Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I just read something that makde me think. I have lost something in my life. I absolutely love my wife and have a sense of relief when I'm with her. The rest of my life is just a sense of doing my job or the required chores around my house.
Then after a few years I started dressing again  I know wear panties daily, have colored toe nails and matte fingers.I have found something that gives me some joy. Will I transition? That is a question for later.
Thank you all for being here to listen to my rant

    @Dawn Kellie:
Dear Kellie:
First and foremost, you are NOT lost.  You are exploring your life choices and your future life endeavors.

Secondly, I do NOT read your posting as a RANT, but rather a brief summary of where you stand in your life
journey.

It is good to think about these things, and even better to write it out.  Writing down things like this
does a great job of cementing in your mind what you are thinking at the moment and therefore in you
quiet times your thoughts will be replayed in your mind frequently.

Please keep posting, keep sharing, and by all means, keep venting.  You certainly don't wish to disable
your "relief valve."

Along with your other readers and followers I will be eagerly following your future postings as you
feel comfortable sharing.
        ❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on February 07, 2026, 12:54:57 PMI just read something that makes me think. I have lost something in my life. I absolutely love my wife and have a sense of relief when I'm with her. The rest of my life is just a sense of doing my job or the required chores around my house.
Then after a few years I started dressing again  I know wear panties daily, have colored toe nails and matte fingers.I have found something that gives me some joy. Will I transition? That is a question for later.
Thank you all for being here to listen to my rant

Thank you

I would echo what Danielle said. It certainly doesn't come across as a rant.

Life is about exploration. It's not a race.

As a fellow newbie I'm finding this place to be cathartic and it has allowed me to explore myself in ways I didn't think about.

I've just realised I've only been a member since January 30th! Listen to me going on like I was a founding member!!

I have never posted on any message board before in my life but I'm finding this place to be somewhere where I feel I could share anything, share things I've never voiced out loud to anyone. It is frankly liberating to me.

I really think whatever is going on in your thoughts someone will be able to relate on here.

Thank you as well.
At times it feels i have no one to talk to. This site has been amazing. I appreciate all the kind words. Im getting teary eyed writing this.

Kellie, I was confused when I read your post, because it seemed to me like most of what you described was what you have gained. What was it that you lost? And do you miss it?

For my part, it appears that you're on a path to wholeness and authenticity, and I appreciate you sharing all of it with us - even the feelings of having lost something.

Love,
Pema

Not a rant.  Enjoy and share what you have. 

Transitioning is not for everyone for a variety of reasons.  There is no timetable except one that you may self impose.

Today is a rough day. My wife is upset with me. I originally said I would go to our country fair. As tue day went along I lost all interest in being around people. I had a really bad week where I got in to a yelling match with my boss. What I said was correct but the way I did it was out of line. I did apologize for the way but not for the words. I feel like I'm letting people down. I feel down, just loosing interest in things. I know I'm depressed I just don't know what to do. I just have this anguish.

I'm so sorry you're having a bad day, Kellie. Sometimes a good crying jag makes me feel much better.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on February 08, 2026, 03:12:39 PMToday is a rough day. My wife is upset with me. I originally said I would go to our country fair. As tue day went along I lost all interest in being around people. I had a really bad week where I got in to a yelling match with my boss. What I said was correct but the way I did it was out of line. I did apologize for the way but not for the words. I feel like I'm letting people down. I feel down, just loosing interest in things. I know I'm depressed I just don't know what to do. I just have this anguish.

Hey Kellie, Those kind of weeks you basically feel like everything is closing in on you. It sounds like underneath you're very on edge and that's put you on a very short emotional fuse. Only takes one thing and this time was your boss to make you crack. Honestly it doesn't define you. Underneath you're trying to hold it together, but it's difficult. Just finding the energy to absorb all the stiff you normally do feels like a 10 tonne weight around your chest I bet.

You've let no one down in my book. I think getting to the core of your depression/anguish and finding a way forward is critical. I sit in a similar situation to you, having lost interest in life including hobbies. A therapist is helping for me, bit still ages from any big change. But it feels positive to be doing something.

Have you any ideas on how to tackle your feelings like seeking help? Plus does you wife know why you didn't want to go e.g. you're exhausted and broken inside? I'd hope anger to move into concern and compassion at this point.

Giving you love and hugs. Charlotte 😻

I'm sorry, Kellie. There are bound to be weeks like that, and they're always unwelcome when they come. It makes sense to me that you'd feel like having a day to yourself today. I'm sorry your wife isn't on-board with that respite.

It sounds like you need a more extended break to center yourself. Is there any chance you could take a micro-vacation, even just a long weekend and spend some time doing something relaxing that you love?

Unfortunately with my financial situation I can't take any time off. I have tomorrow then Thursday and Friday.  I will text my nails done Friday.so I will get some down time.
Thank you for your words

Still not feeling great today. I decided since I had to go out and get animal feed and med refills I would try something. I had to go out as a in male form. That doesn't mean I couldn't do something to make me feel good.
I took my shower and after rubbed my body down with a new lotion. moisturizer my face and put on my eye cream. Then I put on my new concealer. Put on a new pair of panties and a snug tank top under my male clothes. Topped it off with gold anklets and toe rings in my Torrid tennies. I looked male on the out side but under I'm enfem. not much but was nice.

  @Dawn Kellie
Dear Kelly:
One thing that you might condenser doing is when going out in male mode, you can try
wearing more androgynous clothing or even some carefully selected female clothes.

When I was in the middle of transitioning, when I went out in male mode I wore women's
jeans, many times lower rise skinny jeans, and wore a snug fitting top, sometimes not tucked in
if it was slightly cropped, much like "baby tees"
If I was concerned about my developing breasts being too apparent, I could wear an un-buttoned
or un-zipped Sweatshirt or Coat.
I also tried to find jeans that had a little shorter inseam that showed about 2 or 3 inches
of my leg and my ankle.  To finish that look I wore  no-show or very low cut socks.  I never
got any negative reaction at all.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on February 09, 2026, 11:31:36 AMStill not feeling great today. I decided since I had to go out and get animal feed and med refills I would try something. I had to go out as a in male form. That doesn't mean I couldn't do something to make me feel good.
I took my shower and after rubbed my body down with a new lotion. moisturizer my face and put on my eye cream. Then I put on my new concealer. Put on a new pair of panties and a snug tank top under my male clothes. Topped it off with gold anklets and toe rings in my Torrid tennies. I looked male on the out side but under I'm enfem. not much but was nice.

I have to be carful. My wife is a higher up in a faith based hospital in small town Florida. I can do some but have to be discrete. For going out at this point in time this is a lot. If we go to Tampa or Orlando I can do a lot more

I have found that when I have a few bourbon I feel better. I know on a base level this is bad. I think I need to reach out to a professional. There is some deep down issue. I will do that soon. For now I'm lost and my wife is my anchor. I need some help but am of the generation that means weakness. I have to swallow my pride and do it. What my future holds i don't know. Prayers are always welcome.

You can get through it and beyond to a new and better place, Kellie. There's a lot of shedding going on right now, and that's a good thing. This is a time for letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us. Feeling what you're feeling and asking for help is a great way to approach it. You've got this.

I just wish the hard times were over. I know later I'll look back and smile, but the now is hard

'Hard moments' seem to be the pattern of my life. Which makes me appreciate every smile, every kind word that comes my way. And every hug. This one is for you, Kellie🤗

I went through many dark periods. Even when on the outside everything seemed to be working for me, I still was not happy. (Details in The Story of Lori).

I finally decided to get into therapy to find out why. That led to many discoveries of things I never knew about myself, one of which was gender dysphoria!

A therapist won't give you the answers, but they can help you ask yourself the right questions. It is never a bad thing to look inward and try to understand who you are and why you feel the way you do.

I have been in therapy now since 2019 and don't plan to stop. Sometimes I don't have anything to discuss, so we just chat. I always feel better afterward. Give it a try.

Hello my friends.
Things have gotten a little better for me. Still in a bit of a funk. I'm going to be looking for another job, I don't know if I will find anything. I have some unique skills for where I live, and would.have to drive more than I'm interested for work.
I so appreciate a place like this and can get things out so I can read them and hear what I'm saying. Sometimes that's enough

Good luck with the job search, Kellie. I hope you find something you enjoy, and I hope the change makes a big difference in your life.

I love this site. I can put a comment out and get nothing than love

I love this site. I can put out my dark thoughts and get nothing but love

Hey Kellie, we love having you here too. We all face difficulties and I'm very sure we all want to be kind and help as much as we'd wish to be helped in our own time of need.

We are stronger together as one. Love always to all.

Charlotte 😻

Thanks Charlotte

Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on February 12, 2026, 04:18:32 PMHey Kellie, we love having you here too. We all face difficulties and I'm very sure we all want to be kind and help as much as we'd wish to be helped in our own time of need.

We are stronger together as one. Love always to all.

Charlotte 😻

I second all of this.

There needs to be more love in this world.

Always. 

I prefer Scotch, Kellie. Otherwise, you're telling my story (sans wife).

A few days ago, the strongest woman I've ever known told me she was broken. Sometimes, I think we all are. I know I am. That's why I self medicate. But part of me insists it doesn't need to be this way. I pray that part of me is right. And I pray even harder I give her the chance to prove it. Even if today isn't that day. Massive hugs.

Sometimes self medication is the best way to get through the day.
After getting  a lipoma removed it's better than any pain.
My daughters says it's not good.  I suspect they're right. I will get some help.  I may even look into HRR. I'm not sure yet.

Things have been better. I may be getting over my funk. I still feel like I've wasted some time in my life
I don't feel like self harm. I do feel like I'm not needed. Just rambling
I feel the love here and it keeps something anchored in me

@Northern Star Girl.
Thank you for being a friend

I'm getting out of my funk. Though my latest hiccup is my wife is out of state. The only plus is I have a new outfit show up by tomorrow. My first heels.
My next time around I hope I'm born rich and not just good looking. 🤣
Ok, I may not be either, but a girl can hope.

Hi all
Things have been unusual. I have a lot of stress.when that happens i dress more. I don't consider that bad. I have to travel across country next week, my wife has a workmanship comp claim for long covid she got due to her occupation. I so don't want to do this but, my wife is my best friend and will do anything for her.
I'm really frustrated at work, and want to find a different job. In this area there isn't a lot of openings for my specialty. I feel trapped. We have some problems with the IRS and they are relentless. So, I have to keep my income level.
Again I'm venting and feel better just saying things out loud,  or typed out.

Hi Kellie, I don't know how you did it but you are in my head.

I am having almost the exact same issues as you.

My beautiful wife is slowly accepting the slow changes in my appearance and we have been discussing crossdressing, non binary and trans and what it all means.

She doesn't really get it and can't separate it from sexuality.

That's ok, we'll get there.

I now wear womens jeans, tees, underwear, increasingly more feminine earrings (I really love my earrings) , my toenails are always glossy red, fingernails growing out and glossy. 

I wear tinted sunscreen to cover facial blemishes.

I have no body hair below my eyebrows

I have been growing my hair out and our hairdressing backed me up today by saying if you want to have it longer then don't trim it.

Thankfully my wife gave in. I guess I'm lucky to still have hair at my age.

I still look male and I probably always will, but at least I can look in the mirror now.

I'm still depressed, full of wishes but I have a beautiful wife who puts up with someone like me

I couldn't do anything with out my wife. Even with my sexual dysfunction she is standing beside me.
@Petunia Im so happy to have someone that understands. Im always here if you need to chat.

Thank you Kellie.
I'm currently talking to a therapist but not about gender issues, rather depression and ptsd.

I have hinted at body dysphoria and when I was pressed on that I asked to park it until later.

I have been warned I need to do something about self medicating.

Since I first wrote my introduction my wife voiced her concerns about me crossdressing. She didn't want me going out dressed but she said she didn't care if I did it at home.

I really have to thank all the ladies here who told me to slow down and make sure I get my wife up to speed with what I'm going through.

At the moment I am a crossdresser at home who does wear womens simple clothes which are pretty much indistinguishable from mens unless you look hard.

The lengthing hair, jewelery, length of nails may hint at something more.

I do crave more to make me feel more feminine. My hairdresser looked at a dye for my hair but decided against it.  I'd like to wax my brows and tint my lashes and I've come close but chickened out.
I am also thinking of electrolysis for facial hair, laser light therapy to lessen red pigment on my face and I want my busted nose straightened.

As far a hormones go, from some of the accounts I've heard I have similar feelings of disconnection from the world as many transgender women have reported and I always thought that men wondered what it is like to be female.

I don't think I'd ever have bottom surgery, tucking isn't an issue for me as I have less than an inch when flaccid and although I'm circumcised you would not know it to see it.

Breasts would be nice but not essential. I would love a waistline and hips though.

I don't know where I'll end up but when I add up all the above......

Well Petunia
You have a plan. Don't feel like every step needs to be done at once.  Im trying to come to terms with starting therapy. So, I give you props for that. I don't know what my plan is yet. I enjoy wearing clothes and makeup. I would like breasts, and I still like what I have under the belt. Even though I think I'm having some ED issues. 
Please keep in touch. It sounds like our journeys are similar

I'm not sure I have a plan Kellie. I'm just trying to add up all the pieces to see where I'm heading.

I'm really scared of the path ahead.  I only resumed crossdressing 8 months ago and found it doesn't have the fetishistic urges it used to.

I have tried wearing makeup at home but I look like a sad clown. I've destroyed my skin through years of willful neglect, perhaps even sabotage.

There is no way I can pass and I'm frightened of seeing someone I know in public.

So although the the past seems to push me on a certain path forward, I don't knoe if I can take it.

I'm having ok days followef by really bad days. It's like my feet are stuck in thick mud.

Remember little girls get years to practice with makeup. Mothers and others helping. It's not easy. It takes time to get your look. I went and got color matched at a department store. It was an amazing feeling. The gal behind the counter didn't even bat an eye. I did this all on my own. It took me a couple tries. You got this i have faith in you

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 07, 2026, 02:47:42 PMRemember little girls get years to practice with makeup. Mothers and others helping. It's not easy. It takes time to get your look. I went and got color matched at a department store. It was an amazing feeling. The gal behind the counter didn't even bat an eye. I did this all on my own. It took me a couple tries. You got this i have faith in you

This is so true.

I honestly think we all look like clowns when we first start trying makeup. Make up is a learned skill, you aren't born with it. It's art. My best advice is to watch Youtube videos offering tips and techniques for women your own age, with similar facial features and skin tone preferably.

Also, try sitting down at a pavement or mall cafe and observe women your own age (carefull not to stare though!) apart from the odd exception who seem to love rocking the clown look you will find that less is usually more. There's a lot to learn and it takes lots of practise. Take selfies each time you do it, it can provide a good reference point and shows how your style is evolving and it's bloody funny looking back at your early attempts!

Theres also a difference between everyday makeup and getting ready for a night on the tiles.

Your style never really stops evolving as fashions change and styles vary with age

It's a learning process, express yourself and have fun!

As of this moment in time I use concealer over my moisturizer and wrinkles cream. Im moving towards full foundation and eye makeup.
Any changes should br gradual, unless you feel the need to say "the heck with it" and do it all at once.Im no where near that point myself. Small steps get use 5o the person in the mirror looking back. Then the next step and so. Until you're the person you want to be

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 07, 2026, 03:18:30 PMAs of this moment in time I use concealer over my moisturizer and wrinkles cream. Im moving towards full foundation and eye makeup.
Any changes should br gradual, unless you feel the need to say "the heck with it" and do it all at once.Im no where near that point myself. Small steps get use 5o the person in the mirror looking back. Then the next step and so. Until you're the person you want to be

Yeah, concealer is miracle stuff, I couldn't be without it. I still haven't got away with foundation though. I always look a bit freaky and I'm not sure quite why. I have matching foundation and concealer, the concealer looks perfect but the foundation looks weird. It's the texture not the colour I think.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 07, 2026, 03:25:33 PMYeah, concealer is miracle stuff, I couldn't be without it. I still haven't got away with foundation though. I always look a bit freaky and I'm not sure quite why. I have matching foundation and concealer, the concealer looks perfect but the foundation looks weird. It's the texture not the colour I think.

The great lady that did my color, told me to not use your fingers. Use a sponge because your fingers cause streaking.
If that helps

I use a foundation brush rather than my fingers. Blending isn't the problem it just looks like I'm wearing a mask, too dry maybe? Something to do with the texture anyway. I'm not entirely sure I need it and it's a right mess to remove.

Im going with liquid foundation. It looks easier to blend

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 07, 2026, 03:48:45 PMIm going with liquid foundation. It looks easier to blend

I've heard a few people mention this, I haven't seen foundation that wasn't liquid, I thought it all was? Is the other stuff a cream?

I thought there was a powder foundation. I could be wrong, just started my makeup journey

Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 07, 2026, 04:05:00 PMI've heard a few people mention this, I haven't seen foundation that wasn't liquid, I thought it all was? Is the other stuff a cream?

I just googled it. There is liquid, powder and matte. Beside liquid and powder I'm not sure of all the differences

hmmmm, more research required!

I haven't done it yet but a make over is on my list. Still need to lose the facial hair.

I used to be quite reasonable with makeup. I even did my wifes a few times.

Using a primer before concealer and foundation is also a good idea.
 
The problem for me isn't wrinkles it's crevasses, severely hooded and creased eyes, busted nose and facial scars from skin cancer.

Oh, and the beard has to go of course

I know I sound like an old complainer and I'm really sorry for that.

Go get a make over. If you need to go to a town or two over. You won't be the first crossdresser they've seen. As long as you make a couple purchases they will be happy.  At my local Ulta there is a crossdresser that I want to do mune. After , like yoy, I shave the face hair. My wife is still not letting me shave.
Remember small steps

Hi Kellie, I'm sorry for stealing your thread. Typical me, see something that sounds familiar and run with it.

You are so right.  I need to go and have a makeover before I think about anything else.

I did a lot of reading recently and found my young experiences had much in common with trans women. 

Stupidly I haven't gone through all the consequences of this.

I really focussed in on the clarity that many have felt being on estrogen and I really crave that, but that diesn't mean I'll be lucky enough to experience it.

Really, I still don't know if I'm cd, enbee, or tg and until I discuss this with a psychologist I can really do much more.

For now I'm cd and just accept that part of myself.

I am spending way too much time obsessing over this and just keep living.

I will keep following your journey with interest.

You stole nothing. We are in a similar journey. Im here to listen. Keep posting here and this can be our string. Friends help each other.  We can lift up each other cheer our success or cry together. What ever is most appropriate. 
This is now our thread

Thank you so much Kellie,

My mind is swinging from side to side.   

My wife asked me a simple question.  Why did you start crossdressing again?  Why now?

I have a pandora's box which I peaked into and I think I can't close it.

I read the gender dysphoria bible and it blew my mind.
I am a stereotype according to what I have read.
I didn't sign up to this and I never thought in a million years that I'd be in the position I am now.

I have moments of euphoria, and thoughts that perhaps hrt may give stop the dissocistion I have had all my life.

I can't thank everyone here enough for just listening and Kellie, I give you my love

Im not firmiliar the gender dysphoria Bible. I need to check it out.
I have to be mostly male this week. My wife and I are on a trip to California and I got to see my parents. U haven't seen them in 3 years.  I still wore panties 🤪.

@Petunia thank you. Im here to listen and support.

@Petunia
How has your week been?

Im off tomorrow. Yea.
I've been thinking about going to HR and tell them I'm going to be transitioning.
Still just a thought

Im very nervous about it.
Does anyone have advice?

Without knowing the situation, it is difficult to say. How is the company as a whole? What are the company policies that could affect you?

You could handle it by asking for information rather than making a blunt announcement. Perhaps you don't know the answers and are going to HR to ask about company policies, insurance coverage, etc. That way, you haven't committed by saying "I am"; instead, you are asking how this affects someone who is considering transition.

Hope this helps.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 16, 2026, 08:12:49 PMIm off tomorrow. Yea.
I've been thinking about going to HR and tell them I'm going to be transitioning.
Still just a thought

If it is benefits coverage information you want: 
You can examine insurance plan documents for medical coverage limitations and exclusions.
Sometimes these are postal mailed, emailed, or online.  Check your insurance provider's Web site or employer's benefit site too.

You can do this without stating you are transitioning, of course.

Hi Kellie, thanks for asking how I am.
I've been up and down but since the weekend mostly up.

My wife and I had a weekend away with a couple of close friends which was great.

At one point I was alone with one of the friends and she confided some of her closely held secrets.

We both had quite a bit of alcohol and I showed her my bright red toenails and went on to out myself to her.

She was fantastic about it.

However, now that we are home, I discussed what happened with my wife and she was livid.  I had agreed never to show myself or tell anyone we know.

I know I messed up but the friend is very close to both of us.  I texted her and asked if she had told her partner and she hadn't and she said she wouldn't betray my confidence.

I've tried to explain to my wife that the relationship I have with our friend isn't the same as my wifes with her.

Anyway, my wife still isn't happy but you can't go backwards and she is consolled that it is only one person.

And I'm quite ecstatic I have a girlfriend who won't judge me.

  @Petunia
Dear Petunia:

Thank you for sharing.

Having a girlfriend that won't judge you is a great step forward in your journey, however,
I hope that the situation with your wife is NOT a difficult one to handle.

Frankly, in my opinion, your wife seems to be more accepting of you and your transition
plans than many marriage partners would be  . . . Be sure to count your blessings in that
regard and continue progressing at at rate that will work for both of you while being
sensitive to what she might be feeling about the change in how you and your relationship
is changing.

I am rooting for success and happiness in you and your wife's lives and relationship.

Your readers and avid followers including me will be eagerly looking for your updates as
you feel comfortable to continue sharing.
          ❤️❤️❤️
Hugs, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Kellie, I want to circle back to something you said earlier, because it deserves more than a passing mention. You talked about reaching out for help feeling like weakness — something baked into you by your generation. I hear that. A lot of us got that message wired in early and never questioned it.

But look at what you've actually been doing in this thread. Over these past several weeks you've been raw and honest about your depression, the bourbon, feeling trapped at work, pulling away from people. You've put all of that out here in front of us. That's not weakness, Kellie. That's the opposite of weakness, and I don't think you see it yet.

When you're ready to talk to a professional, try reframing what that step actually is. It isn't admitting defeat. It's hiring a specialist. You wouldn't rewire your own house without an electrician, and a good therapist is just someone with tools you were never given access to. There's no shame in that — there's strategy in it.

On the HR question — Lori and Chrissy gave you solid practical advice. The only thing I'd add is this: you don't have to walk in with an announcement. You can walk in with questions. Something like, "I'm exploring some things personally and I wanted to understand what protections and coverage exist here." That gives you information and keeps you in control of the timing and what you share. Knowledge is power, and you get to decide what to do with it.

---

Petunia, what I'm hearing underneath the conflict with your wife is fear. She set a boundary, it got crossed, and that shook her sense of safety during something that already feels uncertain for her. That's real and it deserves to be honored.

At the same time, what you found with your friend — acceptance without judgment — that's real too, and you needed it. Both things are true. But your wife is the one who needs your attention right now.

Trust that's been shaken doesn't come back through explanations or reassurances. It comes back through consistent behavior over time. That means no more surprises. If you and your wife agreed on a boundary, the path forward is honoring it — not because she's being unreasonable, but because keeping your word is how she knows she's safe with you. Every time you do what you said you'd do, that's a deposit back into the trust account.

Let her set the pace on who knows and when. I know that's hard when you're bursting with something this big and you finally found someone who accepts you. But your wife didn't get to choose the timing of that disclosure, and that's part of what stung. Going forward, make those decisions together. Ask her before you share, not after. That one shift — from asking forgiveness to asking permission — tells her she's your partner in this, not someone you're managing around.

Be honest with her about why it happened. Not defensive, not justifying — just honest. Something like, "I was carrying this alone and in that moment I needed someone to see me. I should have talked to you first. I'm sorry, and I won't do that again." That kind of vulnerability, without excuses attached, is what actually rebuilds things.

You mentioned you're in therapy but parking the gender stuff. When you're ready to unpark it, that's where real clarity is going to come from.

And when you do, consider whether couples therapy might be worth exploring too — not because your marriage is broken, but because you're both navigating something neither of you was prepared for, and having a guide for that conversation could make all the difference.

No rush on any of it. But don't park it forever.

Sending love both you and Kellie!
— Susan 💜

@Susan
Thank you for the guidance and kind words. It helps to have people that listen with no judgment, and advice with love

I went ahead and made an appointment for a therapist. She has a specialty in trans health. Also anxiety and depression. It's on the 30th.
I've never spoken to a therapist I'm excited and nervous

The first time is always awkward. Just be yourself. You are going to meet a new friend.

You will talk about routine stuff and get to know each other. They will likely let you know what they can/can't do, and what they will/won't do, so you have a clear understanding of how your visits will go.

From there, it is up to you to tell them about what you are working on. They may ask questions to clarify what you mean, and then you go from there.

The best part is they don't do electroshock therapy anymore. You get that from the electrolysis technician.

🤣

Congratulations, Kellie. This is a very important step in prioritizing yourself and your well-being. As much as you want to be there and to be strong for the people you love, you can't do that effectively without being whole yourself. A good therapist can help you sort out what's truly meaningful and essential for you to do that.

Just ease yourself gently into it. Develop a rapport with the therapist and let things flow naturally.

I'm so proud of you.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 04:13:32 PMI went ahead and made an appointment for a therapist. She has a specialty in trans health. Also anxiety and depression. It's on the 30th.
I've never spoken to a therapist I'm excited and nervous

Well done Kellie. A therapist will help you sort through your feelings and hopefully arrive at a conclusion that is right for you.

Just remember as embarrassing and scary as it is, they will have heard it all before and it is important to open up to them and not hold anything back.

    @Dawn Kellie
Dear Kellie:
Being "excited and "nervous" regarding your upcoming Therapist appointment is the most likely reaction that most people would experience.

The "key" thing that will help your therapist "dig-in" to provide you with help and a plan of action that you need is to be very open with your feelings, thoughts and goals.
Therapists do have ways to dig for that information, however if you bury your pride and be brutally honest about what is going on in your life and your relationship with your wife you will get the best benefit from your therapist appointments.

I am wishing you success as you continue in your journey.
Please keep me and the rest of your avid followers and readers updated as you feel comfortable sharing.
    ❤️
HUGS, Danielle
[Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 04:13:32 PMI went ahead and made an appointment for a therapist. She has a specialty in trans health. Also anxiety and depression. It's on the 30th.
I've never spoken to a therapist I'm excited and nervous

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 18, 2026, 04:37:15 PMThe first time is always awkward. Just be yourself. You are going to meet a new friend.

You will talk about routine stuff and get to know each other. They will likely let you know what they can/can't do, and what they will/won't do, so you have a clear understanding of how your visits will go.

From there, it is up to you to tell them about what you are working on. They may ask questions to clarify what you mean, and then you go from there.

The best part is they don't do electroshock therapy anymore. You get that from the electrolysis technician.

🤣

I get electroshock at work. Im an electrician. I could probably give them pointers. I've absorbed a lot of voltage

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 05:14:08 PMI get electroshock at work. Im an electrician. I could probably give them pointers. I've absorbed a lot of voltage

I've had a fair few of those in my time Kellie, lost count in fact! They say a mild shock is good for you but it certainly doesn't feel like it ha ha!

I've been hit by industrial voltages. Made me real mad.i was going through a rough patch. Didn't see a Dr, I should have. I did the math once came out to be enough to run 20 houses. Boy that hurt

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 05:25:20 PMI've been hit by industrial voltages. Made me real mad.i was going through a rough patch. Didn't see a Dr, I should have. I did the math once came out to be enough to run 20 houses. Boy that hurt

ooof. Only 240 volts for me. You know you've been shocked but it's not too bad. Industrial could kill you couldn't it?

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 05:14:08 PMI get electroshock at work. Im an electrician. I could probably give them pointers. I've absorbed a lot of voltage

IBEW Local 364, Rockford, IL, for many years. I also taught the First-Year Apprentices Basic Electrical Theory. I got a "charge" out of it.

😁

IBEW 784 Sacramento ca north
IBEW 340 Modesto Ca.

I've taught 5th year.
It was shocking what these kids knew

Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 18, 2026, 05:46:02 PMooof. Only 240 volts for me. You know you've been shocked but it's not too bad. Industrial could kill you couldn't it?

It could kill you and hurt the entire time

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 18, 2026, 06:19:05 PMIBEW Local 364, Rockford, IL, for many years. I also taught the First-Year Apprentices Basic Electrical Theory. I got a "charge" out of it.

😁

I am sure the class material was well grounded (in theory).

So there is an open circuit, a closed circuit, and a short circuit.  But no tall circuit.

Seems so unfair. 

@Dawn Kellie  cc:  @Lori Dee  @Stottie Girl

Dear Kellie:
I am told that it is not the voltage that kills you, it is the current
or amperage that does the damage.
The voltage has to be high enough to conquer the resistance of your body...
...perhaps somewhere near 50 volts???
Resistance: Wet skin has lower resistance, allowing higher amperage to flow, even at lower voltages
                and also additional body contacts with wet surfaces or grounded water pipes can be deadly.

Amperage kills, Voltage doesn't kill...
...Example: a shock from a spark plug wire, or static electricity does not often have enough
  current to kill but the high voltage easily overcomes body and surface contact resistance thus
  you feel a shock.

Current does the damage due to heating in extreme cases or disrupting the small signals controlling the nervous
Q: Do amps or volts kill people?
Q: What is deadlier, voltage or current?

Q: Which current is dangerous for human body, AC or DC?
A: AC current
AC current is more dangerous than DC current because it directly affects our heart as the
frequency of AC current interferes with the frequency of the electric pulses of the heart.

    AI Overview
Amperage levels of
100 to 2,000 milliamperes (0.1 to 2 amps) are likely to cause severe nerve damage, in
addition to causing involuntary muscle contractions and ventricular fibrillation (irregular,
non-effective heart pumping).
While 10–16 mA is considered the "let-go" range where muscular control is lost, higher
currents specifically damage nervous tissue.

Breakdown of Amperage Effects:
    6–16 mA: Painful shock, loss of muscular control ("freezing" current).
    17–99 mA: Extreme pain, respiratory arrest, and sustained muscular contractions.
    100–2,000 mA (0.1–2 amps): High risk of ventricular fibrillation, serious nerve damage, and probable death.
    >2,000 mA (2+ amps): Cardiac arrest, severe burns, and significant internal organ damage.

Key Factors:
    Duration: The longer the shock, the greater the damage.
    Path: A current traveling through the heart or brain is most dangerous.

Even small currents can be harmful, but significant long-term nervous system injuries often occur at 100 mA or higher.

Be careful out there...
      ❤️
HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 05:25:20 PMI've been hit by industrial voltages. Made me real mad.i was going through a rough patch. Didn't see a Dr, I should have. I did the math once came out to be enough to run 20 houses. Boy that hurt

Susan, thank you so much for the support and advice.

I know you are correct in all you have said.

I went to therapy yesterday and I have to say my outlook has been more positive than I've been in a long time.

I mentioned tge conflict with my wife and the therapist asked if I want to elaborate.
I told her we'll come to that issue later on and we need to deal with other problems I'm having.

Her reply was these other things always come out eventually.

She works a lot with gay and trans people. I'm pretty sure she can see how I present and probably suspects and she is waiting for me to broach the subject (if it is a concern)

The best therapists listen first, then ask questions to help you understand what you said. They may reframe it so you can see it from different angles. They never tell you or give you answers. They help you come to your own conclusions. It sounds like you have a good one.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 18, 2026, 08:19:14 PM@Dawn Kellie  cc:  @Lori Dee  @Stottie Girl

Dear Kellie:
I am told that it is not the voltage that kills you, it is the current
or amperage that does the damage.
The voltage has to be high enough to conquer the resistance of your body...
...perhaps somewhere near 50 volts???
Resistance: Wet skin has lower resistance, allowing higher amperage to flow, even at lower voltages
                and also additional body contacts with wet surfaces or grounded water pipes can be deadly.

Amperage kills, Voltage doesn't kill...
...Example: a shock from a spark plug wire, or static electricity does not often have enough
  current to kill but the high voltage easily overcomes body and surface contact resistance thus
  you feel a shock.

Current does the damage due to heating in extreme cases or disrupting the small signals controlling the nervous
Q: Do amps or volts kill people?
Q: What is deadlier, voltage or current?

Q: Which current is dangerous for human body, AC or DC?
A: AC current
AC current is more dangerous than DC current because it directly affects our heart as the
frequency of AC current interferes with the frequency of the electric pulses of the heart.

    AI Overview
Amperage levels of
100 to 2,000 milliamperes (0.1 to 2 amps) are likely to cause severe nerve damage, in
addition to causing involuntary muscle contractions and ventricular fibrillation (irregular,
non-effective heart pumping).
While 10–16 mA is considered the "let-go" range where muscular control is lost, higher
currents specifically damage nervous tissue.

Breakdown of Amperage Effects:
    6–16 mA: Painful shock, loss of muscular control ("freezing" current).
    17–99 mA: Extreme pain, respiratory arrest, and sustained muscular contractions.
    100–2,000 mA (0.1–2 amps): High risk of ventricular fibrillation, serious nerve damage, and probable death.
    >2,000 mA (2+ amps): Cardiac arrest, severe burns, and significant internal organ damage.

Key Factors:
    Duration: The longer the shock, the greater the damage.
    Path: A current traveling through the heart or brain is most dangerous.

Even small currents can be harmful, but significant long-term nervous system injuries often occur at 100 mA or higher.

Be careful out there...
      ❤️
HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

At the risk of hijacking Kellie's thread I would say current is more likely to kill you but only if the voltage is high enough to allow the current to flow through you. Car batteries are an example of this with high current but low voltage. Very high voltage lines have enough voltage to allow current to jump throough the air and kill. in my case, domestic leccy in the uk is 240v with most ring circuits being the standard 32A rising to up to 50A for electric showers and cookers. It can kill but in most cases it just gives you a jolt.

Also AC current may be more harmful but it tends to throw you off the device. DC current can make your muscle clamp onto the source thus meaning a longer duration of shock needing someone to break the connection to release you. That's incredibly simplified but the bottom dollar is both current and voltage can be dangerous so try not to grab live wires!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 04:13:32 PMI went ahead and made an appointment for a therapist. She has a specialty in trans health. Also anxiety and depression. It's on the 30th.
I've never spoken to a therapist I'm excited and nervous

Kellie I also have been feeling "Excited and Nervous" about this journey. On the whole I'm taking the excitement part as a good sign that I'm going in the right direction.

I wish you well with your therapy.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 18, 2026, 08:19:14 PM@Dawn Kellie  cc:  @Lori Dee  @Stottie Girl

Dear Kellie:
I am told that it is not the voltage that kills you, it is the current
or amperage that does the damage.
The voltage has to be high enough to conquer the resistance of your body...
...perhaps somewhere near 50 volts???
Resistance: Wet skin has lower resistance, allowing higher amperage to flow, even at lower voltages
                and also additional body contacts with wet surfaces or grounded water pipes can be deadly.

Amperage kills, Voltage doesn't kill...
...Example: a shock from a spark plug wire, or static electricity does not often have enough
  current to kill but the high voltage easily overcomes body and surface contact resistance thus
  you feel a shock.

Current does the damage due to heating in extreme cases or disrupting the small signals controlling the nervous
Q: Do amps or volts kill people?
Q: What is deadlier, voltage or current?

Q: Which current is dangerous for human body, AC or DC?
A: AC current
AC current is more dangerous than DC current because it directly affects our heart as the
frequency of AC current interferes with the frequency of the electric pulses of the heart.

    AI Overview
Amperage levels of
100 to 2,000 milliamperes (0.1 to 2 amps) are likely to cause severe nerve damage, in
addition to causing involuntary muscle contractions and ventricular fibrillation (irregular,
non-effective heart pumping).
While 10–16 mA is considered the "let-go" range where muscular control is lost, higher
currents specifically damage nervous tissue.

Breakdown of Amperage Effects:
    6–16 mA: Painful shock, loss of muscular control ("freezing" current).
    17–99 mA: Extreme pain, respiratory arrest, and sustained muscular contractions.
    100–2,000 mA (0.1–2 amps): High risk of ventricular fibrillation, serious nerve damage, and probable death.
    >2,000 mA (2+ amps): Cardiac arrest, severe burns, and significant internal organ damage.

Key Factors:
    Duration: The longer the shock, the greater the damage.
    Path: A current traveling through the heart or brain is most dangerous.

Even small currents can be harmful, but significant long-term nervous system injuries often occur at 100 mA or higher.

Be careful out there...
      ❤️
HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

The best example I've heard when I was an apprentice
Voltage is the speed. Current is the force.
A feather do 50 mph is not going to do much to you if it hits you.
A car doing 1 mph is not going to do much to you if it hits you.
Take that car doing 50 mph that's going to do something to you

For thr first time in some time I feel this dark tunnel is becoming brighter. I just hope it's not a train.
Thank you all for kind words and support. This site makes things better.

I may have pushed my wife to far. I've been growing out my finger nails. Nothing crazy just a bit of length. I work with my hands and cant have them to long
  She looked down at my hands last night and told me it's time to trim them. Im going to do this step back a little and go forward slowly.  It was just a bit of a let down.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 21, 2026, 04:24:06 PMI may have pushed my wife to far. I've been growing out my finger nails. Nothing crazy just a bit of length. I work with my hands and cant have them to long
  She looked down at my hands last night and told me it's time to trim them. Im going to do this step back a little and go forward slowly.  It was just a bit of a let down.

I do not let my nails get too long.  I guess I just am not careful and I snare them on clothing and things when they get too long.  So although they are not the model's fingernails, they can look very nice when trimmed, cuticles taken care of, and polished.  I like either the clear polish and I also favor the reds and pink shades.  I do not add glitter.  I gave up on the French nails or fake full nail sets, too much trouble and expense. 

Even manicures can be costly so I just do them up myself.  Sometimes they are just buffed with a polishing block, it is amazing how shiny they can be with just a four sided polishing block (there is a different "finishing grade" on each side.)  Sort of like the grit levels of sandpaper.  Do not use sandpaper on your nails.

I have them painted with a clear matte gel. I find the gel keeps them stronger.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 21, 2026, 04:39:38 PMI have them painted with a clear matte gel. I find the gel keeps them stronger.

I have had a lot of split or broken nails over the years.

I've had some real bad breaks. My most recent slightly before I started getting my nails done. I got my finger between a bandsaw wheel and the blade. Split one side of the nail done about half way. Took me several months to get it back somewhat right then I split that same spot again recently

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 21, 2026, 04:24:06 PMI may have pushed my wife to far. I've been growing out my finger nails. Nothing crazy just a bit of length. I work with my hands and cant have them to long
  She looked down at my hands last night and told me it's time to trim them. Im going to do this step back a little and go forward slowly.  It was just a bit of a let down.

Sorry to hear that, Kellie.

What is her complaint about your nails? Sometimes spouses get used to the way you normally do things, and comment, "Time to trim your nails," or "Time to get a haircut," or something similar.

What if you just said, "I'm thinking about growing them out." Is she that opposed to it? Is this something you have discussed before?

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 21, 2026, 04:51:57 PMI've had some real bad breaks. My most recent slightly before I started getting my nails done. I got my finger between a bandsaw wheel and the blade. Split one side of the nail done about half way. Took me several months to get it back somewhat right then I split that same spot again recently

Ouch!

Yes
I used some colorful mediators.

I know my wife, my love, had asked me to trim my nails. I've decided to wait as long as possible. Rtlhimhs have been hectic so I can get away with this for a while and hope she lets it go. Probably not but maube.

It happened to me last week as well.

My nails weren't that long, just to long for a male.

And I have been using clear gloss on them, triple coated so they shine.

I trimmed them slightly which settled the peace.  They are still slightly too long and I will gloss them again next time I change my toenail polish

I got my first pair of ladies jeans. Today I wore them, a complete female outfit. not real feminine. Jeans, muscle shir ruched tennis and a lovely pair of cheeky panties. No makeup, id just look like rhe bearded lady
Want out and ran my errands. no side looks or rude comments

Congratulations and always nice to wear cute feminine clothes no matter how you present. Sounds like you enjoyed!

I enjoyed it very much. I felt very comfortable

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 23, 2026, 06:23:56 PMI enjoyed it very much. I felt very comfortable

It was the same for me, I went to a restaurant the day I got my first dress, for some reason I couldn't stop my self and didn't want to. I felt felt incredibly comfortable and normal, it was an amazing thing to experience. And I was pretty much a man in a dress at that point.

I told someone my male name and also I respond to Kellie I was told it didn't matter. Kellie was welcome.

I had very long nails for male or female.  Finaly had to cut them because I had a terrible time changing my recently pierced earrings.  Those little keepers were impossible to hold onto with long nails.  I need to change earrings again with short almost non-existent nails.  Just putting it off, because one ear is a bit sore.

The last few weeks, I have been wearing a denim skirt every day regardless of what was planned, who I would see, or who would see me. I'm finding that "No one cares"!

I am working with a makeup professional who works with transwomen to create a more feminine appearance. I am excited.  So far, we have just had a consultation.  We developed a plan to reach my goal of appearing feminine without a heavy makeup look.  I want to look like I have no makeup on, but no doubt I am female.

Smiling, 
    Coral

I was able to find a different therapist that will do a consultation. Same day and time as my previous appointment.  Things turned around.

I changed my avatar picture. It's another AI. I think it looks a little closer to me. The only thing the AI screwed up is i asked for a B cup. Those are not a B cup.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 29, 2026, 01:32:43 PMI changed my avatar picture. It's another AI. I think it looks a little closer to me. The only thing the AI screwed up is i asked for a B cup. Those are not a B cup.

Seems big for a B cup, regardless of band size.

That's what I thought. I did like the face I think it's close but I'll have a get more wrinkles and bags

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 29, 2026, 01:51:21 PMThat's what I thought. I did like the face I think it's close but I'll have a get more wrinkles and bags

You can always crop it so the image frames your face.

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 29, 2026, 01:56:17 PMYou can always crop it so the image frames your face.

I font know why I didn't think of that. Just did and changed it. I don't know if I would.want them that big. I liked the look but wow it would be awkward trying to work on machinery

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 29, 2026, 02:14:58 PMI font know why I didn't think of that. Just did and changed it. I don't know if I would.want them that big. I liked the look but wow it would be awkward trying to work on machinery

Now we can see your face. Looks really nice!

I would love to look that good. The eyes are more correct. I can get therein will take time

Quote from: coral on March 29, 2026, 01:24:30 PMI had very long nails for male or female.  Finaly had to cut them because I had a terrible time changing my recently pierced earrings.  Those little keepers were impossible to hold onto with long nails.  I need to change earrings again with short almost non-existent nails.  Just putting it off, because one ear is a bit sore.

The last few weeks, I have been wearing a denim skirt every day regardless of what was planned, who I would see, or who would see me. I'm finding that "No one cares"!

I am working with a makeup professional who works with transwomen to create a more feminine appearance. I am excited.  So far, we have just had a consultation.  We developed a plan to reach my goal of appearing feminine without a heavy makeup look.  I want to look like I have no makeup on, but no doubt I am female.

Smiling, 
    Coral

This makes a lot of sense.  Just a little makeup and one can look a bit nicer.

I do not keep my nails long.  It simply works better for me.


Chrissy

Hey Kellie,

So I'm out to my therapist.

She warned me that eventually everything comes out!

So I admited to crossdressing at a young age, going through a fetishistic stage through male puberty, disgust in middle age and repression and sudden reimergence at late fifties.

She said she already though I was cd.  It's pretty obvious if you know what to look for.

One thing she said was she never saw any facial hair. I thought this was the last thing someone would pick.

I went through everythimg I'd done (briefly), things I'd read, stuff I'd read about being transgender and how I'd been ticking off all the " you might be trans if" stuff.

I shared stuff I read online and she gave me stuff to read as well.

I only have one more appointment with her and once again I spilled my guts despite my wifes wishes but it was going to happen.

My wife isn't happy about me opening up to another person, but she accepts thats what therapists do.

So for now, my wife says a little crossdressing at home is ok, makeup when she isn't home is ok.  No crossdressing out of the house as it would reflect on her.

I've said our marriage is the most important thing in my life and I can't lose that.

I still don't know where I sit. It's not total dude, it's probably nb but so much of what I've read and seen ticks the boxes of you might be transgender if.....

I really haven't discussed this fully with my wife and it's too soon to do it.

I wish my life was so much simplier.

Quote from: Petunia on March 31, 2026, 05:13:23 AMHey Kellie,

So I'm out to my therapist.

She warned me that eventually everything comes out!

So I admited to crossdressing at a young age, going through a fetishistic stage through male puberty, disgust in middle age and repression and sudden reimergence at late fifties.

She said she already though I was cd.  It's pretty obvious if you know what to look for.

One thing she said was she never saw any facial hair. I thought this was the last thing someone would pick.

I went through everythimg I'd done (briefly), things I'd read, stuff I'd read about being transgender and how I'd been ticking off all the " you might be trans if" stuff.

I shared stuff I read online and she gave me stuff to read as well.

I only have one more appointment with her and once again I spilled my guts despite my wifes wishes but it was going to happen.

My wife isn't happy about me opening up to another person, but she accepts thats what therapists do.

So for now, my wife says a little crossdressing at home is ok, makeup when she isn't home is ok.  No crossdressing out of the house as it would reflect on her.

I've said our marriage is the most important thing in my life and I can't lose that.

I still don't know where I sit. It's not total dude, it's probably nb but so much of what I've read and seen ticks the boxes of you might be transgender if.....

I really haven't discussed this fully with my wife and it's too soon to do it.

I wish my life was so much simplier.

I have my therapy appointment in a couple hours. I had a pre appointment form to fill out and I already told my therapist I'm questioning my gender.
Good luck and if life was simple I'd get bored.

Quote from: Petunia on March 31, 2026, 05:13:23 AMHey Kellie,

So I'm out to my therapist.

She warned me that eventually everything comes out!

So I admited to crossdressing at a young age, going through a fetishistic stage through male puberty, disgust in middle age and repression and sudden reimergence at late fifties.

She said she already though I was cd.  It's pretty obvious if you know what to look for.

One thing she said was she never saw any facial hair. I thought this was the last thing someone would pick.

I went through everythimg I'd done (briefly), things I'd read, stuff I'd read about being transgender and how I'd been ticking off all the " you might be trans if" stuff.

I shared stuff I read online and she gave me stuff to read as well.

I only have one more appointment with her and once again I spilled my guts despite my wifes wishes but it was going to happen.

My wife isn't happy about me opening up to another person, but she accepts thats what therapists do.

So for now, my wife says a little crossdressing at home is ok, makeup when she isn't home is ok.  No crossdressing out of the house as it would reflect on her.

I've said our marriage is the most important thing in my life and I can't lose that.

I still don't know where I sit. It's not total dude, it's probably nb but so much of what I've read and seen ticks the boxes of you might be transgender if.....

I really haven't discussed this fully with my wife and it's too soon to do it.

I wish my life was so much simplier.

I hope something good comes out of the therapy for you.  Therapy often helps.  Clarity of your thoughts should develop over time.

Chrissy

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 06:24:55 AMI have my therapy appointment in a couple hours. I had a pre appointment form to fill out and I already told my therapist I'm questioning my gender.
Good luck and if life was simple I'd get bored.

Kellie,

I hope it was a productive session for you.

Chrissy

I hope you got the answers you were searching for Kellie.

Good luck Kellie.

I hope things start to become clearer for you and your wife is ok for where you are headed

💓

Just finished my first therapy session. It was great, I got teary a few times. She wants to work more on my anxiety and gender issues. She did say she could see me perk up taking about the possibility of transitioning.
I feel better than I have in awhile.  This will be a good thing.
Thank you all for the positivity

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 08:55:32 AMJust finished my first therapy session. It was great, I got teary a few times. She wants to work more on my anxiety and gender issues. She did say she could see me perk up taking about the possibility of transitioning.
I feel better than I have in awhile.  This will be a good thing.
Thank you all for the positivity

Big hugs.


Chrissy

I'm thinking of starting a blog. I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say. Any feedback back would be appreciated.  Also, my new avatar Pic has a hair cut I'm thinking about

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 10:43:41 AMI'm thinking of starting a blog. I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say. Any feedback back would be appreciated.  Also, my new avatar Pic has a hair cut I'm thinking about

Honestly starting a blog is great and anything you post could be interesting and useful to someone. Mine is mostly a record of my perpetual breakdowns with occasional what I've been upto.

Love that hair too. Very cute and would be perfect content for a blog 🙂

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 10:43:41 AMI'm thinking of starting a blog. I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say. Any feedback back would be appreciated.  Also, my new avatar Pic has a hair cut I'm thinking about

Well that makes two of us that think that way.  However, I encourage you to start a blog, at least sometime this year.

Chrissy

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 10:43:41 AMI'm thinking of starting a blog. I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say. Any feedback back would be appreciated.  Also, my new avatar Pic has a hair cut I'm thinking about

I thought this was your Blog Kellie! Ha ha!

Go for it though. I have thought about doing one myself but honestly I also don't think I lead an interesting life I would probably bore the pants off everybody!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 31, 2026, 11:51:09 AMI thought this was your Blog Kellie! Ha ha!

Go for it though. I have thought about doing one myself but honestly I also don't think I lead an interesting life I would probably bore the pants off everybody!

That's my fear. Im a bit older than you, I don't want these kids to fall asleep.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 11:52:20 AMThat's my fear. Im a bit older than you, I don't want these kids to fall asleep.

Meh, age has nothing to do with it Kellie, what is boring to us might be very interesting to others. Or it could be boring too I suppose! You won't know till you do one I guess.

I might take a butchers at some of the other blogs to see how they started out. Might give me a spark of inspiration.

Damn my life is super boring. If I have a blog then anyone can lol.

Nice place to start is your journey or something that's on your mind? Maybe troubling you or just something that you wonder about. Thinking aloud or just getting stuff out there. Or maybe how you love this board and your friends on here 🙂

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 10:43:41 AMI'm thinking of starting a blog. I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say. Any feedback back would be appreciated.  Also, my new avatar Pic has a hair cut I'm thinking about

  @Dawn Kellie
Dear Kellie:
I am convinced that your idea of starting your own Forum Member Blog is a wonderful idea.
Our members here on the Forum have benefited greatly with their own Blog Thread here.

You had stated "I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say."
        Nothing can be further from the truth. 
A Member Blog will provide a HOME for you here on the Forum where you can share your life
endeavors and it will help your readers to find you and follow your progress and life issues that you
feel comfortable sharing thus allowing them to exchange their comments and thoughts with you.
Your Forum Member Blog will help you to find and enjoy alliances with like-minded friends.

Go to the following Link below to learn more about how to start your Blog here on the Forum.

                          All about Member Blogs - please read this First
click Link---> https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=250729.0

Any questions?  Please feel free to contact me at any time.

Warmest Regards and my HUGS, ❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  Forum Administrator  (Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com]

I agree with Danielle and the others.

It's not about whether you have anything "interesting". Everyone has different interests, so you never know who might enjoy yours. Some just use the blog as a diary or journal of their daily life experiences. Some prefer to write about a specific facet of their experiences.

It is all about what you want to do with it. If something is urging you to write, then write!

@Northern Star Girl
@Lori Dee
Thank you for your words of encouragement.
I will consider it very hard.
I want to thank all of you for the support. This site has become my daily go to site and is all the social media I have. My therapist is encouraging me to actually use the word transgender with my wife. Im very afraid, to scare or hurt her. That would be the worst thing ever.
I will tell her I just don't know when or how

Kellie, there is no rush at this stage. It seems a bit quick to me to be telling your spouse you are transgender. You have only had one session with your therapist and I don't think she has positively diagnosed (is that the right word?) you as transgender yet has she?

When I was suffering with depression I found writing down my thoughts in a little book were very helpful. Something about writing down my thoughts helped me process them. A blog might help you sort through your feelings.

In fact sod it, I think I will start one of my own. Lets take the plunge together and bore everyone rigid at the same time.

I agree with Sara,

Talk it over with your therapist. First, to determine if they would diagnose Gender Dysphoria, or perhaps something else. The reason for the diagnosis is to make sure that nothing else is influencing your thoughts.

If they feel that is what is going on, they can help you decide how and when to approach your wife about it. Perhaps she can come with you to a therapy session. That allows her to hear it from the therapist, who can answer her questions about it. That also puts you in a position to hear your wife's questions, so you have an idea about how this news is affecting her. The therapist can work with both of you to get through it.

Think about it like this:

Would you announce to your wife that you think you have cancer, or would you get a diagnosis first?

One of the thoughts that ran through my head was, what if the psychologist is wrong (all four of them)? How do you go back to your family and say, Oops, no false alarm? Then they wonder why you thought that in the first place.

Wait until you know enough about the situation to answer some questions, and see if the therapist can advise you.

Just my two shillings' worth.

Excellent advice there Lori. Kellie, you said you are older than me so 50+, if you have lived with this for that long, what's a few more weeks? There is no rush to transition, I would think you would need to be certain before taking a big step like that.

The good news is you have started the process though Kellie.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 10:43:41 AMI'm thinking of starting a blog. I don't feel I'm interesting enough or have enough to say. Any feedback back would be appreciated.  Also, my new avatar Pic has a hair cut I'm thinking about

I would love to follow your blog Kellie.
Go for it girl❤️.

Ciara

Since today has been a bit of an eye opener for me I decided to do something new. I have a beige bralette. I put it on and ran some errands. I was a little nervous at first, then I did what needed to be done.
Just a understanding what i wore. Boyfriend cut denim jeans.  My little gray tennies, ankles on both ankles. A beige bralette and a green t-shirt.
Kellie is starting to come out in full.

Hello Administración

I believe @Stottie Girl is correct and this really has become my blog. Is there anyway to get this moved to blogging section as I'm pretty sure it doesn't belong in the Crossdressers Talk anymore

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 02:46:25 PMSince today has been a bit of an eye opener for me I decided to do something new. I have a beige bralette. I put it on and ran some errands. I was a little nervous at first, then I did what needed to be done.
Just a understanding what i wore. Boyfriend cut denim jeans.  My little gray tennies, ankles on both ankles. A beige bralette and a green t-shirt.
Kellie is starting to come out in full.

So glad to hear you had such nice experience wearing your bralette and what sounds like quite the cute little outfit!

Here's hoping to more of Kelllie out there again soon!

Charlotte 😻

Definitely a good idea Kellie! I think you have put a lot of your thoughts down on this thread already, it would be a shame to have to start from scratch.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 08:55:32 AMJust finished my first therapy session. It was great, I got teary a few times. She wants to work more on my anxiety and gender issues. She did say she could see me perk up taking about the possibility of transitioning.
I feel better than I have in awhile.  This will be a good thing.
Thank you all for the positivity

This is wonderful to hear, Kellie. Congratulations. It's a huge step toward feeling like yourself, whatever that ends up looking like.

It's really great to see you doing this for yourself and already seeing the benefits of shedding the burdens of being something other than who you really are.

I know it doesn't change everything in an instant, but I'm still very happy for you.

Love,
Pema

Quote from: Pema on March 31, 2026, 03:37:36 PMThis is wonderful to hear, Kellie. Congratulations. It's a huge step toward feeling like yourself, whatever that ends up looking like.

It's really great to see you doing this for yourself and already seeing the benefits of shedding the burdens of being something other than who you really are.

I know it doesn't change everything in an instant, but I'm still very happy for you.

Love,
Pema

Thank you for the kind words. The support I get from everyone here is a huge relief.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 03:39:14 PMThank you for the kind words. The support I get from everyone here is a huge relief.

You earned it by supporting yourself! We love to see that and cheer for it!

I have a thyroid scan tomorrow. I've had an enlarged thyroid diagnosed last year and this is my first follow-up. The plus is as of last year it was noncancerous. It is considered large, so if it has grown it may need to be removed. It is kind of concerning.
My wife is a doctor and understands the ins and outs. She doesn't seem to concerned yet.

My mom had her thyroid removed, and she had no complications. She just had to take another pill each day afterward. Hopefully, it will be benign.

Good luck!

As a cardiac patient I take enough. It's better than the alternative

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 08:55:32 AMJust finished my first therapy session. It was great, I got teary a few times. She wants to work more on my anxiety and gender issues. She did say she could see me perk up taking about the possibility of transitioning.
I feel better than I have in awhile.  This will be a good thing.
Thank you all for the positivity

Will you see her again soon?  Is she a master's or a Ph.D. level therapist?

Yes, I'll see her next Monday. She is only a therapist. It was a good session

The only a therapist is wrong. She is a therapist. She is very good and so far I like her. I'm probably going to be talking to my youngest that I'm transgender.  I need her input before I talk to my wife

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 08:11:35 PMThe only a therapist is wrong. She is a therapist. She is very good and so far I like her. I'm probably going to be talking to my youngest that I'm transgender.  I need her input before I talk to my wife

The biggest qualifications for a therapist are:
1. You like them,
2. They are helping you.

That is what matters. I have been seen by psychologists at Masters and Ph.D. levels. They were good, and they helped me. My current therapist is neither. She is a social worker (LCSW), and her qualifications are the two I listed above.

Good luck with your talks.

@Dawn Kellie  cc: @Lori Dee
Dear Kellie:
What Lori Dee stated is absolutely correct. 
  The educational titles are secondary to the expertise and help that your therapist can offer.

Over the years in many of my medical treatments, I have been to top tier specialty Physicians, Physicians Assistants and Nurse Practitioners.
Except for a few exceptions I found that the PAs and NPs listened to me more, had more empathy for my health issues and asked more questions than the Doctor.

I am wishing you well with your visits with your therapist and your discussions with your youngest and your wife.
Please keep your updates coming.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 31, 2026, 09:02:31 PM@Dawn Kellie  cc: @Lori Dee
Dear Kellie:
What Lori Dee stated is absolutely correct. 
  The educational titles are secondary to the expertise and help that your therapist can offer.

Over the years in many of my medical treatments, I have been to top tier specialty Physicians, Physicians Assistants and Nurse Practitioners.
Except for a few exceptions I found that the PAs and NPs listened to me more, had more empathy for my health issues and asked more questions than the Doctor.

I am wishing you well with your visits with your therapist and your discussions with your youngest and your wife.
Please keep your updates coming.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you and Lori. I finally feel I've been listened to.
I hope it's not first contact awe
I may be to cynical at times

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 31, 2026, 09:11:13 PMThank you and Lori. I finally feel I've been listened to.
I hope it's not first contact awe
I may be to cynical at times

As long as they are helping you stick with them. If you feel they are not helping, just walk away. You are not obligated to stay.

But you said you like them, and the first few visits are more of a "getting to know each other." That way, you feel comfortable discussing intimate details, and they know which areas are more sensitive and might need a different approach to help you.

My psychologist in SD became a good friend. She would say things out loud while I was thinking them. I would say, "Get out of my head, woman!" and she would tap her fingertips together and say, "Muahahaha!"

Our sessions helped me a lot, and they were a lot of fun. There were times when we spent most of the session discussing nail polish, stickers, and press-on nails. For me, that is good therapy.

I hope you and your therapist can develop that kind of rapport.
 

I just realized I'm closer to a,YS size 12than 114. Tea me

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 31, 2026, 09:02:31 PM@Dawn Kellie  cc: @Lori Dee
Dear Kellie:
What Lori Dee stated is absolutely correct. 
  The educational titles are secondary to the expertise and help that your therapist can offer.

Over the years in many of my medical treatments, I have been to top tier specialty Physicians, Physicians Assistants and Nurse Practitioners.
Except for a few exceptions I found that the PAs and NPs listened to me more, had more empathy for my health issues and asked more questions than the Doctor.

I am wishing you well with your visits with your therapist and your discussions with your youngest and your wife.
Please keep your updates coming.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Can I get this tread moved to Member Blogs? Over the past bit it really seems more like a blog and I think starting it in Crossdresser Talk dosen't fit any more.

Please and Thank you

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 01, 2026, 10:05:03 AMCan I get this tread moved to Member Blogs? Over the past bit it really seems more like a blog and I think starting it in Crossdresser Talk dosen't fit any more.

Please and Thank you

I will move it for you. Not a problem.

@Northern Star Girl

Thank you

Here ya go, Kellie!

This is now your official Member Blog. This is your home at Susan's Place, where your followers and avid readers can stay up to date with your postings.

@Dawn Kellie
@Northern Star Girl

I'm already to settle in. I got some lighting changes in mind. 😁

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 01, 2026, 10:12:40 AMI'm already to settle in. I got some lighting changes in mind. 😁

Did you want to change the title, or is it good? I think it fits with the struggles you have had.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 01, 2026, 10:12:40 AMI'm already to settle in. I got some lighting changes in mind. 😁

I like what you've done with the place Kellie lol!

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 01, 2026, 10:17:40 AMDid you want to change the title, or is it good? I think it fits with the struggles you have had.

Please leave the Title

I'm still stumbling around in the dark a lot

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 01, 2026, 10:23:13 AMPlease leave the Title

Got it. I'll let you get settled in.

😀

Going for a mani/pedi this afternoon. My daughter and I are going together, she's paying..its my birthday present. I'm hoping to get a couple of minutes to come out to her. She will be my sounding board for telling my wife.

Still not sure what color to put on my toes. I'm thinking a pink or peach.

I decided to wear my bralette again to day. With my moobs (man boobs) and the padding I have a little shape.

Trying to get used to a blog of me. I will add as things go on.
Thank you all for being so supportive of me as I stumble around figuring me out

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 01, 2026, 10:31:06 AMI'm hoping to get a couple of minutes to come out to her. She will be my sounding board for telling my wife.

Still not sure what color to put on my toes. I'm thinking a pink or peach.

That sounds like a good idea, and fun! Maybe let her pick the color. It could be a bonding moment!

Hope it goes well.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 01, 2026, 10:31:06 AMGoing for a mani/pedi this afternoon. My daughter and I are going together, she's paying..its my birthday present. I'm hoping to get a couple of minutes to come out to her. She will be my sounding board for telling my wife.

Still not sure what color to put on my toes. I'm thinking a pink or peach.

I decided to wear my bralette again to day. With my moobs (man boobs) and the padding I have a little shape.

Trying to get used to a blog of me. I will add as things go on.
Thank you all for being so supportive of me as I stumble around figuring me out

That sounds like a really nice afternoon to spend with your daughter. The fact she is paying sounds like she is already accepting of you.

You seem to have no fear Kellie, I wish I was a bit more like you. I worry far too much about what total strangers may think of me. It has held me back all my life. You are so brave to tackle everything head on!

Not everything head on. I still have to tell my wife I'm trans. That one keeps me on edge.
But, when I decided something I go forward.

Nails are done. My toes are a glitter pink..fingers simple matte. I was wearing my toe rings and anklets the young lady doing my pedicure loved my anklets  ine has a K on it. She even made sure to get my toe rings postponed correctly when I was done.
I didn't get the chance to talk to my daughter and let her know I'm trans. We were separated by several chairs. Im going to soon but I work the next 3 days and am only home a couple of hours before bed

Another work week where i have to work Saturday  I work every other Saturday, with Sunday off or Saturday off and work Sunday.  That's not so bad it's the 12 hrs days I work that get to me.
I feel like I'm just going in circles sometimes. Work, home, shower, sleep and back to work.

I saw my honey for 5 minutes yesterday. The sch8is getting to me. If I didn't have IRS trouble I'm working through I'd scream and run away.

Life always seems to have little things to keep you off balance.

I feel your pain. I've done my share of 12+ hour shifts. It's no fun Kellie. I had a job where I was working 08:00-20:00 then straight on call from 20:00 until 08:00 the next day before starting work again immediately at 08:00 on an 08:00-16:00 shift. Sometimes it went on like that for days. Other times I would work 14 days without a day off. They made me sign a waiver to the working time regulations so they were able to pretty much abuse the employees. Good money but I ended up breaking down and resigning. Work can really suck sometimes.

I'm in a different job now, part time with a crap wage and I've never been happier! I'm lucky I can afford it (just!). I know not everyone can.

In my next life I want to be born wealthy and less good looking 🤣

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 03, 2026, 11:24:04 AMIn my next life I want to be born wealthy and less good looking 🤣

Can't we be both?

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 12:02:57 PMCan't we be both?

I didn't want to be greedy.

I forgot to mention. When I got my nails the young lady that did my fingers, she didn't speak English well barely at all, she trimmed all my fingers down to a male reasonable length. By the time I realized two were short. She also didn't understand glitter on my little fingers. So now my finger nails are short and bland. I could have made a fuss but had to get home to get supper going, and the nail place really does good. I will let it be for now, probably get some glitter varnish. I will make sure I get one of my regular girls next time. 
Im thrilled with my toes the pink glitter looks amazing. It may become a regular color.
It's a little frustration but not the end of the world.

I would love to have long nails but my nails tear and break so easily I just can't grow them out. I would love to get some gel or acrylic nails done professionally but a) I'm not out yet and b) I'm not sure I would be able to type at work with them on. Also how do you girls that have them pick up coins?

I don't keep mine very long. Extending past my finger tips by less than 3/8". I'm fortunate I've always had strong nails. Typing at first feels weird. Picking up coins isn't bad, push the coin in to one of the nails with my thumb and pry up.
If it get real rough I kick it to a Crack so I can get under the edge 😀

The secret is long(er) but not too long. I've found they interfere when typing, but most of the time they are ok. Of course, mine get broken and cracked easily from moving things.

I use my signature color (LA Color Metallic Pink), like pink chrome, then, when completely dry, I apply a clear hardener with glitter. I love the effect, and it makes them last longer. The hardener is also LA Color called Cocktail.

They were given to me by my Bestie ages ago, and they've just become my signature color. I ordered six bottles of each to make sure I wouldn't run out. I haven't worn them lately, as I have been too busy breaking my nails.

😁

I can't get my nails over about 3mm before one of them cracks at the edge. They break so easily just doing up buttons or other simple tasks. Might get fake ones one day as they look nice

The first time I had my fingers painted with real color not just matte, I knew that I wanted that look all the time. Being I haven't come out yet, it's matte for now with a little glitter on my pinky.
The gel matte also increases the strength

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:07:17 PMI can't get my nails over about 3mm before one of them cracks at the edge. They break so easily just doing up buttons or other simple tasks. Might get fake ones one day as they look nice

Gel helps. It adds some good strength

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 03, 2026, 05:09:26 PMGel helps. It adds some good strength

A few people have said this. Might be worth a try then. I want designs on mine. Maybe hello kitty

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 03, 2026, 05:16:38 PMA few people have said this. Might be worth a try then. I want designs on mine. Maybe hello kitty

They can do that. Just make sure they can before you let them. You don't want hello kitty zombies

Oh when I said long I didn't mean talons! I just mean the typical length oval nails everyone gets.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:20:05 PMOh when I said long I didn't mean talons! I just mean the typical length oval nails everyone gets.

You should its very confirming when you do it. Even in just a matte. That way it looks natural. It gives your hands a new look. I have extremely long finger, I could pick up a regulation basketball at 12y.o. it makes my hands look longer and thinner but not freakish.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 03, 2026, 05:20:05 PMOh when I said long I didn't mean talons! I just mean the typical length oval nails everyone gets.

I go with just a little shorter than that. It still has a feminine vibe, but remains practical and easier to maintain (less breakage).

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 03, 2026, 07:08:57 PMI go with just a little shorter than that. It still has a feminine vibe, but remains practical and easier to maintain (less breakage).

I can see the merit in that. Short oval then? I see you can buy acrylic nails of that type.

If you do the gel the strength is better, and they can do any length you want. I crushed one if my nails a year or so ago and had a gel nail put on for protection. Looked real good and allowed the bad nail to grow.

Another day at work. I'm the only maintenance person here today. So, far I've worked on a project and am waiting for something to break. I hope it doesn't. Trying ti keep busy but not to busy.

i did it! I came out to my daughter she was so happy for me. She knew I've been going through something.

She's going to help me tell my wife. This was a big step. Telling my wife is a leap, it's coming

Congrats, Kellie!

That is huge. I am glad she is understanding and accepting. Now you have another ally. She might know a good way to approach the subject with your wife.

If you do it together, it will go more easily. Just make sure it doesn't appear that the two of you are ganging up on your wife. Your daughter should remain supportive, but not take sides.

So happy for you!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 10:29:17 AMi did it! I came out to my daughter she was so happy for me. She knew I've been going through something.

She's going to help me tell my wife. This was a big step. Telling my wife is a leap, it's coming

Oh WOW Kellie! That is BIG news! I'm so chuffed for you! Your daughter sounds so amazing! What a lovely girl you have raised there!

I know when I told my mum and she was fine with it I was so happy I was crying for ages!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 10:37:26 AMOh WOW Kellie! That is BIG news! I'm so chuffed for you! Your daughter sounds so amazing! What a lovely girl you have raised there!

I know when I told my mum and she was fine with it I was so happy I was crying for ages!

She just offered to help me with my makeup

Holy, cow, Kellie! This is fantastic! Happy Everything!

You've probably said elsewhere, but how old is your daughter?

Congratulations on a huge, important step.

Congratulations, such great news x

She's 25, my youngest. She is pansexual and my therapist recommended to come out to her first

That is so great to hear, Kellie. You took a massive, massive step! I am so proud of you! *massive hugs*

Onwards and upwards, girl!

Well done on the first step XX

Im still shaking. I knee she would be accepting but it's still scary

It's one of the scariest things you can do, to be honest. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable like that is a huge deal and you should be super proud of yourself, sweetie. It's proper courage. Being terrified and doing something anyway.

Having her as an ally is an incredibly valuable place for you to be. I'm so very happy for you, Kellie.

I've asked my daughter to sign up on here. She is so supportive I thought there are other family members whi could use her point if view

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 04:26:14 PMI've asked my daughter to sign up on here. She is so supportive I thought there are other family members whi could use her point if view

She would be more than welcome Kellie. She sounds like such a lovely person it would be nice to meet her.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 05, 2026, 04:43:04 PMShe would be more than welcome Kellie. She sounds like such a lovely person it would be nice to meet her.

As soon as I know she has I'll let you know

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 05, 2026, 05:23:03 PMAs soon as I know she has I'll let you know

Yes, please do. We will send out the Welcome Wagon and help her get settled in.

I have to present male for most of the day. I have a coworker coming over to get the last 2 free range hogs we have.
Telling my daughter I was trans is still a great thing.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Glad to hear that you're still enjoying the boost from telling your daughter. I hope sometime soon you don't need to hide and can be full time.

C 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 06, 2026, 08:08:19 AMGlad to hear that you're still enjoying the boost from telling your daughter. I hope sometime soon you don't need to hide and can be full time.

C 😻

Thank you.
Next; my wife. Then my other two kids
Later; my employer

I have my therapy session soon. Get to tell her I told my daughter. Makes me giddy

Out of cowboy mode. Cheeky panties, bralette,a little foundation, shorts and flip flops. Feel much better.
I find my attitude changes. In male mode I'm for direct and less likely to smile.
As Kellie I'm more relaxed.
When I'm in hybrid a don't feel even remotely right. I feel I'm not as direct nor comfortable. 

Another work day, but I have today and tomorrow then I'm off forn3 days

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 10:12:52 AMOut of cowboy mode. Cheeky panties, bralette,a little foundation, shorts and flip flops. Feel much better.
I find my attitude changes. In male mode I'm for direct and less likely to smile.
As Kellie I'm more relaxed.
When I'm in hybrid a don't feel even remotely right. I feel I'm not as direct nor comfortable. 

Yeah, I feel noticably more depressed in boy mode. As soon as I get home I quickly throw on a long boho skirt or some leggings and a cute top and I'm relaxed again. I don't always bother with makeup though.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 06, 2026, 07:30:09 AMI have to present male for most of the day. I have a coworker coming over to get the last 2 free range hogs we have.
Telling my daughter I was trans is still a great thing.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

When I was a young, err man, we had hogs on the farm. What a job trying to load them, when it was time to go for slaughter. One person on the ears, the other on the tail. The pig squealed so loud you could hear it in the next county. I knew an old timer who would put a rope on their hind leg and walk them somehow. I never could do it. Ahh the old days.
   Sorry you have to switch back and forth from male to female. That definitely does not get any easier. Even doing 'man' work now, I find difficult.

We had a lot more when we first bought the property. They destroyed fences pasture. My wife has mini goats and the hogs got in and killed the kids.
One point they started getting in our neighbors pasture. I went a little overboard and eliminated about 6 with extreme prejudice.
We will never have hogs again.

Going for my Florida electrical journey license. I have my public interview tonight so I can schedule my test.
I've had a journey man license in other states, each one is a little different. Tonight is a dog and pony show. I have to prove 8000 hours. I figure I have 80000 hours. Still getting up at a board meeting is a little nerve wrecking.
The down side is i can't go as Kellie. I will survive. I can do this. Fortunately for me I don't suffer a major issue public speaking. Only a little issue

Florida in the spring  (https://ibb.co/fd4GYzXf)

Here is one of the best pictures I've ever taken

That didn't work. It's supposed to be a photo. I'll try again later

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 07, 2026, 04:47:22 PMGoing for my Florida electrical journey license. I have my public interview tonight so I can schedule my test.
I've had a journey man license in other states, each one is a little different. Tonight is a dog and pony show. I have to prove 8000 hours. I figure I have 80000 hours. Still getting up at a board meeting is a little nerve wrecking.
The down side is i can't go as Kellie. I will survive. I can do this. Fortunately for me I don't suffer a major issue public speaking. Only a little issue

I wish you the best of luck, Kellie! You've got this!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Kellie, if she doesn't want to come here, don't be mad at her okay? People have to take some things at their own pace. You can't really say something is good for someone if they have somewhat of a different timetable,

People take things at their own pace. They find people who encourage them.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 07, 2026, 07:26:50 PMKellie, if she doesn't want to come here, don't be mad at her okay? People have to take some things at their own pace. You can't really say something is good for someone if they have somewhat of a different timetable,

People take things at their own pace. They find people who encourage them.

She tried the other night and kept having issues.
I won't be upset I feel blessed she is so understanding of me and helpful

Did my interview
Unanimously voted to be allowed to take the test. I go tomorrow and get the information on scheduling

Congratulations, good luck on the test! I'm sure you will do fine. 
  Pigs can be so destructive. When we had them they dug under the foundation of several buildings, buried the fence, and got out many times. But were quite tasty if memory serves me!

(https://i.ibb.co/TMmqBxw6/20230213-063631.jpg)

Spring Florida morning

Another day as mostly Kellie. I little concealer, new boyfriend jeans, bralette, cute little tennies.

(https://i.ibb.co/9HzNzyWK/fe77a9f7-d015-4187-891e-f14cab28fcd9.jpg)

This isn't recent, but it was the first time I had more than just a matte finish.  I loved looking down at my hands and seeing color

This picture was before I came to term as Kellie. Im keep my nails longer and my hands better moisturized. Working with my hands it gets a bit hard to keep them looking nice

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 10:14:13 AMThis picture was before I came to term as Kellie. Im keep my nails longer and my hands better moisturized. Working with my hands it gets a bit hard to keep them looking nice

It's not nice but what I would say is that when you stop they recover.

When I was a heating engineer I had hard rough skin on my hands and knees (from kneeling all day) I couldn't put tights on unless I wore gloves as my skin kept clicking the nylon! I was always nursing cuts and scrapes on my hands and forever tearing fingernails. They used to get dry and chapped in the winter too. But I've been off the tools now for three years and I have beautifully soft smooth hands and that hard skin on my knees has finally disappeared. I was very self concious of my knees for abot two years after I stopped working.

If only my back would recover too!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 11:18:06 AMIt's not nice but what I would say is that when you stop they recover.

When I was a heating engineer I had hard rough skin on my hands and knees (from kneeling all day) I couldn't put tights on unless I wore gloves as my skin kept clicking the nylon! I was always nursing cuts and scrapes on my hands and forever tearing fingernails. They used to get dry and chapped in the winter too. But I've been off the tools now for three years and I have beautifully soft smooth hands and that hard skin on my knees has finally disappeared. I was very self concious of my knees for abot two years after I stopped working.

If only my back would recover too!

How is the back doing?

My knee is about to say adiós for final. If I have to kneel down the pain is amazing and that leg can't get me back up.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 11:59:21 AMHow is the back doing?

My knee is about to say adiós for final. If I have to kneel down the pain is amazing and that leg can't get me back up.

I call it "British Gas back" as I got it from twisting underneath boilers in peoples kitchens when replacing parts. I think it's here for life. I get a sharp pain if I lean over to the right and straighten up. To the left of forward is fine. And I wake up with a dull ache at the base of my spine every morning. Probably me done in for life now. I do wonder if this is linked to the sciatica. I did have the beginnings of knee pain as I was on my knees a lot but I think I might have escaped the worst of the damage as they seem to have recovered.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 12:11:48 PMI call it "British Gas back" as I got it from twisting underneath boilers in peoples kitchens when replacing parts. I think it's here for life. I get a sharp pain if I lean over to the right and straighten up. To the left of forward is fine. And I wake up with a dull ache at the base of my spine every morning. Probably me done in for life now. I do wonder if this is linked to the sciatica. I did have the beginnings of knee pain as I was on my knees a lot but I think I might have escaped the worst of the damage as they seem to have recovered.

Have you tried spinal injections? My wife had them done after a car accident and they helped. She later did laser nerve ablation. It was magic

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 12:14:32 PMHave you tried spinal injections? My wife had them done after a car accident and they helped. She later did laser nerve ablation. It was magic

It's not really bad enough to warrant stuff like that to be honest Kellie. Maybe as I get older it might become more of an issue.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 09, 2026, 12:26:07 PMIt's not really bad enough to warrant stuff like that to be honest Kellie. Maybe as I get older it might become more of an issue.

Are you saying my wife is old???
She may have something to say about that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She would laugh I THINK 😂

I try to keep gloves on these days, working with sheet metal making panels up its easy to get cut. A good hand cream as well in the morning works. I have mechanics back, its that angle leaning under bonnets. Got some more pain cream today, like you I can wake with back ache. Its bad posture!!!

I primarily wear gloves at work. There are times when I'm dealing with little wires in little spaces or small nuts that the gloves come off. It's company policy we wear gloves. Maintenance has a little leeway only because we have the fine work to do. I put moisturzer on my face every night and rub it in to my hands. It does help, but the chemicals do there damage

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 09, 2026, 12:51:07 PMAre you saying my wife is old???
She may have something to say about that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She would laugh I THINK 😂

You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment!

At Disney Magic Kingdom today. My wife has a work retreat and I had the day off so here I am. The weather is great. Low 80s and the humidity is low.
I had to find a seat and let my knee rest.

I survived Disney. It came close at times.

I've been reading some of your blogs. I cant express enough the feeling of relief i have. Im not the only on in the world who has suppressed feeling and thoughts.
I have crossdressed off and on since I was young. At first it had a sexual over tone.
That had left several years ago and turned into the way can't I do this all the time. Always looking at a woman and admiring her choices or thinking you should do ... and it would work better.
I've always been the one to go with my daughters and get formal wear or if they wanted some new clothes.  My youngest especially, I'd grab some clothes and tell her if you do this and this and it would work. She'd give me a look than do it and tell me I'm right. I'd be jealous because why cant I dress like that. Always pushing emotions down.
Then in the last few years I felt a change. I was tired of pushing down and wanted something.  I came to Susans.org thinking I was just a crossdresser. Then looking over some of the things other said I realized I'm still holding something back. I had asked for help picking the new name. I made the final decision, but advise was given in love and experience.  Kellie was given life. The more I say and and live it. She is here to stay. Because of people lie @Charlotte Kitty and @Stottie Girl I've found people that are ahead of me in a journey but left footprints and guide posts. I also appreciate the love from @Lori Dee and everyone that has touched me. I love you all and am thankful for all of you.

I was just going back on some of my old posts and realized something. I've mentioned in some my wife knows and others I state I have to tell my wife.
For clarification, my wife knows I crossdress. It's hard for her not to know when I wear panties and womans shorts, pants and other things.
I have to tell my wife I have come to the realization I'm transgender. I have a feeling she suspects but the actual act of saying the words haven't been done.
I'm going to have to tell her I need her attention for an hour, because I need to talk to her. I will have to specify i only want to be with her. She and I will have to set ground rules for times I have to present male. She works for a faith based hospital and she us a program director. It could adversely affect her career. I love her to much to cause her negative consequences.
I hope this helps someone somewhere

So glad to hear you've made such progress on here, particularly finding yourself as transgender...as a woman. That itself is such a huge thing. And then after this I've seen you grow in confidence here so much that your true personality is getting into all your messages. There is definitely no keeping you locked away that's for sure.

I note the complexity in the situation with your wife. It's positive you have some freedom in wearing women's clothes sometimes. But sure the next step of telling her officially is definitely scary and kinda unknown. She either suspects a lot already and you'll just confirm this or it'll come as a surprise. I think being prepared for both is wise. Preparing a time is akways good as it's easy to chicken out or other things to come up in the way. But probably not too far in the future as you might worry for days. Ultimately has to be right time for you though and when you feel strong, then have free time after to keep the dialogue going I guess. We of course are all here for you.

Charlotte 😻

I think it will be important to remember that you are not doing anything to her. You were born this way, and you are just now coming to grips with it. Even if she suspects, the confirmation will come as a shock to her. Let her ask questions. Allow her plenty of time and space to process this.

You have been adjusting to it for many years. She has not had that much time. Be gentle. Listen. And make sure she knows you understand her concerns. You are telling her now because you believe in being honest. This is as honest as you can get. Whether or not she accepts it is up to her, not you. You are only giving her information - intimate details that you have never shared before, because she is entitled to your honesty.

The other reason for telling her is that you would like her to be with you on this journey. She may not want that, and she is entitled to those feelings. Your life will continue in some form, whether she accepts it or not. Hopefully, her love for you and her understanding will bring her forward with support and acceptance. You are already aware of how that may affect her employment, and you understand that concern. Make sure she knows that you understand.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 01:56:44 PMI survived Disney. It came close at times.

I've been reading some of your blogs. I cant express enough the feeling of relief i have. Im not the only on in the world who has suppressed feeling and thoughts.
I have crossdressed off and on since I was young. At first it had a sexual over tone.
That had left several years ago and turned into the way can't I do this all the time. Always looking at a woman and admiring her choices or thinking you should do ... and it would work better.
I've always been the one to go with my daughters and get formal wear or if they wanted some new clothes.  My youngest especially, I'd grab some clothes and tell her if you do this and this and it would work. She'd give me a look than do it and tell me I'm right. I'd be jealous because why cant I dress like that. Always pushing emotions down.
Then in the last few years I felt a change. I was tired of pushing down and wanted something.  I came to Susans.org thinking I was just a crossdresser. Then looking over some of the things other said I realized I'm still holding something back. I had asked for help picking the new name. I made the final decision, but advise was given in love and experience.  Kellie was given life. The more I say and and live it. She is here to stay. Because of people lie @Charlotte Kitty and @Stottie Girl I've found people that are ahead of me in a journey but left footprints and guide posts. I also appreciate the love from @Lori Dee and everyone that has touched me. I love you all and am thankful for all of you.

Your story arc is one of the most interesting to follow on here for me. I have seen you change so rapidly and you seem to be getting happier by the day. It's lovely to see. I think your earlier posts were nervous and full of angst but now, you're so confident and Kellie has been developing in front of our eyes.

There are many parallels between our experiences on here. Long may it continue!

Sarah xx

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 11, 2026, 02:57:23 PMYour story arc is one of the most interesting to follow on here for me. I have seen you change so rapidly and you seem to be getting happier by the day. It's lovely to see. I think your earlier posts were nervous and full of angst but now, you're so confident and Kellie has been developing in front of our eyes.

There are many parallels betwen our experiences on here. Long may it continue!

Sarah xx

You are to kind

I gave my youngest permission to tell her sister that I'm transgender. She thinks my older daughter will also be supportive.
She asked me why her. I told her that if her sister says something to mom before I do. She can get mad at her sister. If I tell her and she spills the beans, I have to be mellow.
My older daughter keeps a secret like Barney Fife on sodium penathol.

These are big moments you are going through. Your youngest sounds so amazing, you should be (and I bet you are) so very proud of her. If your oldest has seen your nails she must suspect so I would bet she will be ok with it too.

My oldest daughter is also very accepting and gave me 2 amazing grandchildren. She is also a mamas girl. So I have fears. She lives 100 yards from us. What is that 80 meters?
My youngest i know will keep things between us. My oldest daughter, our middle child. Seems to have a big mouth. 
My youngest helped me work on 2 cars today. We had a good talk and she said she would clothes and bra shop with me. On one of my days off we might go to Tampa and go to the gayberhood and the beach.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 05:32:33 PMMy oldest daughter is also very accepting and gave me 2 amazing grandchildren. She is also a mamas girl. So I have fears. She lives 100 yards from us. What is that 80 meters?
My youngest i know will keep things between us. My oldest daughter, our middle child. Seems to have a big mouth. 
My youngest helped me work on 2 cars today. We had a good talk and she said she would clothes and bra shop with me. On one of my days off we might go to Tampa and go to the gayberhood and the beach.

Now that is awesome what a little legend she is! Shame I can't meet her one day. You're so lucky to have family. Me, I'm an only child with a single friend who I don't get to see anywhere near enough. It would be so good to share my journey with someone. I will admit to feeling a little envious.

No idea on the meters thing ha ha! We never quite completed the metrification process! Short distances we usually use metric (except when doing woodwork, I prefer imperial for that) but longer distances we use yards and miles not metres and Kilometers. Our vehicle speedos are in mph, our road sign distances are in miles and yards. Height we use feet. Area we use m2 for small but acres not hectares when the scale is bigger. Pints for milk and beer, millimeters for spirits and other liquids. I'll still order a pound of mince or saussages even though the price is in grams! Weight we can use either but usually oz, lbs and stone for weighing ourselves. I think our government has just given up trying to sort it out!

It confuses the hell out of our foreign friends! We use both systems interchangably just to be awkward!

Our government tries to push metrics on us. It doesn't work Americans are to bully headed. The metric is listed on everything you find in a grocery store but in a smaller font. It would take generations for it to happen  long live fractions

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 06:32:23 PMOur government tries to push metrics on us. It doesn't work Americans are to bully headed. The metric is listed on everything you find in a grocery store but in a smaller font. It would take generations for it to happen  long live fractions

Don't get me wrong the metric system is awesome and it makes far more sense. But it's sort of ingrained into us. Maybe it's the island mentality, the feeling that we want to do things our own way. I suspect that is behind the brexit result we had too. We are part of europe but don't feel like we belong in Europe. Probably our colonial past has something to do with it as well.

I can quote the Fat Electrician
Fractions have put more men on the moon than decimals

🤣

We colonialis do it our way. Dosen't mean better just means more arrogant

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 11, 2026, 07:26:47 PMI can quote the Fat Electrician
Fractions have put more men on the moon than decimals

🤣

We colonialis do it our way. Dosen't mean better just means more arrogant

I've seeen his videos, he's well funny! I watched one of his talking about the wooden wonder, the Dehaviland Mosquito bomber. Very good watch.

However, he's technically wrong. NASA used a hybrid system of metric and imperial rather like we do over our way.

Another work day. I also work tomorrow, both 12 hour days. I will have Tuesday and Wednesday off. This schedule is very draining. I will get working Thursday, Friday and Saturday all 12 hour days. My wife is out of town through next weekend. So it isn't great. I don't sleep good with out my wife.

Hope your day isn't too tough today. Especially as you got back yo back 12 hour days. Get what you mean though, it's really draining when you do repetitive 12+ hour days in a row.

It'll be such a treat when your wife returns from being away. It's always too quiet on your own. I'm always the one working a way so been a while since coming home to an empty house!

Charlotte 😻

It's never a quiet house. We have many dogs and two of my adult children live at home. There is also goats, chickens, ducks, and rabbits.  The joy of county living.

For most of my first marriage I traveled alot for work. I'm sure it had something to do with my divorce. Not the only thing but something. I don't miss that life. It was very toxic for both of us.

Wow you have got a busy house. At least it's never lonely! Lots of feeding animals by sounds of it.

.you wife is raising mini goars. We probably have 25 goats. A lot of them were hand fed from birth. It makes her happy and they are fun to watch. Most of them will walk right up to you and and just walk around you. I had work to do on the gate yesterday and I had two goat helpers the entire time

Sorry, the last post was supposed to start with My wife

So I did a thing today.
I'm at work, another 12 hour day, and saw the HR person in her office. I asked if she had a minute, which she did. I closed her door and asked her hypothetically is there any ramifications if some one came out as transgender. I knew the answer but needed to hear it. She said "no" but did ask if it was something that needed to be told. In response I told her it would probably become obvious in time. She said the only concern she would have is some of the people on the floor, as some of them could be harsh. I acknowledge her concern and reiterated that this was hypocritical.
As we ended our conversation she said it would be a very brave thing to do.

Now I have to tell my wife. Why is that seem so much harder than this.

Wow, Kellie, that's another huge step. Congratulations!

I guess I'm a little confused by the HR person's saying there are no ramifications, but some of your colleagues may treat you poorly - and that's not an HR problem itself?

I might ask her questions like "Are there policies prohibiting people from mistreating transgender co-workers? Would those policies be enforced?"

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 12:13:20 PMSo I did a thing today.
I'm at work, another 12 hour day, and saw the HR person in her office. I asked if she had a minute, which she did. I closed her door and asked her hypothetically is there any ramifications if some one came out as transgender. I knew the answer but needed to hear it. She said "no" but did ask if it was something that needed to be told. In response I told her it would probably become obvious in time. She said the only concern she would have is some of the people on the floor, as some of them could be harsh. I acknowledge her concern and reiterated that this was hypocritical.
As we ended our conversation she said it would be a very brave thing to do.

Now I have to tell my wife. Why is that seem so much harder than this.

Wow Kellie, you don't hang about do you! I so wish I could be like you and crash on through with everything but I have always been an overthinker, I will likely agonise over these issues for years to come!

It's great your HR representative is female, that would make it easier I think. It's a big step you have taken. For me, my department is very male dominated (construction related industry) the only women are the ones doing my job. HR will exist somewhere within the council but I have no idea who they are or where they are! Hazzards of working for a large authority I suppose.

It's just my opinion but I would think you will need to be careful as if you tell too many people without telling your wife, she may find out before you tell her and I can see that being very hurtful to her.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 12:13:20 PMNow I have to tell my wife. Why is that seem so much harder than this.

Because you care about what the answer is.

With HR, you are just asking a hypothetical to gauge what the environment might be like.

It is different when you are coming out to the person closest to you and being totally honest with them. The words from those closest to us can hurt the most because we are vulnerable with them.

Congrats on taking this huge first step!

Quote from: Pema on April 13, 2026, 12:36:29 PMWow, Kellie, that's another huge step. Congratulations!

I guess I'm a little confused by the HR person's saying there are no ramifications, but some of your colleagues may treat you poorly - and that's not an HR problem itself?

I might ask her questions like "Are there policies prohibiting people from mistreating transgender co-workers? Would those policies be enforced?"

She was more referring to the individual responses. I can't be "punished " but some of my coworkers may suddenly turn their noses up to me or suddenly treat me differently. I'd like to think my quality of work would and specialty would prevent that.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 13, 2026, 12:52:34 PMWow Kellie, you don't hang about do you! I so wish I could be like you and crash on through with everything but I have always been an overthinker, I will likely agonise over these issues for years to come!

It's great your HR representative is female, that would make it easier I think. It's a big step you have taken. For me, my department is very male dominated (construction related industry) the only women are the ones doing my job. HR will exist somewhere within the council but I have no idea who they are or where they are! Hazzards of working for a large authority I suppose.

It's just my opinion but I would think you will need to be careful as if you tell too many people without telling your wife, she may find out before you tell her and I can see that being very hurtful to her.

There are only, as of this moment, three woman that work here. This is a male dominated work place. When I fully come out I will be the only female on the floor.

When she asked me if it was something that would need to be done. She wasn't being nasty. I think she was wondering why. When I told her that at some point it may be come obvious she got the meaning right away. I'll have breasts and that would be hard to hide. 😂

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 12:13:20 PMSo I did a thing today.
I'm at work, another 12 hour day, and saw the HR person in her office. I asked if she had a minute, which she did. I closed her door and asked her hypothetically is there any ramifications if some one came out as transgender. I knew the answer but needed to hear it. She said "no" but did ask if it was something that needed to be told. In response I told her it would probably become obvious in time. She said the only concern she would have is some of the people on the floor, as some of them could be harsh. I acknowledge her concern and reiterated that this was hypocritical.
As we ended our conversation she said it would be a very brave thing to do.

Now I have to tell my wife. Why is that seem so much harder than this.

Congratulations that's a huge step forwards. Seems you might have a potential ally too there. Seems she is thinking of any potential issues and being clear about it. However you may be surprised. Sometimes those you expected to be an issue turn out to be the most understanding.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 13, 2026, 02:39:34 PMCongratulations that's a huge step forwards. Seems you might have a potential ally too there. Seems she is thinking of any potential issues and being clear about it. However you may be surprised. Sometimes those you expected to be an issue turn out to be the most understanding.

Charlotte 😻

I can only hope. My immediate supervisor will be one that will be an issue.  He's a red neck southern.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 04:09:59 PMI can only hope. My immediate supervisor will be one that will be an issue.  He's a red neck southern.

Well that could go either way Kellie. Sometimes those sorts of people can surprise you. I can see why you might be nervous though. I had a boss once who picked on and bullied me at work and it wasn't fun. If it starts to go like that my advice would be to look elsewhere for a fresh challenge. Nobody should put up with hastle at work.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 13, 2026, 04:09:59 PMI can only hope. My immediate supervisor will be one that will be an issue.  He's a red neck southern.

If he says anything you don't like, give a shy smile and say, "Are you hitting on me?"

That sends homophobes running.

🤣

And if he says yes or maybe, politely say, "I'm married."

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 13, 2026, 05:05:05 PMIf he says anything you don't like, give a shy smile and say, "Are you hitting on me?"

That sends homophobes running.

🤣

And if he says yes or maybe, politely say, "I'm married."

Love it

I've decided to share a little of my life, it may help to understand Kellie.

I was married, the first time, at 20. My first wife and I really had different ideas of life. She wanted kids and someone to support her life. I worked ALOT, always at work or out of town working. I wanted someone to experience life with. She was more interested in raising kids and having our kids as her friends. We had a girl and boy. As the kids got older she was more interested in having them as friends. I had to be the parent. I was always "the bad cop". I take blame for letting it happen.  When our oldest was 17 she had a boyfriend.  All of a sudden he's living with us. It was a surprise to me. I told my wife i didn't approve and he needed to go. I was told he's not leaving but I could. So, I left.
I moved back to my parents home. They were very supportive of me. Back in time a few years, I was 18 and a friend and I decided to get an apparent. He worked at the same place I did. It was the typical man pad. He had women in and out. I had a single girlfriend.  That relationship didn't last. I was a kid and it happens. I started dating her friend and that was my first wife.
My friend met a girl at a bar and they started dating and got married.  I was i. The wedding and the 4 of us would hang out. Both groups had kids. My friend and his wife are my eldest child's god parents.

Time passes we loose contact. One day I was online and connected with my friends wife. We started chatting and talking. All above board. I told her that she and I were better suited she laughed and agreed. She was separated from her husband. She was still sleeping with her husband and had kids. I Jeter pushed. This was early 2000.

Time passes and life changes. I'm now getting a full divorce. I'm done with being the only parent.  I had lost tou6with my friends wife but we reconnect. She now has 3 born children and a husband that isn't much more than a kid. She has told her husband she wants a divorce. They are liv6in different cities and he shows up when he wants or needs something. He is constantly having a new girlfriend he's sleeping with. When he's told she wants a divorce he say "NO". His wife is now a doctor and he is looking to be taken care of. He is emotionally abusive to the kids.

She and I connect and we start talking. We realized we are both getting a divorce and we have feelings for each other. Our first date is in Las Vegas. At this time I'm living at my parents and working for my dad. I tell my mother I'm going to Vegas to meet this person. My mom looks me straight in the eye and asks me, " are you going to sleep in the same bed?". I calmly respond "mom don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." The question was dropped. 🤣
We have an amazing few days. We needed lots of hydration. A month later we have a second date in San Francisco. Again, a great date. I told her I loved her. She responded in kind.
Another month later we meet in Oklahoma, her home state. I'm meeting her children. Her so to be exhusband finds out and threw a walleyed fit. We still had a great time.
A month later I moved to Oklahoma to be near her. I get evolved with the kids. Show them love and interest in their lives. Her ex-husband gets wind and blows his top. He has his attorney pount out that in Oklahoma there is a morality clause.  I had to move back to California while their divorce goes through the court. It was an ugly divorce.
My divorce is also ugly. My ex wife was trying to bleed me dry. I made a generous offer and told my ex if she didn't take it we would do EXACTLY what the court would require. She tried for more. I held my ground and she ended up with 1/4 of what I offered. The bad side is my kids were led to believe I was a POS. The last contact I had with either one was a letter. The last words were "Never talk to us again ". I've always tried to keep an eye on them.
So in December of 2009 on the exact same day both divorces are final. In Oklahoma you have to wait 6 months before you can remarry. I again move to Oklahoma. I have a separate address but near my soon to be wife. I'm never at my address I'm being a dad. To three kids. Doing what a dad should do. The kids are still getting poisoned by bio dad. Telling the kids " I broke.up the family." and "their mom and I had an affair for years".
I go trough hello at times. I constantly try to show the kids love. Doing the things a dad should be.
My wife and I get married. We have great times, we also have lows. It's an honest marriage. The good and the bad. Even when we've been angry as he'll with each other we had love.
In time the kids started calling me Dad. It has been an amazing life. I have adopted the youngest with plans to adopt the other 2.
I love the family I have. I would never do anything to upset them. My youngest knows I'm transgender and she is amazing. I haven't told the other 2 or my wife yet. My wife is the biggest hurdle I have.  I think she atleast suspects. I'm always in panties and other things, as listed in my other posts.

Thanks for sharing, Kellie.

I know how difficult it is to relive those experiences, but it is therapeutic to write them out. And we appreciate the peek behind the scenes.

Sone of it hurts. Sone of it is happy. I choose to live in the good.

I thought i was going to have a problem.
I was offered training in May. During that time my wife id scheduled for a minor medical procedure. 
My wife wanted me to go to training, I wanted to be home for her. We were in a disagreement.
My boss just called and the training got moved.

Just read your mini biography there Kellie. My you've had a lot of heartache and relationship strife in your life. I can see why you are so very desperate to hold onto what you have.

It's great to get to know more about you, whilst it makes for sad reading in places I'm sure there were a lot of happy moments along the way. I am sorry to hear you have lost touch with your children from your first marriage though. They may come search you out in later life yet though.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 10:56:52 AMJust read your mini biography there Kellie. My you've had a lot of heartache and relationship strife in your life. I can see why you are so very desperate to hold onto what you have.

It's great to get to know more about you, whilst it makes for sad reading in places I'm sure there were a lot of happy moments along the way. I am sorry to hear you have lost touch with your children from your first marriage though. They may come search you out in later life yet though.

I hope. I look at it that I now have 3 great kids.i love what i have

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 10:56:52 AMJust read your mini biography there Kellie. My you've had a lot of heartache and relationship strife in your life. I can see why you are so very desperate to hold onto what you have.

It's great to get to know more about you, whilst it makes for sad reading in places I'm sure there were a lot of happy moments along the way. I am sorry to hear you have lost touch with your children from your first marriage though. They may come search you out in later life yet though.

Even though I'm a tanny cow 🤣🤣

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 15, 2026, 12:58:31 PMEven though I'm a tanny cow 🤣🤣

JAMMY cow! haway man Kellie!

My apologies Jammy Cow.

It's like learning a new language at times.

I went to my local Goodwill and got 2 new bralettes. I had one that I wore alot. I showed it to my daughter and she was disappointed in me. It was very plain and ugly. I found a red lacy and a gray lacy. I think I'll get approval with these

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 15, 2026, 01:21:48 PMI went to my local Goodwill and got 2 new bralettes. I had one that I wore alot. I showed it to my daughter and she was disappointed in me. It was very plain and ugly. I found a red lacy and a gray lacy. I think I'll get approval with these

I had to google Bralette. I've never heard the phrase before. Seems like a sort of a sports bra without the firm elastic holding power and you can get feminine lacey versions too. Is that the sort of thing?

I just bought a Glamorise Wonderwire front fastening bra. My god it is so comfortable. The cups are so supportive and give a great shape. I don't know how they can do that without being padded I'm a convert! £47 a pop though but it's so worth it! My boobs have never felt this good ha ha! Plus front fastening, omg how easy is that!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 15, 2026, 01:53:26 PMI had to google Bralette. I've never heard the phrase before. Seems like a sort of a sports bra without the firm elastic holding power and you can get feminine lacey versions too. Is that the sort of thing?

I just bought a Glamorise Wonderwire front fastening bra. My god it is so comfortable. The cups are so supportive and give a great shape. I don't know how they can do that without being padded I'm a convert! £47 a pop though but it's so worth it! My boobs have never felt this good ha ha! Plus front fastening, omg how easy is that!

Yes they are great for those ot us that don't have much to hold up. A bralette is thin and light with little to no support. The ones I got are very lacy

Dawn, it takes a lot of courage to come out later in life.  It is even more difficult if you are married.  It also takes a lot of honesty.  I hope you both find a way to navigate a very difficult change.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 15, 2026, 03:57:38 PMDawn, it takes a lot of courage to come out later in life.  It is even more difficult if you are married.  It also takes a lot of honesty.  I hope you both find a way to navigate a very difficult change.

I think it will go well. There will be a lot of questions and answers. There could even be some tears. Mine or hers.
I've always suspected i was different some how. My wife has to know something is different.
You can't see your spouse wearing clothing jewelry and other things opposite of their assigned gender, and not know. I don't know if she isn't sure of the depth or she is waiting on me to say something

After my latest therapy and based on my wife's stress level. Im waiting a bit longer to say something

I need my sisters point of view.
I had a therapy appointment yesterday.  I think it is helping. I enjoy just saying what I'm thinking and not being told I'm being silly.
I asked my therapist am I transgender.  Obviously she couldn't say yes. She has to have denabilty. I get that. I like boxes and things that go.in them.
I feel transgender I feel more comfortable as a woman. I like the way I feel dressed.  I was going out and didn't have on anklets or toe rings and felt naked.
I feel I'm transgender, the thought of being on HRT and developing breasts is amazing.
I get no sexual gratification from dressing.  I just feel dressed in panties, painted toes, a bit of danglies on and female clothing.
Am I out of my league? I feel I'm transgender. My bits below feel foreign alot. I enjoy relations with my wife but prefer not to use my bits.
I feel lost, maybe that's the meaning of my blog title.

Kellie,

What you are experiencing is absolutely normal, and something many transgender people can relate to.

And what you describe is textbook Gender Dysphoria, according to the DSM:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK532313/#:~:text=Gender%20dysphoria%20(GD)%2C%20according,termed%20%22gender%20identity%20disorder.%22

Gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults

A. A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender of at least six months duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:

A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or, in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).

A strong desire to be rid of one's primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one's experienced/expressed gender (or, in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).

A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.

A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender).

A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender).

A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender).

Everything you just described fits the above criteria.
 
There's no backing out now. We got you, dear! You are one of us. One of us. One of us.
🤣

Thank you. Im actually tearing up.

I've had several health issues in my life with delayed diagnosis. Each time I've felt crazy. I've had nagging pains and just ignored them.
I didn't want to feel crazy again

No, you are not crazy.

Well, no more than the rest of us.

😁

Crazy can be a sliding scale. 🤣🤣🤣

It's like if you are a large person and you want to feel skinny. Surround yourself with larger people.  Than you look smaller

Ok maybe not the best example, it still makes me smile.

No one here is crazier than me. Or, we are all in the same assulum and we love each other so much we take the crazy away from each other

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 15, 2026, 07:59:35 PMwe are all in the same assulum and we love each other so much we take the crazy away from each other

I think you may have stumbled onto something there.

🙃

Kellie, if you're asking whether you're transgender, I'm going to say you are if you say you are. From the things you've mentioned in this post and many others here, you have a lot more of the "classic signs" going for you than I do, and I got The Letter with my gender dysphoria diagnosis.

So there's the whole DSM definition of gender dysphoria, which is easily look-up-able. But then there's the more practical side of it: What are you looking for in the "transgender" label? If it's transitioning (HRT and whatever else you desire), you can do that without a GD diagnosis, but having the diagnosis makes it easier in many ways (e.g. insurance coverage).

If you're just wondering about whether you fit in a category, I guess I'd encourage you not to. That part doesn't matter (in my opinion).

But honestly, if you feel you're transgender, that combined with everything you've shared here persuade me that you are. But I'm not a licensed mental health care professional.

From your posts it does seem like you are battling the same issues as many of us are which would put you firmly in the "probably transgender" bracket if such a thing exists. It is a spectrum though and there is no real clear definition in truth.

I think for many people, taking HRT can be a magic truth serum in some respects. When you start loosing your libido, having emotions burst from you, start breast budding and all the other little changes that happen early on, you should know whether it is for you or not.

It is possible to go on HRT without telling your wife and see if the initial changes match what you want from life. At that stage you can still choose. It may seem underhand but it is a way of getting a true feel for it without jepardising your relationship. I am assuming you aren't wanting any kids of course, If you do then there are other factors to consider. The initial changes are often reversible to a degree.

It can be dificult not to get caught up in the the excitement of it all but there is no reason to rush this. Take the time with your therapist, I would think that she will be able to give a verdict over time. Is she conversant with transgender issues or just a general therapist?

And I'll add to the great things said already, you can be transgender and keep your private bits, too.

Gender is what's between your ears not you legs.

Thank you all.
I was just having moments of questioning myself.
I'm transgender the thoughts of a more feminine form bring me joy. Seeing what I have done so far has made me more relaxed in my skin.
I hope what I'm feeling is just normal personal doubt, based on years of being told you have these bits you are this

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 16, 2026, 06:28:03 AMThank you all.
I was just having moments of questioning myself.
I'm transgender the thoughts of a more feminine form bring me joy. Seeing what I have done so far has made me more relaxed in my skin.
I hope what I'm feeling is just normal personal doubt, based on years of being told you have these bits you are this

I remember asking my therapist if this, wanting to be a woman was just a coping mechanism? His answer was do you have these feelings when you are under a lot of stress? 'Yes'! How about when everything is going well and there is low stress? Of course the answer was 'Yes'! It never truly went away and was always there. His response was, then you have your answer. To doubt, is to be human. We all experience it. Now if you didn't have doubts, I would worry.

I always like to reiterate too that high levels of dysphoria or any dysphoria at all are not requirements for you to be transgender. Of course this can affect you if you're seeking treatment from say insurance that may be strict, but you can certainly be trans with just gender euphoria. Also the feelings are so confusing at times. Dysphoria can present in subtle ways like just how you structure your life. You may be successfully diverting some dysphoria without thinking about it. I think I did this by wearing women's clothes and just being into the things I am whilst in boy mode without worrying. We all have such beautifully unique stories and feelings.

Charlotte X

My initial diagnosis came from a social worker in 2017. I questioned it, not believing that it was possible. She referred me to a psychologist who came to the same conclusion. Then I saw a psychologist through the VA (PhD level). He came to the same conclusion. My question to him was, Is there some kind of test that can prove this?

He said there was. Start on HRT for 30 days. If you feel like anything is wrong, stop immediately, and we will look for a different answer. After 30 days, I felt great and agreed to continue. He warned that after six months, changes become permanent, so pay close attention to how I feel about the changes that have started happening.

As Sarah mentioned, how you feel about the physical changes is a key indicator. Dysphoria can work in both directions. If you are not comfortable with the changes, or do not like what is happening to your body, those are dysphoria too and signal that this may not be the right path for you. Of course, I felt great and was happy with all that was happening, and never looked back. For me, it confirmed that I was on the right path and that the previous diagnoses were correct.

First off I wish to thank everyone who made such wonderful and helpful comments.  I feel truly part of something and I get recharged every time I feel down or in doubt.

After reading the article Lori posted and just reviewing some of my life I really believe I have gender dysphoria. I had never stopped and sat down and thought about it. I could go into all the things as a kid and growing up I did and thought but that's not the important thing. My body just doesn't feel right. It's missing parts. I want to start HRT. I want to wear frilly clothes and have breasts. I want to be something different than I am. I've never been happy trying to be the rough and tumble kind.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 16, 2026, 11:39:59 AMFirst off I wish to thank everyone who made such wonderful and helpful comments.  I feel truly part of something and I get recharged every time I feel down or in doubt.

After reading the article Lori posted and just reviewing some of my life I really believe I have gender dysphoria. I had never stopped and sat down and thought about it. I could go into all the things as a kid and growing up I did and thought but that's not the important thing. My body just doesn't feel right. It's missing parts. I want to start HRT. I want to wear frilly clothes and have breasts. I want to be something different than I am. I've never been happy trying to be the rough and tumble kind.

Well, maybe speak to your therapist about how to take the next step. I'm not sure how it works in the US but in the UK you generally need to get a diagnosis before you can get HRT prescribed, unless you go DIY but I wouldn't advocate for that. Ask your therapist on your next visit if she can provide a diagnosis and if not can she refer you to someone who can.

It's normally psychiatrists or a clinical psychologist who do that in the UK but it might be different where you are.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 16, 2026, 11:58:06 AMWell, maybe speak to your therapist about how to take the next step. I'm not sure how it works in the US but in the UK you generally need to get a diagnosis before you can get HRT prescribed, unless you go DIY but I wouldn't advocate for that. Ask your therapist on your next visit if she can provide a diagnosis and if not can she refer you to someone who can.

It's normally psychiatrists or a clinical psychologist who do that in the UK but it might be different where you are.

Im not 100% sure on how it works. I will talk with her and start taking my next steps.
Thanks for being a friend

I'm looking into an online HRT. They do blood sampling with a local testing company. I can possibly use my insurance for the prescriptions.  They also offer a prescription by mail program.
I'm going to set up an appointment on Monday. I'll keep you informed

Another work day. I've been here about 3 hours. I'm sweating and covered in dust.
I had always hoped I was retired or atleast in a comfortable job at my age. I got to go where the money is.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend. Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Much love to everyone

Nice avatar of yours!  (April 18.2026)


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 18, 2026, 03:27:36 PMNice avatar of yours!  (April 18.2026)


Chrissy

AI but I hope I'm getting closer to life

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 03:33:19 PMAI but I hope I'm getting closer to life

Nice pic. Are you using your own pic as a reference image Kellie? I mean is that based on you?

Quite like the grey streaks actually.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:05:48 PMNice pic. Are you using your own pic as a reference image Kellie? I mean is that based on you?

Quite like the grey streaks actually.

Yes, the base images are me. I have graying hair. I figure I'd play into it. I earned each and every one of them.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:16:27 PMYes, the base images are me. I have graying hair. I figure I'd play into it. I earned each and every one of them.

That's cool Kellie, we can get an inkling what you might look like which is nice.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 04:25:11 PMThat's cool Kellie, we can get an inkling what you might look like which is nice.

I think it looks younger than atleast I feel. I hope some good makeup will help some

My daughter just got dumped. She'd been talking with this gal in Ireland. She was getting ready to fly over there and meet this gal. She had some money out for the trip. I don't know the details, but it's my little girl.

Does any of my friends on that side of the pond know any knee breakers?? Ok, I'm kidding, I think. Ok, I'm kidding, but as a parent.. 

I'm stopping on my way home for ice cream and sweets. 

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:39:51 PMMy daughter just got dumped. She'd been talking with this gal in Ireland. She was getting ready to fly over there and meet this gal. She had some money out for the trip. I don't know the details, but it's my little girl.

Does any of my friends on that side of the pond know any knee breakers?? Ok, I'm kidding, I think. Ok, I'm kidding, but as a parent.. 

I'm stopping on my way home for ice cream and sweets. 

Awww your poor daughter. That's heartbreaking to hear. Sounds like her ex is a bit of a messer to me. Maybe never really wanted to actually meet.

Ireland isn't that far and I'll do anything for a price! Joking too...or am I?

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 18, 2026, 04:44:35 PMAwww your poor daughter. That's heartbreaking to hear. Sounds like her ex is a bit of a messer to me. Maybe never really wanted to actually meet.

Ireland isn't that far and I'll do anything for a price! Joking too...or am I?

Charlotte 😻

I love you dear. We'll talk🤣

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 04:39:51 PMMy daughter just got dumped. She'd been talking with this gal in Ireland. She was getting ready to fly over there and meet this gal. She had some money out for the trip. I don't know the details, but it's my little girl.

Does any of my friends on that side of the pond know any knee breakers?? Ok, I'm kidding, I think. Ok, I'm kidding, but as a parent.. 

I'm stopping on my way home for ice cream and sweets. 

Aw bless her. Young love can be a bitch! At least it was stopped before she went, If she'd travelled over there and she was dumped that would be worse. She sounds like such a beautiful kind soul as well, she doesn't deserve that. She won't feel like it right now but at that age she will bounce right back.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 05:04:40 PMAw bless her. Young love can be a bitch! At least it was stopped before she went, If she'd travelled over there and she was dumped that would be worse. She sounds like such a beautiful kind soul as well, she doesn't deserve that. She won't feel like it right now but at that age she will bounce right back.

Right now it's the end of the world. She spent alot of time on video chat with this girl.
I know my daughter can be over the top sometimes, but she's my little girl. I don't like to see her hurting

Maybe I'll take her to the shooting range and let her unload some frustration

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:10:25 PMMaybe I'll take her to the shooting range and let her unload some frustration

Guessing she enjoys going to the range anyway? Sounds like it might work.

Yes. We are a gun family. Really helps release stress. You have to pay attention to what you are doing. You loose concentration and bad things can happen.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 05:34:07 PMYes. We are a gun family. Really helps release stress. You have to pay attention to what you are doing. You loose concentration and bad things can happen.

That is such an alien concept to me! If I get stressed I go for a walk in the woods, Americans go blow something away! lol! different world!

It is very soothing. Front site rear site, squeeze. Boom there is a hole in something.  Repeat

I only have the air rifle. Doesn't do enough damage unfortunately. I just make holes in my doors with my head to release stress. Or smash up furniture!

That gets expensive.  In part because inhave to do the repairs

Well, I got home with ice cream and pizza. Trying to make my daughter feel better.
She's at her sister's i tried to be one of the girls and I got left out. Oh well, hopefully next time. It's hard to break in to the femme world.
I guess it's hard to stop thinking of me as just dad

I made some comments earlier about taking my daughter shooting.  I forget that some areas of the world don't have the same outlook on gun ownership that America does. If I offended anyone or made you uncomfortable I deeply apologize. I never meant to upset or offended anyone.
Please forgive me.
I so love all of you here and never mean to be offensive

Im watching old Batman from the 60s. I wish I looked as good as Catwooman. Her outfit is amazing

Julie Newmar, the original and best Catwoman ever!

She looks great. I can only wish  even though the show as a whole is cheesy

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 09:31:54 PMShe looks great. I can only wish  even though the show as a whole is cheesy

True, but I think it was intended to be. It followed the comics, so instead of sound effects, you get words on screen like Biff, Boom, Pow!

🤣

I think Christian Bale was the best Batman. Closer to the comic book Batman. I can see Christian Bale being a moral physcopath

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 09:52:06 PMI think Christian Bale was the best Batman. Closer to the comic book Batman. I can see Christian Bale being a moral physcopath

Like an American Psychopath? That was a bizarre movie!

Exactly
Batman had morals but was a physcoopath.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 07:56:02 PMWell, I got home with ice cream and pizza. Trying to make my daughter feel better.
She's at her sister's i tried to be one of the girls and I got left out. Oh well, hopefully next time. It's hard to break in to the femme world.
I guess it's hard to stop thinking of me as just dad

Hey, at least you had ice cream and pizza Kellie!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 09:07:11 PMI made some comments earlier about taking my daughter shooting.  I forget that some areas of the world don't have the same outlook on gun ownership that America does. If I offended anyone or made you uncomfortable I deeply apologize. I never meant to upset or offended anyone.
Please forgive me.
I so love all of you here and never mean to be offensive

I doubt anyone is being judgy. Yes, we can't understand mass gun ownership given all the carnage that is being wrecked over there but it's your culture, who are we to judge really. I'm sure there are things about us Brits that baffle Americans too.

You have to remember that sport shooting is a thing here too. Here it is done as a member of a gun club and involves either clay pigeons or shooting game birds. You guy's shoot at a target so not much difference really. Guess what, in Air Cadets, I shot with the LA80 rifle (cadet version of the British military SA80) on the local military range.

It just isn't how I would even think to deal with stress. I would want peace and quiet, calm and relaxation. But that's just me. Some people (looking at you Charlotte!) want to punch walls and release aggression.

DK, welcome to the transgender jungle, but you are asking the right questions. You will be OK.  You are connecting your own dots and writing your own map through this jungle.

Keep going to therapy and keep writing your thoughts here.  It helped me a lot to know I wasn't alone in this jungle.

With my hearing issues there is no such thing as peace and quiet. For me the sound of silence is a high pitched whine that never ends. It can be very maddening at times

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 19, 2026, 09:52:45 AMWith my hearing issues there is no such thing as peace and quiet. For me the sound of silence is a high pitched whine that never ends. It can be very maddening at times

Oh you poor thing. That literaly sounds awful. I think I would loose my mind if I had that as I suffer with a thing called Misophonia, which is an extreme sensitivity to certain noises. Makes me flip out every now and again. I have a set of Peltor ear defenders for using in the house it's that bad! I live in a noisy area.

I at times have to have some noise in my ears just to have the ringing stop. My wife hates it, but I need some kind of noise when I go.to bed. My work place is very loud im not supposed to but at times I put on music or an audio book under my ear pro just to silence the ringing

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 19, 2026, 09:13:21 AMDK, welcome to the transgender jungle, but you are asking the right questions. You will be OK.  You are connecting your own dots and writing your own map through this jungle.

Keep going to therapy and keep writing your thoughts here.  It helped me a lot to know I wasn't alone in this jungle.

Feel free to read what I write. Ask any questions you may have. I'm learning and not afraid to be wrong

I have tinnitus, too. 14 years of firing tank cannons and shooting in competition tournaments will do that.

The hearing aids I got from the VA have a tinnitus program. It plays a soft, wind-like sound that masks the ringing, making it easy to ignore as background noise. Sometimes the ringing will get louder, but that is just temporary.

I was born with it. I never knew it wasn't normal until I got hearing aids. There are times even with noise pumped in the ring is overwhelming

I get white noise, years of using power tools, grinders and stuff without defenders.

Ahh, the peaceful whine of titanites. I used to focus on the whine to help sleep. Now, its just there. I once tried to find what frequency it is by playing tones on an app. Mine was the highest note the app had. Like Lori, it occasionally gets very loud but that only lasts a few minutes. If anybody knows of something that works to eliminate it, let me know. Till then, eeeeeeeeeeeee....

A quick update on my daughter. She had a good cry on the day it happened with her sister.
The next morning when she got up she went in to the mad stage. I told her the love that was sent to her from all my friends here, and a knee breaker my be available. She thought that was hilarious. (thank you @Charlotte Kitty she got a good laugh out of that). By the end of the day she was thinking wow she dodged a bullet listing some reasons that this person messed up.
My wife is also trying to set up my daughter with one of her residences. So my daughter is excited about that.

Thank you all for the love that was sent to her. She has tried to sign up for Susans.org and keeps having issues. I will be helping her soon.

I made an introductory appointment with a transition specialist for Thursday afternoon. Its an online medical service. that orders labs from a local draw service and does prescriptions. I'll keep things updated as I can

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 20, 2026, 12:39:50 PMShe has tried to sign up for Susans.org (https://susans.org/) and keeps having issues.

Any of the Moderators can walk you through it if needed. Let us know what kind of issues she is having, if it is technical problems. We are here if you need us.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 20, 2026, 01:30:43 PMI made an introductory appointment with a transition specialist for Thursday afternoon. Its an online medical service. that orders labs from a local draw service and does prescriptions. I'll keep things updated as I can

Awww cool. Congratulations on getting the ball rolling 🙂

I get the ringing in my ears/tinnitus as well. Lots of military stuff caused that. It's not so bad that I hear it unless I think about it. Always there but not invasive. 💚

I never get rid of it. I have to concentrate on other noise not to hear it. If I have my allergies acting up it gets far worse. My hear aids can pump different types of sound, music and the like. Sometimes it's not enough. There have been times I wanted to rip my brain out just to get it to stop.
My audiologist tells me the brain produces the noise because it's not getting those frequencies from my ears. It's trying to kick start the hearing.
I'd be happy not hearing the frequencies just tonget it to stop

My youngest told her older sister( my middle child) I'm transgender. Im hoping she can keep her mouth shut until I tell my wife. My youngest swears she will.
Now both my girls want to go shopping with me on the 29th. I think my older daughter I'm sure she will ask me a lot of questions. I'm fine with that. If I can't openly answer her questions I'm only fooling myself. We want to go to another town about an hour and a half away. So plenty of time to get things out.
I'm excited but there is no anxiety about it. Kellie is really developing into a force about her.
My youngest and I came up with I'm D.A.M. dad and mom.
I still want to be dad to my kids. It took so long for them to call me that I don't want to loose it. I will always be papa to my grandchildren. Even if I'm in a flowing skirt with boobs.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 20, 2026, 04:40:29 PMMy youngest told her older sister( my middle child) I'm transgender. Im hoping she can keep her mouth shut until I tell my wife. My youngest swears she will.
Now both my girls want to go shopping with me on the 29th. I think my older daughter I'm sure she will ask me a lot of questions. I'm fine with that. If I can't openly answer her questions I'm only fooling myself. We want to go to another town about an hour and a half away. So plenty of time to get things out.
I'm excited but there is no anxiety about it. Kellie is really developing into a force about her.
My youngest and I came up with I'm D.A.M. dad and mom.
I still want to be dad to my kids. It took so long for them to call me that I don't want to loose it. I will always be papa to my grandchildren. Even if I'm in a flowing skirt with boobs.

Can you not be a mom to them instead? You could always be a bit of a tomboy!

The fact your older daughter wants to go shopping with you after being told is amazing! They are such great kids. What a fantastic day out that will be.

You haven't mentioned your eldest, your son. Do you think he will have an issue with it? Your daughters wouldn't let the cat out of the bag to him would they?

My son is autistic and I don't know how he will take it.
I will always be Kyle. He probably will never understand Kellie. It won't be out of hate or anything. It will be because of the way he processes things.

My youngest already told me I will be the one they come to if something is broke. I told her no matter how I look or act my brain still has certain knowledge and abilities. I will be tomboyish

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 20, 2026, 04:55:35 PMMy son is autistic and I don't know how he will take it.
I will always be Kyle. He probably will never understand Kellie. It won't be out of hate or anything. It will be because of the way he processes things.

My youngest already told me I will be the one they come to if something is broke. I told her no matter how I look or act my brain still has certain knowledge and abilities. I will be tomboyish

There has to be some good to come out of living male for so long. Fixing and building things is definitely up there, nothing wrong with that.

One thing that attracted my wife to me was I'm competent. No matter what those skills are there

Been a busy couple of days. I've had work and that keeps me busy.
Took a few days off in May. My wife is having eye lid surgery. Sounds hideous.
Hope everyone is doing well.

I have had blepharoplasty on both upper and lower lids. I am squeamish about eyes, but the surgery turned out not to be so bad. There was no pain at all. Just the stitches and some bruising.

Hope all goes well.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 11:19:59 AMBeen a busy couple of days. I've had work and that keeps me busy.
Took a few days off in May. My wife is having eye lid surgery. Sounds hideous.
Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm Tip Top Kellie. How's your daughter doing? Remind me when you dad/mom daughter shopping trip is again.

Why the surgery? Is it cosmetic or does she have an issue? I have considered Blepharoplasty to fix my hooded eyes and improve the brow a bit.

For me my upper blepharoplasty was healed up in about 6 days. It was by far the easiest bit of my surgery.

Our mom/dad shopping it the 29th a couple weeks out.

My wife has gone and lost more than 70lbs and her upper eye lids sag down into her vision. She is having her eyelids lifted. I think it sounds hideous. She thinks she will be down for a day or two at the most. I think she's going to be super uncomfortable and look like a racoon. Doctors make the worst patients.

My youngest is getting over her break up. My wife was talking about it to one of her residents. He perked up and got really interested in the conversation.  My daughter may have an up coming date with a doctor. He's a very nice and smart guy. So that is a plus for dad/mom (aka me)

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:08:36 PMShe is having her eyelids lifted. I think it sounds hideous. She thinks she will be down for a day or two at the most. I think she's going to be super uncomfortable and look like a racoon.

I think you are anticipating the worst, but it isn't nearly that bad. When the surgeon explained the procedure to me, it gave me the heebie-jeebies. It wasn't that bad. I still had stitches and bruising a week after surgery, but it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I expected. I took a pic with my stitches in and posted it in my Progression Photos. From a distance, it almost looks like eye makeup. Don't look if you are squeamish, but it includes pre-transition and post-FFS surgery pics.
https://imgur.com/a/progression-story-of-lori-photo-journey-AEZXBWe

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 22, 2026, 05:22:18 PMI think you are anticipating the worst, but it isn't nearly that bad. When the surgeon explained the procedure to me, it gave me the heebie-jeebies. It wasn't that bad. I still had stitches and bruising a week after surgery, but it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I expected. I took a pic with my stitches in and posted it in my Progression Photos. From a distance, it almost looks like eye makeup. Don't look if you are squeamish, but it includes pre-transition and post-FFS surgery pics.
https://imgur.com/a/progression-story-of-lori-photo-journey-AEZXBWe

I couldn't be married to a medical professional and very squeamish. The stories and descriptions I get at times would curl your nose hair. The kids are so used to it they don't even think about where they are. We've been in restaurants and I've had to tell them to bring the volume down. Some people don't take it well.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 22, 2026, 05:17:24 PMMy youngest is getting over her break up. My wife was talking about it to one of her residents. He perked up and got really interested in the conversation.  My daughter may have an up coming date with a doctor. He's a very nice and smart guy. So that is a plus for dad/mom (aka me)

A date with a doctor? She bounced back quick and hit the jackpot there! ha ha!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 22, 2026, 05:27:03 PMA date with a doctor? She bounced back quick and hit the jackpot there! ha ha!

I guess there are 2 doctors my wife is try6tonset my daughter up with. Not at the same time.

My journeyman's test is tomorrow and I'm supposed to be studying. Having a hard time with it. It's not that I don't know the material. after as many years that I have done my job I should. I'm just having troubles concentrating.
I have a preliminary consultation with an HRT provider this evening. I'm looking forward to it

Good luck on both, Kellie!

Just remember, on the test, you already know the answers. Sometimes it takes a little figuring, but you know how to do that. I think you will do fine.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2026, 03:29:01 PMGood luck on both, Kellie!

Just remember, on the test, you already know the answers. Sometimes it takes a little figuring, but you know how to do that. I think you will do fine.

I appreciate the boost.
I have my wife and kids but no other real friends. That is until I found Susan's. Coming here always gives me a boost.
Between you , @Stottie Girl, @Charlotte Kitty and so many others. I feel I've found a cheering section and people that understand me

I'll break out the pom-poms for you.

Go, Kellie, go!

Rah, rah, ree.
Kick them in the knee!

Rah, rah, rass.
Kick them in the... other knee!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 03:38:06 PMI appreciate the boost.
I have my wife and kids but no other real friends. That is until I found Susan's. Coming here always gives me a boost.
Between you , @Stottie Girl, @Charlotte Kitty and so many others. I feel I've found a cheering section and people that understand me

You'll do just fine Kellie, you got this, you know your stuff. Assuming it's a written exam, just take your time, read the questions two or three times each and if you finish early, go back and check them all again something else might jump out at you. They won't be trying to trick you, just checking your competence.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2026, 03:48:20 PMI'll break out the pom-poms for you.

Go, Kellie, go!

Rah, rah, ree.
Kick them in the knee!

Rah, rah, rass.
Kick them in the... other knee!

I like the sound of a Susans Cheerleading squad! I'll try out for it!

I had to reschedule my HRT appointment.  Of all days my wife came home on time

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 04:35:21 PMI had to reschedule my HRT appointment.  Of all days my wife came home on time

Oh that's a shame for you Kellie. You were really looking forward to it. Still, with an exam tomorrow, maybe it wasn't the best way to prep for it! Get back to them books! lol! Will you find out if you've passed straight away?

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 04:35:21 PMI had to reschedule my HRT appointment.  Of all days my wife came home on time

Awww no that's typical and such a shame. Hope you can sort it again soon.

Charlotte 😻

It all works out. I'm going to bed early a day I got some time with my wife. I always see that as a win.

I'm up for signing up for Susan's Cheerleaders.  We can all have matching outfits with a big S on the front we'd look so cute in pink, white and blue

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 23, 2026, 03:51:13 PMYou'll do just fine Kellie, you got this, you know your stuff. Assuming it's a written exam, just take your time, read the questions two or three times each and if you finish early, go back and check them all again something else might jump out at you. They won't be trying to trick you, just checking your competence.

I've done a journeyman test a few times. I go through and answer every question at a good clip. Then I go back and research the questions a bit. It's a 200 question teat in 3 hours  it's better ti guess at an answer then not answer.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 05:47:40 PMI've done a journeyman test a few times. I go through and answer every question at a good clip. Then I go back and research the questions a bit. It's a 200 question teat in 3 hours  it's better ti guess at an answer then not answer.

Aw see, you've done them before! It will be a walk in the park for you Kellie! I have every faith in you!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 04:35:21 PMI had to reschedule my HRT appointment.  Of all days my wife came home on time

This is unfortunate to have to reschedule; however, sometimes things just happen.

Have you ever had one of those days you were just tired of it all. Not talking about hurting myself, just done fighting. I just don't want to play anymore. Wish I could just step out and not be here. Fed up with be responsible and having everything over my head.
Just rambling, sorry to be a Debbie downer

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 06:41:24 PMHave you ever had one of those days you were just tired of it all. Not talking about hurting myself, just done fighting. I just don't want to play anymore. Wish I could just step out and not be here. Fed up with be responsible and having everything over my head.
Just rambling, sorry to be a Debbie downer

Try to take a deep breath and otherwise be calm.  Life is full of trials, disappointments at times, inconveniences, irritants, and hardships.  There also can be many happy times, pleasant surprises, good breaks, fortunate events, and good people in your life.

Take each day one day at a time.  You do have responsibilities, do attend to them.  However try to have warm, kind, hopeful, and positive thoughts. 

I wish you the best.  Sometimes things just do not work out.  Many times things do work out. 

Hugs!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 23, 2026, 06:41:24 PMHave you ever had one of those days you were just tired of it all. Not talking about hurting myself, just done fighting. I just don't want to play anymore. Wish I could just step out and not be here. Fed up with be responsible and having everything over my head.
Just rambling, sorry to be a Debbie downer

Woah there Kellie. Where's this coming from? Haven't heard you like this before.

You have three great kids and a wife who obviously loves you. You are on the brink of discovering a new life. You live on a beautiful sounding small holding with animals and land, what is there to be down about really?

I'd trade with you anyday!

Get your exams over with today and have a good chill out over the weekend. I bet things will look rosier after that.

Sarah xx

You're doing my job for me Kellie. I'm the one who normally brings the vibe down! Besides i hope you feel better soon as its really rough feing that way. Maybe just need a break and hopefully you can rest and recombine your thoughts.

Charlotte 😻

@Charlotte Kitty
@Stottie Girl
Thank you for the boost. Just had a down day. I was feeling overwhelmed. Just need to pee on the fire closest to me

Ok, took my shower and decided Kellie needs to take the test. I moisturized and lotioned. Put on some concealer. Put on a cute pair of panties, broke out my bralette. Put on some bling and boyfriend cut jeans, with my cute gray sneakers.

I get my picture taken as part of the exam.
I get my results as soon as I'm done with my picture on the license. Let Kellie start being out there

Ohh yesss now that sounds very nice! So glad Kellie is out there looking cute!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 24, 2026, 08:13:45 AMOhh yesss now that sounds very nice! So glad Kellie is out there looking cute!

Only so cute. Got the facial hair. It is way shorter. I'm keeping it trimmed tight.

Break a leg, Kellie! You got this, Girl.

Now you're talking, Kellie. Go out there and be yourself.

Sitting outside the testing center, taking a few minutes to focus and get my self centered.  Im about an hour early i had never been here before and traffic can be a big variable. 
I got this, a passing grade is 75%. I can do it.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 11:24:51 AMSitting outside the testing center, taking a few minutes to focus and get my self centered.  Im about an hour early i had never been here before and traffic can be a big variable. 
I got this, a passing grade is 75%. I can do it.

Good luck, you can definitely do this. And you'll be doing it in style too. X

It's a doddle Kellie. Piece of p*ss! You've got this babe!

I did it. Passed with 80% and an hour to spare, I could have done better but I was getting antsy

Congrats!

We knew you could do it.

Now, time to celebrate!

🥳🥂🎉🎊

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 02:07:34 PMI did it. Passed with 80% and an hour to spare, I could have done better but I was getting antsy

Told ya! What on earth was all the fuss about! lol!

I normally don't ger pre exam jitters.i don't know why this time. It's ove and I will have an alcoholic beverage when I get home

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 24, 2026, 02:07:34 PMI did it. Passed with 80% and an hour to spare, I could have done better but I was getting antsy

Well done, its never as bad as you think its going to be.
.
It must be really uplifting knowing you got such a high score and still had an hour to spare.

I talked with the instructor that u did the prep class with. He said 80% is an incredible score for the first attempt.  He made it sound like it's not uncommon yi fail the first time

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 25, 2026, 07:10:47 AMI talked with the instructor that u did the prep class with. He said 80% is an incredible score for the first attempt.  He made it sound like it's not uncommon yi fail the first time

Congratulations on your test results.

I've made a decision, I've only put up AI rendering of what I hope.to look like. I feel somewhat like a coward. So many of you have put up wonderful photos of yourselves. Here is where I'm starting in my transition
(https://i.ibb.co/8DJPGkvW/20260409-153348.jpg)

I for the first time in a very long time I've let my hair grow. And my face fuzz is short. I may look upset, but I'm not. I just have RBF.

Yay! Kellie, I feel like this is a huge step forward for you. Congratulations!

By accepting - and letting others know - that you are who/where you are and what you want to do from there, you really, truly accept your life and love yourself.

I just think this is awesome for you - and therefore for everyone.

Thanks for sharing!

That is a huge step forward toward accepting yourself for who you are. It doesn't mean you don't want to change or improve things. It just means that you recognize the reality of the starting point. Many people just cannot get to that point because they are too stuck in their own heads.

Congrats!

Big Hugs!

Hey you, there you are! It will be very interesting to see your transition journey from here. Particularly in a year or so. I bet you would be unrecognisable. Most people don't post anything this early on. You are very brave.

I'll ad more pictures as things change. Next big one is the fuzz.
I'm going to add a picture of my youngest and I but, before I want her permission to put her face on here.

So nice to see the lovely Kellie we've been chatting too all this time. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share. I look forward to seeing you progress over time too.

Charlotte 😻

I hope your steps to deal with the remaining face fuzz are fruitful.

Chrissy

It will take some gentle love to my wife. It will happen

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2026, 01:34:49 PMThanks for sharing!

That is a huge step forward toward accepting yourself for who you are. It doesn't mean you don't want to change or improve things. It just means that you recognize the reality of the starting point. Many people just cannot get to that point because they are too stuck in their own heads.

Congrats!

Big Hugs!

I get very stuck in my head. That's one reason if I decided to do something I move. If I sit and ponder and question I get stuck and flounder

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 26, 2026, 05:20:32 PMIt will take some gentle love to my wife. It will happen

I hope it turns out well for you two.

I've rescheduled my preliminary appointment for HRT it's May 8th at 5pm eastern. I won't start unless I've had the discussion with my wife.
I also on Wednesday am taking my girls on an outing.  This will be an opportunity for my oldest daughter to ask me questions on coming out as transgender.  My youngest says she's OK with it just has questions

So glad you got it rebooked. Seems like the next few weeks will be big for you. Looking forward to hearing about it all.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 27, 2026, 02:13:14 PMI've rescheduled my preliminary appointment for HRT it's May 8th at 5pm eastern. I won't start unless I've had the discussion with my wife.
I also on Wednesday am taking my girls on an outing.  This will be an opportunity for my oldest daughter to ask me questions on coming out as transgender.  My youngest says she's OK with it just has questions

Well, hopefully a step in the right direction Kellie. Fingers crossed it goes ahead this time!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 27, 2026, 03:05:22 PMWell, hopefully a step in the right direction Kellie. Fingers crossed it goes ahead this time!

I hope so. My wife comes home early the one day i have a plan

My lovely youngest made it on Susans.org. her screen name is Snowangel509. She is amazing and I love her so much

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 27, 2026, 08:49:53 PMMy lovely youngest made it on Susans.org. her screen name is Snowangel509. She is amazing and I love her so much

500* hello everyone it's nice to finally make it on here! Thank you all for supporting and loving my Mad/Dam (need to figure that out 😂) and all the support and love you've shown me as well💙

Quote from: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 08:51:41 PM500* hello everyone it's nice to finally make it on here! Thank you all for supporting and loving my Mad/Dam (need to figure that out 😂) and all the support and love you've shown me as well💙

Glad you made it

Quote from: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 08:51:41 PM500* hello everyone it's nice to finally make it on here! Thank you all for supporting and loving my Mad/Dam (need to figure that out 😂) and all the support and love you've shown me as well💙

I told you everyone on here was amazing

Quote from: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 08:51:41 PM500* hello everyone it's nice to finally make it on here! Thank you all for supporting and loving my Mad/Dam (need to figure that out 😂) and all the support and love you've shown me as well💙

Welcome Snowangel.

It is so cool you are on here too. Thanks for joining.

You have made my day

Hello SnowAngel500,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

So glad you made it! This is the obligatory welcome with important info, then I'll get out of the way.

We want to get to know you. Please stop by our Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/index.php?board=8.0) and introduce yourself.

You might also find our Significant Others forum useful. It is for spouses, partners, children, parents, and allies of transgender people. It is there for people to discuss the issues that arise in relationships when one or more are transgender, transitioning, or just learning what this is all about. It may help you see both sides of your parents' point of view. You can find that forum here: https://www.susans.org/index.php?board=26.0

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page listing all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum includes a description of what it is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES  PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Anyone, members or non-members, can read what you post. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

I will add links below that are important for new and returning members.
Pay special attention to the links in RED.

If you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at LoriDee605@outlook.com.

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

---

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---

@Snowangel500
@Sarah B
@Charlotte Kitty
@Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 08:51:41 PM500* hello everyone it's nice to finally make it on here! Thank you all for supporting and loving my Mad/Dam (need to figure that out 😂) and all the support and love you've shown me as well💙

Hey Snow Angel! Like the name! It's a pleasure to meet you!

I'm Sarah, I live in the UK and am still trying to figure things out after a lifetime of being trans! There are no quick fixes unfortunately but Susans is here to provide guidance to all. Hopefully you will find some information on here that can help you.

I've heard so much about you. It sounds like you have been such a legend to your "Mad/Dam" lol! She is very lucky to have you in her life! I wish I had someone as supportive as you around.

I'm glad you seem to be getting your older sister onboard too. All good stuff.

Most newbies head over to introductions and introduce themselves there, Though Kellie has already told us so much anyway! She is very proud of you.

There are "significant others" on here who will be able to offer advice on how to adjust to these changes. We realise it can be very dificult to take in and accept. Feel free to ask any questions you want to. Not much is taboo on here.

Anyhoo, just thought I would say hi and look forward to hearing more about you!

Sarah xx

Ive been given permission to post a picture of my youngest and I.
@Snowangel500 I hope you approve of this one.
We were at Warped tour watching Bowling for Soup.
(https://i.ibb.co/HTqsjmmk/40dd3cd2-59ae-4f07-b28d-651a36317427.jpg) (https://ibb.co/QvMR4ss1)

Hey there Snow Angel! Nice to put a face to a name! You have a great smile!

Love the pic, Kellie! and welcome Snowangel!

Adorable picture. Two beautiful people looking very happy 😊

C😻

Quote from: Snowangel500 on April 27, 2026, 08:51:41 PM500* hello everyone it's nice to finally make it on here! Thank you all for supporting and loving my Mad/Dam (need to figure that out 😂) and all the support and love you've shown me as well💙

I think she thinks of me as mad when she isn't mad at me and dam when she is 😍😂🤣. or maybe just the opposite

Had a good therapy session.  My therapist has not put down gender dysphoria on a diagnosis yet. She's concerned my insurance would stop paying for therapy.  She is willing to, I told her to hold off for now. She is confident it will be a diagnosis.
She asked if I will eventually transition and live full time as a woman. I put in with out a hesitation and said yes. She was not surprised.

Have you looked into whether your insurance will pay for gender treatment? If not can you not just switch to one that does? Excuse my ignorance, the US system is a bit weird for us over here.

In Florida they have some overbearing rules on it. I have to have a diagnosis, but the insurance can fight. I have to proceed carefully from here. That's one reason I asked my therapist to hold of on putting it on my file. I'm limited to the insurance my employer provides and the rules of my state

Im getting philosophical this afternoon.
I had therapy today. My anxiety and anger have definitely tapered. Since I released Kellie.
When i took my big test I did two things that helped calm me. I wore my gold wedding ring, that way I had my wife with me. The second thing I wore a bracelet, panties, toe rings, and anklets so Kellie was there. I had to have Kellie she has become a major part of my being.
Both my daughters are aware of Kellie. My two daughters and I are going out tomorrow, at breakfast my oldest will be asking me questions. I feel if I can't answer questions honestly, I'm fooling myself.
Since finding SP in January of 2026 to now I've come  along way. At first I thought I was a crossdresser. Just liking the feel of the soft clothes. I stated therapy and seeing so many people that had a similar story. I realized I was a crossdresser. I'm transgender I have been pushing feelings down trying to hide what I wanted. 
Now I'm looking for HRT and what I have to do to make some physical changes in my life. My depression and anxiety have dramatically reduced. I've found friends that are like me. I'm not weird, well maybe a little, but not for feeling foreign in my body.
Life is good.

QuoteLife is good

Indeed it is dear sister... And all the best is yet to come!💕🤗💕

Onward!

A🌻

You've come so far since January Kellie. And at this point you're definitely on a roll. Glad to hear your therapy went well and especially that your therapist is prepared to work with you and navigate the system carefully.

Hope it all goes well tomorrow. I'm sure you'll all have a great day.

Charlotte 😻

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I think we will have a good day

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 28, 2026, 03:32:31 PMI'm looking forward to tomorrow. I think we will have a good day

Yes, that really does sound like a fun day out for you. You'll have to tell us all about it when you get back. Not a fan of shopping myself but I would like to be a "lady who does lunch" some time or maybe go with friends to get nails or other treatments done.

I would like to say that is a horrid photo of me! The low angle is so bad!!!😂 I promise I'm much prettier than that! Mad add the photo I sent you! It's an approved one 🤣❤️

(https://i.ibb.co/B5gB64tj/Screenshot-20260428-183747-Brave.jpg)

Here is an approved photo

Oooooh Kellie! you could be in trouble here!

Both pics are fine Snow you look great in both! love the nails!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 28, 2026, 06:16:33 PMOooooh Kellie! you could be in trouble here!

Both pics are fine Snow you look great in both! love the nails!

Hers or mine?
I live in trouble, I seem to be good at it.

All of my care is through the VA. Since they revoked Gender Affirming Care and banned all flags, pins, posters, and other signs saying they will support us, our true allies have had to work within the system.

So, even though your therapist may not be able to put it in your records and bill it with that diagnosis code, they can write a letter and give it to you without putting it in your records. That gives you a written diagnosis that can be used to start HRT with a medical provider, even if they are out of state, and to use a mail-order pharmacy.

Just an idea to keep in your back pocket in case you need it.

Had a day with my girls. Haf breakfast, did some retail therapy. Answered some questions for my oldest daughter. She didn't respond as well as I hoped, but it wasn't horrible either.  She was concerned about how my granddaughters are going to handle this. She also brought up my wife's work. I had already thought about my wife's work.
I still have my wife to tell. I think it is coming up

It's wonderful that you are able to discuss this with them. They don't have to agree with everything. The questions they ask and the concerns they have will be issues you will need to account for. As you said, you are already working on some of those. Just keep the lines of communication open and honest, and you can get through it.

It wasn't like she shunned me. I just got
home from sitting with my girls and watching a movie.
I realize this is alot to absorb and she worries about everything. She always has and since having two babies it's only intensified.  She can be such a mother hen. I do know she does it out of love. I was just hoping for a little more joy. It will take time

Sounds like your oldest just needs time to process everything. Often the reactions of others are feared yet often end up the most accepting and understanding.

Charlotte 😻

Well Done Kellie!...

Family members often need a bit of time to ruminate on things... we are asking them to remake long held views of who we are and see us in new ways... time, patience, understanding, honesty and communication are our friends during this time!... Keep doin' whatcha' doin' girl!... All
shall be well 🌻

Hugs!

Ashley 💕

Another work day. This is my long week, 3- 12 hour days. As a younger person I could do 12 hour days for weeks at a time. Now not so much. It also sucks I'm pretty much in boy mode for 3 days in a row.
Just feeling a little off. Being in boy mode brings me down.
Hair is getting longer. I'm going to have to go and get it trimmed up some. It's starting to get real uneven

Hope that these shifts pass quickly as sounds rough being in boymode so long. Will be great when your hair gets longer and hopefully you can keep growing it without any issues. Look forward to a time when you can be yourself always.

Charlotte X

I hope so. After yesterday with my daughter it was a bit frustrating. 
I know it will be fine, just expected a different response

I'm sorry it wasn't the reaction you hoped for Kellie. I think with your youngest being a member of the LGTBQ+ community it has been easier for her to come to terms with.

You cannot predict how someone will handle a shock like that. Hopefully she will come round. She wanted to know more so she is trying to process it.

Hope you don't dwell on it too much for your big shifts. 12 hour working days aren't fun.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 01, 2026, 01:12:28 AMI'm sorry it wasn't the reaction you hoped for Kellie. I think with your youngest being a member of the LGTBQ+ community it has been easier for her to come to terms with.

You cannot predict how someone will handle a shock like that. Hopefully she will come round. She wanted to know more so she is trying to process it.

Hope you don't dwell on it too much for your big shifts. 12 hour working days aren't fun.

Thanks, I know it is more my feelings weren't stroked the way I wanted. Everyone has to deal with new things in their own way. It will be good.

Sending you warm thoughts and big hugs, Kellie!

All in all, your approach of one step at a time, one day at a time, one loved one at a time seems to be going well.

Quote from: Dances With Trees on May 01, 2026, 10:22:52 AMSending you warm thoughts and big hugs, Kellie!

All in all, your approach of one step at a time, one day at a time, one loved one at a time seems to be going well.

I will have bumps along the way but I'm trying to stay positive

It's important to give people time to breathe, time to process this new information. While you have been thinking about it for a long time, to them it's a sudden revelation. Some people will become closer, some made fade away. Everything will work out eventually, but it does take time. You can do this, Kellie.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Another 12 hour shift after today I get two days off. The temperature here is getting hotter and the humidity is rising. It is summer here in Florida. I will be wearing shorts until mid December.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. Keep safe.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 08:32:36 AMAnother 12 hour shift after today I get two days off. The temperature here is getting hotter and the humidity is rising. It is summer here in Florida. I will be wearing shorts until mid December.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. Keep safe.

Hope your shift isn't too bad today and goes ok. I remember the heat and humidity! I was doing work in a distribution warehouse in Davenport this time of year with no aircon. I was dripping wet!

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 01:25:04 PMHope your shift isn't too bad today and goes ok. I remember the heat and humidity! I was doing work in a distribution warehouse in Davenport this time of year with no aircon. I was dripping wet!

Charlotte 😻

You know my pain. We make plastic irrigation pipe. The extruders run around 300*f. We have 4 of them. That end of the plant can be brutal during the summer

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 01:58:07 PMYou know my pain. We make plastic irrigation pipe. The extruders run around 300*f. We have 4 of them. That end of the plant can be brutal during the summer

Ahhh yeah forming plastic is definitely hot work! Bet its no fun working in there. Eventually you just accept youre getting wet and very uncomfortable.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 02:02:55 PMAhhh yeah forming plastic is definitely hot work! Bet its no fun working in there. Eventually you just accept youre getting wet and very uncomfortable.

Lots of water and breaks. When I have to get in there it's because something broke and they need it running fast.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 01:58:07 PMYou know my pain. We make plastic irrigation pipe. The extruders run around 300*f. We have 4 of them. That end of the plant can be brutal during the summer

🥵

Hottest place of work I ever saw was when I went to a steel works on a school visit. We were near the blast furnace and watched them pouring molten steel from the industrial crucible. It was unbearable and we were about 50 feet away lol! I don't know how those guys work in places like that.

I hope you can reward yourself with an ice cold beer or something at the end of your shift Kellie

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 03:55:02 PMHottest place of work I ever saw was when I went to a steel works on a school visit. We were near the blast furnace and watched them pouring molten steel from the industrial crucible. It was unbearable and we were about 50 feet away lol! I don't know how those guys work in places like that.

I hope you can reward yourself with an ice cold beer or something at the end of your shift Kellie

I'm weird for an American, I don't like beer of any kind. I'll have a glass of room temperature bourbon and a growler of ice water.

Growler? Qu'est que ce?🤔

I large stainless steel thermos. Small breweries use them to sell beer. I have one for water

Urban dictionary has some additional definitions for that word 😹

Ive heard that it has a different meaning in the UK.
Oops, no insult intended. Just an American here

(https://i.ibb.co/FGMpP3Y/20211219-183742.jpg)

This is Arthur. He's my buddy

I was told today that one person that works in the yard is upset with me. I wasn't told who.
My first thought was, who is made at me?

My second thought, only one? I must be slipping.🤣🤣🤣

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 02, 2026, 04:16:04 PMUrban dictionary has some additional definitions for that word 😹

I must be sweet and innocent Charlotte, I don't know that one. Dare I google it?🤣🤣🤣🤣

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 04:33:33 PMI must be sweet and innocent Charlotte, I don't know that one. Dare I google it?🤣🤣🤣🤣

A lady wouldn't

Well, you learn something new everyday. I shall not be repeating what my google investigation discovered but suffice to say you're a bad girl Charlotte for bringing that up lol! I'm just glad i wasn't at work!

Clearly I'm not a lady Kellie! ha ha!

I thought a growler was like a mug that holds about a pint of ale or beer.

A growler could also be a threatening, mean sounding dog or wolf.

Or what my tummy does when I need to eat

Well, it's officially summer in Florida. We've got our first good PM storm. The next big thing is hurricane season. Hopefully not to bad this year

We are celebrating @Snowangel500 "birthday " today. It's not the day of her birth but, the day of her adoption. I adopted her on May 1st, it was a great day.
I love my Snowangle very much, we have a lot of fun. Of all my children she is the one most like me. She is a good daughter. She is my favorite child on Susan's Place.😀. May 1st was a great day

Happy Birthday, Snow!

Florida's snakes sound scary.  Some are getting to be huge.  They are killing off lots of mammals.  Be careful!

I wonder if the canals in suburban neighborhoods have alligators in them.


Chrissy

Wishing you a nice week Dawn Kellie!


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 02:36:19 PMFlorida's snakes sound scary.  Some are getting to be huge.  They are killing off lots of mammals.  Be careful!

I wonder if the canals in suburban neighborhoods have alligators in them.


Chrissy

Rule of thumb in this part of Florida is of you have a mud puddle you probably have a gator. We have enough animals that snakes are to bad

Hope you both have a great day today Kellie.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Snow!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 I hope you have an extra special day today! Enjoy yourself, whatever you get up to. I hope your MAD/DAM bought you something nice!

Unfortunately plans changed. I may do a surprise for later in the week

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 03, 2026, 02:46:55 PMHope you both have a great day today Kellie.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Snow!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 I hope you have an extra special day today! Enjoy yourself, whatever you get up to. I hope your MAD/DAM bought you something nice!

Oh happy birthday Snow. Have fun.

Charlotte 😻

Happy birthday Snow.


Chrissy

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 02:39:27 PMRule of thumb in this part of Florida is of you have a mud puddle you probably have a gator. We have enough animals that snakes are to bad

I do not like gators.  Unless they are safely behind protective barriers!

Chrissy

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 03, 2026, 09:53:44 AMWe are celebrating @Snowangel500 "birthday " today. It's not the day of her birth but, the day of her adoption. I adopted her on May 1st, it was a great day.
I love my Snowangle very much, we have a lot of fun. Of all my children she is the one most like me. She is a good daughter. She is my favorite child on Susan's Place.😀. May 1st was a great day

💕💕💕🎊🎉🎉🎉🎂HAPPY BIRTHDAY SNOWANGEL!!!🎂🎉🎉🎉🎊💕💕💕 👋👩💕

Onward!

Ashley 🌻

Happy Birthday, Snow!

I changed my profile picture today. Not a big change, but my hair is longer than it had been in 15 years.
Sat and did bills today, I hate this time of the month.
Ordered a dress and some more bralettes yesterday. I hope it fits. May 8th is my rescheduled HRT interview.

I have been involved in construction all my life. My great grandfather was an engineer for Henry Ford. My grandfather was a master carpenter and cabinet builder. My dad is an electrician with knowledge of all aspects of construction. I am an electrician with general construction knowledge.
This picture is our old house the opening never looked right so I added a set of used doors my wife had found online. The opening was larger than the doors and I had to add something to make the doors look right.
(https://i.ibb.co/Q7Pdrfyb/20221113-120300.jpg)

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 04, 2026, 12:19:22 PMI have been involved in construction all my life. My great grandfather was an engineer for Henry Ford. My grandfather was a master carpenter and cabinet builder. My dad is an electrician with knowledge of all aspects of construction. I am an electrician with general construction knowledge.
This picture is our old house the opening never looked right so I added a set of used doors my wife had found online. The opening was larger than the doors and I had to add something to make the doors look right.
(https://i.ibb.co/Q7Pdrfyb/20221113-120300.jpg)

Nice. Are you free in a couple of weeks? I need to replace some sliding doors when I get in my new home!🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have also been involved in construction industry most of my life. I spent 12 years as an Architectural/Surveying Technician so learnt the design, legislation, contracts and clerk of works side of things. Then I re-trained as a gas heating engineer working for 14 years including running my own business for 11 years. Like you I gained general construction knowledge alongside my main role and now I work for Building Control.

I'm quite handy but puny now ha ha!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 04, 2026, 01:00:42 PMNice. Are you free in a couple of weeks? I need to replace some sliding doors when I get in my new home!🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have also been involved in construction industry most of my life. I spent 12 years as an Architectural/Surveying Technician so learnt the design, legislation, contracts and clerk of works side of things. Then I re-trained as a gas heating engineer working for 14 years including running my own business for 11 years. Like you I gained general construction knowledge alongside my main role and now I work for Building Control.

I'm quite handy but puny now ha ha!

I like a lot if Americans don't have a passport. I wish I could assist. My wife would have to come and would want to sitesee i wouldn't have time to help. 😀😀

Hello all
Been a rough couple days. I've had home plumbing issues. Had to tear apart my well 3 times. 2 times after 7pm. Then work the next day. I called off work today to get the stupid water fixed for good. I hope.

I hope everyone is doing well and feel loved. I'm missing my friends and the good news all of you have to share. I also miss the bad things you share so we can come together and help lift each other up.

Ive had to be in full boy mode for 3 days. Very depressing.

Love hugs and kisses

The doorway is exquisite, Kellie!

Sorry to hear about your issues with your well. Hope you get them resolved soon! Hugs.

Its not boy mode its work wear, the female techs at the last place I worked wore the same "uniform" as the men.

Quote from: davina61 on May 06, 2026, 09:57:27 AMIts not boy mode its work wear, the female techs at the last place I worked wore the same "uniform" as the men.

I like that better. I've had to be in work wear.

Quote from: davina61 on May 06, 2026, 09:57:27 AMIts not boy mode its work wear, the female techs at the last place I worked wore the same "uniform" as the men.

That is my attitude as well.

Just because my mining wear came from a different department in the store is irrelevant. They are functional, not decorative. Underneath, I'm still me.

I may be in work wear but I always have panties on😁

I think I got it resolved, then I found a screw in my tire. Gotta get that fixes

It definitely has been a rough day.
Well issues. Because of the well issues my wife had had a shower in 3 days. She was not happy. I finally got the well to a point she could shower. It's been in the upper 80's. She was feeling icky. Then I finished the well, I hope. Screw in my tire. Now waiting to get it fixed. Then go back and make sure the well is working, and not leaking anymore.
Now I have to wait until after 7 because at about 5 I will.be on call until 7

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 09:37:19 AMHello all
Been a rough couple days. I've had home plumbing issues. Had to tear apart my well 3 times. 2 times after 7pm. Then work the next day. I called off work today to get the stupid water fixed for good. I hope.

I hope everyone is doing well and feel loved. I'm missing my friends and the good news all of you have to share. I also miss the bad things you share so we can come together and help lift each other up.

Ive had to be in full boy mode for 3 days. Very depressing.

Love hugs and kisses

The only people who have wells in the UK live in castles lol! I hope you manage to get it all sorted today.

Dawn,


This will all end well.  Frustrating though.



Chrissy

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 06, 2026, 11:39:32 AMThe only people who have wells in the UK live in castles lol! I hope you manage to get it all sorted today.

Our holding wouldn't amount to a gate house. The house is less than what the queen would like

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 06, 2026, 11:46:29 AMDawn,


This will all end well.  Frustrating though.



Chrissy

Sometimes I wish I didn't know how to fix things

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 12:07:54 PMSometimes I wish I didn't know how to fix things

But think of all the money you save!

There is an old story about a plumber who said he became a plumber because he wasn't making enough money as a cardiovascular surgeon.

My eldest is a plumber/gas engineer/bathroom/kitchen fitter. He is so busy he hardly has time to play drums in the band!!

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 06, 2026, 12:07:03 PMOur holding wouldn't amount to a gate house. The house is less than what the queen would like

It sounds like an amazing property you live in Kellie, you want to try and live in my two bed teeny tiny house with barely any land! My lounge is so small I can't get a 3 seat sofa in ha ha!

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 06, 2026, 01:40:51 PMBut think of all the money you save!

There is an old story about a plumber who said he became a plumber because he wasn't making enough money as a cardiovascular surgeon.

Body damage: a lot
Sleep lost: even more
Money saved: priceless

🤣🤣🤣

Did you guys do anything exciting for Snow's birthday?

We had to put it off until this weekend. Im not sure what the plan is yet.

(https://i.ibb.co/0pwKRS9p/20260507-140728-1.jpg)
(https://i.ibb.co/XkbxJ1xs/20260507-140940.jpg)
(https://i.ibb.co/fV5vTXK2/20260507-140552.jpg)

I got a dress is think I like. Pardon the hairy legs.

I even wore it outside to put some trash out. It felt wonderful

I like the colour Kellie. I have quite a few wrap front dresses too.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 07, 2026, 04:30:04 PMI like the colour Kellie. I have quite a few wrap front dresses too.

It's referred to as a skaters dress. I hope the leg hair didn't scare you

Kellie, I know a way to fix leg hair. 😀
You won't regret it

I still have to let my wife in on my new life. I'm thinking when we have a couple days after her surgery. She should be able to give me undivided attention.  It's not her fault it's her position

Kellie, I hope the surgery isn't too serious and your wife is ok.

Quote from: Petunia on May 07, 2026, 04:53:37 PMKellie, I know a way to fix leg hair. 😀
You won't regret it

Take up cycling! It's not uncommon for male roadies to shave their legs! I used to do it (but I had an alterior motive ha ha!)

Quote from: Petunia on May 08, 2026, 05:42:21 AMKellie, I hope the surgery isn't too serious and your wife is ok.

She's having an eye lid lift. Her eye lids fold over in to her eyes

I have my preliminary appointment for HRT today.  I won't start anything until I talk with my wife, but this is the first step in progressing

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 07:39:52 AMI have my preliminary appointment for HRT today.  I won't start anything until I talk with my wife, but this is the first step in progressing

Oh great news. Look forward to hearing how you get on. Hope it goes well XX

Decided on some self care to day. Mani/pedi and clean up on my hair, still letting it grow just so it looks better.
I hope everyone is having a good Friday

Happy Friday, Kellie!

Good luck with your appointment.

Just had my preliminary visit with an HRT provider. They seem to click all my boxes. They offer blood work, they will make a plan that works with how fast I want to make changes. The first year will be 3 to 4 visits as long as blood work is looking good and I don't have any side effects I will be seen e eye 4 to 6 months the second year, as long as things continue to look good the 3rf year on is once a year.
Now the next big step telling my wife.

Glad to hear it went smoothly.

I hope it goes well when you talk with your wife about it.

Onward Brave Sister! 👩💕🌻

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 08, 2026, 06:22:51 AMTake up cycling! It's not uncommon for male roadies to shave their legs! I used to do it (but I had an alterior motive ha ha!)

My legs have been shaven for over 30 years for this reason. Pretty much all the guys I know are the same as they are cyclists, even some who have never raced.

I've never ever been asked about it, hassled over it or remarked about.

Gyms are full of shaven men too.

You'll be a bit paranoid at first but I really never think about it

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 08, 2026, 05:31:03 PMJust had my preliminary visit with an HRT provider. They seem to click all my boxes. They offer blood work, they will make a plan that works with how fast I want to make changes. The first year will be 3 to 4 visits as long as blood work is looking good and I don't have any side effects I will be seen e eye 4 to 6 months the second year, as long as things continue to look good the 3rf year on is once a year.
Now the next big step telling my wife.

Good lord, I have had a lot to catch up on!

Take it gently, Kellie. You are on a rollercoaster but so is she. Whatever you do... keep communication open between you. However you feel, and however she feels, keep that link open okay? I know I am telling you what you already know, because you are that kind of person.

You can do this, honey. <3

Sorry Kellie, I've only just noticed you had your HRT appointment! Thats a big step forward.

Do you have any idea when you are going to approach this with your wife?

On a lighter note wern't you and Snow doing something today for her birthday? What did you end up doing?

Unfortunately Snow is still sleeping.  I'm going to make a cake. She has narcolepsy and Saturday is her catch up day

I'm planning on talking to Pamela on Wednesday or Thursday.  She should be better from her surgery and i should be able to get her off her work phone. 

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 09, 2026, 02:57:08 PMUnfortunately Snow is still sleeping.  I'm going to make a cake. She has narcolepsy and Saturday is her catch up day

I'm planning on talking to Pamela on Wednesday or Thursday.  She should be better from her surgery and i should be able to get her off her work phone. 

Oh the poor thing, hope she feels better when she wakes up. What sort of cake are you making?

I really hope it goes well for you on Wednedsay or Thursday but bear in mind this will be a hell of a shock you might not get the reaction you are hoping for straight away. As Lauren says keep talking to each other and work through things slowly. I'm sure there are other people on here who can offer better advice than I ever could though having had no experience of something like this.

Enjoy the party, Kellie! And please give Snow a huge hug. She is awesome!

Red velvet cake
I also made her favorite meal. Potatoes and brats American style.

I had my one day off with my wife ruined. My ^@&$*@@ well sprung a huge leak again.  The check valve i put in had split and blew water everywhere. Another trip.to the hardware store a bushel of pvc parts and half the day later and I hope.its done again.

You will get another chance, honey. Take it in your stride, okay?

It will be okay <3

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 10, 2026, 03:35:04 PMI had my one day off with my wife ruined. My ^@&$*@@ well sprung a huge leak again.  The check valve i put in had split and blew water everywhere. Another trip.to the hardware store a bushel of pvc parts and half the day later and I hope.its done again.

That's so annoying having to sort that on your day off. I must say I don't like PVC plumbing and am happy that all mine is copper still including any additions I've made.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 05:05:05 AMThat's so annoying having to sort that on your day off. I must say I don't like PVC plumbing and am happy that all mine is copper still including any additions I've made.

Our water is so hard in this area, I've seen it errode copper. Not quickly but it does dissolve it. I had to replace a run where I work that was all copper, it had gotten thin and would spring leaks.
Fortunately we have a multiple filter system for drinking water

My wife is gone to Orlando for 2 days. It's about 2 hours with traffic. It's not a bad drive but very taxing when you add 8 hours worth of conference on top of it.
I hate sleeping alone, I never sleep well. Her dog will try and keep me company. He doesn't snuggle well

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 11:29:47 AMOur water is so hard in this area, I've seen it errode copper. Not quickly but it does dissolve it. I had to replace a run where I work that was all copper, it had gotten thin and would spring leaks.
Fortunately we have a multiple filter system for drinking water

Nothing wrong with PVC plumbing really. The fittings were dodgy in heating systems when they first came out but the mains water stuff has always been fine. Push fit PVC for under floors, copper for above floors and always end feed solder joints. I always gave all the pipes and joints a "polish" with steel wool to make them shine too! Always makes the job look professional. The water board use plastics for their mains now, way better than the lead they used to use.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 11:41:32 AMMy wife is gone to Orlando for 2 days. It's about 2 hours with traffic. It's not a bad drive but very taxing when you add 8 hours worth of conference on top of it.
I hate sleeping alone, I never sleep well. Her dog will try and keep me company. He doesn't snuggle well

I've never not slept alone! I think I would have the opposite problem!

While the cats away the mice will play! Do you plan to get up to much?

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 12:27:53 PMI've never not slept alone! I think I would have the opposite problem!

While the cats away the mice will play! Do you plan to get up to much?

Bourbon, dogs and sleep. 

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 03:17:31 PMBourbon, dogs and sleep. 

Booooo No partying! You could have tried out Kellie's dance moves! ha ha!

Lol I used to get up to loads when my ex was away (I'm very deviant). Now don't have to hide things. I'm surprised you got nothing exciting like femme dressing extraordinaire planned Kellie!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 03:28:43 PMLol I used to get up to loads when my ex was away (I'm very deviant). Now don't have to hide things. I'm surprised you got nothing exciting like femme dressing extraordinaire planned Kellie!

Maybe a silky nightie for tonight. Nothing earth shattering. I'm old I don't party much if ever anymore

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 03:20:06 PMBooooo No partying! You could have tried out Kellie's dance moves! ha ha!

With my knee a dance move may end up in an ER visit. Then explaining why I have heels and a green dress on. That's a discussion I'm not ready for.
When my wife worked ER they had a lost in found that they removed from people, you know back there. She had one young lady that had a snow globe stuck in her, you know.
The doctors and nurses talk and laugh about those things. They don't believe the fancy stories l. They know how things got where they were

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 04:51:41 PMWith my knee a dance move may end up in an ER visit. Then explaining why I have heels and a green dress on. That's a discussion I'm not ready for.
When my wife worked ER they had a lost in found that they removed from people, you know back there. She had one young lady that had a snow globe stuck in her, you know.
The doctors and nurses talk and laugh about those things. They don't believe the fancy stories l. They know how things got where they were

Err I was suggesting you had some fun dancing not suggesting putting a snow globe up your coochie but whatever floats your boat Kellie! ha ha!

Sorry, I'm feeling in a daft mood tonight for some reason!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 11, 2026, 04:57:36 PMErr I was suggesting you had some fun dancing not suggesting putting a snow globe up your coochie but whatever floats your boat Kellie! ha ha!

Sorry, I'm feeling in a daft mood tonight for some reason!

I appreciate the daft mood. I like a good daft mood.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 04:51:41 PMWith my knee a dance move may end up in an ER visit. Then explaining why I have heels and a green dress on. That's a discussion I'm not ready for.
When my wife worked ER they had a lost in found that they removed from people, you know back there. She had one young lady that had a snow globe stuck in her, you know.
The doctors and nurses talk and laugh about those things. They don't believe the fancy stories l. They know how things got where they were

Ahh yeah things up there very common. Heard of potatoes and light bulbs amongst others. Can't say either of those seem a great idea. The heels with you will be tame in comparison!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 11, 2026, 04:59:07 PMAhh yeah things up there very common. Heard of potatoes and light bulbs amongst others. Can't say either of those seem a great idea. The heels with you will be tame in comparison!

OMG! a lightbulb????!! What if you broke the bulb!!!!

I had a next-door neighbor in Illinois who was an ER nurse. She told me some stories that still make me cringe. Ugh. Seriously? A crochet hook? There? What were you thinking?

My wife has some funny yet disturbing stories.

That is absolutely disgusting to put those foreign objects in these orifices!
The vagina are is closed ended but the rear, no. 

I would not believe anyone that says she or he fell, causing an object to lodge in an orifice!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 11, 2026, 06:40:59 PMThat is absolutely disgusting to put those foreign objects in these orifices!
The vagina are is closed ended but the rear, no. 

I would not believe anyone that says she or he fell, causing an object to lodge in an orifice!

Apparently I fell on it is the most common.
So, while I was running around naked. You tripped and fell backwards impaling yourself on an object just perfectly to get it lodged in an orifice with no other injuries.  Sounds hard to swallow. No pun inferred.
The medical staff don't judge you to your face. They will talk and laugh later.
The gal with the snow globe was honest. She said she got curious and things got stuck.

Some of these stuck items have to be surgically removed. 

It reminds me of the tv series M*A*S*H and the episode where a que ball had to be removed from a soldiers mouth. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 11, 2026, 07:16:28 PMSome of these stuck items have to be surgically removed. 

Not as many as you think. Sometimes a little sedation and forceps do the magic. Most don't want what was removed back, hence the lost and found

Quote from: Mariah on May 11, 2026, 07:18:39 PMIt reminds me of the tv series M*A*S*H and the episode where a que ball had to be removed from a soldiers mouth. Hugs
Mariah

That was really dumb.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 11, 2026, 07:21:40 PMThat was really dumb.

Yes, but funny

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 07:22:23 PMYes, but funny

Yes, it must have been funny.

I think it was a Marine, I think that makes it even better.
Go Air Force

It was a marine. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 07:28:02 PMI think it was a Marine, I think that makes it even better.
Go Air Force

There is a TV show that comes on every once in awhile on a streaming service.
It was about the Navy.  It is named Jag.  I find it interesting.

Quote from: Mariah on May 11, 2026, 07:29:34 PMIt was a marine. Hugs
Mariah

It really kind of went without saying. There are some things that you just know.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 11, 2026, 07:32:28 PMThere is a TV show that comes on every once in awhile on a streaming service.
It was about the Navy.  It is named Jag.  I find it interesting.

NCIS is actually a spin off of JAG

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 07:34:56 PMNCIS is actually a spin off of JAG

I do not think I ever watched NCIS. I do not watch much television.

I end up watching more than I want.

I like to watch some of the episodes of Ice Road Truckers. 

I like things where i can turn part of my brain off. To much drama in my life right now

Oh.  Well just listen to some soft music and rest then.

I don't do soft music. My music taste seem to be angry. Soft dosen't cover the tinnitus

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 07:45:26 PMI don't do soft music. My music taste seem to be angry. Soft dosen't cover the tinnitus

Oh.  Well try to get something that soothes you or satisfies your current mood need.

A lot of HFY sci-fi, Shinedown, Disturbed, and 5 Finger Death Punch. It covers the unwanted noise

I tend to listen to rain or waterfalls when I want to find a way to relax.
Or I daydream.

With a constant whine in my ears, I look for ways to mask it. It can be very nerve wrecking. Just getting it to stop for a while is healing. When your in a room with a bunch of people and every conversation stacks in your brain the noise is overwhelming

To those of you of a certain age and growing up in the US this will ring something to you. I got my first pair of Calvin Klein jeans. They feel amazing. I cant wait to wear them out

Do you use white noise generating devices in your ear, or headphones/earbuds that reduce the background noise?

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 08:30:10 PMTo those of you of a certain age and growing up in the US this will ring something to you. I got my first pair of Calvin Klein jeans. They feel amazing. I cant wait to wear them out

You want to wear them outside the home or do you want them to wear out? 

I think I know what you mean, the former.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 11, 2026, 08:30:43 PMDo you use white noise generating devices in your ear, or headphones/earbuds that reduce the background noise?

Some white noise a lot of music or anything to keep the whine covered. It never stops. I have to have the TV on at bed just so the noise is covered enough to get to sleep

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 11, 2026, 08:31:58 PMYou want to wear them outside the home or do you want them to wear out? 

I think I know what you mean, the former.

Where them in public and wear them out so they have some rips. That looks.so cute

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 08:39:22 PMWhere them in public and wear them out so they have some rips. That looks.so cute

Sometimes the rips add a fashionable look.  I will wear short shorts at home but not in public.
One I made from an old pair of jeans. 

I got in a little non trouble, trouble the other day. My wife and I were folding laundry and my wife held up a pair of my jeans. She asked if they were mine, they were women's jeans and I said yes. She said ok, then she asked me what size I was wearing. I told her and she got a little funny look on her face. She then told me we were wearing the same sized jeans. She also told me she didn't like that we were wearing then same sized clothes.
Like I said not trouble, trouble. I liked it. She has bigger breast but I have hopes

My wife had her surgery. It wasn't as bad as though it was going to be.
They gave her some Ketamine. I've never seen her so stoned. She said se had a feeling of floating through a canyon that was made of colored blocks. Then I got her home and she slept 6 hours.
Her eye lids looks like she is wearing heavy 80's eye makeup after getting in a fight with Mike Tyson.
I'm trying to get a few minutes to talk to her but she's been on the phone with my daughter and her work. I'm trying

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 11, 2026, 08:38:29 PMSome white noise a lot of music or anything to keep the whine covered. It never stops. I have to have the TV on at bed just so the noise is covered enough to get to sleep

I can kind of somewhat relate, Kellie. After years of sleeping on a submarine, with constant noise... I cannot sleep in silence. It's too loud. I tend to fall asleep to YouTube videos these days.

I can recommend this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=810SAASfTZM

Quote from: Sephirah on May 14, 2026, 01:24:43 PMI can kind of somewhat relate, Kellie. After years of sleeping on a submarine, with constant noise... I cannot sleep in silence. It's too loud. I tend to fall asleep to YouTube videos these days.

I can recommend this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=810SAASfTZM

That's what I'm talking about. The higher frequency noises tend to make things worse.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 14, 2026, 12:23:44 PMMy wife had her surgery. It wasn't as bad as though it was going to be.
They gave her some Ketamine. I've never seen her so stoned. She said se had a feeling of floating through a canyon that was made of colored blocks. Then I got her home and she slept 6 hours.
Her eye lids looks like she is wearing heavy 80's eye makeup after getting in a fight with Mike Tyson.
I'm trying to get a few minutes to talk to her but she's been on the phone with my daughter and her work. I'm trying

When you say "talk to her" are you meaning "THE talk"? If so I hope it goes well for you Kellie.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 04:34:24 PMWhen you say "talk to her" are you meaning "THE talk"? If so I hope it goes well for you Kellie.

Yes, the talk. It didn't happen today. Even though she was off she was on the phone until after 2 and then we had to run some errands.
I hope she can be off the phone tomorrow 😩

There's no rush Kellie, Wait until the timing is as right as possible.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 14, 2026, 04:52:20 PMThere's no rush Kellie, Wait until the timing is as right as possible.

I'm trying. I just hate having secrets  from her.

Well I did not get a chance to have the talk with my wife. I had her in my truck fir 5 hours yesterday and she had work issues she was dealing with or my oldest daughter was talking to her. I think I might just have to make an appointment with her and get it out.
She still looks like she went round with a boxer. She had a work function i drove her to and she wore over sized sunglasses the entire time. By the end of the day she had bruising down her cheeks. She put ice packs on her eyes and it helped.
Another work day, but I took time off in such a way that I work today and am off for two days

I hope you two will have good conversations soon about everything.
Time must be made for attentive discussions.


But this would apply to any two people, of course.


Chrissy

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 16, 2026, 09:19:20 AMWell I did not get a chance to have the talk with my wife. I had her in my truck fir 5 hours yesterday and she had work issues she was dealing with or my oldest daughter was talking to her. I think I might just have to make an appointment with her and get it out.
She still looks like she went round with a boxer. She had a work function i drove her to and she wore over sized sunglasses the entire time. By the end of the day she had bruising down her cheeks. She put ice packs on her eyes and it helped.
Another work day, but I took time off in such a way that I work today and am off for two days

These conversations are so hard as only one thing needs to feel off at the time and the moment no longer feels right. If you need a push to do it then maybe book something that means you need to tackle this first. Like maybe an appointment with therapy to discuss the result of the conversation. Kinda like a social contract. Its tough though and often in this life there isn't a good time. Sometimes you got to get in first before any other drama.

Charlotte

I agree with Charlotte, and your idea of booking an appointment. It can be just a simple note that you want some personal time together to talk about something important. That way, she knows that you want her to be focused on the conversation and not distracted by work or outside issues. It is important that you have her full attention for this. If not, she could miss something important, or even misinterpret something you say due to her thinking about something else.

Good luck. You got this.

I really do wish you well Kellie but on this subject I don't think I can be of any help. I don't know anything about relationships. I wish I could be of some use. I'll just have to support you from the sidelines!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 11:36:40 AMI really do wish you well Kellie but on this subject I don't think I can be of any help. I don't know anything about relationships. I wish I could be of some use. I'll just have to support you from the sidelines!

I appreciate that you care. I just have to get her when her phone isn't blowing up. The right time will arrive

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 16, 2026, 11:38:11 AMI appreciate that you care. I just have to get her when her phone isn't blowing up. The right time will arrive

Steal her phone?

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 16, 2026, 11:41:38 AMSteal her phone?

I have control.  I could turn it off at Verizon's side for a bit. Ohh you could be on to something

Hello my friends. Sorry I haven't been involved much lately, been in kind of a blah type mood feeling very overwhelmed by things. I keeps looking in and keeping an eye on things. I'll be back to normal soon.

Sorry to hear that Kellie. Maybe press pause for a week or so just let your mind catch up with everything. You have been moving awfully fast on these things.

How's Snow doing? We haven't heard from her or had any updates from you. How did the date/not a date go with the doctors?

It went well. My next step is getting with who will be my Dr and set my goals and my regiment.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 18, 2026, 11:30:46 AMHello my friends. Sorry I haven't been involved much lately, been in kind of a blah type mood feeling very overwhelmed by things. I keeps looking in and keeping an eye on things. I'll be back to normal soon.

Hope you find some better days soon Kellie, as seems like things are getting on top of you. Are you a bit nervy about how you're going to move things forward with your transition? I imagine this to be pretty all encompassing until you conclude the next steps. Sending you love and many hugz.

Charlotte 😻

Hi all
It has been a day. Almost thought i was heading to the ER, I had some chest tightness and a headache the was all encompassing.  I sat down and had a sweet and some chips. I felt better after a bit, I think my sugars got out of wack. Still not thinking straight but better.
I hope everyone is doing well. Still in  bit of a funk but I'm still trying to check in.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:28:43 PMHi all
It has been a day. Almost thought i was heading to the ER, I had some chest tightness and a headache the was all encompassing.  I sat down and had a sweet and some chips. I felt better after a bit, I think my sugars got out of wack. Still not thinking straight but better.
I hope everyone is doing well. Still in  bit of a funk but I'm still trying to check in.

Take care of yourself, it is important.  To give you peace of mind, see your physician soon.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 19, 2026, 04:31:16 PMTake care of yourself, it is important.  To give you peace of mind, see your physician soon.

Chrissy

I see her every night.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:28:43 PMHi all
It has been a day. Almost thought i was heading to the ER, I had some chest tightness and a headache the was all encompassing.  I sat down and had a sweet and some chips. I felt better after a bit, I think my sugars got out of wack. Still not thinking straight but better.
I hope everyone is doing well. Still in  bit of a funk but I'm still trying to check in.

Awwww not another tough day 😥 Glad you didn't end up in ER as thats a really bad day! Hope you can find some you time and feel better soon. Sounds like you need some tlc and to clear your head. Sending you more huggz and warm energy.

I'm ok thanks...fighting the darkness still, but staying upright.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on May 19, 2026, 04:34:02 PMAwwww not another tough day 😥 Glad you didn't end up in ER as thats a really bad day! Hope you can find some you time and feel better soon. Sounds like you need some tlc and to clear your head. Sending you more huggz and warm energy.

I'm ok thanks...fighting the darkness still, but staying upright.

Charlotte 😻

Keep looking for the good. It helps

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 19, 2026, 04:32:00 PMI see her every night.

I know someone who is diabetic and wears a monitor for blood sugar.
I am glad I am not diabetic.

But there are other blood sugar issues too besides diabetes.

Regardless, take care.


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 19, 2026, 04:37:54 PMI know someone who is diabetic and wears a monitor for blood sugar.
I am glad I am not diabetic.

But there are other blood sugar issues too besides diabetes.

Regardless, take care.


Chrissy

I had very little for supper, skipped breakfast and was going into lunch. I've been on GLP1 and my appetite gets messed up, and its been hot and humid here with further messes with my appetite. I think a meal will do me some good. Still have about 90minutes before I get supper.

That doesn't sound like a great day there Kellie bless you. I hope you're wife checked you out.

It's frightening when you think there is something wrong with your heart. I had that feeling when I had an irregular heart beat, it's not fun. Maybe monitor your blood pressure for a bit it's not worth ignoring it. The pain was there for some reason. Hopefully just colic or something.

I'm getting my head back together.The funk is on the way out, feeling like myself again.  It's been a rough week. Thank you all for the words of support. 

Glad you are feeling a bit better. The cooler weather might be the ticket.