Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I'm honestly not sure if anyone will really be able to relate to this feeling but I decided to post anyway.

Sometimes I get this feeling of envy towards attractive women. It seems like they can express themselves as masculine or as feminine as they want to, and nobody will see them as anything else based on pure biology. It's like we have to "work harder" in a sense. I think that's where that feeling stems from.

Like I said, I really don't know if anybody would even be able to relate to this but has that feeling at least been felt once before?

I have heard of the feeling of seeing a beautiful woman and feeling jealous. I think this feeling I am talking about is a little different though, but I'm just genuinely interested.

I sometimes look wistfully at women and wish I could look just like them, I'm not sure if that is really envy or not really. I think most people have that when they look at someone more attractive, it makes us see faults in ourselves.

I think if I was envious of anything relating to women it's that I won't ever be able to carry a life inside me. Seeing pregnant or breast feeding women or women with babies makes me smile and feel sad at the same time but there is definitely a bit of jealousy there too.

Quote from: CosmicJoke on May 29, 2026, 02:13:22 PMHi everyone. I'm honestly not sure if anyone will really be able to relate to this feeling but I decided to post anyway.

Sometimes I get this feeling of envy towards atteractive women. It seems like they can express themselves as masculine or as feminine as they want to, and nobody will see them as anything else based on pure biology. It's like we have to "work harder" in a sense. I think that's where that feeling stems from.

Like I said, I really don't know if anybody would even be able to relate to this but has that feeling at least been felt once before?

I have heard of the feeling of seeing a beautiful woman and feeling jealous. I think this feeling I am talking about is a little different though, but I'm just genuinely interested.

If I could offer a different suggestion, sweetie. It seems like what you're envious of is someone for whom it doesn't matter. Where gender expression and gender identity aren't tied up like spaghetti in an Italian restaurant. And yeah for a lot of trans girls that is a thing. You first have to be happy enough with yourself before you can allow yourself to not care what the rest of the world thinks.

That is difficult when it's on your mind literally all the time. When everything around you is trying to reinforce that point. It's hard to just... be. I think that's why a lot of trans folks go through transition. To get to that point. Where it just does not matter anymore and you don't have to think about it. Where you can explore being masculine or feminine without always having to try and link it to how the world sees you, or how you see yourself.

Because they are not the same, in my opinion. I would not think any less of a trans girl who was into muscle cars, or fishing, or whatever. Nor would I think any less of a trans guy who was into fashion, or catering, or whatever. These are things we put on ourselves. A lot of the time if you are a trans girl, you have to be the girliest girl you can envision... just to satisfy yourself or others. When the truth is, that's not how women are. We don't all like pink wallpaper and fluffy slippers.

You are who you are and you love who/what you love. Being male or female should be a baseline, in my opinion. Not an identity. It's the thing you don't care about when you don't have to care about it. Instead of trying to work out what it is. It is what you want it to be.

@Sephirah
Dear Lauren:
I completely agree with your posting reply comment to @CosmicJoke ...
What you stated is exactly what I would have said if I was on this thread
earlier today.

Thank you for sharing your insight, your kind compassion, and your life
journey insights.

Please continue being the sweet sense of being the purveyor of common sense
and wisdom for our LGBTQ+ members.

I always look forward to reading what you post... always good advice.

          ❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Admin  Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

I do envy women who were raised as girls.  That is a whole experience I will never have.  And I would be lying if I didn't admit to envying pretty women.  I don't think I look too bad for an old dame of 71, but I'll never be pretty.

But that is the limit of my envy.  I don't consider "biological" women to be a valid category.  Cis women do have a slightly different biological history than trans women, but being trans is also biological.  I, too, am a biological woman, so there is nothing there to envy.

I understand the question and I also understand that the experience is fairly common. I find René Girard's "mimetic theory of desire" very compelling as a description of much of human behavior.

I've never found envy to be very useful to me in general. I am who I am, I have what I have, and I have an infinite number of possibilities of what I could do and where I could go with that combination. Wanting what someone else has or had kind of (seriously) detracts from living the life I want (and am living). Like...to what end?

AND I see being transgender as a gift. We have the opportunity to see ourselves, others, the world in a much more expansive way than most people. We get to experience "gender" in ways that very few others even realize exist. We get the opportunity to examine what gender even means to us and to make conscious our sense of who we are and how we move through the world. People who are content to behave as they were expected likely have no awareness of those possibilities. I feel blessed to have been given this genuinely extraordinary opportunity.

Quote from: Pema on May 30, 2026, 12:09:14 PMI understand the question and I also understand that the experience is fairly common. I find René Girard's "mimetic theory of desire" very compelling as a description of much of human behavior.

I've never found envy to be very useful to me in general. I am who I am, I have what I have, and I have an infinite number of possibilities of what I could do and where I could go with that combination. Wanting what someone else has or had kind of (seriously) detracts from living the life I want (and am living). Like...to what end?

AND I see being transgender as a gift. We have the opportunity to see ourselves, others, the world in a much more expansive way than most people. We get to experience "gender" in ways that very few others even realize exist. We get the opportunity to examine what gender even means to us and to make conscious our sense of who we are and how we move through the world. People who are content to behave as they were expected likely have no awareness of those possibilities. I feel blessed to have been given this genuinely extraordinary opportunity.

Well, after sixteen years on this site, I find myself in rare company. 🙂

I've said many times over the years that I considered discovering I was transgender was the best gift I ever received. I don't get a lot of agreement around the subject. 🤣

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: CosmicJoke on May 29, 2026, 02:13:22 PMSometimes I get this feeling of envy towards attractive women. It seems like they can express themselves as masculine or as feminine as they want to, and nobody will see them as anything else based on pure biology.

I felt envy is this same exact way long before being transgender was a thought in my head. Women were allowed to be themselves, and express themselves in whatever way they so wanted. I didn't understand that feeling until well into my early 30's. 

Quote from: Devlyn on May 30, 2026, 01:48:41 PMWell, after sixteen years on this site, I find myself in rare company. 🙂

I've said many times over the years that I considered discovering I was transgender was the best gift I ever received. I don't get a lot of agreement around the subject. 🤣

Hugs, Devlyn

I see it as a gift too Dev, I absolutely agree with you there. We get to see both sides of the gender divide and I think that makes us more rounded people. Definitely more understanding. Plus we get to experience puberty when we are old enough to enjoy it and appreciate it! Doesn't mean I don't wish I could get pregnant though. Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if I had offspring from before.

I have 2 main envy's

1, That I was never a teenage girl. The female me is far more outgoing than shy male I was growing up. If I was a teenage girl, I would have taken more advantage what my school offered and since the girl version of me is more outgoing, I would have made friends. As a teen the female me was deeply closeted, I loved wearing pantyhose and my stolen cheerleader skirt. I think if I was a teenage girl, I would have wanted to be on the cheer leader squad.

2. That I cant bear life. This was something that never occurred to me. when i started my female journey, I was 19 at the time, but after I got married that changed. I started wishing I could bear my husband a child. We did adopt and I love been a mother.

I was very jealous when my friends and my step sister fell pregnant,watching the baby grow inside them. My friend says, at least I don't menstruate.. honestly, if I did, it would mean I could fall pregnant.. I would gladly suffer through the cramps and mess that is the monthly menstruation to be able to bear my husband a child.

Not envious but sometimes disappointed I missed out on over 30 years.
 One incident brought it back to me. A few years ago a girl around 10ish was dancing with joy as she came out of Build a Bear with her mother. I was never that happy as a kid, not once.

Quote from: big kim on June 05, 2026, 10:43:35 AMNot envious but sometimes disappointed I missed out on over 30 years.
 One incident brought it back to me. A few years ago a girl around 10ish was dancing with joy as she came out of Build a Bear with her mother. I was never that happy as a kid, not once.

You can still go to Build a Bear Kim, it's never too late! ha ha!

I saw a woman with what was close to perfect proportions and height today.

That can mean something different to everyone. 

Let us say it was an enjoyable experience and I wished I had her body.


So is that envy?  Well, close.  I like my body but it is not that good.  Still, I am happy for her but I am glad for what I now have.  I like the changes!  However I would prefer to be about 5 ft 3-5 inches with a shapley figure and about 120-125 lbs., like my Sweetie.


Chrissy

I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who is the living embodiment of everything I wanted to be at that age. I am so very proud of the woman she's becoming and yes, I'm more than a little jealous, too.

Most women are would be envious of my situation.
I got a the high paying job only a guy could get. 
Stable job made it easy to buy a house and save for retirement. 

I can eat carbs and wear model sample sizes!

Quote from: Maid Marion on June 07, 2026, 04:31:58 AMMost women are would be envious of my situation.
I got a the high paying job only a guy could get. 
Stable job made it easy to buy a house and save for retirement. 

I can eat carbs and wear model sample sizes!

The weird thing is that all those kinda things I'm not envious of. I want a larger body and hate being slim, I want rid of my job deep down, although it does allow me to get all my surgery and retirement is of no interest as i don't even plan on reaching it!

I don't really envy cis women as its something I can't possibly ever achieve though. I evvy other trans however as tangibly that is something i may have been able to achive if I was more lucky.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on June 07, 2026, 05:17:04 AMI want rid of my job deep down, although it does allow me to get all my surgery and retirement is of no interest as i don't even plan on reaching it!

I retired before I was 60.  I have enough saved for surgeries if I decided that was the path I wanted to take.  I am young enough to walk 27 holes of golf on a hilly golf course, even though I took 110 strokes on the first 18 holes. 
All that golf means that I can carry four potted roses at once to the rose meeting room wearing high heels.  I got the comment that they would be in agony if they tried that!  IIRC I made four long walks from the parking lot to the meeting room that day.

When I decided to stop cutting my hair back in 2018 and let it grow to terminal length my waistline was 28 inches.  It is now down to 24 inches! I had no idea I could do that while maintaining a healthy weight.

Marion

Quote from: Maid Marion on June 07, 2026, 06:06:38 AMI retired before I was 60.  I have enough saved for surgeries if I decided that was the path I wanted to take.  I am young enough to walk 27 holes of golf on a hilly golf course, even though I took 110 strokes on the first 18 holes. 
All that golf means that I can carry four potted roses at once to the rose meeting room wearing high heels.  I got the comment that they would be in agony if they tried that!  IIRC I made four long walks from the parking lot to the meeting room that day.

When I decided to stop cutting my hair back in 2018 and let it grow to terminal length my waistline was 28 inches.  It is now down to 24 inches! I had no idea I could do that while maintaining a healthy weight.

Marion

I don't even know what I'd do if i retired tbh. I hate being at work but equally hate time off. Its a catch 22 situation really. I guess im also envious of people who dont habe totally broken minds. I'd trade everything to just feel like i actually wanted to be here. But alas i waa dealt the cards i was and cahr change that.

Most women spend years wanting something else.  If they have straight  hair they want curvy hair and vice versa.  Taylor Swift has gone on record about the body insecurities she had, fueled by the media.

Quote from: Maid Marion on June 07, 2026, 06:06:38 AMI retired before I was 60.  I have enough saved for surgeries if I decided that was the path I wanted to take.  I am young enough to walk 27 holes of golf on a hilly golf course, even though I took 110 strokes on the first 18 holes. 
All that golf means that I can carry four potted roses at once to the rose meeting room wearing high heels.  I got the comment that they would be in agony if they tried that!  IIRC I made four long walks from the parking lot to the meeting room that day.

When I decided to stop cutting my hair back in 2018 and let it grow to terminal length my waistline was 28 inches.  It is now down to 24 inches! I had no idea I could do that while maintaining a healthy weight.

Marion

Your waist is thinner than my thigh Marion! ha ha! You need to eat more burgers!

We all have our insecurities it's all just a matter of perspective really. I wish I was slim, Charlotte wishes she was larger.

Charlotte, there is no reason why you can't achieve complete femininity, it's just that you may not achieve the idealised version of femininity that you have in your own mind. We are probably all like that to some degree or other. None of us will ever be 100% happy with how we look. Make peace with it and you will live a happier life.

Quote from: Pema on May 30, 2026, 12:09:14 PMAND I see being transgender as a gift. We have the opportunity to see ourselves, others, the world in a much more expansive way than most people. We get to experience "gender" in ways that very few others even realize exist. We get the opportunity to examine what gender even means to us and to make conscious our sense of who we are and how we move through the world. People who are content to behave as they were expected likely have no awareness of those possibilities. I feel blessed to have been given this genuinely extraordinary opportunity.

I understand that, but some people don't have to experience gender in that way. And don't want to. Some people just want to be... Dave, or Sharon, or Barry, or Sarah. Where their mark on the world has nothing to do with gender. Sometimes ignorance is bliss unless you aren't afforded it. Then you make the most of it. Some people have that opportunity. Some do not.