Susan's Place Transgender Resources

To all who participate here at Susans, and especially those who communicated about my recent illness during my stay in the hospital.  Its been a while since I have been open and relational here in the topics, going into almost 6 months now with little more then a few words here and there.

Its not that there isn't a lot to talk about or that there is anything I wouldn't want talk about.  It's just me for the past several months.  I first realised I was in the hospital several days after being admitted, and a doctor there told me I had been admitted due to a stroke.   I wasn't all that worried about the illness I felt, I knew from past experience that while I lived, I would recover, the incident did however touch me mentally.  very deeply.

I knew that my Hrt was over and would not be started again and yes, that was hard, but I worked through that as it has always been a concern that such would happen from the time I started using hormones. I had accepted the possibility for hormone treatment failure and when I became aware of what had happened, going down at work and being transported to the main hospital, I knew Hrt was over.

When I came around to actually recognise and understand Andrea and talk with her, she told me about talking with people on Susans and that they all wanted me to recover and rejoin them.  I appreciated such thoughts and it made me feel good that anyone would care.  Personally I was always TS or Woman oriented and was of the belief that most would rather I didn't make it back, but after a month in the hospital they told me I could return home to finish recouperation.

It was a bit of a struggle at first.  I couldn't walk more then a few steps without a cane, I had little if any concentration and my voice was weak.  I believed my vision was less then it should be till I tried on my glasses and found a contact lens in my stuff and "cured" my vision problems.  I then read the topic column about me and was generally warmed by the comments.

At first I didn't feel up to sharing my feelings and I noticed so many new users and so took time to review the threads and kind of "aquaint" myself with new people and new threads of discussion.  Much of what I read did in fact tick me off some and prior to the Stroke would have made some "handy" comments, but didn't trust myself to talk as my feelings warrented.

I'm starting to come back around in this, where I know a lot of what I have to say isn't very popular given some of the comments I have seen, and it will not be long before I start slicing a little.

One of the topics that drive me insane is the comparison of cd/tv and TS.  The only real simularity is that they all dress as the opposite sex.  Only the TS actually feels like the gender they believe they are and will not betray that gender under any and all circumstances.  cd and tv will revert to birth gender any time that makes things easier.  Those of us in the TS world live in a kind of humor about other TG's taking our label, but hey, spend some time with someone and you get to know who/what they are.

In the last couple of weeks I been messing with my StingRay, it's been mostly parked for more then a year now and needed a lot of cleaning up and tuning.  I'm short of cash right now, but I need a new battery for it and it will go on sale, locally and on Ebay.  I will be spending a good part of what I get for it on the operation I need to feel whole.  Nothing much will change after that other then I'll feel better about being a part of this planet.  Andrea will spend whats left on whatever suits her.

At any rate, things are still confusing, but all is coming together again and I've had a couple happy times since coming home.  A friend whom I had failed made a trip here to see me, and the friendship seemed to be restored and we seemed to have a unition again.  That made me feel so good and whole.  She only talked to me a few days after returning home and doesn't seem to want anymore contact.  No explaination, very unlike her.  I can live with that if I must, but it will be hard.

Things at the moment are what they are though.  I've got to clairify my thinking and return to work on the 18th, then I'll get more in the mood to talk.  Right now I'm still to cloudy to make any good sense, I'm so all over the place, past present and future, with the past fading out.  There is only the future to look forward to.

Sorry about just ranting, but I needed it.
Terri

Teri, I had only been here at Susan's for a short time when you had your stroke, and didn't really feel enough a part of the community yet to join in all the good wishes sent to you at that time. I had read every one of your posts during the time I was here, however, and though I occasionally disagreed (and frequently agreed), I admired your honesty and willingness to speak what you believed.

Anyway, may I now offer my congratulations for making it back, my sympathy for what happened to you, my empathy for the feelings you must have had when you realized you couldn't continue HRT, and my best wishes for your forthcoming surgery.

One of the best things about Susan's is the fact that there is a huge diversity of people here, all with different experiences and different voices. I for one will be glad when your voice is again a major part of it.

Welcome back.

Annie

Terri,
It is good to see you back.  You have always made a positive contribution to this forum, and even those of us who may have differences of opinion with you from time to time respect your articulate voice.  Facing the prospect of our mortality can have a clarifying effect on how we look at our future.  I had such an experience forty years ago after a very serious auto accident; I think that facing this was one of the best things that happened to me.  (Not that I would wish this kind of trauma on anyone.)  From your post it seems that you may have experienced something similar.  In any case I can only wish you the best as you continue your journey.
Louise

Hey dear Terry, Welcome back!!!

It is so good to see you back on the boards. :icon_dance: :eusa_dance: :icon_geekdance:

So you have a Chevrolet Corvette - StingRay, a one of the most beautiful car I have seen.

It's really sad that you need to sell him.


**I wish you all the best**




(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.telusplanet.net%2Fpublic%2Fmicrobus%2Fsnags%2Fpansyteacuphugs.gif&hash=8399d406c1356c537c3de6681074cd86ce26979b)


Michelle  :icon_wave:

Thanks for replying to me, Annie,  Louise, michelle.  Yes it will be good to come back and discuss that which drives what I believe, though as said is not the way many others see things.  Michelle, yes, the car is a 1973 Tourbojet Corvette Stingray, complete with factory installed 454 powerplant and 1969 factory side exaust and Wire wheels and 255 tires.  all cleaned up it is factory fresh, over the last 10 years i've driven it less then 15k.  The car only gets between 2 and 4 miles per gallon here in Sacramento traffic and I didn't use it much since we moved here. It has been parked for over a year now.  A real wallet robber at todays prices for fuel.  on the freeway it will get 10 mpg if I move easy in it.  A real eyecatching piece for whoever buys it.  Yes, it is a true collector piece.  Sitting around uncovered there is a little rust in the rims from the rain, but it cleans up ok.

The beauty of the C3 corvettes is it's shape.  stand it on it's nose and it has a perfect female form, since the passenger cab is narrower then the wheel spread. and.... the car is a she... not a he.  Back in Nevada I knew all the cops from my earlier position as an officer in the aea and spent a lot of time on the freeways at around 140 mph.  Cops would see me occassionally, but a flash of lights and a pointed finger would always bring me down to legal limits.

I don't know how to explain this, but over the last few years possession of this hyway nightmare isn't important to me anymore.  I'm happy with peggy little street cars these days.  Doesn't sound reasonable I know, but I'm just not into a car that will go from 0 to 110 in a touch over 12 sec these days.

Thank you for the flowers michelle, they are lovely.
Terri

Well I for one look forward to your full participation in the forums again. I've treasured every word you've written since the stroke knowing how damn lucky we are to have you with us.

And now that you're feeling better, I'll feel more free to disagree with you :)

And about the CD/TS thing, the one thing we do have in common is that people who are neither look down on us. So allowing each other to share our little corner of the world isn't that big an intrusion.

Dennis

Hi Dennis.  'Feel free to disagree with me any time on any subject.  I have my own ideas but often enough I'm not always 100%right, no matter how right I take it to myself.  As to cd/ts, I've said it enough that I do not hold crossdressing against them, but I do feel somewhat abused about them saying they are in the same boat.  They can simply NOt Crossdress when times are hard, but win/lose or draw, I or any other full time TS can not do that, when you completely cross the line into full time there is no way to put it aside, not for any reason or occassion.  You know exactly what I mean by that, it is that difference that irritates me, when a CD claims they are in the same boat as I or any other full time TS. 

Just my own personal feelings on that subject and I have a lot of simular feelings about so many other items in the world.

fire away, it could be informative
Terri

It's great to have you back, Terri.  I have missed your comments.

Your new photo looks really good!

Chaunte

Quote from: Terri Gene on May 15, 2006, 05:54:26 PM
.
.
They can simply NOt Crossdress when times are hard, but win/lose or draw, I or any other full time TS can not do that, when you completely cross the line into full time there is no way to put it aside, not for any reason or occassion.  You know exactly what I mean by that, it is that difference that irritates me, when a CD claims they are in the same boat as I or any other full time TS. 
.
.

Hi Terri - Glad you are better now and are able to participate

I would like to address the above statement but I do not have the time now and I think the point above has already been discussed. I have participated in the discussion as I am trying to find where I stand and I am concerned about my future. I have always acknowleged the differences and hope that you can find a wonderfull space in the world. I am thinking on started a thread about what we have in common as we are all part of the transgender community.

Alice

well Alice, the biggest common theme with CD/TS is dressing as and perhaps behaving as a member of the opposite birth sex, beyond that, it gets thinner and thinner as you take down the details.  What is important between being one or the other is how you feel within yourself and how much that means to you.  That's why we caution people about transition unless they are positively sure it is the correct choice to make, if not absolutely sure, don't do it.  Thats why having good psychiatric treatment is critical, so you don't fool yourself into a mistake.

If you are not 100% sure of your actual gender, hold off doing anything until you are sure and will have no regrets about making the change in a genderwise way. 

Terri

Hi  Chaunte Thanks for the remark, but is just a common every day pic, no makeup, special clothing or anything not real.  I can look all so much better when I want, but I believe in reality and only hang out with others that feel the same way.  Have temporarily put in a picture which shows me made up a little.  I'll remove it later, I prefer looking natural.


Terri

I love your viewpoint on the whole CD vs. TS and agree with you 100%.  Furthermore, at least how I see it, crossdressers appear to have fun dressing up, almost like children.  Transsexuals many times don't dress up much and experience extreme distress from their condition.  Crossdressers say they don't have any control over their *desire* to dress, but that's all it is.  Transsexuals have a drive to fix this extreme discomfort they are experiencing.

There are risks of loss experienced by both, but a crossdresser can "choose" to not dress if they need to.  There is so much more to say on the differences (rather than similarities) between the 2, but I will stop here.

I'm glad to see you're back to your old self.

Melissa

No fun being me at the moment.

Alice

In the end of it all Alice, it's not at all about which gender is "fun" or which can give you the most for what you put into things.  It's your feelings and how you live that is important.  For many, starting out can be hard and it is easy to be embarrassed about people noticing the changes in your looks and your personality.  You simply have to adjust to who and what you are and learn to turn a deaf ear to those who would try to degrade you, never ever be afraid to meet force with the best you have to throw at them though if they take it that far.

There are many CD's out there who are simply afraid of the consiquences of coming out and the reaction of other people (friends).  They convence themselves they are CD and kind of hang in there, on the edge but never taking any big obvious steps.

I see all the comments on who and where to come out and display it all and it confuses me intensely.  When I finally realized who and what I was I talked to my wife about it and then just did it, there were no briefings at work and I didn't change the places I went to.  I just did it.  And you know what?  I made it through.  I knew myself that well and while I was at first embarrassed, it didn't take long for it all to begin to be natural and feeling right.

Knowing yourself and being sure of what you know is the important thing for a TS.  To remain in your birth sex is oh so hard.  You are never sure of how people are seeing you and there is always a fear that someone will figure you out.  At least when a TS, especially a Mtf submits herself as a woman and conducts herself as one, the distain other people may have for you is simply the ignorance they have and ignorance is it's own grace.

Yes, it can get rough.  I've been fully open now for 5 years, home, public and work and I've seen what can happen.  My wife began fighting me about it.  She finally threw me out when I started hormones.  A few months later she asked me to come back to her and then faught with me about having surgery.  As it stands these days, she understands me better and wants to go with me when I have my surgery.   My kids all accepted it well enough.  They don't understand it, but they put nothing in my way.  Everybody (except for a couple) people at work is perfectlynatural with me.  hundreds of employees and hundreds more patients that I deal with day in and day out.  I go into bars and restarauts and many people stare a bit, but seem to accept me after a few moments.  All in all, life goes on and I have nothing to hide.

Some may think they have to many masculine features to "Pass" and I can only laugh at that.  I run around with tatoos showing and my shoulders are a touch wide, but given a few minutes I can relate to just about any group.

It can be dicy Alice, it simply depends on how you feel about yourself and if you will or will not do whatever it takes to simply be you and do what you have to do.

Melissa ..... Thanks for your agreemnt, but easy how you express it.  People tend to misread you and think you feel better then others or that you dislike CDs as people.  They don't get it that you can see them as fine people, just have a difference of opinion on what a woman is and is not.  Nothing will change that, it's just the way people see things.

Be a woman and let the rest be what they are
Terri

Your right.  I've just been having a rough day and perhaps could have worded it better.  I do think CDs are fine people, just as gays, lesbians and anybody else.  In fact I think many people in the GLBT community as a whole (or at least in my area) tend to be nicer people because they have been made to feel inferior by bullies and what not.  There are always exceptions, but I've met some of the nicest people recently.

Melissa

^*smile* Worry about being YOU and let them worry about themselves. ("them" not pointing at any particular demographic, but rather all of them in general)

^{*HUGS Terri*} (=

Quote from: Terri Gene on May 16, 2006, 01:50:55 AM...
I go into bars and restarauts and many people stare a bit, but seem to accept me after a few moments.  All in all, life goes on and I have nothing to hide.
...

Interesting, and well put. I think that exactly describes what I find when out and about, interesting that.

Quote from: Terri Gene on May 16, 2006, 01:50:55 AM
Knowing yourself and being sure of what you know is the important thing for a TS. 

Terri, I agree except that I would add that knowing yourself is important for all of us, whether we are CD or TS.  One thing that all of us here share is a concern about our gender identity.  Some of us may be perfectly comfortable in our birth sex, but many of us are not.  Those of us who are CD (at least me--I really shold not presume to speak for others) are just not so uncomfortable that we have the need to transition.

When we seek our identity (whether gender identity or any other aspect of our identity) we do this in two complementary ways--we identify with those we perceive ourselves to be like and we distinguish ourselves from those who we perceive ourselves to be unalike.  Since we are all individuals, this sorting into identity and difference groups is never exact and it is a lifelong process that we can never really say is finished.  When you identify yourself as a woman it is important to you to distinguish yourself from those of us who are male--I understand that.  Differences are important in defining to ourselves who we are.  For a similar reason I distinguish myself from gay drag queens--I am not one of them!!!  But similarities are also important.  While I am not gay, being transgendered and being part of the transgender community has shown me that I do share something in common with gays--neither of us fit the standard mold of gender and both of us are categorized by the dominant straight society as deviant ("queer").  Similarly I can identify with those of you who are TS--not that I am exactly like you or even that the difference is only a matter of degree.  I can identify with those who are TS becuase for me at least, crossdressing isn't just about the clothes--it is about gender identity.  Most of the time when I visit here I am not wearing feminine attire, but all of the time I am who I am--an androgynous crossdresser.

Louise

Teri Gene, I prety much agree with you, but I think you touched on a key point:

Quote from: Terri Gene on May 16, 2006, 01:50:55 AMThere are many CD's out there who are simply afraid of the consiquences of coming out and the reaction of other people (friends).  They convence themselves they are CD and kind of hang in there, on the edge but never taking any big obvious steps.

I think a lot of the confusion and controversy comes because there are a lot of TS people out there who identify themselves as CD because they feel they are unable to transition for various reasons. For many, it's just a matter of time before their true selves come out.

QuoteWhat is important between being one or the other is how you feel within yourself and how much that means to you.

Exactly.

Annie

uhhuh Annie, thats the way the world works.  Most people are afraid of the truth and the real life concerning it.  It is just the way it is.  Once you come out, you can never actually return and the going can be hard.  Accepting the fact of possibly losing work, friends and family will hold back the many, but for some out there, no price is to high.

live and be happy
Terri

Kimberly, a smile and hug back to you.

Louise,  you are a good one to talk to Louise, perhaps some time we can fense a little.  I like your thoughts and you are always around.

Melissa,  There is nothing wrong with your thoughts, you just haven't sorted yourself out quite yet, but a little time is all you need.

Terri

Terri

I agree with you Terri that there are night and day differences between TS and CD, I was just pointing out the similarities and, as someone else pointed out the GLB parts also have some issues in common - largely disenfranchisement and the source of it is not acting as someone of their gender "should". Challenging the notions of gender, to one extent or another, that are prevalent in society.

I've actually never cross-dressed or felt an urge to, so I can't step inside the mind of a cross dresser. The few times I was forced into a dress (and having met me, can you picture that, Terri? lol) it was certainly not voluntary cross dressing. I hesitate to speculate, therefore, about the sources, motivations, or thoughts of a cross dresser. So rather than looking at the differences, I focus on the similarities. I'll take all the allies I can get.

Dennis

'A wise man you are Dennis, there really are to many differences to discuss, so why should we?  All I ask is that if you don't live and work 24/7 as the gender you believe yourself to be, stay out of the barrel, it gets crowded and temper mismatches are not what we need.

And I don know ..... you would probably be quite cute in a dress, maybe I'll be lucky enough to see that someday ........ but yes, we all need to be more politically motivated in our own concerns and make it happen for us, with as little friction between us as possible.

Terri

Hello!

I came on a while after you had left. My name is Kelly and I am Jocelyn's SO.

A warm welcome back! You have some of the most intelligent and well-worded posts I have read.

You have my sympathies regarding the discontinuation of HRT, however, you have my congratulations on your progress after a stroke. 

I agree with you about how a TS can't for any occassion change back.  I've seen what it does to Jocelyn each and every time she has to "undress" to go to work. When we get married we're both going to be wearing a white dress (although she's the one that's more entitled to wear white!  >:D)

Again, welcome back! I'm sure that you'll be spicing up the post around here!

~Angelsgirl

 HI Terri Gene, 
                     I am realativly new here about two months. I haven't been here all that much. Work has keept me quite busy and I didn't have much time to post.

Welcom back.

love being female
Owen

hello Anglesgirl and Owen, nice to have you here a Susans.  You have any questions or answers, toss em on the pile.  There are a lot of people out there with answers and even more questions, I haven't noticed either of you before but I'll keep an eye out and give any help I can. 

I know that when you have your job or school going on with everything else things get crowded for time, but please do drop in all you can.  And don't worry about the HRT Angelsgirl, It has done well on me .... I just wanted a little more ..... but i'm fine as I am.  All will be ok for me.

Well, out of patience with the older Avators, back to daily basic .....

Terri

QuoteWell, out of patience with the older Avators, back to daily basic .....

I like it, it's the Terri I know and love. Looks like the fine woman I met in SF when I was doped outta my head on painkillers after surgery :)

Dennis

Well Dennis, you know how some of us women are about sneaking up on guys when thier head isn't on straight.  Whew ..... was afraid you'd hit me with a brick for saying you'd probably look great in a dress ..... sneaky I am and being a gentleman you wouldn't want to spoil a ladies whole night.  I'll keep my eyes open though.

Terri

Wow your car is almost as old as I am (1967) but he probably look better than me  :).
Yes the beauty of the C3 Corvettes is in the shape and power too, I like the sound of the engine she has under the hood.

QuoteBack in Nevada I knew all the cops from my earlier position as an officer in the aea and spent a lot of time on the freeways at around 140 mph.  Cops would see me occassionally, but a flash of lights and a pointed finger would always bring me down to legal limits.

lol ... probably they would be have a hard time to stop you at that speed since the Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor goes from 130 - 139 mph  :).


Take care,


:icon_hug:

Michelle

Yeah Michelle, the NV personalised plates on her was DCVR and she definately had the speed, sound etc.  She would do about 160 when wound out tight.  I had one of the Ford interceptors at one point, but no idea what it would do, I often had to run from Carson City to Mindon and Gov. departmental rules only allowed a 10 mile above speed limit, in emergencies I occassionally broke 100mph, but never took it to the limit, and it had a habit of overheating at over 100mph so I never took it past that.

All the area officers new the car and who it belonged to, and never did anything but make me aware they were watching, I had a lot of fun back in the last centry, It has nothing to do with what I do now though and I no longer find that kind of speed and skill as invigerating as it was. 

These days it's all about just staying alive and keeping my feet out of hot water.  At 55 i'm a little past the recovery portion of an accident compaired to then and the last thing I want is a bunch of horrendous scars all over me, so aside from some occassional street stuff i'm pretty tame in my actions.  More and more I'm becoming an honest woman, and it feels good.

Terri

Hi Terry,
Welcome back. I have really missed your commnets even if I didn't completely agree.
And Iso glad that your getting better.

I agree with your statement

QuoteWhat is important between being one or the other is how you feel within yourself and how much that means to you. 
I've been going throught lot of stuff.

But I really don't know what I am. I've tried back down a couple of times, that's is going back to the male side, but it just can stand it. I'm not happy being anyone but Jillieann.  That is when I feel wholed and at peace with myself even if others (family) are upset with me.
But as far as being in any a CD or TS, I really don't know what I am.  All I know is whatever happens Jillieann won't turn back. I'd rather die and I don't plan on doing that for awhile anyway.

Thanks Terri for being around when I first came here. You have helped me allot.
Again welcome back.
Hug  :icon_hug:
Jillieann

Hi Terry,

I too do not understand why it is that CDs and TS people are assumed to have anymore in common than what we have in common with all humanity. Now if humanity would realize that all of us do have some things in common, maybe equality/acceptance, of our differences would be easier achieved.

The main drive behind the book that I wrote ( based on 9 yrs of field research through out the US/ not just off the top of my head or from some library somewhere)  is with the idea of getting across to all people our common grounds, that we are all so much more alike than we are different, and when I say we I mean ALL people!


I feel for people that are struggling with their fears , on how to come out, if they should ever dare to, or for that matter what sex status they really may or may not belong to. This has just got to be so very painful. I have felt my share of pain, but I guess for me, I had the grace of really knowing myself. That was a blessing that I cannot say I ever really took for granted.

It is interesting because it is not exactly like there are not "Non-Trans" people that are not lost on who they are, or what they are really about. There are so many people that are robbed of living their true lives, because they also face fears, and hide from themselves. I see it all the time in people I know.  It is heartbreaking when any person goes through that. It is however their journey and I think many of us give our best to support when we can.

It is ashame that division is so insisted upon. We are all so much more alike than we can ever be different. And when we can erase the differences and see human likenesses a lot of people will not need to live in shame. I do believe this will be achieved, just maybe no in my lifetime. However I do believe I get to witness the progress.

This is just my take on things, and I enjoyed reading through this thread!


Peace,

Taylor

Hello Taylor, you are right, the differences between CD and TS are much deeper then the simularitities, but unless you spend a lot of time with people in both groups all that most people would see is a willingness to dress and act like the opposite sex they were born with.

It is a tale that covers far more then we can really discuss here and it is best we do not, as it causes far to much concern and difficulty in the overall membership.  I do my own part as does everyone else and that is what makes the present and the future, regardless of what we say.

I see my physical and sexual dissimularities as being totally private options that are just me, and have little or no need to somehow attach it to myself in any meaningful way that applies to the type of person that I am. 

There is definately so much difference between the many lables out there, but as long as we cause no harm to ourselves or others, yes, we can be friends as  human beings, each bringing their own true values to the table to share.

You have good thoughts Taylor, keep them coming out.


Terri

Terry,

Do you have a pic of your vette you can share...somehow, like a link? And have you had her sense she was a new born?? That has to be a blast! I had a  MGB midget once, and it was ... well a good toy lol.

Peace,
Taylor

Naw Taylor, didn't get her new.  Found her on a custom consignment lot in Reno and just kind of fell in love with her and cashed her out.  Spent 11900 for her and took her to a shop and spent a little over 5 grand ripping her apart and putting her back together.  You know how it is, you like it so you tweak it a bit. I sent you a couple of pics via email.

Terri

That only works if you have 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity flowing through the flux capacitor at the same time.

Melissa

I don't pretend to know about the feelings and thoughts of CDs,and I agree there are significant differences between them and us. However, haven't many MtFs first identified as CDs?
Maybe I'm wrong about this, but I don't believe everything is as simple as one has to identify completely as male or female. I believe many CDs have a "core" male gender but also have some female brain activity. And no, for some, I don't believe it is as simple as "switching the female part on and off" whenever it's more convenient to be a man. I once had two dear friends who were CDs. One, was the way I have just described- male core identity, but also felt somewhat like a female. The other, well, I really suspect that he was late-onset MtF. He said he felt like a woman and wished he were a woman. I don't know for sure, but I think he was afraid to transition because he knew that not only would he never be able to pass (he was extemely masculine in appearance) and therefore face ridicule and the threat of bodily harm everywhere he went, but also lose his children and the business he had spent his life building.( because he'd probably lose many customers). He has since passed on (both of them have), and it breaks my heart that he was never able to be the woman he felt he was. I wish people (trans and non) would not be so quick to judge CDs. Remember, some CDs may really be MtF transsexuals who have not come to terms with their condition or for reasons of their own, will never transition. I do NOT buy into the myth that a "true" transsexual will transition or die. For some MtFs who will never pass the risks outweigh the benefits. One thing that bothers me about some transpeople is their belief that we're all the same. Some people are stronger than others. What may be right for one transsexual may not be right for another. Everybody knows non-transsexuals are not all alike. Why should it be any different for us? In short,transgender is transgender, transsexual is transsexual, not the same, but really not all that different either.
Just my humble opinion.
Nero

You definitely made some good points there Nero.  I am sorry your potential MTF friend was never able to transition.  But there really is a steep price to pay for transitioning.  Not only monetarily, but in many other aspects as well.  I think there are many who are aware of this and make the decision that is best for them. 

I noticed we have 2 conflicting messages I have seen on this site:
1. Don't transition unless you absolutely must.
2. If you don't transition, you're not really TS.

At this point, I tend to agree with the top one more, but only the person themselves can determine what it means by "absolutely must".

I hadn't thought too much about CDs being TS in denial, but I know it's very real, as I was in that same situation for many years and I think almost anybody who seeks to transition after 25 has done this.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on May 25, 2006, 09:38:41 PMI noticed we have 2 conflicting messages I have seen on this site:
1. Don't transition unless you absolutely must.
2. If you don't transition, you're not really TS.

Melissa, I think I could agree with both, if #2 were modified a bit:

2. If you don't want to transition, you're either not really TS, or you just haven't gotten desperate enough yet.

Annie

I agree that's how it should be, but that's not the message I keep hearing.

Melissa

Mellissa, we hear all kinds of things.  It just depends on who you are talking to at the moment.  All that matters is how you feel about it.  We all take a certain amount of time to complete the process, or making the money for it  that is.  Ignore what others have to say if you and your psych are in agreement that you need to go on, thats all that can really be said about it.

Terri

Hi,
I don't know how this fits in but one of the people here that I email allot disapeared for about a month and a half now. I email the person about 2 weeks ago to see how they were and to tell them what was happening to me.
That person wrote back that they were fine just in a male mode for the last month.
I can't change my gender like that I am female 24-7.
Are CDers two genders in one body? Do true CDer flip from one gender to another like that?
If that is true than I am not a CD person. No flip flop of gender here. 
The female inside of me has only grown stronger and I have gain some peace within.

When I frist came to Susan's I would try to make myself look as feminine as I could each day when I got up for work. Put on some clear polish on my fingernails, a little bit of eyeliner and some perfume.  But now when I get up I put on my male disguise. This is a real change for me.  It's a real shift in perspective. I was male trying to be female and now I'm female trying to survive in a male role.

So maybe I am transexual.
:)
Jillieann

That's what I have heard Jillieann.  I assume you are referring to Lisabeth.  That's good to at least get an update.  I understand what you mean about the perspective.  I always feel guilty going in the men's room, but I don't have much choice at work.  In public, I avoid them like the plague and will only use restrooms in public if a.) I'm presenting as female and it's a femlae bathroom. b.) It's a unisex bathroom.

When I was first coming out of my shell, I was a little resistant to acting as my true self, but now realize that I can act myself all the time regardless of how I'm dressed and I don't get treated badly for it.  Really, come to think of it, I was lucky growing up and didn't really get bullied for being feminine and it was only myself (or the advice of friends who thought they were helping) that made me act more masculine and be careful of everything I did.  Now, I'm just pegged as gay, but I don't care.  I find other women tend to also be more comfortable around me than they used to.

Melissa

Jillieann, there is no way I could say where you fit as a lable, it all depends on what you feel you are and how important that is to you.  Some will retreat to male mode any time someone looks at them crosseyed, others simply go on being themselves, no matter what happens.

I think most of the public opinion happens because they believe a CD will switch gender specifications whenever it is convienient, and TS will not, for no reasons.

Those specifications are pretty general though.  A CD will of course switch when the need arises, but so will many TS's.

I do know that for some TS's, coming back to male for any reason is an abhorent affair and can't tolerate it.  some can, but I believe that would be more in the ranks of the less female identity/identified. 

I dunno, you just have to be what you can be as your circumstance permits.  There is nobody you can ask about this.  You have to KNOW who you are and what you are and only then can you really and actually be YOU.
If you are a female 24/7 I see no need of displaying any male gender at all, for any reason, but I don't know all there is about everybody.

Terri

I appreciate the heading of this thread.  It is so appropriate and I can even see the irony in it.
How do I feel, I don't know after all this time :(  my perspective changes and I am either soaring or crashing back amid feelings of bitter disappointment - and lets face it shame :(
Seems there really are two sides to me - and I cannot reach a compromise. Added to this is concern about how others (my family) would feel - I cannot not take this into account.
My wife - I know she loves me deeply but.. :(
My son - well he is an alpha male in the true sense of the word (uno manly not at all macho) we get on really well and I would hate things to change in any way.  My take is that he can appreciate the intrinsic worth of things - and he would not be judgemental, but.... things would no longer be the same.
My daughter,.........well this is strange I think she would understand completely, we are so very very alike

See, I want my cake & want to eat it too.   And while I so envy you all, your looks and attitude.  Looks like I am stuck in catapillar mode.  Can remember seeing a cicada, unable to make the change from underground nymph to the true beauty of its adult state.  Can remember feeling deeply sad for it. I know why now, we had a lot in common.

I come here regularly, I like the friendships I have made, and posts are inspirational.  But looks like the pendulum has swung - I will be like Lisbeth for a while,  operating in male mode :(

Hi merope, Sounds like you are still on the cusp there.  It is like that for many I have heard from.  Not wanting to lose what they already have with no assurance of what will be gained by changing gender.

It is simple really.  the change generally doesn't gain you much you couldn't have done anyway.  It's just how you feel about yourself and the world around you.  Some of us in the Transsexual world are happier in the gender of the opposite sex then we would be in the one we were born in. 

Give it time and let no one pressure you, in time you will come to a determination of your own and at that time will know what direction to go in to get to it.  Do not let anyone make your decisions for you, you will be the gender that you know you are and want to be.

There is no "Higher" plane of existence in the Transgendered world.  A happy confident CD is no lower then a post op TS, but the two live so very different.  You simply have to take the time/energy/experience to learn about yourself and what it will take to make you happy.  This is something that nobody but you can do and nobody can do it for you, only help when possible.

Terri