Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I'm interested in if when you began your transition you wanted to be seen as a beautiful woman? I think for pretty much all of us we were bombarded with those images early in life. The bar is set really high and it can be a hard pill to swallow.

I know myself that when I initially transitioned I wasn't going to be content with not being "pretty" or "beautiful" for that matter. I definitely had my "ugly duckling" stage but I desired to get out of it at some point.

I'm just interested in what it was like for you? Was beauty a big deal to you before transitioning?

Yes I wanted to be a beautiful woman now I just don't want to be terrified of mirrors.

I want tonjust be seen as a woman. I've always been a realist

Of course I do.  But then I will likely be more scrutinized. 

Yes, absolutely, I wanted and still want that but unless you transitioned as a kid it's sadly a tall order for us.

To be fair most CIS girls have the same dream. But we all have to play the card we are dealt. It is more important to me to be a passable woman than a beautiful one.

Beauty can be a double edged sword too.

One of my transgender related dreams is that mom and dad always wanted a girl so they just up and decided to raise me as one from birth.  So everyone else always treated me as a female all my life.  All through school, college, through now. 

I had all the medicines needed to end up with my shapley figure and at 18-19 had the bottom surgery.  My face never needed it, I always talked female and looked female.  Always male failed. 

Such a pleasant dream! 

I started to transition late (age 60), so it was never a goal to become a beautiful woman. That ship sailed when I was a kid. But I just wanted to be seen as a nice old lady, instead of a grumpy old man. It is easier to achieve a realistic goal than a pipedream.

During transition, I realized that I don't really care what others think. I still get "Sir" or "Ma'am," but I don't focus on that. My dad used to tell us kids, "Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff."

We have enough "big stuff" to focus on.

As long as I am seen as a woman, I really don't care how beautiful other people think I am.

I just want to be seen as a woman really. I know that I'm not really conventionally attractive, so beautiful is a bit of a unlikely step! So to just be seen as an average woman would be great. Id like to retain a tiny bit of trans magic though.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: BlueJaye on March 23, 2026, 02:31:36 PMAs long as I am seen as a woman, I really don't care how beautiful other people think I am.

Hear ye, hear ye!  Spoken well!

Of course but it wasn't a realistic possibility. I started transition at 31, while HRT and electrolysis did their magic I piled weight on. I realised that beautiful wasn't going to happen but if I took care with my clothes and hair, nice nails, I  no longer use makeup and dont like it, I  could be seen as an OK woman. I'm taller than most women at 6'1 & 1/2", heavily built but look OK.

While the goal of being a beautiful woman or a handsome man is wonderful but
could be a fleeting thought for many.

In life we have to play the cards that we are dealt and to make the most of
what we have.

Be the best person you can be in your actions, your achievements and your life.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 23, 2026, 02:58:40 PMWhile the goal of being a beautiful woman or a handsome man is wonderful but
could be a fleeting thought for many.

In life we have to play the cards that we are dealt and to make the most of
what we have.

Be the best person you can be in your actions, your achievements and your life.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Danielle,


Well that is true.

Insofar with good looks, in poker terminology, you were clearly dealt the "royal flush."  No joker used.

I wanted to be seen as a woman in the beginning of my journey... I'm 6'4, so not the exact definition of small, delicate, and demure. As long as I could express myself in a more feminine manner, I could be happy.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on March 23, 2026, 09:20:01 PMI wanted to be seen as a woman in the beginning of my journey... I'm 6'4, so not the exact definition of small, delicate, and demure. As long as I could express myself in a more feminine manner, I could be happy.

I'm 6' exactly I think. I think some women are envious of tall women to be honest. We don't see it that way, but there's actually alot of tall female models. They can really pull off clothes in ways shorter women wish they could!

Quote from: CosmicJoke on March 23, 2026, 10:14:29 PMI think some women are envious of tall women to be honest. We don't see it that way, but there's actually alot of tall female models. They can really pull off clothes in ways shorter women wish they could!

We just have longer legs than they do.

🤣

I am at the very start of my own journey and am just happy to be finally able to explore my new self. Having said that the day dreams are getting a bit more adventurous.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on March 23, 2026, 09:20:01 PMI wanted to be seen as a woman in the beginning of my journey... I'm 6'4, so not the exact definition of small, delicate, and demure. As long as I could express myself in a more feminine manner, I could be happy.

I'm 5'7" which is just inside the normal height range for women in the UK. I can't imagine it has made any difference to passing. I suppose I can get away with higher heels maybe?

There are many gorgeous tall women out there like Famke Jansen, Gena Davis, Jodie Kidd, Elle McPherson and so on. Height has nothing to do with being beautiful in my eyes.

Women are constantly judged on how they look.  We see this in sports where people make it a big issue when it should not.

Walking confidently in heels will help your appearance no matter what your height.

A thin waistline is another beauty standard that may or may not be in your control.

Choose makeup and clothing that help you look good. I started by finding out my skin tone and undertone and learning what colors I should wear.

Marion

When I started my transition I just wanted to be seen as a woman and be one of the girls. I feel i succeeded

I was kind of lucky here, I get all my features from my mother, I also looked more like my mother as a guy, than my father. I started HRT at age 19, so when the hormones did there work, i began to look more like my mother. I have my mothers figure, even our breast size is similar, since I am a bit taller and a slightly bigger build.. my mother wears a 34 bra band, where I wear a 36 band size.

When I was 22 years old, my mother showed me a photo of herself at age 22, we could have been twins.

Now since I am a married woman, I do want to be seen as beautiful woman by my husband. He does find me sexually attractive and do love dressing up for him.

As I age, my mother has aged well, I hope I do as well, she looks good woman in her early 60's. She did have her breasts done to firm things up, she went for D cup to a E cup. Honestly as I approach 40, i am thinking of having my breasts done as well also going from a D cup to an E cup to firm things up.

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 23, 2026, 10:16:44 PMWe just have longer legs than they do.

🤣

I hated doing the sit and reach in gym class. I couldn't pass that one with long legs. 😆

Hi Everyone

For me, I guess the only thing I had in my mind and that was; "I wanted or longed to be female".  I never looked at magazines and say to myself; "that is what I would like to look like".  I was practical in that sense.  I never worried about this aspect for myself.  Yes, I looked at other girls and females sometimes and say they looked "pretty" and I guess in some small vein I just wanted to be pretty and feminine to a certain degree and I certainly did not want to be beautiful, not that I ever thought about it.

Anyway, when I changed my life around there was never the time to ponder that aspect of my life.  I just lived as any other female in society.  I never even worried about how I looked, others just saw me as a female and I never questioned even that.

So no I do not want to be beautiful.  I just want to be me.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@CosmicJoke

Quote from: noleen111 on March 25, 2026, 07:34:21 AMWhen I started my transition I just wanted to be seen as a woman and be one of the girls. I feel i succeeded

I was kind of lucky here, I get all my features from my mother, I also looked more like my mother as a guy, than my father. I started HRT at age 19, so when the hormones did there work, i began to look more like my mother. I have my mothers figure, even our breast size is similar, since I am a bit taller and a slightly bigger build.. my mother wears a 34 bra band, where I wear a 36 band size.

When I was 22 years old, my mother showed me a photo of herself at age 22, we could have been twins.

Now since I am a married woman, I do want to be seen as beautiful woman by my husband. He does find me sexually attractive and do love dressing up for him.

As I age, my mother has aged well, I hope I do as well, she looks good woman in her early 60's. She did have her breasts done to firm things up, she went for D cup to a E cup. Honestly as I approach 40, i am thinking of having my breasts done as well also going from a D cup to an E cup to firm things up.

That's like me. I have all my features from my mum bar my blue eyes which are from my dad. We look very alike, there is no doubting we are family. Particularly when I see early pictures of her. My mums cousins moved to Canada and their daughters (not sure what relation that is to me) also look nearly identical to us. Genetics are weird.

My mum is 79 but she still looks like she's in her 60's so I hope I have that gene too!

E cup boobs? Not for me, I'm happy with my DD or D (I liked being C in fact, I think that might be better really)

I did not want to.  I am quite happy to see someone that looks like a woman when I look in the mirror.  A non-beautiful, old woman.  But not a man.  (Although no matter what you look like, you'll get misgendered sometimes.  People are just .....)

Besides, being seen as "old" and "ugly" means that I don't have obnoxious men trying to hit me up, which, since I'm not attracted to men, I count as a plus.  But I still can hang out with other women and be seen as one of them.   (Down with lookism!)

As a human i judge, it's just the way things are. I try very hard to not let my judgment interfere with my actions. The mentaly challenged don't do this. No matter what i do someone will think I'm lacking in some way. I'm to tall, my jaw line is to masculine, my feet are to big, and on and on. If I'm comfortable with how I look, my wife still loves me and I have friends I can be myself with not only will I be beautiful I will be rich beyond Elon Musk.
If he offered me half his money I'd still take it. I can be philosophical but not stupid

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 26, 2026, 12:09:50 PMIf he offered me half his money I'd still take it.

I'd settle for the taxes he doesn't pay.

😁

Truthfully yes I started out wanting to be a beautiful woman but over time I became more realistic with my expectations. I realized that it's exceptionally rare for a genetic male (AMAB) to actually end up beautiful after transition. But one can certainly look decent and passable - that is doable for many of us.

Quote from: CosmicJoke on March 23, 2026, 12:49:32 PMHi everyone. I'm interested in if when you began your transition you wanted to be seen as a beautiful woman? I think for pretty much all of us we were bombarded with those images early in life. The bar is set really high and it can be a hard pill to swallow.

I know myself that when I initially transitioned I wasn't going to be content with not being "pretty" or "beautiful" for that matter. I definitely had my "ugly duckling" stage but I desired to get out of it at some point.

I'm just interested in what it was like for you? Was beauty a big deal to you before transitioning?

Depends how you define beauty. For me it comes from being everything you can be. Accepting who you are. And living your life true to yourself. I am never, in a million years, going to live up to the constantly shifting standards of physical attraction, and the often torturous practices imposed on people seeking to. I accepted that many years ago.

But did I want to be seen as a beautiful woman? Yes. And to those who matter to me, I am. I know this is not really what you're asking, but I don't really see beauty in those terms. I think the most beautiful women are those who shine every time they smile. Who aren't afraid to be themselves. Who embrace their life, love their life, and are at peace with who they are.

I think everyone here is beautiful. Whoever you are.

Yes! I want to pass anyways. I'm 5ft9 and slender. I've been told I have a feminine physique and also A girlish figure. Wish I knew how to take care of my hair and makeup. All those little things..

Quote from: Sephirah on March 27, 2026, 02:32:58 PMDepends how you define beauty. For me it comes from being everything you can be. Accepting who you are. And living your life true to yourself. I am never, in a million years, going to live up to the constantly shifting standards of physical attraction, and the often torturous practices imposed on people seeking to. I accepted that many years ago.

But did I want to be seen as a beautiful woman? Yes. And to those who matter to me, I am. I know this is not really what you're asking, but I don't really see beauty in those terms. I think the most beautiful women are those who shine every time they smile. Who aren't afraid to be themselves. Who embrace their life, love their life, and are at peace with who they are.

I think everyone here is beautiful. Whoever you are.

Amen to that Lauren!

Quote from: Tig58072 on March 28, 2026, 11:14:18 AMYes! I want to pass anyways. I'm 5ft9 and slender. I've been told I have a feminine physique and also A girlish figure. Wish I knew how to take care of my hair and makeup. All those little things..

Youtube has a tutorial for pretty much any makeup look or hairstyle you can think of. Practise makes perfect though. You will get the hang of it. It's fun learning. Cis girls went through the learing curve when they were in their teens or earlier. It takes time to learn.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on March 28, 2026, 12:23:38 PMYoutube has a tutorial for pretty much any makeup look or hairstyle you can think of. Practise makes perfect though. You will get the hang of it. It's fun learning. Cis girls went through the learing curve when they were in their teens or earlier. It takes time to learn.

That is so true. I feel this sometimes leaves us at a disadvantage as we have to learn things as adults, that cis women learnt in their teens. So we need to learns as adults, that adult women as suppose to know already.

Sometimes, i wish i could have been a teen girl.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 23, 2026, 01:16:57 PMI want tonjust be seen as a woman. I've always been a realist

Yes, this!  I would not have turned down physical beauty if it had happened.  But I was realistic enough not to waste energy pining for it.  I'll settle for inner beauty.  If people see me as an intelligent, empathetic woman, I will be happy.  And if they tell me I look younger than my chronological age, that's a win.

Quote from: noleen111 on April 17, 2026, 08:59:22 AMThat is so true. I feel this sometimes leaves us at a disadvantage as we have to learn things as adults, that cis women learnt in their teens. So we need to learns as adults, that adult women as suppose to know already.

Sometimes, i wish i could have been a teen girl.

And teen girls had the advantage of peer reviews when they tried something new. Their friends would encourage/discourage what looks good or not. As adults, many of us live alone, so we don't have feedback and mostly have to decide for ourselves.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 17, 2026, 10:23:09 AMAnd teen girls had the advantage of peer reviews when they tried something new. Their friends would encourage/discourage what looks good or not. As adults, many of us live alone, so we don't have feedback and mostly have to decide for ourselves.

Thats so true. Just feel alone choosing outfits. Wish I had someone to go shopping for clothes with. Would be so much more fun.

We all meet up for a big shopping trip. Do the whole girls day. Shopping, lunch, more shopping.

Whose hosting🤣😂

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 17, 2026, 10:23:09 AMAnd teen girls had the advantage of peer reviews when they tried something new. Their friends would encourage/discourage what looks good or not. As adults, many of us live alone, so we don't have feedback and mostly have to decide for ourselves.

To be fair, this is why you don't end up adorned with all kinds of really dumb stuff. The peer review of a teenage girl is only relevant for probably six months. Before the next big thing is in.

Adults don't often see things in the same way. Sarah, you are quite enviably gorgeous, you know that (and if you don't I would like to take the opportunity to tell you that you are). It has nothing to do with what you do or don't know.

People are beautiful because you are beautiful. I don't think it necessarily has to do with how you look. If you are a douchecanoe and a supermodel.... the former is the thing.

Be beautiful because you are beautiful. Let the rest take care of itself. :) Horrible people will be horrible people, no matter how good they look.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 17, 2026, 10:24:06 PMTo be fair, this is why you don't end up adorned with all kinds of really dumb stuff. The peer review of a teenage girl is only relevant for probably six months. Before the next big thing is in.

Adults don't often see things in the same way. Sarah, you are quite enviably gorgeous, you know that (and if you don't I would like to take the opportunity to tell you that you are). It has nothing to do with what you do or don't know.

People are beautiful because you are beautiful. I don't think it necessarily has to do with how you look. If you are a douchecanoe and a supermodel.... the former is the thing.

Be beautiful because you are beautiful. Let the rest take care of itself. :) Horrible people will be horrible people, no matter how good they look.

Me? I'm a dumpy little fat girl who wears big pants, unlucky in love and a calamitous life! I'm a sort of Geordie Bridget Jones 😉! I need all the help I can get! That means practise but I take your point, you don't need any of that stuff to be beautiful inside.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 01:45:18 PMMe? I'm a dumpy little fat girl who wears big pants, unlucky in love and a calamitous life! I'm a sort of Geordie Bridget Jones 😉! I need all the help I can get! That means practise but I take your point, you don't need any of that stuff to be beautiful inside.

I think your beautiful. 😗
We all have our mountains to climb.
I'm a frumpy hairy person. That at this point looks like the bearded lady

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 02:23:43 PMI think your beautiful. 😗
We all have our mountains to climb.
I'm a frumpy hairy person. That at this point looks like the bearded lady

Thanks Kellie!

I'm sure when you start dressing more and embracing it you won't be thinking like that. I would be seriously considering ditching the beard though! Never mind what your wife thinks, that doesn't make you trans!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 02:32:15 PMThanks Kellie!

I'm sure when you start dressing more and embracing it you won't be thinking like that. I would be seriously considering ditching the beard though! Never mind what your wife thinks, that doesn't make you trans!

I'd rather have her approval then surprise her. Though I'm tired of it. I've had facial hair to some degree since 1987. With the exception of time in the military.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 02:36:19 PMI'd rather have her approval then surprise her. Though I'm tired of it. I've had facial hair to some degree since 1987. With the exception of time in the military.

Not being funny or anything but you will have to address it at some point if you're going down this road. I'm fairly open minded but there aren't many bearded ladies about!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 02:39:24 PMNot being funny or anything but you will have to address it at some point if you're going down this road. I'm fairly open minded but there aren't many bearded ladies about!

I know you're correct. Maybe I have a shaving "accident" and get rid of it that way. Just as a toe in the water.

Though I could get a job at a traveling circus being the bearded lady and the dog faces boy at the same time... ya, probably not. I'm not furry enough for that.
I di appreciate the honesty

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 02:53:22 PMI know you're correct. Maybe I have a shaving "accident" and get rid of it that way. Just as a toe in the water.

Though I could get a job at a traveling circus being the bearded lady and the dog faces boy at the same time... ya, probably not. I'm not furry enough for that.
I di appreciate the honesty

See, self depricating humour, You're definitely part Brit Kellie! Ha ha!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 18, 2026, 03:12:14 PMSee, self depricating humour, You're definitely part Brit Kellie! Ha ha!

I'd get lost with the language and driving on the "wrong" side of the road.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on April 18, 2026, 03:20:02 PMI'd get lost with the language and driving on the "wrong" side of the road.

Well you say it's the wrong side but how are you going to use your sword arm in a joust with another car if you drive on the right? lol!

Even outside of our issues, looks do matter in how people get treated, what opportunities they get etc... As a result  I doubt there are many person who at some time did not want to look at least attractive.

Of course for most of us if we could look beautiful as women think it would also be help very much in terms of confidence and acceptance...and to some degree associate that with "passing".

Of course there can be a catch 22 with the latter as the better looking the more attention one gets which can also get one read if not perfect...

I started working toward transition in my mid-late 30's... long before that I knew I had no chance of looking beautiful and knew just passing could be an issue. I guess my best hope (unrealistic as it was) was winding up looking averagely attractive.

I'm in my 70's now and things are as they are. The part of life where looks matter most is over for me so, I just try to accept what is and keep going.

- Karen

@Karen_A is right, unfortunately. As much we many of us don't care at the personal level how attractive we are to others, other people do treat people differently based on appearance. "Pretty privilege" is a real phenomenon, whether we like it or not. We each just have to do our own part not to give preferential treatment to different people for shallow reasons and hope that our example spreads.