Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Tomorrow is my official coming out day at work.  So far only HR, the executives, and my manager know and nobody anticipates any problems, but I'm still scared.  That means I can start my RLT immediately after that.  That part is exciting.  I'm trying not to think about tomorrow, so that I can actually concentrate at work.

Melissa

Good luck Melissa,


                          I hope all goes well, remember it will be a shock for many so expect that and don't take it as disapproval. Give people a little time and they will recognise the real you.  You have come such a long way.




beth

I had so many different reactions at the different companies I did work for at the time.  Some were positive others were not all that good, but in general things went well.

Hopefully most of your experiences will be positive, but if not, just ignore those people, they aren't that important anyway.

Sarah L.

Congratulations Melissa. Another milestone. Remember that a good part of your anxiety today is caused by the uncertainty. The people who are important are supporting you. The rest will come around if they're not there instantly.

Good luck with it Melissa,

Dennis

Remember, no matter how badly it may seem to go....someone else has been through worse.

My first transition.  My boss had said that he would inform management and inform everyone in my department.  I showed up for work to find out that he had not done so.  Ummm, surprise?

Good luck with everything and let us know how it goes.

Hugs.

Well, thanks.  I expect this to go well, but I'm still nervous.

Quote from: LostInTime on July 06, 2006, 01:46:23 PM
My first transition.  My boss had said that he would inform management and inform everyone in my department.  I showed up for work to find out that he had not done so.  Ummm, surprise?

:o Oh my.  That must have been quite uncomfortable.  That's why I'm staying around after people are told.

Melissa

Keep us poste abot ur progees 2 work itis really inspiring  & am very exited or you that yu nab exoress who you ar eall the time. Woah RLt wil go well i just know it!  ;D
~Amy

Quote from: spike on July 06, 2006, 01:56:59 PM
Keep us poste abot ur progees 2 work itis really inspiring  & am very exited or you that yu nab exoress who you ar eall the time. Woah RLt wil go well i just know it!  ;D
~Amy

Ok, I think I can decode this :):

QuoteKeep us posted about your progess to work. It is really inspiring and I am very excited for you that you can express who you are all the time. Whoa RLT will go well, I just know it!  ;D

Is that what happens when you stop smoking? ;)  Thanks Amy.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on July 06, 2006, 11:01:04 AM
Tomorrow is my official coming out day at work.  So far only HR, the executives, and my manager know and nobody anticipates any problems, but I'm still scared.  That means I can start my RLT immediately after that.  That part is exciting.  I'm trying not to think about tomorrow, so that I can actually concentrate at work.

A wise someone once told me something like,

If the relationshp is strong, what are you worried about?
And if it was weak to begin with, why do you care?

But I know, I know... words only go so far. But it sounds like you've planned this as responsibly and intelligently as possible. The rest... is up to them. You've done your part. Now you just have to be yourself.

Melissa,

I pray that things go well for you tomorrow.  We will be thinking and praying for you.

Godspeed,

Chaunte

I scared that after tomorrow, nobody will want to talk to me anymore and I won't be able to do my job, since it requires me interacting with others.  I'm hoping that this worry goes unwarranted though.  I'm sure I'll also have many questions to answer tomorrow, so I don't think my part is quite over.  I imagine monday will be even harder, since I'll have to gather up the courage to continue acting normally and not hide away at my desk.  Basically, I'm leaving my comfort zone for a while (unless everyone is extremely accepting), but if it all work out well, I'll be a much happier person.  The thing that keeps me going is that I know that there is no going back at this point.  It's like going down a very steep slide and would take a Herculian effort to go backwards.

Melissa

Melissa,

You are a strong, beautiful person. I'm sure it will be difficult, but you will get through it and do well. Be proud of yourself.

I'll be thinking of you.

Steph

Melissa,

I work in computer support.  When I first came out and showed up for my first day of work, it was dead silent.  The only calls or emails came from those I was very close to at work already.  So I went upstairs (why are all IT depts in the basement?) and walked around, like I normally do.  Said hellos and all that.  Showed them that I was completely comfortable, happy, and doing things business as usual.

That broken open the ground for many but not all.  There are some who still will not speak to me or even ask for help unless there are no other choices. 

I had some other problems as well.  Reasons ranged from I was going against their god's will to I looked way too good.

Point is, just go in and be yourself.  Everything else will eventually work out.

Melissa,
       Best of luck with your coming out at work.  I hope that your colleagues will see you for the same beautiful person that you are on the inside.  I pray that their minds will be open to the fact that your outside will now match that beautiful interior.

:icon_chick: :icon_chick:
Pam

Best of luck to you Melissa, I'll pray things go over well.  Stand strong :D

I'll second that, Pam.

Melissa,
I can't imagine anyone not wanting to talk to you anymore. You're an incredibly sweet girl and I can't fathom anyone not loving you. Besides who could possibly resist that smile?
Don't be scared, baby, Nero's here for you.

Nero

OMG, Melissa, I so feel for you.  I can imagine what your going through and I hope that by tomorrow at this time you'll be thinking, "What was I so worried about?"

I guess that you'll be the main topic of conversation for a week or so and then, especially if you continue in your good work and outgoing personality, it'll drop down and die out.  Then you'll just be another girl at the office.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow at 11:00 (You're 3 hours behind us on the Eastern time zone, I'm assuming you start at eight) and will be sending good thoughts across the continental divide.

I can't wait to read all your good news tomorrow when I log on again!
helen

The first meeting isn't actually until 11:30.  I'll meet with the HR person in the morning and go over information changes and then I'll go back to work.  At 11:30, the people I work with will meet first and the HR person will make the announcement.  That's when I'll probably lay my head down on my desk and expect the worst when it's over.  :icon_no:

Ugh, I shouldn't think about this.  It just keeps making me nervous.

Melissa

******************
*Best of luck Melissa !!*
******************

You're a great person and I believe that everything will be okay. ;)

I'll be thinking of you.  :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:



Michelle

Hey there Melissa.

I went through the same thing last year and it turned out great.  I think that there were only a couple who had a problem, but I was protected by company policies.  I'm sure that yours will go ok.  You say that you have HR and your boss behind you so that's half the battle.  After a couple of weeks I was old news and just not that interesting anymore, they moved on to other topics :)

You can't make people like you so just be yourself and be positive, don't let them get to you.  Last night I was in Burlington for a Safety Managers seminar.  All my peers (other branch safety managers) were there, about 110 people.  Wouldn't you know it at the end of the day there was a raffle draw and I won one of the prizes, so I had to walk up onto the stage in front of everyone to get my prize.  But even though I knew that there were those there who said "there she is, that's what she looks like" (I was told afterwards), I felt good, looked damn good, and hey none of them guessed who I was until they heard my name.

You'll do ok Melissa.

Steph




Posted at: July 06, 2006, 10:00:21 PM

---

P.S.  Just remember to stay positive, and confident about you and continue to do your job as you have always done, inspite of them.  Cause believe me they will be watching for you to falter.

Steph

Quote from: Stephanie Craxford on July 06, 2006, 11:03:47 PM
Cause believe me they will be watching for you to falter.

Ahhh, now I'm really freaked out.  What if I mess up?  Oh great.  Oh wait, I just remembered something.  I'm about to finish a piece of software that everyone is anxiously anticipating, so hopefully that will override my big news.  In fact my manager was saying that if I get it done I'll be the hero, to which I replied "I could really use that right now" and he smiled.

Melissa

Melissa! Stop thinking the worst!

When I told the workplace, knowing I had the support of management, I had 3 secretaries come into my office, one by one, crying and telling me how brave I was. Then I got hauled out for beer by the guys. Over the next few days I had emails from virtually everyone at the office. And I was as stressed as you are. The people who didn't talk to me or email me within the first few days have turned out to be supportive but shy.

It'll be fine hun, if not all at once right away, then over time.

Dennis

Hi Melissa:

I'm so excited for you.  Wish you the best of luck!!!!
Some thoughts for the road...................

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.  So throw off the bowliness, sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream"
                             Mark Twain


"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure"                             
                             Norman Vincent Peale




tinkerbell ;)
                             

Quote from: Dennis on July 06, 2006, 11:27:21 PM
Melissa! Stop thinking the worst!

When I told the workplace, knowing I had the support of management, I had 3 secretaries come into my office, one by one, crying and telling me how brave I was. Then I got hauled out for beer by the guys. Over the next few days I had emails from virtually everyone at the office. And I was as stressed as you are. The people who didn't talk to me or email me within the first few days have turned out to be supportive but shy.

It'll be fine hun, if not all at once right away, then over time.

Dennis

Dennis, I sure hope you're right.  I would love to have a similar reaction.  I just can't help thinking the worst.  I guess that's part of being a woman.


Thanks Tink.  I like those quotes.  I tend to make up a lot of my own quotes, a couple of which I added into my signature.  Another thing, I felt the same way when I knew my manager was going to be told, so that's how I know how I'll feel tomorrow.  It did end up being just fine telling him though.

Melissa

Sending good thoughts your way! :)

2 hours to go.  My insides are convulsing.  I'm supposed to speak with the HR person first, but she's been in a meeting all morning.

Melissa

Quote from: Dennis on July 06, 2006, 11:27:21 PM
It'll be fine hun, if not all at once right away, then over time.

That's a great point, and remember that initial nervousness and uncomfortableness doesn't mean disapproval. It might take a few days to get into a social rythym again (though knowing you, probably about 30 seconds, lol), but it WILL happen. You'll be the "star" for a day, then everyone will go back to worrying about their kids, bills, fuel prices, etc.

You'll see ;)

Ok, only a half hour to go.  I talked to the HR person finally and I'm feeling somewhat better. She helped me with my apprehension and said I could leave early if I felt like it.  I'm going to try and stick around anyways though.  I don't want to appear ashamed and if anybody wants to talk, they may feel more comfortable with me dressed as I am now.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on July 07, 2006, 12:59:20 PM
Ok, only a half hour to go.  I talked to the HR person finally and I'm feeling somewhat better. She helped me with my apprehension and said I could leave early if I felt like it.  I'm going to try and stick around anyways though.  I don't want to appear ashamed and if anybody wants to talk, they may feel more comfortable with me dressed as I am now.

At least you know you COULD leave, if you needed to... always nice to not feel "trapped."

I'm so proud of you MEW! (sorry, couldnt' resist)

Just remember when you're there that you KNOW we're all here for you, thinkin' about ya... wishing you well...

(and I'll send the faeries to pinch anyone who gets out of line)

Kate, I have to say that your avatar reflects well on the beauty of your personality.  Thank you very much.

Oh yeah, 10 minutes to go.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on July 07, 2006, 01:20:26 PM
Kate, I have to say that your avatar reflects well on the beauty of your personality.  Thank you very much.

Oh thanks, make ME cry why dontcha? Thank you...

Quote
Oh yeah, 10 minutes to go.

This is more exciting than the space shuttle launch!!!

Not to make light of it... I know... I know... just want ya to hopefully leave with a laugh on your mind...

I think the whole forum will be overloading the bandwidth tonight clicking REFRESH, REFRESH... waiting for your report :)

Ok, now it's time for the sh*t to hit the fan.

Melissa

Hang in there Melissa... struggling out of an eggshell is never an easy task. ^*hug*

Ok, the first group has been told.  I find their lack of response disconcerting as it seems to show either ambivalence or apathy on their part.  Perhaps that's a good thing.

Melissa


Posted at: July 07, 2006, 11:47:24 AM

---

Ok, wave #2 meeting is starting now.  So far so good.  One more after that.

Melissa

Melissa Emily!  I see you're online!  Come out her RIGHT NOW and tell us how it went so I can go to bed!

;D ;D ;D Karen

For results, look at the thread titled I'm Freeeeeeeeeeeee (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,3779.0.html).

Melissa