Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well I lot of people have been worried about me latly and I have been wondering - now I am on HRT what next.

It was like I was taking the HRT then deniling I had a problem - I could function as a man with HRT and all the changes that involved. I was deniling I ever had depression and looking forward to being female.

As a next step I think I should move forward to living female 24*7-40.

A lot of changes in my life would need to happen and there is no-way for me to know if it helps me unless I try.

Shopping - all the time in female mode- going out to the movies in female mode. Every dam thing in female mode except work.

This is called puting actions to what is happening.

Changing my wardrobe so my female clothes occuping my chest of draws. This space is currently occupied by my male clothes - if I am female then lets make me female in every aspect.

At least then I will know why I started HRT - cause I am moving towards being female.

Your thoughts please.

Alice

oh Alice congrats on the next steps hun. iam very happy for you  :) :)

Quote from: Alice on February 18, 2008, 06:51:40 PM
<Snip>
At least then I will know why I started HRT - cause I am moving towards being female.

Your thoughts please.

Alice

Just a thought... I would suggest that you are not moving towards being female Alice, as it is obvious that you already are.  You are moving towards living that life as it should be lived.

Steph

For myself, before I started HRT I had been severely depressed. Yet as the weeks went by after starting HRT I felt better and better. For me, it wasn't denial of what happened before, but an affirmation that this path is right for me. Also, I tried to spend as much time in female mode as possible before HRT and now do the same. I find that as I spend more time as myself, the less time I want to be male. There is also the fact a lot of people now know me as Jennifer and it is difficult to go anywhere as a male. You are in a similar path to mine. I just filed my name change paperwork and when I graduate at the end of March I am going full time. Goodbye male self... I think you'll be ok with it when you get to the point where you're ready for full time. It took me two years...

I hope this helps :)

Jenn

Quote from: Steph on February 18, 2008, 07:06:29 PM

Quote from: Alice on February 18, 2008, 06:51:40 PM
<Snip>
At least then I will know why I started HRT - cause I am moving towards being female.

Your thoughts please.

Alice

Just a thought... I would suggest that you are not moving towards being female Alice, as it is obvious that you already are.  You are moving towards living that life as it should be lived.

Steph

Steph
if you want to argument semantics please go to https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,25525.0.html

Quote
Sure - my thoughts/actions tell me I should not identify as male - but with my current body I still identify as Male and the reason for transistion is so that I can 'become' female hence my body, thoughts and actions will match.

As I stated in that thread I and moving towards being female.


All,

This is just a matter of me taking control rather getting in the "poor me" state like I was the last few days.

Alice

No I'm not going to "argument" semantics.  You asked for thoughts, I gave you mine.  I give up...

Step(h)

Quote from: Alice on February 18, 2008, 07:56:48 PM
Step
if you want to argument semantics please go to https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,25525.0.html

Oops, Alice, I think you took what Steph meant as a compliment the wrong way.  But I do understand about the moving forward part, and I am so glad you are now going.  It is like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are seeing the first flicker of it in the distance. 

Take care, hon!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on February 18, 2008, 08:05:18 PM

Quote from: Alice on February 18, 2008, 07:56:48 PM
Step
if you want to argument semantics please go to https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,25525.0.html

Oops, Alice, I think you took what Steph meant as a compliment the wrong way.  But I do understand about the moving forward part, and I am so glad you are now going.  It is like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are seeing the first flicker of it in the distance. 

Take care, hon!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

That's okay Kristie, I'll just keep my thoughts to myself.

Steph

Quote from: Steph on February 18, 2008, 08:02:44 PM
I give up...

Step(h)

Steph,

I am sorry - I am just trying to be true to my journey. You remember we can many arguments we had about TS VS TG and in the end I found we are not that different - I just can not use your terminology. To look at my male bode and tell me "Your Female" of cause I am going to laugh at you - Hello - my body says otherwise. Ok OK - my mind reacts in a female way and I always wished I was female - but alas with my male body logic got in the way.

My life just had to beat it out of me - your female, your female. Everyone here knows I am female but for me I still need to grow into that role.

Alice

Quote from: Alice on February 18, 2008, 08:10:17 PM

Quote from: Steph on February 18, 2008, 08:02:44 PM
I give up...

Step(h)

Steph,

I am sorry - I am just trying to be true to my journey. You remember we can many arguments we had about TS VS TG and in the end I found we are not that different - I just can not use your terminology. To look at my male bode and tell me "Your Female" of cause I am going to laugh at you - Hello - my body says otherwise. Ok OK - my mind reacts in a female way and I always wished I was female - but alas with my male body logic got in the way.

My life just had to beat it out of me - your female, your female. Everyone here knows I am female but for me I still need to grow into that role.

Alice

Thanks Alice, no problems, just live your life, and be happy, cause if we can't be happy what's the point.

Steph

hey Alice,

That's a huge step and takes a ton of courage.  A big congrats for you when you do take it.  Sounds scary :D

Quote from: Alice on February 18, 2008, 06:51:40 PM
Well I lot of people have been worried about me latly and I have been wondering - now I am on HRT what next.

As a next step I think I should move forward to living female 24*7-40.

A lot of changes in my life would need to happen and there is no-way for me to know if it helps me unless I try.

Changing my wardrobe so my female clothes occuping my chest of draws. This space is currently occupied by my male clothes - if I am female then lets make me female in every aspect.

Alice,

First off, congratulations on going forward!  I suspect that there will be a sense of peace that will soon come as body and sould are finally in harmony with each other.

As I head towards going 24/7, I having been packing away my male clothes to give away to charity.  I will admit that the first few pieces were hard to put in the box.  Something my counselor suggested was to keep a very few pieces of male clothing - items that bring back good memories.  For me it was my uniform and jumpsuit.  Maybe you want to hold onto something from a race you participated in. 

These items are a lot like having a teddy bear - its reminds us of good times and gives us strength to go forward.

We are all rooting for you, Alice!

Chaunte

cngradulation's Alice.  I'd not worry too much about the male body thing.  In about a years time you'l wake up one morning and say where did the male body go.  It does happen and just takes time.  As to the clothing.  When I went 24*7 -40 I gave most of my guy clothes to goodwill and once I cam out to my boss, I started replacing a bit of guy work clothing with womans.  By the time I came out to everyone else at work , I had been dressing as a girl for a week and a half.  Now almost a year after coming out at work, it's pretty ho hum. 

Take care Alice and best of luck to you girlfriend

Beni

Seams like I talked to soon - I have time and would buy more time if I stayed on low HRT dose. I want to live a bit before deciding where I go.


Alice

Quote from: Alice on February 22, 2008, 02:57:37 AM
Seams like I talked to soon - I have time and would buy more time if I stayed on low HRT dose. I want to live a bit before deciding where I go.


Alice

Take all the time you need Alice. In retrospect, I went very fast, and that caused problems...

Z

I have to admit that when I first went fulltime it was a little scary.  But I am glad I did it when I did because now I feel alot better and my confidence is growing with time.

Audrey

I think most of us have struggled against it before accepting. But Alice, I've never seen anyone struggle so hard with herself out in the open. My two cents' worth: You are obviously dying to break free of male identity, and at the same time fighting just as hard against yourself to keep it bottled up. I don't know how long a person can keep going like that without tearing herself in two, I'm starting to get a little worried.

Your struggles with yourself are the starkest illustration I've seen yet of a saying one of my girlfriends came up with: I am my own jailer. I have the key to my freedom.

Based on not just my own experience, but the collective experiences of so many others who have fought against it and then surrendered, I think it's a foregone conclusion that, however determined you are to fight it, you will surrender eventually. I just hope you don't tear yourself to shreds in the struggle.

I'm not bustin on you, honey-- I also forced myself to bottle it up for so many years--it's just that I've never seen anyone keep on fighting so hard even after the battle had become obviously futile. By the time I went online about it, I had resigned myself to being trans and committed to dealing with it. But you're going through this fight with yourself in public. Your latest development reads to me like a pretty strong indication that you won't be able to keep fighting it much longer.

Imagine how relieved you'll feel to finally give in and accept it.

Hypatia,

I am a fighter - I do not get to where I am with any skill.

I decided that I did not need to rush things - there is very little fight left in me - it is just a matter of time before I get to where I need to. I will ensure I do not fight myself any more - just ensure things go forward at my own pace.

Alice

Take your time, Alice.  Like you said, there's no rush.  Baby steps sweet Alice, baby steps... Eventually you will reach the destination of your choice. :)

*hugs*

tink :icon_chick:

Alice, there is no rule that says you have to do this fast.  I know there are still some lingering doubts as to whether or not this is all for you.  You have to do it the way it makes sense for you.  You life is like nobody else's.  That means your journey will be unique.  Let us know how we can support you.

BIG HUGS
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Alice on February 24, 2008, 04:48:30 PM
Hypatia,

I am a fighter - I do not get to where I am with any skill.

I decided that I did not need to rush things - there is very little fight left in me - it is just a matter of time before I get to where I need to. I will ensure I do not fight myself any more - just ensure things go forward at my own pace.

Alice

I get what you're saying; I wish you all the best and a smooth, safe journey. You should definitely take it at the pace that feels safe to you as long as you're able to hold back. But don't be surprised if eventually the thing sets its own agenda and then makes you obey. It's f***ing implacable. You may find it stepping up the pace on its own soon. When that happened to me I was begging for mercy... but I sped up in accordance with its demands. I hope it treats you more gently... but I recommend you be prepared to handle accelerating intensity. Ready or not, here it comes.

Quote from: Hypatia on February 24, 2008, 08:09:22 PM

I get what you're saying; I wish you all the best and a smooth, safe journey. You should definitely take it at the pace that feels safe to you as long as you're able to hold back. But don't be surprised if eventually the thing sets its own agenda and then makes you obey. It's f***ing implacable. You may find it stepping up the pace on its own soon. When that happened to me I was begging for mercy... but I sped up in accordance with its demands. I hope it treats you more gently... but I recommend you be prepared to handle accelerating intensity. Ready or not, here it comes.

*Puts on Armor.

I will be ready - the major huddles are behind and I am ready to go where it takes me.

Alice