Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The end of this month I have a solo cruise coming up and it's going to be the first time in decades that I will have the opportunity to present as a woman 24/7

For those who don't know me the brief background and context is as follows:
- married for 30 years with 4 kids (all adults now)
- wife knows about my female side and she bounces between mild acceptance to tolerance and occasionally asking me to change.
- we are happily married despite my gender identity struggles
- I'm in the closet
- wife is travelling overseas to visit family and we agreed the timing is perfect for me to take a short solo cruise so I can be a woman 24/7

I have been out in public presenting  as a woman before but it has always been for brief periods of time and I chose to go out later at night on cruises when it was quieter. I have never been out and about 24/7. I am scared.

I desperately want to experience and see how it feels to live for a few days as a woman fulltime but I am soooo scared.
I'm a mix of exited and scared. I'm also afraid that I will chicken out at the last minute and go as a man.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on February 13, 2026, 02:22:23 PMI desperately want to experience and see how it feels to live for a few days as a woman fulltime but I am soooo scared.
I'm a mix of exited and scared. I'm also afraid that I will chicken out at the last minute and go as a man.

Jillian,

That is perfectly normal. Humans resist change, even if we know it will be better for us. But, also consider that if you are that terrified that you chicken out, it only means ONE thing: You weren't ready yet. Nothing more than that.

This isn't some bravery contest. There is no "right" timeline. You go only as fast as you are ready. There is no shame in that, and no one here will judge you for it. We have been there too!

You have been on many cruises, so you have a feel for how people behave on them. You have been out as a woman, even though it was just an evening. How did others react? How did you feel? Did anything bad happen? My understanding is that you had a great time. So why not extend that beyond one evening and make it full-time?

Again, I am not pressuring you. If you are not ready, then that settles it. I just want you to look carefully to see if the fear is about a real threat or an imagined one.

Good luck.

To quote Owen Wilson's character in Armageddon:

"Great, I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more - It could be two - it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out."

You're scared of the unknown, sweetie. It's 100% entirely understandable and something that happens to all of us. People who don't feel this way tend to end up meeting a grisly end through sheer foolhardiness. You don't know what's going to happen and you can't control what you don't know. So it kicks in a self-defence mechanism designed to protect you from being hurt.

It's okay to feel this way. Being scared is a perfectly natural human response. The trick is to not let it control you. To feel the fear and do it anyway, as it were. Which is easier said than done, granted.

Some advice I have for you is... you don't know the people on this cruise, and they don't know you. You will be a clean slate to them. And they to you. I have found it scarier to do things when it concerns people you care about. Because what they think matters more to you. People you don't know, it doesn't really matter if they think something or another. You're never going to see them again afterwards. Use the opportunity as a training aid to be yourself around people whose opinions won't affect you too deeply. See it as a chance to experience who you are free from emotional ties. To better prepare you for the future.

And try to keep in mind that everyone is there to enjoy their own trip. You're really all there for the same reason. To get away and have a space of time where you can indulge yourself away from the day-to-day of your normal life. As a result, people tend to be not so stressed out by issues they're dealing with and more likely to just go with the flow. Everyone is there for the same reason as you, sweetie. That changes how people act and react to things... where otherwise people may be stressed out by job deadlines or travel delays or whatever else. This changes how people react to things and deal with things. Being on a cruise is more laid back just by the nature of what it is. You're all there to enjoy the sights and relax.

Focus on the things you can control, honey. And what you can't... let that take care of itself. You'll deal with whatever it is whenever it happens. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.

*big hugs*

*What they said.*

I remember well my first time out and about in girl mode.  I was nervous as heck, but after a few hours wandering around downtown, window shopping, I realized that most people either didn't notice or didn't care that I was trans. 

The appointment I had scheduled with my therapist to discuss my fear, the reason I was in the city in the first place, turned out to be unnecessary.  Those few hours of killing time in girl mode were the perfect cure for the fear.  I kept the appointment and we discussed my fear, but I knew already that I was past it.

The best cure for the fear of being out is ... being out.  Enjoy your cruise!

Some wise words from all of you. Thank you

Quote from: Sephirah on February 13, 2026, 05:30:27 PMTo quote Owen Wilson's character in Armageddon:

"Great, I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more - It could be two - it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out."

You're scared of the unknown, sweetie. It's 100% entirely understandable and something that happens to all of us. People who don't feel this way tend to end up meeting a grisly end through sheer foolhardiness. You don't know what's going to happen and you can't control what you don't know. So it kicks in a self-defence mechanism designed to protect you from being hurt.

It's okay to feel this way. Being scared is a perfectly natural human response. The trick is to not let it control you. To feel the fear and do it anyway, as it were. Which is easier said than done, granted.

Some advice I have for you is... you don't know the people on this cruise, and they don't know you. You will be a clean slate to them. And they to you. I have found it scarier to do things when it concerns people you care about. Because what they think matters more to you. People you don't know, it doesn't really matter if they think something or another. You're never going to see them again afterwards. Use the opportunity as a training aid to be yourself around people whose opinions won't affect you too deeply. See it as a chance to experience who you are free from emotional ties. To better prepare you for the future.

And try to keep in mind that everyone is there to enjoy their own trip. You're really all there for the same reason. To get away and have a space of time where you can indulge yourself away from the day-to-day of your normal life. As a result, people tend to be not so stressed out by issues they're dealing with and more likely to just go with the flow. Everyone is there for the same reason as you, sweetie. That changes how people act and react to things... where otherwise people may be stressed out by job deadlines or travel delays or whatever else. This changes how people react to things and deal with things. Being on a cruise is more laid back just by the nature of what it is. You're all there to enjoy the sights and relax.

Focus on the things you can control, honey. And what you can't... let that take care of itself. You'll deal with whatever it is whenever it happens. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.

*big hugs*

I never thought I would hear wise words from Armageddon! Excellent spot and very true!

Sometimes it can be good to put that first day in writing and get your outfit ready. Make a kinda contract with yourself that you won't chicken out! Also can help to write down what's the worst that can happen and how likely and what's the best that can happen and how likely. Then affirm how you can handle the worst case and how unlikely it is. Having explored this you'll hopefully feel more empowered. Also important is that you have to right to freedom, you're doing nothing wrong.

I find getting shoulders up, standing tall, with a smile is the key to owning yourself in public. Also making eye contact and smiling puts you in a strong position and less likely to get negativity! Own and love your look.

I learnt this from wearing alternative clothing much of my life, full hello kitty outfits, hot pants and dresses in boy mode with full facial hair in public! You can front confidence even if you don't feel it underneath, and eventually you will feel it as everything goes smoothly.

Honestly with just standing up straight, tall and smiling you can pull anything off! You will absolutely rock this!

Charlotte 😻

I joined the Facebook group dedicated to the sailing at the end of the month (I created a "burner" account so I can post where it's not connected to my regular Facebook account because I'm not fully out of the closet).

For those of you who don't cruise - it's common for a Facebook group to be created for each sailing for most ships. It's for fellow passengers to connect prior and also to share tips and answer questions. So I connected with the group and introduced myself and shared my background and plans. Keep in mind this is a general public group which may have very few LGBTQ members. The response and comments to my post has been welcoming and supportive. To summarize most replies to me: they are saying don't be scared and enjoy your time

Just remember most people don't care. They have their own lives and are on the cruise to have some release.
Those that do care and will avoid you. They are there for relaxing.
You find people that are completely accepting and you will have a great time with them
Those that aren't accepting won't pay you any mind.

Have a great time. You can do this

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on February 15, 2026, 01:09:28 PMJust remember most people don't care. They have their own lives and are on the cruise to have some release.
Those that do care and will avoid you. They are there for relaxing.
You find people that are completely accepting and you will have a great time with them
Those that aren't accepting won't pay you any mind.

Have a great time. You can do this

So true. Most people are less observant than we think. This evening on my way home from work I saw a trans woman walking through the train station. She was wearing sky high platform heels, super super short mini and very provocative top. I walked behind her deliberately observing the people around her as she walked. It was amazing at how few people reacted. And she was dressed to get attention. Yet 99% never looked twice.