Susan's Place Transgender Resources

If you were straight or gay as in strictly gynephile or androphile and did a complete 180, from gay to straight or vice versa, what do you think happened?

For example:
If you were seen as 'straight' and married/partnered (mtf with a woman/ftm with a man) or vice versa if you were perceived as 'gay' (mtf with a man/ftm with a woman) and now you've switched gender preferences...

do you think you were just going through the motions before, filling the expected role or what?


Note: I know what I'm trying to ask but I'm not wording things right today. Sorry.  :laugh:

Well, not quite a 180°, just more of a 90°
For 29 years I thought I was a straight male. I liked girls.
Then transition happened.
I seem to be rather bi now; I like girls and boys.

What happened?

Well, I think really it is a case of "boys can't be bi, while girls can be." -- granted this is my own self definitions of times past, screwy but such as they were.

So, in my mind I think it went like this. I am a girl, girls can be bi. I have freedom of chose. Hum. Gee, I like boys, but I still like girls (prefer actually). I guess that means I am bi...
(Technically I am closer to pan or whatever other term that means I love the person who cares about the rest, but that is what bi is to me.)

Anyway, as I see it, in my case! (=

I'm not attracted to a sex. I'm attracted to the situation of being desired as a female.

As a guy, the only way that could happen was being with a girl. Yes, it was frustrating to not BE the girl, but it was as close as I could get. The DYNAMIC was there, even if I was on the wrong side of it. So I did what I could to please her (my wife), doing what *I* would want done - except for anything that made my maleness obvious. I didn't let her touch me, I didn't let her please me... I didn't want my male body touched or acknowledged. I tried to isolate the experience down to a "woman being desired," without me being the male doing it... yet I had to for it to happen. LOL, I know, I know, I was confused too.

I had zero sexual interest in men before transition. Being with a guy AS a guy was TOTALLY the wrong dynamic. There's no femaleness there whatsoever. I have no moral problems with it, but my instinctive reaction to it is just... ick. The idea of sex without a female component is just totally alien and incomprehensible to me.

But now that I AM a girl (almost, lol), I can supply my own femaleness, so in theory anyone could turn me on - as long as they desire me for my femaleness (and not for being TS, having been male, etc.). But I really need to be with a guy to have that perfect male-wants-female dynamic. So certain guys turn me on incredibly. And women... well, the idea of playing around with a woman AS a woman isn't awful, and could actually be kinda fun to a point... but it's not ultimately fulfilling. It lacks that dynamic I crave.

That's why I shrug off the whole hetero/homo/bi idea of sexuality being based on attraction to a particular (or both) sex. Maybe for most people it works, but not for me. It's not the sex that turns me on, it's the dynamic, the context of desire, the situation.

~Kate~

i'm guessing that i was always bi to begin with, yet i didn't feel comfortable being with men when i had the wrong plumbing.  now that my body matches my gender, i can finally say that i'm also sexually attracted to guys, so no my sexual preference hasn't changed.  can it be changed? my personal view is that like gender, sexual preference is immutable.

Quote from: Natasha on March 20, 2008, 06:38:16 PM
my personal view is that like gender, sexual preference is immutable.

My view as well. I ask because I'm finding that I'm no longer interested in men like before. I was always bi and 'turned on' by both sexes but now I'm only really interested in women.

I guess I'm just a little slow is all, I'm post op about 4 years now and I'm finding a strong attraction to guys. I just don't know if they would want me, I just feel very insecure about that. I don't think I would want a relationship with one, but don't know. I guess I'm a slow bloomer.
Sheila

Quote from: Kate on March 20, 2008, 06:21:08 PM
Yes, it was frustrating to not BE the girl, but it was as close as I could get. The DYNAMIC was there, even if I was on the wrong side of it.

I had zero sexual interest in men before transition. Being with a guy AS a guy was TOTALLY the wrong dynamic. There's no femaleness there whatsoever.

Thank you for this insight, it was the final piece I'd missed.

I conducted a series of experiments last year (scientific method with masturbation, yay :)) and got more or less the same results: as long as there's a female involved it works, if the female is me it's good, and if the other person is male it's still better. Male homosexuality doesn't exactly turn me off, but it doesn't turn me on either.

The way I've tried to explain it to myself so far is that I'm really bi, but that there's enough cultural baggage that I cannot see myself as a gay man, and also that for some reason penetrative sex is an emotionally important thing for me. Still, these don't quite feel right as an explanation; yours fits the data much better.

Quote
That's why I shrug off the whole hetero/homo/bi idea of sexuality being based on attraction to a particular (or both) sex. Maybe for most people it works, but not for me. It's not the sex that turns me on, it's the dynamic, the context of desire, the situation.

Spot on. Also, for me the dynamic and context is important enough that I'm willing to keep the wrong equipment in order to have the right dynamic with the right person, and concentrating on the love masks the physical feelings enough that sex is possible (and even feels right, despite feeling wrong at the same time).

  Nfr

Interesting perspectives. My sexuality seems to have been thrown into flux by coming to terms with my gender identity, so at this point I really couldn't say. But I'll be watching this thread closely.

From another thread:

Quote from: Beyond on February 11, 2008, 08:09:27 AM

Quote from: Natasha on February 07, 2008, 06:16:12 PM

QuoteRe: Does sexual orientation change?

like gender, sexual preference is immutable.  i'm guessing that i was always bi to begin with, yet i didn't feel comfortable being with men when i had the wrong plumbing.  now that my body matches my gender, i can finally say that i'm also sexually attracted to guys.  ha ha ha

I agree.  I had a friend explain it this way: You managed to deny your true gender for so long.  What's the say you didn't do the same in regards to your orientation? 

For me the percieved change started sometime after I started HRT, but long before SRS.

For newbies: When it happens it wil feel completely natural.  There is nothing to fear, it is the true you emerging.

One caveat: After I admitted my issues, after trying to deny it for years, I was asexual for awhile.  During this period I told my therapist that my gut feeling was I would end up hetero and that is exactly what happened.

Nothing changed. I'm bisexual and committed to a lesbian relationship.

N~

I am ftm, and while I always had strong attractions on a spiritual and emotional level to men, prior to transition, I wanted to be with women sexually, to feel more "myself".  I JUST had chest surgery, and am in year two plus of my transition now.  My attraction to women started to sharply fall off about month 3 on T, and is really gone now.  I can see women as beautiful, I can appreciate their curves, their softness, their inner and outer beauty, but I don't seem to want to "do" anything with them sexually.   About month 11 on T, I was intimate with a good female friend, and, sadly, I just wasn't drawn into it very much.  I enjoyed helping her experience things in her body, but it wasn't like being really into it.  And with another friend, I tried, we had been lovers before, and I just couldn't do anything with her.  I decided it just isn't really respectful to keep going that way, so plan at this point to let go that way.

I am now very very much into men, and have an open relationship with my boyfriend, who is also ftm.  I feel like having the chest surgery will help me more, once I recover, to feel more comfortable sexually, as I was very large chested before, and that sometimes affected how I felt being sexual.  It's only been a few weeks, and am still dealing with recovery related issues and some complications, so am anxiously awaiting feeling less protective of my chest, and more free with it, finally, I hope.

It was very unnerving when it felt like the testosterone was actually changing my sexual preference, however, the T always felt like it was what my body has wanted all along.  Now I finally feel balanced, and like myself. 

I do occassionally wonder if there could be a woman I could connect with, physically.......there is honestly one transwoman I know that I do find very attractive, but I have NO idea what would happen, and if she would even consider me, and right now, am way too afraid to bring up the topic, as I don't feel able to handle the potential rejection, or upsetting her.  She is so very attractive.  She is a strong woman, inside, and I find that appealing.  But I don't know if we actually were intimate if that would work, in terms of it didn't work with the last two women I tried it with.  She hasn't dated anyone since starting transition, and since I have a primary partner, I just don't know, either, if it is the right thing to do with her.  But if I wasn't scared, I would bring up the topic with her for explorations.  I can't tell if we really would have chemistry, or if I just have deep feelings for her, and appreciation for her beauty and soul.

There is also a non trans man I have known for years that keeps seeming really attracted to me (he has told me he is bisexual).  We are friends, and we are slowly creeping to a place where I can see discussing it.

I LOVE the intensity, the physicality right now, of being with a man, and the dynamic of being with a man.  And, since my genitalia have grown, I feel very differently about that part on everyone, too.

It's fascinating to me -- sometimes I feel like I was just waiting to get the proper hormones in my system, to finally start living.  Does that make sense?  I was all expecting I would end up looking / acting heterosexual, in a simple, plain way, and that isn't what happened.  I am still processing it (as is my boyfriend, who had expected the same for himself, and then there were absolute fireworks for us together, and we are deeply in love, and highly compatible on so many levels).

Joseph

Oh no... I'm so confused about this.  I've never fully been able to explain my "orientation".  I thought that I liked girls.  But I was so confused about an insatiable sex drive.  I hated it so much.  My biology drove me and I felt totally out of control.  I was a virgin when I married and I remained faithful until my transgender status was exposed.

I was definitely frustrated about a strong libido for it was absolutely contrary to the way I viewed myself.  I didn't want it.  I could not live with myself and this sexual drive.  Eventually, even though it drove me mercilessly, I ceased sexual relations with my wife.  I felt sinful and ashamed.  This was also when I was suicidal.

Immediately after transition, I was not attracted to men.  I searched for a lesbian relationship and never found one.  At the same time, men kept asking me out.  I finally succumbed to the pressure and started dating.  I just let life flow..... as it should.

However.... I am still an absolute prude about sexuality.  I know that.  I'm just not interested in it.  But I love my guy and he loves me.

Cindi

I am a liberated straight. Meaning that I have had things with women, wouldn't mind it every once in a while but sexually I prefer men. I've basically been this way all my life only now I feel free to be with whom I want. I never identified as gay though before transition, I always identified with the female half of a straight relationship. I don't think I'm bi as beautiful women inspire me more jealousy (of their looks) than arousal really.

"liberated straight."


I absolutely LOVE that. My new favourite term for the day!

I reckon I am 'straight' to match my sex, I am a pre op MtoF and still attracted to women (slightly) or more to the point I am not attracted to men (yet).

Yet I am certain after the Op I will be looking for a deep meaningful relationship with a man, which is something i would NEVER say as a man!

Basically I am expecting my sexuality to match my sex

Quote from: Davinia on March 22, 2008, 02:57:06 PM
I reckon I am 'straight' to match my sex, I am a pre op MtoF and still attracted to women (slightly) or more to the point I am not attracted to men (yet).

Yet I am certain after the Op I will be looking for a deep meaningful relationship with a man, which is something i would NEVER say as a man!

Basically I am expecting my sexuality to match my sex

Interesting. May I inquire as to why? No judgement, just curiosity.

oh Nero iam glad to see you bring up good topic,s  8). as for me well humm it seam to be like a mixed bag

for a while where i said i was straight . but it really truned out i was bisexual. and then it want from that

to just a feeling of more lesbain then being bisexual. up untill about a year ago  then i went back to bisexual

since then . so now i just goten to the point if iam ask i say iam bisexual. which iam . i know wild hey  ::)

No change.  Born asexual.  Will die asexual.