Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone,

I've lived with gender dysphoria for decades and spent a long time in the shadows trying to ignore it. Over the past year especially, it's become clear to me that this isn't going away, and I don't want to keep postponing my life.

I'm not rushing into going full time. I understand this is a long process and I'm approaching it methodically.

I'm starting with the two things I know are foundational:
    •    Facial hair removal
    •    Voice training

I have a medium-deep, fairly serious voice, and I've realized I need to focus on resonance and reducing tension rather than just raising pitch. For those who started in a similar place, what helped you most in the first 3–6 months?

For laser/electrolysis, is there anything you wish you had known before beginning?

I'm trying to build this the right way rather than impulsively. I would really appreciate insight from those who have walked this road ahead of me.

Thank you for reading.

Hello BuffyGirl,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

We strive to make this a safe space for you to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

It sounds like you understand what you want to accomplish and have an idea of where to start. That is a big step. There is no set way of doing things, no rules, because everyone is different. Although our stories are similar, our journeys are unique to us.

Generally speaking, we recommend consulting a therapist with experience in gender identities. There are many reasons for that. Once you have a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria, the doors open to medical transition if you choose to go that route. It is also very helpful to be able to sit down face-to-face and talk with someone who understands about personal issues.

I am just now starting my electrolysis after six years on hormones. That was not my choice; it just wasn't available where I lived, so I moved. I would have started it five years ago if I could have.

I went through voice training, and there are many good videos online that describe the exercises. (Trans Voice Lessons, for example). What I have learned is that we worry more about our voice than other people notice. There are many actresses and celebrities with deep voices. I am just saying, keep your expectations realistic.

We want to get to know you. Please stop by our Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/index.php?board=8.0) and introduce yourself.

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~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

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@BuffyGirl
@Sarah B
@Charlotte Ringwood
@Northern Star Girl

Hi Buffygirl,

I'm still not fully transitioned so I am still finding my way. There are girls on here at every stage of transition so some will be able to help specifically with voice training and facial hair removal. I have not had these treatments yet so might not be the best person to give advice.

Personally, I would say speaking to a therapist and getting a formal diagnosis is probably the first thing everyone should do but opening up to a stranger is also pretty scary and I didn't do this route initially. Everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for another but under their supervision they can help you determine the correct course of action for you.

For me, my first steps (other than dressing at home since I was an child) was to start HRT a number of years ago. Facial hair removal is next on my list. I am desperate to do the voice training but my home has paper thin walls and I think my neighbour will think I've gone nuts! That's one of the reasons why I'm trying to move house!

Whatever route you choose you have exciting times ahead!

What I would say though is electrolysis and laser treatments are expensive and take a very long time to complete (usually over a year). There are other things you can be doing in that time as well, such as voice training, learning make up and the myriad of other things women need to know.

I would definitely consider HRT if you are certain it is the right path for you. It has been truly life changing for me.

Hi Buffy and Welcome Aboard Sister!

Congrats on realizing your life will need some courageous adjustments to make it the experience you need!

I think everyone approaches things in their own way to a large degree and focus on the things that are most important to them at the time... perhaps the things they view as most important to getting them where they want to be!

It is most certainly a process to get to full time but, can be taken as fast or slow as you wish...

In my own case... I came to a very sudden realization that transition offered the only path that might lead to life that held true meaning for me and I set out to make it happen as quickly as possible...

I started moving towards a therapist, hormones and scheduling surgeries in very short order and full time except for work started within a few months of starting HRT...things like hair removal I addressed with some laser sessions and then many multi full day marathon electrolysis sessions with two technicians... in my own case, I had fairly thick arm, leg and chest hair... I had them lasted a couple times but, I think hormones took care of the rest by making any remaining hair extremely fine to the point of being invisible and easily dealt with... if you are going to do HRT, you might want to wait and see how before devoting too many resources to body hair measures!

I did my best with my voice training but, after a few years, opted for voice surgery (VFS)... I would highly advise trying your best first without it... Seattle Voice Lab on YouTube has a lot of wonderful techniques and info!

Anyway Girl, You hold the steering wheel and can take things wherever you need them to go...You have arrived at a wonderful place here with people who have built the lives they need in lots of different ways... You will build the life you need too!... Amazing things await you!

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Hi, Buffy.  Welcome!

I agree with the others that seeing a gender therapist should be on that list.  It sounds like you are pretty clear on the direction you want to go, but a knowledgeable therapist can also be helpful for clarifying what steps you want to take towards your goal, and how to go about implementing them.

I went to a speech therapist for about half a dozen sessions.  She measured my pitch and told me that, according to the numbers, I ought to raise my vocal pitch by a full octave.  I knew pretty quickly that that wouldn't work, so we settled for half an octave and she emphasized intonation rather than pitch.  I still get misgendered on the phone, but I am not unhappy with the results.

Electrolysis took longer than I expected, and became my biggest single transition expense.  The job is not complete, but I had had enough.  I just shave what's left.  Fortunately, it is mostly white now, and invisible. 

I didn't worry at all about body hair, and just as well, since HRT took care of it.  I never had a lot to begin with.  What I did have had disappeared by the end of the first year.

It sounds like you have the right approach.  Transition is a marathon, not a sprint.

I had voice training to modulate my sentences.  Women enunciate clearly and modulate their sentences to convey additional meaning.

Hi, Buffy. Thank you for introducing yourself.

I love your intention to enter into the process mindfully. I think by doing that you'll be able to feel for yourself what the next right steps are. And I absolutely support the suggestion of others to work with a gender therapist. It can be invaluable in helping you identify what your goals and priorities are.

If you feel like you might be interested in starting HRT soon, then I'd definitely encourage gender therapy. Having the diagnosis will go a long way to defraying the costs, and also potentially for hair removal.

I recently completed 6 laser treatments on my facial hair, and it was very effective. I think it may have eliminated 90% or more of the dark hairs. It doesn't do anything for the gray ones. So if you're going to do laser, sooner is probably better than later. After that, it's electrolysis, which is one hair at a time - but effective. Even the dark hairs that laser didn't wipe out have come back much finer, which is an improvement. Both laser and electrolysis are expensive, but electrolysis is much more time-intensive.

The great thing is that you recognize that it's a slow but worthwhile process. Welcome to yourself!

Hi Buffy

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

First of all, thank you for telling your story and for being honest about where your thoughts are right now.  It takes courage to put these feelings into words, especially when you are still trying to sort through them yourself.

From what you described, you have already realised something important.  Gender dysphoria does not simply disappear.  Many of us tried to suppress it for years.  It can quieten down for a while, sometimes even disappear for long periods, but it tends to return, often more intensely.  A lot of members here can attest to that cycle.

Several people have already said this, but it is worth mentioning again here.  How fast or slow you move is entirely up to you.  There is no single or right way to do it.  How you transition and how far you go is also your decision.  In my own case I did almost everything at once.  I changed my name, changed my documentation, lived as Sarah except for surgery, which happened two years later.  Hair removal, HRT and seeing a psychiatrist were all ongoing steps during that period.  That was my path, not a prescription and definitely it was not planned.

If you are looking for practical early steps, I would strongly consider facial hair removal as an important starting point.  It is something that will need to be addressed eventually, it takes time and you can begin it while still maintaining your current identity socially.  It moves you forward without forcing other changes before you are ready.

When I changed my life around there was virtually no laser available.  I only had access to thermolysis, galvanic electrolysis using multiple needles at once or a combination of the two called the Blend method.  I also waxed my face weekly in conjunction with my electrolysis session.  Interestingly my facial hair eventually went white, which made things easier to manage.  Today you have far better options.

Body hair can also change significantly.  I personally had little to begin with and over time it became very fine and almost invisible.  That was almost certainly influenced by my HRT regime.

Which brings me to something others have mentioned already.  Starting HRT can help immensely, both physically and emotionally.  Seeking a therapist, psychiatrist or psychologist who works within an informed consent framework can help you confirm your diagnosis of gender dysphoria and support you through the process.  HRT will affect body hair, skin and breast development and for many people it brings a sense of internal alignment or peace.

If you look at hair removal, therapy and HRT as three core steps, you can approach them separately, allow them to overlap somewhat, or begin them roughly together.  However you structure it, this allows you to move methodically forward before taking further social or legal steps.

Voice is another area you mentioned.  There are generally three paths available.  The first is structured self training, often using online resources.  The second is working with a speech therapist who specialises in gender voice work.  The third is surgical intervention if the first two options do not give you the result you want.  Many of us work on voice training alongside facial hair removal since both are visible social markers.

Beyond that, when and if you decide to continue further, the timing of name change, documents, coming out or changing jobs is entirely your choice.  Those are social and legal steps that you take when you feel ready, not when someone else thinks you should.

As others have suggested, a common and practical sequence is laser first, followed by electrolysis for remaining hairs, voice work alongside that, then therapy and HRT as foundational medical steps.  But again, sequence and pacing are personal decisions.

You do not have to solve everything at once.  You only need to decide on the next manageable step.  That is often enough to move from feeling stuck to feeling purposeful.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

You will sense the peace as you move forward.  Take care and all the best for the future. 

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Charlotte_Ringwood
@BuffyGirl

Welcome, Buffy! Best wishes going forward with your transition. IMHO, the ducks are lining up quite nicely for you.

Hi Buffy,

Welcome to Susan's Place!

I wanted to add my voice to the warm welcomes you've already received. Reading your post, what stands out to me is how clearly you're thinking about this. After decades of living with dysphoria, choosing to move forward methodically rather than impulsively tells me you already understand something that takes many people a long time to learn — this is a marathon, and the women who build the most solid foundations tend to be the ones who pace themselves.

You asked two very specific questions, so let me try to give you practical answers.

On voice:

You're already ahead of the curve by recognizing that resonance matters more than pitch. That's the single most important insight in voice feminization, and many people spend months chasing a higher pitch before they figure it out. The "bright" quality that reads as feminine comes primarily from raising your larynx position and shifting your resonance forward — think of it as moving the sound from your chest into your head and face. Pitch matters, but it's secondary to where the sound lives.

For the first three to six months, I'd suggest starting with one of the well-regarded YouTube channels. Trans Voice Lessons (Zhea) is excellent for understanding the mechanics and theory. Seattle Voice Lab is wonderful for practical exercises you can work through systematically. Between those two, you'll have a solid self-study foundation.

A few practical tips from members who started in a similar place: practice in short daily sessions rather than long occasional ones. Fifteen to twenty minutes a day will serve you better than two hours on a weekend. Record yourself regularly, because your internal perception of your voice is very different from what others hear. And be patient — the muscles involved are small, and building coordination takes time. Many women find noticeable progress around the three-month mark, with more natural-sounding results developing over six months to a year.

There are also some excellent software tools that can support your training. Voice Tools (available for Android) and Voice Pitch Analyzer are popular apps that give you real-time visual feedback on your pitch range, letting you see exactly where you're speaking and track your progress over time. Seeing that visual representation can be incredibly motivating and helps you calibrate what you're hearing internally against what's actually coming out. Christella VoiceUp is an app specifically designed for voice feminization training with structured exercises. For more general vocal analysis, Spectroid or similar spectrogram apps let you visualize not just pitch but your resonance patterns and formant frequencies — which, since you've already identified resonance as your focus, could be particularly useful for you. Being able to see the shift in your resonance on screen as you practice gives you concrete feedback that your ears alone might miss, especially early on.

If self-study doesn't get you where you want to be, a speech therapist who specializes in gender voice work can help identify specific habits and tensions that videos and apps can't catch.

I also want to mention voice feminization surgery as an option worth knowing about, even if it's not a first step. I had the triple voice surgery with Dr. Haben in Rochester, New York (https://professionalvoice.org/ (https://professionalvoice.org/)), and honestly, I consider it one of the most important procedures I've had — I'd rank it above everything except bottom surgery in terms of its impact on daily life. As part of the triple they also shave down your adam's apple.

Your voice is something you use in every single interaction, and having it simply work for you without constant effort and self-monitoring is profoundly freeing. At the time mine cost roughly $3,500, though prices may have changed. I'd highly recommend it. That said, voice training first is still wise — many women get to a place they're happy with through training alone, and even if you do eventually pursue surgery, having a foundation in vocal technique will help you get the most from the surgical result.

As Lori Dee mentioned, we also tend to worry about our voices and appearance far more than other people. Give yourself grace on this one.

On facial hair removal:

This is where I want to make sure you have the full picture, because there are things I wish more people knew before starting.

The first and most important thing is to take an honest look at your facial hair color. This determines your treatment path.

If you have mostly dark hair with lighter skin, laser should be your first step. It's faster and less expensive per session than electrolysis, and it can eliminate a large percentage of dark hairs relatively quickly — typically over six to eight sessions spaced several weeks apart. Pema's experience of roughly ninety percent reduction in dark hairs is very consistent with what our members report.

However — and this is critical — laser does not work on gray, white, red, or very light blonde hairs. It targets the pigment in the hair follicle, so if there's no dark pigment, the laser has nothing to lock onto. If you have significant gray or white in your beard, electrolysis is your path for those hairs from the start. Electrolysis works on every hair color and type because it destroys the follicle directly with electrical current rather than relying on pigment.

Many women end up doing a combination approach — laser first to clear the bulk of the dark hair quickly, then electrolysis for the remaining lighter hairs and any stubborn dark ones that survived laser. This tends to be the most time-efficient and cost-effective strategy if you have a mix of colors.

Things to know before you begin: avoid sun exposure on the treatment area before and after sessions. Stop plucking or waxing at least several weeks before starting, because both laser and electrolysis need the hair root intact to work. Shaving between sessions is fine and expected. A good topical numbing cream applied before appointments can make a real difference in comfort, especially for electrolysis.

Budget-wise, facial hair removal is typically one of the larger transition expenses and one of the longest timelines. Most people are looking at a year to two years or more to fully clear facial hair, depending on density, color mix, and how your skin responds. Starting early, as you're planning to do, is one of the smartest decisions you can make — every month you begin sooner is a month sooner you're done.

Beyond your two questions:

I'll echo what several others have said — finding a therapist experienced with gender identity is worth putting on your list when you're ready. Not because there's any question about what you're experiencing, but because having a knowledgeable person in your corner is invaluable as you navigate this process. A formal diagnosis also opens doors for insurance coverage of treatments including hair removal and HRT when and if you choose to pursue that path.

You're building this the right way, Buffy. You don't need to have the whole road mapped out — just the next few steps. And you've clearly identified those. Keep us posted on how things go. We're here for the long haul with you.

Welcome home!
— Susan💜