Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Being a F2M and M2F would there be a chance that we find someone we can love and share our life with??  If the individual is regular gender will they reject more often then accept? What do we talk about when we meet someone special. Is there a possitive and negative things in relationship? Would a women be disappointed if her guy can't give her a child, what about a man? will he be upset that his girl can't have kid?

WOW tinkerbell that's so great. Your relationship must been great.

I want to make sure that it not a relationship where the person say ok in a relationship then at the last min just back out. Well when it come to relationship maybe im clueless and dont understand the sign.. I often got girl like me and hate me cause i always did something wrong which i dont know.. I just dont know..

As an SO I do think there is a happy relationship. I knew what I was 'getting in to' from day one. I love Tino for who he is. His trans process are all his on his time not mine (if he decide not to do HRT or SRS that wouldnt change my love for him.

In our case  I previously did not want children but Tino would really like to be a biological dad. Well see how this happens but the man was born to parent so... somethings gotta give.

Early in the relationship if I didn't know or understand stuff I tried to ask questions, educate myself find support AKA Susan's.

I think it would be very different if my long term partner started a transition well into our relationship but I believe I love the person at their core of who they are. I don't think that people's cores change. Sure clothes, outward physical appearance maybe some previously suppressed behaviours emerge but they are the same people I do understand some people would not choose to be/stay in a relationship with a trans partner but I don't believe I would fall out of love or not be able to deal. I would stay with him (actually her) as long as she'd have me.  :-\

born2learn,

I have had all of the very real fears and concerns that you do (and still have one of them).

QuoteI want to make sure that it not a relationship where the person say ok in a relationship then at the last min just back out.

I know in my heart that Amy will not leave me when i'm post op, or at any point inbetween or after. Even though she reassures me and I know she is sincere and honest, it is still a fear of mine that she tells me now that she'll love me no matter what and will leave me when things get different. I need to learn how to trust that and what helped me to get to this point was to say "whatever happens, happens". When Amy and I first started dating she understood very little about F2M's and tried to be very delicate with the situation and has put a lot of effort into learning everything possible about trans people.

As soon as I gave up looking for "the right woman" and trying to make it happen, a couple months later I met the woman I am going to marry. I didn't think this would ever happen for me and thought "how could a [straight] woman ever truely love me?" (I refuse to date lesbians... mainly b/c I'm not a chick! but that's a whole other topic altogether!). It happens man, but I'm a firm believer now that everything happens in its own time and to trust the process, and I know that it is VERY difficult sometimes to not just rush the hell out of it.

QuoteWould a women be disappointed if her guy can't give her a child, what about a man? will he be upset that his girl can't have kid?

This is something that I really struggle with almost daily. Yes I am fairly young to be thinking about kids, but I want more than anything in the world to be dad. I think to some degree (if you and your partner end up wanting children) both you and your SO will be disappointed that you cannot have children with the traditional conception method (this is how it is for us anyways) and it makes me feel like less of a man. But where there's a will there's a way, again, if it's meant to be I believe it will happen.

Keep the faith,

     Tino

Yeah Tino,

   I think a lot like you. I wish i can just yell out im not chick!!! too :D Its just hard for most people to understand that...
Yeah I guess just let faith take its place.

I'm happy to have two point of view of both side. This is good to understand and see what we all think and feel about things.

Your right cindi.. worry about it only make me stress and think too much.
Live is short so I guess I should start enjoy what I'm doing.

Once one knows the difference between being alone and being lonely, once one realizes he or she doesn't need someone else to make her happy, then a solid relationship just might come along.  Be aware of synchronicity and don't let apparent coincidences go by.  It might not be coincidence. 

Having been a very heterosexual male (however unsuccessful), I had a terrible time picturing myself with a man.  Uncomfortable images of homosexual behavior bothered me terribly until I realizesd that any postop sexual intimacy wouldn't be of a homosexual nature.  Bingo! Spirit plopped a man down in my life, and we've been married for almost 6 1/2 years.

Oh, just one little thing... my husband is FTM.

Robyn

B2L,

From what I have read and what i have experienced, the trick to a successful and happy relationship is sharing who you are before the relationship gets intimate.

This is wher a lot of us late-bloomers run into problems.  We don't recognize and accept ourselves until we have been married for a long, long time.  Telling your spouse that you are not the person s/he married is a major shock.

From what I have observed and expereinced, the shock is often terminal to the relationship.

So, to all the SO's who have stayed with their partner when learning about their ->-bleeped-<-, I thank you.  I praise you, and pray that you will have a long and wonderful relationship.

Peace,

Chaunte

QuoteWould a woman be disappointed if her guy can't give her a child

I've always wanted children, so when I do decide to settle down, I'll be looking for a lady with kids.
If she desires additional children, obviously she's not the woman for me.
There are certain traits I find very desirable that only mothers possess.

Nero

Sometime a women can change her mind. Well, I would think if people want kid later on life would just adopt. It would be less painful.
I used to think.. The right person is the one we all picture to grow old with. I seen old couple the guy pushing his wife around in the wheel chair and he still good to her and listen to her.  That's hard to find now aday..

QuoteSometime a woman can change her mind.

Yes, they do tend to do that, don't they?

QuoteThe right person is the one we all picture to grow old with. I seen old couple the guy pushing his wife around in the wheel chair and he still good to her and listen to her. That's hard to find now aday..

Yes, that kind of devotion is hard to find now. Reminds me of my 80 year old great grandmother and the way she was with my great grandfather. The way she would look at him - it was the most beautiful thing.

Nero

Quote from: born2learn on July 16, 2006, 10:45:48 AM
Sometime a women can change her mind.

Quote from: Nero on July 16, 2006, 11:17:26 AM
Yes, they do tend to do that, don't they?

Umm... :icon_rolleyes2: Yeah.  :eusa_shifty:

Melissa

The subject title makes me giggle a little bit! "Is there a happy relationship????"

Well...I'll let you in on a little secret....in an upcoming post.   ;)

I will be happy to see your new upcoming post. I'm clueless on relationship :p

Well i can say there "are" happy relationships! i'm a genetic female married to a post op mtf and we ARE happy. I will be honest and say that the journey has not always been easy. How i look at it is, IF you have a good marriage or relationship before the transition and if you have very good communication , then yes, it can and does work. However, if you dont talk , things will fall apart even with the best of relationships. I'm a strong person, love my "husband" dearly and when she transitioned it was murder on me, but we talked .... a lot and sometimes cried both of us and we made it...

Quote from: angelsgirl on August 20, 2006, 06:38:56 PM
The subject title makes me giggle a little bit! "Is there a happy relationship????"

Well...I'll let you in on a little secret....in an upcoming post.   ;)

What?  Not telling every little secret right away? ;)  That's like the joke where you go up to a blonde and say, "Want to know how to keep a blonde in suspense?" and don't answer. :)

Melissa

A happy relationship can and will succeed if you both love each other. Like someone commented on a previous post, there has to be a lot of communication and it all has to be honest. My wife and I have a really happy marriage and we have been married for 37 years. We were happy before my transition and we are happy now. As far as children go, there are ways to have children, so don't let that stop you. Just make sure your relationship is on stable ground and both of you are happy with each other and yourselves before children are involved. They take a committment like no other commitment.
Sheila

Quote from: Sheila on August 30, 2006, 06:12:31 PM
A happy relationship can and will succeed if you both love each other.

Ah, if only it were so. If a wife says, "expressing my sensuality is a huge part of who I am, a core source of my happiness, and... well... I'm just not attracted to women..." this can be a problem that no amount of love and communication can work around.

We talk, we communicate... but it seems inevitable that somebody's dreams are going to perish here, regardless of our best efforts and intentions. Or as she said last night, "I want BOTH of us to be happy... but I just don't see any way to make that happen. What are we going to do?"

I find I have no answer.

I guess some relationship give and take to make things work. If there no way out in relationship that can make both side happy. The best way is to go different way so that two people can be happy with new start. I'm sure maybe there is someone out there is a perfect match we just didnt find it yet.