Susan's Place Transgender Resources

After trying to talk about the T word and what I'm feeling we sat down and talked yesterday.

I started by explaining to my wife that I'm not cis male.  She didn't understand so I tried to explain it.

I also said I've never been a really masculine man. She said this is one of the things she really liked/likes about me.

She has known for 36 years that I like to crossdress but I did stop doing it almost 20 years ago because I hated myself.

The question she has been asking me was why now.  So I decided to join Susan's to assist getting an answer.

I tried to explain things step by step but it didn't go over well.

When I mentioned transgender my wife told me I am not to go out crossdressed. But why I can't just do it (begrudgingly) at home?

She said she doesn't want to split up and she didn't expect to spend our retirement this way.

She asked what are people going to think of her?

She also said no hormones, and I need to talk to somebody about this.

I can go back to my psychologist, but in my last visit we kind of agreed to park things for a while.

My psychologist also said she would provide a supporting letter to a doctor of my choice if I chose to do something.

I couldn't bring myself to tell this to my wife.

I still don't know who/what I really am (or maybe I'm just kidding myself)

I don't consider I have been crossdressing even though I have been women's underwear for about 10 months and pretty much everyday I have been wearing at least one piece of female outerwear, but never dresses.

I'm sure I don't need to go over everything I've been doing but I don't know how I'd react if I have to cut my hair or remove my jewelery.

My wife did appologise for not being more supportive but I said that was ok and understandable.

So today is probably the worst day I've had in 10 months or more

I don't know if I can offer any words of true comfort, but this makes me get a feeling of hope.

Quote from: Petunia on Yesterday at 11:19:01 PMI also said I've never been a really masculine man. She said this is one of the things she really liked/likes about me.

And there're also other positives

Quote from: Petunia on Yesterday at 11:19:01 PMShe said she doesn't want to split up and she didn't expect to spend our retirement this way. She asked what are people going to think of her?

What you are writing is that she wants to stay and that the issues she sees are not primarily about her attraction to you, but about how others will see her/you. Coming out to her means that she gets thrown into a whirlwind of thoughts and fears and it is at least possible that her reactions are a lot about the fear of the unknown. That with a bit of time and with seeing that your core will stay the same she can rethink what this really means?

I do understand the heaviness of the situation but I also think that her reaction does bring a bit of hope. 💕

This sounds like a very big moment,  Petunia, and this is really only a single conversation. I'm so glad that you found the courage to sit and discuss this in detail. Like Anna says it seems at the level of "who you are" she doesn't see such a big issue. I expect however that more depth would need to be focused here to determine the extent. It seems like she is worried about other people which may be in terms of embarrassment and avoiding criticism. She may be worried about this in terms of her own feelings but also concen for you.

I think that it might be worth exploring these separate themes and more together. I'm kibd of thinking a what if situation - say if the worry about how people would see you wasn't there, would she be happy with you fully transitioning. Also I think going to your therapist means you can define some questions and discussions together. This maybe means you can push towards "what if" scenarios, like HRT, with your wife under the guise they are part of therapy. In reality this is true hypothetical exploration.

I get this will be hard and on top of your mind will be not losing your relationship. But there is also an opportunity to push the envelope a little after each therapy session. Change abd chages of mind sometimes happen with regular exposure, supporting your partners concerns with answers and the affirmation of a 3rd party.

Sending you lots of love and hugs. I know you'll need them.

Charlotte 😻

Thank you Anna. That is exactly what I'm hoping for.


Sweet, sweet Charlotte. There you go again trying to help other people when you are in so much turmoil.

Please prioritise yourself.

Send me pm's if you like.
 I wonder if your hrt is compounding issues

When I was growing up Corporal Klinger on M.A.SH. was the butt of jokes.  1970s TV show.
Cross dressing back then invited bullying or worse.

Now it is just clothes.  I tell my random golfing partners that I wear female clothes because they fit perfectly and I can buy them on sale at deep discounts.  Elderly men who play golf have no issue with that.  Some suggest they are "my clothes."  Others wish their wives could wear my outfits.  I wear sample sizes, the same as models wear.

I have discussed the difference between gender and sexuality with one guy I've played with a couple of times.
I think he appreciated the discussion as I kept it simple and to the point so he could understand it.

Marion

Thank you all for the kind words.

I need to sleeo and stop crying for now.
It will take a while

It's a very tough thing you are dealing with Petunia. I have no experience with these matters but I hope your wife can come to accept you for who you are.

Wow I can't image what that was like thanks for sharing that and if you need support please let us know.

When I told my wife, she didn't take it well. It wasn't long before we slept in separate bedrooms. We barely spoke to each other for months. I started HRT without telling her. At work, I was happy. I had to turn off my joy when I got home because I knew it would upset my wife. Eventually, she began to see that I was becoming a better version of myself. We had many challenges to overcome, but our marriage survived. Five years ago we remarried, this time as two brides. We've now been married 42 years. I asked her why she stayed with me all of these years, and she always replies 'because I love you.'

The best advice I can give is to be patient. Give her time to understand. Answer questions truthfully.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

What a fantastic journey, Jessica Rose. I can only imagine the difficulties, and then:

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on Today at 08:14:46 AMFive years ago we remarried, this time as two brides. We've now been married 42 years. I asked her why she stayed with me all of these years, and she always replies 'because I love you.'

Beautiful! I get tears in my eyes. 🥹
This gives us all a bit of hope.