Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I made a little video a while ago where I said that the experience of being androgyne seemed detached from gender and more a general feeling of living alongside the general population instead of with them. It is this detachment that keeps me coming back here when it is probably against my better judgment. Here I feel there are people who here what I am saying and are communicating with me instead of alongside me.

I have often used the phrase 'half a person' and felt as such from the age of eight or so.

Is it the same with all of yous? That you are not a full person, that you do not playing with people but alongside them, as if there was an invisible film placed between you and them...or are your experiences a bit different?

Quote from: Pica Pica on July 20, 2008, 01:17:55 PM
It is this detachment that keeps me coming back here when it is probably against my better judgment.

aww no worries, baby. it's no longer against your 'better judgement' to be here.  :icon_evil_laugh: :icon_eyebrow:

it is... i should be doing something useful

Quote from: Pica Pica on July 20, 2008, 01:35:24 PM
it is... i should be doing something useful

as in - eating kiwi or curry?

well now you mention it...there is a curry downstairs with my name on.

Quote from: Pica Pica on July 20, 2008, 01:35:24 PM
it is... i should be doing something useful

What could be more useful than hanging around a bunch of witty androgynes??  :P  :laugh:

Z

I've never really thought about it that way double pica but it does sound similar to what I experience. For me it is like everyone else is living in clear treacle yet they move so freely as it it is just air - it is their natural medium. Whenever I try to 'move' (act, behave) like they do It is hard. I just can't understand why they are not struggling along like I am. It took a lot of effort just to learn to walk in there. I still feel unnatural doing it. It is not my native environment.

I still feel strongly like I'm missing something - some sort of inhibitor/control/link to the human hive mind.
I don't feel like half a person but I do feel cast adrift. I feel like I have this freedom nobody else has. But it is a bit like a prison. I have internal freedom but little external freedom. Everyone else seems to have external freedom but little internal freedom.

I often feel like the observer. I guess this is similar to your detachment. I don't feel like I am part of things. I definitly would describe it as like being detached from the unconcious human hive mind - I'm not in sync, I'm out of flow.

Quote from: Zythyra on July 20, 2008, 01:50:10 PM

Quote from: Pica Pica on July 20, 2008, 01:35:24 PM
it is... i should be doing something useful

What could be more useful than hanging around a bunch of witty androgynes??  :P  :laugh:

Z

Hah, my wife and daughter say I should be doing something useful, but I obviously agree with Zythyra, my mentor.

Rather than feeling like half a person, I see it as somewhat like my ADD--being androgyne is both a weakness and a strength. Watching the movie Two Weeks Notice on TV last night I strongly identified with the heroine (and I did cry). My wife objected that I had quoted the hero's line, that it's tough living with a saint, so she thought I identified with him. I admit that line did click with me, AND I identified with the heroine. So my wife absentmindedly referred to me as she in talking to our daughter and I just sat there, happy.

Yours in confusion,
S

hmm... i dont really feel like im alongside everyone, but maybe like on the outside of a snowglobe.  like i can see everything about people in 3D.  like a bubble instead of a divider.

Posted on: July 21, 2008, 04:32:56 AM

---

hmm... i dont really feel like im alongside everyone, but maybe like on the outside of a snowglobe.  like i can see everything about people in 3D.  like a bubble instead of a divider.

For me it is mainly a feeling that I don't fit in anywhere. As a bio-male I find that I really don't connect with the male brotherhood since I bring a female point of view to the party, and they don't like that  :laugh:

I also tend to see all sides of a discussion/argument.

So it is both a gift and a curse, but mainly I find that I am alone in life in many ways because of it.

I don't fit never have - maybe never will
been accepted by  few groups - felt good but i didn't fit.
try to be a real man that never worked.
denied my fem side - jut hated myself didn't know why.

looking for Love is painfull as no straight girl wants  guy that is more fem then they are.

Quote from: Chett on July 21, 2008, 04:33:20 AM
hmm... i dont really feel like im alongside everyone, but maybe like on the outside of a snowglobe.  like i can see everything about people in 3D.  like a bubble instead of a divider.

Posted on: July 21, 2008, 04:32:56 AM

---

hmm... i dont really feel like im alongside everyone, but maybe like on the outside of a snowglobe.  like i can see everything about people in 3D.  like a bubble instead of a divider.

yes I'm on the outside of the snowglobe watching the world pass by as i try to find a way to fit and jump on but i need to b me

hi... alone you say or prefer our own commony.   i was a loner & got on better with my self as a boy who was different.    well i was being both .  oh dear , thinking both ways not knowing what to do ,yea .wonting to be with the girls , yet having to play with the boys .. yea went through that , & now.. knowing who i am & being able to live as just me being both m & f .   to accept your self first then going on from there is so neat..    now i am still the same just being able to live as a women oh how neat . you know i did not think i was like that like androgne . not knowing what the word ment.    i do now i do think we do learn it just takes a long time .    for me 50 years now i am 60 , what did we know 50 years ago ,,,nothing ... well i did not to young to know .now   to be free ,,,oh dear words can not tell ..   all i can say is ,,,,,its just ....so.... neat,,,,, ....yea....to be free... noeleena...

Quote from: noeleena on July 22, 2008, 05:09:49 AM
to be free ,,,oh dear words can not tell ..   all i can say is ,,,,,its just ....so.... neat,,,,, ....yea....to be free... noeleena...

ain't that the truth Noeleena. Totaly neat.

To be honest, I believe that my body is simply a vessel, and my soul often longs to gtfo, because it doesn't feel like I am a -person-. But anyways I guess that sounds odd. In actual situations with other people, I feel a fluidity, sometimes I feel more like a girl, sometimes I feel more like a guy, sometimes I'm stuck in between, but underneath I'm still just that soul wanting to get out of the body.

Quote from: freespeechz on August 09, 2008, 12:50:17 PM
To be honest, I believe that my body is simply a vessel, and my soul often longs to gtfo, because it doesn't feel like I am a -person-. but underneath I'm still just that soul wanting to get out of the body.

That is a feeling I relate to very well.  I have wondered to myself just whose body did I take over?  I also don't like the idea of being bound to the ground.  Like I'm not supposed to be down here...sort of explains my fascination with being up high...

I feel both relieved and a bit unnerved that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Quote from: Pica Pica on July 20, 2008, 01:17:55 PM
I made a little video a while ago where I said that the experience of being androgyne seemed detached from gender and more a general feeling of living alongside the general population instead of with them. It is this detachment that keeps me coming back here when it is probably against my better judgment. Here I feel there are people who here what I am saying and are communicating with me instead of alongside me.

I have often used the phrase 'half a person' and felt as such from the age of eight or so.

Is it the same with all of yous? That you are not a full person, that you do not playing with people but alongside them, as if there was an invisible film placed between you and them...or are your experiences a bit different?

i've watched several of your videos regarding androgynous stuff, and i get confused and scared by them.

but ya are a very intelligent person, and friendly enough, so i don't see why you can't get on with your cohorts. i don't feel that you are talking along side me at all. i don't know what it is, exactly, that your are saying.

-Ell

why scared and confused?

Quote from: Pica Pica on August 10, 2008, 01:08:17 PM
why scared and confused?

cause you're scary and confusing.  :P

Well this trans person has been lost, scared, and confused for most of her life until she discovered who she was and accepted who she is. Be quite amazed how many paths one can light in through the course of a life time with just one candle to light the way. I can't say I understand Androgyny in it's entirety. I may have learned in part many of the diverse journeys folks have travel here on Susan's, no two of us carry our crosses exactly alike, but it is the diversity that I actually find quite fascinating. Now as for androgeny which I didn't know even existed until I come back here to Susan's. I have come to learn a good deal about  androgyny and the nature of some of the people who identify as androgynes, and how they deal with this particular for lack of a better term, psychological phenomena.

One can never know entirely the nature of any one person just by reading their thoughts and feelings expressed in a chat board on a computer, but one can become familiar with enough of the characteristics of that person's personality enough to have some understanding of that person. Especially if one is a people person to start with, Even a hermit has certain feelings about other peoples feelings and to some degree it was probably the reason that person became a hermit to start with.  And Ell hon, I could be wrong but I do believe you are a people person. There is a good deal that we can learn from each other, because we all have a small piece of each other in us, now how scary can that be? Outside of coming out as who I truly am, very little scares me outside of possibly dying alone of some terrible disease. I suppose we all have our pet phobias of one type or another, Achilles heal I believe some categorize that as. Me on the other hand I am just nosy about stuff and about as dangerous as mosquito with a missing proboscis.

Cindy

cindy that is the single most well phrased, coherent and insightful post i may have ever read on this site. there is extraordinarily little to add.

just to say to ell, i do get on, i get on very well. most people around me consider personable and i have lots of acquaintances. it's just i don't always feel we are communicating with each other.

i can't see what is scary or confusing, i have a very set view on what i think androgyny is, it's the understanding and implementation of that i have trouble with.

Hi Pica Pica my friend.

Once upon a time there was this lost wondering soul, that soul found the the door to the androgynes thread and met many nice folks there and they helped her find her way to the correct door to step though. I don't forget such favors whether it be on the web or in real life. You see the person typing out their response or sharing their view are very much real people.

Cindy doffs her hat with the long plume to her side and bows respectfully and says "Thank you!"

Cindy

Darn spelling spell check doesn't help much on those kind of words and my other spell checker Wing Walker was temporary out of order taking a nap.

aah now there is the cindy we know.. wafting ^-^

The Idea of being 1/2 a person I get but 4 me that 1/2 we seem to be missing has been replaced with weird stuff & confusing stuff that does not come from Mars or Venus & defiantly not earth  :(

Quote from: Jaimey on August 09, 2008, 10:52:22 PM
I feel both relieved and a bit unnerved that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Eh, it's fine. There are many actually, just not on this forum. Welcome to depersonalization/dissociation/whatever label they're giving it nowadays.

i'm an observer of everyone around me always trying to workout why I don't fit in trying to fit in has never worked I've decided not to try anymore if I can't be me then why should I try to be someone else and I just need help to change my body so It matches my true self I'll look like a freaK but at least I'll be me

Well people can be very interesting. Have you ever taken attention to their behavior, characteristics and personality, like when sitting in a crowded place, say in a restaurant? Chezzzzzz wizzzzzz, now there is where you can get a good education on the behaviour of the many different individuals of society.

The oddity of human beings doesn't stop only at the door step of the different gender dysphoric or the between gender peeps. But then you take and observe the odd behaviour of the others of the cisgender population and noting the oddities among them just may bring forth a good case of giggle fits.

I have had the experience for a good many years as a peep watcher. Most of my life was looking over the other side of the fence at what I presumed was the normal peeps of society. Are the monkeys truly running the zoo? I believe there are some way more stable monkeys among those running the zoo, we just see the zoo in various, different colors. What's there to be afraid of in being who we are? The tin gods out there?

Love
Cindy

People Watching is the sport of kings

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OxpNHt8gEoA (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OxpNHt8gEoA)

Thank you Pica Pica, that's it exactly, except that you may have more time to study each scene in real life.

Cindy

it was the closest representation i could find

Pica, I think I understand what you've posted here.

I wouldn't say I'm half a person (though I love that song). I'd say I feel more like I'm two halves of two persons. That's not to say I'm bigender. I just feel like I'm part of two different persons rolled into one.

The more I think about it, the more I do sort of feel like half a person.  Not in a bad way, per se, but half none the less.

Hi, Pica Pica, it is sufficiently accurate for our representation of the diversity of human behaviour, beliefs and preferences. I think it's a good start for this particular topic. I could elaborate but then it would only be my views being expressed.

So one finds it safer to walk the tight rope over the falls because it feels safer than to stop and have to make a choice as to which is safest way one wants to step off the rope. Ze/hir will still find themselves in the same peril in the end no matter which way they step off the rope. Well, whether I am right or wrong in my observations is irrelevant. This post is just my own thoughts being expressed. Though I may have been unwilling to have a relationship with neither a man nor a woman possibly stems from abusive experiences I had with a couple of member of the opposite sex.

I still continued to have the secret desire to be a girl from all the way back to an early age. Because of the nature and diversity of the gender preferences of humanity, each will end up having a different piece of the same puzzle in the end. It is not wrong, good, or indifferent. It only is the way it is. Maybe it's a test. In that case just follow what you believe to be from the heart.

Cindy