Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was assigned male at birth in 1962. For decades, I wore that shell like well-cut armor—husband, father, scientist, teacher. Every chapter looked good from the outside and even internally to me: a marriage built on love, a family I still cherish, a career I poured my whole heart into. On the surface, I seemed at home. But somewhere quieter, under the skin, something was always waiting. Watching. Longing to exhale.

It started as a restlessness—a ghost touch at the edge of my heart. At first, I reached for small, secret things. Clear nail polish some days; the cool weight of a stud earring; clothes just soft and fluid enough to hint at possibility. No one said a word. On those days, the world kept turning. But inside, I was opening—a secret bloom.

With glacial slowness, I grew more femme. Months of agony over choosing almost clear nail polish with an almost invite touch of pink. Tiny hoop earrings. More feminine colored shirts. My heart and mind grew, too.

Ten months ago, this quiet call became a tidal wave. I could not keep it contained. I told my close friends and LGBTQ+ friends, then my wife, my children. It was terrifying and I wasn't sure I believed it. I started letting the mask slip with more friends, with colleagues, finding myself surprised at each moment of kindness or, sometimes, silence. Every conversation was a collision—heart racing, hands shaking, voice breaking toward the truth. But then, after, I would feel my jaw unclench, my body settle, and for a moment, the universe would go silent and wide. I breathed out, and it was my own name on the exhale.


This is me. Her name - MY name -  is Krista.

I haven't started hormones and I rarely express the way I want to, with breast forms, skirts, and wigs. Sometimes I still flinch at old doubt. But there is a new current thrumming underneath it all—something true. Sometimes I am terrified, sometimes giddy as a teenager, sometimes just so soft I want to cry for both the fear of what's next and for the miracle of finding my own skin, at last.

I'm tired of hiding. This blog is the opposite of hiding. This is where I let you—and myself—see Krista, not just in milestones and bold steps, but in the tiny, ordinary moments: the right shade of lipstick, the swing of earrings, the sound of my own laughter in a room where I am no longer alone.

I use she/they pronouns. I don't have everything figured out, not by a long shot. But I do know: every day I choose truth, my world gets bigger, softer, wilder, and more possible.

Here is what it feels like—moment by moment, breath by breath—to become.

Welcome.
This is a great group of people to figure you out. The people are kind and welcoming.

Hey Krista,

I'm Charlotte😻 and I'm pleased to welcome you to Susan's Place!

Thank you for your heartfelt introduction. I'm pleased that you have found the courage and taken steps towards living as your true self. Ten months ago was quite a turning point by then sounds of it, where you could no longer contain the real you inside. This is certainly a place where you'll be able to explore yourself more but with the support of friends here on Susan's. I look forward to learning more about you and your journey as and when you're ready.

We strive to make this a safe space where you can be yourself without judgement. A place to find information but also share your own thoughts, feelings and observations. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page listing all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum includes a description of what the forum is about, as well as any posting guidelines.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES  PUBLIC  Forum and the internet never forgets.
Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

I will add links below that are important for new and returning members.
Pay special attention to the links in RED.

When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com.

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

Kind regards,
Charlotte😻
(Forum Staff)

---

Please familiarize yourself with these resources.

• New Members... Please Read this First (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250343.msg2295001.html#msg2295001)
• Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
• Site Policies and stuff to remember (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,492.0.html)
• Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
• Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
• How to Contact Forum Staff Members (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246913.0.html)
• Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
• Photos, avatars, & signature images (https://www.susans.org//index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

---

@KristaFairchild
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Sarah B

Sorry the font was huge. I can't edit it but I'll figure it out next time. 

I just thought it was your way screaming from a mountain top who you are.

I had never blogged or diaried before coming on here but now I find the whole thing very cathartic.

You can use it however you like. I still haven't got mine all figured out yet, I sort of download my thoughts and also anything I think might be mildly interesting to people.

I've found it so good I've started keeping a personal written journal for the things I can't share.

I will be following along with interest Krista.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on April 28, 2026, 09:24:23 AMSorry the font was huge. I can't edit it but I'll figure it out next time.

Welcome to the Member Blogs, Krista!

(I removed the font size tags for you, so it isn't so large.)

I enjoyed reading your first installment and look forward to future updates. This is your home here on Susan's, where your friends and followers can stop by and catch up on the latest. When you post celebrations, we will celebrate with you. When you post doubts, we are here to listen and offer support.

Hi Krista, welcome in.

I know we met on here before but reading your into you were correct.

Your story is so, so close to mine.

I'm happy I have another friend.

And as per Sarah's comment, this place is great for catharsis

Hi, and welcome. Like many of us, self-discovery doesn't always happen early in life. You're just a year older than I am, and you're in wonderful company here.

This community is full of kind, supportive people—many with experiences similar to yours—who are always ready to listen and be there for you. 💚

Today's celebration - shoes! 
I've been wearing women's shoes for months or maybe years, heels have been a boundary. I'm now on my 4th day in heels in the past month. I'm getting better at walking in them and I smile every time I see my feet. 

Any heel advice is appreciated! Please share your thought it experiences. 

Practice on all surfaces, laminate is a bitch in stillettos! Do not walk on grass, stay away from drains and other floor grates! Walk with your head up looking ahead. Place one foot in line with the other as best you can as this can help the hip sway.

Don't wear tights or stockings with court shoes as they are liable to fly off your feet and take somebodys eye out!

Start low and build up.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 29, 2026, 12:18:58 PMPractice on all surfaces...Don't wear tights or stockings with court shoes as they are liable to fly off your feet and take somebody's eye out!

Start low and build up.

LOL! Thank you! Yes, I fear for my life when walking through our kitchen but I'm doing pretty good on anything paved. I don't understand how even with heel pads the back of the shoe can come loose while my toes are stuffed in tight. Without skin friction I could enter a heel-put Olympics event, so no nylons.

But I'm committed!

Quote from: KristaFairchild on April 29, 2026, 05:06:36 PMLOL! Thank you! Yes, I fear for my life when walking through our kitchen but I'm doing pretty good on anything paved. I don't understand how even with heel pads the back of the shoe can come loose while my toes are stuffed in tight. Without skin friction I could enter a heel-put Olympics event, so no nylons.

But I'm committed!

I've heard people say you can spray your hoisery clad feet with hairspray which improves the friction but I've never tried it myself!

My whole house is laminate so I learned at work in the office. Long corridor and carpet. I found just forgetting i've got them on and adapting to a light walking rhythm worked best. A feminine swagger helps! I love the sound walking in heels at work.

Driving in them is interesting, especially as my car is manual with a clutch!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 29, 2026, 05:20:59 PMDriving in them is interesting, especially as my car is manual with a clutch!

that sound is blissful! I have two pairs of ankle boots and opt for the pair that click ❤️🎵

I'm surprisingly good at driving in heels. I never knew that I habitually use the balls of my feet. Then again, I'm in 3" heels or less. I could be a hazard in stilettos! 

Enjoy your clothes and shoes!


Chrissy

Today I got ma'am'd. It's an awkward verb but I like it. This has happened before on one of the three times I've been fully en femme in public, but never in my daily femme-leaning outfits. Today I had strong signals: pink v-neck, pink pants, dangly earrings, a necklace, and fairly made-up face. 

It was the first time in my daily wear that I was called ma'am and it wasn't retracted after they saw my face. 

I'll never forget that moment 🥺❤️

Krista, your story resonates with me so much. It feels very similar to how I felt. I'm looking forward to reading your blog.

Alana

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on April 29, 2026, 09:59:18 PMKrista, your story resonates with me so much. It feels very similar to how I felt. I'm looking forward to reading your blog.

Alana

Thank you, Alana! Jump in anytime, please? In many ways we gals do this together. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on April 29, 2026, 09:23:49 PMIt was the first time in my daily wear that I was called ma'am and it wasn't retracted after they saw my face. 

I'll never forget that moment 🥺❤️

Those will always feel wonderful. It makes me blush when it happens!

When I have been out with my mum we get called ladies, yes it gives you a buzz.

Back in my old crossdressing days I helped my wife conquer heels.  I don't know why but it was just easy.  Maybe I spent too much time watching women.

These days I don't see too many women in heels but a lot of those I see seem to be struggling.

I have to stop myself from complimenting their shoe choice and trying to help them walk

It's skirt day! 

I've wanted to wear a skirt to work for months but somehow my mind believes two things at once. 

1. I'm visibly trans and most people know it at work. 
2. No one is quite sure I'm trans and adding a skirt would be a confirmation. 

Let's see...daily look has foundation, lipstick, eye makeup, earrings, women's blouses, and women's slacks. Sometimes heels and red lipstick and nails. 

Raise your hand for #1. Ok...many of you. #2? Anyone? Anyone? 

Ok, I'll wear the skirt today. Wish me luck. 

I wore skirts and dresses at work before I officially worked out I was trans. So wearing a skirt doesn't automatically say you're trans, although people will certainly wonder!

I think you'll be fine from what you say. Enjoy X

Best of luck, Krista! Not that you'll need it--you've got this, Girl!

Both #1 and #2 can be true at the same time.

And it really doesn't matter either way as long as you are safe.

I hope it turns out well! Let us know how it went.

Krista, I was going to say 1 but on reflection I say 1 or 2.

Like Lori says, either way it doesn't matter as long as you are safe.

People will probably keep guessing until you tell them. 

Good luck, Krista.
You got this.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 01, 2026, 08:12:52 AMIt's skirt day!

I've wanted to wear a skirt to work for months but somehow my mind believes two things at once.

1. I'm visibly trans and most people know it at work.
2. No one is quite sure I'm trans and adding a skirt would be a confirmation.

Let's see...daily look has foundation, lipstick, eye makeup, earrings, women's blouses, and women's slacks. Sometimes heels and red lipstick and nails.

Raise your hand for #1. Ok...many of you. #2? Anyone? Anyone?

Ok, I'll wear the skirt today. Wish me luck.

Let us know if you wore the skirt and if you received the reaction you desired.
Skirts and dresses are items most people would associate with women, so if you want them to think you are transgender, wearing a skirt would be a very strong indicator that you are.

I did not have much of a positive set of reactions the first time I wore a skirt when working.
However, over time, it is all fine.  I hope your day went terrific today, skirt or not!

Chrissy

I had to do some carpentry work for an exhibit in my garage this morning first. It put me in this very masculine feeling mood that I didn't like. I had to adjust my feelings and take a long, slow shower to get back in my reality.

I put on the black mini skirt, a black V-neck top, and my usual feminine makeup. I chose white stray, sandals that would show off my pink toenails. 

Friday afternoons are pretty empty at work so I only talk to two people in encountered perhaps four. I couldn't read any change in anybody's reaction to mr and that that's a win. 

Most important is that I felt fabulous! Thank you all for checking in on me. ❤️

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 01, 2026, 10:08:04 PMI had to do some carpentry work for an exhibit in my garage this morning first. It put me in this very masculine feeling mood that I didn't like. I had to adjust my feelings and take a long, slow shower to get back in my reality.

I put on the black mini skirt, a black V-neck top, and my usual feminine makeup. I chose white stray, sandals that would show off my pink toenails.

Friday afternoons are pretty empty at work so I only talk to two people in encountered perhaps four. I couldn't read any change in anybody's reaction to mr and that that's a win.

Most important is that I felt fabulous! Thank you all for checking in on me. ❤️

I work with wood as a hobby, whilst it is a stereotypicaly male pursuit there are many women who enjoy the creative side of it. I'm a big fan of Larissa Huff in the states for example, she's beautiful, works with wood and produces amazing work. She is one of many. You do not have to be a man to enjoy male dominated hobbies.

I build hot rods, there are a lot of women that do. I also just like making things out of metal, making items into lamps and clocks. I made a unit out of ply to house my record collection and stand my record player and amp on, that turned out okay .

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 02, 2026, 02:25:41 AMI work with wood as a hobby, whilst it is a stereotypicaly male pursuit there are many women who enjoy the creative side of it. I'm a big fan of Larissa Huff in the states for example, she's beautiful, works with wood and produces amazing work. She is one of many. You do not have to be a man to enjoy male dominated hobbies.

I agree! That was just the effect on me in that moment, and my own rather sexist limitation. I will do better and I appreciate your perspective!

I'm also terrible at woodworking. No. I'll reset that negative self-talk. I've done basic work successfully, but was using new skills and having to redo things. And swear.  A lot. Like a trans sailor. Hence the slow shower and mood reset. 

Quote from: davina61 on May 02, 2026, 03:05:25 AMI build hot rods, there are a lot of women that do. I also just like making things out of metal, making items into lamps and clocks. I made a unit out of ply to house my record collection and stand my record player and amp on, that turned out okay .

As I stumble my into my new identity, I'm in some ways becoming more...chauvinistic? Maybe that's the word. 

When I perceived myself as male, I was aware of sexist assumptions. A mechanic calls a woman honey? I heard that and would hope it wasn't meant to be condescending. A few days ago a mechanic called ME honey and I kind of blushed and glowed. 

I've been working on my staff to quit calling groups of people "guys". A phrase like "I met this girl and..." made me wonder if they were talking about a kid. Usually not. 

But now I'm unthinkingly adopting certain female stereotypes. WOMEN wear dresses and makeup. It feels good to do certain traditionally female things. Women walk many different ways, but I feel best when my hips sway and my arms swing in a way that feels men's arms do. Women have a huge range of voices and I want mine to land closer to the middle of that range. I always notice on TV when a man leads a woman by her elbow. WTF? Would the reverse ever happen? It angers me. But now I would swoon if an attractive man took me gently by the elbow...and I'm primarily attracted to women (and happily married to one). 

It reminds of a parallel that was shared with me by a Lakota man in South Dakota. He was sharing that many nations were dwindling, losing their languages and culture. He was explaining why many people of Native American ancestry were seeking knowledge of the Lakota and its rich culture. 

He said, "They just want something Indian."

And I "just want something female."

After decades of overt feminism, part of me is becoming a housewife from the mid-20th century. Part of me wants to be a Bond girl from Goldfinger. Or a woman executive in a power suit. I'm grasping at anything that feels female to me when I choose my clothes to align myself in ways that feel right. 

I don't plan to stay in this place. Maybe that why it's called transition. 🏳��⚧️ 

The great thing about blogging is people respond in ways that make me reflect on my journey. I'm grateful! ❤️🥰

Krista, you don't have to choose between worlds.

I love woodworking (though i'm still a total newbie), my main passion is wildlife and landscape photography, I used to build and maintain road bikes all of which are male dominated hobbies BUT at the same time I love cooking and baking, I like reading, enjoy gardening, I love to wear feminine clothing, I love doing my make up and being as feminine as I can be.

I would absolutely love to have a man (or woman) treat me like a lady. I think I might be putty in their hands if they did ! I'm no militant feminist, though I will speak out when this behaviour strays into chauvinism or misogyny.

Be the woman you want to be Krista. Feminimity doesn't come with a manual or unbreakable limitations. Find your own way and above all, be happy with your choices.

Oh when I am not in my workshop I am full on female well more so than in my workshop!!

It happened again. 

I played disc golf with my kids this morning. I love being with them! The terrain lands me in androgynous presentation and I came home thinking, "Could I go back to this?

Then opened an En Femme email and got teary eyed. 

I can't and I don't want to. 

I have an email for Kellie now.
I haven't played Frisbee golf in 3 years. I had a blast

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on May 02, 2026, 07:20:12 PMI have an email for Kellie now.
I haven't played Frisbee golf in 3 years. I had a blast

It's wonderful to have a digital presence as Krista. In here it's my only name and I love it. I also have a Gmail account and Zoom. I use a task list daily and use Siri to add items. She says "I've added it to the Krista list" and I smile. I love opening my Krista Drive, full of joy. 

I've been playing disc golf before pole holes were invented, 50 years. I still can't putt! 🤣🤣🤣

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 02, 2026, 09:39:00 PMIt's wonderful to have a digital presence as Krista. In here it's my only name and I love it. I also have a Gmail account and Zoom. I use a task list daily and use Siri to add items. She says "I've added it to the Krista list" and I smile. I love opening my Krista Drive, full of joy.

I've been playing disc golf before pole holes were invented, 50 years. I still can't putt! 🤣🤣🤣

I must admit, coming on to SP has been a huge sense of relief to me. To be able to interact as the real me with likeminded people is so liberating. My female inner self has grown so much since January I'm starting to think it's unstoppable. It is so nice to be the real me, to not have to put on an act.

I played disc golf once in Scotland about 20 years ago ish. It was fun but I prefer the real thing. Britain is a windy country so maybe not the best for throwing frisbes accurately!

Krista, It's hard to unlearn a liftime of imprinted prejudices that came from our generation

I tend to look at my best friends who are a lesbian couple. One tends to take on the "traditional masculine" jobs with relish. See's physical work as a challenge and accomplishment.

She's the fierce girl type who will tackle any job providing she is safe.

If it's good enough for her it's good enough for me. Do things you want to do or things you are good at.

Most tasks have no gender

Today was a big day for me, though as so often happens, I made it bigger than it had to be.

I was fully out as Krista today. Knee length black skirt, purple velvet v-neck peplum top, black pumps, full makeup with bold lipstick, gold jewelry.

I was out at work. Passed many people in the hallway. Had meetings. No one blocked. Many offered compliments.

And I scheduled a doctors appointment about HRT.

🎉🎉🎉

That is all great news, Krista!

Congrats on a great day. I suspect there will be many more in your future.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 05, 2026, 11:30:28 PMToday was a big day for me, though as so often happens, I made it bigger than it had to be.

I was fully out as Krista today. Knee length black skirt, purple velvet v-neck peplum top, black pumps, full makeup with bold lipstick, gold jewelry.

I was out at work. Passed many people in the hallway. Had meetings. No one blocked. Many offered compliments.

And I scheduled a doctors appointment about HRT.

🎉🎉🎉

Wow, a big day indeed. You are so brave. I'm so glad work went ok for you too. Onwards and upwards!

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 05, 2026, 11:30:28 PMToday was a big day for me, though as so often happens, I made it bigger than it had to be.

I was fully out as Krista today. Knee length black skirt, purple velvet v-neck peplum top, black pumps, full makeup with bold lipstick, gold jewelry.

I was out at work. Passed many people in the hallway. Had meetings. No one blocked. Many offered compliments.

And I scheduled a doctors appointment about HRT.

🎉🎉🎉

You had a great day out!


Chrissy

This journey keeps getting easier and more joyous. I realized that I was trying to pass, though I denied it. Now it's helping me to frame it as wanting to be seen as trans, and to do what many women do, enhance my looks as I choose to. 

Today I went to pick up somone sparkly eyeshadow I had ordered from Target. The pickup person was busy and called over an associate, saying, "They need help with an order." I appreciated the "they" that was said casually.  I would have preferred "she"  but too many times I hear "he" unless I'm 100% en femme. 

The associate was trans. The universe keeps opening my eyes, and doors with people welcoming me. She brought me my order and said it would like nice on me. 

Sometimes assumptions are nice. 

I asked about Pride at Target. Two years ago it was a huge display at the front of the store, in a Trumpland city. Last year it moved to the back. She told me Target had remove protection for trans employees (though in California we have strong laws, somewhat muddied by federal policies). She said the Pride display would not be at the front. Maybe not anywhere. 

Yet there is hope when we make connections. I won't be silenced or have my hands tied. 

I saw this today. 

Longing —> hesitation —> first experience—> relief —> integration 

Yes

Some things have taken years and some things are taking days, but this is the process. Recently, it's been breast forms. 

I long for that aligned shape and their warm feeling on my chest. For the way my silhouette morphs into rightness in a dress, a dress I still won't wear outside often except for special events. But want breast forms daily, not just for special nights. Even just under a sweater or blouse. 

First experience in public or at work is next. It's like I'm longing for it and resisting at the same time. 

But this is how it goes with EVERYTHING. Longing —> hesitation —> first experience—> relief —> integration 

Example: shoes. Especially heels. 

Longing...imagining...admiring...online shopping...wish listing

Not buying. Debating. They sit in a wish list that I view often. Can I?! Can I give myself permission? I should! I shouldn't. It's me! I'm not ready. My environment isn't ready. What will make this change?

I finally wear them to work. It's scary and blissful. My daily dress slacks never looked so feminine. I'm seen by dozens of people. After work I'm ecstatic that I did it! Nothing bad happened and lots of good happened!

Then I start wearing them to work often and relax into who I am. Soon I have two pairs of pumps and two of sandals. Integration!




I can't resist the breast forms much longer. Why do I resist the inevitable?

Humans are homeostatic by nature. We resist change. We get settled into our comfort zone and don't want to leave. It may be a wonderful thing we strive for, but in the back of our minds is that little voice warning us that it might be too dangerous.

Then we step forward anyway. It turns out to be okay. We tell the little voice, "See? It was good!" And the little voice says, "Yes, this time..." and we start questioning again.

I went from never going outside dressed to spending hours on makeup before going out anywhere. Eventually, I just learned to relax. If someone has a problem with how I look, that is their problem, not mine. But safety first.

Why is ted lipstick a sticking point for me? I've been wearing many shades of Clinique for months. Currently Love Pop on most days. It's not subtle. 

But red scares me. 

However, I'm taking it on! I not only love it, I think it's a good color on me. I created a brutally honest AI mode (whew!) and it agrees. That helps; I need something objective even if it's a computer program. 

So far:
1. Red in queer spaces often. Out and bold!
2. Red at work once and no one blinked. 
3. Today at an out of town conference and on the road, red dabbed over Love Pop - I loved it. 
4. Committing to what I love as I move forward, dammit! 

I know. I post drivel. But it's helpful to me. 

I prefer more muted natural colours rather than bold red as I am a bit of an introvert and don't like to draw attention to myself too much. I use L'oreal Colour Riche lippy and specifically shades such as "107 Seine Sunrise" for effect and "235  Nude" if I'm going for a more subtle natural look.

I find these lipsticks to be lovely and creamy and they seem to last for ages too. I haven't tried clinique stuff at all though in any type of makeup. They seem to have a good reputation.

Sarah, I agree with your lipstick choice.

I originally went with 236 but in the wrong light it can be a little dark for me as I'm not attempting to pass.

I went back and bought 235 and have been wearing it daily. It matches my lip colour and smoothes them out.

I agree about how creamy the l'oreal lipstick feels.
I did try a lancome lipstick years ago which was really nice but it's a bit to pricey.

Sarah, I'm the same way. I love a good nude lip. Most days, it's a nude lip balm, or lip oil. The days I feel bold, I go with Mac honey love lipstick.

I use Maybelline ColorStay in light pink. It stains the lips, so even after it wears off, there is still a hint of color.

Depends on what I am wearing, if it has red in it then its my "in yer face" red lippy. Most of the time its a orangy hint of red one.

Hey Lori, it wouldn't matter what lipstick you wear, you are going to attract attention and people who want to kiss you

If you are going to wear a bold red make sure you have white teeth.

If anything is going to highlight anything than other than bright teeth is red lipstick.

For the Brits, refer to Queen Elizabth2' mum.

When I read posts from others, I see many people who know the gender of their soul intuitively, and many of them for most of their lives. 

And I'm jealous. Or is envious a better word, because I'm joyful for them? 

In my own head, there is confusion. Almost a battle that I mediate. I guess that means there are three of me. 

My body craves the femininity like oxygen. I'm three years into making myself the same question each day. "How feminine may I be today?" Do you hear the permission request? I'm ding better with that recently. 

My mind likes to question this in what sounds like healthy ways and fits my lifetime of scientific approach. Where is the evidence? Do the data fit the conclusions? How can I analyze this more thoroughly?

My mediator is done with my logical mind. It's getting limited to where it is most useful and that is NOT about my gender. 

My current approach is to enjoy my love of:
Being called Krista
Wearing skirts 
Openly affirming my gender with people when it feels right 
Wearing lipstick that make me feel steady yet tingly 

Most of all, when I get ready for my day I ask what Krista wants, not what I think the people I'll see would give me permission to be. 

I did this for two weeks last month before slipping back into analysis mode. I'm planning to persevere longer this time. 

I have a gender therapy appointment soon. My insurance doesn't cover it so I can't only afford once a month, but she is worth it. 

I have my first appointment about HRT on Thursday. I used to think HRT wasn't for me due to my age. Now that I have an appointment, I feel more excited. Would it help me feel more aligned? Would it give me even small bumps on my chest instead of flat? I used to dismiss A cups as not meaning much, but I'm seeing things differently now. 

Now back to my bubble bath. I've always smiled at my pink toenails peeking out of the white suds. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 16, 2026, 09:15:08 AMWould it help me feel more aligned? Would it give me even small bumps on my chest instead of flat?

Yes. And yes.

If it doesn't help you feel more aligned, or if you sense something is still off, discuss it with your therapist at the next visit. Deep down, your subconscious mind knows what it needs. If estrogen fills that need, you will notice improvement in your mood and generally how you feel. Some even feel euphoric from it.

But the opposite is also true. If it is not what your body needs for that alignment, it will affect your mood. Watch for those danger signs, like depression, or the feeling that something isn't right. That could signal that this is not the right path for you. It isn't right for everyone. That is okay, as it is information about what you need and what you don't.

Either way, at about the six month mark, breasts will be growing. That's the biology part vs the psychology part.

Good luck on your appointments. Let us know how it goes.

We sail similar vessels, Krista!

As much as I yearn to self-identify as she/her and live more fully as a woman, the mirror and the content of many of my dreams insist I'm not. I considered they/them, she/they, and they/her before settling on he/her.

For years, I thought I was gender confused. But I'm not. I'm comfortable with who I am and how I present.

I loved my months on Estradiol! If I had been able to sustain HRT (it's a long story) perhaps I would have affirmed more feminine pronouns. But it was quite the ride. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Yes, good luck on your appointments, hope all goes well for you.

Your feelings are no less valid just because you arrived at them later in life. I don't know for sure but I feel the majority of people at Susans have arrived late to the party so to speak. I wouldn't be envious, it doesn't make life any easier in my opinion. In fact you may have lived your life in blissful ignorance up till now which I feel might be better than carrying this with you all your life like I have.

HRT is the real test in my opinion. Once the changes start to take hold you should know if you are on the right path. It is not a magic pill though, the changes takes years but you should feel enough of a change early on to decide for yourself before things become irreversible.

Thank you Lori and Sarah,

It's great there are women here who also discovered their truth later in life as well as those who did not. I joined to gain perspective and each of you has been terrific at offering that. I am starting to look forward to my next steps instead of fearing them and this site, and your comments, really help. 

My wife asked to have a conversation about intimacy tomorrow and my gender journey will be part of that. I'm grateful for the opportunity and the support of other women like me that has prepared me. I'm hopeful. 

Oops, sorry Dances! I meant you 😘

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 17, 2026, 12:32:14 AMOops, sorry Dances! I meant you

Not to worry, Krista!

I so enjoy reading your posts and the thoughtful discussions they engender!

      @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
              I am so very late to your Birthday Party.

I am hoping that you had a very enjoyable time on your May 14th Birthday.
  Cake with candles?  Ice cream?  A special dinner?  Time with friends?  A trip to your favorite place?
                      HAPPY BIRTHDAY
              💐    🎁    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)    (https://www.susans.org/Smileys/susans/icon_birthday.gif)  🎂  🥳

HUGS, and I am giving you my warm Welcome to the Susan's Place Forum. 
                I'm so very GLAD that you found us and that you have been joining in.
Danielle [Northern star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator    Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

                (https://i.ibb.co/JWcRz69R/pexels-photo-7600413-desktop.jpg) (https://ibb.co/vCcxJySx)

Good luck at your appointment, Krista. happy birthday, too. Seeing your painted toenails poking through a bubble bath is something that you'll never tire of. I've been painting my toenails since 2023, and looking down, and seeing them puts a smile on my face every time.

Belated happy birthday my dear XX

            @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
I am so very pleased to see that you had joined our Susan's Place Forum family when you recently
registered as a member a month ago on April 18, 2026 and then you took it upon yourself to
start you very own member Blog thread that you can call your HOME here on the Forum where
you can share your life endeavors and your transition journey with your readers and followers.
Your Blog HOME will also allow other members to easily find you and leave their comments and replies.

As you continue to be actively involved you will undoubtedly find like-minded members that
may become your friends that you frequent exchange messages with.

Consider your member Blog thread to be your online Forum journal or diary.  In addition to my various
Blog threads over the years I also keep an "old school' more private pen and paper journal at my home. 
Nothing fancy, just spiral notebooks filled with my daily and more personal writings including colorful doodling,
cards and letters from my friends, snapshot photos, etc.
On rainy, cold and snowy nights, of which their are many here where I live, I can be found on my comfy
chair near my fireplace, reading my past and present entries with tears in my eyes or with laughter.

I have found that by writing out my feelings and thoughts it is good personal therapy that allows me to
review my decisions and to improve my future actions.
When you share your successes and good news we will all give you our congratulations and hugs and
when you tell us about your not-so-good news and failures we will gather around you with our ears to
listen and our shoulders for your to lean on.... HUGS will be included from many of your readers.

Again, I am so very glad that you decided to be a part of our Forum family.
If you have questions about the Forum and how it works you can feel free to contact me or any member
of the Forum Staff.

HUGS and a Warm Welcome,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator    Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Sometimes when I start to doubt, I look over the last few years of steady growth. 

My gender timeline (very condensed):
2020

• First lipstick (applied by my wife)
• First private feminine exploration

2022

• Ear piercing
• First visible nail polish
• Daily lip products

2023

• Women's clothing became part of my work wardrobe
• Came out as gender questioning to trusted colleagues

2024

• Daily makeup, jewelry, perfume, smooth legs
• Joined gender support communities
• Shifted from fear to a new normal

Late 2025

• Lipstick became daily
• Changed pronouns to they/them
• Introduced Krista in queer spaces

2026

• First public skirt
• she/they at work
• Purse became daily
• Skirts, pumps, dresses, and visible femininity integrated into everyday life
• Shifted from "Can I get away with this?" to "Do I feel like myself?"

Current status:
 Less fear. More desire, joy, and alignment. 💕

Well Done Krista!

This is how life is claimed one day at a time! 💕🤗💕


Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

    @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
I am recently aware that your birthday was on May 14th, however your birthday is not listed on
my Birthday calendar, so I am hoping that you will look at the following post and
enter you birthday so that I can annually recognize your special day.

For privacy, if you choose, you absolutely do not need to include your chosen birthday
information and/or to include the year of your birth date.
In fact you do not need to reveal your exact day and month either, you can feel free
to use a month, day, and year of your choosing or some other special event in your life...
... or, if you wish, you can enter nothing at all.

                      Information about Birthday Recognition for our Members
LINK--> https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=247093.msg2261396#msg2261396

If you want assistance or have any questions please Forum Message me or contact me
via my direct email:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Food and War

I'm going to express a couple thoughts that may not be popular. I'm not going to engage in debate if you disagree and I have jumped into other threads to offer dissenting opinions. 

This needs to be a safe place for us above all else. 

Regarding food, I was raised in the Midwestern US on what my mom called "meat, potato, and a vegetable " for every dinner. I thought about somone things and leaned toward vegetarian in my twenties. I went plant-based in 2000 and remain so. 

I'm asked why I don't eat animal products. I answer, "Why DO you eat them?" Later I'll share my answer that I want to reduce my carbon and pollution footprint (diet is in the top three ways), I feel healthier (look up the protein myth; I get plenty), and I don't like sentient beings suffering for my pleasure (because yeah, animal products taste good)


As for war, I'm intensely pacifistic. I have immense respect for people who dodged the draft and refused to fight. In many wars, people on all sides died pointlessly. There are exceptions. In all cases, even people on the wrong side of history did not deserve to die. And my country has become a worldwide bully. 

I've said what I needed to say. I'll read all responses but won't engage in arguments. It's ok if you agree or if you are angry. I celebrate all our lives as we share our stories, chat about easy topics, share our experiences and hope about our gender journeys, and have a safe place to be ourselves. 

@KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:
I wholeheartedly agree with your statement:
              "This needs to be a safe place for us above all else"

I sincerely hope that you find it that way here on our Forum.
My Moderator Team and I work very hard to keep this a SAFE and ACCEPTING place for ALL our our members.
Please, if you ever do not find that to be true, I request that you contact me via
Forum Private Message; or my Direct Email at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com     

I am so very glad that you blessed us with your presence and your posted comments and thoughts.
HUGS and my best wishes for your success and happiness.

Danielle[Northern Star Girl
  Forum Administrator
                                        Contacting Forum Staff
                  https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=251245.msg2306399#msg2306399 
cc: @Susan @Northern Star Girl @Devlyn  @Lori Dee  @Jessica_Rose  @Sarah B  @Mariah  @Charlotte Kitty           

Quote from: KristaFairchild on May 25, 2026, 11:18:25 PMFood and War

I'm going to express a couple thoughts that may not be popular. I'm not going to engage in debate if you disagree and I have jumped into other threads to offer dissenting opinions.

This needs to be a safe place for us above all else.

Regarding food, I was raised in the Midwestern US on what my mom called "meat, potato, and a vegetable " for every dinner. I thought about somone things and leaned toward vegetarian in my twenties. I went plant-based in 2000 and remain so.

I'm asked why I don't eat animal products. I answer, "Why DO you eat them?" Later I'll share my answer that I want to reduce my carbon and pollution footprint (diet is in the top three ways), I feel healthier (look up the protein myth; I get plenty), and I don't like sentient beings suffering for my pleasure (because yeah, animal products taste good)


As for war, I'm intensely pacifistic. I have immense respect for people who dodged the draft and refused to fight. In many wars, people on all sides died pointlessly. There are exceptions. In all cases, even people on the wrong side of history did not deserve to die. And my country has become a worldwide bully.

I've said what I needed to say. I'll read all responses but won't engage in arguments. It's ok if you agree or if you are angry. I celebrate all our lives as we share our stories, chat about easy topics, share our experiences and hope about our gender journeys, and have a safe place to be ourselves.

You can have any diet you like Krista, you won't get any argument from me. As long as people don't preach at me telling me my lifestyle is bad and theirs is "The Way" then all power to you.

Vegetarian food can be absolutely awesome, I often have a veggie meal but by plant based I'm assuming you mean Vegan? I could not give up cheese and dairy so it's not for me!

Humans are omnivores, we can eat both meat and veg or just veg. I do enjoy meat but if I was faced with having to dispatch the animal myself I would switch to a vegetarian diet!!! I don't even kill spiders and flies ha ha! There was a live tv show in the UK once where it showed you the whole process from bringing the animal into the (studio set up)  abattoir, stunning it, killing it, butchering it, cooking it and then serving to the live audience. They did a sheep and a pig I think. It very nearly turned me veggie and it will likely stay with me for life. The process is horrific, so industrial. And yes, I am aware it is totally double standards on my part. I could never be a hunter.

I consider myself very anti war. But I will defend my country if we are ever attacked. I only believe in defensive actions when my own county or an ally is attacked. A lot of the conflicts the US and UK have been involved in post war were either idealogical or all about money and oil grabs. Not in my name, though I will support our service men and women who have no choice in where they are sent.

Public scares me yet is exhilarating. 

My days are no longer drab. At work and home I'm feminine. I have no male clothing and I always wear makeup.  

But there is always a limit on my expression. Four years ago my limit was panties under male clothes. Now it's my lovely wig, breast forms, and bold lipstick. The last limit is fading. 

I have gone out fully as myself in certain limited ways. 

Walking in public from my car to a Genderquest meeting, 150 of the longest feet ever measured. 

Trips out of town to safer cities than my famously Trump-loving hometown.  

At home, when my family isn't around, though the appeal of that is gone now. 

Every day I feel incomplete without those three things. I feel like they are "too much". I think they would be an improvement. When I do it, when I'm the Krista in my profile photo and I shed the fear, I feel fabulous! 

I've broken dozens of self-imposed walls and I will do the same with these last three. All of you help me advance ❤️

Way to go Krista, I'm so proud of you!

Just keep remembering how far you have come, and that will motivate you to keep going.

Even baby steps forward are still moving forward. They are still progress, and before long you will have gone a mile.

Keep stepping, girl!

Time to update my blog. This share scares me but I've learning coming out can be a gift to myself but also to others.

17 years ago I started with Sex Addicts Anonymous. I've attended and worked steps ever since. I had been out of control with unhealthy behaviors and I could not stop. My life was falling apart. I was close to losing my job, my wife, and my 3-year old twins. SAA saved me. But something was missing and ten years later I relapsed.

My addiction nearly made it impossible to understand that I'm trans. I dismissed my feelings as part of my addiction for about four years. I relapsed again. Then I found a trans SAA group.

The great thing is that I've realized that letting Krista out was the best thing I ever did for my addiction. I've never felt so serene. I'm finally me. Suppressing her was killing me. Freeing her is saving me. 

I'm hesitant to share this. Anonymity is a core principle of SAA. But sometimes our recovery stories help others. I'm a grateful sober sponsor now.

I've found there are MANY sex addicts out there. I believe it's as common as it is commonly denied. If you think you might be a sex addict, go to SAA-recovery.org or message me.

It's June already and wow have things changed in a year. 

Last year I was only going by my male name. Mr presentation was fairly androgynous, not male but easily perceived as male. I was him and sir. I was confused about my gender, feeling a deep tug of femme but also blasts of THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! 

In June a year later I go by Krista in many spaces. When I'm supposed to introduce myself I hesitate. The community knows me by my male name. The queer community calls me Krista. I don't want to share any name but Krista. Struggling with that is growth. 

I've started HRT. I wear skirts and full makeup to work. My boundaries  year ago were skirts, dresses, red lipstick, and dangly earrings. Too feminine for out in public. Now I'm wearing all of that to work.  I'm starting to feel more female and aligned. 

I'm doing counseling with my spouse. She knows my heart and is trying to adapt to a spouse about to be only Krista. 

It's been a great spring! 

      @KristaFairchild
Dear Krista:

  You have been here on the Susan's Place Forum for less than 2 months
and I can see and read a change in how you present yourself in that
short time as a confident and self-assured woman...
    ...and how you interact with our members in a positive way.

  I eagerly am looking forward to following your continued journey and
reading (and enjoying) what you say and share in your postings.

      ❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle[Northern Star Girl]
  Forum Administrator       Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

I love that update Krista, you are always so upbeat and positive. It's great to see. You are going through a very exciting time of change right now and you are really leaning into it. I'm excited to see where it will take you!

To quote Ashley, "Onward we go Sister!"

A simple moment to record and share. 

I'm 10 days into HRT. That's one factor of many in my story. 

My comfort wearing my real clothes in public steadily increases. Today was my first day in public in he jean mini-skort that I love. In the past that would have meant a days of planning, fear, and anticipation. Even two months ago. 

Today I put it on, did my full makeup, went downtown, and didn't avoid crowded areas. 

Today also I realized that I feel like Krista often. My old male name is commonly used, but it is receding and doesn't feel like my name as much. 


I chat with many people about emotional matters. Work. Home. 12 Step. Susan's Place. Trans gatherings. ChatGPT. Therapy. Each has a different feeling and value. Today when I said to AI

"I am Krista, even when I'm doing ordinary life."

I was suddenly lit up. My whole nervous system went wild! My energy spiked. I wanted to shout. Or throw my phone across the room. I felt warm. Sexually aroused. Happy. Joyful.

All at once for 1 minute and then it was gone. Wow. 

realized

After 2 1/2 weeks on estradiol patch (dosage 1.0), I would not expect changes and there have been none - except the joy of being in it. Somone people experience early emotional shifts. I believe that my emotions were already fully unlocked and don't expect many changes in this area. I'm far more emotional than almost all women I know. 

But I'm open. No judgement or expectations as the experiment continues. I'm emotional, but I'm also a science person who accepts cold hard data! 

Perhaps you will see some changes in about a month.

Enjoy your journey!



Chrissy

I'm really happy for you Krista.

Have you had any mood swings at all or just euphoria?

I'm happy for you Krista. I was excited when I moved to patches

Quote from: Petunia on June 15, 2026, 07:20:43 PMI'm really happy for you Krista.

Have you had any mood swings at all or just euphoria?

Really nothing. But my moods and emotions have been more typically female than male my whole life. 

Susans has been great but not always easy. At first things seems a little strained. I found lots of great information and loved being in a space with other woman like me, reading their stories, both similar and different. But it felt hard to connect on a personal level. I'm not judging myself or anyone else though I'll say that I'm hard on myself, have abandonment issues, and tend to view friendships through glasses clearly not tinted rose. 

Yet even I found people in here that I connect with. Thank you to all the people who consistently like my posts and reply. It matters deeply to me. Thanks to all of you who simply show up, too. Life has shown me that a brief comment that feels casual to the one who says it can be a lightning bolt of positive change for others. 

June 20, 2026 – Pride Day
Today belongs on the important-event calendar.
I woke up tired and I'm exhausted now, but Pride had a huge effect on me. The atmosphere was incredible. Music was playing, people were dancing, people were hugging, and there was a feeling in the air that is hard to describe. It honestly didn't feel like ultra conservative Redding. Attendance was fantastic—maybe 1,000 people or more. The weather was hot but bearable.
The strongest feeling of the day was simple: I was with my people. There were queer people everywhere! 

I represented our local LGBTQ+ nonprofit that hosted Pride and visited every booth. I introduced myself as Krista over and over throughout the day. This was new for me. I've use my femme name in queer spaces for months, but today I was empowered to be authentic. 

People were happy to see me because I'm trans and because I'm me. I think a hug record was set today! I saw many people who know me as Krista and only as Krista. I was asked my pronouns twice. None of it felt strange. None of it felt forced. It just felt natural.

My wife worked the booth for our local community college. Between shifts we had lunch together outside and hung out with my queer friends at the Center. She knows I sometimes go by Krista but she heard me called Krista for the first time today, many times. She heard me introduce myself that way. I felt like she saw into the world she sometimes perceives as separate or secret from her. 

And she saw me light up.

I wore a blue pleated above the knee skirt, a blue peplum blouse that highlighted my blue eyes,  white strappy sandals, full makeup, and jewelry. I felt completely comfortable. More than comfortable—I felt attractive. For one of the first times in a long while, I wasn't thinking about my body.  felt good exactly as I was.


The most striking realization came later when I reflected on the day. I was only Krista at Pride.

My male name and self finally slid into the shadows at a public event. He still shows up in family situations, at work sometimes, and in old roles I've carried for decades. But he wasn't there today. Pride belonged entirely to Krista.

Yesterday I felt invisible. Today I felt seen.
Yesterday I felt unheard. Today i shared my story.

Yesterday I was wrestling with feelings of abandonment and not being good enough. Today I felt welcomed, accepted, and connected.
This wasn't just a fun event. It felt like a glimpse of what life looks like when I stop worrying about who I am and simply live as myself.

Thank you Krista for putting a big smile on my face.

I am so happy for and also your wife.

How cool is it that she was there with you helping out.

Congratulations

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 20, 2026, 08:20:05 PMJune 20, 2026 – Pride Day
Today belongs on the important-event calendar.
I woke up tired and I'm exhausted now, but Pride had a huge effect on me. The atmosphere was incredible. Music was playing, people were dancing, people were hugging, and there was a feeling in the air that is hard to describe. It honestly didn't feel like ultra conservative Redding. Attendance was fantastic—maybe 1,000 people or more. The weather was hot but bearable.
The strongest feeling of the day was simple: I was with my people. There were queer people everywhere!

I represented our local LGBTQ+ nonprofit that hosted Pride and visited every booth. I introduced myself as Krista over and over throughout the day. This was new for me. I've use my femme name in queer spaces for months, but today I was empowered to be authentic.

People were happy to see me because I'm trans and because I'm me. I think a hug record was set today! I saw many people who know me as Krista and only as Krista. I was asked my pronouns twice. None of it felt strange. None of it felt forced. It just felt natural.

My wife worked the booth for our local community college. Between shifts we had lunch together outside and hung out with my queer friends at the Center. She knows I sometimes go by Krista but she heard me called Krista for the first time today, many times. She heard me introduce myself that way. I felt like she saw into the world she sometimes perceives as separate or secret from her.

And she saw me light up.

I wore a blue pleated above the knee skirt, a blue peplum blouse that highlighted my blue eyes,  white strappy sandals, full makeup, and jewelry. I felt completely comfortable. More than comfortable—I felt attractive. For one of the first times in a long while, I wasn't thinking about my body.  felt good exactly as I was.


The most striking realization came later when I reflected on the day. I was only Krista at Pride.

My male name and self finally slid into the shadows at a public event. He still shows up in family situations, at work sometimes, and in old roles I've carried for decades. But he wasn't there today. Pride belonged entirely to Krista.

Yesterday I felt invisible. Today I felt seen.
Yesterday I felt unheard. Today i shared my story.

Yesterday I was wrestling with feelings of abandonment and not being good enough. Today I felt welcomed, accepted, and connected.
This wasn't just a fun event. It felt like a glimpse of what life looks like when I stop worrying about who I am and simply live as myself.

This sounds like a remarkable day and memorable day for you Krista!  I am glad for you!

Chrissy

That is awesome, Krista!

Thank you for sharing that wonderful experience with us.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, there is hope.

QuoteToday I felt welcomed, accepted, and connected.
This wasn't just a fun event. It felt like a glimpse of what life looks like when I stop worrying about who I am and simply live as myself.

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

It's getting easier to be me. 

Easier to talk with my wife.

Easier to be fully femme in more spaces. Last week it was downtown Redding, capital of Trump style conservatism. 

I'm more relaxed. 

I love being fully dressed but I don't need it as much. 

I'm three weeks into HRT, so that could be part of it or it could other things like marriage counseling going well and simply getting used to being out. I feel emotionally more stable and softer, but my usual heart remains on my sleeve and tears in my eyes as always. 

Next steps remain. Deciding about breast forms. They make me feel fake, especially because I don't always wear them. My wig is similar. I've considered wearing it all the time but we get 70 days a year over 100° F (40° C) and the sweaty face would be a thing. And breast forms...what happens when I start to grow my own? My forms fit my body while the ones I grow will be small according to the statistics for people my age. 

My name is spreading wider; at Pride I introduced myself as Krista to dozens of people. 

I'm feeling more accepted as myself. I'm accepting myself better, too. Thank you to everyone who has posted, especially those who have replied to me. You are making a difference ❤️

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 20, 2026, 08:20:05 PMI felt completely comfortable. More than comfortable—I felt attractive. For one of the first times in a long while, I wasn't thinking about my body.  felt good exactly as I was.

Reading this makes me happy. What a fantastic feeling for you.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 20, 2026, 08:20:05 PMMy wife worked the booth for our local community college. Between shifts we had lunch together outside and hung out with my queer friends at the Center. She knows I sometimes go by Krista but she heard me called Krista for the first time today, many times. She heard me introduce myself that way. I felt like she saw into the world she sometimes perceives as separate or secret from her.
And she saw me light up

And this must have been so nice for both her and for you.

I actually get tears in my eyes when reading about your experience.

Yes that is what my ex said, you look so much happier.

Congratulations on starting HRT!

And a million congratulations on attending a great Pride event and on the changes and feelings that it facilitated. For all these changes I've experienced and all of the years on HRT, I've still not been to a large-scale public event like that. June is coming to an end and I won't be making it to one but a local-ish small city is having theirs this fall and I plan on getting there, for sure.

Quote from: Finally Anna on June 26, 2026, 03:01:22 AMReading this makes me happy. What a fantastic feeling for you.
And this must have been so nice for both her and for you.

I actually get tears in my eyes when reading about your experience.

I often read stories in here with tears in my eyes. There is hope and joy in our journey. 

I really appreciate and value your posts, Anna - so much honesty and vulnerability 

Quote from: Courtney G on June 26, 2026, 08:10:58 AMCongratulations on starting HRT!

And a million congratulations on attending a great Pride event and on the changes and feelings that it facilitated. For all these changes I've experienced and all of the years on HRT, I've still not been to a large-scale public event like that. June is coming to an end and I won't be making it to one but a local-ish small city is having theirs this fall and I plan on getting there, for sure.

Local and smallish fits our Pride events. In some of the most conservative counties in the state, we have events. Towns of under 5,000 and cities of under 10,000. Our "big" city of 90,000 hosted the one I helped facilitate and attended with joy. 

The best part for me was seeing families and kids there, many not appearing to be part of the lgbtq community. 

The city near (a little over an hour away) me has a population of about 40,000.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 26, 2026, 08:28:29 AMI often read stories in here with tears in my eyes. There is hope and joy in our journey.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 26, 2026, 08:28:29 AMI often read stories in here with tears in my eyes. There is hope and joy in our journey.

I suspect there are a lot of us who do that.

My wife keeps saying why do you spend so much time at Susan's?

I've shown her a few posts but she doesn't want to read to much about the subject
 

Quote from: Petunia on June 26, 2026, 11:05:45 PMI've shown her a few posts but she doesn't want to read to much about the subject
 

I can hazard a few guesses as to why. What do you think, if I may ask?

Hey @KristaFairchild thank you for the inspiring report of that pride day, gives me a lot of hope!

About your HRT, so we actually started around the same time and can compare notes :D Like you, I can't see how my HRT should unlock even more emotions. Then again I've numbed down a lot and the more positive feelings have returned since I know I'm Val. Here's hoping those intensify!

@Petunia indeed spending time here is good for the soul. Be around people who share the same problems, hopes, and dreams.

Quote from: Valerie.Val on July 01, 2026, 04:04:23 AMAbout your HRT, so we actually started around the same time and can compare notes :D Like you, I can't see how my HRT should unlock even more emotions. Then again I've numbed down a lot and the more positive feelings have returned since I know I'm Val. Here's hoping those intensify!

I love this idea! I had to look to make sure it was my blog we were in so I wouldn't take over someone else's with our conversation!


I think most of the effects of HRT so far I've been psychological. Like I've crossed an important bridge in my journey. Because of that, I was finally able to say openly and often that I am trans. I used to debate this with myself at length.

I found I quit obsessing over what clothes I wear and what clothes I buy - Because in the past, I was always pushing towards being more feminine while also resisting it because of fear. Today I'm in a pretty skirt and a lacy blouse and the world has not blown up.  

I'm just as emotional as I always was, no more and no less. 

Sometimes I think my skin feels a little bit softer. 

The most interesting change may also be psychological, but I'm not sure. For months before starting on hormones, I felt sexually dead. The change hasn't been dramatic but something is waking up and it feels really healthy.  

Sometimes I think something is happening with my breast, but I'm totally convinced that psychological. It's still kind of fun! 

Do any of these experiences resonate with you? Or are you having some different feelings emerge? Or physical changes?

I don't recall how old you are but at age 64, I'm not expecting a lot of physical changes for a while and even then I expect them to be minor. I hear the stories of exceptions, but I'm very much a data person. Science and education have literally been my life's work.

Please share back! 

Krista, congratulations in advance on your 1 month HRT anniversary!

I think you'll be quite surprised at the number of changes that occur and the effect they have on you. I started in the second half of my 50s and my skin is super smooth, body hair completely rearranged, muscles dissolved, face changed, regrew a LOT of scalp hair, moods all over the place, ability to cry increased tenfold, body shape changes (clothes fit way differently) and many other small but noticeable things.

I hope you experience some or all of these changes and I hope you find them as delightful as I have. My breast growth alone was worth the price of admission but there were so many other changes, all of which felt affirming to me.

Courtney, I really hope I get half that! At least I've finally figured out how to get the patches to stick! Lol

Yes they creep up on you, even my forearms that are battered by years of working on cars are soft and body hair is almost gone. 2 weeks since I shaved what little chest hair I have left and its barely a stubble now.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 01, 2026, 01:08:34 PMI love this idea! I had to look to make sure it was my blog we were in so I wouldn't take over someone else's with our conversation!

Do any of these experiences resonate with you? Or are you having some different feelings emerge? Or physical changes?

I only started 3 days ago so you got a little headstart! :D

The only thing I noticed so far is a little lightheadedness an hour after applying the gel, but that quickly passes and is supposed to no longer happen after 2 weeks or something.

Quote from: davina61 on July 02, 2026, 02:27:39 AMYes they creep up on you, even my forearms that are battered by years of working on cars are soft and body hair is almost gone. 2 weeks since I shaved what little chest hair I have left and its barely a stubble now.

Wow...that's wonderful! Sometimes I think my body knew before the rest of me. While I long for breasts and glare at my my penis, I've always had slender arms. I was driving recently and saw woman's arms and hands on the steering wheel - one of those little moments that bring tears to my eyes. My legs are pretty nice and most women are jealous of my nails. I've never had much body hair, almost none above my waist. 

I take astragalus and was told by a friend in medicine that it helped him grow hair. Sometimes I think it's doing that. I used to have a mass of curls, but I've lost a lot of hair on top. Maybe HRT is helping? 

No physical effects are certain after a month. 

Hi Valerie,
Can I ask what your starting dose is and where you are applying it.

Just asking for a friend.

Dear @Petunia! Why of course dear - since it's for a friend ;)

I'm using a gel and have been instructed to start daily with 2 doses. That's a total of 2.5 g gel, = 1.5 mg Estradiol.
If that goes well I'm supposed to go up to 3 doses next week, 3.75 g gel, 2.25 mg Estradiol. Nowadays apparently they do not add testo blockers from the start, since monotherapy is often equally effective in bringing testo down to zero. I apply it to my upper arm, shoulders and belly - spread it as wide as possible. Upper tigh works, too. You're not supposed to put it on your breast.

@KristaFairchild mind if I ask, what is your dose? After 3 days I already feel my brain fog is clearing, this is such a wonderful feeling. I've suffered from permanent brain fog for many years.

hugs, Valerie

Second question, what was your starting T level.

My friends is quite high.

She has 965 ng/dl

Quote from: Valerie.Val on July 03, 2026, 01:57:33 AMDear @Petunia! Why of course dear - since it's for a friend ;)

I'm using a gel and have been instructed to start daily with 2 doses. That's a total of 2.5 g gel, = 1.5 mg Estradiol.
If that goes well I'm supposed to go up to 3 doses next week, 3.75 g gel, 2.25 mg Estradiol. Nowadays apparently they do not add testo blockers from the start, since monotherapy is often equally effective in bringing testo down to zero. I apply it to my upper arm, shoulders and belly - spread it as wide as possible. Upper tigh works, too. You're not supposed to put it on your breast.

@KristaFairchild mind if I ask, what is your dose? After 3 days I already feel my brain fog is clearing, this is such a wonderful feeling. I've suffered from permanent brain fog for many years.

hugs, Valerie

I'm at 1.0 estradiol in a patch

I've finally started to normalize wearing skirts both at home (with the fears around my kids and wife) and in public (in my ultra conservative area) and I LOVE IT! Skirts feel like freedom and recognition of myself. Long ones, midis, knee length, even a jean miniskirt that I adore. Playful, serious, often with large flowers. 

But now when I'm in public I can't pee. I COULD, but the bathroom choose is killing me. 

I'm not in my wig and forms (yet?!) so even in a skirt, I am perceived to be male. Walking into the women's in my conservative area is fully legal, but carries risks. I tell myself I can dart into a stall and back out, but I'm not doing it. 

Yet in the skirt I feel so delightfully female that I can't bear to use the men's. 

Most stores etc. do not have a single stall restroom or an all gender restroom. I'll try to learn where they are. 

I nearly had an accident yesterday. I need to revolve this. 

https://www.refugerestrooms.org/about

I noticed the local CVS has an all gender restroom.

I still find going to the ladies very scary and mostly hold it until I get home or find a quiet bathroom somewhere. I hate coming out of the cubicle into an occupied space too. Not sure what the answer is in the current climate as its hard to be calm about it. I have a key to use disabled bathrooms in the UK and prefer that above everything.

Quote from: Maid Marion on July 06, 2026, 01:19:49 AMhttps://www.refugerestrooms.org/about

I noticed the local CVS has an all gender restroom.

What an amazing website! Trader Joe's, Walmart, Target, the mall, and a couple of gas stations. And of course NorCal OUTreach. 

I never thought to look for such a website. I'm so grateful! 🥹

At this stage, my appearance matters. I hope and assume there will be a day when I feel feminine regardless of what I wear, but right now I feel dysphoric in certain outfits. The worst are my outdoor outfits for hiking and disc golf. 

I typically wear cute women's shorts - shorter than men's and often pink - with a little makeup and a pink ball cap to protect my head. I'll add tiny earrings sometimes. My nails are always done. I'm forced to wear ugly old shoes due to the rough trails and endless Velcro seeds. 

I'll spend a day like this and come home feeling off. Not feeling Krista. 

Yesterday my tennis skirt arrived in the mail. Plain gray, simple smooth elastic waistband, just above the knee, with pockets. 

I wore a deeper v-neck casual top than usual and went with larger, light, dangly boho earrings. My nails are in Zoya Haruka, a lovely pastel violet. I added a tiny blue star necklace. I chose obvious eyeliner and did my brows. 

Problem solved. Even when hanging out with two male buddies who have known me as male - usually a recipe for burying Krista -I felt more like myself. 

We bumped into two people on the trail that one guy knew. I had my head down, but...I was summed to be his wife! Upon lifting my head and introducing myself as a friend, they did not "correct" my gender. I'm grateful they read the feminine signals more than my face. 

It's nice to get a little reward like that after all the work we put in.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 12, 2026, 11:15:59 PMAt this stage, my appearance matters. I hope and assume there will be a day when I feel feminine regardless of what I wear, but right now I feel dysphoric in certain outfits. The worst are my outdoor outfits for hiking and disc golf.

I typically wear cute women's shorts - shorter than men's and often pink - with a little makeup and a pink ball cap to protect my head. I'll add tiny earrings sometimes. My nails are always done. I'm forced to wear ugly old shoes due to the rough trails and endless Velcro seeds.

I'll spend a day like this and come home feeling off. Not feeling Krista.

Yesterday my tennis skirt arrived in the mail. Plain gray, simple smooth elastic waistband, just above the knee, with pockets.

I wore a deeper v-neck casual top than usual and went with larger, light, dangly boho earrings. My nails are in Zoya Haruka, a lovely pastel violet. I added a tiny blue star necklace. I chose obvious eyeliner and did my brows.

Problem solved. Even when hanging out with two male buddies who have known me as male - usually a recipe for burying Krista -I felt more like myself.

We bumped into two people on the trail that one guy knew. I had my head down, but...I was summed to be his wife! Upon lifting my head and introducing myself as a friend, they did not "correct" my gender. I'm grateful they read the feminine signals more than my face.

I guess it may be too hot where you are but over here Hiking leggings are the ultimate in femme outdoor wear. They look sooo cool. I'm not even hiking as Sarah and I bought myself a good quality pair of teal hiking leggings. pair that with hiking boots, wool socks rolled over the top of your boots and a nice tight fitting sweat wicking outdoor top. Chic!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 13, 2026, 01:47:55 AMI guess it may be too hot where you are but over here Hiking leggings are the ultimate in femme outdoor wear. They look sooo cool. I'm not even hiking as Sarah and I bought myself a good quality pair of teal hiking leggings. pair that with hiking boots, wool socks rolled over the top of your boots and a nice tight fitting sweat wicking outdoor top. Chic!

Teal leggings? Ooo la la! Alas, you are right about temperatures. In Redding we get about 60 days a year over 100°F (I believe that is 40°C for our fiends who use the reasonable system of measurement). I'll go to the mountains and drop 15-30 degrees , but the sun is intense. 

Although fall and spring are basically single weekends, colored leggings would be super cute and fun when possible a d I would not have thought of that. Thank you, Sarah. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 13, 2026, 07:27:41 AMTeal leggings? Ooo la la! Alas, you are right about temperatures. In Redding we get about 60 days a year over 100°F (I believe that is 40°C for our fiends who use the reasonable system of measurement). I'll go to the mountains and drop 15-30 degrees , but the sun is intense.

Although fall and spring are basically single weekends, colored leggings would be super cute and fun when possible a d I would not have thought of that. Thank you, Sarah.

Mine are Dark teal but there are bright coulours too.
(https://i.ibb.co/5xt4kD9p/DSC02155-Victoria-Greensmith-Photography.webp)

Not me obviously but you get the idea!

I spent the day dressing up and taking photographs of myself. It was a really wonderful day. I felt free and joyous and relaxed. I didn't feel like posing as much as I felt like I was letting myself out. 

In the past, I would see photographs of myself in general not like them. It's changing now. I'm not sure why, but I'm starting to be more relaxed with the way that I look. 

I look at these photos and I think that that's who I am and when I walk out the door every day that's who I wish to be. 

I know in my head and my heart what is going on because I know the pattern from the past. Countless times I've had to stretch to change a nail polish color or lipstick color. I wanted it and was terrified and finally did it and then it became part of my regular routine.

My last step, besides whatever HRT brings me, is wearing a wig and breast forms. Just like before, it feels like something I cannot do. 

But unlike before, it feels even more desperately what I want to do. I just need the bravery to give myself permission. Unlike nail polish and lip color, there is no gradual approach to wearing a wig or breast forms. It kind of happens all at once. 

There's always a prison that I've partially built myself. I look at the photos that I took today and see someone that I am in need to be. Yet tomorrow, I will go to work without the beautiful wig that feels like my natural hair. My breast forms will stay in a box in my closet, and I will go with my flat chest. 

Sometimes during the day I'll daydream about showing up at work and in public as my true self. I wonder what the consequences would be for my marriage. 

Sometimes I'll look at these photos and ache. Need. Crave. I will recall moments like I'm having right now when it feels like my mind is going to explode if I don't express myself this way every single day.

And maybe one day I will. Right now it feels like that could be tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm interviewing potential new staff and I want to do it dressed fully as Krista. I have all kinds of reasons why I should not do that and only one reason why I should.  

But I probably won't. Maybe someday I will be brave enough to simply give myself permission to be who I need to be. 

Your photos are very beautiful Krista. I really hope you can find a way / courage to be like this full time as I can see this is naturally you. Get that its not always so easy when you have to consider so many other things. I've always taken a brute force approach of people will accept me or not and just do what I wanted. But that depends on what you have to lose and what you can accept to lose.

Sending lots of love and hugs!

I like the image of you praying to the fairy goddess Krista!

There are barely any pictures of me in male mode anywhere in existance but Sarah is selfie mad ha ha! It does get a hold of you.

That said I find it incredibly useful to have as a photographic record to help you find your style, figure out what works and what doesn't, test make up looks or just to have a laugh at your early pics when you realise how far you've come.

Snap away Krista!

I love your post @KristaFairchild ☺️ and you look lovely in the pictures.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 02:25:21 AMI spent the day dressing up and taking photographs of myself. It was a really wonderful day. I felt free and joyous and relaxed. I didn't feel like posing as much as I felt like I was letting myself out.

These are the days that are really worth. You look really happy in the pictures.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 02:25:21 AMSometimes during the day I'll daydream about showing up at work and in public as my true self.

I am currently home based and tried it once. Depending on the clothing and the proximity to the camera, the breasts are not evident and people don't realise. Now...I discovered that zoom and other videoconference software highlight the colors...and so there I was in the middle of a meeting with the lipstick that I had chosen (a mild red one) showing out more that I had anticipated and the make up (eye shadows...) being noticeable. But, no one said anything and I kept to my business. It was an experience and most probably I noticed it because I was nervous and self aware, but overall, it was good and not the last time.
BTW, I discovered that in zoom you can configure eye shadow, lipstick, eyebrows, beard, moustache as an overlay (in case you are not wearing it already).

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 02:25:21 AMI wonder what the consequences would be for my marriage.

Three months into my relation, I told my current wife that I was trans. She looked at me and reacted like my parents. She ignored me. She is a social worker who works for and with vulnerable communities, but she has an opinion that transwomen are just men trying to call on attention.
Your concerns for the marriage are shared. I love my wife, that has never changed, but I have my doubts that she will support me. So, I take what I have and I give love and enjoy making everybody as happy as I can, while getting time for me and have moments like yours to enjoy.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 02:25:21 AMSometimes I'll look at these photos and ache.

After dressing up as Anne for some time something changed. In the morning when I look at myself in the mirror I don't know who that man is, but after, when I am back, when I see Anne, I recognize and like the person who is looking back. Don't know how it happened, but I loved it and I love to see my pictures of me.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 02:25:21 AMMaybe someday I will be brave enough to simply give myself permission to be who I need to be.

You are very brave just the way you are and this is a long trip. The day will come, one day, suddenly, it will happen. In the meantime, enjoy these wonderful moments.

Keep having these moments, you look very happy. 😊

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 15, 2026, 03:08:22 AMYour photos are very beautiful Krista. I really hope you can find a way / courage to be like this full time as I can see this is naturally you. Get that its not always so easy when you have to consider so many other things. I've always taken a brute force approach of people will accept me or not and just do what I wanted. But that depends on what you have to lose and what you can accept to lose.

Sending lots of love and hugs!

Thank you, Charlotte. Your words are helpful! 

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 15, 2026, 06:24:15 AMI like the image of you praying to the fairy goddess Krista!

There are barely any pictures of me in male mode anywhere in existance but Sarah is selfie mad ha ha! It does get a hold of you.

That said I find it incredibly useful to have as a photographic record to help you find your style, figure out what works and what doesn't, test make up looks or just to have a laugh at your early pics when you realise how far you've come.

Snap away Krista!

Selfie mad to be sure! I've pushed for more photos in the past two years than in the previous 60. 

Quote from: Anne_lifetrip on July 15, 2026, 06:51:41 AMThe day will come, one day, suddenly, it will happen. In the meantime, enjoy these wonderful moments.

Keep having these moments, you look very happy. 😊

Hello and thank you, Anne, for the lovely contemplative post. I enjoyed reading it and unpacking meaning from it. 
I had the same experience with Zoom and it was shocking! My light application of a lipstick barely darker than my lips was suddenly noticeably red. I started to sweat and don't think I heard a word, but I kept my camera on. Now I'm excited to be on Zoom. It's interesting that I have almost no boundaries until I get to the idea of wearing a wig and breast forms. 
I'm confused about how you dress. It sounds like you dress as Anne every day when you leave the house? Or is it the opposite; you dress only at home? I dress as Krista always, with the exceptions I just described. As for the mirror, more and more I see a woman without makeup on in the morning and a woman with makeup on 30 minutes later. I crossed the skirt boundary a month ago and wear them often now. I've also not worn the heavy makeup that I have on in some of these photos. It's fun but not a daily look. 
I used to present more mildly at home and dressier and more feminine at work. I've ended that. It sounds like your wife sees you as Anne regularly, yet you're unsure if she supports you? I am reminded often by my therapist, myself, and even my wife that "she is still there." She supports people being themselves and mage's nice comments about my outfits, but is unsure if she can adapt to her husband becoming her wife. She's trying. 

You said, "The day will come, one day, suddenly, it will happen." I am confident that it will happen exactly that way. One day, I will wake up in the morning and feel sick and tired of hiding. I'll feel a little angry at myself that I can exist. It's a woman in so many ways and yet hold back when it comes to using artificial hair that makes me feel amazing. I'll finally convince myself that using breast forms isn't creating a fake me; it's allowing the real me to exist publicly. 

On that day, I will look a lot like the photo of me sitting in the chair with a book. I'll walk out into the world and just like every other time I've pushed past the boundary, nothing significant will happen that day. I have a sneaking suspicion that it will actually be easier than the way I present now. People look at me now and their brains get confused about my gender. 

While I don't "pass" in these photos, I am leaving, no doubt as to the gender I am presenting as. I even know this from experience from a recent trip to a hotel near Disneyland. I got dressed up and went to Downtown Disney. Well, I cannot know what was inside people's heads, I know that I was referred to as a woman all evening long. That's what I need. 

In one day, I'll throw caution to the wind and never look back. 

Answering your comment

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 07:59:45 AMI'm confused about how you dress. It sounds like you dress as Anne every day when you leave the house? Or is it the opposite; you dress only at home?

I present myself in my daily and professional life as male.

As I work from home, the moment I am alone, I dress as Anne. Not only then, but whenever I am out of my home I dress as Anne. I take work related trips or trips for diving and the moment I leave home, I have a place, where I stop the car, change clothes, get myself all set up and "voila", Anne comes back.

My hair is long, so everybody knows me for that. At first many people were commenting on it and making remarks, but they eventually finished and now its just...me. As for the make up (I need to work on it), but I like to apply simple things such as lipstick or mild eyeshadows or powder on the face to play with contours. For most meetings, unless you have a sharp eye you would just see a colleague who takes care of his face.

My wife doesn't know or doesn't want to know...I do not know. I do not want to be open with her about it for various reasons; the first is that I already told her and she completely ignored me, the second is that she has been making comments concerning the Trans community that unsettles me, and although I reply to her comments, she is very adamant and last, but not least, I have two kids and I love seeing them every day. Once they grow, I will have the conversation with my wife. For the moment, I love her, I love them, and I give everything for their happiness.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 07:59:45 AMShe supports people being themselves and mage's nice comments about my outfits, but is unsure if she can adapt to her husband becoming her wife. She's trying.

If you are there, I envy you. You are so brave.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 07:59:45 AMIt's a woman in so many ways and yet hold back when it comes to using artificial hair that makes me feel amazing. I'll finally convince myself that using breast forms isn't creating a fake me; it's allowing the real me to exist publicly.

I love it how you express it. If something feels amazing, then it is something good for you. Using breast forms makes a complete you. I have to walk the dogs early in the morning, very early, when it is still dark, so I put my bra, breasts (I use a C-D cup), walking dog clothes (pants, t shirt or tank top and sweatshirt whenever the case) and go out around my neighborhood. I know I have been seen by colleagues and neighbors, but it is very early, it is dark and the clothes can't make you clearly identify. Whatever the case, I keep pushing the limits to spend more and more time dressing as I feel good, as I feel comfortable and the way it

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 07:59:45 AMmakes me feel amazing

😉

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 07:59:45 AMI got dressed up and went to Downtown Disney. Well, I cannot know what was inside people's heads, I know that I was referred to as a woman all evening long. That's what I need.

That is awesome, keep up those moments. 🥰

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 02:25:21 AMMaybe someday I will be brave enough to simply give myself permission to be who I need to be. 

I am certain that you will and you will do it the same way you handle all the other "roller-coasters". When the time comes you will know and you will just be you!
💕

I agree with all of the comments above: You look great!

Don't rule out the breast forms so quickly. Before I started developing, I wore them. But I did not show them off. Tops were very loose-fitting, so though I was wearing them, they were not obvious. That made me feel better.

As my confidence grew, I would opt for less baggy, more form-fitting pieces, but not tight. If anyone noticed, no one said anything. By the time I came out, it was not a thing. No one mentioned it, as it just seemed to fit with how I was dressed.

The wigs are different, as there is no way to hide them under a baggy hat. 🤣

Do you have a coworker or someone that you can talk to? I would tell them that you are thinking about doing something different with your hair; something longer, different colors, and styles, and you would like their input. Then, if you are wearing a wig, ask what they think of it. If you have a different one, try that and ask again. Eventually, it becomes commonplace for you to be wearing a wig. And if you wear the same one again and again, it's because you like it and you have received compliments on it.

I have several wigs of various styles and colors, and I would occasionally change to a different one. I always got compliments like "That color suits you" or "That looks like it is fun to wear". No cringe, no wrinkled noses, and no one vomited.

As my ex used to say, "It's just hair!"  I agree. There are bigger things to worry about than someone's hair.

@KristaFairchild I would second what Lori says about breastforms. They can look and feel very realistic. OK you won't have cleavage but other than that they might suit you. Remember that there are an awful lot of CIS women who have had a mastectomy and they are happy to use them. I had a pair of silicone breast forms when I was younger and I loved the look it gave me. I didn't imagine I would have the real thing years later!

Wigs are a bit of a funny one for me. I love the look of them but I don't like wearing them as I find them uncomfortable. I have synthetic wigs for convenience but they just don't feel the same as my own hair so the sooner I can grow it out the better. I will need a small hairline transplant though as I have the standard male m type hairline and it's a bit of a giveaway.

My hair is probably long enough for an asymetric pixie cut now to be honest. I'm not so keen on that look though so I think I will wear a wig until I'm at bob length. I might practice styling the pixie though as I need to learn so much regarding hair care and styling I know virtually nothing about it!

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 15, 2026, 07:59:45 AMShe supports people being themselves and mage's nice comments about my outfits, but is unsure if she can adapt to her husband becoming her wife. She's trying.

Quote from: Anne_lifetrip on July 15, 2026, 09:10:02 AMMy wife doesn't know or doesn't want to know...I do not know.

I wrote a lot of text here but the deleted it all because it was just preaching to the choir from someone, me, who is more or less a noob.
In the end I think we must be honest with ourselves lest we fall into a kind of denial (with the <unmentionable> side-effects that can come from that, and I am not a noob in that department). This does not mean we need to rush things just to get the euphoria, only that we don't deny ourselves what we need to be able to live a life where we are happy with ourselves.
💕

I'll throw my $0.02 into the ring on the subject of wigs and breast forms:

Those accessories aren't creating a fake you at all. You know this deep down, of course, but I'll expand...

Brushed hair versus unbrushed. Styled vs not styled
Loose clothes vs baggy ones
Colorful clothing vs all black

These are all choices people make in order to affirm their sense of self. "I prefer wearing all black - that's all I have in my closet" or "I really enjoy keeping my hair buzzed" are exactly the same as the things we do in order to feel that the person in the mirror is more in line with our wishes. It's a blessing that we're able to realize this. I'm sure some of the people you work with dream about wearing a white suit or maybe even breast forms. The only difference between us and them is that we're pursuing our truth.

Quote from: Finally Anna on July 15, 2026, 10:49:39 AMI am certain that you will and you will do it the same way you handle all the other "roller-coasters". When the time comes you will know and you will just be you!
💕

Thank you! 

Quote from: Finally Anna on July 15, 2026, 11:28:02 AMI wrote a lot of text here but the deleted it all because it was just preaching to the choir from someone, me, who is more or less a noob.
In the end I think we must be honest with ourselves lest we fall into a kind of denial (with the <unmentionable> side-effects that can come from that, and I am not a noob in that department). This does not mean we need to rush things just to get the euphoria, only that we don't deny ourselves what we need to be able to live a life where we are happy with ourselves.
💕

First, I really love the sentiment of this post. You did not need a lot of words to capture the essence of what many of us are experiencing.

Noob. For me that word carries a certain amount of emotional weight and judgment. I probably wouldn't even notice it except that many of us can be a little bit disparaging. I know for myself I have to be careful with the words that I use. 

There is an expression in the addiction community that might work in this situation as well. No matter how far down the road you go the ditch is the same distance away. I don't think we have ditches, so the analogy ends early in the sentence, but I feel like we're always on a journey. I read the thoughts of people who have been on this journey for decades, and they are very similar in emotional feel to those who have just begun their journey.

I also had a lovely after effect to dressing up in private yesterday. Today I wore an outfit that I had only worn to work once before, and it was on a day when the office was technically closed, but I had a key. On that day, I saw no one, but took pictures. It was exciting to be in my workspace, dressed as my real self. Today I walked down the hall in that outfit, I conducted an interview, and I visited an orthopedic surgeon. I never felt uncomfortable, Though I admit, I'm always aware, especially when walking through parking lots.

Red peplum v-neck blouse, black knee-length skirt, full makeup (but not dramatic) that included red lipstick. 

I read this today. 
habituation—the psychological process by which something that once required enormous emotional energy gradually becomes part of ordinary life

Yes ❤️

Thanks Krista, Anna,Sarah, Lori and Courtney.

You have nicely summed up what I'm feeling.

I don't wsnt to be unkind Krista but that black wig is quite harsh on you.  The lighter one looks much more flattering especially when in direct sunlight.

I've noticed that many women of a certain age that take care if their appearance tend to lighten their hair as they age.

Have a look at Sarah, Danielle and Lori.

Their hair really looks great on them. It lightens and brightens them.

Also check out Susan. She had dark hair when younger and now with lighter hair she looks more beautiful than ever.

Quote from: Petunia on July 16, 2026, 07:51:19 PMThanks Krista, Anna,Sarah, Lori and Courtney.

You have nicely summed up what I'm feeling.

I don't wsnt to be unkind Krista but that black wig is quite harsh on you.  The lighter one looks much more flattering especially when in direct sunlight.

I've noticed that many women of a certain age that take care if their appearance tend to lighten their hair as they age.

Have a look at Sarah, Danielle and Lori.

Their hair really looks great on them. It lightens and brightens them.

Also check out Susan. She had dark hair when younger and now with lighter hair she looks more beautiful than ever.

I appreciate your honesty and agree with you 100%. That night, I gave myself permission to try something new and Dramatic. It was totally fun and I knew all along I would never go out in public in that wig. 

I'm allowing myself to experiment and even share the results. I love that. I even posed on bra and panties. Those got deleted but again it was fun to be playful. 

The shorter brown wig is the one that "me".

The colour in your avatar looks quite nice. It seems that photo has a lot more light on your hair.

Maybe play around with one of those apps that can change you hair and see how you look even blonder.

Quote from: Petunia on July 16, 2026, 07:51:19 PMThanks Krista, Anna,Sarah, Lori and Courtney.

You have nicely summed up what I'm feeling.

I don't wsnt to be unkind Krista but that black wig is quite harsh on you.  The lighter one looks much more flattering especially when in direct sunlight.

I've noticed that many women of a certain age that take care if their appearance tend to lighten their hair as they age.

Have a look at Sarah, Danielle and Lori.

Their hair really looks great on them. It lightens and brightens them.

Also check out Susan. She had dark hair when younger and now with lighter hair she looks more beautiful than ever.

In all honesty Petunia, our hair looks the right colour because it compliments our skin tone and undertone. I'm not absolutely certain but I think all three of us are natural blondes so the blonde hair thing works for us. My natural hair is an odd blend of honey blonde with sort of natural champagne blonde highlights. It's the same as my mum though mine seems to be staying blonde where my mums turned light brown.

I think Krista has the fairer skin too which is why the lighter hair looks good. Fairer skinned people can look equally good in a light brown or auburn too but the dark brown or black haired look I think is better suited to those with a more tanned or draker skin tone.

If in doubt get something within a few shades of your natural colour and work out from there if you want to experiment.

Yes my wig is the same as my natural ,well before it went grey!!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 17, 2026, 01:22:12 AMIn all honesty Petunia, our hair looks the right colour because it compliments our skin tone and undertone. I'm not absolutely certain but I think all three of us are natural blondes so the blonde hair thing works for us. My natural hair is an odd blend of honey blonde with sort of natural champagne blonde highlights. It's the same as my mum though mine seems to be staying blonde where my mums turned light brown.

I think Krista has the fairer skin too which is why the lighter hair looks good. Fairer skinned people can look equally good in a light brown or auburn too but the dark brown or black haired look I think is better suited to those with a more tanned or draker skin tone.

If in doubt get something within a few shades of your natural colour and work out from there if you want to experiment.

Although I was blonde as a child (a "fair child") I've had naturally medium brown hair since I was 12 and like my Mom, gray is staying away. I tried a blonde wig and the feedback was that it wasn't right. But again, it was kind of fun. 

It's not easy finding a natural looking wig for a woman my age. They tend to be too thick and too short. I wore the brown one from most of my photos last night to a trans gathering. Without prompting, they all said it looked good on me. 

For now at least, I've found my hair. 

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 17, 2026, 01:22:12 AMI'm not absolutely certain but I think all three of us are natural blondes so the blonde hair thing works for us. My natural hair is an odd blend of honey blonde with sort of natural champagne blonde highlights.

My natural color is dark brown, and I never liked it. I had some reddish highlights, so I tried red wigs. I have received compliments stating that it gave my complexion more color. The lighter blondes like platinum or honey were too light, so I went with a darker blonde with a reddish tint. In my avatar photo, the tint doesn't show, but the fake dark roots give it a realistic overall look.

It isn't a full wig, just a topper that clips on top and has length to blend in with my natural hair. It is a lot cooler and more comfortable than a full wig. The hair touching my shoulders is mine. It was fun trying to match the topper color. (NOT)

Ha! Well that shows what I know ha ha! I couldn't be more wrong!

Hair colour and hair length are changing with time.
Was white blonde when very young and had really wavy hair. My mom got fed up with people thinking I was a girl, and then cut it short. 😢
Then long until 20yo, think rocker style. Enter military service and 3 mm hair length.
After that some 40 years of short.
Now back to long-ish again, but not white blonde but instead a mix of grey and medium blonde.

Quote from: Finally Anna on July 17, 2026, 02:07:30 PMHair colour and hair length are changing with time.
Was white blonde when very young and had really wavy hair. My mom got fed up with people thinking I was a girl, and then cut it short. 😢
Then long until 20yo, think rocker style. Enter military service and 3 mm hair length.
After that some 40 years of short.
Now back to long-ish again, but not white blonde but instead a mix of grey and medium blonde.

I wish I had options, but for me it has to be a wig now. Years ago I had a mop of tight curls and didn't appreciate them. I felt like your mom did. 

And wigs are expensive! I've experimented with wigs that are costume-y just to get a sense of options. My favorite doesn't look quite real but isn't instantly seen as fake. I have two trans friends who embrace fake and wear wigs in unusual colors, but that doesn't feel like me. There doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground in pricing. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 17, 2026, 07:08:59 PMI wish I had options, but for me it has to be a wig now. Years ago I had a mop of tight curls and didn't appreciate them. I felt like your mom did.

And wigs are expensive! I've experimented with wigs that are costume-y just to get a sense of options. My favorite doesn't look quite real but isn't instantly seen as fake. I have two trans friends who embrace fake and wear wigs in unusual colors, but that doesn't feel like me. There doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground in pricing.

There are things you can do to help it. First, spend a little more money on them. Not much. Avoid Halloween costume wigs or the ones at costume shops. You can get synthetic wigs online at a fairly decent price (less than $50).

Since they are synthetic, be careful with heat. You can soften the synthetic fibers by soaking it in fabric softener. Use something like Woolite that is made for delicate fabrics. Rinse the wig thoroughly with cold water, then hang it to dry, ideally on a cork wig head or stand. Never brush or comb it while wet.

Once it is dry, use a detangling spray and a wig comb or wide-tooth detangling comb to gently detangle the strands. Start at the end and work your way to the roots. Just be gentle.

You can style it using low heat from a hair dryer. Hold the hair in the shape you want, then gently warm it. Keep holding it in place while it cools. I have used the hollow curlers to bend the hair so it flows away from my face.

The nice thing about them is that once you style a synthetic, it will hold that style even after you wash it. I have softened some pretty cheap wigs ($40), and they turned out nice, soft, and natural-looking. They don't last as long because brushing and normal wear damage the fibers over time, so even fabric softener and conditioner can't save them.

Have fun with them!

I really don't want to have to rely on a wig unless I really have no choice.

I have just started minoxidil to try and fill in my thin spots

Today marks a milestone for me. I've been out at work in many ways for a long time, but today I went to work wearing my wig for the first time and I even wore breast forms. I knew I would mostly be in my office but I did see three people and had one conversation. 

As myself. As someone not called "he". 

Definitely a milestone worth celebrating! Congrats.

"Every journey begins with a single step." And the first step is usually the most difficult to take.

Notice that the world did not end.

Krista is alive and well.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 20, 2026, 09:45:17 PMToday marks a milestone for me. I've been out at work in many ways for a long time, but today I went to work wearing my wig for the first time and I even wore breast forms. I knew I would mostly be in my office but I did see three people and had one conversation.

As myself. As someone not called "he".

Krista!

Kudos on today's courageous step forward! Well done sister!!!

Onward!

A💕

Congratulations on that big step xx

Congrats Krista! Big step indeed!

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 20, 2026, 09:45:17 PMToday marks a milestone for me. I've been out at work in many ways for a long time, but today I went to work wearing my wig for the first time and I even wore breast forms. I knew I would mostly be in my office but I did see three people and had one conversation.

As myself. As someone not called "he".

Krista,

It is nice to not be called he.  Congratulations on these bold new appearance steps.
I have not worn breast plates or forms myself.  When I want a long hair look, I use one of my wigs.

Easy step takes courage.  Each step can bring rewards.  Each step builds confidence.

I am wearing what might be called trousers (female) today but I think I still look a bit feminine.  The push-up bra and more clingy top helps with that!

Have a nice day today too!


Chrissy

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 20, 2026, 09:45:17 PMAs myself. As someone not called "he".

What a feeling! Another "roller-coaster" that is now ridden and enjoyed!
💕

For over two years my presentation has become steadily more traditionally female. About a year ago I changed my pronouns to he/they and last March to she/they. More recently I changed my name to include my male name and Krista. These changes could be seen on every email and almost every virtual meeting. I send dozens of emails a day at work and attend roughly four Zoom meetings each week. 

I've also attended trans meetings where I could explore my appearance and myself with affirmations and no fear of judgement. 

Some aspects of my appearance changed slowly but steady over the past two years.  Nails, makeup, jewelry, blouses, pants, and shorts. For months I've worn only women's clothes, makeup, and jewelry. 

Others I resisted because I feared them most. Which also means I wanted them most. I think. A wig. Breast forms. Red lipstick. 

Home alone, I sometimes dressed up fully and even did photo shoots. These felt scary but good and as I did it more, it became pure fun and joy. I deleted lots of photos, but found some that I loved. This really helped me see myself physically. 

I also did tons of work emotionally and intellectually, but this post isn't about that. 

Yesterday and today I went to work fully en femme. The biggest changes over my usual look were the additions of my favorite wig and breast forms. Terror met need, though the fear was reduced because I knew I would not see many people. Inevitability, I saw more than expected. All were either affirming or acted like nothing had changed. 

What did I learn?

I'm not performing for anyone. I felt most like myself when alone at my desk, feeling my bare legs and brushing hair out of my eyes. 

As fear drops, I can enjoy being out in public. It's still hard but I see the potential better now. It's blissful to be called ma'am and fear the right pronouns being used. 

Illogically, perhaps, the wig brings coherence while the forms bring much less. With my wig I feel like my face is softened. It also makes my gender more visible to others. The forms feel more artificial. I like my silhouette with them on, but I long for my own breasts to grow. 

Regardless of reality, I feel more attractive as a woman. Since being attractive is secondary in importance, I also note that I have not once felt a serious urge to backtrack. 

I also got back my blood tests after 3 days on estradiol and already the results are promising. My biological sex was not strong and already I was responding to estradiol. 

My next hurdle is being more myself around my family. Right now, that means wearing skirts around my 29-year old twins and my wife. I'm progressing toward the wig. I'm scared. I have a plan to do so in a month. 

Thanks everyone for being part of my journey by sharing your experiences and wisdom. ❤️

Sounds like you had a field day, Krista! 💕

Quote from: KristaFairchild on July 21, 2026, 11:16:51 PMYesterday and today I went to work fully en femme. The biggest changes over my usual look were the additions of my favorite wig and breast forms. Terror met need, though the fear was reduced because I knew I would not see many people. Inevitability, I saw more than expected. All were either affirming or acted like nothing had changed.

Because they did not think it was strange or even unexpected! To them it was just a piece of the puzzle, that they had missed but was now found.

Krista,


It sounds as if you are enjoying the fruits of your planning becoming reality over time and that more may be forthcoming.  I wish you lots of success!

Chrissy

Congratulations Krista.

I am very excited for you. You are very inspirational