Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It's not really my 2nd visit, more like 10th, but it is the first visit after revealing myself.

So today I did a bit of shopping. 
I'm not supposed to go out crossdessed as per my wife but I have been only wearing womens jeans, leggings, tee shirts, shorts, undies for a while a now. All kind of gender neutral but not if you really look.

As previously mentioned my hair dresser/ beautician advised me about wearing smaller earrings and also lipstick that isn't too dark.

Today I bought some new lipstick and had a lovely encounter when paying for it.

I also bought a new blouse which I hope pairs with either my skinny black or moroon jeans.

Again this was a very positive experience and both assistants had no doubt who I was buying for but they couldn't have been friendlier.

The problem I have is a super skinny bottom half and a much larger top bit. But hopefully the blouse is flowy enough.

I intend to wear ballet flats on my feet for an unmistakable appearance.

I'm currently re-glossing my fingers and touching up my red toenails.

I just need to have the courage to go through with it

It sounds like you have your presentation worked out.  It sounds nicely androgynous.  I am glad you are having positive shopping experiences and are getting advice from those in the know.  I am guessing that you will make a good impression on the psychologist.  Good luck!

            @Petunia

Dear Petunia

From what you described it sounds like that you have your self-assuance and confidence
geared up for success.

Along with your other readers and avid followers I will be eagerly looking for your
updates.  As always, I am wishing your success and happiness.
              ❤️
Many HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Danielle, thank you for the vote of confidence. I'm not so sure that I'm ready but putting it in writing kind of pushes me that little bit further.

KathyLauren, I'm realky hoping I have the courage to follow through.  Thanks for your support

Good luck, Petunia! Really, you don't even need luck; just be yourself. After all, that's what you're there for - to show your therapist as genuinely as you can who you are, how you feel, what you want, etc. Whatever you feel ready to present is where you are at that moment, and that's what they need to see to provide you with the guidance you're there to receive. It's all good. Please let us know how it goes.

So I woke up with that deep urge.

The weather here has finally cooled so I can now wear my favourite nighty my wife bought me in the before times.

My wife went out shopping and back problems meant I stayed home.

I couldn't sleep so I tried on the clothes and lipstick I was going to wear.

I felt I needed to give myself a good jilling so O got my toys out.

To be clear, this wasn't a fetish thing, I just needed a relief.

It was pretty satisfying event but not the leg vibrating exhilaration I envisaged.

I cleaned up and went back to bed to relax my back.



After lunch, I chickened out.
My wife forbade my going out crossdressed even though I have been stealthily doing it for months.



But then I thought about it more. Where is the safest place I can dress?  I'm already out to my psychologist so what's the big deal.

So I left the house with a tiny back with what I needed. I changed bits on they way.

As I planned before, blouse, jeans, flats with tinted moisturiser and lipstick.

It's a short walk from the shopping centre to the office. I stopped for a leak and to get my lipbrush out for a final contour.

I was shaking as I sat in the waiting room.

But wow.

My psychologist is such a cool lady.

No reaction to my appearance but a simple acceptance that something has changed.

I have issues with visual things so I asked for a photo

It wasn't pretty.

Anyway, the session went well, centred around gender, cding, gender, and more gender, which is a long way from where we started.
 
I came home almost forgetting my lipstick, it was kind of neutral, but my wife had tidied up "my room,"

My girl and guy stuff are neatly folded together. I know there are things she hasn't seen before.

Small steps.

I can't let europhia destroy the only thing in my life that matters.

That sounds like a nice day overall Petunia. I'm glad the therapist session went well for you.

I can't really offer advice on the wife front as I have no experience on these matters but it sounds like she is tolerating the CD which is good.

Thank you all.
The day overall was a positive experience.

My wife and I sat down in the afternoon and started to decompress my therapy.

I explained that most of it was about my cding. I also said I tried to explain that my depression has started to lift (not related to gender stuff) and said to my psych that my wifes depression had dropped.

My wife was pissed that I had discussed our relationship.

I don't know how to respond to that because our relationship is the most important thing in my life.

Unrelated, I was out on my bicycle the day before and came across a motorcyclist broken down on a main road. Long story short I got hone to find I had a massive burn or bruise on my forearm after taking of my long sleeve top.


So yesterday my wife asked for my phone. I didn't know why but we are open about sharing anyway.

She wanted to compare my original photos to how my marks now looked.

Ooops, I didn't know what she wanted but the first photo was of me at my pyschologists.

I asked my therapist to take a photo so I could see what I looked like.

I have an issue with visualisation of myself.

Anyway..... big big big mistake

Glad that this was overall a good day for you. I wouldn't say its unusual to discuss your relationship at therapy becsuse it's basically a huge part of your life. Not sure why she is upset about that.

Oh so your wife has seen the photo which is after you changed into your female attire. I hope you didn't get too much bother. But it is what is and its real. Maybe this will eventually get some progress?

Sending you love and best wishes.

Charlotte 😻

Therapy sessions can certainly be helpful to many.
They help to clarify things. 

Chrissy

Thanks Charlotte

The problem is I already promised her that I wouldn't crossdress outside the house. Ever.

My wife read me the riot act and told me if someone we know finds out it means we will be divorced.
In the city where we live we know hundreds of people with quite a wide network.


We both agreed we don't want to break up but she was going through and listing assests.

The thing is I have been going out in womens clothing almost every day. 

Womens jeans, leggings, bike shorts, tee shirts,  it's just they aren't overly feminine in style.  Well, leggings are leggings and men don't really wear them here.

It seems the tipping point was the blouse, or as my wife called it, grandma blouse.

To be fair I am grandma aged and I was trying to be age approapriately dressed.

Quote from: Petunia on April 17, 2026, 03:50:56 PMThanks Charlotte

The problem is I already promised her that I wouldn't crossdress outside the house. Ever.

My wife read me the riot act and told me if someone we know finds out it means we will be divorced.
In the city where we live we know hundreds of people with quite a wide network.


We both agreed we don't want to break up but she was going through and listing assests.

The thing is I have been going out in womens clothing almost every day. 

Womens jeans, leggings, bike shorts, tee shirts,  it's just they aren't overly feminine in style.  Well, leggings are leggings and men don't really wear them here.

It seems the tipping point was the blouse, or as my wife called it, grandma blouse.

To be fair I am grandma aged and I was trying to be age approapriately dressed.

Oh no I'm so sorry as that sounds serious Petunia. Hopefully she is just lashing out with checking out the assets. But still it leaves you in a tricky place, as in a way this tested the water for say a future less restricted. But seems not so likely now.

I love some of the more grandma style stuff even myself, because it has a cuteness about it. You like what you like. I'm sure you looked great.

Wishing you love and hugs. I just wish i could magic you the freedom for you to express yourself as you wish. This world is messed up as everyone is bothered about making impressions to others, yet everything out there lacks any real integrity.

Anyways lets keep hoping.

Charlotte 😻

At least i made one sensible choice. My psychologist has to write a report for my doctor.

She asked if she should include my gender story to that. I sat on that for a couple of hours and eventually said no.

Right now I'd be in deep trouble if I said yes and my wife found out.

I so wanted to say yes and open up the next step.

I did also come clean regarding my clothes.

I presentented the blouse to my wife and in her words,... I'd wear that, but I'm a grandma.   So my wife now owns my blouse. 

I didn't see that coming.

I also put on another long sleeve top, another satin blouse and my maroon jeggings.

She was fine but I can't wear the second blouse out because it's obviously feminine.

As far a the jeggings go, my wife saw the label (Zara) and when I had them on expecting they were an at home item, she said we need to go shopping for her.

So maybe not all is lost.

@Petunia
Dear Petunia:
Per what you said at the end of your posting, perhaps not all is lost.
Maybe your shopping trip with your wife can be upgraded to multiple female brand clothes and styles.

Think positive and please keep me and the rest of your avid followers and readers updated.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you so much Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 18, 2026, 06:45:59 PM@Petunia
Dear Petunia:
Per what you said at the end of your posting, perhaps not all is lost.
Maybe your shopping trip with your wife can be upgraded to multiple female brand clothes and styles.

Think positive and please keep me and the rest of your avid followers and readers updated.

HUGS, Danielle
You are so much the poster girl for us want a bees here.


So my beloved has been stabbing her self with one of these weight loss drugs.

And it's working.

And at the same time I'm bloating.   I go up and up and down over depression periods.

So We are now the same size up top but a I look stupid without breasts... dressed as I'd like to be.

I don't think our shopping trip is going to happen as L has opened her glory box (
The clothes she stored away in hope) and now she has 9 pairs of jeans.

To be fair, she does rock them and I want to bite her hot arse, but she still think she is too fat.

I'n really honoured that you posted here Danielle. You are such a beautifull soul.
I'm about halfway through your hunted thread, but I know it turns out good. 

Peace be to you my beautiful sister.

Petunia, all women think they are too fat, like all the time! Same here (though I actually am!).

There are different clothing styles that can help with the dreaded "inverted triangle" body shape. If you just do a google search for "styles for the inverted triangle body type" you will see all sorts of helpful advice. You will have to accept that some styles just aren't the right choice for you but most women have to make these choices too based on their own shape. Of course you will need to be careful if your wife isn't OK with this.

If you ever do transition the upper bulk will reduce a bit and hips can fill out to a point though don't expect an hourglass figure.

I'm sorry to hear you are having the issues with your partner, it does kind of put a dampener on things for you. I can't really offer much advice having never been in your position but maybe with time she might come around.

Sarah xx

Sarah, yes I know there is practically no woman who is happy with their body.

My weight has fluctuated from 62kg up to 84.

At 62 I had to buy childrens sized clothes and I still felt I was too fat.

Currently I'm 71 to 73kg and my wife is even telling me I'm overweight.
I had an accident in 2023 and I can no longer exercise like I did. And I did a LOT.

I had been wearing a pair of womens shorts (you can't really tell the difference except they zip the opposite side) they were very soft cotton but I ripped the rear of them by being overweight and having my phone in the back pocket.

My wife keeps taking me to the menswear section to find a replacement but I really, really don't want to wear mens shorts.

On the goodside we went for a walk this morning and my wife seems to accepted me wearing leggings. I also had a womens baggy tee on and because it was cool a nice pair of sheer pantyhose hidden under.

I put on a nude lipstick plus a bit of tinted chapstick on top. My sunscreen now is always tinted.

My wife put a rinse through my hair last week so now it doesn't look like multicoloured straw.

With my shiny nails, earrings and bracelet I probably don't look like a typical guy. More like an androgenous try hard

But I was smiling so much. It just felt right.

My wife didn't comment on any of it so for now I am just contented.

Despite wanting more I am in a happier place than I've been since my accident almost 3 years ago.

Well that sounds like partial acceptance to me Petunia. It's a great start, she is willing to meet you half way by the sounds of it.

If I saw a man wearing leggings and jewelry with makeup on and earings there is no way I wouldn't know! The fact she was ok with that speaks volumes of how much she loves you and it is only a small step to go full femme really. Maybe just in the house though until she gets used to the idea. It must be a shock for partners, you have to give them time to adjust.

Quote from: Petunia on April 20, 2026, 01:43:16 AMDespite wanting more I am in a happier place than I've been since my accident almost 3 years ago.

Reading your blog is a breath of fresh air for me, Petunia!

I was distressed to hear about lingering physical limitations due to your accident but love your attitude! 

Thank you Annika.
I have enjoyed reading about your journey but my heart is breaking reading what you are currently going through.

I didn't mean for this to become a blog but c'est la vie.

So to elaborate a bit more (and this will likely out me)
3 years almost ago I was involved in a vehicle accident where a van pulled out on my and I hit it at 50kmph on my bicycle.

I broke 12 ribs and my sternum.

I never fully recovered from that and have ongoing neck and back issues.

While recovering scans revealed I had a blocked artery, usually called the widow maker, so I ended up having open heart surgery for a double bypass.

It got to the point that I was struggling at work and couldn't safely do my job.

It was only well after the accident that I found I had cracked my helmet.

My wife had been insisting that I had mentally changed after the accident but she couldn't put a finger on exactly what was amiss, just that I had lost a mind filter and my personality had changed.

My psychologist proposed this is why I'm now crossdressing again.  Whatever allowed me to bury it for so long has been destroyed.

I'm really struggling to control impulses, impulses that could blow up my life.

My wife is a really wonderful person and she accepts so much of me. But everybody has their limits.

This used to be a fetish that I despised after release but now it's a compulsion which makes me feel peaceful.

I get excited about taking steps forward (non sexually excited)

Thursday is my next beard laser and a week after that will be a month since starting shaping my brows. I can't wait for my next visit.

I still harbour internal prejudice about what I'm doing. I hate myself for that. When I come across other people in this position I have nothing but love and compassion.

I've obsessively been reading other peoples experiences and it seems that I have a LOT in common with transgender MTF girls. Way more than I thought possible. 

I'm sorry you had that accident petunia, as a former road cyclist I can attest to how vulnerable we can be to idiots on the road. I have only had 1 low speed crash and I still carry scars! It did used to cross my mind, when hurtling down a country lane at 50-60 kmph wearing only lycra and a piece of styrofoam on my head, that this could end badly!

It is facinating, from a purely scientific point of view, that a bash on the head could have released your mind from holding back latent transgender feelings. I'm sure someone in medical circles would be very intrigued with that!

I do agree this thread is starting to turn into a blog. Why not speak to one of the admin and get it moved over to the members blogs and maybe change the thread title? I'm sure a lot of us would be interested to learn more about your journey.

Sarah xx

Hey Sarah, you don't need to say sorry to me. Sorry is what you say to someone you have wronged.

Just say it sucks, you poor bitch, I really empathise with you etc etc.

I'd love your "poor bitch" btw.😀

I'm quite a stoic person so I know you can't change the past.

I feel really sorry for my wife and what she had gone through.

When I was lying on the road I had 2 thoughts.
I couldn't give a ->-bleeped-<- if I died, but then the first on the scene nurse contacted my wife and all I could think if was her saying I'll be ok.

OK, it sucks to be you, you poor bitch lol!

I'm British, we apologise for everything ha ha!

Quote from: Petunia on April 14, 2026, 01:53:42 AMThe problem I have is a super skinny bottom half and a much larger top bit. But hopefully the blouse is flowy enough.

I just need to have the courage to go through with it

For my small butt and hips I wear peplum blouses. The flare does wonderful things for my silhouette. Tunic blouses are pretty good, too. When you get to dresses, A-line and fit-and-flare do the same thing.

It sounds like your courage is growing with your desire to be you. Or maybe that's me as a hem and haw, pondering the first day I'll wear a skirt to work.

Krista, thanks for the suggestion and I agree the cut of those blouses is very flattering.

For the time being it would be too adventurous for me. I don't think I have the courage for that anywhere close to home.

As far as you hemming and hawing goes, you are already wondering about wearing a skirt to work, I definitely don't have the courage for that.  If I was still working I don't know if I would have grown out my hair or pierced my ears again.

Hi again Petunia,

Yes, I feel that. It took me a long time to reduce my fear enough to wear a peplum blouse. My story might resonate with you. I wore panties under my clothes for months as my only feminine change. Next I had expressed an interest in getting my ears pierced to my wife, but not because of the female aspect. She thought it sounded good, so for months I wore stud earrings, gradually going from plain metal to tiny gems (glass) so ever so slightly larger. Then I was clear nail polish, one coat, not very shiny. 

That's all I did for about a year but the pull to do more was really strong and everyone was ok with this, both those close to me and the many right-wing conservatives that live in my city. 

The progression continued for another year. Incremental changes. Subtle but advancing, bigger and bolder, me terrified at each step. I shaved my legs in winter only and then started keeping them shaved.  About 9 months of that. 

My world stayed steady. I needed MORE and started makeup, only foundation that matched my skin. 

It accelerated and my body craved more authenticity. Then I couldn't fight myself. Within six more months I was wearing all female clothes that no longer passed as male. Cute blouses. Female-coded colors. My first day in tights. Much more makeup and jewelry. I changed my pronouns to they/them publicly. On days when I expected to not see many people at work, I wore pumps. All my shoes are feminine now. I joined a trans group in town (amazing that we have one) and changed into rn femme in the car before racing into the safety of the building. I felt so right in a skirt, heels, wig, and dress forms. 

I'm not done wanting more. 

Taking little transition steps is a good method. 


That also applies to walking style!  Take shorter steps.

The shorter steps FEEL good and right. I love that heels force me to walk this way. 

Except in the rain when I want to run like hell. I hate rain. 

It is the wind that messes with my hair and my dresses.  The rain does not help either!


Chrissy

A few weeks ago when I was talking to my therapist I mention how I was having problems with my temper sometimes and it was usually when I was trying to do something requiring attention or strength.

I talked about how my excessive sweating multiplied the effect.

I know cis women have issues with hot flushes and perspiration, but I'm on another level.

I empathise with women, periods, cramps, mood swings, then pregnancy and it's associated issues, peri men, and then menopause, but I've never seen anybody, male, nb, female or other sweat like I do.

My therapist suggested getting my testosterone levels checked.

My wife pre-emptavively said, when you are given testosterone make sure you can give me some (for her libido)

Well, I thought my problems were going to be low T. I thought I had low T all my life.

My genitals suggest it.

But I came back with a level of 33.5nmol/L which is considered high-normal.

So it seems the return of feminine feelings is not hormone related for me.

Which kind of leaves my head injury, life circumstance changes or simply a realisation that life is not infinite.

Quote from: Petunia on April 28, 2026, 03:08:08 AMA few weeks ago when I was talking to my therapist I mention how I was having problems with my temper sometimes and it was usually when I was trying to do something requiring attention or strength.

I talked about how my excessive sweating multiplied the effect.

I know cis women have issues with hot flushes and perspiration, but I'm on another level.

I empathise with women, periods, cramps, mood swings, then pregnancy and it's associated issues, peri men, and then menopause, but I've never seen anybody, male, nb, female or other sweat like I do.

My therapist suggested getting my testosterone levels checked.

My wife pre-emptavively said, when you are given testosterone make sure you can give me some (for her libido)

Well, I thought my problems were going to be low T. I thought I had low T all my life.

My genitals suggest it.

But I came back with a level of 33.5nmol/L which is considered high-normal.

So it seems the return of feminine feelings is not hormone related for me.

Which kind of leaves my head injury, life circumstance changes or simply a realisation that life is not infinite.

Women get frustrated and angry too you know!

I'm more likely to get wound up, cross and then start crying in frustration these days which I find funny. It often makes me laugh about it in the end! I like that much better than throwing things down in a temper and stomping off cursing like I used to do though!

I definitely sweat less now but as I'm overweight I do still have issues with it if I'm doing anything too physical. It doesn't smell anywhere near as revolting now though. Man sweat really honks. I hate being in the supermarket when a sweaty man walks past. The smell nearly knocks me out and you can tell which aisle they've been in!

Sarah, there is sweat and then what I have. Changing clothes 3, 4 or more times a day.

Then the smell. I can't stand it. My cycling clothes aren't allowed in the house and that's on easy days.

I stink the hell out of our bedroom.

It runs off me like a waterfall, and that is an old style literall waterfall not a millenial litteral.

I so wanted to find I had low,low T but...

I am actually a fairly placid person until the furnace inside warms up and I can't stand it.

I appologise for my smell that you have infused

If you're anything like me the worst bit is that when you start sweating it takes ages to stop. Even with cooling and not moving. I use a special medical grade antiperspirant under my arms bevause I ruined so many tops before. You apply it before bed then wash the next day. It stops it for weeks!

Charlotte 😻

Charlotte, for me it's not just the armpits, it's every part of my body.

I leave puddles on the floor.

I went to lunch the other day and was stealing napkins from other tables.  It was streaming down my face.

I was so embarrassed at a table with 3 women.

I leave a wet trail on chairs or anything I touch.

I try and wear tinted sunscreen to protect my skin and even out my prolific blemishes, but I just melt it.

I can't help but wonder what HRT would do to this, and would it help with my dissociation and depression.

That doesn't sound like fun Petunia. Also sounds like there is something else at work there. That must be awful for you.

No need to apologise, I can't smell all the way to Australia! I couldn't smell the gas leak in my own house and I was a gas engineer! ha ha!

Joking aside, is your GP not looking into the cause as it doesn't seem normal. If you're sweating that much you will run the risk of dehydration.

At least transitioning you will get to wear more skimpy clothing which should help keep you cooler!

Quote from: Petunia on April 28, 2026, 06:20:46 AMCharlotte, for me it's not just the armpits, it's every part of my body.

I leave puddles on the floor.

I went to lunch the other day and was stealing napkins from other tables.  It was streaming down my face.

I was so embarrassed at a table with 3 women.

I leave a wet trail on chairs or anything I touch.

I try and wear tinted sunscreen to protect my skin and even out my prolific blemishes, but I just melt it.

I can't help but wonder what HRT would do to this, and would it help with my dissociation and depression.

That sounds rough for sure. I get like that if the temperature is above about 23c, then like you leave wet patches on seats and that feeliing of liquid running down your back is not not nice at all. Makeup is pretty impossible with a dripping face too. Do you get this all the time or only if warm / moving around?

HRT did reduce my sweating and the smell went like Sarah mentioned. But warm days over about 23C still end up being really wet. If you get it on cooler days and not moving that's definitely a problem.

Charlotte 😻

I'm assuming you or your GP has checked blood pressure? High blood pressure can cause sweating.

My blood pressure is slightly elevated and I'm on aspirin, statin and blood pressure meds.

This is something I've lived with for a very long time.

I have to be careful in cold temperatures while exercising.

I have been caught out a few times cycling in the alps where I sweat on the way up and completely chill on the way down to the point of not being able to feel my hands and feet and shivering so violently I need to stop.

I also have Reynauds disease which isn't fun in those conditions

Quote from: Petunia on April 28, 2026, 04:36:17 PMMy blood pressure is slightly elevated and I'm on aspirin, statin and blood pressure meds.

This is something I've lived with for a very long time.

I have to be careful in cold temperatures while exercising.

I have been caught out a few times cycling in the alps where I sweat on the way up and completely chill on the way down to the point of not being able to feel my hands and feet and shivering so violently I need to stop.

I also have Reynauds disease which isn't fun in those conditions

I'm pretty certain I have reynauds too. My fingers and toes go white then red, then totally numb and claw like, I can barely move them. I have spent a fortune on expensive cycling gloves and winter boots but once they're wet with sweat and the wind chill hits I loose all feeling. It's not just cycling though it's anytime really but much worse when they get wet. I would get a diagnosis but there's no cure as far as I know so why bother!

When I'm out with my camera I tend to stick some handwarmers in my gloves.

Cycling in the alps though? That's pretty hardcore! I try to avoid the bumps when I can!

It's not hardcore.

It's just a good way of seeing the world

I've done 8 alp/ pyrenees/ dolimites trips and it was all beautiful

Now I can't ride up a speedhump

Well, last night I probably destroyed my 34 year marriage.

We are on a short trip to big close city and when my wife went to bed I did my lipstick and  before  I blotted and covered she saw me.

I have been trying to make my mouth less misserable but the only person I have ever loved saw it differently.

I am so sorry L I love so much.   There is only one person for me and I'm sorry for you, you got me

 You deserve someone better than me.

Quote from: Petunia on April 29, 2026, 05:50:25 AMYou deserve someone better than me.

Wearing lipstick does not make you 'inferior' or somehow less deserving. You didn't harm anyone. If she loved you as much as you love her, she would want to understand what is going on with you. She may just be reacting to a shock and needs time to process. The door isn't closed. There is always time for adjustment, acceptance, and even support. Never feel like you have wronged her by being yourself.

Relationships are based on trust and honesty. I think the two of you need to talk it out. If needed, have a therapist or counselor help with the discussions. Don't give up yet. There is always hope.

Obviously we weren't there Petunia but I agree with Lori, the act of wearing some lipstick isn't grounds for a divorce surely?

I think you guys just need to take a breath and talk it through calmly. That might not be possible right now but it will be if she truly loves you which she must do given 34 years of marriage.

I'm sure it is embarrasing and her initial reaction isn't great but give her time to cool down. You have to remember this likely comes as a huge shock to partners and it can be difficult to process.

Hang in there.

Sarah xx

Same here with speed humps, though it needs a hiking and climbing metaphor. We've had experiences few people have had and moments I'll never forget. Although the future is limited in those areas for me, I'm seeing as an opportunity to have different never-forget experiences. 

And they could be hard core! 🤣❤️

My wife has elaborated a bit.
What she saw was me in dark lipstick seemingly talking to someone on my phone minutes after she went to bed.

I was in fact wearing neutral lipstick like I have been wearing for 3 days but the light was dim.  I had only just put it on so it was a bit thick. I was posting here at the time so it looked quite different to her.

Hopefully this will calm down.
The other thing was I've spent the last 3 days in mostly womens clothes while we sightsee. Just leggings and womens tees but I have noticed a few women staring a bit too long at me. I don't care much but my wife isn't 100% happy about my clothing, hair and probably my tinted sunscreen and my lips

Quote from: Petunia on April 29, 2026, 11:18:02 PMMy wife has elaborated a bit.
What she saw was me in dark lipstick seemingly talking to someone on my phone minutes after she went to bed.

I was in fact wearing neutral lipstick like I have been wearing for 3 days but the light was dim.  I had only just put it on so it was a bit thick. I was posting here at the time so it looked quite different to her.

Hopefully this will calm down.
The other thing was I've spent the last 3 days in mostly womens clothes while we sightsee. Just leggings and womens tees but I have noticed a few women staring a bit too long at me. I don't care much but my wife isn't 100% happy about my clothing, hair and probably my tinted sunscreen and my lips

I hope this all works out well for both of you.


Chrissy

I get it. My wife doesn't trust me, and for good reasons but mostly in the distant past. The short version of the story is accepting that I'm trans is healing me. 

My wife is accepting of all people and a huge supporter of LGBTQ rights. It's a little different with me as a spouse. 

I've gone slowly so she has watch Krista gradually emerge. Glacially slow progression for four years. She got used to my nonbinary look. I think it's helped her adapt and see that I'm still me. I haven't worn male clothes in about two years. Makeup became daily about 8 months ago. My next steps are things I long for, a wig, breast forms, and a skirt or dress. She has seen me like this but I want it more often. 

I'm not sure where she stands on this. She is not the best at communicating about such things. It's scary for us both, but I can't imprison myself - it's just started to feel like that - much longer. Tomorrow is my Genderquest meeting and I'm deciding on the right skirt and top. I have yet to wear such outfits at home. 

I hope your wife adjusts to you being you. You're the same person, at least that's how I see and experience myself. Very little about what makes me...me... has changed. 

Thank you Chrissy and Krista.

I know I'm moving to fast for my wife.  I can do what I want at home but no going out.

It's kind a bit late for the out because I've been blending for a while.

I'm slowly replacing guy stuff for girls but it is kind of the same style, just girl cuts, colours and fabric.

I am so much more calm dressing this way. I feel kind of more at peace with myself.

The problem is I just want more.  It's only clothes, makeup, jewelry and presentation but I feel more comforatable.  I don't look like anything other than an old guy pretending.

Years ago my wife thought I was cheating and sometimes she suspects the same now.

My p seems to be shrinking all the time (not on hrt) so I can't satisfy a woman. I am so not into guys. I don't really have any close male friends and I yet to meet an atrractive guy.

I have never come close to cheating but I do admire an intelligent woman or a woman who knows how to dress.

My wifes hairdresser is coming around on Tuesday to do her hair and my wife asked if I want my hair tidied.

This will be the 2nd time I said no.  My hair is thin, miscoloured but I really think I'd cry and go into a depression if I had to cut it.

I don't know what will happen when the time comes for a tidy.

"The problem is I just want more.  It's only clothes, makeup, jewelry and presentation but I feel more comforatable.  I don't look like anything other than an old guy pretending."

Oh yes, THIS! The story I told myself for months, maybe years. "I'm an old guy in a dress". I still start to say it sometimes.

Let me smile sweetly and say "->-bleeped-<- that."

I'm not of course belittling your experience or fears because they are mine, too. My face won't ever pass. It's disheartening to have someone glance at me and call me ma'am, then correct themself when they see my face.

But not today or yesterday. Three times I was referred to as a woman by strangers. I have no illusions that I pass, but I offer enough female signals  to get the response I want.

We aren't pretending when we wear our feminine things. We are pretending when we aren't.

My comfort and joy in female presentation accelerated. Picture that curving graph. Each step made me need the next one. Soon. I'm right in the edge of public breast forms, wig, and dresses. I can't hold it back despite my fears and self-judgement.

I joined trans support groups, online and in person. Got a therapist who said I didn't need her. Fair. Used AI for outfit advice and hundreds of hours of discussions. Coming here was a way to engage more people instead of a program.

My wife struggles too but she tries. I'm the opposite, of you. At home I'm in all female garb but when I go to work, I added more feminine touches, like lipstick. Going to Genderquest means taking the wig and forms and even the dress in the car. I'm slowly showing more at home to my wife and college-age kids.

It's not easy. But it's necessary. And like you, I want more.

So panic day is here.

My wife and I are visiting the hairdresser and my wife wants me to cut my hair.

My hairdresser is suggesting just evening it up, which might be ok because it's a bit shorter at the sides.

I don't really know what to say because I don't want anything masc done to it.
The rear is just touching my shoulders and flicking out.

It's only since it has gotten longer that I can look in the mirror.

I had my brows done recently by another hairdresser who is trans friendly and she seemed excited to give me a new hairstyle to suit.

I'm not sure what to do.
I've probably got an hour to decide.

It's okay to say you don't want it cut at this time!... Sending good thoughts! 👋👩💕🌻

I hope your decision worked out well Petunia.

Chrissy

Well it worked out ok.
My wife hates my hair at the moment.

I told our hairdresser I wanted it to keep growing and she said it looked ok and suggested it would be better if the sides were longer.

She suggested evening up the back next time we're due, which will likely be two months.

Yay!  Thanks for the support. I think I'd be really unhappy if I was pressured to cut it before I get to see how it can look

Quote from: Petunia on May 04, 2026, 06:49:37 PMSo panic day is here.

My wife and I are visiting the hairdresser and my wife wants me to cut my hair.

My hairdresser is suggesting just evening it up, which might be ok because it's a bit shorter at the sides.

I don't really know what to say because I don't want anything masc done to it.
The rear is just touching my shoulders and flicking out.

It's only since it has gotten longer that I can look in the mirror.

I had my brows done recently by another hairdresser who is trans friendly and she seemed excited to give me a new hairstyle to suit.

I'm not sure what to do.
I've probably got an hour to decide.

I hope things worked out ok! 

Yes Krista, I didn't have to cut it because out hsirdresser sided with me which probably give me 6 to 8 weeks more growth.

I really want to put it in a ponytail, even though it's thin and then think about styling.

Petunia,

I'm catching up on the site after some weeks away, and your thread is one I wanted to read all the way through before saying anything. I'm glad I did.

First, congratulations on the hair. The hairdresser siding with you was exactly the right call, and you just bought yourself six to eight weeks of growth without a confrontation. That's a real win, and it sounds like you knew it the moment it happened.

Reading through everything from April 14 to today, what strikes me most is how much good advice you've already gotten and how well you've been received here. Danielle has been her usual encouraging self. Krista's incremental progression — panties to studs to clear polish to shaved legs to foundation, each step terrifying and then becoming the new baseline — is one of the most useful things anyone could have given you, because it's the actual shape of how this happens for a lot of us. Charlotte's medical-grade antiperspirant tip is the kind of practical wisdom you only get from someone who's lived it. Lori Dee's response to your "you deserve someone better than me" moment was exactly right — wearing lipstick doesn't make you inferior, and your wife's reaction was a shock response, not a verdict. Stottie has been steady and warm throughout, including the British "sorry for everything" exchange that made me smile. Krista's later post about "we aren't pretending when we wear our feminine things, we are pretending when we aren't" is the line I wish I'd had thirty years ago.

You're in good hands here. I want you to know that.

What I'll add, because I haven't seen it said yet in this thread:

On your wife — I don't know her, and a 34-year marriage holds far more than any of us can see from the outside. What I'll say is that her listing assets and threatening divorce over a blouse, and the lipstick incident at the hotel, sound less like verdicts and more like fear talking loud. Fear often doesn't mean what it's saying. The fact that she also bought your blouse, didn't comment on the leggings on your walk, asked about your hair before going to the hairdresser, and is meeting you partway in dozens of small ways tells me there's a part of her trying. Both things are true at once. They usually are. The hardest thing for spouses in her position isn't the clothing — it's the fear that the person they married is becoming someone they don't recognize. That fear deserves compassion. It also isn't a reason for you to disappear back into a version of yourself that was making you ill.

When the time is right, a couples therapist who has real experience with trans and CD spouses can be enormously valuable — not to convince your wife of anything, but to give her a place to put her fear that isn't onto you. A lot of marriages on this path struggle because the spouse has nowhere else to put what they're feeling.

The other thing I'll gently raise — your psychologist's suggestion that the head injury caused your feminine feelings to return. The injury part is plausible as a mechanism. But I'd offer a small reframe: the head injury didn't put feminine feelings *into* you. It dismantled what was holding them down. The difference matters, because the framing "this came from the accident" can lead both you and your wife to hope it'll go away if you try hard enough. From everything you've written — the lifelong undercurrent, the way it surfaced before in your life, the peace you feel when you let it out — this isn't post-accident in origin. The accident just took the lid off.

You're moving at the right pace. The pace that's right is the one where you don't lose yourself and you don't lose the people you love any faster than you have to. Sometimes that pace still costs you things, and that's the part none of us can solve for you. But you're not doing it wrong. You're doing it the way it has to be done by the person actually living the life.

Keep posting. The thread becoming a blog isn't a problem — that's exactly what this place is for, and you've gathered the right people around you.

With much love and support!
— Susan💜

Quote from: Petunia on May 04, 2026, 08:44:34 PMWell it worked out ok.
My wife hates my hair at the moment.

I told our hairdresser I wanted it to keep growing and she said it looked ok and suggested it would be better if the sides were longer.

She suggested evening up the back next time we're due, which will likely be two months.

Yay!  Thanks for the support. I think I'd be really unhappy if I was pressured to cut it before I get to see how it can look

I'm so glad to hear that you managed to keep most of your hair as you wanted. That little trim is ok and will keep it healthy. Here is to hoping you can keep growing it and styling as you would wish.

Charlotte 😻

Susan, thankyou for you post.
It contains so much truth and wisdom.

After the counting of assests thing we both agree our marriage is the most important thing fot each of us, so that has to be the grounding point.

Also, regarding the head injury or even just the reaction to 3 years of stress, we had a why now conversation a few months back and I said to my wife that it never goes away.

I told her I've been researching and others have said it never goes away.

Her demand is that I never embarrass her and I also don't want to embarrass either of us. In that she says no crossdressing outside the home.

Yet, I am kind of doing that anyway. It's not overtly happening (in my view) but at the same time while a cis guy might do/wear/present one or two things I am pushing the envelope as far as I can without wearing skirts, dresses or undoubtedly feminine only clothes outside.

I suppose not many cis men wear tinted sunscreen, discreet lipstick, pluck their brows and tint their lashes.

My wife has dyed my hair twice (had to be done as it is growing out in many colours) and we have been going shopping together a lot more, something we haven't done since before I buried myself due to how I looked.

Obviously this does show a level of acceptance and she has asked my to take off my nail polish and remove my earrings (well, I still wore studs) when we went out for dinner with friends, so it's a bit give and take (I did still wear womens jeans... not going back on that now)

So for now I can sit at this level of presentation.

I'll keep up with beard removal and growing my hair out, try and lose so weight to try and balance my top heaviness and hope my wife becomes accustomed to where I am.

I know I'm riding a wave of euphoria and I really don't want to crash back to depression.  It's been 20 years since I started washing in the dark and shaving by feel.

Hi Petunia,

I am not married or in a relationship, so I have no personal experience in this department. But something I have noticed from posts by Significant Others is similar to what you describe as your wife's behavior: specifically, it's ok at home, but not going out with friends and family.

The embarrassment you mentioned stems from their fear of "what will they think of me" if her relationship appears to be single-sex. Some fear being labeled as a lesbian. Some are dealing with loved ones with very conservative viewpoints and do not want to "disappoint" them.

This is part of the growing process that we all go through. We start with ourselves and wonder the same things about what others will think of us. Over time, we accept it and come out to our spouses, family, and friends. Some will turn on you immediately, others will show signs that they may be okay with it once they adapt to the change.

Spouses are more observant than they let on, and I think your wife is warming to the idea. She just doesn't know how she will react to specific questions. You are doing the right thing by not forcing anything and allowing her to adjust in her own time. Hopefully, that will work out well for both of you.

You should read some of the stories in the Significant Other forum, and I think you'll see what I mean.

Good luck.

I know i will.not be able to do a lot of transition for a while. My wife's position at work in a faith based hospital prevents it. I have come to terms with this as I love my wife so much.
This may not help but I thought it was worthwhile to tell you

Quote from: Petunia on April 21, 2026, 01:10:47 AMThank you Annika.
I have enjoyed reading about your journey but my heart is breaking reading what you are currently going through.

I didn't mean for this to become a blog but c'est la vie.

So to elaborate a bit more (and this will likely out me)
3 years almost ago I was involved in a vehicle accident where a van pulled out on my and I hit it at 50kmph on my bicycle.

I broke 12 ribs and my sternum.

I never fully recovered from that and have ongoing neck and back issues.

While recovering scans revealed I had a blocked artery, usually called the widow maker, so I ended up having open heart surgery for a double bypass.

It got to the point that I was struggling at work and couldn't safely do my job.

It was only well after the accident that I found I had cracked my helmet.

My wife had been insisting that I had mentally changed after the accident but she couldn't put a finger on exactly what was amiss, just that I had lost a mind filter and my personality had changed.

My psychologist proposed this is why I'm now crossdressing again.  Whatever allowed me to bury it for so long has been destroyed.

I'm really struggling to control impulses, impulses that could blow up my life.

My wife is a really wonderful person and she accepts so much of me. But everybody has their limits.

This used to be a fetish that I despised after release but now it's a compulsion which makes me feel peaceful.

I get excited about taking steps forward (non sexually excited)

Thursday is my next beard laser and a week after that will be a month since starting shaping my brows. I can't wait for my next visit.

I still harbour internal prejudice about what I'm doing. I hate myself for that. When I come across other people in this position I have nothing but love and compassion.

I've obsessively been reading other peoples experiences and it seems that I have a LOT in common with transgender MTF girls. Way more than I thought possible. 

Petunia,


I hope you are doing really welll today.  💅🏻


Chrissy

Quote from: Petunia on May 05, 2026, 12:55:43 AMYes Krista, I didn't have to cut it because out hsirdresser sided with me which probably give me 6 to 8 weeks more growth.

I really want to put it in a ponytail, even though it's thin and then think about styling.

My hair is mixed. I work my curls to look famine but it's not the thick mane I once had and it's quite thin on top. It's look just ok from the front. 

Freeing me up for any hair I want via wigs! Slowly my mind is accepting that wigs and breast forms are like makeup and clothing, not cheating or fake. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 06, 2026, 11:02:24 PMSlowly my mind is accepting that wigs and breast forms are like makeup and clothing, not cheating or fake. 

That's how I see it. Just makeup and accessories, like jewelry. Things done to enhance our appearance.

Yesterday was my 3rd face and neck laser appointment.
The first 2 visits were quite stingy and I left lsthered in sweat, but yesterday I asked if they had turned down the intensity.

They hadn't. I guess most of the ugly dark hair has been burnt out. I have a lot of grey stubble but it is quite hard to see and if I shave closely it is quite smooth.

I don't know what I'll do with the greys and I think I have either 5 or 7 more laser sessions to go anyway

My wife refused to touch my rough face last night. She hates male hair as much as I do, except for the hair I used to have on my forearms.

It was soft, quite long, but not to thick.
The colour was quite golden in the right light. Nothing like the usual thick black mens hair you sometimes see.

But after my last operation when all my body hair was shaved, I have continued to keep my body as smooth as I can.

Today I shaved my face and she seemed impressed at how smooth it is.

I am very content with where I am at the moment after coming out of a tough few years and a deep depression but at the same time my wife is heading in the opposite direction after caring and dispairing for me
... and then having to deal with a (reappearing) crossdressing husband.

End of another venting

Thanks to anybody who reads this far

I'm glad to hear that your wife prefers you hair free. That itself is a little win at least, allowing you to feminise in that way. Also good that you are out of that deep depressive phase. I do hope that your wife can somehow come to terms with it all though and not get depressed herself as you indicate she may be. It sounds a tough balancing act for sure.

Sending lots of love and hugs.

Charlotte XX

Thank you Charlotte.  We are tryimg to step our way through it.

I had expected to post here at least 3 times explaining what has been happening with me.

Some positive some very negative, but I didn't

And then last night happened.

I had a big day, cut the grass, walked the dog, did the washing, did the dishes, scrubbed the toilet, went to the movies with my wife and a friend, went and did the groceries, dried the clothes that were damp, organised the dogs food for the next month, folded up all the clothes, cooked lunch and dinner.

Sitting down after dinner with a glass of wine I broke down into tears and had to go to bed at 7pm, and couldn't stop crying until after midnight by which time I evacuated to the lounge.

It's easy to see looking at the above now that I tried to do too much, but I am still frying my brain trying to work out what I'm doing and where I'm headed.

Hours later, that makes me want to cry again.

Honestly, as someone who lives alone and has to do everything themselves that doesn't seem too much to me. I think it is far more likely to be the weight of transition on your mind and your brain just got overloaded a bit. As you sort through things and define your own path it will calm down. Of course, if you start HRT then your emotions will be all over the place again! But that too will calm down eventually.

Sarah xx

You definitely got through some tasks there, more than I can push myself to do in a whole week sometimes.

But I'm feeling there is a lot on your mind and unsurprisingly so. I'm guessing you really want to be living your truth far more than you are. But still that would come at a big cost potentially. I certainly feel pain for you and all the others here that are under ultimatums regarding living authentically. It hurts my heart each time I see this, so cant imagine the confusion and feelings from your side.

Sending you my love and hugz. Feel free to message or explore your thoughts here as it might help.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Petunia on Today at 01:48:17 AMI had expected to post here at least 3 times explaining what has been happening with me.

Some positive some very negative, but I didn't

And then last night happened.

I had a big day, cut the grass, walked the dog, did the washing, did the dishes, scrubbed the toilet, went to the movies with my wife and a friend, went and did the groceries, dried the clothes that were damp, organised the dogs food for the next month, folded up all the clothes, cooked lunch and dinner.

Sitting down after dinner with a glass of wine I broke down into tears and had to go to bed at 7pm, and couldn't stop crying until after midnight by which time I evacuated to the lounge.

It's easy to see looking at the above now that I tried to do too much, but I am still frying my brain trying to work out what I'm doing and where I'm headed.

Hours later, that makes me want to cry again.

You were quite busy.  I have found it far easier to cry as I have been transitioning.  We all need rest too.  Your transition will be different from others, it is such a personal chain of events.  Take your time, maintain clarity as much as possible as to what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and your goals.

Hugs,

Chrissy