. With some lovely photos
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 07:50:47 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 07:50:47 AM
We already are engaged since September last year!
(https://i.postimg.cc/mk1c8KfV/20250919-135748.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/mk1c8KfV/20250919-135748.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 08:27:42 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 08:27:42 AM
Very nice ring. I have to wear silicone rings for work
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 11, 2026, 08:58:24 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 11, 2026, 08:58:24 AM
Elegant and unique, Charlotte! And so beautiful! Congratulations! (I know, September was a minute ago but I'm seeing the ring for the first time)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 10:44:18 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 10:44:18 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 07:50:47 AMWe already are engaged since September last year!Oooooh, you're a dark horse, I didn't have a clue! He knows you well judging by the amount of colour on that ring!
(https://i.postimg.cc/mk1c8KfV/20250919-135748.jpg)
Floral dress as in not white?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 03:30:26 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 03:30:26 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 10:44:18 AMOooooh, you're a dark horse, I didn't have a clue! He knows you well judging by the amount of colour on that ring!
Floral dress as in not white?
Thinking mostly white with flowers. But maybe completely white with floral lace. It'll be the most exciting ever.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 03:45:34 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 03:45:34 PM
You could wear an all white traditional dress with embroided white floral lace (who wouldn't want to get married in white!) but with a colourful fresh flower crown (I think that's what they're called). That would look pretty cool and would be a nod to tradition but with your own flair for colour.
Or you could get married in your furry gear ha ha!
Or you could get married in your furry gear ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 04:54:08 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 04:54:08 PM
Oh nooo..of course in the US there has been a furry wedding all in suits.
I really want to be a bride....like badly. That'll make me feel soooo good and sooo feminine. And for one day can look perfect with my hair and makeup done for me.
They pushed me hard in running club tonight. Moved up to the next group and managed to keep up. Had to go to the shop after with my man to get some milk. I walked down in my tight running shorts and top that shows my boobs shape. Feels sooo good out as a woman in my tight sporty gear hehe.
Charlotte 😻
I really want to be a bride....like badly. That'll make me feel soooo good and sooo feminine. And for one day can look perfect with my hair and makeup done for me.
They pushed me hard in running club tonight. Moved up to the next group and managed to keep up. Had to go to the shop after with my man to get some milk. I walked down in my tight running shorts and top that shows my boobs shape. Feels sooo good out as a woman in my tight sporty gear hehe.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 05:00:43 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 05:00:43 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 04:54:08 PMOh nooo..of course in the US there has been a furry wedding all in suits.
I really want to be a bride....like badly. That'll make me feel soooo good and sooo feminine. And for one day can look perfect with my hair and makeup done for me.
They pushed me hard in running club tonight. Moved up to the next group and managed to keep up. Had to go to the shop after with my man to get some milk. I walked down in my tight running shorts and top that shows my boobs shape. Feels sooo good out as a woman in my tight sporty gear hehe.
Charlotte 😻
I hope to have a womanly figure some time
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 05:04:44 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 05:04:44 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 05:00:43 PMI hope to have a womanly figure some time
I really hope so too and all being well that process will start soon 🙂
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Mariah on May 11, 2026, 05:24:10 PM
Post by: Mariah on May 11, 2026, 05:24:10 PM
Congratulations. Beautiful ring. Hugs
Mariah
Mariah
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 07:50:47 AMWe already are engaged since September last year!
(https://i.postimg.cc/mk1c8KfV/20250919-135748.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 08:15:13 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 08:15:13 AM
Not been feeling so good the last couple of days. My face is coming up in acne and also my butt / upper legs are covered. Don't know what's going on, but this does come in waves for me sometimes.
Feeling dysphoric too about my progress. This feels a tough time as in part I feel like I'm crossing a threshold into womanhood but still so far from how I see myself. I guess its like limbo as living as a woman with that self expression yet only just. I sat in the sun on the floor just now and felt sorry for myself thinking about stuff and just looking at my arms, legs and hands. But the weird thing is that I saw a woman's arms, women's legs and woman's hands. I even felt the pain as a woman, feeling a deep sense of delicacy about my being. A women in distress and felt deep care for her. I'm limboing between me and my womanhood as a 3rd person but still feeling a woman in the deepest sense. Maybe I'm struggling now to match my external to a very deep inner feminine sensitivity.
To date this is one of the deepest feelings of being a woman I've felt whilst at the same time not feeling enough of a woman. This is really hard right now!
Charlotte X
Feeling dysphoric too about my progress. This feels a tough time as in part I feel like I'm crossing a threshold into womanhood but still so far from how I see myself. I guess its like limbo as living as a woman with that self expression yet only just. I sat in the sun on the floor just now and felt sorry for myself thinking about stuff and just looking at my arms, legs and hands. But the weird thing is that I saw a woman's arms, women's legs and woman's hands. I even felt the pain as a woman, feeling a deep sense of delicacy about my being. A women in distress and felt deep care for her. I'm limboing between me and my womanhood as a 3rd person but still feeling a woman in the deepest sense. Maybe I'm struggling now to match my external to a very deep inner feminine sensitivity.
To date this is one of the deepest feelings of being a woman I've felt whilst at the same time not feeling enough of a woman. This is really hard right now!
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 13, 2026, 08:29:38 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 13, 2026, 08:29:38 AM
Im so sorry you are feeling down. I'm excited you feel them as a woman.
I'm sending you a big hug and a virtual shoulder to lean on
I'm sending you a big hug and a virtual shoulder to lean on
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 08:35:28 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 08:35:28 AM
Hey you! I've been wonderering where you've been these last few days. You were on cloud 9 about the wedding plans then you disapeared. Hope you are ok?
Transition is an awkward thing, I suppose it's like the gawky adolescent years where your body was changing from child to adult. It's just a stage you have to push through to emerge on the other side. I guess that is why I'm trying to do as much as I can while closeted to try to minimise that difficult period as much as possible. Take heart in the knowledge that all of us are going through or have gone through the same thing. The end result is worth it.
I am mostly at the stage where when I look in the mirror or look down at myself, all I see is a woman, even my thoughts processes have changed. My senses have changed too, the sense of touch as my skin has changed, my sense of smell has changed, My personal smell has changed! It is a wonderful voyage of discovery really. I think you just need to keep your eyes on the prize and enjoy the moments like today when you feel 100% like the woman you are. The feeling awkward phase will pass soon enough and it will become 100% every day soon enough.
Transition is an awkward thing, I suppose it's like the gawky adolescent years where your body was changing from child to adult. It's just a stage you have to push through to emerge on the other side. I guess that is why I'm trying to do as much as I can while closeted to try to minimise that difficult period as much as possible. Take heart in the knowledge that all of us are going through or have gone through the same thing. The end result is worth it.
I am mostly at the stage where when I look in the mirror or look down at myself, all I see is a woman, even my thoughts processes have changed. My senses have changed too, the sense of touch as my skin has changed, my sense of smell has changed, My personal smell has changed! It is a wonderful voyage of discovery really. I think you just need to keep your eyes on the prize and enjoy the moments like today when you feel 100% like the woman you are. The feeling awkward phase will pass soon enough and it will become 100% every day soon enough.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 08:51:18 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 08:51:18 AM
I really didn't have much good to say and didn't feel like engaging, so just didn't post anything much. Still not great today but better than yesterday at least. I'm probably feeling more body dysmorphia now over my physical self like body shape, breasts and even my hair. Really in the same way a cis woman might. That's kind of proven as I tried to see myself as male because I thought that was my problem and I couldn't. As much as one knows that things take time its still tough being in limbo. In a way worse than being in boy mode. There were no expectations then but there are now. I hope the other side is better and sure it probably will be. But right now its a headf*** - I cant describe any better way.
On an interesting note my cis colleagues were talking about swimsuits so I chipped in saying that I'll be wearing mine out the first time at the furry con pool. I mentioned that I'm nervous and self conscious. They both almost at the same time said yep...we feel exactly the same each time we wear swimsuits out.
Charlotte x
On an interesting note my cis colleagues were talking about swimsuits so I chipped in saying that I'll be wearing mine out the first time at the furry con pool. I mentioned that I'm nervous and self conscious. They both almost at the same time said yep...we feel exactly the same each time we wear swimsuits out.
Charlotte x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 13, 2026, 08:57:26 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 13, 2026, 08:57:26 AM
I'm looking at womans long line swim bottoms with a swim shirt. I like the look and it covers
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 09:23:28 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 09:23:28 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 08:51:18 AMI really didn't have much good to say and didn't feel like engaging, so just didn't post anything much. Still not great today but better than yesterday at least. I'm probably feeling more body dysmorphia now over my physical self like body shape, breasts and even my hair. Really in the same way a cis woman might. That's kind of proven as I tried to see myself as male because I thought that was my problem and I couldn't. As much as one knows that things take time its still tough being in limbo. In a way worse than being in boy mode. There were no expectations then but there are now. I hope the other side is better and sure it probably will be. But right now its a headf*** - I cant describe any better way.I'm sorry your feeling that way Charlotte. But I'm sorry to say if you think as a woman you won't be worrying about body shape, hair and boobs you're probably out of luck! Most CIS gender women as far as I can see are obsessed about their body shape in particular and it isn't fair that everywhere they look there are perfect examples what they are "supposed" to look like everywhere, on bill boards, on tv, in magazines. Women are naturally much more analytical about their appearance and it's not always healthy. You will have to try to learn how to avoid camparing your self to these impossible women.
On an interesting note my cis colleagues were talking about swimsuits so I chipped in saying that I'll be wearing mine out the first time at the furry con pool. I mentioned that I'm nervous and self conscious. They both almost at the same time said yep...we feel exactly the same each time we wear swimsuits out.
Charlotte x
When I went on my last walk to Dunstanburgh castle I was looking at the other women on the walk and I have to say, I think when I'm in girl mode, even casually, I was better looking and more feminine that a lot of those out walking. That's not me being big headed it's just comparing myself against real women in real life. I think you should do a bit more of that because in my eyes you will not be out of place among them.
Wearing a swimsuit pre-op is a bold step Charlotte. I don't want to put you off particularly but are you sure you have a good tucking regime that would survive being in the baths? I would hate you to have an embarrassing moment getting in or out the pool. Plus changing rooms? how are you going to deal with that? I have pretty much written off swimming as an activity until I can get GRS.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 09:35:38 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 09:35:38 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 09:23:28 AMI'm sorry your feeling that way Charlotte. But I'm sorry to say if you think as a woman you won't be worrying about body shape, hair and boobs you're probably out of luck! Most CIS gender women as far as I can see are obsessed about their body shape in particular and it isn't fair that everywhere they look there are perfect examples what they are "supposed" to look like everywhere, on bill boards, on tv, in magazines. Women are naturally much more analytical about their appearance and it's not always healthy. You will have to try to learn how to avoid camparing your self to these impossible women.
When I went on my last walk to Dunstanburgh castle I was looking at the other women on the walk and I have to say, I think when I'm in girl mode, even casually, I was better looking and more feminine that a lot of those out walking. That's not me being big headed it's just comparing myself against real women in real life. I think you should do a bit more of that because in my eyes you will not be out of place among them.
Wearing a swimsuit pre-op is a bold step Charlotte. I don't want to put you off particularly but are you sure you have a good tucking regime that would survive being in the baths? I would hate you to have an embarrassing moment getting in or out the pool. Plus changing rooms? how are you going to deal with that? I have pretty much written off swimming as an activity until I can get GRS.
The odd thing with me is that one of these so called perfect bodied women is the last thing I want to be. My body is actually closer to that than where I want to be. I'd love to be curvy but don't think my body will go that way easily. Things like swim suits just hang on me as I've got no shape - the only shape I have is my tummy out a tiny bit and too big arms muscles that I can't stand to see, then its all shapeless.
Not really worried if there is a bulge in my swimsuit - I'd rather minimal but its not a deal breaker. If others don't like it that's their problem. I'll put a very tight spandex thong I have under to control that to some degree. More nervy about my lack of shape really. I'll prob wear my swimsuit under my clothes to at least avoid changing into it. I'll change back hiding under my towel! I'll make sure my boobs are out ASAP so that bit at least lends me some womanhood to anyone if they look! Also will wear an ultra femme outfit going in and out. Hopefully it'll mostly be furries in there rather than normies!
Charlotte X
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 09:55:11 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 09:55:11 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 09:35:38 AMThe odd thing with me is that one of these so called perfect bodied women is the last thing I want to be. My body is actually closer to that than where I want to be. I'd love to be curvy but don't think my body will go that way easily. Things like swim suits just hang on me as I've got no shape - the only shape I have is my tummy out a tiny bit and too big arms muscles that I can't stand to see, then its all shapeless.Oh I forgot you said it was a furry thing. You've mentioned before that they are much more open minded when it comes to trans issues. It might well be fine then.
Not really worried if there is a bulge in my swimsuit - I'd rather minimal but its not a deal breaker. If others don't like it that's their problem. I'll put a very tight spandex thong I have under to control that to some degree. More nervy about my lack of shape really. I'll prob wear my swimsuit under my clothes to at least avoid changing into it. I'll change back hiding under my towel! I'll make sure my boobs are out ASAP so that bit at least lends me some womanhood to anyone if they look! Also will wear an ultra femme outfit going in and out. Hopefully it'll mostly be furries in there rather than normies!
Charlotte X
Charlotte
I bet if you sat on the edge of the pool and looked at all the other women they won't all be curvy, some will have no shape at all. Some women have no hips to speak of, some no butt, some are inverted triangle, some are apple shapped and yes some have very womanly curves. My point is women come in all shapes and sizes. In the swimming baths when they are just in their costumes that will be laid bare for all to see. It's good place for comparing yourself probably. Also you haven't even begun to start changing bodyshape really. I am being honest when I say those changes happen further down the line with HRT. You are nowhere near the finished body shape yet.
If it really bothers you have you thought of a swimdress? like a swimsuit but with a bit af a skirt. That can flare out your hips and disguise your shape a bit if you are feeling self concious. You don't have to go full speedo!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 01:59:43 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 01:59:43 PM
I'm just gonna wear the swimsuit i want! I don't care anymore just gonna start doing entirely what i want, whenever i want!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 02:24:09 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 13, 2026, 02:24:09 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 01:59:43 PMI'm just gonna wear the swimsuit i want! I don't care anymore just gonna start doing entirely what i want, whenever i want!oooooooh fiesty! I like it Charlotte!!!! You go girl, do whatever makes you happy! I was only trying to help!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Courtney G on May 13, 2026, 02:44:32 PM
Post by: Courtney G on May 13, 2026, 02:44:32 PM
My wife is on that back end of menopause and her body is slowly changing. I noticed the other day that her butt has pretty much flattened. Mine is round and pert. This is the advantage time provides; we continue to move in a feminine direction while our cis counterparts are slowly losing their curves and softness. It levels the playing field a bit.
On the subject of electronics, I spent years working on cars, first on audio systems, then general wiring on the manufacturing end, then restoration. But a few years later, I spent a few years doing small-volume manufacturing, mostly at home. I would get up every day and solder circuit boards and other assemblies. I started by doing everything with a soldering iron, then bought a solder pot, then ended up farming out the stuffing/soldering. I learned a bit of repair, working with a meter and logic probe, but I never was a proper "tech." I'm extremely good at troubleshooting, but I never got fully trained in theory - I was too distracted by other things.
Despite being somewhat ADHD, I really enjoyed the repetitive work of soldering. I think I have a hyper-attentive/focus condition that allows me to spend hours doing these sorts of things. It's why I feel that performing electrolysis will be attractive to me.
On the subject of electronics, I spent years working on cars, first on audio systems, then general wiring on the manufacturing end, then restoration. But a few years later, I spent a few years doing small-volume manufacturing, mostly at home. I would get up every day and solder circuit boards and other assemblies. I started by doing everything with a soldering iron, then bought a solder pot, then ended up farming out the stuffing/soldering. I learned a bit of repair, working with a meter and logic probe, but I never was a proper "tech." I'm extremely good at troubleshooting, but I never got fully trained in theory - I was too distracted by other things.
Despite being somewhat ADHD, I really enjoyed the repetitive work of soldering. I think I have a hyper-attentive/focus condition that allows me to spend hours doing these sorts of things. It's why I feel that performing electrolysis will be attractive to me.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 02:58:06 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 02:58:06 PM
I still want to be plus size but dunno if I really want to limit my options of clothes. I'm already size 16 and often that's too small needing up to 18. If that wasnt a concern I'd be eating several tubs of peanut butter every week now. But ive got too little body fat to get any shape. Only on my belly.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 14, 2026, 03:16:19 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 14, 2026, 03:16:19 AM
Wish I was back to an 18, tops anyway as with my big rib cage (I had biggest lung capacity of any in my class at school when we did a test) and now a C bust I have to get 20 or 22 fit. I wrote a post yesterday but it vanished saying that just look at everyday folks going shopping/work .Minimal make up if any, just jeans and a T shirt or blouse and body shapes are all different. You do you dear and no body will take a second look.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 03:46:54 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 03:46:54 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 13, 2026, 02:58:06 PMI still want to be plus size but dunno if I really want to limit my options of clothes. I'm already size 16 and often that's too small needing up to 18. If that wasnt a concern I'd be eating several tubs of peanut butter every week now. But I've got too little body fat to get any shape. Only on my belly.Why would you want to be plus size Charlotte? I would kill to be back at size 16! I still had body fat back then.
Your frame should reduce a bit with time, you don't want to be stuck overweight, believe me. And don't loose sight of the fact that surgeons often demand a BMI of 28-30 for GRS which is a tough bar to stay under when you are piling on the pounds.
You will still fill out at size 12 or 14 you know, your belly fat will reduce and fat reserves will start to be stored in feminine areas. It just takes time. Loosing that weight once you have it on HRT is hard. Youa re far better being able to buy size 16 clothing than where I am at UK20 I'm always too large for stuff and I can't wear what I want to wear. There are quite a few brands that don't even go beyond size 16 it's infuriating.
I wouldn't wish being overweight on anyone. It's horrible.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 14, 2026, 05:43:01 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 14, 2026, 05:43:01 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 03:46:54 AMWhy would you want to be plus size Charlotte? I would kill to be back at size 16! I still had body fat back then.
Your frame should reduce a bit with time, you don't want to be stuck overweight, believe me. And don't loose sight of the fact that surgeons often demand a BMI of 28-30 for GRS which is a tough bar to stay under when you are piling on the pounds.
You will still fill out at size 12 or 14 you know, your belly fat will reduce and fat reserves will start to be stored in feminine areas. It just takes time. Loosing that weight once you have it on HRT is hard. Youa re far better being able to buy size 16 clothing than where I am at UK20 I'm always too large for stuff and I can't wear what I want to wear. There are quite a few brands that don't even go beyond size 16 it's infuriating.
I wouldn't wish being overweight on anyone. It's horrible.
Its really just a personal thing...I'm not keen on the skinny / average look. I don't find it particularly pleasing. That's the only reason really but the clothing issue is what is stopping me and just not putting on weight despite eating biscuits everyday, donuts, 3 sugars in my drinks, large evening portions, deserts and milkshakes. I'm steady 83Kg (13 stone) and it doesn't move!
On another note our company Xmas do is being planned. When I was in boy mode if the info said 'dress to impress' I absolutely hated the idea. Now I'm stupendously excited about that! What a change transitioning has made.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 06:29:20 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 06:29:20 AM
Size 16 isn't skinny Charlotte. I know it's a bigger frame but you do not appear to look underweight at all I would love to be your size. Don't get too close to the BMI limit though whatever you do, at least until you've had your surgery anyway. I have a huge mountain to climb to hit that target before GRS is even an option. Maybe I should be climbing more mountains actually, that might help!
Xmas party already?!!! Give me strength!
Xmas party already?!!! Give me strength!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 14, 2026, 08:15:07 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 14, 2026, 08:15:07 AM
Yes I needed to be 14st to get my BMI down and now I am 20lbs over that. Wish I was 13st.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:02:57 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:02:57 PM
BMI (Body Mass Index, for people who don't know) is misleading. It only takes your height and weight into account. It doesn't take into account how much of that weight is muscle and how much is fat. It's an outdated metric used by people who want to cut most of your stomach out. Ask anyone who does even a moderate amount of exercise, and has a lot of lean mass, what their BMI is... and medical people would class them as overweight. Which is dumb.
It's an indicator but nothing more.
It's an indicator but nothing more.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 14, 2026, 03:08:58 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 14, 2026, 03:08:58 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:02:57 PMBMI (Body Mass Index, for people who don't know) is misleading. It only takes your height and weight into account. It doesn't take into account how much of that weight is muscle and how much is fat. It's an outdated metric used by people who want to cut most of your stomach out. Ask anyone who does even a moderate amount of exercise, and has a lot of lean mass, what their BMI is... and medical people would class them as overweight. Which is dumb.
It's an indicator but nothing more.
Agreed.
I have a cousin who was a wrestler. He joined the Army and wrestled on the All-Army Wrestling Team for several years. When he got promoted, they decided he should actually work at his job instead of representing the Army wrestling. They kept classifying him as overweight due to his height/weight. He kept appealing and even had them do a specific gravity test. They weighed him dry, then again in a pool. That bought him time, but eventually he was kicked out. That ticked off a lot of us family members.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:17:24 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:17:24 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 14, 2026, 03:08:58 PMAgreed.
I have a cousin who was a wrestler. He joined the Army and wrestled on the All-Army Wrestling Team for several years. When he got promoted, they decided he should actually work at his job instead of representing the Army wrestling. They kept classifying him as overweight due to his height/weight. He kept appealing and even had them do a specific gravity test. They weighed him dry, then again in a pool. That bought him time, but eventually he was kicked out. That ticked off a lot of us family members.
That is so dumb. I am sorry that happened, Lori. In today's world, with weight loss drugs and reality TV, BMI gets thrown about like some magical number. Look at these guys who wrestle... I mean look at someone like Brock Lesnar. The guy was close to 300lbs of pure muscle. For his height, doctors would have called him overweight. Is this overweight? Even at 48 years old.
(https://staticg.sportskeeda.com/editor/2023/06/dba6a-16871727531568-1920.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 04:20:58 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 04:20:58 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:02:57 PMBMI (Body Mass Index, for people who don't know) is misleading. It only takes your height and weight into account. It doesn't take into account how much of that weight is muscle and how much is fat. It's an outdated metric used by people who want to cut most of your stomach out. Ask anyone who does even a moderate amount of exercise, and has a lot of lean mass, what their BMI is... and medical people would class them as overweight. Which is dumb.I wholeheartedly agree but if you want surgery you have to adhere to their stupid system unfortunately. Most Rugby players have BMI's that would say they are obese but look at them go on the field. Nonesense really.
It's an indicator but nothing more.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on May 14, 2026, 09:54:49 PM
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on May 14, 2026, 09:54:49 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 03:02:57 PMBMI (Body Mass Index, for people who don't know) is misleading. It only takes your height and weight into account. It doesn't take into account how much of that weight is muscle and how much is fat. It's an outdated metric used by people who want to cut most of your stomach out. Ask anyone who does even a moderate amount of exercise, and has a lot of lean mass, what their BMI is... and medical people would class them as overweight. Which is dumb.
It's an indicator but nothing more.
I went for a physical a few years ago, and the doctor told me my bmi made me overweight, even though my weight was fine, and I was physically fit.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 01:42:38 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 01:42:38 AM
I wont do anything until after my GRS then i might just decide to gain weight. By that point I'll probably be bored of trying differnt fashion and such so being bigger wont be so much of an issue!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 15, 2026, 04:38:20 AM
Post by: Petunia on May 15, 2026, 04:38:20 AM
Hey Charlotte, have you got your maids outfit yet?
I'm going to guess not.
I know you struggle through weekends but can you please girl up, pick a spot in your house, put some music on, and you attack it like a cat on heat ( boyfriend can double the love )
Even if it's not for you please do it for me. I see it as something extra that you hsve done for me.
Girl, you have gotta understand how much you give to this commumity.
Do a little something for yourself.
I'm going to guess not.
I know you struggle through weekends but can you please girl up, pick a spot in your house, put some music on, and you attack it like a cat on heat ( boyfriend can double the love )
Even if it's not for you please do it for me. I see it as something extra that you hsve done for me.
Girl, you have gotta understand how much you give to this commumity.
Do a little something for yourself.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 06:30:47 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 06:30:47 AM
Quote from: Petunia on May 15, 2026, 04:38:20 AMHey Charlotte, have you got your maids outfit yet?
I'm going to guess not.
I know you struggle through weekends but can you please girl up, pick a spot in your house, put some music on, and you attack it like a cat on heat ( boyfriend can double the love )
Even if it's not for you please do it for me. I see it as something extra that you hsve done for me.
Girl, you have gotta understand how much you give to this commumity.
Do a little something for yourself.
Heyya Petunia,
I've not got my maids outfit as I'm keeping my money now for the furry convention I'm attending end of next week and I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow so that's wiping me out this month.
I would love this one but wonder if i might get a bit warm! I've been tempted ages though as wanted one like this for a long time, just never got round to buying it!
(https://i.postimg.cc/Hn15xtyB/S18a4a0931d394cb59fdf8980894a27f6f-jpg-960x960q75-jpg.avif)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 09:35:26 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 09:35:26 AM
Very cute. It looks a little overly pink for me. You'll look great it suits you.
What and where are you getting a tattoo? Inquiring minds want to know.
What and where are you getting a tattoo? Inquiring minds want to know.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 10:21:31 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 10:21:31 AM
I'm getting my kitty Chica, saddly passed tattooed. This is the artwork.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Qxv21wXp/image0.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Qxv21wXp/image0.png)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 10:32:42 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 10:32:42 AM
That's beautiful, Charlotte!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 11:22:55 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 11:22:55 AM
Pretty, where is the kitty tattoo going Charlotte?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 12:13:02 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 12:13:02 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 11:22:55 AMPretty, where is the kitty tattoo going Charlotte?
Thank you for asking I was curious
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 01:48:12 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 01:48:12 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 11:22:55 AMPretty, where is the kitty tattoo going Charlotte?
Somewhere around upper arm / chest...need to decide with my artist tomorrow! Can't wait to meet them, they're trans FTM and identity as queer and love cats. The other artist in the shop loves care bears and identifies as they / fae. Hoping for a pleasant day despite the pain!
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 01:50:41 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 01:50:41 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 01:48:12 PMSomewhere around upper arm / chest...need to decide with my artist tomorrow! Can't wait to meet them, they're trans FTM and identity as queer and love cats. The other artist in the shop loves care bears and identifies as they / fae. Hoping for a pleasant day despite the pain!
Charlotte 😻
Is this your first?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 02:15:22 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 02:15:22 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 01:48:12 PMSomewhere around upper arm / chest...need to decide with my artist tomorrow! Can't wait to meet them, they're trans FTM and identity as queer and love cats. The other artist in the shop loves care bears and identifies as they / fae. Hoping for a pleasant day despite the pain!Sounds like a canny day tomorrow then Charlotte! Will they make a start on it there and then?
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 02:18:08 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 02:18:08 PM
I'm looking for my next one. They can be very addictive
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 02:19:36 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 02:19:36 PM
This is my first so don't know what to expect. I know they'll make me feel at ease tomorrow. Half tomorrow and finish in a couple of weeks.
Over time i want my whole upper arms and chest area done.
Charlotte
Over time i want my whole upper arms and chest area done.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 02:22:46 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 15, 2026, 02:22:46 PM
It's more of an annoying discomfort, less pain. The only one I found really painful was on my ribs. Don't be afraid to ask for a break, the artist understands
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 03:25:30 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 03:25:30 PM
Numbing cream is a huge help, especially for the first time. I got some from a tattoo supply shop, so your artist may have some there. If you have some at home, apply it about 30 minutes before your appointment and you'll be good to go.
😀
😀
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 04:06:57 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 04:06:57 PM
Had the lovely discussion with colleagues about work and that I'm almost certainly going to have to work full time until nearly 70. Im already completely shattered by the end of the week i seriously dont know if that'll be possible. But the projected funds needed for retirement in 2050 are way off what I could ever have saved. Im just going to live for now and hope i don't make it anywhere near that point. Just get the house paid off for my partner to at least live more comfortably.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 04:10:17 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 04:10:17 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 04:06:57 PMHad the lovely discussion with colleagues about work and that I'm almost certainly going to have to work full time until nearly 70. Im already completely shattered by the end of the week i seriously dont know if that'll be possible. But the projected funds needed for retirement in 2050 are way off what I could ever have saved. Im just going to live for now and hope i don't make it anywhere near that point. Just get the house paid off for my partner to at least live more comfortably.
Charlotte 😻
Charlotte,
Planning for the future is indeed important. I would not let it trouble you so much that you cannot function clearly or get ill. Does your partner also work?
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 04:23:14 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 04:23:14 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 04:10:17 PMCharlotte,
Planning for the future is indeed important. I would not let it trouble you so much that you cannot function clearly or get ill. Does your partner also work?
Chrissy
No I'm the only one working. I'm not going to let it bother me as honestly I'll be surprised if i get near that age. As long as i can leave my bf ok I'll be fine. He's 12 years younger so more likely to live after me.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 05:18:12 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 05:18:12 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 04:06:57 PMHad the lovely discussion with colleagues about work and that I'm almost certainly going to have to work full time until nearly 70. Im already completely shattered by the end of the week i seriously dont know if that'll be possible. But the projected funds needed for retirement in 2050 are way off what I could ever have saved. Im just going to live for now and hope i don't make it anywhere near that point. Just get the house paid off for my partner to at least live more comfortably.I've totally buggered up my financial planning. Made redundant twice, was self employed for 11 years whilst not paying into a pension, Then lost two jobs through anxiety and depression. Apart from my time at British Gas I have never had a decent salary. My pensions are spread over 5 different funds.
Charlotte 😻
I am very very lucky I am an only child so I will end up inheriting otherwise I would be well and truly knackered!
Nobody cares about their pensions when they are younger though. By the time you realise, it's often too late.
If you dislike your job and want a decent pension you could always try to get into the civil service if there are any offices around your way. They pay pension contributions between 5-8% what you put in. That's not a bad return really. The down side is you are working for the civil service! It wasn't for me but some might like it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 05:40:08 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 05:40:08 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 05:18:12 PMI've totally buggered up my financial planning. Made redundant twice, was self employed for 11 years whilst not paying into a pension, Then lost two jobs through anxiety and depression. Apart from my time at British Gas I have never had a decent salary. My pensions are spread over 5 different funds.
I am very very lucky I am an only child so I will end up inheriting otherwise I would be well and truly knackered!
Nobody cares about their pensions when they are younger though. By the time you realise, it's often too late.
If you dislike your job and want a decent pension you could always try to get into the civil service if there are any offices around your way. They pay pension contributions between 5-8% what you put in. That's not a bad return really. The down side is you are working for the civil service! It wasn't for me but some might like it.
Similar here with low wages. I'm only paid well now and thats been since about 2020. Before that I was on low wages all my life. Ive saved since 18 but all them years equate to a few thousand at best. My projected pot is 100k. That won't go far by then and only finish paying my mortgage age 66 as didn't get a property until 2019.
I might get some portion of inheritance sometime but doubt it will be loads as shared. There is talk of needing 500k by the time i retire!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 05:44:04 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 15, 2026, 05:44:04 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 05:40:08 PMSimilar here with low wages. I'm only paid well now and thats been since about 2020. Before that I was on low wages all my life. Ive saved since 18 but all them years equate to a few thousand at best. My projected pot is 100k. That won't go far by then and only finish paying my mortgage age 66 as didn't get a property until 2019.Nobody will have £500,000 pots as a normal amount by then Charlotte. There is a big big problem coming down the line if you ask me. Gen x as a whole have not been planning this well!
I might get some portion of inheritance sometime but doubt it will be loads as shared. There is talk of needing 500k by the time i retire!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 05:51:16 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 05:51:16 PM
Start somewhere for savings. It will add up in time. Interest rates may actually increase soon, which is good for savers who wisely choose what cash equivalent they invest that cash in.
Actually, rates have been moving up in the USA recently. This also means that mortgage rates have moved up some.
Actually, rates have been moving up in the USA recently. This also means that mortgage rates have moved up some.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 06:13:31 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 06:13:31 PM
The very best thing you can do at any age is to get out of debt. It takes discipline and willpower, but it can be done. I have done it several times in my life.
It means skimping on things that are not essential and using that money to pay toward your lowest debt. Once that is paid, use what you would have spent on that debt as payment for the next.
It takes time and planning but it is certainly achievable. Once you have only the day to day expenses (rent, food, utilities), you can start stashing money away in savings.
Fortunately, our Forum Admin, Danielle is a Certified Financial Planner. If you are serious about it, send her a PM and see if she can help you get organized.
It means skimping on things that are not essential and using that money to pay toward your lowest debt. Once that is paid, use what you would have spent on that debt as payment for the next.
It takes time and planning but it is certainly achievable. Once you have only the day to day expenses (rent, food, utilities), you can start stashing money away in savings.
Fortunately, our Forum Admin, Danielle is a Certified Financial Planner. If you are serious about it, send her a PM and see if she can help you get organized.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 06:32:11 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 15, 2026, 06:32:11 PM
With so much in the way of useful suggestions for staying out of debt and planning for the future, taking appropriate astute action is quite important. While there can be some arguments for debt for what should be appreciating assets, and for the wealthy and some businesses, and for unusual low interest rate loans than can be turned around and invested at a higher rate (requiring discipline to do this), debt is something usually to be avoided and paid off as soon as practical if it exists.
By the way, the Bible mentions money and how to handle it a lot. It is also good reading. Perhaps other religions also have money handling advice too.
Unfortunately, the US Congress spends money it does not have and we are woefully in debt as a nation.
By the way, the Bible mentions money and how to handle it a lot. It is also good reading. Perhaps other religions also have money handling advice too.
Unfortunately, the US Congress spends money it does not have and we are woefully in debt as a nation.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 11:30:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 15, 2026, 11:30:17 PM
Thanks. I'll have paid my surgeries and student loan fully in about 3 yesrs. I'll decide then if I want to focus on saving anything for later or just pay my mortgage off quicker. In September my mortgage rate will increase from 2.1% to probably 6%. That itself will cost an extra £200 at least per month.
I don't want to gamble loads on later life but might do a bit more. Only really for my partners sake when I'm gone.
Charlotte X
I don't want to gamble loads on later life but might do a bit more. Only really for my partners sake when I'm gone.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 02:29:12 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 02:29:12 AM
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 15, 2026, 06:13:31 PMThe very best thing you can do at any age is to get out of debt. It takes discipline and willpower, but it can be done. I have done it several times in my life.I would definitely sceond this. I'm debt free currently but have a £500 self imposed limit on anything I buy and only 1 item at a time until the previous one is paid off. if it cost more than £500 I either save up the difference or save the whole amount I think it makes you appreciate things more too. I have twice been in a debt spiral when I was in my twenties and it can easilly wreck your life.
It means skimping on things that are not essential and using that money to pay toward your lowest debt. Once that is paid, use what you would have spent on that debt as payment for the next.
It takes time and planning but it is certainly achievable. Once you have only the day to day expenses (rent, food, utilities), you can start stashing money away in savings.
Fortunately, our Forum Admin, Danielle is a Certified Financial Planner. If you are serious about it, send her a PM and see if she can help you get organized.
For what it's worth, I totally understand your position on this Charlotte. You just want the operations out of the way so you can concentrate on a new you.
What annoys me is those that don't do anything to plan for the future end up getting more state pension in the long run. I mean they won't be rich but they will get by and have spent their whole life just blowing all their money having fun. I suppose there are different ways to look at it really. After all none of us can guarantee we will even reach retirement.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 16, 2026, 04:37:20 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 16, 2026, 04:37:20 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 02:29:12 AMI would definitely sceond this. I'm debt free currently but have a £500 self imposed limit on anything I buy and only 1 item at a time until the previous one is paid off. if it cost more than £500 I either save up the difference or save the whole amount I think it makes you appreciate things more too. I have twice been in a debt spiral when I was in my twenties and it can easilly wreck your life.
For what it's worth, I totally understand your position on this Charlotte. You just want the operations out of the way so you can concentrate on a new you.
What annoys me is those that don't do anything to plan for the future end up getting more state pension in the long run. I mean they won't be rich but they will get by and have spent their whole life just blowing all their money having fun. I suppose there are different ways to look at it really. After all none of us can guarantee we will even reach retirement.
Well ive basically been in work since i was 16 and never out if it. I went to university as a 29 year old, so had to save years before that so i had money to live on, and worked part time for the full 3 years. Then straight back into work. In theory my pension should be good, but bad wages until years after uni messed that up. Now I'm paid well, but to me living life now is important as i know many people who died before retirement or got there but constantly ill. Then it's a complete waste. You cant go back and do it all again. My dad never made 50. If its genetic I've had it!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 05:20:52 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 05:20:52 AM
There's something to be said for that Charlotte. At 50 years old I've officially entered "snipers alley"! My awareness of mortality has increased, there's no guarantee I will make it to retirement so you have to have balance. I know a lot of my parents friends who saved like mad and denied themselves the nicer things in life then died in their early 60's. Such a waste. I don't have much but I will use it to fund the best life I can while I'm still here.
It's a morbid thought really, sorry about that! Think cheery thoughts, butterflies and unicorns🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My parents ex neighbour has just died in his early 60's. They had moved house to a remote part of Northumberland just two days earlier. He was just about to start a new life and settle into retirement. Tragic
It's a morbid thought really, sorry about that! Think cheery thoughts, butterflies and unicorns🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My parents ex neighbour has just died in his early 60's. They had moved house to a remote part of Northumberland just two days earlier. He was just about to start a new life and settle into retirement. Tragic
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 16, 2026, 07:13:51 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 16, 2026, 07:13:51 AM
Thats why I keep busy, no time to pass!!!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 16, 2026, 09:11:47 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 16, 2026, 09:11:47 AM
My wife and I figure we will die doing our jobs. We made some poor financial decisions and are digging our way out.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 16, 2026, 05:38:56 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 16, 2026, 05:38:56 PM
How did the tattoo go today?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 16, 2026, 07:35:10 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 16, 2026, 07:35:10 PM
Do you get the tattoo?
Chrissy
Chrissy
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 02:50:51 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 02:50:51 AM
Hello Charlotte, Just checking in with you. I thought you might have been eager to show us your new tattoo even though it will be a work in progress?
Hope all went well for you.
Hope all went well for you.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 04:54:00 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 04:54:00 AM
Thanks all, tattoo went well. I got home, felt very tired and then very deflated. Today even worse. I've woke up with a headache which I'll have to take ridiculous amounts of NSAIDs to shift. An overwhelming feeling I don't want to be here and even less desire to get all the jobs done for the week including stuff i need ready for the furry con in friday.
I've just left a trans group as I can't stand seeing everday what a poor impersonation of a woman i am looking at even just average people. I'm like bottom of the pile bargain basement trash. I dont feel far off running away from here abmnd not coming back tbh. Still though despite the very few good bits in life i really don't want to be here. I still despise most days of my existence. Work is just exhausting me emotionally and physically. Basically 5 days a week are write offs. Then occasionally i enjoy the weekend, but not often. Honestly i wish i could hust ffwd to the end and be done with this prison called life.
Im just worried for my partner as without me he'll struggle and i cant do that to him. That just means im trapped now in this life with no way out. I feel gulity willing myself to get an incurable disease.
I've just left a trans group as I can't stand seeing everday what a poor impersonation of a woman i am looking at even just average people. I'm like bottom of the pile bargain basement trash. I dont feel far off running away from here abmnd not coming back tbh. Still though despite the very few good bits in life i really don't want to be here. I still despise most days of my existence. Work is just exhausting me emotionally and physically. Basically 5 days a week are write offs. Then occasionally i enjoy the weekend, but not often. Honestly i wish i could hust ffwd to the end and be done with this prison called life.
Im just worried for my partner as without me he'll struggle and i cant do that to him. That just means im trapped now in this life with no way out. I feel gulity willing myself to get an incurable disease.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 07:24:32 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 07:24:32 AM
Well the headache seems to be sibsiding as I took Dexketoprofen which I had left from my FFS. Think I'll need get some more or some Keterolac as the normal NSAIDs do nothing in normal doses anymore
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 08:15:41 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 08:15:41 AM
Oh dear petal. You have woken up down haven't you. You are way too hard on yourself. Who on earth is in your trans group if you are bottom of the pile?? Are they all super models or something! I don't believe that's true for one minute.
You must know by now that your mood is shifting wildly from really happy to times like now when you are really down. These low points are temporary though, you might not be able to see it but we can. Go back a few days and you were really happy about the prospect of getting married, you enjoyed your music lesson and so on. These are big mood swings you are having. The reality of your situation is likely somewhere in the middle. Go back through your blog and you will see what I mean. You have very deep troughs and such elevated highs. It's like an emotional rollercoaster.
I thought you were on a path to speak to psychological services, have they still not given you an appointment yet?
You must know by now that your mood is shifting wildly from really happy to times like now when you are really down. These low points are temporary though, you might not be able to see it but we can. Go back a few days and you were really happy about the prospect of getting married, you enjoyed your music lesson and so on. These are big mood swings you are having. The reality of your situation is likely somewhere in the middle. Go back through your blog and you will see what I mean. You have very deep troughs and such elevated highs. It's like an emotional rollercoaster.
I thought you were on a path to speak to psychological services, have they still not given you an appointment yet?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 08:23:31 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 08:23:31 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 04:54:00 AMThanks all, tattoo went well. I got home, felt very tired and then very deflated. Today even worse. I've woke up with a headache which I'll have to take ridiculous amounts of NSAIDs to shift. An overwhelming feeling I don't want to be here and even less desire to get all the jobs done for the week including stuff i need ready for the furry con in friday.
I've just left a trans group as I can't stand seeing everday what a poor impersonation of a woman i am looking at even just average people. I'm like bottom of the pile bargain basement trash. I dont feel far off running away from here abmnd not coming back tbh. Still though despite the very few good bits in life i really don't want to be here. I still despise most days of my existence. Work is just exhausting me emotionally and physically. Basically 5 days a week are write offs. Then occasionally i enjoy the weekend, but not often. Honestly i wish i could hust ffwd to the end and be done with this prison called life.
Im just worried for my partner as without me he'll struggle and i cant do that to him. That just means im trapped now in this life with no way out. I feel gulity willing myself to get an incurable disease.
You think your at the bottom? Well little lady I'm still rocking facial hair, legs look like I could be big foot, and my partner has not been informed that I'm transgender. So, if your the bottom I must be a sub basement in the Grand Canyon. I think you are an amazing lady and am clad to know you. Like Sarah said take a minute and go back a couple days. Also, getting a tattoo can dump some hormons. You may be in hormone hangover.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 08:51:20 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 08:51:20 AM
Thanks @Stottie Girl and @Dawn Kellie.
I'm managing to get stuff done at least again now even when not feeling so great. That's something I suppose. But I'm still plagued daily by self image and self esteem issues and this I'm really struggling with. Envy for me is less an occasional feeling and more a constant througout every experience in my life. I just cant get control over it. Hardly a surprise i remember feeling like this when I was about 6 and its never stopped. God knows why I'm this way.
With regards my psych appointment I'm on the waiting list for however long that will take. Likely several months. I will share with my private therapist, but there is a lot to work through still.
I hear what you say Kellie - its tough being at the point you are and not knowing how everything will turn out. Then not being able to progress where you want. I found that bit easy tbh as i just ended my previous 18yr relationship when it didn't work anymore, and my new partner i knew would be ok with it. But certainly you having daugters makes it more complex.I guess part of me wishes I'd stayed at the point you're at now as only by moving forwards have i created expectations i feel i can never meet.
Kinda in a way resigning oneself to misery and nothingness can be more comfortable than seeking more and being repeatedly disappointed.
I'm managing to get stuff done at least again now even when not feeling so great. That's something I suppose. But I'm still plagued daily by self image and self esteem issues and this I'm really struggling with. Envy for me is less an occasional feeling and more a constant througout every experience in my life. I just cant get control over it. Hardly a surprise i remember feeling like this when I was about 6 and its never stopped. God knows why I'm this way.
With regards my psych appointment I'm on the waiting list for however long that will take. Likely several months. I will share with my private therapist, but there is a lot to work through still.
I hear what you say Kellie - its tough being at the point you are and not knowing how everything will turn out. Then not being able to progress where you want. I found that bit easy tbh as i just ended my previous 18yr relationship when it didn't work anymore, and my new partner i knew would be ok with it. But certainly you having daugters makes it more complex.I guess part of me wishes I'd stayed at the point you're at now as only by moving forwards have i created expectations i feel i can never meet.
Kinda in a way resigning oneself to misery and nothingness can be more comfortable than seeking more and being repeatedly disappointed.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 09:15:43 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 09:15:43 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 08:51:20 AMThanks @Stottie Girl and @Dawn Kellie.
I'm managing to get stuff done at least again now even when not feeling so great. That's something I suppose. But I'm still plagued daily by self image and self esteem issues and this I'm really struggling with. Envy for me is less an occasional feeling and more a constant througout every experience in my life. I just cant get control over it. Hardly a surprise i remember feeling like this when I was about 6 and its never stopped. God knows why I'm this way.
With regards my psych appointment I'm on the waiting list for however long that will take. Likely several months. I will share with my private therapist, but there is a lot to work through still.
I hear what you say Kellie - its tough being at the point you are and not knowing how everything will turn out. Then not being able to progress where you want. I found that bit easy tbh as i just ended my previous 18yr relationship when it didn't work anymore, and my new partner i knew would be ok with it. But certainly you having daugters makes it more complex.I guess part of me wishes I'd stayed at the point you're at now as only by moving forwards have i created expectations i feel i can never meet.
Kinda in a way resigning oneself to misery and nothingness can be more comfortable than seeking more and being repeatedly disappointed.
I wish I was close enough to give you a hug.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 09:42:56 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 09:42:56 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 08:51:20 AMThanks @Stottie Girl and @Dawn Kellie.Well it may sound trite but keeping busy is the key. When your mind isn't distracted it can go to dark places. I know sometimes you just need to chill out and relax but when you're on a downer you really must force yourself to do something. Cook something, go for a light walk, visit friends, go to the pub with your partner, do some gardening, create some music, anything. Just keeping the mind active will prevent you from dwelling on things, plus you get a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day if you've done something.
I'm managing to get stuff done at least again now even when not feeling so great. That's something I suppose. But I'm still plagued daily by self image and self esteem issues and this I'm really struggling with. Envy for me is less an occasional feeling and more a constant througout every experience in my life. I just cant get control over it. Hardly a surprise i remember feeling like this when I was about 6 and its never stopped. God knows why I'm this way.
With regards my psych appointment I'm on the waiting list for however long that will take. Likely several months. I will share with my private therapist, but there is a lot to work through still.
I hear what you say Kellie - its tough being at the point you are and not knowing how everything will turn out. Then not being able to progress where you want. I found that bit easy tbh as i just ended my previous 18yr relationship when it didn't work anymore, and my new partner i knew would be ok with it. But certainly you having daugters makes it more complex.I guess part of me wishes I'd stayed at the point you're at now as only by moving forwards have i created expectations i feel i can never meet.
Kinda in a way resigning oneself to misery and nothingness can be more comfortable than seeking more and being repeatedly disappointed.
Are you just going to reveal the tattoo when it's all done and dusted then?
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 17, 2026, 09:48:58 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 17, 2026, 09:48:58 AM
Massive hugs, Charlotte!
Kellie and Sarah seem spot on with their comforting advice.
Kellie and Sarah seem spot on with their comforting advice.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 09:54:21 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 09:54:21 AM
This is the tattoo I got that actually hurt. It's on my rids on my right side. Wow it was intense
(https://i.ibb.co/0j2XRfJt/20211219-202613.jpg)
(https://i.ibb.co/0j2XRfJt/20211219-202613.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 09:59:18 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 09:59:18 AM
Thanks all. I think this morning didn't help as my headache was hurting everytime I moved so the idea of doing much was out of the door. Did take 3 huge bags of clothes to Cats protection and plant out my courgettes. I'll be ok. I still need to get to grips with my self image and sense of complete inferiority. Thats going to take a long time.
This is the outline. A little blurred as under the plastic film.
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCm5VjNP/20260516-161627-2.jpg)
This is the outline. A little blurred as under the plastic film.
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCm5VjNP/20260516-161627-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 10:00:41 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 10:00:41 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 09:54:21 AMThis is the tattoo I got that actually hurt. It's on my rids on my right side. Wow it was intense
(https://i.ibb.co/0j2XRfJt/20211219-202613.jpg)
Oh wow. Deffo imagine that hurt too. I'm going to stick to my arms and upper chest. Maybe a little onto my boobs.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:03:22 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:03:22 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 09:59:18 AMThanks all. I think this morning didn't help as my headache was hurting everytime I moved so the idea of doing much was out of the door. Did take 3 huge bags of clothes to Cats protection and plant out my courgettes. I'll be ok. I still need to get to grips with my self image and sense of complete inferiority. Thats going to take a long time.
This is the outline. A little blurred as under the plastic film.
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCm5VjNP/20260516-161627-2.jpg)
Looks real good. Once you get the color it will be awesome.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:27:43 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:27:43 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 09:59:18 AMThanks all. I think this morning didn't help as my headache was hurting everytime I moved so the idea of doing much was out of the door. Did take 3 huge bags of clothes to Cats protection and plant out my courgettes. I'll be ok. I still need to get to grips with my self image and sense of complete inferiority. Thats going to take a long time.That's nice Charlotte, I hadn't realised it would be so big! It's going to be quite the statement!
This is the outline. A little blurred as under the plastic film.
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCm5VjNP/20260516-161627-2.jpg)
And Kellie! Give us some warning before subjecting us to your nipples! ha ha I'm not sure but that might be against policy!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:30:31 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:30:31 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:27:43 AMThat's nice Charlotte, I hadn't realised it would be so big! It's going to be quite the statement!
And Kellie! Give us some warning before subjecting us to your nipples! ha ha I'm not sure but that might be against policy!
Sorry, I should have put a black box over that. 😬 Admin I apologize for any site violation. 😂🤣
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:32:17 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:32:17 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:30:31 AMSorry, I should have put a black box over that. 😬 Admin I apologize for any site violation. 😂🤣ha ha ha! No offence taken here for the record I'm just teasing!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:37:12 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 10:37:12 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:32:17 AMha ha ha! No offence taken here for the record I'm just teasing!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So a picture of a penis tattoo would be off limits?? 🤔
I don't and won't have one but just asking for informational purposes. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:44:39 AM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:44:39 AM
I'm not easily shocked but I certainly wouldn't want that on my body. It's bad enough I have the real thing between my legs! I try to ignore it most of the time.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 11:00:00 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 11:00:00 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 10:44:39 AMI'm not easily shocked but I certainly wouldn't want that on my body. It's bad enough I have the real thing between my legs! I try to ignore it most of the time.
I agree. It's there but is more of an inconvenience
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:07:28 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:07:28 PM
Still in pain with this headache 3 dexketoprofen and 2 ibuprofen later. Sick of these headaches that won't shift and often end up lasting day's.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 03:15:47 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 03:15:47 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:07:28 PMStill in pain with this headache 3 dexketoprofen and 2 ibuprofen later. Sick of these headaches that won't shift and often end up lasting day's.I get migraines that are like that. Drives me nuts. Are you drinking enough fluids? Sometimes dehydration can cause it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 17, 2026, 03:18:04 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 17, 2026, 03:18:04 PM
Charlotte, the self-esteem stuff is something that doesn't have to paralyse you, okay? You won't ever see yourself the way other people see you. Because... there's always too much baggage. I have been here for close to two decades at this point and still feel like a fraud, and an imposter. Every time I say anything. Like nothing I say really matters, and people are just trying to make me feel good. So I get where you're coming from, sweetie. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... and the hardest thing to get to grips with is that maybe people see things in you that you don't see in yourself. Because you can't.
It doesn't mean it isn't there to see. Only that you can't see it. Sometimes it takes other people to see it for you. To show you the things you can't get past in your own head.
I want to give you a giant hug, sweetie. You are not what you think you are. You matter, to a lot of people. Even if you can't see it.
It doesn't mean it isn't there to see. Only that you can't see it. Sometimes it takes other people to see it for you. To show you the things you can't get past in your own head.
I want to give you a giant hug, sweetie. You are not what you think you are. You matter, to a lot of people. Even if you can't see it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 03:34:08 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 03:34:08 PM
Mt wife had gastric bypass surgery. She has lost a bunch of weight, she looks great. She can only see herself as the largest person in the room. She sees herself through her eyes as a heavy person. I can show her pictures of before. She sees the same person.
This is what you're doing. You see yourself through your past eyes. Those that love you see your new self. They aren't lying to you, they see the you that you refuse to see.
This is what you're doing. You see yourself through your past eyes. Those that love you see your new self. They aren't lying to you, they see the you that you refuse to see.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:45:11 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:45:11 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 03:15:47 PMI get migraines that are like that. Drives me nuts. Are you drinking enough fluids? Sometimes dehydration can cause it.
I am now trying to work out how to get more water into me without 5 minutely visits to the toilet! I think i need more fluid for my skin too. Some suggest adding a little salt as helps with retention. Going to experiment.
You're right though they drive you mad as take over your day.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 03:49:39 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 17, 2026, 03:49:39 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:45:11 PMI am now trying to work out how to get more water into me without 5 minutely visits to the toilet! I think i need more fluid for my skin too. Some suggest adding a little salt as helps with retention. Going to experiment.2 litres a day apparently. That seems a lot personally.
You're right though they drive you mad as take over your day.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:52:15 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:52:15 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on May 17, 2026, 03:18:04 PMCharlotte, the self-esteem stuff is something that doesn't have to paralyse you, okay? You won't ever see yourself the way other people see you. Because... there's always too much baggage. I have been here for close to two decades at this point and still feel like a fraud, and an imposter. Every time I say anything. Like nothing I say really matters, and people are just trying to make me feel good. So I get where you're coming from, sweetie. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... and the hardest thing to get to grips with is that maybe people see things in you that you don't see in yourself. Because you can't.
It doesn't mean it isn't there to see. Only that you can't see it. Sometimes it takes other people to see it for you. To show you the things you can't get past in your own head.
I want to give you a giant hug, sweetie. You are not what you think you are. You matter, to a lot of people. Even if you can't see it.
Thank you Lauren, you are always so gentle and sincere. Your words warm and calm me everytime. I think lots of us get these feelings. Especially trans people. Having to redefine ourselves for the good.
As I'm on a mission to cover myself in art, ive asked my artist how much for a pixelated heart in trans flag colours with 'I am enough' under it. I hope it to remind me and feel better.
On another note, I hope that you are doing OK too? Hoping you are well after your op? Sending love and many hugz.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:56:12 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:56:12 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 03:34:08 PMMt wife had gastric bypass surgery. She has lost a bunch of weight, she looks great. She can only see herself as the largest person in the room. She sees herself through her eyes as a heavy person. I can show her pictures of before. She sees the same person.
This is what you're doing. You see yourself through your past eyes. Those that love you see your new self. They aren't lying to you, they see the you that you refuse to see.
I can only imagine that she looks beautiful, yet sounds like she struggles to let that past vision go. It is really hard to unlearn your self opinion as often its been alongside you for so long. I hope the ultimately we all find a way to see ourselves in the best light. A tough journey but hopefully possible.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 03:59:02 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 17, 2026, 03:59:02 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:56:12 PMI can only imagine that she looks beautiful, yet sounds like she struggles to let that past vision go. It is really hard to unlearn your self opinion as often its been alongside you for so long. I hope the ultimately we all find a way to see ourselves in the best light. A tough journey but hopefully possible.
Charlotte 😻
My dear you are doing the same. You are loved and I hope I can have your strength
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Sephirah on May 17, 2026, 04:58:04 PM
Post by: Sephirah on May 17, 2026, 04:58:04 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 03:52:15 PMThank you Lauren, you are always so gentle and sincere. Your words warm and calm me everytime. I think lots of us get these feelings. Especially trans people. Having to redefine ourselves for the good.
As I'm on a mission to cover myself in art, ive asked my artist how much for a pixelated heart in trans flag colours with 'I am enough' under it. I hope it to remind me and feel better.
On another note, I hope that you are doing OK too? Hoping you are well after your op? Sending love and many hugz.
Charlotte 😻
I am doing better, sweetie. Thank you for asking. And thank you for the love and hugs. I will take them every day! <3
You should get a tattoo of Serana. Just because. ;D
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 05:12:19 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 17, 2026, 05:12:19 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on May 17, 2026, 04:58:04 PMI am doing better, sweetie. Thank you for asking. And thank you for the love and hugs. I will take them every day! <3
You should get a tattoo of Serana. Just because. ;D
Awwww noo worries and glad you're doing ok! And heres more huggggssss!
I might get my furry stuff tattooed although probably my main Raveronomy hugging my bf Blueberry!
C😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 18, 2026, 04:09:23 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 18, 2026, 04:09:23 AM
I didnt comment as I will be honest, what you on dear? you look great. Nothing to worry about just get out there and do you!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 08:32:33 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 08:32:33 AM
Im glad you're feeling better today.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 11:44:45 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 11:44:45 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 08:32:33 AMIm glad you're feeling better today.
Unfortunately i haven't been good at all today. Really painful headache all day at work. I totalled 7 200mg ibuprofen this afternoon and it still lingering. So two days written off with yesterday. Thats after 3 aspirin this morning. My stomach is already gurgling so will suffer from that next. I'll be glad when its friday tbh. I just feel exhsusted still.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 11:46:51 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 11:46:51 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 11:44:45 AMUnfortunately i haven't been good at all today. Really painful headache all day at work. I totalled 7 200mg ibuprofen this afternoon and it still lingering. So two days written off with yesterday. Thats after 3 aspirin this morning. My stomach is already gurgling so will suffer from that next. I'll be glad when its friday tbh. I just feel exhsusted still.
Charlotte
I feel. I just have zero energy and even less motivation. I'm starting a funk.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 11:48:57 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 11:48:57 AM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 11:46:51 AMI feel. I just have zero energy and even less motivation. I'm starting a funk.
Sometimes days are just a loser from the start. Just no way they gonna work out. Hope you start feeling better soon too.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 18, 2026, 12:27:53 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 18, 2026, 12:27:53 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 11:46:51 AMI feel. I just have zero energy and even less motivation. I'm starting a funk.
@Dawn Kellie
Dear Kellie:
I hope and trust that you get feeling better soon.... when I get down and out one of my solutions
is Chocolate and/or Ice cream.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
(https://i.ibb.co/p8QjQht/Banana-Split.jpg) (https://ibb.co/kfJ2JmR)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 18, 2026, 12:34:25 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 18, 2026, 12:34:25 PM
@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte:
I suffer from frequent migraine headache and in the past I would take up to 800mg of Ibuprofien. My doctors told me that it would cause stomach bleeds and to back the dosage down and do not have an empty stomach when taking it.
Now I have specific injections every 4 to 6 months to control the migraines. I have to stay away from Asperin and Ibiuiprofin.
HUGS, Danielle {Northern Star Girl]
Dear Charlotte:
I suffer from frequent migraine headache and in the past I would take up to 800mg of Ibuprofien. My doctors told me that it would cause stomach bleeds and to back the dosage down and do not have an empty stomach when taking it.
Now I have specific injections every 4 to 6 months to control the migraines. I have to stay away from Asperin and Ibiuiprofin.
HUGS, Danielle {Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 11:44:45 AMUnfortunately i haven't been good at all today. Really painful headache all day at work. I totalled 7 200mg ibuprofen this afternoon and it still lingering. So two days written off with yesterday. Thats after 3 aspirin this morning. My stomach is already gurgling so will suffer from that next. I'll be glad when its friday tbh. I just feel exhsusted still.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 18, 2026, 01:06:02 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 18, 2026, 01:06:02 PM
Yikes, I get migraines but those sound very severe if you need injections Danielle. Mine only usually last a couple of days tops and taking a standard dose of ibuprofen can dull it enough to cope (just about).
Ibuprofen tablets aren't M&M's, nasty side effects can result if you pop too many.
Ibuprofen tablets aren't M&M's, nasty side effects can result if you pop too many.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 01:23:58 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 18, 2026, 01:23:58 PM
Unfortunately the pain gets unbearable. I'd sooner take the risk than suffer the pain after a while. Doctors prescribed me codeine phosphate for them, but that just made me sick and didn't stop the headaches.
I did use stomach protectors then food before having that many.
Charlotte 😻
I did use stomach protectors then food before having that many.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 01:54:48 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 01:54:48 PM
My wife was prescribed Ubrelvy. I don't know if it's available there, but she swears by it
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 10:25:29 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 10:25:29 AM
I've been doing some work on lunch breaks using a voice app and also as I mentioned training my voice trying to rap in a higher more forward resonant voice. I recorded my progress this lunch time in the app and would appreciate any feedback if you can please.
My personal self appraisal compared to a few weeks ago:
I have made some progress with forward resonance, reducing my dips into chest resonance. Not perfect but in right direction.
Improved my upper frequency - I'm near my limit with a little headroom.
Trying to control my weight. I have more control than a few weeks ago, but I think I can make most improvement here and with transients.
Audio 1 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XMdpAuIa1PmQlM04MW72pTmIMcNMK-1-/view?usp=drive_link)
Audio 2 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GKMDpo0Z8z0cb59RP0OjckYph8sUsSrP/view?usp=drive_link)
Its really hard to know if you're doing OK or not with this. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thank youuu.
Charlotte X
My personal self appraisal compared to a few weeks ago:
I have made some progress with forward resonance, reducing my dips into chest resonance. Not perfect but in right direction.
Improved my upper frequency - I'm near my limit with a little headroom.
Trying to control my weight. I have more control than a few weeks ago, but I think I can make most improvement here and with transients.
Audio 1 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XMdpAuIa1PmQlM04MW72pTmIMcNMK-1-/view?usp=drive_link)
Audio 2 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GKMDpo0Z8z0cb59RP0OjckYph8sUsSrP/view?usp=drive_link)
Its really hard to know if you're doing OK or not with this. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thank youuu.
Charlotte X
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 19, 2026, 11:56:02 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 19, 2026, 11:56:02 AM
I am no expert, but I think Audio 2 is closer than Audio 1. I can hear the forward resonance, and it does sound like your voice is coming from your face. I think it is the weight that still needs work. It sounds almost like you are still raising your volume to reach the microphone. Try talking the same way, but just above a whisper. See if that softens it a bit.
If that works, that means you are still forcing it from your chest. Keep playing with it and have fun!
If that works, that means you are still forcing it from your chest. Keep playing with it and have fun!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 12:13:59 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 12:13:59 PM
Wow, great avatar image there Charlotte!
I would agree with Lori. Audio 2 sounds more like it's on the right path. I don't know enough about it to suggest why or what needs improving but that is my initial opinion.
What I will say is you have a warm friendly voice, I like your accent and it's actually nice to put a voice to a face!
I would agree with Lori. Audio 2 sounds more like it's on the right path. I don't know enough about it to suggest why or what needs improving but that is my initial opinion.
What I will say is you have a warm friendly voice, I like your accent and it's actually nice to put a voice to a face!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 03:39:58 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 03:39:58 PM
Thanks Lori for listening and feedback. I think what you identity aligns with my thoughts. I tried talking softer and making the words flow with less transients. It is rather quiet though, so not sure how i then amplify my voice when needed and retain the quality. I'll keep trying and do as you suggest.
Awww thanks for the compliments Sarah on both the avatar and voice samples, much appreciated. I think both you and Lori are aligned on the best voice sample so will work from that base and improve.
I must say I do wonder what everyone sounds like and whether what we imagine is what we would hear. I was a bit nervous to share this progress, but knew no one here would judge me so went along with it. Helps me and hopefully helps give others some encouragement to move along with voice stuff. Its not easy but progress does seem to happen without really noticing.
On a negative about 2 weeks ago the acne/folliculitis on my butt cheeks was pretty much gone. Last week overnight I ended up with well over 100 spots on both cheeks which are still there now, some becoming lumps and sores. So all that progress gone overnight. I'm totally at a loss now. Why is this even happening? It looks and feels awful. This last week had spots on my face too. My skin and body is just letting me down. I just wanna transition and have a nice body/skin. Seems thats not happening. I think I maybe need to get tested for something I've not been tested for and visit the doctors.
Charlotte 😻
Awww thanks for the compliments Sarah on both the avatar and voice samples, much appreciated. I think both you and Lori are aligned on the best voice sample so will work from that base and improve.
I must say I do wonder what everyone sounds like and whether what we imagine is what we would hear. I was a bit nervous to share this progress, but knew no one here would judge me so went along with it. Helps me and hopefully helps give others some encouragement to move along with voice stuff. Its not easy but progress does seem to happen without really noticing.
On a negative about 2 weeks ago the acne/folliculitis on my butt cheeks was pretty much gone. Last week overnight I ended up with well over 100 spots on both cheeks which are still there now, some becoming lumps and sores. So all that progress gone overnight. I'm totally at a loss now. Why is this even happening? It looks and feels awful. This last week had spots on my face too. My skin and body is just letting me down. I just wanna transition and have a nice body/skin. Seems thats not happening. I think I maybe need to get tested for something I've not been tested for and visit the doctors.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 19, 2026, 03:53:54 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 19, 2026, 03:53:54 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Yesterday at 03:39:58 PMI think I maybe need to get tested for something I've not been tested for and visit the doctors.
It could be dermatitis. Maybe something you come in contact with is irritating the skin. Could be something as simple as laundry detergent or fabric softener. Get it checked out. No point in suffering.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 03:56:38 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 03:56:38 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Yesterday at 03:39:58 PMThanks Lori for listening and feedback. I think what you identity aligns with my thoughts. I tried talking softer and making the words flow with less transients. It is rather quiet though, so not sure how i then amplify my voice when needed and retain the quality. I'll keep trying and do as you suggest.Yeah I know what you mean, hearing a voice makes things a lot more personal somehow. But not everyone is as brave as you Charlotte. Once I get set up and have been practising a while I will share mine with you (I think!) I will record my base voice too so I can track improvements. It could be amusing to look back on in a year or two!
Awww thanks for the compliments Sarah on both the avatar and voice samples, much appreciated. I think both you and Lori are aligned on the best voice sample so will work from that base and improve.
I must say I do wonder what everyone sounds like and whether what we imagine is what we would hear. I was a bit nervous to share this progress, but knew no one here would judge me so went along with it. Helps me and hopefully helps give others some encouragement to move along with voice stuff. Its not easy but progress does seem to happen without really noticing.
On a negative about 2 weeks ago the acne/folliculitis on my butt cheeks was pretty much gone. Last week overnight I ended up with well over 100 spots on both cheeks which are still there now, some becoming lumps and sores. So all that progress gone overnight. I'm totally at a loss now. Why is this even happening? It looks and feels awful. This last week had spots on my face too. My skin and body is just letting me down. I just wanna transition and have a nice body/skin. Seems thats not happening. I think I maybe need to get tested for something I've not been tested for and visit the doctors.
Charlotte 😻
I don't know about the spotty bot issue Charlotte! It's not something I have ever had. I mean it could be clothing related but there again, you are going through another puberty so it could be a hormonal thing.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:17:17 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:17:17 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on Yesterday at 03:56:38 PMYeah I know what you mean, hearing a voice makes things a lot more personal somehow. But not everyone is as brave as you Charlotte. Once I get set up and have been practising a while I will share mine with you (I think!) I will record my base voice too so I can track improvements. It could be amusing to look back on in a year or two!
I don't know about the spotty bot issue Charlotte! It's not something I have ever had. I mean it could be clothing related but there again, you are going through another puberty so it could be a hormonal thing.
Welcome to share with my anytime ofc I'd never judge or mention anything outside of our own comms.
Hope u doing ok too?
Charlotte x
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 04:22:52 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 04:22:52 PM
Yeah I'm ok Charlotte, thanks for asking. My leg has started playing up tonight right on que, I hope it will be ok in the morning for my trip. Looking forward to that now.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:24:57 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:24:57 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on Yesterday at 04:22:52 PMYeah I'm ok Charlotte, thanks for asking. My leg has started playing up tonight right on que, I hope it will be ok in the morning for my trip. Looking forward to that now.
I hope you have a great time. I'm looking forward to some amazing pictures.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 04:25:29 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 04:25:29 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on Yesterday at 04:24:57 PMI hope you have a great time. I'm looking forward to some amazing pictures.No pressure then ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:25:46 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:25:46 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on Yesterday at 04:22:52 PMYeah I'm ok Charlotte, thanks for asking. My leg has started playing up tonight right on que, I hope it will be ok in the morning for my trip. Looking forward to that now.
Awwww it better improve for tomorrow...hope you get rested and that sorts it. Hope you have a great day and wishing you good weather too.
C 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 04:27:45 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 19, 2026, 04:27:45 PM
Cheers Charlotte! I've had a long soak in the bath and it defnitely feels a bit better. I'm going regardless though even if they have to crane me on and off! ha ha!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:31:26 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:31:26 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Yesterday at 10:25:29 AMI've been doing some work on lunch breaks using a voice app and also as I mentioned training my voice trying to rap in a higher more forward resonant voice. I recorded my progress this lunch time in the app and would appreciate any feedback if you can please.
My personal self appraisal compared to a few weeks ago:
I have made some progress with forward resonance, reducing my dips into chest resonance. Not perfect but in right direction.
Improved my upper frequency - I'm near my limit with a little headroom.
Trying to control my weight. I have more control than a few weeks ago, but I think I can make most improvement here and with transients.
Audio 1 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XMdpAuIa1PmQlM04MW72pTmIMcNMK-1-/view?usp=drive_link)
Audio 2 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GKMDpo0Z8z0cb59RP0OjckYph8sUsSrP/view?usp=drive_link)
Its really hard to know if you're doing OK or not with this. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thank youuu.
Charlotte X
Great to hear your voice.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:36:38 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:36:38 PM
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on Yesterday at 04:31:26 PMGreat to hear your voice.
Thanks..imagine somewhat different to what you're used to!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:38:47 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:38:47 PM
Different in that i speak American English. With a very few exceptions I only hear English English on the box, even then it's been Americanized.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: davina61 on May 20, 2026, 03:30:50 AM
Post by: davina61 on May 20, 2026, 03:30:50 AM
If you want to listen to my best voice look on my You Tube page at my most recent short, davinabaldwinwp1ff.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 08:41:32 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 08:41:32 AM
Quote from: davina61 on Today at 03:30:50 AMIf you want to listen to my best voice look on my You Tube page at my most recent short, davinabaldwinwp1ff.
Oh cool I'll have a listen to that when I'm back home.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 08:48:31 AM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 08:48:31 AM
I did a little more voice work this lunch time and tried pushing a little higher. Mainly because I read that its difficult to maintain forward resonance without causing fatigue at lower frequencies. I think I can probably train and work up my upper frequency limit a little more, then try to settle just under 200Hz. Well that's the theory and only works when my breathing is good. I'm hoping that training will strengthen the required areas and eventually make this possible. As a positive AI identified my voice as female, but suspect its mainly looking at frequency.
Voice test (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rtAnIhyqI9PqqEPwqVHwa6VMGkDAenji/view?usp=drive_link)
Charlotte XX
Voice test (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rtAnIhyqI9PqqEPwqVHwa6VMGkDAenji/view?usp=drive_link)
Charlotte XX
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 20, 2026, 09:08:11 AM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 20, 2026, 09:08:11 AM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Today at 08:48:31 AMI did a little more voice work this lunch time and tried pushing a little higher. Mainly because I read that its difficult to maintain forward resonance without causing fatigue at lower frequencies. I think I can probably train and work up my upper frequency limit a little more, then try to settle just under 200Hz. Well that's the theory and only works when my breathing is good. I'm hoping that training will strengthen the required areas and eventually make this possible. As a positive AI identified my voice as female, but suspect its mainly looking at frequency.
Voice test (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rtAnIhyqI9PqqEPwqVHwa6VMGkDAenji/view?usp=drive_link)
Charlotte XX
That sounds good. It does sound like you are straining to hold it, but it sounds good. If you can keep practicing keeping it there, you will strengthen the muscles, and eventually it will become habit that you can relax into.
You are definitely on the right track. Good work!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 01:04:21 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 01:04:21 PM
Now this is my favourite work outfit and pretty high up generally. Its one that makes me feel very affirmed on most occasions. Quite low key for me, but it has a cuteness and softness about it. Ill probably get a white blouse with frilly sleeves under to make it a summer option.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Gh0DtcLz/20260520-135611-2.jpg)
(https://i.postimg.cc/Gh0DtcLz/20260520-135611-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 20, 2026, 01:07:47 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 20, 2026, 01:07:47 PM
That is a cute outfit. Nice picture!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 20, 2026, 02:22:27 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 20, 2026, 02:22:27 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Today at 01:04:21 PMNow this is my favourite work outfit and pretty high up generally. Its one that makes me feel very affirmed on most occasions. Quite low key for me, but it has a cuteness and softness about it. Ill probably get a white blouse with frilly sleeves under to make it a summer option.And a a Hello Kitty necklace just so everyone knows it's you.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Gh0DtcLz/20260520-135611-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 03:13:55 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 03:13:55 PM
I've been offered a free therapy slot with Birmingham LGBT, specifically to work through my gender journey. Not sure how many sessions I can have, but anything is good with it being free.
I really do need this as massively struggling with my self image and comparing to others. I hope they can help me appreciate myself and come to terms with my journey. My whole transition has taken place both medically and psycologically with no professional input at all. Hopefully this'll help.
Charlotte 😻
I really do need this as massively struggling with my self image and comparing to others. I hope they can help me appreciate myself and come to terms with my journey. My whole transition has taken place both medically and psycologically with no professional input at all. Hopefully this'll help.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 20, 2026, 03:40:08 PM
Post by: Stottie Girl on May 20, 2026, 03:40:08 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Today at 03:13:55 PMI've been offered a free therapy slot with Birmingham LGBT, specifically to work through my gender journey. Not sure how many sessions I can have, but anything is good with it being free.That sounds like great news Charlotte! How did you get offered that if you don't mind me asking? I wonder if there is something like that available where I am.
I really do need this as massively struggling with my self image and comparing to others. I hope they can help me appreciate myself and come to terms with my journey. My whole transition has taken place both medically and psycologically with no professional input at all. Hopefully this'll help.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 03:47:38 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 20, 2026, 03:47:38 PM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on Today at 03:40:08 PMThat sounds like great news Charlotte! How did you get offered that if you don't mind me asking? I wonder if there is something like that available where I am.
It was just advertised on their website as they're a local lgbtq+ charity. I'm lucky because transgender councelling is the only one they offer to all of the West midlands and not just Birmingham postcodes.
There could well be something near you, probably Newcastle but never know.
I'm hoping they can help me as i really love being a woman, it feels so right and warm. But i definitely have dysmorphia triggered by comparison with others. I don't think its uncommon to be honest. I posted on Threads and loads came back that felt the same.
Charlotte 😻
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 20, 2026, 03:52:47 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on May 20, 2026, 03:52:47 PM
Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Today at 03:13:55 PMI've been offered a free therapy slot with Birmingham LGBT, specifically to work through my gender journey. Not sure how many sessions I can have, but anything is good with it being free.
I really do need this as massively struggling with my self image and comparing to others. I hope they can help me appreciate myself and come to terms with my journey. My whole transition has taken place both medically and psycologically with no professional input at all. Hopefully this'll help.
Charlotte 😻
I hope these sessions are helpful for you. The session cost is great!
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 20, 2026, 04:30:35 PM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 20, 2026, 04:30:35 PM
Go for it. Free is good.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Lori Dee on May 20, 2026, 05:53:38 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on May 20, 2026, 05:53:38 PM
That is great news, Charlotte. I think the fact that it is coming through an LGBTQ charity is a big PLUS. It won't be like hiring some psychologist who read about transgender people in a textbook. These will be people who work with us every day. That should make it very helpful. I hope you enjoy it.
Title: Re: Charlotte's scratch post
Post by: Petunia on May 20, 2026, 05:55:48 PM
Post by: Petunia on May 20, 2026, 05:55:48 PM
Charlotte, I hope your session(s) go well for you.
That photo above is gorgeous as is your latest avatar pic.
You really look good in both photos, and I have to say I'm slightly envious of how good you look
That photo above is gorgeous as is your latest avatar pic.
You really look good in both photos, and I have to say I'm slightly envious of how good you look