Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I live as a female 24/7 and have done for quite a few years now....

I wondered how many other girls are also 24/7? but if you are not what are the reasons, problems or decisions that you made not to be full time?...

I'm not FT yet. I started transitioning fairly recently, and still have many ties to my male self, mainly job and visa, the biggies. Being in a foreign country on a working visa I am not going to mess with my job security.

I plan to go FT when I go home to South Africa towards the end of July.

Quote from: Berliegh on March 26, 2008, 08:33:51 AM
I live as a female 24/7 and have done for quite a few years now....

I wondered how many other girls are also 24/7? but if you are not what are the reasons, problems or decisions that you made not to be full time?...

My RLT has only been about 11 months now, but "transition" to me meant moving only in one direction. My rule throughout this was to NEVER take a step back, and to be congruent throughout the various areas of my life. I never "crossdressed" for my early therapy or support group meetings. I didn't even "crossdress" at home. I watched TV, went to support groups, therapy, work, out to dinner, etc. exactly the same way - although that appearance changed over time from male, to androgynous and finally to fully female.

~Kate~

I'm not full time, I don't even think I'm part time. I don't really have a male or a female clothing pattern. Most of my clothes are women's jeans, women's long t shirts layered under a jacket or top. To me, it's completely androgynous. I've been on HRT for almost six months now. I'm going full time in July after FFS. I'm kind of in the same boat Kate was, I dress one way, every day and I don't step back into how I used to dress or anything. It's just a gradual shifting. After FFS, I'm not going to be wearing dresses and being completely different in my dressing patterns or anything. So, other than changing my name, looking a little different and using a different voice, it should be a pretty seamless transition. We'll see :)

as with Meghan and Kate  I came to the point that I threw away all my male clothing so that the temptation would never be there for me to return to the old ways  but wear skirts all the time no I have my sweats time but I also have my Tee shirt and Jeans time once in a while when I go out I wear a dress  but not as much as pants all my clothes are female. as with my hair I even get a perm once in a while.  if you look at most women they wear pants mostly, so I guess I am full time (24/7) as I dress no differently.
Kristin

Not full time either, it's one day at a time feeling my way through this.
It has never been about crossdressing for me either. I dressed in female
jeans and top for the first time in my life just recently. But I've always watched
womens fashions(a lot) and envied some of the things that girls wore. There was
a lot of vicarious living though my SO. It felt good to dress finally as a female
because I knew it meant I was making progress but it was not about the clothes.
It's always that my external features(face/body) did not match my mind. I also will
not significantly change my dress patterns. I see myself going from boy jeans to
girls and being able to pull off layering and cute tops. I doubt I will feel comfortable in
a dress for a long time if ever but that could change.  So I agree with Megan and Kate,
not a whole lot will change.

As far as being full time it comes down that being (or becoming) more important than
everyone around me and right now I can't predict when that will happen.

Quote from: kristinrichann on March 26, 2008, 10:56:19 AM
as with Meghan and Kate  I came to the point that I threw away all my male clothing so that the temptation would never be there for me to return to the old ways  but wear skirts all the time no I have my sweats time but I also have my Tee shirt and Jeans time once in a while when I go out I wear a dress  but not as much as pants all my clothes are female. as with my hair I even get a perm once in a while.  if you look at most women they wear pants mostly, so I guess I am full time (24/7) as I dress no differently.
Kristin

As regards to clothes and hairstyles...I've been wearing girls jeans and tops since the early 1980's and have always had my hair like it is now...

What actually I meant as regards to 24/7 was the whole she-bang......ID, credit cards, Passport, driving licence, Bank accounts etc....basically everything!

I changed all my ID stuff about 5 years ago..

I was interested to find who else is at the same point as I am?

Quote from: Berliegh on March 26, 2008, 01:08:16 PM
I was interested to find who else is at the same point as I am?

Everything but the genitals is changed for me. Genitals as soon as I pick a surgeon - everything is in place otherwise for it. My name is changed everywhere, but I can't change my sex marker for most documentation until after SRS.

~Kate~

I've been 24/7 since I started my hrt mid Aug 2006. So, 4 more months and I'm hitting my two year mark.

Berleigh
I lived 7 years full time before my SRS. All of my identification had been changed several years ago including passport.

Deb

Not anywhere near FT yet, as with 'Lady A' i'm just starting out too. I really need to lose more of this weight :(  My therapist wants me to work on other "issue's" before giving me the HRT letter, which due to my weight is fine with me right now.

I'm still trying to get my hair to grow out too :(

Can't wait to be FT, I.D's the whole bang!!!

Yes.
I am.
Raawr!
Gawd Yes.
I will never go back.

:icon_bat:
-Sara

Quote from: Berliegh on March 26, 2008, 01:08:16 PMWhat actually I meant as regards to 24/7 was the whole she-bang......ID, credit cards, Passport, driving licence, Bank accounts etc....basically everything!

I changed all my ID stuff about 5 years ago..

Five and a half months ago, I went fulltime and immediately made all those changes you describe-- and I haven't looked back. By the time I took the plunge into fulltime, I was already so primed for it that it felt as natural as falling off a log. By then, it was getting awfully unbearable to delay it any longer. I'm so glad I went ahead with it. What a relief!

Unlike many here, I definitely feel more comfortable in dresses and skirts-- I was feeling so uncomfortable in pants, I have not worn pants a single day since going fulltime. Because I don't have to any more. Freedom! :) It's possible I will never wear pants again as long as I live.

I'm the woman who has awoken
I have found my path and I will never go back
--Meena of Afghanistan

I am 24/7, passport, drivers license, utilities, everything has been changed. 
Can't go back, won't go back.

 :) :) :)full time feb 08 would never go back it is great to live life as it should be.

Quote from: Berliegh on March 26, 2008, 01:08:16 PM
What actually I meant as regards to 24/7 was the whole she-bang......ID, credit cards, Passport, driving licence, Bank accounts etc....basically everything!

I changed all my ID stuff about 5 years ago..

I was interested to find who else is at the same point as I am?

Well, next month I can start working on my name change. But everywhere in my social life and at work i'm known as Rachel. Once I get my name change everything else gets changed. But other then that i'm 24/7.

I'm on the way to "the whole shebang" (legally and surgically) so this thread is probably not for me. I am out everywhere for all intents and purposes though and have been for about 2 years if you start counting when I came out at work.

Here is my list can't reasons.


    1) Need hair removal for face and other parts
    2) Not yet self sufficient
    3) Definitely want to have a Therapist before taking this step. I have won't have any support for this.
    4) Still to ugly
    5) Have a quite bit more weight to lose
    6) Still overly sensitive to what others think
    7) In a desperate need for a Job (In Alabama and Tennessee you are going to a trouble finding a job if your trans and don't pass)
    8 ) Don't have good wardrobe of womens clothes
    9) Fear of not passing
   10) I can't do full time until I'm out to my family <-- This the scariest for me

I will have my degree in 3 more semesters I would like the degree with the right female name on it. So this is making me feel a little pressured.


Anna

Quote from: soldierjane on March 28, 2008, 10:36:15 AM
I'm on the way to "the whole shebang" (legally and surgically) so this thread is probably not for me. I am out everywhere for all intents and purposes though and have been for about 2 years if you start counting when I came out at work.

This thread is exactely for you if you are 24/7.......24/7 is the 'whole she bang'.....

Quote from: annajasmine on March 28, 2008, 11:55:36 AM
    8) Don't have good wardrobe of womens clothes

That is easily solved in two words:
1) Target 2) Ross

Target has reasonably affordable nice looks that are easy to find.
Ross is the cheapest, but you have to look and look to find good styles... you'd best bring a female friend with you there to help you choose.

Quote from: Hypatia on March 28, 2008, 12:01:55 PM

Quote from: annajasmine on March 28, 2008, 11:55:36 AM
    8) Don't have good wardrobe of womens clothes

That is easily solved in two words:
1) Target 2) Ross

Target has reasonably affordable nice looks that are easy to find.
Ross is the cheapest, but you have to look and look to find good styles... you'd best bring a female friend with you there to help you choose.

I didn't mean to denote that one it just when you 8 ) together you get this 8). The other in list are more worrisome.

Anna

For me is complicated because of family and work.  I cannot let my hair grow at work and I have a lot vested on my career... I've ben trying to get into a more liberal environment, which hopefully i can find within a reasonable time and not have to take a significant paycut.  The $ is important because i do need to provid efor my kids.  So it's complicated.  However, as I read in another post I'll probably move to 24*7-40 very soon, and/or at least keep it completely androgynous (of course more female than male)..... I'll keep you posted on my progress.  I need to look at the whole ID thing soon, I think that's really the biggest step and for sure more complicated than just clothing.

Quote from: Isabel on April 02, 2008, 06:24:35 PM
For me is complicated because of family and work.  I cannot let my hair grow at work and I have a lot vested on my career... I've ben trying to get into a more liberal environment, which hopefully i can find within a reasonable time and not have to take a significant paycut.  The $ is important because i do need to provid efor my kids.  So it's complicated.  However, as I read in another post I'll probably move to 24*7-40 very soon, and/or at least keep it completely androgynous (of course more female than male)..... I'll keep you posted on my progress.  I need to look at the whole ID thing soon, I think that's really the biggest step and for sure more complicated than just clothing.

Transitioning is a big decision to have to make for some people....but there still seems to be many who still sit on the fence....

I've always had long hair since I was 13 and work has been fairly fluid for me and most people assumed I was female at work way before I started transitioning....

You're actually asking two different things. You can live 24/7 as your female self without presenting yourself as passable. You can also live 24/7 as your female self, and be passable. They're not always the same. I've been living 24/7 as myself, as April, for some time now, but I don't always try to pass as female, even though I always wear women's clothing, more, or less, discretely. I'm not really a dress type of woman, and the clothes that I wear are mostly the same as when I go out with makeup and a wig to project a more feminine appearance. I'll sometimes find myself being read when I don't make the effort to pass; someone will notice that I'm wearing heels, or I have small breasts, or I'm wearing nailpolish, and sometimes someone will react. I'm really not interested with the responses of a total stranger. This is my life, and I'm living it the way that I want. Transition with HRT and electrolysis is a process that takes years to complete, and I will not wait until anything in particular is complete. I began living full time as myself when I had developed the self-acceptance to do so, without concern or need for other peoples response or approval.

QuoteI'm really not interested with the responses of a total stranger. This is my life, and I'm living it the way that I want. Transition with HRT and electrolysis is a process that takes years to complete, and I will not wait until anything in particular is complete. I began living full time as myself when I had developed the self-acceptance to do so, without concern or need for other peoples response or approval.

That sounds awesome, so was it hard at first to ignore others reactions?

Amanda

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 04, 2008, 03:41:46 PM

QuoteI'm really not interested with the responses of a total stranger. This is my life, and I'm living it the way that I want. Transition with HRT and electrolysis is a process that takes years to complete, and I will not wait until anything in particular is complete. I began living full time as myself when I had developed the self-acceptance to do so, without concern or need for other peoples response or approval.

That sounds awesome, so was it hard at first to ignore others reactions?

Amanda

Not hard at all. I'm well aware of what someone would see...some guy wearing women's clothes. I don't relate very well to the male image that I sometimes present. I see myself as female. I've been aware of myself as female as far back as I can remember, and I've always had a conflict with having to present as male. The male image that someone on the street would react to isn't true to who I am. How can it be real if it isn't true? People have known me as April for over 50 years. April is very real, and is true to who I am. The male image, which isn't real, is what people react to.  People responding to what I'm not? Why would I be concerned about that?

I don't really ignore others' responses, but rather I am unable to allow anything to bother me. Yesterday, some people in a car waiting for a light saw that I was wearing women's boots with high heels. It was during the day, and I was presenting as male. They're yelling, "work them heels!" stuff like that. I didn't look at them, but I slowed down a bit. Let them get a better look. One of the guys screamed out, "ya walk like a girl!"   I liked that!!! Sometimes someone will whistle. That, I take as a compliment.

When I go out and am presenting a feminine image, with make-up, wig, etc., if, (when!) I'm read, I have no problem with that either. If I look in the mirror, and think that for a woman my age, I'm really kinda cute, or at the worst, I look a lot better than I did before I put myself together, I'll feel really good about that, and no-one can take that away!

It's my life, and I'm not going to allow it to be controlled by people that I don't even know, and will never encounter again. I know who I am, and I know what my gender is. Transition is, in part,  to allow people that I do interact with, to see what has been in front of them all along.

Wow... I'd love to be that self confident about it. LOL... I guess I'm just being silly
and I need to forget about passing and then I probably will. :)

Amanda

I knew it was time to transition when I went to a PFLAG meeting in my icky boy clothes and afterwards someone came up to me and asked if I was Full Time.. I was like hmm?  I'm not any-time at all o..o  I went full time shortly after and have been full time for around 18 months.  Life is just normal now ^^~

Quote from: Berliegh on March 26, 2008, 01:08:16 PM

Quote from: kristinrichann on March 26, 2008, 10:56:19 AM
as with Meghan and Kate  I came to the point that I threw away all my male clothing so that the temptation would never be there for me to return to the old ways  but wear skirts all the time no I have my sweats time but I also have my Tee shirt and Jeans time once in a while when I go out I wear a dress  but not as much as pants all my clothes are female. as with my hair I even get a perm once in a while.  if you look at most women they wear pants mostly, so I guess I am full time (24/7) as I dress no differently.
Kristin

As regards to clothes and hairstyles...I've been wearing girls jeans and tops since the early 1980's and have always had my hair like it is now...

What actually I meant as regards to 24/7 was the whole she-bang......ID, credit cards, Passport, driving licence, Bank accounts etc....basically everything!

I changed all my ID stuff about 5 years ago..

I was interested to find who else is at the same point as I am?

Because of the US has draconian laws to change documentation, things such as passports, birth certificates, drivers licenses and federal identification information cannot be changed without surgery Berliegh. Its kind of hard to judge the whole thing in the US because of the legal restrictions here.  Its different then the UK.  FT here is basically changing your name, because in many cases that is all you can do.  Its a bit insensitive to the whole-shebang being determined by F on documentation, when the standards vary so much, especially here in the US.  UK is very liberal with regards to documentation changes, so please be sensitive to that reality. Because surgery is unaffordable to many, it becomes a classist assumption in the US.

With that being said I have changed my drivers license and name.  I am without question full time, and have been since September.  But I cannot change my other documents until after surgery.  Its just the reality here in the US.   


With regards to cloths women wear.  Most women wear pants thing is kind of on a bit of a weak limb, as it really does depend on location.  Here in DC, it is more common to see a woman wear a skirt or dress, even during winter, than pants.  Chicago on the other hand I rarely saw skirts or dresses.  So it has quite a bit to do with the city in which one works and lives.   To make a blanket statement can  misrepresent reality in some cities. I wear jeans most days, but if I worked in a more formal office I would be wearing a skirt quite often.

I am always seen as female.  No matter what I am wearing these days. So in social reality I am full time. Full time for me means people see you as female in addition to seeing yourself that way.  Being read is a big deal.   

The real nitty-gritty of it is, I went fulltime after my third laser treatment. Without that at the minimum I don't think it would have been feasible for me. Now that I've done all 6 laser treatments, I'm really rockin this smooth face. Thank goodness!

I just started temping and had no worries at all... I was "she" and "ma'am" all day long. When I arrived on my assignment, the first thing the supervisor showed me was how to find the ladies' room. Had a good day at work.

I'm still bowled over by what a sweet sweet victory it was to become able to do this, after all those years I'd believed it was impossible.

Quote from: Amy T. on April 05, 2008, 12:09:23 AM
Because of the US has draconian laws to change documentation, things such as passports, birth certificates, drivers licenses and federal identification information cannot be changed without surgery Berliegh. Its kind of hard to judge the whole thing in the US because of the legal restrictions here.  Its different then the UK.  FT here is basically changing your name, because in many cases that is all you can do.  Its a bit insensitive to the whole-shebang being determined by F on documentation, when the standards vary so much, especially here in the US.  UK is very liberal with regards to documentation changes, so please be sensitive to that reality. Because surgery is unaffordable to many, it becomes a classist assumption in the US.

It's the complete flip side in the U.K where you have to be living and working as a female for over 2 years and you must have changed all your documentation (including passport, drivers licence, bank details etc) before you will ever be considered elegable to Gender re-assignment surgery.

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 04, 2008, 05:11:29 PM
Wow... I'd love to be that self confident about it. LOL... I guess I'm just being silly
and I need to forget about passing and then I probably will. :)

Amanda

Hell, you aren't the only one dear-heart. I can only look at a post like April's and sit back in awe. That sort of self-confidnence is a completely foreign concept to me. I am working on learning the language, but it might take a while to get to that sorta level.

~Simone

The way it went with me is that I had confided with a male friend, well someone whom I thought was a friend I could trust, and that person outed me and before I even knew about it is that it was all over town, and some was exaggerated and way off course on what I truly was. So I figure since everyone had some confused description of some type or another about me, I thought I should just up and come out as Cindy,  I simply straighten out the mess with some folks had branded me wrongly. I just thought it was time to come out as who I truly was.

I never made no fuss about it and only quietly corrected anyone that associated me with the wrong pronoun. In time I didn't have to remind anyone as to who I was.  Now if one lives in a small town I have no doubt if anyone will at any time soon forget who I was before. But they get use to you and the gender you present they becomes also accustomed to addressing you in the right gender. I am so grateful I don't need to hide anymore. That was what nearly drove me into driving my car into a rock cut. Any one for (Rock  Burger.) Yes I do have a good sense of humor which helped a lot to get through the rough time.

Well then I was a lady of the night, well not really a lady of the night, just a lady that came out at night. So I would go out all decked out as a woman with a lady friend of mine where we would go visit some of here friends. I also often drove to other towns where no one knew me, and I would present as a woman. So I already had three years of practise at being a lady before I started full time. My friend got ill and I took her three children in my care which turned out to be for two years. I was full time by then, and how did I feel so proud having a brood of kids with me where ever I went. I love kids and I was living alone and the hours I worked did not get in the way of caring for the kids, so why not. I had eleven children go under my roof through the years, the last three were my friends three kids.

Cindy

Quote from: lady amarant on April 05, 2008, 03:50:45 AM

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 04, 2008, 05:11:29 PM
Wow... I'd love to be that self confident about it. LOL... I guess I'm just being silly
and I need to forget about passing and then I probably will. :)

Hell, you aren't the only one dear-heart. I can only look at a post like April's and sit back in awe. That sort of self-confidnence is a completely foreign concept to me. I am working on learning the language, but it might take a while to get to that sorta level.

I couldn't do it... not to that degree. It's not just a matter of self-confidence or self-acceptance for me though, it's just that "Kate" can't really exist unless other people reflect who she is back to me. That doesn't mean I have to always pass, as it IS possible to be "read" and yet still be treated just fine for who you are. But if people teased and poked fun of me... then they're not "getting it," they're not getting ME, and I wouldn't exist socially.

Inner knowing + social acceptance = Kate ;)

~Kate~

Quote from: April221 on April 04, 2008, 04:40:58 PMIf I look in the mirror, and think that for a woman my age, I'm really kinda cute, or at the worst, I look a lot better than I did before I put myself together, I'll feel really good about that, and no-one can take that away!

Bingo. When I'm put together I definitely look hotter than at least half of the other 48-year old dames. In fact I get a kick out of saying I'm a grandmother and watching people's jaws drop. (Well, to be fair, my daughter was a teenage mommy)

Yes, I am full-time, 24/7 living as female.  I made a decision Feb, 2006 to start transition after years of just thinking about it.  On the day I decided, I went to a lawyer and got my name changed, had all my documents, bank details etc altered and later that day, disposed of all traces of my male past.

As for clothing, I took the attitude that what women wear, I wear.  I find that my mood decides what I wear unless I need to be formal or smart, those are the times when I have skirts and heels, for just getting the food shopping, some nice trousers will do fine.

Hair loss forces me to wear a wig and hormone therapy has yet to start.  I get read sometimes but not very often and when it happens, I simply blank it and continue my task then ponder upon it later when I am alone with my thoughts.

I believe that if you are able, then start as you intend to go on.  I had no ties, or people to amuse or satisfy or justify my actions to and this has made the  whole business easier for me than perhaps many of you.  I say easier rather than easy beause what we do is very tough and needs strength of heart and will and thought and of course the support of those friends you manage not to lose along the way.  :angel:

QuoteI couldn't do it... not to that degree. It's not just a matter of self-confidence or self-acceptance for me though, it's just that "Kate" can't really exist unless other people reflect who she is back to me. That doesn't mean I have to always pass, as it IS possible to be "read" and yet still be treated just fine for who you are. But if people teased and poked fun of me... then they're not "getting it," they're not getting ME, and I wouldn't exist socially.

Inner knowing + social acceptance = Kate

~Kate~

Kate hon I don't know what I could say that would help but I been around here for some time now and you were already here when I got to know you. I use to wonder how this fairly tall girl looked like in real life. Oh your feeling and thoughts I had already figured out by reading your posts but how you looked like was what I wanted to see, I never thought you would any time soon post a pic but when you did, all I could think is Oh my God, she does look remarkably like her avatar and then I discover that this was your wish all along.

Well I believe you have the inner knowing and just let social acceptance come around when it is ready. As beautiful as you look like hon...... well I could only wish I looked like you but I'm a long ways from it but I have not heard once anyone in Vancouver address me as anything else but the female pronoun. I could easily live here the rest of my life with no one knowing the better as who Cindy is except Cindy.

Now I am quite proud of my accomplishments for this was like a second coming out here in this city. I just simply gathered the self confidence  and went out and I acclimatised myself to the folks here in a very short time. I knew I had to if I wanted to survive in this city. I am not laking friends and now I am running my own support group for TS.

Hun for those that laughed at you that is probably the cruelest thing anyone could do to another. Just ignore them, like they were just vermin to avoid.

Inner knowing + social acceptance = Kate. Yes if you know who the true you is within then be proud and confident and radiate your feeling outwards for others to pick up on and you will find acceptance. Well there is always going to be some cockroach around to make your day miserable, just don't let them, their not worth it. In a small town or a town where everyone knows you it takes time before they will accept you as who you are but then just roll with the punches and just keep moving along your path, walk straight and proud my friend.

Cindy 

Welcome aboard to Susans Jennifer... ;D

I'm 24/7 99.8 % of the time. I still go stealth in male mode for my clients atm, I'm not quite ready to suffer the loss of business just yet. I'm not sure how much longer I can do that though the HRT is beginning to show. And I absolutely hate going male.
Sheena

Quote from: Amy T. on April 05, 2008, 12:09:23 AMBecause of the US has draconian laws to change documentation, things such as passports, birth certificates, drivers licenses and federal identification information cannot be changed without surgery...

I have heard people that have told me they couldn't get the gender on their passport changed, but that was not the case for me.  Back in the day I called whatever department handles passports (there is actually a hotline), explained my situation, and asked the representative when I could change my gender marker on their passport?  She said she had no idea, but to hold on a second and she would look it up.  I heard her typing away on her keyboard, then she very obviously was reading verbatim from something on her screen, which very clearly outlined how a transexual goes about changed the gender marker.  A passport valid for one year is issued until after SRS.  I sent off the usual passport stuff, plus letter from doctor and therapist, plus name change court order.  Six weeks later, "whole she-bang" passport came in the mail.

I am 24/7 except for surgery.  And in that regard sometimes my Mom forgets I don't have the correct genitals.  I have been full-time for 2 1/2 years.

Quote from: Sheena on April 07, 2008, 10:05:24 PM
I'm 24/7 99.8 % of the time. I still go stealth in male mode for my clients atm, I'm not quite ready to suffer the loss of business just yet.

That isn't what "stealth" means in a TS context.

QuoteI'm not sure how much longer I can do that though the HRT is beginning to show. And I absolutely hate going male.

Amen to that! BTDT. When I got to the point you describe, I endured it for about a year because of family pressure, but then just had to go for broke. You reach a point where there is simply no containing it any longer. Then if anyone still has a problem with it, it's like Bob Dylan sang, "Please get out of the way if you can't lend a hand."