Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Is there a a moment or a feeling when it's time to change pronouns?
Like its stated in my bio, I feel more she/her but I still look he/him.
Am i just fighting social norms?
Any of you lovely people have any insight?

When you strongly wish to have people use specific pronouns for you and may even be very disappointed if they do not, perhaps that is the time to ask that specific pronouns (you should provide them) be used to respect your desires.

It is a personal preference. Some prefer to wait for safety reasons. Some prefer one set of pronouns for when dressed, and another for their day-to-day activities. I changed my when I went full-time.

It is easy for us to decide what we want. Trying to get the rest of the world to comply is much more difficult.

I think of pronouns the same way I do just about every aspect of this gender identity concept in that I think it's something you just have to feel your way through and be willing to try it and see whether you like it.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 02:11:29 PMAm i just fighting social norms?

Probably yes, almost every waking moment. We're really not given a choice. But my position is that gender itself is a social construct, so it's virtually impossible to escape (or fully satisfy).

I'm a huge proponent of "your life is yours to live as you choose," so you get to decide what's right for you and when the time is right for you to <do whatever it is>. Often it's not obvious, and we just have to take a calculated risk. As Lori frequently points out, a very large percentage of the time we overestimate that risk.

Do you have someone in your life that you could ask to call you she/her to experiment with how that feels for you? (It's bound to be a bit odd at first, because it's something you're not accustomed to.)

Decalaring mine as she/her just instantly felt right and brought relief. Everyone is different Kellie. You do what makes you feel happy or right. No-one judges you one here one way or another.

I like she/her online because I like it and it doesn't feel forced when it's all anonymous. I don't in real life and will only change when it would be reflexive by others rather than forced. For me personally, getting sympathy affirmation would be more humiliating than insisting I be called she/her when it's not remotely the natural impulse. But it's obviously a very personal thing. My line is "when it goes from being silly to call me 'she' to being silly to call me 'he,' I'll change." But I'm also 1 week in and am closeted so my perspective is a bit biased in that direction.

Quote from: katiebee on March 18, 2026, 06:02:31 PMI like she/her online because I like it and it doesn't feel forced when it's all anonymous. I don't in real life and will only change when it would be reflexive by others rather than forced. For me personally, getting sympathy affirmation would be more humiliating than insisting I be called she/her when it's not remotely the natural impulse. But it's obviously a very personal thing. My line is "when it goes from being silly to call me 'she' to being silly to call me 'he,' I'll change." But I'm also 1 week in and am closeted so my perspective is a bit biased in that direction.

Reasonable thought

If someone calls me Chris that is just fine.  Chrissy and Christine I also am fine with.
For pronouns, I do like people referring to me by my name, but hearing others use she or her is what I want to hear.

I do not understand "they" to be used to refer to ME, if that is somehow someone thinking I was both male and female.  Or not all the way female so I must be part male.  So I do not want people to use "they" to refer to me.  Some prefer that pronoun though.