Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Annie Social on April 01, 2006, 10:55:50 AM Return to Full Version
Title: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 01, 2006, 10:55:50 AM
Post by: Annie Social on April 01, 2006, 10:55:50 AM
Early this week, I came to the conclusion that it was time to come out to my sister. She lives halfway across the country, and I had hoped to be able to be there in person to tell her, but it's become obvious that financially that's just not possible right now.
Anyway, I spent several days composing the perfect letter, rewriting it a dozen times. I even had my therapist look it over and make suggestions. My plan was to send it Friday afternoon so she would get it after work and we would have the weekend for her to digest it and for us to talk about it.
So yesterday when I got home from work I sent it off to her home email address and sat down to wait for a response. I didn't have long to wait; within a few minutes I received a bounced email message!
Recently I have written her mostly at work, and hadn't used this address in a long time. I called her, explaining that I had an important email to send her, and she told me that she doesn't currently have email at home; her last account was actually in her boyfriend's name, and that was cancelled once he was no longer in the picture. She said that it was okay to send it to her work address; no one else would read it. So I did.
And now I have to wait until Monday evening to get a reaction!
I can't help but laugh, both at my assumption that any real human being would have a current email address, and at the fact that somehow this is perfectly typical of the way things seem to go for me sometimes!
Anyway, I spent several days composing the perfect letter, rewriting it a dozen times. I even had my therapist look it over and make suggestions. My plan was to send it Friday afternoon so she would get it after work and we would have the weekend for her to digest it and for us to talk about it.
So yesterday when I got home from work I sent it off to her home email address and sat down to wait for a response. I didn't have long to wait; within a few minutes I received a bounced email message!
Recently I have written her mostly at work, and hadn't used this address in a long time. I called her, explaining that I had an important email to send her, and she told me that she doesn't currently have email at home; her last account was actually in her boyfriend's name, and that was cancelled once he was no longer in the picture. She said that it was okay to send it to her work address; no one else would read it. So I did.
And now I have to wait until Monday evening to get a reaction!
I can't help but laugh, both at my assumption that any real human being would have a current email address, and at the fact that somehow this is perfectly typical of the way things seem to go for me sometimes!
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 01, 2006, 07:29:39 PM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 01, 2006, 07:29:39 PM
Hello there.
That's definitely a big step, and not knowing anything about your sister, i hope that you've planned for the worst but hope for the best. I came out to my mom and dad last year by mail and they didn't reply for almost two months and i was beginning to worry. I shouldn't have as they completely accepted me :) I hope that you experience the same acceptance is a wonderful feeling.
Steph
That's definitely a big step, and not knowing anything about your sister, i hope that you've planned for the worst but hope for the best. I came out to my mom and dad last year by mail and they didn't reply for almost two months and i was beginning to worry. I shouldn't have as they completely accepted me :) I hope that you experience the same acceptance is a wonderful feeling.
Steph
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Chaunte on April 01, 2006, 10:18:46 PM
Post by: Chaunte on April 01, 2006, 10:18:46 PM
Annie,
I hope your experience goes at least as well as mine did. I came out to my sister a few months back and she was totally accepting. No problems at all.
Chaunte
I hope your experience goes at least as well as mine did. I came out to my sister a few months back and she was totally accepting. No problems at all.
Chaunte
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 01, 2006, 11:57:23 PM
Post by: Annie Social on April 01, 2006, 11:57:23 PM
Thank you both! I'm pretty confident that her reaction will be a good one, but of course you never know for sure. Sometimes the people you least expect are supportive, and vice versa. Keep your fingers crossed...
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: gina_taylor on April 02, 2006, 10:28:27 AM
Post by: gina_taylor on April 02, 2006, 10:28:27 AM
Hi Annie,
I really hope that your reply brings happiness to you, as I'm sure it will. I told my parents in person and I really think that they were more in denail than anything else. They've told me about all the problems that I can get into, but I've trampled down every senario that they've given me, because I've been there and living it is a lot better than talking it.
Gina :)
I really hope that your reply brings happiness to you, as I'm sure it will. I told my parents in person and I really think that they were more in denail than anything else. They've told me about all the problems that I can get into, but I've trampled down every senario that they've given me, because I've been there and living it is a lot better than talking it.
Gina :)
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: umop ap!sdn on April 02, 2006, 01:34:42 PM
Post by: umop ap!sdn on April 02, 2006, 01:34:42 PM
Quote from: Annie Social on April 01, 2006, 11:57:23 PMSometimes the people you least expect are supportive, and vice versa.Ain't that the truth! :D Wishing you good luck with this; I've also yet to tell my sister and have noooooo idea whatsoever how she will react when the time comes.
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 03, 2006, 05:25:16 PM
Post by: Annie Social on April 03, 2006, 05:25:16 PM
Well, I just wanted to let you all know that all your hoping and finger crossing appear to have paid off. Here is the beginning of the (rather hurried) email she sent me from work this morning:
Annie, I am very happy to know that you are happy, and I love you. I don't have a problem with this at all. I think it would be much worse to remain unhappy because you felt you were living a false life. I am happy to have a new sister.
I have to admit that when I read that at work, I had to take a rather sudden bathroom break to dry my eyes.
Thank you all.
Annie, I am very happy to know that you are happy, and I love you. I don't have a problem with this at all. I think it would be much worse to remain unhappy because you felt you were living a false life. I am happy to have a new sister.
I have to admit that when I read that at work, I had to take a rather sudden bathroom break to dry my eyes.
Thank you all.
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Sarah Louise on April 03, 2006, 05:27:12 PM
Post by: Sarah Louise on April 03, 2006, 05:27:12 PM
Your so lucky Annie.
My sister says she doesn't "condemn" me, but she also hasn't responded to any other attempts to communicate with her.
Sarah
My sister says she doesn't "condemn" me, but she also hasn't responded to any other attempts to communicate with her.
Sarah
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 03, 2006, 05:40:39 PM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 03, 2006, 05:40:39 PM
That is truly great news Annie.
Another one down and how many more to go :) People can surprise you can't they. I know exactly the feelings you are experiencing, savor the moment hon.
Steph
Another one down and how many more to go :) People can surprise you can't they. I know exactly the feelings you are experiencing, savor the moment hon.
Steph
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Chaunte on April 04, 2006, 08:40:48 PM
Post by: Chaunte on April 04, 2006, 08:40:48 PM
Annie,
This is wonderful news! THere is something special about being sisters...
Cahutne
This is wonderful news! THere is something special about being sisters...
Cahutne
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: NightAngel on April 06, 2006, 11:43:39 AM
Post by: NightAngel on April 06, 2006, 11:43:39 AM
QuoteAnnie, I am very happy to know that you are happy, and I love you. I don't have a problem with this at all. I think it would be much worse to remain unhappy because you felt you were living a false life. I am happy to have a new sister.
I'm not your sister dear Annie but I'm very happy for you too!
I got two sisters and I'm affraid that I will get rejected from both of them when the time come to tell them so you are really happy to have such an understanding sister.
*hug*
Michelle
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Kate on April 06, 2006, 12:06:18 PM
Post by: Kate on April 06, 2006, 12:06:18 PM
Quote from: Annie Social on April 03, 2006, 05:25:16 PM
Annie, I am very happy to know that you are happy, and I love you. I don't have a problem with this at all. I think it would be much worse to remain unhappy because you felt you were living a false life. I am happy to have a new sister.
I have to admit that when I read that at work, I had to take a rather sudden bathroom break to dry my eyes.
LOL, I think we ALL did :)
That is SO wonderful!
Can I come out to her too? ;)
My (only) brother hasn't spoken to me in ten years (other reasons). Somehow I don't think this would change that situtation much, lol.
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 07, 2006, 03:34:17 AM
Post by: Annie Social on April 07, 2006, 03:34:17 AM
Well, a final update.
The process is now pretty much complete; over the past several days I have come out to my sister, my ex, my son, a bunch of old friends back home, and my closest friends here locally. To my amazement, there hasn't been one negative response!
Reactions have ranged from "You've got my support and good wishes and I'm glad you found the courage to live as you want and need to" to "Holy ->-bleeped-<-...wow...well, good for you. That really took balls to do, so to speak. You look pretty good, actually."
I guess I've done a pretty good job over the years of picking friends!
Of course, the one I was most worried about was my son. His response is the one that I'll cherish forever: "Hey, you'll always be my dad. If you needed to dress like a duck and eat nothing but bread, if you were happy, I'd be happy."
I know this is all very early; everyone is responding to the idea in the abstract, and things can change as reality sets in. Still, I'm on cloud nine, and I imagine I'll be there for a while!
Again, thanks to all of you for your kind words and wishes. And Kate, I'll talk to my sister and see if she has room for another one of us... ;)
The process is now pretty much complete; over the past several days I have come out to my sister, my ex, my son, a bunch of old friends back home, and my closest friends here locally. To my amazement, there hasn't been one negative response!
Reactions have ranged from "You've got my support and good wishes and I'm glad you found the courage to live as you want and need to" to "Holy ->-bleeped-<-...wow...well, good for you. That really took balls to do, so to speak. You look pretty good, actually."
I guess I've done a pretty good job over the years of picking friends!
Of course, the one I was most worried about was my son. His response is the one that I'll cherish forever: "Hey, you'll always be my dad. If you needed to dress like a duck and eat nothing but bread, if you were happy, I'd be happy."
I know this is all very early; everyone is responding to the idea in the abstract, and things can change as reality sets in. Still, I'm on cloud nine, and I imagine I'll be there for a while!
Again, thanks to all of you for your kind words and wishes. And Kate, I'll talk to my sister and see if she has room for another one of us... ;)
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 07, 2006, 06:31:42 AM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 07, 2006, 06:31:42 AM
Hello Annie.
You are truly fortunate that your son is accepting. That is the one part of my transition that is not going well. While my only child, my daughter accepts me to a point, she still is not comfortable enough to actually see me. But I'm not giving up on her. Thankfully we still talk to each other on the phone, and email back and forth.
But that is my problem I don't wish to spoil your wonderful news and from the responses you have received you are obviously a wonderful person Annie.
Steph
You are truly fortunate that your son is accepting. That is the one part of my transition that is not going well. While my only child, my daughter accepts me to a point, she still is not comfortable enough to actually see me. But I'm not giving up on her. Thankfully we still talk to each other on the phone, and email back and forth.
But that is my problem I don't wish to spoil your wonderful news and from the responses you have received you are obviously a wonderful person Annie.
Steph
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: NightAngel on April 07, 2006, 09:29:28 AM
Post by: NightAngel on April 07, 2006, 09:29:28 AM
QuoteYou look pretty good, actually
I told ya Annie :icon_yes:
That's a great news Annie :eusa_clap:, to be accepted by all sounds like a dream but your dreams come true.
Even your son accepted you without any problem, very nice from him!!
* :icon_hug:*
Michelle
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 07, 2006, 04:01:14 PM
Post by: Annie Social on April 07, 2006, 04:01:14 PM
Stephanie,
I think in some ways it's probably even harder for a daughter to deal with their father's transition than it would be for a son; girls usually have a closer bond to their fathers, and may see it as if something is being taken away from them personally. In time though, I'm sure she'll come to realize that you're still her dad, despite looking a bit different!
By the way, both my ex and my son are planning trips to visit later in the year; of course, I suspect that that may have more to do with the fact that I'm in Florida than anything else. You'd be amazed at the number of people who want to stop in for a few days, especially in the dead of winter!
I think in some ways it's probably even harder for a daughter to deal with their father's transition than it would be for a son; girls usually have a closer bond to their fathers, and may see it as if something is being taken away from them personally. In time though, I'm sure she'll come to realize that you're still her dad, despite looking a bit different!
By the way, both my ex and my son are planning trips to visit later in the year; of course, I suspect that that may have more to do with the fact that I'm in Florida than anything else. You'd be amazed at the number of people who want to stop in for a few days, especially in the dead of winter!
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 07, 2006, 05:11:47 PM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on April 07, 2006, 05:11:47 PM
Quote from: Annie Social on April 07, 2006, 04:01:14 PM
By the way, both my ex and my son are planning trips to visit later in the year; of course, I suspect that that may have more to do with the fact that I'm in Florida than anything else. You'd be amazed at the number of people who want to stop in for a few days, especially in the dead of winter!
Hey add me to the list i love the heat. :)
Steph
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 09, 2006, 11:24:31 AM
Post by: Annie Social on April 09, 2006, 11:24:31 AM
Stephanie...
<anouncerVoice> Come on down! </annoucerVoice>
<anouncerVoice> Come on down! </annoucerVoice>
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: slinky on April 09, 2006, 01:12:32 PM
Post by: slinky on April 09, 2006, 01:12:32 PM
Hi Annie
I'm really pleased for you that you've been strong enough to tell members of your family...
Like yourself i've recently just told my sister.. I was amazed with the response..
She said "OK thats cool, so i'll have a brother instead"
Her response made me chuckle but also put my mind at ease...
only the parents to tell now...
P.s... That offer to visit... Is it open for visitors in the UK?.. ;D
I'm really pleased for you that you've been strong enough to tell members of your family...
Like yourself i've recently just told my sister.. I was amazed with the response..
She said "OK thats cool, so i'll have a brother instead"
Her response made me chuckle but also put my mind at ease...
only the parents to tell now...
P.s... That offer to visit... Is it open for visitors in the UK?.. ;D
Title: Re: This is so typical...
Post by: Annie Social on April 09, 2006, 03:10:42 PM
Post by: Annie Social on April 09, 2006, 03:10:42 PM
Quote from: slinky on April 09, 2006, 01:12:32 PM
That offer to visit... Is it open for visitors in the UK?.. ;D
Sure, the more the merrier! Wonder how many can sleep on my sofa at once?
Annie