Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I already posted this in Gina's  "dad" thread. Mine mother was distant and I never felt her
love. I'm pretty sure I was un-planned and un-wanted.

How about yours?

Amanda

I have a very close relationship with my mother and always have. I have always been able to talk to her about everything...except this (GID / TG), and I have know idea how that's gonna go when I finally do talk with her.

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on May 14, 2008, 09:53:13 PM
I already posted this in Gina's  "dad" thread. Mine mother was distant and I never felt her
love. I'm pretty sure I was un-planned and un-wanted.

How about yours?

Amanda

Oh, I am sorry AlwaysAmanda, that must be painful to feel such a thing.

Anyway, I felt like I was in a way "mom's boy" growing up, and I felt bound to her. She made me occasionally feel inadequate as male to (and still does, but I am standing up to her annoying crap more), especially with stereotypical "men!" type of thing going. I wonder sometimes if she was the cause for my gender identity problems, but I am learning that probably she was just adding fuel to the fire without realizing it.....

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. I count my blessings everyday, my mom has always been supportive. You can borrow her sometimes.  :icon_flower:

My mother also had her demons that I believe came from her upbringing. She is a very intelligent person and was very attractive, but is insecure and is unable to form and maintain long term relationships. This includes with me. As a result of her insecurity and what appears to me to be a bi-polar condition I remember her as being manipulative, sometimes downright mean, hateful, cold, and controlling and every once in a while - a caring mother. She has done her best to wreck my marriage, and ignores her grandchildren.

It has been a long process and I have forgiven her, but that does not mean that we must now have to have any kind of relationship. We do talk, but it is strained. I know that she has colored me in ways that I do not understand (and some ways that I do). Because of her I have trust issues with people to this day.

Luckily my wife (coming from a "normal" background) has helped me work through this process by identifying what "normal" is. I never knew it growing up, but didn't realize that.

I had a close relationship with my mom while growing up, but the last few years we grown so distant from each other. i don't know if it's because she wants me te become a man, or if she suspects something might be a tad bit off.

My grandmother didn't give my mom as much love as she wanted, but my gran still loved her unconditionally. i guess it was an era thing? although, it still must've been awful not to have recieved that kind of affection.

*huggles*

My mum's always been very supportive, and we really have a god relationship. She comes to me for help sometimes (like now, when I'm doing an English translation of a paper she's writing) and I can ask her almost anything. Also, she never, ever bugs me about finding a girlfriend, unlike my dad, and she really values my opinions on her clothes, whatever they be.

I guess we're pretty okay, except she can annoy the hell out of me sometimes. I think she got that skill from her own mother. It's scary how much alike they are, and I wonder if I can manage to break the line there ^^

Visiting my grandmother is fun, though, because we can relax while she berates and annoys my mum.


~Moi

I was the product of a rape and an abusive relationship. My mother had a broken arm, broken ribs, and other problems when I was born. That is what the hospital report shows. I was 2.5 months early as well.  She left shortly after when I was around 1 and I didn't find her until I was about 21 years old.

I went from the frying pan into the fire with my step mom and my dad. I had an unusual childhood. I was told I was raised on dog food until i was about 3, and I wished I knew the brand. I'd like to see what was in it.

Amanda, I am so sorry to hear that.  I have a fairly distant relationship with my whole family, but that's because of my own inability to express my love for them.  In fact I call them 'Mother' and 'Father', which my girlfriend says is really cold. I don't think so, it's just what I call them.  I mean, I know lots of people who call their parents by their first names.

Although it's a bit distant, I think I have a good relationship with my mother.  I really take after my mother a lot. It's actually kind of polarized in my family.  My sister takes after my father for the most part, and I take after my mother.  My mother and I are both musically inclined, very rationale, logical and mathematical.  My sister and father have none of those qualities.

A couple of years ago, my mother and I decided to build a shojii screen together from scratch.  It was really fun, but it took a LONG time because we live on different sides of the country, so it only progressed during the holidays.  We think it turned out really well.

http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn15/floatingfloating/up.jpg (http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn15/floatingfloating/up.jpg)

It's even made with real rice paper.  Also, the spacing between the lattice work follows the first few digits of the Fibonacci sequence.  We both thought that was a cool idea.


I have no doubt she will be supportive when I tell her about my GID.  She's very openminded and understanding.  A little odd at times though, but that just makes her fun.




Lori,

Wow, oh my gosh. I can't even imagine. That's so horrible to hear.

When I was a small child, we got along pretty well. I'd brush her hair for her, we'd sit around and watch soap operas, we'd do the grocery shopping, crochet things together, I'd pretend I was cooking when she did... that sorta thing. Not that I was super-effeminate, as I did boy stuff TOO, but it was nice.

As I got older, I became more of a disappointment to her I think. My brother was a jock and popular with girls... and my mother had been popular in school too... so my lack of ANY dates ever coupled with my introverted personality didn't give her much to relate to anymore. I always felt like she was "waiting" for me to become someone she could brag about and be proud of, like she was of my popular brother.

Heck, the first thing she asked when I said, "I have something I need to tell you..." was "You're gay, aren't you?" lol...

We do get along though, talking every week or so on the phone. Both my parents neither support or condemn my transition... they just generally don't remember I've even done it, as I haven't seen them since before I transitioned. It has no "reality" to them yet.

I finally gave in and just mailed them a couple photos a few days ago, so hopefully that'll put a face to my words and deeds now.

~Kate~

Lori and Riven,

I hurt when I read and think about your posts. Hugs to you both.

Mommy and I were close for many years -- she was the one I confided in for the longest time when I was under 14. We were close. That changed and she became more harsh and distant afterwards. Wanted me to fulfill Daddy's dreams for me.

After he died she basically totally rejected me. I recall she asked after my rape 'what did you do to cause it.' Well, that was fairly normal for the time, regardless of gender and how someone felt about it. The victim always had to be at fault for some reason.

As her Alzheimer's got worse over-time I had her with me (8 years) until my bother put her into a nursing home. She declined pretty quickly after that. Eventually she knew none of us, a pitifully sad and broken human being lying all day in a fetal position occasionally making noises as though she was trying to talk.

She died in 1994 and truth to tell, I was happy to see it over. The twelve years of decline and disappearance were like living through a death that never stopped. When it finally did, I found the occasion to be a joyous one. I was simply happy that the burden on her was gone.

I'd like to say we were always best friends. *sigh* Not to be, gender deviance doesn't register kindly on others sometimes.

Nichole

Hugs to all, some very touching post.. :'(

My mom was a beautiful, sensitive and very intelligent woman, also very religious (catholic) in my eye's I consider her a angel for the peace she would bring to those around her.She was the magic that held us three together (I was the only child).My mom, I know loved me more then anything in the world but I did feel at times she wished she had a girl so she could relate better to and not have some of the not so nice traits my dad had a trying to mold me as himself. She knew nothing about the GID that I was experiencing as I kept it well hidden. The gentler more reasoning person I became was from her as well as many physical traits. I wish she would have lived longer then she did. She died very young I was only 18 so I never really knew her as a full adult. She died from Lupus which none of us knew she had, she was in a coma for over a month before passing. I also still have many items from her as well as a keepsake box thats has numerous items and writing and jewlery and the box is made from cedar that still smells just as strong to this day.

gina

Those are very some touching stories... as bad I think mine was, I can't help but think I was
a little luckier than some of you. I'm so sorry. :( I was not looking for sympathy, I was interested in how our relationships
might have affected us. I have long ago put my childhood memories behind me... it was what it was... I can't change it.

QuoteI remember her as being manipulative, sometimes downright mean, hateful, cold, and controlling and every once in a while - a caring mother. She has done her best to wreck my marriage, and ignores her grandchildren.

I think that describes my mom pretty well... and she hated my wife. I know it sounds cold.. but as soon as
I cut her and dad out of my life the better I starting feeling about myself. And from about 16 or 17 on my life
became SO much better.

When I was young I remember when other kids would get dropped off at school... I'd see their moms hug them... I never
got any physical attention... no hugs, no pats... nothing. I do remember my older sister being very affectionate.. I would sit
on her lap and she would read to me... she was much older. I was ten when she left for college... and really for good, she never
lived with us after that. I missed her terribly... I think she had really replaced my mother. And her leaving probably
somehow damaged me more than I know. We played a lot when I was a kid... she taught me to dance, she played house
a lot. When she got older she would put makeup on me. I'd sit in the bathroom and watch her put her makeup on... it
was mesmerizing. I think back and think how pretty she was. She would take me on dates... LOL... I'd sit in the back seat
and watch the guys try to kiss her... I KNOW she took me as a buffer or as an excuse... she was very popular and could
have any guy I'm sure and she did not put out... at least when I was there. Those were happy times in a not so good childhood.
She was the only one that knew about me shaving my legs and arms when I starting growing hair. She was the one that
took up for me when I did not want to get my hair cut. She was the best and I was so lucky to have her. We were really close
but she was never around much when I 12, 13, 14, 15 and I never told her how I felt. I'm not sure if mom ever told her or
not. I really think she will say "What took you so long?" when I tell her.

Amanda

awww, the darned Mother thread!! now i ain't dissing nobody's mama but my own, tbh, i didn't have a real ma till i met my lovely wife, her mom is my mom, even if she did move and doesnt talk to us much, she could at least take time out of her busy schedule to write to her daughter, you know? i am glad you had such a sister Amanda, my sis(in-law) has been really super great about me. and i do love her dearly for that. you know i think this thread is a little late, i was expecting this to show up on mother's day...lol


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

Wow Lori! That Shojii is REALLY cool!

Quote from: gina on May 15, 2008, 09:31:22 AM
Hugs to all, some very touching post.. :'(

My mom was a beautiful, sensitive and very intelligent woman, also very religious (catholic) in my eye's I consider her a angel for the peace she would bring to those around her.

My Mom was/is a pretty devout Catholic as well. She originally intended to dedicate her life to God, but just before graduating college (which brought her to the U.S.) she met my dad. Upstanding guy, he was, what with the several mistresses, drugs, violence, and alcohol he impressed everyone with. A real man, I tell ya.

After the divorce, she was so ashamed of her failing God, she couldn't bring herself to go to church because she wasn't strong enough to hold her marriage together. Either way, she is an amazing woman and an inspiration to me. She's created this life for me and her children through hard work, drive, and diligence and I aspire to do the same.

When I came out, I was worried how her devotion to Catholicism would factor into our relationship.

She considers me her Gift from God.  :angel:

i had a hard time growing up. my 
mom was pregnant during the
vietnam war. my dad got my
mom pregnant in order to come
to the states. he got into drugs,
turned bi, and hung around with
bad crowds. being an immigrant,
there wasn't much work to be had
so he decided to try and rob us in
the middle of the night. luckily, my
uncle called the cops and arrested
him. he was never heard of since.

i did hear stories that he married
a white woman and had kids.
although, it would be nice to meet
my multi-ethnic half-bros and sisters,
i couldn't fathom the thoughts of him
leaving me when i was still a baby.

my mom had a tough time raising me
by herself. being an immigrant during
the vietnam war, she didn't get a
chance to get a education. we were
really poor and barely got by the bills.

when i was 14, we moved in with her
boyfriend. things were getting better
until one day, she had a stroke and i
had to drive her in the ER. she kept
saying that she was dying and there
was going to be nobody to take care
of me. i had never felt so helpless in
my entire life. it turned out she had
a brain stroke and half of her body
was numb. she did end up recovering
in a month and nothing was paralyzed.

but 5 years later, it happened again.
this time i was at my ex-gf's house
and i wasn't there in time. by the time,
i came home, she already had the stroke.
the ambulance took her away and she
was in the icu for a week. the stroke
made her braindead so the plug was
pulled.

that was 3 years ago. although she did
visit my dreams a few times, i've always
felt i never had a chance to say goodbye
person. guilt loomed over my head for a
few years, fell into a depression, and lost
25lbs.

there were so many everyday problems in
our everyday lives that i never had the chance
to tell her this other side of me. i know she
would have a hard time accepting it- mainly
because she wants to have grandkids and
for me to carry the family name. but, there
are times where she tells me she wished i
was a girl.

in our family, everything was tough love.
we were never allowed to express our
feelings freely. i remember this one time
i was at my friends' house and his mom
came outside to talk to him. when they
finished talking, they gave each other a
hug. i was shocked to see this happen.
i asked him, "u always hug you mom like
that?" he answered, "ya, her and dad. we
do it all of the time." jealous, i replied, "i
never get hugs from my family". after i
said that, he called him mom out to hug
me. omg, i was sooo embarrassed, but
felt at ease the same time. that is
something i would never forget.

Wow Rozen...

Life is hell. I don't know if it is better to have loved and be loved then lose them, or to be hated and beaten.
Either way the pain is bad. The hurt never goes away.

My mom is the matriarch of my family.  I was the first child, the first grandchild, the first everything, and mom has always had very high expectations of me (and my siblings).  She always encourages (forces us?) to do our best regardless of the situation we are in.  During my childhood, mom did everything for me (us) or always had someone else do the job for her.  She would normally hire one of her cousins to clean, cook and keep us company while she was at work (she was a part-time highschool teacher in her younger years).

"I want you to study, to get a 20 grade. (the equivalent of straight A's), to be the best at everything, you understand?" she would tell us.  I (we) tried very hard at school, but sometimes our best was never enough.  If for some reason, we received a 16 or a 17 (the equivalent of a B grade}, we had to prepare ourselves for a few reglazos (on the palm of our hands for "not" doing our best) and the lecture of our lifetimes.

She would quiz us tirelessly during mid-term/finals.  If we didn't satisfy one of her quizes, she would give us coffee and make us study until the early hours of the following morning.  We would be on the table half asleep trying to read or write, and she would be there watching us, asking endless questions, teaching us math or whatever...with a wooden ruler in her hands.

Depite this fact that perhaps some of you will consider "harsh", we learned to idolize mom.  She has always been our hope, our example, our strong shoulder to lean on.  We love her dearly and somehow we have adopted her behavior in so many ways.  I suppose that los reglazos have paid off, and naturally she is very proud of all of us for what we have accomplished.

As far as GID is concerned....well...I was three of four the first time I told her (not in scientific terms of course, but to the best of my ability at that age).  She went ballistic and literally told me to forget about it.  I was a "boy" and she didn't want to hear any of that "nonsense" ever again.  As I grew older,  my mannerisms were not peculiar of what you would expect from a boy.  Friends/family had begun to insinuate that I "acted" like a girl and that if she (my mom) didn't do anything about it soon, I would grow up to be a maricon (the most vile noun in the Spanish language to refer to a "gay man")

Many years have passed since we had "that conversation" for the second time during my late teen years.  She didn't take it well at all.  She cried, screamed, told me that I was going to "kill her son".   It took her a while to get used to the new name/pronouns/adjectives (you have to understand that every adjective in Spanish has a gender, so she had to get accustomed to using them when referring to me)

I know that it was very, very, very difficult for her to assimilate the enormity of my situation.  Nonetheless, I am proud to say that she has finally understood what all of this is about.  The first time she called me a "she" was a very joyous day; the day that she introduced me as her daughter using my female name was even more wondrous.  I cried for hours that day.  I had won the battle  What can I say?  I have her attitude, and I wasn't going to give up until she understood. I'm her daughter after all. ;)  ;D


tink :icon_chick:

What a question, how long can the answer be, my Mom was a differcult and domineering woman, I loved her very much, but she was unhappy and had her demons, its sad Amanda, my story was very similar to yours, unloved after when I was born, but it all changed when I came out at 16, then I really only learned the truth, I often wonder was that, made me the way I am, so complicated things can be, I had my problems and my Mom had hers, but both our situations changed and both suited the other.
I learned years later, when my Mom married my Dad she wanted a daughter, she had the first son, then the 2nd, then the 3rd, then me last, still no daughter as far as she could see.
She use to have terrible mood swings, my Dad would disappear, my brothers and I would keep out of her way, I was different to my brothers, but was really only close to my next brother.
One day changed everything, I was depressed with my own situation, Mom lost her temper and shouted at me, what the hell is wrong, thats when I shouted back, I feel Im a girl, that day changed everything, I posted about it before in another thread.
My Mom's reaction surprised everybody, I think it was the first time we saw Mom happy, then Mom and Dad had a discussion about it all.
Then we had this family meeting to agree on my transition, I think my Dad and brothers agreed becaused it made Mom so happy, she was saying good rid to a son she never wanted and was getting a daughter she always wanted.
My next brother was slow to except it, but my Mom was like a different person, she was very in control and involved in my transition.
I use to be close to my brother, but lost some of that, after he moved out, the room we shared for so many years was completely transformed into a girls room, it was as if Mom wanted to make the most of lost years and have a pretty daughter.
She was a lot easy to live with after that, but still very domineering, I had my own ideas on the sort of girl I wanted to be, Mom had her own ideas and wanted me to be very much a girly girl, we fought a lot over that, somethings you have to do if you want things to change.
I remember little things Mom would buy, like toothbushes, or hairbushes, my brothers would never get confused becaused they where pink and girly, Mom changed completely and the rest of the family where happy, one day my brother came into my room, he looked round my room at all the pink and girly stuff and asked me if this is what I really wanted, I said yes, we never discussed it again, in resent years we finally get on well as brother and sister.
Mom was the boss, she was not a woman to cross, but when I became her daughter, we became good friends.
p

My mother?

Oh dear gods... This is one of "those" questions...

My mother and I rarely ever got along... I'm actually glad I don't remember most of my childhood. What I do remember, My mother was the heavy hand.... It got worse once I realized my birthday and my parents wedding anniversary were a little too close together if you know what I mean... Any little thing I did, be it actually destructive, or just out of the box she assumed me to be in lead to harsh punishment.  Intellectually we got on fine, but emotionally and physically the relationship was hellish...  Got into her makeup... thats a whipping with a leather belt or hot wheel track <her favorite weapon>. Forget to walk the dogs... a lashing with there chain leashes... Do something really bad... I seriously don't remember the punishments for those... All I know is I fear her.

Since coming out, shes become even more cold... Her most evil act... belittling me because of my transition, using the split with my wife like hot needles... using every hurtful word and every bit of hurtful knowledge to try to destroy me... and when that didn't work... She tried to kill me with a pick-axe.

My father says she cares, but she has a funny way of showing it...  I keep telling him he needs to add both my brother and myself into his will independent of her... because if he doesn't, both of us are totally screwed....


PS: As an afterthought I should say my mother is a mega tomboy, and if there were such a thing as a shelter for battered husbands, my dad would have been a regular.

I love her and she's done everything she can to make me happy...

Well other than with my gender issue, which she just essentially ignored, said I wasn't transgendered due to me not being a stereotypical female (the two things she mentioned were invalid as my sister didn't fit into either of them.), and due to the fact that she thought it was a "phase." I could not argue with her...

But this was 4/5 years ago. We haven't set down and talked of it since. She still makes sure I'm as masculine as can be, though. ::) :'(

Floating -- that's a really lovely screen. The my first thought was "logarithmic? quadratic?" I should have taken a second to notice the pattern. It makes a great effect.

--

I was always close to my mother. I always felt I was the favored child in her eyes, if only because I took after her more than my sisters did. My gender dysphoria made me draw back from her (and pretty much everyone else) through my teenage years, and  it remains a source of discomfort for me in my relationship with her. I sensed that it hurt her, and that as much as she tried to be supportive, it made her so uncomfortable that it made me very self-conscious. I never experienced much guilt about my gender issues until she found out when I was about 13, after which it immediately became almost unbearable, despite her supportive words. That wound has still not healed, and I wonder if it ever will.

Mom?  Well she and have always been very close.  We look alike too.  My hands and feet are carbon copies of hers and she has always enjoyed holding them up together.

That being said, she was the absolute family matriarch.  She ran the family with an iron hand.  Things went her way or we all paid the price.  I think the old adage "If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy" was written just for her. 

I don't know what she will say when we have the talk soon, but I know at first it won't be pretty.  I was the good son, the one who have her the granddaughter she wanted, since she only had sons.  I just hope I am not completely, totally disowned.  But I fear otherwise.

Kristi

My mom was a drug addict and an escort. She had abusive boyfriends. We lived in a run-down condemned house for years with ply-wood covered windows. Often we had no food, heat, water, or electricity. Several times I had to run to the neighbours, who would look at me in disgust as I told them that my mom OD'd again and we needed to take her to the hospital. Everyone in the town knew what was going on, but everyone turned a blind eye.

That's my childhood in a nutshell.

--natalie

I was the only surviving child of newly immigrant parents ....

My younger sister (Eva) was born early and died at a few months old ....

My dad died when I was just 10 years old ....

The "golden years" where when we were a family .... I was an incredibly pretty child, was always dressed immaculately, never ever got "dirty", allowed to have dolls until a really late age until they slowly but "traumatically" weaned me off them, overprotected on account of my sisters death.

So it remained just me and my mum through puberty and my teenage years (I was 20 when she re-married).

There were just the two of us in a foreign country, no family, no support, and my father's death affected her moods real bad. 

She loved me absolutely, but could be hard and demanding in her expectations of me (straight A's & everything else demanded), we'd argue and scream at each other endlessly ....

First time I really felt free of her control was when I left home for a job around 20.

Suddenly things became calmer as even now 25+ years on it takes two weeks together before nerves start itching and we reduce ourselves to tears in silly confrontation ....  :( ....

In my teens she discovered a stash of female clothes I'd hidden, and had she not been living her life through "expectations of me" - career, wife, grandchildren .... guess I would have come out ?

I was in my late 20's when I came out to her about my "dressing" and spending weekends as a girl .... and she accepted but kind of denied it.

Took another 15 years before I revealed the full truth about my being TS (the hardest hours of my life), but by then I guess hopes of daughter in law & grandchildren had long evaporated ?

She embraced me unconditionally as Laura with the (Hungarian) words "I love you as my only child absolutely, and I shall support you in whatever it takes for you to find happiness in your life"

I spent 10 weeks in post-op recovery with mom & stepdad .... and she would bring me coffee and chat during dilations, wash the stents before I had the chance !

I see her for a long weekend each month and we go shopping !  We help each other with picking clothes (our tastes for what suits our different ages are surprisingly the same) ....

She is really proud of me as her daughter in front of all her friends ....

But suddenly a whole new range of expectation like "finding a nice guy with a good career", "marriage !", "moving on in my own career", "buying that really nice apartment / cottage to live in so that I can impress boyfriends ... ??? ..." ...

And given 2 weeks like Xmas / Summer vacation together we still end up in argument and tears !!!

Sure I love my mum to bits and will feel devastated when she's no longer around ....

Laura x

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I am my mother after all.

My mother was my guide, protector, teacher, and friend.  From my mother I learned to clean and cook and sew.  She played with me and helped me with my homework.  And I am more like her than anyone else in the world.  All of my virtues and all of my flaws seem to be the same ones she had.  And now that she is gone, I miss her.

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 17, 2008, 09:04:58 PM
And I am more like her than anyone else in the world.  All of my virtues and all of my flaws seem to be the same ones she had.

Philip Larkin -

They ->-bleeped-<- you up, your mum and dad.
  They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
  And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ->-bleeped-<-ed up in their turn

  By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
  And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
  It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
  And don't have any kids yourself ....

(an infamous "favourite poem" by one of my favourite poets !)

Laura x

They ->-bleeped-<- you up your mum and dad,
but considering the life i've had
i'd not be ->-bleeped-<-ed up in any other way.
They tried damn hard through every fault
They tried make sure that you were taught
And that's all there is to say.

My relationship with my Mom was a good one. Contrary to what many people experienced on here, my mother was not domineering at all. My father was in the military so my Mom would often be the one taking care of us back then. I remember that she always asked me how I was doing, she would always encourage me to open up and really talk to her. I think when I was younger, like before high school or even middle school, I did...about most stuff. I think that's one of the regrets I have, not talking to her about gender stuff. I know, I have no way of knowing how she would have reacted, this was the 80's after all.

She's been supportive of my transition and she's going to FFS. I'm not saying that she's been encouraging of my transition, because I don't feel like that either. I feel like she's being there for me because I'm her child and she loves me. She's always known that I was a really sensitive and emotional kids and I think she tried to really be there for me, and honestly, she was, as much as I needed her to be. As I get older, my relationship with my Mom feels like it's returning to where it was when I was younger. I hope that transition has the possibility of bringing us even closer than we were.

I'm sure if she had her choice, I wouldn't be doing this, but I think she knows where I am with everything. Meghan

Well I don't see how there can be a connection between being TS and how you are raised. There seems to be too many that had o.k. childhoods. I guess that would be a stupid observation anyhow considering how many people that had crappy childhoods that are not TS.

so bad i don't want to talk about it, but i'm sure it'll be one of the first questions out of his mouth when and if i finally ever get to go see him...... :( :(


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

It was often rocky when I was growing up, however we get along well now. My mom is a very intelligent, opinionated, independent woman, always says what she thinks whether you agree with her or not. I've got many similar traits  ;D

Z

My mom was very accepting of how I was.  If I wanted to play with my sisters' Easy Bake Oven, that was okay with her -- there was no pressure from her to conform to a gender stereotype.  In fact, later in life she would occasionally ask if I was gay, or hint around the subject, or come right out and tell me it's okay if I'm gay.  And each time, I'd tell her no, that's not it...

The problem was that she was addicted to her second husband, and was unable to protect me from his desperate attempts to 'make a man out of me'.  She would 'try' to shield me from him, but ultimately stood by while he administered various lessons and then tried to make it all right in the aftermath.  Eventually, she kicked her addiction, and him out of our lives.

Karen

Quote from: Alyssa M. on May 16, 2008, 08:53:19 PM
Floating -- that's a really lovely screen. The my first thought was "logarithmic? quadratic?" I should have taken a second to notice the pattern. It makes a great effect.

--

Thanks!.

I've read a few of your posts.  I was wondering if you'd catch that. ^_^
(also, when it's upside down, it's reminiscent of the hyrdogen spectrum which is what my friend thought when he saw it).

My relationship with my mother was, ehm, almost non-existing actually.

Ok she did the "normal" things a mother does, picked me up from school, untill i was old enough to take the bike.
She cooked, punishment was there if i did something wrong, etc.

But trying to talk to her was like talking to a brick wall........
I could say whatever i wanted, that's it. There was no other "interaction" with her......
She never showed any type of love. No hugs, nothing.

Later on, she tried to blame mé from that. Luckily her sister interfered, she basically did the same with us the way she was brought up. My aunt said that even she, never learned it from their parents, and as soon she was married, she hád to learn from her husband how to show love towards her children.

Luckily things changed a bit the past 5 years  and especially the past year.(In the past she could be really, ehm, arrogant towards everyone.)

When i came out to her, she was in a way, unresponsive, the "oh, it's just a phase thing". And ignored it.
Later on she realized it wasn't something to be ignored, and she was visibly having a hard time with it. This showed that she does love her children but never knew how to express herself (Only to her husband.)
While she was having a hard time, and had to think things through, she was negative about my "illness" as she called it. Calling me crazy, etc.
Partially this last part was done  because of the great influence my father had over my mother.
But that changed as well, and after reading letters about my feelings, and the problems I was experiencing, she realized that she had to support me, because i was her child, she couldn't just let me drop like that. These days, i'm there for her, and she's here for me. We finally do some hugging. And talk deeply about me and her, my feelings, and, well, almost like mother and daughter ^^
She respects me, and the way I "express" myself these days (living female 24/7).

Things really improved, though we're far from a happy ending..........