Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: amie on June 23, 2008, 04:57:11 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: amie on June 23, 2008, 04:57:11 AM
Post by: amie on June 23, 2008, 04:57:11 AM
I'm very grateful to have found this site. I'm looking foward to sharing thought with those of you in a position like mine. With any good fortune, I may just make a few friends from the deal. I need this opportunity and intend to make the best of it. I consider myself to be very much a girl (m2f) and have ever since I've been able to form reasonable thought. Even before this point I felt something was wrong. Bein' a boy has never felt right. I guess I could start with the fact that as a baby and young child I looked like a girl. It was commonplace for someone to walk up to my mother in public and say somethin' to effect, "ah, what a cute lil' girl you have". I can't remember ever being displeased over this when Momma would bring it to my attention years later. I was always apt to try and play with the girls at first and remember feeling more comfortable when I could do so. My alpha-male father would never tolerate this though. He was very abusive both mentally and physically. He was a very selfish individual as well: I've often thought his protest on my desired company was probably more so an attempt at advertisement on his virility. Anyhoo, I went through grade school gettin' picked on and ridiculed for my girl-like manerisms and never functioning well with a group of boys. I could never tell Momma for fear of what my father would do if he found out. Trust me, based on some of the stuff he'd done by that point, I'm sure that, "Momma I wish I were a girl" would've gotten me hospitalized at the least. If only I coulda had a Daddy as well, huh? Well, I finally make it to puberty (and this is when the REAL fun begins) and the harddrive (brain) gets rilly scrambled. Now whereas before when girls were the desired company, I began to find myself a bit alienated stemming from envy. I was so jealous over the way they were entitled to behave and present themselves. This is when I truly discoverd that bein' a girl would've better coincided with my personality. I remember the loss of my virginity feeling more like a race. Guys are rilly warped when it comes to this deal. It's rilly a sad reflection on thier part in that itza common bragging right to tell another they'd lost thier virginity at a younger age. Movin' on, it happened for me well b4 it was supposed to. I'm not sayin' it should not have happened at all-but it was wrong to act upon peer influence and irrational thought. I remember feelin' so jealous of her privilage then. Hell, for years prior to that point I'd often tried on clothes like the ones I'd just watched her take off. Every girlfriend from that point was a similar story, always wondering what it must be like being able to function on a daily basis as she did. To my senior prom I went with a very beautiful girl whom I dated for about 7 months at that point and had what was my last truly romantic evening with anyone since. I got out of school and began to question myself sexuality wise. I've always felt that woman are beautiful but men are attractive. Woman are beautiful creatures but they've never done anything for me in terms of impression to the point of wanting to become involved with them. Men on the other hand are more drivin in ways that seems to stimulate and intice my interest. I live my entire life to my present day wearin' girly clothes at every possible opportunity and hating to look in the mirror. On a few acassions, in a very angry state, I've grabbed the thing that dosen't belong on me (scrotem and all) and pulled up on it to the point of severe pain in a futile and very ridiculous attempt to rip the damn thing off. If I'm not in a position to wear pantyhose, I hafta wear smaller bikini underwear and spandex biker shorts to make the mass of @#%* feel like its not there. Hey peeps, rilly sorry mine has been such a somber note (and on my first impression too) but I can't lie and say I'm content with imagining bein' a girl. This is were I'm hoping this resource helps me. Maybe theres someone out there that can deliver some inspirational, or at least stimulating insight to help me come to terms with this hellish position of mine. I'm breaking ground though: 7 people now know about me and have accepted me (both family and friends) with little to no resistance. One of which was one of my gay-guy buddies whose support and insight has been pretty valuable. Momma said she always knew. My dear sister said she always suspected. Two of my closest friends, a married couple, said they speculated on such. Despite thier warm acceptance, I need someone like me to confide in or share thought with. Someone who rilly knows what its like to live with this. I don't fear death as much as I fear hurting the people that love me. Maybe theres a way to make it through all this but at this point I'm rather baffled. Any advice is certainly welcome. Hey peeps, I promise the next post to be more uplifting. I'm rilly sorry if I depressed or discouraged anyone. Thanks for reading.
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: lizard on June 23, 2008, 12:20:11 PM
Post by: lizard on June 23, 2008, 12:20:11 PM
amie,
Welcome to the boards. This is a great place to help work things out, and there is a ton of information to be had from folks around here.
Enjoy your stay
Welcome to the boards. This is a great place to help work things out, and there is a ton of information to be had from folks around here.
Enjoy your stay
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: tinkerbell on June 23, 2008, 09:19:24 PM
Post by: tinkerbell on June 23, 2008, 09:19:24 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi220.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fdd141%2Fgoldendragonfly%2FTinkerbell-2-5.gif&hash=5be8480c960ef48b1799ad2adf2134b3c3a7c712)
Hello Amie and welcome to Susan's!Thanks so much for introducing yourself. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay :)
tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: amie on June 24, 2008, 03:12:49 AM
Post by: amie on June 24, 2008, 03:12:49 AM
Quote from: lizard on June 23, 2008, 12:20:11 PMThanxabunch. I intend to try and take advantage of all info./encouragement thats available. Keepon encouragin' those who need encouagin'. I'm grateful.
amie,
Welcome to the boards. This is a great place to help work things out, and there is a ton of information to be had from folks around here.
Enjoy your stay
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: funnygrl on June 24, 2008, 03:23:31 AM
Post by: funnygrl on June 24, 2008, 03:23:31 AM
Welcome to susans amie :-* i know you'll love it here. Don't worry about the "somber note" you'll see a lot of that here and that's o.k. cus' we all care and we all understand fully. Reading your introduction i related to many things in there :'(
Anyway, WELCOME AMIE!!!!
Anyway, WELCOME AMIE!!!!
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: amie on June 25, 2008, 07:24:19 AM
Post by: amie on June 25, 2008, 07:24:19 AM
Quote from: funnygrl on June 24, 2008, 03:23:31 AMThanxabunch. That was warm n' sweet.
Welcome to susans amie :-* i know you'll love it here. Don't worry about the "somber note" you'll see a lot of that here and that's o.k. cus' we all care and we all understand fully. Reading your introduction i related to many things in there :'(
Anyway, WELCOME AMIE!!!!
Posted on: June 25, 2008, 07:09:09 AM
Quote from: Tink on June 23, 2008, 09:19:24 PMThanxabunch.(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi220.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fdd141%2Fgoldendragonfly%2FTinkerbell-2-5.gif&hash=5be8480c960ef48b1799ad2adf2134b3c3a7c712)Hello Amie and welcome to Susan's!
Thanks so much for introducing yourself. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay :)
tink :icon_chick:
Posted on: June 25, 2008, 07:10:51 AM
Quote from: lizard on June 23, 2008, 12:20:11 PMThank u. I intend to try.
amie,
Welcome to the boards. This is a great place to help work things out, and there is a ton of information to be had from folks around here.
Enjoy your stay
Posted on: June 25, 2008, 07:22:46 AM
Quote from: Tink on June 23, 2008, 09:19:24 PMThank u.(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi220.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fdd141%2Fgoldendragonfly%2FTinkerbell-2-5.gif&hash=5be8480c960ef48b1799ad2adf2134b3c3a7c712)Hello Amie and welcome to Susan's!
Thanks so much for introducing yourself. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay :)
tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: TheBattler on June 25, 2008, 06:35:04 PM
Post by: TheBattler on June 25, 2008, 06:35:04 PM
amie,
Wellcome to the forums side of things, I am sure you will enjoy your stay. I look fdorward to chatting to you again.
:icon_hug:
Alice
Wellcome to the forums side of things, I am sure you will enjoy your stay. I look fdorward to chatting to you again.
:icon_hug:
Alice
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: Chrissty on June 26, 2008, 04:41:07 PM
Post by: Chrissty on June 26, 2008, 04:41:07 PM
Hi amie,
So much...so soon.. Difficult to read because it reminds me of so much....
I'm also new here, but already I have seen enough to know you will find some good advice and support...
It's good that you have found people in your family to accept you, some of us leave it too late.
....but don't rush...you need to give yourself some time, now your with freinds...
Hugs :icon_hug:
Chrissty
So much...so soon.. Difficult to read because it reminds me of so much....
I'm also new here, but already I have seen enough to know you will find some good advice and support...
It's good that you have found people in your family to accept you, some of us leave it too late.
....but don't rush...you need to give yourself some time, now your with freinds...
Hugs :icon_hug:
Chrissty
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: NicholeW. on June 26, 2008, 04:48:20 PM
Post by: NicholeW. on June 26, 2008, 04:48:20 PM
Welcome to Susans, Amie.
I hope very much that you will easily find those women with whom you wish to share and discuss the things you feel press on you. There are many good people and lots of very knowledgable women here.
I imagine you'll fit in well.
Take good care,
Nichole
I hope very much that you will easily find those women with whom you wish to share and discuss the things you feel press on you. There are many good people and lots of very knowledgable women here.
I imagine you'll fit in well.
Take good care,
Nichole
Title: Re: Hello, everyone. I'm Amie.
Post by: amie on June 27, 2008, 04:12:18 AM
Post by: amie on June 27, 2008, 04:12:18 AM
Quote from: Alice on June 25, 2008, 06:35:04 PMLikewise, sweety. Since my disclosure to those dear-close on my natural/true personality, Ive discovered I'm a hella lot more expressive than I ever imagined and always feared to allow. Thank you for your kind words.
amie,
Wellcome to the forums side of things, I am sure you will enjoy your stay. I look fdorward to chatting to you again.
:icon_hug:
Alice
Posted on: June 27, 2008, 03:57:00 AM
Quote from: Chrissty on June 26, 2008, 04:41:07 PM
Hi amie,
So much...so soon.. Difficult to read because it reminds me of so much....
I'm also new here, but already I have seen enough to know you will find some good advice and support...
It's good that you have found people in your family to accept you, some of us leave it too late.
....but don't rush...you need to give yourself some time, now your with freinds...
Hugs :icon_hug:Hope I didn't engender any haunting memories, dear. So much girl is bleeding out of me know since coming out that I tend to template my heart on these pages, I'm afraid. Thanks for the sweet thought.
Chrissty
Posted on: June 27, 2008, 04:06:44 AM
Quote from: Nichole on June 26, 2008, 04:48:20 PMYour a sweetheart. By the way, theres something about your writing approach I just love. It readza hint of Old English. Take care.
Welcome to Susans, Amie.
I hope very much that you will easily find those women with whom you wish to share and discuss the things you feel press on you. There are many good people and lots of very knowledgable women here.
I imagine you'll fit in well.
Take good care,
Nichole