Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi I'm going through the process with FFS. And need to get some perspective (or maybe vent a little). I hope this is an appropriate place

While I have supportive people in my life, few are trans. The ones who are trans are not in a position to consider FFS. It makes it difficult to talk FFS in a substantive way.

I'm posting because I've booked a surgery, but am now waking up every night terrified I'm making a mistake.

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I started looking for a surgeon at the start of the year. I got my first really femme haircut and eyebrows. I was underwhelmed and overwhelmed with the result. Underwhelmed in that I didn't look as femme as I hoped. Overwhelmed that even that little bit more femme took a lot of adjusting.
I started experimenting more with makeup and felt extremely self-conscious about my prominent brow.

I started looking now because I currently have insurance that will help pay. I'm not sure that will last. This might be my shot to do it without paying for everything out of pocket.

I'm in a strange place in my transition currently. I am "out" but am not super vocal about it. I wear clothes from the women's dept (though usually more androgynous). I've changed the way I speak. I wear a bra. I don't wear makeup.

I think of myself as feminine all the time. I am usually read as a man, or some variety of queer. I am never read as a woman.

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I am hoping FFS will make me happier when I look in the mirror. I don't hate my current face. Sometimes I can see the femme face inside of me, other times the lighting really catches my brow and I feel horribly masculine. I've always hated some masculine features of my face and would love for them to be gone. (long upper lip, big brow)

I most worried about looking unnatural. The thought of explaining to everyone in my life that I've had major plastic surgery done, or worse having it obvious on face is terrifying.

I am also worried about being suddenly trans to many people who don't see me that way. Or messing up what good features I have.

The ideal for me would be to have a more feminine face that people can tell is me and different but doesn't scream surgery. I think I've found a surgeon who can do that (Dr. DB) but my nervousness is still there.

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Did anyone else feel similarly going into their surgery?

Do I seem like I'm on track for disaster?

I had a huge brow bone, very rarely see much bigger. But FFS, wow it made a massive difference. But the thing is you don't look like you've had surgery or completely different. Its like you suddenly became you but feminine. I totally rate brow bone reduction if its bothering you!

I posted journey pics a few days back in my blog if you fancy a look. Might help you see how it changes stuff but just in the right ways.

I think the emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal. The work I had done was eyes and brows, no bone shaping. Other gals here have recently had those done, so I'll let them chime in.

About this:

QuoteI am also worried about being suddenly trans to many people who don't see me that way. Or messing up what good features I have.

Women often have a "little work done" to freshen up their look, and it is pretty well accepted as normal. Men, too, have plastic surgery done for a variety of cosmetic reasons. I wouldn't worry too much about that. It doesn't signal "TRANS" on your forehead. You are just nervous, so your brain is kicking in to think things through. Relax.

FFS (the first of two phases) didn't change everything for me, but it has made a big difference. I do look more feminine. At the same time, people who know me are largely unaware of the changes because they've already hard-coded their impression of my face. This works out, actually, because the surgery hasn't outed me to everyone I've ever known.

The upper face stuff (hairline advancement, brow lift, forehead, cheek implants) was what I've had done so far (in addition to my chin) and my surgeon was right; opening up that part of my face has made me look feminine.

I'm glad that you're being careful to look for a surgeon who understands your desire for a natural look. I've seen some before/after galleries of surgeons who go for "Mar-a-Lago face" and that's definitely not a look I recommend, especially if you're mature in age.

I don't have any advice but want to acknowledge and say your nerves are completely normal. In fact not being nervous would be abnormal.

Wishing you amazing results.

Hi Bee!

Fear of all the unknowns is part of the process... acknowledge your fears but don't let them own you or take the steering wheel from your hands...

I had two 11.5 hour FFS procedures with Dr D-B in Jan and Nov of 2015 (with May GRS with Dr Bowers in between!... busy year lol)... and you are in the very best of hands!

It is an amazing experience and an amazing process... Enjoy it all... Glorious discoveries await you!

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

PS... There are a good number of pics throughout my blog... the link at the bottom of my signature line below will take you there... there are some "before" pics there too for comparison... I believe the before ones are on page 5 🌻

Forgive for being dumb, sweetie, but what is the outcome you want from this? Your initial post sounded somewhat confused. I understand what other people have been through, and why it benefited them... but... are you sure about this?

What do you think will change for you if you go through this? I just... it worries me that you want people to think you've changed based on a procedure, rather than what you talked about with them. Why do people need to see you in a certain way, before you even talked to them?

My advice is to hold off from this until you can answer some, if not all of these questions. Because any kind of surgery is something you can't come back from.

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 11:51:17 PMForgive for being dumb, sweetie, but what is the outcome you want from this? Your initial post sounded somewhat confused. I understand what other people have been through, and why it benefited them... but... are you sure about this?

I read a little bit of this in the first post too and it reminded me of my own journey. 

"Damn, I want people to see me as female or even as trans!"

The next day, "I think I'll keep it androgynous. It's easier that way."

I still get those feelings but I don't act on them now. I stay femme and I'm getting more so. I wish I could afford FFS! 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on Today at 01:38:23 AMI read a little bit of this in the first post too and it reminded me of my own journey.

"Damn, I want people to see me as female or even as trans!"

The next day, "I think I'll keep it androgynous. It's easier that way."

I still get those feelings but I don't act on them now. I stay femme and I'm getting more so. I wish I could afford FFS!

Is that any different than a CIS woman though Krista? Those androgynous days might just be the days when a girl can't be bothered to do her hair and makeup and has a dress down day. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a feminine appearance. I think it helps to have a sloppy day routine where you lounge around in leggings or jeans and a t-shirt. minimal makeup such as liner, mascara and lippy. You can be ready in nearly the same time. You still feel completely feminine .

Quote from: Stottie Girl on Today at 03:51:38 AMIs that any different than a CIS woman though Krista? Those androgynous days might just be the days when a girl can't be bothered to do her hair and makeup and has a dress down day. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a feminine appearance. I think it helps to have a sloppy day routine where you lounge around in leggings or jeans and a t-shirt. minimal makeup such as liner, mascara and lippy. You can be ready in nearly the same time. You still feel completely feminine .

Thank you! Two very different thoughts on that...
1. It's something I'm working on. Remembering and reminding myself that I'm always Krista, regardless of what I look like. 
2. The intent of my share was about the underlying reasons for how I present. A more neutral look can be healthy if truly want to look that way. For me, sometimes it's fear of getting dressed the way I want to, and I make excuses.