Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was trying to come up with a cool title, and nothing worked. So, "Simpsons" quote it is. This will be a spot where I can ramble and not be a total moron about it. Let's start this off with a video from my YouTube channel.


This was so awesome. I was able to hire Sherry Lynn for a Cameo video. This was even better than when I got to talk to Tim Morse (original drummer for the Boston Grindcore band, A.C.) on a friend's podcast.

Welcome to the Blogs, Laura!

Actually, I love that title. Looking forward to seeing what you do with the place.

Thanks for sharing with us!

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 12, 2026, 10:30:00 PMWelcome to the Blogs, Laura!

Actually, I love that title. Looking forward to seeing what you do with the place.

Thanks for sharing with us!

Cheers! It was an obvious choice for a first post. It took me three times to do the intro because I couldn't stop giggling. It was so surreal. It also inspired a storyline. Portia's reaction in the story was actually a bit harsher than what Sherry came up with. One of the rare times that Portia has sworn in the fanfics. That would be number 5 for her on the swear count. Laura Squirrel and, especially, Kathy Cat, don't even bother to ask about that number. Kathy broke the needle off. LOL Yeah, I really get into this.

I liked the video. I think it was a perfect way to kick off your blog!

More fun in the basement!!! Being in the UK that went over my head, whatever!!!!

Quote from: davina61 on July 13, 2026, 02:28:24 AMMore fun in the basement!!! Being in the UK that went over my head, whatever!!!!

No. I live in an upstairs apartment. LOL

Oy vey!

The last 48 to 72 hours have been INSANE! I THOUGHT that I had neglected to pay my rent. I found a blank money order for the amount of rent late Friday night. I totally spiraled into an absolute freakout. I went to the office, and we got things sorted out.

Basically, the extreme heat had cooked my friggin' brain and had me all mixed up. Well, everything has been sorted, and my heart is no longer doing blastbeats in my chest. But, WOW, the stress was ridiculous. I'm already stressed enough over certain issues. That did NOT help.

But... it's fixed now.

Okay. Let's get away from that. Why not have the cutest couple in Green Meadow instead?

Portia Porcupine on the left and Laura Squirrel on the right. In the final story of the series, they (along with Kathy Cat, Erica Porcupine, Mary Lamb, and Martha Lamb) move into a house together and turn the garage into a rehearsal/recording space. Eventually, Laura proposes to Portia. That scene is so friggin' cute.

A duo of amazing soundtrack music from "Nimoma". You have to play them back to back. "Please Come Back" has this glorious, beautiful crescendo. Once it settles down, there is a reprise of "Nimona's Theme". But instead of the vocal melody, it's an octave or two lower, and the melody is, I think, an oboe or a clarinet kind of sound. It has this really mournful quality to it. It's really beautiful. It can get the waterworks going, that's for sure. But, I always feel better afterwards.   

*sighs*

People will always let you down.

"You talk too much". Okay, I will text instead. "Nope. That's too much". No response after that. Fine. I am beyond sick of people whom I know in person telling me that they care about me and clearly demonstrating that they don't. Yeah, I talk too much. Yes, my mind is stuck in a horrific doom loop that I can't escape from. Hell, I don't even play Doom Metal anymore. I have no desire to do things that I loved. I feel so friggin' hopeless. People reacting like this over and over and over and over doesn't help at all.

It just makes me think: "Wow, dude. A lot of people really are this stupid." It's like I'm living between two worlds or something. It is so friggin maddening and depressing.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 18, 2026, 11:04:23 AM*sighs*

People will always let you down.

"You talk too much". Okay, I will text instead. "Nope. That's too much". No response after that. Fine. I am beyond sick of people whom I know in person telling me that they care about me and clearly demonstrating that they don't. Yeah, I talk too much. Yes, my mind is stuck in a horrific doom loop that I can't escape from. Hell, I don't even play Doom Metal anymore. I have no desire to do things that I loved. I feel so friggin' hopeless. People reacting like this over and over and over and over doesn't help at all.

It just makes me think: "Wow, dude. A lot of people really are this stupid." It's like I'm living between two worlds or something. It is so friggin maddening and depressing.

I think that's quite common that people are available for you when things are going easy or you're exactly as they'd like you to be. Changes when things are tougher or they don't want to talk so much. Can be hard when you often just rely on yourself.

Sending you lots of warm hugs and hoping you can get back to the things you enjoy soon. Tough to do much when your head is in circles, but try to find some you time and do something that makes you feel even a little better. Its so tough though.

Charlotte ❤️

Well, other than acoustic blues stuff and the rare bit of Ambient electric guitar, that's it. Well....wait...I am getting my synth set up back together. BUT the hopelessness, despair, is so strong. People tell me just to "smile and be happy". That is impossible to do when you are sad that you woke up. They don't get it at all. But they just veg out on Netflix since they don't want to be bothered with what is actually going on.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 18, 2026, 11:32:00 AMI think that's quite common that people are available for you when things are going easy or you're exactly as they'd like you to be. Changes when things are tougher or they don't want to talk so much. Can be hard when you often just rely on yourself.

Sending you lots of warm hugs and hoping you can get back to the things you enjoy soon. Tough to do much when your head is in circles, but try to find some you time and do something that makes you feel even a little better. Its so tough though.

Charlotte ❤️

Yeah, I hate it. It's gotten to the point where I spend more time talking to myself or talking to Portia. I know none of that is normal. But, what passes as 'normal' in so many people's eyes is pretty screwed up, if ya ask me.

To give you an idea of what the Ambient guitar stuff sounds like, here's a video. I use an OBNE signal blender to have the clean signal and a pair of effected channels. It's just my phone up against the speaker. So, the audio isn't top-shelf quality. But, to be fair, even if I were using my interface and mics, it wouldn't be top-shelf since I am not that good at audio engineering.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HWGdNXsdm0

It's funny because back in the day, I would upload all of this live Metal footage that I bought from people. That got decent views. Once I dumped that and my short-lived podcast (that no one cared about anyway), the views dropped like a rock. "What's all this weird noise stuff?" It's what I like to do. Yeah, there is some Death Metal stuff. But my skills have dropped way, way off there. I attempted to play "Nutra-Death" by Hideous Mangleus a while back. When it got to the fast part, my arms and wrists locked up. LOL I was, like, "Ugh. I sound as bad as I did in the early 90s". But, that's the way that goes. Maybe I will get that back. But, at this point, I just don't know.

I like it.

As you said, it needs to be cleaned up, but I still like it.

Thanks for sharing.

GTA chicks.PNG

I forgot all about this. Here's a much better image of the GTA OC's.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 18, 2026, 01:03:04 PMI like it.

As you said, it needs to be cleaned up, but I still like it.

Thanks for sharing.

Well, it's phone audio, ya know? LOL

I was going to buy an actual camcorder at one point. But, as the cost of living went up, up, up, that idea went out the window.

That sounds nice, very hypnotic to me. Be interesting to hear your synth sometime too 🙂

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 18, 2026, 01:55:48 PMThat sounds nice, very hypnotic to me. Be interesting to hear your synth sometime too 🙂

Ask, and ye shall receive. Actually, I forgot all about these videos. Here's one that is more mellow. Kind of a soundtrack vibe.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 18, 2026, 02:23:48 PM

Ask, and ye shall receive. Actually, I forgot all about these videos. Here's one that is more mellow. Kind of a soundtrack vibe.

Oooh now that sounds beautiful. I do love the sounds that can be coaxed out of them.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 18, 2026, 02:36:10 PMOooh now that sounds beautiful. I do love the sounds that can be coaxed out of them.

The Arturia MicroFreak is absolutely amazing. It's a little weird with the way the keyboard operates. But I was accustomed to my ancient Casio keyboard. That went away in, I think, 2018 or 2020. Outside of my Grind/Noise project, Anthropomorphic Lesbianism, I was just using it for soundscape stuff like this. The MicroFreak is suited for so many styles.

Here's me doing a batch of A.C. covers as Anthropomorphic Lesbianism. This was back when my vocals were still mint. I had a tonsillectomy when I was in my mid-30s, and it really screwed me up. It's only been in the last couple of years that my singing and screaming vocals are somewhat better.

Awwww glad that you're getting your vocal abilities back and definitely going hard in that video! Now I would like to learn to do scream vocals myself too, but more for breakcore style stuff! I just worry I'll hurt my voice. Do you find that an issue?

Btw are you a furry? You give furry vibes 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 18, 2026, 03:49:54 PMAwwww glad that you're getting your vocal abilities back and definitely going hard in that video! Now I would like to learn to do scream vocals myself too, but more for breakcore style stuff! I just worry I'll hurt my voice. Do you find that an issue?

Btw are you a furry? You give furry vibes 😻

LOL Well, I never labeled myself as a furry. Honestly, I think that the label is a little silly. But what can ya do? LOL It's all good.

Honestly, there was no real effort in doing it. I just did it. It always tripped people out. This will sound boastful. But I would put my vocals up against any of the bands back in the 90s. I wanted to be a vocalist in a band. But no one knew what I was talking about. Oh, well.

If you aren't dealing with any throat issues, you could find your own way to do it. You just need to experiment, is all. I remember when I had to see an ENT doc, and he snaked a camera up my nose and down into my throat. I asked him if there were any nodules since I had my eyes closed, AND I was covering my closed eyes with my hands. He told me no and asked why I brought it up. I mentioned that I was into Death Metal and I had spent many, many years screaming and growling my head off. He got a good chuckle out of that and said that everything was fine. I was surprised.

Hehe just wondered as I'm a furry and your PFP art here and on your YouTube looks like most of what I see daily in my communites! Cute though.

@Laura Squirrel @Charlotte Kitty

Here's a wild idea: The two of you do a collaboration project?

There is a book by Stephen King and Peter Straub called The Talisman. They each did a chapter of the story from their own point of view.

Likewise, Mike Oldfield (Tubular Bells, etc.) plays all of the instruments by laying down a track, then listening to it while playing a different instrument and recording it.

What if you two took turns laying down a track, with the other playing accompaniment, then sent it back and forth to add more tracks or adjust something? It doesn't have to be perfect, or even good. It just sounds like it might be a fun project to play with.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 18, 2026, 04:26:48 PMHehe just wondered as I'm a furry and your PFP art here and on your YouTube looks like most of what I see daily in my communites! Cute though.

It's all good in the hood. Just stay out of the Carson/Davis area. Well, there's also the Get Along Gang fanfiction. When I was on the now long-defunct Noiseguide forum, I drove everyone absolutely insane babbling about this. It cracked me up.

I'm not sure how old you are, and I don't feel right asking. So, I will just say this: I'm old. LOL, I didn't even get on the net until 9/4/05. Why do I remember that date? Because Napalm Death and Obituary were playing up the road, and I had no idea that the tour was on OR that Obituary had even reunited. 9/8/05 was one of the greatest nights of my life. Even when I almost got run over by a crazy driver. LOL That was nuts. Everyone saw it too, since we were waiting on Obituary and getting some air. The place exploded when Napalm came on. It was amazing. But that room turned into a sauna. 250 to 300 people slamming and diving. It was beautiful. I spent 90% of ND and Obituary by the front of house soundboard.

So, yeah, I was well into my 20s when I got online. I think I made my first account here around late June of '06.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 18, 2026, 04:42:59 PM@Laura Squirrel @Charlotte Kitty

Here's a wild idea: The two of you do a collaboration project?

There is a book by Stephen King and Peter Straub called The Talisman. They each did a chapter of the story from their own point of view.

Likewise, Mike Oldfield (Tubular Bells, etc.) plays all of the instruments by laying down a track, then listening to it while playing a different instrument and recording it.

What if you two took turns laying down a track, with the other playing accompaniment, then sent it back and forth to add more tracks or adjust something? It doesn't have to be perfect, or even good. It just sounds like it might be a fun project to play with.

I've done that with people before when it comes to Noise stuff. LOL, I NEVER care about perfection in my music. Sure, I might nitpick it later. But I treat each recording as a moment in time. I just throw it out there, warts and all. Especially for the first 5 years. I was using a Sony voice recorder since recording via a computer was way too intimidating. So, yeah, some of the more musical tracks suffered for sure.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 18, 2026, 04:55:31 PMI've done that with people before when it comes to Noise stuff.

I have ZERO musical talent. But while listening to Ambient guitar, I pictured Charlotte's House music layered into it. Not over it, but mixed in so both rise and fall, with each taking turns moving from foreground to background. Add a beat and maybe the occasional vocal (shouts, grunts, or whatever). It was just an idea.

As I said, I have zero musical talent.
😁

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 18, 2026, 05:03:12 PMI have ZERO musical talent. But while listening to Ambient guitar, I pictured Charlotte's House music layered into it. Not over it, but mixed in so both rise and fall, with each taking turns moving from foreground to background. Add a beat and maybe the occasional vocal (shouts, grunts, or whatever). It was just an idea.

As I said, I have zero musical talent.
😁

These days, you can do a LOT with software instruments. I remembered when I listened to the first Deadform demo, and they mentioned using both hardware and software synths (in addition to bass, guitar, drums, and vocals). Dino from Dystopia is on drums and vocals in that band. Killer stuff!

That sounds like quitena night and totally get why you remember that date.

I'm not mega young and am 45 next Thursday! I first got on the internet in 1997 when i was 16 and left my own devices on there. Those were very intersting times!!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 18, 2026, 05:13:32 PMThat sounds like quitena night and totally get why you remember that date.

I'm not mega young and am 45 next Thursday! I first got on the internet in 1997 when i was 16 and left my own devices on there. Those were very intersting times!!

Oh, okay. So, you're only a few years younger than me. Actually, if anyone here is into weird Noise stuff, I can link this, I suppose:

https://amishrobots.neocities.org/Synthia

This is a thing that my friend made. It would tickle him pink to know that I am putting this here. Plenty of software noise AND games as well. It blew my mind when he showed me this when I was out at his house.

I heard this on GTA 5 on the LowDown 91.1 station. I was actually singing along to this a few minutes ago, and by the halfway point, I could tell that things were starting to warm up a bit. So, that was cool.

BUT!

This changes from day to day. Especially if I am really snoring (and drooling on Portia. Ugh) Things can be a bit rough. But sipping on some Peppermint Tea is good. There are times when I just sip on hot water if I don't feel like tea. Space 103.2 has some killer jams too.


I heard Conor and Jay back on the first GTA. Julie Wemyss is a massive influence on me when it comes to female vocalists. Brilliant!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFTqK1AQ-A8

I don't know if this was only a single on vinyl or what. This only showed up a few months ago. This would be the companion to "Change" in my mind. That chorus rules!

I'm personally more into various types of electronic music but more rhytmic/melodic than noise. I do however like noise elements interspersed with say ambient music, especially when the noise type element evolves like the track is getting broken. Usually kinda distortion based though so the normal elements are getting broken!

I do have a couple of cheap analog synths, Behringer CAT and TD3. As VSTs I use Phase Plant and Serum mostly.

Your friends website reminds my of early synths i played with on the PC in the late 90s. A modular one called wave craft was cool. I recently used a sound in made on it in 1998 in one of my tracks.

All interesting stuff.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 19, 2026, 01:43:48 AMI'm personally more into various types of electronic music but more rhytmic/melodic than noise. I do however like noise elements interspersed with say ambient music, especially when the noise type element evolves like the track is getting broken. Usually kinda distortion based though so the normal elements are getting broken!

I do have a couple of cheap analog synths, Behringer CAT and TD3. As VSTs I use Phase Plant and Serum mostly.

Your friends website reminds my of early synths i played with on the PC in the late 90s. A modular one called wave craft was cool. I recently used a sound in made on it in 1998 in one of my tracks.

All interesting stuff.

Yeah, I remember checking out the TD-3 before. I went with an Arturia MicroFreak, in the end. I've never messed with software synths that you actually have to download. Outside of my friend's site, I like actual hardware.

When it comes to more mellow electronic stuff, there's stuff like Muslimgauze, Solarus, Scorn, Lull, Godflesh, for starters. You may know some of those. I don't know. LOL

Here's some Noise stuff that I did with my friend.


I cracked up in this video because this massive cloud of sawdust exploded below the table. If you watch closely, you can see my eyes shift downward. The primary sound that is mutating his signal is a Bass Synth pedal that I gave to him.


This was at a show we played together in Terre Haute. Half of the bill was bands that we were friends with and had played shows with before. The others were really cool too. I actually jumped onstage with the last band when they were getting shut down. It was a double bill, and we were the matinee show. We could've stayed to watch the Rock/Metal/Punk bands. But I looked them all up, and I thought they were terrible. So, I think most of the Noise peeps left.

But once the drummer was doing blastbeats, I just went for it. As we started a quick A.C. inspired thing, the sound guy shut the mic off. That wasn't going to stop me. , LOL I took a page from the book of Seth and screamed into my fist. Gotta go with what ya know. LOL

I actually met my friend via Susan's, and I had totally forgotten about that. I was on here for 2 or 3 years before I signed up on the old Noise forum. So, since he was into crossdressing, he would check out the chat and the forum. I don't recall him being on the forum as a member, though. He is most certainly a solid ally to the trans community; I can assure you of that.

I will never forget when we were talking in a PM window in the old chat days. Emelye (R.I.P.) popped into a new PM window just to make sure everything was cool and that no one was messing with me. I explained to her that everything was totally cool. She still kept an eye on things, though.

Yeah, meeting him has been a massive thing in my life. If it wasn't for this stupid mind/body mismatch, I would've bailed on my state and moved in with him ages ago.

Okay......I'm done.

I was listening to this earlier. I originally heard it on the "Release Your Mind, Volume 1" compilation.

Watching/listening to the Thom Hartmann program on YouTube. Why do people call in to shows like this and just start to ramble? Why? Dude...30 seconds. That's all. Make your point and get off the line. This drives me insane, and coming from a motormouth that talks for, literally, hours at a time, depending on the subject, that is saying a LOT.

Since I was listening to Conor & Jay, I'm going to post this. Here's Bobby and Brenda Beaver. They are a pair of OC's from my Get Along Gang fanfiction. These two characters were introduced in a story called "Battle Of The Bands". Brenda played in a Pop/Rock duo named Vegas Road. This is the title of a track by Conor & Jay. The girls in Chump Change help them move their gear at the end of the night, and a friendship is sparked between Laura Squirrel and Brenda Beaver since Laura is a fan of Conor & Jay. Vegas Road wins the battle of the bands.

Also, I want to point out that I didn't make this. There was a dude I was talking to here on the forum. He was looking into doing art as a side hustle, and I hit him up. There were times when I would give him a basic idea, and he would go with it. Other times, such as in the case of Portia Porcupine, I would show him the character from the CBS series and tell him to just go for it. That one, in particular, was totally rad, and his response was hilarious. He told me that he didn't think that he got Portia right and asked me if I wanted any revisions. I died laughing and told him: "Dude! What?! She's perfect!" LOL So, he was glad to hear that. Well....read it.

bobby_and_brenda_beaver_by_lauraisadork1990_dct119l.png

This is an interesting but unusual short video, reposted from another thread.


Apparently in a Seattle neighborhood someone who is obsessed in some ways with squirrels is posting many fliers that are referencing squirrels, such as squirrel watching.   Unsure if this flier posting practice or what is behind it is simply fun, amusing, strange, or just trying to get attention. 

Apparently a local television station in Seattle [FOX, Channel 13] was made aware of this and did a report. There is more information online and at social media, showing more examples of these squirrel related posters.   Maybe it was a slow news day.  Regardless, this was unusual and a number of local residents have opinions about the posters.

I do not know who this "squirrel person" is, I just stumbled across this video posted on YouTube.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev-7nSXU43w

https://www.glendaleheritage.org/glendale-squirrels/

I remember when my friend told me about this. I was totally trippin' out. LOL, I would watch a cam from Glendale on the Virtual Railfan a lot. When he told me about the whole squirrel town thing, I was dying laughing. I thought he was screwing with me. Nope. It was real. I got six pictures, I think. He took a couple of them since I was being shy and weird about it. Don't ask me why I was acting this way. I can't give you an answer. LOL, I was just taking pics from the car.

He got annoyed with me, snatched the phone out of my hand, got out of the car, and took a front-facing pic of the blue squirrel. He returned to the car and gave my phone back. LOL I swear, there have been times when I feel like I am regressing or something. Maybe it's some trauma thing that never got addressed. But, to be fair, being in an intoxicant rabbit hole didn't help. I have since returned to getting into a slight bit of partying. But...I will leave that there.

For years, I have said that I was going to dress up as Laura Squirrel for Halloween. I wouldn't need much. Just some ears, a tail, and a nice dress. Something that is very modest. But, it still hasn't happened.

Dress up as Laura Squirrel...join the darkside, you know you want to! Me and the furry fandom are calling 😀

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 21, 2026, 04:28:41 PMDress up as Laura Squirrel...join the darkside, you know you want to! Me and the furry fandom are calling 😀

Oh, I want to. My problem is that I forget all about it since I have a million things going through my head at any point of the day/night. Then, like clockwork, I think: "Awwwww, I should've done that this year".

Some inspiration hehe

Cute Squirrel Furry  (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25942022/)

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 21, 2026, 04:28:41 PMDress up as Laura Squirrel...join the darkside, you know you want to! Me and the furry fandom are calling 😀

Aaaaaaaaaand.......I've updated your murder wall. (Nimona reference)

Wait.....that's not it.

I DID IT!

Well, I got the tail and the ears. But the dress will have to wait. Plus, that means I will need dress shoes. But something that is in the 'flats' category.

Awwwe soooo cute and cool. Got you started!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 21, 2026, 04:51:00 PMSome inspiration hehe

Cute Squirrel Furry  (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25942022/)

LOL No.

Why? I'm a human heat pump as it is. I would be drowning in sweat. Plus, aren't those types of fursuits really expensive? Not to mention the cleaning. I wouldn't want to end up with crotch fungus. (Let's see who gets THAT reference. My lips are sealed. LOL)

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 21, 2026, 04:55:53 PMAwwwe soooo cute and cool. Got you started!

LOL Yep.

Actually, that is much funnier than I realized. That makes 3 members of this forum that have influenced this stuff at different points in time. LOL That's such a trip.

Hehe yeah they are very warm. I'm drenched in mine if its too warm, but cute so worth it. Could get one like that for $10k i'd think! Bargain 😀

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 21, 2026, 05:03:23 PMHehe yeah they are very warm. I'm drenched in mine if its too warm, but cute so worth it. Could get one like that for $10k i'd think! Bargain 😀

If I had ten thousand bucks, well.....I don't know what I would do. I couldn't bring myself to spend that much money on a single item. That makes me think back to when I would look at super expensive guitars on Sweetwater. I couldn't do it even if I had that kind of dough. Plus, I am just trained to economize. (Is that the right word?) Either way, even before this current economic disaster, I believed in stretching money as far as I possibly could. Truthfully, I would probably use some of that money to sell off some gear that I am not using.

https://www.roamans.com/products/plus-size-elbow-sleeve-fit-and-flare-dress-with-bolero-jacket-%E2%80%93-2-piece-suit/1010327.html#dwvar_1010327_color=4273495#cgid=RM_Formal_&_Special_Occasion_Dresses

Well, we are moving closer here. But it may be a bit until I can afford it. That's like 3 days of groceries, yo. I plan on buying some leggings as well. I prefer to stay albino. LOL Then, I need to buy dress shoes. At least I know not to buy the wrong size again. 

Looks like I am a size 38.

Fine with me.

Masonna doing some amazing 50s doo-wap covers.

And here's me doing some old-school Masonna worship. The title of the track is taken from an Animaniacs short called "The Girl With The Googily Goop".

This was at some point between August and October of '06. I had come out to my mother. Some time after that, her friend, who is no longer with us, came over to my place. We sat and talked about the idea of her giving me a makeover. I bought a fair amount of makeup at K-Mart. BUT, some of it was a total disaster. LOL But, I didn't know.

I remember when she told me to get my stuff, I raced down the hall to my bedroom, grabbed my purse from the closet, and returned to the living room.

I remember when she looked at the bottle of foundation. She looked at me and said: "What are you doing? Why did you buy this?" I just laughed and said: "Well, you need foundation, right?" She shook her head and took me to the bathroom.

She applied a bit of the foundation to my cheek. "What does that look like?" she asked. I laughed and said that it looked totally wrong. That's when she told me that I should've bought the whitest shade possible. But what did I know? LOL

So, into the trash that went. Oh, well. When she tried to apply the eye makeup, I kept pulling away. But I had no control over that. LOL I think we may have finally gotten that taken care of after who knows how many minutes.

She did my nails after I applied my lip gloss and lipstick. That worked well. So, did the nail polish.

She shaved my legs too. That was the only time I needed that done. I never had issues with leg hair, really, and to this day, I still don't. I remember when she cut one of my legs. It looked way worse than it was. But I was freaking out since there was more blood than I was expecting. "Oh, shut up, you big girl." Then, she slapped my leg. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

When it was all said and done, she looked at the stuff that fit me and was surprised at how feminine I looked. I just smiled, laughed, and replied: "Well....yeah."

When my mother found out, she tripped out. "She's not ready for that!" Truthfully, had it been up to her, this would've never happened. Sometimes, I still get a feeling that she doesn't truly accept it. She never calls me her daughter in normal conversation...unless I am depressed. Yeah...yeah...gotta placate the idiot, right? The elders in my family always let the masks slip. I don't care, though. Whatever. I'm proud of who I am.

That sounds like an awesome experince Laura. Your mums friend sounds like she was an awesome ally. What a shame she is no longer with us.

As someone who has had to go through all of this totally alone (and still am) I would have loved to have somebody just to talk to about this stuff let alone have someone apply makeup and shave my legs! You were very lucky to have had this experience.

My mum knows, says she supports me but will not call me her daughter and often pleads with me not to fully transition. I know she would support me if I did but it's not exactly what you want to hear when you are moving to transition. She is just afraid I will be picked on or ridiculed. SHe has not seen me dressed in real life only an older picture of me.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 22, 2026, 01:06:56 PMShe is just afraid I will be picked on or ridiculed. SHe has not seen me dressed in real life only an older picture of me.

Yeah, my mother told me that too. I'm obviously mutating my response here. But I told her that I did not care at all. But the real answer was far harsher, and I can't say that here. LOL I'm trying to be cool, y'all.

I was picked on my entire life. That wasn't going to matter at all.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 22, 2026, 01:14:54 PMYeah, my mother told me that too. I'm obviously mutating my response here. But I told her that I did not care at all. But the real answer was far harsher, and I can't say that here. LOL I'm trying to be cool, y'all.

I was picked on my entire life. That wasn't going to matter at all.

Same, bullied at school, treated like a dormat the rest of my life and taken advantage of. I do not want to be ridiculed or picked on any more though. So I intend to complete as many of my transition goals as possible while closeted to minimise the opportunities for confrontations.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 22, 2026, 04:01:16 PMSame, bullied at school, treated like a dormat the rest of my life and taken advantage of. I do not want to be ridiculed or picked on any more though. So I intend to complete as many of my transition goals as possible while closeted to minimise the opportunities for confrontations.

That's why I cut ties (more or less) with my father. I might see him 3 or 4 times a year, if he can be bothered to crawl out of his bottle. I took so much garbage from him from age 5 onward. I try to act civil. But it can be impossible at times because both of my parents can drive me friggin' insane. But I feel like I have to maintain a relationship for various reasons. That being said, I have been pulling back on even going around my mother. It's really more about the fact that we just aren't the same people. Other than blood, I have nothing in common with them. I never did.

At this age, I am beyond done with keeping my mouth shut, ya know? I'm not going to put up with their issues and hang-ups. It's an annoying balancing act. If I could split, that would've happened already.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Laura.

I'm lucky to have very loving parents and i love them dearly but they are old and they don't really understand the trans thing. My dad is, like a lot of older folk in the uk, very anti woke. I just don't think he would understand so I have not told him yet. He would probably try to "fix" me as that's what he always does when ever I'm "ill"!

I am an only child though, we are a very tight family unit because of that, well that and the fact I never got into any relationships.

I was lucky that my Dad died when I was 21. Thats one blessing I'm thankful for. My Mum and her husband have been very different since transition. Only occasionally chat on the phone now.  Doubt I'll be seeing them IRL much anymore. No other family apart from my partners side. Luckily I'm fiercely independent so don't need anyone but me to live.

Charlotte

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 23, 2026, 03:26:00 AMI was lucky that my Dad died when I was 21. Thats one blessing I'm thankful for. My Mum and her husband have been very different since transition. Only occasionally chat on the phone now.  Doubt I'll be seeing them IRL much anymore. No other family apart from my partners side. Luckily I'm fiercely independent so don't need anyone but me to live.

Charlotte

Well, unfortunately, lifelong issues have me stuck in situations and places that I don't want to be in. So, there's that and it sucks.

Rackin' Frackin' Consarnit! Dagnabit!

UUUUUGH!!

My laptops are revolting, and I am about to throw one at the wall!
DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!
Jeez.

I need my stressball butter stick. STAT!

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 23, 2026, 02:12:05 PMRackin' Frackin' Consarnit! Dagnabit!

UUUUUGH!!

My laptops are revolting, and I am about to throw one at the wall!
DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!
Jeez.

I need my stressball butter stick. STAT!

Chill Laura, enhance your calm 😂😂

Well, I do have methods for that. Some that I can say, and others...yeah, don't worry about that.
But I am so crap at putting things together. That's not me being down on myself. That's just a fact. It's taken me forever to put together these little shelves to put my books on. I am so mechanically incompetent.

Watching Nimona. It hasn't gotten to this point yet. But it's a great scene.

But you make up for not being practical with your other talents, I am totaly practical but my artistic skills are poor.

Quote from: davina61 on July 24, 2026, 01:54:41 AMBut you make up for not being practical with your other talents, I am totaly practical but my artistic skills are poor.

Yeah, that makes sense. It just annoys me. If my brother was around, he would be able to help with that. But he is a very busy man. I may get the extra shelves figured out, or I'll just toss them. LOL It's not like I am assembling a presidential library or something. It's just a handful of books about underground music culture. I'll never go back to political books. I get enough exposure to that online. Been there, done that.

Working on pruning my one social media account. The only reason I have one at this point was because my friend was depressed because we couldn't do video chats. So, I brought it back for him. In the process of doing this, I came across some accounts, and I thought, "When the hell did I start following this?" LOL

I saw one from a band that I used to like. Well, I like their music. But the members are dense fools. One in particular has a podcast that I was watching frequently. After the dork had posted a blatantly transphobic post inspired by what happened with the Texas black metal band Absu, I ditched him. At some point, he and a guest asked, "I wonder where Laura's been?" when a fellow A.C. fan said something in chat and Tim (former A.C., current Bvrt B@ch@r@ch member) asked the question. About 5 minutes or so later, someone made a comment that was bigoted, and it wasn't challenged. I rolled my eyes and said to myself: "You just answered your own question, dude."

I don't care who you are: Family, friend, or online pen pal. You get on my nerves; we're done. Life is too short to deal with people like this.

This song was so ahead of its time. Or was it? Maybe it's an increase in population? Nah. They were right all along. LOL

This and the "Diatribes" record are FIRE! Well, other than that atrocious live version of "Plague Rages". But I never liked the "Fear, Emptiness, Despair" record. This is when Napalm Death hit their stride in this new direction. But none of the other records were as consistent as this. Sure, the rest of the Earache recordings had some serious ragers on there. But they never matched the track-by-track assault here.

This song is so, so good. Even though the meaning is beyond obvious, the title makes me think of a Blues kind of thing. Like something that John Lee Hooker would say. It's, like, "leave me alone, dude. I'm trying to get my head together here."

Just wanted to poke my nose in here to say... I wish I'd heard you sooner, Laura. You're a far braver person than I am. I love how you sound. And your attitude. I wish I knew you better the last time you were here.

Edit: something for you to get your teeth into...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVIfH4WhqyE

<3

That was pretty cool. Parts of it reminded me of "Keeper" era Helloween. Here's a band with a name that I can't pronounce. LOL Totally ragin' stuff.

The fourth estate has failed this nation. But so did the electorate.

Sickening.

Had some routine bloodwork done today. I got fantastic results. The bad cholesterol was only 3 points above normal. I know it was way higher in the past. Been rocking to some classic Japanese Hardcore to celebrate.

Congratulations!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on July 28, 2026, 01:10:11 PMThis comment is NOT directed to anyone specifically.

There are many problems in life.  What is made and learned from them can shape a better future.

Those who have emotions, thoughts, and actions which might be called problematic should try to talk with someone who will listen and provide helpful guidance.  A trained, professional counselor who can be objective may be the way to go. 

Anger can be so destructive to relationships and self.  I doubt anyone wants to be angry.

Big hugs to all who are struggling.

I wanted to quote you here so that I didn't derail that thread any further.

Here's the thing: I grew up in a house that was full of drunken domestic violence. I was so numb to it; by age 8, I was, more or less, dead inside.

There was a particularly brutal brawl that happened on Thanksgiving, 1985. It was BAD. I won't get into the details as to how it started. But I will say it's a combo of low intelligence mixed with alcohol. When things popped off, I just stood there and watched it, emotionless. The only time I felt anything was when my cousin began to cry and scream that 'this wasn't right'. I yelled at him: 'would you shut the *bleep* up?!" He responded by saying: "This isn't right, dawg!" (That spelling was intentional). I replied: "Well, that's just the way it is, man!" My mother got us all out of there.

When things would just get worse as the years went on, I was having darker and darker thoughts. My natal puberty really ratcheted up these thoughts.

It didn't help when my father suggested, when I was in fifth grade, that I should be in a psych ward. I knew what went on in those places and that, to me, was a fate worse than death.

Add all of the bullying that I suffered from during the entirety of my time in school, and unfortunately, I never dealt with that properly, and I just pushed it away with intoxicants. I had a period of time when it came bubbling back to the surface. I worked my way through it, for the most part. But some things still stick in my mind. I try to shoo them away like a mental housefly or a gnat, and that tends to work. (Yeah, that's a weird way to phrase that.) For the most part, it works.

I reached a point after many, many years where I was able to rebuild my psychological defenses, even though some family peeps think that I am 'too harsh'. But, whatever, that's their problem and not mine.

At this point, I find anger to be more beneficial. (Which is why I quoted you, in the first place.) Depression...now THAT will destroy me. Depression leads me to a path in my mind. That path has several branches and ALL of them lead to the end. That is why I would much rather be angry than depressed. I can find plenty of outlets for anger. Depression? Other than crying my eyes to certain My Dying Bride songs, I don't have a lot of options. Well, no good ones.

You have had harsh conditions to live with.  My sympathies for sure. 

May life be better for you with each passing week, month, and year.  (We all have bad days.)


Hugs to you.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

But, with certain events happening right now and what could happen in 2027, I don't have much hope.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 28, 2026, 01:59:23 PMI appreciate that. Thank you.

But, with certain events happening right now and what could happen in 2027, I don't have much hope.

I know it is much easier said than done; however, try to keep an uplifted spirit and a positive mindset.  That may be helpful.

That's definitely some living hell endured when you were younger and unfortunately it can really stick with you forever as your defacto way of being. I'm glad that you avoid the worst by channelling into anger. In a way that's not healthy either, but get that its wayyy better than the alternatives. Also sounds like you have controlled anger which works for you and keeps you much more stable.

Sending lots of love and hugs 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 28, 2026, 02:04:43 PMThat's definitely some living hell endured when you were younger and unfortunately it can really stick with you forever as your defacto way of being. I'm glad that you avoid the worst by channelling into anger. In a way that's not healthy either, but get that its wayyy better than the alternatives. Also sounds like you have controlled anger which works for you and keeps you much more stable.

Sending lots of love and hugs 😻

Well, heavy music was VERY, VERY helpful in that regard. Sure, it caused problems with my mother. But, what metalhead in the late 80s/early 90s, especially, didn't have to deal with that? LOL I'm sure that same old story played out for other peeps of different generations and fans of other music that was seen as being "corruptive." The truth is that without music as an outlet, I NEVER would have made it to age 13. That's the truth.

I wanted to give this its own post. This song here was a ray of hope. Especially the pre-chorus. Even though he never knew it since he lived a few states away and it never got brought up by me later, my late uncle, Dennis, saved my life by buying me this cassette as an early Christmas present. I just told him: "Dude, get me anything at all by Anthrax. I've been reading a lot of cool stuff in Circus and Hit Parader about them." I didn't even know they were working on a new record. That, or I just forgot at the time.

I just wish I could've played some electrified country blues for him when he was dying. That will always haunt me, unfortunately. He would have been so happy to know how much of an influence he had on me in that regard.

Oh yeah for me the music was a type of drum & bass called tech step. Quite angry and heavy! I made the light fall off the living room ceiling below it was so loud lol. I do still like that stuff tbh!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 28, 2026, 02:29:31 PMOh yeah for me the music was a type of drum & bass called tech step. Quite angry and heavy! I made the light fall off the living room ceiling below it was so loud lol. I do still like that stuff tbh!

LOL

That reminds me of when I got a massive Peavey bass amp when I was, I think, 19. I would run a DOD distortion box through it. I would play it on only one and a half and rattle stuff off the shelves in the bathroom. That went away once I moved out into my apartment; I traded it for a Peavey multi-effects box (which is long, long gone now).

4/13/13

I'm just kicking back and chillin'. Probably listening to some music.

There's a knock at the door. Could it be...?

I open the door, and there's the mail carrier with a pair of boxes. I smile, say, 'Thanks. Have a good day,' as I grab the boxes and stack them up in the doorway of the apartment. 

One box was from Michigan. The other one was from somewhere in eastern Canada. So, it was amusing to me that they arrived on the same day.

I knew who was coming from where. So, the box from Michigan was opened first.

There she was: Portia Porcupine, in the plush. (Since she doesn't have flesh. LOL) She was still in her original packaging with her roller skates. Now, I'm not one of those people who cares about resale. Are you insane???? I wanted one of these since I was 8. No way I was going to resell her. She's getting buried with me, and if anyone prevents that from happening, I will haunt you for the rest of your days. Ya think I can be harsh in this realm? LOL, I would drive people to the point of insanity if they screwed me over on that.

I removed Portia from the packaging, took off the skates, and tossed them into the shipping container.

I held her up and yelled: "Oh, my God! It's YOU!" I gave her a huge hug and a kiss on the forehead. After carefully placing her on the couch, I opened up the box from Canada. 

Dotty Dog didn't have her original packaging. But she did have her skates. Not that it mattered to me. Into the shipping container they went. I didn't have the same reaction to her. But I was still happy to have her. I placed her next to Portia and bagged up the trash.

Eventually, I got the smaller versions of Portia and Dotty. By this point, my Get Along Gang fanfiction series was underway. I altered Portia by snipping off her quills. Dotty had her ribbons removed. I renamed them Patrica and Doris since I already had those characters in the fanfics. They were cousins to Portia and Dotty, respectively. They were 3 years younger than Portia and Dotty. They also lived in the mountain town of Pine Corners (an actual location in the Get Along Gang world). This was also the home of Erica Porcupine. But those characters never crossed paths due to the age difference. Plus, Erica was pretty reclusive due to all of the abuse she had to endure from her peers and teachers. Thankfully, she had very supportive parents. (Even if her father was resistant and her mother set him straight.) Hmmmm, this is going elsewhere. Maybe I will discuss that in another post.)

So, anyway...as time went on, I added others such as Mr Bacon. He was a plush bacon that talked. He would just say "I'm bacon" over and over and had a mechanical mouth that moved. As hilarious as that was, I removed the voice box since I was worried about battery leakage. That didn't matter anyway. I just thought he was totally trippy.

At some point in the summer of 2014, I was out at my parents' house. I asked my mom if she still had the dog from back in the day. She did. It was in a chest in my dad's room. She was curious why I wanted it back. I laughed and said it would be awesome to have her with the others. That smoke smell, though. Oh, my god. It took a while to get that smell out of her. She was renamed Debra. Debra was the name of the adopted daughter of Dotty. There was one story where it was 20 years in the future, and she made an appearance there. In this story, Laura Squirrel and Portia Porcupine were a married couple. Even though they were now in their thirties, they were still very much kids at heart; Debra would always rope them in to playing Legos with her.

There I go again with that.....

Eventually, Babs Bunny and Dot Warner joined the crew. I REALLY wanted one of Fifi Le Fume. But, as far as I could tell, there were no dolls of her that were produced.

Then.....everything went down the tubes fast.

Some genius brought bugs into my place and the building got infested. Everything had to go. It was so, so, so depressing. Sure, some might say "Oh, grow up, you big baby."  Well.....I won't say what I actually said. But I am pretty sure that you can figure out what my response was.

I would rebuild and get some of them back. Portia was, obviously, the most important. THEN this happened again.....and again.

After the third time, I was so done on so many levels. It really was a struggle not to just say 'laterz', ya know what I mean? Between medical problems going on at the same time, I was beyond at the end of my rope.

But, one night, after crying for three days straight over this, I decided to just do it and buy yet another Portia doll, hoping that this cycle wouldn't repeat itself again.

There were 2 Portia dolls on eBay in the U.S. The larger one and the smaller one. I bought the larger one. I was talking to my friend, and when I told him that I bought the larger one. He informed me that he had purchased the smaller one, and it was supposed to be a surprise because he knew how important this was to me. I eventually donated the smaller one for various reasons. I don't even remember what they were. I just wanted her to get back out into the world. But I still mention that from time to time since I was so touched by him doing that. I've repaid that favor back to him in a few ways when he was in certain spots.

I eventually got Dotty back too.

I think that covers everything.

I picked up my standard-tuned guitar for the first time since May of last year. I played a bit of Ramones speed punk to warm up. That was good. Faster speeds? Swing and a miss. Oh, well. Slowed the drum machine down to 44 bpm and rocked some Eyehategod/Grief inspired Sludge instead. It felt sooooooo good.

My fingertips were screaming in pain. But I didn't care at all. My fretting hand is a tad weak. But I will build it back up in time.

I need to do this way, way more. But I have been stuck in this thought pattern of: "Why do anything? Who cares? We're all gonna die anyway."

Will I get away from those thoughts? I honestly have no idea. But I need to channel that into some DOOOOOOOOM and let it pour out through my fingertips. At least it's something that is beneficial.

I might be running through my laundry more, though. I smell like a dead squirrel rotting in the afternoon sun.

Yuck.

Was thinking of throwing this in that one thread about dealing with feelings of shame. But I will just talk about it here. Sometimes, when I am watching live streams of some peeps, I get asked if I am a chick or a dude. Apparently, some people who aren't trans will go under female names for whatever reason.

I just say that I am a chick. Why? Because it's the truth.

That's it.....
End of......

BUT, it's NOT the end. I just wanted to throw that in for emphasis. Plus, I always liked picking up bits of British English slang since, probably, 7th grade. It just amused me, and I loved messing with the idiots around me.

But, anyway.......

The way I see it, unless I am speaking to a doctor or someone I have a romantic interest in (and that will never happen; I have zero desire to be around the locals), IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Also, when people find that out and start screaming about deception and all that crap. Yo, get bent. I'm not going to be an imbecile and potentially get myself killed by some idiot. I would have to be pretty stupid to do that, wouldn't I?

Of course I would.

Anyway.....I just wanted to vent a bit.

I'm Laura.

That's it.

Ya know.....there are those who asked....what happened to Nimona?

Well, the answer is: She transformed into an adult woman, moved to San Andreas, and works at The Palace. The hottest place in Downtown Vinewood.

Yep.

Every time that one of my OC's walks in the door of the club and she say: "Hey, Boss", I can't help but think about that. LOL 

*sighs*

Sheesh.

I.....I don't understand people.

I talk to my mother about the dark plans that this evil administration has for the trans community, and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

My youngest aunt is in town, and we were talking about that. At one point, I brought up politics. It was more to do with our joke of a government and how I was dealing with crap over my estrogen. When I brought up the really dark stuff, it's like it just flew right over her head (after exiting her ear).

It's, like, what is going on in your mind? Are you so psychologically broken that you don't process what people say? Is it some weird coping mechanism?

(Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts)

Eventually, we're talking about her friggin' dogs. It just makes no sense.

I can't help but think to myself: "Mom, what are you going to do if my worst fears come to pass? When my apartment is deathly silent, and I am nowhere to be found. BUT, everything is in its proper place. Portia and Dotty on my table next to the laptop. The poster flags are on the wall. But.....where's Laura? Her phone's here. But... where is she? OR A much more grisly outcome occurs. What then?

I know this is a real downer. But I don't know how else to put this.

Also, I want to make this crystal clear: That other outcome does NOT involve self-harm. That gives those evil people want they want, and I will NOT give them what they want.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on July 30, 2026, 10:40:11 PM*sighs*

Sheesh.

I.....I don't understand people.

I talk to my mother about the dark plans that this evil administration has for the trans community, and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

My youngest aunt is in town, and we were talking about that. At one point, I brought up politics. It was more to do with our joke of a government and how I was dealing with crap over my estrogen. When I brought up the really dark stuff, it's like it just flew right over her head (after exiting her ear).

It's, like, what is going on in your mind? Are you so psychologically broken that you don't process what people say? Is it some weird coping mechanism?

(Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts)

Eventually, we're talking about her friggin' dogs. It just makes no sense.

I can't help but think to myself: "Mom, what are you going to do if my worst fears come to pass? When my apartment is deathly silent, and I am nowhere to be found. BUT, everything is in its proper place. Portia and Dotty on my table next to the laptop. The poster flags are on the wall. But.....where's Laura? Her phone's here. But... where is she? OR A much more grisly outcome occurs. What then?

I know this is a real downer. But I don't know how else to put this.

Also, I want to make this crystal clear: That other outcome does NOT involve self-harm. That gives those evil people want they want, and I will NOT give them what they want.

Honestly I think most people don't care as long as their bubble is reasonably comfortable. There is a simple idea - give people just enough that they are content. Not happy but content enough to not rebel. Also make sure they have too much to lose if they do rebel. That's working for most of the population, so others lives that aren't so rosy are an inconvenient truth that would get in the way of general contentment.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 31, 2026, 03:43:04 AMHonestly I think most people don't care as long as their bubble is reasonably comfortable. There is a simple idea - give people just enough that they are content. Not happy but content enough to not rebel. Also make sure they have too much to lose if they do rebel. That's working for most of the population, so others lives that aren't so rosy are an inconvenient truth that would get in the way of general contentment.

That's what Caesar did. Give them Bread and Circuses.

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on July 31, 2026, 03:43:04 AMHonestly, I think most people don't care as long as their bubble is reasonably comfortable. There is a simple idea - give people just enough that they are content. Not happy but content enough to not rebel. Also make sure they have too much to lose if they do rebel. That's working for most of the population, so others lives that aren't so rosy are an inconvenient truth that would get in the way of general contentment.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 31, 2026, 08:52:06 AMThat's what Caesar did. Give them Bread and Circuses.

You two are so spot friggin on!

I remember my friend in Ohio and I were talking about how people are so apathetic and willfully ignorant. I brought up our friend in Florida and how his attitude was driving me up the wall. My friend says to me: "Laura, he's a middle-class white guy. Of course he thinks that everything is cool." I just sighed and replied: "Yeah, I know. Well, a lot of people are in for the rudest of awakenings, and we both know that."

I often say to people these days when they bring up "there's a light at the end of the tunnel". I reply with: "Exactly. It's the train barreling down on you, and you will be crushed by it." Maybe not the correct term. But that is how I see it.

A lot of people that I know, personally, don't want to admit that they bought the lies and never puked up that pill of American exceptionalism. I did once I saw the Iran-Contra hearings as a 4th grader. Up to that point, I was all 'rah, rah, America ', mainly due to the influence of that Hulkamanaia crap since I was into that wrestling junk up until '89 when I saw footage of Andy Kaufman since it was the 5th anniversary of his death. Watching Hogan simp for the 4th Reich made me absolutely sick. It wasn't like "NO! My childhood is now destroyed!" or anything like that. By the summer of '89, I was getting deeper into music. So, even if I hadn't seen that, I would've bailed on it anyway. At the end of the day, I was just trying to connect with my father, and that was a pointless endeavor due to his alcoholism and ignorance. 

But seeing what an absurd spectacle that the RNC was, it just sickened me. I knew that this country was finished. We LOVE playing political ping-pong, and I knew this was going to happen. That's why I had a meltdown on election night. My friend saw it happen in real time since we were on video chat. I'm just glad that I never owned a gun. That night would've been the end, and I knew that.

I don't know what else to say.

Mum says the devil takes care of its own, there will be a price to pay/reckoning one day (sooner the better) . Some greedy for money folks around here have come to sticky ends, all that money and they still had no benefit from it. Heart attacks and strokes, the devils reward.

Quote from: davina61 on July 31, 2026, 12:53:27 PMMum says the devil takes care of its own, there will be a price to pay/reckoning one day (sooner the better) . Some greedy for money folks around here have come to sticky ends, all that money and they still had no benefit from it. Heart attacks and strokes, the devils reward.

They don't always face justice or get what's coming to them Davina, look at Jimmy Saville! If there is an afterlife though, they're screwed!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on July 31, 2026, 01:00:12 PMThey don't always face justice or get what's coming to them, Davina, look at Jimmy Saville! If there is an afterlife though, they're screwed!

That is a fantastic point! Plus, with the way that the Trumpstein files have been handled in this country, it is obvious that they don't give a damn about children at all, unless they can use them as political pawns.

This whole thing with Amnesty International throwing us under the bus has my mind all spun out. I've been depressed for so, so long now. But this is so screwed up. How can an organization that is supposed to be something that helps protect human rights (on paper anyway) be so evil? But, as history has shown, evil is everywhere.

I became aware of this organization following the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Being a news geek, I had scammed a Newsweek subscription out of my parents. Some kids scammed their parents for cigarette or beer money. Not I. But I was always a news geek.

I always remembered that image of the guy standing in front of the tanks. I also remember watching the news and seeing the footage of this. I thought: "Wow. That dude has some serious guts." Meanwhile, here in the U.S., we were too stupid to stop fascism at the ballot box. Sure, plenty of people fought it. But far too many were in favor of it, or they simply didn't care.

No one will truly fight this, and I had to listen to the damn NRA drone on and on and on about "if tyranny comes to these shores we will blah, blah, blah, blah." Yeah, right. I knew back in the 90s that their talk was simply that: empty words. Look where we are now.

I saw that the squirrel tail and ears that I ordered should be arriving next week. But I feel so dead inside. I cried my eyes out, went to sleep, and woke up in tears. It's becoming beyond obvious that no one gives a damn about us.

They act like we are such a serious threat. I saw something about the population size of the trans community in the U.S. With every child, teen, and adult, it looked like there was enough of us to populate the entirety of Indianapolis and maybe the suburbs like Southport, etc.

I thought to myself: "That's all? Seriously? How the hell can we be such a threat that, when you really think about it, we're but a mere blip in the population?"

But, as history has shown, the powers that be and the lemmings who follow them will always attack those who can defend themselves the least. (In terms of numbers anyway)

The really ironic thing is that I am a few days away from the 20th anniversary of when I came out to my mother. Well....sort of...

I was so panicked, even though I psyched myself up all day, that I didn't tell her the full story. That didn't happen until a few weeks later.

I did all this.......and for what?

To be true to yourself, UK toilet ban soon but I will still use ladies rest room. Not that I know or seen anyone that is bothered.

The LGBTQ community is only the current target. We are such a small segment of the population; most people don't know anyone in the community. They have no real experience to dispute misinformation and stereotypes.

Last night, I watched All The President's Men (1976). You are likely familiar with the book or the movie. Although the focus was on the Watergate scandal, the modus operandi has not changed. The GOP used the government intelligence agencies to spy on U.S. citizens and weaponized the Justice Department, the FBI, the CIA, etc. They used political contributions to pay criminals, and the investigation led directly to the President.

Nixon resigned, but I don't see that happening here. Yet, we have the same scenario, and people are getting fed up. Although many are frightened, there will be people speaking out, leaking the truth, and eventually exposing the corruption.

History repeats itself.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 01, 2026, 09:48:35 AMThe LGBTQ community is only the current target. We are such a small segment of the population; most people don't know anyone in the community. They have no real experience to dispute misinformation and stereotypes.

Last night, I watched All The President's Men (1976). You are likely familiar with the book or the movie. Although the focus was on the Watergate scandal, the modus operandi has not changed. The GOP used the government intelligence agencies to spy on U.S. citizens and weaponized the Justice Department, the FBI, the CIA, etc. They used political contributions to pay criminals, and the investigation led directly to the President.

Nixon resigned, but I don't see that happening here. Yet, we have the same scenario, and people are getting fed up. Although many are frightened, there will be people speaking out, leaking the truth, and eventually exposing the corruption.

History repeats itself.

I'm sure that I have seen that movie at some point. Growing up in the days of VHS rental houses, the occasional free weekends of HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, etc., and the absolutely awesome "Movies Til Dawn" and "Sammy Terry", I watched a LOT of movies. Do I remember all of the plots? No. Way too much info to absorb and retain for my structurally deficient brain. (That's not a dis on myself. This is a verified medical fact. I was told about this when I was in 5th grade, when my short-term memory was turning to dust.)

Donald will send the military out en masse before he ever even thinks of resigning. Maybe he will push the button, and it's all going to be over quite quickly.

I understand where you are coming from. History has been repeating itself. But it's the 4th Reich. This will not be a repeat of what happened with Nixon. The Republicans are wrapped around his tiny, tiny pinky finger. I can't remember who said it. But one of these drones in Congress said: "Mr Trump asks us to jump and we say 'how high, mr president?" We're in so much trouble.

Since I mentioned this in a reply, I want to do a quick blurb here.

When I was in 5th grade, I began to have issues with my short-term memory when I was around 10 or 11. My mom would tell me something, and by the time I would be walking down the hallway to my bedroom, I would completely forget what she had said.

During a visit to my docs, I said: "Dude, I can't remember anything at all anymore. What is going on here?" The doc explained it in a way that, to me, was absolutely brilliant.

He says: "Imagine you have an empty half-gallon jug. Then, you take a gallon jug that is filled with water and begin to fill that half-gallon jug. What do you think will happen?" I replied: "Well, it's going to fill up, and the rest of the water will spill all over the sink."

He looks at me and nods.

While it was nice to know the answer to this question, it's just one of many medical issues that I have to deal with. Even if gender dysphoria wasn't an issue (and I wish it wasn't), I would still be just as worried about the state of this decaying republic and what may happen. Ya know, being in the 4th Reich and all.

Summer of 1998

I'm chillin' in my apartment and playing a game on my younger brother's PS1 that I was borrowing. Maybe "Road Rash" or some Nascar-style racing game. Unfortunately, I had my stupid cousin staying with me since he's a loser and he couldn't get along with his mother. My mother guilt-tripped me into letting him stay there. This was NOT going to last long at all. He was a stuck-up douchebag who always talked down to me. I threw him out twice because he was getting into hard drugs, and it was getting on my nerves. Sure, I was drunk all of the time and something else. But...yeah.

Anyway...

A dude comes over with a video game: Grand Theft Auto.

I had never heard of this, and when I played it for the first time, I was totally hooked. (I'm listening to the GTA 1 soundtrack right now) Sure, that herky-jerky camera is an absolute headache NOW. But, back then, I loved this game to death.

This was also how I was exposed to the band Conor & Jay.

It has been so insane to see the evolution of this game. I kind of wish they had never used licensed music, though, and did it all in-house like some of the earlier versions. But, whatever.

It was really funny to see my younger nephew's reaction to the older versions of GTA since all he knew was the HD universe. He looked at GTA 3 as if it was the Atari 2600 version of "Pac-Man". LOL, I actually showed him gameplay of "Pac-Man," and he looked so confused by it. Oh, you kids! LOL

So, yeah....

The GTA London 1969 soundtrack is GOD! That also shoots that one idea full of holes too. Ooops. GTA 2 had smoothed out that camera a bit. There was also the amazing song, "Vegas Road" by Conor & Jay. That was one of the earliest songs where I discovered that I could sing like a girl. So, that was rad.

GTA 3 totally blew my mind when it came out. That was also the first time I had to show my I.D. to purchase a game. I remember dying laughing when the guy asked me for my I.D. I was thinking, "You've gotta be kidding me." It was because of that "M" rating. I just laughed it off since I knew what was going to happen once I left the store. I bought a bottle of Jim Beam on the walk home, and I remember laughing about this with the cashier at the liquor store. What a world, eh?

I remember once I found out about the cheats (via a now-former 'friend'). Being able to play as a chick was so rad. I burned through maybe three or four controllers during the ps2 days because of this. That's when I heard the song "Change" by Conor & Jay. (Are you seeing a pattern here?)

I will never forget when I finally jumped that broken Callahan Bridge and got into Staunton Island early. I got attacked by a Colombian gangster, and I had no idea who he was. LOL "Who's this crazy dude?!! What's going on???" LOL

It was so funny when I approached the Torrington area and said to myself: "Woooooow" LOL I felt like a little kid in that moment, minus the bullying and domestic violence, thankfully.

Jumping ahead here......(No shade to Liberty City Stories, Vice City, and San Andreas, of course. But, Vice City Stories was awful.)

I missed out on "GTA 4" since I had given away my ps2 and games to someone my mom knew since they were broke and I was burnt out on gaming at that point. It was really funny since she said something about the fact that the parents didn't like the games. I laughed and said: "What the hell do I care about that? They can sell the games, throw them out, whatever. It's not like I bought this stuff for the express purpose of donating it." But that's my elders for ya. Oy vey!

I got the PS5 as an early birthday present from the person who I just dissed. LOL I don't care. Anyway.....

I absolutely LOVED that I could create a character from scratch without the need for cheats and thus, wearing out my controller. You've seen those before in this thread.

Okay....I'm gonna shut up now. LOL

Now Playing: Surf City "Cow Tastes Good"

I don't have a date for this memory.

This was at some point in the Spring of 2020. Well...it had to be before March now that I think about it. So, February...

I had a noise device coming from either Malaysia or the Philippines. I ordered a lot of stuff from people, both domestic and international, in those days. So, that detail is slightly fuzzy.

The postal carrier had been at my door when I was in the shower. So, I missed them.

I checked the mail a couple of hours later and saw the letter card indicating that I had missed them. I figured: "Well, it's early enough to set up tomorrow's redelivery."

I called the post office and left my full legal name and my phone number.

Maybe an hour later, I got a call. I heard an automated voice say: "We received a call from "legal name". I would record myself every great once in a while to see what I sound like. With proper equipment and not a silly phone: Shure Beta58A mic into a Tascam interface. I would make sure that the EQ was zeroed out to avoid any of that stuff.

So, I hear my full name in my voice without the skull resonance interfering with things. It totally blew my mind. I couldn't believe it. THAT was such a massive boost. It was amazing. I never doubted myself after that. Not even on my most depressive of days.

Sure, I have to deal with damage from that tonsilectomy that I had exactly one year after the orchi (Same time of the morning and everything. It was such a trip.), But that's just life. 

Now Playing: Marlenea Shaw "Liberation Conversation"

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 02, 2026, 12:23:16 PMNow Playing: Marlenea Shaw "Liberation Conversation"

Now you're talking !

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 02, 2026, 12:53:20 PMNow you're talking !

That entire record is wicked sick! I was going to follow that up with Sly & The Family Stone at Woodstock. But I absolutely have to play Melanie "Live At Woodstock" first.

Okay. Enough of that there hippy music, boy howdy!

This is a Harsh Noise track that I recorded for an anti-fascism compilation. It wasn't exclusive to the comp. The guy just wanted to bring some Noise/Experimental peeps together to give the finger to those jerks.


This involved a Gen Thalz "Cut Up Noise Thingy", a Gen Thalz "Error Generator," and an AmishRobots Atari Punk Console going out to a Behringer 4-channel pocket mixer and to a Danoelectro Bacon n Eggs pedal amp. I used a modified Shure SM57 to record it.

This is a "remix" of the previous track. I just ran the full mix into Audacity and screwed around with it. The title was inspired, in part, by the Californian Noise band, The Haters, and their "Drunk On Decay" album. I would also use themes revolving around the destruction of the industrial jobs sectors in this country.

I came up with the name Ghosts Of Dead Tables from the days of the old Susan's chat. I actually talk about this in a documentary that a friend made about the second Noise show I put on. I was quite intoxicated and reading through the various conversations. I saw the words "Ghost", "Dead", "Tables" completely unrelated to each other in these chats, and it just came together in my brain. I typed up a quick text document and saved it since I knew I wouldn't remember it the next day.

The rest is history.....or is it?

A few Noise bands that I was friends with were supposed to play a Noise fest in Wisconsin. It ultimately fell through since the organizer was sloppy. My act was one that was singled out. "Ghosts Of Dead Tables???? What the hell is that supposed to mean??"

It literally means nothing at all. It's gibberish. 😄

Here's the "O.G. Suburbs" household. Since Laura and Portia are a lesbian couple and Erica is trans, why not represent, yo?! Besides, Kathy can deal with any troublemakers. In this household, they are all adults. No kids.

Ghosts of past tables is good as to me it means echo's of the past, a bit of a narrative that gets woven into folk lore.

Quote from: davina61 on August 03, 2026, 02:05:19 AMGhosts of past tables is good as to me it means echo's of the past, a bit of a narrative that gets woven into folk lore.

It's Ghosts Of Dead Tables, actually.

Unless you were just throwing in some variation there. If so, cool.

I'm not entirely awake yet.

Sorry my dyslexic brain, still stands for me.

Quote from: davina61 on August 03, 2026, 08:07:54 AMSorry my dyslexic brain, still stands for me.

It's all good in da hood, homie. Word!

Chillin and vibin ', watching "Nimona", munching on pizza and chicken. Life is good.

And that day was soooooo vibed out; the following day was a wonderful, hazy delirium. Today, well, today is today. Rockin' some early Incantation.

Got my squirrel ears and tail. Not sure if the tail will work. I have some ideas. But I was out in the orbit of Neptune. So.....yeah.

Well, call me a pickle and dunk me in dill.

I saw that the battery on my Snark was running low. I was going to take the battery cover off... but there isn't one. It's rechargeable. OOPS! Oh, well. I guess these batteries will come in handy for... someone.

NP: Nirvana "Mr. Moustache"

I like to play open sessions in GTA Online sometimes. Sometimes, you can be biking around the city, and a random dude will jump on the back of the bike. I'm speeding through the city, and they are blasting peeps. Crazy. Then, there was the time when a dude tried to spray me with Uzi fire while I was walking somewhere. I pulled out my rocket launcher, and they got the hell out of dodge super fast. LMAO! It must have been their personal vehicle. 

Had to listen to a certain someone try to BS me when it came to what is going on in this country. "Go somewhere else, and you will see how good we have it here." FYI: They have never been out of this country. They would NEVER travel overseas, and (this is the cherry on the sundae of absurdity), they had the nerve to tell me that they were a great student in Social Studies/History classes. My inner child was on the floor, laughing her head off. But this person is also a pathological liar. So... whatever. I remember remarking about how I can snow people who don't really know me. Now, to be fair, I don't like to lie, and I am usually brutally honest. However, with certain people, I can look them in the eye and lie right to their face, and they don't even catch it. BUT... they know me so, so well. LMAO! Just because you read the foreword and the first two chapters, don't go acting like you know the full story. The book may not be wrapped up yet. But you will always be in the dark by choice.

Well, this squirrel tail and ears thing isn't going to happen. I attempted to rig something up with a belt that I had lying around. But it's not going to work. Oh, well. I'll just toss it. Meh.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 19, 2026, 05:00:18 PMWell, this squirrel tail and ears thing isn't going to happen. I attempted to rig something up with a belt that I had lying around. But it's not going to work. Oh, well. I'll just toss it. Meh.

Awww nooooo. Furry fail. We need to get you onboard. Find a way 🤣

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on August 19, 2026, 05:07:45 PMAwww nooooo. Furry fail. We need to get you onboard. Find a way 🤣

Well, there were no mentions of age range, etc in the listing. So, that is my own stupid fault. I don't know. I can't afford that other stuff. I would LOVE to have a custom head modeled after the image of Laura Squirrel. But I can't afford to spend that kind of dough. Hell, I didn't spend that much when I was putting on shows, and some of those topped out at 2000 bucks. I certainly can't save up money now anyway with this joke of an economy.

NP: Eyehategod "Run It Into The Ground" ('89 Demo Version)

****TRIGGER WARNING*****

Now, I will just say this: I think that trigger warnings are beyond stupid. BUT, out of respect for all of us here, I will put that up front (despite my opinions on the matter). Also, if this does violate anything, PM me and I will remove the post. Well....I guess the mods would, since things changed with that.

BUT. I want to post this to highlight how transphobia screws up everything. The cast of "The I.T. Crowd" has disowned this episode, apparently. So, cheers for them. I applauded when April popped Douglas. Good for her! Plus, just from a show perspective, the fight scene is so cartoonish that I can't help but laugh.

As I said to my friend, with what is going on here in the so-called "land of the free" (That's a joke. But, not in THAT way), this isn't going to upset me or tarnish my enjoyment of the show. It was fun nuking the idiots in the comments, though. If only I could do that in reality. But where am I going to get that much plutonium?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_u1OTgD14A

Having found the episode, I discovered a few things:

• The thing with April and Douglas is the B plot of the story.
• It really has more to do with Douglas being a blithering idiot.
• It is implied that April is killed. BUT, Douglas seems to regret the fact that she is gone. (It was already established that Douglas was homicidal in a prior episode.)
• I'll just go ahead and say it again: The cast disowned this episode. However, so many troglodytes think that the trans community is the problem. Apparently, many people are too stupid to consider the fact that you can be against something. After all, with this being the B plot, no other characters interacted with her. So, it just came down to Douglas being an utter moron.

I was going to post "Bored To Death". But I liked this one a little better. Especially the line. "Well, ya yak and yak and yak and yak!" HEY! I resemble that remark! LOL

I love GG's 80's era. But, if I was old enough, there is no way I could've went to one of his shows. A.C. was one thing. GG was totally something else. Yeah, I would stay home. LOL

Now Playing: A.C. "You Keep a Diary"

I would post the video link. But that might be a violation.

I am going to talk about voice stuff a bit.

Prior to my stupid natal puberty, I had a much higher voice, and I would go out of my way to talk more like a girl. Around the age of 13, I finally gave up due to family pressure. Had I not done that, my vocal journey would've been so much easier. But things would've been better for them if a certain someone had an... well... anyway.....

I gave up and intentionally spoke in a lower register. I remember when I was in that dumb choir class in 8th grade. It was one of those stupid mandatory "elective" classes. I would've been better off with a study hall period and spending it in the library reading instead.

When they started the class, the teacher had us say our names three times. I remember when I said mine, and I sounded so, so sad. With everything that went on during my jr high school days, it is truly a miracle that I never checked out. I was placed in the baritone section. Had I never appeased my worthless elders, I may have been a tenor. Maybe. I don't think I would have been a soprano. But who the hell knows?

So, yeah, that's the genesis of that.

So, fast-forward to the time I met up with Susan, Brandi, and the other two peeps whose names I can't remember. I remember when Brandi was driving me back to my hometown, and she remarked that I really wasn't too far off from achieving a female voice. It was, like, 70% of the way there. I just needed to keep working, and I did that.

Then, my friggin' tonsils became infected around the time after I had my orchi, and I wanted to pay off that medical debt; I suffered through it willingly. I was not about to heap more medical debt onto myself. If this country's medical system didn't suck so bad, I wouldn't have had to do that.

I paid off the medical debt in nine months. I skipped groceries and sacrificed other things as well. Everyone kept telling me to just pay 50 bucks a month. The hell with that. I despise being in debt. Monthly bills are a whole other thing, ya know?

So, I paid that off, got the rocks out of my throat, went through the single worst recovery period in my life, and moved on.

It took quite a long time to recover from that. My speaking voice was trash. My singing and growling vocals, respectively, were totally destroyed. It was beyond depressing.

But after many, many years of work, getting depressed about the results, starting over again, etc, I finally made progress. This is addressed in that one post from whenever in this here blog thread.

Just FYI, hormones cause the vocal changes during puberty. Whether you practiced in any range, it wouldn't make much difference. During puberty, rising hormone levels cause the voice box (larynx) to grow larger and the vocal cords to become longer and thicker. Thicker and longer vocal cords vibrate more slowly, which lowers the pitch of the voice.

The practicing part just teaches you to be comfortable speaking in that register. I think if you had continued practicing at a higher pitch, your voice would still have gone lower, but maybe you would have been more comfortable with the extra effort to maintain the higher level.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 20, 2026, 03:24:24 PMJust FYI, hormones cause the vocal changes during puberty. Whether you practiced in any range, it wouldn't make much difference. During puberty, rising hormone levels cause the voice box (larynx) to grow larger and the vocal cords to become longer and thicker. Thicker and longer vocal cords vibrate more slowly, which lowers the pitch of the voice.

The practicing part just teaches you to be comfortable speaking in that register. I think if you had continued practicing at a higher pitch, your voice would still have gone lower, but maybe you would have been more comfortable with the extra effort to maintain the higher level.

Oh, I'm aware of that. I read up on that in Jr High.

It doesn't take much effort at all to speak properly these days. Sure, I may have a weird blip here and there. But I couldn't care less. I've come a pretty long way from 2010. Plus, when I speak to people, no one bats an eye. I don't believe that they are "just being nice", either. People don't act like that. If they do, they are liars.

So, when I am in a women's room and I open my mouth, no one says anything. That says it all.

Oy vey!

Reading comments on some YouTube videos is so irritating. I came across some random video and some dude was talking about the state of the nation. Half of the comments were: "Why is this dude wearing lipstick?"

WHO.....CARES?! THIS IS THE MAN WHO CUT OFF YOUR ARM! ARM CHOPPING IS NOT A LOVE LANGUAGE!

Oh...wait....

But, seriously, we're knee-deep in the 4th Reich, and people are worried about THAT?!

*sighs*

Woolma Lamb was right. We ARE doomed.

My friend showed me this video the other day. I had tears in my eyes watching it. It's pretty intense. But also, really well done.

The music made me think about the GTA 3 version of Head Radio. It would fit right in on that playlist.

I'm holding out hope that things improve, but the responses on YouTube don't surprise me the least. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 20, 2026, 05:51:06 PMOy vey!

Reading comments on some YouTube videos is so irritating. I came across some random video and some dude was talking about the state of the nation. Half of the comments were: "Why is this dude wearing lipstick?"

WHO.....CARES?! THIS IS THE MAN WHO CUT OFF YOUR ARM! ARM CHOPPING IS NOT A LOVE LANGUAGE!

Oh...wait....

But, seriously, we're knee-deep in the 4th Reich, and people are worried about THAT?!

*sighs*

Woolma Lamb was right. We ARE doomed.

Well, the well ran dry for me, having any hope at all decades ago. I just do my best to reach for scraps of joy and happiness. That is also running dry.

Blarffle, feh. Blibby wibba narfling.

I was looking around on Etsy, and I found a seller who, based on the pics that I was seeing, does KILLER work. Sure, it's not cheap. About somewhere in the mid-range area in terms of money that would need to be saved up. The mask/glove/tail combo goes for $650.

I COULD at least attempt to make this work. I am going to try to figure something out. The prospect of a total economic collapse and/or World War 3 aside, this will be my goal. I will just continue to wait and see on all fronts.

And, no, I don't regret trashing the other stuff that I had. Even though I have some things that are still VERY near and dear to my heart, everything else could be thrown away without a second thought. After all, everything is temporary in this life and world. (Including the world itself when you look at the cosmic timeline.)

Awwwwww, NUTS!

They don't have a squirrel one.

BUT.....BUT! There is something else to consider: I remember back when I was on ZuCaBucks, and I made a post about animated characters and how, if you mixed them all up, you had me. The ratio is: Erica Porcupine - 50%, and Laura Squirrel and Kathy Cat would be tied at 25%.

The Kathy element was just the fact that she was a really hardcore Metalhead. She wore nothing but band shirts 99% of the time. The only other times were in a story called "The Abduction" and one called "The Night Out". The latter may have been after "The Abduction" was buttoned up with "The Aftermath". Maybe....

So, anyway.....

Yeah, we could just go the opposite way with this. It would still be an OG OC and totally wicked sick. Besides, between my screen name, my avatar, and this, all three would be represented. REPRESENT, YO! GREEN MEADOW IN THE HOUSE! POPLAR REPRESENTS!

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 21, 2026, 03:57:11 PMAwwwwww, NUTS!

They don't have a squirrel one.

BUT.....BUT! There is something else to consider: I remember back when I was on ZuCaBucks, and I made a post about animated characters and how, if you mixed them all up, you had me. The ratio is: Erica Porcupine - 50%, and Laura Squirrel and Kathy Cat would be tied at 25%.

The Kathy element was just the fact that she was a really hardcore Metalhead. She wore nothing but band shirts 99% of the time. The only other times were in a story called "The Abduction" and one called "The Night Out". The latter may have been after "The Abduction" was buttoned up with "The Aftermath". Maybe....

So, anyway.....

Yeah, we could just go the opposite way with this. It would still be an OG OC and totally wicked sick. Besides, between my screen name, my avatar, and this, all three would be represented. REPRESENT, YO! GREEN MEADOW IN THE HOUSE! POPLAR REPRESENTS!

I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about Laura but it sounds exciting!🤣🤣🤣🤣 As long as you are happy!

I guess I'm no longer down with the kids anymore ha ha!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 21, 2026, 04:14:03 PMI haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about Laura but it sounds exciting!🤣🤣🤣🤣 As long as you are happy!

I guess I'm no longer down with the kids anymore ha ha!

LMAO! Well, I'm old enough to have kids in college. My friend in Ohio is the only one who gets it, and that's because he was there at the start of all of this. (4/13/13) It was all thanks to a Brazilian troll on the old "Noiseguide" forum. Homeboy thought he was going to get one over on me and LMAO NOPE!

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 21, 2026, 04:33:53 PMLMAO! Well, I'm old enough to have kids in college. My friend in Ohio is the only one who gets it, and that's because he was there at the start of all of this. (4/13/13) It was all thanks to a Brazilian troll on the old "Noiseguide" forum. Homeboy thought he was going to get one over on me and LMAO NOPE!

Yeah I really feel 50 now like! ha ha!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 21, 2026, 04:56:49 PMYeah I really feel 50 now like! ha ha!

LMAO! This will probably make you feel older. But I'm 49.

Totally ragin' Punk/Thrash from Japan. They were a bunch of kids, basically, and that blew my mind when I found that out. It was like if Chump Change were human and from Japan. Amazing! At the end of Masonna's "Like a Vagina TV" video that was released by Vanilla Records, there were a bunch of excerpts from other videos in their catalog. This was one of them. It was the fourth song in the set. I was thrashing around the room like a nut when that came on. LOL

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 21, 2026, 04:57:54 PMLMAO! This will probably make you feel older. But I'm 49.

LMAO! Clearly we have walked different paths you and I Laura lol!

Here we have Masonna showing the TRUE Rock N Roll spirit! Go, Maso, go!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 21, 2026, 05:06:58 PMLMAO! Clearly we have walked different paths you and I Laura lol!

Yepper Pepper!

The news is really, really getting under my skin. Time to vibe out to some John Lee Hooker to chill out a bit.

This one's giving me fanfiction vibes. LOL Seriously.

Finally getting around to creating a Melanie mix playlist.

https://www.womanwithin.com/products/7-day-maxi-skirt/1074595.html?dwvar_1074595_color=4440617#cgid=null

I found something that will work. I don't know when I will buy any of them, though. We'll see.

David Peel & The Lower East Side "Junk Rock" (live version)

Well, I did it! I ordered one of the skirts that I linked before. I got it in the navy color. The timing might screw up some of my online sub stuff. I don't care. That will get sorted back out eventually anyway.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 22, 2026, 06:04:38 PMhttps://www.womanwithin.com/products/7-day-maxi-skirt/1074595.html?dwvar_1074595_color=4440617#cgid=null

I found something that will work. I don't know when I will buy any of them, though. We'll see.

I have similar but in white tiered chifron and also a floral one too. Soo cool on a hot day and the elasticated waist is a godsend for a fatty like me!

You will love the feel of them Laura.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 23, 2026, 05:29:43 PMI have similar but in white tiered chifron and also a floral one too. Soo cool on a hot day and the elasticated waist is a godsend for a fatty like me!

You will love the feel of them, Laura.

I just need to find some leggings. No bare legs need to be shown. Yuck.

Having a bit of a rare dysphoric moment.

I was looking at slips, and it just made me think about how I wish that my breasts were just slightly larger, and this stupid, damn ribcage crap.

I'll get past it. I'm just getting this out of my brain.

Well, between the fact that my emotions can change dramatically in a several-minute span, mixed with Conor & Jay, things are improving...for now.

BUT, this article really got my mind working in a much more positive direction.

https://www.outfittrends.com/slip-dress-outfits/

Hmmmmm, maybe that one idea about the cat ensemble thing won't work now. Perhaps I should just check things out and get some head instead.

I'm feeling like an egomaniacal, narcissistic loser. So, I decided to post some Noise. Using stuff and things. (Mostly things)

Family will be some of the worst people that you will ever meet. Had to listen to The Idiot make a damn antisemitic comment in relation to money. I swear... this world is getting harder and harder to want to stay in.

Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything crazy. I'm just so friggin' pissed off. I want out of this town and state so bad. But I'm stuck.

Having to deal with these losers because I can't do certain things is really starting to sap my will........

Drump won't shut up about us. Kegsbreath slurs us too. This country is just......*sighs*

Here we go with another hour loop of "The End" by Conor & Jay. Maybe it will be two hours this time.

I remember doing something similar when I hit a certain point in my transition timeline with Testament's "The Ballad". It was like 6 or 8 hours of this. Over and over and over and over.....

Weeeeeeell......okay.....maybe not. LOL Autoplay has decided that I need to hear "Mourning Of a New Day" by Cathedral instead. I'm going to go with it. Cathedral ruled, and honestly, that title sums up how I feel a lot of days now. Maybe it will knock it out of the park with the autoplay like it did the other day. At least an hour of total bangers. Then, I think it played some lame Brutal Death Metal slop or some lame Retro-Thrash.

Anyway...I am actually going to get to the point here. I have a theory in regards to my relationship with... that person. I think the reason why we clash is twofold and, honestly, a bit screwed up when you think about it.

Given my history with my parents, we never got along. Not unless I was doing something that they approved of. "Here's your little circular box, honey. You stay there now, okay?" But.....I'm a square. How the hell is that ever going to work?

My relationship with my father was always rocky. We rarely see each other since I transitioned. But, ya know what? I actually respect him in a weird way since he at least made it clear that he more or less wants nothing to do with me. There ya go, yet another entry in the book of "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda". I swear, that needs to be my epitaph. Seriously. Had I known that THIS would be the thing to sever the ties between us, I would've just come out at age 19 like I wanted to. But I was considerate of the feelings of The Idiot.

(I swear, Laura, you can be so stupid. You censored your life, not for your benefit. But for the benefit of others. Dork. But YOU are an empath. Albeit a very misanthropic one.)

It comes down to this: That other person, the one born in the late 70s, they died a long time ago (12/1/08). BUT did they ever truly live? Or did they merely exist? Obviously, the latter is the correct answer.

I think this is what it's all about: Her daughter is cynical. Well, they had their part to play in that little recipe. A pinch of bigotry, a spoonful of ignorance, a couple of cups of domestic violence, a liter of abuse, and stir. You had that person. Obviously, I am outspoken. But so are they. The difference is that I usually know what I am talking about. But I screw up sometimes, and I am willing to admit to my mistakes and my many, many flaws. I would be a fool to do otherwise. They would never do that, and that's an issue.

But, as usual, The Idiot romanticizes and idealizes everything. When it inevitably fails to live up to their utterly ridiculous standards, it's all whining and moaning. I have some Aged English White Cheddar if you would like some.

And that is the issue. The Idiot just came at all of this from the same direction as my father. "As long as you walk in psychological and ideological lockstep, we will get along just fine, honey."

Oh, who am I kidding? They would never use big words like that.

But you see the issue? THIS is why so many offspring get as far away from their family when the opportunity presents itself. The punchline in the joke that is my life is this: If I wasn't trans, I would've already left. Despite my shortcomings. So, basically, life gave me the one-two punch. Gee...thanks.

So......

I was a disappointment in their eyes as The Other and totally insufferable as I am now. Oh, well. They could just show me the door, ya know? Oh, well. They wanna keep playing this game. Maybe we will continue. Maybe I will just say 'the heck with this' and go home.

Now Playing: My Dying Bride "Black Voyage"

It's turned into a music marathon with many, many plays of "The End" by Conor & Jay.

https://pocketcasts.com/podcast/platonic-polyamory-fka-undressing-underground/db0a2670-77eb-0139-346c-0acc26574db2/ppa-e7-love-thats-america-w-laura-squirrel/d1379474-4214-4bab-9051-db4196c018dc?q=Laura+Squirrel&tab=episodes

I was on the fence about posting this. But who the hell cares at this point?

This is a podcast by three peeps whom I met while putting on shows. I've been on several times and was on one of the host's prior podcasts. The first episode of his podcast was done in my living room. Those were much, much better days. I wish I could go back there.

I remember when I decided to write Erica Porcupine's backstory. She's the character in my avatar. It was such a trip because I had only "known" this character as Erica. Once I started her backstory, I was maybe halfway through the first story in the trilogy. Then, I noticed something interesting. I kept calling her Erica when her birth name was Eric.

I spoke with my friend about it, and he started to laugh. He knew exactly what I was thinking. This was like seeing this from the eyes of a parent in a very abstract way.

Righteous Pigs were a killer band. But, jeez, some of these lyrics are beyond dumb. I've known it all along, sure. But listening to a few of these songs, it sounds like some sexually frustrated loser. Which is even more so since they did write about personal/social subjects. But those other songs were better, even if the lyrics were nowhere near being complicated. I just find that line of writing in Metal to be utterly ridiculous. But the music does save it. Still..........

My skirt is on the way. Cool. It will be weird wearing something that isn't jeans. LOL

Portia Porcupine.jpg

I had this made into a shirt a long time ago. Some dude from... somewhere made this at... some point. Such an adorable image. But it's Portia. What else am I gonna say?

It's beautiful. Hugs
Mariah

The best part was that this shirt was how everyone was able to pick me out at the Noise shows that I did.

Erica Preston is getting to work on her Jen Barber look. I guess that I left the comments open on this one. My friend commented, and he did not disappoint. Love ya, Dotty! LOL

Erica Preston in her Jen Barber cosplay, takin' care of business with "Dole" to the left of the troublemaker. We don't need any trouble here at The Palace.

Showing the process of creating the Jen look.

The "WWEP" stands for "Walking With Erica Preston". It's a series where I TRY to just walk around the city and listen to the crazy conversations. BUT, there are times where Erica wants to show out.  The shopping starts at 3:33.

This channel rules. It can be pretty interesting and also hilarious.

You can't count on people to do anything properly. I got my clothes. I took it out of the mailbox. 'Hmmmm, seems a bit small'. I get to my apartment, open it, and what do I see?

A SIZE SMALL MICKEY MOUSE SHIRT!

How stupid do you have to be to make such a dumb mistake??

This is the third time I've had a problem with this site. I've ordered from them since '06. People are pathetic.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 28, 2026, 12:20:56 PMA SIZE SMALL MICKEY MOUSE SHIRT!

I found a really nice Fall/Winter sweater online. It was so cute, I ordered three in different colors, in size XXL. I don't like my sweaters tight.

When they arrived, the packages were clearly marked Made in China. I opened the first one and began to wonder if I ordered the right size. They were all clearly marked size XXL. So I began to wonder what size an average Chinese woman is if this is XXL.

A new family had recently moved into the apartment building, and one of their daughters was about 12 years old. I asked her mother if it was ok to give them to her, and she agreed and thanked me.

A few weeks later, I saw mom taking the kids to school, and the 12-year-old was wearing one of the sweaters. And it still looked so cute! After that, I check the sizing measurements very carefully, several times before ordering.

I still want those sweaters in my size, but they don't come that big. < sigh >

Oh, I checked all of the sizing stuff. They are just incompetent.

Even though I still would've dealt with a myriad of medical issues, things would've been so much easier if I wasn't trans.

I'm just so, so burnt out. Between all of the stuff that we know is going on, this economy being such trash, and being stuck in a lousy place that I can't escape from....

It's really getting to me in a really bad way. I don't want to just be complaining and moaning about stuff. But I just can't live in blissful ignorance. I just can't. My brain doesn't work like that.

I know it sounds so incredibly stupid. But this frickin' clothing thing is a bit like the pin that burst the balloon. It would be nice to just go out and go shop. But I can't. I'm broke anyway, and any extra money will have to go towards stupid grooming stuff.

I'm just sick of this. I want out. But I'm trapped here. I don't really have a choice.

I'm sick of having lived a life where so much of it was decided for me, and I had no say in it at all.

"Just accept it." That attitude goes both ways, ya know?

As they say: "This too shall pass."

The pendulum swings both ways. It has been pushing hard to the right, but it can only go so far before it swings back to the left.

I get those thoughts too. So I prepare. Either things will start moving quickly in our favor, or the whole system will break. I am betting it will go our way if we just hang in there long enough. And if it breaks, then everyone will be screwed, so I prepare for that too.

Ignore the here and now, for now. Look for signs ahead that indicate things are changing for the better. They are there; you just have to look for them.

If you focus on the negative, that is what you will see, and it is depressing.
If you focus on the positive, you will see more and more of it because you are looking for it. That becomes hopeful.

Hang tough, Sister.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 28, 2026, 01:26:49 PMEven though I still would've dealt with a myriad of medical issues, things would've been so much easier if I wasn't trans.

I'm just so, so burnt out. Between all of the stuff that we know is going on, this economy being such trash, and being stuck in a lousy place that I can't escape from....

It's really getting to me in a really bad way. I don't want to just be complaining and moaning about stuff. But I just can't live in blissful ignorance. I just can't. My brain doesn't work like that.

I know it sounds so incredibly stupid. But this frickin' clothing thing is a bit like the pin that burst the balloon. It would be nice to just go out and go shop. But I can't. I'm broke anyway, and any extra money will have to go towards stupid grooming stuff.

I'm just sick of this. I want out. But I'm trapped here. I don't really have a choice.

I'm sick of having lived a life where so much of it was decided for me, and I had no say in it at all.

"Just accept it." That attitude goes both ways, ya know?

Sorry you are feeling down Laura, I'm feeling thoroughly miserable myself and had a good old moan on my blog too ha ha! It helps to put it in writing. I feel sorry for the poor people who have to read it though lol! The weight of everything can be tough to bear at times, it can make a simple warehouse error feel far bigger than it is in reality. Sometimes the slightest thing can be all it takes to tip us over the edge but it's really not the end of the world, the earths still spinning, as Lori says the pendulum will swing back to the left eventually, we just have to keep our heads above the water until it does. When I was growing up trangender folk had a really tough time of it as some on here will atest to. Compared to what they had to go through it is not as bad as the media like to portray.

Chin up hinny, pop the mickey mouse top back in the post and they'll get your skirt sent out to you before you will know it. 😁

Sending you lots of love and hugs Laura. I don't know the answers, but hoping you find something better soon.

Charlotte ❤️

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 28, 2026, 02:33:07 PMSorry you are feeling down Laura, I'm feeling thoroughly miserable myself and had a good old moan on my blog too ha ha! It helps to put it in writing. I feel sorry for the poor people who have to read it though lol! The weight of everything can be tough to bear at times, it can make a simple warehouse error feel far bigger than it is in reality. Sometimes the slightest thing can be all it takes to tip us over the edge but it's really not the end of the world, the earths still spinning, as Lori says the pendulum will swing back to the left eventually, we just have to keep our heads above the water until it does. When I was growing up trangender folk had a really tough time of it as some on here will atest to. Compared to what they had to go through it is not as bad as the media like to portray.

Chin up hinny, pop the mickey mouse top back in the post and they'll get your skirt sent out to you before you will know it. 😁

Yeah, I just have to wait on these goons to get back with me. Sure, it's a small thing. But, there are times where the smallest thing can be the catalyst for just losing it. I said 'hell with it' and took a nap. I still hate this whole situation. Being in this body. Being in this town. It sucks.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 28, 2026, 04:42:59 PMYeah, I just have to wait on these goons to get back with me. Sure, it's a small thing. But, there are times where the smallest thing can be the catalyst for just losing it. I said 'hell with it' and took a nap. I still hate this whole situation. Being in this body. Being in this town. It sucks.

Sounds like a good solution to me. A good power nap solves many problems. Maybe not all of them but things will look rosier in the morning I'm sure.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 28, 2026, 05:01:48 PMSounds like a good solution to me. A good power nap solves many problems. Maybe not all of them but things will look rosier in the morning I'm sure.

It really doesn't do much more than get rid of a headache if I have one. I hate waking up most days, to be honest.

Well I for one am glad you do Laura! I look forward to your enthusistic if often baffling entries in your blog!🤣😁

I know it's tough but it's the cards we were dealt. You cannot change the fact you are trans I hope you can come to embrace it and see it for the gift that it really is.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 28, 2026, 05:18:33 PMWell I for one am glad you do Laura! I look forward to your enthusistic if often baffling entries in your blog!🤣😁

I know it's tough but it's the cards we were dealt. You cannot change the fact you are trans I hope you can come to embrace it and see it for the gift that it really is.

Okay.

1. Thank you for getting me to laugh with that first point. Hell, my friend has said similar things to me. So, you're in good company.

2. If the government didn't have a bullseye on us, that would alleviate a lot of this. But when you are in a group that is being targeted for extermination, it can bring you down just a tad, ya know?

Since Stottie Girl mentioned a good nap, I have to showcase the thing that REALLY helps. My homegirl, Portia Porcupine. I've already talked about the time when she (and Dotty Dog) showed up in this here domicile. She is a massive help when it comes to relaxing. Just snuggle up and breathe. Seriously. Part of it is reclaiming at least a little something from a girlhood that I was robbed of. The other part is that she was always something that made me happy growing up. That's why I have such a strong connection with this character, writing the fanfiction stuff, etc. She's just the best.

PortiaPorcupine.jpg

Aw cute!

When you look at the bigger picture it can make us very angry, victimised, scared even. But I think the reality on the ground is what we should pay more attention to. How are our neighbours treating us? friends? family? Can I go about my day without getting personally attacked etc etc. This is the stuff that actually matters. The bigger stuff, well that needs sorting too but it needs to be compartmentalised as there is only so much you can do about that, to a large extent it is out of our individual control. The other stuff well, you can take control of that, you can move home, find new friends and family etc.

I realise I'm a fine one to talk! I'm so afraid of the world seeing the real me I shut myself away in a closet but I know the theory at least lol!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 29, 2026, 03:36:48 AMHow are our neighbours treating us? friends? family? Can I go about my day without getting personally attacked etc etc. This is the stuff that actually matters. The bigger stuff, well that needs sorting too but it needs to be compartmentalised as there is only so much you can do about that, to a large extent it is out of our individual control. The other stuff well, you can take control of that, you can move home, find new friends and family etc.

My neighbors don't bother me.

Friends? What's that?

Family can be cool or incredibly aggravating depending on who I am dealing with.

Sure, I doubt that I am going to get jumped if I go out and about around here. But I don't go out anyway. This place is about as interesting as a hemorrhoid. PLUS, if there isn't a restroom nearby, I'm in trouble. My bladder is the size of a pea.

I can't move. That's the problem. I am too broke to save up money and our healthcare system in this country sucks.

The only way I can find people to hang out with is to get the hell out of here and as I said in the previous point, I can't move due to those issues.

The entire point of these posts has been this: I DON'T have the autonomy that some people seem to think that I do. If I did, I wouldn't be where I am and I wouldn't be making these posts.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 29, 2026, 03:03:08 PMMy neighbors don't bother me.

Friends? What's that?

Family can be cool or incredibly aggravating depending on who I am dealing with.

Sure, I doubt that I am going to get jumped if I go out and about around here. But I don't go out anyway. This place is about as interesting as a hemorrhoid. PLUS, if there isn't a restroom nearby, I'm in trouble. My bladder is the size of a pea.

I can't move. That's the problem. I am too broke to save up money and our healthcare system in this country sucks.

The only way I can find people to hang out with is to get the hell out of here and as I said in the previous point, I can't move due to those issues.

The entire point of these posts has been this: I DON'T have the autonomy that some people seem to think that I do. If I did, I wouldn't be where I am and I wouldn't be making these posts.

I'm sure you've seen me moaning about not having any friends either Laura. It's a shame there is an ocean between us I would have been happy to be a face to face friend with you. I am sure there are others like me who would love to have you as a friend though. Admittedly, I've not been very good at finding them at my end but I hope that will change when I am not hiding anymore.

You have decent neighbours and family that are at least sometimes cool! You feel safe. That's not a terrible place to find yourself, it could definitely be worse. Okay, you find where you are a little boring but if you can't move and have no friends then what about solo travel as a way to experience a little adventure? Other places have loos you know (or a bush if you are desperate lol!)

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 29, 2026, 03:54:56 PMI'm sure you've seen me moaning about not having any friends either Laura. It's a shame there is an ocean between us I would have been happy to be a face to face friend with you. I am sure there are others like me who would love to have you as a friend though. Admittedly, I've not been very good at finding them at my end but I hope that will change when I am not hiding anymore.

You have decent neighbours and family that are at least sometimes cool! You feel safe. That's not a terrible place to find yourself, it could definitely be worse. Okay, you find where you are a little boring but if you can't move and have no friends then what about solo travel as a way to experience a little adventure? Other places have loos you know (or a bush if you are desperate lol!)

Well, ya know, that's cool and all. I get where you're coming from. But, as I told my brother more than once in the last year and a half, when I go to my friend's place, I feel so much more at home. My friend has seen firsthand how I light up and come alive when I am out there. I can actually hold conversations with people, rather than just some dumb small talk with a neighbor that I couldn't care less about.

I'm sick of being around people that I don't have a true connection with. It really sucks, ya know? It just feels like my life was wasted, and I know I don't have much time left. It just feels so pointless. Sure, I have my more positive moments. But those never last. I'm just sick of feeling like I just exist, and, truthfully, I wish I never existed at all.

Yeah, it's all depressing. But I can't sit here and lie, ya know? I don't want to be depressed. Depression sucks. It saps away any will to do anything. (Hell, haven't I used those exact words in another post?) If it wasn't for intoxicants, I would've already said "I'm done".

I've had my own battles with depression so I know where you are coming from Laura. I don't think it is healthy to sit here and lie, you should get it out there. My last big bout of depression came before I joined Susans place and back then, writing everything down in a physical journal was what helped me the most. If I get full on depression now I will probably also use my blog on here (Sorry y'all!) to download, vent, cry etc

I lost my business, then lost two jobs in a row through anxiety and panic attacks. Each time I failed, it triggered deep depression but it was only last winter that a therapist persuaded me to keep a journal of my thoughts and that helped hugely. The blog is an extension of that. So write away.

Feeling regret and feeling like we are running out of time is so common and relateable I would think to most of us on here but truth be told none of us knows how long we have left so really, you have sooo much time to live the next half of your life just as you want it. If your current life is not right then analyse what it would take to correct it and work towards it. Time is on your side in reality.

Anyway, I'm probably just waffling on here. I don't have the answers but that's just my two cents.

A track that I made as a tribute to Steve O'D (Exit-13, Pica) when he passed away. I think I did a decent job of capturing the same vibe as certain Pica tracks. The title is a mash-up of "The Green Square" and "The Price Of Fear".

Dot Warner's reaction to the "Bad Jokes & Puns" thread. Watch out! There's a Warner about!

This was released on this date in 1988. I'm pretty sure I got this right when it was released. I remember seeing the video for "I Want Out" and I dug it.

The post about school apathy regarding bullying got me thinking.

Had I been born in the right body, that would've changed so many things. But one thing would have been vastly different.

I would've come to my father and said: "Dad, show me how to fight." Later, as I would've hit my teen years, I would ask him: "Dad, teach me how to shoot". Maybe that would've happened sooner. I don't know.

I HATED being picked on because I looked at it like this: Girls aren't supposed to fight. Boys are.

Obviously, living in a house filled with domestic violence, I knew that was never the case. I saw way too much.

There were so many times when I am certain that it wouldn't have been so bad had I been born who I should've been.  The first half of grade school would've been, maybe, just as bad. Maybe not. Once we moved, that would've stopped. Yeah, I would've had the cops called on me three times and got in trouble on the bus once. But chances are, that would've stopped and not escalated.

Now, here I am in the present day and worried about abuse again. Only this time, it's from our thuggish dictatorship.

It never stops.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 30, 2026, 02:38:34 PMNow, here I am in the present day and worried about abuse again. Only this time, it's from our thuggish dictatorship

I agree, I feel like its getting more and more dangerous just to exist in this state. I am planning to move but that is a long way off right now and who knows if it will be better in Colorado than it is here. Just because there are laws protecting people like us doesn't mean the citizens obey them.

Quote from: tammy753 on August 30, 2026, 04:17:25 PMI agree, I feel like its getting more and more dangerous just to exist in this state. I am planning to move but that is a long way off right now and who knows if it will be better in Colorado than it is here. Just because there are laws protecting people like us doesn't mean the citizens obey them.

Well, I'm not worried about the individual citizens. My concern is more about the Gestapo than about anything else.

I went on a journey with my Arturia MicroFreak synth. It was nice. Eventually, it will be processed, chopped up, and reassembled. The final track will be on a compilation that one of my friends told me about.

Had to listen to The Idiot actually say: "Well, there are some transgenders that go back and forth." UGH! Brainwashed moron. They spit out Faux News talking points without even knowing what they are saying. Oh, well. Continue to live in ignorance and march on towards obliteration.

The synth track is looking really sparse. But I think it will work. I may have some stuff that will be their own standalone tracks.

Cool.

NP: Godflesh "Slateman"

UGH! I was in the middle of writing a long post and hit the wrong key! D'oh! Oh, well. I'll give it another go later.

Now Playing: Candlemass "Demon's Gate".