Susan's Place Transgender Resources

i'm not shocked, but i am hurt. and i expect throughout the rest of my entire life it will be this way. my sister is having a bridal shower today, and i wasn't invited. i expect this trend to continue as long as i live. all my other female friends are married and i didn't even get invited to their weddings. some of my guy friends got married and didn't invite me to their weddings. but what really hurt the most was that my 6 year old daughter was invited and my wife was going to take my son if he could go. i put my foot down and i told her if i couldn't go, he sure as hell wasn't going. i probably would have just ruined things anyway as i don't know how many of you other girls have been to these things. they would have probably just seen me as a male trying to inflict masculinity into a traditional genetic girl atmosphere. i'm so hurt, i'm not even sure i want to hear about it when they get home. but i sure hope they have loads of fun and everyone she invited shows up because i made sure i took the whole day off work so they could go. she picked out my outfit this morning and colored my hair...i tihnk in her own way she was trying to say i want you to come and really sorry you can't. maybe someday i can go to something like this and nobody will be offended but i won't get my hopes up....


Saddened Warrior Princess,
Mickie

aww hugs Mickie.

thanks, Nero  ;D

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...believe it will get better.  Not 'perfect', but better.  I have pockets of acceptance as well as pockets of revulsion/resistance in my life.  The former have increased, the latter have dwindled - somewhat.  The same will happen for you.

Karen

Do they know you are TS? I mean do you live as a woman day to day? Are you out to them?

You have to forgive me but I'm not really sure what your situation is. If you are still living as a dad and a male role, well...I dunno. If the wife or daughter gets invited usually the dad does too. Was it a general invitation or did they specifically invite your daughter? Somebody has to take the six year old to the wedding. Are you not a parent? How do you know you are not invited? Did the wedding party specifically say you are not invited? I guess I'm curious to know why you can't go?

Quote from: Lori on May 18, 2008, 06:12:57 PM
Do they know you are TS? I mean do you live as a woman day to day? Are you out to them?

That's what I was about to ask too... ?

People often need to be told - and in very clear-cut terms - who you are now before they can begin to adapt to that change.

~Kate~

Quote from: Princess Mickie on May 18, 2008, 12:37:49 PM
i'm not shocked, but i am hurt. and i expect throughout the rest of my entire life it will be this way. my sister is having a bridal shower today, and i wasn't invited. i expect this trend to continue as long as i live. all my other female friends are married and i didn't even get invited to their weddings. some of my guy friends got married and didn't invite me to their weddings. but what really hurt the most was that my 6 year old daughter was invited and my wife was going to take my son if he could go. i put my foot down and i told her if i couldn't go, he sure as hell wasn't going. i probably would have just ruined things anyway as i don't know how many of you other girls have been to these things. they would have probably just seen me as a male trying to inflict masculinity into a traditional genetic girl atmosphere. i'm so hurt, i'm not even sure i want to hear about it when they get home. but i sure hope they have loads of fun and everyone she invited shows up because i made sure i took the whole day off work so they could go. she picked out my outfit this morning and colored my hair...i tihnk in her own way she was trying to say i want you to come and really sorry you can't. maybe someday i can go to something like this and nobody will be offended but i won't get my hopes up....


Saddened Warrior Princess,
Mickie

sorry to hear that sweetie.

i get blocked from all family functions too, by the 'doll posse'. it's not that they don't like me. we get along one-on-one as well as ever. actually, i think it's more about them preventing their kids from getting any Trans ideas. you figure, i show up looking happy and more well-adjusted than their parents, and in a cuter outfit - what's a kid supposed to think?

so yeah, when i was unhappy and not well-adjusted, and in clothes and a skin i didn't feel comfortable in -- then i got invited!

-Ell

I am apprehensive about what is going to happen when my kids start getting married.

ok, yeah ladies i am out to some of them, it would have made no difference if i went, because i would have worn like t-shirt and jeans cause she said some of her man's family just isn't comfortable with that. when people see me for the first time,, all they see is female unless i absolutely have to uncorrect them. some of the people that went i only see for the first time. i guess other little kids and boys were there, plus a male cousin who drove an hour, so yeah i'm quite offended, plus this set of family cousin "couldn't come" to my wife's bridal shower, so yeah, i'm quite upset. maybe she just figured i'd be bored or something i don't know.....some of the family i won't even see until october and then i'll probably see them again, and then others i only see once a year if that, so it's kind of hard to show up on their doorstep and say..this is who i am now...tho her dad's side of the family has never referred to by my name and when i do go see them i'm always bored cause the girls don't talk to me and the guys are all watching footballl(yuck).....i guess i'll just have to wait and see if she says anything next time i see her..



Warrior Princess,
Mickie

I'd show up in proper attire and stop un-correcting people. Then again..I'm not sure what it is you are really doing. You look like a woman trying to live a mans role in a society that only accepts males and females. Even I am a little confused. Maybe I don't understand fully. Either be a man or a woman...I guess. 

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 19, 2008, 08:37:07 AM
I am apprehensive about what is going to happen when my kids start getting married.

oh dear, i don't include my own daughter in the 'doll posse'!  those are some female relatives of mine who are rather unhappy and do not think twice about sharing the unhappiness.

but that is not my daughter. i don't mean to brag, but she's a wonderful person, and she doesn't exclude me at all.

similarly, i don't think you should worry 'bout your children in that regard either, my dear.

-Ellie{L}

Quote from: Princess Mickie on May 19, 2008, 09:09:23 AM
others i only see once a year if that, so it's kind of hard to show up on their doorstep and say..this is who i am now...

I worried about that when I attended a wedding last year, as although I had "come out" to my closest family, I still hadn't seen or spoken with the more distant members in quite some time. We just didn't talk all that much except on occasions.

But it turned out *someone* had spread the word, as when I got there everyone called me Kate as if it'd always been that way. No questions, no nothing, just "Hi Kate!" That really shocked me, as I was expecting to be interrogated and gawked at and questioned.

So to some degree, word may spread beyond those whom you tell directly. The trick I think is in WHAT you tell them?

IMHO, clarity, persistence and consistency win people over eventually. When you "come out" to people, try to be very clear and direct about what you need, about what you're doing. You want them to know this is serious and permanent, and not just a phase or a hobby. That this is the rest of your life, and not an "enfemme" thing you can do or not do according to whim.

~Kate~

Kate, dear, i wish that would have been the case years ago, her mom's side of the family has always referred to me properly namewise, but her dad's side just doesn't seem to be able to do it and some of them are the like the ones i have money so i'm better than you types so i'm afraid to say...look this is who i am and you need to refer to me this way...but i'm gonna try this year because i just can't stand it anymore. it's taken way too much of a toll on me to be someone i'm not.


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

Quote from: ell on May 19, 2008, 10:04:35 AM

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 19, 2008, 08:37:07 AM
I am apprehensive about what is going to happen when my kids start getting married.

oh dear, i don't include my own daughter in the 'doll posse'!  those are some female relatives of mine who are rather unhappy and do not think twice about sharing the unhappiness.

but that is not my daughter. i don't mean to brag, but she's a wonderful person, and she doesn't exclude me at all.

similarly, i don't think you should worry 'bout your children in that regard either, my dear.

-Ellie{L}

I'm not worried about their acceptance.  I'm worried about how I will be treated when it comes time for weddings.  I do not think I will be walking anyone down the aisle, that's already been discussed, but I don't know what, if any, part I will play.

Mickie,
  I don't know if this could be seen in like manner but in our family the drunks that get religion are shunned by the athiests.
  The ones that do not wish to attend college get shunned by those with degrees.
  The poor ones like me get shunned by the financially well off ones.
  I'm sorry to see that such things happen by family with transsexual issues too. I hope that you don't let it get you down too much.
  Their rejection of you is their loss!
  I hope this doesn't anger the more independant girls here but as for the guys in the shop, if it was in the facility where I work and they did that in front of me I would remind them pussies pick on ladies. But then again, I grew up in the 60's and I do tend to lose quite a few jobs.
  I hope things get better.
  Alicia

Wedding and showers are all about the bride, not about you.