Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What good has come out of being TS? I loathe Pangloss, and know in my heart that this is not the best of all possible worlds. I know my life would have been better if I had been born and raised female. But forget all the negatives and what-ifs. What good has come of it?

There are a few threads that touch on this (for example, to hate or not; the trans vs. homosexual poll; should TSism be prevented?), but the question at the root for me is whether there are any real benefits at all, and what they are. Forget any cost-benefit analysis, or the old what-if magical-thinking kinds of questions (like, "Suppose a doctor handed you a pill that would XYZ?"), and forget the question of whether life is good anyway. Simply, what in your life is actually better because you are transsexual than it would be if you weren't?

For me: I think I am more accepting of people's differences and more generally empathetic; and by opening up, I've felt the love and support of my friends I might never have known otherwise.

What do you think?

hmmm...whats better?  i guess all the reflection i've been forced to do of myself and who i am, and coming to acceptance of the real me, makes me so much stronger than I was before.  and we have a unique insight into what gender is - having been brought up as one and being the other. i don't know, i think it kinda gives a fresh understanding of the differences (and similarities) of men and women.

jenny
x x

Hmmmm... I could write a novel on what the disadvantages are.

As to the benefits, I could get all those written down onto a very small postage stamp.

Buffy

Quote from: jenny_ on March 02, 2008, 02:59:53 AM
hmmm...whats better?  i guess all the reflection i've been forced to do of myself and who i am, and coming to acceptance of the real me, makes me so much stronger than I was before.  and we have a unique insight into what gender is - having been brought up as one and being the other. i don't know, i think it kinda gives a fresh understanding of the differences (and similarities) of men and women.

jenny
x x

Yes, that's just the thing. I've had to do all this hard emotional work and deep introspection and so on, but only after being a wreck for the better part of two decades, and only out of necessity. Is it not at least plausible that having a "normal" childhood (whatever that is) could have left me stronger still? Sometimes, what doesn't kill you makes you weaker.

I wonder too about my understanding of gender: Do I understand both women and men better, or do I just understand both worse?

Quote from: Buffy on March 02, 2008, 03:22:15 AM
Hmmmm... I could write a novel on what the disadvantages are.

As to the benefits, I could get all those written down onto a very small postage stamp.

Buffy

Yeah, that's more how I feel... (still, it's not the worst of all possible worlds either.) But what's on the stamp?

The benefits of being TS ?

None! and I always keep quiet about it. There is still a stigma attached to to it so I never mention that I am TS, unless it's a doctor who is examining me..

Quote from: Renate on March 02, 2008, 04:28:18 AM
I just find that people who see benefits in being transsexual are happier people.

Whether that is because they are people who can see the silver lining
or because they have simply had better experiences being transsexual
or that being transsexual per se makes them happier is unclear.

I see people on these forums who are happy and those who are unhappy.
Yes, there are always reasons to be unhappy.
The trick is to find reasons to be happy.

So mark me down as someone who sees it as a benefit and is a happy woman.

Renate

Happyness has nothing to do with it.......we are all happier in transitioning than not transitioning which would lead to a depressive state but there's still a stigma attached to being transsexual no matter how happy you feel or want to feel...

From my own personal experiences of being a long term transsexual, it's not the kind of information you volunteer.... 

Quote from: Alyssa M. on March 02, 2008, 02:38:12 AM
I know my life would have been better if I had been born and raised female. But forget all the negatives and what-ifs. What good has come of it?

I'm not at all sure my life would have been better. Different, yes, and in some ways easier, but that's not the same.

Being unable to conform to the male expectations has forced me to find my own way, and after four decades or so it's still an ongoing process. It has also taught me to value my own feelings of what's right over the expectations of others, and that's worked pretty well so far.

If I had been born with a female body I'd probably grown up more conventional. I might have been happier, and I certainly would have felt more at home in my body; but I would not have become the me I am now.

  Nfr

the only benefit for me is that i am _more_ tolerant of other people.

I can't think of any benefit to being TS.  Many of us would rather forget that we ever were, myself included, and while I would never deny my TS past, that's just what it is, my past.  I live my life now as it was always meant to be, and try to forget the agony that my past caused.

Steph

Quote from: Alyssa M. on March 02, 2008, 03:28:12 AM

Quote from: jenny_ on March 02, 2008, 02:59:53 AM
hmmm...whats better?  i guess all the reflection i've been forced to do of myself and who i am, and coming to acceptance of the real me, makes me so much stronger than I was before.  and we have a unique insight into what gender is - having been brought up as one and being the other. i don't know, i think it kinda gives a fresh understanding of the differences (and similarities) of men and women.

jenny
x x

Yes, that's just the thing. I've had to do all this hard emotional work and deep introspection and so on, but only after being a wreck for the better part of two decades, and only out of necessity. Is it not at least plausible that having a "normal" childhood (whatever that is) could have left me stronger still? Sometimes, what doesn't kill you makes you weaker.

I wonder too about my understanding of gender: Do I understand both women and men better, or do I just understand both worse?

yeah, you could have come out stronger having a "normal" childhood, and i'm always wondering what i'd be like if i wasn't trans.  but we'll never know whether we'd be stronger or better if we'd been born "normal", because we weren't  :(
but i agree that what doesn't kill you can sometimes make you weaker.  there are sadly plenty of people who go through horrific things, who are traumitized for life :(

yikes, two decades *hugs*, its great that after that you still are able to see some benefits  :)

Quote from: Renate on March 02, 2008, 04:28:18 AM
I just find that people who see benefits in being transsexual are happier people.

Whether that is because they are people who can see the silver lining
or because they have simply had better experiences being transsexual
or that being transsexual per se makes them happier is unclear.

I see people on these forums who are happy and those who are unhappy.
Yes, there are always reasons to be unhappy.
The trick is to find reasons to be happy.

So mark me down as someone who sees it as a benefit and is a happy woman.

Renate

i'm with you on the trick being to find reasons to be happy, but why from being trans.  my friends, caring for people, being able to go for a walk in the peaks, they make me happy.  but definitely not from being trans, which is just pure hell.
don't get me wrong, it's great if you can find any reasons to be happy from being trans, i just haven't

jenny
x x

Quote from: Steph on March 02, 2008, 11:46:40 AM
I can't think of any benefit to being TS.  Many of us would rather forget that we ever were, myself included, and while I would never deny my TS past, that's just what it is, my past.  I live my life now as it was always meant to be, and try to forget the agony that my past caused.

Steph

i'll echo what steph said.  the only label that applies to me is "woman".  "trans" is only a temporary state and no longer applicable in the case of many women that have completed their transition.

I concur with you, Natasha; I don't like to be called TS either since my transition is over; nevertheless, we also have to keep in mind that at one point in our lives, we were TS; we were uncertain of so many things; we didn't know where our journey was going to take us or if we were going to make it at all, so I believe that this is a valid question.  There are benefits and disadvantages for everything in life, and transsexualism is not the exception.


I know I have posted this in the past, but I will re-post it since the topic was brought up again:

QuoteBecause being transsexual is often so hurtful, so filled with sadness and longing, with shame and loss and difficulty, it is easy to come to the conclusion that the whole thing is utterly a curse, perhaps inflicted by arcane and evil ancient gods.

Oh, probably.

But there is an upside too.
Most human lives are utterly mundane, devoid of any real uniqueness, the average person somnambulates through an existence devoted to filling the roles expected of them.

But to be a transsexual is a magical, wondrous thing.

Consider. We are given many gifts in compensation for the terrible loss of our childhood as ourselves, and for the pain we endure. We are by some as yet unknown mechanism statistically far more intelligent, as a class, than perhaps any other kind of people. We are almost universally more creative, and we often possess incredible levels of courage and self determination, demonstrated by our very survival, and ultimate attainment of our goal. We are rare as miracles, and in our own way, as magical, or so has been the belief of all ancient cultures on the earth.

We are given awareness that others would never experience, understanding of gender, of the human condition, of society and the roles and hidden rules unquestioned within it. We are given a window into the lives of both sexes, and cannot help but be, to some degree, beyond either. From this we have a rare opportunity: to choose our own life, outside predetermined and unquestioned definition or role. We can do new things, original things, only because our experience is so unique.

We get to be true shapeshifters, and experience the sheer wonder of melty-wax flesh and a real rebirth into the world. Our brains and bodies gain benefit from having been bathed in and altered by the hormones of both sexes. We appear to retain our visible youthfulness where others wrinkle, and for years longer. We possess neural advantages from both sexes, such as the language advantages of the feminized brain, and the spatial abilities of the masculinized brain both. We are shocked into waking up, if we allow it, to a life we create for ourselves...we are not automatically doomed to sleepwalk through life.

After our transformations, after the full-moon lycanthropic miracle that the modern age affords us, we can live lives of success and love, and genuine specialness, if we choose. If we can get past our upbringing, past the programming, the bigotry, the messages of disgust from the culture around us, if we can stand as ourselves in freedom, then our special gifts grant us a heritage of wondrous power.

We have a proud and marvelous history. In ancient days we were magic incarnate. We were Nadle, Winkte, Two-Souls, Shamans and healers and magical beings to our communities. We possessed the ability to give the blessings of the gods and spirits, and were prized as companions, lovers, and teachers.

We were the prize gift of ancient tribes, entertainers, designers and dreamers. Sometimes we were the -somewhat reluctant- rulers of empires, and the consorts of emperors. We were champions and warriors too, who were feared for our unique gifts turned to inevitable victory.

Know that it is only in recent centuries, with the rise of the single minded, monolithic and monotheistic desert religions, filled with harsh single gods and twisted, narrow morals, that our kind have become reviled, the objects of scorn. Once, we were the kin of the gods.

To be transsexual is not easy, and it is not a birth that could be envied, but neither is it a damnation. It was once considered a rare wonder, if a mixed one; a faery gift that cuts as it blesses.

And in the modern age, of hormones and surgery, we are the first generations of our kind to finally know the joy of complete transformation, of truly gaining our rightful bodies. No other transsexuals in history have been so fortunate.

I say that we are unicorns, rare and wondrous, with still a touch of ancient magic and the kinship of the gods. Though it is agony, beyond the fire we have the opportunity to become alchemic gold.

We have much to add to the world, and to give to ourselves and those who love us.

We have always been, we are still the prize of the tribe, for only the world around us has changed, the desert harshness branding us vile. We are still the same.

Our compensations are real, and our lives are special; we have but to grasp the gifts born of our sufferings.

When I look around me at the mundane lives, there are times I think that maybe I am glad I was born transsexual, for I would never have been what I have become without that curse. I cannot help but be grateful for my uniqueness, so I am brought to a strange revelation:

Deep down, I cherish having been born a transsexual.

Incidentally, this is a quote from a very famous transsexual woman who is
well-known in the community.  If anyone would like to know the source of this quote, please PM me.  The reason for this is that in the past, I mentioned the name of this person, and some people started to make impertinent remarks about this woman's appearance.  I don't want that to happen again.


tink :icon_chick:

Oh I love TS being.
I can't list too many to reason.
Wow. I love it!
This is great!
OMG.

But seriously what I love about it?
Hmm.
Perhaps the honesty it brings.. And the sense of ballance.
Equanimity. I don't reject myself.
This is realy important to me.
I have more friends now than I ever have in my entire life.
This is realy great.
I mean what doesn't rock about being a TS?
Once you get over your fear, it's great!
And that's it too, Maybe it teaches you how to do that.
It tought me. Incredible. Just amazing.

I just don't know what I would do without it.
I just, yeah. Wow.

I don't know what to say.

Man, it's realy increadible.
wow.

Sara

The benefit I see...

Well about the only benefit I can see is that I was forced to reanalyze my life, everything from top to bottom.  Whether this is a "benefit" of being transsexual or not (personally I think it's just healthy living in general) the process of transitioning forced me to do it, to become the person that I believed I was meant to be.

I made a lot of mistakes in my previous life that I cannot take back or make amends for.  But I know I can avoid doing them now.  I'm a lot more reasonable about my life, the people around me, and I don't surround myself with people or make concessions about myself to meet up to their expectations of how I should act.  My friends are genuinely my true friends now, not some people that I had to worry about making some impression or whatever around.

If I were to have just magically taken a pill and become a woman overnight without being emotionally prepared for it and humbled down to the bone about myself and where I was at, I would've just gone on making those mistakes.  Had I been cisgendered either way, who knows what other problems I would've encountered in my life, or would it have been any less a struggle simply because I didn't have to worry about the gender issues?  Yes it would've been much easier for not having to deal with gender issues, but gender therapists are not the only therapists that exist.  I might have instead spent my entire life miserable about something or another, or had been perfectly happy from the getgo on.  With the gender identity disorder, I had a catalyst that I was willing to change about my life that let the rest of the changes come about. 

-Kit

for those who say transsexuals are happyer more tollerant people... thats bullcrap...
ive seen more intollerance in this community than all the transphobes in the world....

happyer?
well maybe thats just because thier congruent... natal people are probably just as happy...
R>:D

I'm not gonna speak for anybody else on the matter, but objectively I've benefited from being trans in many ways. When I finally laid off the denial and questioned why I 'should' just accept being stuck as a male, I also started questioning and rejecting everything else. Granted, that led to a turbulent few years that I bear quite a few scars from, but I believe I'm a better person for it - I may have run away from my problems, but my sense of the world, of social justice, my understanding of people all bloomed. Now that I AM finally deaing with my GID, I find that I have a much stronger sense of purpose, of my own strengths and weaknesses, of my conceits and short-comings than many people quite a bit older than me seem to have.

Of course, I would really have liked for all this learning and growth to have happened when I was nine so I could have transitioned then, or better yet have been born natal and learned these things in some other, less painful way, but I suppose 29 is still young, and I wouldn't trade what I have gained from my CFP (confused, frustrated and pissed-off) period.

Being trans has the same effect as being born poor: it opens your eyes to appreciating what you achieve in life and teaches you that nothing is a given. It also forces you to dare to think outside the defined parameters of your life; it pushes you to introspection and self-knowledge; it makes you a more actualized individual.

Like being poor, it's not pleasant, but no wisdom ever came came from happiness (but maybe tempus fugit). Our glory is bittersweet, but shining.

Quote from: soldierjane on March 03, 2008, 12:48:48 PM

Being trans has the same effect as being born poor: it opens your eyes to appreciating what you achieve in life and teaches you that nothing is a given. It also forces you to dare to think outside the defined parameters of your life; it pushes you to introspection and self-knowledge; it makes you a more actualized individual.

Like being poor, it's not pleasant, but no wisdom ever came came from happiness (but maybe tempus fugit). Our glory is bittersweet, but shining.

I dont think ive heard a better explanation yet....
Soldierjane, you are a smart un...
R >:D

Quote from: Rachael on March 03, 2008, 12:55:14 PM

Quote from: soldierjane on March 03, 2008, 12:48:48 PM

Being trans has the same effect as being born poor: it opens your eyes to appreciating what you achieve in life and teaches you that nothing is a given. It also forces you to dare to think outside the defined parameters of your life; it pushes you to introspection and self-knowledge; it makes you a more actualized individual.

Like being poor, it's not pleasant, but no wisdom ever came came from happiness (but maybe tempus fugit). Our glory is bittersweet, but shining.

I dont think ive heard a better explanation yet....
Soldierjane, you are a smart un...
R >:D

I'll second that sentiment. Very well put.

Being transgender definitely made me incredibly responsible.  I wouldn't be like this today if I wasn't responsible in the past, and I attribute that to my realization one night that I was a girl.  While having to grow up, I also realized I needed to always hold the childhood I missed out on in my heart, where I can draw from it whenever I want.

Quote from: kirakero on March 03, 2008, 01:34:39 PM
I also realized I needed to always hold the childhood I missed out on in my heart, where I can draw from it whenever I want.

I like that sentiment. I like that alot. Thanks Kira.

Re: The benefits of being TS?

None that I can think of....and it's more of a problem if you want to present yourself as TS.

On the other hand being female and being seen as female does have it's benefits...

How has is benefited me?  I guess I did get the strength of both sides of the brains, the raw computational and spacial reasoning of masculine and the creative, intuitive side of the feminine.  That's an added bonus.  Would I have that had I been born in the congruent body?  I don't know and I'll never know.  All I know is that it's a benefit that I am willing to credit to my GID. 

But yes, I agree that it also makes me appreciate things more.  That not everything is a given and that sometimes we have to fight for what should have been ours in the first place.  Some people are adventurers and see wondrous places.  Some have traveled around the world, others beyond it.  I consider myself blessed in that I was able to see humanity from two perspectives. 

I know this is going to seem a little...materialistic...but here's one benefit: I get to have a single dorm room with a private bathroom next year, guaranteed. Almost everyone around here lives in singles, but most of them don't have their own bathrooms, and my chances of getting one this early in my college career would be pretty much nil if I weren't trans.

So, yeah. I'm not a greedy person, but it's a medical thing and I really am uncomfortable using the dorm bathrooms/showers around here. So...I'm really, really looking forward to taking hour-long showers and having a nice, long, private poop. :laugh:

men...... :P
tbh, similar advantages are allowed to me on the fieldtrip i leave for today.... :D
im honestly not upset to not be using the communal facilites :P (im also not the only one in a single, just the only ensuite single :D
free upgrades ftw so i share your sentiment Andrew :P
R >:D

Quote from: Rachael on March 15, 2008, 03:36:17 AM
free upgrades ftw so i share your sentiment Andrew :P
R >:D

Hey, we get little enough as it is in life, so take every bit they offer!  :laugh:

I wouldnt say i was a gold digger... but if someone were to mine it for me, and give it me gift wrapped.... i wouldnt say no :P
R

Quote from: Rachael on March 15, 2008, 05:32:26 AM
I wouldnt say i was a gold digger... but if someone were to mine it for me, and give it me gift wrapped.... i wouldnt say no :P
R

Hon, you're the LAST person I could ever see being like that. You're just too strong-minded and independant!