Community Conversation => Military Veterans Confab => Topic started by: Katherine Tiffany on October 07, 2026, 11:50:18 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Question for all the Veterans.
Post by: Katherine Tiffany on October 07, 2026, 11:50:18 AM
Post by: Katherine Tiffany on October 07, 2026, 11:50:18 AM
So, I am ex US Army Airborne Infantry. I am 54 years old. I have known for decades that I had a "girl brain" stuck in a boy's body. I had all the usual signs, but no words to put it all together until recently, yada yada stuff, that a lot of late to transition Trans women have all seem to have dealt with.
One would think with my Army background that I should have a certain level of mental toughness to be able to not let society push me around. But, I feel I am a sad, weak and scared person right now. It looks like I will not be able to outrun the gender dysphoria. I have tried to deny and suppress it by coping for so long that it has become exhausting.
I am terrified to start a transition. There is really nothing stopping me--wife is accepting and supportive of a transition, I don't have kids, ect... I have always had a slight frame with hips and a young face so I think the HRT fairy would be good to me.
I'm suffering from impostor syndrome and that lingering thought of just being a "broken man"/internalized transphobia thing. I've seen multiple therapists, and they all say the same thing that does not seem to help me out. It's my decision and only my decision. And start with a slow social transition or do little things in secret. But, that just seems to make my GD worse.
I think my time in the Army and how it impacted me developing into an adult has had a lasting effect on how I am now and is keeping me from going for it. I feel like if I never joined the Army I would have ended up in a dress a long time ago.
How did y'all manage to go for a transition being Vets, with all the hate and push back that is out there against trans? How did you get over the hump?
One would think with my Army background that I should have a certain level of mental toughness to be able to not let society push me around. But, I feel I am a sad, weak and scared person right now. It looks like I will not be able to outrun the gender dysphoria. I have tried to deny and suppress it by coping for so long that it has become exhausting.
I am terrified to start a transition. There is really nothing stopping me--wife is accepting and supportive of a transition, I don't have kids, ect... I have always had a slight frame with hips and a young face so I think the HRT fairy would be good to me.
I'm suffering from impostor syndrome and that lingering thought of just being a "broken man"/internalized transphobia thing. I've seen multiple therapists, and they all say the same thing that does not seem to help me out. It's my decision and only my decision. And start with a slow social transition or do little things in secret. But, that just seems to make my GD worse.
I think my time in the Army and how it impacted me developing into an adult has had a lasting effect on how I am now and is keeping me from going for it. I feel like if I never joined the Army I would have ended up in a dress a long time ago.
How did y'all manage to go for a transition being Vets, with all the hate and push back that is out there against trans? How did you get over the hump?
Title: Re: Question for all the Veterans.
Post by: Devlyn on October 07, 2026, 12:04:43 PM
Post by: Devlyn on October 07, 2026, 12:04:43 PM
Hi Katherine, thank you for your service, and welcome to Susan's Place!
I went straight from the Army into a lifelong career at various defense contractors. I transitioned on the job while working on the MALD program.
Here's a copy of our standard welcome pamphlet to get you off to a good start here on the site.
Oh, and hold on... I'm moving your thread to the Military Veterans Confab board. Wheeeeeee!
Hugs, Devlyn
Things that you should read
I went straight from the Army into a lifelong career at various defense contractors. I transitioned on the job while working on the MALD program.
Here's a copy of our standard welcome pamphlet to get you off to a good start here on the site.
Oh, and hold on... I'm moving your thread to the Military Veterans Confab board. Wheeeeeee!
Hugs, Devlyn
Things that you should read
- New Members... Please Read this First (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250343.msg2295001.html#msg2295001)
- Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Changing Your Forum Name (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=196460.msg2270355#msg2270355)
- Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
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- How to Contact Forum Staff Members (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246913.0.html)
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(https://www.susans.org//index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
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Title: Re: Question for all the Veterans.
Post by: KathyLauren on October 07, 2026, 04:34:24 PM
Post by: KathyLauren on October 07, 2026, 04:34:24 PM
My military career was short - only 8 years - and it was more than 30 years after I got out that I started my transition. So I might not be the best comparison.
Like many of us, I joined up because I thought the military would "fix" me. It didn't work. Furthermore, I had an intuition that staying in would break me further, so I got out when my contract expired.
I can well see how staying in for a full career would make transition harder. The military values conformity, and its members learn to conform at all costs. Conformity becomes a habit. I got out because I knew that, whatever else I was (and I didn't know exactly what I was), I was a non-conformist.
I can't tell you that you should (or shouldn't) transition. What I can tell you is that transition is the only known cure for gender dysphoria. And that ignoring it tends to make it worse over time.
Like many of us, I joined up because I thought the military would "fix" me. It didn't work. Furthermore, I had an intuition that staying in would break me further, so I got out when my contract expired.
I can well see how staying in for a full career would make transition harder. The military values conformity, and its members learn to conform at all costs. Conformity becomes a habit. I got out because I knew that, whatever else I was (and I didn't know exactly what I was), I was a non-conformist.
I can't tell you that you should (or shouldn't) transition. What I can tell you is that transition is the only known cure for gender dysphoria. And that ignoring it tends to make it worse over time.
Title: Re: Question for all the Veterans.
Post by: Rochelle on October 07, 2026, 04:59:16 PM
Post by: Rochelle on October 07, 2026, 04:59:16 PM
Hello and welcome! Retired Air Force here.
First, there's no timetable you need to follow. When I decided to start moving forward with my transition, I took my time. I had been taking supplements for a while with some minor results, but as I got older, I reached a point where I knew I wanted to take things further.
I spent quite a while taking things slowly before finally making the personal decision to begin HRT. But starting HRT isn't some milestone everyone has to reach. Transitioning means different things to different people, and everyone's journey is personal. For some, dressing and expressing themselves differently is enough. Others choose to go much further. It's a very wide spectrum, and there's no right or wrong place to be on it.
The important thing is that you move at your own pace. You don't need to keep up with anyone else or feel pressured to follow someone else's timeline.
Do I sometimes wish I'd started sooner? Absolutely. But I'm where I am in life, and I've made peace with that.
I'm happy with where I am today. In fact, I've been happier these past couple of years than I had been for many years before. I haven't experienced the severe dysphoria that some people struggle with, but I always knew this was something I wanted for myself.
I'll admit, the timing feels a little strange given everything going on in the world right now. Hopefully, things will settle down with time.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I just wanted to share my experience and remind you that this is your journey. Take your time, do what feels right for you, and don't let anyone else's timeline dictate your own.💚
First, there's no timetable you need to follow. When I decided to start moving forward with my transition, I took my time. I had been taking supplements for a while with some minor results, but as I got older, I reached a point where I knew I wanted to take things further.
I spent quite a while taking things slowly before finally making the personal decision to begin HRT. But starting HRT isn't some milestone everyone has to reach. Transitioning means different things to different people, and everyone's journey is personal. For some, dressing and expressing themselves differently is enough. Others choose to go much further. It's a very wide spectrum, and there's no right or wrong place to be on it.
The important thing is that you move at your own pace. You don't need to keep up with anyone else or feel pressured to follow someone else's timeline.
Do I sometimes wish I'd started sooner? Absolutely. But I'm where I am in life, and I've made peace with that.
I'm happy with where I am today. In fact, I've been happier these past couple of years than I had been for many years before. I haven't experienced the severe dysphoria that some people struggle with, but I always knew this was something I wanted for myself.
I'll admit, the timing feels a little strange given everything going on in the world right now. Hopefully, things will settle down with time.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I just wanted to share my experience and remind you that this is your journey. Take your time, do what feels right for you, and don't let anyone else's timeline dictate your own.💚
Title: Re: Question for all the Veterans.
Post by: Lori Dee on October 07, 2026, 05:54:31 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on October 07, 2026, 05:54:31 PM
I agree with Rochelle that your journey is yours. You decide what to do and when, or stop and do nothing. It is your life to live and no one else's.
I served from 1975 to 1990. I had no clue that I was transgender. I was often accused of being gay because nobody saw me chasing women. Almost 20 years after I got out, I started therapy to figure out why I was unhappy. Details in my story linked below.
Despite being in the very RED state of South Dakota, all of my transition has been through the VA. The healthcare team and mental health professionals were wonderful.
What I learned is that the hate being spewed comes from the government, not from the people.
Most people don't notice or don't care. Even those who put the bigots into power are questioning that move. They thought it was the right move at the time. They had no idea any of this would happen. Many have changed their minds and do not support such hate. Those who do are a minority.
What that means is to take it slow. Be safe. Most healthcare and mental health professionals understand, and they can be an ally. Don't be afraid to be honest with them about how you feel and what you want to do. They can help. You don't have to wear an "I AM TRANS" sign because that is between you, your spouse, and your healthcare team. Nobody else needs to know until YOU are ready. It isn't as bad as we imagine it. Just hang in there.
I served from 1975 to 1990. I had no clue that I was transgender. I was often accused of being gay because nobody saw me chasing women. Almost 20 years after I got out, I started therapy to figure out why I was unhappy. Details in my story linked below.
Despite being in the very RED state of South Dakota, all of my transition has been through the VA. The healthcare team and mental health professionals were wonderful.
What I learned is that the hate being spewed comes from the government, not from the people.
Most people don't notice or don't care. Even those who put the bigots into power are questioning that move. They thought it was the right move at the time. They had no idea any of this would happen. Many have changed their minds and do not support such hate. Those who do are a minority.
What that means is to take it slow. Be safe. Most healthcare and mental health professionals understand, and they can be an ally. Don't be afraid to be honest with them about how you feel and what you want to do. They can help. You don't have to wear an "I AM TRANS" sign because that is between you, your spouse, and your healthcare team. Nobody else needs to know until YOU are ready. It isn't as bad as we imagine it. Just hang in there.