Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well the good part is that I was asked by my girl friend to be her maid of honor at her upcoming wedding.  It really makes me feel so good.  It's something that had never crossed my mind before as I had never envisioned myself as part of any wedding party, although I must admit it would be nice to be the bride at my own wedding.  Who knows, stranger things have happened ha, ha.

Now for the bad...

I was at the "Wild Stallion" country and western bar last Saturday night with my boy friend.  We were having a really nice time and the music was pretty good as well.  Of course after awhile a girl has to pee so off to the "Women's" I went.  Now this had been my 3rd trip that night but this time I was apparently followed by this gentleman (And I use the term loosely).  When I got to the entrance to the washroom, the gentleman shouted out to the club security person, posted at the emergency exit next to the entrance, "That's the one" and bouncer stood in front on the entrance, blocking my way.

I looked up at the rather large bouncer and said "Excuse me but I need to use the ladies", to which he replied, "Sorry miss, you can't go in as there has been a complaint!",  again I said "Excuse me, let me through", but he insisted and said "I'm really sorry miss but this gentleman said that his girlfriend is really uncomfortable with you using the washroom".  "What do you mean?" I said. "Let me by".  "I'm sorry I can't, this is really embarrassing Miss, but the gentleman said... How should I put this... he said that his girlfriend knows you and that you used to use the males washroom!"  I was really getting steamed.  "You're embarrassed, how do you think I feel?  What do you mean by I used to use the males washroom?".  The gentleman interrupted us, "Ask to see her drivers license or something."  I could see the bouncer was really starting to squirm, but he had dug himself into a hole.  "I'm really sorry about this Miss, but this guys girlfriend say's that you are a man.  Could you show me some ID?"  I was really becoming indignant and I really raised my voice, as there was no way they were getting away with this.  "Do I look like a man?  This is harassment, you have no right to bar my entrance to the washroom, who the f__k does this jerk think he is?  How about I bring over my boy friend and you can ask him if I'm a woman."  I quickly back tracked on that idea as I didn't want to get him involved in all of this as it was his first time at the club, but before I could say anything else the bouncer added "If you could just show me your drivers license we could clear this thing up."  I carried on "You know I don't have to do that but here's the deal, I'll show you my drivers license but only if and when you see it you toss this jerk out of the club, and that's the only way you'll see it.  You're here to protect the customers and this idiot is threatening me and I demand that he gets tossed once you see my license."  He agreed and I gave him my license.

The bouncer took my card and looked at it under the light.  He paused, looked at me gave it back saying "I'm really, really sorry Miss, I feel like an idiot, please go ahead."  and he stepped aside.  As I went in I could hear the bouncer yelling at the jerk, "You idiot see what you've done, you're nothing but an ->-bleeped-<-, get the hell out of here or I'll throw you out myself."

Inside the washroom a couple of the women asked me what the heck was going on.  I told them that just some jerk was harassing me and that I had him tossed.  Later that evening the bouncer came over to our table and taking me aside again apologized for the incident, and he went on to say that he had never had to deal with a situation like that before.  I accepted his apology and the free pass to the next event at the club.

Just goes to show that you never know who is going to show up and make ones life difficult, no matter how stealth you are and how well you pass.

Steph

Oh, Steph!

I don't know what to say, except that I'm so very sorry and embarrassed for you.  I am just floored.  Of all people, you!  On the bright side (if there is one) you handled that jerk amazingly well.  Getting his tossed was a stroke of genius.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg118.exs.cx%2Fimg118%2F1691%2Fhug8ok.gif&hash=a05513990393a2f8d60e5b48189a9b5abcc1501e)

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Quote from: Kristi on March 24, 2008, 02:22:11 PM
Oh, Steph!

I don't know what to say, except that I'm so very sorry and embarrassed for you.  I am just floored.  Of all people, you!  On the bright side (if there is one) you handled that jerk amazingly well.  Getting his tossed was a stroke of genius.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg118.exs.cx%2Fimg118%2F1691%2Fhug8ok.gif&hash=a05513990393a2f8d60e5b48189a9b5abcc1501e)

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I could tell from the look bouncers face that by looking at me he couldn't believe what the other guy was saying.

Oh well.

Steph

Good for you Steph. What a jerk that guy was and to put the bouncer in the middle. I would have never thought of tossing that guy out. I would have just showed my license then complained to the management about that customer. Probably would have told them he was too drunk to have another drink. I'm so glad it came out in your favor. Are you going back?
Sheila

Very nice...I'm glad you had him thrown out too
I actually feel a little bad for the bouncer. Can't be easy dealing with alcohol ridden idiots but it sounds like both of you handled the situation quite well.
You wonder if people have nothing better to do than cause trouble.

Christine

Hi Steph,

I'm just one more person that is thankful you had paper to support your identity. And that you had the jerk thrown out. That must have been rewarding.

Quote from: Sheila on March 24, 2008, 03:16:37 PM
Good for you Steph. ...... I'm so glad it came out in your favor. Are you going back?
Sheila

Yep I'm going back, you can't keep this girl down.

Quote from: Christine on March 24, 2008, 03:31:41 PM
Very nice...I'm glad you had him thrown out too
I actually feel a little bad for the bouncer. Can't be easy dealing with alcohol ridden idiots but it sounds like both of you handled the situation quite well.
You wonder if people have nothing better to do than cause trouble.

Christine

I felt bad for the bouncer as well, but he handled the situation in a professional manner and was extremely polite through out.

Steph

Steph you handled that beautifully ! I never would have thought of getting him thrown out!

Congratulations on the maid of honor, that just wonderful. I don't think she could have picked a better Gal !

Jamie L.

Steph, two things for you. First, you really handled that with class, that was quick thinking!

Second, you truly are an inspiration. When I first started reading it I was like "noooo!" but I feel like it had a great ended :) Meghan

Good bouncers get paid to keep bad situations from getting worse, and good ones do exactly that. 

I always find it really weird that people feel they can ask for a person's ID for proof of gender when ever they feel like it.

Hey There Steph:

As always you knew what to do in a sticky situation, it is just one of your many good traits.  Good job on keeping a level head (even though you wanted to punch the guys lights out and deservedly so).  Just look at how many people were truly educated on a human rights issue.  I am glad the bouncer came over to you and apologized once again.

:eusa_clap:   :icon_boxing:

Gill

I'll echo what everyone else has said. You really handled that well, Steph. And getting the guy tossed was icing on the cake. Also, excellent work on the bouncer's part.

Dennis

Wow that was a really good story with a good ending. You handled that perfectly.

I do have to ask...have you been there before you transitioned and used the mens room?

Also did that a-holes girlfriend get tossed out or did she leave with him?

The only thing though is pre-op or if a non-op would
have been in the same situation
the guy would have had a the last laugh.
That someone can do that is pretty uncomfortable.
Good thing I went nowhere as a guy so I don't have to worry
about such thing :-).

Thanks Lori, and everyone else.

Quote from: Lori on April 21, 2008, 04:16:11 PM
...
I do have to ask...have you been there before you transitioned and used the mens room?

No I hadn't Lori.  The only times that I've been there was as Steph, and I've always used the women's washroom.

QuoteAlso did that a-holes girlfriend get tossed out or did she leave with him?

To be honest Lori I have no idea.  Who the girl friend was is a mystery to me.  The guy may even have "made" the person up to try and lend credence to his tale.

Thanks again Lori.

Quote from: Keira on April 21, 2008, 04:46:45 PM

The only thing though is pre-op or if a non-op would
have been in the same situation
the guy would have had a the last laugh.
That someone can do that is pretty uncomfortable.
Good thing I went nowhere as a guy so I don't have to worry
about such thing :-).

It would definitely have been a different story had this been while I was pre-op.  My earlier visits where when I was living full time fulfilling the requirements of RLT, and my identification still reflected that I was male.  Had I been stopped in this case I would have definitely had to have changed tactics.  As a side note, there is no law on the books in Ontario that stipulates who may use which washroom.

Steph

Steph

Kudos, Steph!
I enjoyed your post.  I am glad I've never been in such a situation, but now I know a great way to handle it.  I'll cut a similar deal, then show my license.  Hopefully, though, it will never, ever happen.

Bev