Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My life is now starting to get interesting.  For one, I think I am starting to have difficulty passing as male.  I have noticed men tend to look at me more (especially my chest) and are extra polite to me.  Women tend to treat me about like when I am dressed female.  A few days ago, I got ma'amed coming home from work (presenting as male).  I have been hit on online a couple times on myspace using the same picture in my profile here. The only time I get addressed as "sir" is after somebody is told my male name.

All this and I'm not even out at work yet and I wasn't planning on coming out until a couple more months from now.  I didn't realize how others were percieving me while I walked around as what I thought was male, but I'm starting to take notice.  I have raised the pitch of my voice now to more of an androgynous level (except at work).  Well as I said, life is getting interesting.

Melissa

good for you always nice to hear thing like that!!!

Thats great Melissa. I have been following your progress and now I'm really excited for you. Go girl go. :icon_pelvic_thrust2: :eusa_dance: :eusa_clap:

I think passing has more to do about how you preceive yourself than how you look.  So if you feel and act like a woman peope except you as one.
That's great Melissa. I think passing has more to do about how you perceive yourself than how you look.  It has been my experience, from being dressed and out, that if you feel and act like a woman people accept you as one.

Tuesday, when I was out walking, there were very few people at the mall. I decided to see how many people physically did not pass. I narrowed it down to middle aged woman. First critique was that the woman had male facial features and second critique was compared to the average women in the middle aged range, did they have lots of makeup on or overdressed? If they matched two of these critiques then I would count them as not passing.  In an hour I saw more than 50 women with male facial features. When I added the over made-up critique I ended up with 16 women that would not pass. But most of these 66 women do pass because of they conduct themselves as woman. To be honest I think all of these people are GG women; they just don't have the perfect female features that most of us TG girls think we need to pass.
This little experiment has really encouraged me in my belief that the way you identified or perceive yourselves is the most important part of passing.
     
Melissa, maybe you need to up your date of coming out at work.
Your Sis TG
:)
Jillieann

Thanks.  I always do feel like a woman and try to carry myself as a woman all the time.  Much of it comes naturally.  So I can see what you mean Jillieann.

Quote from: Jillieann on June 04, 2006, 06:09:01 AM
Melissa, maybe you need to up your date of coming out at work.

The reason I chose that time is because I'll have been there 90, which is the probationary period and I am hoping I will get a good review and then can come out.  I got so burned on my other job for being TS and losing my job over it, it makes it difficult to visualize it being successful this soon.  OTOH, my gut feeling tells me coming out at this new place should present no problems and usually my gut feelings are correct.

Speaking of which, I've always had strong intuition.  I noticed it when I was a teenage and would jokingly call it "women's intuition", I think because deep down I knew I was a woman, but jokingly because I hadn't accepted it at that time.  When I went into denial, this intuition severely weakened and had become unreliable, but now that I'm out of denial, it had come back as strong as ever.  Sometimes I feel like my intuition borders on psychic, but maybe that's the case for all women.

Melissa

Get used to the chest thing, mine is talked to more than the rest of me.  ;)

Melissa,

It's the personna thing....
Your giving off a female demenor even as a male so people are picking up on that and just naturally assuming you are a Biological female. In effect you pass baby girl!

I bet you could walk down the street with a 5 oclock shadow and still be refer to has mame.

By the way chest problems....try lactating!!! Ouch!

Chynna

Quote from: LostInTime on June 05, 2006, 12:29:51 PM
Get used to the chest thing, mine is talked to more than the rest of me.  ;)

One of my students wears a shirt that says


Chaunte

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi2.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy6%2FLeighS%2Fdrool.jpg&hash=3346cafe72490eca4e84d5ffe57ca24470ea85d1)

lol!

I can see some of my students wanting to wear THAT shirt as well!

Chaunte

lol thats funny .speaking of chest problems anyone want mine???

Is there something you'd like to get off your chest jaded? ;)

It's still funny to be dressed in male clothes and have men admire me.  I remember about a month ago, walking down the street and having this guy much taller than me obviously staring at my breasts.  I was a little surprised, because I didn't have that happening that much before that.

Melissa

thats a good one mellisa:)

Right here Jaded!!!!!!!

oh oh pick me!!!!! ;D :angel: ;D

I've been thinking of moving my coming out to work up a little bit.  Like I said, I feel confident that it shouldn't be an issue. The company stresses that it takes discrimination very seriously, etc. So, I'll start seeing a therapist again and then they can help me out with issues like that.

Melissa


Posted at: June 06, 2006, 06:41:21 AM

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Ok, now I know I've being perceived as female.  Just this morning on my way into work, I had a guy that kept holding the door open for me and another woman and then when I was getting coffee, I was ma'amed again.  It's been a while since I was last sirred in person.  In fact it seemed like people weren't addressing me either way.

Now I was looking at my face in the mirror this morning and I swear my eyes have changed.  Not in color, but shape.  I thought they used to look like male eyes and now they look female.  I'm sure that has to do with the above.

The funny thing is that both times I was ma'amed, I was wearing the same male jacket (maybe it's unisex) that I've always worn and people couldn't see my chest.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on June 04, 2006, 11:39:32 AM
<snip>
The reason I chose that time is because I'll have been there 90, which is the probationary period and I am hoping I will get a good review and then can come out.  I got so burned on my other job for being TS and losing my job over it, it makes it difficult to visualize it being successful this soon.  OTOH, my gut feeling tells me coming out at this new place should present no problems and usually my gut feelings are correct.

<snip>

Just as an aside Melissa did you mention any of your trans issues when you applied for the job or will they get their first notification after your 90 days.  I just mention this as if you didn't mention this is there a danger that your employer would feel that you were not being totally up front with them when you applied and it may create some animosity between you?

Steph

No, I did not say anything upfront as finding a job ASAP was my priority since I was given a date to leave my other job already.  In fact I didn't get the offer until 2 days after leaving the other job.  However, as I have mentioned in other posts, there's a number of reasons why I believe it will be OK:

Quote1. I found out today that they have a written discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation.
2. The location I work in has laws that protect gender identity.
3. The office where HR is located is situated in the Bay area.
4. Everyone's extremely nice to me despite how feminine I look already.
5. I work with some very intelligent people and from what I heard, they tend to be more accepting.
6. I'm doing a good job and they need people right now like fish needs water.

Aside from that, in my interview, I had long red hair and was wearing a bra to my interview.  I have had no problems from anybody and act myself.  I work in a pretty liberal area (major coastal city) which has laws protecting people like that.  Also everyone I work with is well educated and not a bunch of rednecks.

So, although I was not upfront with them (I would be if I had to look for work again), I have seen nothing to indicate this to be a problem.  However I do feel bad about not telling them and I am thinking the longer I wait, the more likely for there to be animosity.

Melissa

Quote from: Chaunte on June 05, 2006, 06:22:17 PM
One of my students wears a shirt that says

STOP LOOKING!
THey don't do anything!

I love getting attention.  Here is something that I plan to do in the near future and while I am not as big as the character, I have more than enough to get a decent effect:

http://www.wapsisquare.com/d/20020125.html

Why, yes, I am an instigator.  LOL

That's a pretty funny comic.

Melissa


Posted at: June 06, 2006, 09:46:53 AM

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June is going to be a very busy month for me.  I need to start going to a therapist again so I don't have such a large lapse and I'm hoping to see a new one next week.  I just cut back my speech therapy to once every 2 weeks, that way I can stagger that with therapy and I won't be spending any extra money or time.  I've arrived at a place where practice is going to be the most influential factor in improving my voice.

I'm also wanting to come out at work this month.  The HR rep comes up to my location about once a month and near the end of the month.  I am thinking of calling her and letting her know that I want to discuss something "personal" in confidence and in person.  I got nervous considering just calling her to set up the meeting, but resolve to do it eventually.  So I need to prepare an information packet that I want to use at the meeting.  However, I also want to see the new therapist before making an appointment with her so I can say I'm seeing a therapist if it came down to that, just in case the HR person comes up sooner than the end of the month.  But before seeing the new therapist, I need to come up with an outline of what I want to say.  I want to have an introduction about myself, tell what I've done in transition so far, and what things that are coming up and what I'd like to get out of therapy.  I think having an outline will make much more effective use of my time.  I'll also have another laser clearing also this month.  So, June is a very busy month for me.  Oh, then there's also the Pride Festival on top of that.  Whew, I get tired just from thinking of all that.

Melissa