Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Am i a crossdresser or trans
I like woman's clothes and wear as much as I can everyday. I'm really thinking about HRT but haven't started it.
Is it a mindset? Will i be trans only when/if I start HRT. I have all kinds of questions and I don't want to belittle anyone's struggles.
If I'm asking the wrong questions or over thinking any of this please let me know. I'm just trying to understand what is happening.

Without getting into what makes someone fall under the umbrella of transgender label,

If you know you are a woman in the wrong body and want to live as one, that is a strong indicator that you are or may be in the MTF transsexual category of transgender, more so than under the crossdresser group of transgender people.

Let the experts and others chime in, refer you to WiKis and other documents and studies.

Chrissy

It's such a complex spectrum which also includes trans non binary / agender. A space I occupy. I can say that you don't need heavy, life long dysphoria to transition. I'm driven by gender euphoria with only very very mild dysphoria later in life.

It's down to you to figure it out, but whatever your feelings or gender expression, your desire to transition is valid whatever your reason.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 02:17:33 PMAm i a crossdresser or trans
I like woman's clothes and wear as much as I can everyday. I'm really thinking about HRT but haven't started it.
Is it a mindset? Will i be trans only when/if I start HRT. I have all kinds of questions and I don't want to belittle anyone's struggles.
If I'm asking the wrong questions or over thinking any of this please let me know. I'm just trying to understand what is happening.

Kellie,

Susan has written a wonderful article about this. Check out:
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247148.msg2262144.html#msg2262144

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 18, 2026, 03:03:03 PMKellie,

Susan has written a wonderful article about this. Check out:
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247148.msg2262144.html#msg2262144

Thank you this helps.

That's the million dollar question Kellie. and you could get a lot of different answers and most will be correct. There is no clear cut "You think and feel this therefore you are trans" definition. That is why it is referred to as a spectrum in the same way as neurodiversity issues are.

The fact that you are asking questions would warrant a futher exploration of self and possibly speaking to a specialist therapist could help you here.

My personal experience I would say puts me squarely on the transgender gender disphoria end. I have known since I was in my early years that I was different. This manifested as wanting to wear my mums clothes, mimic what she was doing, wanting to play with girls toys and play with girls. Not enjoying laddish behaviour. The most clearest moments for me was when having sex when I was youger. My mind just couldn't stop screaming this was wrong the roles were supposed to be reversed and I felt incredibly upset afterwards. It stopped me having any relationships because it hurt so much. There has not been a single day gone by where I have not thought about becoming a woman at some point. Starting hormones really had a massively positive effect on me and I have not worried at all in the slightest with the maleness I have lost. I think this can also be an indicator, it provided me with relief. Being on here and adopting the female name my mum wanted for me and being able to be that girl (albeit virtually), interracting with other like minded souls has provided immense relief also.

However, for many people, these feelings do not emerge until later in life. This is no less valid. Some of us don't have the clear idea that they are female, they just know that they are not wholly male this is also part of it. There is also nothing wrong with just wanting to cross dress for the thrill of it. There is such a wide variety it is very dificult to pigeonhole yourself into one category or another.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I'm not sure if that helped or made you more confused Kellie ha ha!

I remember some radio personality saying that unless "a guy" who dresses like a woman gets "his penis cut off" he is a crossdresser, no way a woman.  Besides being wrong in that it is simply "cut off" he has no appreciation for MTF transsexuals who are no-op or pre-op. 

For me - I'd say that if you are only into women's clothing occasionally but for the most part you enjoy being a man then you are likely a cross dresser. And a very strong indicator is sexual arousal - if the clothing "turns you on" and there's a fetish aspect then that would be another indication that you are a cross dresser.

Transgender is when you feel like a woman and want to be a woman. You want to live life as one and experience life through the lens of a woman. You want a woman's body and anatomy. The maleness of your body is not something you are comfortable with. You simply don't feel like a man and you just don't want to be a man. You want to be one of the girls.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on March 18, 2026, 09:20:52 PMFor me - I'd say that if you are only into women's clothing occasionally but for the most part you enjoy being a man then you are likely a cross dresser. And a very strong indicator is sexual arousal - if the clothing "turns you on" and there's a fetish aspect then that would be another indication that you are a cross dresser.

Transgender is when you feel like a woman and want to be a woman. You want to live life as one and experience life through the lens of a woman. You want a woman's body and anatomy. The maleness of your body is not something you are comfortable with. You simply don't feel like a man and you just don't want to be a man. You want to be one of the girls.

You said it well Jillian.

Chrissy

Kellie, I see in another thread you are going to start therapy. I'm so happy for you for making that decision.

In the meantime just keep trawling through these pages.
There are a lot of personal journey stories that explain how others have worked it out.

Have a look at youtube as there are also a lot of "how do I know if I'm trans"

I feel for you as this becomes all consuming and obsessive.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 02:17:33 PMAm i a crossdresser or trans
I like woman's clothes and wear as much as I can everyday. I'm really thinking about HRT but haven't started it.
Is it a mindset? Will i be trans only when/if I start HRT. I have all kinds of questions and I don't want to belittle anyone's struggles.
If I'm asking the wrong questions or over thinking any of this please let me know. I'm just trying to understand what is happening.

On this site, you are both!

Community Definitions:

Transgender: An inclusive umbrella term for anyone whose sex was incorrectly assigned at birth — for any reason, to any degree, for any length of time.

This includes but is not limited to trans women, trans men, intersex, non-binary, genderqueer and genderfluid, agender, crossdressers, drag kings and queens, and people whose cultures have traditional recognition of genders beyond the binary (such as Two-Spirit, Hijra, Fa'afafine, Māhū, and others).

In short: anyone experiencing, exploring, or expressing gender beyond conventional cisgender roles.

This term describes a broad range of lived experiences and does not imply any specific appearance, behavior, medical history, or transition path.

But I see where you are coming from. You are questioning if you just like wearing womens clothes, or if you need to be a woman. Only you can answer this.

My take on this is are you gender incongruent? Are you uncomfortable with your assigned sex, and is your discomfort lessened when you affirm your gender identity by dressing? If so, maybe you are not 'just a crossdresser'.

Many of us who are gender incongruent go through a phase of 'crossdressing', then eventually we may learn that the enjoyment felt when dressing is actually relief from living in the incorrect gender role. When we dress to affirm our gender identity, we feel 'at home', or 'true to our real self'. Many simply get enjoyment from dressing to challenge social norms, to participate in beauty, or maybe to achieve sexual pleasure. The difference would seem to be relief from a socially forced gender role, or pleasure from an activity.

The answer may only become clear with time.

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: Jillian-TG on March 18, 2026, 09:20:52 PMFor me - I'd say that if you are only into women's clothing occasionally but for the most part you enjoy being a man then you are likely a cross dresser. And a very strong indicator is sexual arousal - if the clothing "turns you on" and there's a fetish aspect then that would be another indication that you are a cross dresser.

Transgender is when you feel like a woman and want to be a woman. You want to live life as one and experience life through the lens of a woman. You want a woman's body and anatomy. The maleness of your body is not something you are comfortable with. You simply don't feel like a man and you just don't want to be a man. You want to be one of the girls.

That's very well put Jillian. I think for the most part that is true. I certainly do not get a sexual thrill from dressing. It is much more of a relief and a sense of calmness. That said I bet there are transgender women who do get a thrill from dressing so it's still not quite black and white.

I'm not an expert Kellie but, does it really matter? I think trans and crossdresser are only labels.
For me what is most important is what i know about myself and how I feel. I know that I have wanted to be a woman all my life. I know that I feel I am a woman inside despite my outward appearance. Crossdressing changes that outward appearance and gives me relief and hope.
I really don't care what my label is. I am who I am and I have learned to love who I am.
I hope this helps ❤️.

Ciara

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 18, 2026, 02:17:33 PMAm i a crossdresser or trans
I like woman's clothes and wear as much as I can everyday. I'm really thinking about HRT but haven't started it.
Is it a mindset? Will i be trans only when/if I start HRT. I have all kinds of questions and I don't want to belittle anyone's struggles.
If I'm asking the wrong questions or over thinking any of this please let me know. I'm just trying to understand what is happening.

Rather than give you an answer, Dawn, could I ask you some questions?

You said you were thinking about HRT but haven't started it. Can I ask what made you think of starting it? What is it that you feel when you think of yourself in your mind?

Can I also ask what it is about wearing certain clothing that appeals to you?

I will say one thing, sweetie. Don't think you have to do this or that to be this or that. That is all unimportant, okay? Oh, and one other thing... the only wrong question is the one you don't ask, as they say. *hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 04:32:18 PMRather than give you an answer, Dawn, could I ask you some questions?

You said you were thinking about HRT but haven't started it. Can I ask what made you think of starting it? What is it that you feel when you think of yourself in your mind?

Can I also ask what it is about wearing certain clothing that appeals to you?

I will say one thing, sweetie. Don't think you have to do this or that to be this or that. That is all unimportant, okay? Oh, and one other thing... the only wrong question is the one you don't ask, as they say. *hugs*

When i think.of myself in my mind I don't see the 30+ year rough around the edges electrician that I've been. I know I've always looked at women's clothes and makeup and wondered why can't I do that. I got my toenails done the first time and felt this is correct. I then got toe rings and anklets and thought this looks right. I got my fingers done and felt my hands look right. I put on some if my female clothes and wish I had breasts so it would look right.
I always would rather be around women and chat then hang with the boys. I have always been that way. I went and got color matched for makeup and was not excited as much as relieved that this feels more like what my life should be.
I don't get excited when wearing my clothes but I feel comfortable in them.
The reason I'm thinking HRT is my body doesn't feel right. Im missing something.

Thank you for asking just sitting down and writing is making things come into view. I don't know if you really expected am answer or the questions were rhetorical

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 19, 2026, 05:40:20 PMWhen i think.of myself in my mind I don't see the 30+ year rough around the edges electrician that I've been. I know I've always looked at women's clothes and makeup and wondered why can't I do that. I got my toenails done the first time and felt this is correct. I then got toe rings and anklets and thought this looks right. I got my fingers done and felt my hands look right. I put on some if my female clothes and wish I had breasts so it would look right.
I always would rather be around women and chat then hang with the boys. I have always been that way. I went and got color matched for.makeup and was not excited as much as relieved that this feels more like what my life should be.
I don't get excited when wearing my clothes but I feel comfortable in them.
The reason I'm thinking HRT is my body doesn't feel right. Im missing something.

Thank you for asking just sitting down and writing is making things come into view. I don't know if you really expected am answer or the questions were rhetorical

Thank you for your answers, Kellie. No, it wasn't rhetorical sweetie. I find that people find their way more when they answer their own questions rather than given answers. I think you have done a lot of that, sweetie.

I am not someone qualified to tell you what you should do... but I think you need to look into this more. Because it feels to me like how you feel goes deeper than just wearing a certain attire, or looking a certain way. You're looking to fulfil a need. A need you've had for a long time.

Cross dressing is cross dressing when someone feels like they're crossing a line. From what you've said... I don't think that's necessarily the case with you. From what you've said... it feels like you're just... dressing.

Honey, you need to contact someone who can advise you better. Someone trained in gender issues. You need to tell them what you've told me and let them advise you where to go next. If you don't feel like you're creating a life, but living a life... that's a thing. You need to take this further.

And please, don't ever feel scared of asking the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing okay? Thank you for your honesty.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 05:54:18 PMThank you for your answers, Kellie. No, it wasn't rhetorical sweetie. I find that people find their way more when they answer their own questions rather than given answers. I think you have done a lot of that, sweetie.

I am not someone qualified to tell you what you should do... but I think you need to look into this more. Because it feels to me like how you feel goes deeper than just wearing a certain attire, or looking a certain way. You're looking to fulfil a need. A need you've had for a long time.

Cross dressing is cross dressing when someone feels like they're crossing a line. From what you've said... I don't think that's necessarily the case with you. From what you've said... it feels like you're just... dressing.

Honey, you need to contact someone who can advise you better. Someone trained in gender issues. You need to tell them what you've told me and let them advise you where to go next. If you don't feel like you're creating a life, but living a life... that's a thing. You need to take this further.

And please, don't ever feel scared of asking the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing okay? Thank you for your honesty.

I have an appointment with someone in a couple of weeks that is trained in the area. Transgender was one of the areas I specified

Hi Kellie

I can only speak from my own experience, but I hope it helps in some way.

When I was younger, between about 20 and 30, I did dress as a female occasionally.  At the time, in the 80s, I did not think it was wrong and I did not analyse it or questioned it.  I did not know anything about labels and I did not think of myself in those terms.

Through the 80s the feeling of wanting and longing to be female became stronger.  I still did not question why, I just knew the feeling was there.

In February 1989 I changed my life aroound.  I went straight back to work as a female and began living that way full time.  I also started HRT shortly after.  That combination, living and HRT, completely removed that longing.  I have never wanted to be a female since, because I was already living my life as one.

I never questioned it then and I still do not.  I never told anyone and I never felt the need to explain it to myself or to anyone else.  I have lived my life privately and simply got on with it.

As Ciara says

Quote from: Ciara on March 19, 2026, 06:12:38 AMI'm not an expert Kellie but, does it really matter?  I think trans and crossdresser are only labels.
For me what is most important is what i know about myself and how I feel.  I know that I have wanted to be a woman all my life.  I know that I feel I am a woman inside despite my outward appearance.  Crossdressing changes that outward appearance and gives me relief and hope.
I really don't care what my label is.  I am who I am and I have learned to love who I am.

I agree with what Ciara is saying about labels not being the important thing and that what matters is what you know about yourself and how you feel.  For me, the earlier dressing as a female was just that, not cross dressing and this was only a small part of my life and not something that defined me.

Because of that I do not see myself as transgender or a cross dresser.  Those labels were not part of my life at the time and they do not describe how I understand myself.  I am simply female.  So while I agree with Ciara that labels are not what matter, I would also say you do not need to put yourself into those two categories at all.

Kellie when you say the following in answer to Sephirah's questions:

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 19, 2026, 05:40:20 PMWhen i think.of myself in my mind I don't see the 30+ year rough around the edges electrician that I've been.  I know I've always looked at women's clothes and makeup and wondered why can't I do that.  I got my toenails done the first time and felt this is correct.  I then got toe rings and anklets and thought this looks right.  I got my fingers done and felt my hands look right.  I put on some if my female clothes and wish I had breasts so it would look right.
I always would rather be around women and chat then hang with the boys.  I have always been that way.  I went and got color matched for makeup and was not excited as much as relieved that this feels more like what my life should be.
I don't get excited when wearing my clothes but I feel comfortable in them.
The reason I'm thinking HRT is my body doesn't feel right.  Im missing something.
Thank you for asking just sitting down and writing is making things come into view.  I don't know if you really expected am answer or the questions were rhetorical

Two things stand out for me.  One, I have always looked at other women and thought about long hair, wanted my nails done, wear the clothes and be like them and be with them.  But that was the extent of it.  Two, so when I changed my life around, I did all of those things without hesitation as it was just normal.  In both cases I never questioned why.

As for missing something, I understood that feeling too.  I knew I wanted breasts but also knew that was not possible at the time.  Dressing felt right, but it did not feel completely right either.  That only resolved once I changed my life around and started HRT.

So the question here is, what do I see in regards to you?  I just see another female just like me, but one who is just questioning who they are.

To answer your question "Am I a crossdresser or trans?" from my perspective, I would say you are a female.

When Sephirah says:

Quote from: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 05:54:18 PMI am not someone qualified to tell you what you should do...  but I think you need to look into this more.  Because it feels to me like how you feel goes deeper than just wearing a certain attire, or looking a certain way.  You're looking to fulfil a need.  A need you've had for a long time.

Cross dressing is cross dressing when someone feels like they're crossing a line.  From what you've said...  I don't think that's necessarily the case with you.  From what you've said...  it feels like you're just...  dressing.

Honey, you need to contact someone who can advise you better.  Someone trained in gender issues.  You need to tell them what you've told me and let them advise you where to go next.  If you don't feel like you're creating a life, but living a life...  that's a thing.  You need to take this further.

Neither am I a qualified person to tell you what you should do.  I agree with Sephirah that to answer the questions you have about yourself you would need to seek a therapist.  From what you have said about yourself all I see is a female and a need you have so elegantly spoken about.  As Sephirah has said you are not crossdressing you are just dressing, which reflects my own experience as well.

Yes, you need to take it further like I did, but in your own way that makes you happy and content, focusing on what actually brings you a sense of relief or rightness in your day to day life.

There is no need to rush or define yourself too quickly, as your path will become clearer over time.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Ciara @Dawn Kellie @Sephirah

Thank you everyone. I feel more and more I'm trans. I will be talking to a therapist for the first time Tuesday. It's the first time I've ever talked to a therapist. I also am talking to her about other things.  I'm wondering if the other iss7are part of questioning who I am. I will update as things are more clear

Being transsexual, if that is what you mean, is not something that is likely chosen or one thinks to be, it is something that you recognize as existing.

After recognizing this, it is another matter for accepting oneself as one, then deciding your next steps.

Your therapist is the professional that can help you sort out all of this. 

To eleaborate and restate last week's reply comments from @Allie Jayne and from  @Lori Dee
The following is an EXCERPT from our site's Standard Terms and Definitions on Susan's Place
                                    https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=54369.msg337984#msg337984

Transgender: An inclusive umbrella term for anyone whose sex was incorrectly assigned at birth — for any reason, to any degree, for any length of time.
This includes but is not limited to trans women, trans men, intersex, non-binary, genderqueer and genderfluid, agender, crossdressers, drag kings and queens, and people whose cultures have traditional recognition of genders beyond the binary (such as Two-Spirit, Hijra, Fa'afafine, Māhū, and others).
In short: anyone experiencing, exploring, or expressing gender beyond conventional cisgender roles.

Quote from: Allie Jayne on March 18, 2026, 11:46:37 PMOn this site, you are both!

Community Definitions:

Transgender: An inclusive umbrella term for anyone whose sex was incorrectly assigned at birth — for any reason, to any degree, for any length of time.

This includes but is not limited to trans women, trans men, intersex, non-binary, genderqueer and genderfluid, agender, crossdressers, drag kings and queens, and people whose cultures have traditional recognition of genders beyond the binary (such as Two-Spirit, Hijra, Fa'afafine, Māhū, and others).

In short: anyone experiencing, exploring, or expressing gender beyond conventional cisgender roles.

This term describes a broad range of lived experiences and does not imply any specific appearance, behavior, medical history, or transition path.

But I see where you are coming from. You are questioning if you just like wearing womens clothes, or if you need to be a woman. Only you can answer this.

My take on this is are you gender incongruent? Are you uncomfortable with your assigned sex, and is your discomfort lessened when you affirm your gender identity by dressing? If so, maybe you are not 'just a crossdresser'.

Many of us who are gender incongruent go through a phase of 'crossdressing', then eventually we may learn that the enjoyment felt when dressing is actually relief from living in the incorrect gender role. When we dress to affirm our gender identity, we feel 'at home', or 'true to our real self'. Many simply get enjoyment from dressing to challenge social norms, to participate in beauty, or maybe to achieve sexual pleasure. The difference would seem to be relief from a socially forced gender role, or pleasure from an activity.

The answer may only become clear with time.

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 18, 2026, 03:03:03 PMKellie,

Susan has written a wonderful article about this. Check out:
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247148.msg2262144.html#msg2262144

I may have stated things incorrectly.
I feel a part of me that has been suppressed is coming out. I do so enjoy wearing womans clothes. It's not a fetish thing. I truly enjoy have in womens clothing.  I look at my painted toes with accesorios on and feel this is so normal feeling, all the way down to the pedicure. I've always wondered why cant i wear makeup ir some of the wonderful clothing women wear.
I feel my normal is awakening to something that needs to be worked out in therapy. When Im behind on laundry and I have to wear men's only items I'm missing part of my expression.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 25, 2026, 12:03:49 PMThank you everyone. I feel more and more I'm trans. I will be talking to a therapist for the first time Tuesday. It's the first time I've ever talked to a therapist. I also am talking to her about other things.  I'm wondering if the other iss7are part of questioning who I am. I will update as things are more clear

Bets of luck with the therapist on Tuesday Kellie. Looking forward to hearing how it went ❤️.

Ciara.

To answer your question yes

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@Niaomi
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Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 25, 2026, 03:06:34 PMI may have stated things incorrectly.
I feel a part of me that has been suppressed is coming out. I do so enjoy wearing womans clothes. It's not a fetish thing. I truly enjoy have in womens clothing.  I look at my painted toes with accesorios on and feel this is so normal feeling, all the way down to the pedicure. I've always wondered why cant i wear makeup ir some of the wonderful clothing women wear.
I feel my normal is awakening to something that needs to be worked out in therapy. When Im behind on laundry and I have to wear men's only items I'm missing part of my expression.

I felt this way and gave the feelings time to grow. They kept growing. I questioned it repeatedly but the feelings grew, as did my feminine expression. 

Feel free to read my ramblings about this in my member blog "Krista's Celebrations and Doubts"

Hi Niaomi

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well and thank you for adding your thoughts on this thread.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Charlotte Kitty
@Niaomi

I think people get confused a lot between transgender and transitioning. Everyone has their own definitions, and maybe they're all correct. The real question is do you want to be a woman 24/7, I think. I've been crossdressing since I was 5,and have  wished I was a real girl so many times. Now I'm on HRT, and to my surprise I don't crossdress anymore... I just feel right.

Quote from: JasmineHeart on June 16, 2026, 08:00:26 PMI think people get confused a lot between transgender and transitioning. Everyone has their own definitions, and maybe they're all correct. The real question is do you want to be a woman 24/7, I think. I've been crossdressing since I was 5,and have  wished I was a real girl so many times. Now I'm on HRT, and to my surprise I don't crossdress anymore... I just feel right.

Yes, it feels right.


Chrissy

Quote from: JasmineHeart on June 16, 2026, 08:00:26 PMI think people get confused a lot between transgender and transitioning. Everyone has their own definitions, and maybe they're all correct. The real question is do you want to be a woman 24/7, I think. I've been crossdressing since I was 5,and have  wished I was a real girl so many times. Now I'm on HRT, and to my surprise I don't crossdress anymore... I just feel right.

For quite a few the regular crossdressing is tied to a sexual thrill as well as just the gender dysphoria. It is perfectly normal. But when you introduce HRT your Libido drops and breaks that connection. That is why people often say HRT is the great decider when it comes to whether you are truly transsexual or simply somewher else on the spectrum.

For most with gender dysphoria it brings relief and calmness. You no longer need to be obsessed with thinking about how badly you want to be a woman as you are on the road to becoming one. You start thinking like a woman. It removes the need to dress to validate your feelings. I found that I didn't dress as often soon after taking HRT but once my body started to become more feminine I really started leaning into it and now I'm borderline obsessed with womens fashion, hair and make up!

Socializing is much easier when I dress in female clothes.
If I wear male clothes people spend way too much mental energy trying to figure out my gender!
It is like going to the beach and being exhausted before you actually get there!

With female clothes everything matches.  Voice, walk, mannerisms, and appearance.
In a recent round of golf I one guy still thought I was female when we were teeing off on the 15th hole!

Marion