Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

I avoid pretty much all clothes that are not hyper feminine as dont really feel like a woman without them. Got loads of stuff like t shirts that i like but just dont wear becase they don't emphasise femininity for me. I don't think these thoughts are uncommon, but maybe you're right and your therapist can help if its causing you distress. Hope you get through it soon x

I think we all have had these thoughts from time to time.

Let's reframe the question:

Not Feminine enough? For what?

What measurement of femininity are you using? If you are comparing yourself to how others look, who specifically? There are women who look more manly than some men, and some men who look more feminine than women. Humans come in all shapes and sizes.

If you drill down to what is actually triggering these thoughts, you may find the area that you want to improve. Bigger bust? Voice training? Mannerisms? Makeup skills? Clothing? Walking style?

Each of these can be things that can be addressed, but remember, they are only appearances. There is no standard for what a Real Woman™ looks like. Make a list and take it with you to your therapist. If it is something that really bothers you, make a plan to work on that.

In physical appearance, I don't think I am all that feminine. Hair, makeup, jewelry, and clothing help. But I am also at peace with who I am because I refuse to be held to other people's standards.

Be patient with yourself. Work on what needs work, and learn to accept that no one is perfect.

Tammy, we all start out wearing the ultra feminine clothes, it's exciting to get those looks you dreamed of when you were male but you have to remember that presenting as super feminine in heels, dresses and full make up takes a huge effort. That's why most CIS women don't do it 24/7. They spend most of their life in normal everyday clothes that are comfortable.

It doesn't mean you have to slouch about in leggings all day (though they absolutely have their place). Look around at what most women your age are wearing at the shops or in cafes etc. See if you find a look you like and try to replicate it. Leave the ultra feminine dressing for the night on the tiles with the girls or a hot date or some other special occasion. It feels more special that way too.

The hormones provide relief from the disphoria. It becomes such that you no longer need to dress ultra glam to feel feminine all the time because you simply are feminine all the time. I spend most of my time in more casual but feminine clothes. I wear leggings or skinny jeans, If it's hot I'll wear a boho hippy skirt which is feminine but very comfortable or I might pull on a pair of wide leg white linen trousers. And I just pair this with a scoop neck top or a tshirt or a tank/cami top. It's all relaxed. I can wear my comfy sketchers with any one of those outfits or I can pop on a pair of wedge sandals. It's not the high maintenance of glitzy dresses with tights, heels and full make up and clutch bags and all that.

I'm 50 too for comparison.

Quote from: tammy753 on June 05, 2026, 03:09:21 PMI don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

I think it really depends on the situation. I really only go out in "full on femme" if i'm going to a wedding for example. For something like that I would do my hair, makeup, and even wear a dress. I would even wear feminine looking shoes.

Most of the time I have my hair combed back into a ponytail and i'm wearing sneakers or jeans.

It really depends on the situation. There's varying degrees of femininity. When I first started my transition I saw it as very black or white. I came to find that being flexible with my femininity is key.

I was too feminine as a boy now not feminine enough! I'm feminine enough for me though.I dress for comfort at 68, no dresses, skirts heels make up or hair dye. Usually jeans or smart black pants, boot cut makes my feet look smaller.T shirts or tops, often in jewel colours. I often go birdwatching so its hiking pants, walking boots etc.
I often wear my hair( silver white with blonde and salt and pepper) bra strap length in 2 rope braids or a French Twist. Always wear silver earrings and Crucifix. Haven't had my usual French manicure as I'm helping a friend with her Honda motorcycle and model making a P51 Mustang.
I don't think I pass at nearly 6'2" and 260 pounds but I seem to be accepted and hide in plain sight

Today I wore a lavender hiking shirt, a dark green skort hemmed 2 inches above the knee, and black ankle booties with 2 inch heels to the rose club meeting. Mid back length hair in a ponytail.  No nail polish or makeup but my nails are a little long.

I gave away five roses in pots today.  Three were in bloom.

Marion

Thanks for all the replies. I will need to discuss with issue with my therapist. I think I expect to feel like I did in my 20's when I wanted to were heels and dresses all the time. This was before I started HRT. I suppressed my feminine side for years after I felt I was being reckless. I think I miss that feeling of just wanting to be pretty all the time.

Thanks for letting me ask my some what depressing questions. I am working on being less negative.

Quote from: tammy753 on June 05, 2026, 03:09:21 PMI don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

I'm 64. My concern is almost the opposite. I love my remind clothes so much I avoid all others. There is something to be said about feeling feminine in any clothes. Because we are. 

Quote from: tammy753 on June 06, 2026, 10:03:19 PMThanks for letting me ask my some what depressing questions. I am working on being less negative.

I appreciate that in here we can just feel what feel and express it. I valued your post! 

Quote from: tammy753 on June 05, 2026, 03:09:21 PMI don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

It's never too late to be your self. Don't label how u feel .. just do it .. if it makes u smile that's all u need to know. Best wishes!

I definitely struggled with this feeling at the beginning of my journey. I'm a few wakeups away from being on hrt for 13 months, and only recently started dressing slightly androgynously.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on June 11, 2026, 06:43:07 AMI definitely struggled with this feeling at the beginning of my journey. I'm a few wakeups away from being on hrt for 13 months, and only recently started dressing slightly androgynously.

We are near enough the same time on HRT really as I think I'm about 14 months - cant remember exactly. I've been pushing femininity since the beginning in terms of clothing. Well was in boymode to so no change!

Hey again Cbarlotte.

I can't help but see girl, girl, girl when I see you.

I get the feeling you are comparing yourself to children who know what they are.

You aren't 20. You can play like you are.  From your photos your skin looks like it is because it is soooo beautiful, pale, unsulidied.

I wish I looked as good as you. But life sucks and it is what it is.

I have now accepted the damaged I have done to myself cannot be undone.

I pretended that I was a propper male guy. But that has always been bull.

If I can find a way to send you photos I will.

My body is a testament to neglect, hatred of myself, a will to deny who I am, and a total destruction of the person I could have been.

I am coming to undetstand who I am, but I really destroyed my body, my skin and everything.

I wrecked pretty much everything in denial.

I still hate myself, I hate what I'm doing to my wife, I hate what is in my head but I keep coming back to my wifes love and my best mate dying at 21.

I've learned the art of grooming roses for rose shows. They allow you to cut off damaged leaves and petals.  I found I can carefully re-shape petals with a tiny pair of scissors to make them look better! Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  It took me a while to realize that judges prefer "buxom beauties."  Size counts for just 10 points out of 100, but hybrid teas need those ten points to be on the trophy table.  The hardest ten points to get!

There is an art to looking good at any age.  The fitness youngsters take for granted becomes more important as you age.  How someone walks can make a big impression on how good they look.

SO I have tried to reply to this thread. I struggle with my depression and it actually has gotten worse since I started therapy. My Therapist said this is normal since we are digging into parts of my life I have suppressed.

I have taken to wearing a skirt at home and that is helping with some of those not feminine enough feelings. I think I just won't be that Girly like I was in my 20's. I have live a long time and pretended to be this "tough guy" for so long I can't just turn that off. I think we need to cut our selves a break. We can't undo decades of programming over night. I spent 50 years trying to hide who I am just to fit in and now that I want to access those parts I suppressed they aren't willing to come out.

Dammit my therapist is right about this IFS stuff... Now I have to admit she is right today.

Is this a reply? Sorry is this the ramblings of person going mad.

Hi Tammy, i can certainly agree that going into transition and therapy can indeed exacerbate depression. Like you say you're really exploring your depths and probably finding more questions than answers. Then transition can add more expectations to your life that you may struggle to meet. For you sounds like you really want to push you're femininity, after all you have acknowledged your freedom to be who you want to be. But i think testing the water like you are doing is fine. Just trying a nice skirt. There are some nice tops around too that aren't ovrtly feminine that may help you access where you want to be in an easier way. Maybe a little bit of lace or like a cute ribbed t shirt, a bit stretchy.

I was the opposite as went into everything at 100 miles per hour. But still we have the same struggles just finding ourselves.

Look forward to seeing your progress over the next months.

Charlotte 😻

I'm terrified of wearing a skirt. Have never worn one in public, even though I own a few. I don't even wear them at home.

Quote from: Courtney G on June 11, 2026, 03:14:03 PMI'm terrified of wearing a skirt. Have never worn one in public, even though I own a few. I don't even wear them at home.

I'm so surprised to hear that you and others fear wearing skirts and such. For me it was so easy and wore them a few times out and about and at work in boymode before transition...was doing the femme boy vibes with thigh highs.

But shows how different our experiences are. Things i find easy others find tough. And vice versa with other things.

Who says you can't wear skirts in your 50's? I mean it may not be everyones goal but if you want to blend in then wear maxi skirts or just above knee skirts, wool skirts in the winter look really nice with opaques and boots. I would be happy wearing a shorter office skirt when I come out too. I just have to accept that if I don't want to get stares for the wrong reasons then the days of the mini skirts are gone. Nobody wants to see an older woman in a mini skirt. But hey, there are no rules and if you want to defy convention then do what makes you happy really.

I'm with Charlotte on this. When I come out I want to be wearing dresses, skirts, wide leg linen trousers. If I'm out I'm going to embrace it all. Plenty of women don't wear skirts and dresses though. You can be perfectly feminine and never touch a skirt or dress in your life.

Hi all!
 On the subject of femininity, I completely agree with Lori. Feminine enough for what? As I have gone on this journey, I have discovered that femininity really comes from within. I have met transgender women who have had no surgery, and aren't on HRT, and who  are the definition of femininity. It's all about how you define yourself. At least in my case, I am learning to accept and love myself as a transgender woman. As I do that, I have found that femininity seems to flow out of me.
 As far as clothing goes, I struggle sometimes with getting the right look down also. But, look around at how women present themselves on a daily basis. They are wearing the same type of clothing as men! Just female versions of it. I have found that wearing women's clothing doesn't have to mean trying to be something you're not. It feels wonderful to know that everything I'm wearing is women's clothing, and I'm still comfortable! On a related note, I gave away the last of my men's clothing this morning. It felt wonderful!!

Quote from: Camille58S on June 11, 2026, 08:58:09 PMI have found that wearing women's clothing doesn't have to mean trying to be something you're not.

Exactly this.

We are not trying to be something we are not.

We are trying to stop being something that we are not.

@Tammy 753

You're not going mad. You are trying to come to a point that you can accept yourself.

I'm doing the same. I really can't believe what I've been hiding.
I've long believed I'm just a normal guy who has emotional issues.

I've come to understand my shell doesn't match my programming.

60 in a bit overba week, I wish I knew this 30 years ago.

You can't go back. So the question is what do I do now.

But the underlying thing is why do I keep denying what I already know.

It's years of inbuilt transphobia. 

Quote from: Petunia on June 12, 2026, 02:00:40 AM@Tammy 753

You're not going mad. You are trying to come to a point that you can accept yourself.

I'm doing the same. I really can't believe what I've been hiding.
I've long believed I'm just a normal guy who has emotional issues.

I've come to understand my shell doesn't match my programming.

60 in a bit overba week, I wish I knew this 30 years ago.

You can't go back. So the question is what do I do now.

But the underlying thing is why do I keep denying what I already know.

It's years of inbuilt transphobia. 

It sounds like you're female self is desperate to be out and living, now that you have full clarity of who you really are. Are you still getting to buy and wear some cute women's clothes even if not overtly feminine? As others say a lot of women wear that kind of stuff and as you are a woman then that's living some of the life you want. I wish I could make it possible for you to fully transition as never too late, but know your circumstances just make that impossible.

I'm wondering if somehow we could all work out a big selection of things that can be done to live as a women more covertly. It might be stylistic things or even lifestyle stuff like groups or hobbies or what you read. Don't know but may be a good resource for anyone that cant live as much in their preferred gender as they wish.

I know for me the most affirming things was being accepted into girly conversations with other women. Like even really private stuff is now casually discussed.

Charlotte, you have so nailed me.

I just sit in on my wifes girlfriends conversations.

I've long been one of the girls and I love it.

So where I'm at.

My undies are all girls.
My sleepwear is all girls.
My body is hairless from my eyebrows down.

I've lasered my face. I have a lot of grey on my face but shaving 2 or 3 times a day keeps it at bay.
My hygeiene products are all female.

My brazillian has been lasered. And I'm sure the girls have seen my nails as I spread.

My nails are too long for a guy and glossed.
My toenails are usually bright red and glossed up at home. I want to go to a salon.

I wear leggings or tight jeggings.
My tee shirts are all womens, pastel shades.

I wear lycra yoga pants for my physical therapy sessions.
My hair is shoulder length and growing.
And I'm fighting getting it cut.

My ears are singular pierced and I changed my earrings daily. To be honest, the more feminine I can get the better. I am also craving a 2nd piercing in each

My brows are waxed and tinted, my lashes are tinted.

I wear either tinted lip balm in a soft pink or a nude lipstick 235 by loreal.

I usually wear tinted suncreen to camoflague some of my blemishes.


So anyone who has read this far knows I am a normal cis guy. HAHAHAHA.

WHO AM I TRYING TO FOOL.

It is sooooo obvious.

Yet there is a guy I know that still wants to destroy my body.

Oh btw, all the above is pretty much how I present as a pretend guy.

Is there anything else I can do before the tipping point?

I'm over sixty and have legs that look good in a mini skirt!
My legs are slightly longer than one might expect for someone my height.

I wore a wool top and skirt last night.  It may also be good summer wear.

Marion

@Petunia You are actually ahead of me in many ways. I'm only lasered on my face and that's incomplete. Also my toe nails are not painted, partly as I have an overlapping big toe which has ruined the second toe nail. My finger nails just break so are a complete mess although I badly paint them! No lip balm, no tinted sunscreen etc.

The only things in my favour are HRT and FFS I had done.

I wish I had nice legs - they are just covered in brown marks and higher up folliculitis spots and about 30 deep sores from that wont heal after months. My skin is just a complete mess there and struggling to sort it. I only really like my face - the rest of my body I'd chuck out with the garbage!

Charlotte

Quote from: Petunia on June 12, 2026, 04:18:49 AMCharlotte, you have so nailed me.

I just sit in on my wifes girlfriends conversations.

I've long been one of the girls and I love it.

So where I'm at.

My undies are all girls.
My sleepwear is all girls.
My body is hairless from my eyebrows down.

I've lasered my face. I have a lot of grey on my face but shaving 2 or 3 times a day keeps it at bay.
My hygeiene products are all female.

My brazillian has been lasered. And I'm sure the girls have seen my nails as I spread.

My nails are too long for a guy and glossed.
My toenails are usually bright red and glossed up at home. I want to go to a salon.

I wear leggings or tight jeggings.
My tee shirts are all womens, pastel shades.

I wear lycra yoga pants for my physical therapy sessions.
My hair is shoulder length and growing.
And I'm fighting getting it cut.

My ears are singular pierced and I changed my earrings daily. To be honest, the more feminine I can get the better. I am also craving a 2nd piercing in each

My brows are waxed and tinted, my lashes are tinted.

I wear either tinted lip balm in a soft pink or a nude lipstick 235 by loreal.

I usually wear tinted suncreen to camoflague some of my blemishes.


So anyone who has read this far knows I am a normal cis guy. HAHAHAHA.

WHO AM I TRYING TO FOOL.

It is sooooo obvious.

Yet there is a guy I know that still wants to destroy my body.

Oh btw, all the above is pretty much how I present as a pretend guy.

Is there anything else I can do before the tipping point?

I hate to break it to you Petunia but with all that you are doing and wearing you are most defnitely not in the closet, you are hanging out the closet door and waving about for attention!

What is stopping you taking that final leap?

Sarah, intellectually I understand what you mean and at the same time I don't think I'm being that obvious.

I only get "sirred" but I do get a lot of side eyes from women and I've noticed a lot of crotch stares from women when I wear tight clothing. (I do try for a flat look and my junk is best described as micro)

My relationship is what is stopping me. And my doubts.

My wife doesn't want me going out crossdressed, so what I'm trying to do is compromise.

I want FFS as my face is a mess. My nose really needs to be fixed and if I'm doing that then I want a female nose, even if I do nothing else.

I'm going to have to start electrolysis to get rid of the grey beard.

I've stopped seeing my psychologist for now but she has said soon as I'm ready she will recommend HRT for me.

I've walked past friends and they haven't recognised me. I really like that.
Those who have seen me are really checking me out but have said nothing.

So, for now I'm in denial.

At some stage I'll need to try hrt to see if it's right.
But I am concerned about clots given I've had a double bypass.

But I'm not transgender hey!
That's something that other people have to go through.
😁

Oh, my depression has been missing for a couple of months.
It's almost as though I never had it

 Moderator edit: Removed profanity

HRT isn't for everyone Petunia, there are many ways to excerise your femininity. Only take it if you are under the care of a specialist seeing as you've had a history of clots. It's potent stuff.

It's good you are seeing a psychologist and if she is willing to prescribe you HRT then she must strongly believe you are transexual but only you can choose your own path.

Yes Sarah, hrt is not to be played with.

I'm pretty sure my doctor suspects something is going on with me. He hinted as much about 6 months ago.

I will only proceed if he oks it.

I have no real need for gcs bottom surgery.

I'd love to get to the place that I'm gendered as female but I don't think that will ever happen.

I stepped through the possibilities with my psychologist and I can't say for sure where I fit.

It is pretty obvious that cis male can be ruled out.
As for other options, I really don't care at the moment. I don't have a need to label myself.

But the more feminine I can look and feel the more I can accept myself.

Quote from: tammy753 on June 05, 2026, 03:09:21 PMI don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

You don't have to be feminine to be female. You don't have to be masculine to be male. When you think like that... it's folly. It's entangling two different things. People born female don't think they have to be the embodiment of femininity in order to live and love their life. You shouldn't either. Just be you. Do what you do and like what you like. Not all women fantasise about getting their nails done, or lip gloss, or fashion, or boys. Some like to strip engines, or probe the depths of the universe.

Just be you and don't worry about if you're too this or that. If you're female, you're female. That's the canvas. Blank and waiting for you to paint your life upon it. That's all there needs to be.

Hi, when I first started out expressing it was really difficult; that was 11 years ago. I expressed because I had to do 1 year RLE in order to get GCS. Starting out buying clothing was really difficult. I got the wrong sizes and I did not have a style. I went to thrift stores because that is where everyone in group went. I would go to Walmart and Target too.

I found my style. I still have only one skirt and 3 dressed for work functions. At work I wear female pants and tops. Everything I own is female now but back in 2015 I was in transition and the transition was very difficult.

 I go to the gym and am a gym rat. I wear CVG gear with 2.5 inch inseams. I wear that to the gym when it is 5 degrees out. I do heavy squats, for a woman and I do not want anything on my legs. I wear clothing such as jean shorts, non-jean shorts, jeans and different types of tops depending on the season and everything is female. I would not think to buy anything male nor would I wear it. Ok, there is one exception and that is if I wore a guys shirt the morning after, LOL.

I have been on HRT a little over 14 years. I never have much body hair and it is gone from HRT. Facial hair electrolysis was difficult.  I had 6 sessions of genital hair removal for GCS. I had lidocaine injections and the machine was turned up very high. That electrolysis was very tough.

So you ask are you feminine enough. That was on my mind a lot I guess the first 3 years of transition. After I had GCS I just went into a different frame of mind and just lived my lift. I understand asking yourself the question over and over, we all do or did. It is perfectly normal.

I have been HRT for 14 plus years and I had a lot of operations to fit in. In the end I think for me I had to accept myself for who I am and do productive things for my transition.

I am working on a female Japanese bodysuit. My arms, back, butt and thighs are done and my next appointment is for the outline of my lower right leg. I have my tongue split and I am getting it deeper cut on Tuesday. K-9 fangs are in the fall and my dentist is excited and I am not her first patient to get them. I feel comfortable enough in my skin to express myself with ink and some mods.

I understand questioning and I get having doubts. I have been there. I think we have all been there. Remember to breath and enjoy the flowers along the way and remember to do things that reward your hard earned efforts. 
 

Quote from: Petunia on June 12, 2026, 04:34:24 PMSarah, intellectually I understand what you mean and at the same time I don't think I'm being that obvious.

I only get "sirred" but I do get a lot of side eyes from women and I've noticed a hell of a lot of crotch stares from women when I wear tight clothing. (I do try for a flat look and my junk is best described as micro)

My relationship is what is stopping me. And my doubts.

My wife doesn't want me going out crossdressed, so what I'm trying to do is compromise.

I want FFS as my face is a mess. My nose really needs to be fixed and if I'm doing that then I want a female nose, even if I do nothing else.

I'm going to have to start electrolysis to get rid of the grey beard.

I've stopped seeing my psychologist for now but she has said soon as I'm ready she will recommend HRT for me.

I've walked past friends and they haven't recognised me. I really like that.
Those who have seen me are really checking me out but have said nothing.

So, for now I'm in denial.

At some stage I'll need to try hrt to see if it's right.
But I am concerned about clots given I've had a double bypass.

But I'm not transgender hey!
That's something that other people have to go through.
😁

Oh, my depression has been missing for a couple of months.
It's almost as though I never had it

You managed to say a LOT in a short post!


I'm grateful for your words and your experience echoes much of my own. 

Most people assume I'm somone variety of male that they don't understand because of my face. With a wig, breast forms, and red lipstick people get the female message. 

I'm lucky to have light facial and body hair. In tight outfits I use a gaff so I'm flatter. Sadly the hair on my head is thin, too. I struggle with accepting my thing natural curls vs. full time wig. 

That sounds bold but I rarely, but growingly, go out en femme. My wife fears for me. Why does your wife not want you to go out dressed?

I like alternating between acceptance and denial. It keeps me crazy. 

I'm 10 days into estradiol only. 

I'm trans. No I'm not. Wait...

I joke but I really can't fight my body's growing insistence to dress like myself. To be myself. To have the right hormones. But my voice...that hard work. I always have something to be scared of. 

I dream up outfits that I want to wear and they are mostly the Rock chick look and then I remember I am 50 and I would look ridiculous with my gray hair.

I had a scary experience Saturday. A family was driving by me and their kid yelled Homo at me as they drove by. the mother was laughing while it happened. I didn't even get out of my car and I was just wearing a tshirt. I think I might be failing to pass as male and female now.

I think I am a little lost and not sure what to do for my future. Part of me wants to just quit my job and move to the desert in NM, another want to move to a more accepting city but my job won't allow me to move, and another part wants me to give all this up and just try to be "Normal".

Ok maybe a lot lost these days. Sorry I am not much of a writer. I do the best I can but I have walled off my emotions for so long I struggle to access them now. Except in therapy where I end up crying all the time.

Quote from: tammy753 on June 15, 2026, 07:12:54 AMI dream up outfits that I want to wear and they are mostly the Rock chick look and then I remember I am 50 and I would look ridiculous with my gray hair.

I had a scary experience Saturday. A family was driving by me and their kid yelled Homo at me as they drove by. the mother was laughing while it happened. I didn't even get out of my car and I was just wearing a tshirt. I think I might be failing to pass as male and female now.

I think I am a little lost and not sure what to do for my future. Part of me wants to just quit my job and move to the desert in NM, another want to move to a more accepting city but my job won't allow me to move, and another part wants me to give all this up and just try to be "Normal".

Ok maybe a lot lost these days. Sorry I am not much of a writer. I do the best I can but I have walled off my emotions for so long I struggle to access them now. Except in therapy where I end up crying all the time.

It can definitely be tough out there, but no matter what you do some people always have an opinion that they are willing to share. My partner and myself frequently get the yells from car windows as my partner wears care bears stuff and I like some out there clothes too. Honestly, they have the problem, not you and will find something regardless so may as well give them something.

Of course you can always try to find better areas but that's got to be your own choice and for me would only be if the problem was severe. Idiots inhabit everywhere unfortunately.

Gray hair shouldn't stop you being rock chick if that's what you want! Its a look that can easily be aced at any age. I'm sure there are lots of older folk nailing that look if you search around the internet. Then find a look that works and sorta copy it! This way you know its going to be decent and well suited to you.

Sending lots of hugz.
Charlotte

Quote from: Sephirah on June 12, 2026, 05:22:01 PMYou don't have to be feminine to be female. You don't have to be masculine to be male. When you think like that... it's folly.

Once I started transitioning, I had a number of interesting conversations with the cis women I know.  A fair number said they don't identify as "female" or have any particular attachment to their gender/sex, it's just how their life turned out.  And there's a huge variety in how much they care about being "feminine."  There's stuff they bother with and stuff they don't.  Granted, there are women who are obsessed with being "feminine" by whatever standard they've come up with, and some of these ruin their lives that way.  But most don't.  So by not caring and doing what I feel like, I think I'm more like most cis women than the people who worry about it.

Quote from: Asche on June 15, 2026, 09:27:07 AMOnce I started transitioning, I had a number of interesting conversations with the cis women I know.  A fair number said they don't identify as "female" or have any particular attachment to their gender/sex, it's just how their life turned out.  And there's a huge variety in how much they care about being "feminine."  There's stuff they bother with and stuff they don't.  Granted, there are women who are obsessed with being "feminine" by whatever standard they've come up with, and some of these ruin their lives that way.  But most don't.  So by not caring and doing what I feel like, I think I'm more like most cis women than the people who worry about it.

Exactly this.

My therapist keeps promising I will reach that point of not caring. I hope she is right.

I hope to get this attitude

Quote from: tammy753 on June 15, 2026, 07:12:54 AMI dream up outfits that I want to wear and they are mostly the Rock chick look and then I remember I am 50 and I would look ridiculous with my gray hair.

Whoa there Tammy, I'm 50 and I'm not over the hill! I'm not ready for my granny slippers just yet!

There are plenty of older rock chicks out there. It's quite common in the UK. Have a look on Youtube at Whitby Goth Festival, I realise goths are probably not exactly rock chicks but you get the point, there will be rock chicks there.

I'm sorry you received that abuse but in truth, you don't know if that little monster, sorry, little darling may have been shouting homo to everyone he sees! It might be his new word for the day! In all seriousness though I think it is something that all of us will have to get used to at some point, I do not relish the idea of being on the receiving end of it I must admit, but such is the challenge of being transgender.

You should not have to pack up your life to run away to a quiet corner of the world and live like a hermit. You have as much right to live your life how you want as anyone else.

EDIT: For the record my potty mouth was a little less polite than "Monster" sorry if I upset anyone, Thanks Lori ;)

They were looking directly at me and I don't understand why they would be yelling at me I was never even close to them. I surprisingly not to upset like I would have been in the past. I think I am starting to come to the point that I need to stop letting other people have the power over me. But its not a fun experience to have people yelling at you when you don't even know them and have never interacted with them.

Krista, everytime you write something it is something I could have written.

Of all the girls here your story is the closest to mine.

My wife doesn't want me outside crossdressed because of 1. safety and 2. embarrasment if I get seen by someone who knows me.

The city I live in had a big problem years ago with gay bashings and murders.
It's not that bad now but as the right wing becomes more popular there has been a rise in anti queer community rhetoric.

I am going to be embarrased when some of my old friends find out about me, but for now I have actually walked past a few of them and not been recognised.

Tammy, I feel for you having to put up with idiots like that.

It's obvious the kid has imbeciles for parents. They have bred hatred.

If you are able to walk away unhurt then you are the winner.

There are plenty of other people wasting space in the world so it's pointless wasting time thinking about them.

Just be safe

The more I think about it the more defiant I feel. That song I posted keeps running through my head:

"I will do it like I can
Right in your face"

Not sure I am that brave but I am feeling tired of letting other people tell me how to live. I hope I can build on this feeling.

Quote from: tammy753 on June 15, 2026, 12:03:27 PMMy therapist keeps promising I will reach that point of not caring. I hope she is right.

I hope to get this attitude

That's the common pattern. Holding steady as internal and external forces affect us isn't easy, but it usually works 

Courage and bravery isn't being fearless. It isn't when you just don't give a damn and nothing can touch you. Being courageous and brave is when you see the weaknesses you have, when things scare you to death, but you make the choice to not let them stop you. When everything inside you is screaming at you to not do something... but you do it anyway. That's bravery, Tammy.

And you, like everyone, I think, has that capacity.

You will get people who will treat you that way, Tammy. Because it is more about them than it is about you. And nothing you could do would likely get them to change the way they behave. The way we all are with everyone else is more about who we are than who they are. We project our own emotional baggage and our own perspective onto the world around us. If you hadn't been there... the person who was there in your stead would probably have gotten the exact same outcome.

You can't control how the world is with you. Only how you are with the world, sweetie. You can't out-perfect someone else's emotional damage. You just accept it and move on. See it for what it is.

I think you are more courageous than you give yourself credit for.