Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm not sure if this post belongs here under "Coming out of the closet" or if it should be in "Real life experience" but here goes:

I currently live with roommates, not all of whom know about me, which means I live mostly as a guy. It's the end of the school year and everyone is moving their separate directions, and I'm looking into finding a new place to live.

I've found an in-law apartment that is perfect for me. It's close to work, it's in a nice quiet neighborhood, it's huge, and the price is more than fair. The problem is, since I will be living by myself, I would like to be able to live 100% as a woman except for work (There is no possible way for me to be out at work, I will have to find a new job eventually).

Normally I wouldn't think of disclosing my situation to the landlord, it's really none of his or her business. But in this case, since it's an in-law unit directly behind the landlords house, they will no doubt constantly see me coming and going. Since I'm going to be around them constantly, do I have an obligation to explain before things get too far along?

I'm dreading the conversation, but I'm thinking that, even if I don't explain now, once I'm all moved in, I'm going to have to say something or just shock the hell out of them by suddenly wearing womens clothing :-/

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

my landlord has seen me start out as a guy and then change into a girl.  They are an older couple but don't seem to have a problem with it and haven't said anything.  We haven't discussed it at all.  Mostly I think they care more about if I pay rent on time and am a good tenant.  I used to be pretty open about my situation but anymore if people dont ask I dont tell.

Audrey

I guess I'm afraid of being unfair to them. If they think they're renting to a guy, am I pulling a bait and switch on them?

The landlords have a little boy, probably between 5 and 8. I worry that they'll object to me because they don't want their son to start asking difficult questions.

Quote from: AlwaysLauren on May 18, 2008, 02:27:52 PM
I guess I'm afraid of being unfair to them. If they think they're renting to a guy, am I pulling a bait and switch on them?

The landlords have a little boy, probably between 5 and 8. I worry that they'll object to me because they don't want their son to start asking difficult questions.

Yes tough choice but I would have to say is to tell them the truth, its possible it may cost you the apartment but it also gains respect (which always helps in renting)   Picture youself explaining a difficult topic like GID to your child (if you had one) its very tough. You owe it to the respect of the child to let them know your situation.

gina

Quote from: AlwaysLauren on May 18, 2008, 02:27:52 PM
I guess I'm afraid of being unfair to them. If they think they're renting to a guy, am I pulling a bait and switch on them?

The landlords have a little boy, probably between 5 and 8. I worry that they'll object to me because they don't want their son to start asking difficult questions.

I don't see how it is being unfair to them. I mean if you're gonna rent out an apartment, then you don't expect to know every intimate detail of the tenants private life. You are you, and you don't need to apologise to anybody for that!  :)

Though I suppose if they are gonna give you trouble, then it might be best to find out before moving in.

Quote from: gina on May 20, 2008, 09:48:33 AM
Yes tough choice but I would have to say is to tell them the truth, its possible it may cost you the apartment but it also gains respect (which always helps in renting)   Picture youself explaining a difficult topic like GID to your child (if you had one) its very tough. You owe it to the respect of the child to let them know your situation.

I don't know if it's really that hard to explain to a child, but it would demand parents who are open-minded and understand it themselves.
Actually, I think children are much more accepting--if you tell them that some people are born in the wrong body, that bothers them a lot, so they change it and are happy again, most kids wouldn't think to much about it.
Same with gay, if you tell a child most adults fall in love with the opposite gender, but some with the same gender, that would be it.

Quote from: Elincubus on May 20, 2008, 04:15:15 PM

Quote from: gina on May 20, 2008, 09:48:33 AM
Yes tough choice but I would have to say is to tell them the truth, its possible it may cost you the apartment but it also gains respect (which always helps in renting)   Picture youself explaining a difficult topic like GID to your child (if you had one) its very tough. You owe it to the respect of the child to let them know your situation.

I don't know if it's really that hard to explain to a child, but it would demand parents who are open-minded and understand it themselves.
Actually, I think children are much more accepting--if you tell them that some people are born in the wrong body, that bothers them a lot, so they change it and are happy again, most kids wouldn't think to much about it.
Same with gay, if you tell a child most adults fall in love with the opposite gender, but some with the same gender, that would be it.

True Elincubus , but remember its not one or both of the parents that has GID to explain to their child, but a total stranger with GID. I would say most would pass on this subject...unless it was within the family and even then its a hard subject to get into without opening a can of worms, just my thought about it thats all.  :)

gina

AlwaysLauren,
Really tough call.  You might want to just go visit them and somehow bring GID or even TS discretely.  Somehow find out how they might feel about it.

Or then the is the direct approach and just explain your situation.

  I also rent but I am not out entirely yet, but as a friend of mine ( who knows all about me ) said " its none their".  And she is right, I pay my rent on time and don't cause trouble.  I don't plan on tell them anything unless it comes up.

Good Luck Sweety
Love,
Janet

I'm a parent and very open and honest with my kids and have been since they were small.  Waaayyy before my GID issues smacked me upside the head.  I wish more parents would just answer their kids questions truthfully and without embarrassment.

Oh, well.  I can dream, can't I?

Jay

ok, i rent and my apartment manager was kinda mean about us paying the rent late until one day my daughter had to shout that she had stuck something through the door. she came back cause i hadn't had a chance to remove some stuff off my balcony. i told her i would get it done when my so got home, cause i had no one to watch my kids. she saw i was dressed all pretty, nice skirt, top, dress shoes, and ever since then she has actually been a lot nicer to both of us. she knows we'll pay the rent as soon as we can cause we both get paid bi weekly which i hate, especially since now they are cutting her hours. but yeah, i've been treated with the upmost respect from her, i think her being a lesbian(still not sure after almost 2 years here..lol) might help with it, or she's just more understanding than most. I would wait and see if they ask, they may already feel it's none of their business...


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

Quote from: gina on May 20, 2008, 07:49:49 PM
True Elincubus , but remember its not one or both of the parents that has GID to explain to their child, but a total stranger with GID. I would say most would pass on this subject...unless it was within the family and even then its a hard subject to get into without opening a can of worms, just my thought about it thats all.  :)

gina

You're right if it was only for the child there was no problem. The problem are parents who are deadly scard about certain questions which is ironically the only reason questions like that turn out to be uncomfortable for everybody involved...

I live in a manufactured home park.  When I came out about being a ts and going to live 24/7 as a female I called the office to let them know.  I used to be the manager until the position was abolished.  The owner got word to me that she would like to see what I looked like as a female.  About 3 weeks later I went out and saw her and 2 of the girls in the office. The owner said I look a helluva lot better as a female than I did as a man. Needless to say I thanked her very much.
Amber

You may also want to consider whether you have any legal protections where you live.  After all, you'd rather lose the apartment before you move in, than after you've schlepped all your stuff in and handed over a deposit that you may or may no get back.  :-\