Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Um... yeah.  How do you deal with neighbors whom you only speak to once every other year or so?  A couple of weeks back my neighbor referred to me with female pronouns.  She's moving so i didn't wanna bring up the issue.  I've spoken with her more since she put up her for sale sign than in the 2.5 years i've lived here.

Then the neighbor on the other side, i talked to him over a year ago before i picked my new name.  I get out of the car and he yells my old name a couple of times.  "Nope"  I say.

"Oh, I thought you were someone else.  Your front right headlight is out."

"Oh, thanks."

Then he said his name and I told him mine.  I played it off like I didn't know him. 

My neighbors are a bit sketchy, very simple and not really sophisticated if you get my drift.  I don't wanna risk my safety... but i also would like to know how others have dealt with the neighbor issue.  His name is Churchy, the next door neighbor.  That alone makes me not want to say anything.  This is my home, I'm living here for at least another 3/4 years.  I don't wanna suddenly get vandalized or harassed.  Maybe I shouldn't assume.  Maybe he'll be really open.  But one of his sons is schizophrenic and you never know...

How has everyone dealt with the neighbor issue?

That's a hard one! You don't seem to talk to them very much which might indicate something about your relationship. Respect for privacy? Shyness? Distrust? ...?
All i can say is follow your instinct.
All the best.
HLLL&R
Maebh

uhm, thats one of the reasons why I moved. >.>
I didnt not want to deal with neighbors O_o

yeah my instinct says to just let things go and hopefully everyone will forget who used to live here before :/

hopefully i'll sprout facial hair soon :)

i'd rather not risk my safety in my own home.

Quote from: J.T. on July 12, 2008, 06:33:11 PM
yeah my instinct says to just let things go and hopefully everyone will forget who used to live here before :/

hopefully i'll sprout facial hair soon :)

i'd rather not risk my safety in my own home.

Go néirí do bhótar leat
Good luck with it all.

HLLL&R

Maebh

I don't worry about my neighbors. I just live my life. (they all see me as a girl anyway so it's no biggie)

I talk with my neighbors on occasion, but I didn't care if they knew or not. I was on our cities Human Rights Commission when I transitioned and with the Neighborhood Association. When I did see someone I would tell them what was happening and told a few when I was about to leave for Thailand. I did get some pretty wierd looks by some and some I haven't talked to since. I live on a cul-de-sac in other words a dead end street. I know most of my neighbors except in one house which seems to be the house that gets sold all the time (maybe haunted LOL). After 4 years, post op, they all pretty much accept who I am and they have all learned my name. We have lived here for 10 years and have made some good friends. Well, we exchange Christmas food. If I were you, which I'm not, I would just start talking and tell them. They will figure it out anyway. Thats unless you don't trust them.

I have hardly no interacts with my neighbors.  But I think that it has spread through out my neighborhood and I have not had any problems.

Janet

Quote from: J.T. on July 12, 2008, 06:04:28 PM
How has everyone dealt with the neighbor issue?

I just tell people on an "as needed" basis. If I bump into someone and it's likely they know me from before (neighbors I knew well), I give them my short, "oh by the way, I've changed my sex and my name is Kate now" statement. But if they don't seem to remember the old me (people I barely knew), I don't mention it. I'm just Kate.

I actually *forget* a lot anymore that I've transitioned, as to ME I'm not all that different, so when I'm around people whom I've only met a few times I often don't even think about it.

~Kate~

My Postal Carrier outted me to all of my neighbors, he is a big gossip. So everyone knew when i had my name change and what i was ordering. The awkard feeling went away for me when i started living my life and stop caring avbout what they think.

I do have to talk with one of my neigbors soon about some of the sexist comments he directs at me.

Good luck with that, if your comfortable inside your home why should you leave it.

J.T., I'd recommend not discussing it at all with the neighbors as you describe them. One's leaving and the other is oblivious. I don't think the schizophrenia is anything to much worry about from Churchy's son. It generally isn't as long as there's no deeply paranoid and violent side to it and most aren't. They are no more mad-killers than transpeople are deranged sexual-predators!!  :)

But, if there's no need, there's no need. Tell those you have to; and I would say that's just friends. From what I can see in your avatar beard or no beard I doubt it will come up anyhow.

Nichole

I'm actually more open with the neighbors than with my parents. >_> I mean, I'll run around outside in my binder all day, but when my mom gets home, I always put a shirt on. *shrug* I'm rather open about my transsexualism, even if I'm not verbal about it.

I came out to the neighbors I interacted with in the past. Only one household still talks to me, which is A-OK in my book. The rest can drop dead.

Hi J.T.
I am dealing with the neighbor thing right now to.  I live in the country so "neighbors" are the folks that live on the same road as me . We can't see each others houses. There is one family here I really like and have been friends with for a long time, the rest are folks that stop by like twice a year. The problem is I see all of them when I stop bye my friends house or go to one of their parties. I have tried to come out to them (my friends) but they don't want to hear it and change the subject. When I tried to come out to another family they said " you will never be a women just a weird little man" and since this conversation they have started making mean and nasty comments every time they see me and are encouraging there kids to do it to. Well it is the south and I guess I should expect this kind of reaction. At this point I have kind of given up on all of them and just try to stay to myself. I understand why so many girls move somewhere new where they are not going to run into anyone they know. I think I would do that to but with the housing market like it is and half the houses in the county being up for sale I would never be able to get rid of this place.
Katie

The neighbors on one side I hadn't talked to in years anyway, so I didn't need to bother giving them my news. The neighbor guy did wave to me recently when I was going to my car in the driveway. I don't know if he recognizes me, or if he's wondering who is this new lady who's always around these days. Doesn't matter. The neighbors on the other side have never given us the time of day anyway, they're racists who hate us because my wife is a brown-skinned immigrant or something.

Quote from: Kate on July 13, 2008, 11:08:37 AMI actually *forget* a lot anymore that I've transitioned, as to ME I'm not all that different, so when I'm around people whom I've only met a few times I often don't even think about it.

Heh, yeah that's how I feel about it too. Life is just life now.

Quote from: Krystal on December 15, 1999, 07:08:39 PMthey have started making mean and nasty comments every time they see me and are encouraging there kids to do it to. Well it is the south and I guess I should expect this kind of reaction.

Why? I mean, what is it about the South anyway? I wish I knew what the attitude problem was all about and why it has to be associated with a certain region of the country.

Hypatia (<-- Virginian)

Quote from: Hypatia on July 17, 2008, 11:59:31 PM
The neighbors on one side I hadn't talked to in years anyway, so I didn't need to bother giving them my news. The neighbor guy did wave to me recently when I was going to my car in the driveway. I don't know if he recognizes me, or if he's wondering who is this new lady who's always around these days. Doesn't matter. The neighbors on the other side have never given us the time of day anyway, they're racists who hate us because my wife is a brown-skinned immigrant or something.

Heh, yeah that's how I feel about it too. Life is just life now.

Quote from: Krystal on December 15, 1999, 07:08:39 PMthey have started making mean and nasty comments every time they see me and are encouraging there kids to do it to. Well it is the south and I guess I should expect this kind of reaction.

Why? I mean, what is it about the South anyway? I wish I knew what the attitude problem was all about and why it has to be associated with a certain region of the country.

Hypatia (<-- Virginian)

That's funny...

My x was going to move down there with my 3 kids. She changed her mind.

The problem that i was having with the one neighbor was he kept calling me the "B" word. I waited till he was outside with his GF. I told him that it was not nice to call me:  " Hey B" when he sees me from across the street and to tell his brother to stop asking to see my boobs. She was not happy when she heard all that and told me after she gave me a hug that she will talk to him so more later.

Giggles,

that's a great comeback.

i've decided i'm gonna tell people, if needed, after i've had top surgery.  a bit difficult to have the conversation when i still have these lumps.

If I get called she once or twice a year, I won't care. Even if there was a risk of outing me, most people aren't thinking like that. They'd think, "Haha. They called you a she, Danny, and you've been living next to them for 16 years." It would be funny or strange, but they probably would right off assume, "OMG ->-bleeped-<-." Most people don't think about transsexuals unless they're on the news like Thomas Beatie.

But yeah. I'd play it off the way you did. They don't need to know it's you right away. If you grow closer, then maybe you can tell them. But they're practically strangers to you.

QuoteBut they're practically strangers to you

exactly... and i don't tell complete strangers.

I like my neighbors, college kids, retired folks, and gang bangers.  They like me too.

the few neighbors my family talks to seem fine about it. one is next door and it seems like a non-issue for them. The other two neighbors, one is my dentist and the other is a golfing buddy of my dads. they both seem a little shy/put-off about me, but their wives and very cheery and fine with me, so im sure they will bring their husbands around.

I've lived in a few places where the neighbors knew about the friends I stayed with and by association, I'm sure that they figured out the same for me. They always treated my friends and me with reasonable respect.  This was in in LA and the bay area of California.

Before, when I lived in Utah, I made sure that no one knew.  They could not know.

Cindi

My neighbors have seen me dressed on a number of occasions. I've heard few comments. Once a teen age neightbor girl said that my GG friend and I were sisters(son hermanas). I like that. Fortunately all my neightbors are not LDS and missionaries avoid the neighborhood. Mostly I don't associate with neighbors and never have. Genevieve

I've got a bunch of @$$H01e neighbors. Luckily there are also some good neighbors too. It all kinda balances out and I do my best to get along with all of them  :laugh:

My next door neighbour is a loud mouthed idiot.

BUT today I met her shopping and she said I looked fabulous, three times!

My vanity forgives her!

I'm not that person anymore... so why should i let my neighbor still think of me as that person?  By responding in the affirmative to either a wrong pronoun or wrong name would be going against who i am.  That's not me anymore, it never was.

Anyway, water under the bridge.  He hasn't tried to say hi to me since then.  I keep to myself and i'd like to stay alive until i can move to a new neighborhood where nobody will know.

They dont have to know a thing your not a criminal or a registered offender so just keep things civil with them and let it go to the eether, did you get your head light fixed ( dont need a ticket now do you ) just a side note its your place and space thats theirs let them have theirs and they will generally give you yours.

head up and be yourself smile alot , a smile turns most from bitter moods to pleasant and polite. ;D

I live in a neighborhood where the houses are close together.  When I first moved in, I think maybe 2 neighbors said hello and introductions were made.  But then a year or so passed without really talking to those people.  Now I've transitioned pretty much right under everyone's noses.  And then reintroduced myself to one neighbor as Jay, and he didn't bat an eye.  Even though it seems we all know everyone's business, I have no idea if any of them have even really noticed.  Don't care.  Not going to out myself to them at all. 


Jay

lol, yeah i got my headlight fixed a couple of weeks later.