Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was assigned male at birth in 1962. For decades, I wore that shell like well-cut armor—husband, father, scientist, teacher. Every chapter looked good from the outside and even internally to me: a marriage built on love, a family I still cherish, a career I poured my whole heart into. On the surface, I seemed at home. But somewhere quieter, under the skin, something was always waiting. Watching. Longing to exhale.

It started as a restlessness—a ghost touch at the edge of my heart. At first, I reached for small, secret things. Clear nail polish some days; the cool weight of a stud earring; clothes just soft and fluid enough to hint at possibility. No one said a word. On those days, the world kept turning. But inside, I was opening—a secret bloom.

With glacial slowness, I grew more femme. Months of agony over choosing almost clear nail polish with an almost invite touch of pink. Tiny hoop earrings. More feminine colored shirts. My heart and mind grew, too.

Ten months ago, this quiet call became a tidal wave. I could not keep it contained. I told my close friends and LGBTQ+ friends, then my wife, my children. It was terrifying and I wasn't sure I believed it. I started letting the mask slip with more friends, with colleagues, finding myself surprised at each moment of kindness or, sometimes, silence. Every conversation was a collision—heart racing, hands shaking, voice breaking toward the truth. But then, after, I would feel my jaw unclench, my body settle, and for a moment, the universe would go silent and wide. I breathed out, and it was my own name on the exhale.


This is me. Her name - MY name -  is Krista.

I haven't started hormones and I rarely express the way I want to, with breast forms, skirts, and wigs. Sometimes I still flinch at old doubt. But there is a new current thrumming underneath it all—something true. Sometimes I am terrified, sometimes giddy as a teenager, sometimes just so soft I want to cry for both the fear of what's next and for the miracle of finding my own skin, at last.

I'm tired of hiding. This blog is the opposite of hiding. This is where I let you—and myself—see Krista, not just in milestones and bold steps, but in the tiny, ordinary moments: the right shade of lipstick, the swing of earrings, the sound of my own laughter in a room where I am no longer alone.

I use she/they pronouns. I don't have everything figured out, not by a long shot. But I do know: every day I choose truth, my world gets bigger, softer, wilder, and more possible.

Here is what it feels like—moment by moment, breath by breath—to become.

Welcome.
This is a great group of people to figure you out. The people are kind and welcoming.

Hey Krista,

I'm Charlotte😻 and I'm pleased to welcome you to Susan's Place!

Thank you for your heartfelt introduction. I'm pleased that you have found the courage and taken steps towards living as your true self. Ten months ago was quite a turning point by then sounds of it, where you could no longer contain the real you inside. This is certainly a place where you'll be able to explore yourself more but with the support of friends here on Susan's. I look forward to learning more about you and your journey as and when you're ready.

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Kind regards,
Charlotte😻
(Forum Staff)

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@KristaFairchild
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Sarah B

Sorry the font was huge. I can't edit it but I'll figure it out next time. 

I just thought it was your way screaming from a mountain top who you are.

I had never blogged or diaried before coming on here but now I find the whole thing very cathartic.

You can use it however you like. I still haven't got mine all figured out yet, I sort of download my thoughts and also anything I think might be mildly interesting to people.

I've found it so good I've started keeping a personal written journal for the things I can't share.

I will be following along with interest Krista.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on April 28, 2026, 09:24:23 AMSorry the font was huge. I can't edit it but I'll figure it out next time.

Welcome to the Member Blogs, Krista!

(I removed the font size tags for you, so it isn't so large.)

I enjoyed reading your first installment and look forward to future updates. This is your home here on Susan's, where your friends and followers can stop by and catch up on the latest. When you post celebrations, we will celebrate with you. When you post doubts, we are here to listen and offer support.

Hi Krista, welcome in.

I know we met on here before but reading your into you were correct.

Your story is so, so close to mine.

I'm happy I have another friend.

And as per Sarah's comment, this place is great for catharsis

Hi, and welcome. Like many of us, self-discovery doesn't always happen early in life. You're just a year older than I am, and you're in wonderful company here.

This community is full of kind, supportive people—many with experiences similar to yours—who are always ready to listen and be there for you. 💚

Today's celebration - shoes! 
I've been wearing women's shoes for months or maybe years, heels have been a boundary. I'm now on my 4th day in heels in the past month. I'm getting better at walking in them and I smile every time I see my feet. 

Any heel advice is appreciated! Please share your thought it experiences. 

Practice on all surfaces, laminate is a bitch in stillettos! Do not walk on grass, stay away from drains and other floor grates! Walk with your head up looking ahead. Place one foot in line with the other as best you can as this can help the hip sway.

Don't wear tights or stockings with court shoes as they are liable to fly off your feet and take somebodys eye out!

Start low and build up.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 29, 2026, 12:18:58 PMPractice on all surfaces...Don't wear tights or stockings with court shoes as they are liable to fly off your feet and take somebody's eye out!

Start low and build up.

LOL! Thank you! Yes, I fear for my life when walking through our kitchen but I'm doing pretty good on anything paved. I don't understand how even with heel pads the back of the shoe can come loose while my toes are stuffed in tight. Without skin friction I could enter a heel-put Olympics event, so no nylons.

But I'm committed!

Quote from: KristaFairchild on April 29, 2026, 05:06:36 PMLOL! Thank you! Yes, I fear for my life when walking through our kitchen but I'm doing pretty good on anything paved. I don't understand how even with heel pads the back of the shoe can come loose while my toes are stuffed in tight. Without skin friction I could enter a heel-put Olympics event, so no nylons.

But I'm committed!

I've heard people say you can spray your hoisery clad feet with hairspray which improves the friction but I've never tried it myself!

My whole house is laminate so I learned at work in the office. Long corridor and carpet. I found just forgetting i've got them on and adapting to a light walking rhythm worked best. A feminine swagger helps! I love the sound walking in heels at work.

Driving in them is interesting, especially as my car is manual with a clutch!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 05:20:59 PMDriving in them is interesting, especially as my car is manual with a clutch!

that sound is blissful! I have two pairs of ankle boots and opt for the pair that click ❤️🎵

I'm surprisingly good at driving in heels. I never knew that I habitually use the balls of my feet. Then again, I'm in 3" heels or less. I could be a hazard in stilettos! 

Enjoy your clothes and shoes!


Chrissy

Today I got ma'am'd. It's an awkward verb but I like it. This has happened before on one of the three times I've been fully en femme in public, but never in my daily femme-leaning outfits. Today I had strong signals: pink v-neck, pink pants, dangly earrings, a necklace, and fairly made-up face. 

It was the first time in my daily wear that I was called ma'am and it wasn't retracted after they saw my face. 

I'll never forget that moment 🥺❤️

Krista, your story resonates with me so much. It feels very similar to how I felt. I'm looking forward to reading your blog.

Alana

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on April 29, 2026, 09:59:18 PMKrista, your story resonates with me so much. It feels very similar to how I felt. I'm looking forward to reading your blog.

Alana

Thank you, Alana! Jump in anytime, please? In many ways we gals do this together. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on April 29, 2026, 09:23:49 PMIt was the first time in my daily wear that I was called ma'am and it wasn't retracted after they saw my face. 

I'll never forget that moment 🥺❤️

Those will always feel wonderful. It makes me blush when it happens!

When I have been out with my mum we get called ladies, yes it gives you a buzz.

Back in my old crossdressing days I helped my wife conquer heels.  I don't know why but it was just easy.  Maybe I spent too much time watching women.

These days I don't see too many women in heels but a lot of those I see seem to be struggling.

I have to stop myself from complimenting their shoe choice and trying to help them walk

It's skirt day! 

I've wanted to wear a skirt to work for months but somehow my mind believes two things at once. 

1. I'm visibly trans and most people know it at work. 
2. No one is quite sure I'm trans and adding a skirt would be a confirmation. 

Let's see...daily look has foundation, lipstick, eye makeup, earrings, women's blouses, and women's slacks. Sometimes heels and red lipstick and nails. 

Raise your hand for #1. Ok...many of you. #2? Anyone? Anyone? 

Ok, I'll wear the skirt today. Wish me luck. 

I wore skirts and dresses at work before I officially worked out I was trans. So wearing a skirt doesn't automatically say you're trans, although people will certainly wonder!

I think you'll be fine from what you say. Enjoy X

Best of luck, Krista! Not that you'll need it--you've got this, Girl!

Both #1 and #2 can be true at the same time.

And it really doesn't matter either way as long as you are safe.

I hope it turns out well! Let us know how it went.

Krista, I was going to say 1 but on reflection I say 1 or 2.

Like Lori says, either way it doesn't matter as long as you are safe.

People will probably keep guessing until you tell them. 

Good luck, Krista.
You got this.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 01, 2026, 08:12:52 AMIt's skirt day!

I've wanted to wear a skirt to work for months but somehow my mind believes two things at once.

1. I'm visibly trans and most people know it at work.
2. No one is quite sure I'm trans and adding a skirt would be a confirmation.

Let's see...daily look has foundation, lipstick, eye makeup, earrings, women's blouses, and women's slacks. Sometimes heels and red lipstick and nails.

Raise your hand for #1. Ok...many of you. #2? Anyone? Anyone?

Ok, I'll wear the skirt today. Wish me luck.

Let us know if you wore the skirt and if you received the reaction you desired.
Skirts and dresses are items most people would associate with women, so if you want them to think you are transgender, wearing a skirt would be a very strong indicator that you are.

I did not have much of a positive set of reactions the first time I wore a skirt when working.
However, over time, it is all fine.  I hope your day went terrific today, skirt or not!

Chrissy

I had to do some carpentry work for an exhibit in my garage this morning first. It put me in this very masculine feeling mood that I didn't like. I had to adjust my feelings and take a long, slow shower to get back in my reality.

I put on the black mini skirt, a black V-neck top, and my usual feminine makeup. I chose white stray, sandals that would show off my pink toenails. 

Friday afternoons are pretty empty at work so I only talk to two people in encountered perhaps four. I couldn't read any change in anybody's reaction to mr and that that's a win. 

Most important is that I felt fabulous! Thank you all for checking in on me. ❤️

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 01, 2026, 10:08:04 PMI had to do some carpentry work for an exhibit in my garage this morning first. It put me in this very masculine feeling mood that I didn't like. I had to adjust my feelings and take a long, slow shower to get back in my reality.

I put on the black mini skirt, a black V-neck top, and my usual feminine makeup. I chose white stray, sandals that would show off my pink toenails.

Friday afternoons are pretty empty at work so I only talk to two people in encountered perhaps four. I couldn't read any change in anybody's reaction to mr and that that's a win.

Most important is that I felt fabulous! Thank you all for checking in on me. ❤️

I work with wood as a hobby, whilst it is a stereotypicaly male pursuit there are many women who enjoy the creative side of it. I'm a big fan of Larissa Huff in the states for example, she's beautiful, works with wood and produces amazing work. She is one of many. You do not have to be a man to enjoy male dominated hobbies.

I build hot rods, there are a lot of women that do. I also just like making things out of metal, making items into lamps and clocks. I made a unit out of ply to house my record collection and stand my record player and amp on, that turned out okay .

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:25:41 AMI work with wood as a hobby, whilst it is a stereotypicaly male pursuit there are many women who enjoy the creative side of it. I'm a big fan of Larissa Huff in the states for example, she's beautiful, works with wood and produces amazing work. She is one of many. You do not have to be a man to enjoy male dominated hobbies.

I agree! That was just the effect on me in that moment, and my own rather sexist limitation. I will do better and I appreciate your perspective!

I'm also terrible at woodworking. No. I'll reset that negative self-talk. I've done basic work successfully, but was using new skills and having to redo things. And swear.  A lot. Like a trans sailor. Hence the slow shower and mood reset. 

Quote from: davina61 on May 02, 2026, 03:05:25 AMI build hot rods, there are a lot of women that do. I also just like making things out of metal, making items into lamps and clocks. I made a unit out of ply to house my record collection and stand my record player and amp on, that turned out okay .

As I stumble my into my new identity, I'm in some ways becoming more...chauvinistic? Maybe that's the word. 

When I perceived myself as male, I was aware of sexist assumptions. A mechanic calls a woman honey? I heard that and would hope it wasn't meant to be condescending. A few days ago a mechanic called ME honey and I kind of blushed and glowed. 

I've been working on my staff to quit calling groups of people "guys". A phrase like "I met this girl and..." made me wonder if they were talking about a kid. Usually not. 

But now I'm unthinkingly adopting certain female stereotypes. WOMEN wear dresses and makeup. It feels good to do certain traditionally female things. Women walk many different ways, but I feel best when my hips sway and my arms swing in a way that feels men's arms do. Women have a huge range of voices and I want mine to land closer to the middle of that range. I always notice on TV when a man leads a woman by her elbow. WTF? Would the reverse ever happen? It angers me. But now I would swoon if an attractive man took me gently by the elbow...and I'm primarily attracted to women (and happily married to one). 

It reminds of a parallel that was shared with me by a Lakota man in South Dakota. He was sharing that many nations were dwindling, losing their languages and culture. He was explaining why many people of Native American ancestry were seeking knowledge of the Lakota and its rich culture. 

He said, "They just want something Indian."

And I "just want something female."

After decades of overt feminism, part of me is becoming a housewife from the mid-20th century. Part of me wants to be a Bond girl from Goldfinger. Or a woman executive in a power suit. I'm grasping at anything that feels female to me when I choose my clothes to align myself in ways that feel right. 

I don't plan to stay in this place. Maybe that why it's called transition. 🏳��⚧️ 

The great thing about blogging is people respond in ways that make me reflect on my journey. I'm grateful! ❤️🥰

Krista, you don't have to choose between worlds.

I love woodworking (though i'm still a total newbie), my main passion is wildlife and landscape photography, I used to build and maintain road bikes all of which are male dominated hobbies BUT at the same time I love cooking and baking, I like reading, enjoy gardening, I love to wear feminine clothing, I love doing my make up and being as feminine as I can be.

I would absolutely love to have a man (or woman) treat me like a lady. I think I might be putty in their hands if they did ! I'm no militant feminist, though I will speak out when this behaviour strays into chauvinism or misogyny.

Be the woman you want to be Krista. Feminimity doesn't come with a manual or unbreakable limitations. Find your own way and above all, be happy with your choices.

Oh when I am not in my workshop I am full on female well more so than in my workshop!!

It happened again. 

I played disc golf with my kids this morning. I love being with them! The terrain lands me in androgynous presentation and I came home thinking, "Could I go back to this?

Then opened an En Femme email and got teary eyed. 

I can't and I don't want to. 

I have an email for Kellie now.
I haven't played Frisbee golf in 3 years. I had a blast

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 07:20:12 PMI have an email for Kellie now.
I haven't played Frisbee golf in 3 years. I had a blast

It's wonderful to have a digital presence as Krista. In here it's my only name and I love it. I also have a Gmail account and Zoom. I use a task list daily and use Siri to add items. She says "I've added it to the Krista list" and I smile. I love opening my Krista Drive, full of joy. 

I've been playing disc golf before pole holes were invented, 50 years. I still can't putt! 🤣🤣🤣

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 02, 2026, 09:39:00 PMIt's wonderful to have a digital presence as Krista. In here it's my only name and I love it. I also have a Gmail account and Zoom. I use a task list daily and use Siri to add items. She says "I've added it to the Krista list" and I smile. I love opening my Krista Drive, full of joy.

I've been playing disc golf before pole holes were invented, 50 years. I still can't putt! 🤣🤣🤣

I must admit, coming on to SP has been a huge sense of relief to me. To be able to interact as the real me with likeminded people is so liberating. My female inner self has grown so much since January I'm starting to think it's unstoppable. It is so nice to be the real me, to not have to put on an act.

I played disc golf once in Scotland about 20 years ago ish. It was fun but I prefer the real thing. Britain is a windy country so maybe not the best for throwing frisbes accurately!

Krista, It's hard to unlearn a liftime of imprinted prejudices that came from our generation

I tend to look at my best friends who are a lesbian couple. One tends to take on the "traditional masculine" jobs with relish. See's physical work as a challenge and accomplishment.

She's the fierce girl type who will tackle any job providing she is safe.

If it's good enough for her it's good enough for me. Do things you want to do or things you are good at.

Most tasks have no gender

Today was a big day for me, though as so often happens, I made it bigger than it had to be.

I was fully out as Krista today. Knee length black skirt, purple velvet v-neck peplum top, black pumps, full makeup with bold lipstick, gold jewelry.

I was out at work. Passed many people in the hallway. Had meetings. No one blocked. Many offered compliments.

And I scheduled a doctors appointment about HRT.

🎉🎉🎉

That is all great news, Krista!

Congrats on a great day. I suspect there will be many more in your future.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 05, 2026, 11:30:28 PMToday was a big day for me, though as so often happens, I made it bigger than it had to be.

I was fully out as Krista today. Knee length black skirt, purple velvet v-neck peplum top, black pumps, full makeup with bold lipstick, gold jewelry.

I was out at work. Passed many people in the hallway. Had meetings. No one blocked. Many offered compliments.

And I scheduled a doctors appointment about HRT.

🎉🎉🎉

Wow, a big day indeed. You are so brave. I'm so glad work went ok for you too. Onwards and upwards!

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 05, 2026, 11:30:28 PMToday was a big day for me, though as so often happens, I made it bigger than it had to be.

I was fully out as Krista today. Knee length black skirt, purple velvet v-neck peplum top, black pumps, full makeup with bold lipstick, gold jewelry.

I was out at work. Passed many people in the hallway. Had meetings. No one blocked. Many offered compliments.

And I scheduled a doctors appointment about HRT.

🎉🎉🎉

You had a great day out!


Chrissy

This journey keeps getting easier and more joyous. I realized that I was trying to pass, though I denied it. Now it's helping me to frame it as wanting to be seen as trans, and to do what many women do, enhance my looks as I choose to. 

Today I went to pick up somone sparkly eyeshadow I had ordered from Target. The pickup person was busy and called over an associate, saying, "They need help with an order." I appreciated the "they" that was said casually.  I would have preferred "she"  but too many times I hear "he" unless I'm 100% en femme. 

The associate was trans. The universe keeps opening my eyes, and doors with people welcoming me. She brought me my order and said it would like nice on me. 

Sometimes assumptions are nice. 

I asked about Pride at Target. Two years ago it was a huge display at the front of the store, in a Trumpland city. Last year it moved to the back. She told me Target had remove protection for trans employees (though in California we have strong laws, somewhat muddied by federal policies). She said the Pride display would not be at the front. Maybe not anywhere. 

Yet there is hope when we make connections. I won't be silenced or have my hands tied. 

I saw this today. 

Longing —> hesitation —> first experience—> relief —> integration 

Yes

Some things have taken years and some things are taking days, but this is the process. Recently, it's been breast forms. 

I long for that aligned shape and their warm feeling on my chest. For the way my silhouette morphs into rightness in a dress, a dress I still won't wear outside often except for special events. But want breast forms daily, not just for special nights. Even just under a sweater or blouse. 

First experience in public or at work is next. It's like I'm longing for it and resisting at the same time. 

But this is how it goes with EVERYTHING. Longing —> hesitation —> first experience—> relief —> integration 

Example: shoes. Especially heels. 

Longing...imagining...admiring...online shopping...wish listing

Not buying. Debating. They sit in a wish list that I view often. Can I?! Can I give myself permission? I should! I shouldn't. It's me! I'm not ready. My environment isn't ready. What will make this change?

I finally wear them to work. It's scary and blissful. My daily dress slacks never looked so feminine. I'm seen by dozens of people. After work I'm ecstatic that I did it! Nothing bad happened and lots of good happened!

Then I start wearing them to work often and relax into who I am. Soon I have two pairs of pumps and two of sandals. Integration!




I can't resist the breast forms much longer. Why do I resist the inevitable?

Humans are homeostatic by nature. We resist change. We get settled into our comfort zone and don't want to leave. It may be a wonderful thing we strive for, but in the back of our minds is that little voice warning us that it might be too dangerous.

Then we step forward anyway. It turns out to be okay. We tell the little voice, "See? It was good!" And the little voice says, "Yes, this time..." and we start questioning again.

I went from never going outside dressed to spending hours on makeup before going out anywhere. Eventually, I just learned to relax. If someone has a problem with how I look, that is their problem, not mine. But safety first.

Why is ted lipstick a sticking point for me? I've been wearing many shades of Clinique for months. Currently Love Pop on most days. It's not subtle. 

But red scares me. 

However, I'm taking it on! I not only love it, I think it's a good color on me. I created a brutally honest AI mode (whew!) and it agrees. That helps; I need something objective even if it's a computer program. 

So far:
1. Red in queer spaces often. Out and bold!
2. Red at work once and no one blinked. 
3. Today at an out of town conference and on the road, red dabbed over Love Pop - I loved it. 
4. Committing to what I love as I move forward, dammit! 

I know. I post drivel. But it's helpful to me. 

I prefer more muted natural colours rather than bold red as I am a bit of an introvert and don't like to draw attention to myself too much. I use L'oreal Colour Riche lippy and specifically shades such as "107 Seine Sunrise" for effect and "235  Nude" if I'm going for a more subtle natural look.

I find these lipsticks to be lovely and creamy and they seem to last for ages too. I haven't tried clinique stuff at all though in any type of makeup. They seem to have a good reputation.

Sarah, I agree with your lipstick choice.

I originally went with 236 but in the wrong light it can be a little dark for me as I'm not attempting to pass.

I went back and bought 235 and have been wearing it daily. It matches my lip colour and smoothes them out.

I agree about how creamy the l'oreal lipstick feels.
I did try a lancome lipstick years ago which was really nice but it's a bit to pricey.

Sarah, I'm the same way. I love a good nude lip. Most days, it's a nude lip balm, or lip oil. The days I feel bold, I go with Mac honey love lipstick.

I use Maybelline ColorStay in light pink. It stains the lips, so even after it wears off, there is still a hint of color.

Depends on what I am wearing, if it has red in it then its my "in yer face" red lippy. Most of the time its a orangy hint of red one.

Hey Lori, it wouldn't matter what lipstick you wear, you are going to attract attention and people who want to kiss you

If you are going to wear a bold red make sure you have white teeth.

If anything is going to highlight anything than other than bright teeth is red lipstick.

For the Brits, refer to Queen Elizabth2' mum.

When I read posts from others, I see many people who know the gender of their soul intuitively, and many of them for most of their lives. 

And I'm jealous. Or is envious a better word, because I'm joyful for them? 

In my own head, there is confusion. Almost a battle that I mediate. I guess that means there are three of me. 

My body craves the femininity like oxygen. I'm three years into making myself the same question each day. "How feminine may I be today?" Do you hear the permission request? I'm ding better with that recently. 

My mind likes to question this in what sounds like healthy ways and fits my lifetime of scientific approach. Where is the evidence? Do the data fit the conclusions? How can I analyze this more thoroughly?

My mediator is done with my logical mind. It's getting limited to where it is most useful and that is NOT about my gender. 

My current approach is to enjoy my love of:
Being called Krista
Wearing skirts 
Openly affirming my gender with people when it feels right 
Wearing lipstick that make me feel steady yet tingly 

Most of all, when I get ready for my day I ask what Krista wants, not what I think the people I'll see would give me permission to be. 

I did this for two weeks last month before slipping back into analysis mode. I'm planning to persevere longer this time. 

I have a gender therapy appointment soon. My insurance doesn't cover it so I can't only afford once a month, but she is worth it. 

I have my first appointment about HRT on Thursday. I used to think HRT wasn't for me due to my age. Now that I have an appointment, I feel more excited. Would it help me feel more aligned? Would it give me even small bumps on my chest instead of flat? I used to dismiss A cups as not meaning much, but I'm seeing things differently now. 

Now back to my bubble bath. I've always smiled at my pink toenails peeking out of the white suds. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 16, 2026, 09:15:08 AMWould it help me feel more aligned? Would it give me even small bumps on my chest instead of flat?

Yes. And yes.

If it doesn't help you feel more aligned, or if you sense something is still off, discuss it with your therapist at the next visit. Deep down, your subconscious mind knows what it needs. If estrogen fills that need, you will notice improvement in your mood and generally how you feel. Some even feel euphoric from it.

But the opposite is also true. If it is not what your body needs for that alignment, it will affect your mood. Watch for those danger signs, like depression, or the feeling that something isn't right. That could signal that this is not the right path for you. It isn't right for everyone. That is okay, as it is information about what you need and what you don't.

Either way, at about the six month mark, breasts will be growing. That's the biology part vs the psychology part.

Good luck on your appointments. Let us know how it goes.

We sail similar vessels, Krista!

As much as I yearn to self-identify as she/her and live more fully as a woman, the mirror and the content of many of my dreams insist I'm not. I considered they/them, she/they, and they/her before settling on he/her.

For years, I thought I was gender confused. But I'm not. I'm comfortable with who I am and how I present.

I loved my months on Estradiol! If I had been able to sustain HRT (it's a long story) perhaps I would have affirmed more feminine pronouns. But it was quite the ride. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Yes, good luck on your appointments, hope all goes well for you.

Your feelings are no less valid just because you arrived at them later in life. I don't know for sure but I feel the majority of people at Susans have arrived late to the party so to speak. I wouldn't be envious, it doesn't make life any easier in my opinion. In fact you may have lived your life in blissful ignorance up till now which I feel might be better than carrying this with you all your life like I have.

HRT is the real test in my opinion. Once the changes start to take hold you should know if you are on the right path. It is not a magic pill though, the changes takes years but you should feel enough of a change early on to decide for yourself before things become irreversible.

Thank you Lori and Sarah,

It's great there are women here who also discovered their truth later in life as well as those who did not. I joined to gain perspective and each of you has been terrific at offering that. I am starting to look forward to my next steps instead of fearing them and this site, and your comments, really help. 

My wife asked to have a conversation about intimacy tomorrow and my gender journey will be part of that. I'm grateful for the opportunity and the support of other women like me that has prepared me. I'm hopeful. 

Oops, sorry Dances! I meant you 😘

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 17, 2026, 12:32:14 AMOops, sorry Dances! I meant you

Not to worry, Krista!

I so enjoy reading your posts and the thoughtful discussions they engender!

      @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
              I am so very late to your Birthday Party.

I am hoping that you had a very enjoyable time on your May 14th Birthday.
  Cake with candles?  Ice cream?  A special dinner?  Time with friends?  A trip to your favorite place?
                      HAPPY BIRTHDAY
              💐    🎁    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)  🎂  🥳

HUGS, and I am giving you my warm Welcome to the Susan's Place Forum. 
                I'm so very GLAD that you found us and that you have been joining in.
Danielle [Northern star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator    Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

                (https://i.ibb.co/JWcRz69R/pexels-photo-7600413-desktop.jpg) (https://ibb.co/vCcxJySx)

Good luck at your appointment, Krista. happy birthday, too. Seeing your painted toenails poking through a bubble bath is something that you'll never tire of. I've been painting my toenails since 2023, and looking down, and seeing them puts a smile on my face every time.

Belated happy birthday my dear XX

            @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
I am so very pleased to see that you had joined our Susan's Place Forum family when you recently
registered as a member a month ago on April 18, 2026 and then you took it upon yourself to
start you very own member Blog thread that you can call your HOME here on the Forum where
you can share your life endeavors and your transition journey with your readers and followers.
Your Blog HOME will also allow other members to easily find you and leave their comments and replies.

As you continue to be actively involved you will undoubtedly find like-minded members that
may become your friends that you frequent exchange messages with.

Consider your member Blog thread to be your online Forum journal or diary.  In addition to my various
Blog threads over the years I also keep an "old school' more private pen and paper journal at my home. 
Nothing fancy, just spiral notebooks filled with my daily and more personal writings including colorful doodling,
cards and letters from my friends, snapshot photos, etc.
On rainy, cold and snowy nights, of which their are many here where I live, I can be found on my comfy
chair near my fireplace, reading my past and present entries with tears in my eyes or with laughter.

I have found that by writing out my feelings and thoughts it is good personal therapy that allows me to
review my decisions and to improve my future actions.
When you share your successes and good news we will all give you our congratulations and hugs and
when you tell us about your not-so-good news and failures we will gather around you with our ears to
listen and our shoulders for your to lean on.... HUGS will be included from many of your readers.

Again, I am so very glad that you decided to be a part of our Forum family.
If you have questions about the Forum and how it works you can feel free to contact me or any member
of the Forum Staff.

HUGS and a Warm Welcome,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator    Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Sometimes when I start to doubt, I look over the last few years of steady growth. 

My gender timeline (very condensed):
2020

• First lipstick (applied by my wife)
• First private feminine exploration

2022

• Ear piercing
• First visible nail polish
• Daily lip products

2023

• Women's clothing became part of my work wardrobe
• Came out as gender questioning to trusted colleagues

2024

• Daily makeup, jewelry, perfume, smooth legs
• Joined gender support communities
• Shifted from fear to a new normal

Late 2025

• Lipstick became daily
• Changed pronouns to they/them
• Introduced Krista in queer spaces

2026

• First public skirt
• she/they at work
• Purse became daily
• Skirts, pumps, dresses, and visible femininity integrated into everyday life
• Shifted from "Can I get away with this?" to "Do I feel like myself?"

Current status:
 Less fear. More desire, joy, and alignment. 💕

Well Done Krista!

This is how life is claimed one day at a time! 💕🤗💕


Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

    @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
I am recently aware that your birthday was on May 14th, however your birthday is not listed on
my Birthday calendar, so I am hoping that you will look at the following post and
enter you birthday so that I can annually recognize your special day.

For privacy, if you choose, you absolutely do not need to include your chosen birthday
information and/or to include the year of your birth date.
In fact you do not need to reveal your exact day and month either, you can feel free
to use a month, day, and year of your choosing or some other special event in your life...
... or, if you wish, you can enter nothing at all.

                      Information about Birthday Recognition for our Members
LINK--> https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=247093.msg2261396#msg2261396

If you want assistance or have any questions please Forum Message me or contact me
via my direct email:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Food and War

I'm going to express a couple thoughts that may not be popular. I'm not going to engage in debate if you disagree and I have jumped into other threads to offer dissenting opinions. 

This needs to be a safe place for us above all else. 

Regarding food, I was raised in the Midwestern US on what my mom called "meat, potato, and a vegetable " for every dinner. I thought about somone things and leaned toward vegetarian in my twenties. I went plant-based in 2000 and remain so. 

I'm asked why I don't eat animal products. I answer, "Why DO you eat them?" Later I'll share my answer that I want to reduce my carbon and pollution footprint (diet is in the top three ways), I feel healthier (look up the protein myth; I get plenty), and I don't like sentient beings suffering for my pleasure (because yeah, animal products taste good)


As for war, I'm intensely pacifistic. I have immense respect for people who dodged the draft and refused to fight. In many wars, people on all sides died pointlessly. There are exceptions. In all cases, even people on the wrong side of history did not deserve to die. And my country has become a worldwide bully. 

I've said what I needed to say. I'll read all responses but won't engage in arguments. It's ok if you agree or if you are angry. I celebrate all our lives as we share our stories, chat about easy topics, share our experiences and hope about our gender journeys, and have a safe place to be ourselves. 

@KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
I wholeheartedly agree with your statement:
              "This needs to be a safe place for us above all else"

I sincerely hope that you find it that way here on our Forum.
My Moderator Team and I work very hard to keep this a SAFE and ACCEPTING place for ALL our our members.
Please, if you ever do not find that to be true, I request that you contact me via
Forum Private Message; or my Direct Email at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com     

I am so very glad that you blessed us with your presence and your posted comments and thoughts.
HUGS and my best wishes for your success and happiness.

Danielle[Northern Star Girl
  Forum Administrator
                                        Contacting Forum Staff
                  https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=251245.msg2306399#msg2306399 
cc: @Susan @Northern Star Girl @Devlyn  @Lori Dee  @Jessica_Rose  @Sarah B  @Mariah  @Charlotte Kitty           

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 25, 2026, 11:18:25 PMFood and War

I'm going to express a couple thoughts that may not be popular. I'm not going to engage in debate if you disagree and I have jumped into other threads to offer dissenting opinions.

This needs to be a safe place for us above all else.

Regarding food, I was raised in the Midwestern US on what my mom called "meat, potato, and a vegetable " for every dinner. I thought about somone things and leaned toward vegetarian in my twenties. I went plant-based in 2000 and remain so.

I'm asked why I don't eat animal products. I answer, "Why DO you eat them?" Later I'll share my answer that I want to reduce my carbon and pollution footprint (diet is in the top three ways), I feel healthier (look up the protein myth; I get plenty), and I don't like sentient beings suffering for my pleasure (because yeah, animal products taste good)


As for war, I'm intensely pacifistic. I have immense respect for people who dodged the draft and refused to fight. In many wars, people on all sides died pointlessly. There are exceptions. In all cases, even people on the wrong side of history did not deserve to die. And my country has become a worldwide bully.

I've said what I needed to say. I'll read all responses but won't engage in arguments. It's ok if you agree or if you are angry. I celebrate all our lives as we share our stories, chat about easy topics, share our experiences and hope about our gender journeys, and have a safe place to be ourselves.

You can have any diet you like Krista, you won't get any argument from me. As long as people don't preach at me telling me my lifestyle is bad and theirs is "The Way" then all power to you.

Vegetarian food can be absolutely awesome, I often have a veggie meal but by plant based I'm assuming you mean Vegan? I could not give up cheese and dairy so it's not for me!

Humans are omnivores, we can eat both meat and veg or just veg. I do enjoy meat but if I was faced with having to dispatch the animal myself I would switch to a vegetarian diet!!! I don't even kill spiders and flies ha ha! There was a live tv show in the UK once where it showed you the whole process from bringing the animal into the (studio set up)  abattoir, stunning it, killing it, butchering it, cooking it and then serving to the live audience. They did a sheep and a pig I think. It very nearly turned me veggie and it will likely stay with me for life. The process is horrific, so industrial. And yes, I am aware it is totally double standards on my part. I could never be a hunter.

I consider myself very anti war. But I will defend my country if we are ever attacked. I only believe in defensive actions when my own county or an ally is attacked. A lot of the conflicts the US and UK have been involved in post war were either idealogical or all about money and oil grabs. Not in my name, though I will support our service men and women who have no choice in where they are sent.

Public scares me yet is exhilarating. 

My days are no longer drab. At work and home I'm feminine. I have no male clothing and I always wear makeup.  

But there is always a limit on my expression. Four years ago my limit was panties under male clothes. Now it's my lovely wig, breast forms, and bold lipstick. The last limit is fading. 

I have gone out fully as myself in certain limited ways. 

Walking in public from my car to a Genderquest meeting, 150 of the longest feet ever measured. 

Trips out of town to safer cities than my famously Trump-loving hometown.  

At home, when my family isn't around, though the appeal of that is gone now. 

Every day I feel incomplete without those three things. I feel like they are "too much". I think they would be an improvement. When I do it, when I'm the Krista in my profile photo and I shed the fear, I feel fabulous! 

I've broken dozens of self-imposed walls and I will do the same with these last three. All of you help me advance ❤️

Way to go Krista, I'm so proud of you!

Just keep remembering how far you have come, and that will motivate you to keep going.

Even baby steps forward are still moving forward. They are still progress, and before long you will have gone a mile.

Keep stepping, girl!

Time to update my blog. This share scares me but I've learning coming out can be a gift to myself but also to others.

17 years ago I started with Sex Addicts Anonymous. I've attended and worked steps ever since. I had been out of control with unhealthy behaviors and I could not stop. My life was falling apart. I was close to losing my job, my wife, and my 3-year old twins. SAA saved me. But something was missing and ten years later I relapsed.

My addiction nearly made it impossible to understand that I'm trans. I dismissed my feelings as part of my addiction for about four years. I relapsed again. Then I found a trans SAA group.

The great thing is that I've realized that letting Krista out was the best thing I ever did for my addiction. I've never felt so serene. I'm finally me. Suppressing her was killing me. Freeing her is saving me. 

I'm hesitant to share this. Anonymity is a core principle of SAA. But sometimes our recovery stories help others. I'm a grateful sober sponsor now.

I've found there are MANY sex addicts out there. I believe it's as common as it is commonly denied. If you think you might be a sex addict, go to SAA-recovery.org or message me.

It's June already and wow have things changed in a year. 

Last year I was only going by my male name. Mr presentation was fairly androgynous, not male but easily perceived as male. I was him and sir. I was confused about my gender, feeling a deep tug of femme but also blasts of THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! 

In June a year later I go by Krista in many spaces. When I'm supposed to introduce myself I hesitate. The community knows me by my male name. The queer community calls me Krista. I don't want to share any name but Krista. Struggling with that is growth. 

I've started HRT. I wear skirts and full makeup to work. My boundaries  year ago were skirts, dresses, red lipstick, and dangly earrings. Too feminine for out in public. Now I'm wearing all of that to work.  I'm starting to feel more female and aligned. 

I'm doing counseling with my spouse. She knows my heart and is trying to adapt to a spouse about to be only Krista. 

It's been a great spring! 

      @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:

  You have been here on the Susan's Place Forum for less than 2 months
and I can see and read a change in how you present yourself in that
short time as a confident and self-assured woman...
    ...and how you interact with our members in a positive way.

  I eagerly am looking forward to following your continued journey and
reading (and enjoying) what you say and share in your postings.

      ❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle[Northern Star Girl]
  Forum Administrator       Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

I love that update Krista, you are always so upbeat and positive. It's great to see. You are going through a very exciting time of change right now and you are really leaning into it. I'm excited to see where it will take you!

To quote Ashley, "Onward we go Sister!"