Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello, my name is Bryanne.  I am a male to female transgenderist.  I live my life as a man, but have strong transgender feelings.  My wife knows, but does not approve.  We have been married over 10 years and she has known about my problem since Jan 2004.  I need some outlet to express my feelings.  I hope I can explore further and get other opinions.  I have had these feelings since I was 6 or 7.  I am 37 now.

Bryanne

Welcome, Bryanne.

Sounds familiar.  I'm sure you'll find lots of interesting peole here in various stages of their jornies.

Be sureto check out the links from the main page as well as the Chat area.  I'll leave it to Stephanie to mention the Wiki.

I'm Robyn, an older postop MTF who is married to an FTM. 

Robyn

Welcome Bryanne.

Melissa.

Quote from: Bryanne on June 11, 2006, 11:40:05 PM
Hello, my name is Bryanne.  I am a male to female transgenderist.  I live my life as a man, but have strong transgender feelings.  My wife knows, but does not approve.  We have been married over 10 years and she has known about my problem since Jan 2004.  I need some outlet to express my feelings.  I hope I can explore further and get other opinions.  I have had these feelings since I was 6 or 7.  I am 37 now.
Bryanne

Welcome to Susan's Bryanne.

You have definitely come to the right place to express your feelings, and get opinions.  As that is one thing that Susan's has and that's opinions :)  I'm sure that you will enjoy the site as there is lots here to occupy yourself, and lots of new friends to make if you feel inclined that way.  Please take part in the forums where you can and don't be afraid to start you own topics.  If it's information that you need try our Wiki as it's jam packed with articles that relate to the Trans community.

So relax you're among friends.

Steph

Hi Bryanne;

This is a really nice place to meet friends and be yourself. Your description of yourself sounds a lot like me from what little you provided. I'd be happy to talk any time.

Welcome, Bryanne!

I'm happy you found us and decided to join.  This is a great outlet as well as a wonderful source of objective information and personal experience.  I hope you'll like it here as much as I do.

again, WELCOME ! !  :D
helen

Hi Bryanne,
I am 54 and have grandkids. Like to see pictures?  ;D
I came out to my wife last winter but she doesn't not want to see me dressed or even talk about it. So I'm glad I have lots of friends here at Susan's to talk too. When I need to share my confusion, joys or pains they were always here for me.
The people at Susan's have really help me along this journey.
We are here for you Bryanne.
:)
Jillieann     

Yes, I see that I am definately not alone in these feelings.  (I need to go off topic and ask how do you post pictures to a post?)  My wife found out when I had started shaving my legs.  I had done this because of irritation of my hairs against my pants.  I had done my knees and thighs and then finally I did my entire legs.  Well the blank hit the fan.  First she asked if I was gay.  I'm not, so I told her no.  Then she asked if I wanted to be a woman.  This I denied, but she finally got me to tell her that I like to dress as a woman.  I thought everthing was over.  She was crying and telling me no no and i was crying, because I didn't want to lose her and my daughter.  She just could not believe it.  Because I was involved in some very masculine activities (military)  But I could not help my feelings.   


Posted at: June 12, 2006, 09:56:46 PM

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Like I said in my original post, I have felt this way since I was 6 or 7.  My first recolection was me trying on a pair of my mom's pantyhose.  I then moved on to her slips and nightgowns.  I loved the feeling, but this was also associated with sexual release.  Afterward, I would feel very guilty.  I thought that boys should not feel this way.  Then i would be back to trying the cloths on again.  I also remember that my brother had a clown costom, that I felt looked like the under pinnings for her outfit that Scarlet Ohara wore in Gone with the Wind.  Its the bloomers worn under their corsets.   I remember wearing that one night, sneaking it to my room to try on.   

One of the most important issues for you is to keep those lines of communication open with your wife, and be sure to be honest and up front.  But in doing so be sure that this is a route for you as the consequences can be tragic to say the least.  There are those here who have experienced this.

Steph

Quote from: Bryanne on June 13, 2006, 11:21:49 PM
  (I need to go off topic and ask how do you post pictures to a post?) 

Once you have posted 15 messages, you will be able to PM and to add a photo to your profile.

Robyn

Robyn,
        Thanks for the info on the pictures.


Posted at: June 15, 2006, 12:07:27 AM

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Steph,
        You are right about communication being important.  It's tough when your wife doesn't want to talk about it.  She just could not see me this way when it was first disclosed.  She is still having a hard time of it. I plan on discussing this in further posts.

Bryanne


Posted at: June 15, 2006, 12:10:58 AM

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My wife doesn't like to talk about this.  It is referred to as my problem.  Something that I have to overcome and keep hidden.  To her I am a Freak.  It isn't fun being having to hide a side of yourself.

^*hug* Hang in there Bryanne... You can always come here and be yourself (=

Welcome Bryanne. I am a 38 married TS AND telling your SO is difficult. Just remember, slow and easy so she can keep up with your transition and not feel threatened. I've seen where I would move to a stage, for example breast forms, and would have to move back a step for a while because my wife was not yet ready for that stage. It may take a bit longer than you wish but at least she'll survive it with you this way. Best of Luck  :)

Thank you for the kind words.

 Hi and welcome Bryanne,
  Sorry It took me the longest to welcome you. Im a MTF 40, and married. So, yes, I can relate to how you feel. My wife is here or there with supporting me. ( mostly there) She has her good days where she will go out while Im at work and buy me clothes. Then, she'll do a 180 and want to yell and curse me out. I'm happy you found us. Once again welcome!!! ;D

Jennifer,
Well here is an example of what I am going through.  I needed some underwear to wear to work, but I din' a have any clean pairs.  So I wore a pair of my clean female underwear.  I did the laundry afeter work.  when my wife got home, I told her I did the laundry and had to wear a pair of my Alter ego's underwear.  Well my wife blew up over that. she says do not remind her of this problem.  That it makes her sick.  Her big hangup is that she feels she is competing with another woman for her man.  I really feel for her, but it is tough having these feelings.  I would love to be a woman, but would be happy to just dress on occasion.

Bryanne

Sounds as if your wife would benefit from gender couseling, too.

Robyn

Do you mean for her to understand my problem?  She just acts as if its a choice.  I wish I could be normal and not have envoius feelings toward women, but I can't help that I do.

Many people do think it's a choice.  Maybe another approach would be to convince them that it's the right choice for you.

Melissa

Why would I choose to have these feelings.  Not that I don't like expressing my feminity.  But I do understand why people have problems with it.  It is outside the realm of normal behavior.  But it is like any other medical condition.  There are causes and symptoms and remedies.  I just wish people would understand what this is like. 

It's not that they see being TS is a choice, but rather actually transitioning as the choice.  However, they tend to turn a blind eye to the alternatives because they can not truly understand.

Melissa

Hi,
I am Michelle, 59 going on 60 year old, refuge from a disfunctional family, with a loving spouce, children, and ex whom I would rather not think about, grown children, and grand children.  Who grew up in the praires of the Dakotas and has since moved on.   I wish you welcome.    Whatever problems you have, some one else here has had.  So make yourself at home and share what ever yu can. :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch:

What is really sad is that the more I deny my feminity, the more I want to express it.  Like with shaving my legs, I hate having hair on my legs.  It feels so nice to be smooth, but my wife doesn't like for me to do it, because it reminds her of my issues.  I am an avid bicyclist.  Many who ride bikes shave their legs.  I was at a bike shop looking around and when I got home I told her that I fit right in because of the shaven legs.  That pissed her off, because she doesn't like for to bring it up.  It is ok if she does, but I am not to bring it up.

Hi Bryanne,

I am a triathlete so many of my friends and myself have shaved/waxed leg. It does feel good when swimming, riding and running with no hair on the legs.

Alice

At least I have a legitimate excuse for being hairless on the legs.  It is so nice not having all the hair.  It looks nasty as well.
Bryanne


Posted at: June 20, 2006, 08:28:53 PM

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Could some let me know if I am ugly as a woman?

We don't know you very well.  How can we judge you?  My guess is that you're not.  You can not go by pictures alone.  Beauty comes from within us all. 

If you would like a comment about your picture, I would say that you look like a woman in there.  It looks like you did a good job not putting on too much makeup.

Melissa

Well yes, I was just wanting to know about the picture.  Thanks for the compliment.

Bryanne

You look fine to me, hon'.

Better than the way I think I look, that's fer sure.

(One of these days I'll get a pic good enough to post - but when?  I think I'm my own worst critic, part of my problem with perfectionism.)

helen

Quote from: HelenW on June 21, 2006, 05:37:46 AM
I think I'm my own worst critic, part of my problem with perfectionism

Aren't we all?  It took many many people telling me how good I actually look (all unsolicated), before I actually started to believe it myself.

Melissa

Well One thing I do not like is my eye make up is too much.  I went to a MAC counter and the stylist did my eyes.  I looks good, but looks too made up.  The other thing i do not like is my face is too shiny in the picture.  My wig is new, so I think it helps compliment my face, plus my ear rings show through the hairs of the wig.

Bryanne

The general appearance of your eyes is the outsides seem to slant downwards.  There are makeup tricks to counteract this.  You may need to do a search online.  I think the shininess of your face gives the appearance of lacking facial hair, which is a good thing.  A smile may also help.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on June 22, 2006, 12:39:38 AM
A smile may also help.

Melissa

LOL - Thats what my Theripst said today when looking at all of my photos.


Alice

It's true, women smile more than men.  That must say something about being a woman.

Melissa

I try to smile, but sometimes I do not know whether or not I look good with a smile.  I also have a small gap between my teeth.  I would like to get some veneers to cover it up.  I have talkedto my dentist. which he says is possible, but it would be expensive.  I also took a lot of anitbiotics as a child with gave my teeth a slight tint.  It isn't perfectly white. Maybe I am being too vain.

Bryanne

My teeth aren't perfectly white and they are crooked.  However, when I'm out as female, I can't help but smile.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on June 25, 2006, 10:42:33 PM
However, when I'm out as female, I can't help but smile.

Melissa

I can so relate to that. I still look back with fond memeries when I came out as Alice and had those photos taken. Even when I am wearing I skirt I am so much happier.

Alan/Alice

Bryanne, I see no gap. It isn't noticeable. But even if it was... don't cover it up!
A person's true beauty is in their uniqueness.
But then again, someone like me has to believe that statement. :D
But no, I think one actually sacrifices one's beauty when one alters oneself to fit the stereotypes of what is considered beautiful.

Nero

Bryanne,

you look very pretty. your photo is nice, but you do need a big smile, but that is another issue i think.

you keep referring to your "problem". i don't think you have a problem and you shouldn't be beating yourself up over this. i don't see my other self as a problem and you shouldn't either. you are who you are and as soon as you accept that that big smile will appear on it own.

you might try letting your wife adjust over time. i know how hard it is to hold back but sometimes her feelings have to come first. you have made your feeling clear and she might need time to catch up with you.

good luck and keep smiling...

i have been of and on for years  thanks for the moral support


jackie


Posted at: June 29, 2006, 12:32:18 AM

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hi girl sI want to thank yoy for the support you have been giving me I fell so comfotable in en femmeno how do I get my wife to acept it


love Jackie

Welcome Jackie, why don't you start by posting an introduction in the Introductions section.  It would give us a better idea of your situation.

Melissa

Bryanne:
I like the name, very creative and femenine. I was married for 9 years and I told my ex about my cross dressing before we went steady. I had all this unresolved feelingsthat at the time did not hava a seamblance of being resolved or not just this feeling that I needed more. This turned into an obsession to dress up. At work I could not concentrate on my job for the 8 hours. Years later after my divorce I learned to be at ease with my looks, fear to pass was a function of perfectionism, in my case, and after years of going dressed up to work and the sympathy of co-workers It took one perfectly fitting red dress that stopped the traffic and a man who incesantly tryed to pick me up, htat I discovered well probably I pass...took a couple of more years to be myself.
  So I know that right now it does not matter what i say about your looks, you wil not believe it!
I think that you are hot and beautiful! and more importantly gutsy!
l
LOve and LIght, sheila

Sorry for the late HELLO!

But its a pleasure to meet you Bryanne....I've read a few of your post and liked what i read...

See ya around

Chynna  

bryann: smooth body!  yeah baby

Hello everyone, just wanted to apologize for the lack of posting.  I recently decided to upgrade my computer and it took be awhile to work out the bugs.  Sheila thank you for the compliment.

Bryanne

bryanne:
you are most ceytt'nnly welcome
sheila

Welcome back Bryanne.
Yes I know how upgrading goes. Often everything that can go wrong does.
:)
Jillieann