Community Conversation => Transitioning => Topic started by: CosmicJoke on April 30, 2026, 06:14:54 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: CosmicJoke on April 30, 2026, 06:14:54 PM
Post by: CosmicJoke on April 30, 2026, 06:14:54 PM
Hi everyone. This is just a question that has been stuck on my mind lately so I figured I might as well ask it.
I transitioned earlier than probably most here but sometimes I still reflect on my past/what could have been done differently. Much of my life was initially spent "not being too girly" in order to be more acceptable to others. I did this pretty much all through my childhood and teen years but never really found actual satisfaction from doing it.
Fast forward to now I am 34 and practically "done" with transition. Sometimes I look back on who I used to be but then I wonder if maybe i'm not really missing a thing?
I'm just interested in what some of your experiences are? Were they similar to mine? Do you think the time "lost" is really all that important or is it more important what you do with now?
I transitioned earlier than probably most here but sometimes I still reflect on my past/what could have been done differently. Much of my life was initially spent "not being too girly" in order to be more acceptable to others. I did this pretty much all through my childhood and teen years but never really found actual satisfaction from doing it.
Fast forward to now I am 34 and practically "done" with transition. Sometimes I look back on who I used to be but then I wonder if maybe i'm not really missing a thing?
I'm just interested in what some of your experiences are? Were they similar to mine? Do you think the time "lost" is really all that important or is it more important what you do with now?
Title: Re: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: KristaFairchild on April 30, 2026, 06:59:57 PM
Post by: KristaFairchild on April 30, 2026, 06:59:57 PM
Lost time is sad, but for me I work hard to live in the present. I would have made an adorable young woman with my thick head of curls! Now they are thin.
But I'm becoming me, publicly. I have years areas of me and I have right now, when I am dressing up fully femme for a trans meeting 😀
But I'm becoming me, publicly. I have years areas of me and I have right now, when I am dressing up fully femme for a trans meeting 😀
Title: Re: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: Lori Dee on April 30, 2026, 08:24:43 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on April 30, 2026, 08:24:43 PM
I don't focus on what could have been. Would've, should've, and could've are all irrelevant because they did not happen. Instead, I focus on the person I am today. Much of that is due to the person I was, the lessons I learned, and the experiences I had.
Would I have done it differently if I had the chance? Sure. Who wouldn't?
But then I would be someone different than who I am now. I am not certain that my life would have been any better.
Young women struggle in life, just like everyone else. The only difference is the nature of those struggles. I don't see them as being any better or worse than what I have been through, so I focus on today and what I can do to prepare for tomorrow.
Would I have done it differently if I had the chance? Sure. Who wouldn't?
But then I would be someone different than who I am now. I am not certain that my life would have been any better.
Young women struggle in life, just like everyone else. The only difference is the nature of those struggles. I don't see them as being any better or worse than what I have been through, so I focus on today and what I can do to prepare for tomorrow.
Title: Re: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 01, 2026, 10:29:54 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on May 01, 2026, 10:29:54 AM
I affirmed my gender variance in my late 60's. Now, I'm 74.
Since I wasn't consciously aware of my genderfluidity until my mid-sixties, I don't have any significant regrets. In some ways, it was more of a relief because, for most of my life, I believed my cross dressing and affinity for feminine things was a perversion. It also explained why I really sucked at being the 'man' in all my previous relationships.
Since I wasn't consciously aware of my genderfluidity until my mid-sixties, I don't have any significant regrets. In some ways, it was more of a relief because, for most of my life, I believed my cross dressing and affinity for feminine things was a perversion. It also explained why I really sucked at being the 'man' in all my previous relationships.
Title: Re: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 11:34:39 AM
Post by: Dawn Kellie on May 01, 2026, 11:34:39 AM
I've always felt looking back and asking what if was a dangerous game. You can drive yourself crazy asking well if I did this, this could have happened. Then you statt picking apart every decision.
I've always felt the decisions I made make me who I am now. Not saying don't look at decisions a say that was bad. I like who I am and my decisions made me that way. So, I guess my decisions weren't to bad. Did I spend time knowing something was different and I needed to act a certain way to be accepted, Yes. In those times I made a career for myself, I have a family that I love, and I can be proud of where I am.
Now as my life moves forward I can take everything I learned and did and improve myself.
I needed my past to be a better me.
I've always felt the decisions I made make me who I am now. Not saying don't look at decisions a say that was bad. I like who I am and my decisions made me that way. So, I guess my decisions weren't to bad. Did I spend time knowing something was different and I needed to act a certain way to be accepted, Yes. In those times I made a career for myself, I have a family that I love, and I can be proud of where I am.
Now as my life moves forward I can take everything I learned and did and improve myself.
I needed my past to be a better me.
Title: Re: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: big kim on May 01, 2026, 12:12:04 PM
Post by: big kim on May 01, 2026, 12:12:04 PM
I was born in 1957 a transition in the 60s or 70s would have been extremely dangerous and near impossible. Had it been safe or possible of course I would have done it. Do I wonder what things would be like had I transitioned at 17 or 18? Not really.
One thing that did affect me was seeing a girl about 10 dancing with joy coming out of Build a Bear. I was never that happy as a kid, not once.
I'm 68, been single since the 90s,got Stage 2 Diabetes, COPD but the happiest I've ever been. 35 years since transition, 32 years post op.Retired, not rich but can live comfortably with a few treats.Theres plenty worse off
One thing that did affect me was seeing a girl about 10 dancing with joy coming out of Build a Bear. I was never that happy as a kid, not once.
I'm 68, been single since the 90s,got Stage 2 Diabetes, COPD but the happiest I've ever been. 35 years since transition, 32 years post op.Retired, not rich but can live comfortably with a few treats.Theres plenty worse off
Title: Re: Is it really the time we lost or what we do now?
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 12:25:07 PM
Post by: Charlotte Kitty on May 01, 2026, 12:25:07 PM
Despite my vast emotional shortcomings, having regret for the past is something that I don't experience. There is only one thing I'd change and thats my existence. Not something I had control of. I'm totally focused on trying to be what I feel and desire moving forwards. I gained a lot from all my years in boy mode and did have some good and interesting times. Now I want to make a life as Charlotte if I can.
I've not had these feelings for a long as some and as intense, so that probably helps too.
Charlotte 😻
I've not had these feelings for a long as some and as intense, so that probably helps too.
Charlotte 😻